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Speaker 1: My random new teacher just told the class he's been

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Speaker 1: in my house.

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Speaker 2: I do not know what to do here. I mean,

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Speaker 2: what do you do?

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Speaker 1: Uh?

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Speaker 3: You say, teacher? I I you know, I know I

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Speaker 3: got a D in this in this class, But may

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Speaker 3: if you step into my room, we could turn that

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Speaker 3: D into my A.

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Speaker 1: Oh goodness, gracious, you know, I think you might need

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Speaker 1: to do that. Well, first Sam needs some nose spray,

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Speaker 1: but then this guy needs to do some extra credits.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, if you catch my drift that he does

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Speaker 3: hit in the putin ay. That is pretty creepy. Though, yes,

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Speaker 3: we're not actually suggesting this.

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Speaker 2: We are not.

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Speaker 1: For the record, this is high school, junior year, first

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Speaker 1: day of class.

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Speaker 3: Okay, with all the comments we made, I thought this

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Speaker 3: was college worse, so much worse that the eye open up.

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Speaker 1: They just bust down the door. Oh God, put this

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Speaker 1: in your in your title.

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Speaker 2: First day of class. The teacher walks in.

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Speaker 1: It's an older, wrinkly guy with a stash, a little

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Speaker 1: weird looking. His shirt is only tucked in on one side,

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Speaker 1: and fashi him real, Yeah, he was ahead of his time.

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Speaker 3: It's like a French tuck. Yeah, you know, French chuck Nope.

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Speaker 3: French chuck is just when he like tuk it, he

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Speaker 3: basically tuck it in like just in the front, kind

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Speaker 3: of like on one side. Interesting, And I guess it's

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Speaker 3: because the French are lazy and they can only tuck one.

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Speaker 3: That is true.

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Speaker 2: Why would they took when I couldn't do it?

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Speaker 3: Actually, I'm not trying to make any French people mad.

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Speaker 2: I am all I hate all of you.

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Speaker 3: I know is the French were about to have to

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Speaker 3: work like two more years, and they literally are rioting

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Speaker 3: in the street and throwing ship on fire. That is correct,

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Speaker 3: that's true. The French will not work more than they

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Speaker 3: have to. That is correct.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was in I was in Europe and I was

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Speaker 1: going on one of like one of those metro things

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Speaker 1: and the and the cardon machine was broken, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, bro, even the machines don't work in Europe,

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Speaker 1: like it is.

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Speaker 3: Just be fair. Americans way over work, Like everyone's all

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Speaker 3: of Europe looking at us, like those Americans don't know

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Speaker 3: how to live. Oh dude, looking over at your like

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Speaker 3: those Europeans. I know, those those Europeans don't work. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's my American accent.

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Speaker 2: I like it.

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Speaker 1: Thanks, everyone's looking at this teacher and just getting the

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Speaker 1: wrong vibe from this guy, Like he's not at all

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Speaker 1: there in the head's wrinkly, he's got a maniac.

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Speaker 2: Look in his eyes, he's creepy.

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Speaker 1: I feel like that's probably a little harsh just from

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Speaker 1: a look, just from.

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Speaker 2: A look, like he just walks in the class, and

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Speaker 2: my goodness.

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Speaker 3: I'm imagining that whatever I'm imagining that whatever actions he's taken,

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Speaker 3: justify the first impression.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: So he starts going through attendance, not looking up the

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Speaker 1: whole time. Then he gets to my name, he starts

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Speaker 1: to say it, and then he stops, looks up and

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Speaker 1: scans the room and looks directly at me. Ah, mister OPI,

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Speaker 1: I'm glade you're here.

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Speaker 2: How is the family?

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Speaker 1: Is your little sister still playing the piano? Is that

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Speaker 1: model ship still right on your dresser? And is your

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Speaker 1: room still colored blue?

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Speaker 3: That is a lot of specific inform. Are you fucking

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Speaker 3: my mom?

