WEBVTT - Let’s Talk About Sex 

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<v Speaker 1>This is the most traumatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the

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<v Speaker 1>home office in Austin, Texas. Hope everybody's having a great week.

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<v Speaker 1>Hope you're doing fantastic. Today we were discussing LZ with

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<v Speaker 1>the kids. We were talking sex with the kids. That

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<v Speaker 1>sounds bad, but we were talking about just dating with kids,

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<v Speaker 1>having discussions, but also like how kids are growing up

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<v Speaker 1>and how they grow up so fast now and how

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<v Speaker 1>that kind of changes the conversations you have to have

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<v Speaker 1>with them and their perceptions about sex, dating and the like,

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<v Speaker 1>and so we thought, let's jump on, let's bring this

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<v Speaker 1>to the masses.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I really was an advocate on this because I

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<v Speaker 2>think you've done an excellent job with your kids in

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<v Speaker 2>terms of talking to them about dating.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm actually, you know what, I don't know if I

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<v Speaker 3>know about how.

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<v Speaker 2>Much you would talk to them about sex or not.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe I'll learn some stuff on the podcast right now,

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<v Speaker 2>but I think that you have just crushed it with

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<v Speaker 2>the way that you are open with them. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to speak for you or I want

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<v Speaker 2>you to kind of give your tips on it, but

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<v Speaker 2>what I have seen to set the scene is I

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<v Speaker 2>have seen an environment with both Josh and Taylor where

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<v Speaker 2>they come to you for dating advice, where they tell

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<v Speaker 2>you when they're dating someone. I mean they would even

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<v Speaker 2>tell you, oh my god, I kiss somebody the other night,

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<v Speaker 2>and they'll kind of even get to some of that,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, more intimate stuff with you a little bit.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think that it's really beautiful to see. It's

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<v Speaker 2>when I watch you talk to the kids about dating,

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<v Speaker 2>and I speak to them about it too, obviously, but

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<v Speaker 2>sure it's what I wish I had with my parents

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit, and probably especially with my dad. I

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<v Speaker 2>never and I don't fault him for this, it's a

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<v Speaker 2>different generation, but I never felt comfortable talking to my

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<v Speaker 2>dad about dating, and no, my dad was like very

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to hear it.

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<v Speaker 3>It felt judgmental. Yeah, it was a flaw of his.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think when your kids don't feel comfortable, that's

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<v Speaker 2>when they start hiding things from you.

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<v Speaker 3>That's when secrets start.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think if you ask any parent, they would say,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want my kids to hide things from me.

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<v Speaker 3>So what is the solution, babe?

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<v Speaker 2>How do you feel like you created this environment that

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<v Speaker 2>I'm describing where the kids share their dating lives with you.

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<v Speaker 1>I think first and foremost, it's something that you and

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<v Speaker 1>I both believe in with parenting be involved in their life.

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<v Speaker 1>You have to build a foundation before you can put

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<v Speaker 1>the roof on, Meaning you can't just show up when

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<v Speaker 1>they're thirteen, fourteen, fifteen years old and dive into a

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<v Speaker 1>conversation or expect them to open up to you if

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<v Speaker 1>you haven't built that foundation when they're younger, or when

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<v Speaker 1>you started your relationship with them in your case, or

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<v Speaker 1>someone coming into their lives. If you don't start that

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<v Speaker 1>from the beginning and have that kind of relations and ship,

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<v Speaker 1>you can't just be like, well, why why wouldn't you

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<v Speaker 1>tell me that. It's like, well, we've never talked about that.

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<v Speaker 1>So I would say first and foremost, and it's never

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<v Speaker 1>too late to start. But start having a conversation. That's

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<v Speaker 1>not important. That's not about sex, it's not about dating.

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<v Speaker 1>It doesn't have to mean anything. But you're just finding

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<v Speaker 1>out about their life, asking them questions. It could be

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<v Speaker 1>about their soccer practice, their theater, you know, whatever it is.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you scared about your audition, tell me about that,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, just start those conversations about feelings and emotions.

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<v Speaker 2>I asked, do you think part of that was because

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<v Speaker 2>you're so right and I've seen you do that with

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<v Speaker 2>Like I'm thinking about how you even know a lot

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<v Speaker 2>about the kids' friends and I my dad. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>my dad cared about my life, but I think my

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<v Speaker 2>dad got a lot of like the information about me from.

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<v Speaker 1>My mom and your mom definitely did that work?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, No, but I'm.

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<v Speaker 2>Really asking is that do you think that was a

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<v Speaker 2>product of you being divorced that because you were divorced,

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<v Speaker 2>it forced me more into that you kind of had

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<v Speaker 2>to like that stuff out from the kids directly to

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<v Speaker 2>have those conversations. You had that one on one time

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<v Speaker 2>with them versus like sometimes in a marriage, is one

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<v Speaker 2>partner maybe the more conduit to the kids.

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<v Speaker 3>What do you think I.

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<v Speaker 1>Think there is something to that. I would like to

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<v Speaker 1>think I was communicative with them and would have been

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<v Speaker 1>very much involved in their lives. And you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>think jobs it was like nine and Tay may have

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<v Speaker 1>been seven when we got divorced. The they were young,

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<v Speaker 1>but I still was already very involved in their lives.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, No, when you are obviously a single parent,

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<v Speaker 1>you have much more intimate moments where it's just you

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<v Speaker 1>and you're just dealing with their issues and their problems

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<v Speaker 1>because you know no one else is there to lean on.

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<v Speaker 1>Even though their mom was very much involved in big

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<v Speaker 1>situations and all that, on the day to day you're

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<v Speaker 1>having those conversations, and when the kids weren't with me,

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<v Speaker 1>you wanted to stay active in their lives. So it

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<v Speaker 1>probably forced me to call them more and text more

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<v Speaker 1>and find out what was going on. So yeah, I

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<v Speaker 1>bet that did play into it a little bit for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think it is important, no matter what your

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<v Speaker 1>situation is to build that foundation because when it's important,

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<v Speaker 1>they need to know they already have that trust. They

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<v Speaker 1>know how you're going to react, right, They know that

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<v Speaker 1>you're not judgmental, or they know you may be judgmental,

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<v Speaker 1>so however you are, they get to know how you're

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<v Speaker 1>going to be in those situations so they're ready for

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<v Speaker 1>it as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow, I think what you're saying is so important right now,

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<v Speaker 2>because you're right. You're really I've never thought about this,

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<v Speaker 2>but yeah, probably me not telling my parents that much

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<v Speaker 2>about dating wasn't even because I also didn't tell my

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<v Speaker 2>mom that much about my dating life. I was afraid

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<v Speaker 2>of her as well, and probably what it stemmed for

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't even necessarily how you know, wasn't built on reactions

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<v Speaker 2>to my dating, but it was built on reactions to

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<v Speaker 2>other things. Like you know, my parents were very and

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<v Speaker 2>I can't vault them. I think it turned out pretty good,

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<v Speaker 2>but it was reactionary. Like if I didn't get a

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<v Speaker 2>good grade at school, it was it was met with anger,

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<v Speaker 2>you know. So and it wasn't like, well, what went

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<v Speaker 2>wrong and are you It was like I did something.

