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Speaker 1: Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,

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Speaker 1: your host, narrator, and author. We hear at the ten

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Speaker 1: minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or

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Speaker 1: rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to

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Speaker 1: pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human

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Speaker 1: condition as ten minutes will permit. Mini novels on steroids.

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Speaker 1: This week we meet Larry Larr, like crazy armed nut

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Speaker 1: jobs from Sea to Shining Sea, owns a Bushmaster XM

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Speaker 1: fifteen with a vortex spitfirescope, and plenty of ammo, all

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Speaker 1: legally obtained. It's a beautiful spring morning, opening day of

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Speaker 1: a brand new baseball season. The sun is shining, the

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Speaker 1: grass is green. The boys are ready to play ball.

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Speaker 1: But unless sanity suddenly intervenes unlikely, it's best to prepare

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Speaker 1: for more American carnage playball. Larry sits in the modified

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Speaker 1: deer blind on the edge of the woods, just beyond

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Speaker 1: the outfield fence. More than just a platform twenty feet

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Speaker 1: up in that old oak, this deer blind has canvas

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Speaker 1: sides and a plastic roof to protect the hunter from

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Speaker 1: the elements and to better seclude him from his prey.

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Speaker 1: It is not deer hunting season. It is opening day

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Speaker 1: of the Triborough Little League season. The grass is green

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Speaker 1: and the sun is shining, and the banners have been hung.

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Speaker 1: The snackshack is open. Burgers and dogs on the grill.

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Speaker 1: Opening game on this spectacular Saturday features Coach Rizzo's Mad

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Speaker 1: Dogs against Coach Peterson's River Rats. Larry watches warm ups

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Speaker 1: through the one inch gun hole in the canvas side

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Speaker 1: that faces the field. He spots Coach Rizzo standing outside

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Speaker 1: the home team's dugout. Larry has a massive hard on

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Speaker 1: for coach Rizzo, has had it now for almost six years.

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Speaker 1: Longer longer if you go back to the miners. Stooge,

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Speaker 1: Yo stooge. Coach Rizzo called that very first day of

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Speaker 1: miner's practice, Larry stooge, Yo, Larry stooge. No one responded, stooge,

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Speaker 1: come on, is there a stooge among you? Young Heathen's

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Speaker 1: mo Larry Curly, come on, step up. Larry didn't respond.

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Speaker 1: He didn't shout here because his last name wasn't stooge.

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Speaker 1: His last name was stage. Larry Stage, Lawrence Allen. Stage.

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Speaker 1: Stage like the place where bands play and actors perform,

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Speaker 1: not stooge. Still the name stuck stooge. It was that

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Speaker 1: first day of Miners and Stooge. It would be right

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Speaker 1: up until his final strikeout on the last day of

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Speaker 1: Majors three terrible years later and now almost six years ago.

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Speaker 1: Larry hates baseball. Hates it, has always hated baseball. Stupidest

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Speaker 1: goddamn game invented. He'll tell you if you give him

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Speaker 1: half a chance. What Larry really likes to do is hunt.

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Speaker 1: He likes to track animals, ravens, bluejays, crows, squirrels, coons,

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Speaker 1: track them, sneak up on them, and blow them to

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Speaker 1: Kingdom Come wherever that is. Larry tries not to think

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Speaker 1: too much about why he likes to track and shoot animals,

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Speaker 1: but when he does think about it, he thinks maybe

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Speaker 1: it's because of Coach Rizzo. The way Coach Rizzo called

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Speaker 1: him stooge and told him he threw like a girl

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Speaker 1: and hit like a wet mop and generally had the

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Speaker 1: baseball prowess of a bluefin tuna. It was true, Larry

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Speaker 1: had a hard time judging fly balls and gathering up grounders,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, okay, he struck out just about every stinking

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Speaker 1: time he stepped into the batter's box. But still still

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Speaker 1: did Arizzo have to point it out, rub it in?

