Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello everyone, and welcome to
Speaker 1: another episode of Help I Suck At Dating. My name
Speaker 1: is Dean Clert and I am here with Jared. We
Speaker 1: have Vanessa in Canada, the usual suspects on the producing
Speaker 1: side as well. We have a very special episode for you,
Speaker 1: Mark Wahlberg from Temptation Island. We've had him as a
Speaker 1: guest before we got him back. He's going to be
Speaker 1: guest hosting with us today. Um, but before we jump
Speaker 1: into that, we have to talk with Vanessa. Vanessa, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna hand it over to you here. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try not to get emotional. Well, first of all,
Speaker 1: uh my I told Mark this already. My boyfriend is
Speaker 1: a huge fan of Mark Wahlberg. He's been watching him
Speaker 1: ever since he was on Temptation Island, so he's like
Speaker 1: a huge fan of his. So I'm really happy you
Speaker 1: guys have him as a guest co host today. But
Speaker 1: the reason he's on as a guest co host is
Speaker 1: because it is my last episode with Help I Second Dating.
Speaker 1: And I'm already starting to cry. Um, but these are
Speaker 1: it's like for me. It's more of a bitter sweet
Speaker 1: tears like tears right now. It's it was a decision
Speaker 1: of mine to make this my last episode with the
Speaker 1: help I Second Dating family. And I really do say
Speaker 1: it's a family because when I first came on, well,
Speaker 1: first of all, this was Dean show to begin with,
Speaker 1: so this was Dean's help I second dating show, and
Speaker 1: then Jared came on board, and then I came on board,
Speaker 1: And it was kind of a risk to kind of
Speaker 1: have someone who wasn't part of your friend group to
Speaker 1: be part of the show. So I really just wanted
Speaker 1: to a say thank you so much for walking me,
Speaker 1: welcoming me with open arms, because it wasn't a secret.
Speaker 1: None of us were friends at the beginning of the show.
Speaker 1: At least I wasn't friends with you guys at the
Speaker 1: beginning of the show. But I really do feel like
Speaker 1: we we grew together, we connected, and I learned so
Speaker 1: much from not only you guys, but the guests and
Speaker 1: our listeners and our producers. UM, and so I felt
Speaker 1: like it was time for me to um take everything
Speaker 1: that I've learned, all the tools that I've learned from
Speaker 1: being on the show. UM. I really felt like every
Speaker 1: time I called in and every time we recorded my
Speaker 1: Monday afternoons and my Tuesday afternoons where were like a
Speaker 1: therapy session with you guys. And now I have all
Speaker 1: the tools that I need to somewhat have my life
Speaker 1: in order and my life together in my life and
Speaker 1: check and I have so many passion projects that I
Speaker 1: really want to focus on, and it makes me sad
Speaker 1: to think that the last year and a half I
Speaker 1: haven't really been focusing much on my nonprofit, No Better You,
Speaker 1: which is UM a nonprofit for special education programs in Montreal.
Speaker 1: And ever since, I would say the last month or so,
Speaker 1: things kind of started aligning for me when it comes
Speaker 1: when it came to education, when it came to my nonprofit,
Speaker 1: and I had to make a decision as to whether
Speaker 1: or not I was going to put all of my
Speaker 1: energy towards that. And that was a sad realization where
Speaker 1: I had to kind of decide what I wanted to
Speaker 1: focus on next, and I really wanted to focus on
Speaker 1: my nonprofits, so it was a really hard decision for
Speaker 1: me UM. But like I said, it's I don't feel
Speaker 1: as though this is my last episode, because I do
Speaker 1: feel like I'm going to come back on or I'm
Speaker 1: going to need advice from you guys. And I love
Speaker 1: talking about relationships, so I still want our listeners to
Speaker 1: keep listening to you, guys, because it really has been
Speaker 1: such a learning curve for me, and I guess the
Speaker 1: learning curve is also taking risks, being able to take risks, because,
Speaker 1: like I said at the beginning, it was scary for
Speaker 1: me to come on. Um, I wasn't sure if I
Speaker 1: was going to be welcomed. I wasn't sure if I
Speaker 1: was gonna be liked. I wasn't sure, if you know,
Speaker 1: if it was going to be a good fit. Um,
Speaker 1: And it end up being an amazing opportunity. And now
Speaker 1: I'm taking a risk at saying goodbye and focusing on
Speaker 1: something else that doesn't make me money, but it makes
Speaker 1: me really happy. So that's that's my news. Listen, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: I get it. You come into the podcast called help
Speaker 1: I Suck at Dating, you learn how to stop sucking
Speaker 1: at dating, and then you decided to bow out gracefully,
Speaker 1: and honestly, I respect that because Jared and I are
Speaker 1: working on the same thing. It's just taking us a
Speaker 1: little bit longer. But gosh, I cannot wait to quit
Speaker 1: one day. Listen, it's so crazy how well. I just
Speaker 1: want to say thank you, especially to our listeners, because
Speaker 1: I get so many dems from them saying, remember when
Speaker 1: you did this episode when you were single and crying
Speaker 1: that you were not going to be a mother, that
Speaker 1: you were going to be in a relationship, and our
Speaker 1: listeners really either a hold me accountable for the things
Speaker 1: that I have said and that I wanted to do,
Speaker 1: and for reminding me of the growth that I've had.
Speaker 1: And so it's crazy to think that we all started
Speaker 1: this podcast completely single, not knowing where life was going
Speaker 1: to go romantically, and now Jared is married, I'm in
Speaker 1: a relationship, and Deans in a relationship, and listen, we
Speaker 1: all evolve together. That's right, Yes we did. It is
Speaker 1: really sad that you're this is technically your last day.
Speaker 1: Even though I agree with you, Vanessa, I don't think
Speaker 1: this would be the last podcast that you are on.
Speaker 1: Help I suck at dating? Because yeah, it was Dean's
Speaker 1: at first, and then I guess co hosted with Kendall Long.
Speaker 1: I got a random phone call saying would you want
Speaker 1: to come guest co host? Just too? Just an episode?
Speaker 1: See how it goes and then we did that, and
Speaker 1: then the next week I got a call back, and
Speaker 1: then I think the next week after that was when
Speaker 1: we interviewed you Vanessa, and then it was just a
Speaker 1: good fit. And then I got a phone call saying, Hey,
Speaker 1: would you want to do help I suck a dating
Speaker 1: with yourself, Dean and Vanessa going forward and have your
Speaker 1: own my Heart radio podcast. Um. So this has been
Speaker 1: a growing experience for all three of us together. So
Speaker 1: it is going to be weird not having you a
Speaker 1: part of the podcast, just because I haven't really experienced
Speaker 1: the podcast without you. Um. And like you said, we didn't,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't. I think I met you one
Speaker 1: time before we started doing the podcast, and and we
Speaker 1: have all really grown together. And like you said, uh,
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship now, Dean's in a relationship. I'm married.
Speaker 1: I was technically dating Ashley when I started the podcast,
Speaker 1: so I can't say I came in completely single. That
Speaker 1: would be a lie. Um. But it's been an incredible
Speaker 1: experience and it will be really sad to see you go. UM.
Speaker 1: But I know that once again, my gut tells me
Speaker 1: this will be This won't be the last podcast you
Speaker 1: hear from Vanessa Grimaldi. Ah, I love you guys. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it's been such an amazing experience, and I really have
Speaker 1: to thank I think we all have to thank the
Speaker 1: people who don't get enough recognition, Amy Tory, Danielle Easton,
Speaker 1: Mark who really hold this podcast together, um, and who
Speaker 1: have helped us through a lot, not only through not
Speaker 1: only on the podcast. Um. It's sad, It's sad. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I really don't think this is gonna be the last
Speaker 1: time I'm going to be speaking with you guys. And hopefully,
Speaker 1: if I do need advice, it's not going to be
Speaker 1: relationship advice, because hopefully from here on out it's going
Speaker 1: to be smooth sailing for Josh and I. It's probably
Speaker 1: gonna be wedding planning advice from Jared. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you think I'll be more than happy to help you? Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: tm I not TM I, but actually, just f y
Speaker 1: I I've been sending Josh pictures of engagement rings? Is
Speaker 1: that like a no note or put the pressure on?
Speaker 1: I think Josh is kind of the guy that would
Speaker 1: be okay with it. Yeah, but if Kylin was sending
Speaker 1: me pictures, actually she does an all the time. But
Speaker 1: I'm thure Josh loves it, and I mean I obviously
Speaker 1: only think Josh loves that you send those pictures and
Speaker 1: is taking notes hopefully. Well, I don't know what am
Speaker 1: I supposed to do? Am I supposed to say? Goodbye?
Speaker 1: We have a we have a bagpipe symphony that's we're
Speaker 1: gonna play. You said, ye, Actually Easton is about to
Speaker 1: stand up and perform it right now, he's not even
Speaker 1: in studio. Um. Well, for the listeners out there that
Speaker 1: we're obviously we're all gonna miss Vanessa, I'm sure the listeners, um,
Speaker 1: we are going to miss you as well. But yeah,
Speaker 1: like you said, well, we'll hopefully have you back occasionally
Speaker 1: to give us updates on your life and and check
Speaker 1: in on No Better You, um, and check in on
Speaker 1: that engagement ring shopping from Josh as well. So, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: we love you, and we appreciate everything that you've done
Speaker 1: with us and for us, and we obviously know that
Speaker 1: you're going to continue to crush it and we're looking
Speaker 1: forward to see that. We're looking forward to hearing more
Speaker 1: about No Better You. I know you're planning on putting
Speaker 1: a lot more of your time and effort into it
Speaker 1: and we're excited to see what comes from it. So
Speaker 1: many exciting projects coming up, so I'm very excited to
Speaker 1: call back in and keep you guys updated with everything
Speaker 1: that's happening. But thanks for all the love, thanks for
Speaker 1: all the support, and um, I will definitely miss you
Speaker 1: guys and our listeners. We Vanessa love you guys can
Speaker 1: cry now by um. All right, Well, so in the
Speaker 1: light of that heavy news, as we mentioned, we have
Speaker 1: Mark Wahlberg co hosting the rest of the episode with us,
Speaker 1: and I think we should probably give an update about
Speaker 1: what we're doing moving forward, because I'm sure people are curious,
Speaker 1: are we Is it just gonna be the two of us?
Speaker 1: Are we getting a new guest host? And from my understanding,
Speaker 1: we are going to get somebody else. We don't know
Speaker 1: who yet. Let's told tryouts. If you want to be
Speaker 1: a co host to help by suck at Dating, please
Speaker 1: go ahead and follow us on Instagram. Submit your emails
Speaker 1: to I suck at Dating at iHeart media dot com
Speaker 1: with a resume attached, maybe um a minute long snippet
Speaker 1: of your voice. Resume A right, It's not gonna be
Speaker 1: too difficult. Would be like joining a fraternity you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. Don't they have to
Speaker 1: go through this rigorous application process initiation. I guess that
Speaker 1: was just kind of a weird thing to say, because
Speaker 1: it's it's not a it's a it's a job application.
Speaker 1: It's not a fraternity application. I understand that. But fraternity
Speaker 1: as are well known for having a really difficult initiation process.
Speaker 1: If you want to, if you want to be considered
Speaker 1: for being a co host of help I Suck a
Speaker 1: Dating with Me and Jared, email your resume to I
Speaker 1: Suck a Dating at iHeart media dot com. We're gonna
Speaker 1: go through everyone hand pick maybe a few, will have
Speaker 1: some interviews, We'll talk to some people, will bring some
Speaker 1: guest co hosts on Trium out and see how it goes.
