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Speaker 1: The intersection between fashion and sexuality cannot be convoluted.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass. I just want to know if legans are

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Speaker 2: ever going to go out of style, because I'm not

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Speaker 2: trying to give them up ever. In life.

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Speaker 1: You don't ever have to. They will never go out

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Speaker 1: of style for you. You get all the zebra and cheat

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Speaker 1: the leggings you want, baby, dead ass.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos.

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Speaker 2: With our boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 2: form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 1: dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics, things most

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Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about through the lens of

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Speaker 1: a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that

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Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass,

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Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We about to take Billows

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Speaker 1: off to our whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: Story time. Okay, I'm gonna take y'all back to nineteen

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Speaker 1: oh wow, Oh no, right, oh wow, don't say it

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Speaker 1: like that. Nineteen ninety eight. It was my eighth grade year,

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Speaker 1: was getting ready to be freshman in high school. I

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Speaker 1: was fifteen, okay, all of my friends had their ears

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Speaker 1: pierced already, so I was like, yo, I want to

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Speaker 1: get my earpiss when I turned fourteen. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. It's like pops man. You know everybody got

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Speaker 1: the earpiss. Can I get my ear piss? He said

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Speaker 1: absolutely not. I was just like, why can't get my

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Speaker 1: air piers? You know you told me you're not a girl.

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Speaker 1: Girls get their ears pierced m hm. And I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but my friends get their eggs piars. He was like,

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Speaker 1: do I like your little friends? Do? I? Like, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to hear anything about your little friends, not scoop.

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Speaker 2: I thought it was a mom saying I ain't no

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Speaker 2: school pitches.

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Speaker 1: School because school was not having it. And he was

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Speaker 1: just like, yo, yo, so stay with your friends then

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Speaker 1: if you want to. I was like, no, no, no

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Speaker 1: for school. Yeah, your friends pay your bills. And I

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Speaker 1: was just like, but what's the big deal? And he

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Speaker 1: was like, do I got earrings? Your mother got earrings.

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Speaker 1: And I remember saying to him, I say, yeah, but

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Speaker 1: you used to wear them little short ass shorts, them

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Speaker 1: little hot pants, and Mammy used to wear those two.

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Speaker 2: First of all, when did your father ever hit fit

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Speaker 2: hot pants?

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Speaker 1: I got pictures. I got pictures of them on the beach,

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Speaker 1: picture them on him and my mother and my mother.

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Speaker 1: My father got on these red them shorts. Couldn't been

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Speaker 1: no longer than.

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Speaker 2: This, okay, but he had been way younger, because not

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Speaker 2: not recently.

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Speaker 1: I mean, why would mom want my father have on

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Speaker 1: hot pants in twenty twenty? Said, I don't know history recently.

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Speaker 1: That's what gave me the image. So I had to

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Speaker 1: be clear. The pants would have to be extra hot.

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Speaker 1: They would have to be like furnace pants.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, super fire pants was his reply.

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Speaker 1: No. So his reply was what I used to do

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Speaker 1: back in the day don't matter now? And I was

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Speaker 1: just like, how does it not matter now? He says,

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Speaker 1: you're my son, and you're gonna dress like a man.

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Speaker 2: Pretty much, do as I say, not as I did.

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Speaker 1: Facts, And it led me to think about something we're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk about today.

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Speaker 2: And if I probably went ahead and pierced his ears

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Speaker 2: anyway both.

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Speaker 1: And got in trouble. So on brand for you karaoke time.

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Speaker 1: I'm dedicating this karaoke to my father's my father's generation.

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Speaker 2: Yes, when you came up with this song, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: this is perfect. This is on one of my players.

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Speaker 2: This is my oldiest playlists. Yeah, I will this song

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Speaker 2: gets gainst that work when I be in a car

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Speaker 2: by myself. Yeah, yeah, we should add it to our

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Speaker 2: date night playlist.

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Speaker 1: We can. I'll fuck with it because this song is

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Speaker 1: from one of my for TV shows. And when I

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Speaker 1: start this first part, you'all gonna know mm hmm. You know.

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Speaker 1: I think back to when we met, the way I

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Speaker 1: used to be, in the cold way I used to act.

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Speaker 1: But more than that, I think about how you changed

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Speaker 1: me with all your love and sensitivity. And you remember

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Speaker 1: when I used to love leave that you used to

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Speaker 1: what what? That's what I used to do and you

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Speaker 1: also do what now? Use and abuse? But then, baby,

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Speaker 1: what'd you do? I don't know what I did? What's

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Speaker 1: the rest of the words be fol passion period. Shout

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Speaker 1: out to my man Rick James. Shout out to James and.

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Speaker 2: Tina Mann' forget your guarantee the Marino.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to come back to that song. Mm hmmm

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Speaker 1: when we pay these bills, and we'll come back to

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Speaker 1: why I talked. Yes, I picked this song because I

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Speaker 1: almost got into big trouble. Oh man, I had said

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Speaker 1: to my father what I'm about to say to y'all.

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Speaker 1: What I said, y'all gonna be like was a lunatic.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, your parents didn't pulverize you every day of life.

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Speaker 1: It was rough. I can eighteen years I was in

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Speaker 1: the house the minute I was going.

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Speaker 2: They neither for the fact that they come to our house,

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Speaker 2: and that was crazy to me.

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Speaker 1: They just want to inflict the same wounds. They want

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Speaker 1: to make sure that my kids are doing to me

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Speaker 1: what I did to them. That's really what it is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, probably that's they're accurate. All right, let's go pay

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Speaker 2: some bills and we're going to get back with more

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Speaker 2: on this topic today. Stick around.

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Speaker 1: So mm hmm. Let's talk about this, man.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about it.

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Speaker 1: So it's funny.

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Speaker 2: Came out thinking of Rick James when we were thinking

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Speaker 2: of a karaoke song, and I thought of Prince.

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Speaker 1: Oh see you. I wasn't thinking about Rick James. It

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Speaker 1: was trible and Matt who told me Rick James, I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about I turna because just to go back

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Speaker 1: to the story, this was during the nineties, and during

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Speaker 1: the nineties fashion was different. We wore super big clothes.

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Speaker 1: Everybody was sagging like it was a big deal. People.

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Speaker 1: I had corn rolls. I was trying to grow corn rolls.

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Speaker 1: And then my mother was like, you can't braide your

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Speaker 1: head to go to church. It was like a big

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Speaker 1: thing with fashion, right, So there were two reasons why

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Speaker 1: my dad never wanted me to dress like everyone else, right.

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Speaker 1: He said, Number one, I never want you to perpetuate

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Speaker 1: a drug gang or prison culture. Yeah. I was like,

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Speaker 1: what you mean. He was like, well, first of all,

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Speaker 1: when it comes to gang in prison culture, right, they

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Speaker 1: sagged their clothing gangs like, they sagged their clothing gangs,

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Speaker 1: and they sagged, and they wear big clothes to let

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Speaker 1: people see their butt, to let other men know in

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Speaker 1: prison that they were into that. I was like, at

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Speaker 1: the time I was thirteen, I had no idea what

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Speaker 1: that was about prison culture and gang culture was. So

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Speaker 1: he was like, that's why I don't want you to

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Speaker 1: wear that. When it comes to being having braids, it's

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Speaker 1: the same thing. Right, they wear brains in prison, and

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Speaker 1: I don't want them looking at you like you're a

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Speaker 1: gang member, or you have braids, or you have your

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Speaker 1: ear rings and they I don't want them to think

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Speaker 1: that you are like everybody else. That was my my

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Speaker 1: dad is my dad's biggest thing. My dad's biggest thing

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Speaker 1: was like, I don't want my sons to walk around

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Speaker 1: and to be I don't want anyone to wear stereotype

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Speaker 1: of who they are, because I know how hard it

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Speaker 1: is for young blacklyn nineties.

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Speaker 2: The worst thing you could have said to your father

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Speaker 2: was everybody ears. So then that's completely Oh, I wish

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Speaker 2: one of our boys walking with what everybody else is doing.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. But when I the minute

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Speaker 1: I said it, but everybody, I didn't even want to

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Speaker 1: finish it because I saw my father's face. And then

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Speaker 1: my mother was not even entertaining it at all. Right,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you can't tell me everybody doing it, like

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna feel guilty. But then when I actually listened

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Speaker 1: to my parents, I was understanding where they were saying

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Speaker 1: about culture. Right. The thing that bothers me though, was

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Speaker 1: my father was just like y'all, you don't think you soft?

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Speaker 1: You walking around with your butt hanging out? You got

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Speaker 1: arrings on, and I said, bro me, So I said,

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Speaker 1: did you not. Let's let's look at your pictures.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: My aunt Debbie used to keep a bunch of pictures.

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Speaker 1: I had a picture in mind, particularly because my uncle

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Speaker 1: Lee had a Jerry curl.

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Speaker 2: So let me guess you went all the way over

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Speaker 2: to Andavie's house to get the picture.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I went there and I got the picture and

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Speaker 1: I brought it back home. And my father had on

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Speaker 1: short hot pants. In the nineties, if you wore short

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Speaker 1: hot pants, you were considered gay. I was wearing bo

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Speaker 1: to right as on the beach, I'm talking about hi, yes, hi,

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Speaker 1: And then this is my father says. Back then it

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Speaker 1: was different. It was all about the print. Well, about

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Speaker 1: the print. You have to show your print, yes, And

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Speaker 1: I was just like, wait a minute, so you can

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Speaker 1: tell me that if I'm sagging my pants and I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to do this, it's it's giving the wrong message.

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Speaker 1: But y'all could walk around with eyeliner on Jerry curls,

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Speaker 1: your chest stout right, because my uncle Lee had on

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Speaker 1: a fish neck tank top he played the the Bongoals.

