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Speaker 1: This is cole Minor, John, this is coal Miner Sale.

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Speaker 2: And we have been digging for stories on the Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime podcast as long as we can remember saying.

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Speaker 1: And we've found some diamonds of the rough, how haven't we? John?

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Speaker 2: That's right. But before we do that, we have to

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Speaker 2: wade through two more minutes of incredible ads from our

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Speaker 2: sponsors keeping us finding more great stories on this show.

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Speaker 1: I will let my mother be in my daughter's life,

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Speaker 1: keep her out, build a fence. I twenty three female,

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Speaker 1: am currently twenty seven weeks pregnant with my first child.

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Speaker 1: I found out in January twenty twenty five that me

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Speaker 1: and my boyfriend twenty three male, were expecting our first child,

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Speaker 1: and we were absolutely over the moon with joy and happiness.

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Speaker 1: We both had concerns we may not be able to

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Speaker 1: have children. My concerns more due to overthinking than anything else.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from user ic reference twenty

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Speaker 1: seven ninety nine, and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and Op says my

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Speaker 1: mom forty five female, and I have always had a

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Speaker 1: rocky relationship. She always would talk badly about my dad's

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Speaker 1: side of the family, specifically my grandmother who raised me

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Speaker 1: from the age of six until she passed away when

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Speaker 1: I was seventeen. We won't even get into the drama

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Speaker 1: she caused when my grandmother had passed away. Now this

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Speaker 1: next part I'm only adding in for context as to

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Speaker 1: how my mother can be. When I was nineteen years old,

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Speaker 1: I decided I was ready to get my first tattoo,

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Speaker 1: which happened to be for my grandmother who raised me.

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Speaker 1: I posted it online, excited just because not only was

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Speaker 1: it my first tattoo, but I had family members related

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Speaker 1: to my grandmother as well as some of her close

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Speaker 1: friends on Facebook. Mostly everyone was supportive, even both of

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Speaker 1: my mom's sisters, But my mom saw it and made

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Speaker 1: a comment publicly about how I had another grandmother that

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Speaker 1: had passed away. Instead of feeding into what was clearly

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Speaker 1: an attempt at gathering sympathy or attention where everyone could see,

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Speaker 1: I messaged her privately letting her know she had no

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Speaker 1: right or reason to comment that on a post that

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Speaker 1: had nothing to do with it. She ended up going

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Speaker 1: off on me as well as saying my drinker of

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Speaker 1: a dad and something along the lines of me honoring

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Speaker 1: a woman who stole me from her.

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Speaker 3: What is she talking about?

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Speaker 1: She is upset that I think she got Oh, he

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Speaker 1: got a tattoo of her paternal grandmother.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And she's like, yeah, you're my daughter.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, yeah, what do you love me? You

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Speaker 1: had a grandma on my side too, And she's gone, she.

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Speaker 3: Does have a tattoo on your body?

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Speaker 1: Where's her tattoo?

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Speaker 3: Only give tattoos the grabad you like.

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Speaker 1: I tried to defend myself as well as my family,

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Speaker 1: who mind you? When my parents were together, did everything

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Speaker 1: they could to make my mom feel included and loved,

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Speaker 1: and along the way, my mom told me to go

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Speaker 1: f myself and blocked me. He gotta love it when

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Speaker 1: the trash takes itself out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, good riddance.

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Speaker 1: A few months later she ended up unblocking me, and

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Speaker 1: I told her my boundaries about being in my life

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Speaker 1: and things that I wouldn't tolerate her saying. Fast forward

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Speaker 1: to now. I was so excited about my pregnancy, and

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Speaker 1: at the time, we both had a somewhat normal relationship

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Speaker 1: with one another, so I was especially excited to share

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Speaker 1: the news with my mom. Mind you, I am my

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Speaker 1: mom's only child as well as her only daughter. I

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Speaker 1: told my mom in the beginning that I didn't want

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Speaker 1: it posted or announced anywhere that I was pregnant due

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Speaker 1: to being afraid of the chance of a lost pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: especially since I've heard its bad luck to tell a

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Speaker 1: lot of people early on, which at first she respected.

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Speaker 3: I will say, like future reference, when you have someone

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Speaker 3: who you have kind of a rocky relationship with who's

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Speaker 3: already kind of shown that they're not to be that

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Speaker 3: trusted on social media, maybe we wait until we're ready

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Speaker 3: for everyone to know, yeah, before we tell.

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Speaker 1: Her when your mom's boundary stomper, Yes, she's making that.

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Speaker 1: Never mind, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, she's

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Speaker 1: stomping the boundaries.

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Speaker 3: Stop stomp stomp.

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Speaker 1: You gotta expect that she's going to do it again.

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Speaker 1: In early February, my mom sent me a message telling

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Speaker 1: me to text or call my grandfather, her dad. At

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Speaker 1: the time, I was at a doctor's appointment with my boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: so I told her I wasn't able to at the

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Speaker 1: current moment due to being at the doctor's but that

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Speaker 1: I would get a hold of him later. Once I

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Speaker 1: was done. She immediately told me how my grandfather was

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Speaker 1: trying to get a hold of me and how he's

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Speaker 1: about to be a great grandfather, so he's obviously just excited.

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Speaker 1: I told her once again, i'd be able to message

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Speaker 1: him later and that in the current moment, I was busy.

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Speaker 1: She proceeded to tell me how I should be able

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Speaker 1: to make time to speak with him, considering he's in

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Speaker 1: his seventies and who knows how long he has left

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Speaker 1: on this earth doctor his granddaughter, to which I told her,

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Speaker 1: I'm aware of just how fast it can be to

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Speaker 1: lose a family member, seeing as by this point in time,

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Speaker 1: I had not only lost both of my grandmothers, but

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Speaker 1: my great grandmom and one of my other grandfathers. I

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Speaker 1: told her that guilt tripping me as well as gaslighting me,

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Speaker 1: was not going to make me message anyone faster, especially

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Speaker 1: when I myself have a lot going on. She proceeded

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Speaker 1: to tell me that it wasn't gaslighting to remind me

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Speaker 1: of how family was important, and that I must not

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Speaker 1: care when it comes to her side of the family. Darvo, right?

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Speaker 4: Was that?

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Speaker 1: Darvo? Did? I? What is that accuse? And then reverse

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Speaker 1: victim offender.

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Speaker 3: Deny attack, reverse victim, and.

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Speaker 1: She's like, I wasn't gaslighting you. You just don't care

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Speaker 1: about your family.

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Speaker 3: You hate me, and I guess my I suck you're

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Speaker 3: attacking me.

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Speaker 1: Keep in mind, most of my life I wasn't even

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Speaker 1: in contact with her side of the family due to

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Speaker 1: her actions, and only just recently got more in contact

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Speaker 1: with them. I told her that I cherished the fact

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Speaker 1: that I still have two living grandfathers and don't take

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Speaker 1: either one of them for granted, but that the phone

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Speaker 1: goes both ways and he could also reach out to me.

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Speaker 1: She responded that sometimes I need to be the one

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Speaker 1: to make the effort. I told her that it was,

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Speaker 1: in fact gaslighting to tell me while I'm already in

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Speaker 1: an emotional state that my grandfather doesn't have much time

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Speaker 1: left to speak to his granddaughter, and that I don't

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Speaker 1: mean anything I've said in a rude way.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if it's gaslighting, but it is guilt. Trippin.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. She told me I was being straight up rude

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Speaker 1: and disrespectful, and that my boyfriend means more than anyone else,

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Speaker 1: because in the end, that's all you have, right, girls,

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Speaker 1: Shut up. I met the doctor for the baby.

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Speaker 3: That's what I'm gonna have a boyfriend.

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Speaker 4: That's baby Doddy. Shut your mouth, mom, babydaddy or if

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Speaker 4: that is your real name, because you didn't freaking raise me.

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Speaker 4: It was my dad's mom, my grandmother who raised me.

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Speaker 4: Fly Oh, shut your freaking mouth.

