Speaker 1: I recently had an amazing hookup with someone from field.
Speaker 1: I also matched with their partner. The partner is stupid hot,
Speaker 1: and I would like to bone both of them. Do
Speaker 1: I do that? Do I mention it to either of them?
Speaker 1: Is there any obvious answer? And I'm brain dead, horny
Speaker 1: and can't think? Please help?
Speaker 2: What do you think I would say? Yeah, I want
Speaker 2: to bone your partner and you at the same time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you want to bone both of them, just say.
Speaker 2: Send them a train emoji. Don't know what?
Speaker 1: You know what? This is a safe space to talk
Speaker 1: about relationships, love and sex. Now let me tell you
Speaker 1: something messy. Hello, Okay, so today I'm actually you know,
Speaker 1: there's not a mess where it's the show, so there's
Speaker 1: gonna be plenty of mess. But I want to actually
Speaker 1: talk to you about something that I've been trying to
Speaker 1: craft a little bit, you know, between Messy Monday's on Instagram,
Speaker 1: the sub stack, doing this podcast, you know, musings on
Speaker 1: a second book that I'm trying to propose and work
Speaker 1: on or working on my proposal for it. I've been like,
Speaker 1: what is the thread of all of this? And you know,
Speaker 1: it's not just sex. We talk about sex, but As
Speaker 1: you know, we've expanded the intro to talk about relationships,
Speaker 1: love and sex. It's not just being queer, it's not
Speaker 1: just any of those things. It's not even just being messy.
Speaker 1: The thread for me, I realize, has been curiosity. The
Speaker 1: thing that I am so passionate about and I think
Speaker 1: touches any kind of work that I do has been
Speaker 1: about curiosity. But I've been saying that it's not any
Speaker 1: kind of curiosity. It is disruptive curiosity, if you'll allow
Speaker 1: me to use the term right. Curiosity is the desire
Speaker 1: and the wanting to learn something new. I think disruptive curiosity,
Speaker 1: which you know, in kind of art or science or business,
Speaker 1: is described as you know, the question that kind of
Speaker 1: shifts the status quo. But when it comes to us
Speaker 1: as humans and what we've been doing on this show,
Speaker 1: you know, I consider it intentionally asking questions to interrupt
Speaker 1: the personal habits, generational cycles, and internal narratives that prevent
Speaker 1: us from living liberated lives. Yeah, honey, you know, I
Speaker 1: love a definition.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: We talk about butt plugs, we talk about anal bow tigs,
Speaker 1: we talk about eat and policy, we talk about all
Speaker 1: those things, but really, at the heart of any of
Speaker 1: those conversations that we're having, whether it's you know something
Speaker 1: about sex, or about family and estrangement and dating and
Speaker 1: marriage and non monogamy, it's about disruptive curiosity. I really
Speaker 1: think that that is the key to living a liberated life.
Speaker 1: We talk about radical honesty and the power vulnerability, and
Speaker 1: those things are important and beautiful. But you do not
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to exemplify by or experience radical honesty,
Speaker 1: or experience vulnerability if you're not first curious, if you're
Speaker 1: not first willing to ask really hard questions and questions
Speaker 1: that allow you to say the quiet things out loud.
Speaker 1: I really believe that a lot of us are in
Speaker 1: our own little corners thinking that we're the only ones
Speaker 1: experiencing certain things in this human life. But one of
Speaker 1: my favorite quotes that I learned from my Angelou, it's
Speaker 1: by the philosopher Terrence, and I'm sure you've heard me
Speaker 1: say it here or in my book. But I am
Speaker 1: a human being. Thus nothing human can be alien to me.
Speaker 1: We are all capable of understanding each other's experiences because
Speaker 1: we all want the same thing, to love, to be loved,
Speaker 1: to be seen, to be wanted, to be validated, to
Speaker 1: be accepted, to belong. All of us want that, no
Speaker 1: matter what we are pursuing, what traumas we've experienced, what
Speaker 1: trials and tribulations we've been up against. And I think
Speaker 1: that we are able to get to that with just
Speaker 1: sruptive curiosity, because you know, one are the things that
Speaker 1: you thought that you were supposed to do because of
Speaker 1: your gender, or because of your race, or because of
Speaker 1: your sexual orientation. You know, girls wear pink, boys shouldn't
Speaker 1: do ballet, A real man ver this a real woman,
Speaker 1: you know, like all this shit. I was like, I
Speaker 1: think that we've adopted blueprints that don't belong to us.
Speaker 1: And I know you've heard me say that, And I
Speaker 1: think the way to interrupt those blueprints and to start
Speaker 1: building your own blueprint, one that's actually tailored to your
Speaker 1: life is disruptive curiosity. As kids, we are allowed to
Speaker 1: ask questions and it's understood. But once you hit teenager like,
Speaker 1: asking questions isn't cool anymore, and sometimes low key it's inappropriate. Right.
Speaker 1: Our worth is tied to being right. Our power comes
Speaker 1: from being right, and we covet that power, even if
Speaker 1: it's a false power, and we want to be write
Speaker 1: about things. We want to know everything right. It's all
Speaker 1: about being all knowing, And I think there is such
Speaker 1: a power in not knowing. There's such a power in
Speaker 1: not having answers, in asking those questions and being like,
Speaker 1: I actually don't know and I need time to process.
Speaker 1: I think that curiosity isn't or disruptive. Curiosity isn't about,
Speaker 1: you know, perfect answers and perfect solutions. It's about radical processing,
Speaker 1: and it's about giving yourself the permission and the safety
Speaker 1: to radically process and discover new answers and for those
Speaker 1: answers to evolve. So that's what we do on this show,
Speaker 1: and that's what I'm doing in my life. That's what
Speaker 1: I'm committed to, and I hope that you get to
Speaker 1: experience here and hopefully you know, commit to in your
Speaker 1: own life. Which is disruptive curiosity, intentionally asking questions that
Speaker 1: interrupt the habits, the cycles, and the narratives preventing us
Speaker 1: from living liberated lives. You deserve to live a liberated life.
Speaker 1: Do you want to hear something nasty? Now? Now that
Speaker 1: I've given you, you know, the the beautiful super Soul
Speaker 1: Sunday version of this opening, I'll give you a messy story,
Speaker 1: like a messy situation, which is I was at the gym.
Speaker 1: A lot of my messy story, the thinker just happened
Speaker 1: at the gym, but I was there and I walked
Speaker 1: into the steam room and there was only one other
Speaker 1: guy there and he was laying down on a towel,
Speaker 1: you know, dick fully out, and I was like, wow, beautiful,
Speaker 1: that's all. And I sat down. I sat down, you know,
Speaker 1: across not not you know, curious about anything. And he
Speaker 1: sits up, and you know, you know now that I'm
Speaker 1: in the in the steam room with him. He sits
Speaker 1: up and he puts a towel across his lap, but
Speaker 1: his dick is still hanging out. And I'm doing my stretches,
Speaker 1: you know, I like to stretch in the steam room,
Speaker 1: you know, open these hips up, and the dick is
Speaker 1: beautiful and it's hanging out, and like again, I I
Speaker 1: don't need I don't need to play with anyone in
Speaker 1: this dum I'm happy being aware. So I was like, oh, look,
Speaker 1: you know, you covered yourself, but you didn't really cover yourself,
Speaker 1: so obviously you want that dick to be seen. And
Speaker 1: I see it and it's beautiful love. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh he's sexy. Let me tell you how quickly I
Speaker 1: got the ick that itck happens fast and maybe I'm crazy.
Speaker 1: You tell me if I'm a monster for this. But
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, homeboy starts singing. He just starts
Speaker 1: like me and him, I just start singing. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the fuck he was singing. But you might
Speaker 1: not know this about me. But like I, if you
Speaker 1: can't sing, well, oh lord, my body breaks out into hives.
Speaker 1: It's like talent shows, like I love drag Race, but
Speaker 1: whenever I watch like the talent show portion my husbands
Speaker 1: telling you this, I will have to leave the room
Speaker 1: sometimes because if it's not good, I get I get embarrassed. Listen.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, but like I feel
Speaker 1: my body like oh no, no, no, oh no, that
Speaker 1: joke wasn't funny. Oh no, that that they can't sing
Speaker 1: like and so like I bring out the high. So
Speaker 1: this this was happening. I was like stretching and he
Speaker 1: was like singing. I was like, oh my god. And
Speaker 1: then more people started coming to the steam room and
Speaker 1: he that didn't deter him from singing his song. And
Speaker 1: then he started asking if anyone in the in the
Speaker 1: room spoke Spanish, and somebody was like it was responding,
Speaker 1: but I think they responded to his friend, he was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna sing, and I want to know tell
Speaker 1: me what word I'm not he' said pronunciating, which I
Speaker 1: don't think that's a word. I think he's enunciating. I'm
Speaker 1: pronouncing which anyways, and the guy was like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: I don't speak Spanish. He's like, oh, I thought you
Speaker 1: said you did. So he was about to just sing
Speaker 1: and then the final so he so the singing the
Speaker 1: uh wanting to to sing in Spanish and have other
Speaker 1: people in the steam room tell him what word he
Speaker 1: is not pronunciating, and then he got up and started
Speaker 1: coughing freely. He just started baby, I didn't care what
Speaker 1: that dick looked like no more. I was so turned
Speaker 1: off and I found myself in the ick and that
Speaker 1: that that's that's really. There's not much more to this
Speaker 1: story other than can y'all do me a favor when
Speaker 1: you're in the steam room, just shut the fuck up, sorry, respectfully,
Speaker 1: Just be in the same room and stretch if you
Speaker 1: want to, you know, toil your dick a little bit
Speaker 1: happily do that, you know, as long as everyone's cool
Speaker 1: with that toy your dick around. I I't give a
Speaker 1: fuck about that, you know. But but don't talk, don't
Speaker 1: have full conversations, and certainly don't sing. And certainly if
Speaker 1: you can't sing, because I understand you're like, I want
Speaker 1: to work my vote, my voice and and the throat
Speaker 1: and and and you know, the steam is good for
Speaker 1: the throat. But if you can't sing, I don't even
Speaker 1: want to hear you. If you can sing. One of
Speaker 1: our best friends, we've been streaming together. One of best
Speaker 1: friends is a singer. That's what she does. Uh And
Speaker 1: but she, I mean they that's what they do. She's
Speaker 1: she's she's like me, we're both she's anyways, they sing
Speaker 1: and so like. But if I'm telling you right now,
Speaker 1: if she starts singing the steam room, I would slaper.