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Speaker 1: He had a fish neck tank top with short puma

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Speaker 1: in real life or no, no, no, this was in

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Speaker 1: real life because in the seventies that's what they dressed like.

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Speaker 1: Because all of the men dressed like Rick James, Prince,

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Speaker 1: Ike Turner and Michael Jackson. And I said, it's funny

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Speaker 1: that you're gonna tell me I don't dress manly because

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Speaker 1: I have braids and I have earrings. But look at

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Speaker 1: how y'all dressed.

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Speaker 2: That is true. The bottom, baby, You see what I'm saying,

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Speaker 2: fitted with no but because my father got no but

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Speaker 2: so with man fitted tight.

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Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying, bottoms and platform shoes, plat heels.

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Speaker 1: No no, no, no, it was heels. There's a picture

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Speaker 1: of Rick James on if you look up the Fire

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Speaker 1: and Desire picture. Rick James has on full fledged makeup,

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Speaker 1: beads in the front of his bang, his hair comes down,

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Speaker 1: his chest is out, he has on thigh high boots

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Speaker 1: with a heel, and was fucking everybody. Bitch. You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And the reason why I say that

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Speaker 1: is because I want to I want to create I

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Speaker 1: want to create that context for what I'm about to

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Speaker 1: say next, because so many men are asking me, because

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Speaker 1: I have four boys, Deval, would you let your sons

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Speaker 1: wear nail polish?

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Speaker 2: Nail polish or not trend?

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Speaker 1: The trend is nail polished enough. I've seen the trend

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Speaker 1: and my answer is always no. And people say, why

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Speaker 1: you're homophobic? And I said, you know why, if I,

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Speaker 1: as a parent, yeah, if I, as a parent don't

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Speaker 1: want my children to wear something, why does it have

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Speaker 1: to be labeled a phobia?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: And I said, to be honest, the first thing I

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Speaker 1: thought of when I saw the black nail polish on

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Speaker 1: these young men, because there are more basketball players, weren't

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Speaker 1: I think, Kate Cunningham. Where is it? There's a young

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Speaker 1: man on the was drafted first overall pick. I can't

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Speaker 1: remember his name, and he he Caleb Williams. There you go,

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Speaker 1: thank you man, Kayleb william paints his nails right. And

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Speaker 1: I think Jayden Daniels paints his nails or Jaden is

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Speaker 1: Matt Jaden Williams in the NBA. But Jalen Green, Jalen

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Speaker 1: Green painting his nails right, And they were just like yo.

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Speaker 1: But these athletes, they're doing it. And I said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: hold on, these athletes are also getting tattoos. They also

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Speaker 1: have several baby mothers. So your reasoning for me allowing

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Speaker 1: my kids to do it, to say an athlete is

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Speaker 1: doing it's never going to work for me. But when

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Speaker 1: I first thought about black nail polished, I didn't even

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Speaker 1: think homosexuality. You know what I thought, right, goth?

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Speaker 2: Oh growing up, that was definitely face. So when I

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Speaker 2: was in midwo high school, there was actually a group,

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Speaker 2: like several groups that were into that particular attire, and

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Speaker 2: it felt like Halloween every day of the year. But

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Speaker 2: that's just how they dress, yes, and it was you

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Speaker 2: dont think about it. And guys also had their their

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Speaker 2: fingernails pointed painted as well.

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Speaker 1: They called them the trench coat Mafiah because they were goth.

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Speaker 1: They had the big black boots. So it's like everything

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Speaker 1: you're seeing now, we've seen it already, right, it's just

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Speaker 1: coming back in different arenas.

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Speaker 2: When I saw the polish initially on like the athletes

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Speaker 2: and stuff, I thought maybe it was something you know,

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Speaker 2: when athletes are teams, like for example, breast cancer month,

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Speaker 2: everyone wears pink socks, so I thought maybe they were

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Speaker 2: doing this as like a thing in solidarity for something,

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Speaker 2: or it was just another way to extend the uniform,

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Speaker 2: so you know, you're wearing colors or something like that.

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Speaker 2: So that wasn't even the first thing that came to

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Speaker 2: mind either, when we were probably two of the most

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Speaker 2: non homophotos people ever.

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Speaker 1: But that's why having this conversation is important, because when

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Speaker 1: people asked me about it and I said no, the

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Speaker 1: first thing they said it was why are you homophobic?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, how do we get there?

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Speaker 2: How did we get there?

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Speaker 1: That's not the first thing I thought of When I

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Speaker 1: saw Caleb Williams nails. He had the picture I say,

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Speaker 1: had on black nails, and I was like, nah, I'm.

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Speaker 2: Because not all trends like that are related to a

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Speaker 2: particular sexuality either.

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Speaker 1: And that's what I wanted to talk about because I

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Speaker 1: wanted to bring up what's his name? I wanted to

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Speaker 1: bring up Prince and I wanted to bring up Ike

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Speaker 1: Turner and Michael Jackson and like we just sang his

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Speaker 1: song Rick Jane Ri Jaina. I wanted to bring it

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Speaker 1: up because if those men existed today, everyone would be

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Speaker 1: saying that Rick James was gay. I dare you leave

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Speaker 1: your woman around Rick James, I dare you, Rick James,

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Speaker 1: slapped the ship out of you and fuck your bitch

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Speaker 1: at you know what I'm saying, because that in his time,

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Speaker 1: being manly wasn't defined by wearing, and I want people

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Speaker 1: to realize that that we are still in that same space. Literally,

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Speaker 1: just because you've put different labels on what is now

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Speaker 1: considered fashion doesn't mean.

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Speaker 2: Everybody agrees to male or female because as we know,

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Speaker 2: like that literally does not correlate to anything but just

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Speaker 2: trends in general. I think it's important for us as

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Speaker 2: parents to stay up on right, Yes, because trends are.

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Speaker 1: Going to come and go.

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Speaker 2: This nail polished era in a year or two maybe

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Speaker 2: a thing of the past. But how important is it

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Speaker 2: for us as parents to just keep on keep up

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Speaker 2: to date with all the trends?

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Speaker 1: You know? But what you just said is why I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't let my sons do it. Because there was some

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Speaker 1: trends that I wanted to participate in when I was

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Speaker 1: a kid and my parents said no, I couldn't do them.

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Speaker 1: And then now when I look back at the pictures

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Speaker 1: of my friends in them trends, and I'd be like,

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Speaker 1: I'm glad my parents didn't, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing that I wasn't a very

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Speaker 2: trendy kid. I think that's also too because it took

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Speaker 2: a while for me to come into my own. I

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Speaker 2: went to a elementary school that went from nursery school

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Speaker 2: to eighth grade, so I wore uniforms forever, it felt like,

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Speaker 2: until I was into eighth grade, and then by high school,

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Speaker 2: I finally was able to wear street clothes, and that's

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Speaker 2: what we called it, you know, street clothes at the time,

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Speaker 2: And then I was still trying to figure out how

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Speaker 2: to dress, what to wear, what girls were wearing. So

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Speaker 2: I really didn't really I probably would have been the

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Speaker 2: person to drump on trends more because I would have

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Speaker 2: been easily influenced by everybody around me. But I was

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Speaker 2: never the easily influenced kids, so I just figure things

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Speaker 2: out on my own. The biggest thing I think for

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Speaker 2: me that I wanted to do as a kid that

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Speaker 2: my parents were like absolutely not was a second hole

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Speaker 2: in my ear, And to me, I thought that was

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Speaker 2: so low impact, and my mom and dad were like

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Speaker 2: so against it, like perising up yourself. I'm like Georgetol

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Speaker 2: y'all pierced me without me, without no I was literally

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Speaker 2: you know what happened. My father was babysitting me one day.

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Speaker 2: I was not babysitting because he's my father, but I

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Speaker 2: was with my father one day and my mom had

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Speaker 2: gone to I think she was finishing up nursing school,

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Speaker 2: and I was about three months old, and he just

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Speaker 2: happened to take me to the mall for a walk.

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Speaker 2: And as he was strolling around the mall, he passed

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Speaker 2: the piercing booth and just looked over and decided to

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Speaker 2: pierce my ears pissed, and I came home with pierced airs,

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Speaker 2: and he thought it was the best thing that he

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Speaker 2: had done. That she was going to be so surprised

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Speaker 2: and happy, and of course she sobbed, much like when

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Speaker 2: you cut Jackson's here for the first time that.

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Speaker 1: I was not allowed to do anything with their kids

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Speaker 1: because they gonna sob. But parents, Mom's coming here all

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Speaker 1: the time, were doing all these I thought you would

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Speaker 1: like it, and we're supposed to just be like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I guess that's okay. That's how we say it. That's

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Speaker 1: exactly how y'all said. Because I cut Jackson's here, and

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Speaker 1: she sobbed. She then went and cut the coldest here

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Speaker 1: without asking me and was like, I didn't think it

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Speaker 1: would be that big a deal.

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Speaker 2: I literally gave it. I thought it was a trim,

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Speaker 2: and his hair shrunk back down and I was like,

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Speaker 2: oh shit, it's a little shorter.

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Speaker 1: It's a little shorter. This woman, this woman specifically told

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Speaker 1: me never to cut any of her kids hair again

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Speaker 1: without her permission, and then she went and did the

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Speaker 1: same exact thing to me.

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Speaker 2: Well, give the context around it. Cody was starting school

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Speaker 2: and his hair was really long, but it was also

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Speaker 2: breaking at the ends, so I had, you know, come

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Speaker 2: to cut his ends, and his hair was damaged, so

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Speaker 2: she had to get rid of the damage ends. And

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Speaker 2: it was Yes, it did come out a.

