WEBVTT - Slow Loving 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.960 Hell, I Suck at Dating with Dengler Jared Haven and 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:11.799 I heard radio podcast What is up, Sucky Daters. It's 0:00:11.880 --> 0:00:14.080 so good to have you back. It's a new week, 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:17.080 it's a new love story. We've got a great episode 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:21.640 before everyone. Today. We have Dr Helen calling in and 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:23.560 let me tell you right now, she might be the 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:27.400 smartest person we ever have had on this podcast. Jared 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:30.400 acide obviously because we all know that big brain he's 0:00:30.440 --> 0:00:32.800 got in his head. But it's also a very very 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:36.800 very special week in the help. I suck at Dating 0:00:37.200 --> 0:00:40.040 world and what a glorious world it is. And I'm 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:42.960 gonna say we've talked about it before on this podcast, 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:45.640 but I know no one cares about it. No one 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:48.640 else besides the person that's involved cares about it. But 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:52.560 fantasy football. Let's talk about fantasy football for a second. Yeah, 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:55.120 we're gonna do this whole podcast football. Actually, So if 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:57.960 you guys were listening to Dating, No, Jared, we don't 0:00:57.960 --> 0:00:59.880 want to. We don't want them to close out of 0:00:59.880 --> 0:01:02.640 the podcaster. For the first time in my life, I 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:07.360 am in Jared's fantasy football How this is my fantasy 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:09.520 football league. All of a sudden, Tanner is the one 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:12.520 that put this thing together. Yeah, he's your best friend. 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:17.000 And on top of that, I I am playing Jared 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:20.039 this weekend fantasy football and we don't know who's gonna win. 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:23.440 Jared's projected to beat my butt by at least like 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:27.280 thirty points, and I don't think projections were well, projections 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:31.760 are worth. I know that we we we briefly text 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:33.959 messaged about this, but we do need to have some 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:39.120 sort of some sort of penalty for the loser. Let's 0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:41.640 let's say you lose by ten points. I need you 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:45.440 to do something for our audience. Well, I say both humility, 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.000 humiliating and hilarious. This is what I think I think 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.840 everybody should either. I think people should d m us 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:52.240 on help I suck at dating and tell us what 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:54.680 the punishment should be. So Dean and I will have 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:56.520 a side bet right now we're playing each other in 0:01:56.560 --> 0:02:01.000 fantasy football. The loser will be punished, and the punishment 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:04.800 will be dictated by the suck army themselves. So d 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:07.040 m us on help I suck a dating instagram. I 0:02:07.040 --> 0:02:10.519 will screenshot it so it's all valid and post on there, 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:14.280 and whichever punishment has the most votes. Uh like I'll 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:16.360 figure out a way. If there's like, if there's no 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:19.960 more than one punishment that's you know, somebody listed, then 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:23.000 I'll post on on social media, and whichever punishment gets 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:25.200 most votes Dean and I will have to do. Also, 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:27.760 Dean and I just executed a trade in phantasy football, 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:30.320 so there's a lot of important stuff happened. Of course 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:33.880 I accepted it. Yeah, it was the Patriots defense. Yeah, congratulations. 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:35.400 I'm glad you're happy. I feel like I got the 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:37.519 better end of the trade. Anyway, moving on, so, yes, 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:41.520 d m us help I suck at dating. Tell us 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:43.280 what the punishment should be. Dean and I are playing 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:45.639 each other in fantasy football, and of course we will 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:48.880 announce which what punishment we're doing on next week's episode, 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:51.520 and then we'll figure out how best to broadcast that 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:54.200 to You are wonderful listeners that we love so much. 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:56.079 But back to the dating world, because that's what we're 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:58.000 all about. Dean, you were in the mall Deves right 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:00.760 now with your girlfriend slash wife Kaylin. Tell us how 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:03.160 that's going. Because if you guys followed Dean on on 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:06.600 social media, you have seen literally the most beautiful place 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:10.359 on earth, the Maldives. How's the vacation going. Well, Maldives 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:12.960 is definitely the most beautiful place on Earth. Yeah, it 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:16.720 was definitely a spur of the moment situation that arose 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:21.639 for us. It's funny because in both of our heads 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:23.640 we were like, we shouldn't been traveling right now. Obviously 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:27.399 we're in the midst of COVID and everything that's going on. Um. 