1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. I'm welcome to stuff 2 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: I've never told you production of I Heart Radio. Okay, 3 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 1: so right off the bat, before we get into this 4 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:26,280 Speaker 1: one probably obvious f one the title, but a content 5 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: warning just in case perhaps you're in a place mentally 6 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: or physically where you do not need to hear a 7 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: lot about um sex and or orgasms UM are. Also 8 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 1: perhaps if you have someone younger in your life and 9 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: you want to give this a listen before they listen. 10 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: It's pretty straightforward. Some potential t M. I for sure 11 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,279 Speaker 1: brief mentioned of sexual assault, but just to put that 12 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: out there, just to put that out of there, I 13 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 1: am very we We joke a lot, Samantha and I 14 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: and other co workers about our search history. Search history 15 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: I really gotten interesting in the last I was like, look, 16 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,160 Speaker 1: we have some interesting topics. You take this one, I 17 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: take the other one, and then people can just judge 18 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: as far starts content later. Please don't it's a real 19 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 1: message there. So I did have two questions that I 20 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,880 Speaker 1: ran by Samantha that I wanted to start this episode with. 21 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: One do you remember your first orgasm? And two have 22 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:42,680 Speaker 1: you ever faked one? Yes? So I think I can't 23 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: clearly remember my first orgasm, but I know I had 24 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: one pretty young in age, because I masturbated often as 25 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,800 Speaker 1: a kid. And I say kid, I was pretty young, 26 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: probably not too long after I started by period, when 27 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: I really started figuring out my body. Of course, when 28 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: comes to like abuse and such and the things that 29 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 1: I had gone through, there's a whole level of conversation 30 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 1: to that as well in trying to understand sex. So 31 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,919 Speaker 1: I sexually acted out before at that point in time, 32 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: and I may have confused that to be an orgasm, 33 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: but I was pretty young when figuring out my body. 34 00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 1: Will say it like that. I have also, yes, fate, 35 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 1: I have faith on a couple of occasions, sometimes just 36 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 1: because it was taking too long, or sometimes it was 37 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:36,080 Speaker 1: just because uh, I was just tired. That's typically it. 38 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,679 Speaker 1: Don't know if I might, you know what, I think 39 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,359 Speaker 1: one of the times, the first relationship or like consistent 40 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,079 Speaker 1: partner sex that I had, I may have. I think 41 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,640 Speaker 1: I faked because I felt bad. I thought that's what 42 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: you're supposed to do. Wow, you're touching on so much 43 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: stuff that we are going to do. Oh yeah, I 44 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 1: am a stereotype for sure. No, No, no, it's not. 45 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: It's not that at all. But we're going to get 46 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: into some stuff around why women fake orgasms towards the end, 47 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: and just touching on a lot of reasons that people gave. Yeah, 48 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: I don't remember my first orgasm. I think I was 49 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: probably a middle school I know I told a story 50 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: on here before, but I told my friend I thought 51 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: I was having one. When I would be like, get 52 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:25,840 Speaker 1: really into a TV show, my imagination would go wild. 53 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,359 Speaker 1: He's like, no, you're not, And looking back, I think 54 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: it might have been. Yeah. I think so I was like, 55 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: that's just the stomach crap, and I think I know 56 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,840 Speaker 1: the difference between the stomach crap. I don't know that 57 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 1: they'd be like super aroused. They have been the conversation, 58 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: but not necessarily for you personally. I have also told 59 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: this story. I did not masturbate, and in fact, I 60 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: didn't think that was the thing women could do until college, 61 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 1: so I didn't like for my body at all. But 62 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure middle school I have never faked one. 63 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: But I have and I'm going to talk about this 64 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: a bit more later what I call heightened it, where 65 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: I just feel like, unfortunately, sometimes people don't believe you 66 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 1: unless you're like puting on this performance, right, but also 67 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: sometimes it would help me get in the mindset, right. Yeah, 68 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 1: and we're gonna be talking about that later. I know 69 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 1: that's a really controversial topic, especially in feminist circles, so 70 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 1: we're going to tackle all of that. Um So this 71 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 1: was inspired by something that Samantha you brought to my attention, 72 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 1: which is like this Twitter spat or something, right, So 73 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 1: essentially what was happening was I think it was a 74 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 1: podcast actually of four men who are talking about women 75 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: in orgasm, and of course it got reposted and all 76 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 1: over Twitter. It went viral because the dudes and I'm 77 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 1: not even gonna mention the name because it's just the 78 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 1: stupidity is just too much for me. Pretty much started 79 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,880 Speaker 1: off with if you're having an orgasm, that means you're 80 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,839 Speaker 1: being the man, because women aren't supposed to have orgasms. 81 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,919 Speaker 1: That's the man thing, which I was like, that is 82 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,479 Speaker 1: the stupidest, Like, I don't think i've ever heard that 83 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: as a thing, Like typically i've heard that women can't 84 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 1: have orgasms. I've been told that, but that it's a 85 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 1: man thing. If you're doing it, you're trying to be 86 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 1: a man. Seems like a whole different level to the 87 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: fact that the white dude was like, I didn't know 88 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: women could as we know, and I don't think it's 89 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:34,039 Speaker 1: biologically possible. And so they went on to say, yeah, 90 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,159 Speaker 1: so if the women are saying they have orgasms, they're 91 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 1: lying and they're faking or they're trying to give men 92 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,600 Speaker 1: and they need to be shut down. That's really And 93 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: I was like what. And of course this is like 94 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: one of those moments of like, do you really want 95 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 1: to say this out loud? Because this is just a 96 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 1: self owned of how often you've never pleasured a woman, 97 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 1: Like you're just telling on yourself about how bad it's sexy, 98 00:05:56,360 --> 00:06:03,039 Speaker 1: really are, so you really need to be quiet, sir. Yeah. Yeah. 99 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 1: When you told me that, I I thought it was, 100 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 1: you know, absolutely ridiculous. But then I was looking at 101 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: some of the history behind the orgasm and it's wild 102 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 1: to me how recent people still had those kinds of 103 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,920 Speaker 1: beliefs like widespread. Right. I was waiting for at least 104 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 1: one of them, since there are four of them, to 105 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:26,680 Speaker 1: say something anything to be like. But maybe it's because 106 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 1: I didn't watch the entire tire YouTube or whatever video 107 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,800 Speaker 1: it was. I just watched the clip that was posted 108 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,839 Speaker 1: and I missed that part, but I'm not wasting time 109 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: sure for beyond those twenty seconds of the clips, you know, 110 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: we don't want that for you, Samantha. So yes, we're 111 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 1: going to go over some aspects of women and orgasms. 