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Speaker 1: This is John, this is them Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some good stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: That's right. But before that, we have a little morsel

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Speaker 1: of a two minute ad break from the sponsors keeping

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Speaker 1: the show delicious.

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Speaker 2: My stepmother refused to plan my wedding because of.

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Speaker 3: My mother mother's conundrum.

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Speaker 2: My twenty four female mom forty five female, and stepmother

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Speaker 2: forty four female are very very different people. My mom

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Speaker 2: is one of those people who wears her emotions on

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Speaker 2: her sleeves. She cries and laughs a lot. If she

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Speaker 2: is angry, you know it. She's very expressive. She also

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Speaker 2: had a really hard life. She had me when she

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Speaker 2: was young, and my biological dad abandoned her. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from a throwaway mom sm and if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay Storytime, Separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Dakota,

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Speaker 2: and I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

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Speaker 2: but we don't have all the answers. We're just gonna

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Speaker 2: guess what we would do in situation. But let us

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Speaker 2: know what you would do in the comments below. She

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Speaker 2: met my dad and they were together for ten years,

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Speaker 2: and she had my sister with him. Because she had

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Speaker 2: babies so young, she had to raise us and didn't

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Speaker 2: get a chance to go to college. She met my

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Speaker 2: stepdad right after she left my dad and they have

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Speaker 2: been together ever since. Because she isn't educated, she's never

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Speaker 2: been able to get a good job and works twenty

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Speaker 2: hours at a thirst store, so she has a funny

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Speaker 2: schedule and never really has money. She'd give me money

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Speaker 2: for the wedding, but she doesn't hardly have enough for

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Speaker 2: her own bills. My stepdad is her soulmate, but he

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Speaker 2: needs a lot of attention and it has always been

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Speaker 2: in conflict for her. She would cry a lot because

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Speaker 2: she wanted to spend more time with us as kids,

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Speaker 2: but couldn't because stepdad only had certain times off and

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Speaker 2: she needed to make sure that he had the attention

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Speaker 2: he needed too. I mean, she didn't even have time

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Speaker 2: to cook us dinner at night. She'd take us out

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Speaker 2: to eat instead, so there was no way that she

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Speaker 2: would have the extra time to do some of the

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Speaker 2: stuff that my stepmother did. I know she tried really

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Speaker 2: hard at being a mom and did her best, but

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Speaker 2: life was just harder than it was for my stepmother.

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Speaker 2: My stepmother came into my life and I was ten,

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Speaker 2: and we have always gotten along well. She is basically

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Speaker 2: the opposite of my mom. I don't think I've ever

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Speaker 2: seen her cry more than one or two tears. She

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Speaker 2: has never raised her voice and yelled at us growing up.

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Speaker 2: She was always the one that we went to when

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Speaker 2: we needed things done. She is the one who would

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Speaker 2: sign us up for all the things that we wanted

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Speaker 2: to do, help with our homework, throw our birthday parties,

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Speaker 2: and call the doctors. She went to college before my

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Speaker 2: stepbrother was born, so she got a good job as

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Speaker 2: a project manager and always had money. My dad started

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Speaker 2: his own business too, and he married my stepmother, so

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Speaker 2: they had way more money than my mom. They also

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Speaker 2: owned their own house and didn't have to pay rent

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Speaker 2: like my mom did. But the courts didn't give my

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Speaker 2: mom any child sport at all. To help, my stepmother

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Speaker 2: did more of the traditional mom stuff like cooking dinner

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Speaker 2: and making Halloween costumes, but she was always a little cold.

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Speaker 2: She rarely said I love you. My real mom was

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Speaker 2: the emotional support, but life was hard for her, so

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Speaker 2: she couldn't do the traditional mom stuff. The same as

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Speaker 2: my stepmother, even though she wanted to. I love both

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Speaker 2: my mom and stepmother and am happy that they are

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Speaker 2: both in my life. They both helped me to grow

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Speaker 2: up in their own ways. My significant other and I

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Speaker 2: are getting married in less than seven months, and I'm

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Speaker 2: planning my wedding. A couple of times I sent my

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Speaker 2: stepmother some things asking for help, and each time she

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Speaker 2: shrugged it off, saying you should ask your mom. The

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Speaker 2: last time, I texted her to ask what she thought

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Speaker 2: the best flower shop in the town we are going

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Speaker 2: to get married is, and if she thinks that Lily's

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Speaker 2: would be good in the bridal booquet. But she never responded,

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Speaker 2: which is really unlike her. So I stopped by her

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Speaker 2: house on the way home from work and asked her again.

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Speaker 2: This time she told me that I should plan my

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Speaker 2: wedding with my mom. I pressed her on why she

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Speaker 2: wouldn't help, and she said that she had promised herself

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Speaker 2: a long time ago that once us kids were out

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Speaker 2: of the house, she would never have to deal with

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Speaker 2: my mom again. She said she will be happy to

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Speaker 2: financially contribute to my wedding, but would rather not get

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Speaker 2: in any situation where she has to deal with my mother.

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Speaker 2: I never knew she didn't like my mom. She never

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Speaker 2: said anything growing up, if anything saying, she always was

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Speaker 2: supportive of my relationship with my mom. When I had

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Speaker 2: problems with her as a teen, she would always tell

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Speaker 2: me that your mother loves you, or would say, I

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Speaker 2: don't know your mom. I can't tell you why she

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Speaker 2: does what she does, but I know she loves you.

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Speaker 2: I asked her why she doesn't like my mom, but

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Speaker 2: she wouldn't answer. She said that her relationship with my

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Speaker 2: mother should in no way affect my relationship with my mom,

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Speaker 2: and there is no need to spread past drama. But

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Speaker 2: she has set a boundary and hopes that I can

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Speaker 2: respect that. I was so confused. I asked my mom

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Speaker 2: about it to see if she could tell me why

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Speaker 2: my stepmother might have said that my mom got so

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Speaker 2: upset and started crying and getting angry. But she was

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Speaker 2: saying that my stepmother is trying to ruin my wedding

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Speaker 2: because she has always tried to control our lives just

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Speaker 2: because she wanted power. She said there was a reason

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Speaker 2: that stepmother had thrown our birthday parties even though she

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Speaker 2: wanted to. I asked my mom to tell me what

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Speaker 2: she was talking about, but she said it wasn't my concern.

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Speaker 2: She then tried looking up my stepmother on Facebook to

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Speaker 2: write her letter, but stepmother had blocked her. Stepmother had

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Speaker 2: blocked her everywhere.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, Like why though, Like what did she do?

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Speaker 1: She's just an emotional person.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: That's why.

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Speaker 2: It's been four days and my mom is still so mad.

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Speaker 2: I'm a little concerned that my mom is going to

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Speaker 2: use my wedding to talk to my stepmother about it,

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Speaker 2: and I really don't want the drama. I asked my

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Speaker 2: stepmother to contact my mom to help calm her down,

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Speaker 2: but stepmother just started laughing. I'm so frustrated. I don't

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Speaker 2: want this sort of drama. I don't know why now,

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Speaker 2: after fourteen years, my stepmother has started acting this way.

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Speaker 2: I don't understand why she just won't talk to my

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Speaker 2: mom or open up the channels. My mom is just

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Speaker 2: an emotional person. She really does try her best as

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Speaker 2: a mom. Though I really could use some help with

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Speaker 2: planning my wedding. My mom would help, but like I said,

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Speaker 2: she doesn't really have time. My stepmother is way better

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Speaker 2: at planning things and keeping organized. It's not like my

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Speaker 2: stepmother would have to talk to my mom to help

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Speaker 2: me plan it. It makes me feel like she doesn't

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Speaker 2: actually care about me, that she just would cut me off.

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Speaker 2: I really want to know what happened between my stepmother

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Speaker 2: and mom. I know they say it is my business,

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Speaker 2: but it sure feels like it is my business and

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Speaker 2: their actions are affecting me. How do I keep this

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Speaker 2: from blowing up at my wedding? I almost feel like

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Speaker 2: telling my stepmother that she shouldn't come if she won't

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Speaker 2: help me calm down my mom. First, I don't want

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Speaker 2: my wedding day ruined by my mom being so hurt.

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Speaker 2: But I also really need the financial support that my

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Speaker 2: stepmother and dad are giving me, and I don't want

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Speaker 2: to jeopardize that. So what should I do? And there

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Speaker 2: are some comments so shiny, so new says, your perspective

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Speaker 2: here is really skewed. Your stepmom doesn't want to deal

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Speaker 2: with your highly emotional and volatile mother, so you asked

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Speaker 2: her to deal with your highly emotional and volatile mother

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Speaker 2: on your behalf hope. He says, Yeah, when you put

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Speaker 2: it that way, it doesn't sound very smart at all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's like, yeah, I don't know, the only

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Speaker 1: person who can make amends in the situation or like

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Speaker 1: come to some sort of compromise in the situation is

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Speaker 1: the stepmom and the mom.

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Speaker 2: Population tire quotes, Ope, my mom got so upset and

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Speaker 2: started crying and getting angry. She was saying that my

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Speaker 2: stepmother is trying to ruin my wedding because she has

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Speaker 2: always tried to control our lives just because she wanted power.

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Speaker 2: If that's a typical response from your mom, it tells

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Speaker 2: you everything you need to know from what you wrote.

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Speaker 2: Your step mom never tried to bad mouth your mom

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Speaker 2: or get in the way of your relationship, which shows maturity.

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Speaker 2: Your mother is demonstrating immaturity with that statement. There probably

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Speaker 2: isn't one incident, just a general behavior from your mom

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Speaker 2: that your step mom understandably doesn't want to deal with.

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Speaker 2: Opie response. It's a pretty extreme response, even from my mom.

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Speaker 2: My stepmother used to say some people are just more

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Speaker 2: emotional than others, So I never thought it bothered her before.

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Speaker 2: I thought she just understood that my mom was that way.

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Speaker 2: Wondering dev says she was protecting you. Now she's being honest.

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Speaker 2: And there is an update from nine months later I

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Speaker 2: had posted originally when I was very frustrated about my

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Speaker 2: stepmother saying that she wouldn't help with me with my

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Speaker 2: wedding because of my mother rightfully ripped into by quite

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Speaker 2: a few people. I just re read what I had written,

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Speaker 2: and there's so much cringe. I did what many suggested

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Speaker 2: and told my stepmother that I respected her boundaries and

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Speaker 2: thanked her for always having supported me in my life.

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Speaker 2: She seemed really touched. We had a good conversation, and

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Speaker 2: she admitted that she would like to help, but as

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Speaker 2: one commentary had guessed, she was sure that if my

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Speaker 2: mom heard that she had helped with something, my mom

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Speaker 2: would become critical of it, and it would put me

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Speaker 2: in an awkward spot. I told my mother that she

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Speaker 2: needed to calm down. Even if stepmother didn't like her,

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Speaker 2: they were adults and this was my day and I

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Speaker 2: could really use some help making it special. Much to

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Speaker 2: my surprise, she said that she would love to help

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Speaker 2: and had been waiting to plan a wedding her whole life.

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Speaker 2: A little backstory, my mom and dad had married in

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Speaker 2: a courthouse with no ceremony. My mom and stepdad aren't

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Speaker 2: actually married, He's just been around for so long, we

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Speaker 2: just call him Stepdad. Well, guys, it turns out my

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Speaker 2: mom is crazy. It started with her canceling the venue

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Speaker 2: that we had reserved we wanted an outdoor wedding in

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Speaker 2: a beautiful park near us, and trying to book a

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Speaker 2: destination wedding in Hawaii. What the f Luckily, the refunded

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Speaker 2: deposit didn't at all cover her desired location deposit, so

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Speaker 2: she came and asked me to cover the rest. That

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Speaker 2: was a huge blow up, but we got it sorted out.

