1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: This is the most traumatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:10,480 Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the 3 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,680 Speaker 1: home office in Austin, Texas. Hope everybody's having a great week. 4 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:20,560 Speaker 1: Hope you're doing fantastic. Today we were discussing LZ with 5 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: the kids. We were talking sex with the kids. That 6 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:28,400 Speaker 1: sounds bad, but we were talking about just dating with kids, 7 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: having discussions, but also like how kids are growing up 8 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: and how they grow up so fast now and how 9 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: that kind of changes the conversations you have to have 10 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 1: with them and their perceptions about sex, dating and the like, 11 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,720 Speaker 1: and so we thought, let's jump on, let's bring this 12 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:44,479 Speaker 1: to the masses. 13 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 2: Well, I really was an advocate on this because I 14 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:52,239 Speaker 2: think you've done an excellent job with your kids in 15 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 2: terms of talking to them about dating. 16 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,240 Speaker 3: I'm actually, you know what, I don't know if I 17 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 3: know about how. 18 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 2: Much you would talk to them about sex or not. 19 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 2: Maybe I'll learn some stuff on the podcast right now, 20 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 2: but I think that you have just crushed it with 21 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 2: the way that you are open with them. I mean, 22 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 2: I don't want to speak for you or I want 23 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,760 Speaker 2: you to kind of give your tips on it, but 24 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 2: what I have seen to set the scene is I 25 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:22,120 Speaker 2: have seen an environment with both Josh and Taylor where 26 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 2: they come to you for dating advice, where they tell 27 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 2: you when they're dating someone. I mean they would even 28 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,759 Speaker 2: tell you, oh my god, I kiss somebody the other night, 29 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 2: and they'll kind of even get to some of that, 30 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 2: you know, more intimate stuff with you a little bit. 31 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,400 Speaker 2: And I think that it's really beautiful to see. It's 32 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 2: when I watch you talk to the kids about dating, 33 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 2: and I speak to them about it too, obviously, but 34 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 2: sure it's what I wish I had with my parents 35 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 2: a little bit, and probably especially with my dad. I 36 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 2: never and I don't fault him for this, it's a 37 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 2: different generation, but I never felt comfortable talking to my 38 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 2: dad about dating, and no, my dad was like very 39 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 2: I don't want to hear it. 40 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 3: It felt judgmental. Yeah, it was a flaw of his. 41 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 2: And I think when your kids don't feel comfortable, that's 42 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 2: when they start hiding things from you. 43 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 3: That's when secrets start. 44 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 2: And I think if you ask any parent, they would say, 45 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 2: I don't want my kids to hide things from me. 46 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,799 Speaker 3: So what is the solution, babe? 47 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 2: How do you feel like you created this environment that 48 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 2: I'm describing where the kids share their dating lives with you. 49 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,280 Speaker 1: I think first and foremost, it's something that you and 50 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 1: I both believe in with parenting be involved in their life. 51 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: You have to build a foundation before you can put 52 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 1: the roof on, Meaning you can't just show up when 53 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: they're thirteen, fourteen, fifteen years old and dive into a 54 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: conversation or expect them to open up to you if 55 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: you haven't built that foundation when they're younger, or when 56 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:55,160 Speaker 1: you started your relationship with them in your case, or 57 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: someone coming into their lives. If you don't start that 58 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,359 Speaker 1: from the beginning and have that kind of relations and ship, 59 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,359 Speaker 1: you can't just be like, well, why why wouldn't you 60 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,520 Speaker 1: tell me that. It's like, well, we've never talked about that. 61 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: So I would say first and foremost, and it's never 62 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,519 Speaker 1: too late to start. But start having a conversation. That's 63 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 1: not important. That's not about sex, it's not about dating. 64 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: It doesn't have to mean anything. But you're just finding 65 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: out about their life, asking them questions. It could be 66 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: about their soccer practice, their theater, you know, whatever it is. 67 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: Are you scared about your audition, tell me about that, 68 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 1: you know, just start those conversations about feelings and emotions. 69 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 2: I asked, do you think part of that was because 70 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 2: you're so right and I've seen you do that with 71 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 2: Like I'm thinking about how you even know a lot 72 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 2: about the kids' friends and I my dad. I mean, 73 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 2: my dad cared about my life, but I think my 74 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 2: dad got a lot of like the information about me from. 75 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 1: My mom and your mom definitely did that work? 76 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 3: Well, No, but I'm. 77 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 2: Really asking is that do you think that was a 78 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 2: product of you being divorced that because you were divorced, 79 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 2: it forced me more into that you kind of had 80 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 2: to like that stuff out from the kids directly to 81 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 2: have those conversations. You had that one on one time 82 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 2: with them versus like sometimes in a marriage, is one 83 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 2: partner maybe the more conduit to the kids. 84 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 3: What do you think I. 85 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,080 Speaker 1: Think there is something to that. I would like to 86 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 1: think I was communicative with them and would have been 87 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,039 Speaker 1: very much involved in their lives. And you know, I 88 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: think jobs it was like nine and Tay may have 89 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,600 Speaker 1: been seven when we got divorced. The they were young, 90 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: but I still was already very involved in their lives. 