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<v Speaker 1>Wrong and I was in trouble tried to hide it

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So then I and that's probably what I thought, Well,

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<v Speaker 2>if they react this way, then they're going to react

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<v Speaker 2>a certain way about dating stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>But I also think that my generation of parents the

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<v Speaker 1>helicopter parents. You know, there was the latch key kids,

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<v Speaker 1>and then that led to the helicopter parents.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, you are a helicopter parent.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well I would like to think I'm not, but

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<v Speaker 1>that's your generation. Yeah, But my generation definitely was, and

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<v Speaker 1>I probably was to a certain degree. And what that

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<v Speaker 1>led to was this instant knowledge, right, And part of

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<v Speaker 1>this was parents just didn't have access For example, when

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<v Speaker 1>Josh or Taylor's in school they did bad on a test,

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<v Speaker 1>you would get a notice or you could check online

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<v Speaker 1>before the kids ever got out of school. And so

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<v Speaker 1>that you know, your child gets out of school.

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<v Speaker 3>And do you think it's a good thing.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a horrible thing. It's a horrible thing. I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's a really bad thing anyway. I mean, I think

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<v Speaker 1>there's probably a flip side to it. But when your

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<v Speaker 1>kid gets out of school before they even you know,

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<v Speaker 1>get the juice box and relax. You're like, what happened

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<v Speaker 1>on your math test today? It's like, well, like come on, like,

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<v Speaker 1>give me a chance to But and I think what

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<v Speaker 1>that took away from a generation is I'm not saying

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<v Speaker 1>this is a good or bad thing, but I had

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<v Speaker 1>the opportunity to make mistakes and then correct those mistakes. Okay, Chris,

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<v Speaker 1>you got three more weeks to get that great up

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<v Speaker 1>before mom and dad find.

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<v Speaker 3>Out how I get the report card.

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<v Speaker 1>That's called problem solving, being a good businessman, being a

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<v Speaker 1>good negotiator. You know, there were all these life lessons

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<v Speaker 1>that you had to learn because you had to get

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<v Speaker 1>to this end goal as opposed to well, I know

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<v Speaker 1>that mom just found you know, you don't have an

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<v Speaker 1>opportunity to fix anything before you just your life blows up.

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't like the instant knowledge and the instant

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<v Speaker 1>ramifications of a decision or a moment when you got

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<v Speaker 1>to have a time to grow those skills in life,

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<v Speaker 1>if that makes sense. And so I think the helicopter

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<v Speaker 1>parents like we quickly learned, like you got to pull back. Man,

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<v Speaker 1>You've got to give these kids a moment.

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<v Speaker 2>So in order to talk to your kids about dating

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<v Speaker 2>one day, you have to start that foundation early.

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<v Speaker 3>You have to grow.

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<v Speaker 2>A relationship that's built on conversations and sharing about things conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't be the first conversation.

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<v Speaker 2>So you've done that, and then what happens they start dating?

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<v Speaker 2>And how do you even broach when you know that

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<v Speaker 2>they're going to get to that place? Do you think

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<v Speaker 2>you have conversations with them about dating before they ever

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<v Speaker 2>start dating.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, here's the other thing. For the most part, you

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<v Speaker 1>do know better because we've experienced life. You can see

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<v Speaker 1>the hurdles that they're probably going to trip over in

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<v Speaker 1>life because you've fallen all on your face yourself. Now

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<v Speaker 1>as a parent, you have this kind of scale, the

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<v Speaker 1>scales of justice of how much do I share, how

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<v Speaker 1>much I don't want them to fail. I don't want

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<v Speaker 1>them to fall in their face. But to a certain degree,

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<v Speaker 1>they also have to They have to experience their own lives.

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<v Speaker 1>Can't tell them everything, and so when you enter into

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<v Speaker 1>these conversations, you got to leave a little bit of mystery,

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit of judgment on the sidelines and let

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<v Speaker 1>them also experience life. Because yes, we do know some

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<v Speaker 1>of the answers, but also that was my experience, and

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<v Speaker 1>it was my generation, and that's how we dated and

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<v Speaker 1>that's what we went through. That's not necessarily what your

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<v Speaker 1>kids are going to go through. So it's good to share.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's also I tried to lead with questions, not answers. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's a big difference. Lead with questions not answers.

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<v Speaker 1>Questions are a lot less judgmental, and even if you

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<v Speaker 1>do have some knowledge to impart on them, if you

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<v Speaker 1>let them find that in their own answers to questions,

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<v Speaker 1>they learn a lot better. It's kind of the annoying thing,

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<v Speaker 1>sorry to break up, Remember the annoying thing your mom

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<v Speaker 1>and your dad did when you were writing a book report,

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<v Speaker 1>you were like, Mom, where's Italy, it's like, go look

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<v Speaker 1>it up. You're like, Jesus, you know the answer. Just

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<v Speaker 1>tell me you know what's four times eight? Again? And

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<v Speaker 1>they're like, well do your multipplications? Like God, I just

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<v Speaker 1>need the answer. Can you just tell me? I know

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<v Speaker 1>you know it? So that dating, that's that that kind

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<v Speaker 1>of goes into this of like I know you know

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<v Speaker 1>the answer, but you don't have to give the answer,

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<v Speaker 1>let them find it.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that's something I've gone back and forth on

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<v Speaker 2>so much and I still do in a parental role.

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<v Speaker 2>Is I think there's such power in letting them come

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<v Speaker 2>to the conclusion themselves, like well, you know, say they're

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<v Speaker 2>going to break up with someone, Well, how do you

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<v Speaker 2>think you'll feel if you break up with them? Well,

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<v Speaker 2>what's making you think you want to do that? And

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<v Speaker 2>kind of letting them get there versus just straight up

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<v Speaker 2>giving them advice.

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<v Speaker 3>But then you.

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<v Speaker 2>Also, I think there's a desire to share your experiences,

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<v Speaker 2>not even necessarily solely for like them to learn from

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<v Speaker 2>that's a part of it, but also so they don't

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<v Speaker 2>feel alone. Like I found myself doing that a lot,

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<v Speaker 2>and sometimes I worry I do it too much. But

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<v Speaker 2>like trying to say that happened to me too at

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<v Speaker 2>your age, like to make them feel like it's not

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<v Speaker 2>that the world is ending, you know, So how do

0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:01.320
<v Speaker 2>you strike that balance? It's because at that age everything

0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:02.319
<v Speaker 2>feels like the world is ending.

0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:05.080
<v Speaker 1>It is so big, and you got to remember how

0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:08.600
<v Speaker 1>big things felt to you and how you felt like

0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:10.480
<v Speaker 1>like you said, oh my god, my life's over, I

0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:12.240
<v Speaker 1>can't even go to school. We have to move.

0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:16.840
<v Speaker 3>Right, he broke up with me. I'll never I'm so depressed.

