WEBVTT - Reconfiguring What Happiness Looks Like w/ Trace Lysette 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.800 I recently had an amazing hookup with someone from field. 0:00:03.160 --> 0:00:07.520 I also matched with their partner. The partner is stupid hot, 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:09.960 and I would like to bone both of them. Do 0:00:10.000 --> 0:00:12.440 I do that? Do I mention it to either of them? 0:00:13.360 --> 0:00:16.560 Is there any obvious answer? And I'm brain dead, horny 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:18.160 and can't think? Please help? 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:20.600 What do you think I would say? Yeah, I want 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:23.480 to bone your partner and you at the same time. 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:25.959 Yeah, if you want to bone both of them, just say. 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:27.920 Send them a train emoji. Don't know what? 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:39.040 You know what? This is a safe space to talk 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:42.440 about relationships, love and sex. Now let me tell you 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:47.360 something messy. Hello, Okay, so today I'm actually you know, 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:50.320 there's not a mess where it's the show, so there's 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:52.400 gonna be plenty of mess. But I want to actually 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:55.120 talk to you about something that I've been trying to 0:00:56.200 --> 0:01:00.320 craft a little bit, you know, between Messy Monday's on Instagram, 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:04.240 the sub stack, doing this podcast, you know, musings on 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:07.920 a second book that I'm trying to propose and work 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:10.360 on or working on my proposal for it. I've been like, 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:13.680 what is the thread of all of this? And you know, 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:16.880 it's not just sex. We talk about sex, but As 0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:19.479 you know, we've expanded the intro to talk about relationships, 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:22.760 love and sex. It's not just being queer, it's not 0:01:22.920 --> 0:01:26.160 just any of those things. It's not even just being messy. 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:30.399 The thread for me, I realize, has been curiosity. The 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:33.679 thing that I am so passionate about and I think 0:01:33.880 --> 0:01:36.440 touches any kind of work that I do has been 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:39.960 about curiosity. But I've been saying that it's not any 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:45.480 kind of curiosity. It is disruptive curiosity, if you'll allow 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:49.560 me to use the term right. Curiosity is the desire 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:55.120 and the wanting to learn something new. I think disruptive curiosity, 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:58.880 which you know, in kind of art or science or business, 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:01.920 is described as you know, the question that kind of 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:05.400 shifts the status quo. But when it comes to us 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:08.400 as humans and what we've been doing on this show, 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:14.080 you know, I consider it intentionally asking questions to interrupt 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:20.239 the personal habits, generational cycles, and internal narratives that prevent 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:24.960 us from living liberated lives. Yeah, honey, you know, I 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:25.840 love a definition. 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:26.560 You know. 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:29.640 We talk about butt plugs, we talk about anal bow tigs, 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:32.000 we talk about eat and policy, we talk about all 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:34.600 those things, but really, at the heart of any of 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:37.480 those conversations that we're having, whether it's you know something 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:41.040 about sex, or about family and estrangement and dating and 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:45.160 marriage and non monogamy, it's about disruptive curiosity. I really 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:49.200 think that that is the key to living a liberated life. 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:52.080 We talk about radical honesty and the power vulnerability, and 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:56.079 those things are important and beautiful. But you do not 0:02:56.400 --> 0:03:02.079 have the opportunity to exemplify by or experience radical honesty, 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:06.560 or experience vulnerability if you're not first curious, if you're 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:11.800 not first willing to ask really hard questions and questions 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:14.520 that allow you to say the quiet things out loud. 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:17.240 I really believe that a lot of us are in 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:20.440 our own little corners thinking that we're the only ones 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:24.080 experiencing certain things in this human life. But one of 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:26.120 my favorite quotes that I learned from my Angelou, it's 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:28.560 by the philosopher Terrence, and I'm sure you've heard me 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:31.040 say it here or in my book. But I am 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:33.920 a human being. Thus nothing human can be alien to me. 