1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,680 Speaker 1: Bugle up hold it for you here it is the 2 00:00:02,759 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: Strawberry subject major dilemma. Good morning, Steve Harvey and crew. 3 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: I am writing because I have I am having a 4 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,960 Speaker 1: major dilemma. My husband and I have been together for 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,760 Speaker 1: about eleven years and have two children. We are currently 6 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: separated and have been going through some things for the 7 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 1: last few years. We have been on and off again. 8 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,079 Speaker 1: We can't seem to get along and there is a 9 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:28,480 Speaker 1: lack of communication. We have been through everything except pregnancies 10 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: outside the marriage on both parts. At the present time, 11 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: we live in two separate households and have been separated 12 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,240 Speaker 1: since January. We recently talked and know that we love 13 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: each other and want to be together. We also know 14 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:43,599 Speaker 1: that we need help getting past some of our issues. 15 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: We decided that we want to be back together, but 16 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: now the problem is the living arrangement. He currently lives 17 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 1: in the house his grandparents owned. I live in the 18 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: apartment we started a one year lease on in September. 19 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: He wants to move into the house. I, however, do not. 20 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: The reason I refused to is because of the location 21 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,680 Speaker 1: of the house. It is not in the greatest part 22 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 1: of the city and the outbreak of violence in this 23 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 1: area of town is outstanding. I am not too crazy 24 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 1: about the house, and the schools in the area suck, 25 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: to say the least. Our children are currently in a 26 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 1: great school district and the environment is not overcome with violence. 27 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,959 Speaker 1: He and I have both lived within the city where 28 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,920 Speaker 1: the house is and we hated it. That is why 29 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,120 Speaker 1: we moved. So now he wants to live in the 30 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: house and I refuse to. I would much rather keep 31 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,680 Speaker 1: our children in the environment they are in and get 32 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:42,199 Speaker 1: a home of our own. He didn't, now he didn't. 33 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,720 Speaker 1: Now I don't get that. He dident Now you know, 34 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 1: I don't know. Uh. This has kept us from getting 35 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 1: back together. So what should we do? We have no 36 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: money to move and put our boys in better schools 37 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 1: where the house is located, and the house needs repairs 38 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: which at this time we cannot afford. So what advice 39 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 1: do you have for us? How can we get past 40 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 1: this reaching a compromise that suits us both? Mind you, 41 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 1: we currently have an apartment where there is a lease 42 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: until August, and it makes no sense, no sense to 43 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:14,119 Speaker 1: pay rent into places. Please help us with this, sincerely, 44 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 1: Major dilemma, Dear, Major dilemma. This is a major dilemma because, um, 45 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: in order for this marriage to work, you guys do 46 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,840 Speaker 1: need to be together. You know. It seems to me 47 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: your husband would want to move in the better part 48 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: of the city where you and the kids would be safe, happy, 49 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: and the kids well educated. He doesn't even own the 50 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 1: home where he lives the apartment, while you guys don't own. 51 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 1: You know, you don't own that either. Um, you at 52 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: least wouldn't be living under your grandpa your grandparents rule, 53 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:46,880 Speaker 1: and you won't lose your deposit okay, which money is 54 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,639 Speaker 1: kind of tight right now, so you seem to be 55 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,800 Speaker 1: really concerned about that. You don't give us any information 56 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 1: as to why he's so adamant about living there though, 57 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 1: because the rent isn't even free. So, UM, I don't 58 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,239 Speaker 1: really think he wants to get back together right now 59 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 1: because he's not doing what it takes, and that means, 60 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,520 Speaker 1: you know, making you happy, moving into a safe, secure 61 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 1: home or apartment of your own. Uh, you know, the 62 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,080 Speaker 1: saying happy wife, happy life. Um. In order for you 63 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,680 Speaker 1: guys to um compromise or to come to uh a compromise, 64 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 1: you have to meet each other halfway. You guys aren't 65 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: doing that. You're you're at an impass. You refuse to move. 66 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: He's refusing to move. So until you, guys, you know, 67 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: give on that. And I think it should be the 68 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 1: husband at this point, just giving your letter. You know, 69 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: it's safer and and the kids have to go to 70 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: a good school. I think he should move into your apartment. Steve, 71 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,320 Speaker 1: how much time I got? You don't have a lot 72 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 1: of time right now. You can want to come back. 73 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: I see something totally different. I see something totally different. 