WEBVTT - LINDSEY STIRLING: "Love's Just A Feeling" 0:00:03.640 --> 0:00:06.320 So the sponsor of this podcast and the people that 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:09.280 are making it possible for Lindsay to come here and 0:00:09.360 --> 0:00:11.680 be in the studio with me and produce this podcast 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:15.000 is audible dot Com, the source of so many great books. 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:18.160 These are books that are narrated by authors and performers 0:00:18.480 --> 0:00:21.200 that you can listen to all summer long. You can 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:24.120 discover a whole new world by the books that are 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:26.720 available to you. Take a book along or many of 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:29.159 them with audible dot com and if you start a 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:32.440 thirty day trial, your first Audible book is free. Visit 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:38.000 audible dot com slash Delilah. So, Lindsay Sterling, thank you 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:40.960 for coming, Thank you for spending time with us. Absolutely, 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.840 thank you so much for having me so many many 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:47.879 things I want to ask you because I have been 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:52.120 a fan for so long. My godson Ryan, who by 0:00:52.159 --> 0:00:54.880 the way, when he first saw you, came to me 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:57.160 and said, I saw the woman I'm going to marry 0:00:57.480 --> 0:01:00.279 No way, Yeah, yeah he did, he did, And so 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:02.000 he turned us on to you, and he's played so 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:04.400 many of your videos for us, for me and the 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:07.520 kids over the years. And when I first saw you, 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:10.840 the thing that I was drawn to is how authentic 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:12.959 you seem, and then I got to meet you and 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:14.960 hang out with you, and you are who you are 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:17.440 and I love that. Oh well, thank you so much. 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:19.720 You know, I mean, I think that when you're true 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:23.640 to what you love, you can't fake authenticity. No, you can't, 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:28.760 although some people try. Absolutely you would be amazed. But 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:34.640 you are authentically down to earth and adorable. Oh thanks, 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:42.000 absolutely adorable. I don't play video games, but I have 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:46.120 seen you as the little elf in Zelda. Well you know, 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:48.960 I got into that because well I played a little 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.200 bit at some video games as a kid. But I 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:54.240 love the music in them. I love that they tell 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:57.600 stories through the music and video games, and I love 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:01.640 dress up and so making and to play these characters 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:04.080 is really you don't get to wear the elf fears 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:07.520 and everything. Cosplay is fun. It is, and you're you 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:09.840 do it. Well, you're adorable. You're just like a natural 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:14.639 little adorable elf hopping around and playing and having a blast. 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:17.639 So well, thank you. That's my one of my goals 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:21.480 in life, bounce around as an elf. And I'm succeeding, 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:25.239 I guess. And so I got to ask you, are 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:28.959 you like, are you in a serious relationship? Lindsay sterling Ooh, 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:33.040 one will never tell I am I'm dating a gentleman 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:36.280 so at the moment, but you know, I've had many 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:39.200 years single, you know, being a working woman, it's hard 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:41.840 to balance that love life. And because my son, my 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:44.000 god son, Ryan is willing to help you with oh yeah, 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:46.600 oh okay, oh yeah, he's so willing to help you 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:49.280 with that. I'm just saying, just putting it out there. Well, yeah, 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:51.399 you know, if you put something out of the universe, 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:54.160 that's the best way that it could possibly come to fruition. 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:57.000 That is true, A strong believer in that. That is true. 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:59.919 So you play violin, and you've been playing for how long? 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:03.560 Oh gosh, well do I reveal my age? Oh? Just? 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.560 I mean you were a child? I was. Yeah, I 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:08.600 was six years old when I started. So I've been 0:03:08.639 --> 0:03:11.880 playing upwards of you know, twenty years. Wait, far over 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:15.160 twenty years. And when did you know that you had 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:18.200 a gift? Well, you know, to be honest, I wasn't 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:21.240 an incredibly gifted child in any way. Like you know, 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:24.040 it came slowly to me and all my parents encourage you. 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:26.040 Wait wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait wait, you're telling 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:30.280 me you had to practice kids? You gotta practice today. 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:32.320 Wait wait wait, wait, wait wait wait, you're telling me 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:35.560 you had to have discipline and practice something to be good. 