Speaker 1: We might even bring someone in from bachel Nation who knows.
Speaker 1: Who knows, But I think right now until we find
Speaker 1: somebody else, will be Dean and myself, uh sucking at Dating,
Speaker 1: and then we'll see what the future has to bring.
Speaker 1: Do you know where you gonna say something? Yeah? Um,
Speaker 1: So we are bringing in some people over the next
Speaker 1: few months, so we do want to hear from all
Speaker 1: of our listeners. If there's one co host that they
Speaker 1: really really love. So if you listen over the next
Speaker 1: couple of months and there's somebody that stands out, email
Speaker 1: us and let us know. We want to hear your
Speaker 1: feedback and help us decide our next co host. And
Speaker 1: we always want to hear your feedback. I don't think
Speaker 1: we we talked about it enough, and that's I think
Speaker 1: Dean and I have been actively trying to work on
Speaker 1: engaging more of your voice, whether that be through Instagram
Speaker 1: to Facebook, group emails. Please keep emailing us your stories,
Speaker 1: anything you want asked on air, Um, any advice you'd like.
Speaker 1: We we really want to do a better job of
Speaker 1: incorporating those questions, uh throughout the podcast. Um, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: I agree with everything that everyone's been saying this entire episode.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to agree with everyone else as it
Speaker 1: continues to drag on. We're gonna take a quick break,
Speaker 1: but when we get back, we're gonna have Mark Wahlberg
Speaker 1: in studio with us. He's gonna tell us a little
Speaker 1: bit about what he's been up to with Temptation Island
Speaker 1: season two, and then after that we are going to
Speaker 1: be answering some listener questions. It's gonna get juicy. We're
Speaker 1: gonna talk about some taboo topics because those seem to
Speaker 1: be the most interesting ones for us to talk about.
Speaker 1: I even get uncomfortable when we talk about them, but
Speaker 1: I think being uncomfortable in the conversation is a good thing. Yes,
Speaker 1: and at the end of the day, through yes, exactly. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna take a quick break, uh, and we'll
Speaker 1: jump in to having Mark here. All right, and we
Speaker 1: are back, and as promised, we have Mark Wahlberg in
Speaker 1: studio with us. He was supposed to be a guest,
Speaker 1: but we love Mark so much we just decided to
Speaker 1: have him co host the entire episode with us. Come
Speaker 1: around of applause, guys, A nice help. I suck at dating.
Speaker 1: Welcome Mark, Welcome to the podcast. I'm a little nervous
Speaker 1: as a new role as a guest. It's only four
Speaker 1: minutes or so, but I'm gonna be here for minutes.
Speaker 1: We're Yeah, We're gonna definitly get our money's worth out
Speaker 1: of you today. The entire time along you've been You've
Speaker 1: been consistently coming to these I Heart podcasts. Right, You've
Speaker 1: been on this now two times. You've been on scrubbing
Speaker 1: in with that Gatilly An Tanya rad I know those
Speaker 1: are like obviously like that's better than Temptation Island kind
Speaker 1: of goal on my show business circle. And basically actually
Speaker 1: today I got here before they opened up the lobby
Speaker 1: and I had to kind of like gangster my way
Speaker 1: up and they're everybody's coming into work on what are
Speaker 1: you doing here? I'm like, good morning. I was like
Speaker 1: the greater how juice sneak in this morning? I couldn't
Speaker 1: even get on this floor, you know, I uh, you
Speaker 1: just do the same thing you do when you're try
Speaker 1: and get into the apartment complex. Somebody's open the door
Speaker 1: and pretend you got bags in your hand and walk in.
Speaker 1: You seem like a very savvy man who can just
Speaker 1: talk his way into and out of everything. I have
Speaker 1: a few stories. You have more than just a few stories.
Speaker 1: You're telling me. One about poker last night, though, was
Speaker 1: very intriguing. But you are known for your hosting career
Speaker 1: that you have done so many different shows, Shop Till
Speaker 1: You Dropped, the Big Day, Weakest Length, Pyramid, Joe Millionaire,
Speaker 1: Russian Lett, Test the Nation, and of course Temptation Island
Speaker 1: Seasons one and season two, which is currently airing Thursday
Speaker 1: nights on U s A at ten p m Central. Okay,
Speaker 1: I didn't know that you were a host of Weakest Link.
Speaker 1: That wasn't I was on as a guest. But by
Speaker 1: the way, what people talk about the shows you hosted,
Speaker 1: and they read this long list and people like, damn,
Speaker 1: the guys had a career. All that says that's how
Speaker 1: many shows got canceled. I was then kind of the
Speaker 1: same thing. But I don't want to say. It's like,
Speaker 1: you want one show that lasts for twenty years, but
Speaker 1: we talked about one show you did twenty years ago
Speaker 1: that comes back twenty years later. So tell me what
Speaker 1: by this week is linking? So you weren't the host
Speaker 1: of week. It's actually pretty cool story. So I wasn't
Speaker 1: the host. No, they were doing a celebrity version with
Speaker 1: all TV hosts as guests, and I knew the producer.
Speaker 1: And I get a call like on a Tuesday saying, Hey,
Speaker 1: we'd love for you to be on the show on Friday.
Speaker 1: I'm like, who did you cancel? Who am I filling in? No?
Speaker 1: You know you are our first choice, Like, dude, don't
Speaker 1: hustle a hustler. I know that I'm the fill in,
Speaker 1: but whatever. So I show up and it's it's me
Speaker 1: and Ben Stein and Mario Lopez and Martha Quinn from
Speaker 1: MTV and John Sally a bunch of ru Paul I
Speaker 1: think it was on the show. I can't remember, and um,
Speaker 1: and I end up winning the whole thing, but it
Speaker 1: goes down to the very end and um. The the morning,
Speaker 1: I get a I'm on the phone and my son,
Speaker 1: who's like eight years old at the times, in the
Speaker 1: back seat of the car and he's like, Dad, Dad, Dad.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Morgan, I'm on the phone. It's like, Dad,
Speaker 1: what's a million times a million? I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: He says, well, I asked my teacher. It's a trillion?
Speaker 1: Is the number one? Followed by twelve zeros. I'm like, dude,
Speaker 1: I told you when I'm on the phone, you can't
Speaker 1: interrupt me. I'm doing business, and you know that whole thing.
Speaker 1: Get to the final part of the show, like had
Speaker 1: made it to the very end, and the final question
Speaker 1: is what's the American word for the number one? Followed
Speaker 1: by twelve zero? And I literally looked at her and
Speaker 1: I wanted to say, you gotta be shipping yeah, and
Speaker 1: I looked like I knew that. It just like had
Speaker 1: that like, oh yeah, did you give credit to your
Speaker 1: son on area You're like, I'm gonna take this one.
Speaker 1: I took it, and then he said, so how much
Speaker 1: do we make? I said, well, you get half of
Speaker 1: the Karma charity that because experience. What's your favorite show
Speaker 1: you've ever hosted? I think Temptation Island. Yeah, let me
Speaker 1: you know. I get asked that a lot, but I
Speaker 1: like doing comedy, so Russian Roulette was funny. I got to,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of bust off people through the whole. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a pretty badas show. That's was really great. I
Speaker 1: used to kind of geek out on Game Show Network
Speaker 1: a little bit. To be honest, I was a big
Speaker 1: Lingo guy. I love a great story about Lingo. Please share.
Speaker 1: I don't know how much I can incriminate myself on
Speaker 1: this one. Well, I don't care. Yeah, many years ago, okay,
Speaker 1: so I was doing I can't believe I'm telling this story.
Speaker 1: Anybody who incriminates themselves always starts off saying it was
Speaker 1: many years ago. I was young, so and it's on
Speaker 1: YouTube too, so so I get booked too, come on
Speaker 1: Lingo as a celebrity guest, because all the GSN game
Speaker 1: show hosts are gonna show up and host and and
Speaker 1: be contestants. And I'm like cool, but I didn't read
Speaker 1: my email and I'm not really paying attention, and I
Speaker 1: forgot what day it was, so I it's like a Friday,
Speaker 1: like a holiday, and I'm on my way to the
Speaker 1: gym and I'm, you know, already gone for the weekend,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm like checked out, and I'm like irresponsibly
Speaker 1: checked out, and I kind of gonna go to gym
Speaker 1: and play basketball and then I'm just gonna chill. So
Speaker 1: I may or may not having justested something that currently
Speaker 1: is legal but may not have been. Then yes, so
Speaker 1: I was way high, So you're fine, all right. And
Speaker 1: then the phone rings. It says you're supposed to be
Speaker 1: the studio now, and I get like every panic dream
Speaker 1: from high school you've ever had, like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: And now time stands still. I don't know what happened. Somehow,
Speaker 1: I get back home and I get a suit and
Speaker 1: I'm dressing while driving, which is kids don't do this
Speaker 1: at home. And I I get to the studio and
Speaker 1: I like dumped my car with a p A and
Speaker 1: I run in and they dust my face with makeup,
Speaker 1: and all of the executives are there and I have
Speaker 1: no clue what's going on. And all the other contestants
Speaker 1: have learned the game and watched it. I've never seen it.
Speaker 1: I have no clue. It's my worst nightmare and I
Speaker 1: am gone right now. Mark Summers is my UH partner.
Speaker 1: And then Kennedy from Fox News Now and Graham Elwood
Speaker 1: who really big podcast are really smart. These two are
Speaker 1: genius smart are the other team. It's just every worst
Speaker 1: nightmare ever. The only rules of the game I get
Speaker 1: are the ones Chuck Wildery slurs at the beginning, right,
Speaker 1: and again, I'm not really focused. I break the record
Speaker 1: of the highest score ever. When you see it, and
Speaker 1: you know, I know you're gonna google this, I'm in
Speaker 1: a zone. I come up with words I didn't even
Speaker 1: know existed. Break the record. You want to know how
Speaker 1: much Kennedy and Graham scored zero? Zero? Yeah, that's how.
Speaker 1: It just shows you that we would do well on
Speaker 1: that show. Like the biggest idiots are the ones that
Speaker 1: do well in those shows. No not, You're not the
Speaker 1: first Today to do it like someone who's high. You
Speaker 1: has no idea what's going on, baked out of their mind,
Speaker 1: and then they go on no idea how to play
Speaker 1: the game, and then they break the record. I think
Speaker 1: the takeaway might be so you never should prepare for
Speaker 1: game show. That's the takeaway that it's not necessarily as
Speaker 1: bad for you as people thought it back in the day.
Speaker 1: I think takeaway probably the necessary step in getting it.
Speaker 1: You're decriminalized and then now being legal. I've done what
Speaker 1: I can to help America. You're a pioneer. I can't
Speaker 1: believe I told that story and now I could just
Speaker 1: hear the people yelling at me. I love it and
Speaker 1: honestly like, yeah, that happens now who that carres? No,
Speaker 1: it's legal. So so you are currently hosting Temptation Island
Speaker 1: season two though, because last time you were here, you're
Speaker 1: just wrapped season one. Yeah, and they didn't fire me,
Speaker 1: so I'm back. It's fantastic And you wanted. Who I
Speaker 1: was hanging out with actually in Croatia about a month
Speaker 1: ago was Morgan and Evan. Oh, they were in Croatia.
Speaker 1: I saw that. Now I just sit at home and
Speaker 1: watch you guys on Instagram living the life I wish
Speaker 1: I had. So I was with both of them there.
