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Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.

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Speaker 1: We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationships and

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Speaker 1: what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling. Revalry. No, no, sibling.

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Speaker 1: You don't do that with your mouth, revelry. That's good.

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Speaker 1: We hope that you were able to learn a lot

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Speaker 1: from last week's episode with just doctor Vivike Marthy, and

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Speaker 1: we're excited for you to now hear our conversation with

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Speaker 1: him and his sister, doctor Rashmi Murphy. She's a family physician.

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Speaker 1: Vavic was the surgeon General under President Obama, and Mom

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Speaker 1: and I were in New York and we were able

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Speaker 1: to do that one together, Ali, because you were sick

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Speaker 1: of the flu. I was sick. I was sick, sick

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Speaker 1: in the head. My great song lumineers. So here is

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Speaker 1: part two with Vivac and Rashmi Murtha. I'm so interested

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Speaker 1: in so many, so many parts of your life, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, and there's so many to go through. You know.

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Speaker 1: We look at our notes here and you know, there's

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Speaker 1: this stage of your life, and there's that stage of

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Speaker 1: your life. And you two have been born at the

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Speaker 1: same time one year. I mean, that's that's kind of extraordinary,

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Speaker 1: and it feels a little bit like twins, you know,

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Speaker 1: is who's who's older? Okay, So Rashmi, you're born and

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Speaker 1: then how many months later? Or I was born June

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Speaker 1: twenty second, okay, and then he was born July tenth,

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Speaker 1: So that's our that's my son's year. So being you know,

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Speaker 1: so so so close growing up. You said something to

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Speaker 1: the effect that you always go to her, You're a

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Speaker 1: little bit like the second mother. Is that correct? That's right?

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Speaker 1: So how does that what do you mean by that? Well?

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Speaker 1: And how does mom take that? Well? Our mom looks

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Speaker 1: at that as a source of pride, actually, because she

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Speaker 1: I think for both my parents, I think, and this

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Speaker 1: is I think is common probably for a lot of parents.

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Speaker 1: They want their kids to be friends and hopefully be

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Speaker 1: there for each other after their time on this earth passes.

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Speaker 1: And that was always her hope, was that we would

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Speaker 1: be close and that we would look after each other.

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Speaker 1: So I think the fact that from the very beginning,

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Speaker 1: Rushmi was always so motherly toward me and always took

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Speaker 1: care of me, I think was reassuring to them that

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Speaker 1: hopefully this pattern would last, you know, for the rest

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Speaker 1: of our lives, because it was that way from the

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Speaker 1: very beginning, like from the day my mother and father

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Speaker 1: brought me home from the hospital, like Rushman is only one.

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Speaker 1: But despite that, she was happy that I was there.

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Speaker 1: My mother in fact told me that as soon as

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Speaker 1: they brought me in the door, we ran up and

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Speaker 1: she gave me a kiss, you know, and you know

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Speaker 1: that's not the normal or always the most common reaction.

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Speaker 1: Oliver backed up. I brought Katie home. He backed up

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Speaker 1: into the corner. I want I better get Katie to

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Speaker 1: the baby nurse. How old was Oliver? Oliver was two

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Speaker 1: and a half? Okay, is it just you two? Oh wow?

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Speaker 1: So just bam bam and then mom was done. Give

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Speaker 1: us the background of how you were brought up. So

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Speaker 1: you know, mom and dad were in India. Dad trained

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Speaker 1: a little bit in the UK, and then we were

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Speaker 1: born there. Stayed there for about two years after I

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Speaker 1: was born, and then we moved to Newfoundland. So we

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Speaker 1: were there for two years and then in nineteen eighty

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Speaker 1: moved down to Miami. And how old were you when

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Speaker 1: you moved to Newfoundland? About two? Okay, so you don't

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Speaker 1: really remember the UK that's my earliest memory. We had

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Speaker 1: a house on or we were looking down at the

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Speaker 1: ocean on a cliff, and he and I would play

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Speaker 1: in the water on the beach below, and my parents

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Speaker 1: were sitting on the sand chatting away, and he and

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Speaker 1: I were just in the midst of all this jellyfish,

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Speaker 1: picking them up with our bare hands and putting them.

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Speaker 1: We'd never seen jellyfish before. I don't think my parents

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Speaker 1: really knew that it was dangerous, and so we were

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Speaker 1: just lucky that we never done. But we were just

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Speaker 1: putting them into buckets and just having her way. And

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Speaker 1: then how long were you in Newfoundland? Another two years

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Speaker 1: or so? So my dad was like a country doctor,

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Speaker 1: doing house calls on tractors and them a debt of

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Speaker 1: winner and delivering babies. You know, say that that's amazing

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Speaker 1: when you hear that, it's a question I had. Your

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Speaker 1: father sounded incredibly altruistic. Who is daddy? He's very altruistic,

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Speaker 1: He's very he thinks and dreams big, so he has

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Speaker 1: big aspirations for himself and for his kids. And I

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Speaker 1: think he's fundamentally optimistic as a human being about the

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Speaker 1: world and about people. Times that's gotten him in trouble,

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Speaker 1: you know, being terms of being too trusting of people

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Speaker 1: who have sometimes misused that trust. But that's ultimately who

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Speaker 1: he is, you know the end of the day. And

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Speaker 1: he's incredibly hard working, and when we grew up, he

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Speaker 1: would really he pushed us to really, you know, hold

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Speaker 1: ourselves to a high standard when it came to how

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Speaker 1: hard we worked and how hard we you know, applied ourselves.

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Speaker 1: But I think the most powerful way that he and

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Speaker 1: my mom taught us was really through their own example,

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Speaker 1: because both of them were very service oriented in their

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Speaker 1: in their life, they devoted so much time to charity

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Speaker 1: projects than to bringing community members together around these projects

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Speaker 1: that typically didn't work together, and so we saw a

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Speaker 1: lot of that. We were annoyed by it a lot

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Speaker 1: of times as kids because it was taking them away

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Speaker 1: from us. But in retrospect, we look at it and

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Speaker 1: we feel proud of them and how they lived their life,

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Speaker 1: even though it wasn't always easy because they came when

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Speaker 1: they came to the country, they didn't have a lot

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Speaker 1: of connections or money. I actually see, it's funny what

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Speaker 1: sticks with you from being a child. But I remember

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Speaker 1: one day when we were in elementary school, and when

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Speaker 1: things were really tight, going to the grocery store and

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Speaker 1: my mother is saying, we have to be very careful

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Speaker 1: about what we buy because we only have one hundred

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Speaker 1: dollars to spend on food for this week or this month.

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Speaker 1: And I was very young at the time, but I

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Speaker 1: remember being really scared because I remember wondering, are we

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Speaker 1: not going to have enough to eat? Like what's going

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Speaker 1: to happen? So they came and they had to deal

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Speaker 1: with just a lot of hardships and setting up like

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Speaker 1: a life here without much support. But despite that, they

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Speaker 1: always dedicated a portion of their time and energy and

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Speaker 1: attention to doing things to improve the community, and that

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Speaker 1: really stuck with us. Yes, I mean, as Katie and

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Speaker 1: I were talking together about what is it that makes

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Speaker 1: you who you are? You know and how much you

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Speaker 1: get from your parents, because obviously we'll talk about it,

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Speaker 1: but you've done a lot for people, and it's kind

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Speaker 1: of in your nature, in particularly your nature when you

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Speaker 1: came out, immediately had this maternal instinct kissing your bro

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Speaker 1: You're our first doctors that we've had on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and clearly are our first surgeon general. Do you think

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Speaker 1: that that was always kind of growing up like you

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Speaker 1: both because you're both doctors, correct and are you still practicing? Yes,

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Speaker 1: So I work. I have a private practice. I share

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Speaker 1: office space with my dad, which is kind of fun

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Speaker 1: and nice, and I feel really blessed that I can

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Speaker 1: do that. And it's a practice that my mom actually

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Speaker 1: when we were both in school, as was a tradition

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Speaker 1: with a lot of Indian households whose husbands happened to

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Speaker 1: be doctors. The wives often helped manage and set up

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Speaker 1: the office space and worked in various aspects. So my

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Speaker 1: mom did the same thing. She was working in that

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Speaker 1: office space. She was a manager. She did everything from

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Speaker 1: you know, behind the front desk to you know, billing

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Speaker 1: to everything skipping around In terms of this culture, because

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Speaker 1: I spend a lot of time in India, and I

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Speaker 1: have a lot of friends in India, and I'm a

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Speaker 1: great lover of India and it's culture and the soil

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Speaker 1: it's steeped in, all of its history and all of

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Speaker 1: its religious beliefs is pretty pretty exciting. But I did

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Speaker 1: notice that the family unit, and I started going there

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Speaker 1: in nineteen eighty, but the family unit, particularly back then,

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Speaker 1: was very strong, and no matter where I was, I

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Speaker 1: was able to see grandfathers with their children in the streets,

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Speaker 1: mommies washing hair of their children, and the ditch families

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Speaker 1: hanging together and laughing and sitting on the side of

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Speaker 1: the road and having chapati. But everybody in some way

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Speaker 1: was related, and this family unit was unbreakable. I wonder

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Speaker 1: if that's how you grew up. I think so, you know,

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Speaker 1: I think India has changed a lot over time, but

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Speaker 1: for many immigrants, like my parents, India has frozen in

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Speaker 1: time for them as what it was like in nineteen

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Speaker 1: seventy two when they left, and at that time, family

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Speaker 1: units were very strong. That was your beginning and your

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Speaker 1: final source of support. I remember going for the first

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Speaker 1: time to my father's village. You grew up in a

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Speaker 1: really far out, poor village in South India. So which part. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was about a couple of hours outside of Mysore. Oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: it's called Halligray, which is why their names are my dad's.

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Speaker 1: So part of like the old naming culture is you

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Speaker 1: have the name of your city or your village. Oh right,

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Speaker 1: then your family name than your personal name. So that's

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Speaker 1: why the Vig's middle name is Aliga. Yeah, that's right. Tradition, tradition, right,

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Speaker 1: like yeah, and so I remember going there for the

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Speaker 1: first time and seeing just how poor people were. I mean,

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Speaker 1: many people did not running water in their homes, and

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Speaker 1: there were no bathrooms in most people's homes, et cetera.

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Speaker 1: And food isn't always easy to come by, but people

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Speaker 1: looked out for each other and families were tight, and

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Speaker 1: neighbors were tight as well. And so even though they

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Speaker 1: may not have been wealthy they were poor when it

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Speaker 1: came to material resources, when it came to relationships, they

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Speaker 1: were They were rich and they were sustained by that.