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Speaker 1: Blocked, literally block, I'll unblock you. After my doctor's appointment,

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Speaker 1: I informed her at this point she was just disrespecting

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Speaker 1: me and taking things a completely different way than what

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Speaker 1: was meant, and that once she was done with this

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Speaker 1: childish act, she'd be able to have updates about me

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Speaker 1: and my child's life. She proceeded to tell me how

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Speaker 1: my other family did a good job at keeping her

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Speaker 1: out of my life and how I can keep my

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Speaker 1: ignorant attitude here in the state I live where it belongs.

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Speaker 1: Then told me that she hopes me and my baby

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Speaker 1: have a great life. Blocked. She said some more things

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Speaker 1: that ultimately hurt deep down because I was always fighting

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Speaker 1: for a relationship with her my whole life, so I

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Speaker 1: won't put it on here. I'm sorry. Ope that sucks.

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Speaker 1: I told her I hope this my pregnancy would be

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Speaker 1: something that would make us closer together, but that ultimately

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Speaker 1: she hadn't changed at all from when she blocked me

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Speaker 1: before and then I blocked her a few hours not

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Speaker 1: even later, a friend of mine as well as a

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Speaker 1: cousin of mine, texted me asking me if I had

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Speaker 1: seen what my mom posted on her Facebook. Oh no,

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Speaker 1: I would have said, nope, I'm unbothered by my mother.

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Speaker 3: I I don't actually care. Goodbye.

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Speaker 1: They ended up sending me a screenshot of the post,

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Speaker 1: and it ended up being a whole rant about me

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Speaker 1: and her announcing my pregnancy to the world just because

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Speaker 1: she was upset. I'll include a picture of the post,

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Speaker 1: but please leave any personal details out. Due to not

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Speaker 1: wanting any more drama, I've battled with my own emotions

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Speaker 1: ever since then. Regarding if I should or shouldn't unblock her, No, uh,

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Speaker 1: definitely don't.

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Speaker 3: Unknown don't unblock her if if you're just gonna a

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Speaker 3: block her to be like why would you do that?

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Speaker 3: But but take that dowt like it's not gonna work. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's not gonna do anything. So just probably what's done

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Speaker 3: is done. It's terrible. It sucks keep her blocked. Announce

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Speaker 3: it when you're ready. You still don't have to go

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Speaker 3: and say like like, oh well, she's announcement, so now

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Speaker 3: I have to go tell everyone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's if you unblock her. It's probably exactly what

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Speaker 1: she wants because she probably realized that none of her

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Speaker 1: messages or calls were going through and then was like, fine, fine,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna wap me. Fine, I'll just yeah, just keep

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Speaker 1: her blocked. So am I the ah or overreacting? What

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Speaker 1: for blocking your mom for hijacking your pregnancy announcement and

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Speaker 1: dogging you like that? Absolutely not? No, no, no, there's an

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Speaker 1: update before we get into though, what what conditions need

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Speaker 1: to be met for an unblocking to happen here?

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Speaker 3: I mean she would have to come and be like,

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Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, I've been going to therapy. I realize

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Speaker 3: the errors of my way. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think therapy would probably be a precondition for that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like otherwise she's just like absolutely nothing.

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Speaker 1: Has changed, right. It would just be like I'm saying

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Speaker 1: whatever I need to say right now to get you

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Speaker 1: to get access to me get what I want. I'll

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Speaker 1: do whatever. I am now thirty six weeks pregnant and

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Speaker 1: the plan is to induce me at thirty seven weeks

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Speaker 1: due to the size of my daughter being on the

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Speaker 1: smaller side for those who may want an update on

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Speaker 1: my pregnancy. Also for clarification on the update, my mom

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Speaker 1: lives in a different state than I do, and has

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Speaker 1: since I was about eleven or twelve years old. One

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Speaker 1: thing that happened was my mom ended up creating a

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Speaker 1: new Instagram account and tried to request to follow me

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Speaker 1: on it. No, my account on Instagram is private, so

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Speaker 1: she couldn't see anything I've posted. Good. I didn't accept

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Speaker 1: it or deny it, and still to this day, it's

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Speaker 1: been sitting in my follow requests because I'm not personally

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Speaker 1: ready to extend an olive branch to her myself.

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Speaker 3: Then you might ever be ready, and that's okay.

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Speaker 1: You don't ever have to. Like we said, she's got

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Speaker 1: to do stuff. Yeah, it'sheard he's around the olive branch.

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Speaker 3: I agree.

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Speaker 1: I didn't flat out block her, just in case she

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Speaker 1: tried to message me apologizing or even just acknowledging where

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Speaker 1: she may have gone wrong. I also didn't accept her

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Speaker 1: request because I didn't want her to access anything I've posted,

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Speaker 1: which I mentioned later on as well in this post

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Speaker 1: and use it to post on her own accounts to

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Speaker 1: make the world believe she's been actively involved this entire time.

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Speaker 1: A few weeks ago, maybe three to four mo post,

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Speaker 1: I had a friend Amber, who lives in the state

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Speaker 1: my mom does, contact me to tell me that my

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Speaker 1: mom came into her job, which isn't out of the

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Speaker 1: ordinary since she works at a local store in the

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Speaker 1: area my mom lives in. Amber knows what happened between

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Speaker 1: my mom and me, as well as other family members

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Speaker 1: who live in the same state. I made it known

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Speaker 1: to everyone who lives around her that I didn't want

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Speaker 1: my mom to be given any information on me, my daughter,

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Speaker 1: or my pregnancy, due to knowing my mom would just

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Speaker 1: use it to post on Facebook and act like she's

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Speaker 1: the greatest parent in the world, something she's done in

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Speaker 1: the past. My mom walked up to the register and

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Speaker 1: began to try to lie to Amber to make it

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Speaker 1: seem like she did nothing wrong, stating that she just

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Speaker 1: messaged to give a call to my grandfather and that

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Speaker 1: I just started to freak out on her. She then

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Speaker 1: proceeded to ask Amber what name me and my boyfriend

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Speaker 1: had decided for the baby, as well as any other

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Speaker 1: information on me. Amber acted as if she had no information,

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Speaker 1: telling her that we had a list of names, but

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Speaker 1: that I didn't tell her what we chose. She should

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Speaker 1: have just lied. Yeah, in the moment, you should have

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Speaker 1: lied instead a bunch of stuff that's not true at all. Rain,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna name her Shenise.

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Speaker 3: Her name's apple Tree.

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Speaker 1: We're naming her Beetroot.

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Speaker 3: Her name's Bilbo.

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Speaker 1: And then you should have been like, yeah, and Op

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Speaker 1: actually just had to amputate their leg. Yeah, which is

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Speaker 1: normal for uh pregnancy right now. I don't know, it's

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Speaker 1: kind of a trend. Yeah, I just say a bunch

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Speaker 1: of stuff. And then when she posts on Facebook, everyone

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Speaker 1: will be like, what are you talking about?

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Speaker 3: You're unhinged, You're crazy, lady.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, can't faul to Amber for not you know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: gotta be able to stick a move to get that one.

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Speaker 3: She's just not quick enough. Gotta think on your feet.

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Speaker 1: A few days after that, Amber gets a message from

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Speaker 1: my mom mentioning she'd like Amber to ask me for

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Speaker 1: the link to my registery so she can see and

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Speaker 1: figure out things I wanted or needed for the baby,

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Speaker 1: which wouldn't be a big deal in hindsight, except for

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Speaker 1: the part she specifically told Amber that she didn't need

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Speaker 1: to tell me that she was asking for it. The

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Speaker 1: message was left unread, according to my knowledge, especially given

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Speaker 1: the fact I had sent Amber the registry in general,

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Speaker 1: because I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to send

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Speaker 1: her by anything if they couldn't. Do we have anything

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Speaker 1: to add, folks, No, I.

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Speaker 3: Think what Opie's doing is great. I think keep her

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Speaker 3: on an information diet, keep her blocked, keep her, keep.

