Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with broths Like and Gavin
Speaker 1: to grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like
Speaker 1: and Gavin is still not here. He's out gallivanting, singing
Speaker 1: songs and such. So he was so good last week
Speaker 1: we wanted to bring him back for another episode we
Speaker 1: have with us co hosting today, Bara. Oh, you had
Speaker 1: it first, right the first time you went Spanish on it.
Speaker 1: It's Nigeria. I tried to dance it off. Yeah you did. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what is that? What is the meaning of your name again?
Speaker 1: Big man come save me? You want to know the
Speaker 1: quick story of it, I'll give you a quick history.
Speaker 1: That's awesome. My great great grandfather was a seven footer
Speaker 1: in the Nigerian village and when people would have issues,
Speaker 1: they would ask him to come moderate come help out
Speaker 1: me a lot, meaning big man, please come and help me,
Speaker 1: Like we got some issues going over here. So like
Speaker 1: in the previous conversation we're having, you would just call
Speaker 1: for the big man to hey, come, come resolved. That's
Speaker 1: what's going on here. Yeah, so that's what that means,
Speaker 1: big man comes save I mean lucky, you're six six
Speaker 1: two plus because that would be weird. Okay, so now
Speaker 1: we want to transition this. I think that that topic
Speaker 1: right there, I think we didn't maybe do another episode
Speaker 1: on because it's a polarizing topic and we can we
Speaker 1: can unpack that more. But but I appreciate you coming in.
Speaker 1: You're one of this episode. We're gonna get into fatherhood
Speaker 1: two point oh, because our producer Amy is passed off
Speaker 1: with the last one. She thought the guys fired up
Speaker 1: kind of all over the place, and Akbar and I
Speaker 1: already got into like a heated discussion that was I
Speaker 1: liked it, yeah, and I had to. I had to.
Speaker 1: I had to kind of hold that because I had
Speaker 1: a lot of feelings about it. Yeah, so we'll get
Speaker 1: into that too. But yeah, I'm a little fired up
Speaker 1: on a lot of things, and especially last week's episode. Okay,
Speaker 1: so Amy, here's the short of it. Amy thinks the
Speaker 1: guys sugarcoated fatherhood. I think they blew smoke up your
Speaker 1: butt and it was unicorns and rainbows and that's great
Speaker 1: and that's of fatherhood, and then they ignored the rest. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we'll get into that. Okay, let's talk to tough stuff.
Speaker 1: And Akbar is one of seven, right, yes, one of seven, yes,
Speaker 1: number six, number six and seven. And I'm the biggest.
Speaker 1: I'm the biggest. I'm proudly can you tell that I'm
Speaker 1: probably six boys, one girl? And yeah uh and then
Speaker 1: you also have four kids, so yeah, so busy working
Speaker 1: man father, like father. I want to hear your story
Speaker 1: and your take on children. I am thirty six. I'm
Speaker 1: now like feeling drawn for the first time, drawn in
Speaker 1: my life to fatherhood and actually becoming a father. Always
Speaker 1: said I wanted to be one, but now it's becoming
Speaker 1: real for me. Um and then the guys. I asked
Speaker 1: the guys some questions about fatherhood, and Amy was immediately
Speaker 1: piste off. She thought it was too cordial and too nice.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna take the gloves off, Eastern. You're gonna
Speaker 1: have to hit us with a little ding ding right
Speaker 1: there if you have a I've been wearing ruthful but
Speaker 1: blowing smoke and unicorns in rainbows. Well, and I will
Speaker 1: say this as a preface to this, Um Brooks, a
Speaker 1: buddy came to us and said, Hey, I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: becoming a dad. Being a dad is amazing. Is the
Speaker 1: most amazing thing you'll do in your life. So that's
Speaker 1: what we we We supported him on that because I
Speaker 1: think that he should do it. If someone came to
Speaker 1: me and said, I don't have a driver's license, I
Speaker 1: just moved to the country. I'm thinking about getting a license.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of freedom with driving, right. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: then tell them about car wrex and show them pictures
Speaker 1: of disasters and start and talk about how I cry
Speaker 1: in my car. Like no, I would say, hey, driving
Speaker 1: gives you a lot of freedom. Do it. And then
Speaker 1: later on if they keep pressing, which I think this
Speaker 1: episode is now going to be, then then you tell
Speaker 1: them some of the stuff to be prepared for. But
Speaker 1: until he's about to be a dad, I didn't need
Speaker 1: to hit him out of the box with Oh my god,
Speaker 1: being a dad is so tough. Okay, So if someone
Speaker 1: else his wife about giving birth, should they say, oh,
Speaker 1: it's wonderful, or should they say it's a watermelon through
Speaker 1: a straw. But that's yeah, okay, let's let's touch. That's
Speaker 1: how that's the same as having sex. And by the way,
Speaker 1: for show me a sor that's four centimeters oh eastern,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to addit this episode, Um, let's talk
Speaker 1: let's hot dog down the hallway. I can't remember. Let's
Speaker 1: talk about this Ryan. Let me ask you this question.
Speaker 1: So what is it like as a father or as
Speaker 1: a as a husband? What is it like as a husband.