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Speaker 1: Why are we dropping so many deal blasting me in

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Speaker 1: the class? Bro? Bro, Like you come and looking all

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Speaker 1: creepy and weird, and you're like, oh, I know the

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Speaker 1: color of your the bedroom wallpaint is crazy?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Or I feel like, now he's gonna get made

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Speaker 3: fun of, like.

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Speaker 2: You like modelship nerd exactly, at.

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Speaker 3: Least that's what I would do.

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Speaker 2: High school.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, just kidding. I was bullied.

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Speaker 2: Somehow.

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Speaker 1: Sam school just really somehow called him vagina stomach and

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Speaker 1: insulted of for having a six pack.

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Speaker 3: They did.

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Speaker 2: You know, our schools the went the opposite.

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Speaker 1: Direction, So I just got made fun of for everything.

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Speaker 1: It's it's really insane what they.

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Speaker 3: Stomach, bro, But look at you now, I still have

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Speaker 3: a vagina stomach.

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Speaker 1: By the way, there's a there's a drake line that's

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Speaker 1: like my high school reunion might have to make an appearance.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna make everyone in my class does go through

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Speaker 1: security clearance, like literally just because that's.

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Speaker 2: Such a baller move, like so funny. That's what we

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Speaker 2: got it. We gotta do for you come back.

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Speaker 3: To middle school and be like, look who goes back

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Speaker 3: to their middle school reunion. Here's what you do something.

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Speaker 2: Here's what you do.

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Speaker 1: You literally like call the schools like an anonymous person

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Speaker 1: like I want to make a middle school union for this,

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Speaker 1: and like pay for everyone, just get super rich, pay

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Speaker 1: for everyone, and then just have like crazy security like

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Speaker 1: with your face on their like chests of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: we're the same security it's me, but let's see if

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Speaker 1: Opie has a it's a similar experience. At this point,

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Speaker 1: I'm shocked and mortified. I just can't find the words

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Speaker 1: to respond. This creeper has just described my family and

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Speaker 1: the effing room I sleep in at night. Ah, of

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Speaker 1: course it is. It's been only what a week? Then

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Speaker 1: he goes back to attendance. Panics were had that day,

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Speaker 1: but anyway, the next day I found out that that

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Speaker 1: old crazy guy is actually my uncle's best friend.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so he's not as creepy as we were made

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Speaker 3: to believe. It's still weird to put it on blasts.

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Speaker 1: Still strange, still quite like a not not too much,

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Speaker 1: but like it's a you know, it's weird. It's a

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Speaker 1: weird prank, and them and my dad decided to all

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Speaker 1: pull a prank on me on my first day. The

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Speaker 1: teacher wasn't so crazy looking the rest of the year.

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Speaker 1: He shaved the pedostash, which he grew specifically just for

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Speaker 1: the prank.

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Speaker 2: Apparently, So this.

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Speaker 3: Guy, Wow, that's commitment to a bit. I mean, making

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Speaker 3: the whole class think you're a pedophile for a prank.

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Speaker 2: Worth it.

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Speaker 1: He started dressing better, stopped making his eye twitch, et cetera,

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Speaker 1: et cetera.

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Speaker 3: God, that's commitment. Also, like the whole class, this is

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Speaker 3: your first Like it's the whole class's first impression of

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Speaker 3: this teacher. Dude. Yeah, like that that teacher probably had

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Speaker 3: to do like the whole year, convincing that class that

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Speaker 3: he wasn't.

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Speaker 2: A greep out of it.

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Speaker 1: Imagine he just likes called and as like, uh, listen, Bob,

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Speaker 1: you've been called in for suspicious behavior and.

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Speaker 2: He's like, whoah is now?

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Speaker 1: I have to admit it was a good prank, even

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Speaker 1: if I was terrified of being murdered forward day.