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Speaker 2: She had claimed that she wanted to surprise me with

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Speaker 2: a dream wedding and that I deserved the best. I

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Speaker 2: told her that an outdoor wedding with all of my

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Speaker 2: friends that fit in my budget was my dream wedding.

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Speaker 2: I still believed at this point that she had been

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Speaker 2: doing it to be kind, but boy, am I sucker.

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Speaker 2: Things slinked into the twilight zone after that. She kept

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Speaker 2: saying it was our wedding as in mine. In her wedding,

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Speaker 2: I wanted a cupcake bar. She tried to change the

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Speaker 2: orders to a cake. She picked up the wrong supplies

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Speaker 2: for our centerpieces. Sure, the wrong supplies, right action, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: she would argue with all the vendors. Every time she

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Speaker 2: did something, we had a massive fight, ending with her

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Speaker 2: crying and hysterical, saying that I shouldn't be getting a

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Speaker 2: wedding before she got her wedding, that my dad owed

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Speaker 2: her a wedding.

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Speaker 1: Okay, now it's time to go.

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Speaker 2: Mom.

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Speaker 1: I love you, but you can't. We're not doing this. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we are halting indefinitely your planning responsibilities.

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Speaker 2: She'd apologize profusely the next day and say that she

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Speaker 2: knew she was acting crazy, but that the wedding planning

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Speaker 2: was just bringing up a lot of unresolved issues for her.

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Speaker 2: She said she was going to counseling and getting her

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Speaker 2: depression medication adjusted. I would feel bad and forgive her,

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Speaker 2: and then the whole cycle would start again. After months

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Speaker 2: of this, I thought we had finally reached an understanding

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Speaker 2: that she could have a wedding, but she couldn't have

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Speaker 2: my wedding. But I was wrong.

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Speaker 1: She bought a.

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Speaker 2: White sequin floor length dress with a pillbox hat with

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Speaker 2: a veil to wear to the ceremony. When she sent

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Speaker 2: me the picture, I honestly just went numb. I know

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Speaker 2: I had told her that I would respect her wishes,

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Speaker 2: but I didn't know who else to talk to, so

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Speaker 2: I brought the picture over to my dad and stepmother's house.

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Speaker 2: I showed it to my stepmother and then started bawling

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Speaker 2: my eyes out. At first, I thought my stepmother was

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Speaker 2: crying with me. She wasn't. She was laughing so hard

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Speaker 2: she could barely breathe. She called my dad and he

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Speaker 2: started laughing so hard that he couldn't stand up straight anymore.

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Speaker 2: Long story shorts. Both my stepmother and dad ended up

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Speaker 2: helping me manage my mom during the wedding. They taught

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Speaker 2: me how to put her on an information diet and

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Speaker 2: require passwords at venders. My dad ripped into her about

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Speaker 2: it being her wedding. My stepmother had the great idea

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Speaker 2: of telling my mom that the white would match stepmother's

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Speaker 2: dress and be good because it's popular for brides now

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Speaker 2: to wear a dress in the wedding colors. My colors

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Speaker 2: were teal and gold, so my mom showed up in

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Speaker 2: a teal dress, as did my stepmother. Lol. My dad

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Speaker 2: and stepmother ran interference for me with my mom all

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Speaker 2: day on my wedding day. They said that they were

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Speaker 2: old pros at it and it was their wedding present.

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Speaker 2: To me, it turned out to be a beautiful day,

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Speaker 2: and I didn't hear about any of the drama until

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Speaker 2: after the day. All in all, it was an eye

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Speaker 2: opening experience. I always knew my mom was emotional, I

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Speaker 2: just hadn't realized how much she also manipulates things. I

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Speaker 2: became a lot closer to my dad and stepmother, and

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Speaker 2: am actually pretty low contact with my mother.

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Speaker 4: Now.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow.

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Speaker 2: It has made me really reevaluate my childhood and I

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Speaker 2: feel like I've grown a lot. Thank you read it

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Speaker 2: for being the first to start opening my eyes. We've

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Speaker 2: got some final comments here. Mega Moze says, quoting Opee,

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Speaker 2: my stepmother had the great idea of telling my mom

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Speaker 2: that the white would match stepmother's dress and be good

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Speaker 2: because it's popular for brides to now wear with dress

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Speaker 2: in the wedding colors. Holy cow, that's genius. Apparently this

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Speaker 2: is not your stepmother's first rodeo hope, he says, I

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Speaker 2: really didn't think it would work. The funniest thing was

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Speaker 2: them both ending up in almost identical dresses. I guess

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Speaker 2: my mom had a minor moultdown over it, but I

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Speaker 2: didn't see it. Denver Socialist says, come on, you can

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Speaker 2: drop that kind of bait without giving us more details,

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Speaker 2: Hope says. I guess she had found stepdad after seeing

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Speaker 2: stepmother and demanded that he take her shopping right now.

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Speaker 2: But Stepdad was like, the ceremony is going to start,

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Speaker 2: we aren't leaving now. She's stormed off and found a

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Speaker 2: friend who she tried to trade dresses with, but the

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Speaker 2: friend thought she was being silly and said it was

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Speaker 2: really cute how both of Opie's moms are wearing matching outfits.

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Speaker 2: My stepmother found out that she was crying in the bathroom,

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Speaker 2: so she went in there with one of my bridesmaids

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Speaker 2: and said loudly enough for my mom to hear, I

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Speaker 2: wish I had worn a different dress. It's so similar

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Speaker 2: to Opie's mom, and everyone keeps telling me how much

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Speaker 2: better she looks at it than I do.

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Speaker 1: Ooh skilled issues.

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Speaker 2: She really does wear it better. I guess that was

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Speaker 2: enough to calm my mom down, because she came out

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Speaker 2: of the bathroom and was smiling and showing off her

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Speaker 2: dress after that. Oh, so that was the step While

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Speaker 2: I'm saying that about them, Oh.

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Speaker 1: I was confused as well. Yeah, that's not a skill issue.

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Speaker 1: That's actually extremely skilled.

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Speaker 2: That's very genius. Ye.

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Speaker 1: Well, and again, you know what, this is the perfect

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Speaker 1: like silly baby type scenario. It's like she's been a

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Speaker 1: silly baby, but then if you just tell the silly baby.

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Speaker 3: I'm so sad.

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Speaker 1: Everyone keeps saying you look so much better than me

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Speaker 1: and your dress.

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Speaker 2: Bob Barker says, as kids, we look up to our

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Speaker 2: parents a whole lot, but part of becoming an adult

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Speaker 2: is learning that they're human too. It's usually a harsh lesson.

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Speaker 2: Opie says, I believed everything my mom told me growing up.

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Speaker 2: Why would she lie to me? And my dad and

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Speaker 2: stepmother kept quiet about drama, so I only ever heard

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Speaker 2: one side of the story. I feel badly that it

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Speaker 2: took me so long to see it through. I started

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Speaker 2: going to counseling, which has helped tremendously to start unraveling

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Speaker 2: all of the lies. It's been painful, but so liberating too.

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Speaker 2: All of these things that didn't ever sit right with me,

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Speaker 2: I now can see it is because I knew something

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Speaker 2: was off, but I didn't know what to. DC Webb says,

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Speaker 2: your stepmother keeps things quiet because she didn't want you

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Speaker 2: to think that she was intentionally alienating you from your mother.

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Speaker 2: You had to come to the realization yourself. Otherwise you

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Speaker 2: would have resented your stepmother and it would have been

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Speaker 2: easier for your mom to just manipulate you against her.

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Speaker 2: Must have been incredibly tough both your stepmother and dad,

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Speaker 2: Opie says. My dad and stepmother said that they had

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Speaker 2: hopes that maybe she would be more sane to us

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Speaker 2: kids than she was to them. They haven't told me

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Speaker 2: a lot because they say that their relationship with her

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Speaker 2: shouldn't change my relationship with her, but they did clear

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Speaker 2: up some things. My mom always said that dad stole

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Speaker 2: everything from her in the divorce, but he had come

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Speaker 2: into the marriage with the house, cars and investments. They

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Speaker 2: had signed a prenup with an infidelity clause, and my

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00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,520
Speaker 2: mom had cheated on my dad, leaving him for my

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Speaker 2: step dad. My dad had still paid her out quite

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Speaker 2: a bit of money to help get her on her feet,

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Speaker 2: but she didn't get a job and blew it on

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00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,160
Speaker 2: a huge vacation and a new car that she crashed

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00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,760
Speaker 2: while driving, wasted fines ate up the last of the money.

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00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,280
Speaker 2: I remember her telling me that her car broke down

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Speaker 2: and Dad had towed it away, saying that he was

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00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,880
Speaker 2: going to fix it, but never did I remember being

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00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,320
Speaker 2: mad that my dad wouldn't help my mom out when

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00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,000
Speaker 2: he was really good with cars. I don't know all

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Speaker 2: of the stories, but I questioned a lot of the

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00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,040
Speaker 2: I was mad at dad memories. It's so weird to

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00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,840
Speaker 2: look back on your life and not even know what

350
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,840
Speaker 2: you don't know. I'm questioning everything. I wish Dad and

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00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,480
Speaker 2: some mother would tell me more, but I understand that

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00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,560
Speaker 2: they want me to come to my own relationship with

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Speaker 2: my mom too. She is crazy, but she wasn't completely

354
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,520
Speaker 2: terrible all the time. The hardest thing has been with

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Speaker 2: my little sister, who has always been one of my

356
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Speaker 2: best friends. Even though she has seen what my mom

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00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,080
Speaker 2: did with my wedding, she has also had my mom

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00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,200
Speaker 2: crying to her the whole time. There were many times

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00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,240
Speaker 2: where my sister would call me and tell me that

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00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,040
Speaker 2: I was being unreasonable with Mom, and it has put

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00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:32,960
Speaker 2: a bit of a wedge between us, and I'm not

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00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,240
Speaker 2: sure how to handle it. WHOA and not seeing that

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00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaker 2: story day, Dude, I freaking called it though, Dude, I

364
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,440
Speaker 2: freaking knew that she'd be reflecting on these things and

365
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,560
Speaker 2: find ways her childhood was not what she thought it was.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was living a lot.

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Speaker 1: It's hard to see.

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00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,520
Speaker 2: That sucks though, And that's the end of this story.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna go on to the next one.

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Speaker 1: My mother in law destroyed my garden while I was

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Speaker 1: on vacation.

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00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,200
Speaker 2: Speaking of the garden of Eden.

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Speaker 1: My husband thirty five male, and I twenty nine female,

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00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,280
Speaker 1: went on holiday for a week and just got back tonight.

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00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,240
Speaker 1: My in laws stayed at our house and looked after

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Speaker 1: our dogs for us while we were away. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from user tragic Mushroom from the two Hot

378
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,119
Speaker 1: Takes subreddit, and if you want to submit your own stories,

379
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:21,360
Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay story time subreddit.

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Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, and.

381
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,720
Speaker 2: I'm Angie, and I'm I didn't see you there, Hi,

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00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:25,840
Speaker 2: I'm Keon.

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Speaker 1: And we're here to give good advice googly.

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00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,120
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers.

