1 00:00:04,519 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:09,000 Speaker 1: I've never told to your protection of I Heart Radio's 3 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:21,160 Speaker 1: how stuff works. Samantha and I have just gotten back 4 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 1: from a very long trip, so long that I've lost 5 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 1: my voice almost completely. Yes, between the yelling at our 6 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: conference to the screaming at the rides that you made 7 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:36,519 Speaker 1: me go on, and like I forced you to do 8 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: something you didn't want to do, I feel like a 9 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 1: couple of those rides where I was tricked into I 10 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,239 Speaker 1: would never do such a thing. Yes, we were in 11 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: No Orlando for podcast movement Spider trying to kill me 12 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,840 Speaker 1: the Spider. Yeah, I remember that whatever Harry Potter ride 13 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: with Bidden Journey. You didn't tell me about that, and 14 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 1: I got to ride the new Harry Potter ride. I did. 15 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: She lift the glory And it's partly through the support 16 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,760 Speaker 1: of Samantha, because you're the one that told me, whatever 17 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: is going to happen. You've got to write that right. 18 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: Look after the many discussions and the fact that your 19 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,120 Speaker 1: face kind of fell when you thought you weren't going 20 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 1: to be able to do it, and I'm like, no, 21 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,840 Speaker 1: it has to be done, and it was done. And 22 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 1: that's kind of what we're talking about today is women 23 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: supporting other women, which is something very important to both 24 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: of us because women are and have been frequently conditioned 25 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: to compete with other women for jobs for men, which 26 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 1: is yes, very heteronormative. In this UM for success, I 27 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:40,200 Speaker 1: have witnessed example after example of this. I have been 28 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 1: a part of this UM. A great example is calling 29 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: a woman a horror slut when she sleeps with a man, 30 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: but not judging the man in the same way. But 31 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 1: more and more women are calling it for what it 32 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: is BS and they're supporting other women right And we're 33 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: so excited, So we wanted to talk a little bit 34 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,040 Speaker 1: about the positives of women supporting women UM again. We 35 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,640 Speaker 1: last week we went to Orlando for our little conference. 36 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 1: It was a little it was huge. We had a 37 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: lot of free T shirts now you are. I've been 38 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: wearing mine pretty happily and it's been amazing. And one 39 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:16,800 Speaker 1: of the things that we got to do was be 40 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:22,359 Speaker 1: on a panel with our podcasts from our FAM podcast world. 41 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 1: Is that what we would call it, don't network networks. 42 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:26,799 Speaker 1: I want to call it something else. I wanna be 43 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: my own, my fam. This is my podcast fam UM 44 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: ethnically ambiguous Anna and Sharene, And it was so fun 45 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 1: to get to know these women that we kind of 46 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 1: know from AFAR because they're based out of l A 47 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,200 Speaker 1: and we're in Atlanta, and so being able to like 48 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,079 Speaker 1: sit and talk with them into like actually bond has 49 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: been phenomenal and just the idea of hearing where they're 50 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,359 Speaker 1: coming from and how hard they've worked in the same 51 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: way with all of us where we come from. It's 52 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: really beautiful just to be able to get together and 53 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: to actually push each other and like support each other. 54 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,799 Speaker 1: And I think that it was important that we come 55 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: back and had that as an actual discussion. Yeah, because 56 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: the panel we did um was on something we talked 57 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:13,799 Speaker 1: about recently, podcaster imposter syndrome. And most of the people 58 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: who were there were women, and it was early in 59 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 1: the morning, so early. A couple of our a couple 60 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 1: of our coworkers showed up as well, but it was 61 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: it was so nice to just have that crowd and 62 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 1: see women supporting other women. One of the people who 63 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,799 Speaker 1: showed up was Savers Laura Vocable, Yes, and she was 64 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 1: there with us one percent of the time to support us. 65 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: She was and she is not a morning person. She 66 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: would not mind me telling you that she is not 67 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: morning person. It meant a lot to me. She was fantastic. 68 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 1: So what we're talking about is women supporting other women, 69 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: and there is a lot of research into this. Studies 70 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 1: have shown that women who support other women find more 71 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: success when it comes to business, and that women benefit 72 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: more from collaboration as a posed to competition. Woman with 73 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 1: a squad or a close enter circle of female friends 74 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: are more likely to get executive positions that pay more money. 75 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: Data has not shown the same to be true for men, 76 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: and it's floked into it. It just hasn't shown that 77 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 1: same relationship for correlation. Having other women to turn to, 78 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,280 Speaker 1: for example, when it comes to negotiating contracts, has been 79 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: incredibly valuable for me. Yeah, me too. Not only did 80 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 1: I have valuable advice from other women, but my contract 81 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 1: was handled by a badass woman who was a friend 82 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: of mine, who came to bat for me and really 83 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: fought to make sure of my contract was as fair 84 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 1: as it could be. So it's fantastic, oh absolutely, And 85 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: for women, having this group of close friends is one 86 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 1: way to combat the systems of bias that we face, 87 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 1: whether it's through offering advice and mentorship, having each other's 88 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: backs are offering words of encouragement. Yeah, I think it's 89 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 1: another testament to not filling alone having a support group 90 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:57,039 Speaker 1: though at all. Past host Christen and Caroline did an 91 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,159 Speaker 1: episode on the shine theory, which is in essence that 92 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: women support other women shine UM. Women who don't support 93 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 1: other women, who believe that women fundamentally can't get along 94 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,600 Speaker 1: and or there's only room for one at the top 95 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: are frequently called queen bees. There are some mixed usages 96 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 1: of