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:38.600 We are all capable of understanding each other's experiences because 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:41.960 we all want the same thing, to love, to be loved, 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:46.080 to be seen, to be wanted, to be validated, to 0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:48.720 be accepted, to belong. All of us want that, no 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:54.320 matter what we are pursuing, what traumas we've experienced, what 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:57.400 trials and tribulations we've been up against. And I think 0:03:57.440 --> 0:03:59.880 that we are able to get to that with just 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:04.200 sruptive curiosity, because you know, one are the things that 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:06.400 you thought that you were supposed to do because of 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:09.320 your gender, or because of your race, or because of 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:13.360 your sexual orientation. You know, girls wear pink, boys shouldn't 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:16.480 do ballet, A real man ver this a real woman, 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.800 you know, like all this shit. I was like, I 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:25.360 think that we've adopted blueprints that don't belong to us. 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:27.680 And I know you've heard me say that, And I 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:30.600 think the way to interrupt those blueprints and to start 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:34.240 building your own blueprint, one that's actually tailored to your 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:38.919 life is disruptive curiosity. As kids, we are allowed to 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:43.599 ask questions and it's understood. But once you hit teenager like, 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:47.560 asking questions isn't cool anymore, and sometimes low key it's inappropriate. Right. 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:55.120 Our worth is tied to being right. Our power comes 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:57.960 from being right, and we covet that power, even if 0:04:58.000 --> 0:05:00.240 it's a false power, and we want to be write 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:02.640 about things. We want to know everything right. It's all 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:05.560 about being all knowing, And I think there is such 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:08.960 a power in not knowing. There's such a power in 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:13.440 not having answers, in asking those questions and being like, 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:16.560 I actually don't know and I need time to process. 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:21.400 I think that curiosity isn't or disruptive. Curiosity isn't about, 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:25.960 you know, perfect answers and perfect solutions. It's about radical processing, 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:29.760 and it's about giving yourself the permission and the safety 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:33.320 to radically process and discover new answers and for those 0:05:33.360 --> 0:05:36.479 answers to evolve. So that's what we do on this show, 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:39.520 and that's what I'm doing in my life. That's what 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:42.919 I'm committed to, and I hope that you get to 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:46.360 experience here and hopefully you know, commit to in your 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:52.200 own life. Which is disruptive curiosity, intentionally asking questions that 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:57.960 interrupt the habits, the cycles, and the narratives preventing us 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:02.599 from living liberated lives. You deserve to live a liberated life. 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:08.440 Do you want to hear something nasty? Now? Now that 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:12.840 I've given you, you know, the the beautiful super Soul 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:18.080 Sunday version of this opening, I'll give you a messy story, 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:21.359 like a messy situation, which is I was at the gym. 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.320 A lot of my messy story, the thinker just happened 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:26.279 at the gym, but I was there and I walked 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:28.120 into the steam room and there was only one other 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:31.520 guy there and he was laying down on a towel, 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:35.000 you know, dick fully out, and I was like, wow, beautiful, 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:37.479 that's all. And I sat down. I sat down, you know, 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.839 across not not you know, curious about anything. And he 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:45.839 sits up, and you know, you know now that I'm 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:47.920 in the in the steam room with him. He sits 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:51.040 up and he puts a towel across his lap, but 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:53.440 his dick is still hanging out. And I'm doing my stretches, 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:54.839 you know, I like to stretch in the steam room, 0:06:54.839 --> 0:06:57.200 you know, open these hips up, and the dick is 0:06:57.200 --> 0:06:59.479 beautiful and it's hanging out, and like again, I I 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:02.159 don't need I don't need to play with anyone in 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:05.760 this dum I'm happy being aware. So I was like, oh, look, 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:07.920 you know, you covered yourself, but you didn't really cover yourself, 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:09.640 so obviously you want that dick to be seen. And 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:12.360 I see it and it's beautiful love. I was like, 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:14.400 oh he's sexy. Let me tell you how quickly I 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:20.080 got the ick that itck happens fast and maybe I'm crazy. 