0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:19.079
<v Speaker 1>I went to go talk to her in the lunchline

0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:21.240
<v Speaker 1>and I spilled my you know, fruit punch down my

0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:25.040
<v Speaker 1>hand and everyone laughed at me or whatever. And you realize,

0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:28.760
<v Speaker 1>think about your own life, right, did you ever go

0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:31.720
<v Speaker 1>home and think about what that person did at school

0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:33.520
<v Speaker 1>that day? You know, the other the other person?

0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:34.720
<v Speaker 3>That's so, how do you balance it?

0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:38.319
<v Speaker 2>How do you balance sharing asking questions and sharing stories

0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:39.280
<v Speaker 2>and that kind of I.

0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:44.040
<v Speaker 1>Think you you have to impart a little wisdom with

0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:46.839
<v Speaker 1>your own life stories, but trying not to get so

0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:50.040
<v Speaker 1>stuck into telling every story you've ever had.

0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:03.240
<v Speaker 2>I think what you just said is smart, Like ask

0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.280
<v Speaker 2>questions first, and then maybe share a story.

0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:08.679
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and then share a story about like how you've

0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:11.520
<v Speaker 1>failed one day or whatever, and it's just how life

0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:13.600
<v Speaker 1>will go on and this too shall pass. Yeah.

0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:15.480
<v Speaker 2>I always try to end on that positive note of

0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:17.720
<v Speaker 2>like I promise in the grand scheme, like this is

0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:21.640
<v Speaker 2>going to be fine, because those first dating situations again

0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:25.040
<v Speaker 2>feel huge and everything feels like love, and their emotions

0:12:25.040 --> 0:12:28.319
<v Speaker 2>are so high and their hormones are raging, and so

0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:30.120
<v Speaker 2>how do you first get into the And.

0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:33.200
<v Speaker 1>It's being excited for them, and it's and it's preparing

0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:35.040
<v Speaker 1>for them. You know, our kids are in their twenties,

0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.800
<v Speaker 1>so clearly they've had their first dates and boyfriends and girlfriends,

0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:42.800
<v Speaker 1>et cetera. And so we've been through this stage with them.

0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:45.160
<v Speaker 1>And now when they go on dates or whatever, it's

0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:47.679
<v Speaker 1>not the end all be all because they are prepared

0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:50.599
<v Speaker 1>for it. And I think again building that foundation of

0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:52.800
<v Speaker 1>when they go on that first date, letting them know

0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:55.840
<v Speaker 1>you're not going to marry this person probably, you know,

0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:59.679
<v Speaker 1>it's like preparing them for just go have fun. Whatever

0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.800
<v Speaker 1>this turns out to be. Let it be, and they

0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:04.520
<v Speaker 1>may just turn out to be a really good friend.

0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.599
<v Speaker 1>You get some laughs, whatever, you may come home with

0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:10.800
<v Speaker 1>a good story. Even if you do something silly, just

0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:13.320
<v Speaker 1>understand that this. It's kind of like what I would

0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:16.280
<v Speaker 1>tell an adult. The first date can't mean everything. Your

0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:19.839
<v Speaker 1>first date experience can't mean everything. Be excited about it.

0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:23.160
<v Speaker 1>Be excited for them, right, be a part of them

0:13:23.200 --> 0:13:25.480
<v Speaker 1>getting ready or you know, put some music on, have

0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:27.880
<v Speaker 1>fun or whatever. And then when they come home if

0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.920
<v Speaker 1>they're upset that it didn't go, well, whatever, just keep

0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:34.959
<v Speaker 1>that excitement up of it was like, that was so fun, though,

0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:37.040
<v Speaker 1>How great is that? Ye think about you? How d yeah?

0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:38.600
<v Speaker 1>Think about how good the next one's going to be.

0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:40.600
<v Speaker 1>And by the way, think about how prepared you're going

0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:43.880
<v Speaker 1>to be now, because now you know that you know

0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:45.679
<v Speaker 1>the door swings both.

0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:48.400
<v Speaker 2>Well, well you just said the excitement thing is simple but

0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:51.480
<v Speaker 2>so important because again I go back to like, like

0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:54.439
<v Speaker 2>my own parents were definitely not excited when I started dating.

0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:56.160
<v Speaker 2>They like viewed it as a problem, and now we

0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:57.600
<v Speaker 2>have to deal with this, and this is like.

0:13:58.040 --> 0:14:00.679
<v Speaker 3>And I get it. You know you're worried as an.

0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:03.960
<v Speaker 1>Apparent since that, what do you mean as a young girl?

0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.040
<v Speaker 2>You said, well, yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'm like,

0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:09.040
<v Speaker 2>it was not a good feeling. I immediately felt like

0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:11.240
<v Speaker 2>I was doing things wrong, but like, what I was

0:14:11.240 --> 0:14:13.280
<v Speaker 2>doing was totally normal. I was going on dates as

0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:15.800
<v Speaker 2>a teenager in high school, and it kind of felt

0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.040
<v Speaker 2>like I was always fighting this uphill battle. And I

0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:20.520
<v Speaker 2>understand that where they were coming from was just worry.

0:14:20.600 --> 0:14:22.840
<v Speaker 2>They didn't want anything to happen to me. They didn't

0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:25.120
<v Speaker 2>want me to make any life altering mistakes, you know.

0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:28.760
<v Speaker 2>But you, I think were really good about that with

0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.480
<v Speaker 2>Like I remember when Taylor got asked to her first dance,

0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:35.240
<v Speaker 2>a dance for the first time, and she like came

0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.200
<v Speaker 2>in and told us, and you know, you were so.

0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:38.760
<v Speaker 3>Excited for her, and it was like, oh, this is

0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:39.760
<v Speaker 3>so great, this is I.

0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:41.520
<v Speaker 2>Mean, we both were, But you, as the dad, I

0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:45.720
<v Speaker 2>think that you created a really safe space, and probably

0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:47.800
<v Speaker 2>everything we're going to talk about is leading to that.

0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:52.840
<v Speaker 2>The biggest thing to me is creating a safe space

0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:56.880
<v Speaker 2>for your kids to talk to you about dating, not judging,

0:14:57.320 --> 0:15:00.680
<v Speaker 2>not saying they did something wrong, because guess what, they

0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:02.920
<v Speaker 2>are going to make mistakes. They are going to even

0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:06.080
<v Speaker 2>do things we might think are wrong, and you, as

0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:08.760
<v Speaker 2>a parent, are going to want them to tell you

0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:10.720
<v Speaker 2>about those things so that you can help them and

0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:13.520
<v Speaker 2>guide them. And if you've created this environment where they

0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:15.680
<v Speaker 2>don't share with you. They're not going to come to

0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:16.680
<v Speaker 2>you at the most critical times.

0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.520
<v Speaker 1>And everybody makes those mistakes. As you said, I'm going

0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:21.240
<v Speaker 1>to date the bad boy, I'm going to change him.

0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:24.680
<v Speaker 3>Of course, that is normal a problem.

0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:26.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to solve the problem, right, I'm going to

0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:29.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm a fixer. I'm going to fix this person and everybody.