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Speaker 1: Your distance, agreed, Ralito, she's about to lose some weight

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Speaker 1: in a informational sense. The mother, yes, because she's got

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Speaker 1: no more information weight. Let's finish this. I still haven't

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Speaker 1: been in contact with my mom ever since those first messages,

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Speaker 1: and she has done everything in her power to avoid

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Speaker 1: coming to me directly to apologize or even ask how

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Speaker 1: I've been doing. She just tried to go through one

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Speaker 1: of my friends or even asked one of my aunts

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Speaker 1: her sister if they'd heard anything or spoken to me.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel as though I'm the a hole in

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Speaker 1: this situation, But the closer I get to delivering, the

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Speaker 1: more I feel the sadness and somewhat guilt of not

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Speaker 1: having my own mom around during a time I always

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Speaker 1: imagined she would be the biggest supporter for me, but yeah, selve,

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Speaker 1: because your mom sucks.

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Speaker 3: No, it sucks that you don't have that, you know,

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Speaker 3: like just don't have a supportive mom. But yeah, don't

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Speaker 3: bring your mom back into the fray thinking that she'll

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Speaker 3: be that, because she's she's not that, unfortunately, and that's

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Speaker 3: the loss, is that you don't have a mom who

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Speaker 3: is that that is true, that can fill that role.

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Speaker 1: That was very That is a very stute, yeah, very

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Speaker 1: astute summary right there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but we got another story coming right up. I

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Speaker 3: cut off my stepmother over a stupid fight.

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Speaker 1: Ah, that's stupid.

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Speaker 3: My stepmother and I have a very complicated and somewhat

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Speaker 3: efed up history, but I understand that I'm not innocent

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Speaker 3: in some of the problems we have had. My bio

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00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,640
Speaker 3: parents split before my birth, so I have never known

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Speaker 3: them together. Even to this day, they will actively avoid

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Speaker 3: being at the same place activity event room. By the way,

305
00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:50,120
Speaker 3: this comes from Old Bit eleven sixty three, and if

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Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,880
Speaker 3: r slash. Okay, storytime, separate it. When I was in

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Speaker 3: first grade, my siblings and I moved out of our

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Speaker 3: struggling mom's place to my dad's when the only time

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Speaker 3: they have ever compromised that I know of. They amicably

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Speaker 3: decided on a fifty to fifty custody agreement on the books,

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Speaker 3: but we were primarily at our dad's. You quickly got

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Speaker 3: married to a woman who I will call Sharon for

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Speaker 3: the story. Sharon and I didn't get off on the

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Speaker 3: right foot. Some of it was because I was so

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Speaker 3: young and saw her as someone trying to replace my mom.

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Speaker 3: This was only made worse by seeing my mom always

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Speaker 3: feel left out, as if Sharon was getting to parent

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Speaker 3: when she wasn't. Aside from that, Sharon struggled with heavy

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Speaker 3: drinking and would have serious mood swings. I remember the

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Speaker 3: first time I knew she was wasted around me. She

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Speaker 3: leaned into whisper in my ear in front of my

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Speaker 3: dad and family to say, you're a witch.

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Speaker 1: But she went, she went, you're a witch. She went,

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Speaker 1: you're a witch, Harry, You're a witch.

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Speaker 3: This was just after we had moved in, so we

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Speaker 3: grew closer as my mom and dad pretty much always

328
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Speaker 3: had to work, but my stepmother always showed up for me.

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Speaker 3: She would even make my dad show up to things

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Speaker 3: he would never have before. We grew close as I

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Speaker 3: learned about some of her problems and tried to help

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Speaker 3: as best I could. As a child, she didn't always

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Speaker 3: make the right decisions, but she showed up for me

334
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Speaker 3: when no one else did, so I began to love her.

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Speaker 3: She would bring me to family events, do arts and

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Speaker 3: crafts with me, and teach me how to bake. I

337
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,160
Speaker 3: would follow her around and hide her keys when she'd

338
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Speaker 3: been drinking. Eventually, she went through an inpatient regular use program,

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Speaker 3: and when she got out, I attended a few AA

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Speaker 3: meetings with her. During this time, however, there would still

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Speaker 3: be occasions where Sharon would really hurt me emotionally. Her

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Speaker 3: niece would lie about me saying or doing something mean,

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Speaker 3: and she would always believe it and punish me. She

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00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,400
Speaker 3: told me I had a terrible voice when singing as

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Speaker 3: a child. Dang. She grounded me when I didn't swim

346
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Speaker 3: in a trash puddle with her. Huh. She told me

347
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Speaker 3: I was all fat and jiggled my arm when I

348
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:55,120
Speaker 3: tried to justify weighing more than my older siblings by saying, whatever,

349
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Speaker 3: it's all muscle, among many other things. When I was

350
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Speaker 3: a teen, I saw her punt my oldest sibling out,

351
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Speaker 3: and while I agree, he was being a butt. When

352
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Speaker 3: she called my dad to tell him about it, she

353
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Speaker 3: had to get through several minutes of holding on the

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Speaker 3: phone and talk to his secretary, and didn't start crying

355
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Speaker 3: until she got to my dad. I can justify that

356
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:19,560
Speaker 3: as letting yourself be vulnerable around your partner, or holding

357
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Speaker 3: it in until they could talk. But I remember seeing

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Speaker 3: the way it all went down, and it felt very

359
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,720
Speaker 3: manipulative on her part and very calculated. After him, it

360
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,400
Speaker 3: was her nephew who stayed and they got into a

361
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Speaker 3: fight about school, and she punted him out. When I

362
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:37,160
Speaker 3: was sixteen, we clashed hard, but I never understood why.

363
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,400
Speaker 3: I'd come home from school and she'd be watching TV,

364
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Speaker 3: something tame, probably Oprah or Ellen. I'd walk in and

365
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,200
Speaker 3: say hey, and she would pause the TV and just

366
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Speaker 3: stare at me until I left, very clearly letting me

367
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,640
Speaker 3: know she didn't want me there. I can't remember why,

368
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 3: but at sixteen she punted me out after some sort

369
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,760
Speaker 3: of fight. I'm confused because it feels like op said

370
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Speaker 3: like sometimes she was nice and then sometimes she sucks.

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Speaker 3: You're talking about the same people.

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Speaker 1: And I'm sorry. I just can't imagine the universe in

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Speaker 1: which I walk in and go hey, and somebody gives

374
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Speaker 1: me the evil eye and I don't go. So what's

375
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:14,200
Speaker 1: that about? Huh? Unless I already know I'm over them? Yeah,

376
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,119
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go hey. You look like you want me

377
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,679
Speaker 1: to just be buried underneath the dirt. What's going on?

378
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,720
Speaker 3: I'm just confused because it seems like we start with

379
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 3: Sharon being awful, and then they grew close and Sharon

380
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,080
Speaker 3: always shows up for Opie. They like love each other,

381
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Speaker 3: but then she's awful.

382
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Speaker 1: What it seems like the theme is whenever the kids

383
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Speaker 1: become older, they get exiled. I guess so by the

384
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Speaker 1: step mom, right, yeah, Sharon? So why is dad letting

385
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,720
Speaker 1: this happen? I don't know where's Dad?

386
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:47,280
Speaker 3: Where's Papa? It's been almost twenty years. Sorry, but I

387
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,040
Speaker 3: know for a fact it was a dumb fight. My

388
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,680
Speaker 3: dad called me when I was at work and told

389
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,600
Speaker 3: me I had to come home, but I could hear

390
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,880
Speaker 3: Sharon saying in the background not to come back without

391
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,679
Speaker 3: an apology. I said I wouldn't be coming back, so

392
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,960
Speaker 3: my dad shut off my phone in hopes it would

393
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,320
Speaker 3: force me to come back. I got a new phone plan,

394
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,600
Speaker 3: co signed by my mom, and I stayed with my

395
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,639
Speaker 3: mom through the summer and mostly couch hopped.

396
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,800
Speaker 1: I'm why do you have couch hopping?

