1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: Buckle up, hold on tight here It is all right, 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: Thank you. Subject lots of mess and no sex. Dear 3 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley, I am a twenty five year old woman. 4 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:15,880 Speaker 1: I married my husband when I was nineteen years old, 5 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,120 Speaker 1: and I am starting to believe that it was a mistake. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:23,160 Speaker 1: We both work. His days off are consistent, but my 7 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: days fluctuate. When I'm off, I clean and cook, I 8 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,960 Speaker 1: take care of our two children, and I make sure 9 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 1: everyone has what they need. But lately I've been the 10 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 1: one who needs to be checked on to make sure 11 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 1: I'm good. He waits until I get home and ask 12 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,960 Speaker 1: me what's for dinner instead of trying to cook something 13 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,199 Speaker 1: for himself and the kids. I love my husband and 14 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,160 Speaker 1: we have fun together, but I don't want to keep 15 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: feeling depressed and stressed out. I just want him to 16 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: take the darned trash out and pick up after himself. 17 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: Most of the messes aren't just from the kids. He's 18 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: messy too, So I have started withholding sex from him. 19 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: I'm not in the mood to have sex when my 20 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: house is not clean. Is it wrong for me to 21 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: keep the cookie from my husband? Is there a better 22 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: way to get him to help me out around the house. 23 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:17,640 Speaker 1: Please help. Well, you guys have been married for six years. Um. 24 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: You don't say you say you're twenty, you're married when 25 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,280 Speaker 1: you were nineteen and you don't give his age. But 26 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,399 Speaker 1: I have to ask you. Have you talked to him 27 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 1: about this? Um? Have you let him in on what 28 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 1: you're feeling, how unhappy you are and that you need 29 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,880 Speaker 1: help around the house? Have you asked him to help? 30 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 1: It sounds like these are feelings that you're having that 31 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,399 Speaker 1: that you just haven't expressed to him. A lot of times, 32 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,479 Speaker 1: depending on how you say things, how you say things, 33 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,399 Speaker 1: you can get your man to do just about anything, 34 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: especially I mean and at the very least take out 35 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 1: the trash. Um you start withholding sex and not telling 36 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: him why. There could be a serious problem in uh, 37 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: in your marriage for sure. I just think you know 38 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 1: this is all inside you're feeling, this rage, this passive aggressiveness. 39 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: Let it out. It's your house too, you know you 40 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,800 Speaker 1: guys are both working. Maybe you can, you know, talk 41 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 1: about having someone to come in and clean your house 42 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 1: so you won't be so tired, and then you know 43 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: you'll get the boast of both worlds. You'll have UM, 44 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: a clean house, you'll you'll be rested, not depressed, not 45 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 1: stressed out. Perhaps you could do something like that, but 46 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: first of all, above anything, you have to talk to 47 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:31,639 Speaker 1: your husband and let him know how you feel. Steve, well, 48 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: you know they're twenty five, she's been married six years. 49 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 1: You got married at nineteen. That's you young, that's very 50 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: very young. And so when you're young, Look, marriages work anyway, 51 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,239 Speaker 1: but when you're young, you've got a lot of work 52 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 1: to put on yourself because you don't even know you yet. 53 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: And what could have happened here, young lady, is that 54 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,959 Speaker 1: do you that you have become at twenty after two children? 55 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,679 Speaker 1: You cannot be the same person you were when you 56 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: were nineteen. A's absolutely impossible. You cannot be the same person. 57 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,160 Speaker 1: So you've changed into this other person. And what has 58 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,840 Speaker 1: happened in between you and your husband is now now 59 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 1: that you've grown up and you've got these two kids, 60 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:21,519 Speaker 1: and you are twenty five and not nineteen. Well, this 61 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:26,799 Speaker 1: person that you've become without proper communication might not be 62 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,680 Speaker 1: a good match for who he is. And if he 63 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: hasn't progressed like you, for example, he's still very messy. 64 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: You just wanted to pick up behind the self. You 65 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 1: want him to take out the trash your off days fluctuate. 