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Speaker 3: Pretty solid prank and not like that bad.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't in reality, Like yeah, he was kind of

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Speaker 1: got really good, but ultimately there's no like real I

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Speaker 1: must say, start like mercilessly bowling him for the for

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Speaker 1: the boss ship, which they a thousand or secondary.

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Speaker 3: It's high school and you're gonna get rex n.

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Speaker 1: I'm wondering like, would you guys in this scenario, like,

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Speaker 1: what would you do if like a teacher randomly I.

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Speaker 3: Would be like, Yo, that's kind of weird. Can you

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Speaker 3: keep my my Uh? I would probably like, I would

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Speaker 3: probably say, hey, that's kind of weird. Can you not

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Speaker 3: describe my house to everyone?

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Speaker 2: I'd walk up.

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Speaker 3: I would be shocked. I would be shocked. I wouldn't

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Speaker 3: say shit, bro, especially kiss boy first day of.

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Speaker 2: Junior year, so I was gonna say, first freshman year,

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Speaker 2: you're definitely.

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Speaker 3: Just like, oh, excuse me. Although I was kind of like,

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Speaker 3: I was kind of a I was a little a

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Speaker 3: little bit of a rebel with my teachers, Like I

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Speaker 3: remember my chemistry teacher, he like went to Brown, he

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Speaker 3: was super overqualified, right, uh. And I remember like I

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Speaker 3: was asking a bunch of questions about chemistry and class

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Speaker 3: and he was getting annoyed with me, and it was

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Speaker 3: something like and I really didn't mean to insult him,

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Speaker 3: but he said something like I can't remember the exact words,

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Speaker 3: but I accidentally said as said a zinger where he

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Speaker 3: was like, do you have any other like dumb questions

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Speaker 3: for the class?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 3: And I don't know how this got pulled in, but

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Speaker 3: I basically said that like his online dating life was uh,

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Speaker 3: was a sham, and that he would like he wouldn't

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Speaker 3: find a girlfriend totally accidentally and.

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Speaker 2: Then I'm sorry, how.

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Speaker 3: I don't remember exactly, but it was totally on accident,

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Speaker 3: and then the whole class goes. I didn't even mean

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Speaker 3: it like that day, like but yeah, and then he

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Speaker 3: then he pulled me out like like after classes, like,

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Speaker 3: if you say anything like that, I'll tear you a

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Speaker 3: new asshole. I specifically remember that.

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Speaker 1: Wow, maybe he's on like dating profile wasn't.

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Speaker 3: Life was not going well? Yeah? So I was. I was.

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Speaker 3: I was like pretty outspoken in my classes. I was.

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Speaker 3: I didn't mean to.

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Speaker 2: Say I like, he didn't mean to say it.

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Speaker 3: I don't remember what was actually said, but I definitely

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Speaker 3: didn't mean to It's like an accidental zinger.

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Speaker 1: It's like, wait, what's what's the chemical combination of aluminium

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Speaker 1: and water? Oh, by the way, your dating profile it

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Speaker 1: is just such trash. You'll never meet anyone for you'll

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Speaker 1: never meet anyone in your entire life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, live and you learn. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Today I fed up by accidentally making my friends think

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Speaker 1: I needed chemo, and they shaved their heads and eyebrows

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Speaker 1: in solidarity.

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Speaker 3: Good friends. But also Op is probably a bad friend

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Speaker 3: for letting his friends shave their heads. Dude, Like he

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Speaker 3: doesn't have cancer.

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Speaker 1: Also, like was there no memo sent out, is there

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Speaker 1: no group chat?

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Speaker 3: Like, uh yeah, well maybe they guess we're likely they

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Speaker 3: wanted to surprise him in solidarity and like, hey, we

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Speaker 3: shaved our heads. They're like, I don't have cancer, bro.

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Speaker 3: I was just like, oh man, you know, I was

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Speaker 3: just on a diet.

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Speaker 1: Geez all right, let's let's see what happens here. I

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Speaker 1: thought y'all might want to hear about a funny thing

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Speaker 1: that happened in my life recently.

