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Speaker 1: Hey, this is am. This is John, your og Okay

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Speaker 1: Storytime podcast host, and we got some delicious, juicy stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 2: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 2: word from our sponsors. My wife's religion is controlling our home,

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Speaker 2: and I'm terrified for our children. Oh no, this is

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Speaker 2: really hard for me to write since I have no

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Speaker 2: idea how I'm feeling. I'm twenty four male and my

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Speaker 2: wife is twenty two female. We now have some issues

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Speaker 2: that have arisen, mainly on my end. Before I continue,

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Speaker 2: please be open minded when you read this. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from ex phantom wing x and if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 2: slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carlyn, I'm Angie, and we're

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Speaker 2: here to give good advice goofully, but we don't have

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Speaker 2: all the answers. We only know what we would do.

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Speaker 2: Let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 2: I married my wife when she was Jehovah witness. I'll

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Speaker 2: be honest. At that time, I didn't even know what

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Speaker 2: that was. I've heard of them, but I thought there

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Speaker 2: were some kind of crazy cult people, well they kind

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Speaker 2: of are actually scratched that they are. Anyways, I was

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Speaker 2: the reason my wife got disfellowed, which practically means kicked

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Speaker 2: out her family cut contact with her. She was not

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Speaker 2: my girlfriend yet, but we liked each other. One thing

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Speaker 2: led to another. She got pregnant. By the way, she

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Speaker 2: was eighteen and I was twenty young. I know, stupid brain.

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Speaker 2: At this time we moved in together. Her family had

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Speaker 2: no contact and only my family was supporting her. Her

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Speaker 2: family would reach out and say mean things like I

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Speaker 2: would leave her and make her a single parent. But

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Speaker 2: time passed and we had my daughter. A couple of

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Speaker 2: months after that, my wife wanted to get married. I

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Speaker 2: loved her, and I decided to pull the trigger and

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Speaker 2: get married. I learned my wife was interested in getting

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Speaker 2: back with her religion. Now I'm not religious in any way, obviously,

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Speaker 2: I was like, why would you want to go back

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Speaker 2: your family abandoned you. But she wanted contact with her

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Speaker 2: family because she felt alone and hurt. I was hurt

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Speaker 2: myself that she was feeling this way, but I let

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Speaker 2: her join because to me, I believe you're allowed to

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Speaker 2: do what you want if you wish to be religious.

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Speaker 2: Then go ahead. We've been married for three years. I

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Speaker 2: did make a rule that I didn't want my daughter

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Speaker 2: practicing that religion, that I wanted her to make her

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Speaker 2: own choice, But my wife and her family influence it

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Speaker 2: regardless of my wishes, and I've stayed at this multiple times.

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Speaker 2: But this isn't the reason why I wrote this. Recently,

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Speaker 2: my child had to get surgery, just their tonsils. The

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Speaker 2: doctor spoke to me and my wife about the process.

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Speaker 2: Once the doctor finished, he said, there can be bleeding,

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Speaker 2: and if so, would you want to give blood? I

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Speaker 2: said yes, My wife said no. We looked at each other.

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Speaker 2: The doctor said, do you want your daughter to pass

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Speaker 2: away by bleeding out? My wife's response was, I'm a

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Speaker 2: Jehovah witness, and I'd rather you use the four components

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Speaker 2: of blood as a substitute. I was stunned by this,

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Speaker 2: and I told the doctor, if blood was needed, I'll

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Speaker 2: gladly give mine. The doctor seemed confused and said okay

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Speaker 2: and left. Now I know about this already. It wasn't

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Speaker 2: brand new to me about blood. I brushed it off,

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Speaker 2: but it hit harder when it was my own daughter,

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Speaker 2: and I genuinely got scared. Now this is the first

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Speaker 2: time she did this. A year ago, I fractured my

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Speaker 2: femur pretty bad in eight month recovery at the hospital.

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Speaker 2: When I was taken by an ambulance, I passed out.

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Speaker 2: When I woke up, I saw my wife. My doctor

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Speaker 2: came by and asked me that if there were a

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Speaker 2: complication with the surgery, was I okay to get blood?

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Speaker 2: My wife interjected and said no. On my behalf whoa

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Speaker 2: and she said the same thing. I'm a Jehovah witness.

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Speaker 2: I told the doctor I wanted.

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Speaker 3: Blood if it was possible, wholly, please give me the

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Speaker 3: blood that I need and not to listen to my wife,

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Speaker 3: and I signed off on it.

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Speaker 2: That scared me. I could possibly pass away due to

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Speaker 2: her beliefs being pushed onto me in the hospital, and

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Speaker 2: it scared me more when it was my daughter. I

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Speaker 2: don't know what to do. I truly love my wife.

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Speaker 2: She's smart, funny, and beautiful, but I don't know if

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Speaker 2: I can do this marriage. We're having another child, and

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Speaker 2: I'm happy about having another baby, but I'm afraid if

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Speaker 2: I leave that she will push her religious teaching on

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Speaker 2: my children. My wife, her family and friends tell my

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Speaker 2: daughter no birthdays are bad, holidays are bad, et cetera,

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Speaker 2: and I get angry and tell them to stop. I

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Speaker 2: feel so bad for my daughter and my next child

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Speaker 2: to deal with this. My wife tells me about her life,

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Speaker 2: she was raised in it, and it sounds like she

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Speaker 2: was in a cage her whole life, and I don't

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Speaker 2: want that for my kids. I don't think I was

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Speaker 2: ready for all of this in a marriage. And I

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Speaker 2: know we are young. I just find this extremely hard

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Speaker 2: to deal with. I forgot they're twenty two and twenty four.

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Speaker 2: That's already young, and now you have like this, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: is a lot.

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Speaker 4: This is so much that is just so wild. Like

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Speaker 4: it's one thing. It has its own difficulties to like

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Speaker 4: have different religions.

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Speaker 5: Especially is so extreme like this, yeah, exact, but it's

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Speaker 5: a whole nother thing to have different religions when one

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Speaker 5: person is like not religious at all and the other

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Speaker 5: person is a Jehovah's witness.

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Speaker 2: I'm surprised that she's even allowed to be married to

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Speaker 2: a non religious person, right, because I mean she gets

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Speaker 2: the break out right for like being interested.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, But then the fact that like I feel like,

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Speaker 4: I mean, I know, he was like so young when

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Speaker 4: it happened, but like he's that's gotta be a sign

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Speaker 4: that like, it's not that she wanted to leave the

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Speaker 4: religion like she's gonna it makes sense that she wanted

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Speaker 4: to go back, like yeah, h so messy.

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Speaker 2: By the way, at this time, I'm extremely close with

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Speaker 2: her family now, but they didn't like me beforehand. Has

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Speaker 2: anyone been through this? Does anyone know how to navigate

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Speaker 2: this venture? One you got married and had kids, well,

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Speaker 2: you were far too young and extremely uninformed and ignorant.

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Speaker 2: You married someone in a religion with a lot of

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Speaker 2: unusual beliefs and you weren't even interested enough to find

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Speaker 2: out what those were. Now you're having a second child

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Speaker 2: while unsure about your marriage. I'm gonna be quite frank here.

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Speaker 2: You need to grow up and quickly get on top

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Speaker 2: of this. You need to have an open conversation with

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Speaker 2: your wife about expectations and boundaries and healthcare, and you

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Speaker 2: need to get them approved and in writing. Your wife

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Speaker 2: has already proved she's willing to put your daughter or

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Speaker 2: you in danger for her beliefs. If she's not willing

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Speaker 2: to be flexible on this, you need to talk to

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Speaker 2: an attorney immediately. You are an adult, and if you

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Speaker 2: want to make a dumb decision to not have a

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Speaker 2: medical directive and pass away because your wife can make

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Speaker 2: decisions for you, that's fine. But you need to protect

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Speaker 2: your children not only from members of a religion that

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Speaker 2: some people described as a cult, but also from literally

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Speaker 2: passing away due to their mother preventing them from accessing

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Speaker 2: from accessing very normal health care. Comment too, being worried

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Speaker 2: that your partner's beliefs are going to harm your children

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Speaker 2: is one hundred percent of valid reason to leave the relationship,

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Speaker 2: and your right to be worried about them shoving their

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Speaker 2: religion down your kid's throats. Many religious people think that

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Speaker 2: their cause is of ultimate importance, and therefore they can

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Speaker 2: ignore any and every protest to them converting someone it's

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Speaker 2: extremely annoying. You need to get in contact with a

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Speaker 2: divorce lawyer and ask them about ways you can get

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Speaker 2: custody of the kids if things go south once you

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Speaker 2: do that. I hate that I'm about to say this,

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Speaker 2: but you may need to give your wife, her family

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Speaker 2: and her friends in ultimatum, kids discover religion on their

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Speaker 2: own terms or no more access to the kids, or,

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Speaker 2: in the case of your wife, divorce and you'll be

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Speaker 2: fighting for custody and we have an update update. I

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Speaker 2: read the comments and I don't appreciate the advice given.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Now, I just want to answer

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Speaker 2: some questions. But before I do, please do not message

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Speaker 2: me privately to tell me not to abandon my faith

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Speaker 2: and to grow my faith. Oh my God, a bunch

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Speaker 2: of Jehovah witnesses going after him.

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Speaker 4: In the poppie.

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Speaker 2: This isn't his faith. He done this, He.

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Speaker 4: No faith to grow, my Gosh.

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Speaker 2: I'm not religious in any way, and all this does

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Speaker 2: is push me away. Now to the comments, Yes, my

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Speaker 2: wife was raised Jehovah witness from birth, so breaking her

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Speaker 2: from the mold that was built for her is most

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Speaker 2: likely not going to work. Sadly, when she met me,

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Speaker 2: she was kicked out or disfellowed. We had a child

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Speaker 2: while she was kicked out or disfellowed. We had a

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Speaker 2: child while she was out. But I believe the reason

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Speaker 2: we are married was to help her be reinstated to

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Speaker 2: her congregation. Some asked why I didn't do research on

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Speaker 2: her religion slash cult. Well, because I've never met a

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Speaker 2: Jehovah witness before, and I thought they really weren't real

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Speaker 2: until my wife. Yes, they are extremely weird and crazy.

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Speaker 2: I've gotten to know some of these people, and yes,

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Speaker 2: they are extremely kind. But they believe their ideals are

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Speaker 2: the right way and that the harm they cause isn't

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Speaker 2: real harm.

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Speaker 6: Now.

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Speaker 2: I do love my wife, but after my daughter's surgery,

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Speaker 2: it really shocked and scared me and made me realize

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Speaker 2: this isn't a safe environment for me or my children.

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Speaker 2: I do love her, and I don't blame her because

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Speaker 2: this is all she knows. But just because that's what

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Speaker 2: she believes doesn't mean it's right. Some asked me to

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Speaker 2: give my medical situations to someone else, not my wife.

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Speaker 2: I already have this in place. After my surgery, I

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Speaker 2: told my parents. They also felt uncomfortable and said that

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Speaker 2: they were scared that she would have done the same

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Speaker 2: to me. So I got a paper with them that

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Speaker 2: they control my medical situations, so I am safe in

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Speaker 2: that regard. I don't want to abandon my wife. I

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Speaker 2: do love her. It's just her are causing this rift,

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Speaker 2: and I will not stand for my kids to be hurt.

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Speaker 2: I will try to communicate to see if there's common

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Speaker 2: ground somewhere. I will try therapy as well, but she's

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Speaker 2: so deeply rooted. I don't know if that will work,

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Speaker 2: but I'm going to try. I will also see lawyer

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Speaker 2: help to cover all my options for me and my children.

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Speaker 2: I forgot to add that the reason I believe this

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Speaker 2: won't work is because my wife's father and brother are elders,

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Speaker 2: which makes it extremely difficult to try to convince my

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Speaker 2: wife to back down. It's the end of that story. Dang, yeah,

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Speaker 2: my god. So her family is like high in that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this is crazy crazy. Yeah, dude, don't get with someone.

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Speaker 2: Check out where religion first. Yeah, if you're going to

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Speaker 2: marry someone that's literally coming from a religion that you

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Speaker 2: consider a cult, yeah, and you're not looking into that,

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Speaker 2: and then you're getting married like there's no way that you.

