WEBVTT - You've Got Decisions: Sacrifices & Compromises 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:04.359 If you would like to have us answer your questions. 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:07.320 If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, friend, 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:09.480 or a terrible throatfull. 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:14.000 Guess what you've got decisions, all right. 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:17.919 So this conversation this week is it just makes sense, 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:20.160 especially with the holiday season coming up. 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:23.759 And one of our holiday members holiday. 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:27.480 It could be a holiday or a holiday. I'm going 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:30.960 holiday because I ain't hoing right now. So I'm just 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:34.280 saying for a holiday season. Whether you are in a 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:39.559 relationship a situationship where it's complicated, there are sacrifices and 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.120 compromises that have to happen when you're dealing with somebody. 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:44.279 So I'm gonna get straight into the letter and then 0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:47.320 we're gonna break this down and give some advice. So 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:51.599 good morning, beautiful ladies. Apologies in advance for this being 0:00:51.640 --> 0:00:54.480 so lengthy. I just need some fights, oh girl. And 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:56.560 it's not even that long. It's not that long. Calm down. 0:00:56.960 --> 0:01:00.720 I'm betting thees, I'm betting Theese. I I just need 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:03.800 some advice on my current situation. I'm currently in a 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:08.120 long distance relationship. Sometimes we have fights and disagreements, but 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:11.280 outside of all of that, things are perfect except for 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:14.840 the distance. Of course, we had a semi heated argument 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:19.280 recently about him not wanting to celebrate holidays and that 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:22.320 he agreed to celebrate some with me, but only because 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.480 he feels like I forced him to agree to it out. 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:27.399 The combo got. 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:30.679 Heated because I'm emotional, and although there are many times 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:33.759 I don't even celebrate anything, I still like to do 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:40.119 holiday ish activities like pumpkin patches, seeing Christmas lights, Halloween parties, etc. 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:43.280 And in our combo, he said he would not do 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:47.360 that with me because he just doesn't celebrate holidays. He 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:50.080 chose to end the combo. We set our I love 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:52.960 yous and ended the night. The following day, I reached 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:56.320 out first. I almost always reach out first. I asked 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.520 him we can talk about the combo, and he said 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:01.000 there's nothing to talk about. I told him I didn't 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:03.440 like how the convo went, nor do I like that 0:02:03.560 --> 0:02:06.600 he feels forced. I didn't realize how he felt before 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:08.760 he told me that, and that if he chooses not 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:13.359 to celebrate with me, that's okay. Sacrifices and compromises right. 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:18.040 His responses were dry and indifferent. I then told him, 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:20.160 if that's how he was going to be he can 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:22.360 just text me when he wants to talk, and he 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:25.519 left me on red, which we never do. I'm going 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:27.400 to give him space and let him reach out when 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:31.920 he's ready. With that said, here are her questions. How 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:34.280 long would be enough time to wait before I reach 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:35.440 out if he doesn't? 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:39.000 In question two? Am I making this holiday thing a 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:39.560 big deal? 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:43.280 Part of our heated convo included him telling me I 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:44.440 can celebrate. 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:47.560 With friends or even along, or even along. 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:50.400 Then to celebrate with him, and it hurts me because 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:53.360 he talks about marriage and babies and moving in together, 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.320 and like now I'm hurting over this holiday thing. 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:59.320 I'm not sure what to do. Thank you both, and 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:00.680 looking forward to some insight. 0:03:01.120 --> 0:03:05.240 So before we continue the conversation, let's answer her questions. 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:08.640 So question one, how long would be enough time to 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:11.800 wait before she reaches out if he doesn't? 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:13.240 Now? 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:13.520 Her? 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:13.720 Man? 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:14.040 Right? 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:17.800 This, that's what she said, she said, Well, she also 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:20.919 said her current situation. No, she does. She says she's 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:25.120 in a long distance relationship. Yes, that's her man. How 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:29.359 long is too long for time? I ain't gonna hold you. 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:31.880 I don't like I don't like this, I don't like 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:36.040 you just going silent like this to me, feels like 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:38.720 she's about to give him the silent treatment, so he 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:41.000 wants to have the conversation that she wants to have. 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:42.960 I don't think you should just wait for him to 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:45.400 hit you, because you also want him to talk about 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:46.520 this specific topic. 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:51.640 What what did they did he say why he doesn't 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:52.600 celebrate the holiday? 