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Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve camera.

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Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stuff mom never told you?

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Speaker 1: From house Stop Works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to

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Speaker 1: the podcast. I'm Kristen and I'm Caroline. Caroline. Quick question

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Speaker 1: for you. Have you ever played matchmaker with friends or acquaintances,

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Speaker 1: or family members, or just two people on the street, whomever,

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Speaker 1: people on a bus stop you look attractive, one or

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Speaker 1: two kids together. Now, I don't think I have no

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like I would not be

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Speaker 1: good at it. Now I know that you were joking

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Speaker 1: about two people on the street or on the bus,

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Speaker 1: but actually, in fact, one day on my way home

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Speaker 1: from work, I was riding the train and an older

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Speaker 1: gentleman tried to play matchmaker with me in a and

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Speaker 1: a strange man and my stranger like a stranger. I

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Speaker 1: didn't know. He had a nice face, uh, but it

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Speaker 1: was one of the most awkward instances. This older guy

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Speaker 1: was like, you too belong together. I can see it.

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Speaker 1: Maybe he could see something you couldn't. I know. We

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Speaker 1: both looked up from our from our books, our respective publications,

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Speaker 1: and and then I ran out. Once we got to

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Speaker 1: my stop because I'm you know, what are you gonna

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Speaker 1: do at that point? I don't know. Blush probably is

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Speaker 1: what I would have done. Actually that did that same

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Speaker 1: thing happened to me. I was in England and I

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Speaker 1: was at a cafe and I was reading a book

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Speaker 1: and like drinking my coffee and this waitress comes over.

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Speaker 1: She's like, oh, are you American? Of course she obviously

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Speaker 1: had a British accent, but I'm not even gonna do it,

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Speaker 1: like hello, hello, hello, Now are you American? And I

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, well, you know he over there, that

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Speaker 1: guy that he's American too, And we bought it was

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Speaker 1: the same thing. We both look up from our books

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Speaker 1: and we're like, we both have this look on our

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Speaker 1: face like oh god, please stop, and she's like, you

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Speaker 1: got you really? Do you know him? You know he's

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Speaker 1: a do you know him? He's also American. You guys

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Speaker 1: should really know each other, you should really sit together.

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Speaker 1: And we just look at each other and just go

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Speaker 1: back to her and now he's your boyfriend. No, Well,

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Speaker 1: clearly these random folks that we've run into in our

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Speaker 1: lives not good matchmakers. I've never played matchmaker with friends

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Speaker 1: that I can think of, really I kind of avoid it.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I would. I wouldn't be that great,

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Speaker 1: and then if it doesn't work out, it's egg on

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Speaker 1: your face. Let's egg on your face. But also you

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Speaker 1: might be putting a wrench into your friend group. Right.

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Speaker 1: But if I was to tell you that you could

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Speaker 1: be paid thousands of dollars to potentially match people up,

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Speaker 1: which you think it about it, I could be inspired. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Well that's this is a very long way of telling

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Speaker 1: our listeners that we're talking about matchmakers today. Uh. In

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Speaker 1: my mind, when I think of matchmaker, the first thing

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Speaker 1: I think of is the song from Fiddler on the

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Speaker 1: Roof that goes a little something like, I won't sing

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Speaker 1: it for you. I was so ready your eyes beamed

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Speaker 1: there for a moment. Nope, I'm not going to sing

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Speaker 1: it today because I'm recovering from a cold show. I

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Speaker 1: don't think And that's my excuse. Um. But we're talking

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Speaker 1: more in the podcast about professional matchmakers because it seems

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Speaker 1: like I don't know if we have many reality TV

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Speaker 1: fans out there, but there was a certain show on

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Speaker 1: a certain network by the certain name of Millionaire Matchmaker,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like I love it. Once that came

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Speaker 1: out every it was Matchmakers everywhere. Yeah, I love I

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Speaker 1: love the show. I the only reason I can't watch

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Speaker 1: this because there's too many commercials, But I do love it.