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Speaker 4: Just thought like, oh yeah, I just thought there was

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Speaker 4: like a weird cult and.

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Speaker 2: Then rush that off.

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Speaker 1: You rush off.

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Speaker 2: We got married after that, right, Yes, anything, this is

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Speaker 2: a lesson. Look into the religions you're marrying because they

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Speaker 2: might go back to them. Yeah, and that's the end

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Speaker 2: of this story.

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Speaker 4: We're going on to the next one. My wife is

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Speaker 4: shocked about our divorce after I discovered her affair you

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Speaker 4: shouldn't have had an affair. Then I am completely lost

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Speaker 4: right now. Thirty one male and thirty one female. Married

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Speaker 4: for eight years and together for twelve We lived in

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Speaker 4: five states and traveled to twenty plus countries together. Decent

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Speaker 4: amount of that time was spent a part about three

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Speaker 4: years for my various trainings and deployments, but we sent

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Speaker 4: letters and emails to each other throughout. It wasn't easy,

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Speaker 4: but we did our best and got through it.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes.

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Speaker 4: From throw two eight three eight two four nine two

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Speaker 4: one away And if you submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 4: to the r sash Okay story time.

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Speaker 2: Sup reread it and I'm Angie, I'm kindly, and we're

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Speaker 2: here to give good advice. Goofy.

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Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers. We just know

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Speaker 4: what we would do in this situation. So let us

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Speaker 4: know what you would do in the comments. I got

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Speaker 4: out of the military late twenty sixteen and we started

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Speaker 4: a life together again in a new city. We were

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Speaker 4: doing well, and in twenty nineteen and she asked to

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Speaker 4: try and open relationship and I started working with a

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Speaker 4: marriage therapist to help us through it. Wow, it took

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Speaker 4: me a lot of self learning and intense focus to

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Speaker 4: get over the jealousy aspect, but it was balanced out

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Speaker 4: by my attraction to the concept of it. I saw

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Speaker 4: two people during our open relationship, and she saw between

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Speaker 4: eight to ten. I quickly learned how easy it is

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Speaker 4: to be a woman on dating apps. Overall, it actually

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Speaker 4: wasn't as hard to maintain as I expected. We read

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Speaker 4: a lot about it, We listened to tons of podcasts.

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Speaker 4: We were well prepared and seemingly transparent. We learned a

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Speaker 4: tremendous amount about ourselves and each other. Though I don't

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Speaker 4: think I could maintain it long term. It was a

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Speaker 4: lot of work. When the VID came around, we put

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Speaker 4: it on pause. Basically, we never really sat down and

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Speaker 4: said it was officially over, but we decided it was

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Speaker 4: a bad idea to continue for how then safety purposes.

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Speaker 4: Last weekend she told me we needed to talk. She

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Speaker 4: confessed to me that four years ago, when I was

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Speaker 4: deployed in the military, and the month before I came home,

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Speaker 4: she slept with the guy that she used to work

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Speaker 4: with in twenty twelve, just one time, but she never

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Speaker 4: told me until last week. This was well before we

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Speaker 4: had even entertained the open agreement. Moreover, when she flew

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Speaker 4: to a different state last month to visit some friends,

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Speaker 4: she apparently ended up hooking up with a guy friend

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Speaker 4: of hers two times while she was away. She also

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Speaker 4: confessed this to me last weekend, along with the twenty

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Speaker 4: sixteen cheating when she got back. Initially, she just said

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Speaker 4: that she hung out with some old guy friends, no

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Speaker 4: mention of her hookups. In our open situation, she had

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Speaker 4: slept with three or four guys, but again, that was

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Speaker 4: during our mutual, transparent agreement. I understand this might be

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Speaker 4: viewed in a certain light given our open slash pseudo

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Speaker 4: open six month relationship, but I'm less focused on that

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Speaker 4: and more focused on her cheating on me when we

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Speaker 4: were one million percent monogamous and totally lying to me

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Speaker 4: about what she did last month while traveling. I feel disrespected, sad,

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Speaker 4: and enraged. We both have worked hard for this relationship,

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Speaker 4: shared incredible experiences, and have done some truly amazing life

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Speaker 4: building together, so the thought of ending it is a nightmare.

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Speaker 4: I asked her to leave for a week, got my

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Speaker 4: own therapist in our couples, and I made the decision

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Speaker 4: to hire a divorce attorney. Since we have several assets

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Speaker 4: and needing a professional's attention. I feel like I can't

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Speaker 4: ever trust her again, so what's the point of being

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Speaker 4: with her. I also told her I think she might

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Speaker 4: have some sort of form of spicy sleep regular use

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Speaker 4: between the open thing and the cheating. I talked to

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Speaker 4: her for the first time in a week today and

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Speaker 4: she made me feel like I was overreacting. She apologized

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Speaker 4: profusely and asked to start over again. She said I

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Speaker 4: will not do any work. All of the trust building

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Speaker 4: will be on her. She wants a restart and swears

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Speaker 4: there will be no open relationship, no cheating, no lying,

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Speaker 4: no cover ups. She said we can recover better than ever.

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Speaker 2: She said she waited so long to.

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Speaker 4: Tell me because she was afraid of losing me and

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Speaker 4: got trapped in her lies. She said she hooks up

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Speaker 4: with other guys to feel like people like her and

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Speaker 4: want to give her attention. She gains a feeling of

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Speaker 4: self worth from it because that is something that she

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Speaker 4: struggles with. I told her I retained a divorce attorney,

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Speaker 4: and she pleaded to do a separation for a while

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Speaker 4: and thinks that I was overreacting with my retaining a

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Speaker 4: divorce attorney. I suffered a lot of drama growing up.

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Speaker 4: I just want to protect myself, my feelings, and my future,

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Speaker 4: no matter how hard it might be to end something

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Speaker 4: that I've enjoyed so much. Trust is so huge to me.

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Speaker 4: I can't ever look at her the same again. Am

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Speaker 4: I overreacting? Or am I the crazy one here? We've

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Speaker 4: been through so much together. I can't tell up from

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Speaker 4: down anymore. She seems bewildered on why I was being

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Speaker 4: so serious about the betrayal and how after everything I've

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Speaker 4: put into keeping us together, long distance combat deployments, open relationship,

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Speaker 4: on the moves, et cetera, there was no second chance

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Speaker 4: for her.

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Speaker 2: And there is a bit of an edit. But I

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Speaker 2: want to hear your thoughts. She's a serial cheater. I

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Speaker 2: think retain your divorce lawyer.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because that last one was like so recent.

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Speaker 2: Right, and they're like, from the sounds of it, doesn't

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Speaker 2: seem to be much remorse on any front. Yeah, she

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Speaker 2: didn't even want to admit to half of it. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's like, if you're just gonna keep hearing these like

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Speaker 2: trickle truths, I guess you have to like really sit

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Speaker 2: with yourself and go Can my trust ever be regained, right,

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Speaker 2: and then really think about it if you even want

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Speaker 2: it to be yeah, yeah, and go from there. But like,

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Speaker 2: I certainly don't think it's wrong to have that on retainer,

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Speaker 2: like to just have already looked into having one and stuff.

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Speaker 2: Yeah exactly. If she's getting but hurt about that, that's

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Speaker 2: because she knows she'll get caught again, like right in

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Speaker 2: my opinion, Yeah, And I.

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Speaker 4: Mean, like I just went back again in it. It

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Speaker 4: was just a month ago that this last cheating thing happened.

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Speaker 2: Right, and the first one was twenty twelve.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, because it's like years. Say, I don't know, guys,

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Like I I this has been decades, over a decade

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Speaker 2: of it actually yeah, yeah, I think it's it's just

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Speaker 2: I understand why you don't trust her, right, And I

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Speaker 2: get like maybe.

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Speaker 4: Her thought process is like, well, we've been open before,

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Speaker 4: so like I didn't really think it's like, I think

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Speaker 4: it's something that we could work through, but.

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Speaker 2: You guys closed it again and she still couldn't handle it.

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Speaker 2: She cheated before it was open, Yeah, she cheated after clothes.

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Speaker 4: Yeah exactly.

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Speaker 2: We do have an edit.

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Speaker 4: After a week's worth of advice from here, from close

351
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Speaker 4: friends and from my therapist. I am moving forward with

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Speaker 4: the divorce and she will get all of the paperwork

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Speaker 4: next week. Looking back on the situation now with full clarity,

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Speaker 4: I realized that I was manipulated, gaslighted, and cheated on

355
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Speaker 4: for years as I worked harder and harder to make

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Speaker 4: our marriage better, up to and including opening our relationship.

357
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Speaker 4: My only hope now is that I can find trust

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Speaker 4: in people again and move past this. And there are

359
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,080
Speaker 4: some comments when commandor says you are not over reacting.

360
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Speaker 4: Love isn't the only thing that keeps the relationship alive.

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Speaker 4: Trust is just as important, and she broke it. Now

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Speaker 4: you can never see her as someone who you love,

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Speaker 4: but someone who betrayed you.

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Speaker 2: Divorce her and move on.

365
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,040
Speaker 4: It won't be easy, but it never is, I guess,

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Speaker 4: and Ope responds, Thanks for the assurance I told her.

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Speaker 4: I also struggled when we were long distance or when

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Speaker 4: I was deployed, and I had several occasions where I

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Speaker 4: could have broken trust, but I never did. Ever, she

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Speaker 4: is at fault. She betrayed me, and it is a

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Speaker 4: one way street. She definitely made me second guess myself

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Speaker 4: today with her crafty explanations and reasoning.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 4: I refuse to take flame for any of this crap.

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Speaker 4: I have worked way too hard and been one hundred

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Speaker 4: percent honest, faithful and good to her.

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Speaker 2: None of this is my fault.

378
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Speaker 4: No matter my flaws, and we are all flawed, and

379
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Speaker 4: we do have an update.

380
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Speaker 2: Here is what has happened since my last post.

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Speaker 4: We had a marriage therapy session to close out our feelings.

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Speaker 4: It was helpful in some ways, but just delaying the

383
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,919
Speaker 4: inevitable in my opinion. Both wife and therapist said I

384
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,560
Speaker 4: was moving too fast and that many couples regret divorcing

385
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,480
Speaker 4: so quickly. She said we should just separate and think

386
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Speaker 4: on it for a few months before making the divorce official.

387
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Speaker 4: After this session, I asked my lawyer to prepare the papers.

388
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Speaker 4: Wife reluctantly signed them, so in a few months the divorce.

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Speaker 2: Will be official.

390
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,119
Speaker 4: I moved out and I am staying with a friend. He

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Speaker 4: and his family have been extremely understanding and accommodating, and

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Speaker 4: if it's of getting away from my house include clarity

393
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,800
Speaker 4: of thoughts, closer commute to work, and trusting kind, reliable

394
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,280
Speaker 4: face only who keep me occupied. Honestly, I would have

395
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,480
Speaker 4: probably drink a lot more had I not moved in

396
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,879
Speaker 4: with them slowly telling one or two more friends or

397
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Speaker 4: family members each week, but any more than that is

398
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,160
Speaker 4: too much. Every time I tell someone, I get depressed

399
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 4: all over again. But eventually people need to know. Lastly,

400
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,200
Speaker 4: my wife and I got into it when I went

401
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,840
Speaker 4: home to get some stuff a few days ago.

402
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Speaker 2: She said.

403
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,480
Speaker 4: Her interpretation of how I've filed for divorce and moved

404
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:26,080
Speaker 4: out three weeks from her telling me that everything is

405
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:27,720
Speaker 4: that I must.

406
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,720
Speaker 2: Have been waiting for an opportunity to leave her.

407
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,080
Speaker 4: She also said she feels like I hate her and

408
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:33,200
Speaker 4: don't love for anymore.

409
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Speaker 2: I replied, I'm moving out.

410
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,320
Speaker 4: And divorcing you because you hurt me, and the other

411
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,359
Speaker 4: assumptions are not true. She is really struggling because of

412
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Speaker 4: how I shut it all down.

413
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,880
Speaker 2: Immediately, but her assumptions are way off. It's in her

414
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:46,560
Speaker 2: human nature.