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Speaker 1: Little short cut Jackson's here too.

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Speaker 2: Jackson's hair was not damaged the same way the same way.

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Speaker 1: You don't care. I don't care the same way you

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Speaker 1: don't care. I don't care.

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Speaker 2: We're not gonna do this like the whole ultimatus thing

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Speaker 2: and go back and forth.

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Speaker 1: I don't care. That's fine.

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Speaker 2: I don't either. Saying that to say, my father went

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Speaker 2: and pierced my ears. So my mother was just like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, you pierced her ears. So I'm like,

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Speaker 2: y'all pierced my ears as a baby. But because I'm

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Speaker 2: asking to consent to a piercing for myself, they said no, yes,

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Speaker 2: and I just didn't do it. But you paiced your

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Speaker 2: ears anyway, didn't you.

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Speaker 1: I got both of them, piers, I got you got

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Speaker 1: both at one time. No, Well, they told me that

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Speaker 1: I can get because I argued them down and I

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Speaker 1: made pints. And this is this is why bait team captain, captain,

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Speaker 1: this is why I was able to get one. I

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Speaker 1: brought up to my dad. I said, you know what's

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Speaker 1: funny to me. You talk about all the fashions that

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Speaker 1: I can't wear it because you don't think that it's manly, right,

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Speaker 1: But I just want to point out all the things

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Speaker 1: that you did. And I took the pictures over and

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Speaker 1: I said, so you wouldn't let me dress like this,

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Speaker 1: but you dressed like it. And my father had to

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Speaker 1: sit back and be like, you know what, he's right.

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Speaker 1: And that's why I think it's important because my father

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Speaker 1: wasn't a tyrant and neither was my mom, and they

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Speaker 1: also weren't closed minded. And when I pointed out to

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Speaker 1: them that the same things that they thought were feminine

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Speaker 1: with my clothes sagging my pants or getting an earring

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Speaker 1: or having braids. When I pointed out that there are

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Speaker 1: a lot of things that could be considered feminine about

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Speaker 1: your outfits when you were growing up in the seventies,

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Speaker 1: my dad looked at me and was just like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, that's fair. So at fourteen, because I could

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Speaker 1: articulate myself, he told me, I get my ear pierced.

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Speaker 1: I got one ear pierced, and I was cool. Then

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Speaker 1: when I turned sixteen, I asked if I get the

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Speaker 1: other one, and they said no, So I did it anyway.

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Speaker 2: At that point, you already had the countdown time where

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Speaker 2: you're like, I only got only two more years in

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Speaker 2: this house, but you have to tough it out. Did

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Speaker 2: they make you take it out?

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Speaker 1: I had to take both of them out, and I

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Speaker 1: couldn't wear ear rings around them anymore. So if you

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Speaker 1: look at my pictures from sixteen to eighteen, you'll never

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Speaker 1: see me with ear rings in front of my parents

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Speaker 1: because you have to repair some. But no, you I

400
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Speaker 1: used to do what kids did. I leave the house

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Speaker 1: with no earrings on, and I have my earrings in

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Speaker 1: my pocket, which my parents knew who who. I found

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Speaker 1: out later on that they knew, they knew, but they still,

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Speaker 1: you know, were allowing me to express myself. And that

405
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Speaker 1: to me is because now I don't even wear my

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Speaker 1: earrings that often. I only wear it when I go

407
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Speaker 1: to do press and stuff. But I say that to

408
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Speaker 1: say this, man, we have to stop in this generation

409
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Speaker 1: labeling these kids because they're doing something that we don't understand.

410
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Speaker 1: How about we as parents try to understand where they're

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Speaker 1: coming from, understand what it is. Not that you have

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Speaker 1: to agree with it, because I still will not let

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Speaker 1: my sons paint their nails.

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Speaker 2: But I think there is value, like you said, in

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Speaker 2: giving your children the space and the latitude to express

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Speaker 2: how they feel. And this is a good exercise in

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Speaker 2: teaching your children how to advocate for themselves, how to

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Speaker 2: gather their facts, how to be an individual, how to

419
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Speaker 2: also tell me what tell not tell me what your

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Speaker 2: little friends are doing or whateverone is doing, but tell

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Speaker 2: me why this specifically will impact you. Why do you

422
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Speaker 2: need to do this, Why is this trend important to you?

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Speaker 2: You know, the one trend that the kids have going

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Speaker 2: on now that I can't stand that Jackson is done.

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Speaker 2: It seems like he's kind of falling into the hair.

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Speaker 2: But the here, I don't mind it be I love

427
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Speaker 2: Jackson's here. I think I have total curl envy. He

428
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 2: has the most beautiful here all of our boys do.

429
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Speaker 2: But it's the madding and the natural forming locks that

430
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Speaker 2: tend to happen because he doesn't want to detangle it.

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Speaker 1: And a lot of the young men who I.

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Speaker 2: See, even on his basketball team or at school, I'm

433
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,679
Speaker 2: just like, y'all all got the same mattt here.

434
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,959
Speaker 1: Well here's the thing, though, right, you don't let him.

435
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 1: Matt is here, you wash and condition is here, but

436
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,760
Speaker 1: here to do it. And this is what's unfair. Because

437
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,160
Speaker 1: you won't let him matt his hair like everyone else.

438
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 1: No one's calling you homophobic. So it's also unfair if

439
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 1: a parent doesn't want to let their child fall into

440
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,000
Speaker 1: every trend that we start to label parents because they

441
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 1: won't let their child do everything. I will be the

442
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,639
Speaker 1: first to admit, my sons, you're not going to follow

443
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:23,520
Speaker 1: every trend because to me, trends don't have no longevity.

444
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 1: If you say to me, Dad, I want to paint

445
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 1: my nails black because Jalen Green is doing it. Get

446
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,000
Speaker 1: the fuck out my face, Jackson. Right, I'm not doing

447
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:36,000
Speaker 1: that that. I want to paint my nails black. Why

448
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 1: I plan on painting them black? And then they will

449
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:41,399
Speaker 1: five kids on our team whose moms have breast cancer.

450
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 1: We're gonna put all of those numbers on our nails,

451
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,359
Speaker 1: and when we score, we're gonna put the fours up

452
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:49,240
Speaker 1: to represent the moms. Jackson, go paint your nails, because

453
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,639
Speaker 1: now it has purpose. You see what I'm saying. Now

454
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,719
Speaker 1: there's a reason, Now there's a story. Now you can

455
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 1: eloquently articulate to people why your nails are painted, and

456
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 1: now it has meaning. Right, why do you have your

457
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 1: nails painted, Jacks? Because every time I score a touchdown,

458
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,359
Speaker 1: I'm a represent for the four or five women on

459
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 1: our team who had to fight breast cancer. And I

460
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 1: want them to know that they seen. I'm supportive of that.

461
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,359
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. And I think as people,

462
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,960
Speaker 1: we have to start doing a better chance of explaining

463
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 1: to our children why we don't like trends, but then

464
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,200
Speaker 1: asking them, if there is a trend you want to follow,

465
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 1: tell me why, and if you can explain to me

466
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 1: why the same way I explain to my dad about

467
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,200
Speaker 1: the ear ring. I let them rock because my dad

468
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 1: let me get an earring. And then, of course I

469
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 1: took it too far two years later and I got

470
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 1: to but then he disciplined me, say you since since

471
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 1: you don't want to listen, now, you can't wear no

472
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,159
Speaker 1: more ear rings around me. And I respected him for it.

473
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,399
Speaker 1: After that, I was like, yo, my dad coming, I

474
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 1: can't like i'd be anywhere, and I belave you. My

475
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 1: dad comeing. I took my ear rings out, they check

476
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,399
Speaker 1: your earrings Out'd be like, that's my pops. Don't play, Like,

477
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,560
Speaker 1: don't play. And then he became a thing. My friends

478
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 1: used to take their earrings out and they was just like,

479
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: white earrings out your the vviotpops coming here. Don't fuck

480
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,440
Speaker 1: with it. And those are the friends. We're doing it, yes,

481
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 1: candel I Lei Kava all of them. Like when I

482
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 1: got my earrings and I got in trouble for getting

483
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 1: in peers because they talked me into it. They were like, yo,

484
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 1: you're sixteen, Like what he gonna do? So I did it?

485
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 1: What he gonna do?

486
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was that's a surefire away as a child

487
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 2: if you're if your friend hit you with the what

488
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 2: he gonna do or what she gonna do referring to

489
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 2: he she is your mother and father.

490
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,640
Speaker 1: Baby. Yeah, yeah, it was like now that I reflected

491
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,480
Speaker 1: on it, like I could have not been here, y'all,

492
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 1: Like my parents really don't play. That. They don't play.

493
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,959
Speaker 2: That they could have didn't play that that's mine never

494
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 2: really let me tell you know, you see it to

495
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 2: this day.

496
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,160
Speaker 1: Your mother don't play.

497
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 2: She don't play not one game themselves. There was no

498
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,120
Speaker 2: trend that was worth my life hearing her mouse.

499
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 1: But this is a difference between your mother and my mother.

500
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,440
Speaker 1: Your mother, well, no, your mother grew up in the

501
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,199
Speaker 1: country too. My brother grew up in the projects. If

502
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 1: I would have came home and didn't respect my mom,

503
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: my mother would have chopped both my ears off. She

504
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 1: would have chopped them off. So you're like like earrings,

505
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 1: like earrings. You can't give me your chop my ears off.

506
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 1: And it made me walk around with them like this.

507
00:22:58,040 --> 00:22:59,960
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like that's what our parents,

508
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:00,440
Speaker 1: you should do.

