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Speaker 1: Okay, happy New Year. I don't even I don't know

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Speaker 1: what that means anymore. Like it's just like I have

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Speaker 1: not had the best New Year, and I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to be negative. I do have resolutions, which is unusual

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Speaker 1: for myself. I don't usually have resolutions. But like my

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Speaker 1: resolution to learn how to do my makeup was what

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Speaker 1: started me as being an accidental influencer and changed my

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Speaker 1: life in many ways, created a business for myself that

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Speaker 1: is way bigger than Skinny Girl, way bigger than television.

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Speaker 1: So that was a resolution that was actually coming out

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Speaker 1: of like years of hibernation of resolutions, saying and I guys,

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Speaker 1: now I just want to evolve and be better and

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Speaker 1: make a choice. I made a resolution. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: learn how to do my makeup. This year's resolutions are

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Speaker 1: are a few. One is to be open, like to

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Speaker 1: be open to love to things, to not just say

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Speaker 1: no and what do I mean so like you can

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Speaker 1: believe it, not believe it. People think that I'm very social,

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Speaker 1: but I'm not by nature social, and I'm gonna get

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Speaker 1: into that. We're gonna have a whole conversation about being

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Speaker 1: a community person, being a social person, being honest, about

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Speaker 1: who you really are, instead of like the labels that

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Speaker 1: we put on ourselves, whether saying we are social or

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Speaker 1: we're an introvert, or we're a homebody or a couch potato.

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Speaker 1: I am not, by by instinct social meaning. My inclination

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Speaker 1: is to be home and to not want to go,

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Speaker 1: and to gear up to go, and to start to

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Speaker 1: convince myself or look for excuses not to go, or

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Speaker 1: to start to fall asleep while watching TV, or to

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Speaker 1: delay the reservation not to go, or to say I

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Speaker 1: don't like that, I'm not gonna want to do that,

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Speaker 1: and not to go. Being single and television actually are

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Speaker 1: the only two things that ever would have gotten me

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Speaker 1: out of the house.

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Speaker 2: And this was from my twenties.

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Speaker 1: And it's funny because Kelly rip is the one who

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Speaker 1: told me that it was genetic. My grandmother used to

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Speaker 1: be up till five o'clock in the morning watching game shows.

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Speaker 1: My mother was up till five o'clock in the morning

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Speaker 1: watching who was the actor the actress Betty Davis movies.

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Speaker 1: And I think that they were probably intrinsically introverts in

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Speaker 1: that way as well, like either lonely or deep or

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Speaker 1: complex or inclined to be home. So going on reality

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Speaker 1: TV years ago really in ways.

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Speaker 2: Taught me how to like.

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Speaker 1: Put an outfit on and put makeup on money needed to,

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Speaker 1: because I would be the one to go out to

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Speaker 1: the club and like then run home. And I don't

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Speaker 1: know why these two people just came to mind. They

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Speaker 1: are nothing alike, they have nothing to do with each other.

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Speaker 1: But like a Ramona Singer, for example, is a social person.

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Speaker 1: Like she's like, yep, let's go, Like I want to

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Speaker 1: go out, I want to have a glass of wine.

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Speaker 2: I want to go out.

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Speaker 1: It's a Tuesday night. I'll meet you out for a drink.

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Speaker 1: Like she's a social person. Lauren Sanchez, like I envy

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Speaker 1: her for being just like a social person, Like I

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Speaker 1: can't ever know exactly how happy anyone is, how happy

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Speaker 1: I mean, Lauren Sanchez to me seems like a very positive,

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Speaker 1: happy person and it's contagious. And she's a person who's

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Speaker 1: just like alive and social. And I envy that as

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Speaker 1: just like an intrinsic trait because it really is a gift.

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Speaker 1: It's just like I also have some version of envy

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Speaker 1: for a person who doesn't want to go out without

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Speaker 1: putting makeup on. Like to run to the drug store

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Speaker 1: without like putting on makeup because they don't want to

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Speaker 1: be seen withou make like I envy that because they

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Speaker 1: always look good and like people see them and they

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Speaker 1: look good. And I will sometimes see someone that looks disheveled,

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, what the hell? And I know that

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Speaker 1: I often look like that, not just on social media,

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Speaker 1: and I envy that too, the person that never has

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Speaker 1: portrayed themselves looking anything but great, Like it's it's work,

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Speaker 1: Like the Kardashians always fucking look good, you know, And

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Speaker 1: I don't I'm not dissing that at all as anything negative,

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Speaker 1: you know, Like I would say, someone like Kyle Richards

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Speaker 1: is someone who always looks good. You know.