112 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,280 Speaker 1: There have been past episodes on faking orgasms, the science 113 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,239 Speaker 1: of orgasms. We talked about it in our book club 114 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: on Come as You Are and in our interview with 115 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 1: the founder creator of Oh Say. And a lot of 116 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: this is just scratching the surface. Um, this could go 117 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: in so many different ways and like so much more 118 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 1: in depth. If you want that, let us know or 119 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: happy to do it. I was trying to wrangle it 120 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: all and I got a little overwhelmed, to be honest, um. 121 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 1: And disclaimer before we dig into the research, a lot 122 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 1: of the research that's been done around orgasms relies on 123 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: self reporting, which for obvious reasons and that isn't necessarily 124 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 1: the most accurate or reliable information. So just to put 125 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: that out there, right, So let's jump in with what 126 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 1: what are they? Yeah, surprisingly tricky to define and from 127 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 1: Merriam Webster, intense or proroximal excitement, especially the rapid pleasurable 128 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 1: release of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal 129 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,160 Speaker 1: that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in 130 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 1: the mall and by vaginal contractions in the female. Yes, 131 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: and they usually am involve an increased in sensitivity, heart rate, breathing, 132 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:06,280 Speaker 1: and muscle contractions. Certain brain areas lighting up more than 133 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 1: thirty brain systems get activated, followed by a release of 134 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,160 Speaker 1: chemicals in the brain, sort of happening throughout. While it's 135 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,280 Speaker 1: hard to say for sure, science indicates that men and 136 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 1: women experience orgasms pretty much the same, So we're not 137 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 1: having like wildly different experiences. They're pretty similar. Most theories, 138 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,640 Speaker 1: and yes there are theories. We're gonna get into that 139 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 1: more in a minute. UM suggest that there are four 140 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 1: stages of orgasm NG excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. That 141 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 1: resolution stuff gets left out a lot though. However, there 142 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: are a lot of issues with this, and not everyone 143 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 1: experiences orgasms the same way. They vary for everyone, and 144 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: not everyone orgasms every time or at all, right, so 145 00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: there are a couple of different types of orgasms available 146 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 1: for women, clteral and vaginal, easiest for penises, but most 147 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 1: difficult for people with vaginas, anal blended and erogenous zones 148 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:02,920 Speaker 1: like nipples. Um. Some also experienced multiple orgasms, right an yes, oh, yes. 149 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: According to Jonathan Margolis is two thousand five work oh, 150 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 1: the Intimate History of the Orgasm. The average person spends 151 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,480 Speaker 1: about twenty seconds a week in orgasm, which comes out 152 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 1: to about twelve minutes a year or ten hours of 153 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,280 Speaker 1: the course of an average lifespan. And I blew by 154 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: that to an our mark in quarantine, I think like 155 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: five sessions covered that. Not to brag, but yes, I 156 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 1: do have multiple orgasms. In fact, normally because I have 157 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 1: that thing with numbers, I try to get one for 158 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 1: every setting if it's like a three setting thing. So 159 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: it's just easy for me, very lucky. Yeah. I can't 160 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: get off by thinking and by food that one time, 161 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: so still baffing the food thing. So the average woman 162 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 1: takes about twenty minutes to come. And according to some sources, 163 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 1: and while of men believe that the last woman they've 164 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:02,719 Speaker 1: been with have come, only sixty of women reported that 165 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: that was the case. Higher than I thought. Yeah. Yeah, 166 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: Only of women reliably orgasm during intercourse like penis vaginal intercourse. Specifically, 167 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 1: one third of women rarely or never do. I definitely 168 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,319 Speaker 1: know some women who have never experienced in an orgasm. 169 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: Numbers show somewhere between five never never experienced orgasms. That 170 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: shakes out a bit differently. If we look at couplings 171 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,080 Speaker 1: between two women, were eight six percent report that they 172 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 1: usually are always orgasm compared to about six straight women 173 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:39,680 Speaker 1: compared to straight men. These numbers do vary based on 174 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:41,839 Speaker 1: the study, but they generally fall out around the same 175 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 1: way in terms of gap. Some of the reasons given 176 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: for this orgasm gap, as it's called our prioritizing of 177 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: male pleasure, lack of knowledge about the clitterests and fears, 178 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 1: and suppression of female sexuality and pleasure. The study found 179 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 1: the following behaviors increased the likelihood of orgasm. Ng received 180 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:03,679 Speaker 1: more oral sex, have longer lasting sex, reported higher relationship satisfaction, 181 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,440 Speaker 1: asked for what they wanted in bed, engaged in sexual 182 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 1: emails or calls expressed to love during sex, acted out 183 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 1: sexual fantasies, tried new sexual positions. So there's no correlation 184 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: that has been found between orgasms and women and the 185 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,840 Speaker 1: number of children they have. Good to know, I've never 186 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 1: heard of that, but apparently that was a popularly held 187 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 1: belief to Yeah, there's so many wise tales. When it 188 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:28,679 Speaker 1: comes down to it, that's sex, isn't it. Yeah, probably 189 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,079 Speaker 1: we'll address that in another I'm trying to like, is 190 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,080 Speaker 1: it now that I'm thinking about it? Okay? Anyway, So 191 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: let's talk about some problems. All of this cultural fascination 192 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:45,320 Speaker 1: with orgasm means it is a lucrative industry, very much so. 193 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: Look as half of the prescription as now vibrators, lube, 194 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 1: sex therapy, which can be very very expensive, medications, vitamins, classes, camps, pornography, exercises, surgeries, books, 195 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: all kinds of jen gunther O b. G y N, 196 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:06,679 Speaker 1: a notorious MythBuster around female sexuality, told Catherine Smith at 197 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 1: The Atlantic, the whole sex industry it's all about the 198 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,840 Speaker 1: female orgasm, the sense that it's not about the pleasure 199 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 1: that gets you there. Patriarchal society wants women to be 200 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: horny for men when the men are ready. It's like, 201 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,599 Speaker 1: of course, oh, mighty swordbear, you should be able to 202 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:22,200 Speaker 1: just twist a nipple and stick it in and in 203 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 1: three seconds I'm going to arch my back and act 204 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 1: like the most pressurable thing in the world is happening. 205 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:30,040 Speaker 1: To me. She also said her sons started walking out 206 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,640 Speaker 1: on watching Game of Thrones with her because she kept 207 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:39,079 Speaker 1: counting down the women characters climaxes. But this, she argues, 208 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 1: is detrimental for women and men, and similar ways that 209 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: porn can be in terms of what we think is normal. 210 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 1: She said, there are countless different ways that women's sexuality 211 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,959 Speaker 1: can be weaponized against them. Pick away, and it exists. 212 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:55,320 Speaker 1: So the whole article from the Atlantic is worth checking 213 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:59,720 Speaker 1: out because I just didn't have any knowledge about the 214 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,199 Speaker 1: ins and outs of sex therapy, for instance, or sex camps. 215 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 1: I didn't know, and and that article goes into some 216 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: of that, which I'd love to come back and do 217 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,959 Speaker 1: a whole episode on. And Yeah, speaking of let's briefly 218 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 1: go over some issues women face when it comes to 219 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 1: difficulty orgasm NG. We've discussed before psychological issues like low 220 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 1: self esteem or poor body image, or something like anxiety 221 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 1: or an eating disorder that can affect sexual performance and 222 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:28,959 Speaker 1: ability to orgasm. There are medical issues like bolbodenia, vain niceness, 223 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 1: and difficulty producing lubrication, to name a few. A at 224 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 1: twenty ten analysis identified some top factors in sexual dysfunction. 225 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: Relationship problems, stress, mental health issues, poor physical health, genetic 226 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 1: urinary issues such as pelvic pain, a history of abortion, 227 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,560 Speaker 1: a history of female genital mutilation, sexual abuse, being religious, 228 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 1: perhaps due to sexual shame and stigma. So the analysis 229 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 1: found that things like communication, positive body image, exercise, and 230 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 1: masturbation can help but improve a sexual dysfunction. Some people 231 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:04,559 Speaker 1: expire its, depressions, saidness, shame, inability, crying, self loathing, et cetera. 232 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 1: After orgasm achieved through consensual, pleasurable sex, things like postcoital 233 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 1: tristess or postcoital dysphoria. Some studies suggest over half of 234 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: women have experienced postcoital dysphoria or PCD at least once, 235 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 1: and a recent start we found that it often is 236 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 1: linked more to unrealistic expectations than underlying medical condition. Yes, um, 237 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 1: and this is kind of related to the petite more 238 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 1: are the little death which is used to describe the 239 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 1: unconsciousness people some people experience after orgasming, likening it to death. 240 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 1: Um and something I've just learned about and experienced and 241 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 1: foolishly did an experiment to test for research for this episode, 242 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: and it took me off like a whole day. Are 243 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 1: sex or orgasm Max, what a fool I am. So 244 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:56,680 Speaker 1: these are intense headaches that occurred during or after sexual arousal. 245 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,479 Speaker 1: They can be short lived, our last a few hours, 246 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 1: are a couple of days, about three days. They're pretty 247 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 1: rare and men are more likely to experience them than women. 248 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 1: If you are someone who suffers from migraines, you're more 249 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: likely to experience them as well. There are two types 250 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 1: orgasma headache, which is intense throbbing pain during or after orgasm, 251 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:19,240 Speaker 1: or sexual benign headaches, which are these headaches that build 252 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 1: during sexual arousal that kind of come from the neck 253 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 1: and then go up. Some experience both at once, and 254 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 1: they can be a one time thing. Are happening clusters 255 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 1: over a six twelve month period. Some people have said 256 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,440 Speaker 1: they're around for life. Um. They happen because of muscle 257 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 1: contractions and or a spike in blood pressure. Typically there 258 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:44,200 Speaker 1: are no underlying issues, but if there are any other symptoms, 259 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 1: it could indicate something more serious is going on. As always, 260 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:51,040 Speaker 1: we are not a medical podcast, so do not come 261 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 1: to us for medical advice. And this is by no 262 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: means an exhaustive list of some of the problems around 263 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 1: sexual dysfunction, but just a few that we wanted to 264 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 1: touch on here. Wait, so how did you experiment? Said it? 265 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 1: I don't understand. Okay, So I had. I had gotten 266 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 1: a very very intense headache after orgasm NG like a 267 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: month ago, and it was really bad, and I was like, wow, 268 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 1: this must be a one time thing, I hope, And 269 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,600 Speaker 1: I looked it up and I found this. And then 270 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 1: as I was researching this and I came across that 271 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: orgasm headache, I was like, well, let's see if I 272 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: get one again. Okay, I did, and I'm a little concerned. Yeah, Oh, 273 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: it was awful, like it. It was an entire day 274 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: of like a migraine level headache. So I hope I'm 275 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 1: not in this like twelve months boat. But interesting, we'll see, 276 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: We'll see, all right. So we did want to go 277 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: over some history very briefly. But first we're gonna pause 278 00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:12,119 Speaker 1: for a group break for work from our sponsor. And 279 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,159 Speaker 1: we're back, Thank you sponsor, And yes, we're back with 280 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 1: a very brief history of the women's orgasm, of the 281 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,679 Speaker 1: of the women's So historically, society and cultural attitudes towards 282 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:32,800 Speaker 1: women's orgasms have fluctuated between intense interests and pretending as 283 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 1: it didn't exist, which is hilarious. It's long been misunderstood 284 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 1: and a source of repression, shame, and even fear, or 285 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:43,720 Speaker 1: the source of books or pamphlets trying to unlock its mysteries. 286 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: In medieval times, it was commonly believed that to have 287 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 1: a baby, a woman had to have an orgasm during sex. 288 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,719 Speaker 1: At the time, scienists thought that women's genitals were missed 289 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,160 Speaker 1: but inverted, so essentially they thought women had to ejaculate 290 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:02,240 Speaker 1: orgasm like men in order for conception to take place. Unfortunately, 291 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 1: some people still use this line of thinking when it 292 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,080 Speaker 1: comes to sexual assault and rape that in order to 293 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: get pregnant, and we've heard this recently, a woman has 294 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,399 Speaker 1: to orgasm, and then she has orgasms, she must have 295 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 1: enjoyed it, so it's not rape, which is extremely incorrect, 296 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:22,320 Speaker 1: damaging and dangerous and the flat outlie and stop it 297 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: and stop it. Then, of course there were the rampant 298 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:30,640 Speaker 1: diagnosis of hysteria or a wandering boom, which eventually may 299 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 1: have led to the invention of the vibrator, first patented 300 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 1: in the eighteen eighties, so that doctors wouldn't have to 301 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 1: stimulate women in their offices. So if this is true, 302 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:43,360 Speaker 1: more of an invention for male relief than female pleasure. Certainly, 303 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 1: the idea that for women orgasms were a medical necessity 304 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,480 Speaker 1: took some of the pleasure and fun out of it, 305 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,280 Speaker 1: and the American Psychiatric Association didn't drop hysteria as a 306 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:57,880 Speaker 1: medical diagnosis until. However, a recent study from my alma mater, 307 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 1: Georgitech suggested that there's actually no evidence for this, and 308 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,399 Speaker 1: there were a few other detractors before this study. The 309 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 1: doctors doing the manual massage and the reasoning for the 310 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:12,679 Speaker 1: vibraries in mentioned like maybe that never happened um, And 311 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:16,199 Speaker 1: the person who first put forth this hypothesis and popularized it, 312 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: Rachel Maines, herself said it was always meant to be 313 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 1: a hypothesis, though her writing does not necessarily clearly indicate that, 314 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:29,119 Speaker 1: but people ran with it, like I definitely had no 315 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,119 Speaker 1: doubt so that had happened, because I've just seen it 316 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: so many places. German anatomist George Ludwig co Belt produced 317 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:40,199 Speaker 1: the first diagram of the clearteris sometime in the eighteen hundreds. 318 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,880 Speaker 1: We've done past episodes on the clarest, but to reiterate, 319 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 1: as far as we know, it is the only human 320 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,760 Speaker 1: organ made entirely for pleasure, boasting a whopping eight thousand 321 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:52,920 Speaker 1: nerve endings, which is like a lot more than penis. 322 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 1: It's like a lot um that being said. In eighteen 323 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 1: fifty seven, a British kind of coologist by the name 324 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 1: of William Acton wrote, the majority do you of women 325 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,959 Speaker 1: happily for them? Are not very much troubled by sexual 326 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:10,199 Speaker 1: feelings of any kind, happily for them? Okay? So in 327 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:14,360 Speaker 1: the nineteen forties, scientists Alfred Kinsey released all the sexual 328 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 1: findings he'd uncovered from the thorough survey, yes, very thorough 329 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 1: survey he completed in his work Sexual Behavior in the 330 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 1: Human Female. This report called National Attention, and it did 331 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 1: include several pieces of information about the female orgasm. For instance, 332 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,920 Speaker 1: Kinsey found that of women's survey reported getting their first 333 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:38,160 Speaker 1: orgasm through masturbation yes, while five percent got them through 334 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,520 Speaker 1: wet dreams. It took women on average four minutes to 335 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:47,199 Speaker 1: achieve orgasm during masturbation, and over ten percent experienced multiple orgasms, 336 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 1: and in general women's orgasm abilities steadily increased until about 337 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,960 Speaker 1: fifty five or sixty nice those numbers and openness about 338 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:59,160 Speaker 1: sex helped demystify the female orgasm in the United States. Yeah, 339 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,439 Speaker 1: and I do think it's worth pointing out that a 340 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:05,160 Speaker 1: lot of scientific research into female sexuality and orgasms has 341 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:09,200 Speaker 1: been conducted by men. Yeah, it's changing, but I think 342 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:14,400 Speaker 1: there's a lot that says a lot to me. This 343 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 1: whole thing might have opened the door to a lot 344 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:20,480 Speaker 1: of scientific inquiry in the sixties about why exactly women 345 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 1: had orgasms and all the theories. One was that it 346 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:29,439 Speaker 1: proved the man so yes, very heteronormative, here was attentive, caring, 347 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:33,320 Speaker 1: and gentle, and would therefore be a good father. Others 348 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:36,160 Speaker 1: suggested it was a way of bonding with multiple partners, 349 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: or that it sort of did a suction action to 350 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:43,200 Speaker 1: suck in more sperm, or that the pleasure means women 351 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,879 Speaker 1: will have more sex, which means more babies, which is 352 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,240 Speaker 1: good for the survival of the species. On top of this, 353 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:53,439 Speaker 1: scientific investigation was going into the female orgasm, revealing things 354 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:57,520 Speaker 1: like women could experience orgasm from clatoral or vaginal simulation. 355 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,760 Speaker 1: This was also the time of the sexual Revolution, when 356 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,959 Speaker 1: women's orgasm and sexual agency were linked to things like 357 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:10,160 Speaker 1: economic autonomy. Um that sexual repression went to fascism things 358 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,560 Speaker 1: like that. Right. So, the question as to why women 359 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 1: orgasm is the ongoing subject of scholarly debate, the subject 360 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:21,159 Speaker 1: of books magazine covers, Yes, along with headlines like the 361 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,639 Speaker 1: best position to get her off Very good, And lately 362 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 1: we've been hearing a lot about the health benefits of orgasming, 363 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:32,400 Speaker 1: including the startling finding that it may massively increase pain threshold. 364 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 1: Yeah by nice, Okay. Some recent discoveries imply that the 365 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:42,680 Speaker 1: female orgasm used to be integral to conception. Some species 366 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 1: are called reflex ovulators, meaning the females only produce an 367 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:51,320 Speaker 1: egg when stimulated, while others are spontaneous ovulators, meaning the 368 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,480 Speaker 1: females produce eggs without stimulation, like those of us with 369 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:59,160 Speaker 1: uterus is. The thinking is that evolution rendered the female 370 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:03,639 Speaker 1: orgasm and necessary for some species, humanity being one of them. 371 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 1: As you might imagine, some people vehemently disagree, mostly on 372 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 1: what exactly constitutes an orgasm when it comes to women. 373 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 1: One person who has had some qualms with this theory 374 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 1: is Elizabeth Lloyd, author of the Case of the Female 375 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 1: Orgasm and affiliated faculty scholar at the Kanzie Institute for 376 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:24,439 Speaker 1: Research and Sex, Gender and Reproduction. In her book She 377 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:27,960 Speaker 1: delved into the twenty one published theories about the female 378 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,879 Speaker 1: orgasm that she could find and sorted them into some 379 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,760 Speaker 1: basic categories. There's the byproduct theory that hinges on the 380 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,879 Speaker 1: fact that for the first two months as babies are developing, 381 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 1: we're all working off the same basic plan. So you've 382 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:44,360 Speaker 1: probably heard this before to explain why men have nipples, 383 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,960 Speaker 1: same principle. Men need orgasms, so women get them too. 384 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:52,200 Speaker 1: Then there's the pair bond theory. Basically, orgasm ng keeps 385 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:56,040 Speaker 1: women coming back for more and this strengthens the relationship. 386 00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:00,960 Speaker 1: Lloyd's grit to point out that the evolutionary importance doesn't 387 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,119 Speaker 1: equal cultural or importance. That orgasming is important for women 388 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:09,159 Speaker 1: no matter the scientific why behind it. But yeah, I 389 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 1: mean this is people are still unclear, they're still looking 390 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 1: into it. Others think we just really don't know the 391 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:22,120 Speaker 1: answer to it yet. So will see see how that goes, 392 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 1: see how that develops. There are some things that we 393 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:29,679 Speaker 1: wanted to talk about culturally speaking of, but first we're 394 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,520 Speaker 1: going to pause for one more group break for word 395 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:48,679 Speaker 1: from our sponsors, scare Back, Thank you. Sponsored Societally, we 396 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,720 Speaker 1: place a lot of importance on the orgasm as the 397 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 1: end all, be all, the end game. But as we 398 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,359 Speaker 1: discussed in our come as you Are episode, that doesn't 399 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,479 Speaker 1: have to be the case, and that very line of 400 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 1: thinking can make it harder to orgasm. Sex can be 401 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:07,920 Speaker 1: good without orgasm. Ng, Yes, it can be. Um, that's 402 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: That's not to say if it's something you want, you 403 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,760 Speaker 1: shouldn't get it. But sometimes it just might not happen, 404 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,359 Speaker 1: and that's okay. Sometimes you might just not be in 405 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 1: the mood. Are you know? There are plenty of reasons 406 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,840 Speaker 1: why the orgasm doesn't have to be this big deal 407 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:26,440 Speaker 1: that we're we've traditionally made it to be. Margol Is, 408 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,159 Speaker 1: who we mentioned earlier, wrote, it is as if the 409 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: modern mythology and cult of orgasm has placed the sensation 410 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:36,040 Speaker 1: on such a pedestal, created such an aspirational super brand 411 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 1: of it that women perfectly capable of orgasm refused to 412 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,080 Speaker 1: believe they are having a legitimate one. And that was 413 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 1: actually one of the most shocking things for me. I 414 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,399 Speaker 1: guess it shouldn't be because here I am, like I 415 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,160 Speaker 1: think I was orgasming in middle school. Was so women 416 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 1: weren't sure if they had ever orgasmic, or weren't sure 417 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 1: like it was the question of like, are we all 418 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,879 Speaker 1: just lying about how good sex is and I actually 419 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:59,560 Speaker 1: have had an orgasm? Right? Right? So Margolis was a 420 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 1: keep heart in really espousing the importance of the orgasm too. 421 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,560 Speaker 1: He also wrote much of the raw of violence and 422 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 1: fundamentalist societies must them from the male's sexual frustration. Yeah, 423 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,159 Speaker 1: so it's interesting that he's like, we've really built it 424 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 1: up into too much. But then this sort of adding. 425 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: Sex educator Luxe Alptrom wrote about this in her book 426 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,959 Speaker 1: Faking It. The Lies Women Tell about Sex and the 427 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,520 Speaker 1: truth they reveal. That a woman's orgasm has become quote 428 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 1: the primary, if not entire, purpose for pursuing sex, a 429 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,160 Speaker 1: sentiment that suggests that anyone who isn't able or doesn't 430 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,639 Speaker 1: want to achieve orgasm is some kind of freak or 431 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 1: failure that can be a lot of pressure for both parties, 432 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 1: for anybody, which can make it less pleasurable overall. In 433 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,720 Speaker 1: Alptrom's mind, a big part of creating this narrative was 434 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:51,200 Speaker 1: the popular two thousand for Ian Kerner Kunnel linguist manual 435 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 1: She Comes First and Altroms words. This helped treat the 436 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,240 Speaker 1: female orgasm quote as a badge of honor and proof 437 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,920 Speaker 1: of a man's for reality, rendering women's actual needs to 438 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,439 Speaker 1: sires and authentic pleasure subordinate to the appeasement of the 439 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 1: heterosexual male ego. I will say I brought this up, 440 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:12,560 Speaker 1: that we were researching this among a mixed group of friends, um, 441 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:17,040 Speaker 1: and all the women pretty much echoed that said, it's like, 442 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,960 Speaker 1: even if they are orgasming, it's not about them, right, 443 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,040 Speaker 1: That's how they felt. It's also become very very feminist 444 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 1: and some sex to demand an orgasm, to never fake it. 445 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,680 Speaker 1: And I remember we talked about this on a past 446 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:32,119 Speaker 1: episode and some people wrote in angry that bridget I 447 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: said she'd faked it and that people said you never should. 448 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 1: But she was a big proponent of orgasms too. So 449 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,720 Speaker 1: let's get into it. Let's get into faking it. Right. 450 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 1: So we've established that a good number, including myself, of 451 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:49,480 Speaker 1: women don't consistently orgasm during heterosexual intercourse, again, for a 452 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 1: variety of reasons, and yet it's often tied into this 453 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 1: sense of accomplishment of the male ego. Very true, So yeah, 454 00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,320 Speaker 1: let's talk about it. Let's talk about faking it. Some 455 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 1: surveys that us at least sixty six percent of women 456 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,880 Speaker 1: have faced it at least once, compared to about of men. 457 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 1: A recent study out of the UK found women reported 458 00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:11,720 Speaker 1: these main reasons for faking it. And yes, I do 459 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,119 Speaker 1: check off a lot of these lists, but I probably 460 00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:21,480 Speaker 1: faked it like total three times, four times twice with 461 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: the same partner though he was whatever. Because here's some reasons. 462 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,840 Speaker 1: She wants to make her partners feel good, because it 463 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:32,399 Speaker 1: turns her on, because she's insecure or afraid, because she 464 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:36,119 Speaker 1: wants to make the sex stop, because she's embarrassed, herself conscious, 465 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,719 Speaker 1: because she's worried that she can't reach orgasm. Some report 466 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:43,760 Speaker 1: issues of safety as well. Yeah, the interesting thing about 467 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,200 Speaker 1: these findings is that it shows several selfish reasons when 468 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,480 Speaker 1: the wisely accepted belief is that it has been all 469 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 1: about the partner. I will say for myself again, it's 470 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,560 Speaker 1: not necessarily about the partner as much as a couple 471 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,320 Speaker 1: of times for sure about the partner, but more just 472 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:03,480 Speaker 1: like I just wanted to stop, just stop right right, 473 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,120 Speaker 1: And I don't know, like I think that's it's like 474 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:10,680 Speaker 1: it's a good ending. We're done. Thanks. Yeah, And this 475 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,000 Speaker 1: is something we've seen in all kinds of media. Usually 476 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 1: a woman is telling a male friend that women fake it. 477 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 1: He's like, oh, no, one has with me ever, and 478 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,640 Speaker 1: she rolls her eyes and demonstrates through a series of 479 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,760 Speaker 1: sounds and facial expressions that he has probably someone did, 480 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:29,600 Speaker 1: and his male ego is left shaken. When Harry met 481 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 1: Sally is probably the most famous example with I'll have 482 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,480 Speaker 1: what she's having. But it's a plot point in things 483 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,840 Speaker 1: like Seinfeld. So there's the Seinfeld episode where Elane it's like, yeah, 484 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,480 Speaker 1: I faked it, and you know, Elane and Jerry used 485 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,120 Speaker 1: to date, and he's like, well, I'm not ground with me, right, 486 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:48,320 Speaker 1: and she was like uh. And then it sends Jerry 487 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,720 Speaker 1: on the spiral of like, just give you one more chance, 488 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,640 Speaker 1: I can do it. Um. But like asked around other 489 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,960 Speaker 1: women who like, have you ever faked it? And most 490 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 1: of them say, when it's enough already and I want 491 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:03,480 Speaker 1: to get some sleep, Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you of 492 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 1: course have a sex in the city of course. Well yeah, 493 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:11,560 Speaker 1: because we were doing a couple of episodes on different 494 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,880 Speaker 1: things and uh, I'm like, look, this points to a 495 00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: sex in the City episode in which your response says, hey, 496 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 1: is there sex in the city? Episode about faking your orgasm. 497 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:24,560 Speaker 1: I was like, let me tell you, yes, uh, And 498 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 1: which is funny because the person who is faking the 499 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,720 Speaker 1: orgasm is Miranda, who was probably the most staunch feminist 500 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,880 Speaker 1: of the show, who would absolutely be about like taking 501 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,840 Speaker 1: down the patriarchy. But she does it with a dude, 502 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 1: and then she never talks to him again. Then they 503 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,400 Speaker 1: come back together because she has this moment of like, 504 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 1: oh my god, what if I never find anybody I'm 505 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 1: alone moment, So she goes back to this dude as 506 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,520 Speaker 1: she tells him, oh, yeah, I'm faking it because he 507 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,000 Speaker 1: she finally decides not to fake it for the first time, 508 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:56,120 Speaker 1: and when she tries to blame her and say, oh, 509 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,360 Speaker 1: are you one of those women who can't have an orgasm, 510 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,920 Speaker 1: in which her was on says no, I've had plenty, 511 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:03,959 Speaker 1: it's just with you. And he's like, no one's ever 512 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,360 Speaker 1: done that with me, and her response was like and 513 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,080 Speaker 1: so he goes through all the numbers of women that 514 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:13,760 Speaker 1: he has figured out yes, probably has faked it. She 515 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:15,720 Speaker 1: tries to teach them, you can never get there, so 516 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:20,240 Speaker 1: she again ghosts him. End of the story. Great episode though, 517 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: but it is one of those things where they watch, 518 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,920 Speaker 1: which is hilarious. It's almost meta to the fact that 519 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:30,400 Speaker 1: they watch an episode of something and the girl on 520 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: the show immediately climaxes and she goes into a hub 521 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,760 Speaker 1: about like, see, this is the why men don't know 522 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,920 Speaker 1: how to place women. We see this, she's immediately having sex, 523 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, but you're faking it. So that's 524 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,680 Speaker 1: why he thinks he's doing a good job. As well 525 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,960 Speaker 1: as the fact that that show in itself, they all, 526 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 1: every single one of them have records every time except 527 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,480 Speaker 1: for that one episode, and it's always within thirty seconds. 528 00:31:54,480 --> 00:32:00,239 Speaker 1: I'm like, who's calling the kettle black here? I mean, 529 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,240 Speaker 1: that's a really good point too, of which we've touched 530 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,720 Speaker 1: on briefly. But things like pornography and how we see 531 00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,960 Speaker 1: it in media definitely influences all of it. It's not 532 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:11,560 Speaker 1: just men who think, oh, it's that quick, but even women, 533 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:14,880 Speaker 1: I think often internalize those messages messages and think there's 534 00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 1: something wrong with me that is taking so long or 535 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,240 Speaker 1: whatever whatever it is. So most sex therapists believe that 536 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 1: faking it will build resentment and guilt while also decreasing 537 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:30,240 Speaker 1: the pleasure because the faker is busy performing. Some women 538 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 1: have reported finding baking it empowering or a turn on, 539 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,440 Speaker 1: that it takes all the pressure off of the orgasm, 540 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 1: especially if it's something difficult for them to to get to. UM. 541 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,600 Speaker 1: We can argue about all the reasons that difficulty might be, 542 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:46,600 Speaker 1: many of them patriarchy related, but some health and anatomy 543 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,800 Speaker 1: related to and we can't deny their experience. And we 544 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,440 Speaker 1: also can't deny that the other party may be hurt 545 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,920 Speaker 1: by this revelation. Right, A lot of women writing about 546 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,760 Speaker 1: why they fake say they don't want to hurt the 547 00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,920 Speaker 1: man's feelings, but also that there are afraid they'll be 548 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,480 Speaker 1: hurt if they find out that they've been faking. One 549 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:06,040 Speaker 1: of them pointed out when men in general ever consistently 550 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:10,280 Speaker 1: put on a performance to not hurt the other person's feelings. Yeah, 551 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:13,400 Speaker 1: I mean that's a good point. I've definitely had conversations 552 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:20,280 Speaker 1: with men where they yeah, they just they're so blown 553 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:23,120 Speaker 1: away by that very thought of like, well, why would 554 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:29,000 Speaker 1: you do it? Yes, isn't it exhausting? I think another 555 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,120 Speaker 1: piece of this is we're not being totally honest with 556 00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:34,600 Speaker 1: each other as women. When we're talking to her friends, 557 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 1: we may paint sex the sex that we're having as 558 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,680 Speaker 1: great and because in pop culture, faking it means something 559 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:44,600 Speaker 1: fell short. Even if again the sex was great, we 560 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 1: might not be open about that, Samantha and I aside, 561 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 1: because we're pretty pretty talkative over other stuff. One study 562 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,080 Speaker 1: did find that straight women who hold anti feminist views 563 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 1: are more likely to fake it. It also found that 564 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,560 Speaker 1: women who are on comfortable saying clitterists are more likely 565 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,960 Speaker 1: to fake orgasms. And there's a definite vin diagram there are. However, 566 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,759 Speaker 1: plenty of people who identify as feminists have faked it 567 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,799 Speaker 1: for a variety of reasons. Um, some that we've gone 568 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:15,120 Speaker 1: over here. And the thing is, sex can be pretty 569 00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:18,319 Speaker 1: awkward and it can be kind of scary, especially when 570 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:22,279 Speaker 1: you're younger. And we're always promoters of honest communication, but 571 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,880 Speaker 1: you might not be there yet. Um in early days, 572 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,680 Speaker 1: when you're just learning each other's bodies and your own body, 573 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:32,120 Speaker 1: you might not know yourself either. It may take some 574 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:37,480 Speaker 1: enthusiastic consenting, experimentation or self discovery right. Also worth mentioning 575 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:41,480 Speaker 1: not everyone experiences orgasms the same way or even the 576 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:45,040 Speaker 1: same way every time, and some people are allowed someone quiet. 577 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 1: There's no real way to know other than asking despite 578 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:55,000 Speaker 1: all the articles claiming otherwise communication is important. You'll Yeah, 579 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,839 Speaker 1: I found plenty of articles that were like, how don't 580 00:34:56,840 --> 00:35:02,520 Speaker 1: know if she's faking um. Also, on a personal note, 581 00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:04,920 Speaker 1: as someone who has never faked, I don't. I'm not 582 00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:08,279 Speaker 1: saying I wouldn't. I just hasn't happened. UM. I have, 583 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:12,279 Speaker 1: like I said, heightened and that does sometimes help me 584 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,239 Speaker 1: get to the orgasm. UM. And I've always thought of 585 00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,440 Speaker 1: it kind of in that way of like making yourself 586 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 1: smile can't help you get in a better mood, um, 587 00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:22,800 Speaker 1: even if it was a fake smile. And some research 588 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,000 Speaker 1: suggests that I'm onto something with the faking it and 589 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,560 Speaker 1: the orgasm or even just the kind of heightening your 590 00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,600 Speaker 1: your reactions. But I've also seen this become a thing 591 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,959 Speaker 1: done for men so that it will actually believe you 592 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:38,279 Speaker 1: when you say you're enjoying something, so you feel like 593 00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 1: you have to act a bit more. And then at 594 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,480 Speaker 1: the same time, the whole faking it concept as to 595 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,479 Speaker 1: the not trusting women thing that is at play here, 596 00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:50,239 Speaker 1: and as part of the reason many women fake it 597 00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:52,440 Speaker 1: in the first place because they don't believe you when 598 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,759 Speaker 1: you say you're enjoying it, so you wake it, and 599 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: then that's another reason women can't be trusting. Right, So 600 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 1: if you don't express it exactly how they think it is, 601 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 1: then you didn't have an orgasm, right even though you 602 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:08,719 Speaker 1: make but you're just a quiet person exactly. It's so frustrating. 603 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:14,320 Speaker 1: And I saw in in several scientific articles some version 604 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:18,800 Speaker 1: of if a woman doesn't achieve orgasm, it's not her faults, 605 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,640 Speaker 1: but it's the way that it was phrased. It made 606 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:26,120 Speaker 1: it sound like it was her pause so much blaming 607 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,440 Speaker 1: women um saying something is wrong with them. That once 608 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,439 Speaker 1: again adds all of this pressure and all of these 609 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 1: unhelpful shows that take you out of the moment and 610 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,520 Speaker 1: probably make it more difficult to orgasm if that is 611 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:41,120 Speaker 1: the thing that you want. And yeah, we've seen this 612 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:44,960 Speaker 1: line of thinking lead to violence as well, which is 613 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:48,200 Speaker 1: a bigger topic than we're going to cover on this episode. 614 00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:51,040 Speaker 1: But this is something that's been on my mind lately 615 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:55,440 Speaker 1: of this male ego of wanting to believe that they 616 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,759 Speaker 1: can always make women come, that they can't be with 617 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,880 Speaker 1: a woman who can't that it he's great, So the 618 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 1: problem is with her right, or can't be in a 619 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 1: steady loyal relationship with her. I found several articles with 620 00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:11,000 Speaker 1: women who said, some dude broke up with me because 621 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:15,200 Speaker 1: he thought I wasn't orgasming enough or something what, And 622 00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 1: then that leads to experiencing these feelings of inadequacy again. 623 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,440 Speaker 1: But the numbers that we we mentioned earlier, of the 624 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: rate of like heterosexual men orgasming versus heterosexual women, it 625 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,360 Speaker 1: doesn't add up right, and that those are probably not 626 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:34,920 Speaker 1: even totally accurate. It's it's these men who tell you 627 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,000 Speaker 1: that they are great in bed with no irony, who 628 00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:40,560 Speaker 1: tell you that they'll show you pleasure unlike anything you've experienced, 629 00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:43,480 Speaker 1: or that any other man can give you a bet. 630 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:46,719 Speaker 1: A lot of us have heard this before, where the 631 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:50,560 Speaker 1: female orgasm is their trophy, something that account to tally 632 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:54,680 Speaker 1: up and brag about, which, yes, makes it all about themselves. 633 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,560 Speaker 1: So even if in theory you think like, oh I 634 00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,799 Speaker 1: love women, um, I'm a feminist and I always make 635 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:04,240 Speaker 1: sure of my lady's orgasm, it's about you. You're still 636 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:09,400 Speaker 1: making it about you. That being said, pleasing a partner 637 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,440 Speaker 1: and being able to please a partner is part of 638 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,680 Speaker 1: this whole thing um or ideally it should be. But 639 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,640 Speaker 1: the reasons behind it matters. Um, or at least they do. 640 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:20,600 Speaker 1: If we're going to untangle some of this fixation and 641 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:25,360 Speaker 1: preoccupation we have with the orgasm, and specifically women or 642 00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:31,520 Speaker 1: female orgasm as well. Sorry, I'm loving to do you 643 00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,160 Speaker 1: just rub your face half the time? Like sounding so 644 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:38,719 Speaker 1: I'm frustrated it is, I am Okay. So let's close 645 00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,920 Speaker 1: out with some myths. Because of the long history of 646 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:47,600 Speaker 1: misunderstanding the orgasm and continual misunderstanding of the orgasm, miss 647 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,680 Speaker 1: runabound about the female orgasm. One of the big ones 648 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,000 Speaker 1: that we've already discussed that women who don't or can't 649 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:57,880 Speaker 1: orgasm have psychological problems, which is not always the case. Yes, 650 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,720 Speaker 1: that is not always the case. However, that being said, 651 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,480 Speaker 1: I know that for me this was difficult to like 652 00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,520 Speaker 1: even the question at the top of like when you've 653 00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:08,560 Speaker 1: had your first orgasm, it can be for people like 654 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:13,200 Speaker 1: us who've had sexual trauma of a painful question. And 655 00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:16,000 Speaker 1: I've talked about that in therapy. It helps some people 656 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:22,080 Speaker 1: to reframe like sex and rape is separate things, um 657 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,600 Speaker 1: and we talked about that in our some in our 658 00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:27,399 Speaker 1: Come as you Are book club, So definitely check that out. 659 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:32,000 Speaker 1: Another myth is that the vaginal orgasm from heterosexual intercourse 660 00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:37,120 Speaker 1: is superior. Sigmund Freud himself made this claim, who also 661 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:40,640 Speaker 1: believed that sexual oppression was necessary for society to function. 