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:56.080 No, he just says he doesn't celebrate holidays. 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:58.720 I don't want to be judging, but I have to 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:04.480 say something. Okay, b Cha, you always hit him first? Yeah, 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:05.600 that is what she said. 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:11.640 That's it right there, girl, you always hit him first. 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:15.920 You think that's an issue? Yeah, buddy, ever fucked the 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:18.560 guy that liked you? I mean, she. 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:23.760 Says that they're in a long distance relationship, so I 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:24.120 don't know. 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:25.600 Maybe that was also. 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:29.520 Not the truth. Maybe she doesn't always hit him first. Well, 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:30.599 then let's go back to the question. 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:33.120 Maybe it's not a relationship like that. I talked about 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:35.880 moving nigga niggas on a second day. They'd be like okay, 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:38.440 and we were like people sometimes like a cake on 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:38.880 the phone. 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:43.000 Okay. Also, I wouldn't want to go to Pumpkin Patch either. 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:46.400 Just gonna say that, that's what you don't I wouldn't 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:48.320 want to go see Christmas lights either. I don't like 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:50.680 that stuff. My homegirls were trying to give me go 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:51.360 apple picking. 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:54.320 Now, what about the celebration of holidays in terms of 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:55.039 the gift giving? 0:04:55.880 --> 0:05:00.320 So I'm on what you're on. If I'm like really 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:03.480 into you, but I can't understand a man not wanting 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:03.800 to do. 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:07.960 Shit like that, I can. Okay, So something do you think? 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:10.960 Then that's the second question, like is she making this 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:12.120 holiday thing a big deal? 0:05:12.520 --> 0:05:17.040 Yeah? Really, No, I disagree. I think she is. I disagree. 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:20.360 I think first off, I think that these are one 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:24.640 of like kind of like political views, religious views. If 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.679 this is something you really like celebrating. Like, let's be clear, 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.440 I was just with a fucking Muslim that didn't celebrate 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:31.240 certain holidays. 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:33.480 I have homegirls that don't do Halloween. I get it, 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:36.159 which is fine. That's why I'm confused. Homegirl and a 0:05:36.240 --> 0:05:37.240 partner is two different. 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:39.360 But if my partner really didn't celebrate Halloween for a 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:40.360 certain reason. 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:43.080 No, so let me finish well, I don't even think 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:47.120 it's the wild like religious religiously my ex did not 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:51.080 celebrate Halloween, but the two but the holiday I wanted 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:54.520 to celebrate was Valentine's Day. I think that I don't 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:56.880 want to sacrifice me wanting to feel a certain way 0:05:56.960 --> 0:05:58.240 or something that means a lot to me. 0:05:58.520 --> 0:05:59.719 That's the thing. I'm gonna be honest. 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:01.680 And I know this probably sounds like I'm trying to 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:05.240 cap because I'm a girl. But Valentine's Day is slightly 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:10.160 different because it's for lovers, it's four couples. I can 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:12.719 understand someone not wanting to fucking celebday. 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:16.880 And I broke up with my nigga because he chose 0:06:16.960 --> 0:06:17.840 to not make me. 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:22.080 On Valentine's Day. So then let's not hone in on 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:23.880 just each specific. 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.480 But but a pumpkin path for Halloween, let's talk about 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:29.320 it's not a holiday where let's talk about general because 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:33.000 that really is the point. Though I believe Valentine's Day 0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:36.039 is the outlier. Well no, she said, Well, she brought 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:38.840 up holidays in general. So she spoke about Halloween, she 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:42.120 spoke about Christmas, she spoke about different holidays. So let's 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:45.640 not dissect each holiday in which one you can and 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:50.839 cannot sacrifice overall, do you think that you can be 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:54.720 with someone as someone who enjoys the holiday spirit and 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:59.240 celebrating holidays, have a healthy relationship with someone who's genuinely 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.880 saying that they don't want to celebrate holidays. 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:06.480 I could if that reason was either religious or some 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:07.520 hotep shit. That's what. 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.600 I really couldn't know holidays. 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:12.520 I fucked with a lot of. 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:14.840 Hotep niggas that will say things like yo, I'm gonna 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:16.280 get you flowers, stare and get you whatever you give. 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:19.200 Fore like, this is a holiday that's you know, commodifying 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:21.320 love and it's hall Mark shiit, Like. 0:07:21.280 --> 0:07:23.880 I totally some people are really like that with Christmas. 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:27.320 You gotta remember, I grew up Jewish, so I don't 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:29.960 really understand like how that day was a big deal 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:30.520 for everybody. 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:33.720 Thanksgiving we're woke now, Indigenous Day. 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:34.160 I don't know. 