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Speaker 2: She just like always was sort of trained to care.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: That comes from a mother. My mother was the one

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Speaker 1: who would go to the dry cleaner in overalls and

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Speaker 1: and literally only get dressed when she got dressed. And

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Speaker 1: that has was passed down to me. Like she looked

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Speaker 1: fucking insane and stunning when she turned it out. But

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Speaker 1: and she happened to be naturally pretty. But a lot

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Speaker 1: of the time she just was like in sweats or

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Speaker 1: things like that, and so when I got on The

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Speaker 1: Housewives years ago. Before that, I would go to Starbucks

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Speaker 1: in my flannel Kayo pajamas and if I had pimple

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Speaker 1: medicine on my face, no one who I was, and

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Speaker 1: I probably would do that now sadly, and I would

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Speaker 1: go with it.

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Speaker 2: I just didn't. It wasn't that I given up or

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Speaker 2: didn't care. I'm just not.

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Speaker 1: I want my skin to be clear. I don't want

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Speaker 1: it to be trapped with product. I'd rather look like

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Speaker 1: shit than like look good, but like be what I

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Speaker 1: feel is trapping my skin or damaging my hair or

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Speaker 1: putting heat to my hair. Like I don't understand someone

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Speaker 1: who gets a blow dry every day. I went to

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Speaker 1: get my hair blown yesterday and roots done, and the

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Speaker 1: woman said, she's a woman who comes in every single day.

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Speaker 1: So the Housewives gave me that, like, let's put on

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Speaker 1: an outfit today, let's put on makeup, even though it

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Speaker 1: was and for something that was really happening in my life.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't a real meeting.

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Speaker 1: It was meeting someone on the Housewives, but so it

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Speaker 1: was like this meta version of work.

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Speaker 2: But that meant like, okay, wait, I could like.

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Speaker 1: Look good on a Tuesday and just decide to get

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Speaker 1: ready and it would make me sometimes get look a

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Speaker 1: little bit forward to an outfit. That was the first

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Speaker 1: time it started, and if you look at the beginning

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Speaker 1: of Housewives, I was kind of just being myself, putting

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Speaker 1: on a cable knit sweater with jeans and not having

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Speaker 1: makeup on. Then as the game got more elevated, people

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Speaker 1: were doing it and I was doing it like a

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Speaker 1: little more, and then it became hair and makeup once

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Speaker 1: in a while. I was never the hair and makeup

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Speaker 1: every time person. But now I still go to ninety

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Speaker 1: nine point nine percent of things with no makeup on.

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Speaker 1: And I want to pick up that that resolution I

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Speaker 1: had that year when I was like, I'm gonna learn

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Speaker 1: how to do my makeup and add two it with

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Speaker 1: like and I'm going to try to look decent every day.

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Speaker 1: Today I put on like a little dress. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I always brush my hair, I'm always clean, and I

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Speaker 1: always have a little fragrance on. I have some jewelry on.

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Speaker 1: I didn't put makeup on because I'm not going out yet.

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Speaker 1: But like, if I go anywhere today, even if it's

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Speaker 1: the drug store, even if it's to get a lot day,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna put on like a little bit of makeup.

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Speaker 1: I want to try to be a little bit of

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Speaker 1: that person. And what I'm saying about open is I

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Speaker 1: want to try and be more yes, because I wrote

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Speaker 1: a book called The Place of Yes, but I can

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Speaker 1: often come from a place of no. Like I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I'm gonna want to go with those people.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna want to do that. I want to try.

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Speaker 1: Like last night, I went to a new restaurant in

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Speaker 1: Palm Beach that is owned by Nacho. I think it's

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Speaker 1: Figueras he's a polo player and he has a restaurant

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Speaker 1: called The Polar Room in Palm Beach, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I want to go out to dinner because I want

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Speaker 1: to put an outfit on it. I want to like

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Speaker 1: plan the outfit and get excited about it. And I

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Speaker 1: luckily have a social media presence and I could take

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Speaker 1: a simple Instagram story picture and like someone can see me.

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Speaker 1: I can like have a reason to have worn the outfit.