509
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 2: But I do.

510
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,879
Speaker 1: I do appreciate the dialogue people are having online about

511
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: this topic, which is why I felt it was important

512
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 1: for us to talk about it. Right, Why is it

513
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 1: bothering so many people that young men want to get

514
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 1: their nails painted?

515
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 2: Right?

516
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: The only reason why it's bothering people is because those

517
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 1: people who are bothered can't differentiate between fashion and sexuality,

518
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 1: and those people want to convolute young people doing something

519
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 1: fashionable with sexuality.

520
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 2: And then label people who are in agreement with Yes,

521
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 2: you know, I'm sorry against homo because the track record

522
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,159
Speaker 2: with nail polishes who typically where is it?

523
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: Women? Women? But if we go back far enough, men

524
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 1: wore nail polish first, and if we go back to

525
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 1: the seventies, with those same group of men we talked about,

526
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 1: they wore nail polish, especially guitar players and this. And

527
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, like, when the more research I've done

528
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 1: on these things, this trend is gonna come up again.

529
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about the nail polish. Our sons are

530
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 1: going to have sons, right, and there's gonna be something

531
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: else there, and they're gonna be like, you can't do this,

532
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 1: that's gay. And then they're gonna be like, but dad,

533
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,399
Speaker 1: you wore nail polish. And those kids are gonna be like,

534
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:16,960
Speaker 1: oh yeah, but.

535
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 2: Our boys won't even do that because they're so like,

536
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 2: they're so well versed and accustomed to being accepting. I

537
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 2: don't think they would do that today.

538
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,359
Speaker 1: No, they wouldn't the same way. I'm not doing it

539
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,359
Speaker 1: with my sons, but the man friends though, or people there.

540
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 1: But I just say that to say, like this whole

541
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: idea of the ever changing evolution of fashion and how

542
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 1: certain things that used to fit certain society on societal

543
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: norms back then, certain demographics and demographics. As the evolves,

544
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: people like to keep it where they remember, which is

545
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 1: not the case.

546
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 2: Oh man, that's my dad to my dad, will look

547
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 2: at Jackson and my brother. You don't want to do

548
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 2: more of a man, you know? And I'm like, Dad,

549
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 2: you had the ill come over back in the day

550
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:03,360
Speaker 2: the borderline had a bob okay that joint father short

551
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 2: and dropped right below cut brought yep.

552
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 1: He had the chest with the tack on me, the joint.

553
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 2: With the bell bottoms in his thunderbird, with his platforms. Baby,

554
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 2: my father. The way he walked like he had a

555
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 2: song playing in his head, probably fire and desire.

556
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,880
Speaker 1: He still got the song playing in his head, sure,

557
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 1: due I don't know.

558
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,879
Speaker 2: Seventies like a mug if you let him. That is

559
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:26,400
Speaker 2: a fact. Which of our four boys do you think

560
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 2: would want to be the most like on trend or

561
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 2: follow the most trends.

562
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,679
Speaker 1: I know which one the most on trend one or.

563
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 2: Want to follow the trends.

564
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: It would have to be between Jackson and Cairo.

565
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,200
Speaker 2: I think Cayro. He came to mind first so far.

566
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 1: But only reason why I don't say Cairo was because

567
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: when we weren't in leather, Jackson seat leather jacket season

568
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,120
Speaker 1: and Kyro wanted to wear that leather jacket for every

569
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 1: day for two years straight. When we told him it

570
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 1: wasn't the season for jackets, he looked at us like,

571
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:56,359
Speaker 1: I don't care. So I don't think he's gonna follow trends.

572
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: Think about that.

573
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 2: You're right, You're right, Yeah, that's.

574
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 1: Jackson, I said more. No, I think Jackson's more because

575
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: Jackson is more like yo, this is cool, like like

576
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: Jackson cares about his appearance a lot like Cairo. But

577
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 1: Jackson is more like, let me see what my favorite

578
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: athlete is doing. You know what I'm saying. He got

579
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:16,720
Speaker 1: the blonde tips because of Odell Beckham. Even with that, people,

580
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 1: are you gonna let your son get blonde tips and

581
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: I was like, yes, and it was like that's soft.

582
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 1: I was like, his favorite athlete that plays football does it.

583
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 1: And he told me he wanted to do it to

584
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 1: pay homage and do all this other stuff. And at

585
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 1: the time he was eight, and I'm like, so, you're

586
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 1: telling me that my son is gay because he got

587
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 1: blonde tips at eight? Kissed my ass. I'm not having

588
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: an argument with you, right, you know what I'm saying, Like,

589
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 1: people really be trying to find things, and here's the

590
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:43,400
Speaker 1: truth from I got some friends growing up that they're

591
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 1: growing up were like some of the most masculine people

592
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 1: that I know, and now they're gay. I also have

593
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 1: friends we found out later had gay parents or a

594
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 1: gay parent who are now straight, which means that you

595
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 1: can't dictate how someone turns out based on what they wear.

596
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 2: And then one has nothing to do with the other.

597
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,920
Speaker 2: There's literally nothing. We have to stop shaming people for that.

598
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,200
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny. Cazz I was just laughing to

599
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 2: myself at Kats don't give a fuck about nothing.

600
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 1: He probably be the least trendy kid ever. Or if

601
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 1: he did jump on the trend, he would do it

602
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 1: and not give a fuck. Let me tell you what

603
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 1: is going to do, because I know, I know, I

604
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 1: know he's so much like going to wait till he's sixteen.

605
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 1: He's gonna find out the wildest trend that looks the

606
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: gayest right, and he's gonna do it just to fuck

607
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 1: with me and say, I want to see if my

608
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 1: dad is honest about this shitty be talking. I swear

609
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 1: he's going to do it. He's going he's going to

610
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 1: test me to see dad and just stay emotionally mature.

611
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: Not because it's not because he wanted to just to

612
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,639
Speaker 1: troll me, just to troll me.

613
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,680
Speaker 2: The kid looked just like you act. He even has

614
00:27:55,920 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 2: an allergy just like the vel. I've never y'all total side,

615
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 2: but I've never had or seen a parent child duo

616
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 2: who are identical like the Valance Caz look like him,

617
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 2: act like him, walk like him, allergic.

618
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 1: To the same ship, He's all the same stuff. It's

619
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 1: like crazy. Let me ask you a question, how would

620
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: I respond to cash trolling me? You would ignore it? Nope, Nope,

621
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: you know how I would. I would do the same thing.

622
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,959
Speaker 1: I'd be like, Yo, that' shit tough, bro, Yo.

623
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 2: If the if the trend was wearing false slashes like

624
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 2: women do. That would be like, okay, you remember them

625
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 2: times you put my la your lash, I'll put your

626
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 2: lashes on. Come put these lashes on.

627
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 1: And I'd be like if I what are we doing?

628
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: Where did this come from? And I'm like, you see,

629
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 1: cads got lashes? All right, he's sucking with me, all right,

630
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 1: I gotta put these lashes on because he won't do

631
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,479
Speaker 1: it just because he sees I'm doing it, because if

632
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: you didn't ignore him, then he probably go harder. Yeah,

633
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,719
Speaker 1: but the person for nothing. This is just an example

634
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: of the fact that life is too short, guys. Life

635
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 1: is too short for us to be arguing and debating

636
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: over trivial stuff, especially with our kids. Yeah.

637
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:09,520
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying a lot that our kids

638
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 2: are going to have to continue.

639
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: To go through and nail polish. It's just not one

640
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 1: of them. So yeah, So to be people ask the

641
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 1: question would you let your sons with now? It depends,

642
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 1: It really really depends if they can if they can

643
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: give me a reason as to why it makes sense,

644
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: and I can rock with the reason ahead.

645
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think our general is a lot more willing

646
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 2: to you know, explore, tolerate, listen, to be open minded

647
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 2: to a lot more than But don't tell me.

648
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: It's because someone else is doing it. If you tell

649
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 1: me that's the reason why, it's get out my face.

650
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 2: That's a fact. When our nephew got his air pairs

651
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 2: and we said to Jackson, I just knew, like once

652
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 2: once he got his air pairs, know how close Jackson

653
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 2: him are? I was like, oh, he's Jackson gonna want

654
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 2: to get his airpairs now? And we asked them just

655
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 2: flat out like hey, you know touching just guys ears passed,

656
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 2: you know? Are you did you want to do yours?

657
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 2: So would you want to do your and Jackson's right now?

658
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 1: Now? Did you say that? I don't think Jackson would

659
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 1: be the most trended in because he didn't follow. He

660
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 1: didn't follow Aiden.

661
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 2: The only reason the reason I said Cairo was because

662
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 2: I think Cairo is the one, like, for example, game day,

663
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 2: he want to have on his sleeves and trad and

664
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, like that's how it's part

665
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 2: of a swag, it's part of his persona when he's

666
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 2: on the field. So I was wondering if he would

667
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 2: be the one for me.

668
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,240
Speaker 1: I just, I just I don't want my kids to

669
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 1: ever tell me they're doing something because someone else. I

670
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: don't want my kids to be followers. And I started this.

671
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: I started to change their mindset a couple of years back.

672
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 1: I remember when Jackson, I think I told this story

673
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 1: in the podcast too. Jackson was getting ready to go

674
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 1: outside and play. We were in California, and I was like, yo,

675
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 1: you brush your teeth and he's like, oh, I didn't

676
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: brush my teeth. And I said, you see, you lost

677
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 1: side and girl's gonna call you. And then I thought

678
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 1: about it and I said, look at what I'm doing.