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00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,440
Speaker 1: We only know what we would do in the situation,

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00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:33,919
Speaker 1: So if you would do something different, let us know

387
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:37,000
Speaker 1: in the comments. We got back tonight to find that

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00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:40,360
Speaker 1: mother in law has completely changed our garden without our

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00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,960
Speaker 1: consent while we've been gone. We have a small ish

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Speaker 1: paved garden with some raised flower beds, a couple of trees,

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00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,960
Speaker 1: and some nice flowers and bushes. Most were left by

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Speaker 1: previous owners, and we've cared for them the.

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Speaker 3: Best we can.

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00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,520
Speaker 1: We did laid wood chips and kept the garden tidy

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00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,480
Speaker 1: while we've been away. An entire tree on the right

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00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,639
Speaker 1: hand side has been removed and is now just as stump.

397
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,520
Speaker 1: New shrubs and flowers have been planted in its place.

398
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,880
Speaker 1: My roses, which I enjoyed caring for, have been cut

399
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,639
Speaker 1: to a stump with nothing left. The trellis completely bare.

400
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,200
Speaker 1: The two other trees have been cut back dramatically. All

401
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,639
Speaker 1: their flowers and buds are gone. The huge flowers on

402
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,679
Speaker 1: one bush have been cut off and the garden feels

403
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,639
Speaker 1: very exposed and barren. The tree that was cut to

404
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,800
Speaker 1: a stump flowered beautifully in summer and attracted lots of butterflies.

405
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:30,040
Speaker 1: I'm big on biodiversity, so that was so sad. The

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00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:33,240
Speaker 1: roses I'm devastated about as my uncle was helping me

407
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,399
Speaker 1: care for them. Various other jobs have been done, like

408
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,639
Speaker 1: cutting a small patch of grass we have at the

409
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:42,160
Speaker 1: back and jet washing the paving slabs, which I'm grateful for.

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00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,520
Speaker 1: It's important to note nothing like this was discussed before

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00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 1: we left. We only asked mother in law and father

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00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 1: in law to care for our dog, nothing more. Mother

413
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,840
Speaker 1: in law mentioned patching some missing sealant in the windows

414
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,400
Speaker 1: of our shed for us, and that was all she mentioned.

415
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,320
Speaker 1: I really struggle with anxiety and needing to be in control,

416
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:03,120
Speaker 1: and I've been. I'm sobbing this evening. I'm devastated. Mother

417
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 1: in law is asleep and father in law is staying

418
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,720
Speaker 1: out of it. I'm sleeping downstairs with our dog because

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00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 1: I can't stand to be away from her either. Three am,

420
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 1: but I can't sleep.

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00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 3: What do I do? Am I right to be upset?

422
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,399
Speaker 1: I'm certain their intentions were good, but I feel like

423
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,399
Speaker 1: this is an enormous overstep and I'm really upset.

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00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 3: And there are some comments wow.

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Speaker 1: So I went to your comments on your post because

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Speaker 1: I wanted to see if I could get a little

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00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,200
Speaker 1: more background here. What I did not find is what

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00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,879
Speaker 1: your husband plans to do about this. I understand you

429
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 1: having anxiety. It sounds like you're medicated and doing pretty

430
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,680
Speaker 1: darn well overall with your medication combination, and that's wonderful.

431
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 1: This has just thrown you for a loop. And is

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00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,159
Speaker 1: a bit of a setback, which is completely understandable. What

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00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,680
Speaker 1: you need to understand, though, is that your in laws

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00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,439
Speaker 1: are not yours to manage. Your husband needs to be

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00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,879
Speaker 1: managing his parents. I don't care if your mother in

436
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,400
Speaker 1: law likes to stay busy and gets carried away. I'm

437
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,359
Speaker 1: sixty five. Do you know what I would never do

438
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 1: in a million years go to my daughter's place in

439
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,960
Speaker 1: Phoenix and mess with her beautifully set up back patio.

440
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 1: She has plants all around, she babies them, she waters them.

441
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,160
Speaker 1: She has lovely furniture and a pergola out there. It's

442
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,199
Speaker 1: a beautiful area to just sit and breathe. But you

443
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:14,800
Speaker 1: know what's most important about this, it's hers, not mine.

444
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,960
Speaker 1: She is thirty three years old and her partner is

445
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 1: thirty four. I don't pay the bills there and I

446
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 1: don't live there, so I would never do any of that.

447
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 1: There is no excuse. Let me repeat myself as a

448
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 1: sixty five year old white lady named Karen, there is

449
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 1: zero excuse for what your in laws did. You and

450
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:34,080
Speaker 1: your husband need to be on the same page. I agree,

451
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 1: and he needs to lay down the law to his

452
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,119
Speaker 1: parents and they need to pay to restore everything. You

453
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 1: didn't want the flowers there, you do want the climbing roses,

454
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,400
Speaker 1: because that's what it sounds like you had. And they

455
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 1: need to pay for the plants and the materials and

456
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,680
Speaker 1: the new tree, and it needs to be made clear

457
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 1: to them they are never to touch anything in your

458
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,439
Speaker 1: home again without asking you. It doesn't matter if they

459
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 1: think something's rotten, it doesn't matter if they don't like

460
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 1: the look of it. It doesn't matter if they think

461
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 1: the paving stones need washing. Not a zilch zero, changing

462
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 1: anything at your home without express permission from both of you,

463
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 1: not just your husband, both of you. I want to

464
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 1: assure you this is a reasonable boundary. I want to

465
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 1: assure you it does not make you a witch or

466
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 1: a terrible daughter in law. It makes you an adult

467
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 1: standing up for what is right and what is their own.

468
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 1: As somebody darn close to your mother in law's age,

469
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 1: I'm appalled this is stepping over so many boundaries. And

470
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,679
Speaker 1: your husband literally needs to look at his mom and

471
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 1: say this. Would you go watch a friend's dog and

472
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 1: cut down trees and landscaping and change up their entire

473
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,959
Speaker 1: garden without asking them? No, you wouldn't, would you Dad.

474
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 1: You wouldn't cut down their trees, would you. You know

475
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 1: why you wouldn't do that, because not only would you

476
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 1: lose a friend, you would probably get sued and made

477
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 1: to restore it all using a landscaper. And you wouldn't

478
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,679
Speaker 1: do it because it's not your house, you don't own it,

479
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,879
Speaker 1: and they didn't ask you to do it or agree

480
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: to have you do it.

481
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 3: Well, because we're.

482
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,679
Speaker 1: Family, do we deserve less respect? Do we deserve to

483
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 1: have you treat us less well then you would a friend?

484
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 3: Of course we don't.

485
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:05,880
Speaker 1: You should actually be doing better for us. Famili should

486
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 1: treat each other better than they want an acquaintance or

487
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 1: coworker or friend to treat them. So, yes, you will

488
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,200
Speaker 1: need to buy us a new tree. You will need

489
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 1: to buy us new roses, and you will need to

490
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,639
Speaker 1: agree to never touch anything in our home again without asking,

491
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 1: or you won't be allowed at our home. I don't

492
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,159
Speaker 1: care if her intentions were malicious. I don't care if

493
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 1: she just got carried away. I do not care, no

494
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,239
Speaker 1: matter what the reason, what they did was wrong. It

495
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: was an intrusion, it was a betrayal of trust, and

496
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,440
Speaker 1: it was wrong. I don't care what excuse they try

497
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: to give you. Your husband needs to tell them Mom

498
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 1: and Dad, I do not care. I would never come

499
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 1: to your house and change everything around because it's not

500
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 1: my home. You don't get to come into my home

501
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 1: and do this anymore than you would to any other adult,

502
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 1: no matter how much you want to set the boundary now,

503
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 1: it is okay to do so. I know it is

504
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 1: anxiety inducing, but you need to do it now. You

505
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,199
Speaker 1: need to fully internalize what they did was wrong, and

506
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 1: it's okay to acknowledge it, and it's okay for you

507
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 1: to stand up for yourselves. And there's an update.

508
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, the tree is crazy because they had to hire

509
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,479
Speaker 2: someone to do that. Depending on what tree it is,

510
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,880
Speaker 2: they probably had to hire someone to come in so

511
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 2: that the tree didn't just fall down on everything else.

512
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 1: Oh no, maybe Op's mom is an expert with the chainsaw.

513
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: She just was out there.

514
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 2: Doing in herself.

515
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 3: Save Yeah.

516
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 1: No, I'll take care of this all by myself. Actually, yeah,

517
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,040
Speaker 1: I got this a one man job. To answer some questions,

518
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: I think the tree was a badelia. I think it's

519
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: usually a bush, but it was quite mature and had

520
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:32,119
Speaker 1: a trunk about eight inches wide and was around two

521
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,959
Speaker 1: to three meters tall. It very much looked like a tree.

522
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 1: Sorry if I gave the impression it was like a

523
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 1: huge tree that required a tree surgeon. But it wasn't

524
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,880
Speaker 1: a tiny bush. It was still a task to chop

525
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 1: it down, and they didn't hire anyone, They did it themselves.

526
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 1: Thank you for all the suggestions about tree law. I've

527
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: learned something new. Thank you to all that said the

528
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 1: roses might be salvageable. They are literally a stump only

529
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,359
Speaker 1: three inches tall. But I'll try the blood and bone

530
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 1: mixture to promote growth and try to bring them back.

531
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 1: Mother in law has done things like this before, but

532
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 1: never to this extreme. She gets bored and one thing

533
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,880
Speaker 1: leads to another, and you can tell part of her

534
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 1: knows she's gone too far, but she tries to justify

535
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,440
Speaker 1: it anyway. It's well known in the family that mother

536
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 1: in law can't sit still and finds jobs to do

537
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 1: to be helpful, But to my knowledge, she hasn't done

538
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:20,880
Speaker 1: anything this big before.

539
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:21,400
Speaker 3: Now.

540
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 1: The update in the morning, my husband spoke to mother

541
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 1: in law alone and laid out how this was really

542
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 1: inappropriate for her to make changes to our garden without

543
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 1: permission or even notification. He said, She offered some explanations

544
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 1: as to why she did it, but did acknowledge it

545
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,679
Speaker 1: wasn't right to go ahead and cut down trees without asking.

546
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 1: He posed the question many of you suggested, how would

547
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 1: she feel if we looked after her home and repainted

548
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,959
Speaker 1: a room, or chopped a tree down in her garden

549
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: or removed her fence.

550
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 3: I think that made.

551
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,880
Speaker 1: Her realize she was in the wrong. He asked her

552
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 1: to speak to me directly and apologize. As I said

553
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 1: to him, I needed an apology and for her to

554
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: acknowledge that what she did was wrong. Later, mother in

555
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,919
Speaker 1: law spoke to me privately, and she said she was sorry.

556
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 1: I was so upset by the garden, and I said,

557
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 1: thank you. Her explanation for the tree is that she

558
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,160
Speaker 1: was doing some pruning, which again I did not ask

559
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 1: her to, but anyway, and when she trimmed the branches

560
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 1: they were black inside. They went to a garden center

561
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: and got advice, and we're told it was this kind

562
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 1: of bug infestation. Mother in law is adamant she was

563
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: being bitten by whatever bug it is as well.

564
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 3: I don't know.

565
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: Tree was green and healthy looking to me anyway. At

566
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 1: no point did they speak to us. Despite going through

567
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 1: all this trouble. They then decided to just chop it

568
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 1: down since it was infested. So to speak, She did

569
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 1: at least say the words, I know, we should have

570
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 1: called you or asked.

571
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 3: And then I said, and the roses.