0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:34.440
<v Speaker 1>Those things haven't changed. It's just that they're wrapped up

0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:36.600
<v Speaker 1>in different packages now because kids are a little different.

0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:41.120
<v Speaker 1>But I'm telling you those same blocks remain, and you can't.

0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:44.880
<v Speaker 1>You know what happens if you tell somebody you're forbidden

0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:48.120
<v Speaker 1>or you can't or you shouldn't. You immediately get defensive

0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:51.280
<v Speaker 1>because now I'm judging you, and your judgment is on

0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:52.920
<v Speaker 1>the line, and so you're going to defend that and

0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:55.160
<v Speaker 1>you're going to go further in that direction. So instead,

0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:57.880
<v Speaker 1>if you see your your kid date a knucklehead or

0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:00.640
<v Speaker 1>start going out with a knucklehead, I'm not talking about

0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:04.520
<v Speaker 1>Tim Walls, I'm talking about other knuckleheads.

0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:07.040
<v Speaker 3>So random, that's all I think of.

0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:10.800
<v Speaker 1>Now I'm a knucklehead. But you got to let them

0:16:10.960 --> 0:16:13.480
<v Speaker 1>also make some of those mistakes. But you can have

0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:17.320
<v Speaker 1>those conversations of what are you getting back from this person?

0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:19.600
<v Speaker 1>What do you think about it? You know, again, those questions,

0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:21.560
<v Speaker 1>they'll get to that answer all that.

0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:23.440
<v Speaker 2>That's so true if you're if they're dating someone you

0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:26.600
<v Speaker 2>don't like, ask them questions back and you watch what

0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:27.600
<v Speaker 2>conclusion they draw.

0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:29.440
<v Speaker 1>What is what is she giving you? You know? Is

0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:31.320
<v Speaker 1>she there for you? Is she you know the way

0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:34.920
<v Speaker 1>you're there for her, et cetera. I'll never forget. I

0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:37.440
<v Speaker 1>was sitting so I used to get the screener obviously

0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.360
<v Speaker 1>for the Bachelor and Bachelorette shows, because I would write

0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:42.040
<v Speaker 1>these things called a blog back in the day. So

0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:43.960
<v Speaker 1>I was watching the show, and I'll never forget. I

0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:46.920
<v Speaker 1>was watching Caitlin Bristow's season, and it was the episode

0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:52.160
<v Speaker 1>with Nick Vaiau when they hooked up before this, before

0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:54.120
<v Speaker 1>the Fantasy Suite and all that when Nick came on

0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:56.320
<v Speaker 1>the show. So they end up in a hotel room together.

0:16:56.360 --> 0:16:59.560
<v Speaker 1>And so Taylor would watch the show with me, and

0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:01.080
<v Speaker 1>I was like, and I'm a single dad. She would

0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:02.560
<v Speaker 1>crawl in bed with me and I'd watch it on

0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:05.879
<v Speaker 1>my computer and we're sitting there, and again that was

0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:07.920
<v Speaker 1>probably a little bit too much of an adult situation.

0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.639
<v Speaker 1>And she knew Caitlyn because Taylor had met Caitlyn and

0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:13.480
<v Speaker 1>loved her and thought she was great and fun, and

0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.520
<v Speaker 1>Caitlyn was so sweet to Taylor, and so this was

0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.080
<v Speaker 1>someone that was kind of personal to Taylor. And she

0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:21.840
<v Speaker 1>kind of looked at me and I stopped to make

0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:24.920
<v Speaker 1>some notes for my blog and Taylor. I could see

0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:27.040
<v Speaker 1>Taylor very inquisitive. I said, what do you think about

0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:30.800
<v Speaker 1>what just happened there? And it opened this whole. Instead

0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:33.280
<v Speaker 1>of saying, Hey, I hope you'll never do that or

0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:35.440
<v Speaker 1>I hope whatever, you know, It's like, I just said, well,

0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:37.679
<v Speaker 1>what do you think about? You know how Caitlyn handled that?

0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:41.200
<v Speaker 1>And we had this whole conversation about her body and

0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:44.679
<v Speaker 1>her choice and empowering herself, and you know, it led

0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:47.919
<v Speaker 1>us into this conversation about having sex and having a

0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:51.800
<v Speaker 1>moment and being intimate whatever without me putting her on

0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:55.320
<v Speaker 1>the spot. It looked for those windows of opportunities. I

0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:57.040
<v Speaker 1>guess what I'm saying, because I know not everyone's going

0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:59.560
<v Speaker 1>to lay in bed and watch The Bachelor bacherette with

0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:02.840
<v Speaker 1>your daughter, But it allowed me to have those moments

0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.320
<v Speaker 1>of when you're watching a movie or when you see

0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:08.040
<v Speaker 1>a moment on TV or maybe whatever in life you

0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:11.280
<v Speaker 1>stop and be like, hey, like not for nothing, but

0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:12.840
<v Speaker 1>later in the car. You don't have to do it

0:18:12.920 --> 0:18:15.560
<v Speaker 1>right then, but later, what did you think about that? Like,

0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:18.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm just curious, like did that make you uncomfortable? Did

0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:23.160
<v Speaker 1>you feel like and just look for those cracks, look

0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:25.360
<v Speaker 1>for those doors to open so you can walk through them.

0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:28.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I think like sharing your mistakes too. I mean,

0:18:28.200 --> 0:18:29.919
<v Speaker 2>I know we were sort of talking about balancing how

0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:32.200
<v Speaker 2>much do you share your own stories, but like, yeah,

0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:34.560
<v Speaker 2>being like I made mistakes at your age, you know,

0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.439
<v Speaker 2>and sharing your vulnerabilities, that was something I kind of

0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:41.800
<v Speaker 2>wish my parents had done more too. Again, I understand

0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:43.720
<v Speaker 2>where they were coming from. They didn't want me to

0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.679
<v Speaker 2>mess up. But I think we've always taken the approach

0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:51.200
<v Speaker 2>with the kids of like, dating is practice and you're

0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:53.840
<v Speaker 2>gonna make mistakes, and yeah, you're gonna, you know, date

0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:55.280
<v Speaker 2>the wrong person and you.

0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:55.879
<v Speaker 3>Actually have to.

0:18:55.960 --> 0:18:58.160
<v Speaker 2>It's actually critical you have to date the wrong people

0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:00.520
<v Speaker 2>to find the right one. Like you to do this,

0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:03.159
<v Speaker 2>I've always said to them, it is a guarantee that

0:19:03.200 --> 0:19:06.360
<v Speaker 2>you're going to go through breakups. It's normal. It's actually

0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:09.560
<v Speaker 2>good it's how you learn about relationships. So you know,

0:19:09.600 --> 0:19:11.280
<v Speaker 2>in the moment, they're still going to feel sad and

0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:13.480
<v Speaker 2>you have to support them through it, but just try

0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:16.480
<v Speaker 2>to maintain that perspective for them of like, this is

0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:19.800
<v Speaker 2>normal and these feelings are normal, and we're going to

0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:21.920
<v Speaker 2>get through this. And it's actually, in the long run

0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:23.800
<v Speaker 2>going to be a good thing that you learned what

0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:25.919
<v Speaker 2>you don't want in a relationship here, because it's going

0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:27.280
<v Speaker 2>to prepare you for one the right one question.