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:22.240 You tell me if I'm a monster for this. But 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:28.080 all of a sudden, homeboy starts singing. He just starts 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.480 like me and him, I just start singing. I don't 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:33.040 know what the fuck he was singing. But you might 0:07:33.080 --> 0:07:36.240 not know this about me. But like I, if you 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:40.840 can't sing, well, oh lord, my body breaks out into hives. 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:43.600 It's like talent shows, like I love drag Race, but 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.000 whenever I watch like the talent show portion my husbands 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:47.160 telling you this, I will have to leave the room 0:07:47.200 --> 0:07:53.440 sometimes because if it's not good, I get I get embarrassed. Listen. 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:55.720 I don't know what it is, but like I feel 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:57.840 my body like oh no, no, no, oh no, that 0:07:57.920 --> 0:07:59.800 joke wasn't funny. Oh no, that that they can't sing 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.160 like and so like I bring out the high. So 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:04.240 this this was happening. I was like stretching and he 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:07.080 was like singing. I was like, oh my god. And 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:10.040 then more people started coming to the steam room and 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:13.520 he that didn't deter him from singing his song. And 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:16.480 then he started asking if anyone in the in the 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:20.720 room spoke Spanish, and somebody was like it was responding, 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:22.680 but I think they responded to his friend, he was like, oh, okay, 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:25.120 because I'm gonna sing, and I want to know tell 0:08:25.160 --> 0:08:29.320 me what word I'm not he' said pronunciating, which I 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:31.480 don't think that's a word. I think he's enunciating. I'm 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:34.400 pronouncing which anyways, and the guy was like, oh, no, 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:36.160 I don't speak Spanish. He's like, oh, I thought you 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:39.800 said you did. So he was about to just sing 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:44.640 and then the final so he so the singing the 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:48.800 uh wanting to to sing in Spanish and have other 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:52.040 people in the steam room tell him what word he 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:57.199 is not pronunciating, and then he got up and started 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:04.480 coughing freely. He just started baby, I didn't care what 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:08.720 that dick looked like no more. I was so turned 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:10.920 off and I found myself in the ick and that 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:13.560 that that's that's really. There's not much more to this 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:17.000 story other than can y'all do me a favor when 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:27.719 you're in the steam room, just shut the fuck up, sorry, respectfully, 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:30.880 Just be in the same room and stretch if you 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:32.520 want to, you know, toil your dick a little bit 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:34.800 happily do that, you know, as long as everyone's cool 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:36.280 with that toy your dick around. I I't give a 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:40.400 fuck about that, you know. But but don't talk, don't 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:44.400 have full conversations, and certainly don't sing. And certainly if 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:46.319 you can't sing, because I understand you're like, I want 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:48.480 to work my vote, my voice and and the throat 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:50.920 and and and you know, the steam is good for 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:55.160 the throat. But if you can't sing, I don't even 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:56.439 want to hear you. If you can sing. One of 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:58.640 our best friends, we've been streaming together. One of best 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:02.320 friends is a singer. That's what she does. Uh And 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:05.760 but she, I mean they that's what they do. She's 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:08.960 she's she's like me, we're both she's anyways, they sing 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:11.560 and so like. But if I'm telling you right now, 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:14.120 if she starts singing the steam room, I would slaper. 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:16.520 I would say, girl, shut the fuck up, what are 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:18.160 you doing? You know what I'm saying. We're in the 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.280 steam room. The only thing I want to hear is 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:24.960 the steam. So don't sing in the steam room. Don't 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:28.120 sing in a language that you don't speak in the 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:31.880 steam room, and please don't cough in the steam room. 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:34.680 So you know what I've discovered. Now, this may be messy. 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:41.240 I farted in the steamer room and it was perfect 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:48.680 because the scheme was so loud you couldn't hear it. 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:51.440 And because it's steamy. It's like, you know, like when 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:53.160 when something smells you like the match you throw in 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:55.680 the toilet bowl. Because it's so steamy, you can't smelling either, 0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:58.080 So I don't even know if it's smelled. It was 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:01.160 just and then like you couldn't hear it because there 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:03.719 was steam, and it didn't smell because of the steam. 