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Speaker 1: And it was so clear. So growing up, I think

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Speaker 1: our parents, who both grew up with tight families, even

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Speaker 1: though they didn't have a lot materially, they really wanted

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Speaker 1: to keep that family unit preserved. And I think they

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Speaker 1: felt even more so because his immigrants who came to

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Speaker 1: this country not having much support. They felt that if

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Speaker 1: they didn't have a strong family unit, then what would

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Speaker 1: we have. You know, we couldn't fall back on cousins,

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Speaker 1: we didn't have a community of connections. And they also

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Speaker 1: worried that we might be looked at, you know, as outsiders,

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Speaker 1: and that we may not always be embraced, so they

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Speaker 1: felt that the family had to be strong. Why did

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Speaker 1: they leave, Well, they left India for I think the

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Speaker 1: reasons that many immigrants leave. They my father growing up

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Speaker 1: had even though he was in a small village he

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Speaker 1: was it was during the time immediately falling Indian Indian

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Speaker 1: independence when there was a lot of aspirations and dreams

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Speaker 1: about what not just a country could be, but people

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Speaker 1: were opening up their own lives and wondering what could

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Speaker 1: I do and what could I become? And at that time,

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Speaker 1: like if he wanted to get a really good education

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Speaker 1: or build a really good career, you went to the

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Speaker 1: UK or you went to America. And so after he

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Speaker 1: finished medical school, that was his first step was to say, okay,

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Speaker 1: well maybe I can build a better life for the

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Speaker 1: family abroad. And I think if he had to do

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Speaker 1: it again, he probably would have come directly to America

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Speaker 1: given what he knows now. Back then in the nineteen seventies,

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Speaker 1: there was a lot of racism in England. It was

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Speaker 1: actually quite quite overheard. So for example, when he was

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Speaker 1: a doctor working in the hospital there and they had

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Speaker 1: to assigned the call schedule, so who has to work

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Speaker 1: evening duties? And night duties and weekends and weekdays. If

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Speaker 1: you were somebody of color, then you were automatically given

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Speaker 1: the bad shifts. If you were someone of color, then

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Speaker 1: you generally weren't called on entering the hospital wide meetings

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Speaker 1: to speak if you had ideas. So it was very

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Speaker 1: overt back then, and it's changed a lot now, But

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Speaker 1: I think at that time he sort of, you know,

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Speaker 1: after seven years of being in England, they realized they

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Speaker 1: needed to go somewhere different, and they wanted to actually

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Speaker 1: come directly to America. But the first opportunity they got

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Speaker 1: to leave was actually to go to Newfoundland, and that's

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Speaker 1: why they went there. We always say, you know you,

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Speaker 1: you are what you know, and when you grow up

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Speaker 1: in a family of doctors, a lot of times you

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Speaker 1: become a doctor. It's just something that's in the bones

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Speaker 1: and sometimes challenge. Like I always thought that you're certainly

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Speaker 1: born into this is maybe more of the Indian take

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Speaker 1: on it, but that you're born into a family that

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Speaker 1: cultivates a certain desire for you, you you know, and support

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Speaker 1: for you. So I can't remember a time where it

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Speaker 1: wasn't about health, like maybe it would have been a vet,

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Speaker 1: but you know, we were the kids that went to

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Speaker 1: Toys r us and got the anatomy, you know, the

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Speaker 1: dissection kid. You loved on your own? Yeah, yeah, so fun,

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Speaker 1: didn't you? I did? I loved operation? Did you do that?

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Speaker 1: Why Miami? Why did your parents go from? I mean

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Speaker 1: clearly like Newfoundland after like freezing cold delivering babies. Your

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Speaker 1: pops was probably like going when is this black raid?

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Speaker 1: There were two job offers, one was Buffalo and the

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Speaker 1: other one is Miami, so it was like a no brainer.

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Speaker 1: And did you like growing up in Miami? Yeah? I

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Speaker 1: mean it was it was nice. I mean we were

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Speaker 1: the only Indians in our school. But I was oddly,

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Speaker 1: I didn't grow up feeling colored in any way. I

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Speaker 1: felt colorless. I didn't really notice racial differences and you know,

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Speaker 1: yeah really yeah, I didn't notice. I didn't feel any

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Speaker 1: of that. I think I was lucky. I didn't have

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Speaker 1: a lot of experiences with over racism either, except for

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Speaker 1: one one of you know, one we were driving somewhere

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Speaker 1: in somebody sauce and my parents and a sari and

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Speaker 1: we were in some Indian clothes and yelled something out

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Speaker 1: the window. So what was it like for you growing

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Speaker 1: up in Miami? You were in the same grade, right,

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Speaker 1: we were, Yeah, from first grade onward. Yeah, he skipped kindergarten.

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Speaker 1: Why is one really skipped kindergrind? This is what I've

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Speaker 1: wondered for years. I wasn't like demonstrating great intelligence or

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Speaker 1: something like that. Maybe color well, I don't know. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you looked very bored. So you know, there was a

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Speaker 1: lot that I loved about Miami. I liked playing outside

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Speaker 1: and doing sports, and Mimi was so nice all around

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Speaker 1: year to do that. But I was very conscious of

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Speaker 1: my culture and my race, in part because in part

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Speaker 1: because you know, I felt a lot of pride around it,

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Speaker 1: and our parents made it a point to teach us

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Speaker 1: a lot about Indian culture and tradition and about spirituality.

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Speaker 1: But I also felt conscious of it because I remember

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Speaker 1: discrete instances as a young person where I was made

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Speaker 1: fun of because I was Indian and people used to

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Speaker 1: call me Tomahawk boy, you know, thinking of like Native

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Speaker 1: American culture and history, and and it was just, uh,

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Speaker 1: those were unpleasant experiences, like when I was in elementary school.

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Speaker 1: And it's funny, like, I know that most people weren't

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Speaker 1: like that, but those experiences really sticky. You and I

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Speaker 1: took it. I think it took me many years to

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Speaker 1: shed some of those experiences and to not automatically sort

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Speaker 1: of assume that someone might think less of me because

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Speaker 1: of my racial and ethic background. We see, we still

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Speaker 1: remember feeling that in college, even though I was surrounded

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Speaker 1: by a lot of people who are Indian and of

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Speaker 1: various ethnicities. But it's amazing how the brain actually holds

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Speaker 1: on to that part of the brain and it just

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Speaker 1: replays itself, so it doesn't seem to go away so easily.

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Speaker 1: Even when you talk to your own brain and say

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Speaker 1: this is silly, you know, but it still triggers you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it is. It is something that it's very

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Speaker 1: tough to get rid of. But I think just because

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Speaker 1: the brain does have a level of plasticity, we can

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Speaker 1: do it. So I love the fact that you came

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Speaker 1: in as maternal for him, even though you guys are

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Speaker 1: basically the same age. Do you always feel like clearly

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Speaker 1: the older sibling? You know? Now it's situational because I

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Speaker 1: think probably around college, you know, there are certain instances

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Speaker 1: where I might feel like I need to ask him

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Speaker 1: for advice. He's the older, wiser person when it comes

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Speaker 1: to this topic. Or or or he'll ask me for

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Speaker 1: advice with certain things. But growing up, like in grade school,

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Speaker 1: high school, I mean, at that age, most of my

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Speaker 1: caretaking was you know, we're like in elementary school, we'd

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Speaker 1: sit up and we'd make our parents eat at like

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Speaker 1: ten o'clock eleven o'clock because we'd be studying straight through.

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Speaker 1: And it was cruel, but it happened for several years.

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Speaker 1: And maybe they would never want to eat dinner with

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Speaker 1: that without That's why they would wait till eleven pm. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they have to eat dinners. See where you go. That's togetherness,

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Speaker 1: that's unity. These are all the things that also you

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Speaker 1: build resilience, yes, and and uh, you know, loyalty. So

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Speaker 1: they would fall asleep, you know, and waiting for us,

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Speaker 1: and then we'd have to wake them up and say, okay,

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Speaker 1: we're ready, and or let's just take a break, let's

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Speaker 1: see dinner and then go back. So but then at midnight,

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Speaker 1: you know, he'd be hungry. I wish I was that

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Speaker 1: good of a person. Well, you know, we would sacrifice

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Speaker 1: our own need for that food. I'll wait for you,

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Speaker 1: darling until you finished. I mean, it really is like

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Speaker 1: it's like an amazing thing. That I never had. Mom.

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Speaker 1: These are like small sacrifices that sometimes you don't pay

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Speaker 1: attention to, you know, you look at the big ticket sacrifices, like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I didn't buy something that I wanted because I'm saving

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Speaker 1: for my kids college education. On a daily level, these

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Speaker 1: were the things that my parents would do for us.

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Speaker 1: So you guys go to the same high school and

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Speaker 1: then you go the same year to different colleges, and

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Speaker 1: did you leave each other? Was that so hard? Hard? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: We had not only been in the same grade, but

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Speaker 1: a lot of times because we were alphabetis, we were

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Speaker 1: sitting next to each other in class. It was at homework.

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Speaker 1: I have copied her homework and more than one occasion,

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Speaker 1: like there, there was a lot that we did together

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Speaker 1: and again, and then all of a sudden we're in

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Speaker 1: to allly different places. Did you feel cowed, lonely, profoundly? Yeah.

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Speaker 1: You know, we went away to one of those pre

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Speaker 1: college programs, and I feel like Vivig thrived in that year.

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Speaker 1: We were both at the same program, and he thrived

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Speaker 1: and he was just throwing himself into all the classes

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Speaker 1: and homework and everything, and for me, it was sort

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Speaker 1: of devastating. Because it was the first time I was

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00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,399
Speaker 1: away from home. He was studying all the time. But

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00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 1: the situations were reversed when we actually went to college.

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Speaker 1: I think he felt it more than I did. I

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00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,920
Speaker 1: still felt, you know, out of place and a little

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Speaker 1: bit isolated. Parents were far away, and you know, he

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Speaker 1: was in I was in New York, he was in Boston.

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Speaker 1: Where did you go to school? I was at Barnard,

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Speaker 1: Oh nice, and you I was at Harvard at Harvard. Oh,

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00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 1: so it's like that I saw those schools in all

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Speaker 1: nobody in our family anywhere. Actually none of us went

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Speaker 1: to school. I went on here for the acting. Yeah,

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00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,360
Speaker 1: so this is this is really interesting. This is all

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Speaker 1: that connectivity and taking being together for so long that hard,

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Speaker 1: very very hard. Yeah. Did you talk to each other

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Speaker 1: often when you were gone? Oh? Yeah, we My dad

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00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,280
Speaker 1: would call me every day at six o'clock in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, your parents, I call you early. But yeah,

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00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,919
Speaker 1: we live seven blocks away from each other. Well there

355
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:50,200
Speaker 1: I live. I feel like I feel like the daughters

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00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,879
Speaker 1: just don't really go far. And you work with your parents,

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00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,400
Speaker 1: so work with my Yeah. My mom still comes into

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00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 1: the office every now and again, but mostly she does

359
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 1: work from home and she's a realtor a part time.

360
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 1: But my my mother lives with my parents now, so

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00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 1: I go there nearly daily just to see her and kids.

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00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 1: I don't have children. My husband and I don't have kids.

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00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 1: Kid Vivek Analys's two children are like our sorry get kids,

364
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,120
Speaker 1: but when we're there, we're like all involved. Oh it's

365
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 1: so fun. Second set of parents, she's their godmother. Out

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Speaker 1: of college, how long were you in school? I was

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00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 1: in school for so. I took a year off after

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00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:31,400
Speaker 1: college and then I was was very stressful for my parents. Yes, yeah,

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00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 1: they were afraid that, you know, once he breaks the

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00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,440
Speaker 1: track of education, that he might get sidetracked into other

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00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,679
Speaker 1: things or maybe like bartending it somewhere in a bitha

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00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 1: or something somewhere I did. Maybe maybe it's scared because

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00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:51,119
Speaker 1: I actually did call my mother one day in college

374
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,400
Speaker 1: and say that I was thinking about bartending part time.

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00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,879
Speaker 1: I did. I did, And the thing is I didn't

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00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: drink alcohol. I knew nothing about like you know, what

377
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,199
Speaker 1: to make, but I figured somebody would teach me. She

378
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 1: was not happy about that. So when I proposed taking

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00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 1: a year off, they both I mean, you guys are

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00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:15,640
Speaker 1: so accomplished, Like did you ever party yet? Well, no,

381
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: you guys ever like get like wasted. I never have

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Speaker 1: a moment where you were both like, I mean no, yeah,

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00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,400
Speaker 1: you guys are so good. College I didn't go out

384
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Speaker 1: very much. I think I went to two parties in college, right,

385
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 1: But in medical school and when I was in business school,

386
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 1: I went to and threw a lot of parties. Then

387
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:44,159
Speaker 1: I feel like I finally like came out of my

388
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,879
Speaker 1: social show when I was there. Well, you can go

389
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 1: to the parties and have fun and dance on table,

390
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,120
Speaker 1: don't to be completely wasted, but like at some point

391
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 1: you're going to get wasting. Well, I mean right, all

392
00:21:56,320 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say no, don't you okay enough out of

393
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 1: you shut up for me to come out that I

394
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 1: forgot about I don't know. But anyway, who went into

395
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 1: what kind of medicine after you're one hundred years at school?

