Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 2: Oh, oh my goodness, what up?
Speaker 1: What up? What up?
Speaker 3: How are you?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: You know, I'm I'm doing okay. I uh it's like
Speaker 1: the afternoon, uh where I'm recording this and uh I
Speaker 1: like mornings. I hate nights. Nights are scary and uncertain
Speaker 1: and weird, but days are great. They have so much
Speaker 1: potential and light. It's good. What's your name?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, my name's Alexis Alexis.
Speaker 1: What's going on? Alexis? What brings you to call a
Speaker 1: lizard on the phone today?
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness? Here right, I'm going to like catch
Speaker 2: my breath a little bit. I'm like excited. I've been
Speaker 2: listening to your podcast for like the past three years
Speaker 2: to guess. No, yeah, I guess what I'm calling about.
Speaker 2: Actually have like I want to chat wants like this therapy.
Speaker 5: Okay, aspect of it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So like for me personally, I'm going through like a
Speaker 2: bit of like a big life change at the moment.
Speaker 2: I just well, not recently, but like in like seven
Speaker 2: months pregnant currently wow.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like with this guy's baby that I had
Speaker 2: like met in rehab, I went through like it was
Speaker 2: my first time like going into treatment in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2: In January, we dated a bit. I found that I
Speaker 2: was pregnant. I was able to like stay clean through
Speaker 2: all this, but this dude's like like struggled with his sobriety,
Speaker 2: which I understand and everybody understands whenever you're like going
Speaker 2: through rehabilitation. But crazy, crazy, crazy stuff he turned out
Speaker 2: Like whenever I talked to him in the beginning about
Speaker 2: like children and stuff, he told me he didn't have any,
Speaker 2: but he had been like deployed in Germany before and
Speaker 2: he'd had a child in Germany. Like this whole shabang
Speaker 2: where like this German girl like ended up talking to
Speaker 2: me like months later about it. I was already pregnant
Speaker 2: at that point. He went into like a veteran's homeless
Speaker 2: shelter and started getting into like really hard drugs even
Speaker 2: though he'd been sober up till then and stuff. So
Speaker 2: now I'm just kind of like taking care of him
Speaker 2: because he lives in a state separate from like all
Speaker 2: of his family and stuff. I just kind of like,
Speaker 2: like last week I spent like one hundred dollars on
Speaker 2: groceries for him. I'll like randomly bring him joints so
Speaker 2: he doesn't drink. I don't know, and it's kind of
Speaker 2: like sorry, I'm rambling.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, no no, okay. So just to
Speaker 1: be clear, like this guy you met e rehab, you're
Speaker 1: still like he is like living together?
Speaker 2: No, I'm not living with him. I'm living with my
Speaker 2: parents now. I was in a sober living before.
Speaker 5: Are you where you live?
Speaker 2: Sorry?
Speaker 1: And is he like is he your boyfriend? Are you
Speaker 1: guys still together?
Speaker 2: No, we are not together. I actually broke up with
Speaker 2: him like two weeks before I found out I was pregnant,
Speaker 2: and then you changed my phone number.
Speaker 1: Wait, so you sorry if I'm misunderstanding the story at all,
Speaker 1: But so you're and the guy that you're bringing stuff
Speaker 1: to and getting groceries for, is this the guy who's
Speaker 1: the father of the kid inside.
Speaker 5: Of you right now?
Speaker 2: Yeah? He Yeah, he's the father of the child.
Speaker 1: So you broke up with him eight months ago or
Speaker 1: seven months ago?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I broke up with him like right before I'd
Speaker 2: found out that I was pregnant.
Speaker 1: So I mean this genuinely. Why are you still running
Speaker 1: errands for him?
Speaker 2: Because his family like lives like we live in Ohio
Speaker 2: and his family lives in Texas. And he's just kind
Speaker 2: of all alone, and whenever I see him, like he
Speaker 2: just looks like really sad. He just dwells inside.
Speaker 3: All the time.
Speaker 2: It just makes I have like a lot of hormones
Speaker 2: for him. I guess that make me emotional for him,
Speaker 2: But I don't want anything with him, like romantically or
Speaker 2: even like sexually. Like I just want to like help
Speaker 2: him out because it's going to be like my daughter's
Speaker 2: father at some point.
Speaker 1: I don't know, does he do anything for you?
Speaker 2: He listens sometimes like whenever, Like I also struggle with
Speaker 2: having friends like outside of my family, but I have
Speaker 2: a big family, so there I can rely on them
Speaker 2: that way. But he's like who I go to if
Speaker 2: I'm like complaining about like family members. So he like
Speaker 2: provides something and again like he'll get to be which
Speaker 2: he was already a dad before technically, and he kind
Speaker 2: of like just like gave up on that kid, I guess.
Speaker 2: So I don't know why I'm expecting him to treat
Speaker 2: the baby I'm carrying any differently.
Speaker 1: How old are you, guys, I'm scarious, I'm twenty four.
Speaker 2: He had just turned twenty six in November.
Speaker 1: How are you feeling about the whole situation.
Speaker 2: Well, right now, I just feel really overwhelmed with like
Speaker 2: the upcoming baby and a lot of life changes are happening,
Speaker 2: Like the company I've been working for they're like closing down,
Speaker 2: like they declared bankruptcy and stuff. He's I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just want him to get it together to help
Speaker 2: me fee a little bit at ease. I'm excited about the baby. Yeah, yeah, well.
Speaker 1: You know, Oh so I'm curious. I mean, so this
Speaker 1: is this was in like an accidental pregnancy, is it's
Speaker 1: is did it kind of take you a second to
Speaker 1: like come to terms with it and be excited about it?
Speaker 2: Uh? Yeah, definitely. Yeah. My mom was like a big
Speaker 2: player in me coming to terms with it and very
Speaker 2: encouraging about me keeping it and like supportive. So but
Speaker 2: at first I was very much on the lines about
Speaker 2: like what I could provide, and then like I didn't
Speaker 2: really have an active father, so and I knew like
Speaker 2: he probably wasn't going to be very active, but I
Speaker 2: was hoping like otherwise, I don't know, m.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's it's I mean this like, would you
Speaker 1: even consider this guy like your friend?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the thing about it, Like out of a
Speaker 2: lot of the relationships I've had, and what I liked
Speaker 2: about him so much is that me and him get
Speaker 2: a long in a very friendly way, Like we get
Speaker 2: along in a playful way. He's just like also really evil.
Speaker 2: I guess it's like I I like differentiate his evilness
Speaker 2: from him I think too much, and I I need
Speaker 2: to get better at accepting. Like maybe that's just like
Speaker 2: his entire character, Like that is him. It's not just
Speaker 2: like these moods he has or whatever.
Speaker 1: Evil. Evil is a strong word. What made you pick
Speaker 1: the word evil? What made you pick? But something made
Speaker 1: you say it? Well, I mean, yeah made.
Speaker 2: Like the reason why I decided to break up with
Speaker 2: him is that I was already teetering with breaking up
Speaker 2: with him because I could, like I like noticed that
Speaker 2: he had like relapsed, but he wasn't admitting to it,
Speaker 2: and he like threatened to like share a lot of
Speaker 2: intimate photos of me on like that to my parents. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then like he's going to kill himself. I had
Speaker 2: to call the police on him, like two several days
Speaker 2: and even neat of them yeah, with them to him.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then I changed my phone number, and then I
Speaker 2: found out I was pregnant so I reached out and
Speaker 2: then when his other German baby, Mom.
Speaker 1: What sorry, wow, what's your name again?
Speaker 2: It's Alexis.
Speaker 1: Alexis, So, why why are you still running errands for
Speaker 1: this guy.
Speaker 2: Again? I'm just trying. I think maybe if I like
Speaker 2: help him out enough and he can like get situated
Speaker 2: enough and like get out of this hole he's in,
Speaker 2: like my baby would probably be able to have like
Speaker 2: her dad around. But I don't know if there's like
Speaker 2: any saving him because just since I've been pregnant, he's
Speaker 2: been through like detox or rehab like five times, like
Speaker 2: like going back and forth like as a hail Mary
Speaker 2: to get like me to forgive him, and then he
Speaker 2: just relapses or messes up again like right after.