415
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,520
Speaker 4: As part of her justification process, she continues to project

416
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 4: on me, makes assumptions about why I'm saying or doing

417
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:53,399
Speaker 4: certain things.

418
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Speaker 2: You know, what you did was the right thing to do. Totally,

419
00:18:56,840 --> 00:19:00,240
Speaker 2: don't feel pressured or like guilty. Yeah, anything that she's

420
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,000
Speaker 2: trying to say, now, Yeah, I'm.

421
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,840
Speaker 4: Glad that especially if you've acknowledged that you've been manipulated

422
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,479
Speaker 4: in gas lit. I'm glad that you're able to notice

423
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 4: when she's trying to do that again and you're just

424
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,200
Speaker 4: like nipping it in the bud. Yeah, immediately, I straight

425
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 4: up told her what I do at this point isn't

426
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Speaker 4: shared with her anymore, and I will do what I

427
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,000
Speaker 4: please unless it's legal business.

428
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,680
Speaker 2: No more consulting on anything.

429
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,119
Speaker 4: She obviously justifies her actions saying things like you hate me,

430
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,760
Speaker 4: don't you. It puts some responsibility on me. Again, it's

431
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,080
Speaker 4: unfair to me. She doesn't even realize it personally. I

432
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 4: don't think I should have to justify my feelings to

433
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,960
Speaker 4: her anymore. When things are at their end. Her perception

434
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,960
Speaker 4: of how I'm doing obviously is skewed by her own imagination,

435
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,159
Speaker 4: But at this point I don't have anything to explain.

436
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,240
Speaker 4: She can think whatever she wants, and that the end

437
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:43,840
Speaker 4: of that story.

438
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's exactly how it did. She can think whatever

439
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 2: she wants, But you know what's actually true, exactly Like,

440
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 2: I feel like that's kind of inevitable.

441
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 4: At any sort of breakup or ending of a relationship.

442
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,919
Speaker 2: Some side is always going to have their own story too.

443
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,159
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, I'm sure there's always going to be

444
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 4: someone that's like ra They're a terrible person, they're creating.

445
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:02,680
Speaker 2: Yeah.

446
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 4: I was like, well, you can't do anything about it.

447
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,800
Speaker 2: So and that's the end of this story.

448
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,200
Speaker 4: We're going on to the next one.

449
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 2: I tried saving my marriage, but my wife had already

450
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,960
Speaker 2: made her choice. Well too late, I guess. I twenty

451
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 2: six male, am married for three years to twenty seven

452
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:22,480
Speaker 2: female with two year old child. We have been together

453
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,680
Speaker 2: since we were eighteen and nineteen. Since birth of kid,

454
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 2: wife has stayed home while I worked. She had postpartum

455
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,240
Speaker 2: depression that she went to therapyfore, but still struggled by

456
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,160
Speaker 2: the way this comes from Just in case you fart

457
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,159
Speaker 2: twenty three. Great name, and if you want us to

458
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,400
Speaker 2: make your own stories, go to the r slash okay

459
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,680
Speaker 2: storytime sub reddit. I'm Carly, I'm Angie, and we're here

460
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 2: to give good advice. Goofilly, But we don't have all

461
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 2: the answers really know what we would do, so let

462
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,439
Speaker 2: us know what you would do in the comments. Wife

463
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:53,120
Speaker 2: had many talks with me about being unhappy slash disconnected

464
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 2: from me. Opportunity came up for her to run her

465
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 2: own business, so we jumped on it when our child

466
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,919
Speaker 2: was twelve months old. Wife still happy, felt disconnected. I

467
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 2: made small tweaks here and there, but we ultimately butted

468
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,119
Speaker 2: heads on her need for me to help around the house,

469
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,399
Speaker 2: vacuum dishes, et cetera. I felt that I was getting

470
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,640
Speaker 2: up at five am and working ten hours a day

471
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,200
Speaker 2: while she could sleep in until baby woke up at

472
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 2: eight to nine am and take care of him, and

473
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,639
Speaker 2: then she would have a two hour window during naptime

474
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,920
Speaker 2: to either nap herself or do household stuff. I voiced

475
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 2: that she had the time to do these things while

476
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 2: I was gone at work, not in a nineteen fifties

477
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 2: housewife way, but in a whoever makes more money should

478
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 2: work and the other person stay at home, regardless of gender.

479
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,040
Speaker 2: As time went on, we became roommates that had spicy

480
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 2: sleep and did stuff together on the weekends. I took

481
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,879
Speaker 2: it as we were going through a season or still

482
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,400
Speaker 2: working through all the new things in our marriage. I thought,

483
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 2: if the wife was in a really bad spot, we

484
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 2: just go to therapy. One night, I discover she is spicy,

485
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 2: texting random guys that made her feel validated online. That

486
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,199
Speaker 2: was my wake up call, and we immediately started doing

487
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 2: couples therapy. I listened to her and the therapist and

488
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,199
Speaker 2: made changes and took the load off her. We actually

489
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 2: started having deep talks, she started initiating spicy sleep, many

490
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,639
Speaker 2: many Aha moments for me. He learned about love languages,

491
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,639
Speaker 2: listening to her, et cetera. After a month of what

492
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 2: felt like going down the right path, she told me

493
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 2: she doesn't feel anything when we kiss and wants to

494
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 2: stop going to couple's therapy. Tells me now she wants

495
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 2: a divorce and is moving out. No amount of listening, begging,

496
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 2: or asking for a second chance can bring her around.

497
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,640
Speaker 2: She's made up her mind, staring down the barrel of divorce,

498
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 2: a broken home for my toddler, losing half my net

499
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 2: worth and my best friend since high school because I

500
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 2: was too selfish and didn't listen to my wife. I'm

501
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,439
Speaker 2: so conflicted on how I feel about Op and I'm like,

502
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 2: maybe it's just his writing style, but like maybe in

503
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 2: the same thing about being like, I'm losing my best

504
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:53,120
Speaker 2: friend and this longtime lover half my net worth too, right, right,

505
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 2: It's like working on forgiving myself for these mistakes and

506
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 2: the realization of what my life and my son's life

507
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 2: will look like going forward as a twenty six year

508
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,640
Speaker 2: old divorced dad and his life growing up in two homes.

509
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 2: Hope this can act as a warning to others to

510
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 2: avoid my pitfalls. And we have some comments she was

511
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 2: talking to other men. I hope you read this and

512
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 2: feel reminded that this isn't all on you. It takes

513
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,119
Speaker 2: two dude. Instead of chasing validation from other men and

514
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 2: breaking her vows and disregarding your trust, could have been

515
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 2: addressing the marital issues and being devoted. Keep your head up, soldier.

516
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 2: You were capable of growing and being committed. She wasn't.

517
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 2: You're a good dad, bro. But anyway, now she is

518
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,399
Speaker 2: in the past, what she is doing now pretty much

519
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 2: irrelevant to you. You got to focus on yourself and

520
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 2: your child fully with all your heart. Thinking about the

521
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 2: past and being full of regret is unproductive. You gotta

522
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 2: forgive yourself. What does your child need? She needs you

523
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 2: to be strong spiritual man to guide her. Quit blaming

524
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,919
Speaker 2: yourself for everything and recognize that you were committed and

525
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 2: trying to do the right thing. That shows you're a

526
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,880
Speaker 2: good man who can be accountable and grow. Things will

527
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 2: get better in time. I will heal. Yeah, Like I

528
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 2: don't want to knock the fact she was cheating for

529
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 2: sure terrible. She should have asked for that divorce well

530
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 2: before she could have. Yes, At the same time, I

531
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 2: have a lot of sympathy for her because she was

532
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,120
Speaker 2: asking for that, she was asking for the step.

533
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,679
Speaker 4: It's like, it's the kind of thing where it's like

534
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 4: you could say, I could see them arguing and her

535
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 4: being like, well, of course I cheated.

536
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 2: I didn't feel loved by you, blah blah blah blah blah,

537
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 2: like you should still never cheat. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

538
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 4: But then it's the kind of thing where it's like, okay, well,

539
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 4: like maybe that's true, but at that point, like once

540
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,159
Speaker 4: you've once, you've also aft up like that, like you

541
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,919
Speaker 4: can't really go into like who started it, like you

542
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 4: kind of both just have done things.

543
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wouldn't be taking all the blame of like

544
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 2: I'm the sole reason that this marriage ended because she cheated,

545
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 2: Like she chose her ways, Like that is the end

546
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 2: of it. That's on her.

547
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I love how positive that comment was. Yeah,

548
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 4: but at the same time, I do still want to

549
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 4: acknowledge the things that this guy did wrong.

550
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I am glad that he is at least

551
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 2: like it's out, and I hopefully she will too. But

552
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 2: like he's realized that he knows about love languages now,

553
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 2: so like that's wonderful. I hope that he holds that

554
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 2: and he goes forward in this like new like like, yeah,

555
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,399
Speaker 2: don't be too hard on yourself for too long. You

556
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,440
Speaker 2: have a kid together, Like be there for your daughter

557
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 2: with the new things that you've learned. Be this great

558
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 2: influence of love for your daughter, Like teach her about

559
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:24,400
Speaker 2: love language and like make sure that she knows, like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

560
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 2: you have a little you have a little you to

561
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:30,199
Speaker 2: teach exactly. It felt like my wife was half working

562
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 2: on reconciliation, and I asked her about it, and she

563
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 2: admitted she was. Wife said she wanted a divorce September

564
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 2: twenty second, said she doesn't know who she is and

565
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 2: needs to focus on herself. It absolutely crushed me. Had

566
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 2: a panic attack at work and had to leave. Wife

567
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,399
Speaker 2: kept telling me there wasn't anyone else, but every female

568
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 2: family member was telling me there had to be. Based

569
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 2: on her actions and remarks, I spoke with a lawyer

570
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 2: and submitted a divorce petition On October sixth. Wife made

571
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 2: plans to move out the following week to a nearby apartment.

572
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 2: I was destroyed. I was beating myself up for not

573
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 2: doing more sooner and letting my marriage fail. Why I

574
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 2: spent the next two weekends away from our area, as

575
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,119
Speaker 2: it felt weird being at home with you and child

576
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 2: on your weekend. I noticed both times she returned she

577
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 2: had new tattoos. Also noticed she took her vibrator with

578
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:22,160
Speaker 2: her on these trips, with her rebuttal being this spicy

579
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 2: toys for personal use. While doing laundry, three days before

580
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,120
Speaker 2: she was supposed to move out, I found another man's

581
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:32,639
Speaker 2: sweatshirt at my laundry. Oh no. I asked her about it,

582
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,919
Speaker 2: and she denied it, even going so far as to remark, oh,

583
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,679
Speaker 2: it's not yours. Huh. That night I got on her

584
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 2: phone and found the smoke and pew pew. Not just

585
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 2: one married man, but two. One married man let's call

586
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 2: him a fair partner. Number one was her man Squeeze,

587
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 2: also the father to young children with his wife. Oh

588
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 2: my god, the one she spent the last two weekends

589
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 2: with getting matching too and to love bombing each other.

590
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 2: The other married man, let's call him a fair Partner

591
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 2: Number two, was also the father to children that go

592
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 2: to my wife's after school program she owns and runs,

593
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,479
Speaker 2: and was just a spicy texting partner. Doesn't appear they

594
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,640
Speaker 2: ever got physical. After finding this dirt, I immediately told

595
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 2: the other wives and my wife's family and friends, and

596
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 2: never confronted my wife about it. My wife has been

597
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 2: spreading hate about me, oh about being a terrible husband,

598
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,879
Speaker 2: and failed to mention anyone she was still cheating. Wife

599
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 2: of a Fair Partner number two responded first, she was shocked,

600
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 2: but thanked me for the information. Wife of a Fair

601
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 2: Partner number one was absolutely destroyed. She had no idea.

602
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 2: They had been going to counseling for a few months

603
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,879
Speaker 2: and just one to two weeks before her husband, a

604
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 2: fair partner number one in my story up and told

605
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 2: her he wanted a divorce. Quick side note, the day

606
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 2: my wife told me she wanted a divorce is a

607
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,119
Speaker 2: fair Partner number one's anniversary to his wife. I guess

608
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 2: word got back to my wife between her family and

609
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 2: friends asking why she lied to them, and the affair

610
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 2: partners asking how their wive's found and she starts blowing

611
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 2: up my phone, saying, you invaded my privacy. You're hurting

612
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 2: innocent children by telling the spouses, and I would have

613
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,920
Speaker 2: divorced you anyway even if I never met him. Dang well.