396
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 1: So I ended up doing internal medicine with this specialty

397
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 1: in hospital medicine. So what that means is I took

398
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 1: care of adults, and I took care of them when

399
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,720
Speaker 1: they were admitted to the hospital, So when they were

400
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 1: really sick enough to be admitted, and I basically went

401
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 1: into family medicine because it encompassed a lot of I

402
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 1: couldn't pick. I like pediatrics, I loved ob I like dermatology,

403
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 1: I like doing surgeries. So with family medicine you can

404
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: do you know, like the old fashioned country doctor. You

405
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 1: can do everything. In the Midwest, You've got fps who

406
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,919
Speaker 1: do colonoscopies and c sections. Oh wow, you can just

407
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,920
Speaker 1: do it all. So I could go do you could

408
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 1: look at my sinuses and look at my moles and right,

409
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 1: and listened to my heart and you know, and do

410
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,919
Speaker 1: PRP for something and oh how fun. Yeah, gives you

411
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: a lot of breath. Third Love, I'll take this one, Alie,

412
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,399
Speaker 1: because I'm female, I will. But can I say one

413
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 1: thing before you go to this. So in this time

414
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 1: of quarantine, my cup size has grown from an A

415
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:28,480
Speaker 1: to a double A. Okay, go ahead. Well the good

416
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: news is is that, Oliver, since your cup size has grown,

417
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 1: you can go on line and you can express that

418
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 1: to them and then they will make sure that you

419
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: have a perfectly fit bra. Great Third Love uses measurements

420
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: of millions of women to design their bras with all

421
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: day comfort and support. You have sixty days to wash

422
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 1: it to wear it. If you don't love it, you

423
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: can return it. They have braasen over eighty sizes got

424
00:23:56,119 --> 00:24:00,120
Speaker 1: double A including half cups and bands thirty to forty eight.

425
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 1: They're made with all their signature foam cups, no slip straps,

426
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:07,439
Speaker 1: smooth band, scratch free band. And then you take a

427
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 1: fit quiz in sixty seconds? Do you think I'm a

428
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,879
Speaker 1: double A? Like? Actually, do you think if I was

429
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: measured I would be a double A? Yeah? I mean

430
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 1: you definitely do have little boobies right now. Okay, So

431
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Speaker 1: what you do is you go into the fit quiz.

432
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433
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434
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452
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473
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Speaker 1: Sokara dot com slash sibling. You got this amazing appointment

474
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 1: surgeon General. How do you get appointed the position of

475
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,640
Speaker 1: surgeon general? I have no idea how it usually works.

476
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 1: I can tell you how it worked for me, and

477
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,360
Speaker 1: I suspect it's very different every time. I actually had

478
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 1: never sought out the position of being surgeon general or

479
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,399
Speaker 1: thought I would work in government. I was kind of

480
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 1: doing my own thing in the private sector, and that

481
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 1: involved the mix of doing medicine, you know, building a

482
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: tech company, and then doing some advocacy work around health policy.

483
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,200
Speaker 1: So it's involved in healthcare stuff. But I wasn't in government.

484
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: But literally what happened is one day I was flying

485
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 1: back from LA to Boston where I lived in Boston,

486
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 1: on a red eye flight. I landed on July tenth,

487
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 1: my birthday, and I was about to go to sleep,

488
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, no, I just left. I've

489
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 1: left my dry cleaning at the dry cleaners for like

490
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: the last week while I've been gone. I was like,

491
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 1: I should go get it. So I went to go

492
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 1: get it. And while I was walking back with my

493
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 1: hands full of dry cleaning, my phone rings and I

494
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 1: look at the phone and it's a two number, which

495
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 1: is Washington d C. And I knew was Washington d C.

496
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: I don't know who it was, and I recognized a number,

497
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 1: so I just kept letting a ring and then it

498
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 1: rang finally at the variant is like, let me just

499
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: pick it up. And it was that phone call that

500
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 1: was the White House calling to ask if I would

501
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: be interested in serving as surgeon in general who at

502
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 1: the White House is calling. So it was somebody who

503
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 1: was was not the president, and it was not like

504
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 1: his immediate circle. It was somebody several rungs below the president.

505
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 1: What you wouldn't believe it the President doesn't make that

506
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: first call. No, okay, because in part you would never

507
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,920
Speaker 1: put the president on the phone unless you were sure

508
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: the person was going to say yes. That's one of

509
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 1: the reasons that President wasn't on the phone. But it

510
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 1: was also very early in the process. Well, they were

511
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 1: actually thinking about multiple people, and they were calling to

512
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: engage my interest in being considered for that role. And

513
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 1: even though I actually had no interest in serving in

514
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 1: government prior to that, there was something interesting about this role,

515
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: very unusual in fact, about this role that struck me

516
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: in that moment, just deeply instinctually as a role that

517
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: might be a good fit. And that's that, unlike most

518
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 1: of the other politically appointed roles, the job at the

519
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 1: surgeon Gental is not to execute the agenda of the president,

520
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 1: but it's actually to have the highest fidelity to the

521
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 1: public interest in science and to work on issues and

522
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 1: comment on issues even if they contradict your president. At

523
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 1: least if you do it well, that's what you were

524
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 1: supposed to do, and there was something about that that

525
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 1: appealed to me. There was also something about the fact

526
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: that you could really work with and engage with the

527
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 1: public directly that was exciting to me. And it felt

528
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,720
Speaker 1: like a way to really make a contribution, hopefully to

529
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: public health that would be interesting and that I would

530
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: be able to craft, you know, like with my own vision,

531
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: and so that was exciting. When did you get the

532
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 1: call that they wanted or he wanted you to be

533
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: the search in general? So this was actually a big,

534
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: crazy like journey, and I just I'll tell you the

535
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 1: sort of highlights and low lights if you will. But

536
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 1: there were a series of interviews, the conversations they wanted

537
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 1: to have after that. So I meant, you know, a

538
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 1: bunch of different people, but it was like you never

539
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: really know, like there's a lot the whole process is

540
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 1: very opaque. First of all, you don't it's very opaqu

541
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: It's very unclear like who's involved in decision making, who

542
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 1: else they're talking to, how long it'll take, like none

543
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 1: of this is at all clear. The other funny thing

544
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: about it is usually when you go to a job interview,

545
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 1: people will tell you what the job is about, right,

546
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: I was next question, but actually job. But nobody at

547
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: any point really got into what the job was about.

548
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 1: And I realized later that it was in part because

549
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 1: everyone in government has a slightly different perception of what

550
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 1: the job is. But there were a whole bunch of

551
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 1: those conversations, and at some point, I think a few

552
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 1: months later, so July tenth I got the first call.

553
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 1: I think probably some time about two or three months

554
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 1: later is when I got word that they had settled

555
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: on me as a person they want. And then they

556
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: begin begin a very intensive vetting process, so where they

557
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 1: go through like everything in your life that you said publicly,

558
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 1: what people have said about you, because they want to

559
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 1: know if they put you up to be confirmed by

560
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 1: the Senate, are you going to end up being an

561
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: embarrassment to the president? Is your confirmation going to fail? Yeah.

562
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: It's like an intense background check. It's the craziest background

563
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 1: checked you could have ever gotten in your life. That's right.

564
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 1: And then finally in November of that year is when

565
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: they made the public announcement that they had nominated me,

566
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 1: but it didn't. That's actually that was the easy part

567
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 1: from that November. For the next thirteen months, I went

568
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 1: through a very intensive confirmation process that initially looked like

569
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 1: it would be easy. But then what happened because initially,

570
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 1: you know, it's I'm already exhausted, like this sounds exhausting government.

571
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: The crazy thing about being nominated for these positions without

572
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: any confirmation of or guarantee of being confirmed, is you

573
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: don't know if you'll be able to do stuff. And

574
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: while you're in confirmation process, you have a lot of

575
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 1: restrictions on what you can do publicly. So you can't

576
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 1: go out and give talks, you can't write paper is,

577
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 1: you can't do you can't do interviews, can't do anything.

578
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 1: So who's confirming you The Senate, so they have to vote,

579
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 1: and you know, in a very partisan environment, you never

580
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 1: know how things will fall. So in that case, like

581
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 1: it rested in part on my hearing, and so I

582
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 1: went for this confirmation hearing in February of the following year,

583
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 1: where I was, you know, grilled by senators and I

584
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: had previous prior to that, done a whole bunch of

585
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 1: one on one meetings with them, and at the end

586
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 1: of that confirmation set hearing, everyone felt quite optimistic. There

587
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 1: were Republicans who were, you know, seemed enthusiastic and open

588
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 1: Democrats were enthusiastic, and we thought, okay, we'll have a

589
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 1: nice bipartisan in confirmation here. But then on the day

590
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: of the committee vote, so they typically your committee will

591
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 1: vote first in the Senate, and then the whole Senate

592
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 1: will vote on your nomination. But on the day of

593
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 1: the committee vote, the National Rifle Association the NRA, in

594
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: part largely in partnership with one of the members of

595
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: the Senate, launched you know, sort of an attack a

596
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 1: few will and issued a letter saying to all the

597
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 1: Senators saying, if you vote for this candidate, then we

598
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 1: will score you, which means that we will give you

599
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 1: a letter grade, and that will impact whether we run

600
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 1: ads against you, whether we fund your opponent, things of

601
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 1: that sort. And so all of the Republicans who had

602
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 1: indicated potential interest in support went back to their corners,

603
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 1: and about twelve Democrats who were up for reelection or

604
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 1: come from states you know, have mixed sort of political background,

605
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: also went from the yes column immediately to the no

606
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 1: or maybe why why. In twenty twelve, after the tragic

607
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 1: shootings in Newtown, Connecticut, where so many children were murdered.

608
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 1: I had posted a few tweets around that time in

609
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 1: which I had said that gun violence is a public

610
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: health issue. I had also said that I thought it

611
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:57,719
Speaker 1: was shameful that instead of passing legislation as safeguard our children,

612
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: that Congress is being scared of interest groups and is

613
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 1: shying away from taking action. And I had organized actually

614
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: a petition as part of an organization that I was

615
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 1: leading with my wife Alice, called doctors from America to

616
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: actually bring physicians around the country together to advocate for

617
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: sensible legislation to prevent gun violence. And it was on

618
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 1: the basis of that that they issued the letter. So

619
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 1: nobody thought I would be confirmed. In fact, it was

620
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 1: given like a one percent chance. Really yeah, And so

621
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: I remember the day the New York Times wrote a

622
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 1: story saying, you know, the White House is likely going

623
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,880
Speaker 1: to withdraw this nomination, and every media outlet was running

624
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,839
Speaker 1: stories about because this is a It ended up being

625
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: very big news, and it's a weird although I'm sure

626
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 1: to you both of you very familiar feeling to be

627
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 1: talked about a lot in the media, knowing that you

628
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:49,799
Speaker 1: can't go out and say anything about your mouth shut

629
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 1: and keep your mouth shut, because my views were based

630
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 1: on science and public health. It wasn't that no one

631
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: should have guns. It wasn't that, you know, everyone should

632
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 1: have gone. It wasn't about that. It was that we

633
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 1: need to let sign and to drive our policy and

634
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: put sensible reforms in place so that, you know, we

635
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,360
Speaker 1: safeguard our children. I mean, what should be more important

636
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: than making sure our kids are safe, you know, especially

637
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 1: when they're at school. So what happened is though, you know,

638
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 1: after that point, I remember that day that the New

639
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 1: York Times story when it came out, I went and

640
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: met with the President's sort of his inner circle team

641
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 1: at the White House and I asked some point blank.