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:38.840 Oh my goodness, boyd I had actually a terrible pitch 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:41.440 as a child, and as a violinist you have to 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:44.240 have impeccable pitch, and so that was something I had 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:49.480 to work on a lot. Whoa, whoa. Mind blown, ladies 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:52.200 and gentlemen, young people, listen to this. Lindsay Sterling, who 0:03:52.240 --> 0:03:56.880 was recognized as the premier, the top female violinist in 0:03:56.960 --> 0:04:00.840 the world right now, is saying, you have to work 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:04.280 on it, oh very much. So. You know, if there's 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:06.760 one thing I've learned and how to do, it's it's 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.200 even more so than play the violin or dance. It's 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:11.440 I think I've learned to work really hard. And that's 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:13.840 where I'm at, why I'm where i'm at today. Wow, 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:18.400 I'm better at working. I'm fun because I have You know, 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:20.960 a lot of kids and a lot of people think 0:04:21.000 --> 0:04:23.760 that you just like snap your fingers and you're a 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:28.200 protege or you're famous, or you're and you have had 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:31.880 to work incredibly hard, oh incredibly hard. Well, and I 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:34.920 think it's you know, it's ironic when people say to me, oh, 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:37.599 I took violin lessons for a little bit, but I 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:40.560 was terrible. And I'm like, I don't know anyone that 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:43.480 started the violin and that was good at it. Like 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:47.840 it's you know, it's not a very forgiving instrument. It's 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:50.359 very you know, it's like a trombone. Trombone is not 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:53.560 a forgiving instrument. No, you're exactly right, And you have 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:55.400 to play for a while before you can even make 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:58.239 a good sound, let alone play it. But just making 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:01.159 a nice sound is you know, it takes a while. 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:03.680 So so who was it harder on you having to 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:07.320 have discipline and practice or your folks having to listen 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:09.920 to that. I'm going to probably say my sisters. Actually, 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.000 my parents knew they were in for this, you know 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:13.880 when they signed me up for the violin lessons. But 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:16.120 I remember my sisters used to clever their ears and 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:19.720 be like, mom, maker stop. But you know, I think 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:22.320 that's why I practiced so hard, because it was Wow, 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:25.200 I found something that will drive my sisters insane. You 0:05:25.240 --> 0:05:28.000 know how kids are, Yeah, I do, I do. And 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:30.960 I was the sister that drove my sister insane. Lindsay 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:34.320 Sterling hold that thought and we'll be right back. The 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:38.880 sponsor of this podcast is audible dot Com, the source 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:42.440 of so many great books narrated brilliantly by authors and 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:46.640 performers alike. Discover a whole world by the books read 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:49.240 to you wherever life takes you this summer. Take a 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:51.640 book along or many of them with audible dot Com. 0:05:51.960 --> 0:05:54.920 Start a thirty day trial, and your first Audible book 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:59.480 is free. Visit audible dot com. Slash Delilah so with 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:02.760 me and the student as Lindsay Sterling. And you said 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:07.039 something upstairs when we were talking beforehand. My youngest daughter, 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:11.320 little Delilah, was, you know, getting your attention and performing 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:15.000 for you. And I told you that she's allowed one 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:18.440 activity either, you know, one activity a season. I'm not 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:20.400 going to be doing two or three sports or two 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:23.839 or three activities. And your face lit up, and you said, 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:28.080 that's why I played the violin, because you told your folks, 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:30.200 what was your choice? What did you want to do? Well? 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:32.839 As a kid, I, you know, five six years old, 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:36.080 I begged for dance lessons and violin lessons, and so 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:39.159 my mom took me to one of each, and then 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.039 it was kind of you have to choose, you know, 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:43.880 they just could not afford one, let alone both, and 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:47.560 so they I chose the violin and played my entire life. 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:50.400 And it wasn't until my you know, like after I 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:52.440 think I was twenty three when I was like, I'm 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:55.039 going to dance. I'm going to teach myself to dance. 