0:19:27.440 --> 0:19:29.800
<v Speaker 1>This is important to realize total to see those red

0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:32.280
<v Speaker 1>flags and to know and then the next time you'll

0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:34.640
<v Speaker 1>know exactly what those red flags are and you'll notice

0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:36.359
<v Speaker 1>if they are aren't there. But I think you hit

0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:40.320
<v Speaker 1>a good, very good point about parents. You can't leave

0:19:40.359 --> 0:19:43.640
<v Speaker 1>the impression that you are perfect because your kids kind

0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:46.119
<v Speaker 1>of look at you as this perfect person. You have

0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:48.440
<v Speaker 1>all the answers. You're the dad, you're the mom. You feed,

0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:51.439
<v Speaker 1>you clothe, you drive, you take care of this person.

0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:53.159
<v Speaker 1>So you know, you grow up and you kind of

0:19:53.200 --> 0:19:55.879
<v Speaker 1>have this. You put your parents on a pedestal. For

0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:58.399
<v Speaker 1>the most part. I know there's you know, some that don't,

0:19:58.440 --> 0:20:00.880
<v Speaker 1>But for the most part, I'm painting with a broad

0:20:00.920 --> 0:20:03.760
<v Speaker 1>brush here. You can't allow your child to think that

0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:07.000
<v Speaker 1>you were perfect, that you never made mistakes, that you

0:20:07.040 --> 0:20:09.600
<v Speaker 1>didn't fall on your face and do something dumb and

0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:12.720
<v Speaker 1>date the wrong person or say the wrong thing, or

0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:16.200
<v Speaker 1>maybe we're inappropriate one time and you feel really bad

0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:18.879
<v Speaker 1>about it. Like sharing those stories to give the kids

0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:22.680
<v Speaker 1>room to fail is so important. Like going through a date,

0:20:22.800 --> 0:20:26.240
<v Speaker 1>going through dating life, trying to be perfect is impossible,

0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:29.399
<v Speaker 1>and so I do like that. You know, especially with

0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:32.880
<v Speaker 1>our daughter Taylor, we laugh a lot about the silliest

0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:34.560
<v Speaker 1>things on dates. When she'll go on to date and

0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:37.520
<v Speaker 1>she'll tell us it's like I did this that was

0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:39.399
<v Speaker 1>really dumb, and will laugh, or he did this and

0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:41.359
<v Speaker 1>it was like, oh my god. And like having a

0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:44.240
<v Speaker 1>laugh with him and keeping it positive is great. So

0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:48.760
<v Speaker 1>they realize you are just as fallible as they are.

0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:03.399
<v Speaker 3>Okay, let's talk about sex.

0:21:03.920 --> 0:21:04.960
<v Speaker 1>Let's talk about sex.

0:21:05.040 --> 0:21:06.800
<v Speaker 3>How did you talk to the kids about sex?

0:21:08.200 --> 0:21:11.719
<v Speaker 1>This is very important. Again, if you're not involved in

0:21:11.760 --> 0:21:14.800
<v Speaker 1>their life, if you've never laid that foundation, and you

0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:17.760
<v Speaker 1>sit them down when they're ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen,

0:21:17.800 --> 0:21:21.280
<v Speaker 1>whenever you think they're ready, and that's your first real

0:21:21.320 --> 0:21:24.720
<v Speaker 1>conversation about love, life, sex. It's going to be awkward

0:21:24.760 --> 0:21:27.639
<v Speaker 1>and it's going to miss the mark. But if you

0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:30.800
<v Speaker 1>have laid that ground work ahead of time and talked

0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:35.959
<v Speaker 1>about dating, talked about love and relationships, it makes that

0:21:36.480 --> 0:21:39.960
<v Speaker 1>conversation a lot less awkward. It will be awkward, just

0:21:40.080 --> 0:21:43.200
<v Speaker 1>know that going in it's going to be awkward. It's

0:21:43.240 --> 0:21:47.720
<v Speaker 1>your job to just make it normal, be able to

0:21:47.720 --> 0:21:49.760
<v Speaker 1>create that space, that safe space where that you can

0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:51.560
<v Speaker 1>have it back and forth. There probably won't be a

0:21:51.560 --> 0:21:54.600
<v Speaker 1>lot of back and forth that day, but allowing them

0:21:54.600 --> 0:21:56.919
<v Speaker 1>to circle back later when they've thought about it or

0:21:56.960 --> 0:21:59.679
<v Speaker 1>talked about it. Then the other thing is there is

0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:03.280
<v Speaker 1>no right time. There is no age. It's not eleven,

0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:06.080
<v Speaker 1>it's not twelve, it's not thirteen, it's it's depending on

0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:09.080
<v Speaker 1>your child. Like Josh and Taylor were different. They hit

0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:13.280
<v Speaker 1>those marks at a different time in their lives, and

0:22:13.320 --> 0:22:16.840
<v Speaker 1>it was my job to know when it was time

0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:19.240
<v Speaker 1>to have those conversations. You know, early on it was

0:22:19.400 --> 0:22:23.240
<v Speaker 1>very simple because you know, I'll just use Taylor for example.

0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:26.600
<v Speaker 1>Sorry Tay, but it's like, you know she was ready

0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:28.720
<v Speaker 1>to date or interested in boys. I knew that, but

0:22:28.800 --> 0:22:31.040
<v Speaker 1>she wasn't interested in that next step I knew that

0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:33.119
<v Speaker 1>wasn't on the table yet you could just tell to

0:22:33.160 --> 0:22:35.960
<v Speaker 1>a certain degree. So it's like, okay, let's talk about

0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:38.040
<v Speaker 1>what you need to expect out of a boy. You know,

0:22:38.160 --> 0:22:40.399
<v Speaker 1>those those things you talk about about being a gentleman.

0:22:40.520 --> 0:22:42.760
<v Speaker 1>Is he nice to you on the playground, et cetera.

0:22:43.080 --> 0:22:45.080
<v Speaker 1>You know, did he give you his extra dessert one time?

0:22:45.119 --> 0:22:47.520
<v Speaker 1>You know what? You know, those little things of like you,

0:22:47.520 --> 0:22:50.040
<v Speaker 1>you should set the groundwork for what to expect from

0:22:50.440 --> 0:22:53.760
<v Speaker 1>a significant other. Then as you see things as they

0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:57.359
<v Speaker 1>get older and you're like, okay, I feel like it's time.

0:22:58.280 --> 0:23:00.800
<v Speaker 1>Then you sit down and have the bigger talk and

0:23:01.280 --> 0:23:02.840
<v Speaker 1>we split it up. That's what we did in our

0:23:02.840 --> 0:23:06.199
<v Speaker 1>house because we had a we were separated. But obviously

0:23:06.240 --> 0:23:08.400
<v Speaker 1>they're still involved with their mom and she's a great mom,

0:23:08.680 --> 0:23:11.080
<v Speaker 1>but she kind of took Taylor and did that talk.

