WEBVTT - #Crushing: A Success Podcast for Winners

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow. People come up to

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<v Speaker 1>me all the time and say, Treble, how did you

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<v Speaker 1>learn to crush it so hard? I always give them

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<v Speaker 1>the same answer, Mr Ronnie Chang In Hashtag Crushing, a

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<v Speaker 1>Success Podcast for Winners, Ronnie will give you the motivation,

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<v Speaker 1>the life hacks, and the f D A pending dietary

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<v Speaker 1>supplements that you need to live epically testing, testing diabetes

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<v Speaker 1>in the mindset, and a hope test one too. What's up,

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<v Speaker 1>chang Gang your boymn Chang here who with another episode

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<v Speaker 1>of Hashtag Crushing, a Success Podcast for Winners. A lot

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<v Speaker 1>of people ask me, Hey, Ronnie, how can that crush

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<v Speaker 1>it as hard as you're crushing it. The answer is

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<v Speaker 1>you can't. I'm crushing it harder than scientists thought possible.

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<v Speaker 1>I've written thirteen books, delivered twenty eight TED talks, and

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<v Speaker 1>I follow fifty eight thousand people on Twitter. I post

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<v Speaker 1>over four hundred instroirational quotes that down Instagram, and I

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<v Speaker 1>own over four thousand t shirts from Ed Hardy. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>a NonStop dynamo of epic winning. Okay, I'm like Eaton

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<v Speaker 1>Musk without the weird anime fetish. Fuck you Elon. But hey,

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<v Speaker 1>if you listen to this peak cast and follow my advice,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you two can write this cross train to crush

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<v Speaker 1>Town and the train conductor. It's Jeremy Piven. All right,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm ready to pound. Let's start the show. Success money

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<v Speaker 1>Instagram faking whoa, I'm still buzzing you guys. I just

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<v Speaker 1>delivered the keynote of Power Thoughts Summit, presented by Forbes

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<v Speaker 1>and Lin Cuisine. In fact, if you're interested, you can

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<v Speaker 1>stream my speech right now. It's title why every Entrepreneurs

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<v Speaker 1>to try huffing spray paint? Check that out on YouTube

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<v Speaker 1>or catch me in my next live event. Pumping up

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<v Speaker 1>the crowd at a winter assembly for Pembroke Middle School,

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<v Speaker 1>Mrs Goldstein's class is gonna be seeing Christmas carols and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna be shooting red bulls out of a T

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<v Speaker 1>shirt cannon. Hell yeah, you know what that means. It's

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<v Speaker 1>time for the cleans report. Right now, I'm doing a

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<v Speaker 1>Solids and Liquids cleans. I'm not eating or drinking any

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<v Speaker 1>solids or liquids for two weeks. I mean, for breakfast,

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<v Speaker 1>I had some vape smoke and for lunch, I think

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna suck the helium of a balloon animal. I

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<v Speaker 1>gotta tell you, thanks to this cleans hey, my energy

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<v Speaker 1>is up, my blood pressure is down, and my motor

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<v Speaker 1>skills are shot. If any of that sounds appealing to you,

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<v Speaker 1>why don't you check out my website Ronnie Chang dot

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<v Speaker 1>protein Powder. I've got exclusive recipes and an interview with

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<v Speaker 1>Ashton Kutcher. Right, I'm backed. Let's take some calls if

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<v Speaker 1>you've got a question about anything, entrepreneurship, muscle, mass manscaping

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<v Speaker 1>bill right now. If a line is busy, dal Hotter,

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<v Speaker 1>it's crushed. All right. We got a call on the

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<v Speaker 1>line with James from Danbury, Connecticut. Hello James, longtime fan.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course you are. I'm in Alpha's Alpha. I'm in

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<v Speaker 1>Alfalfa um. So I'm about to be a college freshman

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<v Speaker 1>and I want to become a doctor. I'm thinking neurosurgeon. Maybe.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you have any advice for how I can make

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<v Speaker 1>that happen? James, I do have some advice, and that

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<v Speaker 1>advice is don't go to college, bro. Student debt is

