WEBVTT - Benny in the Ravine 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:05.360 Ka boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:08.560 a week was enough, I think again. He's the last 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:12.280 remnants of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:15.360 He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as 0:00:15.400 --> 0:00:19.439 the rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:23.200 of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:29.280 Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. Shadow boxing. Well 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:33.760 come man, the beginning of another edition of the Fifth 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:39.040 Hour with Ben Maller. A heavy weight brew ha ha 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:45.360 as I shadow box myself, flying solo yet again. I 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:49.479 don't need no sticking sidekick. No no, no, no, no 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:52.760 anyway coming up on this edition of The Fifth Hour, 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:56.560 a spinoff of the Ben Maller radio show, only available 0:00:57.000 --> 0:01:01.560 in the podcast format and broadcasting from a secret location, 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:07.040 a special podcast studio deep in the north Woods. As 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:09.560 we get you started on a Saturday, we have the 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:15.520 Green Team, The Green Team living like Brittney Spears and 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:20.400 showcase what is that all about? You'll find out that 0:01:20.520 --> 0:01:23.080 and a whole lot more. Hold your applause, no need 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:26.520 to clap, but we'll get the party started right now. 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:32.280 And we promised the Green Team, so I came close 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:37.800 to having to turn to fist the cuffs at Chavez Ravina. Now, 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:39.399 if you've been listening to the radio show all week, 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:41.200 you know that I was very fortunate enough. I got 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:44.720 to spend some quality time at one of my five 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:49.000 favorite places to hang out, a Major League baseball stadium, 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:52.000 in particular, Dodger Stadium, where I've spent much of my 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:56.200 life watching athletic competition. Now the Dodgers in the Atlanta 0:01:56.280 --> 0:02:00.960 Braves meeting in the National League Championship Series, and what 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:04.840 a madhouse that me tell you, this was a madhouse 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.760 this week. And I'll take you back to Game three 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:12.639 of the analycs one of the highlights for the Dayers 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:17.880 and I I had snack bar drama. I had snack 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:20.360 bar drama. So I mentioned this on the radio show. 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.639 But the great thing about the podcast is we have 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:29.160 plenty of time to dive deep into a story and 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:31.800 there is a lot to tell. This might seem like 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:35.360 a simple story guy online at a snack bar to 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:38.480 get some delicious treats, but it's much more than that. 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:41.960 So I will give you the non condensed version of 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:44.800 what happened. And if you're bored by stories like this, 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:48.040 then just fast forward, no harm, no foul. But I'm 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:51.920 might need my own business now. I'm waiting online, and 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:55.080 there were a bunch of people that were consuming massive 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:59.639 amounts of alcohol Bruskies, and that's what you do at 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:02.600 a in the event, but not me. I'm working, right, 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:05.720 I'm working, Benny, and I got my little press pass on, 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:08.040 so I'm you know, I'll let you know a little 0:03:08.040 --> 0:03:12.120 inside radio. We're friends. Why not. If you're listening to 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:15.799 this podcast, you are a higher level in the Mallem militias. 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:18.800 So if you are in the media and you cover 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:22.960 one of these playoff games, what Major League Baseball does 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:26.880 is they give you a food voucher. In this case, 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:29.440 and I don't know how it is in every city, 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:32.800 but in Los Angeles they give you a fifteen dollar 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:36.640 food voucher. So Major League Baseball in the old days, 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:40.960 they used to supply a full boxed meal. But that 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:45.119 costs too much money. And the people in charge, the billionaires, 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:47.280 the aristocrats at Major League Baseball, We're like, oh, what 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:49.760 are we doing here? Why are we spending all this 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:53.440 money on apples and turkey sandwiches and bags of chips. 