614
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,240
Speaker 2: She decides to move out a day early, as she

615
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 2: doesn't feel emotionally safe in the home after I invaded

616
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 2: her privacy. When I go to pick my child up

617
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 2: from her that evening, guess who's at her new apartment. Oh,

618
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 2: a fair partner number one. So much for waiting six

619
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 2: months to introduce our child to new partners. She told

620
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 2: me she has known him for four months. Whatever out

621
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 2: of my control. I've got a running bet with her

622
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 2: family and friends and my family friends on how long

623
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 2: her and her new man will last. Longest bet is

624
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 2: eighteen months, letting the lawyer take care of the divorce.

625
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,479
Speaker 2: But now my home is empty of her and her stuff.

626
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 2: My bathroom is refreshingly neat and organized now, and I

627
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 2: slept like a baby. I was fortunate to get closure

628
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 2: form my divorce that men don't get. We have some comments.

629
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 2: As hard as it may seem to be, mate, the

630
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 2: best thing to do is to understand that all of

631
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 2: this is temporary things are now in trained to happen,

632
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 2: and all you really have to do is sit back

633
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 2: and let it happen. Life doesn't stop and will just

634
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 2: keep rolling along, and before you know it, you'll be

635
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 2: divorced and she'll only be in your life at the

636
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 2: end of a parenting app. So this crap show has

637
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 2: an ending that is in sight, and even that tethered

638
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 2: to her via an app will be temporary. Kids have

639
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 2: this habit of growing older, and as they do, the

640
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 2: time you have to reluctantly spend with her in your

641
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 2: life will slowly eb away. She'll go from being a

642
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 2: bunch of words on the app to being someone you

643
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 2: used to know who you'll hear about anecdotally. So, mate,

644
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 2: all of this crap is temporary at best. It's got

645
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 2: a finite bit in your life. And whilst some things

646
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 2: will always remain as a permanent thing, you do share

647
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 2: a kid after all, over time, even these permanent things

648
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 2: will just fade into the background. You will find that

649
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 2: learning to be indifferent to her will help immensely. That

650
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 2: learning to not really give a crap about her, her life,

651
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 2: et cetera, unless it directly affects your child, will help

652
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 2: you lots have the handy response that's nice ready for

653
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 2: when people want to spill the gossip. Also helps other

654
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 2: people will see that your care factor when it comes

655
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 2: to her is set permanently to zero and will slowly

656
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 2: stop doing it, whether she stays with that guy or

657
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 2: bounces to another who really cares. It's water cooler talk

658
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 2: and nothing more. That's the end of that. Wow, that

659
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 2: was a good last comment.

660
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think so, because I think we do hear

661
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 7: that a lot about some stories where it's like, oh,

662
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 7: they so my friend just told me that they are

663
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 7: hooking up with someone else. It's like, great, didn't need

664
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 7: to know that, you need to know, but like thanks, cool,

665
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 7: And that's the end of this story.

666
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 4: We're going on to the next one.

667
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 1: Sam here og host, We're going to get back to

668
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: these stories.

669
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 8: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

670
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 1: First, my sister eloped years ago and now she's basically

671
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:54,560
Speaker 1: a stranger.

672
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 8: Takes one to know one.

673
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: Nine years ago. I was eighteen at the time my

674
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 1: older sister Elone hoped with her then boyfriend. Our parents,

675
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: we are an immigrant family, were vehemently opposed to her relationship.

676
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 1: I remember me being okay with it personally, but it

677
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 1: wasn't my place. She eloped with her boyfriend and cut

678
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: off all contact with us. By the way, this comes

679
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 1: from Substantial by forty eight eighty one. If you want

680
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay,

681
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 1: storytime suppered it. I'm Dakota Sophia, and we are here

682
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: to give good advice. Goofuy, But we don't have all

683
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 1: the answers. We only know what we do, so let

684
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 1: us know what you do in the comments and op says.

685
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 1: My parents were beside themselves. I tried reaching out to

686
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: her back then on different platforms, but was blocked. I

687
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 1: even reached out to her best friends and asked them

688
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: if they could at least get me in touch with her,

689
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: and they said she didn't know where she lived now,

690
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,239
Speaker 1: but that she told them she was happy. She had

691
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: also left her workplace. Eventually, we all me and my

692
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 1: parents came to an unspoken agreement to pretend she was

693
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: never here, and I blocked her everywhere too. That sounds toxic,

694
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 1: bad agreement to come to. I can't imagine why your

695
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 1: sister went no contact with everybody you went.

696
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 8: Well, we tried a best she's gone for even how.

697
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,959
Speaker 1: She yess yes, she was never born sister.

698
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 8: I never had a sister.

699
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 1: I remember being extra particular to call regularly when I

700
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: was in college because I was worried about their state

701
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 1: of mind. We're now at a place where I can't

702
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 1: remember the last time she crossed our minds. Yesterday, my

703
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 1: sister knocked on my apartment door. She cried and hugged

704
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 1: me when she saw me. I hugged her back. Initially too,

705
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: I wasn't really thinking at the time. She was just

706
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: going on about how much I had changed, how much

707
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 1: she'd missed me all these years. Eventually I kind of

708
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: remembered everything and asked her why she was here and

709
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 1: who had given her my address. She said she had

710
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 1: swore to them that she wouldn't tell. I asked her

711
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: why she didn't call first, since whoever gave my address

712
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 1: probably gave my number two. She said she just wanted

713
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: to see me in person. I told her we'd gotten

714
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 1: over her. Why was she here. She said her issue

715
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 1: had only been with our parents, not me. I told

716
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,239
Speaker 1: her about how I'd been blocked to by her when

717
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: she let yes.

718
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 8: Say, like I didn't have an issue with you even

719
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 8: though I completely blocked you.

720
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 1: This is a mess. She told me she was sorry

721
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 1: she had hurt me, but she had wanted a fresh start.

722
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,239
Speaker 1: Told me I was an uncle to a nephew and

723
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: a niece. They weren't there at the time. They were

724
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 1: at their father's They had recently divorced. She acted surprised

725
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,959
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't know. She said she'd told someone to

726
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 1: tell our parents about them. Maybe it was hearing about

727
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 1: the divorce that frustrated me more, because if we were

728
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 1: going to have gone through all this pain, at least

729
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 1: she could have found lasting happiness. I just told her

730
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: she was a stranger to me now. She said we

731
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: could have lunch together, and she wanted to know all

732
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: about what I had been up to, but I told

733
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 1: her it was best if we continued to have no contact.

734
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 1: She didn't act like an older sister when I needed

735
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 1: her to, and that we were no longer family. We

736
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 1: had mourned her already and we were nowers. She was tearful.

737
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 1: She gave me her address and phone number and left.

738
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 1: Last night, I spoke to my girlfriend about what had happened.

739
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,360
Speaker 1: She said she was still my sister and that I

740
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 1: shouldn't have just turned her away. I told her she

741
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,760
Speaker 1: didn't know what we'd gone through in the days after

742
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 1: she had eloped, but I still wanted to know. Here

743
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: am I the a hole?

744
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 8: I don't think you're the ale at all. Maybe your

745
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 8: sister really does want this relationship, and perhaps it could

746
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 8: be beneficial on the wrong one possibly, but you don't

747
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 8: owe her anything.

748
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 1: You don't owe the relationship considering she blocked you as well,

749
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 1: even though she said she had no problem with you.

750
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 8: My only thing is I think that you kind of

751
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,800
Speaker 8: miss her too, as much as you say I've forgotten

752
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 8: about her because you hugged her. You said, like immediately

753
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 8: you hugged her.

754
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think your unspoken coping mechanism that you guys

755
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 1: developed maybe backfiring now. I think you should entertain the

756
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 1: lunch and then decide from there what you want to do.

757
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 1: Completely agree, But she was also moved being so weird.

758
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: She didn't call you, she didn't message you. She just

759
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 1: showed up at your front door. Its kind of like

760
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 1: an ambush. And there's an update from four days later.

761
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 1: I had been emotionally drained almost after meeting my sister.

762
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 1: Like I said, I had made my peace after a

763
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 1: lot of hurt and futile hope that I would never

764
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 1: see her again. She had my number, and I hadn't

765
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 1: blocked the new number of hers. I had thought about

766
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 1: it and received advice too, but I just didn't. It

767
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 1: slipped from my mind. She asked me on Tuesday how

768
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 1: I was doing and asked if we could meet on Wednesday.

769
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 1: She really wanted me to meet her kids. I was

770
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,400
Speaker 1: really conflicted. I didn't want to oblige her, but I

771
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 1: decided to say yes to at least meet them. I

772
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 1: went to her apartment yesterday and met my niece and nephew.

773
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,240
Speaker 1: My niece had recently turned nine and my nephew is six.

774
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 1: They're great kids, and I really enjoyed seeing them. I

775
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 1: remember feeling a certain way when my sister was introducing me,

776
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:58,800
Speaker 1: and she told him that the way he's my niece's

777
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 1: younger brother, similarly, i'm her younger brother. We talked a

778
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 1: bit and started talking about stories from us growing up.

779
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 1: I hadn't and still haven't, said everything's okay between us,

780
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 1: but our stories and the conversation went smoothly. I learned

781
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,880
Speaker 1: that after she eloped and got married, she had moved

782
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:17,919
Speaker 1: in with her husband into his place in a town

783
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: a few hours away from us, that around twenty nineteen

784
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 1: they had moved to the city we were currently in.

785
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 1: According to her, she didn't know all this time that

786
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 1: I later moved here for work after college too. I

787
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: told her about what I had been up to all

788
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 1: these years, my college, my job, my girlfriend, et cetera.

789
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 1: After that, the kids were in their room and my

790
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: sister brought up us all doing something again over the weekend.

791
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,840
Speaker 1: I told her we weren't okay and she can't expect

792
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,839
Speaker 1: me to forget everything. She said she was sorry and

793
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: that her moving out had nothing to do with me,

794
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: and that she missed me. But you blocked him.

795
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, maybe so, but it

796
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 8: still affected him. It still, you know, hurt him.

797
00:36:59,800 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 2: So.

798
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 8: Oh, regardless of your intention there, you can't really change

799
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 8: how he was.

800
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 2: He took that.

801
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, your sister is gonna have to sit down and

802
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,840
Speaker 1: dine at the banquet of her consequence. Yeah, I was

803
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 1: angry at the fact that she had no idea the

804
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: pain I had gone through, both personally and then having

805
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 1: to be the crutch for my parents' pain. I told

806
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 1: her that I didn't believe her that she would have

807
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 1: been perfectly fine with never seeing me again if she

808
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,760
Speaker 1: hadn't gotten divorced, and that I could have been passed

809
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 1: away and she probably wouldn't have broken a sweat upon

810
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,400
Speaker 1: learning it, since she was so blissed out from her

811
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,359
Speaker 1: domestic life. I know it was ugly. I've never said

812
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: anything like this, but in that moment, I just wanted

813
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 1: her to feel some kind of hurt of the kind

814
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 1: she had given me. She broke down and said, I

815
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: can hate her if I want, but to just not

816
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 1: hate her forever. There has to be a limit. I

817
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 1: regretted saying what I said when I saw her crying,

818
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 1: so I just sat next to her and asked about

819
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 1: why they had divorced. She told me that their life

820
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,279
Speaker 1: had been going all right the first few years. She

821
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 1: said she'd even sent word through a mutual when the

822
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 1: kids were born, which either the mutual messed up or

823
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,760
Speaker 1: my sister did because we never heard about it. Well,

824
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:13,240
Speaker 1: your parents might know, and they might have never told you. Yeah,

825
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 1: that that might be.

826
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 8: A thing I would be wondering about that.