Speaker 1: I never met them before, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta hang out with some reality TV people here.
Speaker 1: But they were like so nice. I love them. They
Speaker 1: were like, he reminds me of I mean, I love Evan,
Speaker 1: but he reminds me of that big sort of happy dog.
Speaker 1: And she's just like the calming force that a relationship
Speaker 1: they were. They were great. They were a good looking couple.
Speaker 1: He was never in a bad mood. She was fantastic.
Speaker 1: We spent like a week on a yacht together and
Speaker 1: like I was at first, I was dreading it. Met
Speaker 1: them and I was like, okay, we're basically best friend.
Speaker 1: I like, yeah, that was at we can Kasia like
Speaker 1: a couple like a month ago, two months ago, whatever
Speaker 1: it was. When you're contestant on these shows, you get
Speaker 1: the hookups. When you're the host of the shows, you're
Speaker 1: hanging out in Sherman Oaks waiting for a podcast called
Speaker 1: I don't Know Tell Chris Saras and that acast. Now
Speaker 1: that's my rap. Get me back on lane go. So, Mark,
Speaker 1: you've been married for over thirty years to your beautiful wife, Robbie,
Speaker 1: what's your secret? You know? I used to have an
Speaker 1: answer for that that I thought was really cute, and
Speaker 1: then Robbie's like, why don't you just tell the truth,
Speaker 1: and um, So there are a lot of secrets, but
Speaker 1: she says, well, the biggest secret is that we love
Speaker 1: each other. Like that's it. I kind of love her,
Speaker 1: she kind of loves me, and that's why we stay together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I feel like a lot of people say love
Speaker 1: might not be enough to well, that's the marriage last
Speaker 1: really great segue into the answer I normally give is
Speaker 1: really true for me, and it's not romantic. Look, I
Speaker 1: love my wife. I think she's hot, she's beautiful, she's
Speaker 1: she is to bomb. But love lust like or fluid,
Speaker 1: it doesn't. It's not an everyday thing, right, And that's
Speaker 1: where people get trapped. I think people are like, it's
Speaker 1: all hot and great. Now it's not so hot and great.
Speaker 1: I'm out. Life has a way of teaching you lessons
Speaker 1: when you live long enough, so something happens you like
Speaker 1: God forbid, you go to the doctor and you're you're
Speaker 1: like waiting for three days to find out if you're
Speaker 1: gonna live or die, like some some diagnosis or you know,
Speaker 1: there's all or you go bankrupt, or you know, ship
Speaker 1: hits the fan. In those moments, you go to the
Speaker 1: only place where there's comfort. Right. And for me, early
Speaker 1: in my career, when I was in trouble, right, there
Speaker 1: were things going on and I got really anxious, really bad.
Speaker 1: That's that was the good days before I discover that
Speaker 1: when you're really in trouble, there's only one person that
Speaker 1: gives you comfort. And so when I learned that, I'm like,
Speaker 1: whether I like her or lover or lust for her, today,
Speaker 1: I need her every day, like I don't know how
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get through it without her. So when you
Speaker 1: kind of get that you're kind of screwed without her,
Speaker 1: then you have to look past those things that break
Speaker 1: a lot of people up. Really early in our I
Speaker 1: got married at twenty four, you know, before my birthday,
Speaker 1: so really early. And and the other thing is I
Speaker 1: got married with nothing right, I didn't have a job.
Speaker 1: I was about to ask, when did your career take
Speaker 1: off age wise? Like still waiting on the first round
Speaker 1: of success started happening, maybe around when I was thirty.
Speaker 1: I got in the business like a twenty five. I
Speaker 1: started as a runner, like bringing coffee to people and stuff.
Speaker 1: Because we talked about this last week on our podcast
Speaker 1: about how Hugh Jackman similar to his wife and they
Speaker 1: have such a good foundation of love because they were
Speaker 1: married before his career as well. Now there's another level,
Speaker 1: so that that's right. So the other thing that works
Speaker 1: in our favors that we were dumb enough to get
Speaker 1: married when we didn't have anything. When I met her,
Speaker 1: she had a fork, a plate, So I was an
Speaker 1: upgrade for her. I could get her a whole place
Speaker 1: setting like two people can can get your napkins I need.
Speaker 1: That's right, even like maybe you know a gravy boat,
Speaker 1: and that's in our opinion, if you're lucky, I'll get
Speaker 1: you that's right. But then that's not romantic. So anyway,
Speaker 1: we got married with nothing. So everything that I have,
Speaker 1: we have. There's not a heart stuff and my stuff thing.
Speaker 1: There's not a get my ship together before I get
Speaker 1: married things. So when you think back, the old days
Speaker 1: are like prearranged marriages and stuff like that. While from
Speaker 1: a sexist standpoint and a evolved in woke standpoint, I
Speaker 1: don't I'm not down for the pre arranged marriage, but
Speaker 1: there was a method to that madness. If you're virgins
Speaker 1: when you got married, this is the best sex you've
Speaker 1: ever had. If you have nothing, when you get married,
Speaker 1: you build a life together and that becomes what love is.
Speaker 1: Love is, you know, often not romantic. The romantic stuff
Speaker 1: is awesome. But the reason we partner with somebody is
Speaker 1: to survive it, to get through the winter with somebody
Speaker 1: that we trust, who's got our back, relationship that hopefully
Speaker 1: you grow into a tenderness. Yeah. You go through love
Speaker 1: and you you go through life, and you need a team.
Speaker 1: Life is difficult enough going through it alone. And I
Speaker 1: think that's why a lot of people get married, because
Speaker 1: you want a teammate to go through it because there's
Speaker 1: going to be a lot of struggles ahead and to
Speaker 1: share the successes with. Did it ever become challenging once
Speaker 1: you started seeing the successes, you become this, you know,
Speaker 1: international man of mystery. Yeah, you know. Luckily my wife
Speaker 1: was a uh success in show business, but as a child,
Speaker 1: so she knew the game. So that was a huge part.
Speaker 1: Is that if I had married a civilian, somebody out
Speaker 1: of the business, it would be hard to justify choices
Speaker 1: we make of life because show businesses, show business, show business. Baby. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right, baby, What do you mean by that? I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, like having to be ready at a beck
Speaker 1: and call. She gets show business from a cellular level
Speaker 1: from her life, right, So like for us, if something
Speaker 1: really bad happens and we have a show to do,
Speaker 1: Like for us, you do the show and then you
Speaker 1: show up the hospital like I I had a kidney
Speaker 1: stone and did a show in front of two thousand people,
Speaker 1: finished the show into the hospital. That's just how we roll.
Speaker 1: That's just and it doesn't make sense. It's it's an
Speaker 1: old school vibe. But because she understands this game, she
Speaker 1: understands when press says this or shows get canceled. Look,
Speaker 1: she's a wife who's willing to ride with a guy
Speaker 1: who's long term commitments are thirteen weeks at a time,
Speaker 1: with great gaps of years in between, where we're like,
Speaker 1: oh shit. So to look in the most people in
Speaker 1: a marriage, when it really hits the fan, you're broken.
Speaker 1: There's no hope for the future. They're out. My wife
Speaker 1: is like, I've seen it this show business. She's down.
Speaker 1: So we put more water in the soup and we
Speaker 1: yell at each other in the kitchen and go, shoot,
Speaker 1: what are we gonna do? And then God provides and
Speaker 1: we're all good. So now we're kind of and that's
Speaker 1: why some of the stuff on Temptation Island is from
Speaker 1: life experience. I gotta tweet today saying are you a therapist?
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm a game show host, dude. But
Speaker 1: I've been on the planet, you know, and I've got
Speaker 1: some scars and I've learned some stuff, and you know,
Speaker 1: it just gets really down to you know, authenticity, trust
Speaker 1: and something bigger than you. Everything's gonna work out the
Speaker 1: way it is. Worrying about it today doesn't fix it tomorrow.
Speaker 1: And just you know, find somebody that you know, I
Speaker 1: always tell people you're always saying, yeah she's great, but
Speaker 1: she's crazy. Well yeah, we're all crazy. Just find the crazy,
Speaker 1: you dick. You know. Well, So while you were, you
Speaker 1: were on the subject a little bit about Temptation Island
Speaker 1: Season to tell us about this one? What is it?
Speaker 1: How is it different in season one? What are you
Speaker 1: excited about? Because it's not it hasn't aired yet's wrapped
Speaker 1: filming just wrapped and see episode one aired last Thursday
Speaker 1: episode with Thursday's at ten okay, got you? So I
Speaker 1: missed the first I missed the premier episode of season two.
Speaker 1: All right, the ratings of dip because that's all right,
Speaker 1: it's only my career. If you're listening to this episode
Speaker 1: of Help, I Suck you dating, tune into Temptation Island
Speaker 1: season two on Thursdays on USA Networks. Do you know
Speaker 1: how many likes on your Instagram come from me? You
Speaker 1: know how much I've done to support you? Everything I
Speaker 1: just said about Bravo get the hell out of here occasionally,
Speaker 1: but no USA Network and Temptation Island season two. We're
Speaker 1: two episodes. And by the way, one of the things
Speaker 1: I love about the show is I never see it.
Speaker 1: I shoot it, and then everybody else seems to get
Speaker 1: advanced copies of the episodes, but me, so I'm like
Speaker 1: watching them on the air. I don't know where we
Speaker 1: are in the story, but and it's awesome because my
Speaker 1: as the host, I see them at the bomfire, like
Speaker 1: what you see the bonfire is legit. It's very loose,
Speaker 1: no script. We're kind of feeling our way through that
Speaker 1: and I'm kind of really feeling them. And then whenever
Speaker 1: you see me see them is when I see them
Speaker 1: the rest of the stuff I'm discovering on the air,
Speaker 1: you know, watching it with the viewers, and I'm like, damn,
Speaker 1: I had no idea that that was going on when
Speaker 1: I was talking to them about this, and I wonder
Speaker 1: if it would have changed my game. But really, you're
Speaker 1: not informed about anything that's real. Bit so figured you
Speaker 1: would have to be just so things that you didn't
Speaker 1: see in person you can be aware of when you're
Speaker 1: talking to them whenever you talk to them, right, So
Speaker 1: there is some of that. So the way that goes
Speaker 1: down is like on a bomb fire night, I'll get
Speaker 1: there and it's kind of great because where the bonfire
Speaker 1: was set up there was a sort of an outdoor
Speaker 1: lani patio thing why, and we would sit there. You
Speaker 1: can't do anything til the sun goes down. So the
Speaker 1: crew setting up and I'm sitting kind of with um
Speaker 1: my wardrobes, tylist and my makeup artist and the writer
Speaker 1: who become my best friends because we hang out together,
Speaker 1: and the sun setting and it's just you just kind
Speaker 1: of get into that Hawaii Maui chill, which is perfect
Speaker 1: to kind of vibe get yourself ready for what's going
Speaker 1: to be the night, and then the executive producer, one
Speaker 1: of the executive producers that come down and we'll just
Speaker 1: basically talk about where people are. You know, where are
Speaker 1: they and what triggers are coming for them? Where are
Speaker 1: they triggered? What what's the meat? And then I don't
Speaker 1: look at the clips because I when I say to them,
Speaker 1: I don't know what's in the clip. I want to
Speaker 1: be honest about that. And then we kind of just
Speaker 1: sort of game plan where we think they are. But
Speaker 1: then when we get into the bonfire, I have an earpiece,
Speaker 1: so if there's something I missed, they're gonna fill me in.