Speaker 1: I would say, girl, shut the fuck up, what are
Speaker 1: you doing? You know what I'm saying. We're in the
Speaker 1: steam room. The only thing I want to hear is
Speaker 1: the steam. So don't sing in the steam room. Don't
Speaker 1: sing in a language that you don't speak in the
Speaker 1: steam room, and please don't cough in the steam room.
Speaker 1: So you know what I've discovered. Now, this may be messy.
Speaker 1: I farted in the steamer room and it was perfect
Speaker 1: because the scheme was so loud you couldn't hear it.
Speaker 1: And because it's steamy. It's like, you know, like when
Speaker 1: when something smells you like the match you throw in
Speaker 1: the toilet bowl. Because it's so steamy, you can't smelling either,
Speaker 1: So I don't even know if it's smelled. It was
Speaker 1: just and then like you couldn't hear it because there
Speaker 1: was steam, and it didn't smell because of the steam.
Speaker 1: So you can fight in the steam room if you want.
Speaker 1: But see, that's why y'all gotta wear flip flops because
Speaker 1: people are fighting in the steamer room. People let me me,
Speaker 1: so wear your flip flops. Not that it's it's not
Speaker 1: a wet fart. It's not like there's you know, like
Speaker 1: a ship coming out of the far. I wouldn't. That's
Speaker 1: not a fart, that's a shot. That's a shark, as
Speaker 1: we understand that. But I would just you know, to
Speaker 1: those of y'all who raw dog the steam room and
Speaker 1: the locker room floors, God bless you. You were really
Speaker 1: living on the edge. You're showing your privilege and now
Speaker 1: you don't have a lot of trauma. I see, I see,
Speaker 1: get your flip flops on love and that's all. And
Speaker 1: that's what I'll say on that. Okay, shall we start
Speaker 1: the show. I'm so sorry. By the way, welcome to
Speaker 1: the show. This is telling me something messy. I'm your host,
Speaker 1: Brandon Kyle good Man. Most people call me messy mother,
Speaker 1: but you could call me madre disort or not. Did
Speaker 1: I say it right to my people who speak Spanish,
Speaker 1: my messy patrons, my espaniol messi patrons, that I say
Speaker 1: it right, Madre de surdi nada. Okay, let's get the
Speaker 1: show started. Baby. You know what that means. It's time
Speaker 1: for a guest. Now, while they get situated, we'll get
Speaker 1: our messy key key started with a Hoe manifest sto
Speaker 1: repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me
Speaker 1: the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
Speaker 1: the wisdom to know that sex is not about penetration,
Speaker 1: the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the
Speaker 1: strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck
Speaker 1: girl or fuck they for it is better to masturbabe
Speaker 1: by myself in peace than to let someone play in
Speaker 1: my motherfucking face. Let the hommunity say ho heluja. I
Speaker 1: am so excited to have Trace Lissett on the show.
Speaker 1: Trace is an actress and producer known for her work
Speaker 1: in TV and film, most notably the Golden Globe winning
Speaker 1: series Transparent, which earned her an Ensemble Sagaward nomination, the
Speaker 1: feature film Hustlers, Venus as a Boy, and the critically
Speaker 1: acclaimed Monica Which Was So Fucking Good, which premiered at
Speaker 1: Venice Film Festival to an eleven minute Standing ovation and
Speaker 1: earned her an Independent Spirit Award nomination and a glad
Speaker 1: Media Award for Best Film. Y'all if you haven't seen Monica,
Speaker 1: please yourself a favorite. It's so good. Her TV credits
Speaker 1: include Law and Order, SVU PO'SE, Drunk History, Midnight Texas,
Speaker 1: David makes Man, Quantum Leap, and Blunt Talk. She recently
Speaker 1: received honors from HRC and Outfest a Dorian Award nomination.
Speaker 1: Has appeared in music videos from Maroon five, Share Tiana Taylor,
Speaker 1: and hosted the number one chart topping scripted podcast Harsh Reality.
Speaker 1: Y'all Please Help me. Welcome, Trace last, Welcome to the show. Hi, Trace, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you? How are you get that we did?
Speaker 1: Not a little off camera royalty or off my realty. Anyways,
Speaker 1: before we get into this this messy, messy key key,
Speaker 1: let me give you our messy mandates, which are things
Speaker 1: get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared, have
Speaker 1: the right to evolve, shift or change tomorrow or sorry
Speaker 1: today tomorrow or ten years from now. And if during
Speaker 1: the kiki something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we
Speaker 1: use the safe word foosball, which gives us a chance
Speaker 1: to pause and address accordingly. Sound good, sounds good, be beautiful.
Speaker 1: Shall we start with a lube breaker, A.
Speaker 2: Loub break down.
Speaker 1: Okay, a lube breaker, Yes, I have to. I have
Speaker 1: to hit the B because people think I say lude breaker,
Speaker 1: but I'm saying lube because we need our lube hunting.
Speaker 1: All right. This is a game of real or faking.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna tell you something, and you're going to
Speaker 1: tell me if you think it's real or if it's fake.
Speaker 2: Sound good? Okay?
Speaker 1: Okay, this one says real or faking. You can't get
Speaker 1: pregnant if you have sex at night because the sperm
Speaker 1: are sleeping.
Speaker 2: Oh god, that's not real.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not really, that's completely faking. But that was
Speaker 1: something that I saw people believed that they couldn't get pregnant.
Speaker 1: All right, real or faking sex increases your immunity to pain.
Speaker 2: Well, sometimes sex is painful, So I'd have to say
Speaker 2: that's true.
Speaker 1: That's true. That's a really, that's a logical Yeah, it's real. Technically, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's real. Aside from the obvious physical pleasure, sex can
Speaker 1: actually be an aid in pain relief during states of
Speaker 1: arousal and orgasm. The oh lord, this were hypotholamists in
Speaker 1: the brain. Not a science show, but here we are
Speaker 1: releases the feel good hormone oxytocin. Researchers at Rutgers University
Speaker 1: in New Jersey found this surge of oxytocin can reduce
Speaker 1: pain felt in women, especially during menstruation. A further study
Speaker 1: published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine found
Speaker 1: that oxytocin in men can cut the perception of pain
Speaker 1: in half. So that is really all right, work. I
Speaker 1: wonder like if you're if you are feeling pain, like
Speaker 1: if you just got back from a little something something
Speaker 1: and you feel pain from the little doctor. If you will,
Speaker 1: if you touch yourself a little bit, if that is
Speaker 1: better than advil. I don't know. I don't really want
Speaker 1: to try, but somebody tell us.
Speaker 2: I've tried masturbating when I have a migraine.
Speaker 1: Does it help?
Speaker 2: Sometimes it'll take my mind off of it, Like it'll just.
Speaker 1: You know, but it'll distract a little bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but if the migrant's too bad, I have to.
Speaker 1: It won't cure it, That's what I'm saying. I feel
Speaker 1: like I'd be too distracted by the pain to even
Speaker 1: attempt to do something exactly.
Speaker 2: Ever masturbated when you have like the flu or something.
Speaker 1: Wow. I love this question, and I want to think
Speaker 1: about it. I love that question. Sometimes I really think
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 2: Sex Like I'll have fantasies when I'm sick in bed
Speaker 2: and it takes my mind off of the pain of
Speaker 2: the sickness.
Speaker 1: Wait, I love that. I guess I feel so snotty
Speaker 1: and nasty that I like, don't think about it.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm like, I close my eyes and just like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you close your eyes and you're in your fantasy.
Speaker 1: You're in a divine fantasy. Yes, I might try that. No,
Speaker 1: I haven't. When I've had the flu, I have not masturbated,
Speaker 1: But next time I will. Okay, I'm a report back.
Speaker 1: I'm a report bad. You know you can get an update.
Speaker 1: We'll follow up. Uh. This one says vibrators were first
Speaker 1: developed as a medical device. Real or faking.
Speaker 2: That might be real. I think that's real.
Speaker 1: Trace you are getting it, mama. It is real. It
Speaker 1: is real. The vibrator was invented in eighteen sixty nine
Speaker 1: as a treatment for huhsteria quote unquote or mysterious Yeah,
Speaker 1: the hornyl Yeah.
Speaker 2: They didn't know. They didn't want us to be horny.
Speaker 2: They didn't want they didn't want women to be horny.
Speaker 2: That's so crazy.
Speaker 1: They did it, and so they said, let's fix it,
Speaker 1: and they fixed it by giving y'all something that would
Speaker 1: bring pleasure. So work anyways, when a woman so sorry.