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:37.040 I don't I really wouldn't give a fuck. Okay, I 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:38.560 really do feel like I could do that shit with 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:38.920 my friends. 0:07:38.960 --> 0:07:41.720 The only holiday I really love is Halloween, actually, and 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:43.160 it was because it was the one holiday that my 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:46.440 parents didn't really fight because they were like Christmas Hanukah. 0:07:46.480 --> 0:07:49.440 There was always some tension there, but if it was 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:51.480 genuinely important to me and someone felt like it was 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:53.480 devil worshiping wouldn't give a fuck. 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:56.320 I really think we have to so that So that's 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:58.680 what I'm saying. Oh wait, so you would not celebrate 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:00.800 if you said you really like, oh, I'm not gonna 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:01.440 celebrate with you. 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:02.960 No, but that's what I'm saying. I'm not gonna go 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:04.920 to the clerk, but you would. So you think I'm 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:06.880 not gonna be Halloween part Are you gonna be like this? 0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:10.000 So you would deal with someone who's completely against Halloween? 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:10.680 Yeah? 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:13.600 If I bro I've met so many amazing people in 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:14.920 my life that have some kind of flaw. 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:16.400 I do a podcast with one. 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:19.600 I'm just kidding, but I'm saying, like, there's always going 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:21.720 to be something wrong with a partner. So like, how 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.440 can we how can we say that the Halloween is 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:26.120 gonna make you break up or the Thanksgiving or this 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:26.400 or that? 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:28.520 Like no, So then let me ask you this, since 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:31.800 we're talking about it, how do you differentiate between a 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:33.240 compromise and a sacrifice? 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:35.680 If? 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:38.400 To me, that's a good question. 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:41.160 I think that a compromise is where you meet in 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:45.800 the middle, and a sacrifice is something you give up 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:49.319 for someone and I think they may not be interchangeable, right, 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:52.480 Like maybe a sacrifice is something you have to do 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:54.800 to be in this relationship. A compromise is the way 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:56.360 you guys kind of meet each other in a place 0:08:56.440 --> 0:09:00.120 right Like for me, I know it's not relative. Just 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:04.160 thinking about compromises I have in my ethically non monogamous relationship. 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:07.560 I have boundaries and things I compromised on and so 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:10.680 and things that he sacrificed for me. 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:12.400 So it's all different. 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:14.920 Do you have and well, if I want to ask you, 0:09:15.000 --> 0:09:17.080 is this as well? Do you have anything you're not 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:21.360 willing to sacrifice in a relationship? 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:22.360 Male friendships? 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:26.280 Oh yeah, my friendships. I'm not willing to sacrifice at all. 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:28.800 For that has been a thing every man I've ever 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:30.439 dated has been like, damn, you hang out with a 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:31.479 lot of niggas. 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:33.720 Same, I'm not willing to see. 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:37.000 Got to be totally honest with you, and I'm not 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:40.240 giving up my whole friends, my homegirls, my escort friends. 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:42.240 I'm not giving up the ones that'd be in the streets, 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:43.800 not giving up any of them. You got to just 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:46.040 trust me. The thing with men that can sometimes be 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:48.880 threatening to men as well is that, especially the world 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:51.200 I'm in, I can't eliminate men. I fucking have a 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:52.560 business partner. That's why you know what I'm saying, Like 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:55.120 what am I supposed to do? But I won't give 0:09:55.200 --> 0:10:01.200 up that. I also realize bisexuality is so fluctuating for 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:04.520 me that like, I don't know if I could really 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:10.839 give up playing together like non monogamy. I would be 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:13.600 able to give up women alone, but I couldn't give 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:15.559 up not ever eating but pussy again. 0:10:15.920 --> 0:10:17.040 Yeah, same for me. 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:21.640 When I dated the hospital dick, he was not into 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:24.960 three somes. He really didn't even like sharing porn together, 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:26.040 Like he didn't like that. 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:26.760 I like that shit. 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:31.600 And remember when my homegirl said to me, like she 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:34.319 felt like, oh, I couldn't let a man do that 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:36.240 to me or a cheat in my face. That's what 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:39.440 my relationship is, she said. I literally was thinking Mandy 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:43.040 this weekend. He went to that bachelor party I told 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.559 you about, and his friends were kind of boring. He's like, 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:47.079 these niggs ain't even talking about the show club. I 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:48.160 was like, damn, I hope you get to fuck a 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.640 little country white girl who's like feticizing you and it's 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:53.160 some crazy shit you tell me about it. That was 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:55.400 a genuine answer. I really wanted that nigga to come 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:59.320 back with a sex story. I know I'm sick, Okay, yeah, yeah, 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:01.760 I that to be fun. I want to hear about 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:03.480 it what you do last night? Like, I am into 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:06.880 that shit, and I know a lot of girls can 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.319 think I'm fronting on it, but it really is something 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:12.199 I'm into. When I dated Hospital Dick, it was a 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:16.520 sacrifice that I thought I would enjoy and I realized 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:17.440 wants the puppy face. 