Speaker 1: What has your relationship been with your wife as she's
Speaker 1: been pregnant for nine months? And what are you going
Speaker 1: through right now as she's about to give birth? Maybe
Speaker 1: any minute, any day. Now, I would say fatherhood is
Speaker 1: very rewarding, but it is incredibly difficult. I mean we
Speaker 1: the weekends are completely different. I think about you. You
Speaker 1: work out twenty five hours a day, and that's not
Speaker 1: gonna You're not gonna be able to do. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: know it based on looking at you. Your chest is
Speaker 1: actually not very big, and mind's larger. I would say,
Speaker 1: But here, I canna tell you we have a little competition. No,
Speaker 1: it's a one one. His chest as his weakness. So
Speaker 1: I'm hitting the chest so hard these anyway, it is
Speaker 1: a constant like Saturday's what we used to do now
Speaker 1: like we would go have brunch. We would you know,
Speaker 1: go each of us would go work out, do whatever
Speaker 1: we want. Now it's like, okay, we need to get
Speaker 1: our son out of the house. We gotta go to
Speaker 1: the park. We gotta pack a snack, you gotta then
Speaker 1: nap is going to be at this time, and then
Speaker 1: what are we gonna do in the afternoon. Well, it's
Speaker 1: really hop but we still got to get him out
Speaker 1: of the house. Like you're constantly waiting to get him
Speaker 1: to go to sleep. It's like, uh, nap time is
Speaker 1: at five, Like what can we do to fill five hours?
Speaker 1: And got into naps, so then I have two and
Speaker 1: a half hours to just decompress and then he wakes
Speaker 1: up and you're like, okay, well then he's going down
Speaker 1: at seven o'clock. Now we got another three and a
Speaker 1: half hours. What are we gonna do? It's it is stressful.
Speaker 1: So my wife, my wife is like days away from
Speaker 1: going into labor. Yesterday, we I got home from work,
Speaker 1: we took our son to the park. She fell off
Speaker 1: the curb and rolled her ankle. Cannot walk. Now I
Speaker 1: could not go to work this morning because we have
Speaker 1: a two year old at home. Our nanny couldn't come in,
Speaker 1: so I had to watch my son take him to
Speaker 1: the park this morning at at eight am, knowing I
Speaker 1: had to be here at noon. Try to run him
Speaker 1: literally in a football field back it's like sprints, throw
Speaker 1: a tennis ball like he's a dog, to try to
Speaker 1: just tire him out so that he actually sleeps his
Speaker 1: full time for his nap, so that my wife can
Speaker 1: actually relax and keep her leg elevated while icing to
Speaker 1: reduce the swelling. And she can't take anti inflammatories because
Speaker 1: she's pregnant. I'm here doing a podcast, checking my phone
Speaker 1: every second to see if she's texting me that she's
Speaker 1: going into labor. Am I gonna get in traffic on
Speaker 1: the way home. It's stressful. It is freaking stressful. Wow, Wow,
Speaker 1: I felt great, but it is great. So but by
Speaker 1: the way, after you do that, after you get the
Speaker 1: kid to sleep, yes, you're exhausted. So if you know,
Speaker 1: there are nights when you and your wife your partner
Speaker 1: will go to bed and you can park a Volkswagen
Speaker 1: in between you, you are nowhere near each other, you're
Speaker 1: both on the end of the bed and you just
Speaker 1: pass out. So yeah, so once you do everything that
Speaker 1: Ryan just explained, there are It's not like every night
Speaker 1: you're just gonna go on and you're gonna spoon and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, this is our time. Now, that's kind
Speaker 1: of let make it better. There's gonna be nights when
Speaker 1: you're just like, I need my space, I want to
Speaker 1: go to We put my son down last night and
Speaker 1: night he's gonna be to this weekend. And I said
Speaker 1: to my wife, only sixteen more years till he's out
Speaker 1: of the house. So the baby, your kids are gonna
Speaker 1: Your kids might be born on the same day they might. Yeah, geez,
Speaker 1: double birthday party, one cake. Well that's actually that's the
Speaker 1: saving the savings. But I have stressed about that too,
Speaker 1: because then they're gonna they're gonna be jealous of one
Speaker 1: another that each of them doesn't have their own day.
Speaker 1: I've thought through all of this stuff. I have twins.
Speaker 1: Don't worry, acquire you have four kids, have four kids,
Speaker 1: twins that are the last two? Can give us the
Speaker 1: ages of all boys girls eighteen boy ten girl? Uh,
Speaker 1: twins boy girl? And how old are they eighteen ten
Speaker 1: and seven twins or seven? Ye? And your boy just
Speaker 1: went to college. Yeah, we just sent him off to college.
Speaker 1: And I didn't expect it to be emotional. It was.
Speaker 1: It was emotional and it got me actually on orientation
Speaker 1: because going in as a student athlete. You know, you
Speaker 1: kind of get um, kind of guided through, so you
Speaker 1: don't really go through there. You don't really have the
Speaker 1: real you know, college Uh no, not for me. Not
Speaker 1: for me. Now. You know, I grew up in the
Speaker 1: Nigerian household, they always uh you know, emphasized education. But
Speaker 1: but as I was going through, I'm all right, I'm
Speaker 1: ready for this. I gotta get all the inst I
Speaker 1: flew out, my wife stayed with the kids. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take all the notes, and they got professors up there
Speaker 1: and admission people and all that, and I mean probably
Speaker 1: about three hours in, it just slapped me right in
Speaker 1: my face. I'm like, oh, shoot, he's about to be gone,
Speaker 1: like you know, we're in the introduction and I literally
Speaker 1: started like crying. I'm like, oh my goodness. That was like,
Speaker 1: what is happening right now? Because it just hit me.
Speaker 1: And it like because at first it was just we're
Speaker 1: applying for college with fasts and this and la la
Speaker 1: la la, and then I was like, oh and then
Speaker 1: when we got there set him up for the dorm,
Speaker 1: it was emotional. I didn't and then my wife and
Speaker 1: the kids just lost it. Um. But I will say
Speaker 1: that's that part is rewarding as a father because I
Speaker 1: think the stage you're in and heck, we're all in
Speaker 1: it um is uh. When you're you really don't know
Speaker 1: what it's gonna turn out. And I gotta say I'm
Speaker 1: proud of my son because there's a lot of bumps
Speaker 1: and ups and downs during the process. But for him
Speaker 1: to get to this point, to make it to college
Speaker 1: and he's about to get off on his own, I
Speaker 1: was just like, man, it's just that it makes you realize,
Speaker 1: like all the work, especially when you don't think they're
Speaker 1: listening and all the stuff that you said when they
Speaker 1: were younger, they hit you, what about when you said
Speaker 1: this that I told you eight years ago? Nine years ago?