827
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:19,280
Speaker 1: The responsible party I think would be your parents, because

828
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 1: they kind of like, I mean, your sister left. But

829
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: then your parents fomented this, Yeah, this kind of bitter

830
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 1: hatred side and talk about her ever being like, yeah,

831
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 1: she's not she didn't exist, that's wild. She said. When

832
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,320
Speaker 1: the VID happened, her marriage became bad, and that it

833
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,800
Speaker 1: had uncovered a side of her ex she never knew.

834
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 1: He became awful, had disdained for their son, revealed he

835
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 1: used to record every single conversation of Theirs, had convinced

836
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: her she was crazy and a bad wife and mother,

837
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:52,240
Speaker 1: that she stuck with him because of the kids until

838
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 1: she had enough, and that a very good neighbor of theirs,

839
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 1: whom she had become friends with, gave her a lot

840
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,760
Speaker 1: of support and even helped line her up with a job.

841
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 1: During all of this, she even blamed our parents for

842
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 1: her sticking with the marriage for so long and for

843
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:11,839
Speaker 1: not reaching out. That's not their fault, that's kind of

844
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 1: your fault, right, I'm sorry.

845
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 8: That this person hasn't really learned.

846
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like, well that didn't work out, so

847
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,400
Speaker 1: now I can just go back to the people I

848
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 1: completely abandoned. Yeah, I told her they had literally pleaded

849
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:27,319
Speaker 1: with her not to do this. I was there. I

850
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 1: was eighteen, not eight, she said, they told her she

851
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:32,359
Speaker 1: was passed away to them if she ran off with him,

852
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 1: and so she blamed them for her not being able

853
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 1: to leave him. I told her that was insane logic,

854
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 1: and she just didn't want to talk about them and

855
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,919
Speaker 1: asked me not to tell them about her. I said, yeah,

856
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:47,479
Speaker 1: her relationship with them is her own. I also asked

857
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 1: her who had given her my address. She begged me

858
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 1: not to ask that, that they hadn't given it easily

859
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 1: and she'd had to swear secrecy and cry and convince

860
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: them that I'd want to see my older sister. So

861
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: I dropped it. Where does the blame lie? Like whose

862
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: fault is it? I don't even know if any of

863
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 1: that matters anymore. I think what matters is that this

864
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:12,960
Speaker 1: you know, person who's your sister is back. And regardless

865
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:15,799
Speaker 1: of whose fault it is that everything went wrong or

866
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 1: that her marriage didn't work, or that she never reached

867
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 1: back out again, it's like you gotta just decide, like,

868
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 1: is this something you want to entertain or not?

869
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 8: Yeah, maybe put up boundaries and say, hey, we're not

870
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:28,439
Speaker 8: going to be besties right now, but I like seeing

871
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 8: your kids, you know, That's that's something I want to do.

872
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 8: But this is where I draw the line, This is

873
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:38,880
Speaker 8: my boundaries. I would like you to work on yourself therapy,

874
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 8: you know, so you don't do this again whenever things

875
00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:42,840
Speaker 8: get hard.

876
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: We had tea and snacks after that, and she asked

877
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 1: me again if I wanted to do anything this weekend

878
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,760
Speaker 1: since she has the kids, or we could do something

879
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 1: the weekend after just the two of us, and I

880
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 1: said I don't know. She was okay with that answer.

881
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,240
Speaker 1: She was tearful again. When I was leaving. We hugged

882
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,359
Speaker 1: and I hugged the kids goodbye to My mind has

883
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: been a mess since then. I lashed out in everything,

884
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:08,240
Speaker 1: but also regret what I said. But then I also

885
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: try to remember how I had felt back then and

886
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,879
Speaker 1: get angry again. It feels so weird knowing that she's

887
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 1: now twenty minutes away from me and we can visit whenever.

888
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: I told my girlfriend about all this, and she said

889
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,800
Speaker 1: she supports me no matter what, but in her opinion

890
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 1: to consider the weekend plan with a cool mind. I

891
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 1: do think that, like, it's important to just think about

892
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 1: right now. If you think about how you felt back then,

893
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:35,359
Speaker 1: then yeah, you're you're gonna feel like that but you're

894
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 1: not back then anymore. You are the you of today,

895
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 1: and what the you of today wants doesn't necessarily need

896
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 1: to be informed by the pain that we felt in

897
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 1: the past. Not always this got long. I apologize, but

898
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,400
Speaker 1: I've been trying to collect my own thoughts on this

899
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 1: and writing this just seem to help. Thank you for

900
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,720
Speaker 1: the help, and there are some relevant comments here. Famous

901
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 1: Rooster twenty seven one says, I'm glad you and your

902
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,360
Speaker 1: sister talked. I'm late to the party, but I was

903
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 1: in a similar boat recently. My sister is now married

904
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,959
Speaker 1: to a woman, so good luck, Op. That's a great

905
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,919
Speaker 1: moment to at least hear one another out on what's

906
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:14,360
Speaker 1: happened one another's view. That doesn't mean you are forced

907
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:16,720
Speaker 1: to do anything, but at least you have the ability

908
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 1: to decide if this is something you could pursue. My

909
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 1: sister came from a DV relationship, and so did I.

910
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 1: The fact that we're both still alive and able to

911
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 1: talk about our crappy parents is a huge support beam

912
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 1: in my system. She is still recovering and so am I.

913
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 1: But we have one another and she had her awesome wife.

914
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,840
Speaker 1: Just take some time off the internet, and enjoy a

915
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 1: day where you relax, go out for a nice coffee

916
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,959
Speaker 1: and lunch, maybe to the park, all on your own,

917
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,280
Speaker 1: and just think, allow yourself to cry on your car,

918
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 1: talk to yourself. A you day with self care, or

919
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: maybe a day and cuddled up inside with warm pillows

920
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 1: creating drawing. But I recommend getting out of the house

921
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 1: and off the internet, dopamine media, detox for a day basically,

922
00:42:57,719 --> 00:43:01,320
Speaker 1: and let yourself feel and think re spawns. I'm gonna

923
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,279
Speaker 1: try to clear my mind. Thanks. I've been thinking this

924
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:06,960
Speaker 1: again and again that I should do what makes me happy,

925
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 1: and maybe that is being able to reconnect with her

926
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 1: and her kids. And then I think that's letting her

927
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:16,360
Speaker 1: off too easy. I was in pain back then, trying

928
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 1: to reach out. What about that? It's been emotionally taxing.

929
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 1: Your advice about taking some time off is good, and

930
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:24,320
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story.

931
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 2: I think that's a great idea.

932
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 8: I think taking time off to think about what you need,

933
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,320
Speaker 8: what you want is good, is always good.

934
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,959
Speaker 1: Yeah, can't deny that, but I think you should maybe

935
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,359
Speaker 1: bring that up to your sister that it's like I do.

936
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 1: I'm really mixed up because I want to you know,

937
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: reconnect with you. But then I think back to how

938
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,200
Speaker 1: I felt when you just ghosted us, and I feel like,

939
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,360
Speaker 1: you know, those are like the two wolves inside me

940
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 1: are fighting.

941
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,239
Speaker 8: Like the wolves, they're Howland.

942
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: There Holland one's Hallan that you suck and one Helen

943
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 1: that maybe.

944
00:43:59,400 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 8: She doesn't suck.

945
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 2: Time.

946
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 8: It's my sister.

947
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:01,399
Speaker 2: I'm it's my sister.

948
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

949
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 1: on to the next one.

950
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 8: My parents disown me for my past. Now they'll never

951
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:15,280
Speaker 8: meet their grandson. Oooh trigger morning for substances. In twenty twenty,

952
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:18,720
Speaker 8: I thirty did something horrible to my family by stealing

953
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:22,880
Speaker 8: from them to fund my regular use problem. I stole

954
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 8: some electronics, including old cell phones, a game console, and

955
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,480
Speaker 8: a Blu Ray player to buy substances. I cannot and

956
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 8: will not justify these actions and fully accept them as

957
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,839
Speaker 8: my own and their consequences. By the way, this comes

958
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 8: from Musixternal six eight eighty six, and if you want

959
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 8: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

960
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 8: Okay storytime separed it.

961
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,479
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice.

962
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 8: Goofley, but we don't have all the answers. We only

963
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 8: know what we'd do, so let us know what you

964
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 8: would do in the comments, and op says, I was

965
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 8: caught and my family became aware of my regular use.

966
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,400
Speaker 8: It was hard to see my parents realize what was happening,

967
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:01,799
Speaker 8: but the hardest was seeing how heartbroken my seventeen year

968
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 8: old little sister was. They dropped me off at a

969
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 8: rehab center where I spent three months getting detoxed and sober.

970
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,399
Speaker 8: I did not hear from them while I was in there.

971
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 8: I tried calling them to let them know who I was,

972
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 8: but I never received an answer. The day I got out,

973
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 8: I went back home, my family there informed me that

974
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 8: they would no longer be considering me a member of

975
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,879
Speaker 8: the family and that I was to leave the home

976
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 8: and not contact any of them for any reason.

977
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 1: So that feels like a misstep on their part.

978
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:37,680
Speaker 8: I just don't understand the simultaneous like we're sending you

979
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,360
Speaker 8: to rehabs so you can get help, and then also,

980
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 8: now that you've got help, we're not talking to you

981
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 8: ever again.

982
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:47,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, we really loved that Blu Ray player.

983
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 8: I attempted to stay with other family, but when I

984
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 8: contacted my grandparents. I was told that my parents had

985
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 8: called them and several others to tell them that if

986
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 8: they kept contact with me in any capacity, they would

987
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 8: cut off contact with them as well. I was able

988
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 8: to see how my sister was doing via my mother's

989
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 8: Facebook posts, but after liking one, I was messaged and

990
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:09,640
Speaker 8: told that I am allowed to look at the posts,

991
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 8: but all of their family members will be blocking me

992
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 8: and I am not to interact with my mother's posts.

993
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 8: I was completely destroyed and left on the streets.

994
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 1: You're gonna send him to rehab and then Italy make

995
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 1: him homeless like that Din after he recovered from a

996
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 1: substance use disorder, like you're just gonna throw him back

997
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 1: into it.

998
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 8: I stayed in a homeless shelter and got a menial

999
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:33,760
Speaker 8: job enough to get a run down apartment and slowly

1000
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 8: put my life together. I went through therapy to process

1001
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 8: the extreme guilt I felt. I focused on work, did

1002
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 8: online school enough to finish my degree from when I

1003
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 8: dropped out at twenty one. I was able to secure

1004
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 8: myself at a very good position several states away and

1005
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 8: move there as soon as I could. Three years ago,

1006
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:53,839
Speaker 8: I met the woman who is now my wife, her

1007
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 8: father went through a similar struggle with regular use, and

1008
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 8: her family welcomed me with open arms. Last year, we

1009
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,959
Speaker 8: got married, and three months ago we welcomed our son

1010
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:06,319
Speaker 8: into the world. Of course, being a proud new dad,

1011
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 8: I posted my boy all over social media to show

1012
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 8: them off to the world. Since then, I have been

1013
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:15,240
Speaker 8: inundated with calls and messages telling me that my parents

1014
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 8: want to meet my son. I have no plans to

1015
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 8: allow that my family abandoned me at my lowest and

1016
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 8: actively worked to cut me off from any familial support

1017
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 8: I could have had. I am not owed to forgiveness

1018
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 8: for my actions, but I cannot pretend that what they

1019
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 8: did was anything less than complete disownment of me at

1020
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:37,360
Speaker 8: my most vulnerable. I told them, not very politely, that

1021
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 8: I do not consider them my real family and that

1022
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:42,439
Speaker 8: they are to come nowhere near me, my wife, our son,

1023
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 8: or anyone related to us. I have been getting messages

1024
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,360
Speaker 8: daily about how I never earned their love back and

1025
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 8: am cheating them out of having a son again, and

1026
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 8: thus I owe this to them from my parents and others.

1027
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:58,839
Speaker 1: Hey, so fun fact, I was still your son, So

1028
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: you kind of cheated yourself out of this.

1029
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you disown me.

1030
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 8: I am not giving in at all, nor do I

1031
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 8: ever plan to.

1032
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 2: Am.

1033
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:10,440
Speaker 8: I the a hole and there isn't at it, but no.

1034
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,320
Speaker 1: I'm climbing up to the top of like the matterhorn,

1035
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 1: and I'm screaming no, no, at the top of my lungs.