66 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,600 Speaker 1: You want when you come home from work, he'd been 67 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 1: sitting there all day instead of waiting on you to 68 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: come through the door. Tom My, what's for dinner? He 69 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: could be doing something now. Because he's doing it this 70 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 1: way now, you're with holding the cookie from him. Is 71 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: there a better way to get him to help out 72 00:03:54,560 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 1: around the house? Please help? Cookie withdrawal is very real. 73 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: Come on, cookie, Cookie withdrawal gets everybody's undivided attention. I've 74 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 1: been placed under cookie panic before. It's stressful, you don't 75 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 1: know when it's going in. It creates a lot of things. 76 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,479 Speaker 1: But before I get into the cookie part, let me 77 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: just tell you this right quick. You're building up a 78 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 1: resentment now. You're starting to resent him for his lack 79 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:43,039 Speaker 1: of understanding of your needs and your wants. And like 80 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: Shirley said, she said it best right off the time. 81 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 1: You know, have you all even talked about it yet? 82 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: You really need to have a serious conversation. Now. Let's 83 00:04:55,640 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: get back to this cookie, never far from it, because 84 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: this is what this letter really about. You were holding cookie. 85 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: You've heard the old thing. Cookie crumbles that's the way 86 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,720 Speaker 1: to cookie. That's the way to cookie crumble. Well, if 87 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 1: that's how to cookie gone crumbling, and that's how to 88 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 1: manage crumble. But everybody's gonna be crumbling right now. That 89 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 1: was deep. Steve was right there. Say that again, I 90 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 1: don't know what I said. That's how to manage it 91 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 1: was it was Bearing repeating that, and it can do that, 92 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:48,839 Speaker 1: and you've got to you've got to understand that. And see, 93 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 1: once you start using the cookie as a pond in 94 00:05:55,880 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: the chess game, then when do you stop this. See, 95 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: the best form of the way to handle this is, 96 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: like Shirley said, communication. So let's say you start with 97 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 1: holding the cookie. Here's the danger of withholding the cookie. 98 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: He gotta get some cookies sowhere, and it's cookies everywhere. 99 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: They got cookies at routes, they got cooking. See they 100 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 1: got cookies that whole food route save on. They got 101 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: cookie down at the drugs. You can buy cookies at CVS. 102 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 1: You get cookies at the hotel. It's cookies. On your job, 103 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 1: it's cooking down there at the post office. They got 104 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,159 Speaker 1: cookies at the app store. You get cook You cooking 105 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: down and trying to rint a call. You go down 106 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 1: to the restaurant. I'll be damn. They got cookies and 107 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,280 Speaker 1: talk about this cooking. He should have been cooking right here. 108 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: And let me tell you something really quick because I 109 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 1: got time to come back. When I come back, i'll 110 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 1: tell you what the different flavor the cookies mean and 111 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 1: how cookie flavors affected our taste. Yes, peanut, you know 112 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: I will put ages two of them everything when we 113 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: come back. All right, you heard it. We'll have part 114 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 1: two of Steve's response. He's going to really get into 115 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 1: the cookie at three after the hour. Come on, you 116 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: promised us you were gonna tell us about this cookie, um, 117 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: and so let's get into it. Part two of your 118 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: response to today's lettering. See we're talking about cooking right now. 119 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 1: Lots of mess, no sex, that's the subject. Tired of 120 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: this man not cooking, clean, to help with with the kids. Nothing. 121 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 1: So now what he wanna do is now he wants 122 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: to she she wants to get a better reaction from 123 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: the man. So now she's with holding the cookie. Govern 124 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: with holding the cookie? What kind of cookie is she with? Hope? 125 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: Let's die with my all time favorite cookie, chocolate chill. 