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Speaker 1: Did he? Ha? Did he? Ha? Huh? Although, although maybe

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Speaker 1: Larry will on occasion admit, at least to himself, maybe

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Speaker 1: the real reason he likes to kill shit is because

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Speaker 1: his father hits his mother and sometimes him and sometimes

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Speaker 1: his brother Hal. Well, not his brother Hal anymore, because

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Speaker 1: how last year joined the Marine Corps and is now

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Speaker 1: a big, badass corporal killing sand niggers and Baghdad and cobble.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to play baseball, dad, Larry said in

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Speaker 1: the car on the way home from that very first

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Speaker 1: minor league practice. He already knew he couldn't hit, and

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Speaker 1: couldn't field and couldn't throw, And now now all the

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Speaker 1: other kids on the team were calling him stooge, just

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Speaker 1: like coach Rizzo. You down, huh? You don't want to play?

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Speaker 1: Not really? Well, too bad, kid, I already paid for

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Speaker 1: the goddamn uniform and a bat and a new glove.

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Speaker 1: You're playing no two goddamn ways about it. Larry knew

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Speaker 1: better than to argue with his father. Arguing with his

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Speaker 1: father could lead to a backhand across the cheek, and

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Speaker 1: so by the following spring, when it was time to

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Speaker 1: become a major leaguer, his father and coach Rizzo had

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Speaker 1: become best buds, went hunting and killed deer and drank

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Speaker 1: beer together, which meant Larry would not only be playing

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Speaker 1: baseball again, it also meant he'd once more be suffering

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Speaker 1: the rising and heckling of coach Rizzo. Oh Christ, Larry,

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Speaker 1: come on, don't be such a goddamn baby, grumbled his father.

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Speaker 1: Rizzo knows the game. He knows the game. He played

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Speaker 1: double a ball for the He'll make a ballplayer out

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Speaker 1: of you. Yet, well, Larry didn't want to be a ballplayer.

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Speaker 1: He wanted to take the dog in the twenty two

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Speaker 1: and go out back, cross the river, into the woods

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Speaker 1: and shoot anything that moved. But nope, the old man

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Speaker 1: delivered him sad faced to coach Rizzo practice after practice,

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Speaker 1: game after stinking game, where Larry always played right field

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Speaker 1: and always bat at last, except once when he pitched

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Speaker 1: an inning well part of an inning, gave up six

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Speaker 1: runs on three walks, two hit batters, and the longest

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Speaker 1: homer of the season over the center field fence three

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Speaker 1: years three fucking years of dropped fly balls, errant throws, strikeouts,

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Speaker 1: unabated failure, and that asshole Rizzo calling him stooge. Three

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Speaker 1: years of that bullshit, and now almost six years, with

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Speaker 1: a simmering desire for revenge, he kneels in the deer

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Speaker 1: blind out in the woods beyond that same center field fence.

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Speaker 1: The blind is well back in the woods, at least

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Speaker 1: one hundred feet from the edge, one hundred and fifty

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Speaker 1: feet from the outfield fence, three hundred and fifty feet

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Speaker 1: from home plate. But still Larry has a clear view

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Speaker 1: of the field. He's been trimming branches for years, patiently

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Speaker 1: waiting now coach Rizzo. He has two sons, two ballplayers.

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Speaker 1: The older one, Ryan, is Larry's age. The younger one, Tommy,

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Speaker 1: is several years younger and so just now beginning his

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Speaker 1: baseball journey. Larry has been waiting a long time for

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Speaker 1: that journey to begin, and today Today's the day Larry,

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Speaker 1: not so long ago, purchased his Bushmaster fifteen at Gray's

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Speaker 1: Gun Shop over on Main Street, same shop where his

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Speaker 1: father buys all his guns and Ammo. Larry walked right

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Speaker 1: into Gray's on the day he turned eighteen and made

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Speaker 1: the purchase with no hassle at all. Said hey to

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Speaker 1: mister Gray, provided a valid driver's license, and away he

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Speaker 1: went with his used Bushmaster and several boxes of AMMO

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Speaker 1: in tow. Taking mister Gray's advice, Larry went with the