Speaker 1: But I don't have cars. There's there's nothing, man, We're
Speaker 1: just literally vibe in it out like you see it
Speaker 1: much longer than you see it. What what what do
Speaker 1: you do to fill the days? Like say you're waiting
Speaker 1: for the bonfire to come at night? Like do you
Speaker 1: go play golf? What does your day look like while
Speaker 1: you're not working in Hawaii? Um? Pretty awesome. It looks
Speaker 1: like your Instagram. The surfing. I took up surfing this time.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty bad at it. But just paddling around out
Speaker 1: there getting hammered into the reef is character building. But
Speaker 1: you know, so that became a thing I would do
Speaker 1: as often as I could for an hour. So I
Speaker 1: can't really stay in the water that longer, get too tired.
Speaker 1: But um, I'm m go surfing. We might go for
Speaker 1: a snorkele. We might, you know, Um, I played around
Speaker 1: a golf or two. But um, a little bit of
Speaker 1: a time stuck for me and I and it's sort
Speaker 1: of not sure if I'm gonna get called in. And
Speaker 1: you know, We've got our haunts we like to go to.
Speaker 1: And my wife and I your what, Yeah, I brought
Speaker 1: my wife the home. No, not your wife haunts. Haunts.
Speaker 1: We like to go those restaurants and stuff. Okay, little
Speaker 1: did you go to Mama Mama's fish Mama's fish house? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I went to Mama's fish Houses on the other side
Speaker 1: of the island, so and it's delicious, But to get
Speaker 1: a reservations deep on my side of the island. The
Speaker 1: places I go to our Star Noodles, which you can't
Speaker 1: get into but it's I should have texted you when
Speaker 1: I was there a week ago. Star Noodles right there
Speaker 1: in kind of poly We go to Paia Fish Market
Speaker 1: all the time. Now there's one in Paia. We love Paia,
Speaker 1: uh that town, but there's one in Lhina. So we
Speaker 1: go there a lot and um, there's the one of reeves.
Speaker 1: I think, uh it's down on the south part of
Speaker 1: the island. It's uh they said, like the best banana
Speaker 1: cream pie on the island. I can't remember name it,
Speaker 1: but pretty good too. Yeah. And we we go to
Speaker 1: Monkey Pod and Hula Grill, just the tourist spots and
Speaker 1: just and we go into to the bar because you
Speaker 1: can't get a table and you know, get our make
Speaker 1: sandwich and did your wife come with you? Season one? Yeah? Okay, cool. Yeah.
Speaker 1: At this point in my career, I normally would say,
Speaker 1: you know, I used to say I don't want family
Speaker 1: to come with me because I'm trying to focus, right,
Speaker 1: And it was legit. We get distracted, even if even
Speaker 1: if they're handling themselves, I'm always wondering, are they cool?
Speaker 1: You know, the kids are did you get them on
Speaker 1: the boat or what's going on now the kids are grown?
Speaker 1: And I said, if I don't have a doubt by
Speaker 1: this point in my career, this focus thing that's kind
Speaker 1: of bullet at this point, and how do I deny
Speaker 1: you thirty five days vacation and Maui and it turned
Speaker 1: out great because actually she's so chill. So she finds
Speaker 1: a life of her own and we hook up and
Speaker 1: have dinner together and we hang out when I can.
Speaker 1: But Bonfire night she likes to come and watch because
Speaker 1: they're deep. And for me, it's really great because in
Speaker 1: between the bonfires and before I can kind of check
Speaker 1: with her in the shorthand language that we have and said,
Speaker 1: you know, was that authentic or am I being real?
Speaker 1: Or did I get played? Or you know what did
Speaker 1: I miss? And she'll bring it. You know, you were awesome,
Speaker 1: You don't don't regret having said that, And that was rough,
Speaker 1: but maybe you should think about this. And I mean,
Speaker 1: she's not back, she producing, but she's my sounding board
Speaker 1: and she knows me better than anybody else. It's nice
Speaker 1: to have an objective opinion. We're gonna take a quick
Speaker 1: commercial Rake when we get back. We're gonna answer some
Speaker 1: listener emails. All right, we're back. We're gonna dive in
Speaker 1: some questions. Mark, you're gonna help us answer some of
Speaker 1: these for our listeners out there. They're struggling, they need
Speaker 1: some dating advice. Who the hell doesn't. We got a
Speaker 1: two married men, one man in a relationship. Maybe we
Speaker 1: can give them a little bit of advice. I want
Speaker 1: we're all in this together, kids. I wanted to Jessica
Speaker 1: Haber's question first and foremost because it's the juiciest. She asks,
Speaker 1: how about porn? Is it okay for men to watch
Speaker 1: while in a relationship? How about women? Jared Mark, what
Speaker 1: are your thoughts? You want to take this? I got it.
Speaker 1: You can take it. Uh, you go first, and then
Speaker 1: I'll bounce off your answer. Hey, anything you do in
Speaker 1: secret that your that your spouse doesn't know about is
Speaker 1: technically under the guise of a slippery slope of cheating.
Speaker 1: So porn is a slippery slope if it becomes your
Speaker 1: preoccupation and your secret is going to mess up your relationship.
Speaker 1: If it's a marital aid and a fun and healthy
Speaker 1: diversion that you're sharing with your girl, maybe not sharing
Speaker 1: watching together, but letting her know that you're down, and
Speaker 1: that's what you're doing. You know, I'm not such a
Speaker 1: proude that I can't see that that might be great,
Speaker 1: but it's the locking yourself in the den. And don't
Speaker 1: you think porn is kind of like inherently private. Though well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I would say sex is inherently I think it's also different,
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, just because you are a little
Speaker 1: bit older than us. And I think porn has really
Speaker 1: changed within the past ten to fifteen years, where I
Speaker 1: think now a lot of guys and girls growing up
Speaker 1: are watching porn at a very young age and just
Speaker 1: adapted into their lifestyle where I think even when it again,
Speaker 1: I'm not speaking for myself. I don't want people to
Speaker 1: be like, well, Jared watch his porn every day, don't
Speaker 1: But I'm not like a porn watching weed smoker over here.
Speaker 1: That's not I can honestly say I have not watched
Speaker 1: porn since I've been married, but I did. I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say I didn't watch once or twice
Speaker 1: when I was engaged for a year and a half.
Speaker 1: But that's an honest answer. I also, I just want
Speaker 1: to be clear. I just I think it is really
Speaker 1: different because you know, porn now you can just google
Speaker 1: anything and you can get and you can see anything
Speaker 1: on the Internet. And I think especially nowadays, you know,
Speaker 1: especially a little like kids guys are watching porn at
Speaker 1: like twelve years old. Well, now you're talking about two
Speaker 1: different things, So I don't know if I am well.
Speaker 1: Because my point is, once a kid grows up with
Speaker 1: porn in their life and they get into a relationship,
Speaker 1: I think they don't see it as cheating because it's
Speaker 1: kind of adapted into their normal lifestyle. What I meant
Speaker 1: by two different things is there's two two effects of
Speaker 1: horn uh at different times in your life. So, for instance,
Speaker 1: when I discovered some relatively uh saucy websites on one
Speaker 1: of my my son's early early life, you know, I
Speaker 1: had to talk with him saying, Okay, dude, there's no
Speaker 1: way I'm gonna block your Internet because that's ridiculous. You're
Speaker 1: gonna find your way around it. You guys are far
Speaker 1: better hackers than I could ever block. And it's here
Speaker 1: everywhere you look. You can barely search for something on
Speaker 1: Amazon without is showing up with you know, porn. But
Speaker 1: what you're looking at is actors. And this isn't indicative
Speaker 1: of what an actual love relationship looks like. That's not
Speaker 1: what making love looks like, except maybe on Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: you know, if if you play cards right. But but
Speaker 1: so don't look at this as an imprint of how
Speaker 1: we treat the women that we love. UM. But so
Speaker 1: you actually sat your son down and had a conversation
Speaker 1: with him about this for sure, and my daughter, I've
Speaker 1: talked to both of them about all this stuff. We look.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing is a parent, the awkward stuff. You
Speaker 1: have to just lean into the awkward, you know, be
Speaker 1: Eugene Levy in Um American Pie, just the worst dad
Speaker 1: as far as broaching the subject. But the only thing
Speaker 1: that the kid sees, and that is my dad cares.
Speaker 1: He's a loser, but my dad cares, and he's making
Speaker 1: it okay to talk. He's like normalized talking about into
Speaker 1: the relationship in porn, which is more what Jared's talking
Speaker 1: about is if your intimacy is isolating you from your lover,
Speaker 1: then porn is bad. And if it's a private thing,
Speaker 1: and it is inherently private, like you said, but if
Speaker 1: if you're keeping it a secret, that's never gonna be good.
Speaker 1: So if you like it, if that's your thing, then
Speaker 1: you need to tell your girl and bring her in
Speaker 1: with you and see if she's gonna watch with you.
Speaker 1: And then you guys can be like one of those
Speaker 1: couples you read about that's like crazy and you know,
Speaker 1: you never know what's going on back there, but um,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know that it's terrible, But it's
Speaker 1: the secret that's the terrible part. No, I agree, And
Speaker 1: it's probably also the level at which how much you're
Speaker 1: watching it, because if it's if if you'd rather watch
Speaker 1: porn than have sex with your wife, that's going to
Speaker 1: be a big issue. But I agree with you, and
Speaker 1: I'm really glad that you sat down and talked to
Speaker 1: your son about this because I think a lot of
Speaker 1: times when kids watch porn, or teenagers or even adults,
Speaker 1: like you said, you're seeing two actors, but they don't
Speaker 1: know that. And I think, especially nowadays, we should be
Speaker 1: having more conversations about relationships between men women, men and
Speaker 1: men women and women, about how they treat each other,
Speaker 1: what's consensual, what is right, And I think at you
Speaker 1: have to really not begin with porn, but it has
Speaker 1: to be early on in the conversation because a lot
Speaker 1: of these young specifically young men, are watching porn and
Speaker 1: thinking that that's how women want to be treated, like
Speaker 1: to be dominated for sure. And one of the things
Speaker 1: that I joked about it was a comedy bits I said,
Speaker 1: when I was a teenager, you could, you know, get
Speaker 1: laid easy because there was there wasn't a whole lot
Speaker 1: of stigma, there wasn't a whole lot of disease to
Speaker 1: worry about, and but it was gonna be pretty basic.
Speaker 1: Right now, you have a generation who's grown up on hardcore,
Speaker 1: extreme porn. There are things on the menu that were
Speaker 1: never the menu. But it's harder to close, I guess
Speaker 1: for these people because of all the things going on
Speaker 1: socially and everything, but the Internet and porn and everything,
Speaker 1: this whole generation has now become numb too. How outrageous
Speaker 1: these sex acts are. And in a loving relationship when
Speaker 1: you're pleasing one another, these are not really good mirrors
Speaker 1: of how that's supposed to really be. No, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's great to have the freedom to go
Speaker 1: there and and and be vulnerable with the person that
Speaker 1: you love and and whatever you're into. You're into, and
Speaker 1: it's all good as long as consensual. But what you said,
Speaker 1: Jarry is true. You've got to learn what is actually
Speaker 1: consensual because those women are signing waivers saying I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna film a porn scene. I'm saying yes to
Speaker 1: every act when you're in real life, that woman is
Speaker 1: not saying yes to every act. If you think, oh,
Speaker 1: she she wants me to throw up against the wall.