572
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,440
Speaker 1: I loved those, and my uncle was helping me keep

573
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 1: them going, and she said the dog had been chewing

574
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 1: on them. Ere in mind, these are in a raised bed.

575
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,440
Speaker 1: She'd have to jump up to get to, and apparently

576
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,440
Speaker 1: she yelped and hurt herself on the thorns. So obviously

577
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 1: the logical conclusion isn't to keep an eye on the puppy,

578
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 1: who's a four month old lab but to chop down

579
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 1: the flowering roses. That was the end of that discussion,

580
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:05,880
Speaker 1: but later in the day she and father in law

581
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 1: went to a garden center to try to replace both

582
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,119
Speaker 1: the butterfly bush and the roses, but couldn't find the

583
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 1: right kind. They've said that if we find the plants

584
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 1: we want, they will buy them for us, so we

585
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 1: can replace them and things are civil again. Still hurt,

586
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 1: and I hate how my garden looks, especially since other

587
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,479
Speaker 1: trees and flowering bushes were cut so far back. All

588
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: the color is gone. It feels very exposed and like

589
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 1: a new build or showroom garden before any character is added.

590
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 1: But I can't make the plants regrow and I and

591
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,440
Speaker 1: replanting the tree would mean removing the stump they left,

592
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: so couldn't be asked personally. I will never allow mother

593
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 1: in law and father in law to be alone in

594
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 1: my house again, and they will not be asked to

595
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 1: look after our dog unless it's in their own home.

596
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 2: I feel like when you're a gardener that your plants

597
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 2: are your babies. Yeah, when you are like watching over

598
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 2: your plants like that, raising them from seed, you just

599
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 2: you just love them. And so once you find got

600
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 2: to that point where they're blooming and they're attracting butterflies

601
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 2: or they're roses or whatever, like everything's great, and then

602
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:10,199
Speaker 2: they're just chopped down randomly, chop that's gotta hurt. So

603
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 2: you I think it totally makes sense, like, yeah, even

604
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 2: if they do nice things here and there, it's not

605
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 2: worth the risk.

606
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 1: I do have a generally good relationship with both of

607
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:24,199
Speaker 1: my in laws, and they are generous and kind people,

608
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 1: but this lack of respecting boundaries has been an ongoing issue,

609
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 1: especially since we got our house, which they did a

610
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: huge amount of work on with us and for which

611
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 1: I'm extremely grateful. I do, however, feel like this contributes

612
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,919
Speaker 1: to how they view the house and garden as a

613
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 1: project and not as our home, despite the fact we've

614
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 1: lived in the finished house for two years now. That

615
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 1: might be why they thought it was no big deal

616
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,479
Speaker 1: to go around messing with our garden. My husband has

617
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 1: been on my side throughout this and took us all me,

618
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 1: him and the dog out for a Sunday roast today

619
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 1: to cheer us up.

620
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 3: He's upset with.

621
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: His parents as well, and has done his best to

622
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: make me feel better and validate my feelings.

623
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,160
Speaker 3: He's the best. And that is the end of that story.

624
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,400
Speaker 2: What a cool guy, what a great guy.

625
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: Pretty nice gas. And that's the end of this story.

626
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,239
Speaker 1: Let's head to the next one. Hey, it's Sam, your

627
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,119
Speaker 1: og host here, bring you back to the stories. But

628
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629
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631
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632
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633
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,120
Speaker 1: closest friends. But there's a pattern that keeps repeating. Now

634
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: that she's trying to push me out of a leadership

635
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: position I rightfully earned, I'm starting to wonder if she's

636
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: always been quietly undermining me. She's always inserted herself between

637
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 1: me and people I've liked. And by the way, this

638
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,320
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639
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640
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Speaker 1: r slash Okay story.

641
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 3: Ti'mem subre it.

642
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, I'm Carly, and we're here to

643
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: give you good advice. Goofily, But we don't have all

644
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 1: the answers. We only know what we would do, So

645
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 1: if you would do something different, let us know in

646
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,719
Speaker 1: the comments. As Op says, years ago, there was a

647
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 1: guy I liked. We'll call him Jay. It wasn't anything

648
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 1: serious at first, but we talked, flirted a little, and I.

649
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 3: Genuinely liked him.

650
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 1: Tanya knew she would hype it up, tell me to

651
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 1: shoot my shot, and even help me text him, but

652
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 1: behind the scenes she was getting closer to him too.

653
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 1: No next thing I know, she's suddenly with him, and

654
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 1: I've pushed it to the side. Fast forward to now,

655
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 1: it feels like deja vu. There was another guy, Argin.

656
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: I met him through mutual involvement in clubs and orgs.

657
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 1: We vibed. We were really close.

658
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 3: Friends, and for a while it felt like there was

659
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 3: something there. Tanya knew again.

660
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 1: But slowly she started popping up in all the places

661
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 1: we hung out. She'd insert herself into our conversations, comment

662
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 1: on our dynamic, and eventually they started dating again. I

663
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 1: never confessed anything to Argin, and maybe it was just friendship,

664
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: but the timing always it feels like she waits for

665
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: me to show interest and then swoops in in the

666
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 1: nicest way possible. Though you didn't show any interest, right, Yeah,

667
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: you think president day I won my election, She's trying

668
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: to replace me. I've been a part of this cultural

669
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: student org for years. It's my baby. I put in

670
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 1: hours of work and even stayed during breaks to help

671
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: plan events. Let's call the org csa cultural student association.

672
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 1: Last semester, there was a student wide election for president.

673
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: My name was the only one on the ballot for president.

674
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: Tanya didn't even run for that role. I won the

675
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 1: advisor the executive board, and everyone was notified via email.

676
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 1: It was official I'm president of the cultural student Association. Later,

677
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: Tanya and her now boyfriend Argent, who used to be

678
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: co president last year, apparently had a conversation and decided

679
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 1: that Tanya should be president. She just took the role.

680
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 1: How how is that possible? She told me I would

681
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: be the vice president now after the election already happened.

682
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 3: No discussion, it was just decided.

683
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 1: When I brought this up privately to the advisor, just

684
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 1: to ask for guidance not to throw anyone under the bus.

685
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 3: The advisor agreed that it was wrong.

686
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: This was an election, not a dictatorship.

687
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 2: Where has democracy gone in this school? What happened to it?

688
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 1: She's trying to be the palpatine of your student cultural association,

689
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: My goodness. In the follow up meeting, she said there

690
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 1: were two fair solutions. One is to honor the original

691
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 1: election and let me be president, and two is to

692
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: make us co presidents so it's balanced. Normally I would

693
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 1: be like, well, that's not fair because she won an election.

694
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 3: She was the only one running.

695
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 2: I guess. But maybe then what the real solution is

696
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 2: is that we have another election and then now we

697
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 2: can really see.

698
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 3: We call a referendum.

699
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, but also why were they thinking of Tanya in

700
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 2: the first place. Did Tanya say like, wait, wait, wait,

701
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 2: oh no, the election already happened, but I wanted to

702
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 2: be president, you know what I mean? Or was it

703
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 2: just like they were just like, you know, Tanya was

704
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 2: actually pretty cool. Hey Tanya, you want to be president?

705
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: Well it's just yeah, sure, it totally speaks to just

706
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: like Tanya's whole vibe as Opie's friend or I get

707
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 1: what fake friend frind of me, where it's like as

708
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 1: soon as op has something going on. At first it

709
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 1: was with these guys, but now it's like, oh, well,

710
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 1: she's gonna be the president of this club. No, actually no,

711
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 1: I want to be president of the club. You know.

712
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 1: Oh she has a crush on this boy. No, actually

713
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 1: I have a crush on that boy. Right, It's like,

714
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 1: get your own vibe, God, get your own vibe, Tanya.

715
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 3: Tanya immediately looked uncomfortable.

716
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: She acted like she could handle the work, but clearly

717
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 1: didn't want to share the spotlight. After the meeting, she

718
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 1: cornered me privately and got super emotional and started accusing

719
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: me of going behind her back, which is crazy because

720
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 1: that's what Tanya did because I had spoken to the advisor,

721
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 1: even though the advisor had been emailed the election results

722
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 1: from the beginning. She said I broke her trust and

723
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 1: that she now can't work with me. Well, then I

724
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 1: guess you shouldn't be president.

725
00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 3: Dumb, dumb.

726
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: She demanded a reelection and told me that whoever wins

727
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: will stay in the org, and whoever loses will have

728
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 1: to leave. Those were literally her words. It was like

729
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: Tanya was trying to exile me. What really hurts is

730
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 1: I've always been the one people go to. I'm not

731
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: trying to be arrogant, but multiple members of the org

732
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 1: always come to me when they're stressed, when they can't

733
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 1: make a meeting.

734
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 3: They ask me because I'm understanding. I listen.

735
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: I get that people have lives and families and mental

736
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: health struggles. Tanya, on the other hand, is rigid and

737
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 1: controlling ah Future Homeowner Association's president. People have told me

738
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 1: they feel like they're walking on eggshells around her, but

739
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 1: they won't say it to her face. She micromanages every

740
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 1: little thing, tells people they can't leave early from meetings,

741
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 1: has strong opinions on what food is allowed at events,

742
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 1: and has told people no one brings x y Z

743
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: unless I approve it. She wants total control over what

744
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 1: the org looks like, even if it means ignoring people's

745
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 1: needs or voices. Where it stands now is that she's

746
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: pushing for a re election even though there already was

747
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: one and she wasn't on the ballot. She blocked me

748
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 1: and made her boyfriend Argin block me too, without a word.

749
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,439
Speaker 1: She accused me of trying to make her look bad

750
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: just because I talked to the advisor. I think it

751
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: looks worse that if you want to play this game,

752
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: you lost an election because you were too lazy to.

753
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 3: Sign up for it.

754
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:22,760
Speaker 1: Why would we want you leading the organization and clearly

755
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: care so much about it?

756
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I feel like if that happens and they

757
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 2: do have to do another election like Maya's campaign, thing

758
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:33,319
Speaker 2: could be like, yeah, I was here first. I cared

759
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:35,360
Speaker 2: enough to fight for it in the first place.

760
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 3: Can you imagine like in.

761
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 1: The real world, like you like go to get a

762
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 1: job and you like submit your application, you go through interviews,

763
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:42,840
Speaker 1: and you like do all the work to get it,

764
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 1: and then they give you the job and then like

765
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: a week later they're like, oh no, But like Tanya

766
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 1: really wanted the job too, but she just never submitted

767
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 1: her resume. YEA, so we're actually just gonna not give

768
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: you the job anymore, and we're gonna go back and

769
00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:59,919
Speaker 1: you guys can both try to get the job.

770
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, that's what it sounds like.

771
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: So she told me, if you want to be the

772
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 1: face of the ORG so badly, let the public decide,

773
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 1: which they again kind of already did. Meanwhile, I'm heartbroken,

774
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 1: not just about the ORG, but because I've lost two

775
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: people I cared about, and I'm left questioning whether they

776
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 1: ever really respected me. So am I being dramatic? I

777
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 1: feel like she's manipulated the narrative to make me look

778
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 1: like the villain for wanting fairness, when really she just

779
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: didn't like the outcome of the election. I don't even

780
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 1: know if I should try to defend myself anymore or

781
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 1: just let the reelection happen and hope for the best.

782
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,839
Speaker 1: But I can't help but feel like this has been

783
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: a slow, calculated effort over the years to insert herself

784
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 1: into every space I find comfort or connection in and

785
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 1: then try to control it. I'm not perfect, but I

786
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,720
Speaker 1: didn't go behind her back. I didn't lie I followed

787
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 1: the process and now I'm being punished for it. Has

788
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: anyone been through something like this before? And what do

789
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 1: I even do now there's an update?