Speaker 1: So they are listening. Um. But in the moment, you
Speaker 1: feel like this kid is just such a he's so
Speaker 1: selfish and you know, and listen and you know and
Speaker 1: the ungrateful yeah, and then and then they get it.
Speaker 1: Is it a question for you? And just as a
Speaker 1: sports guy, it's something you can maybe relate to, is
Speaker 1: it um? Because as when our sports careers come to
Speaker 1: an end, we feel like it went too fast and
Speaker 1: that it's like we didn't think we would thought we
Speaker 1: have more time. It went too fast? Uh, dropping your
Speaker 1: boy off at school? Was it the same sort of
Speaker 1: feeling like I can't believe when you got hit with
Speaker 1: that emotion, like I can't believe he's out of the
Speaker 1: house now. Eighteen years didn't eighteen years didn't feel it
Speaker 1: sounds like a long time, Like if you told me
Speaker 1: I was going to prison for eighteen years and oh
Speaker 1: my gosh. You know, but eighteen years, you just think
Speaker 1: you have enough time. And what I've realized now is
Speaker 1: that I have a little bit more sense of urgency
Speaker 1: with my ten year old because I do believe, like
Speaker 1: I have seven to eight years left with her. And
Speaker 1: I'm telling my wife and she's like, why are you
Speaker 1: creating the sense of urgency. I'm like, because it went
Speaker 1: by so fast. And for my son, he wants to
Speaker 1: run track, and he hopped around doing sports. My wife
Speaker 1: didn't come from a sports background, so she said, oh, well,
Speaker 1: he can do this, and he can do that, and
Speaker 1: he can do this, And before you know it, he's
Speaker 1: in the tenth grade and now he wants to do track.
Speaker 1: He's figured out okay, hey, I want to do track.
Speaker 1: And you know, I was trying to get him down
Speaker 1: one Ale, and he was thinking about other things. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh man, he's behind and we didn't really
Speaker 1: have the time that we thought he was gonna have.
Speaker 1: But he's taking a leap of faith and going to
Speaker 1: Oregon so he can walk on the track team. But
Speaker 1: I mean, I wish you would have had more time
Speaker 1: to do it. And I look back and going I
Speaker 1: could have done that better. I could have done that one.
Speaker 1: But someone told me once my kids I had four
Speaker 1: kids as well, ten, eight, six, and three. Um, and
Speaker 1: someone told me one time, which unfortunately that they're like,
Speaker 1: when your kid turns ten, they've already lived with you
Speaker 1: more than they will because they moved out an eighteen. Right,
Speaker 1: So at ten, you're already past the halfway point of
Speaker 1: how long they're ever gonna live with you. And now
Speaker 1: that's stuck. Yeah, now that's stuck in. I don't appreciate
Speaker 1: you sharing that. Yeah. Well, if I have to live
Speaker 1: with it, then everybody does. Um, here's one question for
Speaker 1: you you just mentioned and I just wrote this down
Speaker 1: because it was such an interesting thing. Um, what is
Speaker 1: in this for all three you guys? You guys are
Speaker 1: all fathers. Uh, what is one thing you wish you
Speaker 1: were better at as a parent, I I would say, um, working, um,
Speaker 1: working less, being more content UM. For me, I think
Speaker 1: the hardest part is, you know, with success, you know,
Speaker 1: there comes the financial reward and then there comes the lifestyle.
Speaker 1: And being a slave to your lifestyle UM keeps you
Speaker 1: on the hustle and grind and um. You know. I've
Speaker 1: been talking to my wife. I said, we gotta stop upgrading.
Speaker 1: I don't want to upgrade anymore. I'm genuinely content. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't want I don't need another I gotta,
Speaker 1: you know, nice toy car or whatever. I don't want
Speaker 1: anything else because what I realized is my son is
Speaker 1: and my daughters are going to be gone, and then
Speaker 1: that's it. Like I'm looking forward to doing more traveling
Speaker 1: and all that stuff, but not at the expense of
Speaker 1: missing out on some of these important years because you
Speaker 1: see the impact that is going to have on the future.
Speaker 1: And the part that I struggle with now is being
Speaker 1: so busy to where I come home and I'm just
Speaker 1: dog exhausted and I'm one into what I call autopilot mode,
Speaker 1: like he does a hu uh huh huh uh huh yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, and my brain. But I'm
Speaker 1: just done, and I'm like, I'm going in the bathroom.
Speaker 1: I don't even need to go to the bathroom, just
Speaker 1: like I need. I mean, I'm trying to get my
Speaker 1: brain back, you know what I mean. Like it's just
Speaker 1: so I wish I could do that. And yesterday, I mean,
Speaker 1: I spend time with my son, just drill, helping him
Speaker 1: with basketball, and my wife took the d my daughter's
Speaker 1: out for volleyball practice. It's just you and I want
Speaker 1: to want let's do it. And I don't do that often.
Speaker 1: And here I am as a former professional athlete. I'm
Speaker 1: not able to pour into my kids in the one
Speaker 1: thing I've invested more time than anything else I've done
Speaker 1: in my life. I've played sports since I was a kid,
Speaker 1: and I've not been able to pour that. Just thinking
Speaker 1: if you have a gift like that that you can't
Speaker 1: pour into your own kids because you're consumed with so much.