Speaker 1: It was invented in eighteen sixty nine as a treatment
Speaker 1: for hysteria or mysterious quote unquote female disorders. Whenever a
Speaker 1: woman reported being mentally or emotionally upset, it was considered
Speaker 1: an illness, and the cure was using a large steam
Speaker 1: powered massage O Jesus to massage the genitals with the
Speaker 1: goal of inducing quote unquote historical paroxism, which is the
Speaker 1: Victorian term for orgasm.
Speaker 2: Not the steam, not the steam.
Speaker 1: The steam.
Speaker 2: That's crazy.
Speaker 1: Steam powered massage. I don't even know that looks or
Speaker 1: mean like an.
Speaker 2: Iron steam rod. That sounds painful.
Speaker 1: That sounds painful. Yeah, that's not cute. But but I
Speaker 1: guess that was the first vibrater, and I guess we
Speaker 1: learned that vibrators were actually quite useful for the orgasm,
Speaker 1: but not a steam. I wouldn't look have to look
Speaker 1: up a steam powered massage. I wonder. I'm assuming that
Speaker 1: means that there's a steam coming to you right like that,
Speaker 1: it's perhaps a massage, or in my mind, it's like a.
Speaker 2: Maybe for the lubrication or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the head vava lubrication, Yes, a little lubrication, little
Speaker 1: mist perhaps, I just like good old faithful, good old
Speaker 1: faithful fingers. Yeah, yeah, I'm the same way. I don't.
Speaker 1: It goes with you wherever you wherever you go. You
Speaker 1: can always have that vibe in your pocket them fingers.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, Vincent just sent me a photo of the steamer.
Speaker 1: It does not look sexy at all. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you can see this trace.
Speaker 2: Oh, it looks like a mouse trap.
Speaker 1: Can you see that it does?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it looks like Yeah, it looks like a mouse
Speaker 1: trap with like a kettle. Oh, like I feel like
Speaker 1: that is that the steam like it's like at on
Speaker 1: top of a mouse trap with Uh that looks like
Speaker 1: a little dick.
Speaker 2: No, it looks dangerous.
Speaker 1: Not, it does look dangerous, But I do think that
Speaker 1: there's no steam coming onto the body. I think it's
Speaker 1: just maybe motorizing like a fuck machine. Oh, I wonder
Speaker 1: if this this is like an old school fuck machine.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, okay, perfect, So it is. It's a it's
Speaker 1: like a it's a steam powered fuck machine, all right.
Speaker 2: Like one of those dildos that go like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they just keep going that move. You turn it
Speaker 1: on and you can just like let the fuck you
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: You've never done one of those?
Speaker 1: Ye, I've never done, but I do desire one. I
Speaker 1: just here's the I would love to buy a fuck machine.
Speaker 1: Every time I see a porn with it, I'm like,
Speaker 1: that looks fabulous. I just don't know where I would
Speaker 1: put it. I feel like I would need to have
Speaker 1: a sex room because those things take up space and
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a very Marie Condo kind of doll. I like,
Speaker 1: I like things to have their place, and I don't
Speaker 1: have a place quite yet for a fuck machine to
Speaker 1: just chill me neither, you know, like I can't mass
Speaker 1: tuit cases in the bathroom. It's like I don't have
Speaker 1: a spot.
Speaker 2: You know, you have made it and you don't have
Speaker 2: a machine room.
Speaker 1: That is. Listen when I come to Tracey's house and
Speaker 1: I find a funk machine, like, she's made it.
Speaker 2: We've made it, We've got something to strive for.
Speaker 1: Oh she made it. Yeah. This says people who have
Speaker 1: less sex overcompensate in their in their jobs.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think they. I think they do, because there
Speaker 2: are those really anal ones that you're like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: she used to get laid, Like who can throw a
Speaker 2: valume in her mouth?
Speaker 1: Like yeah, yeah, chill out. Yes, yes, yes, that is
Speaker 1: very true. The people who have less sex do overcompensate
Speaker 1: in their jobs, and I am probably one of those people. Ironically,
Speaker 1: researchers found that people within an active sex life tend
Speaker 1: to do more work to comp but say for their
Speaker 1: lack of quote unquote fulfillment. The study asked thirty two
Speaker 1: thousand people to open up about their sex life and
Speaker 1: work habits. The result found that thirty six percent of
Speaker 1: men and thirty five percent of women who only had
Speaker 1: sex once a week would also work excessive hours at
Speaker 1: their jobs. The more work you have, the more stress
Speaker 1: you have, and the more stress you have, the less
Speaker 1: sex you have. First of all, if you're having sex
Speaker 1: once a week, I actually think you're doing great. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean, is that crazy going on? I don't want
Speaker 2: to say that's drought? Baby, It sounds I haven't.
Speaker 1: That sounds like are we fucked up?
Speaker 2: Because I can do what I need to do and
Speaker 2: I know I'm going to get one off at least
Speaker 2: once a week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like once a week is plenty. Is that? Am? I?
Speaker 1: Are we bugging? Are we just workaholics?
Speaker 2: Release on? Yeah, a nice Sunday release and then you're
Speaker 2: good for the week.
Speaker 1: That's what I think. Like I always wait for the weekends,
Speaker 1: like I am. I'm actually not a weekday sex person.
Speaker 1: I don't like day I don't either.
Speaker 2: I don't either.
Speaker 1: I just unless it's like a weekend day or a vacation.
Speaker 1: But I don't like daytime sex just to do I
Speaker 1: have things to do.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 1: I have things to do.
Speaker 2: And I can't wind down and really no, I can't
Speaker 2: got calk three thousand When I'm thinking about the to
Speaker 2: do list.
Speaker 1: Cat cok three like I have to do, I have
Speaker 1: something to do. Yes, I'm with you. If I have things,
Speaker 1: if there are things on my to do list, I'm
Speaker 1: not doing you. You know what I'm saying. I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to get done yet. I need I need it
Speaker 1: to be well.
Speaker 2: The worst is when like somebody hits you up on
Speaker 2: a whim and it'll be like, hey, hey, maybe it's
Speaker 2: just straight guys to do this. I don't know, but
Speaker 2: it's like, hey, I just left the gym. It'll be
Speaker 2: like eleven or ten thirty in the morning. They're like,
Speaker 2: what are you doing? Can I come by? Like what?
Speaker 2: Like I haven't even had my oat meal? Go away,
Speaker 2: you're not boyfriend.
Speaker 1: You are not boyfriend.
Speaker 2: You don't get boyfriends sexy time if you're not going No.
Speaker 1: That is correct. Daytime sex is for the boyfriends, for
Speaker 1: the boyfriends, for the day friends. It is not for
Speaker 1: the random.
Speaker 2: Like oh, I was running an err and I'm in
Speaker 2: your hood, Like get out because.
Speaker 1: You know because I know that you're not gonna fuck
Speaker 1: me good. I just know you're here to it's gonna
Speaker 1: be way you want to blow a load, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Not prepped in the way I want to be prepped
Speaker 2: like I do.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I need my weekend time for that, That's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So I need my Friday and my Saturday,
Speaker 1: even Sunday you can hit it, But Monday to Friday
Speaker 1: five pm, you're not hitting this. That's just and that's
Speaker 1: just me. I know other people are different, but that's me.
Speaker 2: Monday day. Get out of here. Like that is not said.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's not sexy unless again, we're on vacation, then it's
Speaker 1: very sexy to be.
Speaker 2: If we're on a vacation, we're in and Caicos, maybe come.
Speaker 1: Boy, Yes, we can do whatever you want. We're in Cacos,
Speaker 1: especially if you love we can do whatever you want. Okay, this,
Speaker 1: where the where are they?
Speaker 2: You don't even know? It's really dark.
Speaker 1: Tracy won the game? Ok yeah, perfectly, Yes, you really listen,
Speaker 1: you were actually you take it all of them correct.
Speaker 1: That's like that doesn't always happen here, but that works.
Speaker 1: That doesn't happen off to but you work, you win
Speaker 1: my unconditional love, which is very valuable, very valuable. You've
Speaker 1: already had it.
Speaker 2: But listen season not like not like that, but like
Speaker 2: you know, not like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like that. You know, we know some things.
Speaker 1: We know some things. Patrons, if you have prompts, you
Speaker 1: can email me tell me something messy at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Speaking of which, trace, can you tell me something messy?
Speaker 2: Messy? Okay, Well, I was thinking about, you know, sex
Speaker 2: and nature. I was also thinking about movies that we
Speaker 2: were talking about movies and stuff that inspired us. And
Speaker 2: I think it was Jason's lyric when Jada and that man,
Speaker 2: that finance man roll around in the flowers. Do you
Speaker 2: remember that?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, and they like and there's like that all those
Speaker 2: nice booty shots they both yes, yes, yes, their booties
Speaker 2: are out and stuff, and I'm like, ooh, I would
Speaker 2: love to do that in real life and a movie.
Speaker 2: And then I was thinking about my escapades in nature
Speaker 2: had a couple and it's really there's this euphoric feeling.
Speaker 2: It's like tribal in a way m hm, because I think, well,
Speaker 2: obviously we're all connected to the earth and we used
Speaker 2: to live in smaller groups and when we were a
Speaker 2: hunter gatherers whatever, and would have sex out of nature
Speaker 2: all the time. And so I gave this dude head
Speaker 2: on the side of a mountain one time on the
Speaker 2: Wisdom Tree hike and it was like right by the
Speaker 2: American flag and there was like the Wisdom Tree. I
Speaker 2: don't know if anyone saw us. There was condos and
Speaker 2: ship like off in the distance. But it was really
Speaker 2: it was really hot but also beautiful. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: like you could die fall off the mountain.