790
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:54,799
Speaker 3: I think you.

791
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: Should just be like, all right, friendship pass revoked.

792
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think you're being dramatic about this at all,

793
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 2: Like you're being very a matter of fact about like

794
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 2: this is just what happens, just telling the advisor, like, yo,

795
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 2: what happened to me wanting to do it and getting elected?

796
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:14,840
Speaker 2: Like she is clearly being so dramatic by just the

797
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 2: way she's wording things. You're not doing that, So just

798
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 2: keep doing what you're doing. Just be when it comes

799
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,920
Speaker 2: to these matters, you can act like it's a business,

800
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 2: and in a business, especially if you're a you know,

801
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 2: a higher up, you got to just be a matter

802
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 2: of fact and stuff like that.

803
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

804
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 2: No, this is just how it is. I don't mean that.

805
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 2: I hope you don't take it that way, but I

806
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 2: can't control how you think about it.

807
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:36,360
Speaker 3: So business is business.

808
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think given what she said about how

809
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 1: like you know, she's like I can't work with you

810
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:42,879
Speaker 1: and you've betrayed me, and blah blah blah blah, blah

811
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 1: and making like all this stuff. I think if you

812
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 1: take that to the advisor and go, well, hey, remember

813
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 1: how you said, there's two solutions. One is we just

814
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 1: honored the normal election, right, or the other one is

815
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 1: that we just make her co president. Right. She's literally

816
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 1: told me she can't work with me now, So I

817
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 1: guess we just have to honor the original election. Right.

818
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:05,359
Speaker 1: Update Last semester, I was confirmed as president of our org,

819
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,279
Speaker 1: but another member, Tanya, started pushing back afterwards. A few

820
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: weeks ago, we had a meeting with our advisors and

821
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 1: they gave us two options, either go through with co

822
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:17,359
Speaker 1: presidency or have a reelection. Well, I just reread what

823
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 1: the original post said, and it said to honor the

824
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 1: original election. So I guess that has changed.

825
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:23,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, changed your mind now?

826
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 1: Anyway, Tanya very clearly said she did not want a

827
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: co presidency, and I left that meeting believing we would

828
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: just do a reelection and be done. But literally the

829
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 1: next day she changed her mind. She said she now

830
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 1: does want to try a co presidency, but added that

831
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 1: if she feels uncomfortable later, she'll push for a re election.

832
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 1: At that point, she also told me that I shouldn't

833
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 1: speak to the advisors until she and I make a

834
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 1: contract about expectations between just the two of us before

835
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 1: we tell anyone else. Mind you, I'm on vacation right

836
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: now and trying to clear my head. She knows that,

837
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 1: but she keeps trying to push this fake sense of

838
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 1: resolution and while I'm away, and I've realized I'm just

839
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 1: not okay with it. If she's already saying there could

840
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:08,360
Speaker 1: be second thoughts or discomfort later, why even agree to

841
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 1: something now. It's not real, it's not mutual, and it's

842
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 1: not sustainable. To be honest, I'm also seeing how people

843
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 1: around us are reacting, and that's making things even more clear.

844
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 1: Multiple Eboard members are quietly on strike. Some of them

845
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,760
Speaker 1: have even told me they feel uncomfortable with how she's

846
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:25,280
Speaker 1: been leading.

847
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 3: Already. She's made controlling, abrupt and rigid.

848
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:31,360
Speaker 1: Decisions that don't sit right with people, including a message

849
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 1: demanding no last minute call outs for meetings, which alienated

850
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 1: people who are just trying to balance their lives. The

851
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 1: thing is people actually want me as president. I've been

852
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 1: in the or longer, I've been consistent, and people feel

853
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: comfortable coming to me. A few of them even said

854
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: they only stayed on the board because they thought I'd

855
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 1: be leading. This is not about ego. It's about trust

856
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 1: and communication. I try to lead with kindness and respect,

857
00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:00,200
Speaker 1: not ultimatums or threats. So, after all this back and

858
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 1: forth and reflecting while I'm away, I've decided I'm not

859
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 1: open to a co presidency anymore. I want a reelection,

860
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,439
Speaker 1: a fair and clear process where everyone can vote.

861
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 3: Again. I plan to.

862
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: Talk to the advisors directly when I return and make

863
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 1: that official. And there is a second update. And I

864
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 1: bet you Tanya lost that election.

865
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 2: I'm one.

866
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:24,799
Speaker 1: Hundred and that's going to be extra sweet. Yeah, or

867
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 1: really really really really annoying. Essential'll be like, you didn't

868
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 1: actually win the election.

869
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 2: You cheated, right right.

870
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 3: We did it, Joe.

871
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:36,919
Speaker 1: I'm upset honestly that the whole org is even trying

872
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:38,720
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, well, we have to do another election.

873
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:39,439
Speaker 1: It's like, no, we don't.

874
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 2: I mean no, we don't. The fact that this was

875
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,919
Speaker 2: a problem in the first place is bizarre because what

876
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 2: you already chose, and then all of a sudden you're

877
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 2: just like, oh, yeah, Tanya is actually going to be president,

878
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 2: even though these are the election results. Oh yeah, we

879
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:54,799
Speaker 2: should honor the election results. You guys could just do

880
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 2: it together, that's all. That's what you guys.

881
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 1: I guess. I guess maybe from the perspective of like,

882
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: I guess it's not that sick. Yeah, but it's like

883
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 1: it is though for OP because it's like, this is

884
00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 1: a person who is not really your friend. She's your enemy. Yeah,

885
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 1: that's become clear. She just wants whatever it is that

886
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:12,840
Speaker 1: she thinks would like be, I don't know, be a

887
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: positive force in your life.

888
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, but there is an update.

889
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 2: Theyt just get it basically.

890
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 1: Tonya, the same person who's been stalling the leadership transition

891
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 1: for weeks, officially quit the organization.

892
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 4: Yay.

893
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 1: She said in our Zoom meeting that she wasn't gaining

894
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 1: anything from this anymore and only joined for fun. She

895
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 1: also admitted that she knew I was planning to email

896
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,719
Speaker 1: the advisors about a reelection, but instead of letting that

897
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:38,919
Speaker 1: happen transparently, she kept delaying the process over and over.

898
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 1: She'd say she wanted to talk, but then never followed up.

899
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 1: She'd be active in other chats while ignoring direct messages

900
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 1: about moving things forward. It was incredibly frustrating, so annoying

901
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,040
Speaker 1: that it's just like, after all that, she's like, yeah,

902
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:52,239
Speaker 1: I quit. I don't know, I just want to do

903
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:52,759
Speaker 1: it for fun.

904
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 3: Then why did you want to be the leader?

905
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:55,399
Speaker 2: Right?

906
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,280
Speaker 3: Being the leaders often not fun.

907
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, it didn't seem like you were having

908
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 2: fun at all throughout that whole process at all.

909
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 1: Okay, what really got me is she told me she

910
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: wanted to talk before sending the advisor email, and then

911
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:10,760
Speaker 1: just ghosted and ended up sending the email behind my back,

912
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,359
Speaker 1: no heads up, no nothing. Meanwhile, the rest of us

913
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:18,279
Speaker 1: were working hard on the trifold and preparing for the showcase.

914
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,240
Speaker 1: She didn't come help and barely communicated and then messaged

915
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,359
Speaker 1: way later asking where everyone was, which by then most

916
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 1: people had checked out on her. She later claimed it

917
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 1: was all high school drama and biased and said she

918
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,880
Speaker 1: wanted to focus on other things. It just sucks because

919
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 1: I kept trying to keep things respectful and move the

920
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,960
Speaker 1: org forward without drama, but she made things unnecessarily difficult,

921
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 1: and the whole time she was trying to make it

922
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 1: seem like she was being wronged while doing the bare

923
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,880
Speaker 1: minimum stalling and leaving people confused.

924
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:47,240
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story.

925
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

926
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: back to the stories, but here's a quick three minute

927
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:52,760
Speaker 1: break from as for more sponsors.

928
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 2: My longtime friend ghosted me after I helped him out

929
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:57,840
Speaker 2: for years.

930
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 1: Well that's no best friend of yours.

931
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 2: Just a few days ago, it suddenly hit me that

932
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,799
Speaker 2: it's been an entire year since this guy ghosted me

933
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 2: after I did so much for him. I won't reveal

934
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 2: his name, but this is the story of what happened.

935
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 1: I warn you all.

936
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 2: It is long because it spans a friendship that went

937
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:15,240
Speaker 2: over twenty years.

938
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,400
Speaker 1: Wow, we're getting twenty years where the story so happened.

939
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:22,359
Speaker 2: We first met at thirteen years old in nineteen ninety nine.

940
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,799
Speaker 2: In middle school. I just sat at a table at

941
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 2: lunch and sort of became part of the group. That's

942
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 2: when I met Mark. He and I agreed on so

943
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 2: many things. Granted he didn't warm up to me super fast,

944
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:35,839
Speaker 2: but by ninth grade we were fairly close. Me and

945
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 2: another friend did have a habit of small scare pranks

946
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,320
Speaker 2: on him, but we stopped after we realized we'd taken

947
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 2: it too far, and then we became a trio. By

948
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from de Foxtrot eighty six on

949
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:51,839
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay storytime supreddit. Oh, this is one

950
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 2: of our own, is that right? And if you want

951
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 2: to submit your own, go to that our slash Okay

952
00:42:58,040 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 2: storytime subreddit.

953
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 3: And I'm Anjie, I'm Dakota.

954
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:04,400
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

955
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We're just going

956
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 2: to guess what we would do in the situation. So

957
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 2: let us know what you would do in the comments.

958
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,359
Speaker 2: So Opie says, our birthdays were all month apart from

959
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 2: each other, April, May and June, and all of our

960
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 2: first names were four letters long. It felt like we

961
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:22,359
Speaker 2: were the three amigos. All three of us were in

962
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 2: special Ed too, and it stayed that way until twelfth grade.

963
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,399
Speaker 2: That's when Mark decided that he was going to leave

964
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 2: special Ed and just barely finish high school with the

965
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 2: lowest possible grade that he could pass with. And during

966
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 2: that entire senior year he treated me like crap at school,

967
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 2: but when not at school or talking over the phone,

968
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:42,200
Speaker 2: he was his same old self. He would even call

969
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,839
Speaker 2: my parents' house and leave messages of him doing impressions

970
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:48,840
Speaker 2: of Uncle from Jackie chan Adventures. It was funny at first,

971
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,320
Speaker 2: and then it just got really annoying.

972
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 3: Then no, no, it's funny forever.

973
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 2: Then, when high school ended, Mark told me that he

974
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 2: was moving with his mother and stepfather to Idaho. I

975
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 2: was sad to see him go, but it was his

976
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 2: life to live. He had no cell phone, so I

977
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:04,480
Speaker 2: had no way to reach him, and he didn't try

978
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 2: to call me either. Fast forward five years to two

979
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 2: thousand and nine, he's back. He had moved back to

980
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,879
Speaker 2: Oregon for personal reasons and we reconnected. Things were great

981
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 2: with him. At first. We were the three Amingos again,

982
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 2: with my other best friend as well. Mark's coming back

983
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,279
Speaker 2: felt so natural, and it was like he had never left.