Speaker 1: Look, brother, let me ask you a question here. Uh
Speaker 1: do you I mean, do you feel like you're putting
Speaker 1: effort into this guy like at your own detriment? Uh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't know, I see like some sort
Speaker 2: of benefit.
Speaker 1: I don't know you ever talk to a real therapist
Speaker 1: about this.
Speaker 2: I had a therapist, Yeah, but I left the program
Speaker 2: I was in to come home to be pregnant because
Speaker 2: I couldn't say they're pregnant. But yeah, I should probably
Speaker 2: get another therapist.
Speaker 4: M m m.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 1: You know, I kind of asked this already, but like,
Speaker 1: I mean, how are you feeling about the whole thing,
Speaker 1: Like how are you feeling about, you know, getting a
Speaker 1: kind of as as as you said, like, how are
Speaker 1: you feeling about like running errands for this guy to
Speaker 1: your own detriment.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I just again, I just kind of
Speaker 2: want to help him out. And then, like I guess, whenever,
Speaker 2: like my kids like older, I can tell her, like
Speaker 2: at least I tried, whenever I have to explain like
Speaker 2: why he's like not around or something, but hopefully like
Speaker 2: he would be. But I don't know. I'm just trying
Speaker 2: to I don't know. Again, I just wish you'd get
Speaker 2: it together. I keep telling him to like go home
Speaker 2: to Texas and be around family, like because he relies
Speaker 2: on me as his only source of contact, but he
Speaker 2: could be lying about that. I don't know. I just
Speaker 2: I just really want this dude to like get it
Speaker 2: together in some degree, like at all. But I understand
Speaker 2: that's not my problem either, and I should be focused
Speaker 2: on like the baby stuff, but I feel like their
Speaker 2: interlinkd mm hmm.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, dude, it's uh, well it's so hard
Speaker 1: because there's like a so it's it's weird. I feel
Speaker 1: like as I'm getting older, I'm personally personally like learning
Speaker 1: more about like relationships with other people, and I think
Speaker 1: there's something to be said about yeah kind of what
Speaker 1: you're saying where you're like, listen, I'm trying my best here,
Speaker 1: and uh you like you you got to like I
Speaker 1: think there's a thing of like accepting that you cannot
Speaker 1: change a person. Uh, this is like accepting you kind
Speaker 1: of change a person, but knowing that you try your
Speaker 1: best to uphold your end of the deal, uh in
Speaker 1: a situation such as this, and hopefully the way to
Speaker 1: go about it is like, look, man, I'm going to
Speaker 1: uphold my end of this fucking deal, and uh I'm
Speaker 1: going to do the best I can within my uh
Speaker 1: finite flawed human ability, and uh whatever whatever the fuck
Speaker 1: happens after that, Uh it was, you know, I had
Speaker 1: no say in it. I only I only did the
Speaker 1: thing with the part that I had the thing.
Speaker 2: In, you know, no, yeah, exactly exactly. I'm hoping that
Speaker 2: once I like pop the baby out, that I will
Speaker 2: feel like my role with him was kind of finished.
Speaker 2: Like I helped him up to the extent where I
Speaker 2: could finally be like, Okay, I need to be focused
Speaker 2: on this thing now and I did my best, and
Speaker 2: maybe meeting her will help change something in him. I
Speaker 2: don't know, we'll see, hopefully, who knows. I do need
Speaker 2: to like back off at some point and like just
Speaker 2: let him like sit in his ship a little bit
Speaker 2: to pull himself together.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, I mean, look, if this guy's not giving
Speaker 1: you anything back of value to your life, right, like,
Speaker 1: that's the that's the the question you have to ask
Speaker 1: yourself is like, is this this person's presence in my
Speaker 1: life remotely fucking valuable? And if it's not, then you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I I guess what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Because you could also I mean, I don't know how
Speaker 1: it developed your own life is or what you kind
Speaker 1: of want for yourself, and how much of the attention
Speaker 1: you're giving to this guy is detracting you from that.
Speaker 1: And I think if if you felt like this guy,
Speaker 1: if you really, in your gut felt like this guy's
Speaker 1: presence in your life was important to you, then it
Speaker 1: would be worthwhile to sacrifice, you know, some of yourself
Speaker 1: for it. But if not, then uh yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: really know what what's going on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like that's a real thing though, like I probably yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I need to I need to figure out like balancing.
Speaker 2: Like well, if if I had more like like like
Speaker 2: I said, like when the baby comes, that's going to
Speaker 2: be something that would need my full attention and that
Speaker 2: would feel more fulfilling and stuff to where I'm not
Speaker 2: like I don't even know. I don't even know, but
Speaker 2: I am super excited that I got to talk to
Speaker 2: you though I've tried to call you so many times now,
Speaker 2: so I was very excited.
Speaker 1: I'm glad, you know, I'm glad I got.
Speaker 2: Because I was so excited.
Speaker 1: I'm glad I got to talk to you too. I've been,
Speaker 1: you know, I've been. I've been on a lot of
Speaker 1: rants lately in my own brain and on the live
Speaker 1: stream thing of this just talking about you know, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm like, so, I'm like so burnt out on like
Speaker 1: uh the I don't the advice portion of this podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm just starting to hate like when people are like
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do here. I'm always I
Speaker 1: just in my gut, I'm just like, I don't know, dude,
Speaker 1: I don't know, like I don't I think, I think,
Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, I get burnt on on that because
Speaker 1: I don't fucking know what to do in life at all.
Speaker 1: Life is really uh big and scary to me, and
Speaker 1: I don't know how to deal with like a lot
Speaker 1: of ship. But I liked I liked talking to you
Speaker 1: about this because it's it's a bit of a you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like we kind of are
Speaker 1: like talk talking through something.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: It felt, it felt, I felt, I felt good, I
Speaker 1: felt I enjoyed and I and as I liked hearing
Speaker 1: your perspective on this situation and hearing what's going on
Speaker 1: with you. It was cool.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I enjoyed getting to like let out my
Speaker 2: gapping a little bit, and that's all I really. It's
Speaker 2: nice to get to do that and get to be
Speaker 2: listened to.
Speaker 1: So thank you for that, Alexis is there anything else
Speaker 1: you want to say to the people of the computer
Speaker 1: before we go?
Speaker 2: Have a good night? Thank you?
Speaker 1: Hey YouTube, bye bye, hey, goodbye. Hey. What's your name?
Speaker 5: Raffi?
Speaker 1: RAFFI? What's up? RAFFI?
Speaker 5: What's going on? I don't know? Man, you know, I
Speaker 5: just started grad school to be a therapist, and the
Speaker 5: more I learn about it, it's really interesting. I just
Speaker 5: don't know if I'm built for this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean I think being a real I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna be honest. I think being a real therapist,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say sounds awful that I think
Speaker 1: that's like a simplification, but I think it requires you
Speaker 1: to be a very specific kind of person, with like
Speaker 1: a specific brain and a specific amount of like emotional tolerance.
Speaker 1: I remember one time I was talking to I saw
Speaker 1: a therapist for a good for like like I saw
Speaker 1: a therapist for like pretty much all of the summer
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty four, and I remember I was really
Speaker 1: like going off to him, I like really really emotionally
Speaker 1: going off to him. And I was like, I was
Speaker 1: crying and I was going off to him, and I
Speaker 1: remember I was looking I was like, oh, I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, deeply in my own emotions, but I was
Speaker 1: looking at him and I and after I finished my rant,
Speaker 1: I said to him, I was like, you have a
Speaker 1: really hard job, you know, like because I don't know
Speaker 1: how the fuck I would feel if somebody just said
Speaker 1: everything that I just fucking said with so much direness
Speaker 1: and emotion to me, you know, I would feel I
Speaker 1: was completely insane.
Speaker 5: Yeah, did you feel like better? Did it feel like?