Speaker 1: But it's especially in today's world, you have to find
Speaker 1: that balance because that could be really taken in a
Speaker 1: bad direction. Not only not only that, but young guys
Speaker 1: have to realize that she wants it, she seemed to
Speaker 1: want it. That's the danger zone. And unfortunately, as sterile
Speaker 1: as it sounds, you gotta verbalize, hey, are you cool
Speaker 1: with this? Is this consensual? Are we good? You gotta
Speaker 1: just ask the question and if there's any resistance even
Speaker 1: in the moment. In some states, consent has to be
Speaker 1: a verbal yes, which means even if it's consensual sex,
Speaker 1: like nothing is said and you end up having sex
Speaker 1: with this person later on, if they're like I felt uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: In some states, it has to be a verbal yes,
Speaker 1: and if they don't say a verbal yes, it's not consensual.
Speaker 1: And the thing that you know, I've said to my
Speaker 1: kids and and to other kids, and you know in life,
Speaker 1: is that even when it was consentual, if they say
Speaker 1: yes and you're in the act and they changed their mind,
Speaker 1: it's now not consentual, I'll get out. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: a kind of a going through my mind a lot lately.
Speaker 1: I don't know why, uh, but I think porn needs
Speaker 1: to be more of a discussion. I think people need
Speaker 1: to be okay with talking about porn more because it's
Speaker 1: so ingrained in our culture now and it's such a
Speaker 1: taboo topic that I just feel like there's gonna be
Speaker 1: a whole generation of people not knowing how to act,
Speaker 1: or what sex is or what making love is. You
Speaker 1: have hit on something really astute in my in my mind,
Speaker 1: thank you, You're welcome astute. I'm waiting with bated breath
Speaker 1: on hearing what this was. I also want to hear
Speaker 1: your perspective on porn Deane well after market give you
Speaker 1: this acknowledgement, and then I would like to hear Dean's
Speaker 1: take on it. But the part that I think is
Speaker 1: really important that you said is there is the tendency
Speaker 1: from a parenting standpoint for young people coming up to
Speaker 1: block things. This is bad, don't do it, don't do it,
Speaker 1: don't do it, and do what you can to control
Speaker 1: what the input is. Right. But really, all we have
Speaker 1: as parents and quite frankly, as partners to people we
Speaker 1: love is communication. So all we can do is educate.
Speaker 1: It exists that And I'm gonna make the worst analogy,
Speaker 1: but in baseball when my son was a baseball player younger,
Speaker 1: I said, you can't pick your coaches. So sometimes it's
Speaker 1: gonna be abusive and bad and everything. You have to
Speaker 1: then educate yourself in those situations how to not let
Speaker 1: that get in your head and ruin your life. So
Speaker 1: there are things out there that are inputs that are
Speaker 1: gonna happen. You can avoid them. All you can do
Speaker 1: is do what you said, talk about it, even if
Speaker 1: it's awkward. Now we have an understanding. You know what's
Speaker 1: out there. I know it's out there. I know you've
Speaker 1: seen it. You know that I know you've seen it.
Speaker 1: Now we're past that awkward thing. Now we can talk
Speaker 1: about this. And I really appreciate that you sat down
Speaker 1: and talk to your son about it, because even in
Speaker 1: the moment, if he did not react in a positive
Speaker 1: way and he felt embarrassed by you and he didn't
Speaker 1: want to talk about it with you, down the line,
Speaker 1: he's gonna thank you for talking to him about it,
Speaker 1: because it's going to teach him a lesson. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and he's a wonderful boyfriend to his girlfriend. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's an important lesson to be taught. He's seven. Oh okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: we got him over the hump. He's like, he's on
Speaker 1: his own now. He's probably sexually active. We could probably
Speaker 1: can safely assume that. I'm pretty sure that's happening, not
Speaker 1: to have another kind of So, Dean, what's your perspective
Speaker 1: on this? You haven't spoken well, Yeah, I figured I
Speaker 1: just let you guys do all the time. I'm curious
Speaker 1: you're still better about you wanted questions and he went right,
Speaker 1: when did you? Dean's that's not a sign that maybe
Speaker 1: we should move on, But I'm still gonna I'm I'm
Speaker 1: curious because I always I just think I'm I'm fumbling
Speaker 1: over my words. Yeah, it's just a taboo topic that
Speaker 1: I really wish wasn't because I do think it needs
Speaker 1: to be talked about more and and people need to
Speaker 1: educate themselves on it more. It's funny, actually, cause I
Speaker 1: had a conversation not too long ago with a friend
Speaker 1: about this about how guys, how guys watching porn kind
Speaker 1: of diminishes the act of like making love with someone
Speaker 1: because at a young age, basically what we're doing is
Speaker 1: like we're watching porn. We're doing what we need to do.
Speaker 1: We're getting it over with as quickly as we possibly
Speaker 1: can because we don't want anyone to walk in on us,
Speaker 1: and then like we're moving on with our lives. And
Speaker 1: so that's kind of translating into the sex world now,
Speaker 1: where like guys are like, okay, like I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: go and crank it out, be over with it and
Speaker 1: be done with it, and like when I'm done, it's
Speaker 1: done kind of thing, you know what I mean. Then
Speaker 1: that's not really how it is. Um. And so for
Speaker 1: me as a kid growing up, like you know, I
Speaker 1: had obviously my mom and dad were living in the house.
Speaker 1: I had two brothers and a sister and they're all
Speaker 1: older than me. So I was like trying to like
Speaker 1: I started watching porn probably like when I was Yes,
Speaker 1: that's very yes, it was good at hiding it right, um.
Speaker 1: And so only just recently, probably within the past like
Speaker 1: year or so, I've I've gotten comfortable enough with like
Speaker 1: talking about it with like my partners about like you know,
Speaker 1: like if I watch it, how often I watch it
Speaker 1: when I'm watching like that kind of stuff, and then
Speaker 1: like I started asking them questions as well. Um, and
Speaker 1: so it's like still something that I'm working on normalizing.
Speaker 1: But I agree, I think honestly is really what it is.
Speaker 1: Just like probably in discussing it with your partners opens
Speaker 1: up the possibility of an even better sex life with
Speaker 1: those partners because the communication is great. But I think
Speaker 1: once when I was in college, I asked my girlfriend
Speaker 1: to watch porn with me while we were like looking
Speaker 1: up and like I kind of as a joke, and
Speaker 1: she wasn't into it. And then ever since then, I
Speaker 1: like never talked about it again, you know what I mean. Um,
Speaker 1: And so it's just I don't know, it's just kind
Speaker 1: of a weird. We can play that whole thing of
Speaker 1: putting out there going I would just kidding. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just want to see your reaction within relationships, I think,
Speaker 1: to each their own. I just think, especially on an
Speaker 1: early age growing up with it, I think it's very
Speaker 1: important not to like you said, Mark block it or
Speaker 1: try to ignore it, to accept the fact that it's
Speaker 1: there and try to educate them as much as possible,
Speaker 1: because I think as a culture also getting desensitized. You know,
Speaker 1: that's my biggest fear about it is it's not a
Speaker 1: real version of the way we interact with people when
Speaker 1: you were a kid. I'm sure your way of seeing
Speaker 1: women list was due if your dad's room, going into bed,
Speaker 1: trying to get a Playboy magazine. If I got a
Speaker 1: Playboy magazine, I'm sharing it with the neighborhood we were having.
Speaker 1: We were like J. C. Penny bra Ads was like
Speaker 1: softcore porn. Remember my sister had like a Cosmo subscription
Speaker 1: or something. I would sneak up and check out that.
Speaker 1: Everyone sing And now somebody can google anything they want
Speaker 1: and it will pop up. That's not good for any
Speaker 1: young generation out there. No, maybe it's really good to
Speaker 1: to um like blast them with basically as whatever they're
Speaker 1: interested in. Like you're curious about something, boom, you can
Speaker 1: go and look it up. Yeah. Yeah. But the problem
Speaker 1: in that is when you're in your formative years, like
Speaker 1: you're your body's changing puberty, right, you're filled with shame,
Speaker 1: like your whole life is comparing. You're in the locker
Speaker 1: room at the seventh grade and you're a boy and
Speaker 1: a guy next to you as a man, You're like,
Speaker 1: what the hell. It's such a dramatic difference, and everything
Speaker 1: is like makes no sense. You're like, you've heard about
Speaker 1: what an orgasm is, but you don't even know where
Speaker 1: it comes out and how does that work? And does
Speaker 1: it stop on time? You know, the world is like,
Speaker 1: maybe I just said too much about in dialogue with
Speaker 1: the world is confusing and shameful to you, and you
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about it because you're the most
Speaker 1: awkward part of your life and you're you want to
Speaker 1: talk about. What is underestimated is that your hormones are
Speaker 1: going crazy. So you're not even in your right mind
Speaker 1: at that age. So it is not natural for that
Speaker 1: kid to say, you know, dad, what the hell is this?
Speaker 1: And what it is natural for is to hide and
Speaker 1: be fascinated by it. And at twelve and thirteen years old,
Speaker 1: you can go twelve times a day, so you're rubbing
Speaker 1: a callous right. And if somebody doesn't broach the subject
Speaker 1: and say, hey, man, you know you're completely normal. This
Speaker 1: is absolutely all the urges, all your questions. Let's just
Speaker 1: get you. And this is how I broke it down
Speaker 1: with my son. This is how it went down. It's
Speaker 1: about six or seventh probably sixth grade, and he comes
Speaker 1: up to me and he says, Dad, in middle school,
Speaker 1: do we have to take showers? And Jim and I
Speaker 1: knew what that really was was I don't know anything
Speaker 1: about sex? And I said, because they had the like
Speaker 1: the health um video coming up, like the health movie
Speaker 1: you watch. And I sensed he was upset about it,
Speaker 1: so I said, more, let's sit down. I said, Mom's
Speaker 1: out of the house, Goldie got something going on. You
Speaker 1: and me, let's chill and talk about this. I said,
Speaker 1: what do you know about sex? He says nothing, I said,
Speaker 1: and I joked, I said, well, this is gonna suck,
Speaker 1: but all right, let's do this. Should have been like
Speaker 1: me too, Yeah, I said, well, listen, I might say
Speaker 1: to my son if he says, I don't know anything
Speaker 1: about sex, but like I don't know. It's it's a
Speaker 1: fluid situation. And I said, all right, well, let's just
Speaker 1: knock this out right now. And I went through it.
Speaker 1: I said, I here's how this works. You know. It's
Speaker 1: it's you're gonna have an urge and it's gonna kind
Speaker 1: of almost not it's gonna gross, but somehow it turns
Speaker 1: out not being gross. And here's how this is what
Speaker 1: where you put this and that, and here's what these
Speaker 1: parts are. And I just broke it down, not even
Speaker 1: like clinically, like jokingly, like you know, here's what's up,
Speaker 1: and here's where it's dangerous, and and uh, here's some
Speaker 1: other things. This is what gay sex looks like from
Speaker 1: what I understand, And so don't don't be fooled by
Speaker 1: what your friends will tell you about that. What a
Speaker 1: gay relationship is, you know, and um and and we
Speaker 1: laughed our way through it. And the way I came
Speaker 1: into it, I said, look, you're gonna go into the
Speaker 1: gym and watch this movie or wherever. And there's two
Speaker 1: kinds of kids, Okay, there's the one kid who knows
Speaker 1: what's up and the other kid who doesn't know what's up.