397
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,679
Speaker 3: Why wouldn't you just stay with your mom? You're sixteen

398
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,040
Speaker 3: now what. At the end of the summer, my dad

399
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,200
Speaker 3: told me that if I didn't come back, he would

400
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,199
Speaker 3: tell my school that I didn't live with him anymore

401
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,320
Speaker 3: and I would have to change districts.

402
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Speaker 1: In my last two years.

403
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:26,040
Speaker 3: Geez, your dad sucks too. I moved back in with

404
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,560
Speaker 3: them and worked hard last two years towards being the

405
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,560
Speaker 3: first person in my family to graduate. When I was eighteen,

406
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,760
Speaker 3: we got into a new fight after I stayed home

407
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,680
Speaker 3: sick from school one day, had slept the entire day

408
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,760
Speaker 3: and had left my room as per our stay home

409
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,960
Speaker 3: from school sick agreement, where one must be bedridden and

410
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,080
Speaker 3: puking to stay home.

411
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,160
Speaker 1: That was that was my agreement too. Yeah. It was like, well,

412
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,679
Speaker 1: if you're gonna be sick, no fun allowed. And I'm like,

413
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,760
Speaker 1: I'm already sick. Why what what am I? Exactly what

414
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,080
Speaker 1: am I? Steve McQueen in the Great Escape? What are

415
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,199
Speaker 1: you trying to imprison me?

416
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,359
Speaker 3: For? My mom would never let me watch any TV

417
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:58,120
Speaker 3: if I was sick.

418
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 1: And look how you turned out there.

419
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,040
Speaker 3: At the very end of the day, I had woken

420
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:06,120
Speaker 3: up not necessarily feeling amazing, but better, and I had

421
00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 3: a huge presentation due the next day that I no

422
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,159
Speaker 3: longer had all day to work on or the school

423
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,760
Speaker 3: time to finish. So I picked up my laptop and

424
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,399
Speaker 3: had to look for my charger. When my stepmother asked

425
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,400
Speaker 3: what I was doing, I told her and we got

426
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,960
Speaker 3: into a huge fight about her thinking I was faking

427
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 3: and lying about being sick.

428
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 1: You should cough on her and get her sick. Yeah,

429
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,159
Speaker 1: I'll be like, here's the test.

430
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:35,440
Speaker 3: We'll see if that open you open up, we'll see

431
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:39,080
Speaker 3: in two days. This escalated to her punting me out again,

432
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,720
Speaker 3: and I wasn't able to find my laptop charger on

433
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 3: the way out. By this point, the library was already closed,

434
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 3: and without the money for a replacement charger, I wasn't

435
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,919
Speaker 3: able to work on the project until school the next morning.

436
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,679
Speaker 3: I'll cut off here and just say I failed the

437
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:57,120
Speaker 3: final project on several of the criteria, but luckily still

438
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,280
Speaker 3: passed due to the hard work I had put in previously.

439
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,680
Speaker 3: I feel like you should you know, you should have said, hey,

440
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:02,879
Speaker 3: I got kicked out of my house.

441
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:06,440
Speaker 1: Here's the lesson here, folks. And I remember being told

442
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 1: this in high school and being like, you had plenty

443
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:13,200
Speaker 1: of time before the day before the project was due

444
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 1: to get more work on the project done.

445
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 3: I disagree as a as a procrastinator who did all

446
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 3: of my work day before.

447
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 1: What is the what did you just say a procrastinator?

448
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 1: So does that mean that you had no time at

449
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,199
Speaker 1: all to do it before?

450
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 3: Didn't say that, but if someone that's why I had

451
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,440
Speaker 3: in my house when I'm trying to do my work

452
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 3: the day before. As is my rights, as is my right,

453
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 3: as is my right.

454
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,960
Speaker 1: You're right, I guess. But then like when something like

455
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 1: this happened.

456
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,920
Speaker 3: I wrote a projectay, and that's my right.

457
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,640
Speaker 1: You wrote it and I got a hundred that's my right.

458
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 1: She did write it, my right.

459
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,199
Speaker 3: I did write an outline before, so it wasn't completely

460
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 3: done in the day.

461
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 1: Point being yeah, whatever.

462
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,160
Speaker 3: I graduated high school and was staying in my then

463
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,800
Speaker 3: thirty five year old friend's spare bedroom. Sharon was told

464
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,280
Speaker 3: not to come to the ceremony, but.

465
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 1: Of course showed up.

466
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:08,240
Speaker 3: Get out Sharon. While I hated seeing her, I also

467
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,160
Speaker 3: respected that she was my father's wife, and I'd been

468
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 3: with me and us all through a lot, so I

469
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,360
Speaker 3: didn't confront her. Yeah, she kicked you out multiple times.

470
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 3: She's she is the a lot. She's the a lot

471
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 3: that you're dealing with.

472
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 1: It's true.

473
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 3: After that was college, she made it clear I wasn't

474
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 3: welcome to come do laundry in the house I grew

475
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 3: up in and told me to change my address even

476
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 3: though I was in a dorm, so she didn't.

477
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:32,880
Speaker 1: Have to see me at all.

478
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,600
Speaker 3: I dropped out of college and focused on work, going

479
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 3: through separate struggles including anorexia, homelessness, a car accident, oh

480
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 3: as well as my lifelong anxiety and depression getting much worse.

481
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 3: Why can't you live with your mom?

482
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,440
Speaker 1: It doesn't sound like she was available either, Kat.

483
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 3: No, wait, that's my point. I was my point, Kat,

484
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,520
Speaker 3: I'm saying.

485
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 1: That I did that. To be clear, I did people

486
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 1: being like some people, I did that every time. Yeah yeah, no, No,

487
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 1: learned that lesson through being the guy who's like, duh,

488
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 1: if only I had done a single thing before the

489
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 1: day before.

490
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 3: Yeah. No. My point was that that's her right, and

491
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 3: also she had extenuating circumstances too. That was my point.

492
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:18,200
Speaker 3: Eventually life settles down. I start making some money where

493
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 3: I'm able to afford a place to live, and my

494
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 3: boyfriend moves in with me. Many stories in between, but

495
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,880
Speaker 3: long story short, we end up in a different apartment,

496
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,040
Speaker 3: pregnant and get married. I tell my dad not to

497
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 3: bring his wife.

498
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 1: It's a justice of the piece, ten guest type wedding.

499
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 1: He brought her.

500
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,200
Speaker 3: I literally would like, if you don't want someone to come,

501
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 3: and you really don't want someone to come, let's get security.

502
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 3: Yeah you need someone, say get out out.

503
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 1: If you're ingreticipating the potential that someone might show up

504
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 1: you don't want. You need to have people that you

505
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 1: can go that one and then they'll just tackle remove

506
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: them from the premises.

507
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 3: And I didn't make a fuss, just tried to enjoy

508
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,919
Speaker 3: our moment. During the next few months, Sharon and my

509
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 3: dad began to purchase hundreds of dollars worth of stuff

510
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 3: for our baby on the way, nearly everything on our registry,

511
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 3: and then some they came to the hospital and held

512
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 3: my firstborn. I would not let these people around my child.

513
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 3: After they made me go homeless, kicked me out as

514
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 3: a teenager, I would not let them anywhere near my kid.

515
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 3: I was still very wary of having a relationship with

516
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 3: her for a while, but slowly I began to write

517
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 3: off our problems as something most young women go through

518
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 3: with their mothers and mother figures. I felt like maybe

519
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:35,119
Speaker 3: we butted heads because I was too headstrong or talked

520
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,159
Speaker 3: back too much, and now that I was older, I

521
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,399
Speaker 3: could have a more mature relationship with her. She kicked

522
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 3: you out as a teenager. She is not capable of

523
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 3: having a mature relationship. You are. She is not. So

524
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,880
Speaker 3: As my son grew through the first year, I eventually

525
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,919
Speaker 3: started to rely on her and trust her again. I

526
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 3: would never ever trust this person. She also became the

527
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 3: only person who would even help us with him when

528
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,080
Speaker 3: I worked, as she was the one most off and

529
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 3: available and always willing to lend a hand. She became

530
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 3: basically the only one helping with our son. At one point,

531
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 3: her sobriety became an issue again and she fell off

532
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,159
Speaker 3: the wagon. I made it clear that I wouldn't be

533
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 3: dropping off my son to her when she was in

534
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 3: that state, as well as worrying about her mental health

535
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 3: and well being in general. During this time, I did

536
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 3: everything I could at work to not need a sitter

537
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 3: or rely on others, but again, we had no one else.