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:05.880 So you can fight in the steam room if you want. 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:08.040 But see, that's why y'all gotta wear flip flops because 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:13.599 people are fighting in the steamer room. People let me me, 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.440 so wear your flip flops. Not that it's it's not 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:19.240 a wet fart. It's not like there's you know, like 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:21.520 a ship coming out of the far. I wouldn't. That's 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:23.840 not a fart, that's a shot. That's a shark, as 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:27.040 we understand that. But I would just you know, to 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.840 those of y'all who raw dog the steam room and 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:33.959 the locker room floors, God bless you. You were really 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:36.800 living on the edge. You're showing your privilege and now 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:39.439 you don't have a lot of trauma. I see, I see, 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:42.800 get your flip flops on love and that's all. And 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:44.560 that's what I'll say on that. Okay, shall we start 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:47.400 the show. I'm so sorry. By the way, welcome to 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:49.880 the show. This is telling me something messy. I'm your host, 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:53.280 Brandon Kyle good Man. Most people call me messy mother, 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:57.400 but you could call me madre disort or not. Did 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:00.560 I say it right to my people who speak Spanish, 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:04.199 my messy patrons, my espaniol messi patrons, that I say 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:07.960 it right, Madre de surdi nada. Okay, let's get the 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:10.960 show started. Baby. You know what that means. It's time 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:13.120 for a guest. Now, while they get situated, we'll get 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:16.320 our messy key key started with a Hoe manifest sto 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.400 repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:22.720 the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal, 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:26.000 the wisdom to know that sex is not about penetration, 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:29.800 the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.560 strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:36.000 girl or fuck they for it is better to masturbabe 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:38.640 by myself in peace than to let someone play in 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:45.560 my motherfucking face. Let the hommunity say ho heluja. I 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:48.960 am so excited to have Trace Lissett on the show. 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:51.920 Trace is an actress and producer known for her work 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:56.080 in TV and film, most notably the Golden Globe winning 0:12:56.120 --> 0:13:00.160 series Transparent, which earned her an Ensemble Sagaward nomination, the 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:04.040 feature film Hustlers, Venus as a Boy, and the critically 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:07.960 acclaimed Monica Which Was So Fucking Good, which premiered at 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:11.240 Venice Film Festival to an eleven minute Standing ovation and 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:14.840 earned her an Independent Spirit Award nomination and a glad 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:18.600 Media Award for Best Film. Y'all if you haven't seen Monica, 0:13:19.360 --> 0:13:22.560 please yourself a favorite. It's so good. Her TV credits 0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:26.880 include Law and Order, SVU PO'SE, Drunk History, Midnight Texas, 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:30.600 David makes Man, Quantum Leap, and Blunt Talk. She recently 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:34.520 received honors from HRC and Outfest a Dorian Award nomination. 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:38.319 Has appeared in music videos from Maroon five, Share Tiana Taylor, 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:43.120 and hosted the number one chart topping scripted podcast Harsh Reality. 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:49.680 Y'all Please Help me. Welcome, Trace last, Welcome to the show. Hi, Trace, Hi, 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:57.240 how are you? How are you get that we did? 0:13:57.280 --> 0:14:01.240 Not a little off camera royalty or off my realty. Anyways, 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:04.040 before we get into this this messy, messy key key, 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:06.559 let me give you our messy mandates, which are things 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:09.960 get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared, have 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:12.880 the right to evolve, shift or change tomorrow or sorry 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:15.480 today tomorrow or ten years from now. And if during 0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:18.400 the kiki something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:21.400 use the safe word foosball, which gives us a chance 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:27.160 to pause and address accordingly. Sound good, sounds good, be beautiful. 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:30.120 Shall we start with a lube breaker, A. 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:31.280 Loub break down. 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:35.280 Okay, a lube breaker, Yes, I have to. I have 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:37.520 to hit the B because people think I say lude breaker, 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:40.360 but I'm saying lube because we need our lube hunting. 