679
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 1: I am creating an indoctrination to where he's going to

680
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 1: do things because of how girls perceive him. Right, So

681
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 1: I said, I never want to do that. So I

682
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 1: cut myself on and I said, you know, if you

683
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,160
Speaker 1: don't brush your teeth, you can get ginger vite. It's

684
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 1: your tea will fall out, it can cause a throat infection.

685
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 1: Like I started telling them reasons as to why he shouldn't,

686
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: and then he was just like, oh, okay, right. So

687
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 1: I said, I'm going to do the same thing with

688
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 1: everything else. Don't tell me that you're doing it because

689
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 1: someone else, give me a reason why you want to

690
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 1: do it, and if we can discuss it and talk

691
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: about it, then bad, then I'll let you rock with it.

692
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 1: But telling me because something no, that's not working.

693
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 2: For me, that's so work it. So with the hair,

694
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 2: the hair, you know, my pet peeve. With the hair

695
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 2: thing that boys are doing now where the hair gets

696
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 2: all maddened and it looks discombobulated and dry and whatever,

697
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 2: that was an issue with us. So what I did

698
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 2: instead of saying, you look like all these little boys

699
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 2: that run around here with the hair out and taking

700
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 2: care of blah blah blah. I had a conversation with

701
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 2: him one Sunday and I was like, hey, you want

702
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 2: me to help you entangle your hair? And he was like, so,

703
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 2: I said, I can help you or I can give

704
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 2: you this stuff when you can do it yourself. And

705
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 2: he's like, I did it like a couple of days

706
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 2: ago that Jackson. First of all, you lying because there's

707
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 2: no way. I literally went like, went like this through

708
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 2: the root of the hair and I I could barely

709
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 2: even get to the root. So I said, listen, you

710
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 2: have an option, right, you can cut all your hair off.

711
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 1: You can have waves.

712
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 2: I said, you can cut your hair off because you've

713
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 2: done it before. You look fly with you know your

714
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 2: little fade and waves and Daddy do just like that? Great,

715
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 2: I said, Or you can keep your hair this length,

716
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 2: which I think it's beautiful.

717
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: I love your hair.

718
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 2: And I said, all it takes is a little TLC

719
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 2: if you really want to wear your hair like this.

720
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 2: This is how hair care starts like. It starts with you, conditioning, washing.

721
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 2: You know, he's not gonna wear a Bona as much

722
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 2: as I've asked him to wear one.

723
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: We've reached a happy meeting. You will not wear Bonni okay,

724
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 1: so why can't they wear bondes. It's a trend now

725
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 1: we'll be wearing it through the airport. It's not a

726
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 1: trend I want to follow. Get my son a do

727
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 1: rag well do.

728
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 2: But the happy medium that we've reached now he now

729
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 2: comes to me. Oh my Sunday, you said, once a week,

730
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 2: can you help me detangle my hair? So he'll sit,

731
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 2: we'll watch whatever Sunday game is on football, we'll do

732
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 2: tangle the hair, I'll condition it deep and then he'll

733
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 2: wash it out. And then I bought these satin scrunchies. Now,

734
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 2: So what I do is, I'll just have him put

735
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 2: his hair up into like a bun or like a ponytail,

736
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 2: and I'll put the satin scrunchy in it so it

737
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 2: doesn't get all matted while he sleeps Oh yeah, satin

738
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 2: pillow case is satin sheet. And then he'll take his

739
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 2: scrunchy out in the morning, you know, a little leaving

740
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 2: conditioners sprayed out, and then he goes. But the point

741
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 2: of the matter is that now I'm teaching how to

742
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 2: take pride in himself.

743
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 1: And he's here now. The macho man dad in me

744
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 1: wants to be like, Nah, give him some regular cotton pillowcase,

745
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: and I want that. I want that that pillowcase count

746
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 1: to be low because he needs to be tough. You

747
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 1: got my son sleeping on satin sheets.

748
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 2: Pillow case.

749
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 1: Expansive with the satin scrunchy that you put in the

750
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 1: middle of his head. You know what I'm gonna do.

751
00:33:58,520 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let it rock right right.

752
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 2: I just made some headway with him.

753
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna make it hot at all. But what

754
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: I'm saying is this is showing maturity because the val

755
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 1: A couple of years ago would have burned all of

756
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:13,280
Speaker 1: that ship because in my eyes, that's making him soft.

757
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: And I'm not even talking about homosexuality. I'm just talking

758
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 1: about soft soft. So because this is toughness, I'm gonna

759
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: tell you I hate him. SATSD is what's right now.

760
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,840
Speaker 1: It's no, it's not only PTSD from that. It's PTSD

761
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: from the fact that you're growing up in Brooklyn. Right,

762
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 1: if you had on a sat and ask match he's

763
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,759
Speaker 1: right here. If somebody had on a satin do rag

764
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: or a satin scrunchy or do he would be a

765
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 1: victim on him. But this is my thing, right, this

766
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 1: is what you got to understand. When you make things

767
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 1: okay in private, they tend to make them okay publicly. Right.

768
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,360
Speaker 1: For example, bonnets and pajamas and all that stuff was

769
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,360
Speaker 1: okay privately for women, but now they wear them in

770
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 1: the airport, you know what I'm saying. And the first time,

771
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,240
Speaker 1: the first time my son is going on a travel

772
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 1: AAU and he got on a bonnet, he got sat

773
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: in pillow cases and they making fun of him. I'm

774
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: be like, talk to your mother, because your mother got

775
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:13,799
Speaker 1: you doing all of.

776
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 2: That, right, he could tough it out and he could

777
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 2: wear you know, he could use brown paper bags.

778
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 1: Let me let me I'm gonna be honest. Let me

779
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 1: tell you something. Let me tell you something about our son. No,

780
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 1: let me tell you some about our son. He is

781
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 1: so confident. If someone made fun of him for having

782
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 1: that satin thing and all that stuff.

783
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 2: Jackson comebacks be kind of crazy.

784
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 1: He would make them feel so bad and that they

785
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 1: would be like, I guess I'll get a satin one too,

786
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 1: like he like. He's also not affected by what people say,

787
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 1: because remember this kid then went through middle school with

788
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: glasses and braces, the two things when I was growing

789
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 1: up that you don't get.

790
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 2: You do not.

791
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,399
Speaker 1: You rather have crooked, fucked up teeth, and you'd rather

792
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,279
Speaker 1: be blind and a motherfucker walking around school eyes caught

793
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 1: like a pistol. Just can you see the value? You

794
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: rather go through both of those than get picked on

795
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: in middle school. I watched this confidence with embraces and

796
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 1: them glasses, and I care that. I don't think that

797
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 1: it matters if that's what we're trying to build. We're

798
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:17,320
Speaker 1: trying to build individuals who really don't care. Yeah, I

799
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 1: got on the satin bond. It what you're gonna do

800
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:23,279
Speaker 1: fight me, right, They won't them because we throw them

801
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 1: hands too. Like Jackson may have on a satin bond it,

802
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 1: but we got that bag down stairs and we be

803
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: on it, so I don't. I'm only joking with you

804
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: with the satin bond and stuff, but I mean, these

805
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 1: things really don't matter to me, Like it's hard for

806
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 1: me to understand, like why so many men get triggered

807
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 1: by it? Well, it was hard. I do understand now

808
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 1: why some men.

809
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 2: Get triggered by Yeah, well think about younger devous. You

810
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,320
Speaker 2: might have been triggered by some of these things younger,

811
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 2: but now mature devo at forty.

812
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, a lot of it is me feeling

813
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 1: having the self esteem and confidence in myself that no

814
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 1: one can shake or rock me off of. How our

815
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: parent instilling that my sons so that no one can

816
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 1: shake or rock them off of their manlihood. It don't matter, okay,

817
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 1: Like this will never happen. But Jackson, you got on

818
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 1: the pink skirt. People making fun of you, all right,

819
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:13,440
Speaker 1: fight them, make fun of them back, but be who

820
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 1: exactly who you are, like you, like, we are not

821
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: running from no smoke from nobody. It don't matter if

822
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: it's making fun of me for following a trend or

823
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,840
Speaker 1: making fun of me for not following a trend. I

824
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 1: want to instill in my son's the type of confidence

825
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: where they can walk around and be individuals.

826
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,919
Speaker 2: And everything that we do now we really like we said,

827
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:33,800
Speaker 2: like people be like y'all worried about what people have

828
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 2: to say. No, no, no, people always going to have

829
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 2: something to say.

830
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

831
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 2: Yes, they're always going to have something to say yes,

832
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,880
Speaker 2: So you might as well do what makes you happy

833
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:45,439
Speaker 2: back and do what you want anyway back period fat

834
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:46,879
Speaker 2: oh man.

835
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,359
Speaker 1: Fact, it's this fun episode. All right, y'all.

836
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 2: Let's take a quick break, and we're going to move

837
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 2: into listen letters after we get into these ads, be

838
00:37:53,719 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 2: right back, all right, and we are back. You know

839
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 2: what's another trend that I'll be trying to stay up

840
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 2: on that I just realized. I'm like, shoot, I'm the

841
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 2: texting trend. Like all of the acronyms that they have now, I.

842
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 1: Don't even know. Man. Jackson text me one day and

843
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:19,440
Speaker 1: I was just like, bro, you butt dobed me. He

844
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 1: was like, nah, those are sentences. I was like this,

845
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 1: I asked him, I said, Jackson there's no vowels in

846
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 1: any of these sentences. And he was like, no, those

847
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:30,720
Speaker 1: are acronyms. You got to learn them, I said, Jackson,

848
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 1: just call me. I'm not trying to decode this.

849
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 2: Did I'm better if you send me a gift for

850
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 2: something so I can at least figure it out. You

851
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 2: always give me a context.

852
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 1: Clue, hear me. You always want gifts. I mean, yeah too, But.