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:32.200 But despite all that, we are and we feel safer 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:34.720 than we have at any moment that we have in 0:03:34.840 --> 0:03:38.000 Los Angeles. I obviously I've been driving around through Colorado, 0:03:38.080 --> 0:03:40.320 up in Montana and over to Washington and all these 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:43.680 other people places. But it's funny because there is such 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:49.480 a stigma against travel internationally and and obviously there's only 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:51.480 so many borders that are open to American citizens at 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:54.840 the moment. But even posting like our initial posted like 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:56.840 hey we're going to the mall on Instagram, but was 0:03:56.880 --> 0:03:58.720 met with a lot of backlash, and like, I fully 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:01.920 understand it. Like people obviously they are are are scared, 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:05.280 they're concerned, they want everyone to stay healthy and and 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:08.720 and they want everyone to be safe. Um. But it's 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:12.000 so interesting because while we see that and we understand 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:17.360 that uh. We and and myself specifically feel safer more 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:20.279 in Maldives than I have ever in Los Angeles. Like 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.360 I've got tested just even board the plane got tested 0:04:23.400 --> 0:04:25.760 once I arrived. Again, everyone else here has been tested. 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:27.200 It's like you could go to a store, a grocery 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:29.520 store in Los Angeles and be surrounded by a hunter. 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:31.440 People that I've never even been testament Alives. You have 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:33.720 an idea where they've been. Everyone here has gone through 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:38.000 the whole procedure to to be deemed as safe. Um, 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.440 it was a difficult choice, but Caitlin and I have 0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:44.039 always dream about coming to Mall Deaves and it is 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:47.760 there of us have ever been. We're loving every second 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:50.440 and we kind of understood that it's gonna go with 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:54.480 some turmoil, but yeah, it's been. It's been pretty great. 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:56.800 I mean, it looks like you're that villa that you 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:59.159 guys are staying on that's literally in the water and 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:02.400 you have a water slide there. Holy Like, I've been 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.520 lucky enough, you know to go to Italy and Greece 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:07.920 and Ireland and travel around and man, those videos you're 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:10.560 posting on like, Holy Christ, this is the greatest place 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:14.039 on earth. We're getting some figures of like every time 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:15.719 we like check in a new place and I'm like, hey, 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:17.720 like how much how much money does this cost? If 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:19.840 it was to be like in the middle of the 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:22.560 high season, I think the bill that we stayed in 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:25.160 and again I I don't know if this is true. 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:26.600 This is just what we were told, but it was 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.880 like thirty thousand dollars per night. Oh my. And it's 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:33.200 like when other what other opportunity were going to get 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:36.520 to stay in? No other opportunities. As long as you 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:39.200 guys are being safe, you're fine. Just keep wearing your mask, 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:42.000 keep social distancing, keep washing your hands, keep getting tested. 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:45.760 You guys are doing the right thing. Yeah, yeah, it was. 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:47.840 It was definitely a difficult decision to make, but we 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.719 guys are fine. We we wanted to make it and 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:54.440 we decided life happens fast. If you have this opportunity, 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:57.280 you can do it safely. Right now. Take the opportunities 0:05:57.279 --> 0:05:59.240 because you just don't know how many more opportunities you'll 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.159 have in life. And the thing is, there's no convincing 0:06:02.200 --> 0:06:04.400 someone that thinks it's unsafe that it is safe. Like 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.120 everyone's every you know, if you think that I have 0:06:07.279 --> 0:06:11.880 nothing that I'm gonna say, is going to convince you otherwise. So, um, 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:14.800 it is what it is, and we are definitely doing 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:17.640 a percent everything that we possibly can do to keep 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:19.680 ourselves safe and keep the people around us safe, and 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:21.360 we will continue to want to get back to the 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:25.240 United States next week. But yeah, anyways, what's up with you, Jared? 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:26.800 Give me an update on your life. Oh you know, 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:29.120 I just want to uh go on to like a 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:32.159 Halloween movie, horror night Hell yeah, we did free Forms 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:34.719 Halloween Road. It was fantastic because usually they have a 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:36.640 set up where it's a Halloween house and you get 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:39.640 to experience like the hocus Pocus House and Nightmare before 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:43.359 Christmas and Beetlejuice and Ghostbusters and it's all cool. Obviously 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:45.159 you can't do that COVID. So they made a Halloween 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:48.279 road and it was fantastic. It was great. I loved 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:51.320 every second of it. Big festive guy over here love Halloween, 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:53.880 Thanksgiving and Christmas. So it's a good time of the year. 