Speaker 1: Trait there was like it was really beautiful. You could die.
Speaker 2: Amount of risk, the perfect amount of risk. Someone could
Speaker 2: walk up and see going to town. Yeah, and like
Speaker 2: literally someone walked up. I kid you not thirty seconds
Speaker 2: after he popped and I was like, ooh a good thing.
Speaker 2: I go to work talk got it done in time.
Speaker 2: But yeah, but that was pretty cool.
Speaker 1: How do we can I do? How does that happen?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Is it somebody that it's not? Let me ask, speaking
Speaker 1: of my journalism on do you did? Was the guy
Speaker 1: that you saw on the trail?
Speaker 2: You were like, oh or no, no, no, no, you
Speaker 2: were dating? No we were dating? Oh okay, we were
Speaker 2: dating and like you know, you want adventure and you
Speaker 2: want a spicy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, then yeah, did y'all pre plan it? I always
Speaker 1: wonder about that, like do y'all go, oh, we're gonna
Speaker 1: go this hike?
Speaker 2: That kind of It was just.
Speaker 1: A moment, so it's real romantic.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh. I was like, well, you know, I'm kind
Speaker 2: of ornery like that. So I just asked the question.
Speaker 2: I said, Oh, wow, I wonder how many people mess
Speaker 2: around up here? Because we made it to the top
Speaker 2: of the hike where there's the one, yeah, the one
Speaker 2: wisdom tree, and then there's the flag that like hangs
Speaker 2: off the side of the mountain and there's like these
Speaker 2: big rocks and yeah, it's you can see forever. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I just like ask the question, like, I wonder if
Speaker 2: people mess around? To me, I wonder how many people
Speaker 2: have messed around here? It's like probably a lot. Why
Speaker 2: do you want to? And I was like I could
Speaker 2: be down. I just kind of.
Speaker 1: Dropped lovely, Yes, I love that.
Speaker 2: Knew what to do.
Speaker 1: Period, he understood. He understood, Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2: Have you ever done anything in nature?
Speaker 1: Is an alleyway?
Speaker 2: Nature that's a city escape? I don't know, you've never
Speaker 2: been bent over a log? Or anything.
Speaker 1: This is my favorite conversation. Have I ever been bent
Speaker 1: over a log?
Speaker 2: No? But I mean I really I think people should
Speaker 2: be having sex in nature more often. There's nothing like
Speaker 2: staring at a river when you're bent over a log,
Speaker 2: having your pussy eaten from the back. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I need that on a shirt, on a shirt. It
Speaker 1: sounds the way you're saying. It sounds beautiful. And so
Speaker 1: I will make I will make Wow. Am I gonna
Speaker 1: do this? I will. I will make a statement right
Speaker 1: here on this podcast so you can hold me accountable
Speaker 1: and everyone listening. This summer, I will get bent over
Speaker 1: a log in nature, in front of a stream and
Speaker 1: have my pussy ate out from the bed.
Speaker 2: Yes, watching a stream.
Speaker 1: Watching a stream, a deer might frolic by, how sweet,
Speaker 1: how beautiful?
Speaker 2: It's Yes, it's a sensory thing.
Speaker 1: It's really there's a lot going on, there's not happening.
Speaker 1: It feels like getting coming back to yourself, if you will.
Speaker 2: We're getting in touch with our tribal selves.
Speaker 1: Who we really are. Yes, and then you get to
Speaker 1: come along with it. This sounds great. So I'm going
Speaker 1: to I'm going to because don't knock it till you
Speaker 1: try it. And so an older version of me has
Speaker 1: famously not fucked in a tent, and I'm still going
Speaker 1: to keep that version of me in today. But I
Speaker 1: will find me a log to be bent over in
Speaker 1: front of a river, and I will report back, Yes, Yes,
Speaker 1: find me a log to be bent over while I
Speaker 1: take that log. Amen, somebody, Ah, shall we do some
Speaker 1: messy mail?
Speaker 2: Let's do the mess mail?
Speaker 1: Okay? This one says is it wrong to ask your
Speaker 1: partner if they are okay if you see other people,
Speaker 1: if you're not comfortable with the idea of them seeing others?
Speaker 1: What do you think?
Speaker 2: Oh? I don't think it's wrong. I think it would
Speaker 2: be wrong to Uh, there's no right answer, because every
Speaker 2: couple's different. But sure, I think it's wrong to expect
Speaker 2: that they wouldn't also want to. Yes, people, you can ask.
Speaker 1: I'm with you.
Speaker 2: I mean you can ask, but yeah, I think it
Speaker 2: would be wrong if you then were like no, no,
Speaker 2: this is a one way street.
Speaker 1: I agree, Like, I don't think it's wrong to have
Speaker 1: the desire to see others but maybe not be comfortable.
Speaker 1: I think you have to interrogate it and be like, well,
Speaker 1: why am I not comfortable with my partner also seeing
Speaker 1: others if I want to see others and kind of
Speaker 1: get to the root of what that is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've thought about that as well, because I don't
Speaker 2: really like the idea of my partner seeing another woman.
Speaker 2: But like if I dating like a bye guy, I
Speaker 2: don't know where the bye guys are, but if you're
Speaker 2: if you're out.
Speaker 1: There out here, they are here, hello, Hello.
Speaker 2: I thought, maybe it wouldn't bother me if another if
Speaker 2: he saw another guy, or if or if we incorporated
Speaker 2: another dude like into the fold, but like something about
Speaker 2: another woman, I would start comparing myself. I think, sure,
Speaker 2: I think I would get insecure. Yeah, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 1: So that's fair, that's fair, And that's also such a
Speaker 1: fair thing to know, Like if you were to come
Speaker 1: up in this conversation, it's like, oh, there's nuance here
Speaker 1: that maybe I would be comfortable with you seeing somebody else,
Speaker 1: but not if it's somebody that I feel like I
Speaker 1: might be in competition with.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And typically the guys I date are just straight
Speaker 2: as an arrow, and they you know, probably won't would
Speaker 2: want another woman. And I just don't know if I'm
Speaker 2: secure enough to do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's fair, and like, you know, I feel
Speaker 1: like the security you know, for this type of question.
Speaker 1: You know, I think we're talking about non monogamy and
Speaker 1: then potentially even polyamory eventually, but you know, it's like
Speaker 1: that type of security you can only build with your partner.
Speaker 1: And so I do think that, like for this person,
Speaker 1: I think it's important to be transparent about like I
Speaker 1: would love to make this thing happen, but I also
Speaker 1: have reservations because I'm afraid of you seeing other people
Speaker 1: and then be able to like figure it out together
Speaker 1: and how you can make it so it feels secure
Speaker 1: for both of you. And it might be that like
Speaker 1: we just keep seeing each other and say a monogamy,
Speaker 1: but it also might be that like we both have
Speaker 1: a say in who the other people are or or
Speaker 1: we don't need to know about it, or like you
Speaker 1: could do that when I'm traveling. But you may be
Speaker 1: able to find a solution that makes both of you
Speaker 1: feel comfortable. But you have to be transparent. You have
Speaker 1: to I think you have to say the thing like
Speaker 1: I am interested in this, but I also have reservations
Speaker 1: over here that I'm also working through, which is that
Speaker 1: like I don't know if I'm comfortable with you seeing
Speaker 1: other people. I think it gets wrong if you were
Speaker 1: to impose that though based off of your feeling being
Speaker 1: like okay, and you can't see other people, Like I
Speaker 1: don't like that that one way street you were talking about, Like, right,
Speaker 1: that's not that to me? Is is it loving?
Speaker 2: No? That just feels selfish.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's and controlling and controlling. Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay.
Speaker 1: This one says, do you think looks matter more than
Speaker 1: personality more?
Speaker 2: No? But you kind of need both. Yeah, yeah, because
Speaker 2: it's like I need the primal I need the primal
Speaker 2: thing if we're gonna do yeah, sexy time, But like otherwise,
Speaker 2: I don't know, it just feels like a friendship.
Speaker 1: I think when people ask this question, they're always thinking
Speaker 1: and maybe this person isn't true. But I feel when
Speaker 1: this question gets asked, it's usually being viewed in what
Speaker 1: are the external standards or the cultural standards of beauty
Speaker 1: as like as opposed to what do I as an
Speaker 1: individual find attractive? And so I think if we're all honest,
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, looks do matter, but you don't need
Speaker 1: to look like Brad Pitt or whatever that conventional somebody
Speaker 1: just said Bradpit recently, so that's why that's coming out.
Speaker 1: But you know, like whatever is like icon of like
Speaker 1: beauty that we are upholding in culture, I don't need
Speaker 1: my partner to look like that. I need my partner
Speaker 1: to look like what I'm attracted to. And so I
Speaker 1: would agree looks and personality do matter because I would
Speaker 1: like to be attracted to my partner as well.
Speaker 2: We need to get off of like what society deems
Speaker 2: as attractive or acceptable, because if everybody just worried more
Speaker 2: about what they actually like, I think we would be
Speaker 2: better off. I think everyone would feel a lot more
Speaker 2: desired and loved because people's palate for what they sign
Speaker 2: sexy is so varied, but you wouldn't know it by
Speaker 2: pop culture or by yeah, what they force feed you know,
Speaker 2: down our throats every day on Instagram or wherever.