0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:13.480
<v Speaker 1>I took Joshua and had that talk.

0:23:14.119 --> 0:23:16.000
<v Speaker 2>I will say, like, maybe to give the parents out

0:23:16.040 --> 0:23:19.879
<v Speaker 2>there some ease, I wish my parents had been more

0:23:19.920 --> 0:23:21.879
<v Speaker 2>open with me about sex too. Like I think, if

0:23:21.920 --> 0:23:25.720
<v Speaker 2>you're nervous about this conversation with your kids, I'm just

0:23:25.760 --> 0:23:28.119
<v Speaker 2>telling you my perspective and maybe ask yourself this do

0:23:28.160 --> 0:23:29.920
<v Speaker 2>you wish your how do you wish your own parents

0:23:29.960 --> 0:23:33.120
<v Speaker 2>had handled it? Like, because it's always our opportunity right

0:23:33.200 --> 0:23:37.679
<v Speaker 2>to like improve on what our parents did. But I

0:23:37.920 --> 0:23:41.560
<v Speaker 2>wish Yeah, I think, like I don't remember my parents

0:23:41.560 --> 0:23:43.200
<v Speaker 2>talking to me about sex. I think they kind of

0:23:43.280 --> 0:23:45.960
<v Speaker 2>left it to thinking school was handling it because school

0:23:46.000 --> 0:23:47.960
<v Speaker 2>does have that like sex set in the fifth grade

0:23:48.000 --> 0:23:51.320
<v Speaker 2>or whatever. I remember being left like confused. And I

0:23:51.359 --> 0:23:53.760
<v Speaker 2>also think that when parents don't talk to kids about it,

0:23:54.000 --> 0:23:56.720
<v Speaker 2>that's when other kids at school fill the information holes,

0:23:57.160 --> 0:23:59.160
<v Speaker 2>and well that's not a good thing.

0:23:59.280 --> 0:24:02.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Also I know has changed, you know, for us,

0:24:02.480 --> 0:24:04.359
<v Speaker 1>it was probably a little older in our generation, but

0:24:04.440 --> 0:24:05.640
<v Speaker 1>now they are exposed.

0:24:05.680 --> 0:24:07.719
<v Speaker 3>Well, they have so much access to the internet.

0:24:07.760 --> 0:24:11.560
<v Speaker 1>I have porn at their fingertips. They have, you know,

0:24:11.600 --> 0:24:14.960
<v Speaker 1>access to so much information. And that's a good thing

0:24:15.040 --> 0:24:16.760
<v Speaker 1>because they can also look things up on their own

0:24:16.800 --> 0:24:18.600
<v Speaker 1>of like is this normal, is this weird or whatever.

0:24:18.640 --> 0:24:20.840
<v Speaker 1>But also you want them to be getting the right

0:24:20.880 --> 0:24:25.200
<v Speaker 1>information and the right viewpoint of you know, porn cannot

0:24:25.320 --> 0:24:28.760
<v Speaker 1>be their conduit to love and relationships and how you

0:24:28.840 --> 0:24:32.600
<v Speaker 1>treat people. And that's how intimacy is and so you

0:24:32.640 --> 0:24:34.760
<v Speaker 1>have to that is a conversation you have to have

0:24:34.840 --> 0:24:37.920
<v Speaker 1>now of like what that means and when you're seeing it,

0:24:37.960 --> 0:24:39.160
<v Speaker 1>because you're you're going.

0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:41.600
<v Speaker 2>To well, if you don't have it, then someone else will,

0:24:41.760 --> 0:24:45.199
<v Speaker 2>you know. And I definitely wish my parents had, Like

0:24:45.560 --> 0:24:47.600
<v Speaker 2>it was, sex was always a very awkward topic with

0:24:47.640 --> 0:24:50.960
<v Speaker 2>them too, Like I just wish it had been more normalized.

0:24:51.000 --> 0:24:53.760
<v Speaker 2>I didn't feel like it was awkward because they made

0:24:53.760 --> 0:24:56.760
<v Speaker 2>it awkward, you know. And again, I really do think

0:24:57.280 --> 0:24:59.800
<v Speaker 2>the more awkward or closed off or uncomfortable you are

0:25:00.119 --> 0:25:05.879
<v Speaker 2>just makes your kids hide stuff from you, and you know, ultimately,

0:25:05.960 --> 0:25:08.720
<v Speaker 2>I think also as a parent, you have to forgive yourself.

0:25:08.760 --> 0:25:11.480
<v Speaker 2>Like I've kind of looked at how I've tried to

0:25:11.520 --> 0:25:14.040
<v Speaker 2>be like maybe looking at the you know, how my

0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:16.800
<v Speaker 2>parents were with me. I've tried to be better for

0:25:17.000 --> 0:25:19.320
<v Speaker 2>Josh and Taylor, and you know, what I've kind of

0:25:19.359 --> 0:25:22.520
<v Speaker 2>learned is that they're still going to make mistakes. And

0:25:22.560 --> 0:25:25.720
<v Speaker 2>again that's normal and there is no perfect way to parent,

0:25:25.800 --> 0:25:29.120
<v Speaker 2>and so like forgive yourself on that. But that makes

0:25:29.119 --> 0:25:31.800
<v Speaker 2>it all the more important to be comfortable with open

0:25:31.840 --> 0:25:35.200
<v Speaker 2>dialogue with each other. I think that's truly like the

0:25:35.240 --> 0:25:37.280
<v Speaker 2>most important thing you can do as a parent, is

0:25:37.320 --> 0:25:39.880
<v Speaker 2>be a safe space for your kids to come to

0:25:40.440 --> 0:25:42.760
<v Speaker 2>because all the bad stuff is a guarantee, and not

0:25:42.800 --> 0:25:45.879
<v Speaker 2>even bad all the all the things going wrong or

0:25:46.040 --> 0:25:47.879
<v Speaker 2>learning experiences are a guarantee.

0:25:47.960 --> 0:25:51.480
<v Speaker 1>And you know, as we impart this wisdom to our kids,

0:25:52.200 --> 0:25:55.720
<v Speaker 1>life has its ups and downs, and those are so important.

0:25:55.760 --> 0:25:58.320
<v Speaker 1>You need to fail. You got to fail in life,

0:25:58.359 --> 0:26:01.520
<v Speaker 1>and you have to learn to embrace that being dumped,

0:26:01.560 --> 0:26:04.040
<v Speaker 1>being fired, not getting the part, not getting the job,

0:26:04.119 --> 0:26:09.159
<v Speaker 1>not getting on the team. I think the helicopter parent generation,

0:26:09.240 --> 0:26:12.160
<v Speaker 1>hopefully this is changing a little bit, was running around

0:26:12.440 --> 0:26:14.959
<v Speaker 1>being so overly involved in things to make sure their

0:26:15.040 --> 0:26:18.639
<v Speaker 1>kids never failed. And that is not life. And so

0:26:18.760 --> 0:26:20.920
<v Speaker 1>these kids, you know, there was a generation of kids

0:26:20.920 --> 0:26:23.320
<v Speaker 1>that got to these schools and got to colleges and

0:26:23.320 --> 0:26:26.040
<v Speaker 1>got to all that, and they were not prepared for life.