1036
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 8: They literally only have come back because they want to

1037
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 8: see their grandson.

1038
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:21,400
Speaker 1: That's it.

1039
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,879
Speaker 8: They don't care about you. There have been a lot

1040
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:27,280
Speaker 8: of replies along a broad spectrum of opinions and takes.

1041
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 8: I may not have applied to them all, but I

1042
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:32,359
Speaker 8: did read them. For now, I'm stepping back. My wife

1043
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 8: and I have decided that we are going to be

1044
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 8: speaking with my parents via a video call and discussing

1045
00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:41,720
Speaker 8: the past five years and where everyone stands as of today,

1046
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:43,799
Speaker 8: to gauge where we all are and decide how to

1047
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 8: move forward. I will be taking everything I've read here

1048
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:50,800
Speaker 8: into consideration and how I decide to approach the situation.

1049
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 8: I've seen a lot of people wanting updates. I will

1050
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 8: post an update on this when the dust is settled

1051
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 8: and I can say with some certainty what is going

1052
00:48:58,760 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 8: to be happening.

1053
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,320
Speaker 4: Thank you all for your words of kindness.

1054
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 8: And otherwise, every one of them is appreciated, and there

1055
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 8: is an update. A little bit back, I posted a

1056
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 8: thread on the sub I wanted to add clarity to

1057
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 8: one part is that my family did not pay for

1058
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:18,359
Speaker 8: my stay and rehab. That actually, okay, well, that makes

1059
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:19,959
Speaker 8: a little bit more sense why they were so willing

1060
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,799
Speaker 8: to drop you then, Yeah, because I was wondering why

1061
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:26,320
Speaker 8: you would pay for rehab and then just completely abandoned.

1062
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 1: Well, I was thinking that it was like, well, yeah,

1063
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: you cost us so much money and you stole from us,

1064
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,399
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. But it almost makes it make

1065
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:33,840
Speaker 1: even less sense in a way.

1066
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 8: I was making less than twenty k per year and

1067
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 8: my employer only offered an HSA for health benefits, so

1068
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:42,600
Speaker 8: I qualified for Medicaid and had been on that since

1069
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 8: I moved out of the house. Medicaid in my state

1070
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,840
Speaker 8: pays for the cost of inpatient rehab, and this is

1071
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 8: how my treatment was funded. For the sake of brevity

1072
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:52,360
Speaker 8: and so that I do not dwell on it longer

1073
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:55,240
Speaker 8: than I should, I will briefly run through some relevant

1074
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 8: context and a short summary of what my father expressed

1075
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 8: to me during our conversation. I had some contacts that

1076
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 8: I think explains as mindset. I will give some of

1077
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,800
Speaker 8: my father's history here. He came from China to the

1078
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,360
Speaker 8: US to attend college and fell in love with the country.

1079
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 8: My father hates China and communism. He saw America as

1080
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 8: a land where he could have the opportunity to thrive

1081
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:19,920
Speaker 8: in ways he could not in his home country, so

1082
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:23,239
Speaker 8: he married an American woman and stayed here, starting his

1083
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 8: own business. My father's dream was that one day he

1084
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 8: would pass this business down to his son, then to

1085
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 8: his grandson, continually passed down as his legacy. He was

1086
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:36,720
Speaker 8: very much a tiger parent, and my mother, having always

1087
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 8: been very submissive, followed suit. I had been told from

1088
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,719
Speaker 8: a young age that this is what my future would be,

1089
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 8: and my life was curated around it, down to what

1090
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 8: university I would attend and my major. All of this

1091
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 8: will give context to my father's position. The call was

1092
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 8: just me, my wife, and my father. It was a

1093
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 8: long and awkward conversation, but here is the gist of it.

1094
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 8: My father regards my byness and my decision to not

1095
00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:07,720
Speaker 8: finish college as direct actions of ungratefulness to his efforts

1096
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:10,319
Speaker 8: in raising me, and feels that I have not been

1097
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:12,880
Speaker 8: thankful that he did not take action against me earlier.

1098
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 8: Me being by still left room to marry a woman

1099
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:18,400
Speaker 8: and have children, so he didn't interfere with it. He

1100
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 8: could still teach me how to manage the business, even

1101
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:22,319
Speaker 8: if I needed to hire others to help with the

1102
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 8: physical labor involved with it. So he got past the

1103
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 8: fact that I dropped out of college. I'm sorry. He's

1104
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 8: coming at you and like he's like, you disappointed me.

1105
00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:33,319
Speaker 8: Everything you've done has been awful and terrible. But you

1106
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,280
Speaker 8: could still you could still help with the family business.

1107
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can still pass on my legacy.

1108
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:45,399
Speaker 8: You're welcome. No, no ope, He's doing fine without you.

1109
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:47,880
Speaker 8: He doesn't need to work for you and then be

1110
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 8: under your thumb even more.

1111
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 1: He pulled hisself up by his bootstraps and made a

1112
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:55,239
Speaker 1: whole life for himself. You don't need to be a

1113
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:57,360
Speaker 1: part of it anymore, just like you didn't want to

1114
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:58,440
Speaker 1: be a part of it when he needed it.

1115
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 8: Yeah, you just say, oh, I really wish I could,

1116
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,040
Speaker 8: But you did tosw me. However, it was not the

1117
00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:05,360
Speaker 8: stealing that broke the camel's back to him. It's the

1118
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:08,760
Speaker 8: fact that I used substances at all. He was upset

1119
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 8: that I had stolen from the house, but to him

1120
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 8: it was ultimately inconsequential compared to me abuse substance. The

1121
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 8: fact that I used substances at all meant that I

1122
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:21,239
Speaker 8: could not be trusted with his legacy, and since I

1123
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,279
Speaker 8: could not contribute to the family legacy, it was necessary

1124
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,280
Speaker 8: to cut me out of the family entirely to avoid

1125
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 8: the shame of having a regular user among them. He

1126
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:32,839
Speaker 8: made it clear that this is how he felt then

1127
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 8: and that his feelings have not changed, nor will they

1128
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:39,680
Speaker 8: ever change, no matter how clean I stay or how

1129
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:42,799
Speaker 8: successful I become, because I ruined his dream. Despite this,

1130
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,239
Speaker 8: I owe him a debt of gratitude by leaving the

1131
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:48,000
Speaker 8: family vacant of a son to pass his legacy down.

1132
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 8: Now that I have a son of my own, there

1133
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:53,359
Speaker 8: is a potential my father's legacy could be passed down

1134
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:58,359
Speaker 8: to him as someone who used substances. This necessitates him

1135
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 8: and my mother stepping in to assure my son is

1136
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 8: properly raised into the position I was to inherit You're

1137
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:06,239
Speaker 8: not going to be anywhere around my son.

1138
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 1: No, no, no, what is just a psycho position to take.

1139
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:12,719
Speaker 8: I did not get to speak to my mother to

1140
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 8: ask her about the messages she had sent me. The

1141
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 8: call ended pretty abruptly when my wife realized that it

1142
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:21,520
Speaker 8: was not a conversation that would go anywhere. I was

1143
00:53:21,560 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 8: in a bad spot for the weekend after that Friday night.

1144
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 8: I cannot express with words how thankful I am that

1145
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:30,319
Speaker 8: my wife was there to help me stay sane. I'm

1146
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 8: going to spend the rest of my life doing every

1147
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:35,400
Speaker 8: possible thing I can to be as much of a

1148
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:38,080
Speaker 8: rock for her as she is for me. Right now,

1149
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 8: most of that is in the form of taking on

1150
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 8: any and all housework, in addition to doing my part

1151
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 8: to take care of the baby while her body recovers.

1152
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,760
Speaker 8: As our son grows up, I'll be finding new ways

1153
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 8: to let her know how much I appreciate her. As

1154
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:56,200
Speaker 8: for the future, this is what we've decided. On my part,

1155
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 8: I'm going to work a lot less. Those wondering I

1156
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,400
Speaker 8: ended up being a technical and it's a job I'm

1157
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:03,919
Speaker 8: quite good at. It also pays for us to live

1158
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,239
Speaker 8: very comfortably, even if I go well below a full

1159
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 8: time work schedule. When I met my wife, I used

1160
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 8: work as my distraction. Marco Pierre White was correct when

1161
00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 8: he said work is the best pink mankind has ever

1162
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:19,799
Speaker 8: come up with. However, I do not think this is

1163
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:21,760
Speaker 8: a healthy way to cope. Now that I have a child,

1164
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,960
Speaker 8: I have decided I will use the extra time off

1165
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 8: of work to attend an extra therapy session every week

1166
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 8: for more intensive treatment and to help develop some better

1167
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:33,640
Speaker 8: coping mechanisms that do not involve me working myself into

1168
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:36,760
Speaker 8: an early grave. As for our son, we have decided

1169
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:38,799
Speaker 8: that my parents will not be a part of his

1170
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 8: life for the foreseeable future. We are not sure what

1171
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:44,640
Speaker 8: we will tell him, but as he grows up and

1172
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 8: we see more of his personality, we plan to speak

1173
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:50,759
Speaker 8: with the counselor who has experience in child psychology to

1174
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 8: find a way to approach the subject that will not

1175
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 8: be distressing or confusing for him. Any final wants, I.

1176
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 1: Think you've done a great job building a real life

1177
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:00,919
Speaker 1: for yourself. I'm proud of you.

1178
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:05,360
Speaker 8: You've like come so far as a you know, just individual,

1179
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:09,120
Speaker 8: but also as a father. You clearly care so much

1180
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 8: about your son and just you know, stopping that generational

1181
00:55:13,239 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 8: trauma in its tracks, and.

1182
00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 1: A par as a partner, great partner, recognizing that the

1183
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 1: only thing that has kept you afloat has been your

1184
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,440
Speaker 1: wife's support and you want to pay her back for that.

1185
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:25,520
Speaker 1: Great job.

1186
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 8: Great job, ten out of ten, but Opie finishes. A

1187
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:31,040
Speaker 8: lot of people mentioned the idea of me taking my

1188
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:34,239
Speaker 8: wife's name. We floated that for a bit, but ultimately

1189
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:36,320
Speaker 8: we have decided that we will be choosing a new

1190
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:39,360
Speaker 8: family name. Entirely, it feels like more of a fresh

1191
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 8: start for a new legacy. We're not sure which name

1192
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 8: we will go with yet, but we hope to have

1193
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:45,760
Speaker 8: that done by the end of the year. And honestly,

1194
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,280
Speaker 8: that's pretty much it. There's not much else to report.

1195
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:50,600
Speaker 8: I know the man that I have become. I know

1196
00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:53,600
Speaker 8: I am a capable father and a loving husband. I

1197
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:55,360
Speaker 8: know I have a disease that puts me at a

1198
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:58,960
Speaker 8: disadvantage when it comes to anyone's trust or respect because

1199
00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:01,360
Speaker 8: of my choices in the past, and I know that

1200
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:03,839
Speaker 8: despite them, I will continue to be the best man

1201
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 8: I can be for my family.

1202
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,719
Speaker 1: You should take the last name Flumpelebut yeah, take that.

1203
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:09,839
Speaker 2: Take that last name.

1204
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:10,839
Speaker 1: That's a good one.

1205
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 2: It's a good one.

1206
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 1: We've used that one around here.

1207
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 2: Oh well, yeah, it's it's made.

1208
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:19,760
Speaker 1: Rounds senior Flumplebut and that's the end of this story.

1209
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 1: We're gonna go on to the next one. Hey John

1210
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:23,880
Speaker 1: Oji host, We're gonna get back to the stories, but

1211
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:25,840
Speaker 1: a quick free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1212
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:29,759
Speaker 1: My boyfriend refused to move out even after I told

1213
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:36,080
Speaker 1: him our relationship is over. Pro gross, empathetic.

1214
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 8: Gross.