Speaker 1: So I think about that. Yeah, I think that that
Speaker 1: is I dedicated thirty five years to hockey, like everything
Speaker 1: I built up has to flow through and be passed on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so I've I've thought about that already. Is when
Speaker 1: my kids, if if we have kids, and if they
Speaker 1: play sports, I would love to coach them and pass
Speaker 1: that on. And if it's not our kids, then maybe
Speaker 1: it has to be somebody else's kids, or some minor
Speaker 1: league team or not like youth team or something like.
Speaker 1: What you can teach my kids Because my gift, I'm
Speaker 1: teaching them sarcasm. So that's kind of all I got.
Speaker 1: So I'm just trying to instill that in them. You
Speaker 1: guys have heard me say it time and time and
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Speaker 1: what about you? What is the one thing you wish
Speaker 1: you were better at as a parent. It's not far
Speaker 1: off of what a bar said. But remember so last
Speaker 1: episode you retold the story that I told you where
Speaker 1: I said I got the kids to school and then
Speaker 1: as soon as I drove off the school lot, I
Speaker 1: missed them. But and I got some some heat for
Speaker 1: that because I made it. That's part of the rainbows
Speaker 1: and unicorns thing, I guess. But the point was what
Speaker 1: I was saying was that I'm so I rushed. I
Speaker 1: rushed to get to certain points. It's like, it's like
Speaker 1: Ryan was saying, like when don't we get them to bed?
Speaker 1: When when are we getting into college? So I was
Speaker 1: like trying to get them to school, and I was
Speaker 1: I was a deck al right, I'm like, they gotta
Speaker 1: get their Bay twenties. Come on, take your food in
Speaker 1: the car too. And by the time I dropped them
Speaker 1: off at the school, I was driving away and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god. Instead of enjoying that time
Speaker 1: in the car, I rushed them all the way there.
Speaker 1: And now I'm sitting here and I'm like, now that
Speaker 1: was my point. Now I got hours until I get
Speaker 1: to see them again, when I just totally botched that
Speaker 1: whole that whole time, I got them to school on time,
Speaker 1: well whatever, but in the car, I was rushing them,
Speaker 1: and I'll saying him, don't do this, and and so
Speaker 1: my what I could do better is I think I
Speaker 1: gotta slow down, and I gotta enjoy time and not
Speaker 1: worry about getting to the next point. I rushed to
Speaker 1: a point and then I absorbed it and relaxed. Then
Speaker 1: I rushed to the next point, and I absorb it
Speaker 1: and relaxed. And I think that's I think that's gonna
Speaker 1: bite me sometime if I come back to bite me,
Speaker 1: if I if I continue to do that. Because of
Speaker 1: these little moments where it's the same thing. Oh, I
Speaker 1: get off to college and it's like, oh man, yeah,
Speaker 1: you and I share the same thing coming, I think
Speaker 1: what it is. The answer is time management. The one
Speaker 1: thing that I wish I could do better is time management.
Speaker 1: So that way I know that I'm not rushing. Maybe
Speaker 1: he's getting the kids up because I have the same
Speaker 1: exact thing, getting up a little earlier so I have
Speaker 1: time to enjoy the questions and stuff like that and
Speaker 1: being Okay, look we're gonna get out because we have
Speaker 1: more talk time or whatever to enjoy that. Maybe I'm uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: you know, because I gotta get up fifteen twenty minutes early,
Speaker 1: but at least i've that time out, because if you
Speaker 1: don't have the time management, it will just life will
Speaker 1: just take you away from your kids. Well, my problem
Speaker 1: is I get up early, but they're little, so they
Speaker 1: they're they're kind of sleeping, so I'm sitting there like waiting,
Speaker 1: and then they get up and I'm like, I gotta
Speaker 1: wake him up. I'm like, let's go, and then that
Speaker 1: just kicks off from there. But yes, I agree with that.
Speaker 1: But anyway that that would be mine, Ryan, what about you?
Speaker 1: We've touched upon it before, but I think mine would
Speaker 1: be being present when I am physically there with my son.
Speaker 1: And and it goes back to like even at the playground,
Speaker 1: I look around it all the parents and like, seriously,
Speaker 1: parents are the kids on, you know, in the sandbox,
Speaker 1: around the jungle gym or whatever, and you have your
Speaker 1: phone out and you're looking at my like mindlessly scrolling
Speaker 1: on Instagram where you're playing fetch with your son or
Speaker 1: or you're saying on the zip line and you're playing
Speaker 1: fats Um. And my wife we had an argument recently
Speaker 1: about this, which was when I would get home from work,
Speaker 1: I would immediately turn on the Phillies games, and she's like,
Speaker 1: it's sad that, like you should be hanging out with
Speaker 1: our son and playing with him, doing activities in the house,
Speaker 1: but you're also half your attention is going to this
Speaker 1: baseball game, which is like, it's is it? What's the point?
Speaker 1: And I said, well, I paid for the mL MLB
Speaker 1: extra and package on direct I defend you on that one. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm the same way. I'm gonna defend you on that one.
Speaker 1: I think there has to be a a time for men,
Speaker 1: just the way our brains work to decompress. One of
Speaker 1: the best secrets. I don't work for Tesla, the one
Speaker 1: of the best secrets. Oh my gosh, I can't believe
Speaker 1: I'm gonna says, I hope my wife doesn't listen to this.
Speaker 1: Actually she won't. Okay, good um, Mike, Tesla, I purposely
Speaker 1: don't put a charger in my house. I actually go
Speaker 1: to the supercharger and my wife I have a blocked
Speaker 1: out hour of time to myself. I'll listen to whatever,
Speaker 1: I'll watch whatever on my iPad, and I swear to
Speaker 1: you on my life when I get home, I'm a
Speaker 1: better man. Because it's not like you can use the
Speaker 1: traffic to to decompare. She can't decompress in traffic. It's stressful.