74 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: I agree with what you've said, though, Sherley, I really do, 75 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,839 Speaker 1: But I see some more stuff in this letter that's 76 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 1: going on. I'm gonna point out some couple of things 77 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 1: that I saw when you were evening and uh, okay. 78 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: If you want to comment on the letter it's posted. 79 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: Go to Steve Harvey dot com, click on the Strawberry Letter. 80 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,600 Speaker 1: You can also email us your Strawberry Letter issues on 81 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: the website. We'll be back with Steve's answer. Come on, Steve, 82 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,920 Speaker 1: let's get part two of your response to today's Strawberry Letter. 83 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,159 Speaker 1: Major dilemma. Good morning, Steve Harvey crew. I'm right because 84 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,440 Speaker 1: I have a major dilemma my husband. I've been together 85 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: for eleven years, and a half two children, were currently 86 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 1: separated and been going through some things. For the last 87 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: few years. We've been on again, off again. We can't 88 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: seem to get along and there's a lack of communication. 89 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 1: We've been through everything except pregnancies outside the marriage on 90 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 1: both parts. At the present time, we live in two 91 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: separate households and have been separated since January. We recently 92 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: talked to know that we love each other and want 93 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,559 Speaker 1: to be together. We also know we need help getting 94 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 1: past some of our issues. We decided that we want 95 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: to be back together, but now the problem is a 96 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,840 Speaker 1: living arrangement. He current He lives in the house his 97 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 1: grandparents owned. I live in the apartment. We started a 98 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 1: one year lease on this September. He wants to move 99 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,560 Speaker 1: into the house. I, however, do not. The reason I 100 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: refused to is because of the location of the house 101 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 1: is not in the greatest part of the city, and 102 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 1: now break of violence in this area of town is outstanding. 103 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,800 Speaker 1: I am not too crazy about the house, and the 104 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,039 Speaker 1: school is in the area, and the schools in the 105 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,799 Speaker 1: area sucked to say the least. Our children are currently 106 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 1: in a grade school district and the environment is not 107 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 1: overcome with violence. He and I both live within the 108 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,919 Speaker 1: city where the house is, and we hated it and 109 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,240 Speaker 1: that's why we moved. So now he wants to live 110 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: in the house and I refused to. I would much 111 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,600 Speaker 1: rather keep our children in the environment there in and 112 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: get a home of our own. I don't know what 113 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 1: it means when he says he's dent. Now this has 114 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: kept us from getting back together. So what should we do? 115 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,160 Speaker 1: We have no money to move and to put our 116 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: boys in better schools where the house is located. House 117 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: needs repairs which at this time we cannot afford. So 118 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: what advice do you have for us? How can we 119 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: get past this reaching a compromise that suits us both. Mind, 120 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: you recurrently have an apartment where the least is until August, 121 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,039 Speaker 1: and it makes no sense to pay rent in two places. 122 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 1: Please help us with this, sincerely. Major dilemma. First of all, 123 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 1: you have the major dilemma placed in the wrong area. 124 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,160 Speaker 1: Your major dilemma, you claim, is you don't want to 125 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,279 Speaker 1: pay rent in two places. He refuses to move into 126 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:24,160 Speaker 1: the apartment, you refuse to move into the house. That's 127 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,719 Speaker 1: not your major dilemma. Your major dilemma is the very 128 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: reason that y'all ain't together in the first place. Y'all 129 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: two don't get along, and you two have a lack 130 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:38,039 Speaker 1: of communication, and you're demonstrating the same thing that you 131 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,000 Speaker 1: say broke you up. You can't seem to get along, 132 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: and there's a lack of communication. This again, is another 133 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: example of you all's lack of communication. It is a 134 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: lack of understanding, and it is the unwillingness on either 135 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,880 Speaker 1: one of your part to compromise. Now, Shirley's right, it 136 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 1: seems like the smart move would be for the guy 137 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 1: to move into the apartment so the kids could keep 138 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 1: going of the to the best school system. But he 139 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 1: willing to do that, and then you ain't willing to move. 140 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,640 Speaker 1: You all have a major dilemma, and you all still 141 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 1: have a communication problem. Now you're saying the letter that 142 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 1: we've gone through everything except pregnancies outside the marriage parentheses. 