Speaker 1: And they come out of that gym and one of
Speaker 1: them is like laughing and chill, and the other one
Speaker 1: looks like a ghost and freaked out because there's too
Speaker 1: many questions that they don't have the answers to. I said, so,
Speaker 1: I think, as awkward as it is to talk to
Speaker 1: your dad about this, you want to be the dude
Speaker 1: who knows what's up, right, And I promise you're gonna
Speaker 1: feel better about it, so let's just get it done now.
Speaker 1: And it became a conversation we laugh about today. It
Speaker 1: is great, you know, and it gets down to the
Speaker 1: root of it in love, in relationship, in parenting. If
Speaker 1: you're talking, you're alive. You gotta gott a chance. If
Speaker 1: you're talking out of that, it's all you know. And
Speaker 1: it sounds like a pretty good dad. I never had that. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: I never had to talk with my dad about any
Speaker 1: that stuff. Yeah, did you have ever have a sex
Speaker 1: sox with anybody? I didn't either. In school I did,
Speaker 1: and when I was in fifth grade, I think I
Speaker 1: remember asking some pretty ridiculous questions. But all right, we're
Speaker 1: gonna move on. So Britt asked the question, for all
Speaker 1: three of us are opposite sex friends, Okay, when in
Speaker 1: a relationship? Is it okay to message and hang out
Speaker 1: with someone of the opposite sex alone if they're not
Speaker 1: a mutual friend? Papa, Papa, what do you guys think?
Speaker 1: Because I know what I think, I know what I think.
Speaker 1: I'm just letting you guys. I don't want to talk
Speaker 1: to my I'm never gonna get back. I think I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be in the minority on this one. I think
Speaker 1: it's okay. I think it's almost encouraged. You're not in
Speaker 1: the already, but I'm going to qualify that you have.
Speaker 1: I'm with Mark, you have to qualify. One of my
Speaker 1: best friends is a female. And I remember Ashley always
Speaker 1: before she met her, Ashley always thinking who is this
Speaker 1: person and why aren't you two dating? M M. I said,
Speaker 1: she's like my sister. You have to meet this person
Speaker 1: to understand our relationship. Ashley did. This is when Ashley
Speaker 1: and I were just friends. And she goes, Okay, I
Speaker 1: get it. You guys have a total platonic relationship. You
Speaker 1: guys are really like cousins. It's weird but cool. So
Speaker 1: that would be my only exception to the rule, pretty
Speaker 1: much is that you're it has to be a mutual friend.
Speaker 1: I think it has to be somewhat of a mutual friend.
Speaker 1: There's two sides of this, So let's talk about the
Speaker 1: value of an opposite sex friend that's platonic, that's a
Speaker 1: non sexual partner. And on Temptation Island, see I'm bringing
Speaker 1: it back. Yeah, Temptation too on USA Network Thursdays at
Speaker 1: Thank You Um. On Temptation Island, a happy. Byproduct that
Speaker 1: nobody expects is that people form friendships that are platonic
Speaker 1: with the opposite sex that really informs them on their
Speaker 1: decisions later. So having a friend and a point of
Speaker 1: view that you trust from the opposite sex is imperative
Speaker 1: because if you're gonna hang out with your crew of dudes,
Speaker 1: you're gonna get the same perspective and it's not going
Speaker 1: to be as evolved as getting the other side of
Speaker 1: the story. Now, the other thing is exactly what you're
Speaker 1: talking about, Jared. If you're in a committed relationship, you
Speaker 1: don't want to do anything to make the other person
Speaker 1: be concerned or worried. So if you have an opposite
Speaker 1: sex friend, that friend's got to be friends with both
Speaker 1: of you, and you need to never have coffee without saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm having coffee with Susy. See that's where I agree,
Speaker 1: and I agree with half of that. I don't necessarily
Speaker 1: agree that they have to be mutual friends, but I
Speaker 1: do agree with being fourth right and honest about what
Speaker 1: you're doing, where you're going and hanging out. And if
Speaker 1: your wife is not down, sadly you're going to lose
Speaker 1: that friends. Is that right? Though? No, it's not right.
Speaker 1: It's not right. Look there's here. Now you're stumbling into
Speaker 1: the rab at the whole of the conventions of social
Speaker 1: and let's be honest, and sometimes in life you have
Speaker 1: to make a choice. Well, that's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Is not right? If we were, it's like communism. Communism
Speaker 1: on the first page of it makes well. It looks
Speaker 1: like it's a great idea. Everybody owns everything, it's all
Speaker 1: gonna work out. But the human condition of jealousy and
Speaker 1: need is gonna crush communism. It doesn't work right. So
Speaker 1: your answer, your question, Dean, is is that fair is
Speaker 1: not fair? We should be able to have friends with
Speaker 1: whomever we're connected with and trust that it's altruistic and authentic.
Speaker 1: But the facts are it rarely works out that way,
Speaker 1: and self doubt and concern within your relationship kills the
Speaker 1: relationships you have. You have a duty to make sure
Speaker 1: that the person you're committed to is number one, and
Speaker 1: that means you lose some stuff. Let me let me
Speaker 1: change the namic a little bit. Let me say, let's
Speaker 1: say I so I'm dating Calin right, Let's say I
Speaker 1: have a friend who's a girl, and here and I
Speaker 1: like hang out semi often, like once a month, twice
Speaker 1: a month, we'll get lunch, dinner. Right, doesn't make it
Speaker 1: any different if that girl has a boyfriend or a
Speaker 1: husband or absolutely, but it doesn't. It doesn't solve anything.
Speaker 1: It just that kind of helps. It has to do
Speaker 1: with your Caitlin, she feels about it. If she's cool,
Speaker 1: you give her no reason to be concerned. She knows
Speaker 1: the girl, and you're better for having that conversation and
Speaker 1: it's open, then you're gonna have an evolved relationship. Because
Speaker 1: my perspective with it to sorry Jared, is my friendship
Speaker 1: with whoever I'm friends with is going to be longer
Speaker 1: than my relationship. Right, But then I guess it really
Speaker 1: just closed onto which one doesn't have a good Well,
Speaker 1: you can't say that because what if the relationship turns
Speaker 1: into a marriage if you want even want to spend
Speaker 1: I agree, And obviously you have to prioritize relationships in
Speaker 1: your life. What you're talking about the grandfather clause grandfathering
Speaker 1: them in because they predate your relationship. But Jared is
Speaker 1: talking about and he's not wrong, is you it's a
Speaker 1: weighted average, So yeah, they may have been there longer,
Speaker 1: and by right, you're allowed to keep that friendship. We
Speaker 1: do with this actually on temptation on one of the
Speaker 1: guys has former lovers as close friends now with the girlfriend, right,
Speaker 1: And it's hinky when you commit to somebody for life
Speaker 1: or at least you're exclusive, chronology is not the answer.
Speaker 1: It's commitment your first And everything I do is through
Speaker 1: the filter of are you comfortable? And I'm hoping that
Speaker 1: I've set up a relationship that's strong enough that you
Speaker 1: can allow me to have the friends that I've had
Speaker 1: because my heart's with you. I'm with you. You don't
Speaker 1: have to worry, and I'm letting you know what's up.
Speaker 1: And if you feel uncomfortable about this, we either talk
Speaker 1: about it and get resolved so you don't lose a
Speaker 1: friendship that matters to you, or you talk about it
Speaker 1: with a three of you to redefine how this friendship
Speaker 1: is gonna work. Right. For instance, I have a family
Speaker 1: member who's female, a distant cousin right that likes my
Speaker 1: advice from time to time. But we made a pact
Speaker 1: whenever you text me, make it a group text. Just
Speaker 1: make a group text, so Robbie's aware. And we were
Speaker 1: all cool, and that's a little bit of a ridiculous,
Speaker 1: you know, compromise, because if we're all adults, there shouldn't
Speaker 1: be no, shouldn't be anything to worry about. But it's
Speaker 1: our job in a relationship to realize that it's a relationship,
Speaker 1: it's its own entity. We have to compromise and change ourselves.
Speaker 1: We give a little, they give a little, and for
Speaker 1: the benefit of both of us. And when I say
Speaker 1: a mutual friend, I just mean that the your partner
Speaker 1: has to know this friend. They have had to have met.
Speaker 1: You can't like, for example, if has Calin met this.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying anything specific. I'm just sorry to say hypothetically, uh, Klin, Yeah,
Speaker 1: Klin has not met your friend. That's a girl that
Speaker 1: you hang out with once or two twice a month.
Speaker 1: I really think it's important for your relationship with Calin.
Speaker 1: Hypothetically speaking, this is not true, but that Caitlin meets
Speaker 1: that girl and just make sure like, Okay, now I
Speaker 1: know her, I have a connection with her. There's a
Speaker 1: little different vibe because instead of you kind of like
Speaker 1: leaving Caln and be like, oh, I'm gonna go hang
Speaker 1: out with Sarah. Nowever, well, the truth is she already
Speaker 1: knows this girl, because you can find out anything about anybody. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know, it's different meeting someone face to face
Speaker 1: in person and then then having connection and kind of
Speaker 1: like vibing out the relationship between the friends. And I
Speaker 1: believe that women's intuition, that old adage is legit and
Speaker 1: there's a scientific reason why. So I think that's really
Speaker 1: important because I feel like women can really quick be
Speaker 1: together and sense is this chill or not? You know,
Speaker 1: they can suss that out nonverbally. And uh, I think
Speaker 1: men can do it too, but we've sort of atrophied
Speaker 1: that skill a little bit because we just kind of
Speaker 1: grunt and fight, just push all our emotions down exactly.
Speaker 1: Women still into it each other. So I think that
Speaker 1: the only way to navigate that is be true to
Speaker 1: your friendship. And the same thing with the porn thing.
Speaker 1: Just you gotta you gotta bring your wife or your
Speaker 1: your girlfriend into the mix so that everybody feels supported.
Speaker 1: I have another question that kind of commingles these two
Speaker 1: questions that we've already answered. Jessica asks, would less Jessica
Speaker 1: win her questions? God bless Jessica. Hopefully you're watching Temptation
Speaker 1: Island or Dean likes watching on Bravo, but we're on USA.
Speaker 1: Jessica asks, would you guys allow your wife or girlfriend
Speaker 1: ever to have a hall pass? The hall pass is
Speaker 1: such a that's like the that's like the most ridiculous
Speaker 1: fantasy thing that doesn't exist in real life. Every movie
Speaker 1: that touches on it. My show is fantasy is best
Speaker 1: Left is fantasy. The hall pass is b as the
Speaker 1: top three, you know, like your list of three, like
Speaker 1: like like I once drunk called Robbie from the Rich Carlton,
Speaker 1: New York, and I said, I just found out that
Speaker 1: Britney Spears is staying in the hotel, and I'm letting
Speaker 1: you know that if I have a chance to hook
Speaker 1: up with her, I'm going to do that. And by chance,
Speaker 1: I mean in the same elevator together. And she didn't
Speaker 1: find any comedy in that, and I was only joking
Speaker 1: kind of. But but the hall pass doesn't play that
Speaker 1: one out, Dude, Everyone play that one out. That's what
Speaker 1: I say on the show all the time. You want
Speaker 1: the ring will play out that scenario. You get the
Speaker 1: ring by ultimatum, how does that end up? So the
Speaker 1: hall pass I want to haul pass. So you have
Speaker 1: the Hall Pass. Now you come back. Now you've got
Speaker 1: this thing, and if it doesn't bother your partner, the
Speaker 1: same thing is temptation. If it doesn't bother your partner,
Speaker 1: that's almost more alarming than it bothering your partner. Hall
Speaker 1: passes a bullshit all right? Now? I agree, I agree,
Speaker 1: I think it'd be I think in theory you can
Speaker 1: say like, yeah, maybe it sounds like a good idea,
Speaker 1: but in practice it would never really work, right, Like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like you said, if your partner likes it, that's a
Speaker 1: red flag. If he doesn't like it, also, it's just
Speaker 1: bloody red flag of death. Answer one more question, Jared,
Speaker 1: pick the question. I feel like I've been asking all
Speaker 1: of them. Um, let's ask this one from queens Steph.