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:17.840 A little. 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:27.880 When it comes to sacrifices and wolf if you've ever 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:30.760 done it as well? Is there any way to sacrifice 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:35.520 something for a relationship and not harbor resentment because you're 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:39.600 essentially changing something about yourself in order to maintain or 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:42.240 stay in a relationship with someone who is making you 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:44.920 give up something you potentially may. 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:46.280 Really enjoy or may really like. 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:49.679 Is there any way to give something up while dating 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:52.280 someone and not later resent them for it or be 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:55.000 upset or harbor any sort of emotion around that. 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.760 Yeah, I think that's definitely possible. I think nobody's bigger 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:01.080 than the program when it comes to a relationship. So 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:03.560 if you're doing it out of pure respect for that person, 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:05.800 the respect is bigger than the thing that you hold 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:07.800 it onto. It's like, Okay, I can do away with 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:10.720 this out of the the union that me and you have. 0:12:11.280 --> 0:12:13.640 What if it's a part of you, Like Weezy just mentioned, 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:17.800 she wouldn't be open to sacrificing her sexuality for a relationship. 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:20.680 What if you're sacrificing something that innately makes you who 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:21.600 you are, then. 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:23.640 You're gonna have a problem. But be like. 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:27.200 Halloween, I don't feel like Halloween or Thanksgiving or Christmas 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.000 is something that I need with my partner. Well, if 0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:31.920 you all get rid of your religious it would make 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:34.480 me feel great to spend holidays with you. 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:36.720 If you really hated holidays. 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:38.600 That much, I'm not gonna give up on my nigga 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:39.959 for fucking a few days a year. 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:41.720 What okay? 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:42.040 Right? 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:46.800 But Valentine's Day, I really do believe it's different. And 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:48.720 I remember we had that episode we were all together 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:49.719 in the room a few years ago. 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:50.280 Remember Wolf. 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:55.200 I really do think men know how special Valentine's Day 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:57.360 can be to some women. And I think you have 0:12:57.440 --> 0:13:00.200 to consciously not get a fucking flower or do something thing, 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:01.120 And you're. 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:01.760 Trying, That's what I'm saying. 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:04.920 It's intentional at that point, But with these other ones 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:10.200 being that they can be controversial, whereas Valentine's Day is 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:12.240 an actual holiday about someone you love. 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:14.480 Yeah, a little different. And I'm not. 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:16.640 Talking about do your word bag or fucking whatever, but 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:17.679 just the acknowledgment I love you. 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.240 Send me a little poem, nigga whatever? Oh no, I 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:23.040 don't want a poem. Don't send me no fucking poem. 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:25.319 Oh I like that. What do you want? 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:28.760 You're getting real? Like, whoa, do not send me no 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:30.800 fucking poem. I think that's just gonna be all right. 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:34.400 I'm talking about additionally, Oh okay, sure send me a 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:37.720 fucking haikup and then something else. Yeah, no, no, but 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:38.280 I like all that. 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:43.640 Levey Debbie extra Shiit Roses read My assig was a 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:46.000 waiter and made us dinner and he wrote me this 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:47.560 really nice long thing, and I was. 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:49.480 Like, that's cute. Okay, what am I getting? 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:52.640 What if I'm sexual poem? You said, what what if 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:53.679 it's a sexual poem? 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:55.360 Even don't want it even less? 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:57.920 It's like the best shit you wait, give us the bar? 0:13:58.000 --> 0:13:59.719 I read saying, give us a bar? What rhymes of 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:05.120 some threesome? I don't know. 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:08.720 I guess overall it's weird when it comes to the 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:13.559 holiday conversation. I think with us being amongst the holiday season, 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:17.560 with Christmas coming up, New Year's and then following directly 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:19.920 right after that Valentine's Day, I think this is a 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:23.240 conversation you should kind of have early with your partner. 0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:27.720 I guess, how how often, how soon into a relationship 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:30.960 should it be within my couple of dates you're together. 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.800 I hate this conversation. I've had it so many times. 