Speaker 5: Do you feel like it worked? Because my fear is
Speaker 5: like I'm just gonna not help people, like they're gonna
Speaker 5: come to me and like I'm gonna try my best,
Speaker 5: you know, giving empathetic space and just listening openly, no
Speaker 5: judgment and not like giving advice or anything, but just listening. Right,
Speaker 5: So do you feel like that actually made an impact
Speaker 5: for you?
Speaker 1: That's a good question. I think it helps in the moment.
Speaker 1: But one of the things that I don't like about
Speaker 1: therapy is that, well, it's such an individual thing because
Speaker 1: for some people who maybe have trouble processing their own emotions,
Speaker 1: like it's helpful to talk them out. For me, I'm
Speaker 1: a big journal a guy Like I journal almost every
Speaker 1: day and I've been doing it regularly for like eight years,
Speaker 1: and that's therapy. That's therapy for me is journaling. That's
Speaker 1: how I get out my emotions and my thoughts and
Speaker 1: my feelings. For a little bit, I was like, I
Speaker 1: haven't been doing this that much recently, but I had
Speaker 1: a phase where I was like writing journals and then
Speaker 1: copy pasting them into chat GPT and being like, what
Speaker 1: do you think about this? And it would give me
Speaker 1: back some good feedback and I liked that, And therapy
Speaker 1: is kind of meant to scratch that same mich uh,
Speaker 1: are you gonna be good at it? I mean some
Speaker 1: people are gonna I something right, Well, yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: some people are gonna hate you. Some people they're gonna
Speaker 1: say a bunch of stuff to you about their life,
Speaker 1: and then you're gonna say something like, well, how do
Speaker 1: how do you feel about that? And they're gonna go,
Speaker 1: fuck this guy, I hate that. I'm paying him one
Speaker 1: hundred dollars an hour, two hundred or three hundred, wherever
Speaker 1: the fuck it is, and they're gonna hate you, and
Speaker 1: they're going to think that you're useless. But then other people,
Speaker 1: you'll they'll say a bunch of shit to you and
Speaker 1: you'll go, well, how do you feel about that? And
Speaker 1: they'll go, oh my god, no one's ever asked me
Speaker 1: that before. This is how I feel about it. And
Speaker 1: you know, you you'll just be like a blank, a
Speaker 1: rubber wall for them to bounce their shit off of
Speaker 1: and figure it out by themselves That's how therapy felt
Speaker 1: to me, is I was talking to this guy, and
Speaker 1: I was talking to about a bunch of shit. And
Speaker 1: while I was talking to him, I was going, well,
Speaker 1: maybe actually this and why you know, actually, okay, I
Speaker 1: now that I'm talking about it, the conclusion is actually this,
Speaker 1: and I but I was I felt like I was
Speaker 1: getting ripped off because I was doing therapy on myself
Speaker 1: basically while this guy was, you know, standing there. So
Speaker 1: maybe subconsciously weird.
Speaker 5: Because you got to like find that right balance of
Speaker 5: like not giving someone advice and telling them what to do,
Speaker 5: but also like gently pushing them to do the right
Speaker 5: thing or just like what they perceive to be the
Speaker 5: right thing for them, And like how do I hold
Speaker 5: my shit back? It's just been really interesting and like
Speaker 5: I think I'm fucking built for it. I just hope
Speaker 5: that like I can do it properly and like not
Speaker 5: harm people, because like I've had bad therapists, you know,
Speaker 5: and like there's not like a determining factor. There's not
Speaker 5: like a line in the sand that makes you good
Speaker 5: therapists bad therapist other than the like ethically incorrect things
Speaker 5: to do, which there are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, man, I I, Uh, it sounds trite,
Speaker 1: But the more I do this show, and the older
Speaker 1: I get, and the more I think about stuff, and
Speaker 1: the more I ride the roller coaster of my own life,
Speaker 1: the more I just have less and less answers to
Speaker 1: any of the things, right and I and therapy, and
Speaker 1: therapy is kind of there for you to work out
Speaker 1: the answers to your own things. But therapy is not
Speaker 1: like a pill you can take to change your life.
Speaker 1: It's not like, uh, you know, I don't know. Sometimes
Speaker 1: you have to do stuff. That was the thing that
Speaker 1: was why I got sick of therapy is I was
Speaker 1: talking about my problems, and uh, I thought about a
Speaker 1: couple of things. For first of all, this this might
Speaker 1: sound insane, but when I was regularly going to therapy
Speaker 1: and regularly journaling about my problems, part of me, part
Speaker 1: of me thought to myself, by by talking about this stuff,
Speaker 1: what's what's the line between talking through your problems in
Speaker 1: a healthy way versus talking about your problems and thinking
Speaker 1: about them so much that you center your life around
Speaker 1: your problems. And uh, I got to a point where
Speaker 1: I was like, I think, I'm I think the center
Speaker 1: piece of my life is not My joy is not
Speaker 1: the my relationships. It's not what I have. It's my
Speaker 1: fucking bullshit, fucking ship that I'm always complaining about in
Speaker 1: my journal or in therapy. And to what point is
Speaker 1: it healthy for me to work these things out? Versus
Speaker 1: to what point do I just go? You know what,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna try to think about things differently, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to, uh do the most annoying thing
Speaker 1: of all time, which is take some form of actual
Speaker 1: action whatever that looks like, to deal with my problems
Speaker 1: instead of just repeating them over and over and fucking
Speaker 1: over again. I don't know what the.
Speaker 5: Healthy awareness is like the first step, but it don't
Speaker 5: do shit. It's like it's cool, It's like, ah cool,
Speaker 5: now I know I have a problem, But like, fuck,
Speaker 5: what am I supposed to do now? Like you're so right, man?
Speaker 5: That taking action part fucking hard?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta do. You gotta do stuff, You gotta
Speaker 1: do stuff, Like I hated. I don't know, like like, uh,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't want to get into my
Speaker 1: own fucking problems, but like I just I just for
Speaker 1: a while, I was like, and I'd like to think
Speaker 1: I'm a fairly action oriented person. I'm trying to become
Speaker 1: more of one. But the more you talk through your
Speaker 1: problems and the less you take an action or doing
Speaker 1: anything about him, you just you just wind up being
Speaker 1: a just from from I'm saying this from experience, the
Speaker 1: more you just wind up being like a sad sack,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I and I I got and I
Speaker 1: got kind of tired of it, and I was like, dude.
Speaker 5: Now I've been doing I feel like I've been doing
Speaker 5: a lot of like relearning about like what therapy is
Speaker 5: just by being in school. And like I had a
Speaker 5: thought that there was people who just kind of belonged
Speaker 5: in therapy. But that's just like so wrong. Like you're
Speaker 5: not supposed to be in therapy for long time, no,
Speaker 5: or like if you are, like it's very special cases,
Speaker 5: but you're not supposed to be in guarritee forever. You're
Speaker 5: really supposed to be there until your shit is solved
Speaker 5: and you get out, like yeah, not like sitting with
Speaker 5: the sadness, Like.
Speaker 1: Fuck yeah, you don't want to just sit with it forever.
Speaker 1: You don't want to just dwell and dwell and dwell
Speaker 1: and dwell and dwell forever. Right at a certain point,
Speaker 1: I think I think you gotta you gotta, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, go make a make a plan and like
Speaker 1: do some shit. But but also also some some everyone's
Speaker 1: kind of oriented differently, and I I'm only speaking from like,
Speaker 1: I really this is just my like experience and in
Speaker 1: my life, and uh, I think it would be arrogant
Speaker 1: of me to assume that my life experience is is
Speaker 1: mirrors everyone else's. And so for some people, like genuinely
Speaker 1: some people who who have not had opportunities to talk
Speaker 1: things out, maybe because they haven't discovered journaling, or they
Speaker 1: haven't you know, they don't have a strong support system,
Speaker 1: you know, it could be helpful, It could be helpful.
Speaker 1: So I again, I'm just speaking from my own experience.