that that phrase, but for for our purposes here. 97 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: UM studies have found that women prefer male bosses at 98 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 1: large when it comes to work situations, Specifically, since women 99 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 1: are still underrepresented, there can sometimes be a sense that 100 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 1: women have to compete for the quote, one spot on 101 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,840 Speaker 1: the board, or whatever it is. Some studies show that 102 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 1: men generally are more biased against women in professional settings, 103 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 1: but when it comes to a confident man and a 104 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: confident woman, they have no preference. However, women never, repeat 105 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: never chose the confident woman versus the confident man. M Yeah, 106 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:55,360 Speaker 1: that's that shows something Yeah, not great. This also comes 107 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:58,279 Speaker 1: with the favoritism threat that women publicly helping other women 108 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: will be seen as an act of favorite is m 109 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,040 Speaker 1: or bias. Right, And then you know, while we call 110 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: this favoritism and biased, we have the boys club and 111 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: that doesn't seem to be a negative idea. It's such 112 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: a weird like connotation of being together and being fat 113 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 1: pulling each other up. Yet when women do it, it's 114 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: favoritism or sexist, not sexist, that's the word. That's the 115 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,480 Speaker 1: other way. It could be that way, actually, but you 116 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 1: know that it is not such a negative connotation. Yeah, 117 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 1: And research across one thirty seven societies found that of 118 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:32,800 Speaker 1: female competitive acts were targeted towards other women, and the 119 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 1: history of women hating other women, of undercutting and under 120 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 1: miming other women is a long one, starting in Victorian times. 121 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 1: While romantic relationships between women were celebrated, they were also 122 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 1: viewed as short lived and superficial. Appropriation for a quote 123 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 1: real marriage with a Man from the eighteen sixty eight 124 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: book The Friendships of Women, written by a male minister, 125 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 1: I was often struck both by the small number of 126 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 1: recorded examples of the sentiment among women and by the 127 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,840 Speaker 1: commonness of the express bill that strong natural obstacles make 128 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:06,920 Speaker 1: friendship a comparatively feeble and rare experience with them, or 129 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 1: criminal woman, the prostitute, and the normal woman, also written 130 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: by a man quote. Due to women's latent antipathy for 131 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: one another, trivial events give rise to fierce hatreds, and 132 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 1: due to women's irascibility, these occasions lead quickly to insolence 133 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: and assaults. Women of high social station do the same thing, 134 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: but they're more refined. Forms of insults do not lead 135 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: to law courts. Yeah, okay. At this time when women 136 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: couldn't own property or much of anything really, or they 137 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 1: couldn't have jobs. In most cases, competing for men that 138 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 1: could provide was a matter of life and death. Or 139 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 1: it could be sex workers were blamed for selling the 140 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 1: representation of other women, and women in charge of those 141 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: sex workers frequently cheated other women out of their wages. 142 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 1: Researchers have put forth two main theories for why this 143 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 1: rivalry exist. The first is evolutionary psychology a k. We 144 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: have to protect our wombs, so indirect aggression is the 145 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 1: way to go, or the feminist psychology theory basically that 146 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 1: it's internalized misogyny uh internalized mail, gays society teaching women 147 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: their value and identity, is wrapped up in their attractiveness 148 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 1: to men, which in turn makes them compete against each 149 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: other for men. I also read this huge, huge essay 150 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 1: about the economics of sexual reality and it was too 151 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 1: much future episode. But whoa, whoa, whoa. Another part of 152 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 1: this is self competition. When you see a woman you 153 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 1: think it's prettier, smarter, and or better than you, you're 154 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:44,839 Speaker 1: really competing against yourself, but you're projecting it onto her. 155 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:49,280 Speaker 1: Other researchers highlight that too. Other things that differentiate female 156 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 1: competition from male competition is that women with a higher 157 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 1: status or higher attractiveness have less of an incentive to 158 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,840 Speaker 1: invest in other women and enforced social isolation on a 159 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: new competitor. That's the second reason ignoring a new attractive 160 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 1: coworker at the office or something like that. And most 161 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 1: of the studies around this competition between women does suggest 162 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: that women frequently judge around looks. One study found that 163 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 1: participants judged a woman in sexy attire much more harshly 164 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 1: than a woman in a T shirt and jeans, and 165 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,840 Speaker 1: they were the same woman just the group's first blit up. Um. 166 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: They largely ignored the woman in the T shirt and 167 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 1: jeanes so you can be ignored or harshly judged. Yeah, 168 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 1: and also promiscuity. Of course, we can't forget that pretty 169 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,760 Speaker 1: harsh judges, right, of course. Uh, and this guy be 170 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,079 Speaker 1: wondering about things. Terms we use in our language like catfight, 171 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,680 Speaker 1: which is according to dictionary dot com, and intense fight 172 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: our argument, especially between two women, and this was first 173 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: used in eighteen fifty four. Or similarly, if you look 174 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 1: at Caddie Worctionnary dot com defines that as a subtle 175 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 1: hostility and an effort to hurt annoy are upset, particularly 176 00:09:56,679 --> 00:10:00,440 Speaker 1: among women, and list bitchy as a semn him which 177 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 1: is also pretty usually pretty directed towards women. For what 178 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: it's worth, which is probably very little. Most actual cat 179 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 1: fights are between unutered male cats, which is right. Yes, 180 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:18,960 Speaker 1: thank you for supporting me. If you're curious why women 181 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 1: seem to have this connection with cats, and you're probably 182 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 1: curious why the podcast is going in this way, but 183 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: this is just how my mind was sometimes, Uh, in 184 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: our language, like because there's cougars and crazy cat Lady 185 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,360 Speaker 1: as well, there are a couple of things at play, 186 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,079 