984
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 2: All three of us were living similar lives, all three

985
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,319
Speaker 2: of us ended up on disability, et cetera. It was

986
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 2: like we were just meant to be friends for so

987
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,839
Speaker 2: many reasons. But the red flags slowly started creeping up.

988
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 2: It started with him constantly forgetting that we'd made plans

989
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 2: and trying to duck out. I'd call him one day,

990
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 2: he'd say he'd be ready to hang out the next day.

991
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:43,320
Speaker 2: Then suddenly he went to hang with some other friends

992
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 2: and passed out sleeping on their floor. He did this

993
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 2: to us many times and finally realized his error when

994
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,319
Speaker 2: we talked to him about it. That and he be

995
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:56,400
Speaker 2: peaed himself while passed out and ruined his cell phone

996
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 2: that was in his pocket.

997
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 4: Oh there were rating your phone from p yeah, and

998
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,759
Speaker 4: having to go and being like, I did not drop

999
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 4: it in water.

1000
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,280
Speaker 2: It is in fact my pee. It was in my pocket.

1001
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:13,799
Speaker 2: I did not fall in water either. It was me

1002
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 2: who were some gloves. There were other issues too. He

1003
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,240
Speaker 2: was constantly talking about his old friends back in Idaho

1004
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,360
Speaker 2: and how he really missed them. He also ranted a

1005
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 2: lot about a guy over there who totally betrayed him.

1006
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,280
Speaker 2: He ranted about this guy so much I still remember

1007
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 2: his name despite never meeting the man. But this guy

1008
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 2: apparently stole an idea about something he had and then

1009
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:36,359
Speaker 2: stopped talking to him. Mark also had a similar thing

1010
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:39,239
Speaker 2: happened in grade school, when a friend of his just

1011
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 2: one day told him that they were no longer friends

1012
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 2: and stopped talking to him.

1013
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,239
Speaker 1: Dang, you gotta really let go of that happening in

1014
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 1: grade school.

1015
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:47,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's rough.

1016
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 1: We cannot be holding on to the grade school You're

1017
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 1: friendship canceled? Okay, killed, it's grade school. It probably sucked

1018
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 1: in grade school. It was grade school.

1019
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 2: Right, let's move on. All I could think was that

1020
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 2: Mark had it rough. He was essentially raised by his grandparents,

1021
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,000
Speaker 2: because his mom is a real piece of work who

1022
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 2: was in and out of his life. Mark also constantly

1023
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:10,480
Speaker 2: talked about wanting to start a company of his own,

1024
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:12,840
Speaker 2: but anytime he ever took the first step in anything,

1025
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 2: he'd decide that it was too hard and then quit

1026
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 2: so he could go back to dreaming and procrastinating. For

1027
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 2: an entire decade. I listened to him do this. I

1028
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 2: tried to help him. I tried to teach him how

1029
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:25,719
Speaker 2: to write. He did one page and decided that it

1030
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 2: was not for him. He asked me to teach him

1031
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,359
Speaker 2: how to draw. At bottom a ten dollars thrift store

1032
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 2: coffee table we could use for drawing, and because he

1033
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 2: never had a coffee table in his apartment for some reason,

1034
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 2: he loved the table. But we only sat down to

1035
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 2: do one drawing lesson, and during it he threw a tantrum.

1036
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 2: This was about twenty seventeen, so we're both like thirty one.

1037
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:48,720
Speaker 2: Then no, can't.

1038
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 1: Either on thirty one year old tantrums. Yeah, because you

1039
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,520
Speaker 1: are bad at something you've never done before, right, come on.

1040
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,400
Speaker 2: He had a nice sketch book, and I tried to

1041
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 2: teach him the basics that I taught my Well, he

1042
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,239
Speaker 2: didn't try much at all. The most detailed thing he

1043
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:06,319
Speaker 2: drew was a face with crazy eyes. I asked him

1044
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 2: to draw a head around it, and he refused, saying

1045
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:10,600
Speaker 2: that he just couldn't figure it out and wanted me

1046
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 2: to show him well, and like a couple of fluid motions,

1047
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 2: I quickly drew ahead and hair to the face. Second

1048
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 2: he saw that, he just got upset. He was upset

1049
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 2: that I could do that. I said I could do

1050
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 2: that because I took the time to teach myself. He

1051
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,479
Speaker 2: just needed to try it himself. But he just got

1052
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 2: angrier and asked if there was a faster way.

1053
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 1: Dude, this is totally the guy who wants to be like, yeah,

1054
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,680
Speaker 1: chatchypt like, how do I.

1055
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:34,360
Speaker 3: Finish this sentence?

1056
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,440
Speaker 1: Hello? Just like it just was like, I can't wait

1057
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 1: for the AI to think for me, right.

1058
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,440
Speaker 2: Dude, He's gonna be so happy when twenty twenty five

1059
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 2: rolls are out.

1060
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 3: So happy, wait twenty win.

1061
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 1: That's right now, Well I know, but oh sorry, it

1062
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 1: was so meta. I didn't even compute it.

1063
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 2: That's all right.

1064
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:55,319
Speaker 1: I needed chatchypt to tell me what that meant.

1065
00:47:56,200 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 2: Well, he wasn't convinced there was no shortcuts. Proceeded to

1066
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,480
Speaker 2: answer a timely phone call, and I drew a picture

1067
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 2: of him pacing back and forth in the room. He

1068
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 2: laughed when he saw it. I tried to get him

1069
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:09,600
Speaker 2: back to drawing and reminded him. He asked me to

1070
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 2: teach him. He wanted a reference drawing, so I asked

1071
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,360
Speaker 2: for something that I could draw in reference. He selected

1072
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:19,760
Speaker 2: the Nuka Cola Cola girl in a spacesuit fall out.

1073
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 5: Okay, it's a fallout reference. So I drew her fine

1074
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:27,879
Speaker 5: in about a half hour. He was impressed and then

1075
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 5: never tried drawing again. I also tried drawing his online

1076
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:34,960
Speaker 5: OC character for him, and he was completely unsatisfied no

1077
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 5: matter what I did. I tried drawing the hair as

1078
00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:40,359
Speaker 5: he described, even following reference images he provided, but it was.

1079
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 2: Never good enough. His OC character was some sort of

1080
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:47,239
Speaker 2: trans Wraith goddess with super sayan hair or something like that.

1081
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:50,520
Speaker 2: Another problem with Mark was he had no concept of

1082
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 2: understanding money.

1083
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:53,319
Speaker 1: I know that we've got a lot more story here,

1084
00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: but just for anyone else listening, this is the time

1085
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: we start quiet quitting the friendship. Okay, like, after all

1086
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:02,479
Speaker 1: this stuff, after the like you ask me to teach

1087
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 1: you something and then you get mad at me for

1088
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:08,239
Speaker 1: teaching you, I'm quiet quitting the friendship. We are not

1089
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: gonna be hanging out as much anymore. Yeah, thirty one

1090
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 1: year old tantrum quiet quitting the friendship.

1091
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I wonder too, because OPI said that they're

1092
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:20,319
Speaker 2: all uh like special ed too, and they're on disability,

1093
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,799
Speaker 2: so I'm sure that it has something to do with

1094
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:26,400
Speaker 2: a tantrum at thirty one. But also I do wonder,

1095
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:31,319
Speaker 2: how like if they have the same mental or like disabilities.

1096
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:34,279
Speaker 2: I guess then I wonder, like in that community, how

1097
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:37,279
Speaker 2: they view each other, having their reactions to things, you

1098
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:37,839
Speaker 2: know what I mean?

1099
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean probably pretty tolerant. I'm still gonna tell

1100
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: you to quiet quit that friendship.

1101
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, But another problem with Mark was that he had

1102
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,080
Speaker 2: no concept of understanding money. I was the only one

1103
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 2: with a car and driver's license in the friend group,

1104
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 2: so I became at the de facto taxi. I still

1105
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:56,120
Speaker 2: kind of am with my other friends sometimes, but friends

1106
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:58,399
Speaker 2: help friends when they need it. Mark, on the other hand,

1107
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 2: couldn't or wouldn't understand that aaslene costs money. He acted

1108
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:04,359
Speaker 2: like we could just roacher of one hundred miles without care.

1109
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 2: He was also constantly broke from his rent, continuing to spike,

1110
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 2: so he couldn't eat out unless I bought his food.

1111
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 2: I didn't mind, because it meant that we could hang out.

1112
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:15,839
Speaker 2: But whenever he tried to save for anything, he'd get

1113
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,959
Speaker 2: a few months and then splurge it. Then he would

1114
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 2: go back to being insistent that he could save thousands

1115
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 2: to buy a better computer or start a company or both.

1116
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 2: But I had to remind him he could barely save

1117
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 2: fifty dollars a month, yet he was not convinced for

1118
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:32,680
Speaker 2: years to come. I snapped him out of his financial

1119
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 2: denial many times when he came out to me that

1120
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 2: he was by I told him there was nothing he

1121
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 2: could tell me about himself that would surprise me, and

1122
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:44,440
Speaker 2: it didn't, which repeatedly shocked him. But then he started

1123
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 2: saying that he wanted to get a gender affirmation surgery.

1124
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 2: I pointed out that he couldn't afford it. But he

1125
00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:52,440
Speaker 2: was convinced that health insurance would pay for it. But

1126
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 2: it's considered cosmetic, not life saving surgery. He was in

1127
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:59,439
Speaker 2: denial about this many times until I proved it. He

1128
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 2: was already upset about that, and then his teeth started

1129
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:06,480
Speaker 2: falling out because he literally never brushes them. Whoa, that's

1130
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 2: pretty literal of never brushing your teeth. If they are

1131
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 2: falling out, that's like he got scurvy, right, yeah, Oh

1132
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 2: my gosh, his teeth got to just be like just black,

1133
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 2: black teeth. I actually don't know if that's true, but

1134
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 2: at least some part of it has got to be.

1135
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 2: He broke a rotten tooth eating a custard a clayer.

1136
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 1: Oh, you break a tooth eating one of the softest

1137
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:33,560
Speaker 1: tooth you can possibly eat. Yeah, those things are busty.

1138
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh my god, all.

1139
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:37,439
Speaker 1: The ops link up for the picture. All the teeth

1140
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 1: look busted injured.

1141
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.

1142
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:42,880
Speaker 2: Oh. I had to convince him to go see the dentist,

1143
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 2: and he kept putting it off until I drove him

1144
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:48,320
Speaker 2: there myself. They had to pull six of his front teeth.

1145
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 2: He was convinced still that insurance would provide it with

1146
00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:54,319
Speaker 2: dental implants. We have the same state provided insurance and

1147
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 2: it only covers the minimum, And I repeatedly told him so.

1148
00:51:57,440 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 2: He really wasn't happy to find out that he couldn't

1149
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:01,560
Speaker 2: get dental im plans and got stuck with a bridge

1150
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:04,840
Speaker 2: dventer that he didn't care for. Then he was convinced

1151
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:07,720
Speaker 2: he could save money by paying double for a bill

1152
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 2: one month, so he wouldn't have to pay that bill

1153
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 2: the next month and just keep the money. Oh no,

1154
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:15,760
Speaker 2: I said that that wasn't saving money, that was moving.

1155
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:17,520
Speaker 3: That's not how money works.

1156
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:20,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, if I paid double the money this month, then

1157
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 1: no money next month. I'm saving money right now.

1158
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 3: You're just paying the same amount of money faster.

1159
00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 1: No.