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:57.280 And so it wasn't till way later in life. And 0:06:57.320 --> 0:07:00.560 again I had to work incredibly hard as to train 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:03.719 my body in my twenties to do what a dancer does. Yeah, 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:07.760 because most dancers starts six, seven, eight ten, Oh yeah, absolutely, 0:07:07.880 --> 0:07:09.640 so you had ketchup. So how many hours a day 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:12.040 did you practice when you decided to learn how to dance? 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:14.200 How many hours a day did you train? You know, 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:16.840 I can't even I can't even tell you half an hour, 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:21.040 an hour, two three, I mean two hours, probably because 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:23.560 not only was I trying to dance, but I actually 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:26.640 would try to dance while playing and so to kind 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:29.080 of master that. So that's how I dance the best, 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:31.200 actually is when I have a violin in my hand, 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:33.920 because that's how I taught myself to dance. And yeah, 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:39.800 hours hours of meticulously practicing the most simple movements, you know, 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:42.000 and at first I called it dancing, but it was 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:44.440 more like just kind of wiggling my body, or it 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:46.400 looked like I was playing hopscotch with a violin. But 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:49.200 you know, because it was so unnatural, and slowly over 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:52.680 the years it's turned into dancing and twirling and jumping. 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:56.360 And so when you play the violin, do you see 0:07:57.760 --> 0:08:01.320 the music? Some people, I mean, I can tell you 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:05.160 feel it in your dance. You interpret it intuitively in 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:09.000 your dance? Do you see it? Are there colors associated 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:13.680 with it? Do you you experience it in your other senses? 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:16.280 You know, I've heard that some people. I wish I 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:19.200 saw music in colors. I think that's such an incredible gift. 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:21.920 But I see it in a different way. And oftentimes 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:23.920 when I'm writing a song, I'm in the studio with 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:26.080 a producer and we're writing a song, and I'll get 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:28.680 an idea just by the sounds. All of a sudden, 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:31.200 I'm like, oh my gosh, this song is a pirate song. 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:33.600 This song is meant for dancing pirates. And so all 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:35.760 of a sudden, you know, the producers actually think it's 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:37.600 quite funny, and they're like really, and I'm like, yes, 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:40.760 it's pirates. And so we'll finish out the song for 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:43.760 a pirate that's dancing and you know, and that's just 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:46.360 one example, but I've written so many songs that either 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:49.000 before or while I'm in the studio, I may not 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:52.080 see colors, but I see stories. You see stories. Yeah, 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:56.160 and you've been able to produce those in some incredible videos. 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:58.439 Oh that's you know. I went to film school. Actually 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:00.640 I didn't study music and call it. I ended up 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:03.920 going I wanted to be a director, and so one 0:09:03.920 --> 0:09:07.040 of my loves, one of my huge passions is directing 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:10.280 and creating videos. And I love that I have combined 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:13.040 two of my passions into one thing. I loved, you know, 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:15.280 telling story through music and I love doing it visually. 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:17.160 And now I get to do both. And you get 0:09:17.160 --> 0:09:21.000 to dance and you get to wear the most incredible costumes. 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:24.800 Oh my favorite. I love designing costume. So who sews 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:27.439 your costumes for you? Well? I work with some incredible 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:30.280 stylists and we bring on you know, we bring on 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:33.280 different seamstress to kind of bring our visions to life. 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:34.920 But everything from you know, I can go to her 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:36.480 and say, I want to be like a you know, 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:38.520 a ring master of a circus, and that was in 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:40.320 my last tour of One of my costumes had this 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.400 awesome red coat, and we made one for my dog 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:45.480 as well, so she could come on stage and do 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:48.880 a trick mid show. Like we I just love to create, 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:51.320 you know, an evening for if someone's going to come 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:54.000 to a show, I want them to be thoroughly entertained. 