WEBVTT - What do you do when you're not here?

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is about a question that can help you feel

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<v Speaker 1>a little closer with someone. If there is a person

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<v Speaker 1>you often see in a particular place, you can ask

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<v Speaker 1>what do you do when you're not here? This question

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<v Speaker 1>will help you get to know them a little better.

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<v Speaker 1>We tend to know people within specific context like work, volunteering, exercise,

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<v Speaker 1>parents of the kids in your kids' school, or activities, neighbors,

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<v Speaker 1>book club, church, and so forth. But it's easy not

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<v Speaker 1>to know what's important to people when they are not

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<v Speaker 1>in the context you share. You can build the relationship

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<v Speaker 1>by asking about that, so as you are figuring out

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<v Speaker 1>your arsenal of small talk questions, add this one in

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<v Speaker 1>what do you do when you're not here? I think

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<v Speaker 1>this is a great question for a few reasons. The

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<v Speaker 1>biggest one is that it doesn't make assumptions like a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of other questions do. I hear from a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of stay at home parents who find it awkward when

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<v Speaker 1>people ask what do you do because they know that

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<v Speaker 1>question usually means what do you do for paid work?

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<v Speaker 1>This question can also be awkward for people who are

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<v Speaker 1>out of work and may not really want to talk

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<v Speaker 1>about it right. Then it's also very open ended. The

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<v Speaker 1>person can choose what part of the rest of their

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<v Speaker 1>life they want to talk about. Maybe a parent wants

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about his job or all the things he's

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<v Speaker 1>doing with his kids, but maybe he'd like to talk

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<v Speaker 1>about his recreational soccer league or that he just marched

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<v Speaker 1>in a parade associated with his heritage. Who knows. You

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<v Speaker 1>wouldn't know to ask about either of those specific things,

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<v Speaker 1>but if they are what he is excited about spending

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<v Speaker 1>his time doing, well, now you know. Figuring out what

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<v Speaker 1>people do when they are not in your shared context

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<v Speaker 1>gives you a fuller understanding of them, and that can

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<v Speaker 1>pave a way for a deeper connection. You might find

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<v Speaker 1>ways to extend the relationship. For instance, if you find

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<v Speaker 1>out that your yoga buddy works part time at an

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<v Speaker 1>art museum, then she's probably interested in art, and she

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<v Speaker 1>might end up being the perfect person to gallery hop

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<v Speaker 1>with you. You can discover a shared interest, extend an invitation,

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<v Speaker 1>and move beyond your initial context. This is what turns

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<v Speaker 1>an acquaintance into a friend. So if there is someone

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<v Speaker 1>you know in one context, ask them this question, what

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<v Speaker 1>do you do when you're not here? You'll avoid offending

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<v Speaker 1>someone because we all do something apart from wherever we

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<v Speaker 1>are at the moment, and you can learn what they

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<v Speaker 1>are excited about. Those are all good things. In the meantime.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.

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<v Speaker 1>If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach

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<v Speaker 1>me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia,

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<v Speaker 1>please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

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<v Speaker 1>listen to your favorite shows.