1160
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 2: Oh, yet more financial denial. I burst his bubble on

1161
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 2: after doing the math in front of him. At that point,

1162
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,719
Speaker 2: he was only financially surviving because his sickly grandfather in

1163
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:42,319
Speaker 2: Texas was sending him an extra one hundred dollars a month. Then,

1164
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 2: after a decade, Mark lost his apartment in twenty nineteen.

1165
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 2: He couldn't make rent, got evicted and then taken a

1166
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 2: court and was on the hook for seventeen hundred dollars

1167
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:53,560
Speaker 2: for rent, late fees and court fees. He had nowhere

1168
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:55,839
Speaker 2: to go but come stay with me in the sub

1169
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:59,360
Speaker 2: building I rent from my parents' side. Note where do

1170
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 2: they live, because I don't know. Rents seems so cheap

1171
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:04,399
Speaker 2: wherever they are.

1172
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 1: There's a lot of cheap rent in places, but also

1173
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:10,719
Speaker 1: like there's also nothing to do, and also not a

1174
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:13,840
Speaker 1: lot of opportunity to make income, right because it's like

1175
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,919
Speaker 1: federal minimum wage. I don't know if they've raised it yet.

1176
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 1: I know for a long time it was like eight dollars.

1177
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's like yeah.

1178
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 1: But side side note, Yeah, I just want to go

1179
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 1: back to the fact that he's mad that he didn't

1180
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,399
Speaker 1: get implants and he has like the dentures. But I've

1181
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: always thought that if you had to get dentures, it

1182
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,640
Speaker 1: would be pretty funny because you can do stuff where

1183
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 1: you just like like you just like unattached your teeth

1184
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,839
Speaker 1: like along like ye. Yeah.

1185
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 3: It opens the door for so many.

1186
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:43,320
Speaker 2: Goofs comic con and stuff.

1187
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:45,520
Speaker 4: One of the things that we try to convince people

1188
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 4: to hand in little fake plastic teeth to us, And

1189
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 4: the amount of people that whipped out their dentres for me,

1190
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,960
Speaker 4: this bit or like retainer that had a tooth in it.

1191
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Nah, that's no.

1192
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 1: We want fake teeth, not the ones that are attached

1193
00:53:59,239 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 1: in your face.

1194
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:04,360
Speaker 2: He's like that you could find around here, not that

1195
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,920
Speaker 2: you're given to by the dentist. That's crazy.

1196
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 4: It took so much not to laugh at like the

1197
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 4: just the like, oh, you were like so prepared for.

1198
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 2: That, right, Oh my god. So things were okay at first,

1199
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,840
Speaker 2: but I live out in the country and he's a

1200
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:24,879
Speaker 2: city boy. He was like Mark Wahlberg and the other guys.

1201
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 2: When Mark's character kept saying, I'm a peacock, you gotta

1202
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:31,480
Speaker 2: let me fly, and they'd tell him that peacocks don't fly. Well,

1203
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 2: Mark was a lot like that during the first six months,

1204
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:37,839
Speaker 2: only he kept calling himself a social butterfly. Then the

1205
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 2: pandemic hit and he started obsessing about wanting to remodel

1206
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,960
Speaker 2: my house with money that neither of us had. He'd

1207
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,279
Speaker 2: walk into the room multiple times a day to ask

1208
00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 2: me the same question, but he kept rephrasing it. Then

1209
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 2: he left disappointed when he kept getting the same answers.

1210
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 2: He kept wanting to knock down walls and kept asking

1211
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 2: me how much it would cost. Then he'd start saying

1212
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:04,319
Speaker 2: money danged because he wanted to remodel my house. He

1213
00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 2: was living with me borderline rent free. All he had

1214
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:09,279
Speaker 2: to do was cover his half of utilities and help

1215
00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:11,319
Speaker 2: me with the cost of pet supplies and gasoline and

1216
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:14,480
Speaker 2: vehicle maintenance, a deal he found very agreeable at first

1217
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:16,840
Speaker 2: till my car had to get fixed a couple of times,

1218
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:18,959
Speaker 2: and he kept asking me why he had to pay.

1219
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:21,359
Speaker 2: Mind you, it was only like a couple hundred bucks

1220
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 2: each time, and that's nothing compared to paying rent. He

1221
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:26,160
Speaker 2: also kept telling me that I shouldn't have to ask

1222
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 2: whenever I needed his help financially with shared items like food,

1223
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 2: but when I did ask, he'd pull a reverse and

1224
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 2: act like he shouldn't have to pay. I was the

1225
00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 2: only one doing any cooking. He promised to do his

1226
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:38,279
Speaker 2: share of cooking when he moved in, and only made

1227
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 2: hamburgers once. He also acted like he had cooking PTSD

1228
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:44,840
Speaker 2: from having worked at McDonald's. He also didn't at this

1229
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:48,440
Speaker 2: time have a computer, so he was always on his phone.

1230
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 2: He would constantly complain about people on Discord that he

1231
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:54,840
Speaker 2: liked one moment and then hated the next Lots of

1232
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,239
Speaker 2: the same people in a vicious cycle that he refused

1233
00:55:57,239 --> 00:55:59,480
Speaker 2: to stop. He also got mad at the slow Wi

1234
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 2: Fi because the Internet was being split by a lot

1235
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 2: of people. My sister and her kids live in the

1236
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 2: same property too, and he would moan that he couldn't

1237
00:56:06,719 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 2: play Second Life since he didn't have a PC. But

1238
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:12,160
Speaker 2: he had the money saved to buy a PC, he

1239
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:14,440
Speaker 2: just kept refusing to get one. We also got in

1240
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:17,680
Speaker 2: repeated fights over his procrastination. For over a decade. I

1241
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:19,920
Speaker 2: heard him talk about wanting to start a company, but

1242
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 2: he kept refusing to take any initiative and acted completely

1243
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:25,920
Speaker 2: insulted when I told him he was just mentally surviving

1244
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,719
Speaker 2: off the idea that he would do something instead of

1245
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:30,400
Speaker 2: actually doing that thing. All he was really doing was

1246
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 2: being on his phone and talking about crap that he

1247
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 2: would never do. Then came the argument about the vid

1248
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 2: medication VEX the vidvacs here you go. He literally acted

1249
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 2: like everyone in the world needed to get the shot

1250
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 2: but him because he hates needles. Then he didn't like

1251
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:47,560
Speaker 2: how I told him that he couldn't expect everyone else

1252
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:49,880
Speaker 2: to do something that he won't. He would also find

1253
00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 2: random things to be mad about, being that they were historical, biblical,

1254
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:56,880
Speaker 2: or political. Meanwhile, I defended this guy to everyone who

1255
00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:58,880
Speaker 2: kept saying that he was being negative.

1256
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 3: And crazy imagin getting upset.

1257
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:03,719
Speaker 1: He's like, I just read this story Jesus flipped a

1258
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:07,680
Speaker 1: whole bunch of tables over in some kind of marketplace, right,

1259
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:10,360
Speaker 1: and some kind of I don't know. Yeah, I just

1260
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:12,000
Speaker 1: didn't know Jesus was that kind of guy.

1261
00:57:12,960 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 2: I just personally didn't know. Also, he's like bringing wine

1262
00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:21,800
Speaker 2: to everyone, Where's my wine? He's just complaining that Jesus

1263
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 2: won't be everything for him. He's like, he never answered

1264
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 2: my prayers of fixing my teeth that I didn't brush.

1265
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 1: Jesus needs to give me wine and fix my teeth.

1266
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:33,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, my own mother some years ago acted like she

1267
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 2: had some big secret about him that would end our friendship.

1268
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 2: It turned out that she had nothing, and it just

1269
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 2: acted like she did. That's interesting. Don't know what that

1270
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 2: would look like. Anyone who dumped on Mark I would

1271
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 2: tell to knock it off. At one point, my mother

1272
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,680
Speaker 2: threatened to evict Mark because he told a small lie

1273
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,160
Speaker 2: to stay out of a fight between my mother and sister.

1274
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:54,919
Speaker 2: I defended him for that because all I was trying

1275
00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 2: to do was not be involved. I even threatened to

1276
00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 2: leave with him if he was a victor. That actually

1277
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 2: scared my mother because this place would fall apart in

1278
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:05,240
Speaker 2: a year without my help. Wow. So ok, he's just

1279
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:06,160
Speaker 2: helping everyone here.

1280
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: I don't know, fall apart in a year. Things should

1281
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:09,640
Speaker 1: fall apart fast.

1282
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:10,200
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1283
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 2: If someone's gonna fall apart, it'd probably be faster than

1284
00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:12,840
Speaker 2: a year.

1285
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:13,600
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1286
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 1: All I know is that you shouldn't be putting yourself

1287
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:21,320
Speaker 1: in jeopardy for Mark. Yeah, okay, it feels like Mark

1288
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 1: needs to learn some hard truths. Yeah, a little bit

1289
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 1: for I mean yeah.

1290
00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 2: Yeah. Meanwhile, Mark was doing crap behind my back. He

1291
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 2: was griping to friends online about me, and even went

1292
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:35,920
Speaker 2: to my mother while he was living with me and

1293
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:38,360
Speaker 2: told her that I was stifling his creativity.

1294
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:40,720
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Mark, then you can leave. Yeah, you

1295
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:42,680
Speaker 1: can leave then, Mark, get out of here.

1296
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:43,040
Speaker 3: Right.

1297
00:58:43,360 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 2: He only told her half of the story. My mother

1298
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:48,040
Speaker 2: called me over to lecture me, though, until I told

1299
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:49,760
Speaker 2: her what the other half of the story was, and

1300
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:51,840
Speaker 2: how he acted like we could afford to tear my

1301
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:54,240
Speaker 2: house down and rebuild it even though we're both unfixing.

1302
00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:55,520
Speaker 3: That's what he's saying.

1303
00:58:55,560 --> 00:59:00,240
Speaker 1: You're stifling his creativity to remodel the house, which, by

1304
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 1: the way, Zee has zero skills to remodel the house

1305
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:07,600
Speaker 1: right only has the skills to demolish it.

1306
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 2: When it comes to home decor, There's a lot you

1307
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 2: could do creatively that does not include breaking down walls. Yeah,

1308
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 2: me be danged. She was mortified, and we were about

1309
00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:19,760
Speaker 2: to come up with a plan to deal with the

1310
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:22,840
Speaker 2: situation when Mark just walked right in. When we confronted

1311
00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 2: him on what he did, he a then thirty four

1312
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:28,080
Speaker 2: year old man, nearly started crying. He blamed it all

1313
00:59:28,120 --> 00:59:30,480
Speaker 2: on his family dynamic of wanting to make a house

1314
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 2: a home. We had to tell him that he wasn't

1315
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 2: with his family, he was with mine. After that, he

1316
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:37,520
Speaker 2: started getting more bitter with me. For one thing, he

1317
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 2: woke me up from a deep sleep in the middle

1318
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:42,520
Speaker 2: of the night just to tell me about breaking news,

1319
00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 2: and then got mad when I told him to not

1320
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:45,479
Speaker 2: wake me up and save it for later.

1321
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:48,600
Speaker 3: He's like, oh, you got to wake up. They changed the.

1322
00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:51,680
Speaker 2: Cracker barrel, local breaking news, breaking news.

1323
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:53,760
Speaker 3: Don't ever wake me up again.