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:56.240 Right now, my wife is walking into her glam room. 0:06:56.279 --> 0:07:00.480 Not sure why you're disrupting my podcast. Anyway, before we 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:04.239 get unbelievable, at least once a week, I mean granted, 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:06.760 I am in her glamor room recording, so I guess 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:09.400 it's only fair. But before we get to Dr Helen, 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:11.440 we do have. We didn't get too dating terms last week, 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:13.760 and I felt so bad because every week we're supposed 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:16.240 to give out new dating terms to the suck army audience, 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.120 and we didn't do it last week. So I am 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:20.640 here today. Eastern down the line as well. So Eastern, 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:22.840 if you want to chime in and give us what 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:25.240 you think some of these dating terms means, that would 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:27.640 be great. You appreciated there he is East, and say 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:31.720 hello to the people. Hi, people, great job. So the 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:35.680 first one I have, I figured, you know, Halloween October, 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:38.200 why not go to a little spooky term. So the 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:40.880 first dating term, tell me what you think it is? 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:52.440 Jekyl ing, jekyl spooky. That was spooky, Oh, Jacky, great guesses, guys. 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:57.520 I was trying to give Dean the the courtesy of 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:02.000 going first. It's his podcast. But okay, jack Ling, this 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:05.640 is um when you spend all of your time trying 0:08:05.680 --> 0:08:08.760 to develop a chemical that will make you a different person. 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:14.080 Eastern came prepared for the phrases today. He had a 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:17.920 little bit in his back pocket, and I appreciate where 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:22.520 you're coming from. Are we talking? Are we talking like costumes? 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:25.720 Like you're gonna put on a new costume costumes entirely? Well, 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:29.000 think about Jekyl. That's that's the keyword right there. Jackal. 0:08:30.480 --> 0:08:34.680 I'm gonna think Jackal is a combination between uh jackal 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:38.199 and heckel. We all know. Heckling is like when you're 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:42.880 screaming at players on the fields, obsd, absurd terms, all 0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:47.240 those types of things. Jackal is like a cap from 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:49.560 Egyptian time or something like that. I don't know jack 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:54.719 what a jack is. To combine the two, and you 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:58.760 get someone pretending to be a jerk and and you know, 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:02.400 essentially yellow the players in the field, but in reality 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:05.560 you are like a pretty good guy. So that's actually 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:09.559 pretty close. Now. The reason I said Jekyl because come on, guys, 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:13.199 Jekyll and hide the qualities of appearing to be one 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:15.719 person but actually being someone else. So have you ever 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:19.000 been approached by a man or woman online or in 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:22.480 real life and thought that they're initially keen to shower 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:25.480 you with compliments and flattery and the quest to get 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:29.840 your attention, but as soon as you reject their advances. 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.960 He turns nasty, very nasty. Usually this is more guys 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:35.520 and girls. Obviously, that's jackling right now, than where you 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:39.679 meet someone who's overly showering you with compliments and kind 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:42.360 to you and sweet and caring, and then as soon 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:46.040 as you reject any advancements by them, flips the script 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:48.760 turns nasty. That's jack ling right there. I want to say, 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:52.439 jack ling is like the quintessential boy move. And I 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:53.920 want to say I almost know the right on the head. 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:56.040 I kind of have actually like the inverse of jack ling. 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.040 I thought it was mean and then nice, but really 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:00.200 what this is nice and than mean. But I do 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:04.480 want to say that I have friends I have. I 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:07.120 have friends on both sides, friends that have both jackled 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:12.280 and received the jackling. And it is very very frustrating, 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:15.280 very frustrating. So last one before we get to uh 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:22.560 the doctor. Uh, this one's funny. Uh term deja you, 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:31.760 deja deja o. I'm gonna go before Eastern because it's 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:37.600 so hard to follow perfection. Sometimes dejat is when you 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:40.280 meet someone that reminds you so much of an ex 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:44.440 that you've had that you absolutely despised, and yet there's 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:47.680 something about and that you just can't keep yourself away from. 