538
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,400
Speaker 3: Sharon and my dad eventually told me things were better,

539
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 3: and I started bringing my son around again. When I

540
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 3: had my second she agreed to take care of them both,

541
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 3: and for a short time it went on like that.

542
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 3: When my husband started a new job, all of his

543
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 3: hours changed and I asked Sharon again if she would

544
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 3: be okay with this change. She said she was not

545
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 3: able to take on the extra load of watching the

546
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 3: kids for longer, which I completely understood. This, of course,

547
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,239
Speaker 3: led me to having to make changes at work. I

548
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 3: had to step down just before a better position opened up.

549
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 3: I had been working towards this for fifteen plus years,

550
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 3: which was really hard for me. At the same time,

551
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 3: she learn at a mini stroke and had to go

552
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 3: through intense speech and physical therapy to regain the ability

553
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 3: to speak correctly, and for the most part did. At

554
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 3: this point, one day a week at work was too

555
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 3: much for Sharon to commit to, so I left my

556
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,679
Speaker 3: job and became a stay at home mom, though it

557
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 3: was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.

558
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 3: While I was home a lot, I would often visit

559
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 3: Sharon with my kids. I would always ask before coming

560
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 3: or be invited. She would make us lunch and we

561
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,160
Speaker 3: would talk about whatever was going on in our lives.

562
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,959
Speaker 3: She would have some health issues and sometimes we wouldn't

563
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 3: see her for a while, but we had gotten along

564
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 3: well for the past nine or so years with no problem,

565
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 3: so I figured during those times she was taking a

566
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,760
Speaker 3: break from us or just didn't feel well. I know

567
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 3: this next part we'll sound ridiculous to some people, but

568
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 3: this is what happened, and this is what I need

569
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 3: input on. During the last presidential campaign, Sharon started bringing

570
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,639
Speaker 3: up politics a lot more. I have very strong opinions

571
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 3: on pretty much everything. Everyone who knows me knows this.

572
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 3: Because of this, I never bring up politics with my

573
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 3: family or people I know well, but I can't help

574
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 3: but join the conversation if it's brought up. I have

575
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,640
Speaker 3: gotten better at walking away when it doesn't involve me. Basically,

576
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 3: we ended up having an intense argument over it. We

577
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,919
Speaker 3: didn't talk for days, and my dad ended up calling

578
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 3: me to talk about the argument. A couple weeks later,

579
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 3: he said we should make up, and Sharon was expecting

580
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,119
Speaker 3: an apology for calling her a liar. He and I

581
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 3: talked for a while, and I explained what happened after

582
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,439
Speaker 3: he sighed and said, she's been watching a lot of

583
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,360
Speaker 3: podcasts lately and it's been changing the way she feels

584
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 3: about things. I swear, I'm not making this up. I

585
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 3: don't think you are. That sounds pretty.

586
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 1: It sounds like the most normal way people become is crazy.

587
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:39,879
Speaker 3: Not that crazy.

588
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 1: Can you believe it?

589
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 3: It's been six months. They did come to a birthday

590
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 3: party for one of my kids, but said nothing to

591
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 3: my kids on their birthday. Many important life events came

592
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,360
Speaker 3: and went, and while I continued to reach out via

593
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 3: text with pictures, there was no attempt to reconnect. We

594
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 3: saw Sharon at the grocery store. We live in the

595
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 3: same town, and she waved and left my toddlers standing

596
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,919
Speaker 3: there without coming over. She drove away, and as I

597
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 3: walked through the grocery store, it finally dawned on me

598
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 3: how hurt I was when it was happening to me

599
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 3: growing up. I always could convince myself that it was

600
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 3: my fault. I have written her countless apology letters for

601
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,159
Speaker 3: different arguments, and I was always in trouble, so I

602
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 3: know I was no golden child. This treatment towards my kids,

603
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 3: who were nothing but innocent in our fight. Broke my

604
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 3: heart at that moment, walking around the store, I began

605
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:35,480
Speaker 3: mentally drafting a new letter. This time, however, it wouldn't.

606
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 1: Be an apology.

607
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 3: Fighting tears. She actually came back to the grocery store,

608
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 3: saying she had to rush to the vets because her

609
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 3: pet's meds were ready, but came back after because she

610
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 3: felt sad she missed my child. She tried to hug her,

611
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 3: but my daughter was anxious about it, but I hugged

612
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 3: her and started crying. She left quickly after that. In

613
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 3: my opinion, she wasn't rushing off anywhere except to stonewallus,

614
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 3: but felt bad doing it to my daughter's face. And

615
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 3: after discussing it with my therapist and several weeks, I

616
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 3: sent a text to Sharon about how I love her

617
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 3: as a mother but felt she didn't care for me

618
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 3: the same. And we're gonna pause that because there was

619
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,640
Speaker 3: a lot going on right there. I think it's really

620
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 3: good that you're going to therapy, because that was gonna

621
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,159
Speaker 3: be my suggestion if you could afford it. Seems like

622
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 3: you can, which is great, but yeah, I mean, like

623
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,640
Speaker 3: you have a really complicated relationship with this person. She's

624
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 3: it seems like she's always been on and off in

625
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 3: her support for you, which is really really tough to

626
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 3: deal with and also just kind of like confusing as

627
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 3: a kid. Try and figure out how you feel about

628
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 3: this person who you do have fond memories with but

629
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 3: also have very traumatic memories of her kicking you out

630
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,360
Speaker 3: of the house. Yeah, so you know, definitely go to therapy.

631
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 3: And yeah, I think it's just I think at some

632
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 3: point you might have to severely limit contact with this woman.

633
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think she's not gonna be good for the kids. No,

634
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 1: I just don't. I don't see it being like a

635
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 1: you know, she had one moment where she was like, Okay,

636
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: maybe that was a little overboy, but it's like, yeah,

637
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 1: you just like, don't do that from the beginning.

638
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 3: That the more time that went by with no attempt

639
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 3: on her part to even ask about the kids, the

640
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 3: more upset I was over this, That I was open

641
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 3: to talking to her, but that it would have to

642
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 3: be through text or writing for now, so I can

643
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 3: think about my responses and answer when I had the

644
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 3: emotional energy to respond without getting upset. She said she

645
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 3: didn't know how to respond to that, and that she

646
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 3: wasn't avoiding us, as she had responded one word answers

647
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 3: to the pictures or updates I sent that she wasn't

648
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 3: open to messaging more, but we would call if we

649
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 3: needed anything from them. About a month ago, I saw

650
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 3: my dad and Sharon at a block party, and my

651
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 3: dad invited me to his Labor Day party. I asked

652
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 3: which day, and he said Saturday or Sunday. Sunday. You're

653
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 3: not having a Labor Day party on Labor Day week,

654
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 3: to which I said, that's great because I promised Joanna

655
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 3: i'd be at her birthday party on Saturday. He was

656
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 3: excited and it was really nice seeing him. Because of

657
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 3: the fighting, we haven't had many chances to see each other.

658
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 3: I asked him later again to confirm it would be

659
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 3: Sunday and he said for sure. I just received the

660
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 3: end invite for their party and it's on Saturday, essentially

661
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 3: at the same time as my close friend's birthday party.

662
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 3: When I texted my dad about it, he just said

663
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 3: he had thought it would be Sunday. At first. I

664
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 3: get that they can't arrange a party around me, but

665
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 3: I can't help but think Sharon moved to the party

666
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 3: because I said I wouldn't be able to make it.