Speaker 1: How about determining if a guy is flirty with you
Speaker 1: to attract you, or if he's just naturally and it
Speaker 1: comes across that way. I feel like you probably a
Speaker 1: lot of this on Temptation Island, Right. I was just
Speaker 1: reading the cast list and some of them are like,
Speaker 1: he's got a wondering I, he's very flirtatious, etcetera, etcetera. Right,
Speaker 1: So what are your what are your thoughts on this?
Speaker 1: And that's I'd like to hear your thoughts on this
Speaker 1: because actually that's been you know, in my life, that's
Speaker 1: been sort of a thing. You know, people, I'm being
Speaker 1: me and it's misinterpreted as florty sometimes. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: that's my experience with it too, as I think sometimes
Speaker 1: my kindness comes across as flirtation, which can be I
Speaker 1: guess it would be troubling, Like like if I was
Speaker 1: dating me and I saw like that, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I could be concerned. But I just who I am
Speaker 1: as a person, you know what I mean. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I've had to learn two again. This is like
Speaker 1: stuff that is natural and honest and usually have no
Speaker 1: shame about. But you change your behavior because someone you
Speaker 1: care about something. So you know, I'm a hugger, I'm flirty.
Speaker 1: I like to hang out the guys and girls. It's
Speaker 1: not even it's not even gender specific. I'm just I'm affectionate, right,
Speaker 1: And and um, I have learned over the years to
Speaker 1: be a little bit more aware that there are other
Speaker 1: people in the room. And um, you know that how
Speaker 1: does that make Robbie feel? You know? And and but
Speaker 1: and the other thing is m and I hate to
Speaker 1: get all like political, but the whole hashtag me too
Speaker 1: movement thing has really really hit home for me and
Speaker 1: made me really look at how difficult it is for women.
Speaker 1: Has been in that everyone is a potential predator. And
Speaker 1: I say this on the show. I can't believe. And
Speaker 1: it's sad how many women I meet, young women and
Speaker 1: older women who nonchalantly, you know, share at the very
Speaker 1: least unhealthy relationship and at the very greatest highly abusive
Speaker 1: relationships with men. So the vibe of friendliness that hey man,
Speaker 1: I'm just it's all good is predatory at first glance.
Speaker 1: So now what has made me have to do is say, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, even though I want to be warm and
Speaker 1: stuff like, I see a strange woman walking down the
Speaker 1: street and I'm walking down the street and I offer
Speaker 1: a smile. I now I'm aware. Is the smile letting
Speaker 1: her know you're safe? Or is the smile like, oh shit,
Speaker 1: is this guy coming at me? And so I'm hyper
Speaker 1: aware of that now. And I think that you know
Speaker 1: that being misinterpreted as flirty is a mechanism that women
Speaker 1: have to have to make sure they're not going to
Speaker 1: get in trouble, and so I think we as men
Speaker 1: have to kind of really say stuff like, now I
Speaker 1: host this live game show and for years when they
Speaker 1: come on stage, I give him a hug. That's just
Speaker 1: who I am. Now I say, can I hug you?
Speaker 1: You know you? And and then it's all good. Now
Speaker 1: you know where I'm coming from, right, and it's okay
Speaker 1: that we have to kind of recalibrate. I agree, Well,
Speaker 1: it's well my conversation. No, my my opinion on this
Speaker 1: is not as a stute or uh political as Mark.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to sound superficial, no please being
Speaker 1: because I'm way too heavy, but I think it lives
Speaker 1: on a superficial level. So let's it's just more I
Speaker 1: I thought the exact same thing. I've tried to change
Speaker 1: my behavior because when you're in a relationship, like you said, Mark,
Speaker 1: your partner comes first and you have to put their
Speaker 1: knees first. And of course sometimes sure we can come
Speaker 1: off flirty when we're just being kind, but then you
Speaker 1: kind of have to change your ways a little bit,
Speaker 1: especially if you're in a committed relationship. I know that
Speaker 1: might not sound right that you have to kind of
Speaker 1: change who you are, especially living in today's world where
Speaker 1: everybody just wants to be who they are and the
Speaker 1: way they are, and I'm never gonna change for anybody.
Speaker 1: I just don't think that's the way life works, and
Speaker 1: I don't think it's the way life should work. I
Speaker 1: think you should change and involve and try to better yourself,
Speaker 1: specifically specifically for the person that you choose to spend
Speaker 1: the rest of your life with, and then conversely with
Speaker 1: with Ashley and myself. Ashley can sometimes be my wife.
Speaker 1: Ashley can sometimes be very uh in awe of men.
Speaker 1: I know that sounds weird, but she has always been
Speaker 1: quote unquote a fan girl, uh, and it's kind of
Speaker 1: she's built it a little bit of a career off
Speaker 1: of it, being very well known for just being in
Speaker 1: love with the Jonas brothers and boy bands and their
Speaker 1: dreamy dreamy exactly. They are very, very dreaming. Joe Jonas
Speaker 1: is a very handsome man. But even in her everyday life,
Speaker 1: I can see her the way she acts towards certain guys, uh,
Speaker 1: that she kind of gets giddy and it's not I
Speaker 1: I trust my wife fully. We've had many conversations about
Speaker 1: it where she is very honest about this is just
Speaker 1: kind of the way I've always have been, and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to change it for you, But I'm just She
Speaker 1: was also never in a relationship, her first relationship as
Speaker 1: a thirty years old, so she's never had to really
Speaker 1: be aware of what her partner might think about that
Speaker 1: um And so when we first started dating, it bothered
Speaker 1: me a lot, for sure. And but go ahead, you're
Speaker 1: gonna say something I was gonna ask. Don't you feel
Speaker 1: excuse me? Don't you feel kind of guilty about, like
Speaker 1: if this is like something that's so embedded in Ashley's
Speaker 1: care and then you kind of come along and you're like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable with this, Like could you change
Speaker 1: it a little bit? Don't you feel kind of guilty
Speaker 1: for like asking her to change like something that's kind
Speaker 1: of like her outer core at times? But she asked
Speaker 1: me to change a lot of things as well, and
Speaker 1: I'm more than I want to change. That's the thing.
Speaker 1: I think both of us want to change for each
Speaker 1: other because we have chosen each other well. And I
Speaker 1: think that's what you get at the core of it,
Speaker 1: is that, sure, there are certain things. Of course, you
Speaker 1: have to draw a line. Anybody can use common sense,
Speaker 1: and I hope people are able to use common sense
Speaker 1: with this conversation and realize there are some things that
Speaker 1: maybe you should try to change for your partner to
Speaker 1: better yourself and better your relationship. And then of course
Speaker 1: there are other things that you shouldn't change. For example,
Speaker 1: if your partner is saying, hey, I don't want you
Speaker 1: spend spending that much time with your family. I want
Speaker 1: you spending time with me and my family, then you
Speaker 1: have to draw a line and say, hey, listen, these
Speaker 1: are very important people in my life, so on and
Speaker 1: so forth. But certain things, characteristics, behaviors, uh, things that
Speaker 1: I have done that I'm trying to change. Um. I
Speaker 1: think it's just an open dialogue about things that make
Speaker 1: me feel uncomfortable with things that make her feel uncomfortable
Speaker 1: that I do, and trying to evolve and better our relationship.
Speaker 1: There there's another aspect on another level, as you get
Speaker 1: deeper into relationships about the flirting thing, is that because
Speaker 1: you you made it clear for me when you talked
Speaker 1: about you observing Ashley kind of flirty or on her
Speaker 1: on her cute she turns on the cute light right,
Speaker 1: and she's actually you said she has changed. Well, so
Speaker 1: I guess that's the question of whether it's right or wrong.
Speaker 1: But then there's this part we as partners and relationships
Speaker 1: have to trust the other person, and flirting with other
Speaker 1: people makes us feel alive. Makes her feel alive and
Speaker 1: excited and tingly. And it's look, watch sitcoms. It's always
Speaker 1: in the sitcom they always do this thing. Oh why
Speaker 1: did you? You know? The paramedics are coming over and
Speaker 1: you put makeup on? You know, that whole trip. When
Speaker 1: we're in a relationship where we really trust and love
Speaker 1: one another, we can allow them to explore of that. Wow,
Speaker 1: it's I love Leslie Man and the movies that Judd
Speaker 1: Apatow does, And sometimes it's like, you know, but I
Speaker 1: just want to know that I'm hot enough that a
Speaker 1: dude wants to you know, you would you would do
Speaker 1: sex with me? She said right in that movie. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, I get that, So go go sport fish
Speaker 1: a little bit. I'm home. We're good. If it's too much,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, yo, slow your roll. But I mean,
Speaker 1: but I'm more I'm more guilty of it than she is.
Speaker 1: But it's part of her feeling alive. I kind of
Speaker 1: don't want to robberr that either. It's sexy, of course,
Speaker 1: and I've gotten a lot better with it because we're
Speaker 1: more secure in our relationship. But when we first started dating,
Speaker 1: in those first few months, I had a very difficult
Speaker 1: time dealing with for sure, and it's all about how
Speaker 1: we feel about ourselves. And it wasn't It was weird
Speaker 1: and the way I rationalized it because it wasn't that
Speaker 1: I think she wanted to cheat on me or be
Speaker 1: with this person more. It was just the I yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the idea of like, I know that you think
Speaker 1: that person is cute, and that is really pissing me off.
Speaker 1: And I know that's life and there's nothing I can
Speaker 1: do about it. There's many good looking people in this world.