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:55.960 That's a waste of money. So why don't we just 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:59.680 hand these these people fifteen dollars and it's like a 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:04.480 food stamps ticket. Okay, so fifteen dollars, now that sounds 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:06.040 like a decent amount of money. At least when I 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:08.640 was a kid, fifteen bucks was pretty good. As you know, 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:10.920 if you attend sporting events in any city, it doesn't 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:13.320 matter whether you're in Los Angeles or not. That doesn't 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.080 get very far. It does not get very far. And 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.960 no discount. By the way, everything's marked up. It's not 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:22.479 like they have a special rate, like an insider rate. 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.840 And the one thing that professional sports has mastered more 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:31.480 than anything else price gouging personified. Right, it is insane. 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:37.120 You can take a drink which is some syrup and 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:40.400 some water, maybe a little ice, which is just frozen 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:45.560 water and some sugar and whatnot, and that costs the 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:49.560 people that make the drink, you know, maybe ten cents, 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:52.680 twenty cents, thirty cents, whatever it is, fifty cents you 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:55.359 want to go high, and we'll charge four bucks for 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:58.039 that bottle of water, right, bottle of water. You can 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:01.039 get a whole case of water at Costco for a 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:05.400 very reasonable amount, but at a ballpark, five bucks ten bucks. 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:09.960 You want to a little souvenir batting helmet filled with 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:13.440 garlic fries, that'll set you back like fifteen sixteen bucks 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:17.360 something like that. So, um, the way this works the 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:19.800 food stamp let you again behind the curtain, how we 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:23.920 make the hotdogs. So you are giving a food voucher, 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.480 you have to spend it or lose it. No cash back. 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:31.719 So if your order comes to eight dollars, you don't 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:34.400 get the rest of that, and you can't reuse that 0:05:34.560 --> 0:05:39.279 somewhere else. It's one shot, shoot your shot, and that's it. Now, 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:42.039 what I have done over the years that I have mastered, 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:47.080 I look at the menu. I've mastered how to get 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:51.800 the most I can possibly get without going over. And 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:56.080 I have scouted the different snack bars at Dodger Stadium, 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:59.839 and it changes every year because of the cost of 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:03.000 all this another, prices have gone up over the years, 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.159 and the Dodgers seemingly in the playoffs every year. So 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:06.760 I've had to deal with this for for a long time. 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:12.120 So what I have settled on my order is not one, 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:17.359 but two soft pretzels and a plastic cup, small plastic 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:22.200 cup of nacho cheese, not your cheese. Is my cheese. 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:27.080 So that sets me back a grand total of thirteen 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:32.000 dollars and nineties six cents. I believe with tax is 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:36.719 how much that costs. So that's as close as I 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:39.479 have been able to get to the full fifteen dollar 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:41.919 amount without getting over. One time they charged me for 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:45.120 two cheese cups and that put me over at sixteen 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:47.960 dollars and said, I said, I only want one. Take 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:50.400 back your little cheese cup. I don't want that. But 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:53.960 I do love soft pretzels. It's one of my guilty pleasures, 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:56.080 a well made soft pretzel. And I will tell you 0:06:56.080 --> 0:07:00.440 they do not have great soft pretzels at Dodgers Stadium. 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:04.440 They don't. I've had much better pretzels at in in Boston, 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:09.560 in New York, Philadelphia, which is the mecca, as our 0:07:09.600 --> 0:07:13.720 guy Fats in Philly tells us, the birthplace of the pretzel, 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:15.640 the soft pretzel, and we also had the late Philly 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:19.280 Rob who was a pretzel benefactor as well. But that's 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.120 that's the gold standard. I love those big pretzels, and 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:26.360 they've gotta be soft. You know the problem I've had, 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:30.840 it's hit and miss. At Dodger Stadium, the pretzels sometimes 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:33.360 they leave them in those little rotating things and they 0:07:33.440 --> 0:07:39.120 are like rocks, and that sucks and you can't return it, right, 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:42.840 you know, there's no returns, so you're it's it's whatever. 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.720 It's Russian Roulette with the pretzels. But I do the 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.160 other presils now, regardless of I get to the point. Please. 