Speaker 1: I'm not I don't want to say that my my
Speaker 1: experience is is God or anything. But yeah, I think
Speaker 1: being an action like being a real therapist, I think
Speaker 1: would be exhausting. I mean, I get pretty exhausted a
Speaker 1: lot of the times doing this show and this is
Speaker 1: like a total bullshit thing.
Speaker 5: And being like a I don't know if it bullshit.
Speaker 1: No, I'm just I'm being self deprecating, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean I think like being a real
Speaker 1: well it's fine, I mean, yeah, I get exhausted doing
Speaker 1: this show, like being like a real therapist who has
Speaker 1: like genuine accountability, uh you know, because they're they're like
Speaker 1: a medical professional. Yeah, it sounds like a lot.
Speaker 5: I don't even feel like that part scares me, Like
Speaker 5: the like the like ethics of it all, or just
Speaker 5: keeping with the code and you know, keeping with laws
Speaker 5: and you know, telling clients about informed consent, And I
Speaker 5: don't feel like those things aren't scaring me. It's just
Speaker 5: the concept of like being in a room with someone
Speaker 5: and then them looking to me as some sort of
Speaker 5: like person with answers when I'm just me, Like, I
Speaker 5: feel like I don't know, like does my educations, is
Speaker 5: my years of like working in a practicum space or
Speaker 5: internship or whatever, is that really going to make me prepared?
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Well no, you well yeah of course well not yeah,
Speaker 1: of course. Well anyone who looks anyone who comes to
Speaker 1: therapy looking for answers, I mean, good luck. Well I
Speaker 1: don't think I mean, uh, you know, I think like answers,
Speaker 1: can you know only you you you already.
Speaker 5: Have the answers, right, So maybe it's just my that
Speaker 5: concept of therapy is not just in my own head.
Speaker 5: It's not it's looking for answers, but that's not it
Speaker 5: for everyone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I don't know therapy is.
Speaker 6: It's weird.
Speaker 1: I know, I really I found a lot of joy
Speaker 1: and I'm only I'm I'm not trying to be like,
Speaker 1: uh what I talked on the podcast a little while ago,
Speaker 1: back when I was really, I'm less into it now
Speaker 1: because I think I got I got a little too
Speaker 1: into it and I started like, uh what I what
Speaker 1: I'm What I'm trying to say is like ure, I
Speaker 1: still love journaling, but journaling and throwing my journals into
Speaker 1: chat GPT was really helpful. I could see it being
Speaker 1: kind of detrimental in some sense because I I I
Speaker 1: at a certain point like I was I was kind
Speaker 1: of amazed at the technology. I was amazed that, like
Speaker 1: I could get objective, non emotional, logical, well thought out,
Speaker 1: well reasoned answers from a machine and I and I
Speaker 1: was kind of intoxicated by that for a while. But
Speaker 1: then I started living my life, not living my life,
Speaker 1: but I started kind of thinking in terms of the machine,
Speaker 1: and that was a little too rigid for me. I think,
Speaker 1: but it's helpful if you have you've never done it,
Speaker 1: you know, it's a helpful thing to do, especially if
Speaker 1: you can't afford us here.
Speaker 5: And there for like fucking assignments and ship. But like,
Speaker 5: I haven't put my own personal like, uh, you know,
Speaker 5: whatever I'm dealing with into chachipt. I haven't thought about that.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna put I'm not gonna put my I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna put my Lyle stamp of endorsement on it
Speaker 1: by any means. But I was doing it for a
Speaker 1: while and it was, uh, it was helpful for me
Speaker 1: for the duration I was doing it, and I still
Speaker 1: I still, I still like use it. I still use
Speaker 1: it for advice a lot because it's.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it's better than me. It's way God,
Speaker 1: it's way better than me. Dear God. Please, if you
Speaker 1: have a question, uh yeah, because chat well, because chat ChiPT,
Speaker 1: you'll never ask it something and and it'll go You'll
Speaker 1: never ask chat chip t something and have it go.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, Yeah, I don't know. That's kind
Speaker 1: of crazy.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: I'll do that nine times out of ten.
Speaker 5: It's all validating to put something into chatch ept and
Speaker 5: give it, give me like five hundred seven hundred words
Speaker 5: like sometimes I don't want all of that, you know,
Speaker 5: but I guess you can tailor your uh message and
Speaker 5: have them give you less.
Speaker 1: Well. I think you'll you'll die one day and before that,
Speaker 1: UH probably have probably find some joys. Is that comforting?
Speaker 1: Somewhat somewhat okay?
Speaker 5: I like the last part?
Speaker 1: Good? What do you mean? What do you mean? I
Speaker 1: know about it. You're definitely gonna die one day. That's
Speaker 1: one hundred percent thing that I'm certain of. I'm one
Speaker 1: hundred percent certain that you're going to die one day,
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm a hundred I'm certain that one day
Speaker 1: you and I will die, and I'm optimistic that between
Speaker 1: now and then we will find uh moments of joy
Speaker 1: in some way, shape or form, and also moments of
Speaker 1: of sadness and of uh of of horniness and of
Speaker 1: being really hungry and of having diarrhea, and of of
Speaker 1: of eating a piece of candy. Maybe mm hmm.
Speaker 5: That does make me feel better? Good? Yes, that was.
Speaker 1: What's your name again?
Speaker 5: It's Raffi, Rahi Rassi, It's Raphael, but I.
Speaker 1: Go by well Raffi. Uh, listen, man, God bless Uzbeka
Speaker 1: Stan and God bless your your aunt and I'll see
Speaker 1: God bless your mother, your fucking aunt. Is there anything
Speaker 1: else you want to say to the people of the
Speaker 1: computer before we go?
Speaker 5: Uh No, have a good night, drink water. We're all
Speaker 5: gonna die.
Speaker 1: We're all gonna die.
Speaker 6: Peace.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: That was rafi. That was nice. I liked that. Uh,
Speaker 1: therapy is crazy. I don't have anything else to add
Speaker 1: to that conversation that I don't think I already said.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, I'm still trying to. I don't know. I'm
Speaker 1: curious people stuff. If you're if you listen to this
Speaker 1: podcast or you watch it on YouTube or whatever, let
Speaker 1: me know. I don't know the conversation we just had.
Speaker 1: I'm genuinely curious what other people's thoughts are on it,
Speaker 1: So leave a comment with your thoughts on like Adam's
Speaker 1: therapy helpful for you? Like what's what's been helpful for you?
Speaker 1: Like I guess the general question I'm curious about for
Speaker 1: myself and for the people listening is like like moving
Speaker 1: your life forward or like dealing with your shit, Like
Speaker 1: what's what's been the most helpful thing? Because yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: just to reiterate like I'm so, I'm so torn between
Speaker 1: how much of talking about your problems is centering them
Speaker 1: in your life versus how much how much is centering
Speaker 1: them in your life versus like dealing with it. I
Speaker 1: really don't know, So I'm curious what people think. So
Speaker 1: leave a leave a comment, or or don't or don't
Speaker 1: or do whatever you want. What's up, Shelley? How you doing?
Speaker 3: Oh? Not much. I'm actually doing pretty good. How are you?
Speaker 6: Man?
Speaker 1: Uh, I'm doing actually pretty good myself. Is there anything
Speaker 1: in particular you you called in to want to talk about, Shelley.
Speaker 3: Well, you did say earlier you're not really in the
Speaker 3: mood for advice.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't, you know, forget about what I said earlier.
Speaker 1: Do you can tell me, you know, don't whatever, whatever
Speaker 1: you want to talk about, I'm in for.
Speaker 3: Hmm. Honestly, I've been doing really good the past times
Speaker 3: I've tried to call in. I always need like some deeps,
Speaker 3: like you know, some types of specific advice, But I
Speaker 3: don't really have anything right now.
Speaker 1: What is it that uh uh okay, Well then what
Speaker 1: is it that was going on? And what changed?