Speaker 1: I agree with that, and I it becomes like a
Speaker 1: question about preferences, which is something that I started interrogating
Speaker 1: maybe like tenish years ago, just like where my preferences
Speaker 1: were coming from and what they were about, and really
Speaker 1: learning that a lot of my quote unquote preferences were
Speaker 1: adopted that I adopted them based off of social pressure
Speaker 1: and social cues, but weren't necessarily what I found attractive.
Speaker 1: And when I started to pull at the string, I
Speaker 1: realized that I found a whole smorgas board of things attractive,
Speaker 1: and I was attracted to so much more than I
Speaker 1: was allowing myself to be attracted to. And so I
Speaker 1: don't think there's anything wrong with looks mattering, but I
Speaker 1: think that maybe the question is, are you limiting what
Speaker 1: your idea of beauty is when you're thinking about looks
Speaker 1: versus personality?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and what you're in what your body responds to?
Speaker 1: Uh huh. Yes.
Speaker 2: A lot of people deny what their body responds to.
Speaker 1: One thousand percent one thousand percent as like you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not supposed to or I can't. I talked about this,
Speaker 1: I wrote a piece about this about when I wear
Speaker 1: a sports bra, how I kind of have three reactions
Speaker 1: for men. One is like, uh, you know, go off,
Speaker 1: sys you look great. One is like extreme masculinity and rudeness,
Speaker 1: and the other is the short circuiting, which is what
Speaker 1: we're talking about, where people don't know that they're allowed
Speaker 1: to be attracted to it or what they're being attracted to.
Speaker 1: It's like yeah, you got to explore, like there's some
Speaker 1: things that you got told that you can't find as
Speaker 1: beautiful that you absolutely can and and what is your
Speaker 1: body responding to?
Speaker 2: And that is oh my god.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like listen to you, listen to your body.
Speaker 2: Not to dive into the trams stuff too much. But
Speaker 2: the short circuiting when you mentioned the short circuiting, I mean,
Speaker 2: talk about a short circuit when these straight men find
Speaker 2: out sometimes because you know, a lot of times they
Speaker 2: just don't know the tea or whatever. And then and
Speaker 2: then I can bear witness when someone fills them in
Speaker 2: or maybe I fill them in or whatever. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: the short circuit is crazy lazy. It's like what is
Speaker 2: happening right now? Like you see it unfold and you're
Speaker 2: just like you're okay, yes, yes, it's really going on.
Speaker 2: Like it's so obvious that their body reacted in a
Speaker 2: positive way. But then they're yes, catches everything that they
Speaker 2: programmed to think is like it's like a time lapse.
Speaker 2: It's like everything's catching up, and it's like and they're
Speaker 2: just like, it's a it's a complete short circuit.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, it's wild.
Speaker 2: It's really bizarre. And then sometimes you may see them
Speaker 2: out somewhere again, and like they don't even know how
Speaker 2: to like look at you or talk to you. And
Speaker 2: it's like it's like, Babe, you were on my you
Speaker 2: were on my body. You were on my like you
Speaker 2: were you were at me, sir, don't even don't.
Speaker 1: Don't you play? Don't you know? Yeah? And for who?
Speaker 1: That's the thing, like who are you playing? Who are
Speaker 1: you doing that for? Who are you setting your allegiance to.
Speaker 1: It's like you're denying what you're attracted to for the
Speaker 1: credibility of the people who aren't fucking you, Like, like
Speaker 1: what do we like? You're denying yourself love or romance
Speaker 1: or or sexual pleasure because you're afraid of what some
Speaker 1: men you'll never meet think, Like.
Speaker 2: Just yeah, I guess well they care. I think they
Speaker 2: care more about what their bros think than what they
Speaker 2: actually like.
Speaker 1: Yes, which in some ways, and not to go too
Speaker 1: far into this, but I also when I hear that,
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's a little gay to me.
Speaker 2: I feel Okay, Like you're so a you are.
Speaker 1: So trying not to be gay, and yet your entire
Speaker 1: personality is being dictated by the acceptance of these other men.
Speaker 2: Right. It's like, well, that feels I don't know, it
Speaker 2: just feels a little homolite.
Speaker 1: A little homolte.
Speaker 3: Okay, this says, This says.
Speaker 1: I was with the same male partner for seventeen years.
Speaker 1: We have now been separated for a year. I would
Speaker 1: like to explore dating women. I had the most amazing
Speaker 1: first dates with this beautiful woman, and the vibe is
Speaker 1: definitely there. But I am struggling with how to make
Speaker 1: the first move. I really want to kiss her.
Speaker 2: I don't know if this matters, but is this a
Speaker 2: guy or a girl?
Speaker 1: I oh, interesting, I'm not sure. I was with the
Speaker 1: same male partner for seventeen years. We've now separated for
Speaker 1: a year. I would like to explore dating women. I
Speaker 1: have the most amazing first dates with the beautiful woman,
Speaker 1: and the vibes is really different there. I I I
Speaker 1: assumed that it was a woman who is separated from
Speaker 1: her male partner and is now exploring women. But maybe
Speaker 1: that's maybe that's not a wild assumption, but like a
Speaker 1: biased assumption or a default assumption. But that was what
Speaker 1: I was going off of. Oh, okay, they had the Yeah,
Speaker 1: they had a date. They're starting to explore with women,
Speaker 1: but they don't know how to make the first move,
Speaker 1: and they really want to kiss this this woman and
Speaker 1: they don't know how to make the first move.
Speaker 2: If there's an extended period of eye contact, I think
Speaker 2: you can kind of like ask the question, or is
Speaker 2: that is that a buzzkill? I can be sexy when
Speaker 2: someone's like, can I kiss you? Like yeah, just like direct.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I find that sexy. It's not sexy in the movie.
Speaker 1: Is just supposed to just kiss a person, but I
Speaker 1: find somebody yeah the movie's just like yeah, But I
Speaker 1: find it really sexy when someone says a really want
Speaker 1: to kiss you right now.
Speaker 2: And you have to say it in the right tone.
Speaker 2: You can't sure, you can't mess up the mood. You
Speaker 2: gotta just be low volume and direct.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, low volume and direct. Yeah yeah you don't.
Speaker 1: What can I can see right now?
Speaker 2: Like you be a little smoky with it?
Speaker 1: Yeah you got.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: You gotta think about like your favorite I think like
Speaker 1: your your sexy avatar. Everyone needs a sexy avatar, So
Speaker 1: like whoever that is for you. I feel like, for
Speaker 1: the longest time, I'm terrible at this, but like llo,
Speaker 1: cool ja, I grew up like that was my like
Speaker 1: sexy avatar, so like I would try and emulate an
Speaker 1: llow cool when I was trying to be sexy. I
Speaker 1: was unsuccessful hard time. How dare you go?
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm not seeing it.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm not seeing that for you, but I
Speaker 1: promised you, like give me, give me a little like
Speaker 1: if I have a little a little tequila spright and
Speaker 1: I'm on the dance floor, have a little move. I
Speaker 1: can give you. I'm from New York, you know I can.
Speaker 1: I can get a little thus.
Speaker 2: I can have it.
Speaker 1: I can't. I can give it.
Speaker 2: I can give a look from.
Speaker 1: Time to time, but then I then I crack into
Speaker 1: a smile. But I will say I do agree with
Speaker 1: the directness, the low tone, the can I kiss you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Very very? What is it very, Kathleen turn the situation?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yeah. I think that also, like if you're
Speaker 1: continuing to see a person, there is a higher percentage
Speaker 1: that they do want that kiss, Like they're continuing to
Speaker 1: engage with you, continuing to spend time with you, and
Speaker 1: so you're not I think trust sometimes, I think sometimes
Speaker 1: we forget to trust the actions of what's happening that Like, listen,
Speaker 1: there are there are plenty of people who will continue
Speaker 1: to go on dates with people that they don't want
Speaker 1: to go on dates with for various reasons, but for
Speaker 1: the most part, if somebody's going out with you a second,
Speaker 1: a third time, they probably want to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm surprised. Like, if the energy is there, it
Speaker 2: usually happens on the first date. No, am I like loose?
Speaker 1: I don't think you're loose. No, No, of course you
Speaker 1: have on the first day. But I think sometimes I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm sure can have on the first date.
Speaker 1: But I think some people might be like a little
Speaker 1: more we're a little more liberated, you and I. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I think some people might be
Speaker 1: a little more traditional, a little more rules. Like we
Speaker 1: have to have a certain amount of time to gather
Speaker 1: before we have a first kiss, before we have sex.
Speaker 1: I like to know what kind of milk I'm getting,
Speaker 1: so I want to know from that from the jump,
Speaker 1: because if that limitary right now, that kiss ain't hitting
Speaker 1: the way I need to hit, then you're not getting
Speaker 1: a second date. So I do it right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, sweetness to it, Like you know how some
Speaker 2: people just their body chemistry tastes a little sweet, you.
Speaker 1: Know, Yes, of course, absolutely, I want to know if
Speaker 1: that's what you're giving.
Speaker 2: Your skin tastes like your scent, like you need to yes,
Speaker 2: before I invest too much time.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, because the first day I got all primmed up
Speaker 1: and like, I'm cute as fuck, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to do all that again. If you kiss, be good,
Speaker 1: it's a lot. It's a lot. I will also suggest
Speaker 1: keep aqua for on you. I don't literally I'm holding
Speaker 1: an aqua for I don't like a dry kiss.
Speaker 2: No, I don't like a dry kiss either.
Speaker 1: I don't like a dry kiss. You gotta you gotta
Speaker 1: make sure before you ask for that.
Speaker 2: I don't want crusty's floating off. No.
Speaker 1: No, you better exfoliate your lips first and foremost. You
Speaker 1: gotta be drinking your water well.