91 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 1: But yeah, No, when you are obviously a single parent, 92 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: you have much more intimate moments where it's just you 93 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,160 Speaker 1: and you're just dealing with their issues and their problems 94 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,039 Speaker 1: because you know no one else is there to lean on. 95 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 1: Even though their mom was very much involved in big 96 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,599 Speaker 1: situations and all that, on the day to day you're 97 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: having those conversations, and when the kids weren't with me, 98 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: you wanted to stay active in their lives. So it 99 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,920 Speaker 1: probably forced me to call them more and text more 100 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: and find out what was going on. So yeah, I 101 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:57,480 Speaker 1: bet that did play into it a little bit for sure. 102 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,159 Speaker 1: But I think it is important, no matter what your 103 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: situation is to build that foundation because when it's important, 104 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,240 Speaker 1: they need to know they already have that trust. They 105 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,919 Speaker 1: know how you're going to react, right, They know that 106 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: you're not judgmental, or they know you may be judgmental, 107 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: so however you are, they get to know how you're 108 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 1: going to be in those situations so they're ready for 109 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 1: it as well. 110 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 2: Wow, I think what you're saying is so important right now, 111 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 2: because you're right. You're really I've never thought about this, 112 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 2: but yeah, probably me not telling my parents that much 113 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:30,479 Speaker 2: about dating wasn't even because I also didn't tell my 114 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 2: mom that much about my dating life. I was afraid 115 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 2: of her as well, and probably what it stemmed for 116 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 2: wasn't even necessarily how you know, wasn't built on reactions 117 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 2: to my dating, but it was built on reactions to 118 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 2: other things. Like you know, my parents were very and 119 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,279 Speaker 2: I can't vault them. I think it turned out pretty good, 120 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 2: but it was reactionary. Like if I didn't get a 121 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 2: good grade at school, it was it was met with anger, 122 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,920 Speaker 2: you know. So and it wasn't like, well, what went 123 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 2: wrong and are you It was like I did something. 124 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 1: Wrong and I was in trouble tried to hide it 125 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:01,039 Speaker 1: a little bit. 126 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 2: Yeah. So then I and that's probably what I thought, Well, 127 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 2: if they react this way, then they're going to react 128 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 2: a certain way about dating stuff. 129 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 1: But I also think that my generation of parents the 130 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,359 Speaker 1: helicopter parents. You know, there was the latch key kids, 131 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:15,920 Speaker 1: and then that led to the helicopter parents. 132 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 3: I mean, you are a helicopter parent. 133 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, well I would like to think I'm not, but 134 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: that's your generation. Yeah, But my generation definitely was, and 135 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: I probably was to a certain degree. And what that 136 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:30,159 Speaker 1: led to was this instant knowledge, right, And part of 137 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 1: this was parents just didn't have access For example, when 138 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: Josh or Taylor's in school they did bad on a test, 139 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: you would get a notice or you could check online 140 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 1: before the kids ever got out of school. And so 141 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,600 Speaker 1: that you know, your child gets out of school. 142 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:48,720 Speaker 3: And do you think it's a good thing. 143 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,600 Speaker 1: It's a horrible thing. It's a horrible thing. I think 144 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 1: it's a really bad thing anyway. I mean, I think 145 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,840 Speaker 1: there's probably a flip side to it. But when your 146 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: kid gets out of school before they even you know, 147 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,919 Speaker 1: get the juice box and relax. You're like, what happened 148 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 1: on your math test today? It's like, well, like come on, like, 149 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 1: give me a chance to But and I think what 150 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 1: that took away from a generation is I'm not saying 151 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 1: this is a good or bad thing, but I had 152 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 1: the opportunity to make mistakes and then correct those mistakes. Okay, Chris, 153 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: you got three more weeks to get that great up 154 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 1: before mom and dad find. 155 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:24,960 Speaker 3: Out how I get the report card. 156 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 1: That's called problem solving, being a good businessman, being a 157 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 1: good negotiator. You know, there were all these life lessons 158 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,920 Speaker 1: that you had to learn because you had to get 159 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 1: to this end goal as opposed to well, I know 160 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: that mom just found you know, you don't have an 161 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: opportunity to fix anything before you just your life blows up. 162 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: And I don't like the instant knowledge and the instant 163 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 1: ramifications of a decision or a moment when you got 164 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 1: to have a time to grow those skills in life, 165 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: if that makes sense. And so I think the helicopter 166 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 1: parents like we quickly learned, like you got to pull back. Man, 167 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 1: You've got to give these kids a moment. 168 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 2: So in order to talk to your kids about dating 169 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 2: one day, you have to start that foundation early. 170 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 3: You have to grow. 171 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 2: A relationship that's built on conversations and sharing about things conversation. 172 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 1: You can't be the first conversation. 173 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 2: So you've done that, and then what happens they start dating? 174 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 2: And how do you even broach when you know that 175 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 2: they're going to get to that place? Do you think 176 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 2: you have conversations with them about dating before they ever 177 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 2: start dating. 