667
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 3: Not to mention it would also be Sharon's birthday the

668
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 3: day of the party. You would think that would make

669
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 3: sense for a party, but normally she hides she hates

670
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 3: tension on her birthday, so I feel like they're going

671
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 3: out of their way to make sure I can't go,

672
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 3: or at least can't stay long. The invite said nothing

673
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 3: about her birthday. My dad said I could drop the

674
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 3: kids off, but that really bothered me because they've been

675
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 3: avoiding all of us, and that's all my family I

676
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 3: now have to miss. There is a little bit left

677
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 3: to this story. Any final thoughts, Keep you distance, Keep

678
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,239
Speaker 3: you distance. Have you ever talked to your dad about this?

679
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 3: That's what I want to know, because it seems like

680
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 3: your dad has been so complicit in his wife just

681
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 3: icing you out whenever she wants yeah, And I feel

682
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 3: like that is not something that should be, you know,

683
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 3: written off as like, oh, this is all Sharon's fault,

684
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,719
Speaker 3: Like it is very much your dad's fault too. Your

685
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 3: dad also cricked out a sixteen year old, you know, like, yeah, yeah,

686
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 3: I tried to get you back in but didn't kick

687
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 3: out the person who kicked you out, so it's kind

688
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 3: of clear where his loyalties lie.

689
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 1: It was untenable for a long time.

690
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 3: I definitely am limit contact severely. Your kids come.

691
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 1: First, yep, kids come first. Keep going to therapy.

692
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 3: Other context, friends of family who have known me and

693
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 3: Sharon for a long time all side with me. But

694
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 3: my husband said I should just apologize so that we

695
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 3: can make up that I'm making a bigger deal about

696
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 3: it than I have to. Does your husband not know

697
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 3: everything that you've been through? Because I'd be like, what

698
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 3: are you talking about?

699
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: Gotta let him know?

700
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 3: And that he thinks I get too heated and loud

701
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 3: when I talk about politics and things. It's really not

702
00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 3: about the politics thing. It's about a lifetime of her

703
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 3: abandoning you whenever she was a little bit upset.

704
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: That's what the problem is. What it sounds like.

705
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 3: I admit the last bit is definitely true, but I

706
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 3: had already apologized for getting loud. However, I stood strong.

707
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 3: I'm not apologizing for calling her out on the lies.

708
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 3: So am I overreacting to a stupid fight and should

709
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 3: just apologize for saying she lied? So my kids can

710
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 3: have their grandparents around again, or am I right to

711
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 3: just stay clear.

712
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 1: So my kids don't get hurt like I have?

713
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 3: And there are some comments. Comment one says, hey coming

714
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 3: from someone who has a stepmom whose relationship with me

715
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 3: has never been great, but is conflicted with feelings because

716
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 3: she was once okay or there for me at one point,

717
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 3: I understand. I was punted out at eighteen by my

718
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 3: stepmom because I refused to be a second parent to

719
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 3: my younger sister when she was fully capable, and she

720
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 3: got pissed about it, called me a witch a bunch

721
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 3: of times, and gave me one month to get out.

722
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 3: And it was this time that made me realize a

723
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 3: couple things. The bonding I'd had with her when I

724
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 3: was twelve didn't matter anymore. There are things that I

725
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 3: feel that these family members do that are just horrific,

726
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 3: that they feel should be excused because their family agreed agreed.

727
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 3: Her kicking out a sixteen year old onto the streets

728
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 3: so that you were couch hopping.

729
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 1: Is despicable, disgusting.

730
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 3: And after me getting punted out, I started to realize

731
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 3: I don't know anyone anything. What I'm trying to get

732
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 3: at is that you guys have a history of her

733
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 3: messing up, trying to fix it, things getting good, then

734
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 3: things getting bad, and then things are like how they

735
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 3: used to be. And at some point you can't write

736
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 3: off every wrong they do. You gotta recognize a pattern.

737
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 3: You don't know anyone anything, No matter how silly people

738
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 3: can make you feel about why you go no contact

739
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 3: doesn't matter. It comes down to you and how you

740
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 3: are going to feel battling this because it won't just

741
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 3: go away. I'm sure some memories your stepmom and your

742
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 3: kids might make might help ease some of this tension

743
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 3: at some point, but what cost. If I were you,

744
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 3: I don't know how old your kids are, but I'd

745
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 3: wait some time. I'd let yourself fully heal from everything

746
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 3: you've dealt with your whole life. And it sounds like

747
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,879
Speaker 3: your stepmom can be a big trigger. I think you'd

748
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 3: be surprised you might become when you start to prioritize yourself.

749
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 3: And if you decide to talk to her after you

750
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:23,280
Speaker 3: feel okay about things, that's okay too, but respect your peace.

751
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 3: Your kids might question naturally why your stepmom grandma might

752
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,319
Speaker 3: not be around, but the older they get, they can

753
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,880
Speaker 3: make their own decisions to see the situation, or you

754
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 3: could always have your kids being contact but not you.

755
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 3: But it just sounds like to me, you've been HEARDing

756
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 3: about some of this for a little too long, and

757
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 3: your snapping point may have been something less significant objectively

758
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 3: than some of the other things that had happened. Yeah,

759
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 3: that's the point. It's like your husband saying, oh, well,

760
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 3: like it was just like a little political debate. It's like, no,

761
00:34:55,600 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 3: it was years and years of her just neglecting you

762
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 3: and just emotionally abusing you.

763
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 1: It's like being like World War One started because of

764
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,399
Speaker 1: one guy.

765
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 3: No, we're higher.

766
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 1: That's just the end of the fuse. Yeah, there's so

767
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 1: much more context to that.

768
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 3: I hope whatever you do, your husband will back you

769
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 3: up and you can enjoy some peace and folks, that's

770
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 3: the end of that story. Good luck, O P. And

771
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 3: I really hope your husband gets on the same page

772
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,319
Speaker 3: because he just does not seem very in tune with

773
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 3: your emotions at all.

774
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: And that is true. Yeah, you've got another story. Hey y'all,

775
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:36,360
Speaker 1: it's John og Host here.

776
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:37,840
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

777
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 2: quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.

778
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 1: My brother's girlfriend made an awkward joke. Now it's causing

779
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 1: tension between us. Awkward. March twenty seventh, twenty twenty five.

780
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: Some background. My brother John and I are very different

781
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 1: people and always have been. I'm a nerdy guy who

782
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,839
Speaker 1: likes playing dungeons and dragons and works from home code websites.

783
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: And he's always been sporty and has one of those

784
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,800
Speaker 1: corporate office jobs where I swear half of his work

785
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:09,919
Speaker 1: is just playing golf and going to fancy lunches. Lame.

786
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,720
Speaker 1: We didn't always get along, but we're pretty good these days.

787
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 1: And by the way, this comes from user Elephant No.

788
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 1: Thirty one to thirty nine. If you want to submit

789
00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slashowcase storytime subprend it.

790
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 1: Golf and fancy lunch is not lame, by.

791
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 3: The way, Yes it is. Oh no reverse.

792
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: He started dating his girlfriend who will call Jane a

793
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 1: few years back during what was a pretty low point

794
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 1: for me in life. I had just gotten out of

795
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: a long term relationship that had ended anything but amicably

796
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 1: was burning out of the career I went to college for,

797
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:46,399
Speaker 1: and in general was about two paychecks away from having

798
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 1: to move in with my folks. The stress of it

799
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: all was taking a toll on my body. I went

800
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 1: from the slightly chubby I've been my whole life to

801
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 1: just straight up fat, and shortly after the breakup, I

802
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 1: had an anxiety attack so bad it put me in

803
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 1: the hut. It was not a good time to get

804
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 1: to know me. I was basically the picture of an

805
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 1: f up older brother. But I turned it around. I

806
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 1: got the mental health assistance I needed to diagnose and

807
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:14,359
Speaker 1: treat some long standing issues. With that as a springboard,

808
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 1: I started exercising more and eating better, finding cooking to

809
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 1: be a good hobby. That also led me to eating

810
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:25,760
Speaker 1: less takeout and processed foods. I'm still Noah Adonis, still

811
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,320
Speaker 1: got a bit of a tummy, but I'm much stronger

812
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 1: and feel better. I was able to quit my job

813
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 1: and find a new one in a field that I

814
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 1: never considered but that I found I loved enough that

815
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: I'm going back to school to work on a PhD

816
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,799
Speaker 1: in the fall so I can pursue it to a

817
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:44,919
Speaker 1: greater extent. And finally I started dating again. Someone will

818
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:49,400
Speaker 1: call her Flow, who was a better match for me

819
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: than my ex.