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:51.920 M H, I mean, I guess I was thinking something similar, 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:54.280 like when you're dating someone you're like, hm, I feel 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.480 like I've been disgusted by this before. This is something 0:10:56.520 --> 0:11:01.480 that I've seen before and hated. Very good guesses. Both 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:04.400 are pretty close, so uh, they want you to picture 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:06.640 this scene. So both close your eyes and picture this 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:09.360 scene at Ladies and Gentlemen, You're you're flicking through your 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.200 chosen dating app and you come across the profile of 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:17.000 someone you've already spoken to or have even been on 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:20.199 a date with. It did not go well. That feeling, 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:25.319 friends is called dejah you know, a bit of deja vaux, 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:28.160 but worse, that's deja ill right there. When you're on 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:30.000 a dating app and you see somebody that you've already 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:32.640 talked to or matched with, or even have gone on 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:35.920 a date with, and it did not go well. It's 0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:37.960 like when you're on Tinder for a while, you go 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:40.160 on a tender date, you delete Tender, get on Bumble. 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:41.840 You're on Bumble and then you see that same guy 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:45.160 on Bumble. It's honestly like dating in Rhode Island. Everybody 0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:47.080 knows each other and you've probably already been on a 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:49.560 date with everybody. Uh. So that will do it for 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:52.200 dating terms. This week on the podcast, like we said, 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:55.679 we have Dr Helen Fisher coming up. Very exciting, super knowledgeable. 0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:58.559 She takes an analytical approach to dating uh and give 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:01.200 some intelligent advice, something Dean and I try to do 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:04.160 mostly fail. So make sure you stick around. But before 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:17.240 we talk to her, let's take a quick break. Welcome back. 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:19.400 To help I suck at dating, we have a very 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:22.320 special guest who is on the line right now. She 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:26.760 is a biological anthropologist also a senior Research Fellow at 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:31.959 the Kinsey Institute of Indiana University. Dr Helen Fisher, Doctor, 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.480 thank you so much for joining us. I'm glad to 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:38.640 be with you. Um so, uh, we obviously looked you 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:42.120 up a little bit research you. Now. I have a 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:44.520 paragraph here from my producer that I actually would love 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:47.679 to read to you, uh and our our listeners if 0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:49.160 you don't mind. It's just a little bit of a 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:52.000 background on you, and it might be the most impressive 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:55.120 paragraph I've ever read, which is why I'd like to 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:59.360 read it out loud. Um. Oh, it's great. So it says, 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:02.599 of course, Dr Helen Fisher are our guest biological anthropologist 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:05.680 and senior research fellow. UH. You have written six books 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:09.480 on the evolution, biology, and psychology of human sexuality, monogamy, 0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:13.480 adultery and divorce, gender differences in the brain, the neural 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:18.319 chemistry of romantic love and attachment, human biological based personality styles, 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:21.280 why we fall in love with one person rather than another, 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:24.560 hooking up friends with benefits, living together, and other current 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:28.600 trends in the future of relationships what she calls slow love. 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:32.280 I would like to list off my and deemed credentials. 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:34.200 We were on Bachelor and Paradise a couple of times, 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:39.080 so that's apparently why we host this podcast. A little 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.800 bit of a stark difference there. So doctor Um, I 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:43.520 really just kind of want to ask you a couple 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:45.720 of questions. I was listening to your talk at Google, 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:50.320 which is very impressive, UM, and you brought up a 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:52.720 couple of questions in that talk that I find very 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:56.680 interesting because you obviously have done this this this research before, 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:00.560 and you talk about is monogamy natural? Why we fall 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.319 in love, like I said before, one person rather than 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:05.440 the other. So I'd really like you to talk about 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:09.520 this this the seventy people that you put into this 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:14.120 brain scanner to study the brains uh circuitry of romantic love. 