642
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 1: I said, do you want and does the President want

643
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 1: to withdraw the nomination? And they said no, they said

644
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 1: absolutely not. I said, I know he has other policy priorities.

645
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 1: You're going to have to spend political capital on this

646
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 1: with no like shred you know of evidence that there

647
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 1: may be a return on it, like it may still fail,

648
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 1: in fact, it's likely to fail. You sure, They said,

649
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: you know this is important. It's important to us, it's

650
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: important to him, and it's an issue of principle, and

651
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 1: we want to keep working to get this done because

652
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 1: it matters, and no one should be, you know, using

653
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 1: the Surgeon General's you know, nomination and confirmation as a

654
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: pawn in a policy debate, and this is not a

655
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 1: politician role. So they's stuck by the nomination, and we

656
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 1: kept at it, and through a series of circumstances, at

657
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 1: the eleventh hour after the twenty fourteen elections, during what's

658
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,359
Speaker 1: called the lame duck period when just a little bit

659
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,800
Speaker 1: of legislation gets done before people go home for Christmas,

660
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 1: the very last moment, they were able to bring up

661
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 1: the nomination and it received enough support to actually pass.

662
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, now I saw this. How did you

663
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:33,799
Speaker 1: respond well to the initial nomination? I mean shock and

664
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: just awe because such great things, potential things were happening

665
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 1: to him and he works really hard. And then of

666
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 1: course just feeling really devastated when that we were all

667
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: there for the confirmation. Oh, emotional, It's crazy. It's so

668
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,839
Speaker 1: much joy. I don't like the word pride, but I

669
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 1: love the word joy, you know, for having those moments

670
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,919
Speaker 1: and having worked so hard, but also be a pawn,

671
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,319
Speaker 1: which is really what happened, and it you know, and

672
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 1: not deserving. So you know, obviously when it didn't go through,

673
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 1: we were all devastated. Yeah, you know, because all of us,

674
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 1: knowing him for so long, knew the kind of impact

675
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 1: that he would have in this role, you know, for

676
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: the country and being on such a large stage, being

677
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 1: able to affect millions of people, you know, in a

678
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:36,880
Speaker 1: positive way. This is what he was has always wanted

679
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 1: to do. The downward spirals are always preceding great moments

680
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 1: in life, right, And so the immediate aftermath was this

681
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,319
Speaker 1: whole group of people that just got together and said,

682
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,319
Speaker 1: you know, no, in a grassroots level, we have to

683
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 1: make sure this is going to come to fruition. And

684
00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 1: just seeing all that energy you know from the people,

685
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 1: not necessarily the White House or administration or anything like that,

686
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 1: people you know, making sure that they did one on

687
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: ones with people, you know, people in the in the

688
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 1: Senate and trying to trying to turn the tide. So

689
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 1: at that moment when he did receive the confirmation, I mean,

690
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 1: just elation. Was it just the best? And did you celebrate?

691
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 1: We were all in DC together for that for the

692
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: vote and the role, the role call and and you

693
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:39,719
Speaker 1: ate it a deuce an hour, and I wouldn't be

694
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 1: doing my brother justice right now if I didn't ask

695
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,800
Speaker 1: this question, because this is the question Oliver would ask,

696
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 1: which is in that moment as a doctor, was there

697
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: any part of you that felt any kind of envy

698
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 1: or was it pure excitement? This is Oliver's holding be like,

699
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 1: of course, I'm just saying I have to ask it

700
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 1: for you. You're being represented here. No, No, I don't

701
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,240
Speaker 1: one thing about a relationship from the beginning of time.

702
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:16,319
Speaker 1: I've never been jealous of him ever, So No, it

703
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 1: just it's just so amazing. That was very emotional. What

704
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,360
Speaker 1: you what you just experienced. Thank you for sharing that, Honey.

705
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:27,799
Speaker 1: You've done philanthropy, which is something that you did, you know,

706
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 1: to really affect and bring awareness to the AIDS issue

707
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 1: that was going on. And you know here and in

708
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 1: India UH and the other UH foundation that you created.

709
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 1: This this supports a lot of the various things when

710
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: as I see you and I read about you, what

711
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 1: is the what does your past look like? And what

712
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 1: the trajectory of your of your future looks like. Because

713
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:58,800
Speaker 1: you're extremely caring people. You have a lot of empathy

714
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 1: and a lot of energy to be able to help mankind,

715
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,919
Speaker 1: whether it's through writing your book or whether it's through

716
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:10,720
Speaker 1: the various things that you can do that help people.

717
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: And it's a beautiful grab bag of gifts that you

718
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:19,399
Speaker 1: can give and you like that makes you happy. When

719
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:23,239
Speaker 1: did you start your foundations? Were you in school? Did

720
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:27,320
Speaker 1: you start them after school? When did you start knowing

721
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: that you two together wanted to create this kind of

722
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 1: way in order to affect people's lives positively. The first

723
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 1: nonprofit we started was freshman year of college, so that

724
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 1: was the one that focused on HIV AIDS in India.

725
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 1: And you know, GOLDI. I would love to tell you

726
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: that this was part of some grand plan, but it

727
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,239
Speaker 1: was kind of by accident that that happened. Because my

728
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 1: dad called us one day and he said, Hey, this

729
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,839
Speaker 1: is philanthropist in South Florida who wants to give money

730
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: to a cause, but he doesn't know what the cause is.

731
00:40:57,920 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 1: He said, you haven't meant So my dad asked us

732
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 1: if we had an ideas that we wanted to submit

733
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,719
Speaker 1: to him for support. Now, well, this was not at

734
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 1: all on my radar. I was just freshman in college.

735
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:08,759
Speaker 1: I thought I am there to like study, get some

736
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 1: stuff done, figure out what I want to do with

737
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 1: my life. But after reflecting on it more, we came

738
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 1: to this idea of working on HIV because we knew

739
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:18,319
Speaker 1: it was a growing problem in India. We had done

740
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: some volunteer work on it in Miami, and we thought, hey,

741
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,920
Speaker 1: nobody's really thinking about young people as a force for

742
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:28,400
Speaker 1: addressing HIV and educating populations about HIV. But if we

743
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 1: could go and work with young people in India and

744
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 1: help mobilize them to do more education in their communities,

745
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:36,680
Speaker 1: and maybe young people could be the force of country

746
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 1: needs right now for prevention. So that was the idea

747
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 1: behind the first nonprofit and then the next one. The

748
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,359
Speaker 1: next one we started a couple in nineteen ninety nine,

749
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 1: so well a couple of years later, I would say,

750
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 1: we when we were finishing college. And this one was

751
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: focused on training young women in a small village in

752
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 1: India to be community health workers, so to provide basic healthcare,

753
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 1: education and services to people in their village, which they

754
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:02,879
Speaker 1: did often by going door to door. Look, we didn't

755
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: know a lot about how to build organizations at the time,

756
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,399
Speaker 1: so we were just learning, you know, by the seat

757
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 1: of our pants. It isn't easy. I've been doing it

758
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: for seventeen years with mind Up in my organization, and

759
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 1: it is difficult. But it is the question of why

760
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 1: we do what we do and why we're attracted basically

761
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:24,799
Speaker 1: to neither medicine or helping others or and this is

762
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,319
Speaker 1: this is a kind of part of who you are

763
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:31,160
Speaker 1: as a person, and you as well and your family.

764
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 1: So I mean, it really is. It's heartwarming to be

765
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 1: around it because you're extremely successful in what you've done,

766
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: and yet there's still this aspect. And now we get

767
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,319
Speaker 1: to the book was right out of school and right

768
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 1: into the workplace that you started looking at this and

769
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:52,320
Speaker 1: going there is an epidemic happening, and it's called loneliness.

770
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 1: So I don't think I appreciated it that much in

771
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 1: the beginning. I think I was seeing it, but I

772
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 1: wasn't sure how common it was, and I was like,

773
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 1: maybe these are just peculiar to my own experience. But

774
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 1: what I was seeing was this. I was seeing people

775
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:07,359
Speaker 1: patients coming into the hospital with serious illnesses and having

776
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 1: to make some big decisions about whether to get a

777
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 1: certain test or a certain treatment. And I would sometimes

778
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 1: ask them, is there somebody you want me to call

779
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 1: so that you can have some family here to support

780
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 1: you as you make this decision or talk it over

781
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,759
Speaker 1: with someone. And a lot of times answer is no,

782
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 1: there is nobody to call. They're like, we'd love to

783
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 1: talk to somebody, but I don't have anyone to call.

784
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,720
Speaker 1: And that always made me very sad. It was because

785
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: I know I wouldn't have been able to make those

786
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 1: decisions alone if I were in their shoes. And then

787
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: even there were many times when patients died under our

788
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 1: care after a long illness, when the only ones who

789
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 1: were there with them in their final moments were us,

790
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,319
Speaker 1: their doctors and nurses in the hospital, and there was

791
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: no family, no friends around them. And as I talk

792
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,720
Speaker 1: to people, I also started to realize it many patients

793
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 1: hungered for more connection. For many of them, the only

794
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,840
Speaker 1: people who they had to talk to were the nurses

795
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:00,400
Speaker 1: and doctors, and some of them would actually come in

796
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: off into the hospital and sometimes this staff would be absent,

797
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: say why do they keep coming in? They don't really

798
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,319
Speaker 1: need to be here in the hospital. But I think

799
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 1: what we didn't often understand was they were coming in

800
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 1: not necessarily to meet a physical need, but to meet

801
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,360
Speaker 1: a social need, which is just as important to them.

802
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,759
Speaker 1: So despite seeing all of that, though like I didn't

803
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 1: not caate if this was just my own experience or not.

804
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 1: It was only actually when I became surch and general

805
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:26,320
Speaker 1: and began talking to people in communities all across America

806
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 1: and small towns, big cities, fishing villages in Alaska, everywhere,

807
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 1: that I started to realize that behind so many of

808
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 1: the stories of addiction and violence and depression and anxiety

809
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,279
Speaker 1: that people were struggling with were these threads of loneliness.

810
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,320
Speaker 1: And people wouldn't come and say, Hi, my name is Goldie.

811
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with loneliness. They would never say that for

812
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 1: reasons I can talk about. But what they would say

813
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: are things like, I feel like nobody cares about us.

814
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 1: I feel invisible. I had so many college students who

815
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 1: would say, I feel like if I disappeared, it just

816
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:02,799
Speaker 1: wouldn't matter. Nobody wouldn't me. Time and time again. That

817
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:06,960
Speaker 1: sense of being alone, of being abandoned, of not being seen,

818
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,839
Speaker 1: of not mattering kept surfacing in so many of these

819
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 1: conversations and then I So that's what led me to

820
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 1: do two things. One is to surface it more explicitly

821
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 1: myself in these town halls and community meetings. In very

822
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 1: simple ways. I would just ask people, and how many

823
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 1: people think that loneliness is a problem you know, in

824
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 1: your community and or for you the people you love,

825
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 1: or maybe even in your own life. And I'll tell

826
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 1: you that of all the issues that I worked on

827
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 1: when I was in government, including opioids and zica and

828
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 1: ebola and everything else, it was this issue that resonated

829
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 1: most strongly with people, because I would see this visceral

830
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 1: flicker of recognition in their eyes that said, either I've

831
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 1: been affected or somebody I know has been affected, but

832
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 1: this is real to me, And that was a really

833
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:52,839
Speaker 1: powerful signal to me. It helped me realize that what

834
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 1: I was seeing in the hospital all those years was

835
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,439
Speaker 1: not unique to my experience. It was much more representative.