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Speaker 1: spear gold fifty five gram shells. Perfect, said mister Gray

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Speaker 1: for bringing down those big bucks. Now, for the past

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Speaker 1: few weeks, Larry has been practicing. Every morning, he drives

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Speaker 1: his old pickup out into the country to shoot miles

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Speaker 1: for many homes or businesses. He started with targets at

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Speaker 1: close range, just fifty feet or so, but with his

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Speaker 1: exceptional shooting skills learned from his father and his steady nerves,

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Speaker 1: he quickly pushed those targets farther and farther into the distance,

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Speaker 1: and now opening day underway, he's ready to fulfill his dreams.

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Speaker 1: He pokes the barrel of the Bushmaster through the gun

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Speaker 1: hole and presses his right eye against the vortex spitfire

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Speaker 1: prism scope. In an instant, those eager young ballplayers loom

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Speaker 1: just inches away heads fill the glass viewfinder. He can

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Speaker 1: see mole's eye color, even a little cut on one

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Speaker 1: kid's lip. The game begins. Things move slowly, the kids suck.

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Speaker 1: They're just beginning to learn to play. Lots of walks

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Speaker 1: and strikeouts and errors. In the second inning, little Tommy

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Speaker 1: Rizzo walks. The next kid hits a little squibbler down

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Speaker 1: the third baseline. Tommy moves to second Coach Rizzo coach'es third.

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Speaker 1: He stands there, clapping his hands, clapping and shouting orders,

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Speaker 1: just the way, just the way he always used to do.

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Speaker 1: Come on, kid, come on kid, hit the ball. Now,

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Speaker 1: come on up there to hit up there to hit.

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Speaker 1: Not the walk, not the walk, Come on, hit scores, Tommy, Tommy,

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Speaker 1: be ready, kid, be ready on contact, You're moving. Larry

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Speaker 1: watches the action through his scope. In that clear glass,

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Speaker 1: Coach Rizzo's face is as big as a full moon

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Speaker 1: on a dark winter's night. Larry can see the bushy

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Speaker 1: eyebrows and the bushy mustache, and the scar on his

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Speaker 1: cheek where supposedly Rizzo had gotten cut with a knife

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Speaker 1: in a bar fight years and years ago. Suddenly, the

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Speaker 1: ball contacts the metal bat. The sound echoes around the

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Speaker 1: ballfield and out into those woods beyond the center field fence. Run,

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Speaker 1: Tommy shouts, Rizzo, run, kid, come on run, Tommy runs,

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Speaker 1: and just before Tommy reaches third base, Larry pulls himself

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Speaker 1: taut and gently squeezes the trigger of the Bushmaster x

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Speaker 1: M fifteen, and an instant later, Coach Rizzo, his body

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Speaker 1: sprawled out, unmoving along the third baseline, shouts no more. Well,

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Speaker 1: that should have been the end of it, the fulfillment

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Speaker 1: of Larry's dream, But no, his adrenaline pumping and blood

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Speaker 1: now a boil, Larry keeps popping off shot after shot,

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Speaker 1: picking off kids and their panicked parents, running willy nilly

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Speaker 1: across that ball field, and in the end, six dead

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Speaker 1: and eleven wounded, enough to make the evening news, the

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Speaker 1: national evening news, enough to once more stop Americans in

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Speaker 1: their tracks and mutter, oh my God, not again, When,

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Speaker 1: oh when will it end? Thanks for listening to this

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Speaker 1: original audio presentation of Playball, narrated by the author. If

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Speaker 1: you enjoy today's story, please take a few seconds to rate, review,

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Speaker 1: and subscribe to this podcast, and then go to Thomas

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Speaker 1: William Simpson dot com for additional information about the author

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Speaker 1: and to view his extensive canon. The ten Minute Storyteller

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Speaker 1: is produced by Andrew Pleiglici and Josh Colodney and as

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Speaker 1: part of the Elvis Duran podcast Network in partnership with Iheartproductions.

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Speaker 1: Until next time, this is Bill Simpson, your ten minute storyteller,