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:52.120 So I'm online. I'm minding my peas and cues. BOYD, 0:07:52.120 --> 0:07:54.520 did I get sidetracked? So I'm minding my pas and 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:59.560 cues and people are ordering alcohol whatever. They're ordering hot dogs, 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:04.360 you know it, garlic fries, and some drunk dude and 0:08:04.520 --> 0:08:08.080 his buddy start and going on, you know, going off 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:10.920 on me. They start harassing me. They're all over me 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:15.000 for not wearing the proper wardrobe that I did not 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:18.320 have the Dodger gear. And I am surrounded in a 0:08:18.600 --> 0:08:22.560 sea of people in Dodger blue. And there were a 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:25.720 few Atlanta Brave fans, but not many, not many. And 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:27.800 I have a feeling there were some Braves fans that 0:08:27.920 --> 0:08:31.120 didn't wear their colors because they heard the reputation of 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:34.000 the parking lots at Dodger stating. So I had a 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:37.920 green shirt on, I had my newsboy hat, which is 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:39.560 what I usually wear when I go out to cover 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:43.800 my receding hairline. So and then and then I, you know, 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:46.240 it's doing my thing, waiting online to get my soft 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:49.200 pretzels and my cup of cheese. And this one dude 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:58.120 was enraged and became engaged with me. Again, I'm just 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:00.880 right there, and this guy is getting on. He's like, well, 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:03.240 you know, Dodger fan, were your colors? Man? Why didn't 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:06.560 you wear your colors right? And I'm like, well, I'm just, 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:08.600 you know, waiting for my food. I tried. I tried 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:10.840 to not respond, but the guy that got right in 0:09:10.880 --> 0:09:14.280 my face, and I'm like, all right, you know, I 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:17.400 just I just want to get and and I didn't say, hey, 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.640 I'm in the media. I'm better than you. But I 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:21.920 had a media pass and it said media on it. 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:24.599 So the fact that I didn't really respond to the 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:26.319 guy and just kind of blew them off that upset 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:30.520 him more. So. Now this is an escalation situation. So 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:32.880 now the guy's like, wait a minute, you're wearing green. 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:38.560 Are you a Celtic fan? He asked me if I'm 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:42.160 a Celtic fan. And at this point I'm like, well, 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:44.720 should I tell him that I've done radio in Boston 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:46.640 for you know, over the years, off and on, and 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:51.480 I actually own a Celtics hat, and as a Laker hater, 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.800 I have great pride of the Celtics because the Celtics 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:56.960 have caused a lot of agony to my friends who 0:09:57.000 --> 0:10:01.200 are Laker fans, not really recently, but over the years historically. 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:04.480 And so I was like, probably not best for me 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:08.800 to bring that up, So I shouldn't say that rare 0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:11.560 and appropriate you bring that up at Dodger Stadium. Unfortunately, 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:15.520 about the time that this is starting, the skyrocket and 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:19.839 tensions are being ratcheted up. I was able to squeeze 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:24.840 to the front of the line and these bozos skidaddled. 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:29.360 They got a guy on their way and it was 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:31.520 their lucky day. By the way, let me tell you. 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.480 You might think I'm just a fat, middle aged overnight 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:38.120 talk your host, but I would have introduced them to 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:42.400 my little friends. I have an alter ego. I don't 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:45.440 talk about it very much. Do not endorse violence, but 0:10:45.520 --> 0:10:50.720 when needed, you can call me Benny Bloody Knuckles. Benny 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:54.920 Bloody Knuckles, you can call me that. It's true. Listen, 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:58.240 I'm a pretty mellow guy. I like to goof around, 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.400 have a good time. But I build up like a 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:08.000 volcano and hot molten lava goes flying when I become enraged. 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:09.720 That's how That's how I wrote. There's some people that 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:12.120 are mad all the time and just blow offs team 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:16.200 I don't. I don't do that regularly. I just every 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:19.680 once in a while. That's just how how it goes. 