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<v Speaker 1>for suckers. You can learn everything you would in medical

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<v Speaker 1>school by purchasing a corpse on the doc web you

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<v Speaker 1>buy the corps, you cut it open, you poke around inside,

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<v Speaker 1>and hey, you'll be ready to operate on Live Humans

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<v Speaker 1>after four to five of corpses. No debt required. That said,

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<v Speaker 1>you should pledge a frad Next call up, Hey, Ronnie,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Mike from Staten Island. What's up, Mike from

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<v Speaker 1>Staten Island? How can I improve your life today? I

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<v Speaker 1>want to be an Instagram influencer. Right now, I have

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<v Speaker 1>two followers, mostly high school friends. How can I gain more? Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I get this a lot. The answer is simple. Instagram

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<v Speaker 1>loves sex appeal and it loves travel. So I always

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<v Speaker 1>tell people, quit your job and become a pirate. Go

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<v Speaker 1>somewhere sexy, like Somalia. Your Instagram will explode. Trust me, bro?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, um, is there a way I can gain

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<v Speaker 1>Instagram followers without becoming a pirate? No, Bro, you are

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<v Speaker 1>you kidding me? I just give you advice that's wolf

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<v Speaker 1>like a billion dollars. You off the phone and go

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<v Speaker 1>on the next flight to Mogo. D Shoot, Okay, I've

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<v Speaker 1>had enough of you. Next callar, Hello, n one. My husband.

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<v Speaker 1>He's gripping at his chest. I think he's having a

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<v Speaker 1>heart attack. Oh hell yeah, Okay, some contact of our listeners.

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<v Speaker 1>I recently got a life from post Malone. You pay

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<v Speaker 1>a guy the phone company to read that. Right now,

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<v Speaker 1>on one calls to your personal line, instant growth has Wow,

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<v Speaker 1>it sounds like he's really suffering from a bad I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know how I get connected to you. He's sending

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<v Speaker 1>an ambulance. I don't think he's gonna make You're definitely

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<v Speaker 1>not with that negativity. Don't hate job creat Okay, next collar,

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<v Speaker 1>Mr Chang, This is agent Jim Peterson again with the

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<v Speaker 1>Internal Revenue Service. Okay, that was a wrong number. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>I've got a lot of haters at the i r

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<v Speaker 1>S because of how successful I've been. Like, seriously, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>the mother toters of giving vibes and the Wesley Snipes

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<v Speaker 1>of paying taxes. All right, Next scholars, Ryan from Nashville,

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<v Speaker 1>what's up, Buddy hey Man? Just finished reading your book. Nice?

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much. For those who don't know, my

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<v Speaker 1>new book, The Success Virus How to Infect Yourself with

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<v Speaker 1>Winning is in stores now. Is two under and twenty

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<v Speaker 1>pages of pure knowledge. Yeah about that. The first twenty

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<v Speaker 1>page we're just bows, are you at plant Fitness? And

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<v Speaker 1>then the lasts were just a knockoff of the Babysitters Club. Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>don't knock the teenage Childcare Society. I mean talks with

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<v Speaker 1>Disney Plus to make into a minister. Was no advice

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<v Speaker 1>in the book at all. I want my money back, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and I want my former assistance to stop telling people

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<v Speaker 1>I have a lifetime band from Jiffy Lube. But we

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<v Speaker 1>don't always get what we want. We get what we crush.

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<v Speaker 1>That's crushing head brick right now. And when we're back,

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<v Speaker 1>why have my special guests Daily show correspondent Royal And

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna ask him if these ever snorted dog tranquilizers.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's episode is sponsored by Doctor Manhood's Tissues for Men.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you tired of goodly tissues that look like they

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<v Speaker 1>in a black box with flames. You don't know where

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<v Speaker 1>ladies close are. Vote for a female politician and why

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<v Speaker 1>Manhood's Tissues for men, don't blow your nose, brow your nose.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's episode of Hashtag Crushing is brought to you by

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<v Speaker 1>Running Chanks Cursed Healing Crystals. Listen, bros. These crystals will

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<v Speaker 1>change your life. I recently mowed down a witch with