Speaker 2: This and this is a p s A for a
Speaker 2: straight man. Do your manscaping, do your big one, do
Speaker 2: your lineup, do your exfoliations. Yes, you know you're hot, Tael,
Speaker 2: whatever you got to do, don't come looking dusty. Don't
Speaker 2: I even like a little you.
Speaker 1: Know, I don't because use those fingers at some point.
Speaker 2: I don't exactly you know, I get.
Speaker 1: That rounded tip. Absolutely not. Yeah, it's it's all fun
Speaker 1: and games until you know I got a splinter from
Speaker 1: your cuticle up in my pussy and I don't want that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm with you. I I do think p s
Speaker 1: A to the straight man and whoever else needs it.
Speaker 1: You could take care of yourselves, your skin a little
Speaker 1: bit more. It is not gay, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: And wash because you never.
Speaker 1: Want If you don't wash that back door before you
Speaker 1: ask somebody to eat it, it's cray.
Speaker 2: I don't want to even suck your dick if I
Speaker 2: can smell what's going on below it, period, I don't
Speaker 2: want to.
Speaker 1: Now it's disrespectful. Wash it, use some soap and water,
Speaker 1: wash it all. Absolutely. I take a shower before I
Speaker 1: go on a date, even if I took a shower
Speaker 1: earlier in the day. If I'm going out that night,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a shower, especially if I know we
Speaker 1: might get naked together. Because I want you to get
Speaker 1: the smooth I want you to get. I want you
Speaker 1: to get the silky soft, smooth, clean version of me
Speaker 1: at all times because I because I adore you. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, and I want to give me
Speaker 1: pleasure and part of the pleasure. Yeah, the experience is
Speaker 1: part of the pleasure. Whenever I feel can I tell
Speaker 1: you trace I do this now? Which is that like
Speaker 1: if I'm talking to a guy and I grab his hands,
Speaker 1: and if that hand those calluses cut me up a
Speaker 1: little bit, I really do have to move on. It's
Speaker 1: just for me. I know for some people they love
Speaker 1: a callous What if.
Speaker 2: It's from weightlifting though, and like the body is tea.
Speaker 1: I just feel like I get it. I get it,
Speaker 1: and I weightlift too. You must use those paths.
Speaker 2: I gotta wear gloves.
Speaker 1: I guess you gotta wear those gloves or use your
Speaker 1: pads or you know what it is. That's that's not
Speaker 1: It's not a one to one always. But I do
Speaker 1: get concerned when I'm like, well, your hands are scratching me.
Speaker 1: You know if I touch your back and your back
Speaker 1: is also scratching me, I get like, we have to exfoliate. Y'all,
Speaker 1: get them gloves, exfolian gloves.
Speaker 2: Sugar scrub, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Sugar scrub, okay, And I've all I told y'all here,
Speaker 1: you scrub like that. You put your almond oil on
Speaker 1: with the water still there. You add your cocoa butter
Speaker 1: or your shade butter okay, and you show up and
Speaker 1: you show out, Okay, I love it.
Speaker 2: I love a man that smells good.
Speaker 1: Oh don't you love a man who smells good? I
Speaker 1: love to hug a man, and I'm like, oh, stay
Speaker 1: right here. I love the man who smells good. Find
Speaker 1: your scent, love, find your scent. Okay. This one says
Speaker 1: I recently had an amazing hookup with someone from Field.
Speaker 1: I also matched with their partner. The partner is stupid hot,
Speaker 1: and I would like to bone both of them. Do
Speaker 1: I do that? Do I mention it to either of them?
Speaker 1: Is there any obvious answer? And I'm brained dead, horny
Speaker 1: and can't think. Please help? What do you think?
Speaker 2: I don't have experience with Field?
Speaker 1: I don't either.
Speaker 2: Isn't it that? Isn't that what it's about?
Speaker 1: I feel like in Field there they love the non
Speaker 1: monogamy of it all. I feel like, yeah, yeah, you're
Speaker 1: not wrong, that branding was on point.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I would say, yeah, I want to bone
Speaker 2: your partner.
Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah, if you want to bone, don't know
Speaker 1: what time it is? Cut to the chase to too, honey? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I I feel like I feel like It's
Speaker 1: only complicated if you were like, oh, I we started
Speaker 1: to talk to this guy and then I saw his
Speaker 1: partner and I realized I only want to bone his partner.
Speaker 1: That's where it would get like maybe.
Speaker 2: Tricky, You're gonna have to take one for the team
Speaker 2: and fuck the other person too.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, if you started talking to them
Speaker 1: like just make it all uh, make it a vibe.
Speaker 1: But yeah, or but you know, also I had done
Speaker 1: this once. I like, uh, well this is slightly different.
Speaker 1: But I hooked up with the guy, and then I
Speaker 1: hooked up with another guy and then I found out
Speaker 1: they were best friends. But I liked the second guy
Speaker 1: better than I liked the first guy, so I kept
Speaker 1: sucking the second guy. And I have talked to the
Speaker 1: first guy, which the first guy was great and it
Speaker 1: was great text, but like, I just had a better
Speaker 1: chemistry with the second guy. I've also never spoken about
Speaker 1: it with well, I don't really talk to the first
Speaker 1: guy anyway, but like, I've never mentioned it. May oh
Speaker 1: now wait, now I'm real time processing. Do I need
Speaker 1: to do? I need to mention it?
Speaker 2: Well, they might know, now I don't know.
Speaker 1: They probably already know. Yeah, I mean I guess transparency
Speaker 1: is always the best policy. I don't think there's a
Speaker 1: problem here. If you want to fuck them both and
Speaker 1: they're both on field, it sounds like that's what their
Speaker 1: vibe is. I think though, it would be tricky if
Speaker 1: like you were in a thing with one of them
Speaker 1: and then you wanted to start with another one and
Speaker 1: didn't you know, like they didn't know that they were
Speaker 1: both talking to you. That's when it gets complicated. And
Speaker 1: I do want to go back to this thing with
Speaker 1: the best friends, which is that like I didn't know
Speaker 1: that they were best friends right at the time that
Speaker 1: I so I found it after a while of hooking
Speaker 1: up with.
Speaker 2: The second progressive but not that progressive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not like, yeah, I'm not. I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to fuck the friend group if you will.
Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm not getting rammed through by the crew.
Speaker 5: No, I mean yeah, Well depends on the cru Okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1: This one says, how has being sexy or feeling sexy
Speaker 1: evolved over the course of your life and where do
Speaker 1: you see it now? I love this question.
Speaker 2: I was a stripper for eight years, which paid my
Speaker 2: way through acting school, and so being sexualized and being
Speaker 2: sexy and whatever. It just was like such a big
Speaker 2: part of my life that now, I yeah, the mystique
Speaker 2: of it kind of wore off. So I think then
Speaker 2: it was about being direct and provocative, and now it's
Speaker 2: kind of about being effortless, a little less effort And
Speaker 2: so I think what people see when I'm like out
Speaker 2: at a bar in a little Maxi dress, not you know,
Speaker 2: a tight Maxi dress, dancing the night away, just really
Speaker 2: enjoying them, I think that they're consuming something that I'm
Speaker 2: not necessary I don't I'm not necessarily concerned with.
Speaker 1: Ah. Yeah, one of my partners he has he exudes
Speaker 1: sexiness in a way that just is like he takes
Speaker 1: a photo and you're like, that is a sexy man.
Speaker 1: But he doesn't. He thinks about sex, but like not
Speaker 1: in the way that I think people think he does.
Speaker 1: Like he's aware of like our sex, but in general,
Speaker 1: he's like not really bothered about like sex with uh.
Speaker 1: I don't want to say with other people because I'm
Speaker 1: not talking about like monogamy, but just like his day
Speaker 1: to day isn't guided or directed by sex in the
Speaker 1: way that I think people project onto him because of
Speaker 1: how he looks, and so for me, I like have
Speaker 1: to break down and this is processing in real time,
Speaker 1: So I have to break down sexy because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: there is this thing that is sexy, which is a
Speaker 1: physical attraction or this energy of desire that somebody kind
Speaker 1: of exudes. But then there's also the sexy, which I
Speaker 1: think is the more important sexy, and the one that's
Speaker 1: actually long lasting, which is just a person existing in
Speaker 1: however they exist. That is to say that like my
Speaker 1: partner who is a dancer model kind of gives you
Speaker 1: traditional sexy is sexy, as well as the fucking nerd
Speaker 1: who wants to talk about you know, sci fi and
Speaker 1: you know, fucking cartoons all day and anime like that's
Speaker 1: also sexy because they know who they are and they
Speaker 1: stand strong in it. And I think that that has
Speaker 1: been helpful for me to figure out what is my sexy.
Speaker 1: And I find that I don't know if you find
Speaker 1: this for yourself. I find that, like, especially being somebody
Speaker 1: that is on camera, that like, there's what I Brandon
Speaker 1: think is sexy and how I feel sexy, and then
Speaker 1: there is my portrayal of sexy that I know to
Speaker 1: be consumed sexy to be consumed which are not the
Speaker 1: same thing, right, right, Like how I show up in
Speaker 1: my quote unquote set. I just posted a photo today
Speaker 1: and it's like, it's me shirtless with like my my
Speaker 1: denim jeans, like the button undone, and I'm like on
Speaker 1: my forearm and I'm looking into camera and my lips
Speaker 1: are juicy, and I know that that's going to be
Speaker 1: consumed as sexy. But that's not necessarily when I feel
Speaker 1: my sexiest, right I feel my sexiest when I'm like home, shirtless,
Speaker 1: wearing my colorful cardigan and my like crocheted hat like
Speaker 1: my barber made for me, and my like sweats and
Speaker 1: I'm just like chilling. That's when I feel sexy. But
Speaker 1: arguably you might see that i'd be like, girl, no,
Speaker 1: do you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Definitely it's grown over time as well. But sexy was
Speaker 2: always one of those things. Maybe it's because I grew
Speaker 2: up on Little Kim. I don't know. I just always
Speaker 2: channeled that, like, yeah.