Speaker 3: I think I was feeling really lost about what I
Speaker 3: wanted to do in my life. I remember, I feel
Speaker 3: like I didn't have any goals to work for. So
Speaker 3: I'm turning twenty one. I've been doing community college and
Speaker 3: I honestly just did that because it was expected to
Speaker 3: from my family, and I told myself I wanted to
Speaker 3: get in psychology, but that shit is kind of way like,
Speaker 3: I don't want to do school. So now I'm pursuing
Speaker 3: audio engineering and music because that's much true passion.
Speaker 1: Very cool and yeah, I mean, are you? Are you
Speaker 1: feeling like you have more direction now.
Speaker 3: I do. I found like this perfect trade school that's
Speaker 3: only like forty minutes away, and it's everything I like
Speaker 3: want and need for, like a day job and audio engineering.
Speaker 3: And also it's like I can learn to be a
Speaker 3: self producing artist too and use all their fancy equipment.
Speaker 1: Yeah cool?
Speaker 5: Is that? Are you?
Speaker 1: Is that like the uh the ultimate call? Like a
Speaker 1: day job in some form of audio engineering, and then
Speaker 1: the dream is to be like a artists.
Speaker 3: The dream for me honestly lies in singing. I feel
Speaker 3: like being more like an artist and not necessarily being famous,
Speaker 3: but being able to just do that as much as
Speaker 3: I can and getting paid at the same time. Would
Speaker 3: be great. So yeah, that is the true dream. Like
Speaker 3: I get jealous every time I, you know, be someone
Speaker 3: like what's like a recent artist, like you know, just
Speaker 3: like these pop stars that don't even they don't touch
Speaker 3: their instruments. Their producers and audio engineers make the music
Speaker 3: for them. But I want to be able to thing,
Speaker 3: play every instrument, produce it all, mix it. So yeah,
Speaker 3: that is the ultimate goal right now.
Speaker 1: I like it. I like it. That's cool. It's nice.
Speaker 1: It's nice to you know. For as jealous as you
Speaker 1: may feel about those people. Look, it's nice to have
Speaker 1: something that you want and care about doing. It's value.
Speaker 1: It's a diamond to have a dream. I know that
Speaker 1: sounds like something from a Disney movie, but I really
Speaker 1: mean it. I think it's it's nice to have something,
Speaker 1: to be excited at the potential of a thing that
Speaker 1: could happen, or or I mean most but actually I
Speaker 1: mean look, most of all. Most of all, most of
Speaker 1: all is I'm excited for you because you seem like
Speaker 1: you actually just fucking want to make the music, which
Speaker 1: is the most important part.
Speaker 3: Okay, I will say it's not all like paradise. I'm
Speaker 3: having issues finding original sound and original melodies because I'm
Speaker 3: so used to singing everyone else's music and songs and covers.
Speaker 3: So that's the one thing that scares me is like, shit, wait,
Speaker 3: what if I like, I can teach myself every instrument,
Speaker 3: but how do I compose something like I've never heard
Speaker 3: of or someone like someone else has never heard of before?
Speaker 5: M hm.
Speaker 3: So that's the scary parts. But I think it's something
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to learn along the.
Speaker 5: Way, you know.
Speaker 3: So yeah, part of me scared. Part of me feels
Speaker 3: I get like imposter syndrome, like oh, maybe I'm I'm
Speaker 3: not as good as I want to or hope I
Speaker 3: am and will be. But you know, I don't want
Speaker 3: to be like my father's like, oh, you should get
Speaker 3: into medical field and you know, make uh you know
Speaker 3: this much and work in fluorescent lighting twelve hours a day.
Speaker 3: Like that sounds like I would rather kill myself.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, being in med school and working under fluscent
Speaker 1: lighting sucks. I mean, look, some people, well I'm glad
Speaker 1: it doesn't. I'm glad not everyone thinks that it sucks,
Speaker 1: because if everyone thought it sucks, then there there'd be
Speaker 1: no doctors when that would be bad. But yeah, yeah, dude. Look,
Speaker 1: I'm good, you get I'm glad to hear that you
Speaker 1: let you have a thing you want to do, you
Speaker 1: have some sort of direction, you know. I I just
Speaker 1: for I guess for anyone listening to this, and and
Speaker 1: you're right. I did say earlier that I'm not uh
Speaker 1: uh uh you know, I'm a little burnt out on advice,
Speaker 1: but I I feel like I've just I've learned a
Speaker 1: couple fucking things, and one of them is like that
Speaker 1: that just having a some semblance of a sense of
Speaker 1: direction of a thing you want to do is is
Speaker 1: where the real beauty lies. I think the beauty lies
Speaker 1: in that and in enjoying the work more than it
Speaker 1: does in uh any kind of material success, right because
Speaker 1: because your yeah, because your material success is everything leads
Speaker 1: back to the actual work of whatever it is you're doing.
Speaker 1: So you can have material success and it's it's it's
Speaker 1: it's great, and it's it can be beautiful, but uh,
Speaker 1: it all comes back to you know, the work. I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean in my life, it's like, uh, you know, whatever,
Speaker 1: I go to interview Doja Cat and I do a
Speaker 1: vice documentary and I tour Australia and you know, I
Speaker 1: got all these cool things. They all lead me right
Speaker 1: back here talking to you doing the work of making
Speaker 1: the fucking podcasts and whatnot. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So it all, whatever, it all, it all, it all
Speaker 1: leads back to the work. So if all you have
Speaker 1: is the work and you don't have the material success
Speaker 1: that you imagine, it's the same fucking thing because the
Speaker 1: material success you imagine leads you right back to the work.
Speaker 1: Right Like you you're always you're you're you're in this.
Speaker 1: You're whether you're the most whether you're fucking making music
Speaker 1: in your bedroom for zero people, or you're Kendrick Lamar.
Speaker 1: You know, you're you're in the studio. You're both in
Speaker 1: the studio. You're both dragon shit around a fucking timeline
Speaker 1: on your computer and coming up with stuff. So that's
Speaker 1: I mean, that's where everything is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely. And I've been watching so I've been doing
Speaker 3: like this thing called mindful doom scrolling. O good, but
Speaker 3: I've trained. Here's it sounds bench. But before it used
Speaker 3: to be cross his garbage that I would forget about.
Speaker 3: But now I switched over to like YouTube shorts because
Speaker 3: it's tailored to all of my you know, like of
Speaker 3: a music theory artist interviews, and I really like Tyler
Speaker 3: the creator. He is saying things like, oh shit, wait,
Speaker 3: I'm going blank. He just has really good advice. It's
Speaker 3: just like, what are you scared of? Go for it?
Speaker 3: Oh one interview? I really like he's like he like
Speaker 3: he put it where no one knows what you're capable
Speaker 3: of except for you, Like, no one knows what you're
Speaker 3: gonna be doing in the next five years. Everyone just
Speaker 3: knows you from what you've already done. So he's telling
Speaker 3: everyone at nineteen, I'm gonna get a Grammy. I'm gonna
Speaker 3: get a Grammy. And they're like, no, you're not, like
Speaker 3: you're just you're just a kid. You're like shut up.
Speaker 3: And he was so confident he tweeted it like forever ago,
Speaker 3: and then retweeted it when he won his Grammy, like
Speaker 3: he was just like so inspiring, and it's like I'm
Speaker 3: now telling everyone like, hey, by the way, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: want to get Grammy, whether that's in singing or producing.
Speaker 1: Why wait, wait wait wait, why wait Hola HeLa, Why
Speaker 1: are you telling everyone you're gonna win a Grammy Because
Speaker 1: it's gonna.
Speaker 3: Happen I it's like it's you hold on.
Speaker 1: Hold on, hold on, hold I just hold on, hold on.
Speaker 1: I just want to make sure you heard everything. I
Speaker 1: just want to make sure you heard the rant that
Speaker 1: I went on. Did you hear the rant I just
Speaker 1: went on?
Speaker 3: I yes. But it's also a part of me is
Speaker 3: like I would rather get my hopes ohs than think
Speaker 3: the opposite, like I'm never gonna.