836
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 1: And then I started to deal more deeply into the

837
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 1: science of what was happening and realized that, wow, loneliness

838
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 1: is not just extraordinarily common, with more people struggling with

839
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:10,640
Speaker 1: loneliness in the US today than have diabetes or who

840
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:14,400
Speaker 1: even smoke, but it's really consequential. It has profound impacts

841
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: on our health, including shortening our life and increasing our

842
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 1: risk for heart disease and for depression and for dementia

843
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:26,239
Speaker 1: and anxiety. Even that mortality impact, you know, people who

844
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:29,359
Speaker 1: struggle with loneliness live shorter lives on average than those

845
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:32,720
Speaker 1: who don't. And that mortality impact is similar to smoking

846
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 1: fifteen cigarettes a day. It's greater than the mortality impact

847
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 1: of obesity or sedentary living. And I think about how

848
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:40,879
Speaker 1: much time, as certain general, I spent talking about those

849
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 1: three issues smoking, obesity, and physical activity without necessarily realizing

850
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:48,719
Speaker 1: that there's something else that may have potentially just as

851
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 1: much of an impact on our health. So I was

852
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 1: educated by the people that I met all across the

853
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:58,759
Speaker 1: country to really look in to this issue. What I

854
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 1: loved about how you went because your book, your book

855
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 1: together is really quite wonderful, and I think it's very

856
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 1: important for people to read because you can. We can,

857
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 1: in many ways as humans, identify with this problem. And

858
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 1: when we look at sort of the understanding of the genesis,

859
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:24,320
Speaker 1: you know, the beginning of how these problems can happen.

860
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:29,720
Speaker 1: We talked a little earlier about about our children, about

861
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 1: how we nurture our children, how important it is, and

862
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 1: what the theme of today In many ways has been

863
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: about family and interconnection and togetherness and title of your

864
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:46,919
Speaker 1: book Together and that it is so vitally important that

865
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:50,239
Speaker 1: that from the early early brain development days of our

866
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 1: babies have to know that that secure attachment, that we

867
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 1: as parents must give this time to our child because

868
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:02,920
Speaker 1: the statistic are not good. When they don't have it,

869
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:05,800
Speaker 1: the trajectory of their life does not look very healthy.

870
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 1: It doesn't look very good, and they're very vulnerable to

871
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 1: all kinds of physiological diseases and emotional instability. So this

872
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 1: here makes me excited to be able to be in

873
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 1: your presence and speak to you about this because I've

874
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 1: been looking into this for a long time now and

875
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,360
Speaker 1: doing what I could do, I think with mindop to

876
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 1: be able to give this to children, to give them

877
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 1: something to create interconnectivity, even in the classroom where they

878
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:40,799
Speaker 1: could build that. So you're helping so many people by

879
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,880
Speaker 1: trying to understand you know the reason why, you know

880
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 1: the issues around this problem and how to fix it.

881
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 1: But my question to you and all of it is,

882
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 1: how do you, being someone who is in the area

883
00:48:56,239 --> 00:49:00,839
Speaker 1: of wanting to help mankind, to help this particular era.

884
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 1: You've written a book, what are the solutions in your

885
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:09,839
Speaker 1: mind or potential solutions, so I think there are. First

886
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 1: of all, thank you Gold for those very kind words.

887
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 1: This book has been It's been a journey of discovery

888
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 1: for me. I feel like I've learned as I've written

889
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:20,239
Speaker 1: the book, and I'm grateful to have the chance to

890
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,439
Speaker 1: share it with the world. Part of what I think,

891
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:26,360
Speaker 1: part of my hope in writing the book is to

892
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:29,719
Speaker 1: take the first step on what I hope will be

893
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:34,200
Speaker 1: a longer journey in trying to nudge and support a

894
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 1: movement in society that shifts us from a society that

895
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:44,719
Speaker 1: is focused increasingly on wealth and reputation and power to

896
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:48,359
Speaker 1: one that centers itself on people. Not that those other

897
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 1: factors don't matter, but it's a question of where they

898
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:53,520
Speaker 1: fall in the priority list. I find it striking if

899
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 1: we if we were to go out on a street

900
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 1: corner and ask one hundred people, tell me what the

901
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 1: three top priorities are in your lif life. I can

902
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 1: guarantee you that most people their top party would be

903
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 1: somebody in their life. It would be their child, or

904
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 1: their children, or their mother, or their father, or their spouse.

905
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 1: But if I look at how society pushes us to

906
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:16,799
Speaker 1: spend our time, it's often not necessarily with the relationships

907
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:19,200
Speaker 1: that are most valuable to us. Right, Society is telling

908
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 1: us we need to work harder so that we can

909
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 1: make it big. So I think that the signals that

910
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:26,840
Speaker 1: we're receiving from society and where we're being pushed is

911
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 1: is to invest in that, to get that promotion, to

912
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:31,760
Speaker 1: build our brand, to get out there on social media

913
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 1: so that we can build followers and people know us

914
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 1: and we can take our message forward. And at some

915
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:39,479
Speaker 1: point the question becomes like where do people fit into them?

916
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 1: Like where are we investing our time in the relationships

917
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 1: we have and also in interacting with people who we

918
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 1: may not know well, but strangers and others. There's walking

919
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 1: on the street now is very different than it was

920
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,680
Speaker 1: twenty years ago, you know, like you don't often say

921
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:57,839
Speaker 1: hello to people or make eye contact anymore because people

922
00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:00,200
Speaker 1: are listening to devices, they're talking in the phone, they're

923
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 1: doing their own things totally isolated. Yeah, right, and again

924
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:05,839
Speaker 1: on their own. None of these things are bad. There's

925
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 1: so many advantages we have for being able to use

926
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 1: mobile phones, from being able to connect from anywhere. But

927
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,040
Speaker 1: I think what's happened is that our use of these

928
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 1: technologies has raised so far ahead and so quickly ahead

929
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 1: of considerations around things like relationships and families that we

930
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: have not established the right boundaries, and we're just now

931
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:28,920
Speaker 1: trying to figure out how do we strike the right

932
00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 1: balance here? And so as I think about this again

933
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:35,120
Speaker 1: on a very personal level, because I myself have been

934
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:39,360
Speaker 1: guilty so many times of allowing both my devices and

935
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:42,759
Speaker 1: also the greater connectivity that I have to allow work

936
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,720
Speaker 1: and so many of these other considerations to infiltrate pieces

937
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 1: of my life that should have been restricted for family.

938
00:51:48,719 --> 00:51:52,759
Speaker 1: We also just having a conversation. How many times if

939
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: we just wanted to text instead of have a conversation

940
00:51:55,760 --> 00:52:04,839
Speaker 1: Allie wants and so bad. No, I just wanted to say,

941
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 1: the irony of it all is that, you know, the

942
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:14,000
Speaker 1: technological advances we're advancing technologically to help us all connect,

943
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 1: We are more connected than we've ever been from a

944
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 1: technological standpoint, but that connectedness has actually caused a disconnect

945
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 1: with sort of human interaction. So there that therein lies

946
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:29,280
Speaker 1: the sort of dichotomy of it all, you know, which

947
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:31,720
Speaker 1: is just interesting. The other thing that I wanted to say,

948
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,439
Speaker 1: and then I'm gonna I'll duct duck out of frame again.

949
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:43,279
Speaker 1: Is the loneliness in itself the word lonely, it's a

950
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:46,800
Speaker 1: state of mind. Really, It's not about how many people

951
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 1: you're with. You could be in a room of a

952
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 1: thousand and be lonely, you know, And and I was,

953
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:57,720
Speaker 1: I was, I wonder that, you know. It's it's about

954
00:52:57,719 --> 00:53:02,440
Speaker 1: the individual. Some people feels, you know, can be satiated

955
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 1: and content by themselves, you know. And then some people

956
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: might need a group of people to, you know, to

957
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 1: feel connected. I guess it would vary, wouldn't it. But loneliness,

958
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 1: I think loneliness is a symptom. I mean it's I

959
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 1: think it's actually a symptom as well of what you are,

960
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:24,919
Speaker 1: what your deficit are inside. In other words, loneliness isn't

961
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:30,720
Speaker 1: is basically a byproduct, a byproduct of anger, a byproduct

962
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 1: of fear, a byproduct of things that they've never resolved,

963
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:38,360
Speaker 1: which ultimately add up into a sense of being alone.

964
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:41,440
Speaker 1: It also has to do with how much do you

965
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:44,000
Speaker 1: trust someone? How much? What did what would you? How

966
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:47,280
Speaker 1: were you raised? What? What are the areas that actually

967
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:52,200
Speaker 1: create the barrier for interconnectivity for other people? So in

968
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 1: a way, aside from the fact that that loneliness doesn't

969
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:59,839
Speaker 1: live unto itself. It's an epidemic. It's it's an epidemic

970
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 1: in a way that you can try to look at

971
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:05,960
Speaker 1: the cause, like what are the causes of loneliness? You know,

972
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:10,400
Speaker 1: in the UK they had a Minister of Loneliness and

973
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:13,880
Speaker 1: I met with her and I thought, what a horrible

974
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:23,799
Speaker 1: calling card. I'm the Minister of loneliness. God don't want

975
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 1: to kill myself. But it is a problem. They're about

976
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 1: a very interesting problem. And you know, you think, well

977
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,839
Speaker 1: right away it's old people. But now, because the work

978
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:36,759
Speaker 1: we're doing in schools and what we've learned and what

979
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 1: we know is that children are also lonely and a

980
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,879
Speaker 1: lot of them feel isolated. One of the things which

981
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 1: I would like you to speak about is a three

982
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:49,839
Speaker 1: dimensions of loneliness. You say, intimate, relational, and collective. Yeah,

983
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 1: so we can be lonely in different dimensions. Intimate loneliness

984
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 1: is when we lack, you know, either the connection that

985
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:58,279
Speaker 1: we enjoy from a spouse or a really close friend

986
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 1: relational loneliness, or that a number of friends we may

987
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:04,839
Speaker 1: have around us we see occasionally we might go out

988
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: with on Saturday nights. They're the friends we may not

989
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:10,279
Speaker 1: trust in trust with our deepest and darkest secrets, but

990
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 1: we enjoy their company and they enjoy enjoy ours, and

991
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:15,960
Speaker 1: we feel known when we're around them. And then the

992
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:19,960
Speaker 1: more collective loneliness has to do with missing a community

993
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:22,279
Speaker 1: with which we have a shared identity, So being a

994
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:26,320
Speaker 1: part of a neighborhood, being a part of a parent group,

995
00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:29,359
Speaker 1: and knowing that, Okay, there are these other folks who

996
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,840
Speaker 1: have a shared interest. Maybe it's our children, or maybe

997
00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:34,719
Speaker 1: we have an interest in helping and clean up our community.

998
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 1: There's some other identity we have that we share that

999
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:39,280
Speaker 1: makes us feel like we have a sense of worth.

1000
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:43,160
Speaker 1: We all need connections in these three different dimensions, and

1001
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 1: what happens is that when we don't have connection in

1002
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:50,319
Speaker 1: our life, it manifests in different ways. Sometimes loneliness can

1003
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 1: look like anger. Sometimes they can look like depression. Sometimes

1004
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,280
Speaker 1: it can look like anxiety. I think it can feed

1005
00:55:56,360 --> 00:56:00,960
Speaker 1: often in to substance use and addiction because loneliness is

1006
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 1: associated with emotional pain, and when we feel pain, we'll

1007
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 1: seek to relieve that pain. And then the question becomes

1008
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 1: what do we reach for to relieve that pain that

1009
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:11,400
Speaker 1: we might reach for the phone to call a friend.

1010
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:14,360
Speaker 1: We might reach for alcohol to numb our pain. We

1011
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:16,280
Speaker 1: could reach for drugs, We could reach for a food

1012
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 1: that may not be good for us and makes us

1013
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 1: feel good in the moment. We could reach for work.

1014
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 1: You know, there are socially acceptable ways to be addicted,

1015
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:26,880
Speaker 1: you know, quote unquote which seem okay, but which are harmful.