Speaker 1: But when I sit there and go, hey, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go charge and I come home, Hey Ben, what happened
Speaker 1: to you? Drink coffee or something? No? No, I'm good.
Speaker 1: What's up? What do you guys want to do? Let's
Speaker 1: go like I mean, it changes you. But when you're
Speaker 1: coming off of work and you're doing whatever and you
Speaker 1: come on like for me, I watched TV, not because
Speaker 1: I even want to understand what's going on. I just
Speaker 1: need to decom I want my brain to go somewhere.
Speaker 1: Candy Land sucks. It's like a really dumb game, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So like sometimes like playing with
Speaker 1: kids is actually brutal because that's boring for an adult,
Speaker 1: but it's still important. The thing I was gonna ask
Speaker 1: you guys, and you don't have adult children, but you
Speaker 1: have adult parents. My dad once, I remember he sat
Speaker 1: the three of us down and said, I liked you
Speaker 1: guys as kids, but I love you so much more now.
Speaker 1: I enjoy my time with you so much more now
Speaker 1: that you're adults, because a lot of people don't want
Speaker 1: to play candy Land, but they love the relationship they
Speaker 1: have with their kids once they're teenagers or adults, not
Speaker 1: even adults. Now, my son and I we can sit
Speaker 1: down and we can watch the baseball game together, and
Speaker 1: he's and he keeps track. He can tell me what happened,
Speaker 1: what the situation of the game is. So I agree.
Speaker 1: I don't think it has to be that they don't
Speaker 1: have to be that old, but there are certain points
Speaker 1: where it's like, okay, now, I remember the first time
Speaker 1: my dad was able to say sit in front of us.
Speaker 1: He was so excited. He was like, no, I can
Speaker 1: just talk like I don't have to like edit myself.
Speaker 1: But yeah, there are times like that. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: the only thing that we also didn't touch on that
Speaker 1: irritated me or whatever about the Unicorns and Rainbows episode
Speaker 1: is that we didn't address parents having to deal with
Speaker 1: actual real life challenges with their kids. Their kid doesn't
Speaker 1: fit in at school, their kid is being bullied, their
Speaker 1: kid needs glasses, their kid needs surgery, their kid drinks,
Speaker 1: their kid eats too much, their kid isn't eating at all.
Speaker 1: And we didn't touch on that part of it where
Speaker 1: I see parents going through excruciating pain because their kid
Speaker 1: doesn't fit in the friend group or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: And I we just did a disservice to Brooks by
Speaker 1: not talking about that stuff. Two things I'll say about
Speaker 1: that real quick, because I was there and I was
Speaker 1: part of the unicorn and rainbow issue. Um part of
Speaker 1: the problem. Yeah, well, thank you. Um. Two things, guys,
Speaker 1: or at least I do. I internalize a lot of stuff,
Speaker 1: so I don't share a lot of feelings, not because
Speaker 1: it's weakness, but because I just don't offer up things
Speaker 1: that trouble me right off the bat. The second thing is,
Speaker 1: and I'm not I know it was done for fun,
Speaker 1: but keep in mind, look back at that episode from
Speaker 1: last week. I made one thing I said. I talked
Speaker 1: about knock knock jokes, and I said, you know that
Speaker 1: the kids are horrible, and and I tell him, And
Speaker 1: what was Gavin's response, knock knock? Who's there? Worst dad ever?
Speaker 1: So it's like, listen, moms get so much credit for
Speaker 1: being awesome and dad's dad's just do what dads do.
Speaker 1: So if you if all of a sudden someone's like,
Speaker 1: oh worst dad, or you complaining a little bit and
Speaker 1: someone hits you with something like that, it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of I guess I'm failing a little bit.
Speaker 1: And even though it was a joke, you know, you
Speaker 1: he just says, but you just said, you just said
Speaker 1: something to me though, But why this is totally ignoring
Speaker 1: your question. Um, but why do moms get all the
Speaker 1: credit and dad's Father's Day. I'm not gonna lie. I'm
Speaker 1: just keeping the real Father's Day sucks. It sucks. It's
Speaker 1: not the fanfare that moms get. It's the hey, here's
Speaker 1: a tie, here's the thing. Here you go. I don't
Speaker 1: need this time. That's an ugly type by the way,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just like we don't get the same
Speaker 1: type of credit. And it's like, especially in the world
Speaker 1: now where everyone's talking about equality, I think there needs
Speaker 1: to be a voice for men to start having equal
Speaker 1: care because there's so many there's this thing that well,
Speaker 1: women have gotten praised and and and women do a lot,
Speaker 1: but men do a lot too, Like like man, I
Speaker 1: bust my butt, but mother's day sucks because they have
Speaker 1: to have like a crappy eggs breakfast that their kid made.
Speaker 1: We're on Father's Day, you get to go golf. But
Speaker 1: I mean that that these are all these are all
Speaker 1: gender and and roles that are being played like they're there,
Speaker 1: you know, like I want to take the golfing out
Speaker 1: in the Mother's day because that's not It's not the
Speaker 1: one day. It's the grind of every single day, me
Speaker 1: hauling butt from the South Bay all the way up
Speaker 1: to you know, up north to go to work and
Speaker 1: going over here and jet sitting around the country to
Speaker 1: be able to provide and then come home and then
Speaker 1: gotta clean and they gotta do this with the kids.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I mean, it's exhausting. And yet it's like, well,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to do well, you're a man, Like what
Speaker 1: what does that mean? I don't got feelings like I
Speaker 1: don't want to be appreciated, like men want to be appreciated,
Speaker 1: And I don't care. I'll fight any man right now
Speaker 1: who tells me they don't want to be appreciated. Men
Speaker 1: want to be appreciated, but they don't get appreciated. And
Speaker 1: it's just like the men step down, elevate the woman
Speaker 1: and then turns around and they get crapped on what
Speaker 1: they don't do this, they don't do that, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: hold on. Like my wife and I we fight about
Speaker 1: this all the time, like the whole stay at home
Speaker 1: versus the the man that works, and this is like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm the one out with job is hard, and I
Speaker 1: feel like every man will go out there and preach like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very hard to standal Yeah, it is hard to
Speaker 1: stay at home, but it's equally hard to go to
Speaker 1: work too, Like like you can't compare the two and say, well,
Speaker 1: because I'm at home with the kids, and more people
Speaker 1: are gonna fall in love with that idea than you know.