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Speaker 1: And she sets up some pretty nasty people. I don't

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Speaker 1: mean like that the couple nafty. I mean like she

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Speaker 1: sets people up with some nasty people, like some of

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Speaker 1: her millionaires are really big jerks. But again, as we'll

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Speaker 1: get to in the podcast, sometimes it's not. You know,

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Speaker 1: part of the matchmaking process is finding the diamond in

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Speaker 1: the rough. You know, maybe you know, a lot of

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Speaker 1: times with these these smarmier men who she might Patty Singer,

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Speaker 1: the millionaire Matchmaker might uh encounter really what they needed

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Speaker 1: some coaching, and she'll, you know, they'll usually go through

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Speaker 1: some kind of at least some minimal metamorphosis of realizing that,

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe clock of Seagulls haircut is over. Sir. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So before we get too much into our into our

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Speaker 1: secret and now not so secret love of Millionaire Matchmaker,

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Speaker 1: guilty pleure, let's talk about the matchmaking industry, because yes,

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Speaker 1: I did not realize this, but in the United States,

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Speaker 1: matchmaking is a lucrative industry. Yeah, like a two hundred

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Speaker 1: and fifty million dollar industry. Uh. This is according to

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Speaker 1: the Matchmaking Institute, who knew there was such a thing. Um,

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Speaker 1: But according to them, there's matchmaking professionals in the US.

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Speaker 1: Well that was in two thousand and six, so gosh,

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Speaker 1: gi Gali, there's probably a whole lot more. They're probably more. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but it's interesting that the industry within and without is

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Speaker 1: dominated by women, both the matchmakers themselves and the clients,

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Speaker 1: which used to not be the case on the clients side. Um. Actually,

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Speaker 1: the reason why we ended up doing this match making

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Speaker 1: episode was because of an article that was published a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago on The Daily Beast talking about

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Speaker 1: this new trend in the matchmaking industry where they're catering

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Speaker 1: to wealthy, middle aged and older women because it used

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Speaker 1: to be the matchmaker professional matchmakers I should say, catered

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Speaker 1: specifically to wealthy dudes. Right. But you know, as demographics

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Speaker 1: have changed and more women are in higher power, higher

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Speaker 1: power jobs, whatever, it becomes harder to meet that magical someone, apparently,

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Speaker 1: particularly if you're in New York. Like that kept coming

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Speaker 1: up over and over again that people in New York

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Speaker 1: are spending a lot of money finding the right person,

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Speaker 1: and you know what side note like totally derailing. I

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Speaker 1: have talked to friends who have lived in New York

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Speaker 1: and you're like, it's really hard to find a date

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Speaker 1: even for you know, like average people. Not so imagine

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Speaker 1: what it's like if you're you know, Martha Stewart or somebody. Well,

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Speaker 1: don't they call it the loneliest city in the world.

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Speaker 1: It just surrounded by people I will now, but no

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Speaker 1: one to date. But speaking of New York, it is

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Speaker 1: the number one center for matchmaking of the matchmaking industry.

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Speaker 1: That's most lucrative market, followed by Los Angeles, Chicago, and

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Speaker 1: coming in at number four representing our our town in

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Speaker 1: which we live Atlanta hot Atlanta not so hot. Apparently

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Speaker 1: the players are not playing or maybe the players are

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Speaker 1: playing too much, the players just need some help playing um.

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Speaker 1: And then finally at number five, this is coming from

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Speaker 1: again the Matchmaking Institute, which was the best source for

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Speaker 1: industry data, because it is a very niche industry as

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Speaker 1: you can imagine. But number five at Minneapolis St. Paul,

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Speaker 1: Yeah right, because it's cold. I wonder if that has

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Speaker 1: anything to do with big cities people stick to their

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Speaker 1: own and don't really Maybe branch out from their groups

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Speaker 1: and get to know new people. Yeah, you're in uh,

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Speaker 1: you're in a large urban area that's dominated by you know,

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Speaker 1: professionals who are working constantly, especially when you climb up

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Speaker 1: into the into the higher ranks. The reason why professional

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Speaker 1: match makers tend to cater to wealthier clientele is because

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Speaker 1: they don't have time to go, you know, on to

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Speaker 1: two mixers or do speed dating, or try to go

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Speaker 1: on date after date hoping to find someone who's a

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Speaker 1: matching needs someone to kind do that for them and um.