Speaker 1: Low Kim was your avatar elqu J's mind. Low Kim
Speaker 1: was your.
Speaker 2: Cam Adina Howard. Yeah, Sharon Stone, Oh yes, if you
Speaker 2: mix those women up, you might have a little bit
Speaker 2: of trace going on. I think it's just like, it's
Speaker 2: not to say that I don't like being sexy. I do.
Speaker 2: I think it's great. I just think it's it's not
Speaker 2: something I don't know. It's not something I had to
Speaker 2: really fight for. And I want to be honest about
Speaker 2: that because I think there's there's there's probably privilege in that,
Speaker 2: but there's also there's also a lot of trauma there
Speaker 2: and heartbreak and you know, being the forbidden fruit and
Speaker 2: all of these things that come along with it.
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask if there's a burden of sexy
Speaker 1: and like what the burden as much as you want
Speaker 1: to share, not but like, what is like the burden
Speaker 1: of sexy?
Speaker 2: The burden of sex? See that I'm actually a diehard
Speaker 2: romantic and so a lot of people will will just
Speaker 2: want to taste or just you know, want to consume
Speaker 2: you for a moment, but not necessarily bringing home to mom.
Speaker 2: And that is probably the duality that's hard to sit
Speaker 2: with sometimes the fantasy.
Speaker 1: They want the fantasy, but not the realness.
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially when you add in the trends of it all,
Speaker 2: it's just it's bizarre to be It's bizarre to be
Speaker 2: desired so heavily and then know that it's very surface
Speaker 2: and you filter. Your filter has to get real sharp.
Speaker 1: And when you say you're filter, you mean like figuring
Speaker 1: out like who's there for you and who's just kind
Speaker 1: of there tasting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, decoding what their approach is really giving.
Speaker 1: Are there similar flags or patterns that you've noticed when
Speaker 1: you are discerning between somebody who is there just for
Speaker 1: like the fantasy of sexy versus like who you are? Like,
Speaker 1: are there a common You're like, it's all like somebody
Speaker 1: who always says this or like they always do this thing,
Speaker 1: and it's like, my that's my scooby doo. Ears go
Speaker 1: up because it's like, oh.
Speaker 2: Work, yeah. Well, typically if it gets too sexual too soon,
Speaker 2: uh huh, then I get a little turned off. They
Speaker 2: become basic to me because I'm like, oh, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: you're in that pile over there that masks people over
Speaker 2: there that just want to bust a nut or whatever
Speaker 2: you want. Like it's a vibe.
Speaker 1: It's very relatable to say, oh, the world sees me
Speaker 1: as this, but I'm craving this other thing. So if
Speaker 1: the world is perceiving sexy but I'm a diehard romantic,
Speaker 1: then there's a an internal reckoning that has to happen
Speaker 1: as you move through the world so that you can
Speaker 1: like stay true to who you are. But then there's
Speaker 1: also this energy that you're navigating, and I would imagine
Speaker 1: that it's taking some time to figure out what those
Speaker 1: coping tools are or what those tools are to navigate
Speaker 1: that so that you can stand in your truth and
Speaker 1: yourself as you do. And so I'm curious what that
Speaker 1: is for you, or what that what those tools are,
Speaker 1: or what that reckoning looks like.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, I think I'm still figuring it out lately.
Speaker 2: It's just being careful where I put my energy. I
Speaker 2: know that sounds really broad, but no, I also take
Speaker 2: people for what they show me to be. You know
Speaker 2: that my Angelou.
Speaker 1: Yeah shows you there. I believe them the first time. Yep.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And so if you're showing me that you're basic
Speaker 2: or just sex driven, then I may not even say anything.
Speaker 2: I may just log it and you know, proceed accordingly.
Speaker 2: And I don't know. I try to hold out hope
Speaker 2: for love, but I've been single a long time, so
Speaker 2: I'm also trying to make peace with the fact that
Speaker 2: I might not get that. In this lifetime. Not to
Speaker 2: say I've never had love, but I've never had like
Speaker 2: a very long term relationship like past maybe two years,
Speaker 2: and I've just, for whatever reason, this just hasn't been
Speaker 2: in the cards for me. And I'm coming to terms
Speaker 2: now in middle age that maybe that's as romantic as
Speaker 2: I am, but that's just not a part of my
Speaker 2: purpose here on earth and or at least in this
Speaker 2: go around. And can I find contentment outside of that,
Speaker 2: because I think that was my driving force for so long.
Speaker 2: Love was like the thing I dreamt about and wanted
Speaker 2: the most, more than career even And now I'm just
Speaker 2: kind of trying to recenter what might matter the most
Speaker 2: and what I can be with.
Speaker 1: Do you have a community or other people around you
Speaker 1: who are also like experiencing the same thing in terms
Speaker 1: of like looking for romance and love but haven't been
Speaker 1: able to find it. And I asked this because I
Speaker 1: think this is a common thing that I hear amongst
Speaker 1: my girlfriends that are navigating, Like, oh, I thought that
Speaker 1: there was going to be this like romantic, you know,
Speaker 1: movie kind of love, and now you know, I'm turning
Speaker 1: thirty eight next week. You so, like my friends are
Speaker 1: in thirties forties, and it's like, oh, everything that I
Speaker 1: thought this was going to look like it's not. And
Speaker 1: so now I'm needing to like shift it. But I'm wondering,
Speaker 1: are you doing that in community or do you feel
Speaker 1: like you're doing that solo?
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little bit of both. I have a couple
Speaker 2: of friends who do have healthy relationships, but even those
Speaker 2: relationships don't look like what they thought right, like right,
Speaker 2: And I'm realizing with the divorce rate, this fantasy that
Speaker 2: we've been sold is not always the reality. It's just
Speaker 2: changing your lens, I guess, and how you view the
Speaker 2: world and what is positive, what you should be grateful for,
Speaker 2: and what is possible and what's icing on the cake?
Speaker 2: You know, a lot of just reconfiguring is going on.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm forty three and so I do this
Speaker 2: is getting way deeper than I thought. But like I
Speaker 2: long for, like I long for being the twenty something
Speaker 2: beautiful girl who's in love and I never really got that,
Speaker 2: you know, I never really got that. And so now
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, what do I do now? And what
Speaker 2: is the new hope? Because if you don't have hope,
Speaker 2: what do you have? What do you how do you
Speaker 2: keep going.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true, that's true. Yeah, Yeah, we need hope.
Speaker 1: Whatever it is, you need hope to keep pushing through.
Speaker 2: This is really a sad topic.
Speaker 1: Now it doesn't have to be. We can move it,
Speaker 1: We can switch it up.
Speaker 2: Girl.
Speaker 1: No I I thank you for sharing with that, because
Speaker 1: I think that there are so many people who are
Speaker 1: reconfiguring in whatever way that looks like, whether that's romantically, professionally.
Speaker 1: And I think that our generation we were talking about
Speaker 1: this off mic a little earlier, which is like, you know,
Speaker 1: we thought the adults had it figured out, and so
Speaker 1: now we're adults and we're like, oh, they didn't have
Speaker 1: nothing figured out, and so like now we're trying to
Speaker 1: figure it out and trying to figure out what what
Speaker 1: is relationship? What is marriage? What is love? What is community?
Speaker 1: What is work? What are the things that I was
Speaker 1: taught I need to have value in? What should I
Speaker 1: actually have value in? And I think above all, like
Speaker 1: what is my happiness? And is my happiness though you
Speaker 1: know the pick white the house with the white fence,
Speaker 1: or is it something else? And can I give in
Speaker 1: what we were talking about earlier with preferences and beauty
Speaker 1: preferences it's like, can I expand what would make me happy?
Speaker 1: Or can I expand what I thought this would look
Speaker 1: like and and diversify or you know, make the buffet
Speaker 1: the smorgasbord a little wider so that I'm not just
Speaker 1: beholden to Oh, it's supposed to look like me and
Speaker 1: that man and three kids in the suburbs, right, which
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us were pointing towards, we
Speaker 1: were taught to point towards that, and now the reckoning
Speaker 1: present days like, Okay, if that's not happening, I'm still here,
Speaker 1: and I still deserve to be happy, and I still
Speaker 1: deserve to live a big, expansive, beautiful life, and I
Speaker 1: just might need to reassess what I'm valuing perhaps, and so,
Speaker 1: but you can't do that unless you saw about it.
Speaker 1: So I really appreciate you talking about it because I
Speaker 1: know that for people listening, it's like, oh, that that
Speaker 1: is maybe the wall that they're bumping up against, Like
Speaker 1: some of who are bumping bumping up against these walls
Speaker 1: and they don't know they don't even know they're bumping
Speaker 1: up against the wall or what the wall is, or
Speaker 1: who put the wall there? And you know, I think
Speaker 1: that society put those walls there, but it's our.
Speaker 2: Job to break additions are putting there from such a
Speaker 2: young age. Yes, you know, expectations will have you fucked
Speaker 2: up out here.
Speaker 1: Say it again, expectations will have you fucked up out here?