Speaker 1: You're like or it's more like, come on, what are
Speaker 1: we doing here? Are we're gonna we're gonna minimize one
Speaker 1: role to elevate the other so that one never gets
Speaker 1: any type of loving credit. I'm like, that's a bunch
Speaker 1: of sorry you just so one time, one time I
Speaker 1: went away for four days for work, Like a week later,
Speaker 1: my wife went away for two days. When my wife
Speaker 1: came home, the kids made a banner cookies. I helped
Speaker 1: him the whole thing, a little welcome home party. She
Speaker 1: was going for two days. I was going for four days.
Speaker 1: You know what. I got a text that said, hey,
Speaker 1: I was in you're in the We're going to Michael's.
Speaker 1: You want us to wait from my wife. So it's
Speaker 1: like twice as long gone. But it's like, all right,
Speaker 1: well you could when you get home, you get right
Speaker 1: back into. But when she came home, it was a
Speaker 1: fan fair black bar. You said you would fight any
Speaker 1: man who says they don't want to be appreciated. While
Speaker 1: you said that, we're saying that Brooks looked at me
Speaker 1: in mouth. I don't to be appreciated, So it's odd you. Well,
Speaker 1: if you you seem like a man of your word,
Speaker 1: and we can just one thing. He didn't get into
Speaker 1: my bios, like, look, I'm from Crunchhaw. I'm from l A.
Speaker 1: Like I look, I'm not. I'm not you know, I'm
Speaker 1: not part of Canada. I don't I don't fight. I
Speaker 1: don't fight from fighting. Brooks is from the Crunchhaw of Canada.
Speaker 1: Here here's why I looked at Here's why I looked
Speaker 1: at Ryan, because I promise you you've never seen a
Speaker 1: man that wants to be appreciated more than Ryan. That's
Speaker 1: why I looked at the revels in the appreciation. Well, Ryan,
Speaker 1: I I join you because I'm I would love to
Speaker 1: change the narrative, like I want to be appreciated. Um
Speaker 1: and yeah, there's a little bit of comparison when I
Speaker 1: sometimes sit back and go on, wow, man, like it
Speaker 1: must be great to be a mom, Like it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter what you do, like you're gonna get the love.
Speaker 1: And everybody has to echo the same thing, like moms
Speaker 1: can never do anything wrong. Dad does everything only And
Speaker 1: look at all the shows. I get sick. I stop
Speaker 1: watching a lot of these shows. They make men, they
Speaker 1: make fathers look so dumb. They have no idea, like
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, what are you gonna do? Like I hate,
Speaker 1: like seriously, like I want to turn. I mean, this
Speaker 1: is the slang word. I want to get ignorant when
Speaker 1: people go, oh my gosh, what you can do when
Speaker 1: your wife is gone? Okay, I don't know how to
Speaker 1: braid hair, but I can put her hair in ponytail.
Speaker 1: I can cook. I started cooking at the age of eleven.
Speaker 1: I know how to cook. Like, oh my gosh, are
Speaker 1: you okay? Don no? I don't need no help. I
Speaker 1: got four kids. I can take care of all my
Speaker 1: kids by myself. I don't. I don't have a nanny.
Speaker 1: I don't need one, you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: I'm good, Like don't don't treat me as if because
Speaker 1: I'm a man. Oh men, don't want to be bothered
Speaker 1: with that, Like I can take it. And there are
Speaker 1: I know so many guys who are like that. There's
Speaker 1: a small guy. There's a group of guys who don't
Speaker 1: want to be bothered with any of that. And that's
Speaker 1: just a preference. But doesn't mean that the guys don't
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like the guys don't know
Speaker 1: how to do all that stuff. Like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do now that my wife
Speaker 1: is the only way I know that Me and my
Speaker 1: wife are different. Like the whole park thing. I get
Speaker 1: anxiety with parks. I have to take them too. There's
Speaker 1: a person that like, I have to take them the
Speaker 1: place because I'm mono focused. So I have to have
Speaker 1: them in a place that is surrounded and and closed
Speaker 1: and let go. I'm the best father then, But if
Speaker 1: it's in an open park, I can't. I can't take
Speaker 1: them to the beach because it's like this, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm just too much anxiety. I wanted to actually funny
Speaker 1: brought that up. I wanted to do a test today,
Speaker 1: but now I want to. But my point was to
Speaker 1: get inside a dad's mind who remembers the movie Minority
Speaker 1: Report with Tom Cruise. If you ask anybody that's mainly
Speaker 1: not a dad. But I mean maybe it's the same
Speaker 1: with moms. But if you ask someone who doesn't have kids,
Speaker 1: what was your favorite scene from them? I mean, what's
Speaker 1: your favorite scene that you remember from that movie? I
Speaker 1: thought that movie sucked. Asked me, because I'm Okay Brooks,
Speaker 1: what's your favorite scene? So I think I've seen the movie.
Speaker 1: Favorite scene? What's the scene that you remember? The one
Speaker 1: I remember is just he was driving some badass BMW
Speaker 1: is the only really one And you ask anything on
Speaker 1: the windshield he can move things or something, And you
Speaker 1: ask any dad Minority Report. You guys, feel free to
Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong. Tom Cruise does a scene
Speaker 1: he goes he's playing with the son at the pool.