Speaker 1: and one is cats are perceived as being cunning, selfish, 187 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 1: and the sounds they make less aggressive than dogs, which 188 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 1: is the animal they are most usually compared to. On 189 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: top of that, a paper out of Brown University by 190 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: Jennifer Lopez Rodriguez, looking into Spanish and English metaphors for 191 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: animals as women, came up with this bit in a 192 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,960 Speaker 1: section called women as Pets. Within the animal world, pets 193 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,959 Speaker 1: enjoy a privileged position. In fact, pets are not conceived 194 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,719 Speaker 1: of as beast or burden, nor are they killed for 195 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: their meat or skin on the kind trade. Pets share 196 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,520 Speaker 1: the same roof as their owners, and their main function 197 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:06,720 Speaker 1: is to keep people company. This benevolent attitude towards pets 198 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 1: find its way into the English language, for the very 199 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 1: word pet is used as a term of endegrement. So 200 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 1: that's the cat aside for this episode. I like that. 201 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 1: Thank you for getting that information. I know nothing about cats. Okay, 202 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: let's move on from cats. Uh. I did want to mention, 203 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 1: of course, not like other girls. We've we touched on 204 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: that a lot. Are people who say, and I had 205 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 1: a friend who used to say this, even though I 206 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 1: was a friend, I don't make friends with other women. 207 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 1: And she would usually specify it was because they were dramatic, 208 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 1: or they cause a lot of drama, right, are that too? 209 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,600 Speaker 1: Or they were too jealous of me? Or oh yeah, 210 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: or that the guys. She gets alone better with guys 211 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: because you know she has some interests as guys, she's 212 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,200 Speaker 1: not goally enough, right right, right, Yeah, we all probably 213 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: have those those people in our lives. And um, I 214 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,560 Speaker 1: think you could look at pretty much any magazine cover 215 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 1: for an example of our society perpetuating this idea that 216 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 1: women do compete. We're all about cat fights, Like I 217 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 1: feel every time I'm checking out of the store these days, 218 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,439 Speaker 1: I see something about Kate Middleton and Meg and Marco fighting, 219 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 1: you know, things like that. Of course they can't like 220 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: each other, how dare are they? Yeah, it's impossible, impossible. Well, 221 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 1: we do have some examples of good relationships women supporting women, 222 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 1: so it is actually possible. But first we have a 223 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 1: quick break for a word from our sponsor, and we're back, 224 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:43,040 Speaker 1: Thank you sponsor. And yeah, we did want to share 225 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:47,559 Speaker 1: some some examples, some positive examples, starting with actress. All right, 226 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 1: I'm one of the things that I love, and I 227 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: remember the story with Jessica Chesting doing the mini Mini 228 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:56,200 Speaker 1: talks about wage gap in the celebrity slash Just an 229 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: Actor World and the differentiation um. She actually had a 230 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 1: conversed sation with Octavia Spencer during one of the women 231 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 1: Breaking Barriers panel in which they had a really frank 232 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 1: discussion about the wage gap when he came to gender, 233 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:12,679 Speaker 1: but Octavia had kind of correct her. There's a gender 234 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:15,440 Speaker 1: gap when it comes to wages, but there's also the 235 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:20,319 Speaker 1: um race gap. So even though Jessica make it paid less, 236 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 1: Octavia got paid even less than her. And so as 237 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 1: a way of showing solidarity, Jessica helped negotiate for their 238 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 1: next movie a new salary for both of them, which 239 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 1: was five times more than the original offer. Right, And 240 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: that's kind of like one of those moments of like, yes, finally, 241 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 1: let's let's have this moment of empowering each other by 242 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 1: supporting each other for people who can't maybe can advocate 243 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: for themselves. So when we had this conversation with other 244 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 1: white women advocating for women of color, that's fantastic. Or 245 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 1: for assist women to come out and advocate for those 246 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: who are identifying as females or Nauti's accepted. I think 247 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,520 Speaker 1: it's such a big and powerful way to do things. 248 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,200 Speaker 1: And I just love that story as we Yes, here's 249 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 1: one issue, but here's a deeper issue. But yeah, just 250 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 1: empowering each other and fighting for each other, which is awesome. Yes. 251 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:12,319 Speaker 1: Another great example was the US Female the US Women 252 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: gymnasts supporting each other during the Larry Nasca trial and 253 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:19,560 Speaker 1: just you know, tweeting support or being there and pretty 254 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: much saying, you know, I, um, if you win the gold, 255 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: I am so happy for you. Like it was. It 256 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: was really it was a sad thing, but it was 257 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: nice to see them on supporting each other, coming together 258 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 1: as a real team on fighting this huge issue, which 259 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 1: is fantastic. And then there's tennis. It's tennis, and you know, 260 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: I think I've spoken I have. I've spoken about Serena 261 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 1: Williams before when she had that argument with the ref 262 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: and then having to come back and apologize, but then 263 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 1: the most recent match with her at the Cincinnati Masters 264 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 1: where she had to retire because she got a back injury. Um, 265 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: the scene afterwhere Bianca and Jesscue and she are talking 266 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 1: is such a great encouraging, encouraging support. Seen Bianca sitting 267 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,880 Speaker 1: there talking with her and supporting her and get just 268 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: encouraging about obviously, what do you say. It's the right 269 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 1: of Williams, who was just a badass all together. But 270 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: she comes into like, hey, I'm so sorry this is happening, 271 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 1: but thank you so much, you know, just the build up, 272 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:18,400 Speaker 1: even though their competitors like just truly being sportsmanlike and 273 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: giving love to each other. Another thing that I found 274 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: that I really liked, And this is from someone who 275 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:30,360 Speaker 1: is generally a little wary of social media. It takes 276 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: a lot for me to get on there. Um, when 277 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: om the Selim