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:56.600 I don't want to just play music or just I 0:09:56.640 --> 0:09:59.000 want them to learn something. I want them to leave 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:03.720 having felt something. I think anybody who watches your videos, 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:06.920 or goes to your show, or even encounters you has 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:11.160 to feel a lot. You bring out the feels. Oh, 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:13.120 thank you so much. That's I think that's what every 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:15.760 artist hopes to do, you know, is to make everyone 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:19.720 feel something. Will you do a fabulous job. So tell 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:23.920 me about the new song that we've been playing, and 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:27.079 that love is such an amazing feeling. Tell me how 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:30.120 that came to be. Well, you know, that song kind 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:33.880 of encompassed what I wanted the album to, like, kind 0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:36.120 of be the pinnacle of the album's story. Because my 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:38.720 album is called Brave Enough. And when I was writing 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:41.960 this album, I was experiencing a lot of loss. You know, 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:45.360 my best friend had just passed away. When I started writing, 0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:48.400 and my dad was going through cancer treatment, and you know, 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:50.560 pretty much I was preparing myself that he was most 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:52.920 likely going to pass away, and so I was just 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:56.160 experiencing all this grief, all these emotions, and trying so 0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:59.960 hard not to emotionally close off. And you know, an 0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:02.400 it's my nature to kind of recoil and become a 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:05.280 workaholic and you know, work my way through problems and 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:07.120 fight on, hold on. I need to just look at 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:09.560 producer Janey as you say that, because I don't know 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:12.120 anybody else in this room like that now, you know. 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.240 I think it's one of the bigger things that our 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.360 society struggles with is using There's so many different ways 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:20.439 to numb, whether it's turning to our phones or devices 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:22.959 or you know. I mean, there's really unhealthy ways of 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:25.240 numbing that we can all think of. But also I 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:28.400 think workoholism is something that I struggled with so much, 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:30.640 you know, and being so busy that I didn't have 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:33.360 time to even feel, you know, And here I am 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:35.640 trying to write an album, and you cannot write music 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:39.000 if you refuse to let yourself feel. And so love's 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.839 just a feeling is about opening, you know, is about 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:45.440 me opening my heart, being willing to accept the storms 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:48.120 of life along with the sun, because you cannot see 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:50.160 the sun unless you look up, and you know, with 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:53.600 the chance of scene clouds, you can't. You cannot selectively 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:56.600 numb emotions. You can't numb the you know, the bad 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:59.000 without numbing the good. And no one wants to live 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:01.760 a gray life, to live a life that experiences the 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:05.000 full spectrum of colors. And so that's in a very 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:08.520 long winded version, that's what the song is about. But 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.079 we do, so many people do. We were talking about 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:15.760 this outside our society numbs us down and dumbs us down, 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:18.840 and so many people do live in a world of 0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:24.320 gray where because we're distracted, constantly distracted, or sitting in 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:27.960 traffic or you know, addicted to alcohol or drugs or 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:33.080 whatever it is, we are numb right well. And you know, 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:37.079 I there's just so many ways I have found myself numbing. 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:39.160 I keep finding it in different ways trying to sneak 0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:41.920 into my life. For a while, I suffered from anorexia, 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:44.240 and that is an extreme way to numb yourself. If 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:46.760 you want to live a gray, feelingless life, you know 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:50.240 there's a key, but nutrients out of yourself exactly like 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:53.880 starve yourself. And I was miserable, and yeah, I wasn't 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:56.240 feeling the you know, I wasn't feeling anything, and it 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:59.400 left me so empty, and you know, so wait, wait, 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:02.280 So for all the young women listening and men, because 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:04.360 a lot of young men are dealing with body image, now, 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:07.800 what was the breakthrough that you said, I can't do this. 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:09.280 I need to take care of me, I need to 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:12.640 nurture my body. Well, you know, it was, first of all, 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:16.319 an extreme realization when I finally realized I woke up 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:19.679 and realized, oh my gosh, I'm anarexic. And I had 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:22.320 kind of been in denial for so long and finally 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:25.880 it became apparent. And what really clicked it for me was, 0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:28.520 wait a second, I used to be really happy. And 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:30.600 I remembered this all of a sudden when I was 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:33.400 with my sister and we were roommates in college. She 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:35.559 was my best friend growing up, and I looked across 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:37.240 at her. She was we were both in our room 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.480 and she was doing her homework and I thought, I 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:41.920 don't remember the last time I laughed with my sister. 