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Speaker 1: But even if not, I want to wear it for

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Speaker 1: myself just to like go out and be like let

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Speaker 1: me just put something on and like play around, like

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Speaker 1: play dress up. And I ended up not loving my outfit,

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Speaker 1: and I then hate when like I do make the

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Speaker 1: effort and like I don't love my outfit because it's

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Speaker 1: like I'm rushing and it's pulled together because I want

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Speaker 1: to feel like tight and right, but I want to

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Speaker 1: make more of the effort. And last Sunday, my friend

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Speaker 1: Louis was in from out of town and he had

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Speaker 1: a friend and I was like, wait, let's go to

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Speaker 1: the new Tuto Mara Donna Karen's daughter's restaurant in Palm

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Speaker 1: Beach because I am grateful to have good relationships and

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Speaker 1: people want me to review their restaurants and I get

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Speaker 1: to go to places and like, this isn't like events.

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Speaker 1: I used to say, like pay it or late, meaning

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Speaker 1: I have to be like going on on a date

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Speaker 1: or being paid. Now I'm being more open to just

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Speaker 1: like let me just like want to try a restaurant,

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Speaker 1: like get dressed and look cute, or go somewhere, just

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Speaker 1: do something.

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Speaker 2: So I'm trying.

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Speaker 1: I know this sounds stupid, but the pandemic made me

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Speaker 1: lean into who I really am. But even more like

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Speaker 1: it made me I should have been recording from the

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Speaker 1: very beginning of the pandemic. Forget about it what I

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Speaker 1: had twenty million followers, but it made me like full

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Speaker 1: on the sweats, full on the pajamas, Like I don't

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Speaker 1: believe until a certain period into it, I was trying

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Speaker 1: to make an effort to put something on when at

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Speaker 1: home or on zooms, I just really didn't give a

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Speaker 1: shit at all. And it made me really go into

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Speaker 1: going to nothing and not going to dinner and not

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Speaker 1: doing anything. So I had to like retrain myself. And

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Speaker 1: now I'm trying trying to go the other direction. Like

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Speaker 1: if someone invites me to something even semi interesting, I'm going.

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Speaker 1: You know, someone said to me, would you like to

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Speaker 1: go to lunch Wednesday? I'm like, yep, great, I'll pick

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Speaker 1: a restaurant. Like someone said a man that I know

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Speaker 1: but not that well, I'm gonna have a dinner party

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Speaker 1: at my house. Uh you know, would you like to

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Speaker 1: come in Miami? I'm like, yep, yeah, gives me excuse

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Speaker 1: go to my place in Miami, like stay over, Like

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Speaker 1: make another plan. I'm trying. I'm being more open and

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Speaker 1: that I'm gonna stick to. So that was the longest

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Speaker 1: New Year's Resolution speech ever.

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Speaker 2: But like I.

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Speaker 1: Also I know I know that when I say these

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Speaker 1: things that a lot of you relate to them, because

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Speaker 1: I know there are a lot of you out there,

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Speaker 1: a lot of you that struggle with that, Like you

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Speaker 1: don't want to be superficial and you don't want to

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Speaker 1: wear a lot of makeup, but you also want to

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Speaker 1: not feel like shit about yourself because you're looking at

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Speaker 1: social media, people are filtering themselves. It's not real and

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Speaker 1: there's an art to it. So I'm going to try

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Speaker 1: my best. For me, it's fifteen minutes for me, it's

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Speaker 1: the lightest version of makeup. But I'm gonna try, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to like every time just be like,

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Speaker 1: oh it's real for me to post look like a

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Speaker 1: fucking swamp creature on social media. You know. A friend

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Speaker 1: of mine was like, wait, you had this skin rash.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe you had the nerve to post like that.

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Speaker 1: I could never And friends of mine have said that

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Speaker 1: to me. And while it's complimentary and they like applaud

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Speaker 1: it and it makes a lot of people feel good

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Speaker 1: about themselves and I'm glad that it's real, sometimes it

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Speaker 1: makes me feel like bad about myself, Like wait, am

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Speaker 1: I like gross? You know, like why am I doing that?

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Speaker 2: All?

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Speaker 1: Right, So I'd like to split the difference and find

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Speaker 1: my way into that. Adding to that being open, there

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Speaker 1: have been people that I have met that have asked

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Speaker 1: for different types of plans, and people that I sometimes

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Speaker 1: get paranoid. Are they just a fan and are they

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Speaker 1: like trying to use me? Or are they just whatever?