tweeted about being at a bar and 278 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: receiving unwanted attention from some dude, a woman she didn't 279 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 1: know came up to her and pretended to be her 280 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 1: friend to get Amanda to clear out any did, and 281 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 1: so many women responded to that tweet with similar stories 282 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: of women supporting women. I love it just what they're 283 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: being harassed on the streets and coming in and swooping 284 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 1: in and walking with them to wherever next. I love 285 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:01,360 Speaker 1: those moments. I do too. And then they're politics, like 286 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: supporting women running running for office, things like Emily's list. Yeah, 287 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 1: maybe being too optimistic at the beginning of this, however, 288 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: having moments of watching Warren and Hairs taking pictures with 289 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 1: each other or standing up for each other, Gilly Brand 290 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: splitting her tissue with Hairs during a debate, like stuff 291 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: like that, and then even the Vogue photo alone, which 292 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 1: has them all together in a room in such a 293 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:26,400 Speaker 1: strong manner and united, it makes me want to applaud. 294 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,080 Speaker 1: I'm like yeah. And then there was a conversation that 295 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,560 Speaker 1: happened in eighteen how it was really difficult for women 296 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:35,240 Speaker 1: to find their space in politics as they're trying to 297 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 1: represents themselves because their voices seemingly are being drowned out. 298 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 1: There are these different stories of how underwhelmed the female 299 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: candidates were in getting support from their Democratic Party UM 300 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 1: and many other running candidates had to create their own network, 301 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:52,640 Speaker 1: support through other women who are also campaigning, which is 302 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 1: both disheartening and encouraging. I mean, there's hope, and we 303 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,360 Speaker 1: have to keep pushing forward, but the fact that they 304 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 1: had to create their own network to have some people 305 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 1: backing them, and and they were all like on different 306 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,399 Speaker 1: opposing seats and different levels, and yet through the campaigns 307 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,159 Speaker 1: or through UM whatever they were trying to do. I 308 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 1: think there was a panel which brought a lot of 309 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,520 Speaker 1: women together to talk about how they wanted to be, 310 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,919 Speaker 1: how do they want to run? And they started like 311 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,880 Speaker 1: exchanging numbers and cars because they knew they needed each other, 312 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: and like they created lifelong friendships essentially by supporting each 313 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 1: other in this moment where no one else kind of 314 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,320 Speaker 1: understood how but that this difficult would be, how difficult 315 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,920 Speaker 1: this would be, especially right now. And then the people 316 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:36,160 Speaker 1: who are supposed supposed to support them, they're not doing it. 317 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,440 Speaker 1: But you know, as sad as that is, women uplifting women, 318 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 1: it makes a huge difference. We've seen it. We've seen 319 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,480 Speaker 1: some good changes. Oh absolutely, And going back to what 320 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 1: you said about boys clubs and some we're at the 321 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,879 Speaker 1: end of the episode, we're gonna get into this more 322 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 1: about some advice I've seen is creating these spaces for 323 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,200 Speaker 1: women to make those connections and to help support each other, 324 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:00,360 Speaker 1: even like in companies and universities all over, and it's 325 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: women taking the initiative and saying we need this, let's 326 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 1: make it happen, and we can help other women. I 327 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:12,160 Speaker 1: love that. Another example we love is of a nice 328 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 1: lunkat um she escaped female genital mutilation and went on 329 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,600 Speaker 1: to say, fifteen thousand girls in Kenya from the same 330 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:24,439 Speaker 1: procedure and helped change how it is viewed, even helping 331 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,920 Speaker 1: band mentioning the procedure in messi oral tradition. On top 332 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 1: of that, she was integral and creating a ceremony that 333 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:34,840 Speaker 1: celebrates the transition into womanhood um with with singing and 334 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,879 Speaker 1: dancing and much more of a positive thing. And whatever 335 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,919 Speaker 1: you think about Taylor Swift uh and whether or not 336 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,879 Speaker 1: some of these things she's done are like legit or marketing, 337 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,920 Speaker 1: she has made a show of supporting other women were 338 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,359 Speaker 1: first getting in fights with a life of them, but 339 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 1: then publicly apologizing, like with Nicki Minaj or Katie Perry. 340 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 1: I gassed aloud when I was watching music video and 341 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:02,960 Speaker 1: Katie Perry s, did you really? Yeah, She's She's just hamburger, 342 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: I know, And I was like, they're hut. You know. 343 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,879 Speaker 1: There was a lot and I think you're not on 344 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 1: on social media, but there was a lot of like 345 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 1: hents between them sending each other all the wrench and 346 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 1: I think cookies were involved, which I would take cookies 347 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,080 Speaker 1: any day, which is an apology. And then you know, 348 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: Adele yes like being so such a big fan of Beyonce, 349 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 1: I mean, how can you not be though? Respect? Respect? 350 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,520 Speaker 1: But it is nice to see uh, And I like 351 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 1: even in and Taylor supposed new songs. She says something about, 352 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: like all you people on theirnet comparing, comparing all of us, 353 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: we we figured it out and we all got crowns. 