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:45.240 I don't remember the last time we shared a funny conversation, 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:47.400 or I don't actually know anything about what she's going through. 0:13:47.400 --> 0:13:49.920 And I realized, when did I become this shell of 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:52.880 a human that only thinks about what? Wow? I only 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:55.840 think about food and weight and scale numbers and I 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:58.520 and this woke me up to the string of events 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.520 caused me to realize I was annarex and I was 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:04.720 so unhappy and had no motivation in my life was 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:08.040 I was miserable and I hated myself. And this realization 0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:10.000 made me realize I didn't used to be this way, 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:12.680 and I knew how to work hard. I learned to 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:14.960 play the violin, I had taught myself to dance. I 0:14:15.000 --> 0:14:17.120 had overcome many things in my life, and I thought, 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:20.240 I know how to work through problems and I did 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.680 everything I could. In that moment, I switched. I have 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:26.520 a switch flipped in my head and I started researching, 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.480 I started going to counseling, I started going to group therapies, 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:31.640 and I mean, it took a lot of work, and 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:34.920 it's made me realize that sometimes happiness is something you 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:37.280 have to fight for, the same way we work on 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:39.760 our appearance and our bodies and go to the gym, 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:41.440 or the same way you work on a talent or 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:44.400 Ballerina's learned to have perfect you know, poise as they 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:48.400 spin on their toe. Happiness sometimes takes work. Sometimes it 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:50.600 takes more work for others than it might be for 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:52.880 someone else. But it's something I think we all have 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:55.080 to work for and we can fight for. And I 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.640 truly believe that if you put in the time, anyone 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:01.280 can get over their obstacles and that we can all 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:05.600 be happy. So when you when you had that aha moment, 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:08.560 I'm sure that your sister you said, was there. I'm 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:11.120 guessing she was the first person you shared this with. 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:16.640 Did they go no, or was it like, ah, we've 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:19.640 been watching you slowly kill yourself. It was a little 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.400 bit of a moment, you know, like, yes, we know, 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:26.400 you know, mom knows, everybody knows, and it created this. 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:28.080 You know, I didn't tell even though a lot of 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:31.400 people probably knew. I'm sure my roommates knew. But you know, 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:34.320 my family was my core, and you know, it's something 0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:36.840 that takes time. I didn't just jump into you know, 0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:39.720 full gear right away at first. My family was my 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:43.040 my support system, just my mom and my sister. And 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:45.920 then I started with positive self talk. Okay, I'm going 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:48.200 to work on the thoughts in my head. They're terrible. 0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:51.640 I'm so mean to myself. I say horrible things every day, 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:53.960 so I'm going to turn those around slowly. I'm going 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:56.080 to say what I should be saying. And then it 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:58.360 turned into I'm going to go to therapy, and you know, 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:00.920 because it's really hard to go from zero to one hundred, 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:03.680 and it takes time, it does, so it was fun. 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:05.920 That's why it's called one step at a time, you know, 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:08.200 one day at a time, one step at a time. 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:11.920 And today you look very healthy. I am. I'm a 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:15.160 healthy girl. And I saw you eating the key, so 0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:19.200 I know you're not in a pie and a healthy 0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:22.680 little slight it was it was organic though, all those 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:25.320 berries came from the farm, which if it's organic, oh 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.480 it was amazing. And whole sugar, you know, it's rocking sugar, 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:34.480 So yeah, I can justify a cheese pie anyway. Well, 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:38.280 I'm glad your style. So you have not only had 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:43.120 those kind of obstacles, but you also have sang about 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:46.360 or performed about and talked about in some of your 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:52.040 videos that I've watched the struggle of having other people 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:55.920 not believe in you or not see the gift in you. 0:16:56.520 --> 0:16:58.520 And I'm going to get emotional while they talk about this. 