1324
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:57,439
Speaker 2: Yeah. He ruined several nights of sleep that way. Then

1325
00:59:57,600 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 2: he was bounding in and out the room to ask

1326
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 2: me random things so much that I called it yo

1327
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 2: yo ing. He was not a fan of that. It

1328
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:08,360
Speaker 2: got to the point that in order to make him stop,

1329
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:10,440
Speaker 2: I had to play music that he hates on my

1330
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 2: computer to discourage him from coming into my room to

1331
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 2: tell me about every little thing. He once walked in

1332
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 2: with a big grin on his face and told me

1333
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:22,200
Speaker 2: that he massacred the entire population of Diamond City in

1334
01:00:22,320 --> 01:00:24,880
Speaker 2: Fallout four, and then he got mad when I told him,

1335
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:26,600
Speaker 2: I don't want to hear about that stuff because even

1336
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:28,800
Speaker 2: in the game, it doesn't sit right with me. We

1337
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:30,960
Speaker 2: even got into a fight about Fallout four because he

1338
01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:34,320
Speaker 2: was convinced that the character Father wasn't the long lost

1339
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:36,360
Speaker 2: son that was kidnapped in the beginning. But when I

1340
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 2: pointed out every irrefutable detail that he is the son,

1341
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:41,640
Speaker 2: he just got upset with me and claimed that he

1342
01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:43,400
Speaker 2: was just being in character.

1343
01:00:43,720 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 1: Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, is he

1344
01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:49,280
Speaker 1: thinking he's in Fallout.

1345
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 3: No no no no no no no no no no

1346
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:52,600
Speaker 3: no no no no no no no no. We're not

1347
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 3: living in character.

1348
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:57,240
Speaker 1: You're not Daniel d Lewis, all right, We're not method acting.

1349
01:00:57,160 --> 01:01:00,760
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I guess put that to the side wild.

1350
01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:04,440
Speaker 2: So while living with me, he grew his hair out

1351
01:01:04,480 --> 01:01:07,240
Speaker 2: long and started dressing with more feminine clothes. I really

1352
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:10,400
Speaker 2: didn't care, but there were rules that he couldn't dress

1353
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:12,440
Speaker 2: like that in front of my grandparents while living with me,

1354
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:14,960
Speaker 2: that was about it. One of his crazy habits was

1355
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:17,960
Speaker 2: a love for shopping for women's underwear, and anytime we

1356
01:01:17,960 --> 01:01:20,320
Speaker 2: were at the mall, he tried to drag me into

1357
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:23,160
Speaker 2: a lingerie store, and I really hated that. Then in

1358
01:01:23,200 --> 01:01:25,480
Speaker 2: summer of twenty twenty one, he found a new apartment

1359
01:01:25,520 --> 01:01:28,800
Speaker 2: in downtown Portland. For some reason. Oh yeah, they're in Oregon.

1360
01:01:29,240 --> 01:01:33,160
Speaker 2: They're in the countryside of Oregon, and they have this

1361
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 2: cheap rent. Very curious. For some reason, he's always been

1362
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:40,240
Speaker 2: infatuated with downtown Portland. From out in the country mountains,

1363
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 2: we can literally see the lights from downtown Portland at night.

1364
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:46,080
Speaker 2: I warrant him that Portland would eat him alive, and

1365
01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:48,640
Speaker 2: it did. I warned him many times to try and

1366
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:50,880
Speaker 2: hold out for a better place, but he was adamant.

1367
01:01:50,960 --> 01:01:53,000
Speaker 2: While living with me, he also became the owner to

1368
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:55,440
Speaker 2: a cat that we had taken in his new apartment.

1369
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:58,640
Speaker 2: Didn't allow pets unless they were a doctor prescribed ESA,

1370
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:02,040
Speaker 2: but he didn't need an emotional support animal and acknowledged

1371
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:04,680
Speaker 2: that it would be lying. I was fifty to fifty.

1372
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 2: It treated like both of the good and bad guy.

1373
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:10,720
Speaker 2: For pointing this out, he went to a doctor. The

1374
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:12,680
Speaker 2: doctor gave him a note, and he got to keep

1375
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:14,960
Speaker 2: his cat as an emotional support animal. Well, if you

1376
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:17,360
Speaker 2: got a doctor's note, I guess that that works. If

1377
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:19,440
Speaker 2: you sign up online then okay, yeah, but if a

1378
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:21,360
Speaker 2: doctor says sure, then.

1379
01:02:21,480 --> 01:02:26,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, honestly, like it's whether it's right or wrong.

1380
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:28,200
Speaker 1: I think you're getting a thing for your animal. Being

1381
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,880
Speaker 1: an emotional support animal is like one of the most

1382
01:02:30,920 --> 01:02:33,960
Speaker 1: like commonly frauded things of all time. Yeah, but it's

1383
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 1: like whatever, right, Like it's fine, right, Yeah.

1384
01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:40,960
Speaker 2: I used to think he was a good guy. I mean,

1385
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:43,120
Speaker 2: he stuck up for me when his family wanted me

1386
01:02:43,240 --> 01:02:45,560
Speaker 2: to wait for hours outside in a cold car at

1387
01:02:45,560 --> 01:02:48,200
Speaker 2: twenty five degrees on Christmas Day just so that he

1388
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:51,040
Speaker 2: could spend some time with them. But he refused unless

1389
01:02:51,080 --> 01:02:54,640
Speaker 2: I was allowed in two Wait what oh his family

1390
01:02:54,680 --> 01:02:58,560
Speaker 2: wanted you to wait for hours in a car. That's crazy.

1391
01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:01,520
Speaker 2: So I mean I guess that's good that he convinced

1392
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:03,920
Speaker 2: them to let you in, But that's wild. They didn't

1393
01:03:03,920 --> 01:03:06,919
Speaker 2: really like that, but finally caved. I thought we were

1394
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:09,080
Speaker 2: so solid as friends, but he turned out to be

1395
01:03:09,160 --> 01:03:11,640
Speaker 2: a user. When he moved to Portland, he promised to

1396
01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:13,440
Speaker 2: get a bus passed so we could meet up and

1397
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:15,520
Speaker 2: hang out once in a while, but he never did.

1398
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:17,960
Speaker 2: For months, he kept telling me he hadn't gotten the

1399
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:19,920
Speaker 2: bus pass and there was some of his stuff that

1400
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:21,720
Speaker 2: he left in my house that I needed to get

1401
01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:25,040
Speaker 2: back to him, like the cane and his deceased grandfather

1402
01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:27,000
Speaker 2: gave him that he was super protective of.

1403
01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 3: Well, clearly not protective enough to take it with him.

1404
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:33,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's wild. We set a date and time for

1405
01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:35,840
Speaker 2: me to drop by, but he tried to bail when

1406
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:38,480
Speaker 2: I was halfway there because another friend showed up and

1407
01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:41,200
Speaker 2: they went out bar hopping, but I made him stick

1408
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:43,960
Speaker 2: to they agreed upon time because my truck eats gas.

1409
01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:46,680
Speaker 2: We used my truck to move all of his stuff

1410
01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:49,000
Speaker 2: and I was afraid to leave it unintended for any

1411
01:03:49,000 --> 01:03:52,480
Speaker 2: amount of time in downtown Portland because Cadilla converter thieves

1412
01:03:52,600 --> 01:03:56,000
Speaker 2: were rampant there. Trucks like mine were prime target.

1413
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 1: You drive a Toyota Tacoma next.

1414
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:02,600
Speaker 2: Yet he acted like I was being paranoid. I've literally

1415
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:05,640
Speaker 2: seen tons of trucks and SUPs in Portland ads for

1416
01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:08,840
Speaker 2: a sale because someone stole the Cadillac Inverters off of them.

1417
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:12,000
Speaker 2: It wasn't paranoia, it was a fact. Then last November,

1418
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:13,800
Speaker 2: we hadn't talked for a couple of weeks, and I

1419
01:04:13,880 --> 01:04:16,400
Speaker 2: realized he had blocked me, and not just me, but

1420
01:04:16,480 --> 01:04:20,280
Speaker 2: my entire family as well. I did so much for

1421
01:04:20,400 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 2: the Sky. I helped to keep him going for a decade.

1422
01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:26,720
Speaker 2: I took him in for two years, and then he

1423
01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:31,120
Speaker 2: just ghosted me. He refused to tell anyone why either. Yet,

1424
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:33,520
Speaker 2: this is exactly the kind of thing that he was

1425
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:37,880
Speaker 2: super angry at other people for doing to him. Anyone

1426
01:04:37,920 --> 01:04:41,640
Speaker 2: who did that, he said, had betrayed him then, and

1427
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:45,400
Speaker 2: that's exactly what he went and did to me. He's

1428
01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:48,480
Speaker 2: still an occasional contact with my other best friend, though.

1429
01:04:48,640 --> 01:04:50,760
Speaker 2: We're finally getting rid of this guy. Finally.

1430
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:51,440
Speaker 3: Yep.

1431
01:04:51,640 --> 01:04:53,920
Speaker 1: I mean, hey, I know it sucks, but you know

1432
01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:57,480
Speaker 1: best to just move on. Yeah, chalk it up as well.

1433
01:04:57,520 --> 01:04:59,400
Speaker 1: I'll never let someone do that to me again.

1434
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:02,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very important that we take this as a

1435
01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:04,040
Speaker 2: learning opportunity.

1436
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:05,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, we need to.

1437
01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 2: Never ever do that for someone. Again, that is a

1438
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:11,120
Speaker 2: very long time to put up with all of that stuff. Yeah,

1439
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:12,240
Speaker 2: very very kind.

1440
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:15,000
Speaker 1: Ope, And I think the important thing to recognize is

1441
01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:17,440
Speaker 1: that this guy was probably like I mean, you know,

1442
01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:20,880
Speaker 1: whatever issues he has are his issues, but like, just

1443
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:24,280
Speaker 1: based on how he's treated you, right, was never really

1444
01:05:24,320 --> 01:05:27,520
Speaker 1: your friend. You were just a convenience, right. You were

1445
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,680
Speaker 1: a person that had a big heart and treated him

1446
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:35,840
Speaker 1: like he wasn't, you know, constantly overstepping. You were a

1447
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:40,280
Speaker 1: financial source, You were tolerant of his behaviors, Yeah, when

1448
01:05:40,320 --> 01:05:42,320
Speaker 1: most people would not be. And I don't know if

1449
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:44,640
Speaker 1: that would equate to a real deep friendship because look

1450
01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:45,200
Speaker 1: at what he did.

1451
01:05:45,360 --> 01:05:47,720
Speaker 2: Right, there's a little bit more I saw recently than

1452
01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:50,680
Speaker 2: market sender other friend a picture of himself in women's lingerie.

1453
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:53,000
Speaker 2: And apparently he's back to thinking that our state health

1454
01:05:53,000 --> 01:05:56,440
Speaker 2: insurance will cover gender affirming care. And he's got a

1455
01:05:56,440 --> 01:05:58,840
Speaker 2: social worker whose biggest way of talking to him is

1456
01:05:58,880 --> 01:06:01,640
Speaker 2: to use the word yes a lot. He's always been

1457
01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 2: a product of his environment, and just a few months

1458
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:06,720
Speaker 2: in Portland, turned him into a complete stranger to me.

1459
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:10,000
Speaker 2: He destroyed a twenty two year friendship just like that,

1460
01:06:10,360 --> 01:06:13,280
Speaker 2: and with the one year anniversary of it hitting, well,

1461
01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:16,720
Speaker 2: I just needed to vent all of this. Apologies to

1462
01:06:16,760 --> 01:06:20,240
Speaker 2: anyone who read that massive text dump, but a TLDR

1463
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:23,040
Speaker 2: couldn't do it justice and that is the end of

1464
01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:23,680
Speaker 2: that story.