354 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: Back up, back up, you have a crown, you have 355 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 1: a ground? Do you have a crown? I wanted that 356 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 1: ground from the party. And there was a body at 357 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,439 Speaker 1: a party were recently at just wearing a crown the 358 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:54,320 Speaker 1: entire time. Wonder you were jealous? But he he brought 359 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: his own crown to be fair. He rocked it really well. 360 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: He did. So now we know, always have a crown 361 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:03,000 Speaker 1: on your person in case. Yes, new new motto, UM 362 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,919 Speaker 1: and the meto era brought a lot of support for 363 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 1: women with that. I believe her as a part of 364 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,360 Speaker 1: that as well, for many of the women who still 365 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:12,119 Speaker 1: had to fight to be believed. But but watching all 366 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,159 Speaker 1: these different women and even today I see it Um 367 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,120 Speaker 1: when different things are rising up in different issues or 368 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,640 Speaker 1: when different controversies have happened, I'm still using. I believe her, 369 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,080 Speaker 1: and I see that many women are the ones that's 370 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: behind it. And it's a beautiful thing, even though sometimes 371 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,640 Speaker 1: it's said that it has to be birth from such 372 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: a nasty, nasty or deal. Another example is volunteering as 373 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:40,119 Speaker 1: abortion escorts. And while I was researching this episode, I 374 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:45,000 Speaker 1: went down such a girl supporting girls rabbit hole and 375 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,800 Speaker 1: it was so beautiful and I teared up. Um. Recently, 376 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,240 Speaker 1: we were at the airport and a random woman came 377 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: up and asked us if we were dancers or models 378 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,199 Speaker 1: because we were beautiful and had nice posture. And it 379 00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 1: was the best. It really was. It was me you 380 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,200 Speaker 1: and Lauren and having her come out out of nowhere 381 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,679 Speaker 1: because I first thought she was gonna just ask us 382 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:06,000 Speaker 1: a random question about right, and then she's like, are 383 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,520 Speaker 1: you all things? You have such a good posture, and 384 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 1: I was like this is I was getting ready to leave, 385 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 1: but thank you so very much. I love it. And 386 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,920 Speaker 1: it was so nice because it was so unexpected anyway, 387 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 1: because I didn't look like I was ready to dance 388 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 1: on like that. I'm like ready to go to sleep. Yeah, 389 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,399 Speaker 1: Never underestimate the power of a genuine compliment that is 390 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 1: not like looking to get something else out of it. 391 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 1: And that's the other thing. I think it's nice if 392 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 1: you see something that is nice. It's gonna be awesome. 393 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: Now I'm not gonna say at the time, but I 394 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 1: know I've had many of moments when someone complimented my hair, 395 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:44,640 Speaker 1: complimented my outfit or whatever, and it's super also all 396 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,239 Speaker 1: thank you. Of course, I always ended awkwardly because I'm 397 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,840 Speaker 1: an awkward to person, but I genuinely remember it, and 398 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: from then on I'm like, oh, that made me feel 399 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,919 Speaker 1: really nice. Yeah, And it's such a easy thing to do, 400 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,920 Speaker 1: easy way to really brighten someone. Actually, this week when 401 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 1: we went to do the podcast, we did the panel 402 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,640 Speaker 1: and I came off and one of our listeners came 403 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 1: up and said hello and and and was really encouraging, 404 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,439 Speaker 1: and I was like, then made me feel so good. 405 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,720 Speaker 1: Thank you because it was our first panel, and uh, 406 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,480 Speaker 1: I think it went really well. But I was nervous 407 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,199 Speaker 1: at first. I was shake We all were. But you 408 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,560 Speaker 1: were just noticeable because you had paper and had the paper. 409 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,680 Speaker 1: I was the nerd that came with the printed out 410 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: doctor Well, you were moderating, so you had to remember 411 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,440 Speaker 1: the questions. The rest of us got off. Scott Easy 412 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 1: just been like, we're just gonna answer you a question, 413 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 1: blah blah, blah, but yeah, that really meant a lot 414 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: to come up afterwards. We do also see this in 415 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,320 Speaker 1: our media other than like magazine coming rights, but like 416 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 1: mean girls was one of the first things that came 417 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,640 Speaker 1: to mind for me. Um. But then there's also kind 418 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: of the more negative side, things like Real Housewives. Right. 419 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 1: I was just thinking about like the travelinghood of sister 420 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,560 Speaker 1: or something. Thank you. I knew there was something to 421 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 1: do with that, But the fact that they're actually friends 422 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,120 Speaker 1: in real life, I love that. I mean, like, I've 423 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:02,679 Speaker 1: never seen this movie. I had to get the premise, 424 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:06,400 Speaker 1: and I think it's beautiful, but I love that whole idea. Um. 425 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,680 Speaker 1: And for all of its faults, Sex in the City, 426 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,679 Speaker 1: that's one of the things I loved about it. And 427 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 1: I wanted my core group of friends to live together 428 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,920 Speaker 1: for the rest of our lives and talk about our 429 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:20,040 Speaker 1: bad sex lives or good sex lives hopefully yes, yes, 430 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 1: any kind of alcohol to be honest. Um. But then then, yeah, 431 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 1: you've got the other ones such as Heathers. I want 432 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,920 Speaker 1: to go back the old school days where they all 433 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,800 Speaker 1: trying to kill each other. What have you ever seen Heathers? No, 434 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,760 Speaker 1: it's a good eighties classic Christians. Later, one on a 435 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,440 Speaker 1: writer way back when, and this is it's this click 436 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 1: of girls named Heather and then one girl Veronica. I 437 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,360 Speaker 1: think it's her. It's one on his character and they're 438 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,959 Speaker 1: all very rich and very snobby people, and then they 439 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,880 Speaker 1: all end up like slowly trying to kill each other. 440 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,399 Speaker 1: But it turns out to be I won't throw I won't, 441 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 1: I won't ruin the plot for you, quess you should watch. 442 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,680 Speaker 1: It's actually really fun. They all trying to kill each 443 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,120 Speaker 1: other so they can only be one Heather. Well, there's 444 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,399 Speaker 1: a queen bee as there's a queen of it, and 445 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 1: so everybody's kind of like stacking to see who's the top. 446 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 1: I remember, it's been a minute. But it's a good 447 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,879 Speaker 1: movie by eighties standards. I need to put that as 448 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,680 Speaker 1: a preface because then you're like, oh, hell, there's a 449 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 1: lot of really big problems in this movie. By eight standards, 450 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,159 Speaker 1: it was really good. Watch it and I'll see I 451 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,440 Speaker 1: see a lot of people still dressing up at slow characters. 452 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:24,280 Speaker 1: Oh really yeah. Uh. When I was thinking about this episode, 453 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 1: I was trying to think of examples in my life 454 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:31,080 Speaker 1: of this happening to me, of of women being like 455 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,760 Speaker 1: cruel to me or or me being cruel to women. 