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Speaker 1: Matchmakers today also attribute the popularity of online dating to

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Speaker 1: the lucrative industry that they're now in. Like a lot

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Speaker 1: of people have turned from online dating, they're saying to

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Speaker 1: professional matchmakers because of horror stories. Yeah, people are having

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Speaker 1: all this bad luck and online dating, and so they

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Speaker 1: don't want to leave things quite as up to chance

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Speaker 1: as you tend to do with online dating, because even

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Speaker 1: though you can go on these sites and like have

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Speaker 1: percentages that match you, they don't take ano account really

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Speaker 1: how you are with people. So maybe there's the hope

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Speaker 1: that with a matchmaker, someone who meets you in person

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Speaker 1: meets the other person, they can kind of get a

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Speaker 1: better feel for who you would be better with, right. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And speaking of which, why don't we walk through the

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Speaker 1: matchmaking process? And this is coming from articles in the

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Speaker 1: New York Times magazine and New York Times profiling in particular,

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Speaker 1: Manhattan's most famous matchmaker lady named Janice Spindle, who has

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Speaker 1: created a matchmaking empire. It sounds like a fairy godmother.

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Speaker 1: Janice Spindle. Uh yeah, Spindle will actually go out and

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Speaker 1: actively recruit clients. She will, and she she's one of

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Speaker 1: those matchmakers who cater specifically two men, and so she

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Speaker 1: will in airports, in restaurants, at parties, walk up to

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Speaker 1: attractive men not wearing wedding rings, who were probably in suits.

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Speaker 1: I mean, they've got the cash to spend on a matchmaker,

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Speaker 1: and she she'll just go up and say, hey, hey fella,

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Speaker 1: let me let me find you love. I'm not propositioning,

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Speaker 1: you know, really, I have a business deal. Yeah. She

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Speaker 1: has to clarify that because they'll they'll look confused at

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Speaker 1: first because she'll start talking about dating in romance and

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Speaker 1: then notice that she has a wedding band on and

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Speaker 1: she has to be like, no, no, no, I want

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Speaker 1: to help you find someone else, not me, Well, there

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Speaker 1: is that that high level matchmaking stuff, but sometimes they

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Speaker 1: do it. They attract clients through ads or online searches

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Speaker 1: or just word of mouth kind of whatever gets their

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Speaker 1: message out there. And there's usually some kind of initial consultation,

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Speaker 1: just like you want when you get a fancy haircut,

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Speaker 1: just to find out what the people are looking for. Um.

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Speaker 1: If if it goes forward, if things are positive, their

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Speaker 1: membership dues exchanged. Uh, maybe dates are called from some

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Speaker 1: bank of eligible young men and women. Yeah. And speaking

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Speaker 1: of the membership fee, here's the thing about professional matchmakers.

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Speaker 1: They cost a lot more than online dating will probably

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Speaker 1: cost you UM to get into the Millionaire Matchmaker Club.

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Speaker 1: And this is from the Wall Street Journal. I'm not

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Speaker 1: just quoting reality television. They interviewed Patty Singer about her

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Speaker 1: empire that she has built. UM of the base membership

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Speaker 1: fee to get into the Millionaire Matchmakers Club cost forty

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Speaker 1: dollars a year UM. But for a little more of

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Speaker 1: a representative price point for the industry wide. UM, a

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Speaker 1: third of matchmaker clients spend between three thousand and five

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Speaker 1: thousand per year on dating services. That's still a lot.