853
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 2: Hey, let's get into this first listener letter of the episode. Hey, y'all,

854
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 2: the last episode or the latest episode rather not another

855
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:53,800
Speaker 2: sex episode was a home run in my book.

856
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 1: People see as much.

857
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 2: As I figure out, y'all tired to talk about sex.

858
00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 1: Y'all love what we're talking about it. I told you

859
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,359
Speaker 1: they because people be going through it and they want

860
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 1: to other people's perspective life, you know, and we telling

861
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 1: the truth. Niggas be going through it over here too,

862
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:09,959
Speaker 1: Like shit.

863
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 2: I am twenty eight years old and married with a

864
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,439
Speaker 2: one year old. My husband and I have been married

865
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 2: for almost six years, and needless to say, and needless

866
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 2: to say, my husband and I have an emotional disconnect.

867
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 1: Sorry to hear that.

868
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 2: One of the things that stuck out to me was

869
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:27,360
Speaker 2: when you guys spoke about the other person wanting to

870
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 2: be more affectionate than the other and how childhood or

871
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 2: their upbringing might have played a role in that. You

872
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 2: really hit the nail on that long story. Short After

873
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 2: having my baby and experiencing postpartum depression on top of

874
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 2: other emotional trauma in the relationship, I began to really

875
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 2: focus on myself because I was really going through it

876
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 2: and my husband was not there for me what I

877
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 2: believe was one of the hardest times of my life.

878
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,800
Speaker 2: That of course turned me off from him, But seeing

879
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:57,359
Speaker 2: him with our daughter now after explaining to him how

880
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,880
Speaker 2: he has hurt me, really makes me want to get

881
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 2: our relationship back to where it was when we were

882
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 2: head over heels for each other. Because of the emotional

883
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 2: disconnect that I'm feeling, our sex life is suffering. I

884
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,800
Speaker 2: feel like my husband is only worried about himself during sex.

885
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:15,399
Speaker 2: Even before when we got to this point. Even before

886
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 2: we got to this point, I can remember having sex

887
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 2: because it was my duty as a wife, and sometimes

888
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 2: I literally would not even feel any pleasure, but because

889
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 2: he was enjoying it, I just laid there. It was

890
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:30,320
Speaker 2: a little traumatizing for me because I began to ask myself,

891
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 2: what's wrong with me? Why do I not feel anything?

892
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 2: Then faking it became something I did on the regular.

893
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 2: But now if I don't feel like faking it, we

894
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 2: don't have sex. Oh okay, don't get me wrong. Sometimes

895
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:45,880
Speaker 2: the sex is okay, But most of the time I

896
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 2: just lay there and fake it till I make it.

897
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 2: For him, it's the best thing in the world. So

898
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 2: I guess my question is how would I go about

899
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 2: letting my husband know that he doesn't please me without

900
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 2: hurting his ego? Thank you guys for being you, your

901
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 2: authenticities everything. Everybody worried about Sierras prayer, but we need

902
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 2: to know Kadeen's prayer. Much love to you both.

903
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:07,439
Speaker 1: Caneen's prayer was now I lay me down this sleep

904
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:07,879
Speaker 1: I pray.

905
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,720
Speaker 2: So from a man's perspective, I guess, without hurting his ego,

906
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 2: what would that feel.

907
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 1: Like for you? This is your life, partner, Fuck is ego?

908
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:21,480
Speaker 1: Your ego got to be out the door at this point, right,

909
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 1: this is clearest day when it comes to sex and people. Right,

910
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:28,240
Speaker 1: you as a woman, are asking him not to share

911
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 1: and sex with anybody else he wants him to. He

912
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 1: wants you to not share sex with anyone else, So

913
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 1: you have to be as present about the quantity. He

914
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 1: has to be as present about the quality, which means

915
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 1: if he wants sex more often, he should be asking

916
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 1: questions like, hey, babe, how do I make it more

917
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 1: enticing or enjoyable for you so that you want to

918
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 1: have it more. The reason why I said he should

919
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 1: do that is because I had to do that. All

920
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 1: men have had to do that, right. We grew up

921
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 1: at this mindset. We watch porn right bang bang bang

922
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 1: bang fast, fast, hard, hard, fast, fast. That's what we think,

923
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 1: because no one sits down with us as men and say, hey,

924
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 1: the same erogenous zones you have impounding for yourself doesn't

925
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 1: work with me as a woman. So a lot of

926
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 1: men go into sex thinking that the harder and the

927
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,879
Speaker 1: faster and the longer I go, the more she's gonna

928
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:20,360
Speaker 1: enjoy it. And what happens when you fake it? He

929
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 1: thinks he's doing it the right way, So in a way,

930
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,839
Speaker 1: you can't blame him for not knowing what you don't

931
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,759
Speaker 1: like because you've been faking things. No fuck is ego.

932
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 1: Tell him the truth. Say listen, babe, like you did

933
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 1: in college. Hey, slow down a little bit, all right,

934
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:39,880
Speaker 1: you may have to warm this thing up here a

935
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:41,440
Speaker 1: little bit, you know what I'm saying. I was like, Oh,

936
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 1: I didn't know. But the fact that I know that

937
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,480
Speaker 1: you like that, let's get into that. You know what

938
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:49,400
Speaker 1: I'm saying. It's not an ego thing. It's just it

939
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,439
Speaker 1: may not fuck it his ego. It may be like, yes,

940
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,680
Speaker 1: finally she's telling me some things that I know can work,

941
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 1: and I can, you know, spend my time. There was

942
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,360
Speaker 1: a study that just came out that most men enjoy

943
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: when a woman orgasm more than having their own orgasm.

944
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 1: It do was on social media. Don't know where, but

945
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 1: that's focus group. That's my thing. You know, that's my thing.

946
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 1: But here's my thing. Even with those things, they never

947
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:15,399
Speaker 1: asked me so who, but they asked me that one

948
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 1: thing that never I do know as a man making

949
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:22,360
Speaker 1: my wife orgasm is like when you talk about you

950
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 1: want to boost his ego, you want to boost your

951
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: husband ego, say babe, I'm really I want to orgasm.

952
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 1: I think if you do this, and I can do

953
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,800
Speaker 1: that and let him know that he actually helped you

954
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 1: make an orgasm, his ego going to be like this,

955
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 1: rather than seeing that, rather than thinking it's going to

956
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 1: shrink his ego by telling him the truth, let him know,

957
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 1: say something like, yo, babe, I'll be right there if

958
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 1: you focus on doing this in those moments when they

959
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 1: taking to.

960
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 2: The next level, because in his mind they're already having

961
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 2: really great sex.

962
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 1: Because she's doing she's being a kind, thoughtful wife by

963
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 1: being what he needs in the moment, even though it's

964
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 1: not for her. But she shouldn't have to live her

965
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:57,400
Speaker 1: life like that.

966
00:43:57,840 --> 00:43:59,799
Speaker 2: My advice to her, because I know that she has

967
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 2: a one year old is still being potentially in this

968
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,759
Speaker 2: postpartum rock rut or trying to get out of it.

969
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 2: What I think all women should do post baby, whether

970
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:12,320
Speaker 2: you've had one child or you've had four like me,

971
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 2: you need to learn your body post baby because a

972
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 2: lot of times the things that you enjoyed pre baby

973
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 2: you may not enjoy after the baby. Certain spots that

974
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 2: used to work before don't give the same reaction you Also,

975
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 2: sometimes to your libido can be a little messed up

976
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 2: when you are going through the postpartum phase, even a

977
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 2: year out. Not sure if you're on birth control, not

978
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 2: sure if you are breastfeeding, there's just so many different

979
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 2: things that play a part in that loss of that

980
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 2: intimacy and the loss of connection after a baby. So

981
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:51,359
Speaker 2: the disconnect I think is something that I think maybe

982
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,800
Speaker 2: ninety eight percent of people can relate to post baby,

983
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 2: whether it's the male or the female within the relationship

984
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 2: feeling that. So learn your body after that and it

985
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 2: maybe after having the conversation likedval suggested, it may be

986
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 2: worth it for you to then say, hey, babe, like,

987
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,360
Speaker 2: let's work together to explore this new body of mind

988
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 2: and not trying to think about getting back to what

989
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:13,120
Speaker 2: you used to enjoy but maybe seeing where what you're

990
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 2: enjoying now.

991
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it changes, because it does change.

992
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 2: But having that open conversation, you know, we're always going

993
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 2: to be an advocate for that, you know what, especially

994
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:22,280
Speaker 2: with your life partner.

995
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 1: You know what I want to say, I think this

996
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,399
Speaker 1: is very important for people to hear. We don't live

997
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: in a world where women get to explore sexually.

998
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,240
Speaker 2: Right, right, it was really encouraged.

999
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 1: It's never encouraged. It's never right. You're supposed to be

1000
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 1: virtuous and only have one partner, right, right, So if

1001
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 1: you live in a world where women don't get a

1002
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 1: chance to explore themselves sexually. Then we tell women when

1003
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 1: you when you find a man, you have to make

1004
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 1: sure that he is satisfied sexually. Right. So there's tons

1005
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 1: of women who never get a chance to orgasm or

1006
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 1: never get to focus on themselves. If more women told

1007
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 1: their husbands right, hey, I've never orgast, No one ever

1008
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:58,920
Speaker 1: paid attention to me with sex or nothing. If you

1009
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 1: have a good man, he will enjoy finding that out

1010
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 1: because you know what, you know how it feels as

1011
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 1: a man to know, like I can make my wife

1012
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: do things that you would never you know what I'm saying,

1013
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 1: Like she she gone that them told is gonna be curling,

1014
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 1: She's gonna be screaming that, she's gonna be leaking. As

1015
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 1: a man, that's what we take pride in. So if you,

1016
00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 1: as his wife, help him find those areas to do that,

1017
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:26,360
Speaker 1: it can help increase that that vulnerability, but also the

1018
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 1: fund behind that, the discovery is Yeah, it's like, baby,

1019
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 1: I never did this experien I was looking for that

1020
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 1: person that I felt vulnerable with. I feel comfortable being

1021
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 1: vulnerable with you. So we are like I want to

1022
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: try this. Watch how much she be like for real

1023
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 1: and he'd be like, all right, let's do it like that.