1215
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:41,320
Speaker 1: My boyfriend thirty two male and I twenty seven female,

1216
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 1: have been together for over five years and live together,

1217
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 1: but we feel like strangers. He rarely wants to connect,

1218
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:51,719
Speaker 1: do activities together, or even communicate meaningfully. We barely have

1219
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 1: Zi Brown ticket now anymore because I need emotional connection

1220
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 1: to feel attracted to someone, and he's been so distant

1221
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:04,040
Speaker 1: that I'm just not turned on by him. When we

1222
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:08,720
Speaker 1: do have the get Chout Brown, he becomes more connected

1223
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 1: with me for about a day and then it's back

1224
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:13,359
Speaker 1: to square one. And by the way, this comes from

1225
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 1: user Dehydrated house Plant. And if you want to submit

1226
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay store.

1227
00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 1: Tom Sebur, I'm Dakota man, I'm Carly, and we are

1228
00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 1: here if you could advise couthily, but we don't have

1229
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 1: all the answers. We're just a little We're just a

1230
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:32,880
Speaker 1: We're just a We're just a charcouterie board of goofballs.

1231
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 6: Sure let him know what you would do in the comments,

1232
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, uh.

1233
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:48,200
Speaker 1: Opie says even small things feel one sided. His hands

1234
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 1: are super rough from work, which physically hurts when he

1235
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:56,160
Speaker 1: touches me. I've asked him countless times to use lotion

1236
00:57:56,360 --> 00:58:00,480
Speaker 1: and even bought him special working man hands cream. He

1237
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:04,919
Speaker 1: says he forgets, but he just never uses it. During lockdown,

1238
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,720
Speaker 1: we have more potential time together since I'm temporarily out

1239
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:12,080
Speaker 1: of work. I've suggested walks with our dog or visits

1240
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 1: to outdoor places so many times. He always says, in

1241
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:19,320
Speaker 1: a little bit, but that time never comes. However, he

1242
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 1: makes plenty of time for his friends Mark and Tom,

1243
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,920
Speaker 1: whom he's only known for about a year. My boyfriend

1244
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:29,760
Speaker 1: runs a small landscaping business and employs Mark, while Tom

1245
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 1: has his own landscaping business. They merge with, so he

1246
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:36,160
Speaker 1: sees them daily for work and then hangs out with

1247
00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 1: him afterward. Both have been disrespectful towards me. Mark made

1248
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 1: rude comments to my face and Tom is texted insulting

1249
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 1: things about me to my boyfriend despite never meeting me.

1250
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:49,000
Speaker 1: When I asked my boyfriend to spend less time with

1251
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 1: them so we could have more time together. He agreed,

1252
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:54,240
Speaker 1: but never followed through. Gee, I wonder why he's texting

1253
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 1: disrespectful stuff. Maybe it's because your boyfriend is the one

1254
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: saying disrespectful things about you. If he's never met you

1255
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 1: and he's disrespecting you to your boyfriend, who he sees

1256
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:07,440
Speaker 1: all the time, I wonder who might be giving him

1257
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 1: those disrespectful ideas.

1258
00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:09,360
Speaker 2: Hmmm.

1259
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:12,920
Speaker 4: Maybe he's disrespectfully texting because his hands are hoofs and

1260
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:14,280
Speaker 4: he can't text very well.

1261
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 1: It's a lot hands.

1262
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:19,000
Speaker 4: He tries to text I love you, and instead of.

1263
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:22,880
Speaker 1: Cha, instead it's clip clop, I hate you.

1264
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1265
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 1: So Mark constantly shows up at our apartment building to

1266
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:32,040
Speaker 1: hang out in the parking lot smoke tobacco with my boyfriend.

1267
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 1: I don't allow him inside due to social distancing and

1268
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:38,440
Speaker 1: because I don't like him. Looking out the window, I

1269
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 1: can see them talking and laughing, something we rarely do anymore.

1270
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:46,120
Speaker 1: My boyfriend also texts Tom for hours every evening, constantly

1271
00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 1: giggling at memes and silly conversations. This intrudes on what

1272
00:59:50,160 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 1: little time we spend together. Meanwhile, he rarely texts me

1273
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:57,200
Speaker 1: when I'm out. Before Mark and Tom came into the picture,

1274
00:59:57,240 --> 00:59:59,840
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and I were closer, We did things more

1275
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:03,680
Speaker 1: together and went places. Since these guys entered his life,

1276
01:00:03,680 --> 01:00:06,960
Speaker 1: they consume all his time while he invests nothing in me.

1277
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:11,160
Speaker 1: He does show effort financially covering our grocery bills, paying

1278
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 1: for takeout, and insisting on paying all utility bills even

1279
01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:17,200
Speaker 1: though we split rent. While I appreciate this, I want

1280
01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:22,120
Speaker 1: his presence, not just his presence. It's incredibly lonely living

1281
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:24,960
Speaker 1: with someone who mostly disregards you. When I ask if

1282
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,720
Speaker 1: he'd rather break up or if he's interested in this relationship,

1283
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 1: he insists he is interested and doesn't want to break up,

1284
01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:33,560
Speaker 1: but it doesn't sound convincing. For months, I've brought up

1285
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:36,880
Speaker 1: these issues, but nothing changes. He doesn't like talking about

1286
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:39,560
Speaker 1: problems and doesn't know how to communicate about feelings. When

1287
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:44,439
Speaker 1: I try initiating deeper conversations, he shows no interest. Due

1288
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:47,080
Speaker 1: to all this, I've suggested several times that he move

1289
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:50,400
Speaker 1: out and rent mark spare room. And I bring this up.

1290
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:53,680
Speaker 1: He acts upset and says I I'm just booting him

1291
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:57,320
Speaker 1: out of I'm booting him out. I try explaining my reasoning,

1292
01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:59,040
Speaker 1: but he says he doesn't want to talk about it

1293
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:01,400
Speaker 1: and will just move it if that's what I really want.

1294
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:05,000
Speaker 1: But it's not what I want. I want us to

1295
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:08,560
Speaker 1: live together and connect and do things together like we

1296
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:11,880
Speaker 1: used to. Since that's not happening, him moving out seems

1297
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:16,840
Speaker 1: like a logical solution, but each month passes with no change. Finally,

1298
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:18,160
Speaker 1: at the end of the month, I told him to

1299
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 1: move out rather than just suggesting it. I feel miserable

1300
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:24,840
Speaker 1: being disregarded every day while living with him. He's upset,

1301
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 1: but again doesn't want to talk about it. He just

1302
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 1: sits in the other room watching movies alone. I told

1303
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:31,760
Speaker 1: him i'd help him pack, but he ignored me, so

1304
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 1: I packed a box for him anyway. He saw it

1305
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:37,800
Speaker 1: and didn't react, still refusing to discuss it. Then he

1306
01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:44,720
Speaker 1: randomly brought me microwave pizza before returning to his movie.

1307
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:47,560
Speaker 1: When I tried talking to him later, he initially seemed

1308
01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:49,640
Speaker 1: willing to engage, but the moment I said I was upset,

1309
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:52,440
Speaker 1: he completely shut down. Okay, never mind, leave me alone

1310
01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:55,920
Speaker 1: and watching a movie. It's like he's terrified of discussing feelings.

1311
01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:58,280
Speaker 1: He starts shaking his head and gesturing for me to

1312
01:01:58,280 --> 01:02:00,720
Speaker 1: go away, saying he doesn't want to talk. This is

1313
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:05,960
Speaker 1: a literal baby, a literal baby man, a little baby.

1314
01:02:06,280 --> 01:02:09,200
Speaker 1: I'm writing this to get outside perspectives. I'm confused by

1315
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:12,440
Speaker 1: his behavior. I'm still emotionally invested, but I'm planning on

1316
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 1: him moving out regardless. I'm sad about ending our long relationship,

1317
01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:17,960
Speaker 1: and I feel like I have no closure due to

1318
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:21,800
Speaker 1: his inability to communicate. And there is an update, but yeah, no,

1319
01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:26,240
Speaker 1: that's has he He's always been this way. Girl. Have

1320
01:02:26,360 --> 01:02:29,120
Speaker 1: you just never had problems ever before? And this is

1321
01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:31,760
Speaker 1: the first time and he's like, no, no, we're just

1322
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 1: not gonna speaking. Is not a thing I do to

1323
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:36,640
Speaker 1: my girlfriend when she's upset.

1324
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:40,480
Speaker 4: I feel like everything that I've heard about this relationship

1325
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:43,320
Speaker 4: from the beginning is just like, yeah, we shouldn't be together.

1326
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:44,320
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah.

1327
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:49,160
Speaker 4: I don't like being spicy with him. His hands feel

1328
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:51,919
Speaker 4: rough when he touches me. I don't like it he's

1329
01:02:51,960 --> 01:02:55,720
Speaker 4: talking to this guy. We don't laugh anymore. We don't

1330
01:02:55,840 --> 01:03:00,600
Speaker 4: laugh and smile with each other anymore. It's like, what

1331
01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:01,400
Speaker 4: why are we doing?

1332
01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:02,280
Speaker 2: What's going on?

1333
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:05,720
Speaker 1: So updates? Please break up?

1334
01:03:06,040 --> 01:03:06,160
Speaker 2: Oh?

1335
01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:08,560
Speaker 1: I guess you are so my boyfriend got his other

1336
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:10,760
Speaker 1: apartment and we agreed that on May first he would

1337
01:03:10,800 --> 01:03:13,439
Speaker 1: move out. Well, yesterday was May first, and his things

1338
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:15,920
Speaker 1: weren't even packed. I had packed a box of clothes

1339
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:18,000
Speaker 1: for him that was still just sitting in the living room.

1340
01:03:18,400 --> 01:03:20,680
Speaker 1: He came home from work with takeout for us and

1341
01:03:20,720 --> 01:03:23,040
Speaker 1: acted like it was an ordinary day. When I asked

1342
01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:25,000
Speaker 1: him what the deal was about moving, he said, can

1343
01:03:25,080 --> 01:03:28,520
Speaker 1: I please rest and eat my food first before I go? Brother,

1344
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:35,760
Speaker 1: You're not packed, dude, dude, I've just really quickly. This

1345
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:43,800
Speaker 1: guy clearly has like severe compartmentalization issues, and whatever the

1346
01:03:43,840 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 1: reason is, you know, we can feel for him. But

1347
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:51,440
Speaker 1: my god, brother, strap down, get it to get like

1348
01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 1: you're yeah, wake up, brother, you're you're in real life

1349
01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:59,240
Speaker 1: and things are happening all right for God's sake.

1350
01:03:59,320 --> 01:04:01,600
Speaker 2: Speak those hooves into the sand and gig.

1351
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:06,439
Speaker 1: Yeah it's it's it's the time time for takeout. As

1352
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:09,960
Speaker 1: long pasted ope, he says. I gave him space and

1353
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:12,040
Speaker 1: went outside to hang out with my neighbor and her

1354
01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:15,280
Speaker 1: dogs for a few hours. When I came back after dark,

1355
01:04:15,320 --> 01:04:18,640
Speaker 1: he was lying on the couch watching Netflix. Nothing was packed.

1356
01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:20,680
Speaker 1: I asked him what was going on? And he said,

1357
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:24,080
Speaker 1: I'm watching a movie, nothing about moving. I reminded him

1358
01:04:24,120 --> 01:04:26,720
Speaker 1: we'd agreed he'd move today. He said, let me just

1359
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:27,400
Speaker 1: take a shower.

1360
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:28,360
Speaker 4: Then, oh my god.

1361
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:30,720
Speaker 1: After his shower, he went to the bedroom and closed

1362
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:32,960
Speaker 1: the door. I figured he was changing, but when I

1363
01:04:32,960 --> 01:04:34,760
Speaker 1: opened the door a few minutes later, the light was

1364
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:38,040
Speaker 1: off and he was in bed sleeping. Obviously, I'm confused

1365
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:40,840
Speaker 1: and annoyed. I asked him why he wasn't leaving, and

1366
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:44,240
Speaker 1: he acted like he was asleep. When I said it louder,

1367
01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 1: he got really mad and said, fine, I'll leave. I'm

1368
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:48,560
Speaker 1: taking my bed.

1369
01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:50,040
Speaker 2: This is so funny.

1370
01:04:50,160 --> 01:04:53,560
Speaker 4: This is so funny. I'm I'm literally imagining him.

1371
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:58,400
Speaker 2: Designing in bed just like sleeping sleep. And then you say,

1372
01:04:58,520 --> 01:04:59,400
Speaker 2: what does she say?