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:43.080 All right. This is a game of real or faking. 0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:45.360 So I'm gonna tell you something, and you're going to 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:48.160 tell me if you think it's real or if it's fake. 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:49.640 Sound good? Okay? 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:54.280 Okay, this one says real or faking. You can't get 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:57.240 pregnant if you have sex at night because the sperm 0:14:57.400 --> 0:14:58.240 are sleeping. 0:14:58.800 --> 0:15:01.200 Oh god, that's not real. 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.800 Yeah, that's not really, that's completely faking. But that was 0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:08.120 something that I saw people believed that they couldn't get pregnant. 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:13.520 All right, real or faking sex increases your immunity to pain. 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:17.800 Well, sometimes sex is painful, So I'd have to say 0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:18.320 that's true. 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:24.080 That's true. That's a really, that's a logical Yeah, it's real. Technically, yeah, 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:27.040 it's real. Aside from the obvious physical pleasure, sex can 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:30.520 actually be an aid in pain relief during states of 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:36.000 arousal and orgasm. The oh lord, this were hypotholamists in 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:38.880 the brain. Not a science show, but here we are 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:43.240 releases the feel good hormone oxytocin. Researchers at Rutgers University 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:46.520 in New Jersey found this surge of oxytocin can reduce 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:51.160 pain felt in women, especially during menstruation. A further study 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:54.720 published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine found 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:57.680 that oxytocin in men can cut the perception of pain 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:02.280 in half. So that is really all right, work. I 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:04.480 wonder like if you're if you are feeling pain, like 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:07.120 if you just got back from a little something something 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:09.480 and you feel pain from the little doctor. If you will, 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:12.280 if you touch yourself a little bit, if that is 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:15.040 better than advil. I don't know. I don't really want 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:16.520 to try, but somebody tell us. 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:19.000 I've tried masturbating when I have a migraine. 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:21.160 Does it help? 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:26.520 Sometimes it'll take my mind off of it, Like it'll just. 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:28.680 You know, but it'll distract a little bit. 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:30.680 Yeah, but if the migrant's too bad, I have to. 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:33.720 It won't cure it, That's what I'm saying. I feel 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.320 like I'd be too distracted by the pain to even 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:38.280 attempt to do something exactly. 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:41.480 Ever masturbated when you have like the flu or something. 0:16:41.720 --> 0:16:43.720 Wow. I love this question, and I want to think 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:47.240 about it. I love that question. Sometimes I really think 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:47.640 about it. 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:52.200 Sex Like I'll have fantasies when I'm sick in bed 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:54.720 and it takes my mind off of the pain of 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:56.840 the sickness. 0:16:57.160 --> 0:17:01.600 Wait, I love that. I guess I feel so snotty 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:03.800 and nasty that I like, don't think about it. 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:06.920 Oh, I'm like, I close my eyes and just like. 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:09.080 Yeah, you close your eyes and you're in your fantasy. 0:17:09.240 --> 0:17:13.120 You're in a divine fantasy. Yes, I might try that. No, 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.800 I haven't. When I've had the flu, I have not masturbated, 0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:21.680 But next time I will. Okay, I'm a report back. 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:24.160 I'm a report bad. You know you can get an update. 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:30.119 We'll follow up. Uh. This one says vibrators were first 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:33.000 developed as a medical device. Real or faking. 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:36.000 That might be real. I think that's real. 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:40.359 Trace you are getting it, mama. It is real. It 0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:44.760 is real. The vibrator was invented in eighteen sixty nine 0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:49.840 as a treatment for huhsteria quote unquote or mysterious Yeah, 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:53.640 the hornyl Yeah. 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:55.840 They didn't know. They didn't want us to be horny. 0:17:56.200 --> 0:17:58.920 They didn't want they didn't want women to be horny. 0:17:59.000 --> 0:17:59.880 That's so crazy. 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:01.720 They did it, and so they said, let's fix it, 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:04.080 and they fixed it by giving y'all something that would 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:07.680 bring pleasure. So work anyways, when a woman so sorry. 