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:40.520 With Thanksgiving. Oh, with Thanksgiving, Oh, they popped up Basically, 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:42.960 I thought you invited him. No, no, No, This's how happened. 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:46.080 He was on the we were hanging out that weekend, 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:47.960 you know, the night before Thanksgiving, had fun. He was like, 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:50.920 I'm gonna come, and I was like, uh, he was like, 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:51.360 I'm gonna come. 0:14:51.360 --> 0:14:53.680 I'm just calm. That's what I mean by popped up, 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:56.200 Like it wasn't me inviting him. Okay. 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:58.920 But he later told me he felt like because my 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:01.360 mom was facetimed and we talk about what she's gonna make, 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:02.800 He's like, you wanted me to go. 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:05.800 I'm like okay, okay. 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:08.320 And I feel like, as we were dating for four 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:11.240 months at that time, it's so difficult to figure out 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:12.960 what someone wants to be. 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.120 Honest, don't know if I wanted him to come or not. 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:18.800 I mainly just was like, you don't want to overstep 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:22.520 because it's early, because it's not just a holiday, it's family, right, 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:24.040 So I don't fucking know. 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:25.880 Like I really don't fucking know. 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:29.960 I honestly, this year I was like, Yo, we're gonna 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:31.920 invite my mom to Christmas with us? Like are we 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:35.160 gonna blend these families right now? Like is this too much? 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:36.440 And like it is a lot. 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:39.560 So when do you think is the perfect time to 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:42.640 have the conversation around holiday expectation? 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:46.000 I think that all has to do with how soon 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:48.520 you're willing to blend. Have you already met friends? Have 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:51.600 you had a conversation about meeting someone else? Like most 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:55.160 people meet their partner's family on a holiday. If you 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.080 happening like that, you know what I mean? Someone had 0:15:57.120 --> 0:16:00.240 a birthday, someone had a thing, whatever, That's how kind 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:03.360 of happens. So for me, I don't like to be 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:07.200 pushy on my expectations of when I'm expecting to meet someone. Stanley, 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:09.960 I feel like about six months is right. I don't 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:11.480 know if I've ever said this on horrible But I 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:15.040 can tell it now because we're together. But I remember 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:18.080 writing in my phone and I told my homegirl this. 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.080 Who claims I did a spell because I wrote it. 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:22.720 I was really falling in love with my partner. And 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:25.120 it hit seven months and I wrote in my phone, 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:27.520 if he doesn't introduce me to his family, you shared this, 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:27.920 Oh I did? 0:16:27.960 --> 0:16:29.800 Yeah, I don't. I don't think I want to do 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:30.320 this anymore. 0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:31.400 Bro. 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:32.600 Next day it was crazy. 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:35.640 And when I told him about that, He's like, yeah, 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:38.400 I needed to find the right day. I didn't want 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:40.280 to just bring you to the house. And it was 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:44.040 this presentation. So the perfect time arose for me for me, 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:47.000 holidays a perfect because there's already a lot of people aren't. Yeah, 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:50.120 but I yeah, it's a six month mark for me. 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:53.560 Six month mark? What about what about you? Wolf? Like? 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:57.840 How how soon? Actually? Well, he said take a year thing? Well, no, 0:16:57.960 --> 0:16:59.200 today to be his girlfriend? 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:01.600 How how soon do you think you should have the 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:05.640 conversation with some of your dating around holiday expectations? 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.920 Let's have it as soon as possible, like as soon 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.919 as possible, like let's just figure each other out and 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:14.160 like everything I need to know let's ask the questions. 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:14.840 Let's get to it. 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:17.640 No no, no, no what no good answer? No no, 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:20.959 give me as soon as possible. What is that you 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:22.960 start talking to somebody in July. 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:24.600 Let's start talking about it in July. 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:26.400 I'm not mad at that. 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:27.480 Why would that. 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:29.159 I want to do? Now? 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:30.680 Are you bringing it up? 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:32.199 I don't matter who bring it up? 0:17:32.240 --> 0:17:32.440 We know? 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:34.560 Tell me how you bring it up? Because you know what? 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:36.119 So, how do you feel about holidays? 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:38.919 Like it's that simple? You could have that. Oh, I 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:41.639 know you're talking about me, but you're you. 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:45.800 You you associated family members and things with holidays. I'm 0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:49.240 just talking about celebrating holidays in general, which is her thing. 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:50.120 Talking past. 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:52.399 Don't need the family to go with Like, it's okay, 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:56.159 clebration of holidays. You think it should be something quite early. 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:57.160