Speaker 1: Win a gram Okay, all right, you know what? You
Speaker 1: know what I you know what? I I hope you
Speaker 1: win a Grammy. I hope you win a Grammy. And
Speaker 1: if and if the idea that someday you may win
Speaker 1: a Grammy makes you feel good and makes you want
Speaker 1: to work and do your thing, then uh, then then
Speaker 1: please continue to tell people that you're gonna get a Grammy.
Speaker 3: Well maybe I shouldn't. Actually, I'm taking it back because
Speaker 3: I've recently looked up the list of artists who hasn't
Speaker 3: don't have Grammys, and Nicki minaj it does not have
Speaker 3: a Grammy, and I think she should, but maybe she
Speaker 3: just hasn't got one yet.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, yeah, but the Grammys are just like yeah,
Speaker 1: but the Grammys are like that's yeah, but that's all bullshit.
Speaker 1: That's like whatever. That's like ten people who like think
Speaker 1: that they're important enough that they're you know, they matter,
Speaker 1: but they don't. Yeah, who gives a shit about the
Speaker 1: fucking Grammys. Shit, it's just a but it's just a
Speaker 1: bunch of people. The Grammys and the Oscar these are
Speaker 1: these are like a group of like ten fucking people
Speaker 1: who have successfully convinced the masses that their elite opinions
Speaker 1: on things matter and create reality and if it's complete
Speaker 1: and total bullshit and doesn't matter at all. I really
Speaker 1: hope that you, you know what, I hope. I hope
Speaker 1: that you can make fifty thousand dollars a year making music.
Speaker 1: That's what I hope for you. I hope you I hope,
Speaker 1: I hope you can. I hope you can achieve higher
Speaker 1: than that. But my baseline hope for you is that
Speaker 1: you make fifty thousand dollars a year making music and
Speaker 1: you and you don't have to work at Chipotle, and
Speaker 1: you can pay off your student debt, and you can
Speaker 1: make the songs you really want to make that make
Speaker 1: you happy to make. That's what I hope for you,
Speaker 1: more than you getting a Grammy.
Speaker 3: You know what, Yeah, shit, you're good, dude, are you?
Speaker 3: Are you a therapist?
Speaker 1: No, I'm a crazy person, but I think about these
Speaker 1: things a lot. I do. I think about these things
Speaker 1: a lot.
Speaker 3: You're right. I think I'm definitely setting those realistic goals
Speaker 3: while having, like you know, wishful thinking.
Speaker 1: Yeah again, if your wishful thinking makes you feel happy
Speaker 1: and motivated, then God bless you. What's your name again?
Speaker 3: My name is Shelley, Shelly.
Speaker 1: Uh fucking Shelley. Where can we find you?
Speaker 3: I don't that's my thing. I don't have any like
Speaker 3: an online presence.
Speaker 1: You want to you want to win a Grammy?
Speaker 5: You don't?
Speaker 1: Ah? My god? All right, well go make one. Goddamn Okay,
Speaker 1: here I.
Speaker 3: Will call and, like you know, I'll have more of
Speaker 3: I was gonna have a gig, but I had to
Speaker 3: cancel it because I was washing and someone punched me
Speaker 3: in the throat and I can't really sing right now.
Speaker 3: It's getting better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's called fucking around and finding out.
Speaker 3: No, I didn't want to wash. My friend pushed me
Speaker 3: in and I'll oh, no too much. Oh really it
Speaker 3: was like a really shitty venue and it smelled bad
Speaker 3: and it was actually I had a really horrible week,
Speaker 3: but now it's good because I was like, I had
Speaker 3: to cancel my first music gig. They were gonna pay
Speaker 3: me like three twenty five for three hours of singing,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, dude, I can do that.
Speaker 1: That's pretty good.
Speaker 3: But so that's the thing that's making depress right now.
Speaker 3: I can't sing and I'm a phenomenal singer. Like so
Speaker 3: it just knows. Thing just kind of makes me like diference.
Speaker 3: But it's like, just for now, just for now, we're
Speaker 3: taking a break, Shelley.
Speaker 1: Is there anything you want to say to the people
Speaker 1: of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: I just want to say thank you for being you,
Speaker 3: and stay.
Speaker 1: Green, God bless Afghanistan and talk to you later. Shelley.
Speaker 3: All right, I'll have an interview with you when I'm
Speaker 3: rich and famous one day.
Speaker 1: See you later.
Speaker 2: Bye.
Speaker 1: I feel like that thing she said at the end
Speaker 1: indicated that she I don't think she listened to anything
Speaker 1: that I said. But also, I'll you know what, I
Speaker 1: don't think she listened to anything that I said, but
Speaker 1: that's okay. I also think I'm a total I also
Speaker 1: genuinely I think I'm a total bummer. Yeah, that's why
Speaker 1: I don't like giving advice. Is that's what's why, because
Speaker 1: I'm just a bummer. Maybe she totally should aspire to
Speaker 1: win a Grammy. Maybe I'm just being a bummer and
Speaker 1: I'm wrong, and you should want to like, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, big dreams are good. Maybe I'm just jealous.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm jealous of her. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm
Speaker 1: maybe I used to have I used to wanna. Uh well,
Speaker 1: actually I don't know. I mean, I think I accomplished
Speaker 1: a lot of the things I used to wanna. I
Speaker 1: used to wanna accomplish, you know, And so I feel
Speaker 1: like I've seen what that looks like up close, and
Speaker 1: it's different than what it looked like from afar, and
Speaker 1: I feel like I've kind of learned a little bit.
Speaker 1: And so that's why I settle the ship that I said.
Speaker 1: But I also, I think being I also, i've become
Speaker 1: less ambitious over the years. And it's actually one of
Speaker 1: my problems that I've become a little bit less ambitious
Speaker 1: over the years. I'd like to be more ambitious. I've
Speaker 1: been pretty I mean, I started making crap a long
Speaker 1: time ago. I've been making stuff and having ambitions for
Speaker 1: like fourteen years and yeah, maybe I was just jealous
Speaker 1: of her ambition. I wanted to just zap it out
Speaker 1: of her. But simultaneously, I also think I have a
Speaker 1: little bit of perspective on some of this stuff enough
Speaker 1: to that I that I believe. I believe in everything
Speaker 1: I said. But yeah, whatever, I maybe I just want
Speaker 1: to Grammy. Maybe that's it all from right? Hello, Hello, Hey,
Speaker 1: what's up?
Speaker 6: So Mike picking anything up in the back?
Speaker 1: Uh you are you on like speakerphone or like, what's
Speaker 1: up with you?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 6: I'm on Google Boys.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, all right, all right, all right, So and
Speaker 1: you're holding your phone up your thing.
Speaker 6: No, I'm on PC.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're in like a microphone. All right, we
Speaker 1: can check chack check. Can you guys hear this? Guy?
Speaker 6: It's exactly like a phone call?
Speaker 1: All right, all right, you guys can hear this.
Speaker 4: I've done this before. I've called again. I used SETH
Speaker 4: last time.
Speaker 1: Oh oh wait, so we talked before?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 1: Oh okay, all right, well hold on, all right, hold on?
Speaker 1: Actually you know what fuck it? I usually cut this
Speaker 1: part of the podcast out where we're doing the audio
Speaker 1: check stuff, but let's just leave it in for now.
Speaker 1: Let's just leave it in. It's part of it's part
Speaker 1: of the lore of this conversation. Okay. So we've talked before,
Speaker 1: Seth m okay, okay, so hold on, I'm gonna give
Speaker 1: some context.
Speaker 6: Can I have a request though? Can you not put
Speaker 6: it in the podcast? No? The Spotify podcast? Please?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 6: Wow, rather listen to it?
Speaker 1: Uh no, you don't want to. If you don't want
Speaker 1: to be in the pod cast, then I have to
Speaker 1: hang up on you unfortunately.
Speaker 6: Okay, No, no, it's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, I'll talk to you again soon. Seth.
Speaker 6: No, no, no, no, no, just put it in the podcast.
Speaker 1: Okay. You you're okay with this being in the podcast?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, all right, discle Are you all right?