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Speaker 1: That's crazy and I would just like to point something

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Speaker 1: out that that seems a little insane to me. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you might spend forty dollars with Patty Sanger, but according

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Speaker 1: according to miss Singer, you might spend two hundred grand

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Speaker 1: on quote more personalized services and individualized attention. And so

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Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just wondering, what what does that mean

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Speaker 1: for the attention you're getting for forty grand. It's a

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Speaker 1: good question, like what sets you apart on the forty

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Speaker 1: grand level, on the two grand level? Like I would

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Speaker 1: want forty grand to be pretty personal. Maybe two grand

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Speaker 1: guarantees you a cameo on the show, and maybe that

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Speaker 1: pays all the insurance costs for the show. Um, the

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Speaker 1: average professional matchmaker in New York City will earn not

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Speaker 1: too bad of a living seventy eight grand per year,

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Speaker 1: although I guess in Manhattan terms, I don't New York folks.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that sounds like a lot of money down

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Speaker 1: here in Atlanta. But perhaps that it's I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: not obviously matchmakers, what I'm trying to say, make a

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Speaker 1: lot less than their clients. Still, yeah, Well, Kristen mentioned

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Speaker 1: that Daily Beast article a little bit ago, and Paula

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Speaker 1: Frolick who's the writer actually called Stanger cantankerous in it,

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Speaker 1: and she differentiates between Stanger, Miss Patti Stanger and these

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Speaker 1: this quote unquote new breed of high end matchmakers who

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Speaker 1: run background checks on clients and dates and only actually

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Speaker 1: except about twenty of potential clients there. It's it's very exclusive, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because you want to make sure that you're setting someone

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Speaker 1: up with a quality person who who matches them on

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Speaker 1: different levels, who might not be you know, someone who

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Speaker 1: could be married or maybe they don't have the best

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Speaker 1: of intentions for wanting to core a very wealthy person. Um,

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Speaker 1: So getting back into the process once they've plunked down

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Speaker 1: their money, Uh, what happens next? Because it's actually it's

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Speaker 1: a grooming process. A lot of times when you pay

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Speaker 1: for a membership, it's a year long process that you

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Speaker 1: go through unless you're insanely lucky and on your first

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Speaker 1: date it's magic and then wedding bills with chime. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then you can be on a Patty Sanger special

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Speaker 1: perhaps maker special, yes, But a lot of times, um,

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Speaker 1: the matchmaker doubles as a sort of dating coach. Um,

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Speaker 1: you might end up getting set up with an image

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Speaker 1: consultant if say, you do have a flock of seagulls here,

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Speaker 1: don't don't be the guy who fights it. Don't fight

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Speaker 1: the makeover. Get rid of the pleated pants. You know

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Speaker 1: some some men look nice and pleated pants. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes the makeovers go overboard, I'm to say it, but

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Speaker 1: but yeah, because even sometimes they will recommend cosmetic surgery,

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Speaker 1: but other times, other times it's a little bit of

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Speaker 1: physical training, some dieting. You might even do an at

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Speaker 1: home makeover if you have kind of a scary bachelor

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Speaker 1: pad that is not very um conducive to coupling. Um.

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Speaker 1: And then they also want to get more information on

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Speaker 1: things like your family background, education, hobbies, interest, religious background,

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Speaker 1: personal values and morals if you want kids, that's important,

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Speaker 1: you know, uh, previous relationships, and also relationship deal breakers.

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Speaker 1: Matchmakers get pretty quick into digging into not so much

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Speaker 1: your future, but first let's figure out your past and

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Speaker 1: how you got here. So kind of in a way,

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Speaker 1: it's like the matchmaker is dating the client. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: it's kind of. When you hear about all the stuff

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Speaker 1: they have to do, it's no wonder they charge so

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Speaker 1: much money because they're basically like if they're if they're

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Speaker 1: taking you, if they're doing the Patty Sanger and they're

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Speaker 1: taking you into a room of potential dates, they're basically

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Speaker 1: your escort. You know, they're your party planner, not you know,

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Speaker 1: it's it's it's a lot, it's a lot to handle there.

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Speaker 1: They're kind of your personal consultant for quite a while.