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Speaker 1: And guess what Sometimes they are and I may not

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Speaker 1: even care what's the difference. Sometimes a man dates a

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Speaker 1: woman because she's hot, a woman dates a man because

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Speaker 1: he's rich. If someone wants to be friends with me

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Speaker 1: because they're a fan, and I'm going to like know

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Speaker 1: them or meet someone through them, or go out for

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Speaker 1: a drink with them like I did in St. Bart's,

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Speaker 1: which was a complete shit show. But not the point

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Speaker 1: of this, Like, it's okay, let me say hello, let

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Speaker 1: me be a little more open, let me just talk

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Speaker 1: to some people. Let me not think that everybody is

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Speaker 1: like you know, not to be trusted, and even if

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Speaker 1: maybe they aren't, doesn't matter. I don't have to marry them.

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Speaker 1: I could just be open and be a little bit

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Speaker 1: more social where I really closed myself off because I'm

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Speaker 1: not really that trusting and I have a close circle. Okay,

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Speaker 1: the next one is to allow myself to be loved,

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Speaker 1: like to look at relationship in a different way, to

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Speaker 1: look at dating and who I'm supposed to be with

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Speaker 1: in a different way. I'm trying to reframe it. This

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Speaker 1: and community that I created is making me see things differently.

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Speaker 1: And because I didn't have a good example or model

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Speaker 1: of a relationship that I don't just intrinsically have it

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Speaker 1: in me.

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Speaker 2: To trust a process.

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Speaker 1: And because I've made so many mistakes that I get paralyzed,

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Speaker 1: because I've let myself be chosen and not chosen myself,

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Speaker 1: that I've become paralyzed where I can't make good decisions.

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Speaker 1: And because at a certain age, you're not sure exactly

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Speaker 1: what you were supposed to be looking for. You're supposed

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Speaker 1: to be looking for companionship, good person, best friendship. Are

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Speaker 1: you supposed to be looking for? You can't be looking

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Speaker 1: for everything. It can't be someone that you're obsessed with,

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Speaker 1: want of sex. What you think is gorgeous, hot, is smart, rich, successful,

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Speaker 1: worships you treats you like gold, buys you flowers, and

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Speaker 1: like everything. But it also can't be just So It's

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Speaker 1: like I'm having a hard time trusting myself, So I

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Speaker 1: have to like open myself up a little more as

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Speaker 1: I watch other people doing that in this community that

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Speaker 1: I've started, It's almost like the more I'm helping other people,

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Speaker 1: the less I'm really helping myself.

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Speaker 2: I've sort of stepped back a little.

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Speaker 1: And this other woman that I've been working with doing

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Speaker 1: this has almost done that herself as well. So I

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Speaker 1: have to retrain myself to what it means to date.

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Speaker 1: And also dating a certain age is something very different.

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Speaker 1: It's very different because you're older, your friend's parents are

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Speaker 1: passing away, people are having different sort of ailments. People

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Speaker 1: are thinking about stem cell regeneration and wellness, and you're

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Speaker 1: not thinking about just going out partying. You're thinking about

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Speaker 1: what it really means. You're not thinking about just like

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Speaker 1: walking down some aisle and getting some fucking ring that

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Speaker 1: you used to care about and you don't give a

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Speaker 1: shit about that anymore, and you don't care about someone

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Speaker 1: supporting you if you're lucky enough to have worked on

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Speaker 1: your own. So you're like, what is it that we're

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Speaker 1: really supposed to be looking for? Like you know what

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Speaker 1: you're looking for in a house, and many people in

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Speaker 1: the community know exactly what they're looking for. And then

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Speaker 1: it's served right in front of them, but like it's

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Speaker 1: not exactly it. And I find a lot of people

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Speaker 1: at a certain age struggle with that because they want

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Speaker 1: the lightness and freedom to be in their twenties where

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Speaker 1: you just really cared about, like being so abtracted to

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Speaker 1: and obsessed with someone, But that same person isn't really

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Speaker 1: the person that's going to be your life partner. That's

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Speaker 1: going to be like, you know, when you're older, like

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Speaker 1: helping you when you have an ailing parent, or you know,

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Speaker 1: telling you to take your medicine, or caring about you,

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Speaker 1: or you know, not being annoyed by you, or not

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Speaker 1: being superficial about what you look like or if you're

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Speaker 1: aging or things like that, or knowing the same references.

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Speaker 1: So I just think, like I'm being more open to

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Speaker 1: what it means now. I think that's going to make

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Speaker 1: sense to some of you. I have so many things

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Speaker 1: on my mind. I want to just like take a

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Speaker 1: moment of silence for Jason Kaplan and rest in peace.