Speaker 1: Are you? Hola HeLa? Are you? Are you sure? Because
Speaker 1: I don't if we have this conversation, I'm fine and we.
Speaker 4: Just if we with you, you could cut it. But
Speaker 4: you know I'm fine with it being in that.
Speaker 1: Well, I only here's look, I only want I only
Speaker 1: I only want you to do this if you want
Speaker 1: to be in the podcast.
Speaker 4: Well no, no, that's the thing is I'm fifty to
Speaker 4: fifty over it. So I'm comfortable with it being online inaccessible?
Speaker 1: Are you one hundred percent short?
Speaker 6: Yes? Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, well I did we I this is recorded confirmation.
Speaker 1: You are one hundred percent short?
Speaker 6: Ye?
Speaker 1: You want this to be in the podcast?
Speaker 5: You?
Speaker 1: I'm asking you three times? Mm hmm you sure?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 1: All right, we're leaving all this in. This is all well,
Speaker 1: this is we're not cutting out the audio checks. We're
Speaker 1: not cutting out this. This is all staying in.
Speaker 6: Whole thing. Whole thing, all right.
Speaker 1: So for some context, is I remember you, You're you're eighteen.
Speaker 6: Right, yeah? Do you want me to do a recap?
Speaker 1: I can, No, I'll do I'll do the recap. So
Speaker 1: you're eighteen, and you were talking about last time we talked.
Speaker 1: You talked about how you were gonna go on it.
Speaker 1: You wanted to go on a trip, right, yeah, but
Speaker 1: your friends weren't weren't gonna go with you, and you
Speaker 1: weren't gonna go You didn't want to go without your friends.
Speaker 1: And I was telling you that you should just go anyway,
Speaker 1: and I was yelling at you a lot, and I
Speaker 1: was talking over you a lot, and I got a
Speaker 1: lot of comments on our conversation.
Speaker 6: That's actually my brother texted me about it. That's why
Speaker 6: I know he listened to it.
Speaker 1: I got a lot of comments on our conversation from
Speaker 1: people saying that I yelled at you too much and
Speaker 1: I talked over you too much. Did you see those?
Speaker 6: Also? I also know there were comments.
Speaker 1: I also thought I was fine. I also I disagreed
Speaker 1: with those comments. I felt as though I yelled at
Speaker 1: you an appropriate amount, and I and I that was.
Speaker 6: All over the place. I actually have notes this time.
Speaker 1: I don't regret yelling at you every I I meant
Speaker 1: every word that I yelled at your face. What are
Speaker 1: your notes?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Go ahead, all right, So.
Speaker 4: The context when I called last time, right, some dude
Speaker 4: kind of dropped a nuke on the friend group went
Speaker 4: to ship.
Speaker 6: It's fine now.
Speaker 4: Actually, it's like nothing happened, except he's just not there.
Speaker 4: And it's hilarious because he's now best friends with one
Speaker 4: of our other friends exes and someone else's exes. So
Speaker 4: we call them the Evil League of Exes because they're
Speaker 4: all friends and like two of them are dating.
Speaker 6: It's hilarious. They're like the Evil US. So funny but irrelevant.
Speaker 1: So Seth, So Seth, Seth, let me ask you this,
Speaker 1: what's going. What's going on with you? Are you going
Speaker 1: to take the trip?
Speaker 6: Uh? Probably not? Actually, well why not? Uh, I'm gonna
Speaker 6: wait till next year.
Speaker 1: What's next? What's happening next year?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 6: Money right now?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 6: All right? And also my friends are.
Speaker 4: I'd want I'd be willing to wait for them because
Speaker 4: it's they're both coming.
Speaker 1: I didn't I thought, seth. I yelled at you about
Speaker 1: this already. You want me to yell at you again? No? No,
Speaker 1: all right, Well but well listen, Well, well let me
Speaker 1: ask you this man. You called back in again, and
Speaker 1: I'm curre serious. Uh why I assume you had a
Speaker 1: specific reason.
Speaker 6: Uh, just kind of.
Speaker 4: An update, because like, my first semester of classes bombed,
Speaker 4: it completely bombed. It past my physics class.
Speaker 6: Mm hmmm, that's it. It's crazy. So I'm trying not
Speaker 6: to do that again. And then.
Speaker 4: My other friend group went to ship. Actually, uh, the
Speaker 4: other one's completely fine. Then the other one just like
Speaker 4: exact same thing, but it's online, so it's like not
Speaker 4: as serious, but like talk to him daily for a
Speaker 4: few years, so.
Speaker 6: It sounds just like nah, whatever, Okay, trying to put
Speaker 6: together my notes.
Speaker 1: Can you know, can you know if very you have
Speaker 1: not you have notes, right, mm hmmm are they like
Speaker 1: bullet point notes?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay? Can you just read me off all of the
Speaker 1: bullet points?
Speaker 4: Oh okay, so we got it based off of the
Speaker 4: online friend group event going to.
Speaker 1: Ship could you could you? Could you just read them
Speaker 1: to me like verbatim, like just like no context, read
Speaker 1: the words.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so I have it in three.
Speaker 4: So it's before, uh, the thing that happened, and after
Speaker 4: the before is just recap about all that, and so
Speaker 4: pretty much bullet point one is done. Now we're at
Speaker 4: the online friener bullet point and then we'll get to what.
Speaker 1: Happened after seth Can you read just the piece of paper?
Speaker 1: I just read all the bullet points.
Speaker 4: So number two, I think we kind of covered this
Speaker 4: in the last one. It's like I've been gay the
Speaker 4: whole time, but then there's like this chick that I like,
Speaker 4: So we figured that whole thing outa gay, but I
Speaker 4: can develop feelings for chicks and that has to come
Speaker 4: into play.
Speaker 6: So chicked it have known for a while.
Speaker 1: Right, wait, hold on, what's what? What is this?
Speaker 4: This is the point too, because if I read the
Speaker 4: bullet points and that, yeah.
Speaker 1: But I just I just was I just want you
Speaker 1: to you know what, ah, it works, it works, I promise, Seth,
Speaker 1: you know what. I I just can you just you
Speaker 1: need to me the bullet.
Speaker 6: Uh met The chick bumbled mm hmmm.
Speaker 4: That thing that I just explained and a heart effects
Speaker 4: trying not to fail classes, trying not to fail them,
Speaker 4: trying to go to classes, figuring out how to recover
Speaker 4: from the fumble is what I need the advice on.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, okay, go ahead, all right, let's focus let's
Speaker 1: focus in on that. Let's focus in on that. Let's
Speaker 1: focus in on that. That's that that's gonna be what
Speaker 1: this call is about. Focusing on what, go ahead and
Speaker 1: what is the fumble? What did you fumble?
Speaker 4: So chick known her for like a year, my age online,
Speaker 4: same interests and shit talk like daily VC's ship all that.
Speaker 4: The thing is, she lives like twelve hours away, but
Speaker 4: like I've talked to her mom and she and like
Speaker 4: her dad. I fucking and I've known her for like
Speaker 4: two years almost.
Speaker 5: So.
Speaker 4: Like I was like, oh, she's kind of cool, right,
Speaker 4: And I was like, okay, I like her more than
Speaker 4: just she's my friend.
Speaker 6: And I was like, okay, fuck it, I'll go for
Speaker 6: it instead of just being a little piss whim. Uh
Speaker 6: it was a no. But then she's awkward. And now
Speaker 6: because the whole.
Speaker 4: Thing is like that friend group, I was kind of like, meh,
Speaker 4: she was really the only reason I'm still friends with
Speaker 4: half the people.
Speaker 6: So it's like, do I try to salvage the relationship.
Speaker 1: Or I'm Seth, Seth Seth, I I true, truly, I
Speaker 1: only I'm I'm only acting like this because I'm I'm investing.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean this, I'm investing. No, No, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I am. I am invested in you having
Speaker 1: a good life. I don't know you at all, but
Speaker 1: I'm just like, in this moment that I'm talking to you,
Speaker 1: I'm invested in you having a good life. I'm extremely
Speaker 1: confused at what online Okay, okay, what do you mean
Speaker 1: you fumbled friends with Like okay, all right, you're friends
Speaker 1: with her, she says. She says, No, that's not a fumble.