126 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: Nothing has mattered more to me than chocolate chill. The 127 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 1: reason chocolate chipping had been my favorite cookie is because 128 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:18,559 Speaker 1: of the chocolate chips that's in the cooking. Lord, how 129 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: good is a chocolate chip cookie. It's a good cooker, 130 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 1: it's a good cooking. It's a good cooking. Then you 131 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 1: got oatmeal cookies, o'meal boat raisin with it, and there 132 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: you gotta have raisin in that cause see oldmeal by 133 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 1: yourself ain't nothing. See it's like I'm working with a 134 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 1: dude I called oldmeal man. He wasn't nothing. He needed 135 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:48,319 Speaker 1: something put on him all the time. See oldmeal oatmeal 136 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:52,920 Speaker 1: man is like a dude that need honey, need brown sugar, 137 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,200 Speaker 1: needs some fruit. Because o'meal by yourself ain't nothing that 138 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,840 Speaker 1: I don't really careful. O'meal raising cookie. I eat it, 139 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: but not my favorite. And oatmeal and then that leaves 140 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: me to pecans. Sandies is another favorite. But that's old 141 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,920 Speaker 1: cookie though, because it's a little dusty when you bite 142 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: into it. Yeah, old cookies peak and saying that's old cookies, 143 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 1: got a little dusty, got a little salt dust flavor 144 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 1: to it. Then you got short bread cookid like my 145 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 1: one of my all time favorites with Lorna Dude. Yeah, 146 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 1: you know I loved I loved Lorna Dunes. And then 147 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:39,079 Speaker 1: you had let's get into the specialty cookie Oreo talking 148 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 1: about maybe you're in an iterational relationship. That's Oreo cookie. Hell, 149 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,320 Speaker 1: that's the best right there. That's a little black and 150 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 1: white love it. Talk about it. That's not for you. 151 00:09:51,800 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: Your favorite cookie Valla cream. Oreo outweigh vanilla cream all 152 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,920 Speaker 1: day long. But I must tell you this, though, I 153 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: have had some delicious vanilla cream cookies. I'm just talking 154 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: about the cookie yourself now, not not Jay's cooking. Now. 155 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: I have seen so vanilla cream cookies. Oh Lord, spell me, 156 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: gode me not fall that. I may not fall astraight. 157 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 1: Let me explain to you the other cookie. Throw out 158 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,079 Speaker 1: another cookie. I'll tell you what kind of cookie it is. 159 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:55,559 Speaker 1: Peanut butter cookies. Who don't like them? I don't know anyone. 160 00:10:56,040 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 1: Everybody like them. Everybody like peanut butter cookie called heat 161 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 1: up butter cookies. It's like the Janet Jackson of cookies. 162 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:08,679 Speaker 1: Oh what do you mean? Break that down? I didn't 163 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:11,079 Speaker 1: know when Janet was on fire. I ain't know nobody 164 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:19,319 Speaker 1: didn't like them. I just didn't know. Nobody didn't like U. 165 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 1: Girl Scalp cookies. That peppermint mints, outstanding cookie. The Girl 166 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 1: Scouts have some cookie they could quit selling like, I 167 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: don't know, but that was pretty good. Yeah, they got 168 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,679 Speaker 1: a couple of them. Don't need to be off the market. 169 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,719 Speaker 1: You know what in that, I tell you one of 170 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,559 Speaker 1: the great cookie makers of all time, the Keepler Elf 171 00:11:47,800 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 1: from Yeah yeah, time had been in there. God Tommy 172 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: had a summer job in that one year. I used 173 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 1: to take him down there, man, drive down there picking 174 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: my black man. How you do that for the rest 175 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 1: of the day. Oh boy, Hey, we're working on filling 176 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 1: over here about Yeah, I ain't a banging him down 177 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: in Vegas. Sugar Cookie, Steve sugar Cookie. Sugar cookies was 178 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 1: good nothing, nothing beat a chocolate chip. I used to 179 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: love chip ahoy until I found out that Archway made 180 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:58,640 Speaker 1: him soft. Oh yeah, who because I was used to 181 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: snap and biting them. But boy, when I found out 182 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: they made them them chocolate chill. Soff you don't had 183 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:11,440 Speaker 1: ginger snaps cheese? Boy, boy, you better shut your mouth 184 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: that little twin snap cheese dog. I thought that was 185 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:24,520 Speaker 1: actually a meal. Yeah, ginger snap cookie. Right, yeah, so 186 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: what was cookie? Her keeping the cookie help her marriage something. 187 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 1: It's not gonna help. No, it's not because the man 188 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,719 Speaker 1: gonna go get some cookie. See that's the same thing 189 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 1: about it. Are we still on the letter? Yeah? Back 190 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 1: and forward? What about a short bread? Oh yeah, those 191 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: are good he talked about. That's the line he worked one. No, 192 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:57,839 Speaker 1: that's the line time he worked on. We knew that 193 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 1: Tommy dummy. Dummy. All right, listen, we gotta get out 194 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: of here. You can email our Instagram what's your thoughts 195 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 1: on today's Strawberry Letter. Ad My girls, Shirley and please 196 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:17,079 Speaker 1: join me this Thursday at one third pm Eastern Time 197 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 1: for the Strawberry Live After Show on Facebook. You're listening 198 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,040 Speaker 1: to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.