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:15.440 I was wondering if you could kind of touch on 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:17.720 that a little bit, give a little background for our listeners, 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:21.400 h and why you did the study absolutely well, First 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:23.640 of all, um, we've not put over a hundred people 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:28.040 into the scan are using functional magnetic resonance imaging, and 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:30.520 we're I was really studying romantic love. I just think 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:33.480 that we've evolved three distinctly different brain systems from mating 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:37.000 and reproducing sex drive being one, second being feelings of 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:40.560 intense romantic love, and third being feelings of deep attachment. 0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:42.760 So what I was looking for is what happens in 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:46.560 the brain when you fall madly in love. And Um, 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:48.280 we've put a lot of people in the machine, and 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:50.920 we actually know the brain circuitry of it. You know, 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:54.320 I've always wondered, I mean, people painful love, they live 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:57.360 for love, they kill full love, they die for love. 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:01.080 It's a very powerful human experience. Instant when you look 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:03.920 around the world, were saturated in all kinds of these 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:07.480 artifacts of this. I mean not only myths and legends 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:12.320 and and stories and plays and sitcoms and therapy books, 0:15:12.360 --> 0:15:16.960 but also operas and symphonies and and plays and holidays 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.720 and holiday cards and you name it. I mean, you know, 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:23.840 we're saturated. And of course the Bachelor and and all 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:25.960 the rest of them. I mean, you know, I mean, 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.520 we're all looking for life's greatest prize, which is a 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:31.880 mating partner. And this brain system evolved millions of years 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:34.880 ago to enable you to focus your mating energy on 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:39.000 just a single person and start that dating process. Uh. 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:40.840 And of course you know, if you find the right 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:44.120 person and you you form a real partnership, you're going 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:48.160 to send your DNA into tomorrow. So it's basically a 0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:51.520 survival mechanism. And so I thought to myself, well, if 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:54.160 this is such an important thing, you see it everywhere. 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:57.120 Everybody is craving to have it, and if one fails, 0:15:57.120 --> 0:15:59.800 they go and do it again all throughout their lives. 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:02.160 So why use it? So anyway, we began. I began 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:06.320 to put people into the scanner with my colleagues, and 0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:09.040 I had them bring in two photographs, one of the 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:11.040 person that they were madly in love with and one 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:13.680 of a person who when you look at that picture, 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:17.440 it calls off for no positive or negative feelings at all. 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:20.400 It's just absolutely neutral. People would bring in, oh, a 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:24.320 roommate from long ago, somebody that they know from the street, etcetera. 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:26.600 And what we had them doing, the machine has had 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:29.120 them look at the photograph of their sweetheart and look 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:32.640 at the photograph of the neutral individual, and then see 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.000 what happens contrast what happens in the brain with the 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.280 two of them. The problem with that is when you're 0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:40.760 madly in love with somebody, you can't stop thinking about them. 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:42.920 So I had to do something to get the brain 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:46.120 back into sort of a resting state before I showed 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.600 them the neutral photographs. So the way it ended up 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:50.680 being is you look at the photograph of your sweetheart 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:53.840 for thirty seconds. Then you we cast a large number 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:56.680 on the screen, like eight thousand, four hundred and twenty one, 0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:58.640 and for so and so many seconds, you've got to 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:02.840 look at that none birth and count backwards in increments 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:08.280 of seven. Guess the whole brain uh into a different 0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:10.359 kind of state, and then we look at the neutral. 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:14.160 So it's positive count BacT neutral count BacT positive Dada's 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:18.119 six rotations twelve times, And that way we were able 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:20.640 to compare what goes on in your brain when you're 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.640 madly love and what you're what the same brain under 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:28.200 neutral state, and I my hypothesis was wrong. I had 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:31.480 really thought that romantic love was an emotion or a 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:33.840 whole series of emotions from high to love, and of 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:37.399 course it is that. But it's basically a drive. It 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:40.040 comes from the most primitive parts of the brain way 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:42.720 at the bottom of the brain. UM. In fact, it 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:46.080 lies right next to a factory that orchestrates thirst and hunger. 