0:26:26.040 --> 0:26:29.720
<v Speaker 1>And so if Heaven forbid, something doesn't go their way,

0:26:30.960 --> 0:26:34.480
<v Speaker 1>they fold up like a lawn chair and they're done.

0:26:34.520 --> 0:26:37.000
<v Speaker 1>And it's like, that's when you got to be your

0:26:37.000 --> 0:26:41.560
<v Speaker 1>strongest and your best and you realize that greatest opportunities,

0:26:41.600 --> 0:26:46.720
<v Speaker 1>the best opportunities, come after failure, after a breakdown, after

0:26:46.760 --> 0:26:50.440
<v Speaker 1>a loss. It's you know, and instilling that in your kids,

0:26:50.520 --> 0:26:53.680
<v Speaker 1>especially when it comes to love and relationships. You realize

0:26:53.720 --> 0:26:56.920
<v Speaker 1>now it's just fun and dating is fun and everything

0:26:57.240 --> 0:27:00.320
<v Speaker 1>doesn't have to be perfect and possible every time.

0:27:00.480 --> 0:27:04.000
<v Speaker 2>Do you feel like you, as a parent were really

0:27:04.280 --> 0:27:07.800
<v Speaker 2>instilling This might seem like a simple question, but instilling

0:27:07.880 --> 0:27:11.720
<v Speaker 2>like your own morals and what you thought was like

0:27:11.840 --> 0:27:13.880
<v Speaker 2>the right or wrong thing to do in terms of

0:27:14.000 --> 0:27:14.760
<v Speaker 2>dating and sex.

0:27:16.000 --> 0:27:16.720
<v Speaker 3>Does that make sense?

0:27:16.800 --> 0:27:18.879
<v Speaker 1>Yes, you know, I think I think that's impossible not

0:27:18.920 --> 0:27:23.160
<v Speaker 1>to you do, whether it's your religious beliefs, your doctrine,

0:27:23.280 --> 0:27:26.439
<v Speaker 1>or however your family kind of what they believe in.

0:27:26.560 --> 0:27:29.800
<v Speaker 1>I definitely you definitely do, because I think a.

0:27:29.800 --> 0:27:32.080
<v Speaker 2>Lot of conflict comes from that, like if kids feel

0:27:32.080 --> 0:27:34.640
<v Speaker 2>like like I'm thinking of just traditionally if you say

0:27:34.680 --> 0:27:36.600
<v Speaker 2>no sex before marriage and then it's like that that

0:27:36.600 --> 0:27:38.399
<v Speaker 2>can create a lot of conflict.

0:27:38.400 --> 0:27:40.359
<v Speaker 1>But no, I think for us it was more of

0:27:41.320 --> 0:27:47.359
<v Speaker 1>remember your faith, remember your family. And my thing and

0:27:47.400 --> 0:27:50.360
<v Speaker 1>everything I tell my kids to do is remember you

0:27:50.400 --> 0:27:54.040
<v Speaker 1>are responsible to more than just yourself. What you do

0:27:55.119 --> 0:27:58.399
<v Speaker 1>shines the light on your friends, your family, your brother,

0:27:58.680 --> 0:28:02.080
<v Speaker 1>your mom, your dad, you know, everybody, and so you

0:28:02.119 --> 0:28:04.639
<v Speaker 1>know you are responsible to more than just you and

0:28:04.720 --> 0:28:07.679
<v Speaker 1>your name carries a lot of weight other than just

0:28:07.760 --> 0:28:10.680
<v Speaker 1>your first name, and so everything you do just think

0:28:10.680 --> 0:28:12.720
<v Speaker 1>about being you know, what would what would you want?

0:28:13.080 --> 0:28:14.960
<v Speaker 1>What would you tell your grandmother? And that's how I felt,

0:28:14.960 --> 0:28:17.560
<v Speaker 1>Well what would you go to? You know? And again

0:28:17.600 --> 0:28:19.480
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't show them everything. I wouldn't want to show

0:28:19.480 --> 0:28:21.040
<v Speaker 1>them to take. But you know what I mean, it's

0:28:21.040 --> 0:28:21.400
<v Speaker 1>a well.

0:28:21.440 --> 0:28:23.280
<v Speaker 2>Then how do you balance that with not making them

0:28:23.280 --> 0:28:25.040
<v Speaker 2>afraid to come to you with mistakes.

0:28:24.640 --> 0:28:27.359
<v Speaker 1>Though, but at the same time knowing that we are

0:28:27.440 --> 0:28:28.760
<v Speaker 1>all going to mess up. We're all going to make

0:28:28.760 --> 0:28:33.280
<v Speaker 1>mistakes that is okay, and allowing that space of like

0:28:33.880 --> 0:28:36.840
<v Speaker 1>there's a difference between hey, remember your faith or like

0:28:36.960 --> 0:28:40.240
<v Speaker 1>God's always watching you know, any sin is a sin

0:28:40.280 --> 0:28:42.320
<v Speaker 1>and you're doomed for life. It's no, no, no, it's not that.

0:28:42.560 --> 0:28:45.120
<v Speaker 1>It's just, you know, try to make the best decision

0:28:45.120 --> 0:28:46.840
<v Speaker 1>and know that you're not going to always make the

0:28:46.840 --> 0:28:49.000
<v Speaker 1>perfect decision. You've got to make a game time decision

0:28:49.040 --> 0:28:51.480
<v Speaker 1>and then deal with the consequences and owning up to

0:28:51.520 --> 0:28:52.960
<v Speaker 1>that and being honest about it.

0:28:53.200 --> 0:28:56.560
<v Speaker 3>I think when Taylor at her first breakup, I said, well,

0:28:56.640 --> 0:28:57.680
<v Speaker 3>you've had your first breakup.

0:28:57.720 --> 0:29:01.240
<v Speaker 1>That's exciting you did you did you you crush that? Well?

0:29:01.280 --> 0:29:03.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't, you know, I didn't want to not. I

0:29:03.080 --> 0:29:07.000
<v Speaker 2>don't know if I crushed it. I want to, you know, acknowledge.

0:29:07.000 --> 0:29:08.560
<v Speaker 2>I do think it's important as a parent too, to

0:29:08.640 --> 0:29:11.480
<v Speaker 2>remember how big those feelings feel at that time. Like

0:29:11.560 --> 0:29:13.600
<v Speaker 2>sometimes my mom would be like, oh my god, honey,

0:29:13.640 --> 0:29:15.320
<v Speaker 2>stop being so dramatic about it, and.

0:29:15.400 --> 0:29:16.920
<v Speaker 3>Like, well, I was a teenage girl. You know, they're

0:29:16.920 --> 0:29:18.000
<v Speaker 3>inherently pretty dramatic.