456 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 1: And I feel like for me, people were mean as 457 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,240 Speaker 1: to me when I was in middle school and then 458 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:45,919 Speaker 1: early high school, and then in college I was I was. 459 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:50,160 Speaker 1: I don't think I was ever purposefully. I just had 460 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,479 Speaker 1: some like not like other girls, and I would kind 461 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,120 Speaker 1: of make fun of women I saw competing for male 462 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: attention in a way that wasn't very kind. Um. That 463 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,040 Speaker 1: was like my freshman year of college. But I got 464 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:06,840 Speaker 1: out of it pretty quickly because that and that's the 465 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,439 Speaker 1: thing that we're all taught this way of life of 466 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,159 Speaker 1: like judging other women, and I did it, and that 467 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 1: sometimes I still have to check myself and be like that, 468 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,080 Speaker 1: why are you thinking that this is unnecessary? You're not 469 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 1: a judge or jury of any of these. Let people live. 470 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,760 Speaker 1: But it's so hard sometimes when it's ingraining you that 471 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 1: you have to live by the standard, and the only 472 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 1: way to compare and to see if you're living by 473 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 1: that standard is to compare to the other people again, 474 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 1: because it's your own projection of what you should be, 475 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:36,040 Speaker 1: and it's so absurd and it's very absolutely the patriarch 476 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,600 Speaker 1: to like taking us down, telling us we're trying to 477 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,760 Speaker 1: all fight for second place because we're never gonna be 478 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,199 Speaker 1: number one. That's the white man, right right, and so 479 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,760 Speaker 1: we're all trying to get the sick oft spot. So 480 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,359 Speaker 1: it's just seemingly it's such an ugly, ugly idea, but 481 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 1: it's really hard to get past it. But progress is 482 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,680 Speaker 1: to be able to check yourself. Yea, that is ugly. Yeah, 483 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 1: and that that's that's some really good advice to kind 484 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,120 Speaker 1: of a hey, why am I thinking this? What's really 485 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: going on? And we have even more advice for you, 486 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,000 Speaker 1: but first we have one last quick break for work 487 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:24,879 Speaker 1: and more sponsor and we're back, Thank you sponsor. There 488 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,479 Speaker 1: is a lot of write up right ups. There are 489 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 1: a lot of right ups excuse me out there about 490 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,720 Speaker 1: women and how to support other women, especially in professional settings. 491 00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,119 Speaker 1: So if you if this is something that's been on 492 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 1: your mind or that you would like to work on 493 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,040 Speaker 1: the internet is there for you. But we do have 494 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 1: some that we want to include. One is make making 495 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,040 Speaker 1: connections with other women a priority. And this is something 496 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,840 Speaker 1: that I have started doing, especially if I see like 497 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:55,000 Speaker 1: a woman in a in a conference setting or something like, oh, 498 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,720 Speaker 1: this woman is doing badass stuff. There aren't too many 499 00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,920 Speaker 1: other women in here when you go talk to her, Right, 500 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 1: I got to finally meet the ladies of stuff you 501 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,199 Speaker 1: miss in history class, Tracy and Holly, and they've become 502 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:11,040 Speaker 1: my favorite people's They're they're fantastic, they're hilarious, and they're 503 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,760 Speaker 1: just genuinely kind people. And it's way to meet those 504 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 1: kinds of people. So, yeah, you gotta keep your eye 505 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 1: out and be like, I know you're gonna be a 506 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: valuable asset and I want to be a part of 507 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 1: your life. Yeah, And part of making things a priority, 508 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,320 Speaker 1: and this was a huge lesson for me, is making 509 00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:27,480 Speaker 1: time for it and following up on it. Because it's 510 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,680 Speaker 1: easy to get somebody's business card and then just move on. 511 00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,679 Speaker 1: But if you if you really want to follow up 512 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,439 Speaker 1: with somebody, then do that. Then do that. Be a 513 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,399 Speaker 1: mentor or a sponsor for other women. Um. I was 514 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,879 Speaker 1: a mentor in college and it was so so so rewarding, right, 515 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 1: it really really was. So I I recommend that and 516 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:50,320 Speaker 1: being available for anybody who is new in your office 517 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,520 Speaker 1: or your profession, whatever might be, and like say, hey, 518 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,080 Speaker 1: if you ever want to sit down with some coffee 519 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,359 Speaker 1: and talk about things, I'm available. You're probably my mentor 520 00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,040 Speaker 1: because I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Would 521 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,360 Speaker 1: you like to sit down with coffee and think about things? Okay? 522 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:10,679 Speaker 1: I would rather have about well, I know, but perhaps 523 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 1: in most professional settings, start with coffee, okay. Um, recommend 524 00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:20,040 Speaker 1: other women for jobs and amplify the voices of other 525 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:24,399 Speaker 1: women exactly. Search out women you admire, Consume things created 526 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,119 Speaker 1: by women, by things made by women. Yeah. We were 527 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 1: recently at Dames and Dregs and there was an artist 528 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:35,800 Speaker 1: alley that was all women and my friend top she 529 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:37,879 Speaker 1: bought a lot of art. Yeah. And that's one of 530 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,280 Speaker 1: the things I liked about that festival. It's bringing out 531 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,920 Speaker 1: as many different women in different professions. We had different 532 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 1: female DJs, which is fantastic. We had those who identified 533 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 1: as women doing performances, which was even one more wonderful. Um. 534 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,920 Speaker 1: We had a lot of the breweries had their female 535 00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 1: employees create their own beers to to highlight their brewery 536 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 1: as well as their skills. And I think it's fantastic 537 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,080 Speaker 1: to have something that you can actually just support women, 538 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:09,200 Speaker 1: um and support their craft. Um. Then there's also being 539 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 1: a role model for girls and women, and some examples 540 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,800 Speaker 1: I saw of this particularly in the business sense. Sit 541 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,360 Speaker 1: in front of sent in front at meetings, speak up, 542 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:20,400 Speaker 1: encourage other women to speak up, Remind people where an 543 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:24,560 Speaker 1: idea came from. And this was Samantha's idea. Yeah, yeah, 544 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 1: that's a big one. Awesome organizations that foster mentorship for 545 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:30,160 Speaker 1: women and girls and those who identifies as such, and 546 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,360 Speaker 1: just a few of those would be girls school. She 547 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 1: should run girls who are at camp smart girls. And 548 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,960 Speaker 1: also to add the Trevor Project Listen and trans Women 549 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,239 Speaker 1: of Color Collective. I think it's better just to get 550 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,880 Speaker 1: a bigger, bigger lists and just to throw out and 551 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,960 Speaker 1: get highlight some of those good things that's going on, uh, 552 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 1: and kind of going off of that, celebrating and highlighting 553 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 1: the successes and accomplishments of other women. Women frequently don't 554 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,800 Speaker 1: get the credit they deserve. And if they voice that 555 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,080 Speaker 1: they think they might be accused bragging, they probably actually 556 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,640 Speaker 1: will be accuster bagging. There's there's science behind that, that's 557 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,600 Speaker 1: not just me saying that. Um, And I feel like 558 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,360 Speaker 1: I'm bragging all the time when I talk about stuff 559 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 1: I've done. And there is even a quote in a 560 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,440 Speaker 1: newspaper somewhere of me saying how uncomfortable I was doing 561 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,080 Speaker 1: the interview because I felt like I was bragging. Really, yes, 562 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,480 Speaker 1: so it's pretty pervasive. So having someone kind of do 563 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,520 Speaker 1: it for you or help you celebrate or recognize those 564 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:26,480 Speaker 1: successes is great. If you find yourself labeling a woman 565 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:30,680 Speaker 1: a shrill, bossy, bitchy, again, check yourself, ask why, find 566 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 1: specific example of them doing that if there is one, 567 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:35,840 Speaker 1: and ask yourself if you would feel the same way 568 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:37,880 Speaker 1: if it was a man that had done it right. 569 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,080 Speaker 1: Science shows that women not supporting other women can lead 570 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 1: to negative health outcomes and absentee is um at work, 571 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: So this is a pretty big deal. In the words 572 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,400 Speaker 1: of Metal and Albright, there is a special place in 573 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 1: hell for women who don't help other women. Yeah, and 574 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 1: activating so many articles about women who don't like women, 575 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 1: which is what we were talking about earlier, or why 576 00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,480 Speaker 1: women compete with women. It's pretty clear the level of 577 00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:02,360 Speaker 1: self hatred there is for these types of women. It 578 00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,240 Speaker 1: seems like it's almost like it's brainwashing for women. The 579 00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: game is competing again, like for second place behind men, 580 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:10,640 Speaker 1: so it's not that we will ever, so it's kind 581 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,560 Speaker 1: of like, oh, we don't even try to compete with men. 582 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 1: We just got to compete with women, and that's the 583 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,720 Speaker 1: only way we can get ahead, which is an absurd 584 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:20,560 Speaker 1: idea that was from way back when. Yeah, and a 585 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,840 Speaker 1: lot of articles I read, um, and I know this 586 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: is going to be controversial, bought up Hilly Clinton and 587 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 1: how when she was first lady her approval rating was 588 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,560 Speaker 1: so high, and then when she tried running for president 589 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 1: so um and things like that. And I have had 590 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:45,480 Speaker 1: female friends tell me that they dread working with female 591 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,400 Speaker 1: bosses because they've had terrible experiences with female bosses who 592 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:53,720 Speaker 1: treated women awfully. Right, Um, So that that makes my 593 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,960 Speaker 1: heart hurt. We should be helping each other, right, But 594 00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,320 Speaker 1: I think it's just the same, Like I've had really 595 00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:03,760 Speaker 1: bad malby. That's the sad part is that level of 596 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,600 Speaker 1: women they still are in the mind of I got 597 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,280 Speaker 1: here because of I went out over this other woman, 598 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,400 Speaker 1: and this is not always always the case, but I 599 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:16,880 Speaker 1: think that's the old school idea and it's still pretty prevalent, unfortunately, 600 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:24,200 Speaker 1: which has to be completely diminished. Yeah, And I I've 601 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,840 Speaker 1: also when I first got this job, I was the 602 00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 1: only woman in the department, and there was a weird 603 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:33,280 Speaker 1: sense of like pride about that, like Oh yeah, I'm 604 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:37,000 Speaker 1: the only one, and now I'm older and wiser, and 605 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 1: I'm so happy I'm the department. But there is also 606 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:46,960 Speaker 1: kind of that thing feeling like you're quote special. Um. So, 607 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:50,880 Speaker 1: and I also just want to say here, I am very, 608 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:55,280 Speaker 1: very very competitive. This isn't against like competition at all, 609 00:32:55,640 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 1: but it's for like healthy competition and also colever ration 610 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:04,400 Speaker 1: and lifting at people where they deserve to. Competition is 611 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,920 Speaker 1: not wrong. No, and again the healthy competition, as you 612 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,560 Speaker 1: talked about being sportsmanlike, is very very important. It is 613 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:16,400 Speaker 1: this detriment of like all or nothing type of mentality 614 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,240 Speaker 1: of I've got to be this completely and I must 615 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 1: destroy in order. And I don't think that's everyone. No, no, 616 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,960 Speaker 1: absolutely don't. Um, but I think that's the idea that 617 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,680 Speaker 1: whether it's the patriarch saying you should be that way 618 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,280 Speaker 1: or whether it's women being taught this is the only 619 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,440 Speaker 1: way you know that is as a dangerous part. But yeah, 620 00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 1: there's good competition, and that's okay. We have plenty of 621 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:43,800 Speaker 1: competition when it comes to feminist podcast I love it, yes, yes, 622 00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 1: and uh we do have some solid podcast to shout out. 623 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,520 Speaker 1: So yeah, that's while we're here. Um, with that, we 624 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,600 Speaker 1: want to shout out to the different people in podcasts 625 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 1: we adore because I think it's important to acknowledge others 626 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,720 Speaker 1: that have been here with us, or others who are 627 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 1: continuing on good things and just being able to share. Hopefully. 