Speaker 2: Have you fucked up out here instead of just being
Speaker 2: in the literal moment?
Speaker 1: Yes, Trace, thank you so much. This was like fucking everything. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'll talk to you very so good to see yours.
Speaker 1: I love you, baby, I love you too.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 1: You know we're hose here, but hose with heart. So
Speaker 1: before we part ways, let me speak to yours. First
Speaker 1: of all, I promise this summer, and I'm saying it again,
Speaker 1: and you hold me accountable. I don't make it happen,
Speaker 1: but I will make it happen. I will let myself
Speaker 1: get bent over a log to take a log in nature,
Speaker 1: and I will report back. Or maybe I'll bend somebody
Speaker 1: over a log and take and give them dick. We'll
Speaker 1: see what happens. But I promise you I will let
Speaker 1: myself experience sex in nature, and I'll report back and
Speaker 1: let you know how I feel about it. Okay, so
Speaker 1: there's that. I really love this allow yourself to explore
Speaker 1: your attraction preferences. What do you find beautiful? And I
Speaker 1: think you know, this is a part of that disruptive
Speaker 1: curiosity I was talking about at the top of the show,
Speaker 1: which is what are you actually attracted to? And can
Speaker 1: you give yourself permission to be attracted to those things?
Speaker 1: Can you also ask yourself why you were attracted to
Speaker 1: certain things? Right? Like, is your attraction to this certain
Speaker 1: type or this certain build your own or because you
Speaker 1: were taught that that's what's attractive. I've talked about this
Speaker 1: in my book You Got to Be You and Online,
Speaker 1: you know, just like growing up being fed images of
Speaker 1: whiteness as beautiful and downloading that to mean that my
Speaker 1: dark skin isn't beautiful. And around eighteen nineteen when I
Speaker 1: went to my first big breakup and I went to
Speaker 1: the school therapists and why you had a therapist and
Speaker 1: I remember saying to her, I don't think I'll ever
Speaker 1: be as attractive as a white man. And I didn't
Speaker 1: until she looked at me, a white woman looked at
Speaker 1: me crazy. I was like, oh, I have a problem.
Speaker 1: And I realized I had the problem because I had
Speaker 1: never asked about my preferences. I'd never asked what I
Speaker 1: actually thought about myself. I'd never asked about what I
Speaker 1: was attracted to and if that's what I wanted to
Speaker 1: be attracted to or if that's what I was being
Speaker 1: told to be attracted to. No, honey, baby, the black
Speaker 1: or the berry, the sweet or the juice, and a's
Speaker 1: on tea. That's period. I know what beauty is, okay.
Speaker 1: And I have an expansive concept of what beauty is
Speaker 1: and what I'm attracted to, and it just continues to
Speaker 1: evolve and grow and expand because I've been willing to
Speaker 1: ask those hard questions. You know, where are your preferences?
Speaker 1: Where are your attractions coming from? And do they belong
Speaker 1: to you? And are there other things that you're attracted
Speaker 1: to that you've been taught you shouldn't be attracted to?
Speaker 1: And can you can you start to make space for
Speaker 1: yourself to to make that okay? Because it is okay, babe,
Speaker 1: there's you know that like one cookie cutter version of
Speaker 1: beauty borring Okay. By the way, Also, when I say
Speaker 1: smooth like I like you know, I say you're talking
Speaker 1: about like, you know, like a smooth man who smells
Speaker 1: good I'm not talking about hairless, be hairy. I love it.
Speaker 1: I love hair. I love hairy. Also, if you want
Speaker 1: to be hairless, I love it. What I'm talking about
Speaker 1: is being soft. I want soft. That's why I want
Speaker 1: you to moisturize. So I don't know who needs to
Speaker 1: hear this, but get you some aveno love, get you
Speaker 1: some keels love. Get you some shade butter or some
Speaker 1: cocoa butter, some almond oil, some hoba oil. Yes, it's
Speaker 1: just get you something to like soften its skin. Okay,
Speaker 1: moisturize your dick, but also moisturize your whole body and
Speaker 1: moisturize your face. Your face is a moisturizer. Softness, you
Speaker 1: know it's good for you. But also, like when your
Speaker 1: partner's touching, you, get them something smooth to touch. Now listen,
Speaker 1: maybe your partner likes rough and so you talk to
Speaker 1: your partner. But for me, Lord, I want it to
Speaker 1: be smooth. I wanted to be soft. Don't want to
Speaker 1: be soft. Harry Hoes, my hairy hoes. I love you, God,
Speaker 1: I do love a hairy ho expectations. As Trey said,
Speaker 1: well have you fucked up out here? And I think
Speaker 1: that so many of us can relate to what we
Speaker 1: thought we were supposed to be or what we thought
Speaker 1: we were supposed to have, or who we thought we
Speaker 1: were supposed to be, and then needing to shift that
Speaker 1: and bring it up again. And that's where that curiosity
Speaker 1: comes in, Like what is happiness actually? What is a
Speaker 1: thing that I really want? What is the thing I
Speaker 1: thought would make me happy? Is that still true? And
Speaker 1: what are the other ways that I can live if
Speaker 1: I don't get this thing that I thought I always
Speaker 1: wanted or I may even still want, like it's okay,
Speaker 1: and if you like I want the romance. But if
Speaker 1: I don't get that or that version of it that
Speaker 1: I'm looking for, does that mean I'm destined to be unhappy?
Speaker 1: Or can I again reconfigure or redress at what I
Speaker 1: want my life to look?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Where's the hope? You know what I'm saying. You have
Speaker 1: to have a relationship with hope, even in the midst
Speaker 1: of darkness, even in the midst of the shadows and
Speaker 1: of the sadness. You have to maintain a relationship with hope.
Speaker 1: And so I think when we think about reconfiguring life
Speaker 1: for that happiness that is dancing with hope and going no, no, no.
Speaker 1: Even if I don't get what I thought this would
Speaker 1: look like, I still get to be happy. I still
Speaker 1: get to be loved. I get to feel loved and
Speaker 1: I get to love. I get to be compassionate. I
Speaker 1: get to experience the best this life has to offer.
Speaker 1: I just might have to expand what that looks like.
Speaker 1: And then, of course I do love. And this is important.
Speaker 1: When someone shows who they are, believe in the first time.
Speaker 1: Come on, doctor Angelo, that that is maybe my next tattoo.
Speaker 1: That is That is everything as you navigate and pursue relationships,
Speaker 1: whether they be romantic, platonic, familial, whatever, it is professional
Speaker 1: when someone shows you who they are. Don't excuse it, babe,
Speaker 1: believe it. If that person is a dick to the waiter, honey,
Speaker 1: they're gonna be a dick to you. If that person
Speaker 1: was able to uh, you know, if that person is
Speaker 1: scamming over here, it's only a matter of time before
Speaker 1: they scam for you. That thing where people go, well,
Speaker 1: it hasn't. They haven't done that to me, So I
Speaker 1: don't know, Baby, you're sitting duck. If that person was
Speaker 1: able to be unkind and you know, and you know,
Speaker 1: listen if somebody was an asshole and deserved that response short,
Speaker 1: but if somebody was just unprovoked and unkind without compassion,
Speaker 1: or is tearing somebody else down or talking shit about
Speaker 1: that you know what I'm saying, It's only amount of
Speaker 1: time before that thing turns on you. That's just how
Speaker 1: it is. So when somebody shows you they are believe
Speaker 1: in the first time, which is why Also, this is
Speaker 1: why I also love curiosity, because I like to ask
Speaker 1: questions and I want to hear what you have to
Speaker 1: say about it. I want to listen because people are
Speaker 1: going when you go on dates, come with your questions
Speaker 1: and not in like a grilling way, but ask questions
Speaker 1: because people will tell you exactly who they are by
Speaker 1: how they answer those questions. They will they will tell
Speaker 1: you without fail people will tell you exactly who they are.
Speaker 1: You just got to ask the question. Okay. Anyways, I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful to Trace for being here. Obsessed with her,
Speaker 1: I can't say it's enough. If you have not watched Monica,
Speaker 1: please hunt that movie down and watch it. It is
Speaker 1: beautiful and TRACE's work is some of the most stunning
Speaker 1: work I've seen on film. That is no hyperbole. Trace
Speaker 1: is a master of the craft of acting. That's period. Okay,
Speaker 1: She's incredible in that movie and I remember seeing it
Speaker 1: and just being completely speechless, and I couldn't believe that.
Speaker 1: I was like, that's my friend, Lord of Mercy, I
Speaker 1: know our that's crazy because what a fucking beast, what
Speaker 1: a fucking uh just what's the word or just just
Speaker 1: like expert expertly performed, expertly delivered. So watch Monica. All right,
Speaker 1: that's the show. You can find me on Instagram as
Speaker 1: well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcast
Speaker 1: at tell Me Something Messy, and you can join our
Speaker 1: community on the Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe, you'll
Speaker 1: get weekly posts, recommendations on sex and self and so
Speaker 1: much more. Also, I want to hear from you, so
Speaker 1: send your topic ideas, your messy stories, your submissions, your
Speaker 1: game ideas to tell Me Something Messy at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: You can also call us at six six nine sixty
Speaker 1: nine Messy That is six six' nine nine six three
Speaker 1: seven seven. Nine rate review and share this podcast with
Speaker 1: all YOUR hoe and ASPIRING hoe. Friends really really helps
Speaker 1: the show. Out all, Right until next, time ask about
Speaker 1: the politics of that dick before you make it, spit
Speaker 1: make sure they eat the kitty before they beat the,
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