0:29:18.600 --> 0:29:21.560
<v Speaker 2>And I'm not saying we have to sit and like

0:29:21.640 --> 0:29:24.800
<v Speaker 2>acknowledge every feeling, because I think sometimes we talk about

0:29:24.840 --> 0:29:26.840
<v Speaker 2>feelings too much, and if you feed it, it grows

0:29:26.880 --> 0:29:28.840
<v Speaker 2>and that makes those bad feelings worse. And we do

0:29:28.920 --> 0:29:32.840
<v Speaker 2>have to encourage our kids to move forward, but you know,

0:29:33.440 --> 0:29:35.920
<v Speaker 2>acknowledge the feelings and then kind of try to put

0:29:35.920 --> 0:29:37.600
<v Speaker 2>them in perspective and be like, it's all going to

0:29:37.640 --> 0:29:38.280
<v Speaker 2>be okay for me.

0:29:38.320 --> 0:29:41.000
<v Speaker 1>It's easy. I'm like my kids and this, I think

0:29:41.320 --> 0:29:44.800
<v Speaker 1>to your point, there was a generation that grew up

0:29:44.880 --> 0:29:47.560
<v Speaker 1>with your parents met in high school, they got married,

0:29:47.840 --> 0:29:52.840
<v Speaker 1>they were very possibly each other's first intimately, and they've

0:29:52.840 --> 0:29:55.680
<v Speaker 1>been married for thirty forty fifty years. Whether they're happy

0:29:55.760 --> 0:29:57.440
<v Speaker 1>or not. That was kind of the game plan, right,

0:29:57.680 --> 0:29:59.520
<v Speaker 1>So I think, wow, that puts a lot of pressure

0:29:59.520 --> 0:30:02.680
<v Speaker 1>on it. The next generation, well, this generation, my kids

0:30:02.680 --> 0:30:07.200
<v Speaker 1>grew up in divorce. Like they know, Dad failed, Dad's

0:30:07.200 --> 0:30:11.400
<v Speaker 1>first relationship wasn't perfect clearly he and mom mart together anymore,

0:30:11.440 --> 0:30:13.600
<v Speaker 1>and he's but he's And then they saw me date

0:30:13.640 --> 0:30:15.720
<v Speaker 1>and they saw me fine love again and get married again.

0:30:15.800 --> 0:30:18.840
<v Speaker 1>So I'm glad that my kids to a certain degree,

0:30:18.880 --> 0:30:20.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, you don't want your kids to go through,

0:30:20.960 --> 0:30:23.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, troubles like that in a family. But I'm

0:30:23.720 --> 0:30:25.680
<v Speaker 1>glad that my kids got to see my struggles and

0:30:25.680 --> 0:30:28.640
<v Speaker 1>got to see my triumphs and how I recovered. It's like, yeah,

0:30:28.680 --> 0:30:32.240
<v Speaker 1>life's not simple, but it's still spectacular. It's still fabulous,

0:30:32.320 --> 0:30:34.840
<v Speaker 1>even those even those sad times of going through a

0:30:34.880 --> 0:30:37.959
<v Speaker 1>divorce but then finding trying to date again, and like

0:30:38.040 --> 0:30:39.560
<v Speaker 1>talking to the kids about it and when to when

0:30:39.560 --> 0:30:42.880
<v Speaker 1>should we have these conversations and figuring that out with them.

0:30:43.640 --> 0:30:46.040
<v Speaker 1>I think it's important to not make them too much

0:30:46.040 --> 0:30:48.880
<v Speaker 1>of a friend. Remember, they're your kids. They don't need

0:30:48.920 --> 0:30:51.960
<v Speaker 1>to know everything all the time. They're not your best friend,

0:30:52.000 --> 0:30:55.440
<v Speaker 1>they're not your therapist. Their kids, and you have to

0:30:55.480 --> 0:30:59.000
<v Speaker 1>still keep them separated a little bit on this stuff,

0:30:59.000 --> 0:31:02.000
<v Speaker 1>but being open and honest at them is helpful. And

0:31:02.120 --> 0:31:05.000
<v Speaker 1>you know clearly they saw their dad wasn't perfect. Well

0:31:05.160 --> 0:31:06.040
<v Speaker 1>I am, now.

0:31:06.080 --> 0:31:09.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you're pretty great. Well I applaud you.

0:31:09.360 --> 0:31:11.200
<v Speaker 2>I commend you on it, babe, because I do think

0:31:11.760 --> 0:31:16.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, especially sometimes that like you know, girls talking

0:31:16.320 --> 0:31:19.080
<v Speaker 2>to their dads or sons talking to their moms sometimes

0:31:19.120 --> 0:31:21.080
<v Speaker 2>those gender barriers going to be tough when it comes

0:31:21.120 --> 0:31:24.640
<v Speaker 2>to discussing dating and sex. And I think you've created

0:31:24.680 --> 0:31:28.480
<v Speaker 2>a really pretty open environment and I think that's the

0:31:28.520 --> 0:31:29.760
<v Speaker 2>biggest and most important thing.

0:31:30.200 --> 0:31:33.160
<v Speaker 1>So and likewise, I want to praise you too, because

0:31:33.200 --> 0:31:35.080
<v Speaker 1>like you came in and you are such a great

0:31:35.200 --> 0:31:38.640
<v Speaker 1>advocate for the kids, and it conduit to them of

0:31:38.760 --> 0:31:40.640
<v Speaker 1>like I you know, sometimes it's like, oh we can

0:31:40.640 --> 0:31:44.360
<v Speaker 1>go to Lauren, and I like that they have. You

0:31:44.400 --> 0:31:46.680
<v Speaker 1>have filled that role and done such a beautiful job

0:31:46.680 --> 0:31:49.920
<v Speaker 1>and you impart such amazing wisdom in that way.

0:31:50.080 --> 0:31:51.120
<v Speaker 3>Wow, thanks babe.

0:31:51.160 --> 0:31:55.160
<v Speaker 2>Well, you know, I get uncomfortable with praise, So I

0:31:55.200 --> 0:31:58.320
<v Speaker 2>love you and to anybody out there who has kids

0:31:58.320 --> 0:32:00.400
<v Speaker 2>and is trying to get into these conversas.

0:32:02.720 --> 0:32:04.160
<v Speaker 3>We know it's tough we are with you.

0:32:04.240 --> 0:32:07.560
<v Speaker 2>We support you and know that if you care enough

0:32:07.560 --> 0:32:09.560
<v Speaker 2>to think about how you're doing it well, then you're

0:32:09.560 --> 0:32:10.760
<v Speaker 2>already doing a pretty good job.

0:32:11.080 --> 0:32:13.360
<v Speaker 3>So all our love and we will talk to you

0:32:13.400 --> 0:32:14.560
<v Speaker 3>guys next time because.

0:32:14.360 --> 0:32:16.880
<v Speaker 1>We have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening.

0:32:17.080 --> 0:32:19.680
<v Speaker 1>Follow us on Instagram at the most Dramatic pod Ever

0:32:20.080 --> 0:32:21.840
<v Speaker 1>and make sure to write us a review and leave

0:32:21.920 --> 0:32:24.320
<v Speaker 1>us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.