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<v Speaker 1>my tesla, and when I went to go check for

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<v Speaker 1>the body, all that was there was a burlap sack

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<v Speaker 1>filled with these crystals. Now I'm selling them to you

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<v Speaker 1>for literally any amount of money. Please, I need them

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<v Speaker 1>out of my house. I just tried to throw them

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<v Speaker 1>in the river, but when I got back to my

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<v Speaker 1>place there was more of them. Ryan Shanks cursed healing crystals.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh god, they're glowing again. All right, we'll back, and

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<v Speaker 1>we're joining out by a legendary guest. He's a correspond

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<v Speaker 1>on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah and it looks

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<v Speaker 1>like he could bench. I don't know thirty royand Jr.

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<v Speaker 1>Is here. I actually I think I can bench preuss

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<v Speaker 1>like one last I try. Okay, well that's pretty weak.

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<v Speaker 1>What does that smell? It's dear carcus. Roy, you are

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<v Speaker 1>crushing it. Man, you're crushing the two running. Yeah, I know,

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<v Speaker 1>it's it's actually a problem. How hot I'm crushing it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm starting to affect the people around me and the

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<v Speaker 1>people I love. Uh, Roy, let me let me ask

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<v Speaker 1>you something. Uh you're like a stand up comedian, right,

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<v Speaker 1>A lot of nights on the road lonely. How do

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<v Speaker 1>you stay emotionally connected to your loved ones while maintaining

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<v Speaker 1>focus on your career. I think the important thing when

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<v Speaker 1>you're traveling is to take something from home on the road.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just kidding. No one cares about. Actually, there's my

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<v Speaker 1>first real question. Have you ever done d MT? Uh? No,

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<v Speaker 1>you have an inject horseplate list. I don't even know

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<v Speaker 1>what that. You have a free base of stuff inside

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<v Speaker 1>glow sticks. I'm not into that, Ronnie. I just can

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<v Speaker 1>we just talk about some of the stuff I'm working on.

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<v Speaker 1>I got a web series. But before that, let me

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<v Speaker 1>just ask you. You ever take L S D and

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<v Speaker 1>have a threesome inside an aquari of i'mould just answer

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<v Speaker 1>a question about travel, Okay, alright, alright, answer the travel question.

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<v Speaker 1>Go ahead, But you might have a crank of some

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<v Speaker 1>chin up. So are you talk? Fine? Do whatever you

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<v Speaker 1>need to do. Man, Look, when I'm on the road,

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<v Speaker 1>I do my best to make sure that my family

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<v Speaker 1>has spend number one priority. I face time with my

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<v Speaker 1>I try to make sure that my son knows that

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<v Speaker 1>I love him, So I FaceTime with Pain's just weakness

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<v Speaker 1>exiting the bottom. So for me, it comes down to

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<v Speaker 1>one question when I'm looking at what gigs would take,

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<v Speaker 1>will this opportunity negatively affect my family life? Because I

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<v Speaker 1>have to consider how many days I'm going to miss

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<v Speaker 1>my family? For sure? Great great id. Thus, by the way,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not sure if you noticed me over there, just

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<v Speaker 1>pulling up, just just ripping metal. So I gotta ask,

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<v Speaker 1>you're doing no P November? What did hell is no

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<v Speaker 1>P November? Well, you know you're in it for an

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<v Speaker 1>entire month of November. I'm doing it. It's sick running

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<v Speaker 1>November was last year, dude. November is a state of mind.

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<v Speaker 1>Is that like no November where you don't masturbate to

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<v Speaker 1>It's like that because it involves the penis, but instead

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<v Speaker 1>of nodding, it's urine, so you haven't p for an

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<v Speaker 1>entire That's right. The only p im into is P

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<v Speaker 1>nine X. It's a powerful world because it's got numbers

0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:38.199
<v Speaker 1>and letters in it. Speaking of power, do you ever

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<v Speaker 1>eat a bald eagle. They're an endangered species. Why would

0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:46.000
<v Speaker 1>I eat an patriotism bro I eat bald eagle and

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<v Speaker 1>I feel America coursing through my veins. Okay, so I