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:50.040 Thirst and hunger keep you alive today. Romantic love UH 0:17:50.200 --> 0:17:53.320 enables you too, drives you really to to find the 0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:56.600 right person and send your DNA into tomorrow. So it's 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:59.320 a very powerful brain system and we've been able to 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:02.280 to locate it. D Helen, I got a question for 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:04.760 you here. So you talked about over saturation, which I 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:10.480 I totally agree with. It's everywhere, there's no hiding from it. 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:12.240 No matter what you're doing, you're gonna absorb it in 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:14.560 somewhere or another. You also said that you test for 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:20.159 three credentials for the hundred plus candidates that you tested. UM, 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:25.040 do you screen for any like pre existing type of 0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:28.040 ideas for these candidates, because when you were naming off 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:31.240 the three credentials that you test for, I was thinking 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:34.760 in my head how I would fit into those categories, 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:37.800 and I would almost say that I don't fit into 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:40.200 a single one of those categories. So now I'm trying 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:44.480 to think of what are you testing? What? What's what's sex? Driver, 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:46.679 romance and attachment? Or what are the three categories you're 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:49.400 talking about? Those are the three categories I'm talking about. 0:18:50.000 --> 0:18:52.600 Named of those categories, I thought that none of those 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:55.520 were really driving factors for me in my everyday life. 0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:58.640 And again maybe it's just my own oblivious nous, oblivion 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:00.800 to my own self. But when you were naming them off, 0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:03.720 I was like, Okay, well, am I an outlier in 0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:07.880 the sense? Or are does does everyone distinctly following fall 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:11.080 into at least one of those categories? Or I'm just 0:19:11.119 --> 0:19:13.560 kind of curious, like what, let's let's say like someone 0:19:14.400 --> 0:19:17.280 as at least as self described as me were to 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:20.040 be tested, what do you think that there was still 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:21.960 be a reaction to be taken from it? I guess 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:24.119 is my question? Like if there was, if you're not 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:27.520 following one of those Okay, so they're not categories their 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:31.680 brain systems, their pathways in the brain. And when when 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:34.399 when you're feeling the sex drive, you're feeling the sex drive. 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:36.320 And I would imagine you're a young, handsome man, you 0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:38.480 gotta felt a sex drive at some point in your life. 0:19:38.800 --> 0:19:41.919 So when you're feeling the sex drive, it's that those 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:45.399 brain pathways that are active when you're feeling intense feelings 0:19:45.400 --> 0:19:48.920 of romantic love, which probably have because almost everybody has. 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:53.800 You're feeling, uh, the elation, the giddiness, the euphoria, the 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:59.080 sleeplessness to focus, the motivation, the obsessive thinking of romantic love, 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:03.200 and when you're feeling a deep sense of attachment to somebody, uh, 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:06.120 You're you're feeling sort of a cosmic connection. So they're 0:20:06.320 --> 0:20:08.639 they're basic brain systems like the anger system or the 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:11.880 fierce system or and and I'm positive you've got all 0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:14.240 three of them. I mean, old man wals do. But 0:20:14.760 --> 0:20:16.800 about the bottom line is they come and go. I mean, 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:19.800 I mean, I you know, with my men, I mean 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:22.120 there's times I look at him and I say, oh, man, 0:20:22.320 --> 0:20:24.359 is he ever is sexy right this minute? Oh? Is he? 0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:27.399 You know? Wow, let's let's go kiss and hug and 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:30.000 then there's other times he'll say something hilariously funny and 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:33.760 I think he's so charming, so so over the top 0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:36.520 the cool, and I feel that race of romantic love 0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:38.960 for him. And then there's other times that we're cuddling 0:20:39.000 --> 0:20:41.000 and he says something really sweet and I feel that 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:43.840 sense of deep attachment. But there's other times when I'm 0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:45.760 not thinking about them at all. I mean, I'm a writer, 0:20:45.960 --> 0:20:48.520 I'm a public speaker, and and none of those three 0:20:48.520 --> 0:20:50.520 brain systems are active at the time. So these are 0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:54.440 basic brain systems. We all have them to different degrees. Now, 0:20:54.480 --> 0:20:56.800 some people really feel his sex drive more than others. 0:20:57.119 --> 0:21:00.400 Some people fall a lot more often than others. Some 0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:03.600 people feel deep attachment more often and for longer times 0:21:03.600 --> 0:21:06.320 than others. But the basic brain system, kid, and you've 0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:09.840 got them. That is a lot of information to take in. 0:21:10.440 --> 0:21:13.560