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:21.679 You know what I'm saying there. But as far as 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:24.240 the Dodger Games, it was great to see my old friends, 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:27.719 as I always say, And Roberto is there who I 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:29.560 don't see all the time. I'm in the home studio 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:32.120 a lot lead a Lap the producer of the morning show. 0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:34.680 He was on hand. I know a lot of the 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:38.120 older crowd that used to when I was in the 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.319 back in the day. They be the ushers at Dodgers 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:42.120 Dad and a few of those people left lifers at 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.600 Dodger Stadium. So I was able to come across some 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:47.800 of those people and it was a good time, a 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.800 good time and just being at the ballpark and the 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:55.320 Oregon and that that that that that that that that 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:58.920 that that that that that that that that that that 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:06.400 I ran into Tom Looney. Tom Looney, he's the news 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:08.560 guy now my old partner Louis, we've had Looney on 0:12:08.600 --> 0:12:13.960 the podcast, and the Looney who gave me the single 0:12:14.120 --> 0:12:17.880 worst piece of financial advice that I have ever gotten 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:23.040 in my life came from Tom Loony. I don't need 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.839 to go into the story right now. I had saved 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:27.320 up my money for a long time. I'll give you 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:29.240 the condensed version. I'd saved up my money for a 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:32.720 long time. And I was debating. There was a place 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:35.760 a condo I was looking at in in downtown l A. 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:37.280 And I was like, I don't know if this is 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:39.920 the right spot. It's in the crappy neighborhoods in Lincoln Heights. 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:43.520 And Looney's like, well, they're gonna fix it up, and 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.280 and I told him, I said, well, I keep reading 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:49.559 in the business papers that the housing market is going 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:51.440 to go down. And Looney gave me this big pep 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:54.200 talk and he's like, no, no, no, no, no no, now, 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:56.840 so don't worry about that. You know, they're always gonna 0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:59.040 say this kind of thing. If you find a place 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:00.920 you like, just get it, you know. He was trying 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:03.040 to tell me it was a way to go. And 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:06.839 so I purchased a house and a couple of months 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:16.400 after I purchased the house. Yeah, Call Boom goes to 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:19.520 the housing market, and it was nice to see Loony. 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:22.720 That is the first time I have seen Tom Looney 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:27.640 in person. And we used to work together every weekend 0:13:27.960 --> 0:13:30.400 for years. For seven years, I think we did that 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:33.320 show on the weekends. I can't believe it lasted that long. 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:36.120 If you ever heard, if you ever heard the show, 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:39.320 then you would know that show was not long for 0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:42.760 the world. But eventually that yeah, that did happen at 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:46.360 the end, Eventually that that took place. Anyway, I caught 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:48.600 up with Loony, hadn't seen him since the COVID thing started. 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:51.280 He's the same old Looney. Spends way too much time 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:53.560 in the gym, way too much time in the gym, 0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:58.040 but Tan gets a lot of sun and he's doing 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:00.520 news radio. If you want to hear I'm Looney on 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:03.920 the weekends. He is a news guy at k A 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:08.040 b C. At one point, k ABC, which is a 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:12.960 news talk station, was the top money making station in 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:16.360 Los Angeles when I first got into radio. It was 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:19.080 after k ABC. It had their glory days and k 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:22.640 f I is the big am talk station and it's 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:24.840 been that way for years, but k ABC back in 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:27.880 the day was where everyone went and that was the 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:32.240 talk station in Los Angeles. Not quite anymore. But Looney 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:33.760 is doing a doing a good job and it's good 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:36.600 to catch up. He does a podcast with JT the 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:38.840 Brick as well, So we were telling some stories there 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:42.120 about the old days. And every time I see Looney 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:46.800 at a baseball game, at some point in the conversation 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:50.880 it has happened. One of the time, the four run 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:54.960 home run will come up. So this goes back to 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:56.680 when we were doing The Blitz, and The Blitz was 0:14:56.720 --> 0:15:00.600 a football show, but it was pretty popular and we 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:04.240 had a following for a Sunday afternoon show, and so 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:06.640 management at the time was very supportive of the show. 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:09.960 They eventually grew to hated. Uh well, management changed. The 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:12.560 new management hated it, but the original management loved it, 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:14.560 and so we did the show for a while on 0:15:14.920 --> 0:15:16.400 during football and they're like, well, the show is good, 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:19.320 why didn't do baseball? So like, all right, we'll do baseball. 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:23.360 But baseball is a lot different than football. There's football 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:25.960 is pretty easy right Sunday, there's ebbs and flows kind 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:28.680 of updated football game. Baseball is a little harder because 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:31.720 their games are longer and there's more moving parts. And 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:35.080 so anyway, the Red Sox, I still remember it was 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:40.040 a game at Finway, Red Sox or Plan whoever, doesn't matter. 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:44.640 But the Red Sox had a big offensive day and 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:49.120 they had a guy named Jared salt Lemachia, who I 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:54.000 believe still has the record for the longest surname in 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:56.320 Big League history, at least he did at the time. 0:15:56.920 --> 0:15:59.720 He did at the time. So anyway, you know, whatever, 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:04.320 So random Sunday in the summertime, and we're updating the scores, 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:07.119 and the Red Sox had a big day, going offensively, 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:12.040 and Jared Saltamakia hits a Grand Slam. Get out the 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:15.760 rye bread and the mustard, Grandma, it's Grand Salami time. 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.000 So we got all excited. We got all these monitors, 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:21.080 the games are on it. Anytime something happens, we're like, 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:27.760 we Grand Slam. Except Tom Looney the first person in 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:34.400 the history of radio saying the following words, Jared salta 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:39.800 Lomakia just hit a four run home run, which wall 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:47.320 technically true, Well technically true, is not the proper etiquette, 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:53.600 all right, It's yeah, that was wrong, I mean and Uh, yeah, 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:56.120 you gotta be better than that, right. I know your 0:16:56.160 --> 0:16:59.560 name is Looney, and when you're loony, can you have 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:01.680 a little more freedom there? But that was not proper. 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:05.640 So anytime after that someone would hit a grand slam, 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:09.600 which is the professional term that is used. But anytime 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.200 someone would do that after either on the air or 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:15.600 off the air, there's a four run home run right there? 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:21.000 Four run home run up? All right, all right, okay, 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:26.600 calm down, I'll move on. So living like Brittany Spears, 0:17:26.880 --> 0:17:30.760 what is this all about? Life of Mallard Tales of Woe, 0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:36.919 Episode four. Oops, I did it again. I've noticed, and 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:40.920 several of you have pointed out via email that many 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:46.120 of my stories revolve around Costco. And if Costco we're 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:47.720 to go out of business, or if I were to 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:53.200 stop going to Costco, I wouldn't have any stories. So 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:55.959 this story revolves around a couple of things. Now, I 0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:59.679 had to get gas. I religiously go to Costco. I 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:01.879 tried to get there early in the morning the gas 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:04.359 because I don't have to wait online. I don't like 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:07.159 waiting online for gas. There's always a long line at Costco. 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:09.080 So if you go in the morning or when it closes, 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:13.080 there's no line, So I got my gas. I actually 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.680 happened to go in the evening time, so I did 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.280 wait online a little bit, and then I had to 0:18:18.280 --> 0:18:20.840 stop by the main store, the big box store, and 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:25.879 you had to get water some snacks. I parked the car. Okay, 0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:28.280 just bear with me on this. So I parked the 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:31.600 car and I walk into the front of the store 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:35.359 as you would normally do right this normal night, by myself. 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:37.880 My wife was at home. She's still unpacking. We're gonna 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:42.000 be unpacking things still the way things are going. So 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:43.880 my wife's doing her thing, and I was She's like, hey, 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:45.600 can you run some errands? So I'm like, all right, 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:49.560 I'll run some errands. Why not make myself useful. So 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:51.240 I got the gas. I had to buy some stuff 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:55.040 at Costmas. She text me shopping list. I think that's 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:58.960 pretty normal in a marriage relationship. Somebody sends you a 0:18:58.960 --> 0:19:02.639 shopping list. So I'm strolling in and I grab my 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:05.520 Costco credit card and I hold it up to the 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:08.560 young lady at the front there, and as you know, 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.840 it's my ticket to enter, It's my golden ticket. So 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:14.680 I'm checking off things on my list right I'm checking off, 0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:17.879 and my shopping cart is almost all full of what 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:21.760 I needed. And as I am walking by the meat section, 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:24.520 I still remember where I was. I was looking for 0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:28.919 thin cut ribbi because thin cut ribby is the steak 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:31.760 that is used in Philly cheesesteak, and you can buy 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:34.720 it at Costco. It's not cheap. The Costco near where 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:37.880 I live in the north Woods. You can buy this 0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:43.639 and it makes amazing Philly cheesesteak. Uh. And it's just 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:46.439 wonderful and everything so thin cut and just melts in 0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:49.159 your mouth. It's great. I highly recommended. So then I 0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:52.159 had this ah ha moment and it wasn't about the 0:19:52.240 --> 0:19:57.240 ribbi sneake, and I'm I'm like, something's not right here, 0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:01.080 and I'm like, well, what the hell is going on? 0:20:01.560 --> 0:20:06.200 Like what what is it? And so I I'm holding 0:20:06.240 --> 0:20:10.679 my phone, so obviously is my phone missing? Uh, you know, 0:20:11.480 --> 0:20:14.440 there's no problem with my phone. So I'm like, okay, okay, 0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:18.080 what else is going on here? So then I reached 0:20:18.119 --> 0:20:21.680 for the keys. I do an inventory here and I 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:24.600 see the keys are there, so there's nothing going on 0:20:24.680 --> 0:20:29.080 with the keys, so everything's good. And then I reached 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:35.040 down from my wallet and red light starts, flashing red 0:20:35.119 --> 0:20:37.199 light starts. So I had checked on the phone, I 0:20:37.240 --> 0:20:40.680 had check on the keys. No wallet, So I put 0:20:40.720 --> 0:20:43.879 my hand in my pocket, and for some reason, I 0:20:43.920 --> 0:20:48.040 had my Costco credit card that I had used to 0:20:48.040 --> 0:20:50.400 get in the store. So now I'm trying to retrace 0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:52.280 my steps. I'm thinking, well, I must have dropped my 0:20:52.359 --> 0:20:58.159 wallet somewhere in the store. Originally my original thought was, 0:20:58.240 --> 0:20:59.919 I you know what might have happened is when I 0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:03.240 got gas, I just left the wallet on the passenger 0:21:03.359 --> 0:21:06.600 seat in the mallarmobile, and then I just grabbed the 0:21:06.600 --> 0:21:08.560 credit card and walked in. For some reason, I thought 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:10.199 I had left it in the front seat of the car. 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:13.679 So what I did was I left a cart full 0:21:13.880 --> 0:21:16.840 of food and different things off to the side of 0:21:16.920 --> 0:21:20.520 Costco and I go warp speed. I went warp speed. 0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:24.640 I ski dattled to the car. I retraced my steps. 0:21:25.160 --> 0:21:28.000 I have visions of someone breaking into the car seeing 0:21:28.040 --> 0:21:31.399 my my wallet. I have a Castanza wallet, seeing my 0:21:31.560 --> 0:21:34.840 wallet there and saying to ching to change change. So 0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:38.600 I'm doing the hustle. I'm doing the hustle. I get 0:21:38.640 --> 0:21:41.320 out of the store, I go through the parking lot, 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:43.679 I get to my car, and then there's the moment 0:21:43.720 --> 0:21:47.400 of truth and I slowly walk up to the car 0:21:48.160 --> 0:21:51.280 and I look at the passenger seat through the window. 0:21:51.480 --> 0:21:54.479 It's a nighttime situation so that it can't see everything, 0:21:55.440 --> 0:21:59.119 and I peek around the side there and I see 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:11.119 right there nothing. I see absolutely nothing, and I'm like, 0:22:11.280 --> 0:22:14.680 wait a minute, what the heck am I That had 0:22:14.720 --> 0:22:17.640 to and it had to it had to be there, 0:22:18.320 --> 0:22:23.120 but no, it wasn't. It wasn't there. So I'm like, okay, Well, 0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:24.840 then I opened the door. I thought, well, maybe it 0:22:24.880 --> 0:22:28.000 fell out in the area when I got out of 0:22:28.040 --> 0:22:34.920 the car and I looked down and I see nothing again. 0:22:35.920 --> 0:22:39.600 So now i'mnna starting I start feeling around here. I 0:22:39.640 --> 0:22:42.600 started feeling around and trying to figure out what's going on, 0:22:42.680 --> 0:22:47.439 and okay, maybe time to the seat. Nothing. So now 0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:51.159 at this point I have to do the walk of 0:22:51.240 --> 0:22:54.240 shame back to Costco. Maybe I dropped it in the 0:22:54.240 --> 0:22:58.560 store somewhere. So again I'm retracing my steps and I'm 0:22:58.560 --> 0:23:00.760 looking around. My head is down. I'm depressed. I go 0:23:00.800 --> 0:23:02.560 through the parking lot, I get to the door. I 0:23:02.560 --> 0:23:06.640 walked through the door and I'm looking around and I'm like, 0:23:06.680 --> 0:23:09.639 where is it? Where is my wallet? Where is the 0:23:09.720 --> 0:23:13.920 Castanza wallet? I need the wallet? Where is the wallet? 0:23:15.400 --> 0:23:21.040 So I'm looking around, looking around, and this the lady 0:23:21.040 --> 0:23:23.720 at the door there and the nice woman. She sees 0:23:23.760 --> 0:23:27.239 me in a panic, and she says, hey, did you 0:23:27.320 --> 0:23:34.120 lose something? And at that point I said, oops, I 0:23:34.160 --> 0:23:40.120 did it again, just like my hero Brittney spears, just like, 0:23:41.600 --> 0:23:46.639 that's right. And sure enough, my wallet had fallen out 0:23:46.720 --> 0:23:49.720 of my pocket at the entrance of Costco. In the 0:23:49.800 --> 0:23:52.600 transition when I put the credit card back in my 0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:57.240