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<v Speaker 1>was watching your Last stand Out Special. Very funny stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>by the way, I appreciate that. Thanks. I especially love

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<v Speaker 1>the part where you talk about the nutritional benefits of

0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:01.959
<v Speaker 1>elp meat and are you suld that was me you

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<v Speaker 1>were watching. I didn't talk about elk am I special.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't talk about elk meat. Oh okay, Well, maybe

0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:09.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm confused because I watched it on ten X speed

0:11:09.880 --> 0:11:12.319
<v Speaker 1>finished a whole hour in six minutes. Anyway, you ever

0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:14.679
<v Speaker 1>do an elk binge. That's where you killing elk and

0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:16.800
<v Speaker 1>you have seventy two hours to eat the entire thing,

0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:20.560
<v Speaker 1>including the bones. That's how Caveman lived. Caveman also had

0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:22.800
<v Speaker 1>an average lifespan of seventeen years. They didn't have Tesla

0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.080
<v Speaker 1>as a podcast. They didn't even speak English. That's a

0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:27.760
<v Speaker 1>really good point. Elk meat is really lean and dense

0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:31.160
<v Speaker 1>and nutrients. It feels it feels like I'm saying things

0:11:31.160 --> 0:11:34.680
<v Speaker 1>and then you're just hearing words completely different from the

0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:38.680
<v Speaker 1>words I'm saying like totally, that was so nineties, you know,

0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:41.160
<v Speaker 1>all right? Can can I ask you a question? Shoot?

0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:45.400
<v Speaker 1>Why are you like this? Why are you obsessed with

0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:51.400
<v Speaker 1>caveman fitness routines, masculine diet, fats and drugs inside of

0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:55.280
<v Speaker 1>glow sticks and eating eagle jerky? What happened to you?

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<v Speaker 1>What made you this way? Wow? No one's ever asked

0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.240
<v Speaker 1>me that before. Actually, you know what, I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>if I can talk about this. No, no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>you can, you can, man, you can just okay? Well, um,

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<v Speaker 1>Ever since I was a teenager, I knew I was different.

0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:16.400
<v Speaker 1>I was rebellious, and I fell in with the wrong crowd.

0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:22.200
<v Speaker 1>I got into fast cause, extreme sports, trusty women. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's that's pretty on power for the young guy.

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<v Speaker 1>That's then one day my life changed. The government needed

0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:32.880
<v Speaker 1>my extreme sports expertise to infiltrate the Russian terrorist cell

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<v Speaker 1>in Central Europe. Okay, hold up, please let me get

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<v Speaker 1>through this. The terrorist group known as Anarchy ninety nine

0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.440
<v Speaker 1>had acquired a biochemical weapon and there was only one

0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:44.319
<v Speaker 1>way to this on the missile, using my extreme sports

0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:47.520
<v Speaker 1>capabilities and racing cars through the streets of product. Wait,

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<v Speaker 1>so Anarchy you should. That was the name of the

0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:54.520
<v Speaker 1>terrorists group. Yeah, okay, that's just the plot the Triple X.

0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:56.240
<v Speaker 1>That was Finn Diesel. Who did all that? You didn't

0:12:56.280 --> 0:13:00.160
<v Speaker 1>do that ship? They based that movie on me? No man,

0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:03.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm full of urine. No p November. Remember I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>go well the doors a lot from the outside, so

0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:09.880
<v Speaker 1>that's not happening. Okay, that's another episode of hashtag Crushing,

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<v Speaker 1>a success podcast for winners. Can'tlys plug my website. I

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<v Speaker 1>hope you learned some new ways to hack your way

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<v Speaker 1>through the jungle we call life. Thanks to my guests,

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<v Speaker 1>Ray Woods Jr. Dis move. Thanks everyone. I gotta gota

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<v Speaker 1>do cross fit with the founder of we Work. We're

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<v Speaker 1>best friends until next time. Keep crushing that ship. WHOA.

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<v Speaker 1>This episode is brought to you by Legal Zoo. Did

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<v Speaker 1>Crush your greas. This has been a Comedy Central podcast