Speaker 1: He goes underwater, he comes up and his son is
Speaker 1: gone missing forever. And so I thought that was just
Speaker 1: me but I've talked to plenty of people, and after
Speaker 1: a certain time he came up with somebody else, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I thought I was the only one
Speaker 1: that that was burned in my brain so badly. So
Speaker 1: when I go to a park, when I go at
Speaker 1: any pore, I'm mono focus. I cannot I'm constantly scanning.
Speaker 1: And it's like that is a stress that goes with
Speaker 1: me everywhere. It's like every time you're in public, seems
Speaker 1: like that just stick with me. My wife tells all
Speaker 1: of our friends, Ryan would love it if if our
Speaker 1: son was just in a padded room all day and
Speaker 1: he he doesn't want him to get and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I like, I don't want him to get hurt. I
Speaker 1: love him so much that I don't want him to
Speaker 1: smash his face or bust his teeth on a curb
Speaker 1: as he's like running too fast in a park that
Speaker 1: I don't know that there's actually a dip here, or
Speaker 1: there's a hole here, or a sprinkler head here. So yes,
Speaker 1: I am constantly anxious when we're at a park, and
Speaker 1: that like, does that make me a bad person? No?
Speaker 1: I love him so much that I don't want him
Speaker 1: to get hurt. Sorry for caring. And you know I
Speaker 1: would say this, I would say this, the maternity instinct
Speaker 1: gets a lot of love, as it should. I mean
Speaker 1: without the maternity instincts, oh my goodness, I mean you.
Speaker 1: I mean they are nurturers that they nurture, but the
Speaker 1: main men can't nurture. But I love the maternity instinct.
Speaker 1: But there is a paternity instinct, and I think priority
Speaker 1: number one for the paternity instinct is to be protective.
Speaker 1: We have a protective thing that we want to protect
Speaker 1: and provide. There's a lot of peas in there. It's
Speaker 1: a great alteration. Actually, it's just come a paternity. Paternity
Speaker 1: instinct is provide and protect, And for me, I want
Speaker 1: to create a protective environment to where like there's Plia
Speaker 1: del Ray is the name of the park, and they
Speaker 1: have this where you're facing here and this long big
Speaker 1: fences like this and all the stuff is in front
Speaker 1: of you. Anybody comes in, it's got to come from
Speaker 1: behind so you see everything. I'm good, I'm just chilling.
Speaker 1: I'm the best dad. But if I'm in the open park, baby,
Speaker 1: can we get out of here? Because you can't? I can't. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a lot of heat boys were talking about No,
Speaker 1: I just agree. I mean, I rest my case. That's
Speaker 1: why I thought it was like yeah, And and the
Speaker 1: guys were a little offended when I said, you're lying
Speaker 1: and they're like, we're not lying. And I'm like, okay, fine,
Speaker 1: you're right. You told half truth. They did not tell
Speaker 1: Brooks the whole truth. And I think, look, we can
Speaker 1: have many episodes about it, but there are real hard
Speaker 1: challenges with parenting, and I just think we're not doing
Speaker 1: what this show is how men think if we don't
Speaker 1: talk about the things. You're right. You're right though, But
Speaker 1: but he asked, I'm thinking about becoming to dead. I
Speaker 1: would never stand in a way from from a man,
Speaker 1: especially someone established and a decent, good guy. I would
Speaker 1: never stop him for being a dad. So I will
Speaker 1: get to that. It's such a man thing to think
Speaker 1: that telling the truth would stop him. Why did I
Speaker 1: have to jump out with Hey, listen, when you're driving
Speaker 1: on a road trip, the same thing that makes you
Speaker 1: want to drive into a poll is the same thing
Speaker 1: that won't you love your kids. Sometimes they drive your nuts,
Speaker 1: but you're not, you know, but you're protecting them. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to jump out and tell him all this
Speaker 1: horrible stuff. I say, I'm kind of with Amy. I'm
Speaker 1: kind of with Amy that you kind of because I
Speaker 1: remember my boy, my former teammate, Ricky Sharp, and I
Speaker 1: used to talk to him real talk about marriage and
Speaker 1: how the challenges a marriage. He goes, Man, when I
Speaker 1: talk to you, I don't know if I want to
Speaker 1: get married. He got married, and good because it allows
Speaker 1: him to understand the challenge because look, for everybody says,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, it was just the best thing. It's
Speaker 1: the best and the toughest thing ever. And I think
Speaker 1: I want to put toughest thing first. You know. It's
Speaker 1: like it's tough when you bring in two worlds. It's
Speaker 1: you know, just it's tough. And but I wanted to
Speaker 1: give him the real because I think when you paint
Speaker 1: this this picture of beauty, that it creates false expectations,
Speaker 1: and then when it doesn't work out the way you
Speaker 1: know that expectation, then things start to crumble. You start snapping, because,
Speaker 1: as Brooks, do you want kids any less today than
Speaker 1: you did last week? Probably more? But in defense of
Speaker 1: these guys, I asked them questions like, what is the
Speaker 1: greatest thing about being a father. Like thirty minutes that
Speaker 1: we talked about father, So I didn't get into the
Speaker 1: missing kids aspect of it. Yeah, but I appreciate like,
Speaker 1: and it's probably a tough topic even to discuss that
Speaker 1: as a dude, like discuss your kids going missing or
Speaker 1: the possibility of your kid getting hurt, Like, it's got
Speaker 1: to be incredibly difficult to even discuss it. So we
Speaker 1: have to. I know, I know, And so that is
Speaker 1: what we are doing. Yeah, Okay, I love it. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's the end around one ding ding dinging. We gotta
Speaker 1: take one more quick break, stick around for a couple
Speaker 1: more minutes. We talked about it all the time on
Speaker 1: this show. We are not afraid to discuss our bathroom
Speaker 1: habits with you guys. I'm in there a lot. I've
Speaker 1: told you that many times before. Rick, he doesn't go
Speaker 1: as much as I do, and that's terribly unfortunate for him.