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:09.879 It was invented in eighteen sixty nine as a treatment 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:13.560 for hysteria or mysterious quote unquote female disorders. Whenever a 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:17.800 woman reported being mentally or emotionally upset, it was considered 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:20.920 an illness, and the cure was using a large steam 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:25.760 powered massage O Jesus to massage the genitals with the 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:31.040 goal of inducing quote unquote historical paroxism, which is the 0:18:31.119 --> 0:18:33.080 Victorian term for orgasm. 0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:36.440 Not the steam, not the steam. 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:37.760 The steam. 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:39.640 That's crazy. 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:43.560 Steam powered massage. I don't even know that looks or 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:44.800 mean like an. 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:48.200 Iron steam rod. That sounds painful. 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:52.679 That sounds painful. Yeah, that's not cute. But but I 0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:55.720 guess that was the first vibrater, and I guess we 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:59.160 learned that vibrators were actually quite useful for the orgasm, 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:01.080 but not a steam. I wouldn't look have to look 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:05.119 up a steam powered massage. I wonder. I'm assuming that 0:19:05.160 --> 0:19:08.240 means that there's a steam coming to you right like that, 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:12.919 it's perhaps a massage, or in my mind, it's like a. 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:15.159 Maybe for the lubrication or something. 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:22.880 Yeah, the head vava lubrication, Yes, a little lubrication, little 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:27.320 mist perhaps, I just like good old faithful, good old 0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:33.120 faithful fingers. Yeah, yeah, I'm the same way. I don't. 0:19:33.520 --> 0:19:36.240 It goes with you wherever you wherever you go. You 0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:39.080 can always have that vibe in your pocket them fingers. 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:44.320 Oh wait, Vincent just sent me a photo of the steamer. 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:46.320 It does not look sexy at all. I don't know 0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:47.240 if you can see this trace. 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:50.960 Oh, it looks like a mouse trap. 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:52.640 Can you see that it does? 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:52.840 Oh? 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:55.399 Yeah, it looks like Yeah, it looks like a mouse 0:19:55.480 --> 0:19:57.879 trap with like a kettle. Oh, like I feel like 0:19:57.880 --> 0:20:00.959 that is that the steam like it's like at on 0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:04.000 top of a mouse trap with Uh that looks like 0:20:04.000 --> 0:20:04.600 a little dick. 0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:06.320 No, it looks dangerous. 0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:09.960 Not, it does look dangerous, But I do think that 0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:13.400 there's no steam coming onto the body. I think it's 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:17.720 just maybe motorizing like a fuck machine. Oh, I wonder 0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:20.280 if this this is like an old school fuck machine. 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:23.840 Oh wow, okay, perfect, So it is. It's a it's 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:26.160 like a it's a steam powered fuck machine, all right. 0:20:26.119 --> 0:20:28.240 Like one of those dildos that go like that. 0:20:28.359 --> 0:20:30.040 Yeah, they just keep going that move. You turn it 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:31.280 on and you can just like let the fuck you 0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:31.840 like that. 0:20:32.280 --> 0:20:33.600 You've never done one of those? 0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:37.199 Ye, I've never done, but I do desire one. I 0:20:37.240 --> 0:20:39.719 just here's the I would love to buy a fuck machine. 0:20:39.720 --> 0:20:41.240 Every time I see a porn with it, I'm like, 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:43.720 that looks fabulous. I just don't know where I would 0:20:43.800 --> 0:20:46.439 put it. I feel like I would need to have 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:48.719 a sex room because those things take up space and 0:20:48.760 --> 0:20:51.719 I'm I'm a very Marie Condo kind of doll. I like, 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:53.600 I like things to have their place, and I don't 0:20:53.640 --> 0:20:56.800 have a place quite yet for a fuck machine to 0:20:56.960 --> 0:21:01.200 just chill me neither, you know, like I can't mass 0:21:01.240 --> 0:21:02.919 tuit cases in the bathroom. It's like I don't have 0:21:02.960 --> 0:21:03.399 a spot. 0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:05.520 You know, you have made it and you don't have 0:21:05.560 --> 0:21:06.920 a machine room. 0:21:10.200 --> 0:21:12.840 That is. Listen when I come to Tracey's house and 0:21:12.840 --> 0:21:14.840 I find a funk machine, like, she's made it. 0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:17.359 We've made it, We've got something to strive for. 0:21:18.359 --> 0:21:25.320 Oh she made it. Yeah. This says people who have 0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:29.200 less sex overcompensate in their in their jobs. 0:21:31.480 --> 0:21:35.159 Yeah. I think they. I think they do, because there 0:21:35.160 --> 0:21:38.160 are those really anal ones that you're like, oh my gosh, 0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:41.439 she used to get laid, Like who can throw a 0:21:41.520 --> 0:21:42.520 valume in her mouth? 0:21:42.720 --> 0:21:47.760 Like yeah, yeah, chill out. Yes, yes, yes, that is 0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:51.720 very true. The people who have less sex do overcompensate 0:21:51.720 --> 0:21:55.360 in their jobs, and I am probably one of those people. Ironically, 0:21:56.359 --> 0:21:59.000 researchers found that people within an active sex life tend 0:21:59.080 --> 0:22:00.560 to do more work to comp but say for their 0:22:00.640 --> 0:22:03.719