178 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: Well, here's the other thing. For the most part, you 179 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 1: do know better because we've experienced life. You can see 180 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 1: the hurdles that they're probably going to trip over in 181 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: life because you've fallen all on your face yourself. Now 182 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: as a parent, you have this kind of scale, the 183 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 1: scales of justice of how much do I share, how 184 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,839 Speaker 1: much I don't want them to fail. I don't want 185 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,439 Speaker 1: them to fall in their face. But to a certain degree, 186 00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: they also have to They have to experience their own lives. 187 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,200 Speaker 1: Can't tell them everything, and so when you enter into 188 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 1: these conversations, you got to leave a little bit of mystery, 189 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: a little bit of judgment on the sidelines and let 190 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 1: them also experience life. Because yes, we do know some 191 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 1: of the answers, but also that was my experience, and 192 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: it was my generation, and that's how we dated and 193 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 1: that's what we went through. That's not necessarily what your 194 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: kids are going to go through. So it's good to share. 195 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: But it's also I tried to lead with questions, not answers. Yeah, 196 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 1: and that's a big difference. Lead with questions not answers. 197 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 1: Questions are a lot less judgmental, and even if you 198 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 1: do have some knowledge to impart on them, if you 199 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 1: let them find that in their own answers to questions, 200 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: they learn a lot better. It's kind of the annoying thing, 201 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: sorry to break up, Remember the annoying thing your mom 202 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,720 Speaker 1: and your dad did when you were writing a book report, 203 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 1: you were like, Mom, where's Italy, it's like, go look 204 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 1: it up. You're like, Jesus, you know the answer. Just 205 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,719 Speaker 1: tell me you know what's four times eight? Again? And 206 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 1: they're like, well do your multipplications? Like God, I just 207 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,959 Speaker 1: need the answer. Can you just tell me? I know 208 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: you know it? So that dating, that's that that kind 209 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 1: of goes into this of like I know you know 210 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 1: the answer, but you don't have to give the answer, 211 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 1: let them find it. 212 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,320 Speaker 2: I think that's something I've gone back and forth on 213 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 2: so much and I still do in a parental role. 214 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:20,880 Speaker 2: Is I think there's such power in letting them come 215 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 2: to the conclusion themselves, like well, you know, say they're 216 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 2: going to break up with someone, Well, how do you 217 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,320 Speaker 2: think you'll feel if you break up with them? Well, 218 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,200 Speaker 2: what's making you think you want to do that? And 219 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 2: kind of letting them get there versus just straight up 220 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 2: giving them advice. 221 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 3: But then you. 222 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:39,199 Speaker 2: Also, I think there's a desire to share your experiences, 223 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 2: not even necessarily solely for like them to learn from 224 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,880 Speaker 2: that's a part of it, but also so they don't 225 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 2: feel alone. Like I found myself doing that a lot, 226 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 2: and sometimes I worry I do it too much. But 227 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 2: like trying to say that happened to me too at 228 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 2: your age, like to make them feel like it's not 229 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 2: that the world is ending, you know, So how do 230 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 2: you strike that balance? It's because at that age everything 231 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:02,319 Speaker 2: feels like the world is ending. 232 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 1: It is so big, and you got to remember how 233 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: big things felt to you and how you felt like 234 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,480 Speaker 1: like you said, oh my god, my life's over, I 235 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: can't even go to school. We have to move. 236 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,840 Speaker 3: Right, he broke up with me. I'll never I'm so depressed. 237 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,079 Speaker 1: I went to go talk to her in the lunchline 238 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: and I spilled my you know, fruit punch down my 239 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 1: hand and everyone laughed at me or whatever. And you realize, 240 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 1: think about your own life, right, did you ever go 241 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 1: home and think about what that person did at school 242 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: that day? You know, the other the other person? 243 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:34,720 Speaker 3: That's so, how do you balance it? 244 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,319 Speaker 2: How do you balance sharing asking questions and sharing stories 245 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,280 Speaker 2: and that kind of I. 246 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 1: Think you you have to impart a little wisdom with 247 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,839 Speaker 1: your own life stories, but trying not to get so 248 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: stuck into telling every story you've ever had. 249 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 2: I think what you just said is smart, Like ask 250 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 2: questions first, and then maybe share a story. 251 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:08,679 Speaker 1: Yeah, and then share a story about like how you've 252 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: failed one day or whatever, and it's just how life 253 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: will go on and this too shall pass. Yeah. 254 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:15,480 Speaker 2: I always try to end on that positive note of 255 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 2: like I promise in the grand scheme, like this is 256 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 2: going to be fine, because those first dating situations again 257 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 2: feel huge and everything feels like love, and their emotions 258 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:28,319 Speaker 2: are so high and their hormones are raging, and so 259 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 2: how do you first get into the And. 260 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,200 Speaker 1: It's being excited for them, and it's and it's preparing 261 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,040 Speaker 1: for them. You know, our kids are in their twenties, 262 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 1: so clearly they've had their first dates and boyfriends and girlfriends, 263 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: et cetera. And so we've been through this stage with them. 264 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 1: And now when they go on dates or whatever, it's 265 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,679 Speaker 1: not the end all be all because they are prepared 266 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,599 Speaker 1: for it. And I think again building that foundation of 267 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: when they go on that first date, letting them know 268 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 1: you're not going to marry this person probably, you know, 269 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,679 Speaker 1: it's like preparing them for just go have fun. Whatever 270 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,800 Speaker 1: this turns out to be. Let it be, and they 271 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 1: may just turn out to be a really good friend. 272 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,599 Speaker 1: You get some laughs, whatever, you may come home with 273 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 1: a good story. Even if you do something silly, just 274 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,320 Speaker 1: understand that this. It's kind of like what I would 275 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 1: tell an adult. The first date can't mean everything. Your 276 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,839 Speaker 1: first date experience can't mean everything. Be excited about it. 277 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: Be excited for them, right, be a part of them 278 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 1: getting ready or you know, put some music on, have 279 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 1: fun or whatever. And then when they come home if 280 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,920 Speaker 1: they're upset that it didn't go, well, whatever, just keep 281 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,959 Speaker 1: that excitement up of it was like, that was so fun, though, 282 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: How great is that? Ye think about you? How d yeah? 283 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 1: Think about how good the next one's going to be. 284 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: And by the way, think about how prepared you're going 285 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 1: to be now, because now you know that you know 286 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:45,679 Speaker 1: the door swings both. 287 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,400 Speaker 2: Well, well you just said the excitement thing is simple but 288 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,480 Speaker 2: so important because again I go back to like, like 289 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,439 Speaker 2: my own parents were definitely not excited when I started dating. 290 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 2: They like viewed it as a problem, and now we 291 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 2: have to deal with this, and this is like. 292 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,679 Speaker 3: And I get it. You know you're worried as an. 293 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 1: Apparent since that, what do you mean as a young girl? 294 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 2: You said, well, yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'm like, 295 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,040 Speaker 2: it was not a good feeling. I immediately felt like 296 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 2: I was doing things wrong, but like, what I was 297 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 2: doing was totally normal. I was going on dates as 298 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 2: a teenager in high school, and it kind of felt 299 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 2: like I was always fighting this uphill battle. And I 300 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 2: understand that where they were coming from was just worry. 301 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 2: They didn't want anything to happen to me. They didn't 302 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 2: want me to make any life altering mistakes, you know. 303 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 2: But you, I think were really good about that with 304 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 2: Like I remember when Taylor got asked to her first dance, 305 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,240 Speaker 2: a dance for the first time, and she like came 306 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 2: in and told us, and you know, you were so. 307 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 3: Excited for her, and it was like, oh, this is 308 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 3: so great, this is I. 309 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 2: Mean, we both were, But you, as the dad, I 310 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 2: think that you created a really safe space, and probably 311 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 2: everything we're going to talk about is leading to that. 312 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:52,840 Speaker 2: The biggest thing to me is creating a safe space 313 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 2: for your kids to talk to you about dating, not judging, 314 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 2: not saying they did something wrong, because guess what, they 315 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 2: are going to make mistakes. They are going to even 316 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 2: do things we might think are wrong, and you, as 317 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 2: a parent, are going to want them to tell you 318 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 2: about those things so that you can help them and 319 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,520 Speaker 2: guide them. And if you've created this environment where they 320 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 2: don't share with you. They're not going to come to 321 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:16,680 Speaker 2: you at the most critical times. 322 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 1: And everybody makes those mistakes. As you said, I'm going 323 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 1: to date the bad boy, I'm going to change him. 324 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 3: Of course, that is normal a problem. 325 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 1: I'm going to solve the problem, right, I'm going to 326 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 1: I'm a fixer. I'm going to fix this person and everybody. 327 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:34,440 Speaker 1: Those things haven't changed. It's just that they're wrapped up 328 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 1: in different packages now because kids are a little different. 329 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 1: But I'm telling you those same blocks remain, and you can't. 330 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: You know what happens if you tell somebody you're forbidden 331 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: or you can't or you shouldn't. You immediately get defensive 332 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 1: because now I'm judging you, and your judgment is on 333 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: the line, and so you're going to defend that and 334 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: you're going to go further in that direction. So instead, 335 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: if you see your your kid date a knucklehead or 336 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 1: start going out with a knucklehead, I'm not talking about 337 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: Tim Walls, I'm talking about other knuckleheads. 338 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 3: So random, that's all I think of. 339 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 1: Now I'm a knucklehead. But you got to let them 340 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 1: also make some of those mistakes. But you can have 341 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,320 Speaker 1: those conversations of what are you getting back from this person? 342 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 1: What do you think about it? You know, again, those questions, 343 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 1: they'll get to that answer all that. 344 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 2: That's so true if you're if they're dating someone you 345 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,600 Speaker 2: don't like, ask them questions back and you watch what 346 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 2: conclusion they draw. 347 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: What is what is she giving you? You know? Is 348 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 1: she there for you? Is she you know the way 349 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,920 Speaker 1: you're there for her, et cetera. I'll never forget. I 350 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: was sitting so I used to get the screener obviously 351 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: for the Bachelor and Bachelorette shows, because I would write 352 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 1: these things called a blog back in the day. So 353 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 1: I was watching the show, and I'll never forget. I 354 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: was watching Caitlin Bristow's season, and it was the episode 355 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:52,160 Speaker 1: with Nick Vaiau when they hooked up before this, before 356 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,120 Speaker 1: the Fantasy Suite and all that when Nick came on 357 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 1: the show. So they end up in a hotel room together. 358 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: And so Taylor would watch the show with me, and 359 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 1: I was like, and I'm a single dad. She would 360 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,560 Speaker 1: crawl in bed with me and I'd watch it on 361 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,879 Speaker 1: my computer and we're sitting there, and again that was 362 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,920 Speaker 1: probably a little bit too much of an adult situation. 363 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,639 Speaker 1: And she knew Caitlyn because Taylor had met Caitlyn and 364 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:13,480 Speaker 1: loved her and thought she was great and fun, and 365 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 1: Caitlyn was so sweet to Taylor, and so this was 366 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,080 Speaker 1: someone that was kind of personal to Taylor. And she 367 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: kind of looked at me and I stopped to make 368 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,920 Speaker 1: some notes for my blog and Taylor. I could see 369 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 1: Taylor very inquisitive. I said, what do you think about 370 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: what just happened there? And it opened this whole. Instead 371 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: of saying, Hey, I hope you'll never do that or 372 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,440 Speaker 1: I hope whatever, you know, It's like, I just said, well, 373 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,679 Speaker 1: what do you think about? You know how Caitlyn handled that? 374 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:41,200 Speaker 1: And we had this whole conversation about her body and 375 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,679 Speaker 1: her choice and empowering herself, and you know, it led 376 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,919 Speaker 1: us into this conversation about having sex and having a 377 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,800 Speaker 1: moment and being intimate whatever without me putting her on 378 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: the spot. It looked for those windows of opportunities. I 379 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 1: guess what I'm saying, because I know not everyone's going 380 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 1: to lay in bed and watch The Bachelor bacherette with 381 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: your daughter, But it allowed me to have those moments 382 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 1: of when you're watching a movie or when you see 383 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,040 Speaker 1: a moment on TV or maybe whatever in life you 384 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: stop and be like, hey, like not for nothing, but 385 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 1: later in the car. You don't have to do it 386 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 1: right then, but later, what did you think about that? Like, 387 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,160 Speaker 1: I'm just curious, like did that make you uncomfortable? Did 388 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:23,160 Speaker 1: you feel like and just look for those cracks, look 389 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,360 Speaker 1: for those doors to open so you can walk through them. 390 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think like sharing your mistakes too. I mean, 391 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:29,919 Speaker 2: I know we were sort of talking about balancing how 392 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 2: much do you share your own stories, but like, yeah, 393 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 2: being like I made mistakes at your age, you know, 394 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,439 Speaker 2: and sharing your vulnerabilities, that was something I kind of 395 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 2: wish my parents had done more too. Again, I understand 396 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,720 Speaker 2: where they were coming from. They didn't want me to 397 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,679 Speaker 2: mess up. But I think we've always taken the approach 398 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:51,200 Speaker 2: with the kids of like, dating is practice and you're 399 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 2: gonna make mistakes, and yeah, you're gonna, you know, date 400 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 2: the wrong person and you. 401 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:55,879 Speaker 3: Actually have to. 402 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,160 Speaker 2: It's actually critical you have to date the wrong people 403 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 2: to find the right one. Like you to do this, 404 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 2: I've always said to them, it is a guarantee that 405 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,360 Speaker 2: you're going to go through breakups. It's normal. It's actually 406 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 2: good it's how you learn about relationships. So you know, 407 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 2: in the moment, they're still going to feel sad and 408 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,480 Speaker 2: you have to support them through it, but just try 409 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,480 Speaker 2: to maintain that perspective for them of like, this is 410 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 2: normal and these feelings are normal, and we're going to 411 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 2: get through this. And it's actually, in the long run 412 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 2: going to be a good thing that you learned what 413 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,919 Speaker 2: you don't want in a relationship here, because it's going 414 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 2: to prepare you for one the right one question. 415 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,800 Speaker 1: This is important to realize total to see those red 416 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 1: flags and to know and then the next time you'll 417 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:34,640 Speaker 1: know exactly what those red flags are and you'll notice 418 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,359 Speaker 1: if they are aren't there. But I think you hit 419 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 1: a good, very good point about parents. You can't leave 420 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,640 Speaker 1: the impression that you are perfect because your kids kind 421 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 1: of look at you as this perfect person. You have 422 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,440 Speaker 1: all the answers. You're the dad, you're the mom. You feed, 423 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,439 Speaker 1: you clothe, you drive, you take care of this person. 424 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,159 Speaker 1: So you know, you grow up and you kind of 425 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,879 Speaker 1: have this. You put your parents on a pedestal. For 426 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,399 Speaker 1: the most part. I know there's you know, some that don't, 427 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,880 Speaker 1: But for the most part, I'm painting with a broad 428 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: brush here. You can't allow your child to think that 429 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: you were perfect, that you never made mistakes, that you 430 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 1: didn't fall on your face and do something dumb and 431 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,720 Speaker 1: date the wrong person or say the wrong thing, or 432 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,200 Speaker 1: maybe we're inappropriate one time and you feel really bad 433 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,879 Speaker 1: about it. Like sharing those stories to give the kids 434 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,680 Speaker 1: room to fail is so important. Like going through a date, 435 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 1: going through dating life, trying to be perfect is impossible, 436 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,399 Speaker 1: and so I do like that. You know, especially with 437 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,880 Speaker 1: our daughter Taylor, we laugh a lot about the silliest 438 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: things on dates. When she'll go on to date and 439 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 1: she'll tell us it's like I did this that was 440 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,399 Speaker 1: really dumb, and will laugh, or he did this and 441 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,359 Speaker 1: it was like, oh my god. And like having a 442 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,240 Speaker 1: laugh with him and keeping it positive is great. So 443 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,760 Speaker 1: they realize you are just as fallible as they are. 444 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:03,399 Speaker 3: Okay, let's talk about sex. 445 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:04,960 Speaker 1: Let's talk about sex. 446 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 3: How did you talk to the kids about sex? 447 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,719 Speaker 1: This is very important. Again, if you're not involved in 448 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,800 Speaker 1: their life, if you've never laid that foundation, and you 449 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: sit them down when they're ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, 450 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 1: whenever you think they're ready, and that's your first real 451 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,720 Speaker 1: conversation about love, life, sex. It's going to be awkward 452 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,639 Speaker 1: and it's going to miss the mark. But if you 453 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 1: have laid that ground work ahead of time and talked 454 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:35,959 Speaker 1: about dating, talked about love and relationships, it makes that 455 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,960 Speaker 1: conversation a lot less awkward. It will be awkward, just 456 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:43,200 Speaker 1: know that going in it's going to be awkward. It's 457 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 1: your job to just make it normal, be able to 458 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: create that space, that safe space where that you can 459 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 1: have it back and forth. There probably won't be a 460 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 1: lot of back and forth that day, but allowing them 461 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,919 Speaker 1: to circle back later when they've thought about it or 462 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,679 Speaker 1: talked about it. Then the other thing is there is 463 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: no right time. There is no age. It's not eleven, 464 00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 1: it's not twelve, it's not thirteen, it's it's depending on 465 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,080 Speaker 1: your child. Like Josh and Taylor were different. They hit 466 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:13,280 Speaker 1: those marks at a different time in their lives, and 467 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,840 Speaker 1: it was my job to know when it was time 468 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 1: to have those conversations. You know, early on it was 469 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: very simple because you know, I'll just use Taylor for example. 470 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,600 Speaker 1: Sorry Tay, but it's like, you know she was ready 471 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,720 Speaker 1: to date or interested in boys. I knew that, but 472 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 1: she wasn't interested in that next step I knew that 473 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,119 Speaker 1: wasn't on the table yet you could just tell to 474 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: a certain degree. So it's like, okay, let's talk about 475 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 1: what you need to expect out of a boy. You know, 476 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 1: those those things you talk about about being a gentleman. 477 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 1: Is he nice to you on the playground, et cetera. 478 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 1: You know, did he give you his extra dessert one time? 479 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 1: You know what? You know, those little things of like you, 480 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,040 Speaker 1: you should set the groundwork for what to expect from 481 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 1: a significant other. Then as you see things as they 482 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:57,359 Speaker 1: get older and you're like, okay, I feel like it's time. 483 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,800 Speaker 1: Then you sit down and have the bigger talk and 484 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: we split it up. That's what we did in our 485 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,199 Speaker 1: house because we had a we were separated. But obviously 486 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,400 Speaker 1: they're still involved with their mom and she's a great mom, 487 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 1: but she kind of took Taylor and did that talk. 488 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 1: I took Joshua and had that talk. 489 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,000 Speaker 2: I will say, like, maybe to give the parents out 490 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:19,879 Speaker 2: there some ease, I wish my parents had been more 491 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,879 Speaker 2: open with me about sex too. Like I think, if 492 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:25,720 Speaker 2: you're nervous about this conversation with your kids, I'm just 493 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,119 Speaker 2: telling you my perspective and maybe ask yourself this do 494 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,920 Speaker 2: you wish your how do you wish your own parents 495 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,120 Speaker 2: had handled it? Like, because it's always our opportunity right 496 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:37,679 Speaker 2: to like improve on what our parents did. But I 497 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,560 Speaker 2: wish Yeah, I think, like I don't remember my parents 498 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,200 Speaker 2: talking to me about sex. I think they kind of 499 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 2: left it to thinking school was handling it because school 500 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,960 Speaker 2: does have that like sex set in the fifth grade 501 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 2: or whatever. I remember being left like confused. And I 502 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 2: also think that when parents don't talk to kids about it, 503 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,720 Speaker 2: that's when other kids at school fill the information holes, 504 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,160 Speaker 2: and well that's not a good thing. 505 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,440 Speaker 1: Yeah. Also I know has changed, you know, for us, 506 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:04,359 Speaker 1: it was probably a little older in our generation, but 507 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:05,640 Speaker 1: now they are exposed. 508 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:07,719 Speaker 3: Well, they have so much access to the internet. 509 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: I have porn at their fingertips. They have, you know, 510 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 1: access to so much information. And that's a good thing 511 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 1: because they can also look things up on their own 512 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:18,600 Speaker 1: of like is this normal, is this weird or whatever. 513 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 1: But also you want them to be getting the right 514 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:25,200 Speaker 1: information and the right viewpoint of you know, porn cannot 515 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 1: be their conduit to love and relationships and how you 516 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 1: treat people. And that's how intimacy is and so you 517 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 1: have to that is a conversation you have to have 518 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 1: now of like what that means and when you're seeing it, 519 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,160 Speaker 1: because you're you're going. 520 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,600 Speaker 2: To well, if you don't have it, then someone else will, 521 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:45,199 Speaker 2: you know. And I definitely wish my parents had, Like 522 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 2: it was, sex was always a very awkward topic with 523 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 2: them too, Like I just wish it had been more normalized. 524 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 2: I didn't feel like it was awkward because they made 525 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 2: it awkward, you know. And again, I really do think 526 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 2: the more awkward or closed off or uncomfortable you are 527 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:05,879 Speaker 2: just makes your kids hide stuff from you, and you know, ultimately, 528 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 2: I think also as a parent, you have to forgive yourself. 529 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 2: Like I've kind of looked at how I've tried to 530 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,040 Speaker 2: be like maybe looking at the you know, how my 531 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 2: parents were with me. I've tried to be better for 532 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 2: Josh and Taylor, and you know, what I've kind of 533 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 2: learned is that they're still going to make mistakes. And 534 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,720 Speaker 2: again that's normal and there is no perfect way to parent, 535 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,120 Speaker 2: and so like forgive yourself on that. But that makes 536 00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:31,800 Speaker 2: it all the more important to be comfortable with open 537 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,200 Speaker 2: dialogue with each other. I think that's truly like the 538 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 2: most important thing you can do as a parent, is 539 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,880 Speaker 2: be a safe space for your kids to come to 540 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 2: because all the bad stuff is a guarantee, and not 541 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,879 Speaker 2: even bad all the all the things going wrong or 542 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:47,879 Speaker 2: learning experiences are a guarantee. 543 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 1: And you know, as we impart this wisdom to our kids, 544 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,720 Speaker 1: life has its ups and downs, and those are so important. 545 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 1: You need to fail. You got to fail in life, 546 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 1: and you have to learn to embrace that being dumped, 547 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 1: being fired, not getting the part, not getting the job, 548 00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:09,159 Speaker 1: not getting on the team. I think the helicopter parent generation, 549 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:12,160 Speaker 1: hopefully this is changing a little bit, was running around 550 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,959 Speaker 1: being so overly involved in things to make sure their 551 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,639 Speaker 1: kids never failed. And that is not life. And so 552 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,920 Speaker 1: these kids, you know, there was a generation of kids 553 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: that got to these schools and got to colleges and 554 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 1: got to all that, and they were not prepared for life. 555 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,720 Speaker 1: And so if Heaven forbid, something doesn't go their way, 556 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:34,480 Speaker 1: they fold up like a lawn chair and they're done. 557 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,000 Speaker 1: And it's like, that's when you got to be your 558 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 1: strongest and your best and you realize that greatest opportunities, 559 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: the best opportunities, come after failure, after a breakdown, after 560 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:50,440 Speaker 1: a loss. It's you know, and instilling that in your kids, 561 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,680 Speaker 1: especially when it comes to love and relationships. You realize 562 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,920 Speaker 1: now it's just fun and dating is fun and everything 563 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be perfect and possible every time. 564 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 2: Do you feel like you, as a parent were really 565 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 2: instilling This might seem like a simple question, but instilling 566 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:11,720 Speaker 2: like your own morals and what you thought was like 567 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:13,880 Speaker 2: the right or wrong thing to do in terms of 568 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:14,760 Speaker 2: dating and sex. 569 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:16,720 Speaker 3: Does that make sense? 570 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,879 Speaker 1: Yes, you know, I think I think that's impossible not 571 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 1: to you do, whether it's your religious beliefs, your doctrine, 572 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,439 Speaker 1: or however your family kind of what they believe in. 573 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:29,800 Speaker 1: I definitely you definitely do, because I think a. 574 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,080 Speaker 2: Lot of conflict comes from that, like if kids feel 575 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,640 Speaker 2: like like I'm thinking of just traditionally if you say 576 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 2: no sex before marriage and then it's like that that 577 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,399 Speaker 2: can create a lot of conflict. 578 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,359 Speaker 1: But no, I think for us it was more of 579 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 1: remember your faith, remember your family. And my thing and 580 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,360 Speaker 1: everything I tell my kids to do is remember you 581 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 1: are responsible to more than just yourself. What you do 582 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,399 Speaker 1: shines the light on your friends, your family, your brother, 583 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 1: your mom, your dad, you know, everybody, and so you 584 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,639 Speaker 1: know you are responsible to more than just you and 585 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,679 Speaker 1: your name carries a lot of weight other than just 586 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,680 Speaker 1: your first name, and so everything you do just think 587 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 1: about being you know, what would what would you want? 588 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 1: What would you tell your grandmother? And that's how I felt, 589 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,560 Speaker 1: Well what would you go to? You know? And again 590 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,480 Speaker 1: I wouldn't show them everything. I wouldn't want to show 591 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: them to take. But you know what I mean, it's 592 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:21,400 Speaker 1: a well. 593 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,280 Speaker 2: Then how do you balance that with not making them 594 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 2: afraid to come to you with mistakes. 595 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,359 Speaker 1: Though, but at the same time knowing that we are 596 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 1: all going to mess up. We're all going to make 597 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 1: mistakes that is okay, and allowing that space of like 598 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,840 Speaker 1: there's a difference between hey, remember your faith or like 599 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 1: God's always watching you know, any sin is a sin 600 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,320 Speaker 1: and you're doomed for life. It's no, no, no, it's not that. 601 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: It's just, you know, try to make the best decision 602 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 1: and know that you're not going to always make the 603 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,000 Speaker 1: perfect decision. You've got to make a game time decision 604 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,480 Speaker 1: and then deal with the consequences and owning up to 605 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:52,960 Speaker 1: that and being honest about it. 606 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,560 Speaker 3: I think when Taylor at her first breakup, I said, well, 607 00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:57,680 Speaker 3: you've had your first breakup. 608 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:01,240 Speaker 1: That's exciting you did you did you you crush that? Well? 609 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 2: I don't, you know, I didn't want to not. I 610 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 2: don't know if I crushed it. I want to, you know, acknowledge. 611 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,560 Speaker 2: I do think it's important as a parent too, to 612 00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,480 Speaker 2: remember how big those feelings feel at that time. Like 613 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,600 Speaker 2: sometimes my mom would be like, oh my god, honey, 614 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:15,320 Speaker 2: stop being so dramatic about it, and. 615 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 3: Like, well, I was a teenage girl. You know, they're 616 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,000 Speaker 3: inherently pretty dramatic. 617 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,560 Speaker 2: And I'm not saying we have to sit and like 618 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 2: acknowledge every feeling, because I think sometimes we talk about 619 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 2: feelings too much, and if you feed it, it grows 620 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:28,840 Speaker 2: and that makes those bad feelings worse. And we do 621 00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 2: have to encourage our kids to move forward, but you know, 622 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 2: acknowledge the feelings and then kind of try to put 623 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 2: them in perspective and be like, it's all going to 624 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:38,280 Speaker 2: be okay for me. 625 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,000 Speaker 1: It's easy. I'm like my kids and this, I think 626 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,800 Speaker 1: to your point, there was a generation that grew up 627 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,560 Speaker 1: with your parents met in high school, they got married, 628 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 1: they were very possibly each other's first intimately, and they've 629 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,680 Speaker 1: been married for thirty forty fifty years. Whether they're happy 630 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,440 Speaker 1: or not. That was kind of the game plan, right, 631 00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,520 Speaker 1: So I think, wow, that puts a lot of pressure 632 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 1: on it. The next generation, well, this generation, my kids 633 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 1: grew up in divorce. Like they know, Dad failed, Dad's 634 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:11,400 Speaker 1: first relationship wasn't perfect clearly he and mom mart together anymore, 635 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 1: and he's but he's And then they saw me date 636 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,720 Speaker 1: and they saw me fine love again and get married again. 637 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,840 Speaker 1: So I'm glad that my kids to a certain degree, 638 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 1: you know, you don't want your kids to go through, 639 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,720 Speaker 1: you know, troubles like that in a family. But I'm 640 00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 1: glad that my kids got to see my struggles and 641 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,640 Speaker 1: got to see my triumphs and how I recovered. It's like, yeah, 642 00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:32,240 Speaker 1: life's not simple, but it's still spectacular. It's still fabulous, 643 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,840 Speaker 1: even those even those sad times of going through a 644 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,959 Speaker 1: divorce but then finding trying to date again, and like 645 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:39,560 Speaker 1: talking to the kids about it and when to when 646 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 1: should we have these conversations and figuring that out with them. 647 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 1: I think it's important to not make them too much 648 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,880 Speaker 1: of a friend. Remember, they're your kids. They don't need 649 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,960 Speaker 1: to know everything all the time. They're not your best friend, 650 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,440 Speaker 1: they're not your therapist. Their kids, and you have to 651 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:59,000 Speaker 1: still keep them separated a little bit on this stuff, 652 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,000 Speaker 1: but being open and honest at them is helpful. And 653 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 1: you know clearly they saw their dad wasn't perfect. Well 654 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:06,040 Speaker 1: I am, now. 655 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're pretty great. Well I applaud you. 656 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,200 Speaker 2: I commend you on it, babe, because I do think 657 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 2: you know, especially sometimes that like you know, girls talking 658 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,080 Speaker 2: to their dads or sons talking to their moms sometimes 659 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,080 Speaker 2: those gender barriers going to be tough when it comes 660 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 2: to discussing dating and sex. And I think you've created 661 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:28,480 Speaker 2: a really pretty open environment and I think that's the 662 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:29,760 Speaker 2: biggest and most important thing. 663 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 1: So and likewise, I want to praise you too, because 664 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 1: like you came in and you are such a great 665 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,640 Speaker 1: advocate for the kids, and it conduit to them of 666 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 1: like I you know, sometimes it's like, oh we can 667 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 1: go to Lauren, and I like that they have. You 668 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,680 Speaker 1: have filled that role and done such a beautiful job 669 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,920 Speaker 1: and you impart such amazing wisdom in that way. 670 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:51,120 Speaker 3: Wow, thanks babe. 671 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:55,160 Speaker 2: Well, you know, I get uncomfortable with praise, So I 672 00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:58,320 Speaker 2: love you and to anybody out there who has kids 673 00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,400 Speaker 2: and is trying to get into these conversas. 674 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:04,160 Speaker 3: We know it's tough we are with you. 675 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:07,560 Speaker 2: We support you and know that if you care enough 676 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,560 Speaker 2: to think about how you're doing it well, then you're 677 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:10,760 Speaker 2: already doing a pretty good job. 678 00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,360 Speaker 3: So all our love and we will talk to you 679 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:14,560 Speaker 3: guys next time because. 680 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,880 Speaker 1: We have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening. 681 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,680 Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at the most Dramatic pod Ever 682 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,840 Speaker 1: and make sure to write us a review and leave 683 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,320 Speaker 1: us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.