628 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,760 Speaker 1: We did listeners of some other types of um women 629 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,960 Speaker 1: out there, other types of some other women out there 630 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 1: doing their thing again ethnically ambiguous, which is fantastic, our 631 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 1: own Anna Sharne. She they do some amazing shows and 632 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,920 Speaker 1: have some really great guests. Bectel Cast, which any you 633 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 1: are a guest host on that talking about Marvel right 634 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 1: the Avenger. See I need this, I didn't. I listened 635 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 1: to you um of course Savor oh you know, oh 636 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 1: you know Savor um unladylike, which is the former host 637 00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,200 Speaker 1: Caroline and Kristen, and then of course our old host 638 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:35,520 Speaker 1: Emily who was with Bossed Up now and then Bridget 639 00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,200 Speaker 1: wonderful Bridget who's working with Afro punk and she has 640 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,880 Speaker 1: some huge projects. I follow her on the twitters. She 641 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,759 Speaker 1: got some big stuff coming and love it. Um unpopular 642 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:47,480 Speaker 1: with our own ease female first ease. Stuff you missed 643 00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:50,360 Speaker 1: in history class which I talked about Tracy and Holly 644 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,480 Speaker 1: are amazing. That's what she said. Is another podcast we 645 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,279 Speaker 1: listened to as well as I want to give a 646 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:59,600 Speaker 1: shout out. Um. When we released our podcaster Imposter Syndrome 647 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:03,200 Speaker 1: Women in the Podcasting World, gender gap, Um, we had 648 00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:06,719 Speaker 1: why Blank Matters podcasts shout out to us like, hey, 649 00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 1: we're here, so we want to acknowledge you. Hi guys, thanks, 650 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:12,720 Speaker 1: thanks for liking us or at least commenting on our stuff. 651 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:19,120 Speaker 1: Hopefully that translates to it alike. Um. But there are 652 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,880 Speaker 1: so many women doing amazing stuff out there. And uh, 653 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:28,560 Speaker 1: I can say for from my own experience now, not always, 654 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:32,279 Speaker 1: but now I am very very fortunate, lucky to have 655 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 1: a wonderful group of supporting women in my life. And 656 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:38,920 Speaker 1: I it's so so valuable. It is. And and I'm 657 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,800 Speaker 1: I've talked about how old I'm getting right now. I 658 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:46,839 Speaker 1: felt really old as I'm struggling on Mike. UM. But 659 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,560 Speaker 1: you know, as I'm approaching forties, it's coming, y'all, it's coming. 660 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,400 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell you how soon. It's been amazing 661 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:55,319 Speaker 1: to look back at how I've collected amazing women in 662 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,720 Speaker 1: my life have supported me even getting here and having 663 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,120 Speaker 1: a voice or even going through the social work world 664 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 1: to be able to acknowledge some of these ugliness and 665 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,600 Speaker 1: try to push forward with some of the goodness. I'm 666 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,080 Speaker 1: not one of those people who have ever been in relationships. 667 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:10,520 Speaker 1: That's never been a thing that I've been in. I 668 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,720 Speaker 1: probably have a total of three relationships and they didn't 669 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:17,759 Speaker 1: last very long. So I'm very independent. But being independent 670 00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,080 Speaker 1: meant I've always had a family, and I chose to 671 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,480 Speaker 1: have a family, and it did a lot of it 672 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,480 Speaker 1: was mainly just strong females that I needed to not 673 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,759 Speaker 1: only push me in a way that challenged me, but 674 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:32,440 Speaker 1: also stopped me when it was obvious that I was 675 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,239 Speaker 1: going overboard, you know. And it's really nice to have 676 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,439 Speaker 1: that kind of balance, that kind of trust. And it's 677 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 1: my family, you know. I don't know if you've seen 678 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:43,799 Speaker 1: the episodes, if you're just seeing the show Pose, and 679 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,640 Speaker 1: it's the f X Pose and it's a fantastic series 680 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,520 Speaker 1: with transgender women in the eighties, women of color, and 681 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,920 Speaker 1: how they create their own family after being ostracized um 682 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,960 Speaker 1: from the community, and how beautiful these women are they 683 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,920 Speaker 1: come together and just are But that's what we do. 684 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,400 Speaker 1: We create family from these from these levels. And I 685 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,799 Speaker 1: think that's what we've done, what I've done with these 686 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,840 Speaker 1: amazing group of girls. Like I do have my family, 687 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,480 Speaker 1: but these these women that I have in my life, 688 00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:13,799 Speaker 1: they're my true family, the ones that I know will 689 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,319 Speaker 1: come to get me, come sit with me, come hug me. 690 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,799 Speaker 1: And it's a beautiful thing and it's so important. Like 691 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:23,320 Speaker 1: I can't emphasize how important it is to have people 692 00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:28,399 Speaker 1: who understand you in a different manner. And I think 693 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,880 Speaker 1: for women as well as people who are identifying as women, 694 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:37,359 Speaker 1: having that female voice is fantastic. Absolutely, And I know 695 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:41,120 Speaker 1: a lot of listeners are written in and expressed that 696 00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,839 Speaker 1: they don't have that and they really want that, and um, 697 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:51,239 Speaker 1: it's that's hard. And just know that it's taken us 698 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 1: time to find that forties. I'm hitting forties, y'all. Yeah, 699 00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:02,000 Speaker 1: so I know it's really difficult and it can feel 700 00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:06,439 Speaker 1: like it's never gonna get any better, but just keep trying. Um. 701 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,880 Speaker 1: And there are certainly things that you learn about yourself 702 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,520 Speaker 1: too as you get older that maybe you had a 703 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,400 Speaker 1: friend at one time and then it became a toxic 704 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:18,879 Speaker 1: friendship as you got older. There are things like that happen. Um, 705 00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:24,879 Speaker 1: But I really hope that you all find this that 706 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:28,480 Speaker 1: that we're talking about, and that you have examples of 707 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:32,600 Speaker 1: women supporting other women and that you can go and 708 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,840 Speaker 1: do that thing, and if you have, we would love 709 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,839 Speaker 1: to hear them from you. You can email us at 710 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,560 Speaker 1: STEPH Media, mom Stuff at i heeart media dot com. 711 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,240 Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, 712 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,440 Speaker 1: or on Instagram at stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks 713 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:53,480 Speaker 1: as always to our super producer Andrew Howard, and thanks 714 00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,840 Speaker 1: to you for listening. Stuff I Never Told You's a 715 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,120 Speaker 1: protection of I Heart Ideas. How stuff works For more 716 00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,640 Speaker 1: podcasts from my Heart Radio is at the already app 717 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,080 Speaker 1: Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. 718 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:20,360 Speaker 1: H