1024
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 1: To me, I think if I had a daughter, I

1025
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:46,839
Speaker 1: would tell my daughter that. If I had a daughter

1026
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:48,839
Speaker 1: who's twenty something years old and she's like, Hey, Dad,

1027
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 1: I just want to talk to you about sex, Like,

1028
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 1: how do I I would be like, YO, find out

1029
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 1: what you like. Find out a guy that you you

1030
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,360
Speaker 1: are comfortable with, that you trust, that you want to

1031
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:00,799
Speaker 1: build a life with. And then if you can trust him,

1032
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 1: if you use discernment and you trust him and you

1033
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:04,879
Speaker 1: believe it's the person for the rest of your life,

1034
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 1: tell him what you want to explore and do it

1035
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 1: with him. This way, you don't got to feel like

1036
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: I can't say it because he may not know how

1037
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 1: to do it. He ain't gonna know how to do it.

1038
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 1: He don't got a clatorus. You know what I'm saying.

1039
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,840
Speaker 1: No clatorus. It is not a claricist. You have to

1040
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 1: clatorus it because that's the only way you pay attention.

1041
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:25,279
Speaker 1: Se cloricist gets left alone. Where's the clitoricist. That's why

1042
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 1: niggas can't find it because claricists couldn't know. My God,

1043
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:34,800
Speaker 1: good luck to you.

1044
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:37,919
Speaker 2: Use this a mess?

1045
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:40,520
Speaker 1: Oh my God. Sometimes that's why I wish I had

1046
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 1: a daughter, because I would be able to help.

1047
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:44,200
Speaker 2: Help her navigate.

1048
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 1: Oh man, you share I know before, but I'm thinking

1049
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 1: about the conversations like, gosh, I gotta have this conversation with.

1050
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 2: The kids, and well we may have daughters in law later.

1051
00:47:56,560 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 3: So and be prepared to have those conversations with your

1052
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:05,359
Speaker 3: daughters absolutely, you know, because I'm going to have them

1053
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 3: conversations with my sons as a man, you.

1054
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 2: Know, like, this is what you gotta do, bro, I

1055
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 2: want to have great relationships with them when they come along.

1056
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 2: If that's what our boys want to do, so we'll.

1057
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 1: Say, I think you'd be good at Because we had

1058
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 1: a friend who was this maybe a little bit too

1059
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 1: much information, but I'm going to share it. We had

1060
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 1: a friend our same age who was dating a young

1061
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 1: lady and they kept saying, Okay, we're trying to she

1062
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 1: want to squirk, trying to find a way to make

1063
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:37,320
Speaker 1: this squak. So Kay was telling him certain angles and

1064
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,240
Speaker 1: things to do with you know who I'm talking about,

1065
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 1: and then it came to a point error where they

1066
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:49,279
Speaker 1: figured it out. Okay, Okay, she did it, she did it.

1067
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:52,759
Speaker 1: But the truth is I did what And I'm like, wait,

1068
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:56,399
Speaker 1: just now. And I didn't have to be the first

1069
00:48:57,760 --> 00:48:59,439
Speaker 1: at the moment. You know what I'm saying, take a shot,

1070
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,759
Speaker 1: watch that you can't do something. But the reason why

1071
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 1: I'm telling that story is because his excitement and getting

1072
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 1: her to reach that made sex fun for them, as

1073
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,879
Speaker 1: opposed to her being like I'm just here and he's

1074
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 1: not even trying.

1075
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 2: It was like a new feat for them that day.

1076
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,840
Speaker 2: I'm trying together, right And I was like, hey, i

1077
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:17,719
Speaker 2: mean try some things, see how it goes.

1078
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 1: And they were happy. Oh my god, that was fun.

1079
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:25,360
Speaker 1: That was hilarious. All right. Number two, Hey Davali Kadeen,

1080
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 1: thanks you all or thank for all you guys do

1081
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: to pour into our lives. We appreciate you, man, We

1082
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:32,880
Speaker 1: love you too. I twenty nine female, and my husband

1083
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 1: twenty nine male, have known each other for over a

1084
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:37,759
Speaker 1: total of seven years. We've been married for one and

1085
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 1: a half years and together for five years. We were

1086
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:42,839
Speaker 1: close friends for two years before that. Our relationship has

1087
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,480
Speaker 1: never been an easy one. We fought through a lot

1088
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:47,520
Speaker 1: to get to where we are now. But now at

1089
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 1: this point, I'm starting to regret it all. It seems

1090
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 1: like we're growing into two separate lives. I'm not sure

1091
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:54,920
Speaker 1: how we ended up here. I don't want to leave

1092
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 1: my husband, but I'm not sure how much longer I

1093
00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 1: can remain. I feel like I'm settling. He's lost himself

1094
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:02,319
Speaker 1: from the relationship. Maybe I did at one point too,

1095
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 1: But now that I'm back to myself, I'm realizing that

1096
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 1: I don't like this version of him. I feel so

1097
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 1: guilty for even thinking like this. I probably I'm probably

1098
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,920
Speaker 1: responsible for him developing into the person he is now.

1099
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 1: He's done so much for me mentally, emotionally, helped me

1100
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 1: through some rough patches. I realize this is getting long,

1101
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 1: So this is actually not that long. But the fact

1102
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:26,400
Speaker 1: that you recognize that I appreciate this sounds like a

1103
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 1: very aware person because she's already talking about stuff that

1104
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: she thinks she did to contribute to her husband. So

1105
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: they're gonna be fine. I'm gonna put that on that

1106
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,359
Speaker 1: so I'll get to I'll get to some kind of point.

1107
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:37,800
Speaker 1: Have you guys ever dealt with something like this? If so,

1108
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,440
Speaker 1: how did you get through? This? Is my marriage over?

1109
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:44,600
Speaker 2: Wow, So twenty nine and twenty nine seven years together,

1110
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 2: so that means that they've been together since they were

1111
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:48,800
Speaker 2: twenty two, and then it only been married for a

1112
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:49,359
Speaker 2: year and a half.

1113
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 1: Okay, listen, let me and these people twenty I mean,

1114
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:53,799
Speaker 1: you don't even know who you are at twenty now.

1115
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 1: That's literally this is normal.

1116
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 2: We were eighteen, so they've been together since we were eighteen.

1117
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:02,920
Speaker 2: Child this is and we've experienced versions of ourselves within

1118
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:06,040
Speaker 2: those twenty two years that we did not like. Yes,

1119
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 2: I think my question to her would be, do you,

1120
00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 2: without a doubt, not just love this man, but do

1121
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 2: you like him as a person? Like is this person

1122
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 2: your best friend? You know, when people say this is

1123
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 2: my person, like, I feel like sometimes that doesn't even

1124
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 2: give enough weight to what I feel like.

1125
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:26,840
Speaker 1: For example, you are to me.

1126
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 2: We've been able to literally withstand the test of time

1127
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 2: through so many different things in the course of twenty

1128
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:36,680
Speaker 2: two years. I know for a fact that there were

1129
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 2: versions of Kadeen within that twenty two years that you

1130
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:42,880
Speaker 2: were just like chickencake rocks. Yeah, And there were versions

1131
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:44,719
Speaker 2: of the val that I was just like, why am

1132
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 2: I still here? So I don't feel like it necessarily

1133
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:51,959
Speaker 2: has to be over, but I do understand feeling like, damn,

1134
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 2: I don't like this person.

1135
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,920
Speaker 1: Right now. But people have to realize though twenty nine

1136
00:51:57,080 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 1: is not super super groown, especially starting at twenty two.

1137
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 1: I always say this, from fifteen to twenty I thought

1138
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 1: I knew everything. Twenty to twenty five I knew I

1139
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 1: knew everything about life. Twenty five to thirty is when

1140
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,319
Speaker 1: I realized I didn't know shit about life the whole time.

1141
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:16,919
Speaker 1: Then I spent the beginning part of my thirties trying

1142
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 1: to fix everything so that I don't live in the

1143
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 1: same funk in my forties. The reason why I'm telling

1144
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:24,760
Speaker 1: you that is because you're both twenty nine. You're learning yourself.

1145
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:26,840
Speaker 1: If there's certain things you don't like about yourself and

1146
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:30,359
Speaker 1: your partner, it's normal you work to fix it, yep,

1147
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:32,799
Speaker 1: because you don't have to stay the way you think

1148
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 1: you are like, you fix it, and the only way

1149
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: you fix it is by having open, honest conversations that

1150
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:40,759
Speaker 1: other people may not want to hear. Right, Kadeen and

1151
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: I have these conversations, and some people be like, I

1152
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 1: can't believe they talk to each other like that. I

1153
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 1: can't Why would you say that to this podcast?

1154
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 2: Guys with fifteen seasons in if you go to season one, two, three,

1155
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 2: four or five somewhere in between that you're gonna hear

1156
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 2: versions of Devl and versions of Kadeen that we may

1157
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 2: not even subscribe to anymore. Absolutely, because that's just life,

1158
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:00,319
Speaker 2: that's how it works, that's the course of years growth.