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:02.600 But you did a video or you played in the 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:08.000 New York subway system and you were in costume, you 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:12.199 had a wig on, but it was clear it was you, right, 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:14.480 I mean, it wasn't like you had makeup on to 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:18.159 hide that. And you were performing in the subway system. 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.640 And as I'm watching the video, because you the way 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:23.960 you the video was produced, when was this your idea 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:26.360 to intersperse it with you on stage? Yeah? It was. 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:28.480 So there was a clip of you in the subway 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.439 with people you know, on their cell phones and walking 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:32.840 by and bumping into you and being rude. Then there'd 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:35.919 be a clip of the adoring fans on stage, and 0:17:35.960 --> 0:17:38.160 then a clip back in the subway of people you know, 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:43.720 kicking the little Nativity scene over or just being so caustic, 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:47.400 almost aggressive towards you while you were performing, and then 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.800 a clip of people, you know, weeping when they got 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:52.399 to meet you and get your autograph. And that was 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:55.560 such a good juxt of position. But as I was 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:58.360 watching that video, I kept thinking you had you had 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:01.920 to have edited this. Surely there were people like myself 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:05.680 in that subway who would have recognized you and thrown 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:09.400 their arms around you and taken selfies with you. Well, 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.280 you know, to be honest, I remember being quite humbled 0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:15.120 that that was not the case. You know, I thought, Okay, 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:17.199 I'm probably gonna have to edit this video, edit out 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:20.359 the people that you know, maybe stop and listen. But really, 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:22.520 I you know, I was there for about two hours 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:24.600 to catch all these shots, and the cameras were hidden, 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:27.720 and I can only remember, you know, there was one 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:30.280 young man that stopped and listened and his eyes filled 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:33.199 with tears and you know, until his subway came and 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:36.879 then he got on. But other than that, you know, 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:39.200 people wouldn't look me in the eye. It really made 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:40.960 me think, Wow, how often do I go through my 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:43.080 day and I go through the cash register, you know, 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:45.040 and I don't even look at the cashier's face as 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:47.600 I do my transaction, and just so you know, I'm 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:49.879 on my phone, and like, how often do we just 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:53.880 not see like the beautiful people that are around us 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:56.080 every day? And it really did remind me of a 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:58.399 time when you know, that was all I'd had to 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:01.200 do was perform you know, on the street corner sometimes 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:04.160 are performing open mic nighter for people that wouldn't even 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:05.879 look me in the eye. And it's not that my 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:09.320 playing has changed, it's just that, you know, I'm a 0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:12.119 different person now due to you know, for some people, 0:19:12.400 --> 0:19:15.159 because of social media has made me quote famous, and 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:17.879 so in that scenario, I'm worth looking at. But when 0:19:17.880 --> 0:19:19.800 I'm in a subway playing and no one knows who 0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:22.320 I am, does that make me any less of a person? No, 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:25.720 you know, but there's beautiful people around us every day. Well, 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:28.040 at the end of the video, you shared those thoughts 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:31.280 and you also shared your faith, which just blew me 0:19:31.320 --> 0:19:34.000 away because a lot of artists that I interview won't 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:36.280 even you know, touch on the subject of faith or 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:40.680 God or spirituality or anything like that. But there were 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:44.920 so many great scenes in that one song. It shot 0:19:45.119 --> 0:19:49.359 in the subway where you had the camera on the 0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:52.920 little Nativity scene. Yeah, and then at the end when 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:55.040 you talked about the gift that we're all given, you know, 0:19:55.080 --> 0:19:56.960 the gift of love that God gives us out he 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:00.920 sees all of us. I love that. I think, Well, 0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:04.000 my faith has been just a huge part of my life, 0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:05.959 not only is it the way I was raised, you know, 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:09.919