1016
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:28,920
Speaker 1: So we can do all of these different things. And

1017
00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:30,680
Speaker 1: this is I think one of the reasons why loneliness

1018
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:33,440
Speaker 1: is hard to see around us, because it looks and

1019
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:36,240
Speaker 1: manifests in different ways, and also because of that shame

1020
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:38,920
Speaker 1: around loneliness that people feel like if they admit that

1021
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:41,319
Speaker 1: they're lonely, that somehow they're not likable or they're not

1022
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 1: lovable in some way, Whereas the reality is that all

1023
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 1: of us at points in our life struggle with loneliness.

1024
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:49,920
Speaker 1: And the reason I think this is like so essential

1025
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,440
Speaker 1: is when I think about like the future that our

1026
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:56,120
Speaker 1: children will inherit and what's going to make the world

1027
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:58,560
Speaker 1: hospitable for them, what's going to ensure that they have

1028
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:01,880
Speaker 1: a fulfilling, happy life. To me, it's going to depend

1029
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 1: in large part on what happens with relationships in their

1030
00:57:05,719 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 1: life and the degree to which relationships are prioritized in

1031
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 1: the world around them. If they care about relationships, but

1032
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:15,960
Speaker 1: the world that bring up in deprioritizes relationships, you know,

1033
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:18,720
Speaker 1: in search of you know, fame or fortune or power,

1034
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 1: that's going to make it harder for them to find relationships.

1035
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:24,920
Speaker 1: If they live in a world where kindness and compassion

1036
00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 1: are seen as signs of weakness instead of what they

1037
00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:30,360
Speaker 1: really are, which is our source of greatest strength, because

1038
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 1: they're both manifestations of love, then we're going to be

1039
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:36,960
Speaker 1: in a situation where there are chances of being truly happy.

1040
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:38,760
Speaker 1: I think are going to be doing But that doesn't

1041
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 1: that that starts with the home. That starts at home,

1042
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:44,720
Speaker 1: that starts with the family. It does, Oliver, it does

1043
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:47,880
Speaker 1: start at home. I think if you're lucky, as it

1044
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:50,960
Speaker 1: sounds like Oliver, you and Kate were, then you get

1045
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:53,440
Speaker 1: a lot of that love at home. We were certainly

1046
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,120
Speaker 1: lucky to get a lot of that love at home.

1047
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 1: But the problem for I think a lot of young

1048
00:57:57,080 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 1: people growing up now is sometimes they don't get that

1049
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:03,040
Speaker 1: home in part because their parents didn't get that at home.

1050
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:06,520
Speaker 1: And for many who don't have parents, growing up or

1051
00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:09,440
Speaker 1: are in difficult situations, especially where they're experiencing a lot

1052
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 1: of trauma growing up, what they rely on is the

1053
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:14,480
Speaker 1: world around them. And so that's where I think it

1054
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:18,200
Speaker 1: comes back to this deeper question that fueled me in

1055
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:21,280
Speaker 1: writing this book, which is thinking about fundamentally, what kind

1056
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:22,920
Speaker 1: of world do we want to create. Do we want

1057
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: to create a world that it's centered around people and relationships,

1058
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 1: recognizing that that is our greatest resource and our greatest fuel,

1059
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,560
Speaker 1: or do we want to allow those to continue to

1060
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 1: slide down their priority scale, not intentionally but just out

1061
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 1: of neglect, which I think will make the world worse

1062
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 1: for us and for our kids. As a surgeon general

1063
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:45,880
Speaker 1: as you were, and a doctor, you're a perfect person

1064
00:58:45,960 --> 00:58:49,520
Speaker 1: to speak to the effect of our neurology affecting our

1065
00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:54,960
Speaker 1: biology and how we can stay healthier by having a

1066
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:59,320
Speaker 1: positive mindset, a way to look at things, and connectivity

1067
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:02,400
Speaker 1: and how having an understanding of what it is to

1068
00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 1: give and receive. These are the things that actually will

1069
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:10,160
Speaker 1: help people stay healthier. And that's the messaging here, which is,

1070
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:12,760
Speaker 1: you know, our mind and our body, the way we

1071
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 1: think and feel in our environment. The epigenetic studies can

1072
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 1: actually prove that is that we can improve our health.

1073
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 1: And so it started with you actually being a doctor

1074
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:27,840
Speaker 1: to help people who were already sick. But what happens

1075
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 1: when you could relieve the human from their anxiety, their fear,

1076
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 1: their anger and create an ability to self care? Well,

1077
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:42,400
Speaker 1: what are some of them like a real tool that

1078
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 1: people can use if they are suffering from loneliness. So

1079
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 1: I think there are a couple of things that we

1080
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 1: can do. So one is and this is an unexpected

1081
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 1: finding for me, but one is to recognize that service

1082
00:59:56,680 --> 01:00:00,120
Speaker 1: is a very powerful pathway out of loneliness because so

1083
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:03,200
Speaker 1: what it does is pulling back up for a second.

1084
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 1: One of the real challenges of loneliness is that it

1085
01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:10,480
Speaker 1: has a paradoxical effect of changing our focus to be

1086
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 1: more on us than another people, and it also raises

1087
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 1: our threat level, and so it pushes us to actually

1088
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 1: perceive threat where there may not be threat. And there

1089
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:21,320
Speaker 1: are evolutionary reasons why that happens, but it has a

1090
01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:23,959
Speaker 1: collective effect in the modern world of actually pushing people

1091
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:27,960
Speaker 1: away from us. Service is so powerful because it breaks

1092
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 1: that cycle and it shifts the focus away from us

1093
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:32,960
Speaker 1: to someone else, and it also reaffirms to us that

1094
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:36,120
Speaker 1: we have value to give to the world. It also

1095
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:39,520
Speaker 1: makes other people feel good, and so service is not

1096
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:42,080
Speaker 1: just volunteering at a soup kitchen or for a cause

1097
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 1: in your community. You can serve by helping those in

1098
01:00:45,280 --> 01:00:47,800
Speaker 1: need at work you know, or fellows, students you know,

1099
01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:50,520
Speaker 1: if you're in school, who are in need. You can

1100
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:53,680
Speaker 1: serve within your own family. So service is one I think.

1101
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:57,240
Speaker 1: The second is to think about time and how we

1102
01:00:57,280 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 1: can better use time to strengthen our connections. And we

1103
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:02,160
Speaker 1: can do this in two ways. One is I like

1104
01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:05,040
Speaker 1: to start small and just say we can spend five

1105
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:08,120
Speaker 1: minutes a day, just five minutes making sure that we

1106
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 1: are talking to, writing to or seeing someone that we

1107
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:16,080
Speaker 1: care about. Just five minutes a day. That can have

1108
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 1: a lasting impact on how we feel that goes well

1109
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 1: beyond that day. If we also when we think about time,

1110
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,000
Speaker 1: focus on the quality of that time, because one of

1111
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:26,080
Speaker 1: the things that's hard in modern life is to think, well,

1112
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 1: how am I going to find like two hours or

1113
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:29,640
Speaker 1: three hours or four hours in a day to suddenly

1114
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 1: start hanging out with with more friends. You may not

1115
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:34,360
Speaker 1: have that time immediately, but we can look at the

1116
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:36,440
Speaker 1: time we spend already and ask how could I make

1117
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 1: that higher quality time? And I realize that I've been

1118
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 1: guilty of doing something terrible, which is I've allowed so

1119
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 1: many of my conversations to be diluted because I'm distracted

1120
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:49,080
Speaker 1: by what's around me. So, you know, there are times

1121
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:50,640
Speaker 1: where we might be talking to a friend on the

1122
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:53,080
Speaker 1: phone on the phone, but we're also scrolling through our

1123
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:55,600
Speaker 1: inbox or looking at social media. We may catch up

1124
01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:57,680
Speaker 1: with a friend who's in town for dinner, but we've

1125
01:01:57,680 --> 01:01:59,600
Speaker 1: got our phones on the table, and we know that

1126
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 1: even if we think we can multitask, that the science

1127
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,000
Speaker 1: very clearly tells us that we can't, that we're not

1128
01:02:05,120 --> 01:02:07,200
Speaker 1: very good at it, and we're distracted. Here's the one

1129
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:09,520
Speaker 1: thing that I've found really interesting. It was about research,

1130
01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:12,840
Speaker 1: is that they took a research To do this research,

1131
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:15,240
Speaker 1: they put kids and they put the phone right there

1132
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 1: on the desk and they had them do the test, right, Okay.

1133
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:21,480
Speaker 1: Then they had another group, the control group, and they

1134
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 1: put their phones outside. What they found was is that

1135
01:02:25,240 --> 01:02:28,560
Speaker 1: obviously the children who put it outside did far better

1136
01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:31,600
Speaker 1: on the test than the kids who were distracted by

1137
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:34,960
Speaker 1: the phone on the desk. So right there alone, it

1138
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:40,000
Speaker 1: can show how you literally need to that wonder focused attention,

1139
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:43,240
Speaker 1: which is a wonderful thing that basically meditation helps you

1140
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 1: do is strengthen that ability to attend. Right. But this,

1141
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:52,560
Speaker 1: you know, multitasking also works the brain in a certain way,

1142
01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:55,360
Speaker 1: and you can't stay on one thing for too long,

1143
01:02:56,080 --> 01:02:58,280
Speaker 1: That's right, It's it's hard. So I mean, I think

1144
01:02:58,320 --> 01:02:59,959
Speaker 1: one of the things in that line that I also

1145
01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:02,960
Speaker 1: so sort of recommend that people do is to think

1146
01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:06,000
Speaker 1: about how to create sacred spaces in their life that

1147
01:03:06,080 --> 01:03:09,000
Speaker 1: are free of technology. That might be a half hour

1148
01:03:09,040 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 1: before bedtime, it might be a longer period of time

1149
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:15,320
Speaker 1: on weekends. But having time where your mind is not

1150
01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:18,360
Speaker 1: distracted by the things, where you can just have solitude,

1151
01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:20,400
Speaker 1: it's actually really essential. You know. One of the things

1152
01:03:20,400 --> 01:03:22,560
Speaker 1: that we've been robbed of by technology is white space

1153
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:24,520
Speaker 1: in our life. Right, so all the cracks are filled

1154
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:27,120
Speaker 1: in that transition. You time you had maybe from going

1155
01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:29,720
Speaker 1: to your room down to the lobby is now filled

1156
01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:31,760
Speaker 1: because you can check your phone during that time, you know,

1157
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:34,160
Speaker 1: walking down the street you can listen and talk to somebody.

1158
01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:36,200
Speaker 1: But it turns out the reason this is actually so

1159
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 1: important is because, as if we really want to address loneliness,

1160
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:42,400
Speaker 1: we just we need to not only strengthen people's connection

1161
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:45,120
Speaker 1: to each other, we actually have to strengthen their connection

1162
01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:47,920
Speaker 1: to themselves. And what that means is to be connected

1163
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 1: to yourself is to know that you have worth and

1164
01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:52,919
Speaker 1: that you have value. It's to know who you are

1165
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:56,440
Speaker 1: and to be accepting and embracing of that person. Because

1166
01:03:56,440 --> 01:04:00,600
Speaker 1: if you don't embrace who you are, then you're constantly

1167
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:03,240
Speaker 1: going to be preoccupied with what you lack and with

1168
01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:05,800
Speaker 1: your insecurity. And this is why I worry so much

1169
01:04:05,840 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 1: about our children, but also adults, because if you're in

1170
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:14,280
Speaker 1: the social media environment constantly, what you're often bombarded by

1171
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:17,880
Speaker 1: our messages that are telling you how you're not good enough. Right.

1172
01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:20,160
Speaker 1: So I meet so many young people in high school

1173
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:22,560
Speaker 1: and college today who feel like they're not thin enough,

1174
01:04:22,560 --> 01:04:24,640
Speaker 1: they're not good looking enough, they're not rich enough, they're

1175
01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 1: not funny enough, they're not popular enough, they're not enough.

1176
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:31,480
Speaker 1: And if you're preoccupied with that, it makes it hard

1177
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:34,240
Speaker 1: to be fully present, like when you're interacting with other people.

1178
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:36,920
Speaker 1: So I think that the hallmarks of connection to oneself

1179
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:40,560
Speaker 1: are grounded in self knowledge but also self compassion. You know,

1180
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 1: we're all on these journeys of figuring out who we

1181
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:45,480
Speaker 1: are and understanding how we want to be in the

1182
01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:47,680
Speaker 1: world and how we want to show up. And we're

1183
01:04:47,680 --> 01:04:50,840
Speaker 1: going to make mistakes. But if we can't extend compassion

1184
01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:53,680
Speaker 1: to ourselves in the same way that we hope to

1185
01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:56,400
Speaker 1: extend it to others, then that will only eat away

1186
01:04:56,520 --> 01:05:00,959
Speaker 1: at us inside and actually also harder to connect. Yeah.

1187
01:05:01,200 --> 01:05:04,000
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree more. I love that so much, so

1188
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:11,680
Speaker 1: much for my forehead, my forehead agrees Ollie. Thanks, honey.

1189
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:15,520
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you're sick. I'm sorry you were sick, but

1190
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:21,920
Speaker 1: I'm really happy because I love this idea of self compassion. Okay,

1191
01:05:21,920 --> 01:05:25,600
Speaker 1: because I think it's extremely important. Along those same lines, though,

1192
01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:31,160
Speaker 1: it's about self forgiveness as well, because we all fuck up.

1193
01:05:31,560 --> 01:05:34,360
Speaker 1: This is just we're we're that's a human nature. There's

1194
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:37,000
Speaker 1: no such thing as perfection. I think a lot of

1195
01:05:37,040 --> 01:05:39,640
Speaker 1: the times that we don't give our we don't forgive

1196
01:05:39,640 --> 01:05:42,720
Speaker 1: ourselves enough for our fuck ups, and that can that

1197
01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:47,439
Speaker 1: concede inside of us and cause pain and dissent. And

1198
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:51,680
Speaker 1: along with the self compassion, is that self forgiveness, you know,

1199
01:05:51,960 --> 01:05:55,040
Speaker 1: Because I personally have held on to a lot of

1200
01:05:55,120 --> 01:05:58,920
Speaker 1: things that I have not forgiven myself for and I

1201
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:03,200
Speaker 1: finally have and it's allowed me to sort of, you know,

1202
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:05,920
Speaker 1: free myself up and open up, you know what I mean.

1203
01:06:06,120 --> 01:06:09,560
Speaker 1: So that's amazing that you've done that, Oliver, And thanks

1204
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:12,200
Speaker 1: for mentioning that, because I think you're right that forgiveness

1205
01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:15,360
Speaker 1: is such an important piece of the compassion. You know,

1206
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:17,600
Speaker 1: at the very end, the very end of the book,

1207
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:22,120
Speaker 1: I shared this experience of one of my own, like

1208
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:27,560
Speaker 1: really profound failures around my daughter's illness, and you know,

1209
01:06:27,640 --> 01:06:30,160
Speaker 1: that was an important moment for me because I you know,

1210
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:31,960
Speaker 1: I was sitting in the hospital with our daughter, who

1211
01:06:31,960 --> 01:06:35,160
Speaker 1: was a year old at the time. She we just

1212
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:37,080
Speaker 1: woke up one morning and she just wouldn't put her

1213
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 1: foot down on her and bear weight on her leg,

1214
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:44,160
Speaker 1: so her right leg, and you know, we've ended up

1215
01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:47,040
Speaker 1: long search where we took her in and found after

1216
01:06:47,080 --> 01:06:49,720
Speaker 1: a long, you know, long long time in the er

1217
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:52,320
Speaker 1: trying to search for this and do imaging and blood tests,

1218
01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:55,560
Speaker 1: we found that she had a collection of bacteria that

1219
01:06:55,680 --> 01:06:58,400
Speaker 1: had settled in the soft tissue right by her the

1220
01:06:58,400 --> 01:07:00,440
Speaker 1: bone of the femur, which is a long bone in

1221
01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:03,680
Speaker 1: the thigh, and it was right next to the bone,

1222
01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 1: meaning that a little more time it could have invaded

1223
01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:09,200
Speaker 1: the bone and affected her growth plate in her leg,

1224
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:12,480
Speaker 1: and it was if it spread to her bloodstream, it

1225
01:07:12,480 --> 01:07:15,800
Speaker 1: could be life threatening. And so we were really, you know,

1226
01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:18,120
Speaker 1: obviously wanted to get a dealt with quickly. But in

1227
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:20,840
Speaker 1: that emergency room that night, as we were sitting with

1228
01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:22,720
Speaker 1: that uncertainty of not knowing what was going to happen

1229
01:07:22,800 --> 01:07:26,960
Speaker 1: to her, I just we felt like profoundly alone. You know,

1230
01:07:27,080 --> 01:07:29,960
Speaker 1: we had we had, you know, our families, and I

1231
01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:32,960
Speaker 1: immediately called Rushmi. I called my parents, told them what

1232
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:35,040
Speaker 1: was going on, but they were thousands of miles away,

1233
01:07:35,200 --> 01:07:38,520
Speaker 1: right I've had I have close friends, but they're in

1234
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 1: Boston and San Francisco in other parts of the country.

1235
01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:44,560
Speaker 1: And I realized that in an effort during my time

1236
01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:47,040
Speaker 1: as a surgeon General to focus all of my time

1237
01:07:47,440 --> 01:07:50,000
Speaker 1: on doing as much good as we could, because you know,

1238
01:07:50,040 --> 01:07:52,360
Speaker 1: you never know how long those jobs last, I had

1239
01:07:52,440 --> 01:07:55,880
Speaker 1: neglected the relationships in my life. And it all kind

1240
01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:59,280
Speaker 1: of came to a head on that Saturday when I

1241
01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:02,600
Speaker 1: was sitting in the are on Presidents Say weekend, feeling wow,

1242
01:08:02,800 --> 01:08:07,000
Speaker 1: like profoundly alone, but realizing the cost of those decisions

1243
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:09,640
Speaker 1: over the last few years, and feeling like, if we

1244
01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:12,000
Speaker 1: make it through this, if our daughter makes it, and

1245
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:16,000
Speaker 1: if she's healthy, what do we really want to model

1246
01:08:16,040 --> 01:08:17,880
Speaker 1: for them? What kind of life do we want to

1247
01:08:17,880 --> 01:08:20,280
Speaker 1: live with them? And it made me realize that there

1248
01:08:20,320 --> 01:08:24,360
Speaker 1: was a gap between the values that I had where

1249
01:08:24,560 --> 01:08:26,519
Speaker 1: I wanted the relationships to be in my life and

1250
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:29,880
Speaker 1: the reality. And so I realized I need to close

1251
01:08:29,880 --> 01:08:33,120
Speaker 1: that gap myself. But part of that, too, all of

1252
01:08:33,160 --> 01:08:36,200
Speaker 1: our's point is about was around forgiveness, was not continuing

1253
01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:39,679
Speaker 1: to chastise myself about the decisions I made years earlier,

1254
01:08:39,840 --> 01:08:42,559
Speaker 1: about focusing too much on work and this and that.

1255
01:08:43,040 --> 01:08:45,160
Speaker 1: But to realize that you know, we all you know,

1256
01:08:45,200 --> 01:08:47,080
Speaker 1: ebb and flow in terms of being the people we

1257
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:49,880
Speaker 1: want to be in life, and if we're blessed, we

1258
01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:54,080
Speaker 1: have an opportunity to remake ourselves and to be who

1259
01:08:54,560 --> 01:08:56,479
Speaker 1: we are really want to be, and to live up

1260
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:59,040
Speaker 1: to our highest values. And if we're really lucky, then

1261
01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:02,280
Speaker 1: that can influence our for the better. So that's so beautiful,

1262
01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:04,960
Speaker 1: So right, I couldn't agree with you. So this is

1263
01:09:05,000 --> 01:09:09,200
Speaker 1: the nondas heavy fun stuff. This is our speed round.

1264
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:13,240
Speaker 1: One word to describe the other compassionate. Oh my god,

1265
01:09:13,560 --> 01:09:15,759
Speaker 1: I was gonna say the same exact word. That's great.

1266
01:09:16,960 --> 01:09:24,120
Speaker 1: I was literally gonna say compassionate because like anything that

1267
01:09:24,120 --> 01:09:28,639
Speaker 1: happens in the family, he'll come. So my grandmother fell

1268
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:31,720
Speaker 1: maybe like two and a half weeks ago. He and

1269
01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:35,200
Speaker 1: Alice came when she fractured her wrist. He was on

1270
01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:37,960
Speaker 1: a plane the next day he came. I mean, that's squad.

1271
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:42,080
Speaker 1: The thing is she does a hundred times because what

1272
01:09:42,160 --> 01:09:44,640
Speaker 1: I do, because she lives there, and she's always, you know,

1273
01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:47,839
Speaker 1: coming over and spending the night at the hospital my grandmother,

1274
01:09:47,880 --> 01:09:50,320
Speaker 1: and she's put so much more time and effort in

1275
01:09:50,360 --> 01:09:54,040
Speaker 1: because she chooses to be there, which is extraordinary. So

1276
01:09:55,120 --> 01:10:05,439
Speaker 1: I love you guys. Who calls the other more? I

1277
01:10:05,479 --> 01:10:08,320
Speaker 1: think it varies. I think my schedules a little bit

1278
01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:11,080
Speaker 1: more flexible. So I end up I feel like I

1279
01:10:11,160 --> 01:10:15,960
Speaker 1: will initiate a lot of silly calls. Right, what are

1280
01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:18,519
Speaker 1: you doing? Yeah? And sometimes we're on the phone and

1281
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:21,120
Speaker 1: we're not talking to each other, but you know, it's

1282
01:10:21,120 --> 01:10:22,840
Speaker 1: like being in the same room with each other. We'll

1283
01:10:22,920 --> 01:10:27,000
Speaker 1: just FaceTime and just we're on and things aren't happening.

1284
01:10:27,200 --> 01:10:30,639
Speaker 1: Kids are rolling around creating chaos and we do that too.

1285
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:32,160
Speaker 1: It's like and then all of a sudden, you're like,

1286
01:10:32,360 --> 01:10:38,040
Speaker 1: I'll call you later, and yeah, who's got like the

1287
01:10:38,120 --> 01:10:41,760
Speaker 1: better street smarts? If you had to talk your way

1288
01:10:41,760 --> 01:10:46,080
Speaker 1: out of a speeding ticket, oh brush me because I

1289
01:10:46,160 --> 01:10:48,400
Speaker 1: was going to say you like when we were young

1290
01:10:48,439 --> 01:10:51,280
Speaker 1: and in India, like he had the gift of words.

1291
01:10:51,720 --> 01:10:54,320
Speaker 1: So he would barter, and my dad would encourage us

1292
01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:58,720
Speaker 1: because part of Indian culture, as you probably know, is barter. Yeah,

1293
01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:00,320
Speaker 1: you know, you got to negotiate for what you want.