820
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 3: Yay Yay progression shout out to finding people better than

821
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 3: your ex. I just meant for it.

822
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:06,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody hates that guy.

823
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 3: Dude, your ex were allowed awkward. I was talking about

824
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 3: Opte awkward.

825
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 1: This all brings us to the night things went wrong.

826
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 1: We have a family gathering at my parents' house, extended

827
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: family and all plus Jane and Flow. I'm making dinner

828
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 1: a beef Wellington. Oh, beef Wellington.

829
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 3: Wow, that's gonna take a while.

830
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,760
Speaker 1: What are you, Gorge and Ramges.

831
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,720
Speaker 3: That's funny. That was funny.

832
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 1: Everyone is raving about my food. I also did dinner

833
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 1: this past Thanksgiving as well, and also my recent glow up,

834
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: my new job and the program I got to, et cetera.

835
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: I'm smiling, politely and mostly just trying to do a

836
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 1: bunch of dinner prep while they won't get out of

837
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,240
Speaker 1: my way. Then Jane says, yeah, never thought I picked

838
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,800
Speaker 1: the wrong brother, but I'm starting to think I might have.

839
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 3: She said that about you. She she was like, I

840
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 3: wish I had you. She was just she had you

841
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 3: because you're cooked.

842
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,320
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm just I'm just joking.

843
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 3: How do you respond that? How do you respond that?

844
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 3: On the fly?

845
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, on a real level, wait, say that to me?

846
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 3: What it was?

847
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 1: The chop chop chop, top chop chop chop.

848
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:24,320
Speaker 3: I picked the wrong brother.

849
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 1: You could hear a pin drop. I said nothing again,

850
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 1: just awkwardly laughed at what I assumed to have been

851
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 1: a bad joke. Jane's face immediately changed to the look

852
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 1: of someone who had only just realized their f up.

853
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: John looked pissed, and the two of them left the

854
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 1: kitchen shortly after.

855
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:51,319
Speaker 3: DANMG, She's like, no, babe, I swear I love your

856
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 3: I love your cooking, and I didn't mean anything by it.

857
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:54,879
Speaker 1: You know, It's just a joke.

858
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 3: It was just a choke. It's just that now your

859
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 3: older brother is better than you in every way. Yeah,

860
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 3: he like really put a lot of work to himself,

861
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 3: and now like he is, he is objectively better than you.

862
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 1: But like, I don't want better, I want I want worse.

863
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 3: I want you, I want you the worst option.

864
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 1: From what I could see, she seemed to be trying

865
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 1: to apologize to him, while he looked really hurt. My

866
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 1: relatives said nothing, not immediately anyway. Flow just kind of

867
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 1: winced and later told me that it was really awkward

868
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 1: having to stand there. But she didn't know what else

869
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 1: to do that wouldn't have escalated things or put me

870
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: on the spot. That was over two months ago, and

871
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: both John and Jane avoid me like zip plague, not

872
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: even a text since then. Whenever I meet up with

873
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 1: my relatives they bad mouth her over it. And while

874
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 1: I think Jane did f up saying that, I really

875
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 1: do think she was just making a bad joke.

876
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 3: I honestly agree. I honestly agree. I feel like like

877
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 3: I've heard people make that joke before, yeah, and like, yeah,

878
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 3: it's a bad joke. Probably wouldn't make it, but like

879
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 3: people make bad jokes all the time. It's not like

880
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 3: she wants to cheat on her partner, for Ope, it's

881
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 3: probably just talking about his cooking skills and like her

882
00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 3: husband doesn't cook.

883
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 1: I was gonna smash that comment.

884
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 3: Dang, well, it's too late. I think I think that

885
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,720
Speaker 3: if there, if anything.

886
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: Happen, shut up. No, that's what you said, not what

887
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:10,960
Speaker 1: I'm saying to you. No, I'm sorry. Then I interrupted you.

888
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 1: Oh god, Okay, Yeah, people made bad jokes. Personally, I

889
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 1: think they're overreacting this aside, I think she's probably the

890
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 1: first person he's ever dated who was a fit for

891
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,320
Speaker 1: him in terms of personality and lifestyle. The only person

892
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,240
Speaker 1: being normal about it is Flow, who thinks it was weird,

893
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 1: but like me, just thinks it's a dumb thing to say.

894
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 1: No jealousy. She knows Jane ain't my type. How do

895
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,399
Speaker 1: I clear the air with Jane and John and get

896
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 1: people to stop bringing this up? I'm sick of hearing

897
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,880
Speaker 1: about it and just want things to go back to

898
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,400
Speaker 1: how they were before. Right now, it just feels like

899
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:51,359
Speaker 1: a dark cloud over all of our interactions. And there

900
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 1: is a small update saying message John grabbing adult sodas

901
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 1: over the weekend. Will update later in the meantime some

902
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 1: CYD info for some of the other comments. Jane is

903
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 1: a very nice person and she really cares for John.

904
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 1: She's been with him through some difficult times, including a

905
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 1: period where work separated the two of them for three months,

906
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 1: and they're otherwise attached at the hip. She does have

907
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 1: what some call a lack of a filter. We've known

908
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:21,879
Speaker 1: that for a while, but she'd absolutely never leave him

909
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:25,240
Speaker 1: for me. Why my relatives won't let it go Probably

910
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 1: because there are a bunch of old Italian Catholics who

911
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 1: like to gossip snaps which incidentally is probably why they

912
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 1: didn't like the joke in the first place. Yeah, my

913
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 1: brother and I have a pretty good relationship as adults

914
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 1: and aren't especially competitive. My folks and relatives don't favor

915
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:44,840
Speaker 1: one of us over the other, though admittedly they do

916
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: understand my brother's career path better than mine. I agree

917
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 1: with the number of comments that the impetus of the

918
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 1: joke was that I'm a good cook, especially when it

919
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: comes to being celebratory feasts. Clearly John is okay in

920
00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 1: the kitchen, but he's the kind of guy for whom

921
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 1: a fancy meal just means picking up a more expensive

922
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 1: cut of steak. I really don't think it has anything

923
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 1: to do with me being the hot brother now, as

924
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 1: a few comments suggested, I literally think.

925
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 3: It was just about the food.

926
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 1: It's just a joke.

927
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,839
Speaker 3: It was just a joke. It's just a joke. That's yeah.

928
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 3: That's kind of crazy that they're like blowing up this

929
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,879
Speaker 3: entire family over this very insignificant joke.

930
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the type of joke that everyone's like. I

931
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,480
Speaker 1: literally just would have gone a haha.

932
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then you move on, and then she feels

933
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 3: super awkward because she knows that her joke didn't land,

934
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:32,480
Speaker 3: and that's her punishment.

935
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, or anything, You move on. You don't have any

936
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 1: shame about it. You just make the next one, and

937
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,959
Speaker 1: just one throwing spaghetti at the wall the next one.

938
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: John and I have always looked very different. Comparing us

939
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 1: would be more of a matter of personal preference than

940
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 1: any kind of objective hotness scale. He's tall with a

941
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: runner's build, and I'm a few inches shorter, with a

942
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 1: wide build and more visible muscles, as weightlifting is my

943
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:59,800
Speaker 1: main form of exercise. Lastly, not to toot my own horn.

944
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: But I've never had any issues getting dates, barring the

945
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:07,719
Speaker 1: aforementioned a year long period where my life was falling apart,

946
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,439
Speaker 1: so I must have been doing something right.

947
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 3: Oo toot that horn.