1159
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 2: That's reflecting, that's being honest to the moment that you

1160
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 2: were in and speaking transparently about how you felt in

1161
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:09,080
Speaker 2: that moment. Because you think this episode is airing now,

1162
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:11,200
Speaker 2: we're gonna feel the exact same way five years from now,

1163
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 2: ten years from now. No, So you have to give

1164
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:16,800
Speaker 2: people the latitude to be able to grow and change

1165
00:53:17,080 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 2: and to support the person through that if you feel

1166
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:19,840
Speaker 2: like it's worth it.

1167
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 1: I agree, I agree, that's what I'm saying. I don't

1168
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 1: to me, this one was a simple one. They twenty nine.

1169
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:27,239
Speaker 1: I get it. They going through it, you know what

1170
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:29,279
Speaker 1: I'm saying. They're going through the funk of changes. But

1171
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 1: that happens, especially when you're with someone for a long time.

1172
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:35,120
Speaker 2: I think, ask yourself, if your marriage is over tomorrow

1173
00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:37,359
Speaker 2: and you are you able to move on with your

1174
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 2: life without this person, regardless of what it is. Are

1175
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:42,800
Speaker 2: you able to move forward? Because I know without a

1176
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 2: doubt that I am not choosing to move forward with

1177
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:45,880
Speaker 2: anything unless this.

1178
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 1: Man is by my side. Facts same thing here, I'm

1179
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:50,239
Speaker 1: not going I don't here what's going on. Once you've

1180
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:52,880
Speaker 1: made that decision, then so then you know, you know,

1181
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:55,719
Speaker 1: you know, like things are gonna be rough. Like I'm

1182
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:58,399
Speaker 1: looking at these ages twenty nine, I'm thinking about where

1183
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:01,719
Speaker 1: I was at twenty nine. Where we were. We were

1184
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:07,360
Speaker 1: third year in our marriage. We had a hot mess argument,

1185
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 1: streaming mess back in the apartment.

1186
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:12,480
Speaker 2: Twenty nine was a hot mess.

1187
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:15,880
Speaker 1: That was twenty fifteen. Yeah, twenty fifteen. We didn't know

1188
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:18,879
Speaker 1: what we were doing. We were figuring it out. Yeah,

1189
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: so this is the this is the last thing I'm

1190
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 1: gonna say about this, because she said it's my marriage over. No,

1191
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:26,440
Speaker 1: because Eve and I thought our marriage was over around

1192
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:29,560
Speaker 1: that time too, you know, we we literally did. And

1193
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,440
Speaker 1: y'all listened to this podcast. We started the podcast in

1194
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 1: twenty seventeen. I believe it was in eighteen, twenty eighteen, right,

1195
00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:41,359
Speaker 1: so this podcast is only about six years old, right,

1196
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:43,279
Speaker 1: So you've been listening to me speak since I was

1197
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:46,279
Speaker 1: thirty four. If you'd have heard me speak at twenty nine,

1198
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:47,960
Speaker 1: you'd have been like, I don't know who that time.

1199
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:52,000
Speaker 1: So don't don't judge your part of don't judge yourself.

1200
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:54,279
Speaker 1: There's going to be more changes. Just work with each other,

1201
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 1: love each other, and be delivered about it.

1202
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1203
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:59,839
Speaker 1: Be delivered about having fun with it like I have fun.

1204
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 2: Have the conversations, no know what, you can laugh off

1205
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 2: and then know what it's like. Okay, we can work

1206
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 2: through this.

1207
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:06,399
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

1208
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:09,120
Speaker 2: Good luck to you guys, both of our listening letters today.

1209
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:10,880
Speaker 2: I really want to see y'all win, really really do

1210
00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:13,800
Speaker 2: and continue to write into us. Y'all, you can be

1211
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:17,120
Speaker 2: featured as a listener letter if you write into our email.

1212
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:19,759
Speaker 2: It's dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.

1213
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:22,040
Speaker 1: That's d E A D A S S A d

1214
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:24,759
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1215
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:27,600
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about trends.

1216
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 2: They're talking about nail polish or all well, what are

1217
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:31,880
Speaker 2: we doing baby? What are we doing with these boys?

1218
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:33,760
Speaker 2: How are you feeling about these trends?

1219
00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:36,680
Speaker 1: How do we wrap up today's My message today is

1220
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:42,719
Speaker 1: for the dads, not just the dads of sons who

1221
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:45,239
Speaker 1: wouldn't let their kids wear nail polished, but also the

1222
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 1: dads two sons that would right. Can we stop shaming

1223
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:54,200
Speaker 1: and judging each other for having a difference of opinion? Right?

1224
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 1: Like you don't. You don't have to let your children

1225
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:00,960
Speaker 1: follow every trend to show that you yourself are inclusive

1226
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:04,560
Speaker 1: or progressive. You don't. You know what I'm saying. You

1227
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 1: can stand firmly on the fact that I just don't

1228
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:09,840
Speaker 1: want my children to have nail polish, or I do

1229
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 1: want my children to have nail polish, but always be

1230
00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 1: able to articulate your thoughts without judging, condemning, or shaming

1231
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:18,400
Speaker 1: others who don't agree with you. If we can all

1232
00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:20,360
Speaker 1: do that as humanity, we would all move better than

1233
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:21,359
Speaker 1: the world be a better place.

1234
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:24,080
Speaker 2: I definitely think so. And speaking of articulating yourself, I

1235
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:27,279
Speaker 2: think my overarching and takeaway from this episode was trend

1236
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:30,080
Speaker 2: or not, what your friends are doing or not, whatever

1237
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,879
Speaker 2: the case may be. I need you, as my child,

1238
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:36,359
Speaker 2: to be able to articulate to me why you are

1239
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 2: an advocate for this, why you want to do something.

1240
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:42,319
Speaker 2: Give me the pros and cons. Let me at least

1241
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:44,680
Speaker 2: feel as though you've done the research on your own

1242
00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 2: to decide that you're making an informed decision about something

1243
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:50,040
Speaker 2: you want to partake. In because that's ultimately what we

1244
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,200
Speaker 2: want to teach our children. We want to teach them

1245
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:55,720
Speaker 2: to move in this world being leaders, not followers, marching

1246
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:57,279
Speaker 2: to the beat of their own drum. As my mom

1247
00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,520
Speaker 2: used to say. Feel it's like an old West Indian

1248
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:01,520
Speaker 2: term or something, but it's like, you want them to

1249
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 2: be able to be equipped with the individuality and the

1250
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:08,000
Speaker 2: sound mind to think for themselves and not jump on

1251
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:11,600
Speaker 2: and follow every trend when it comes to friends, when

1252
00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 2: it comes to fashion, when it comes to sports, whatever

1253
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:14,640
Speaker 2: it may be.

1254
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 1: I agree with you, baby, sounds good.

1255
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:21,160
Speaker 2: All right, y'all, were rounding out season fifteen.

1256
00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:24,920
Speaker 1: I feel like the season is flying by, but you

1257
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 1: know we will be back.

1258
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, with future seasons, we will be I'll tell you

1259
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,320
Speaker 2: another moment in true time. I've debated on if fifteen

1260
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:33,720
Speaker 2: was going to be our last season. You know, we

1261
00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:35,800
Speaker 2: did our last live show. It's the end of the year.

1262
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:37,880
Speaker 2: I was like, maybe we can hang up that towel

1263
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 2: doing dead ass. But then I think I bumped into

1264
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 2: somebody in the Christmas store. Okay, I did go to

1265
00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 2: the Christmas store.

1266
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 1: Look at that. You see that I did. Yo, this

1267
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 1: is crazy. I want you all to see just total manipulation.

1268
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:53,960
Speaker 1: Kate just told herself by accident reached the look at

1269
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 1: the hands still here because she realized, oh shit, I

1270
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:58,840
Speaker 1: told her that I did not go to the Christmas

1271
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:00,960
Speaker 1: I wasn't going this. Yeah, but I might have made it.

1272
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:02,600
Speaker 1: I might have made a quick swing by.

1273
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:04,400
Speaker 2: Don't act like you don't know, because you be on

1274
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 2: my life three sixties, following me everywhere.

1275
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 1: I do. Be on your life to sisty, that's why

1276
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:10,439
Speaker 1: you put on the Nauty list. All right, you're trying

1277
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 1: to get off the NAUGHTI List. You guys some work

1278
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:15,280
Speaker 1: to do, all right, Well, well, actually I don't do

1279
00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: it somewhere, but yeah.

1280
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 2: We'll be back with season sixteen y'all at the top

1281
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 2: of the year, and in the meantime whenever we're on

1282
00:58:23,680 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 2: our hiatuses. You can always follow us on Patreon. That's

1283
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:28,240
Speaker 2: where you're going to see exclusive dead Ass content, the

1284
00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 2: after show, Ellis, family content, BTS, all the things that

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00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:33,720
Speaker 2: we have going on. And you can find us on

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00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:36,840
Speaker 2: social media at dead Ass, the podcast I Am I Am.

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00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:39,240
Speaker 1: And I Am Devo, And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,

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00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:42,640
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and lastly pick up

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00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:45,200
Speaker 1: that copy of We Over Me, The counterintuitive approach to

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00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 1: getting everything you want.

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00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 2: Come on the season, make it a gift, give it

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00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:51,160
Speaker 2: to somebody who needs it.

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00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 1: Y'all. Y'all hear these listening letters.

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00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:54,680
Speaker 2: Somebody can benefit from that book, So go ahead and

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00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 2: cop the book.

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Speaker 1: Dead Ass y'all Got dead Ass is a production of

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Speaker 1: iHeartMedia podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinya and Tribble.

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Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the

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Speaker 1: Podcast and never miss a thing