Speaker 1: That's not a.
Speaker 6: Fumble that I feel like.
Speaker 1: No, No, no, set Seth Seth, not a fumble. It's
Speaker 1: actually uh, it's it's actually a field. It's actually hold
Speaker 1: on it's actually a field.
Speaker 5: Goal.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you why it's a field goal. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you why it's a field goal, Seth. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you why it's a field goal, Seth. Okay,
Speaker 1: not to fumble, Seth. I Seth, I said, I said,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna said, I'm gonna yell It's not I'm gonna
Speaker 1: keep yelling at you. I'm gonna yell you again. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna yell at you. All the comments are gonna be like, li,
Speaker 1: why do you yell at that guy? And I'm gonna
Speaker 1: not care and I'm gonna be Yeah, Seth, it was
Speaker 1: not a fumble. It was a field goal. Okay, fucking
Speaker 1: listen to me. The second you decided, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna express my feelings for this girl, and the
Speaker 1: second you grew the balls and you did it, you
Speaker 1: scored the field goal.
Speaker 6: Mmmm.
Speaker 1: Okay. Because now, because you're eighteen and no relationship you're
Speaker 1: gonna have at this point in your life is gonna
Speaker 1: really matter all that much. But the development of the
Speaker 1: skill of having the courage to express your feelings is
Speaker 1: is a w and is a field goal, and is
Speaker 1: not a fumble a fumble in this situation for you,
Speaker 1: Seth would be if you were to never express your
Speaker 1: feelings at all and decide to play it completely safe
Speaker 1: and not risk rejection. That's a fumble, Seth. But but
Speaker 1: what but what then.
Speaker 6: We'd still be talking because.
Speaker 7: Like, okay, okay, yeah, okay, okay, yeah okay, But but
Speaker 7: you would still be Yes, you would, Yes, you would
Speaker 7: have a relationship that is skewed by the dishonesty of
Speaker 7: your feeling of your of your feelings for her, because
Speaker 7: you would have a friendship with this woman, but you
Speaker 7: would want something more, and the fact that you want
Speaker 7: something more would be it was, it would be what
Speaker 7: I'd rather put up.
Speaker 6: With that then, yeah, the ship.
Speaker 1: But Seth, Seth, Seth? Are you like, are you in
Speaker 1: college or anything? Like? What are you doing?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm in college. I'm in computer engineering.
Speaker 1: Okay. Do you live on campus?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You live out? You live on a college campus. Like
Speaker 1: are you staying in a dorm? Yes, Seth, I'm in Seth.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna kill you. Go out in, Seth. You're eighteen,
Speaker 1: you live on a college campus.
Speaker 8: Fuck this girl that lives twelve hours away, who you
Speaker 8: said she doesn't like you? Go God damn it, Seth.
Speaker 8: Go to clubs. Go start clubs, go talk to random
Speaker 8: people that you find attractive on park benches. God, but
Speaker 8: but what Seth.
Speaker 6: That requires socialization?
Speaker 1: It's sure, yeah, sure, God damn does Seth?
Speaker 6: Would you would you do that.
Speaker 4: If I were you, if you were in my if
Speaker 4: you were in my predicament, what would you do if
Speaker 4: I were in your predicament?
Speaker 1: Well, let me tell you something, Seth. If I was
Speaker 1: in your predicament and I was the eighteen year old
Speaker 1: version of myself, I would be you know, I was
Speaker 1: okay when I was eighteen. I was actually pretty, you
Speaker 1: know whatever. You know what, Here's the problem is that
Speaker 1: if I were the eighteen year old version of myself,
Speaker 1: I would have eighteen year old version of myself fears
Speaker 1: and anxieties, which I and you know now that I'm
Speaker 1: talking about it, I ampathize with you that you have
Speaker 1: those fears and anxieties that eighteen year old version of
Speaker 1: myself would have. But I'm okay, but you get what.
Speaker 1: I'm okay, But I'm twenty seven version of your old Okay,
Speaker 1: But I'm twenty seven year old version of myself now
Speaker 1: and you and I are talking, and I'm trying to
Speaker 1: tell you with my twenty seven year old version of
Speaker 1: myself with my brain that you should overcome the fear
Speaker 1: that you have of the socialization and not be fixated
Speaker 1: on this you know, this, this lady that lives twelve
Speaker 1: hours away and so and so and so and so.
Speaker 1: If I were you now with the brain I have now,
Speaker 1: I would I would write down a list of my
Speaker 1: interests and I would join or start clubs related to them,
Speaker 1: and I would try to work up the cajoles to
Speaker 1: fucking talk to people. And uh, it's really hard.
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't, I really I don't have like good advice
Speaker 1: for you on on how to get over it. But
Speaker 1: like you know, I mean, that's that's the thing.
Speaker 5: Man.
Speaker 1: It's a real Nike just do it situation. But I again,
Speaker 1: I'm just letting you know. And I actually think I
Speaker 1: did really understand this when I was eighteen. Is like
Speaker 1: the the putting yourself out there and getting rejected is
Speaker 1: not a fumble. The fumble is to you know, just
Speaker 1: just stay in your room and you know, jerk off
Speaker 1: a thousand times and and and not do anything. You know, kid, Okay,
Speaker 1: do you yet? Okay, I'm gonna I'm that's all I
Speaker 1: have for you today. That's all I have for you today, Seth,
Speaker 1: call in, call call in next week, we'll talk again. Well,
Speaker 1: you know what we're gonna We're gonna keep doing this
Speaker 1: until you eventually call me and you're like, things are
Speaker 1: going good. I don't I normally I don't like normally,
Speaker 1: I truly I don't like when people I don't really
Speaker 1: like return callers. Things are fine, hold on, but I'm
Speaker 1: not a big hold on I'm not a big return
Speaker 1: caller guy, like historically in this podcast, I'm not a
Speaker 1: return caller guy. I wanna make an exception for you, Seth.
Speaker 1: If you call it, you call in again, don't call
Speaker 1: in next week, call in, give it some time, but
Speaker 1: you call in again, I will make you the only
Speaker 1: honorary return therapy get going caller. Mainly because I have
Speaker 1: a lot of fun yelling at you and I want
Speaker 1: to know. I want to hear what's going on in
Speaker 1: your life. Yeah, it makes it. I get a lot
Speaker 1: of adrenaline and serotonin from yelling at you. So please
Speaker 1: call in again.
Speaker 6: Okay, Okay, I will, I will.
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 1: Is there anything else do you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go Seth.
Speaker 4: I saw this reel where it was an idea for
Speaker 4: a show where it's nine gay dudes and one straight
Speaker 4: dude and they have to vote out the straight guy
Speaker 4: and if it remains him, he gets money. But plot
Speaker 4: twists they're all straight guys and it's just weeks of
Speaker 4: ten straight dudes convincing each other who's gay.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll check that out.
Speaker 6: That would be awesome, wouldn't it not? It would be layers.
Speaker 1: All right, I'll think I'll talk I'll talk to you later, Seth. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, later man later. Yeah, well, I don't know
Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, well we'll hear from Seth again. I'm
Speaker 1: not a big return caller guy. But I something about out,
Speaker 1: you know what. I It's funny. I was talking to
Speaker 1: Seth and just now and I was like, yeah, if
Speaker 1: I had if I were back into my eighteen year
Speaker 1: old version of myself, I would probably would probably have
Speaker 1: similar amounts of anxiety that he does. But I'm trying
Speaker 1: to but that. But if I could go back, but
Speaker 1: if I could go back with my twenty seven year
Speaker 1: old brain, I might do it a little bit differently.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, isn't at the point of a
Speaker 1: conversation is you get a different perspective on a thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I also I just I really like yelling.
Speaker 8: Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night ever,
Speaker 8: goes to he's.
Speaker 1: Teaching you loud life. Really an expert