662 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,239 Speaker 1: He said this knowing that the clark has had way 663 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:47,160 Speaker 1: more nerve endings than the vagina. You can see how 664 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:51,560 Speaker 1: this belief benefited men and yes, absolutely untrue. At the 665 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,840 Speaker 1: same time, there's also the myth that we started this 666 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,719 Speaker 1: whole episode with that vaginal orgasms don't exist at all. 667 00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,040 Speaker 1: There's so much discourse and misinformation and pressure around all 668 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 1: of this that one of the top Google results I 669 00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:07,160 Speaker 1: saw when researching this topic was can a woman orgasm 670 00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:12,759 Speaker 1: and not know it? Interesting? Yeah, it's also a myth 671 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,120 Speaker 1: that it's hard for women to orgasm. It's difficult and 672 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,120 Speaker 1: penis vagina intercourse for some, it can be for some, 673 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,120 Speaker 1: but share Height reported in the high Report that women 674 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,800 Speaker 1: quote could orgasm easily and regularly whenever they wanted. Vibrators 675 00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,120 Speaker 1: are great, yell. There's also the myth that you have 676 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,799 Speaker 1: to have an orgasm to have good sex. Again, this 677 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:34,839 Speaker 1: is not true. Sometimes that intimacy alone feels nice and 678 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:38,200 Speaker 1: lovely and connected. The myth also is that women have 679 00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,880 Speaker 1: to have an emotional connection to orgasm also not true. 680 00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:44,960 Speaker 1: I don't don't think any has an emotional attachment to 681 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:48,560 Speaker 1: your violator. Maybe you do, I don't know. No, I 682 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:55,440 Speaker 1: don't either. I just I just I was just asking. 683 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:59,719 Speaker 1: It can't help, sure, but it's not necessary. And this 684 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,799 Speaker 1: is also one of those complicated things of like what 685 00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:06,239 Speaker 1: is making love and all these things. Yeah, that's that's 686 00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,960 Speaker 1: PRITI makes me cringe. Yeah, And I mean for some 687 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:13,480 Speaker 1: the emotional connection can make it more difficult. And then 688 00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:17,040 Speaker 1: also the myth of this of like that's why women 689 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:22,240 Speaker 1: struggle to have orgasms compared to men, And we've talked before, 690 00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,120 Speaker 1: like there's plenty of ways that that can be true 691 00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:28,440 Speaker 1: or or one of the big reasons women have reported 692 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,560 Speaker 1: is that they just have their like so focused on 693 00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:33,839 Speaker 1: their body when they're having sex that it takes them 694 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,239 Speaker 1: out of the pleasure of having sex. So there's a 695 00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,319 Speaker 1: lot of stuff going on, but like, overall, that's not 696 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,799 Speaker 1: a true statement, Like there's a lot of nuances and 697 00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 1: stuff and right, and then I just want to add 698 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:49,120 Speaker 1: this in because I infuriated me. Um. So there's recent 699 00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:55,040 Speaker 1: recently uh d C removed in a scene of oral 700 00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:57,960 Speaker 1: sex between Batman and Catwoman from the Harley Quinn Show 701 00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:06,640 Speaker 1: on HBO Max because quote, here, don't do that, I 702 00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:10,080 Speaker 1: tell you. According to co creator Justin Halpern, they said, 703 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,319 Speaker 1: it's what we sell consumer toys for heroes. It's hard 704 00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:15,480 Speaker 1: to sell the toy if Batman is also going down 705 00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:19,320 Speaker 1: on someone butt but not sex in general. But okay, 706 00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:23,279 Speaker 1: you want to connect toys as the reason for not oral, 707 00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,600 Speaker 1: but regular sex is just fine, and that that makes 708 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,720 Speaker 1: no sense. Yeah, I didn't know what was happening, and 709 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,160 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, Twitter is blowing up about how 710 00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:36,680 Speaker 1: heroes Batman specifically what didn't do oral? And I was like, 711 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,960 Speaker 1: what what is happening? Which I did not realize there 712 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:43,760 Speaker 1: was an explicit show about Batman happening. Had no clue, 713 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:47,960 Speaker 1: So I was like, what is happening? Because according to 714 00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:50,959 Speaker 1: my notes, any of the heroes that I have seen 715 00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:58,799 Speaker 1: don't have sex. They all sleep separate rooms. Most likely. 716 00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:02,759 Speaker 1: That's how I know my comic book heroes. But all 717 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,080 Speaker 1: that to say, I was like, well, this is the 718 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:08,680 Speaker 1: most unlike, nonsensical, weird way to start a debate, like 719 00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:11,560 Speaker 1: why why did First of all, again, this says a 720 00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,960 Speaker 1: lot about you more than it does about anything else 721 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,440 Speaker 1: in society. The fact that you did that probably added 722 00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:20,640 Speaker 1: more controversy than if you just left it alone. Yeah, 723 00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,000 Speaker 1: and like you said, it's not like this is an 724 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:28,520 Speaker 1: explicit show, right, Um, it's not as if kids are 725 00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:32,040 Speaker 1: you know, their audience. I'm sure that some kids are 726 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:36,160 Speaker 1: watching it, but should they be? No? Yeah, I mean, 727 00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:38,560 Speaker 1: but yeah, it's an explicit show. And it's not as 728 00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:42,520 Speaker 1: if these kids are going to stop buying Batman toys 729 00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:45,120 Speaker 1: or comics because of something we've probably never seen and 730 00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,279 Speaker 1: probably never would have heard about. Again, there was a 731 00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:51,279 Speaker 1: couple of years ago they got in some trouble too 732 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:57,160 Speaker 1: because they there was a image of Batman naked and 733 00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:59,280 Speaker 1: one of the comics and they took it out because 734 00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,360 Speaker 1: they said it did and add to the plot. Everyone 735 00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:03,560 Speaker 1: was like, well what about all those naked ladies? Right? 736 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:07,040 Speaker 1: Did they add? There's so many things that you want 737 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:10,000 Speaker 1: to question, like, well, none of this is necessary for 738 00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:14,959 Speaker 1: the plot, so why like him eating I'm just talking 739 00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,400 Speaker 1: to a random person on the side, I don't understand 740 00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:22,799 Speaker 1: walking through the car not necessary? Many questions. Really, we're 741 00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:26,919 Speaker 1: about to go off on a whole other tangent episode here. Yeah, yeah, 742 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:28,960 Speaker 1: there is so much more we could talk about and 743 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,400 Speaker 1: this whole thing so much that we should return to 744 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,080 Speaker 1: and that we want to return to. If there's anything 745 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,719 Speaker 1: in particular, listeners that you are like, please talk more 746 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:39,920 Speaker 1: about this, let us know. You can email us at 747 00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:41,960 Speaker 1: stuffing da mom Stuff at ihart mea dot com. You 748 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,040 Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast or 749 00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:46,279 Speaker 1: on Instagram a stuff I Never told you. I thinks 750 00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:48,440 Speaker 1: it's always to you are a super producer. Christina. Thank 751 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,279 Speaker 1: you and thanks to you for listening stuff I Never 752 00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:53,000 Speaker 1: told you. The prediction of I Hire radio for more 753 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,080 Speaker 1: podcast in my heart radio is the I Heart Radio app, 754 00:44:55,120 --> 00:45:04,160 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, orherever you listen to your favorite shows. Blue