948
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: Lastly, as some have said, I probably could have saved

949
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: everyone some awkwardness by playing along with Jane's comment with

950
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 1: a sorry, Flow, God to me first, or something else similar.

951
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:28,439
Speaker 1: I go into what Flow dramatically calls the kitchen death

952
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 1: drive while cooking complicated meals, where I'm laser focused on

953
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 1: the task at hand to the exclusion of all else,

954
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 1: and my responses to questions tend to be short, curt

955
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 1: and even a bit rude. It's totally normal.

956
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 3: You're focused there and have time for jokes, especially bad jokes.

957
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,800
Speaker 1: Too many cooks and is here kitchen? Get out of

958
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:49,239
Speaker 1: my kitchen rut? Now, normally I would have tried to

959
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: help salvage the bad joke, but I was seeing a big,

960
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:55,400
Speaker 1: expensive piece of tend alon at the moment, so my

961
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,799
Speaker 1: thoughts were elsewhere that tender Yeah, your thoughts were on

962
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 1: you're Wellington, and they.

963
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 3: Know exactly where your thoughts were. They were in the dough.

964
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:04,360
Speaker 3: There's the meat.

965
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 1: There's an update in the vEDS and in your mushroom mints. Yes,

966
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 1: there's an update. Three days later. Let's hit it. John here,

967
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: og host. We're gonna get back to these stories, but

968
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:15,720
Speaker 1: a quick three minute break from house from our sponsors.

969
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: Met up with John at a sports bar we go

970
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 1: to sometimes when our dad is in town. Shot the

971
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 1: crap for a little bit before I asked him if

972
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 1: everything was cool. He didn't really know what I was

973
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 1: talking about at first, and I had to remind him

974
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,280
Speaker 1: that weird thing at the family dinner, and he immediately

975
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 1: knew what I was talking about. I asked if we

976
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: were all right, if they were all right? And lastly,

977
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,480
Speaker 1: what we should do about our nosy Catholic relatives gossiping

978
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 1: about all this crap. First off, he confirmed what I

979
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 1: and most of y'all thought was true. Jane was just

980
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 1: talking about my cooking, exclusively ovvylessly ovulation. She's a big fan.

981
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 1: It's actually the reason she came to that gathering in

982
00:45:56,719 --> 00:45:58,799
Speaker 1: the first place. So that's good to hear.

983
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,720
Speaker 3: She really love that's your cooking.

984
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,399
Speaker 1: He's just there for the beef Wellington, and if.

985
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 3: She left your brother, it would just be for your cooking.

986
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 1: Nothing to do with my physique, though John did congratulate

987
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:13,240
Speaker 1: me on the additional weight eyed loss since the whole ordeal. Second,

988
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 1: John's issue with Jane's joke had nothing to do with

989
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 1: the idea of her leaving him for me, or that

990
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:22,040
Speaker 1: he'd lost some prestige as the athlete in our family

991
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 1: or anything like that. Something I didn't mention in the

992
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 1: original post because I didn't think it was important is

993
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 1: that John and I grew up middle class, while Jane's

994
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:34,960
Speaker 1: family is loaded not billionaires. But she graduated from an

995
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 1: Ivy League school with no student loadang which she's turned

996
00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 1: into a well paying and highly specialized tech job.

997
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 3: She got money, she.

998
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 1: Got up scromoney. She and John go on lots of

999
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:49,319
Speaker 1: vacations together, have a very nice apartment in a very

1000
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,160
Speaker 1: expensive part of the city, all that good stuff. The

1001
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:54,879
Speaker 1: thing is, while John does pretty well for himself at work,

1002
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 1: he's not making nearly as much as she is and

1003
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 1: doesn't have old family money to fall back. Trying to

1004
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: keep up with her has been putting a significant dent

1005
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:07,400
Speaker 1: in his savings. Apparently, he's been psyching himself up to

1006
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:09,719
Speaker 1: talk to her about how they may need to make

1007
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 1: some lifestyle adjustments so he can put more money away

1008
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 1: in savings, and was worried how that might go. Hearing

1009
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 1: her say that I might be a better option after

1010
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 1: hearing about my new to his mind high earning PhD

1011
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 1: program was the sort of thing that came at exactly

1012
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:27,799
Speaker 1: the wrong time, so he had to walk away. I

1013
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:29,839
Speaker 1: did have a little laugh at that. This PhD will

1014
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:31,720
Speaker 1: open a lot of doors for me, but it's definitely

1015
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: not going to make me a millionaire. Adding to the

1016
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:36,960
Speaker 1: sting of that while he and I don't have much

1017
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:40,760
Speaker 1: of a rivalry, he does still have some insecurity about

1018
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:44,200
Speaker 1: me being Zismot one of the two of us. I

1019
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:46,280
Speaker 1: say this with all the love in my heart. John

1020
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,359
Speaker 1: is an extremely intelligent guy, but you'd never know that

1021
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 1: from just.

1022
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 3: Talking to him. Ouch, he sounds like an idiot.

1023
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,320
Speaker 1: You're rain manning your brother right Nowang. He's a whiz

1024
00:47:57,360 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 1: with numbers and knows more about corporate finance than nearly

1025
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 1: anyone I've ever met at any age. He also speaks

1026
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 1: with the vocabulary and goofy demeanor of a frat boy.

1027
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 1: I know a person like that. I know people like that.

1028
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 1: You know people liked it. So on top of the

1029
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 1: anxiety about his rich girlfriend thinking he's too broke to

1030
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,240
Speaker 1: hang out, he was a little frustrated about the idea

1031
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 1: of a doctorate, putting more perceived distance between us. He

1032
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:24,760
Speaker 1: apologized for that jealousy, and I told him it was fine,

1033
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 1: and if folks were giving him crap, he could tell

1034
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 1: them he wasn't gonna look over their stock portfolios anymore.

1035
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1036
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,360
Speaker 1: He also said that he and Jane spoke about the

1037
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:35,520
Speaker 1: money and she took it very well. The reason he

1038
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:37,719
Speaker 1: hadn't been in touch lately was because they'd been looking

1039
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 1: for a more affordable apartment to move to when their

1040
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:40,719
Speaker 1: lease is up.

1041
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 3: Well, I feel like this has going well, he just

1042
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:45,719
Speaker 3: needed to have a conversation with his brother and realized, oh,

1043
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 3: it wasn't really out all about that joke at all.

1044
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 1: It's amazing what happens when you sit down and have

1045
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 1: a conversational association instead of communication, imagining what they're thinking.

1046
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 3: Because you had all these thoughts inside your head about

1047
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 3: what he was doing, but why he, you know, wasn't

1048
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 3: talking to you, And then you realized they were all

1049
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:04,759
Speaker 3: just that.

1050
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 1: Fairy dust. The only thing that was left was how

1051
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: to handle the extended family. Apparently John didn't know they

1052
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: were still on about that, largely because whenever he and

1053
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 1: Jane see them, they just talk about how Flow has

1054
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 1: too many piercings and swears too much. That gossip was

1055
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:25,759
Speaker 1: news to me, So we mutually said, oh, efham and

1056
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 1: decided to continue not really letting what they say about

1057
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 1: our partners get to us.

1058
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, let the old Italian Catholics gossip and you

1059
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:39,320
Speaker 3: guys just live your best life.

1060
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 1: Yes, please do that more? Everyone, everyone out there? Do

1061
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:47,239
Speaker 1: Thatwhere do that? Do that more? Instead, we agreed to

1062
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:50,800
Speaker 1: spend more time just the four of us. Heck yeah,

1063
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,520
Speaker 1: And before we left for the night, John did ask

1064
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 1: me for a few of my recipes. Heck, yeah, well

1065
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: there you go. All's well that ends, well, you're sharing,

1066
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:00,799
Speaker 1: rest peace, Jo.

1067
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 3: Don't want you. John and you are still brothers and

1068
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:06,759
Speaker 3: flow seems cool as heck. But that's the end of

1069
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 3: that story and the end of this episode. So if

1070
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:11,719
Speaker 3: you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1071
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 1: We love you and see you tomorrow.