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Speaker 1: And obviously different kinds of matchmakers will provide different kinds

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Speaker 1: of services, some of which will be a little more

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Speaker 1: of that one on one intensive. Others will be just

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Speaker 1: to literally set you up on one on one dates

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Speaker 1: with people, rather than escorting you to parties or two um,

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Speaker 1: almost like date auditions that you might see on reality

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Speaker 1: television shows. Yeah, but one uh one type of matchmaking

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Speaker 1: we haven't talked about yet. It is the traditional kind. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about the traditional matchmaking because I mentioned that

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Speaker 1: one of the first things the matchmaker will find out

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Speaker 1: about with the client are cultural and religious backgrounds, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes they will refer that client to another matchmaking service

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Speaker 1: if they are specifically, say looking for an Orthodox Jewish wife,

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Speaker 1: or you know, some kind of they're looking for a

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Speaker 1: person to fit a specific um ethnic or religious or

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Speaker 1: cultural model. Yeah, it was really interesting. Reading about all

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Speaker 1: these different cultural uh, these matchmaking traditions, because I had

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Speaker 1: no idea. I kind of had an idea about Hindu

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Speaker 1: traditions just because my friend Diepa just got married. She

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Speaker 1: did not she had a traditional Indian ceremony, but she

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Speaker 1: wasn't it wasn't an arranged marriage as you might think

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Speaker 1: of a traditional Hindu ceremony. So I kind of knew

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Speaker 1: about that. And it was a beautiful wedding and all

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Speaker 1: that stuff, and I were sorry it was great. Um,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, So, speaking of Hindu tradition, marriage is a

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Speaker 1: cornerstone of Hindu faith, and the family typically functions as

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Speaker 1: the matchmaker, and in India in particular, this whole matchmaking

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Speaker 1: thing has existed since the fourth century. Yeah, we've done

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Speaker 1: an episode up podcast a while ago on arranged marriages.

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Speaker 1: And while this idea of paying someone paying a professional

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Speaker 1: matchmaker might seem kind of novel by our westernized standards,

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Speaker 1: and even the idea of arranged marriage might seem kind

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Speaker 1: of strange, in fact, around the world, sixty of marriages

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Speaker 1: are arranged. And while you might not have someone like

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Speaker 1: a Patty Singer coming in obviously and saying what's what, uh,

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Speaker 1: you'll you'll still have either people designated people in your

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Speaker 1: community or family members who serve as the matchmakers. And

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Speaker 1: a lot of times it does focus around religious elements.

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Speaker 1: You mentioned Hinduism and then it also comes up, of

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Speaker 1: course with Orthodox Judaism. Right. Yeah. Fathers are traditionally selecting

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Speaker 1: the grooms, and they might request assistance from a Oh,

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Speaker 1: I hope I get this right, uh shot kun shakn

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Speaker 1: oh hey, hey, I looked at my Yiddish pronunciations. Now,

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Speaker 1: I literally just snapped at her because I am so impressed. Um.

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Speaker 1: I looked at pronunciations and I was like, oh gosh,

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Speaker 1: going blind into this. Um. So Yeah, and matchmakers do

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Speaker 1: typically team up with rabbis to help pair up couples.

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Speaker 1: And while the Torah dictates that these fency individuals be

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Speaker 1: paid Kristen shotguns, thank you, uh, some of the Jewish

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Speaker 1: matchmakers refuse payments, saying that really it's their divine calling

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Speaker 1: and that they are meant to do this. Yeah. And

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Speaker 1: one little language lesson um, especially because we did mention

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Speaker 1: Fiddler on the Roof and the matchmaker's character in Fiddler

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Speaker 1: on the Roof For anyone who's not familiar with this,

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Speaker 1: her name is yenta, And a lot of times people

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Speaker 1: will use the word yenta interchangeably with matchmaker, but in

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Speaker 1: fact that is incorrect. You a short yenta merely refers

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Speaker 1: to an older woman who likes to gossip, whereas if

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Speaker 1: you're talking about a matchmaker, the correct word is shot

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Speaker 1: hunt for a man and shot hunted for a woman.

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Speaker 1: And any Kiddish speaking listeners out there, I hope that

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Speaker 1: I'm doing that. Yeah, just feel free to record yourself

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Speaker 1: saying it and sending it to us. Yeah. Um. Well.

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Speaker 1: There's also the Muslim tradition where aunties and other family

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Speaker 1: members find potential mates in their social networks. Um chaperone

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Speaker 1: meetings are typical, but key both parties are allowed to

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Speaker 1: give the thumbs down in accordance with the Koran. And

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Speaker 1: this is because a story in the Koran showed that

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Speaker 1: Mohammed actually did spare a young woman from compulsory marriage.