Speaker 1: There's many people with different connections. But for some reason
Speaker 1: in my head, it was really hard for me to
Speaker 1: be like, I'm just I'm seeing the person i'm with
Speaker 1: look at someone who's very good looking and looking with
Speaker 1: google eyes. Not that she wants to be with them,
Speaker 1: but just like the fact that she just can't hide like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, this is a very very good person. We
Speaker 1: want them to bekind blind to anybody In the album
Speaker 1: No and I'm saying, our ego wants that ego wants
Speaker 1: us to go. Oh, you know, Hugh Jackman walked in
Speaker 1: the room and whatever. I'm down with them, old Mark Wall. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And now it's it's way different now where I agree
Speaker 1: with you, where it's like, oh, actually is doing her
Speaker 1: thing or even me personally. You know, she saw we
Speaker 1: were at a Taylor Swift. We were at Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and Taylor Swift came out and forget it, yeah, she
Speaker 1: just I was. I looked at her and I was like,
Speaker 1: holy c Like, I just I never have seen Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift like she's never been that. She's a very tractive woman,
Speaker 1: but I've never looked at her that way. And then
Speaker 1: she came out on stage and I've first actually looked
Speaker 1: at me, and she's like, you think Taylor Swift super
Speaker 1: hot right now? I was like, no, I just I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm thinking right now. So which we've
Speaker 1: grown that? Which way is the shared experience of every
Speaker 1: man who's been with Taylor Swim. Yeah, I don't know
Speaker 1: what I'm thinking right now. Yeah, it's like I I
Speaker 1: you know, because you don't want admit be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's unbelievably hot, so unbelievably adorable. But so we've certainly
Speaker 1: grown in that and grown trust and be able to
Speaker 1: talk about it more. But specifically in the beginning relationship,
Speaker 1: it really was bothering me. And obviously there's a lot
Speaker 1: of things that I probably was doing that bothered her
Speaker 1: as well. But um just my wife said to me,
Speaker 1: you should be on Dancing with the Stars and I'm like, great,
Speaker 1: I'd love to do that, and she then she'd watched
Speaker 1: it some more. She says, but she can't be on
Speaker 1: with Julian Huff. And then I worked with Julien Huff
Speaker 1: and I was googly. I can barely deal she. Have
Speaker 1: you've ever seen her? I mean, she's so adorable. I
Speaker 1: think when she farts, cotton candy comes out. It's like,
Speaker 1: she's the cutest thing you've ever seen. And I was
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, much older than her, and
Speaker 1: there's no vibe and she's whatever. But I'd literally like,
Speaker 1: should I wear this tire that time? You know, because
Speaker 1: Julie had and I had to say to Robbie and
Speaker 1: she gets it, But you know, what do you think
Speaker 1: about this? I think that I think we've covered it
Speaker 1: all your opinion what are we talking about again? Um? Learning?
Speaker 1: Because I know a big thing for you is that
Speaker 1: you don't want I don't impede anyone. I don't like
Speaker 1: impede Kalin's uh ability to explore and be curious and
Speaker 1: talk to people. So I have always just like do
Speaker 1: you I appreciate it. I support it. She like has
Speaker 1: a lot of guy friends that she gets dinner with
Speaker 1: very occasionally. Do you ever s jealousy? No? I used
Speaker 1: to be prett jealous. No, No, I'm like I'm very secure.
Speaker 1: Like I know she's like obsessed with me, which is great.
Speaker 1: It's like actually like one of the things that I
Speaker 1: like most about her. And so I'm like, go have
Speaker 1: your guy friends, go flirt with them if you want
Speaker 1: to flirt with them. But like, I know, at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, like you're still gonna like really
Speaker 1: like me. So I'm not concerned about it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Do you think maybe I'm not saying
Speaker 1: Calin is doing this, but maybe in past relationships she
Speaker 1: actively tries to talk to other guys to see your reaction.
Speaker 1: I don't think she does that, not with me. I
Speaker 1: mean maybe in past relationships, but I've experienced that at all,
Speaker 1: So I'm always like, and that's kind of the thing
Speaker 1: that I'd like going back too. Yeah, I think it's
Speaker 1: not not the worst thing, and like we're very open
Speaker 1: about it too. Like I have like this crazy celebrity
Speaker 1: crush on Alexis Rand and I'm always like, oh, Alexis Ranch,
Speaker 1: She's so pretty, and she's like, Caleen gets upset with
Speaker 1: me when I say that, but like it's just like
Speaker 1: I'm just being honest with her, Like I think, you know,
Speaker 1: it's just like the one person I think is like
Speaker 1: really like the one Instagram model that I follow on
Speaker 1: Instagram or whatever. You know. Well, I guess my question
Speaker 1: is going back to a hall pass. The idea of
Speaker 1: a hall pass. We all agreed that is, if if
Speaker 1: you didn't get jealous of your significant other they're having
Speaker 1: a hall pass, that's probably a big red flag. Obviously,
Speaker 1: this is not to the extent, but the idea of
Speaker 1: a partner not getting jealous about someone going on dates
Speaker 1: with you, whatever sex they're attracted to, without you being there.
Speaker 1: I'm wonder if that's a good sign or a bad sign,
Speaker 1: if you don't feel even a little level of jealousy
Speaker 1: and saying I wanted to be you. But I'm a
Speaker 1: little upset right now. Yeah, I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the right answer is. I don't know if
Speaker 1: there's a right answer. Every hall Pass movie or sitcom
Speaker 1: that does this plot line has it down to the
Speaker 1: moment where you're gonna close and then more shows up.
Speaker 1: I don't mean hall Pass in general, I just meaning
Speaker 1: the jealousy of hanging out with someone for sure when
Speaker 1: you're not there. But I think Dean hit it on
Speaker 1: the head. You know, at some point you get to
Speaker 1: a point where you hope to get to a point
Speaker 1: in relationship where you're on the same page that you
Speaker 1: had this unspoken spoken language like I see you and
Speaker 1: you see me, like legitimately. And so if my wife,
Speaker 1: for instance, was in the original Friday the Thirteenth movie, right,
Speaker 1: so occasionally awesome, not just awesome. She was the first
Speaker 1: one killed, like she's like like the historic and slasher films,
Speaker 1: so sick. So occasionally she goes and does these cons
Speaker 1: you know, in science autographs that she doesn't really enjoy doing,
Speaker 1: but she does it. And the last one she went
Speaker 1: to I couldn't go with her. And she still looks
Speaker 1: really great. She looks like she did in the movie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But also I got to interject, you guys been married
Speaker 1: for how long now thirty two. It doesn't necessarily make
Speaker 1: it easier. I'm not saying it makes it, but it
Speaker 1: changes it. Well, that's what I was saying. There's another level.
Speaker 1: So in that weekend when she's back and these fans
Speaker 1: are there and other people that have been in the
Speaker 1: movie back in the day are seeing her again after
Speaker 1: thirty semo years, she still looks great. Everybody else has
Speaker 1: fallen off the wagon, you know, and she got a
Speaker 1: lot of attention, and she came back with a little
Speaker 1: bit more swagger than I was comfortable with. But because
Speaker 1: I love her, I know that we have to fill up.
Speaker 1: Ego is part of it. It's an ugly, ugly beast,
Speaker 1: but the ego is part of it. And look, at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, like Dean said, I know
Speaker 1: she adores me. I don't really have to worry about that,
Speaker 1: which is a blessing, right, But it does sting a
Speaker 1: little bit, you know when you think of other people
Speaker 1: flirting with your wife. But then that sting is also
Speaker 1: really great. That sting reminds you where you're at, Like
Speaker 1: I was saying, if you don't care, then it's a problem.
Speaker 1: And I love her enough to let her have the
Speaker 1: ego boosts. Look, I'm in show business. Every time I
Speaker 1: walk around, some girl that's way out of my league
Speaker 1: because they saw me on TV says something really sweet
Speaker 1: about me that they don't really mean. But because I'm
Speaker 1: on TV, and I wear it like there since here,
Speaker 1: like I probably could have clothed that, right, And I
Speaker 1: walk around with this like confidence and excitement because I'm
Speaker 1: getting a lot of strokes a lot of times, right,
Speaker 1: And and it's hypocritical to think that I don't like it. No,
Speaker 1: of course everybody likes it, right, And my wife has
Speaker 1: had to come to terms with you know, that's the business.
Speaker 1: And you know, when he's out there being TV's Mark Wahlberg,
Speaker 1: he's adorable. And then I get this really depressed guy
Speaker 1: on the couch at home, And why do I get
Speaker 1: that guy? When they get that guy? And so I
Speaker 1: have to look at it and say, when she goes
Speaker 1: out and she's Robbie Morgan from the movie and people
Speaker 1: are all about it, she gets to have that. Of course,
Speaker 1: I think. My what I'm saying is that there's a
Speaker 1: difference between dealing with that when you're in a committed relationship, Like,
Speaker 1: there's a big difference with me dealing in with it
Speaker 1: now as a married man. Then there was you know,
Speaker 1: a month and a half, two months into the relationships
Speaker 1: thirty two years down the line. We can have this
Speaker 1: conversation first year down the line. I'm not so or
Speaker 1: either one of us wants to see anybody flirting around exactly,
Speaker 1: And so you kind of have to four months in
Speaker 1: right here, mark four months in right here, listen. But
Speaker 1: your four months in and you're communicating, you know, and
Speaker 1: that's important. That's it. Look it sounds like, honest to god,
Speaker 1: I really think you and uh is it Caitlin or Caitlin?
Speaker 1: I think that's uh from what I'm hearing, I'm you're
Speaker 1: you're pretty Uh, you're doing good. I appreciate that from
Speaker 1: the man himself. Well, listen, I'm just like somebody tweeted
Speaker 1: me today, You're like, you know, like I said, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I don't have any credential accept life experience. We're all
Speaker 1: trying to figure it out, you know, and it's the
Speaker 1: mistakes that make us better, all right, So that'll do
Speaker 1: it for this week's episode, um, Mark, thank you for
Speaker 1: joining us. Be sure to tune in if you're listening
Speaker 1: to this To Temptation Island season two, it's four couples
Speaker 1: that are continuously tempted by twenty four singles, putting each
Speaker 1: relationship to the ultimate test. It's on USA Network every
Speaker 1: Thursday at ten pm. You'll see Mark on your screen.
Speaker 1: You get to put a beautiful face to this beautiful voice,
Speaker 1: and everything we've been talking about actually actualizes on the
Speaker 1: show in an extreme manner. And if you like last season,
Speaker 1: this is just ridiculous. Can you give us a little
Speaker 1: teaser on what we might see this season versus last season?
Speaker 1: All I'll tell you is the last season there were
Speaker 1: a lot of tears. When you get to hers that
Speaker 1: final bomfire, you know, it's really emotional. I will tell
Speaker 1: you that more than once I've held people of both
Speaker 1: sexes in my arms as they sobbed. So that not
Speaker 1: not a role you normally see. Well, it is sad
Speaker 1: in the moment, but in the end, you know, those
Speaker 1: moments are cathartic, and like I said, last season, sometimes
Speaker 1: we learned lessons that we take to our next relationship
Speaker 1: that don't apply to the when we're in and as
Speaker 1: as a viewer, there's nothing you love to see more
Speaker 1: than someone just sobbing their eyes out. That's all that's real,
Speaker 1: that's authentic. Let me tell you something. There's a reason
Speaker 1: we want to take a nap and feel peaceful after
Speaker 1: we sob. There's a physiological thing that we have to
Speaker 1: cry hard and it it gives us peace. So there's
Speaker 1: actually a reason that we get so built up and
Speaker 1: we releast sob it out and then we feel better
Speaker 1: on the other end. There you go. So if you
Speaker 1: got something building up, just go ahead and sob for
Speaker 1: a long I'm gonna try right after the UM of
Speaker 1: course the Vanessa News. Vanessa, we love you, we always
Speaker 1: will love you, and I'm sure we'll see her. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't think this will be the last time we
Speaker 1: hear from Vanessa in the podcast. I mean, listen, you're
Speaker 1: always on the go. I'm always here just waiting to
Speaker 1: recording podcasts. But if one of us ever needs a fill,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure Vanessa could jump in dutifully and take
Speaker 1: care of that very much. So big to our sponsors,
Speaker 1: our listeners of course, as well, producers, UM, every one
Speaker 1: of them except for Tori uh be here so much
Speaker 1: for your questions too. We really appreciate you guys taking
Speaker 1: the time and commenting on the help my Second Dating Instagram.
Speaker 1: And next week Jared will be recording from nap. But
Speaker 1: I think next week is you. Next week is me
Speaker 1: recording by myself. Okay, hey, I'll be back next week
Speaker 1: by myself to be here to tune in then, because
Speaker 1: maybe I will suck just a little bit less. Follow
Speaker 1: help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast