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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha, and welcome to stuff

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Speaker 1: I never told you protected. I heart Radio Happy Thursday.

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Speaker 1: Everybody Happy Thursday, and by now you know what that means.

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Speaker 1: It is time for another happy hour, or perhaps another

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Speaker 1: unhappy hour. I feel like I keep doing this well.

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Speaker 1: I guess I'm trying to split up my unhappy hours.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know. Maybe that should just be your

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Speaker 1: segment unhappy hour. I was really happy during the Cinnamon

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Speaker 1: Roll one, but I have an unhappy response to us.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, that's coming up in a future episode. So

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Speaker 1: we hope that you, wherever you are on your day,

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Speaker 1: that you can take a moment and relax with us.

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Speaker 1: However that means for you, whether it's with a drink,

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Speaker 1: be it alcohol or otherwise, or perhaps maybe just sitting

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Speaker 1: and taking a deep, relaxing breath, whatever that is. Drink responsibly. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: and what are you stepping on, Samantha. I decided I

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Speaker 1: was going to go all in today and make myself

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Speaker 1: a gin and tonic instead of lime. I used blood

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Speaker 1: orange because I do love a good blood orange. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and I put in our aviation gin, which I'm really

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Speaker 1: hoping we're not sponsored. But man, Ryan Reynolds. You need

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Speaker 1: to hook us up. You say you love women. Give

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Speaker 1: us some free of gin. We had a moment where

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Speaker 1: there's talks of Ryan Reynolds Deadpool pants. I was trying

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Speaker 1: to work that in for our deals. We never got

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Speaker 1: a response. That's probably fair. We probably could have gotten

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Speaker 1: in trouble for that. Well, that sounds lovely. I am drinking.

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Speaker 1: I guess it's a whiskey sour. Okay. I don't have

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Speaker 1: any ingredients in my house, if that's not clear. So

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Speaker 1: it's whiskey and lemon juice and lime juice and nutmeg

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Speaker 1: and a big ice cube okay, not meg, not mag

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Speaker 1: on top. I got that from the person over on saber.

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Speaker 1: We interviewed the person who owns eighteen twenty one bitters

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Speaker 1: here in Atlanta, and she made us like a I

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Speaker 1: think it was a whiskey sour. It might have been

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Speaker 1: an old fashioned but she put that bag on top.

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Speaker 1: Never since and that kind of okay, okay, it's a

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Speaker 1: nice touch like that. It feels fancy. You are fancy

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Speaker 1: in your Star Wars glass, my Star Wars workout shirt

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Speaker 1: in my closet. Wars. I really wish we should have

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Speaker 1: taken a picture like at least once a month of

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Speaker 1: our Skype recordings because we have hit a decline, like

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Speaker 1: I am greasy, Like I am a greasy, greasy mess.

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Speaker 1: And the little that I've cared, I got first to

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Speaker 1: try to kind of put myself together and I kind

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Speaker 1: of out of were a little bit of makeup, so

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Speaker 1: I just don't look you know, blotchy or all that too.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm done. I'm brushing my teeth. You're lucky about

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Speaker 1: brushing my teeth. Yeah, there's some days we have skype

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Speaker 1: up so we can see each other when we record

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Speaker 1: these and when it gives you that like are you

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Speaker 1: ready to go into video? And it's the closest of

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Speaker 1: your face, and sometimes I like literally jumped back. I

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Speaker 1: mean I have become keenly aware of all the faults

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Speaker 1: of my face, on my triple chin, of my greasy hair,

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Speaker 1: dus my giant glasses. And I say this in loving

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Speaker 1: ways of like, yeah, I don't need to be reminded

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Speaker 1: that I've given up got it, But thanks Skype or

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Speaker 1: video conferences in general. And I love that, like that

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Speaker 1: option where it's like should we try to make you

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Speaker 1: look better? Wait? I didn't get that well they just

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Speaker 1: gave up on me. They're like, no, but yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that is an option. Yeah, yeah, it is. This morning

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Speaker 1: is very heavy bags under by as I was kind

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Speaker 1: of shocked at. Please. No, we love ourselves, but we

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Speaker 1: definitely are aware of the what is the syndrome? Now?

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Speaker 1: Has this become a thing where the videos have made

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Speaker 1: people acutely aware of themselves and started really declining? Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like we've talked about the fact that cosmetic surgery has

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Speaker 1: hit a pretty good incline, or at least the desire

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Speaker 1: for it because of our year of Zoom and Sky

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Speaker 1: and all video conferencing. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yesterday I

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Speaker 1: had therapy and the therapist obviously over video on computer

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Speaker 1: and like, my hair just fell because it's so heavy now,

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Speaker 1: and the therapist was like, wow, your hair it is.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for noticing. Yes, yes, it's been a year.

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Speaker 1: We're not talking about all of the messes. Now, we're

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Speaker 1: coming back to your unhappy hour, So let's start. Okay,

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Speaker 1: this one isn't super unhappy. But I know that I've

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Speaker 1: talked about this before on the show. But something that

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Speaker 1: I struggle with is expressing my own opinion. And I

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Speaker 1: know a lot of you listening are like, no, you don't,

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Speaker 1: which it's fair, That is very fair, But I always

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Speaker 1: feel like I had to have things to back up

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Speaker 1: my opinion. It cannot just be my opinion. I need

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Speaker 1: proof that I'm right, that my opinion is a valid opinion.

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Speaker 1: And this is something I'm working on, trying to undo

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Speaker 1: this view I have that things are either right or

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Speaker 1: wrong instead of just different opinions. And there are some

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Speaker 1: things that are right and wrong are wrong, but I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking more along the lines of entertainment are yeah, just

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Speaker 1: being on the show. And that's something that has been

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Speaker 1: because the show has been on so long and it's

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Speaker 1: such a research based show that finding that line between

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Speaker 1: research and having your opinion it has been a bit

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Speaker 1: of a struggle for me. I don't know if that's

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Speaker 1: something you've ever experienced. I think it's interesting because of

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Speaker 1: course we come behind people like Kristen and Caroline, who

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Speaker 1: Kristen's whole philosophy was too overresearch, and I know you're

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Speaker 1: with them, but part of that was not just because

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Speaker 1: she didn't want to be wrong or she want to

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Speaker 1: be ecuous, because she knew that during that time and

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Speaker 1: today and even beforehand, you had to be able to

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Speaker 1: meet your male counterpart and exceed them, and so having

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Speaker 1: a show that is strictly for women alone has been

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Speaker 1: a target, like we know this is a constant thing,

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Speaker 1: and then on top of that, we know that Kristen

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Speaker 1: had to prove ourselves as a scholar as well in

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Speaker 1: order to be taken seriously. And I think this kind

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Speaker 1: of the show specifically has followed that line for a

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Speaker 1: long while. I think Bridget and Emily changed it a

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Speaker 1: little bit with trying to be less neutral as where

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Speaker 1: Kristen and Caroline we're trying to follow that suit was

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Speaker 1: trying to be the are neutral but also feminist forward

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Speaker 1: as where Bridget and Emily came in during the time

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Speaker 1: where you really couldn't at this point, you can't not

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Speaker 1: have an opinion about feminism and not actually have a

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Speaker 1: side that you are representing or talking about or thinking on.

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Speaker 1: And they also came a lot more of opinion based

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Speaker 1: and then you and I came on, and you still

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Speaker 1: have that narrative with Kristen and Caroline and I come

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Speaker 1: in from the background of I just want to be

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Speaker 1: able to cite things and then if I'm wrong, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to tell me and will correct it for sure.

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Speaker 1: But more than anything else, I feel like one of

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Speaker 1: the biggest points in our genre, I guess, and in

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Speaker 1: our sect is that they don't want to hear opinions

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Speaker 1: from women. And I'm tired of that narrative too. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And there are a lot of things in there that

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Speaker 1: I've been thinking about two and what you just said

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Speaker 1: of like I do think women in general, my my

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Speaker 1: podcast experience, which has been pretty long at this point,

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Speaker 1: it's it might be over ten years um are under

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Speaker 1: a lot more pressure to provide all of this research

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Speaker 1: and back up what they say, like show me your

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Speaker 1: sources right than what I've seen and some of my

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Speaker 1: mail colleagues, and I do want to say, like it's

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Speaker 1: not that I have a friend who always when I

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Speaker 1: bring up my insecurity about this and more in the

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Speaker 1: sense of like my personal life and less this show.

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Speaker 1: But I have a friend who tells me she always

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Speaker 1: says it's not wrong to want to do your research

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Speaker 1: and to back things up. And it's certainly in the show,

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Speaker 1: like we do want to present facts but also opinions.

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Speaker 1: And and you know I done something that I do.

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Speaker 1: I do research. I do. I love researching things in general,

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Speaker 1: but even like things that I love, like, yes, let

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Speaker 1: me look and do how the economy of this fantasy

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Speaker 1: or old works. I would like to know that, yes,

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Speaker 1: it absolutely it is true. But I think the problem

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Speaker 1: is more that because I'm insecure in my own opinion,

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Speaker 1: that my own opinion isn't valid, that it is not enough,

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Speaker 1: and if people disagree with me, I might start immediately

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Speaker 1: doubting what I think. And I actually have an example

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Speaker 1: of this happening during a podcast once where I was

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Speaker 1: on the Bechdel Cast and we were talking about the Avengers,

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Speaker 1: and um, there are a lot of reasons it sucks

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Speaker 1: sometimes because you can't like outright say to an audience

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Speaker 1: like we were on a time crunch and you you know,

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Speaker 1: you have to move things along, or I would have

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Speaker 1: definitely like dug into this more or whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: We were on a time crunch and they said like

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Speaker 1: something about civil war and Captain America, and they're like, well,

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Speaker 1: you they made it. You feel like you should be

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Speaker 1: on Captain America's side, even though he's clearly in the wrong.

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Speaker 1: And I was like immediately started doubting my opinion that

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Speaker 1: I actually think Tony Stark was in the wrong and that,

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Speaker 1: and it was like I couldn't even say that, Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, what if I'm wrong about this? What if

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Speaker 1: I been like interpreting this incorrectly the whole time. What

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Speaker 1: if I'm coming at it from an uneducated point of view? Um?

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Speaker 1: And it's just like immediately crumbled in on myself and

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Speaker 1: didn't say anything. Right. So that's kind of what I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Yeah, I think it also has to

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Speaker 1: do with our history, your history more so than mine,

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Speaker 1: of being in a familiar environment where you are constantly

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Speaker 1: second guest or constantly dismissed, even with your likes and

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Speaker 1: whether your likes coincide with their likes, you're still being

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Speaker 1: dismissed as you don't know as much as us be quiet,

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Speaker 1: which is hilarious because I'm like, look at the woman

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Speaker 1: you are today. I could not imagine that girl to

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Speaker 1: where you are today. But I think that happens to

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Speaker 1: so many women in general, especially trying to find their

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Speaker 1: own and trying to be to fit in. And that's

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Speaker 1: that's that whole other conversation that has been like rattling

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Speaker 1: in my head, is this whole narrative of acclimating to

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Speaker 1: whatever society you're at and for women, what does that

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Speaker 1: look like? And that is you don't want to be pushy,

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Speaker 1: you don't want to be too strong, you don't want

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Speaker 1: to be all these things. But one of the things

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Speaker 1: that we know is that our opinions are going to

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Speaker 1: be dismissed. So therefore, even if our opinions are facts,

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Speaker 1: they still may be dismissed. So it's kind of like

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Speaker 1: that expectancy that makes you automatically go ahead and go

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Speaker 1: down that pessimistic out of they're not gonna listen anyway,

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Speaker 1: Why am I even trying? Yeah, and I think too

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Speaker 1: it's frustrating. I mean, it makes sense conversationally, but there's

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Speaker 1: also I was raised in a very like do not

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Speaker 1: rock the boat household, and in fact, when I would

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Speaker 1: have friends where I would see their family fight and

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Speaker 1: it was like a healthy fighting, you know, like not,

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Speaker 1: I would be like shocked. In my family, you did

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Speaker 1: not rock the boat until you were screaming at each other,

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Speaker 1: like there was no in between. And so when you're

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Speaker 1: having a conversation with someone, it does make sense to

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Speaker 1: me that at least in my case, and I think

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Speaker 1: for a lot of women, you don't disagree perhaps or

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Speaker 1: either you do but maybe in a much softer way,

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Speaker 1: or you you do start second guessing yourself kind of immediately. Okay, right,

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Speaker 1: And I know people have written in before and they've

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Speaker 1: called me out on that, which is I mean true.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes the conversation move so fast that like even

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Speaker 1: if you were going to say something, even if I

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Speaker 1: would have been like, actually, Captain America was in the

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Speaker 1: right one like like that could bring us to a

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Speaker 1: whole other one which we should talk about is being

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Speaker 1: in a spotlight at a moment and knowing people are

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Speaker 1: going to hear you, which is again brand new to me,

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Speaker 1: and it's I mean, I wasn't shell shock the first

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Speaker 1: year because of how many would critique every little thing

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Speaker 1: that may have been, like me miss saying a word,

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Speaker 1: what I want in time in order for it to

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Speaker 1: make my point. And again, like I absolutely agree when

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Speaker 1: I talk about some things that I'm completely wrong, we

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Speaker 1: need to be addressed and we want to correct those things.

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Speaker 1: But things that are being like picked on just because

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Speaker 1: you have nothing better to do than to critique a person,

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Speaker 1: why didn't you do this? I would have done this,

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Speaker 1: this the whole well actually, which is I swear to God,

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Speaker 1: the next person that does that to me, I may

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Speaker 1: punch them in the throat. It's a good thing I

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Speaker 1: haven't seeing people. Um. But it's kind of that that

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Speaker 1: whole narrative that it's really easy to go ahead and

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, these are you're an awful person because

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Speaker 1: of the three words you've said, or because of the

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Speaker 1: three words you didn't say. You know, it's it's such

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Speaker 1: a hard line to follow sometimes. And I don't make

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Speaker 1: excuses in saying that we can't be held accountable. Nah,

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Speaker 1: I don't believe in cancel culture in the sense that

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Speaker 1: I don't think that exists as much people think that exists.

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Speaker 1: I think people are being accountable, and that is what

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Speaker 1: it is. And I'm all about accountability. But the narrative

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Speaker 1: of whether it's literally an opinion of well, you didn't

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Speaker 1: do this like I said it was, or you didn't

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Speaker 1: say the correct words. I think we got corrected at

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Speaker 1: one point during our Hopover series for Ridiculous History because

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Speaker 1: you said pantyhose and he was like that didn't exist,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, it was a he that didn't exist in

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Speaker 1: the nineteen forties or whatever, like all right, find silts

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Speaker 1: stockings however you want to call it. It existed in

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Speaker 1: the twenties, it existed before, and it was very like,

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Speaker 1: why why do you have to do this? You know what?

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Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Like, when you're just

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Speaker 1: poking just for the sake of poking, you're being an

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Speaker 1: that's my opinion, all right, Yeah, and I I would

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Speaker 1: be interested to hear from any listeners if you also

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Speaker 1: listeners when we we complained about this, we know most

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Speaker 1: of you are like fantastic and amazing. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: we've got the best supporters like that. It's not even

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Speaker 1: a joke I think we have. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I could have lasted as and say this is my

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Speaker 1: job without the amazing response from the fan, Like we

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Speaker 1: have an amazing strong group of people, and I love it.

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Speaker 1: And I love the fact that I can put something

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Speaker 1: on social media that may be politically leaning, and for

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Speaker 1: those who want to argue, the fan's gonna back me up,

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Speaker 1: Like is I don't even have to do anything because

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Speaker 1: they they're like, you know, like I think it's beautiful,

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Speaker 1: And even when they're correcting us, most of the time,

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Speaker 1: it's really genuinely kind and It's kind of that narrative

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Speaker 1: where I'm like, I'm gonna do my may A cult

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Speaker 1: because they are completely right and I need to fix this.

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Speaker 1: So I think, more often than not, our listeners again

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Speaker 1: I thought I talked about the other guy who does

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Speaker 1: are not a regular listener. We don't have that. I

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Speaker 1: think our family is beautiful and it's so encouraging. And again,

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Speaker 1: like I said, I don't know if I could do

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Speaker 1: this job without those people. Even though sometimes I focus

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Speaker 1: a lot on the negative, the positives are the reasons

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Speaker 1: why I'm like, Okay, I can keep going. Just just

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Speaker 1: take this moment and remember this is one percent of

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Speaker 1: the you know, other person who does care and see

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Speaker 1: as as human mm hmm, absolutely absolutely, because it is

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Speaker 1: you're right there. It is when you're in a public

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Speaker 1: space of like having to formulate your how you're gonna

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Speaker 1: say you're opinion when you perhaps you weren't prepared, can

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Speaker 1: be disorienting. But also like, clearly there are things that

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Speaker 1: I would not crumple like I just believe very firmly, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: but I do think like this whole research thing is

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Speaker 1: sort of a support where I have to have that

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Speaker 1: to just have like it could be a very simple

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Speaker 1: like I like this movie, it could be something it's

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Speaker 1: like and if if if like everyone else in the

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Speaker 1: room is like now it's terrible, then I started dudding myself.

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Speaker 1: So I'm trying to come to a place where I

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Speaker 1: can be like, you know, maybe maybe the movie is bad,

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Speaker 1: but I like it, and that's okay, Like you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I can just have my own

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Speaker 1: opinion and I don't start immediately doubting my opinion like

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Speaker 1: my lover of the Mummy too. Annie, Yes, I will

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Speaker 1: support you. It's not wrong of you to love what

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Speaker 1: you love. In this instance, Thanks again for letting me share.

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Speaker 1: This is just something that bothers me. I love it.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing because obviously I had some of

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Speaker 1: opinions as well. Yes, yes, And if you have opinions

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Speaker 1: listeners and we would love to hear them, you can

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Speaker 1: email us at Stuff Media, mom Stuff that I Hurt

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Speaker 1: Media dot com. You can find us on Twitter at

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Speaker 1: mom Stuff podcast or on Instagram. And stuff I've Never

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Speaker 1: Told You thinks it's always to our super producer Christina,

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Speaker 1: who's one of the best in Oh. Yes, and thanks

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Speaker 1: to you for listening. Stuff I've Never Told you the

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Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio For More podcast When I

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Speaker 1: Heart Radio visit I Heard You app Apple Podcast, or

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Speaker 1: every listen to your favorite shows