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Speaker 1: So just because maybe your auntie set you up with

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Speaker 1: the boy down the street, doesn't mean you have to

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Speaker 1: give it a thumbs up, right, But and it's I

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Speaker 1: don't know. It's it's interesting to see how with all

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Speaker 1: of these major religions, obviously marriage place such a central

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Speaker 1: role in each of them, and this smatchmaking tradition in

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Speaker 1: their own different ways has gone back and then like

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Speaker 1: stretches back in all of the their respective religious texts

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Speaker 1: as well. UM, and so why we find it, I

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Speaker 1: don't know, strange at all that people might look to

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Speaker 1: an outside party to for help with finding their partner. Well,

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Speaker 1: it feels it feels to me, I mean, as someone

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Speaker 1: who that's definitely alien to my culture in the way

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Speaker 1: that I was raised, like that just seems scary, you know, like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, you're gonna bring in who for me

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Speaker 1: to marry, Like who's to say I'm even kind of

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Speaker 1: like this person. But statistically, arranged marriages last longer, that's true.

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Speaker 1: And then for love marriages, right the it's between five

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Speaker 1: and seven percent of arranged marriages will end in divorce.

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Speaker 1: But you also have to take into account uh, cultural

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Speaker 1: traditions and legalities that might strongly just courage or prevent

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Speaker 1: you from dissolving a marriage. But they're anecdotally though. If

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Speaker 1: you read about UM arranged couples today, and we talked

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Speaker 1: about this again in the podcast that we did a

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Speaker 1: while ago on arranged marriages, they you know, there isn't

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Speaker 1: an expectation of being madly in love when you're at

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Speaker 1: the altar, but that a love will develop. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's more of like a a kindred intimacy rather than

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Speaker 1: this passionate love that we that we think about and

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Speaker 1: that whole notion of love marriage. As we've talked about

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Speaker 1: before in the podcast UM referencing Marriage a History by

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Speaker 1: Stephanie Coonts, which is a great book if you ever

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Speaker 1: want to check it out. UM. She talks about how

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Speaker 1: the concept of marrying for love is so new comparatively

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Speaker 1: in our history. It only came about in the West,

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Speaker 1: starting in the seventeen hundreds. Well, if you think about

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Speaker 1: it too, with arranged marriages and and matchmakers and everything,

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Speaker 1: they're they're not just willy nilly necessary well ideally, they're

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Speaker 1: not willingly just picking somebody for you. They are looking

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Speaker 1: at your background, your family, your interests, you know, your

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Speaker 1: religious beliefs and all that and finding someone who lines

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Speaker 1: up with that. And uh read A Seth who's the

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Speaker 1: author of the book First Comes Marriage, interviewed more than

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Speaker 1: three hundred women in arranged marriages and found that families

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Speaker 1: play a huge role in matchmaking and the marriage. And

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Speaker 1: he said that it's not just about the two of you,

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Speaker 1: and I think that over the long term, that takes

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Speaker 1: a lot of pressure off the relationship. Yeah, and um

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Speaker 1: scientific research would also back up this common thread among

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Speaker 1: most matchmakers, whether it's a totally secular matchmaker who is

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Speaker 1: making lots of money in Manhattan or elsewhere, um, or

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Speaker 1: you know these matchmakers in um different societies around the world.

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Speaker 1: It's it always goes a good match always goes back

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Speaker 1: to that common background. Where did you grow up, what

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Speaker 1: is your religion, what was your family like, what's your

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Speaker 1: education level? Those basic kind of things that seem incredibly unromantic.