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Speaker 1: And it's not even still real because I haven't been

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Speaker 1: in my apartment in New York where he would do

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Speaker 1: my makeup several days a week, be with him multiple

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Speaker 1: hours a day, like when you know someone mostly in

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Speaker 1: one setting. But he came to all my team dinners,

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Speaker 1: He came to the Jingle Ball with me. He came

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Speaker 1: to Paris with my Motley little Miss Sunshine crew. I

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Speaker 1: fed him caviar, gave him endless gifts. He was the

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Speaker 1: biggest fan of mine ever. He was such a supporter.

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Speaker 1: He would literally comment on every single post, send me

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Speaker 1: messages all the time. He just messaged me a luxury

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Speaker 1: Hello Kitty gold jar that I just bought in honor

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Speaker 1: of him, like it was just And then you go

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Speaker 1: through like, wait, why aren't I hysterically crying? Why aren't

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Speaker 1: I like on the floor in a ball because some

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Speaker 1: ofimes things aren't real?

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Speaker 2: And I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It's been such a crazy time that I still haven't

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Speaker 1: even processed it.

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Speaker 2: He was a positive guy.

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Speaker 1: It's not that I'm saying it because he passed away,

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Speaker 1: because he had flaws. He had many flaws, and I

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Speaker 1: really feel he always wanted to be somewhere he wasn't

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Speaker 1: and wanted to HARKENIM back to a time when he

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Speaker 1: got the chance to do certain people's makeup that they

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Speaker 1: don't even remember. But like he would talk back about

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Speaker 1: doing different celebrities makeup, and I'd be like, do they remember?

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Speaker 1: It doesn't even matter, Like he wanted to be in it.

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Speaker 1: He wanted to be there. Sometimes people feel like why

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Speaker 1: not me, Like why didn't he have a skincare line?

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Speaker 2: Like why didn't he make it? It doesn't even matter.

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Speaker 1: But I just I felt that he was always like

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Speaker 1: longing for something, but he was positive some people. Many

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Speaker 1: people had different experiences with him. I'm gonna be honest,

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Speaker 1: but like he was very positive with me. He always

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Speaker 1: was like, wait, I have a person for that, I

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Speaker 1: have a solution for that, I have a product for that,

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Speaker 1: I have a restaurant for that. Go here, try this,

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Speaker 1: do that messaging me like sending me links. So sweet

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Speaker 1: to my daughter Brianny always gave her a lip glass

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Speaker 1: every time, and he would do her makeup and say

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Speaker 1: how beautiful she was, and he would always offer her

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Speaker 1: to do her makeup when he did mine. He wasn't

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Speaker 1: charging Brins to do her makeup, you know, And and

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Speaker 1: he just was sweet to her and like it was

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Speaker 1: just like it fucking was like it was so crazy

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Speaker 1: that it was like it didn't happen. I don't love that,

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Speaker 1: but and then you're doing things and you're like we're

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Speaker 1: cliche with like thoughts and prayers and like rest in

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Speaker 1: peace and and like better place, and like, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: you say these things and you just don't even know

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Speaker 1: what you're saying because you just feel like it's not

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Speaker 1: enough and you're at piece now, and I just I

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Speaker 1: don't know.

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Speaker 2: You try to make meaning of everything.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels like my relief effort, where like it

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Speaker 1: works and it helps, but like it sometimes feels like.

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Speaker 2: A drop of poison in the ocean.

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Speaker 1: It sometimes feels like that show The Walking Down where

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Speaker 1: they keep killing these fucking zombies, but like they keep coming,

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Speaker 1: like you can't ever catch up. You can't ever kill

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Speaker 1: every roach in Manhattan. So like you just don't even

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Speaker 1: know what you're supposed to be saying, what you're supposed

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Speaker 1: to be doing. I just I just I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I just I a little self loathing and a little defeat,

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Speaker 1: a little defeated, like the haters that I have. Like

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Speaker 1: you could keep going because like don't worry, like I

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Speaker 1: self loath myself recently more than you could. Like I

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Speaker 1: haven't been going. It hasn't been going that great, So

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Speaker 1: like I don't know. I'm just I'm a little beaten down,

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Speaker 1: a little weathered. I really really am. I've taken a

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Speaker 1: little bit of a beating I'm taking. I've taken a

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Speaker 1: little bit of a beating. I'm not like feeling sorry

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Speaker 1: for myself. But I'm not that one who's gonna like

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Speaker 1: make a snide comment and show you like how strong

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Speaker 1: I am and how let the haters be motivators. I

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Speaker 1: don't even have it. I don't have gas in the

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Speaker 1: fucking tank to do it.

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Speaker 2: I really really don't