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Speaker 1: Pig cop tries to ruin this girl's life for totaling

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Speaker 1: my car, so I serve him sweet justice.

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Speaker 2: Fucked the police period.

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Speaker 1: I was in traffic, traffic sex, yeah, and I was

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Speaker 1: going the speed limit fifty five miles an hour. And

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Speaker 1: then there was a dead stop around the curve and

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Speaker 1: I only had five hundred feet to stop.

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Speaker 2: Oh jeez, and it had just started raining.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, I in my Honda Cord, managed to stop

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Speaker 1: literal inches from the person in front of me, had

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Speaker 1: enough time to have a sigh of relief before I

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Speaker 1: was rear ended so hard the can of tea in

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Speaker 1: my waist level console cup holder wound up splattered all

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Speaker 1: over the windshield.

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Speaker 2: Oh God.

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Speaker 1: I get out of the car and the person who

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Speaker 1: hit me is literally crying blood. She's driving a Saturn

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Speaker 1: that is at least a decade old, and the ancient

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Speaker 1: airbag broke her nose and blackened both of her eyes. Geez,

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Speaker 1: she is not looking good. She's also crying for real,

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Speaker 1: because this is her only transportation. I grab an umbrella

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Speaker 1: out of my now weirdly shaped back seat and I

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Speaker 1: hold it over for her while she sobs, explaining her

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Speaker 1: breaks had been locking up lately, and she was literally

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Speaker 1: on her way to the mechanics and tries to text

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Speaker 1: her boyfriend to pick her up. She's crying so hard

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Speaker 1: that she drops her phone twice. I also like how

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Speaker 1: OPI is the whatever it like the victim in the

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Speaker 1: car crashes, the one that's like holding the umbrella.

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Speaker 2: Okay, and then the cop shows up.

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Speaker 1: Baltimore cops are bastards, so he writes this girl a

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Speaker 1: ticket about failure to control speed to avoid an accident

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Speaker 1: and reckless endangerment and a half dozen other bs things

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Speaker 1: to where the ticket would literally cost more than a

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Speaker 1: new car and she might get.

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Speaker 2: Her license revoked or jail time.

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Speaker 1: This cop like a reting somebody.

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Speaker 2: This cop is out to get her. That is like

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Speaker 2: way od way over there. She's hysterical.

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Speaker 1: I talked to her and reassure it's not her fault

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Speaker 1: and managed to swap insurance and fell fast forward two months.

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Speaker 1: I had my whiplash, but I'm healed up and mostly

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Speaker 1: good regarding the accident. I have a new car and everything.

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Speaker 1: And I get a notice in the mail that I

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Speaker 1: am requested to be a witness for this poor girl's

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Speaker 1: trial for her ticket. I don't have to show, but

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Speaker 1: it'd be nice right, Well, there is no way I'm

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Speaker 1: just gonna let that cop roast I was asked, So

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Speaker 1: I'm taking the day off work to show up and

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Speaker 1: be a good person.

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Speaker 2: Dude, Op, hold on, round of appla.

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Speaker 1: Round applause, snaps around. I turn up the court dressed

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Speaker 1: in my civil servant best. I was working for the

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Speaker 1: state government at the time. So, however, stay, do you

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Speaker 1: imagine multiply it by three and even toss on some

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Speaker 1: makeup to impress the jet uh huh, because I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to be late for this hours early bro Op's

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Speaker 1: literally the greatest human never was amazing.

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Speaker 2: Mother Teresa, get out of here. Yeah, get yere.

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Speaker 1: So the cop goes first making up a bunch of

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Speaker 1: bs about how recklessly she was driving to have to

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Speaker 1: hit me in an accident he was probably ten miles

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Speaker 1: away from and because he was like he like responded

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Speaker 1: after he has no idea what he's talking about. The

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Speaker 1: judge then calls me and I stand up. The cop

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Speaker 1: is this weird combo of surprise Pikachu dot jpeg and pissed.

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Speaker 1: But he didn't expect me to show. The poor girl

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Speaker 1: was already crying and she starts crying some more. So

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Speaker 1: I get to the stand, I get sworn in, and

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Speaker 1: I tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but

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Speaker 1: the truth.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, baby.

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Speaker 1: So I say that we were going exactly the speed limit.

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Speaker 1: I know because I checked my spinometer in surprise there

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Speaker 1: wasn't more traffic, and that she was following a proper

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Speaker 1: distance behind me because I checked my rear view mirror

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Speaker 1: and she was a ways off. That it had just

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Speaker 1: started raining after a dry week, so the road was

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Speaker 1: greasy as f and I knew that because I almost

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Speaker 1: slip into the car in front of me, only saved

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Speaker 1: by my car's automatic braking syst that her wheels had

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Speaker 1: locked because I'd heard the screech and seen the skid marks,

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Speaker 1: and that she definitely wasn't at fault because she was

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Speaker 1: on her way to get her old ass automatic breaking

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Speaker 1: system fixed. And I mentioned that the cop did show

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Speaker 1: up until nearly twenty minutes later, so how could.

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Speaker 2: He know anything? He knew nothing. I know.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like an everyone clap moment, but the judge

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Speaker 1: did actually thank you for doing my civic duty and

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Speaker 1: turning out, and I got a quick hug from the

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Speaker 1: poor girl after the judge dismissed her charges anyway, Baltimore

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Speaker 1: cups or bastards, And if you can turn up in

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Speaker 1: court to fight a traffic ticket, even someone else's, you

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Speaker 1: should do so.

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Speaker 2: Dude, man oop, I don't know what award, the okop award, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you can for niceness, that's right,