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Speaker 1: But if we're thinking about whether or not matchmakers are

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Speaker 1: successful or if matchmaking really works, um, if we look

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Speaker 1: into our evolutionary past, I mean human animals get together

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Speaker 1: based on a thing called assortative mating, which essentially means

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Speaker 1: like pairs up with like yeah, and this is um,

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Speaker 1: this isn't the spark. Yeah, this is the foundation basically,

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Speaker 1: the the similarities you have, the the way that you're

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Speaker 1: going to go forward with the same values. And when

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Speaker 1: all you are is caught up in the spark maybe

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Speaker 1: or the sexual attraction of a relationship, you might miss

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Speaker 1: the fact that the relationship you're in doesn't have a

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Speaker 1: true foundation. Yeah. There is a study published in two

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Speaker 1: thousand eight in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology that talked

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Speaker 1: to participants about their ideal partner and whether or not

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Speaker 1: they were looking for qualities that were similar to them

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Speaker 1: or complementary, and by and large, participants said that they

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Speaker 1: wanted someone who was a similar personality and they had

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Speaker 1: you know, you've got People often have their lists of

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Speaker 1: what mr is right looks like, and so they told

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Speaker 1: the facilitators these lists of ideal traits. But when it

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Speaker 1: came down to the actual type of person that they

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Speaker 1: were looking for, it was more of a complimentary partner

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Speaker 1: than someone who was alike them. And so the researchers

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Speaker 1: are thinking with this, maybe we aren't so good at

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Speaker 1: knowing what we really need. I don't know, maybe we aren't.

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Speaker 1: My mother would say, I'm not going to knowing what

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Speaker 1: I need. But but then again, though your mother, while

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Speaker 1: she might be able to on paper, okay, point out

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Speaker 1: all of those complimentary traits, perhaps that would work best

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Speaker 1: for you. A two thousand twelve analysis of online matchmaking

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Speaker 1: those publish in the journal Psychological Science would say you

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Speaker 1: know what, Your mom might be able to pick someone

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Speaker 1: good on paper, but she's not gonna be able to

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Speaker 1: find the spark, which, in academic parlance and the words

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Speaker 1: of this two thousand and twelve study, it's referred to

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Speaker 1: as relationship aptitude. That's how you are with other people,

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Speaker 1: and not even necessarily how you are with like the

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Speaker 1: two of us together, but how you just are with people.

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Speaker 1: Like the way that Kristen Conger relates to people means

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Speaker 1: that she she just made a face that while I'm laughing,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm not having a problem. Um, I means that

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Speaker 1: she would be good with you know, person X over person.

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Speaker 1: Why am I am? I kind of hitting it there? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean I think that's like, uh, you know, a

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Speaker 1: sort of mating. When we think about that, uh, look

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Speaker 1: for someone if you want a good foundation, look for

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Speaker 1: someone who is kind of from the same place that

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Speaker 1: you are in or have been. That sounds really dreary

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00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,880
Speaker 1: and so exciting, but you have to put on top

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00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 1: of that relationship aptitude that would push a friendship into

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00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: a more romantic relationship. Yeah. And and it's to find,

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00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:13,880
Speaker 1: you know, just to give you a better idea. It's

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00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: the constellation of traits, preferences, and personal history that makes

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00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: a person more likely to have good relationships in general.

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00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 1: And supposedly these professional matchmakers are not only good at

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00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,919
Speaker 1: peering up people on paper, but they supposedly have some

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00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 1: kind of sixth sense for keying in on people's relationship

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00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 1: aptitude and going that way perhaps after some coaching and grooming. Yeah,

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00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,439
Speaker 1: no hot tub on the first date. That's right. Patty

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00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: Singer would say no sex before monogamy. But Patty Singer

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00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:53,640
Speaker 1: also has lots of very reductive romantic advice. That is, yeah,

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00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: that says mentally like boobs and things. Yeah, well we

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00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 1: won't go there. Yeah this time in this episode, du dunt.

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00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: So there you have it. Match making, it has happened.

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00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 1: It's one of the one I forget which article it was,

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00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 1: but they described matchmaking as women's second oldest profession. But

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00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:20,400
Speaker 1: don't so anyone who has played matchmaker. If you are

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00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 1: a matchmaker who has been set up successfully, we want

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00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 1: to hear your matchmaking stories. I mean, do you think

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00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 1: that people should, you know, keep their nose out of

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00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 1: other people's romantic business, or our friends better at setting

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00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 1: us up, or matchmakers perhaps better at setting us up

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00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,680
Speaker 1: than we might be. And let's hear those stories about

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00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: the really bad dates, the blind date. You want that,