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Speaker 2: Yes, we do.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So I twenty female, was diagnosed with cancer. It's

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Speaker 1: operable stage zero breast cancer. I'm going to survive pretty

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Speaker 1: much guaranteed. Hooray, great, op great, great to hear, and

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Speaker 1: I of course told all my friends about this when

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Speaker 1: I found out. Here is where I ft out.

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Speaker 3: See.

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Speaker 1: I didn't really mention that much about the treatment, since

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Speaker 1: I told them over a text in a group chat.

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Speaker 3: When I found out there's a group chat.

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Speaker 1: There is a group chat. When I found out it

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Speaker 1: wasn't super serious. I just told them, Hey, guess what,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna die. My boobies won't kill me.

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Speaker 2: That's funny.

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Speaker 3: That's the funniest way to say that. You the breast

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Speaker 3: cancer is okay, my boobies won't kill you.

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Speaker 1: Know, sometimes a little humor that the smile makes makes

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Speaker 1: the darkness feel better. What I didn't tell them was

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Speaker 1: I won't be needing chemo. I didn't really think about

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Speaker 1: treatment with them, just the good news. That's totally fair.

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Speaker 1: Like you're just like, you have this great thing, and

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Speaker 1: you're like, you're not like.

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Speaker 3: By the way, here the great thing that you're described,

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Speaker 3: you have this great thing, it's cancer. Cancer.

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Speaker 1: The great news that she shared was the cancer is

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Speaker 1: not super serious. Okay, so that was the great I

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Speaker 1: think they already knew she had cancer, and then she.

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Speaker 3: Told him it wasn't super serious.

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Speaker 2: So that was like good news, right.

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Speaker 1: So like, if you have good news, you're not like, hey,

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Speaker 1: here's the great news, and then here's all the line items, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, ye, yeah, here's the details.

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Speaker 1: Unfortunately, all of my friends are wonderful, wonderful souls. Doesn't

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Speaker 1: tell unfortunate who loved me very much and want to

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Speaker 1: support me. They're also stupid sometimes, Oh gosh, it happens,

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Speaker 1: very very stupid in fact, and their knowledge about my

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Speaker 1: cancer basically comes from movies or books or whatever. So

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Speaker 1: they just imagined a hairless, boobless.

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Speaker 2: Version of me.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 1: A weekish later, they asked to FaceTime me lo and behold,

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Speaker 1: all five of them are bald.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: These are great friends, dude, for real.

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Speaker 1: Two of them even went so far as to shave

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Speaker 1: their eyebrows in solidarity so people won't stare at me.

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Speaker 2: Dude, salute to.

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Speaker 3: Even the eyebrows. The eyebrows are like like like, when

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Speaker 3: you don't have eyebrows, you look a little scarier.

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Speaker 1: Anyone listening google celebrities without teeth or eyebrows. You can

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Speaker 1: thank me later. It's insane. I was in shock and

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Speaker 1: then howling with laughter. And then I break the news

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Speaker 1: that I basically will not be eating chemo, and even

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Speaker 1: if I did, I would not look like that for

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Speaker 1: a while, and after laughing, I started crying because it

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Speaker 1: made me realize how far my friends are willing to go.

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Speaker 2: That's amazing.

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Speaker 3: This is so wholesome.

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Speaker 1: This is so wholesome. We laughed about it for a while.

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Speaker 1: It's a bit funny seeing everyone's eyebrows go back in,

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Speaker 1: but overall it was really really hard warming and funny

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Speaker 1: to be around and then be like, guess.

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Speaker 2: Which of us has cancer.

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Speaker 3: That was literally sure haha's hilarious. I love that drinking game.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, wow, that was that's that's that's a

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Speaker 2: great one. I love.

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Speaker 3: I love a good wholesome Red Red story.

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Speaker 2: It's always great for them with the wholesome ending.