143 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 1: On both parts, this means that both of y'all have cheated. 144 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 1: That's what that means. On both parts. That means both 145 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: of y'all been cheated. That's the code that I see 146 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: in there, because I've never heard that before. We've been 147 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: through everything except pregnancies outside the marriage parentheses. On both parts. 148 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: All that says to me is both of y'all cheated 149 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: and both of y'all being guilty is pretty much the 150 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: same thing. Now, what you all need to work on 151 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 1: really is your basic selves and your marriage skills, because 152 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 1: right now y'all don't seem to have none. You want 153 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 1: what you want and he won't where he won't, and 154 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: I ain't neither one of y'all willing to give in. 155 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: Now you don't wrote this letter in and your letter 156 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 1: really ain't for a compromise. Your letter is really, how 157 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 1: do you convince this man to move back into this department? 158 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: Because nothing you said about moving into the grandmama's house 159 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 1: is gonna work for you, But you are convinced that 160 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: staying in the one year least department will work for 161 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 1: you and the kids. Now seems in the letter like 162 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 1: Larry surely said that this would be the best thing 163 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,360 Speaker 1: to do. But guess what, he ain't trying to hear that, 164 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 1: and you ain't trying to move. Thus you have a 165 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:37,960 Speaker 1: lack of communication. And now what is y'all's marriage gonna 166 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 1: be built on when you get back together? What y'all 167 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,079 Speaker 1: gonna do? See, y'all need to work on that part 168 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 1: of it right now. Y'all can't even agree when you 169 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: separate it, and you can't agree when you married. So 170 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,840 Speaker 1: now when you're gonna get back together and do what? 171 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: Disagree some more? See, your major dilemma ain't where you're 172 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 1: gonna ill. Your major dilemma is really how you all 173 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 1: can live together. That's your major dilemma. How you all, 174 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:12,319 Speaker 1: how your man don't see these kids needs, How you 175 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,680 Speaker 1: don't see your man's needs. How both of y'all don't 176 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: see anybody's needs. And this is a ridiculous statement that 177 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 1: you're making to me. Both of your impasse, you know, 178 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,600 Speaker 1: and you know. So what advice do you have for us? 179 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: Get yourselves together? Why do y'all even want to be together? 180 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,680 Speaker 1: That's nothing. There's nothing in this letter that says YouTube 181 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 1: people should be together. Nothing you wrote, nothing in here. 182 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 1: All you said was this one line in there is 183 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: that we love each other and we want to be together. 184 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 1: Okay you I can't. I swear to you. I can't tell. 185 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: And so when I I read a letter like this, man, 186 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 1: I just go, Wow, you've only been your eleven years. 187 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:04,640 Speaker 1: Y'all went through so much stuff. Now you can't afford 188 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 1: to move. You ain't got the money for repairs, You 189 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,559 Speaker 1: ain't got the money for two rents. Yeah, and she 190 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 1: refuses too, and so does he to move? So what 191 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 1: you want meet and Shirley to say, we don't know 192 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 1: how to get you all together because this is crazy. 193 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,440 Speaker 1: All right, Steve, we gotta go. You can email us 194 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 1: or Instagram what's your thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter at 195 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,160 Speaker 1: my Girls, Shirley. Thanks to everyone who joined me yesterday 196 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: for the Strawberry Letter Live after show on Facebook. I 197 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 1: will see you here again next week on Thursday at 198 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: one thirty pm Eastern Time. You're listening to the Steve 199 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show.