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Speaker 1: while we're on break, Ryan just raised the hes a
Speaker 1: story he was Now, I want to just tell you,
Speaker 1: like the laundry list of things that will stress you
Speaker 1: out and maybe you'll form your opinion as to whether
Speaker 1: father it sounds good. But just recently we we were
Speaker 1: told you want to get your kid into swimming lessons
Speaker 1: as soon as possible and get them comfortable being in
Speaker 1: the water. So from like eighteen months we got our
Speaker 1: son into a swim lesson one on one with this person,
Speaker 1: and the other week she was taking him and he's
Speaker 1: eighteen months old and she was dunking him under the
Speaker 1: water and he was like. I was sitting there and
Speaker 1: my wife was like, I don't know if you can
Speaker 1: be here for this, Like you're stressing me out your
Speaker 1: reaction to this. And I'm like, she's dunking him under
Speaker 1: the water. He's coming up gagging like coughing. She that
Speaker 1: the instructor comes up. She's like, I'm watching him. I
Speaker 1: don't see any airbub well, he's not inhaling, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: the kid is going to like die on your watch.
Speaker 1: And it was so I pulled him out of classes altogether,
Speaker 1: and he's no longer swimming. He may never swim the
Speaker 1: rest of his life. Fine, he's going to be on land.
Speaker 1: You'll be fine. I remember as a kid getting dunked.
Speaker 1: They're like, Okay, now your face is going to go
Speaker 1: underwater and there's push you underwater. You kind of come
Speaker 1: out all right, Well, you clearly lost a lot of
Speaker 1: brain cells and explains a lot. Then I became an athlete,
Speaker 1: made a ton of money. That's all right, well documented
Speaker 1: on the money right right? Okay? Uh, gentlemen, I want
Speaker 1: to thank you for your your insight into fatherhood and
Speaker 1: I appreciate that and I'll certainly lean on it in in
Speaker 1: the future. Uh when I hopefully become a father one day.
Speaker 1: Uh akbar man, You're just a breath of fresh air. Dude.
Speaker 1: Thanks for coming in. Thank you vingate? Can I stay
Speaker 1: real quick? Uh? My, my all my kids and my
Speaker 1: wife and I we watch American Nage of Warrior. We
Speaker 1: have American Nage of Warrior Monday Nights together. My son
Speaker 1: does an impression of you guys. Are you and Matt hosting?
Speaker 1: And for Christmas he wants a warped wall, so keep
Speaker 1: doing the huge fans all right, Thank you appreciate that.
Speaker 1: Tell your son I said, hello, um, where can people
Speaker 1: find you? Because your message is incredible. I want people
Speaker 1: to be able to find you. Where can people find you?
Speaker 1: Are you on social yep, I'm on social um, even
Speaker 1: though I wish Social a a a quick and painful death.
Speaker 1: But I am at a bar a k b A
Speaker 1: R underscore baja g b A j A. I had
Speaker 1: to shorten the last name or nobody would follow me. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's all. Those are all my handles for
Speaker 1: Twitter and Instagram. I tried doing the snapchat but it's there,
Speaker 1: but I don't I don't know how you want to
Speaker 1: give your phone number in case anyone wants a quick
Speaker 1: phone bone or no, I'm married, down man, I'm married.
Speaker 1: Those days are gone. And what about the book Everyone
Speaker 1: Can Everyone Can Be a Ninja? You can go to
Speaker 1: Barnes and Noble, Amazon wherever books are sold, UH, and
Speaker 1: you can purchase your copy of Everyone Can Be a Ninja.
Speaker 1: I was inspired to write this book after seven years
Speaker 1: of watching these ninjas go through obstacles. It made me
Speaker 1: realize about the obstacles in life that we all have
Speaker 1: and some of the stuff that I learned from the
Speaker 1: ninja's I utilize that in giving life lessons on how
Speaker 1: to overcome obstacles in your personal life. I talked about mine,
Speaker 1: I talked about my good friend Alison Felix who's an
Speaker 1: Olympic world class athlete, former teammates, and some of the ninja's.
Speaker 1: I augment those stories and I try to tell a
Speaker 1: powerful story that will hopefully motivate people to live their
Speaker 1: best life UM and to never give up UM even
Speaker 1: if they got a warped wall in front of them
Speaker 1: uh in life. I love it, man, love your mission.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Your wife Crystal has a very
Speaker 1: good man. She's very thank you. Thank you very much.
Speaker 1: Come back one day with us. Yeah, man, and and
Speaker 1: any and seriously, I mean, just hit me up. I
Speaker 1: mean this, this is this is my wheelhouse. I I
Speaker 1: love talking about this because I think more conversations like
Speaker 1: this should be UM, should should be done because it's
Speaker 1: just not happening enough. And hopefully that this platform will
Speaker 1: more evate and armed men to be able to have
Speaker 1: this discussion not only amongst their boys, but at home
Speaker 1: with their wives, their partners, whoever, so we can change
Speaker 1: the narrative for in a positive way. I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it. Man. If you have a for Father's
Speaker 1: Day and if you have a lead on a warped wall,
Speaker 1: I'd really appreciate that. Okay, I know a bunch of
Speaker 1: ninjas who can make one perfect. That's it for this episode,
Speaker 1: a bar, thank you so much, but he would love
Speaker 1: to have you back in here until next week. Rian
Speaker 1: you do it best, Bark, get ready to roll your eyes.
Speaker 1: Take away care of one another, love one another, and
Speaker 1: we'll see you right back here for another episode of
Speaker 1: How Men Think like that All