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00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 1: you want, the bad I want the horror stories. Well,

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00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 1: lots of stories come, I hope mom. Stuff at Discovery

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00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:54,399
Speaker 1: dot com is where you can send those good, bad, ugly,

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00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:59,439
Speaker 1: romantic and terrifying tales of dating and matchmaking. And in

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00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 1: the mean time, we have a couple of emails here

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00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 1: from our episode on gender and heroism. Okay, well, I

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00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:14,360
Speaker 1: found an email here from Mary and she works with

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00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 1: the E M. S. And she says the podcast got

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00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,640
Speaker 1: me thinking about our triage protocols. When resources are insufficient,

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00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 1: we have to move on from some patients whose survivability

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00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: is low and help where we can make the most difference. However,

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00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 1: when faced with a child in peril, it's not uncommon

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00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 1: for paramedics to work on a child with little chance

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00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,439
Speaker 1: of survival, sometimes a situation which would result in an

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00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: adult patient being classified as dead on arrival. When a

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00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: child is in the same situation, E M. S. Cruz

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00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 1: will transport. Once at the hospital, doctors, surgeons, janitors, nurses

469
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: and file clerks will drop everything to see if there

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00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: is anything they can do to help a child whose

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00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 1: death is inevitable, sometimes resulting in the diminished quality of

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00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 1: care to adult patients. Even with training and protocol, these

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00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: situations are difficult to avoid, especially in smaller hospitals. Just

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00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 1: one of the many challenges of practicing emergency medicine. That's

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00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 1: an interesting inside look onto r situations. Thank you, Mary Okay.

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00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 1: This is an email from ISKRIN also on our heroism

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00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: podcast uh It Starts. I'd like to congratulate you on

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00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: covering more deep and complex issues such as heroism. I'd

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00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 1: like to offer a point of view which you, along

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00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 1: with the rest of society, didn't touch on. Let me

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00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: paint you a picture. Imagine a curvy road and two

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00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: cars driving on it. The first car, occupied by one man,

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00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 1: misses a turn and crashes. The second car, occupied by

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00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: a couple, sees the accident and pulls over. The husband

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00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 1: from the second car manages to pull out the driver

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00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: of the first car, and he calls for help while

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00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: the ambulance arrives. The wife holds the injured man's hand

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00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 1: and comforts him. Later on, the medics arrive and save

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00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 1: the life of the driver. That's a pretty standard scenario

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00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 1: and more than likely the next day, there will be

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00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: an article in the local newspaper exalting the couple on

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00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 1: the medic on duty. At this point, most people consider

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00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 1: the case closed. However, it is not a day or

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00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: so after the accident, and engineers dispatched to the crash

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00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 1: site with the task of assessing the situation and coming

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00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 1: up with a plan to prevent future accidents. Over the

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00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 1: course of a few weeks or months, safety measures like finces, signs,

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00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 1: et cetera are built to prevent cars from going off

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00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: the road. One can argue that the engineer's work has

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00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 1: saved an infinitely greater number of lives than the married

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00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 1: couple and the medics, and yet the local newspaper doesn't

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00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 1: publish a follow up article on the preventative measures taken.

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00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: So here they are, the engineers, technician and scientists, the

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00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 1: unsung heroes of our society. So thank you for that,

505
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 1: and thanks to everyone who's written in Mom's Stuff at

506
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: discovery dot com is where you can send your letters.

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00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 1: You can also find us on Facebook, follow us on

508
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: Twitter at Mom's Stuff podcast, and guess what, We've got

509
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:54,520
Speaker 1: something new for you to do as well, Ladies and gentlemen,

510
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 1: we are on Tumbler, so if you would like to

511
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 1: check out our blog over there, it still a lot

512
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 1: of fun stuff, so join us. Stuff mom never told you.

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00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,959
Speaker 1: Dot Tumbler dot com is the U r L. And

514
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: of course, if that's not enough for you, you can

515
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 1: always head over to our home site, it's how stuff

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00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: works dot com for more on this and thousands of

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00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 1: other topics. Does it. How stuff works dot com brought

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Speaker 1: to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve camera. It's ready,

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Speaker 1: are you