1294
01:11:00,360 --> 01:11:02,880
Speaker 1: You can always talk someone down. And so my dad

1295
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:05,639
Speaker 1: would he would go with my grandfather or we would

1296
01:11:05,640 --> 01:11:07,360
Speaker 1: all go with my grandparents in the market every day

1297
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:09,479
Speaker 1: and get vegetables. And when it was with my dad,

1298
01:11:09,560 --> 01:11:12,599
Speaker 1: he'd say, okay, go buy something, you know, and so

1299
01:11:12,720 --> 01:11:15,320
Speaker 1: the lady would say, like sixty rupees for this. He'd

1300
01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:16,920
Speaker 1: be like, I'll give you thirty, I'll give you four

1301
01:11:16,920 --> 01:11:19,479
Speaker 1: it and he'll like sit there and negotiate something. Your

1302
01:11:19,520 --> 01:11:23,000
Speaker 1: sibling is really bad at see Rishman's not good at

1303
01:11:23,040 --> 01:11:28,479
Speaker 1: making time for herself. Oh he's not good at self

1304
01:11:28,520 --> 01:11:31,599
Speaker 1: care in the way of meal prep for himself. Like

1305
01:11:31,640 --> 01:11:35,680
Speaker 1: he used to cook all through college and you know,

1306
01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:39,960
Speaker 1: but then residency. Then did you grow up in a

1307
01:11:40,200 --> 01:11:43,679
Speaker 1: very like lots of food? Yeah, my dad would. When

1308
01:11:43,680 --> 01:11:47,519
Speaker 1: he cooks, it looks like he's like the Tasmanian devil.

1309
01:11:47,560 --> 01:11:49,320
Speaker 1: So the whole kitchen you can tell he was in

1310
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:53,960
Speaker 1: the kitchen. But he'll make the best unscripted meals in

1311
01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:56,759
Speaker 1: twenty minutes and it'll be like a four course meal.

1312
01:11:57,280 --> 01:12:03,439
Speaker 1: Who's funnier. She's the one who always makes everybody in

1313
01:12:03,439 --> 01:12:06,200
Speaker 1: the family laugh, like my mom. So we do these

1314
01:12:06,240 --> 01:12:09,200
Speaker 1: like group conference calls all the time. So this is

1315
01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:11,000
Speaker 1: a something my wife had to get used to when

1316
01:12:11,040 --> 01:12:12,720
Speaker 1: she first met me. But we talk like all the

1317
01:12:12,720 --> 01:12:14,519
Speaker 1: time in my family. So I'll talk to my mother

1318
01:12:14,640 --> 01:12:17,439
Speaker 1: probably two to three times a day. I'll talk to

1319
01:12:17,479 --> 01:12:19,439
Speaker 1: my father, you know, once or twice a day. And

1320
01:12:19,439 --> 01:12:21,120
Speaker 1: I'll have to rush me like once or twice a day.

1321
01:12:21,160 --> 01:12:23,280
Speaker 1: And one of those is usually a group FaceTime or

1322
01:12:23,320 --> 01:12:26,320
Speaker 1: phone you know, conference call. And so she's my mom

1323
01:12:26,360 --> 01:12:27,920
Speaker 1: is always like, hey, call rush me, called rush me

1324
01:12:27,960 --> 01:12:31,080
Speaker 1: because she'll make everyone laugh much on the phone. So yes,

1325
01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:35,600
Speaker 1: there you go, you're a comedian. I don't still do that.

1326
01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:38,240
Speaker 1: You still talk to each other multiple times a day

1327
01:12:38,400 --> 01:12:40,720
Speaker 1: every day. It's not like for a long period of time.

1328
01:12:40,720 --> 01:12:42,640
Speaker 1: It might just be if I check in, yes, just

1329
01:12:42,720 --> 01:12:48,439
Speaker 1: checking who's better at making decisions? I think it depends

1330
01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:55,920
Speaker 1: what kind of decisions. That's a really good answer. Who

1331
01:12:55,960 --> 01:13:00,720
Speaker 1: gives a better secret? I mean we're both traps when

1332
01:13:00,720 --> 01:13:02,559
Speaker 1: we need to be. That's yeah. It kind of depends

1333
01:13:02,600 --> 01:13:04,960
Speaker 1: on what it is. If it's like a I don't know,

1334
01:13:06,240 --> 01:13:10,599
Speaker 1: if it's about concern for a parent, not a good secret, sep.

1335
01:13:11,640 --> 01:13:17,719
Speaker 1: I'll call him in two seconds. So your first celebrity crush, Oh,

1336
01:13:18,200 --> 01:13:21,760
Speaker 1: first celebrity crush. I think it may have been a

1337
01:13:21,880 --> 01:13:28,880
Speaker 1: Bollywood actor either, Shara Khan. I mean, he's the guy, right,

1338
01:13:29,680 --> 01:13:36,080
Speaker 1: he's the he was he isah for me, probably Julia Roberts.

1339
01:13:38,360 --> 01:13:45,800
Speaker 1: Secret talents. Oh, car music so class. I love South

1340
01:13:45,840 --> 01:13:49,240
Speaker 1: Indian music. I love and he plays the dangam, which

1341
01:13:49,280 --> 01:13:53,000
Speaker 1: is a percussion instrument in South Indiana. So we often

1342
01:13:53,040 --> 01:13:56,559
Speaker 1: would when we were growing up play together. They'd have,

1343
01:13:56,960 --> 01:13:59,639
Speaker 1: you know, concerts in the temple and so we would

1344
01:13:59,640 --> 01:14:02,920
Speaker 1: perform together. Well, that's awesome. That's like the best or

1345
01:14:06,479 --> 01:14:12,640
Speaker 1: exactly cool favorite book of all time. Conversations with god O,

1346
01:14:12,760 --> 01:14:17,920
Speaker 1: good book, Many lives, Many Masters, oh yeah. So the

1347
01:14:18,040 --> 01:14:21,200
Speaker 1: last question we always ask at the end with the

1348
01:14:21,280 --> 01:14:27,040
Speaker 1: siblings is if you could take a characteristic that each

1349
01:14:27,080 --> 01:14:29,960
Speaker 1: other has for yourself that you would love to have

1350
01:14:30,040 --> 01:14:32,280
Speaker 1: more of that kind of characteristic that they have that

1351
01:14:32,320 --> 01:14:35,000
Speaker 1: you admire, what would that be? And then the other

1352
01:14:35,040 --> 01:14:37,240
Speaker 1: part of the question is if there's something you could

1353
01:14:37,479 --> 01:14:41,160
Speaker 1: alleviate from your sibling that you feel would would bring

1354
01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:44,519
Speaker 1: them more peace or sort of better their better their life,

1355
01:14:45,520 --> 01:14:51,720
Speaker 1: what would that be. So for Vivig taking away, I

1356
01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:55,000
Speaker 1: guess this is part two. Taking away, something would be

1357
01:14:55,080 --> 01:14:57,479
Speaker 1: he worries a lot, like about the family. Any little

1358
01:14:57,560 --> 01:15:01,040
Speaker 1: thing gets you know, goes wrong or you know, despite

1359
01:15:01,040 --> 01:15:04,080
Speaker 1: everything else that he's got going on, he will focus

1360
01:15:04,120 --> 01:15:07,000
Speaker 1: on that and worry about that person. And so that's

1361
01:15:07,040 --> 01:15:13,080
Speaker 1: probably something that would be worthwhile reducing. And something that

1362
01:15:13,120 --> 01:15:15,799
Speaker 1: I could emulate a little bit more probably be his patience,

1363
01:15:15,920 --> 01:15:20,719
Speaker 1: because that's my shortfall. I get impatient sometimes with my parents.

1364
01:15:20,720 --> 01:15:22,400
Speaker 1: Maybe it's because I'm with them all the time, so

1365
01:15:22,439 --> 01:15:25,000
Speaker 1: you feel the leash is a little short, and then

1366
01:15:25,040 --> 01:15:27,760
Speaker 1: I feel guilty when I'm not patient. But he is

1367
01:15:27,880 --> 01:15:34,640
Speaker 1: always always patient and methodical about, you know, a disagreement

1368
01:15:34,880 --> 01:15:39,120
Speaker 1: or changing somebody's mind and you know, very good about that.

1369
01:15:39,200 --> 01:15:42,360
Speaker 1: It's a good song, unflappable. Well, it's also because I

1370
01:15:42,400 --> 01:15:44,439
Speaker 1: have more breaks though. So one thing I wish I

1371
01:15:44,439 --> 01:15:47,719
Speaker 1: could take away from Rushmi speaking of the breaks, because

1372
01:15:47,720 --> 01:15:51,320
Speaker 1: I wish I could take away some of the family

1373
01:15:51,360 --> 01:15:54,320
Speaker 1: responsibility that she has because she's three blocks from my parents,

1374
01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:56,520
Speaker 1: Like whenever there's a crisis, she's the one who responds.

1375
01:15:56,800 --> 01:15:59,080
Speaker 1: She's the one who always stops by with my grandmother.

1376
01:15:59,120 --> 01:16:01,160
Speaker 1: She's one who's always not hospital So I wish I

1377
01:16:01,160 --> 01:16:03,120
Speaker 1: could take some of that away and actually send her

1378
01:16:03,120 --> 01:16:05,800
Speaker 1: out on breaks. But it's not a burden, it's not

1379
01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:07,160
Speaker 1: and the it's not that it's a burden, but it

1380
01:16:07,600 --> 01:16:13,360
Speaker 1: takes emotional energy, right, And And one thing that I

1381
01:16:13,400 --> 01:16:19,400
Speaker 1: wish I could emulate more is I feel like I

1382
01:16:19,439 --> 01:16:21,880
Speaker 1: feel rushed me has better perspective in terms of like

1383
01:16:21,960 --> 01:16:26,040
Speaker 1: keeping things in balance and not being too perturbed by

1384
01:16:26,320 --> 01:16:29,960
Speaker 1: challenges that come her way, whereas I feel like like

1385
01:16:30,040 --> 01:16:33,760
Speaker 1: she feels like like a big ship that doesn't get

1386
01:16:34,080 --> 01:16:36,479
Speaker 1: you know, pushed too far by waves that hit it,

1387
01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:39,240
Speaker 1: Whereas I feel like I'm just rowing in a small dingy,

1388
01:16:39,439 --> 01:16:41,960
Speaker 1: you know, and like the smallest wave that comes I

1389
01:16:42,080 --> 01:16:44,439
Speaker 1: just like throws me off and I just get worried

1390
01:16:44,479 --> 01:16:47,560
Speaker 1: and stressed about it. So I think I think a

1391
01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:50,479
Speaker 1: lot of that is because I think, I mean, since

1392
01:16:50,479 --> 01:16:52,439
Speaker 1: we're being open, I think I doubt myself a lot,

1393
01:16:52,600 --> 01:16:56,000
Speaker 1: you know, and I think I I have to remind

1394
01:16:56,040 --> 01:16:59,040
Speaker 1: myself that my instincts I think are usually right, but

1395
01:16:59,120 --> 01:17:01,880
Speaker 1: I question them, you know, a lot, and at these

1396
01:17:01,960 --> 01:17:04,080
Speaker 1: meet a sort of like worry just in general about things.

1397
01:17:04,240 --> 01:17:07,799
Speaker 1: So I also feel that it's so important, especially today,

1398
01:17:07,880 --> 01:17:15,160
Speaker 1: for people to hear really influential and intelligent people talk

1399
01:17:15,280 --> 01:17:19,160
Speaker 1: about their own doubts, because you know that even you

1400
01:17:19,240 --> 01:17:24,519
Speaker 1: could be you know, the Surgeon General and still you know,

1401
01:17:24,640 --> 01:17:27,960
Speaker 1: have down. I think it's important for people to feel

1402
01:17:27,960 --> 01:17:33,599
Speaker 1: open talk the frailties. We've all got them. Well. I

1403
01:17:33,640 --> 01:17:36,640
Speaker 1: loved every second, every second I have to go. This

1404
01:17:36,760 --> 01:17:50,880
Speaker 1: was so much fun than the best I know. Sibling

1405
01:17:50,920 --> 01:17:54,000
Speaker 1: Rivalry is executive bruced by Kate Hudson, Oliver Hudson and

1406
01:17:54,080 --> 01:17:58,920
Speaker 1: sim Sarna. Supervising producer is Alison Presnik. Editor is Josh Wendish.

1407
01:17:59,120 --> 01:18:02,599
Speaker 1: Music by Mar Hudson, a k A. Uncle Man