1373
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,240
Speaker 1: Get hey, wake up.

1374
01:05:03,480 --> 01:05:11,640
Speaker 6: By fine?

1375
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:12,440
Speaker 1: This with me?

1376
01:05:13,640 --> 01:05:16,280
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, the whole comforter is just on him.

1377
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,680
Speaker 1: He just pulls his mattress into the parking lot and

1378
01:05:18,760 --> 01:05:24,480
Speaker 1: falls asleep there. Yeah, the mattress is the only furniture

1379
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:26,760
Speaker 1: in our apartment that he bought. But he has a

1380
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:30,000
Speaker 1: mattress at his new apartment. He said his grandfather gave

1381
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:32,560
Speaker 1: him one. And I saw photos on his phone showing

1382
01:05:32,600 --> 01:05:35,600
Speaker 1: a mattress already there if he wants to take this one.

1383
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:39,320
Speaker 1: It's literally out of spite. This new apartment is actually

1384
01:05:39,320 --> 01:05:43,080
Speaker 1: his friend's place above his friend's house. He said he

1385
01:05:43,160 --> 01:05:45,760
Speaker 1: already paid first month's rent, so I don't know why

1386
01:05:45,800 --> 01:05:49,280
Speaker 1: he's not leaving anyway. He's trying to take the mattress

1387
01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:51,520
Speaker 1: at one in the morning. We live on the third

1388
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:54,920
Speaker 1: floor with super narrow halls. Right now at one am

1389
01:05:55,080 --> 01:05:57,640
Speaker 1: is not the appropriate time to move a mattress through

1390
01:05:57,680 --> 01:06:00,520
Speaker 1: the apartment and down three floors while our neighbors seping.

1391
01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:03,560
Speaker 1: He also wanted to take the blankets, claiming he didn't

1392
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:05,960
Speaker 1: have any at his new plays but I bought all

1393
01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:08,760
Speaker 1: the betting earlier. I'd asked if he had betting there

1394
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:11,080
Speaker 1: and he said yes. Finally I got him to stop

1395
01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:12,959
Speaker 1: trying to move the mattress and told him to leave

1396
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:15,520
Speaker 1: due to how he was acting. He was yelling at

1397
01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:17,720
Speaker 1: me and causing a scene. He told him to lower

1398
01:06:17,760 --> 01:06:20,320
Speaker 1: his voice, but he kept yelling. Then I'm booting him

1399
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:23,720
Speaker 1: out of his own house. I'm sure the downstairs neighbors heard.

1400
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:26,360
Speaker 1: He left and drove away and texted me twenty minutes

1401
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:30,400
Speaker 1: later saying he's at his new apartment and hopes I'm happy, Yes, stupid,

1402
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:35,400
Speaker 1: of course I'm happy you're gone. He kept saying angry

1403
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:38,480
Speaker 1: texts about taking the bed, the car, and my motorcycle

1404
01:06:38,520 --> 01:06:41,360
Speaker 1: that he bought me years ago. The motorcycle title is

1405
01:06:41,400 --> 01:06:43,800
Speaker 1: in my name, even though he bought it. We'd agreed

1406
01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 1: that when he moved he could take the motorcycle if

1407
01:06:46,040 --> 01:06:47,760
Speaker 1: he left me the car, since I need it for

1408
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:51,200
Speaker 1: groceries due to the pandemic. I'm temporarily out of work

1409
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:53,680
Speaker 1: and can't afford to buy a car right now. When

1410
01:06:53,680 --> 01:06:56,120
Speaker 1: he texted saying he'd take both the car and the motorcycle,

1411
01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:58,280
Speaker 1: I told him i'd report it stolen if he did.

1412
01:06:58,720 --> 01:07:01,120
Speaker 1: He called, screaming profanity at me, and then said he

1413
01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:03,520
Speaker 1: has no heat in his apartment and was coming back

1414
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:06,600
Speaker 1: to sleep here. Nope, lock the doors. Lock the doors,

1415
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:09,960
Speaker 1: put a chair under the door. Lock them. I'm trying

1416
01:07:09,960 --> 01:07:13,840
Speaker 1: to communicate maturely through text while he kept insulting me.

1417
01:07:14,320 --> 01:07:17,520
Speaker 1: He came back anyway and got into bed. My sister

1418
01:07:17,560 --> 01:07:19,960
Speaker 1: said to call the police, but I didn't want more drama.

1419
01:07:20,480 --> 01:07:22,360
Speaker 1: I let him sleep and told him to leave first

1420
01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:24,600
Speaker 1: thing in the morning. The next day, he woke up

1421
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:26,920
Speaker 1: before me and left for work, but all his things

1422
01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:30,120
Speaker 1: are still here. It's now six thirty pm, and when

1423
01:07:30,120 --> 01:07:32,000
Speaker 1: I called him an hour ago, he said he's still

1424
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:35,000
Speaker 1: at work and couldn't talk no word about moving out.

1425
01:07:35,280 --> 01:07:37,160
Speaker 1: It is the second of the month and I need

1426
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:39,560
Speaker 1: to pay rent, but I won't pay the full amount

1427
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:42,480
Speaker 1: if he's still here, and I won't accept his half either,

1428
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:45,440
Speaker 1: because I don't want him here. This is so bizarre

1429
01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:47,680
Speaker 1: to me. He has another apartment, so why is he

1430
01:07:47,760 --> 01:07:50,160
Speaker 1: still here. When he has free time, he spends it

1431
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:53,200
Speaker 1: with his two friends. He isn't affectionate. He's completely cold

1432
01:07:53,240 --> 01:07:55,360
Speaker 1: and distant. When I bring these things up, he says

1433
01:07:55,400 --> 01:07:58,040
Speaker 1: I'm demanding too much and don't give him space. He

1434
01:07:58,080 --> 01:08:01,240
Speaker 1: constantly complains that I don't have a job, even though

1435
01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:03,760
Speaker 1: I apply online for work from home positions every day.

1436
01:08:04,320 --> 01:08:07,040
Speaker 1: I can't stand living like roommates with someone who refuses

1437
01:08:07,080 --> 01:08:09,920
Speaker 1: to discuss our problems. Him having his own space seemed

1438
01:08:09,920 --> 01:08:12,200
Speaker 1: like the logical solution, Yet he's making me feel guilty

1439
01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:14,880
Speaker 1: for asking him to move. I'm not in a position

1440
01:08:14,920 --> 01:08:17,639
Speaker 1: to move myself. We're both on the lease until August.

1441
01:08:17,920 --> 01:08:20,840
Speaker 1: I love my apartment and neighborhood and don't want to move.

1442
01:08:21,360 --> 01:08:23,479
Speaker 1: I don't have family or friends here like he does,

1443
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:26,400
Speaker 1: Yet I keep feeling guilty when he expresses not wanting

1444
01:08:26,439 --> 01:08:29,040
Speaker 1: to move out. It's now seven pm, he's still not

1445
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:30,920
Speaker 1: home from work, and I don't know what's going to

1446
01:08:30,920 --> 01:08:33,040
Speaker 1: happen when he gets here. I don't want him to

1447
01:08:33,040 --> 01:08:34,680
Speaker 1: sleep here, but I don't know how to make him

1448
01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:37,559
Speaker 1: leave when he just won't. And this goat keeps coming

1449
01:08:37,600 --> 01:08:40,880
Speaker 1: back into your home. Yeah, and it's really really annoying.

1450
01:08:41,080 --> 01:08:46,760
Speaker 1: It really is a pathetic loser, and I don't like him.

1451
01:08:47,280 --> 01:08:50,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm wondering, like if they're if both of

1452
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:53,680
Speaker 4: their names are on the lease until August, Like I wonder.

1453
01:08:53,400 --> 01:08:56,320
Speaker 1: If she can even even make him move, like he

1454
01:08:56,439 --> 01:08:59,439
Speaker 1: technically has the right to be there. Yeah, but you,

1455
01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:02,320
Speaker 1: I don't know, you have a written agreement that he

1456
01:09:02,439 --> 01:09:05,400
Speaker 1: was like gonna leave, Yeah, and he didn't. And and

1457
01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:09,160
Speaker 1: it's just like he has another place that he's paying for.

1458
01:09:09,320 --> 01:09:12,000
Speaker 1: He's probably lying about paying for it. He's probably able

1459
01:09:12,040 --> 01:09:12,960
Speaker 1: to stay there for free.

1460
01:09:13,479 --> 01:09:13,719
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1461
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:14,280
Speaker 2: Probably.

1462
01:09:14,520 --> 01:09:16,960
Speaker 4: I think we'd really just need to say like okay,

1463
01:09:17,040 --> 01:09:20,400
Speaker 4: like sorry, you you probably don't want to move because

1464
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:22,880
Speaker 4: it's a lot. I'll help you with it. Perfect because

1465
01:09:23,200 --> 01:09:26,599
Speaker 4: that honestly, like, even with people who aren't being like stubborn,

1466
01:09:26,720 --> 01:09:30,960
Speaker 4: even sometimes in like I don't know, just EIGHTHD situations

1467
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:33,280
Speaker 4: or people who have just like a lot to clean

1468
01:09:33,360 --> 01:09:36,080
Speaker 4: and they can't, the best way to like get them

1469
01:09:36,120 --> 01:09:38,760
Speaker 4: to start is by doing it yourself, because then they'll

1470
01:09:38,760 --> 01:09:41,640
Speaker 4: be like wait, wait, waits, it's wrong, you're doing it wrong, and.

1471
01:09:41,720 --> 01:09:43,040
Speaker 2: Then and then they'll do it.

1472
01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:46,040
Speaker 4: So I know that's like in this situation, we're doing

1473
01:09:46,040 --> 01:09:50,000
Speaker 4: it with malice, and we're just not gonna throw things

1474
01:09:50,080 --> 01:09:52,040
Speaker 4: in any sort of organized fashion.

1475
01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:53,679
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put everything in boxes.

1476
01:09:53,720 --> 01:09:56,720
Speaker 4: I'm gonna mix everything up. Toothbrush there, toothpaste over there,

1477
01:09:57,160 --> 01:10:02,120
Speaker 4: schew in one thing, toothrush yup, yeah, toothpaste, and the

1478
01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:03,519
Speaker 4: shoes out of the tube.

1479
01:10:03,560 --> 01:10:03,760
Speaker 2: Though.

1480
01:10:03,800 --> 01:10:06,320
Speaker 4: You gotta just like squish it all out and then

1481
01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:08,880
Speaker 4: hopefully he'll jump in.

1482
01:10:09,880 --> 01:10:13,040
Speaker 1: He finally came home and took two pillows in a

1483
01:10:13,080 --> 01:10:15,559
Speaker 1: blanket I'd set out for him. I had packed a

1484
01:10:15,560 --> 01:10:18,599
Speaker 1: box of his things with toiletries, paper plates, cups, and snacks,

1485
01:10:18,600 --> 01:10:20,479
Speaker 1: but he didn't take it, which is frustrating because it

1486
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:22,479
Speaker 1: means he'll be coming back for it. When I told

1487
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:24,080
Speaker 1: him to take it, he ignored me and walked away

1488
01:10:24,120 --> 01:10:28,040
Speaker 1: without saying a word. This is literally a seven year old,

1489
01:10:28,280 --> 01:10:34,200
Speaker 1: like seven year old level of emotional intelligence insanity. I

1490
01:10:34,240 --> 01:10:37,559
Speaker 1: guess that was better than more conflict. I'm sad for

1491
01:10:37,680 --> 01:10:39,520
Speaker 1: him and for the loss of our relationship.

1492
01:10:39,760 --> 01:10:40,120
Speaker 4: Why.

1493
01:10:40,680 --> 01:10:44,000
Speaker 1: We have some really beautiful memories from things before things

1494
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:46,760
Speaker 1: got bad. After this, I definitely don't think we'll be

1495
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:50,120
Speaker 1: staying together anymore. I know, staying together while living apart

1496
01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:53,040
Speaker 1: isn't realistic. This is already hard and I'm in a

1497
01:10:53,120 --> 01:10:56,000
Speaker 1: dark place. To those who have left helpful comments, thank

1498
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:59,439
Speaker 1: you so much. And that is the end of that story.