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Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

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Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome to a special episode of the Almost

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Speaker 2: Famous Podcast. Today, as will be the case for the

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Speaker 2: next two weeks, Ben is out, So I'm having Jared

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Speaker 2: fill in todayday.

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Speaker 3: We don't know this is moving forward.

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Speaker 2: No, probably not today, but I like having you here.

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Speaker 3: Well, I was downstairs, so you're convenient. You're convenient. Get

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Speaker 3: They're like, oh no, we need a co host who

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Speaker 3: we can get. Well, Jared's twenty five feet away from Ashley.

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Speaker 3: Let's just bring him in. Yeah, well, so we have

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Speaker 3: it today.

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Speaker 2: Josh Cider and he made headlines on Monday because, according

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Speaker 2: to Instagram. According to his Instagram, he had died.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. It was really tragic. And is Josh here with

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Speaker 3: us right now?

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Speaker 2: He's not here yet, Okay, everybody just wanted to, you know,

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Speaker 2: quick brief. And then the next day, about twenty four

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Speaker 2: hours later, he got on and he was like, guess what,

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Speaker 2: I'm here and alive. I've been hacked.

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Speaker 4: He said.

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Speaker 2: So, you were actually on Caitlin Bristow's season with Josh.

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Speaker 2: You were only there for one night with him because

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Speaker 2: he got a eliminated at night one.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was convinced that he was going to get

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Speaker 3: the rose before me, because there was one rose left

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Speaker 3: on the table. I was the final rose of the evening.

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Speaker 3: And I remember thinking at the time, because he was

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Speaker 3: so good looking, I did not know he was a

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Speaker 3: stripper at the time, he.

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Speaker 2: Was also stripper slash law student.

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Speaker 3: Law student, and so I was like, Oh, this guy's

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Speaker 3: a law student. He's very good looking, very nice, down

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Speaker 3: to earth. I was like, he's definitely getting the rose.

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Speaker 3: And then I luckily got the rose. And then I

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Speaker 3: haven't seen him since.

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Speaker 2: All right, so we are going to bring him in

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Speaker 2: now to get his story.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, of course.

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Speaker 5: Hi, Josh, Hey, how are you guys?

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Speaker 2: Good?

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Speaker 3: How are you good? Josh? Longtime? No see, I haven't

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Speaker 3: seen you in eight years.

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Speaker 5: I know, I still remember talking to you. I think

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Speaker 5: you're the only person I talked to when I was

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Speaker 5: on the show, because I was obviously not there very long,

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Speaker 5: so you're like the only person I remember.

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Speaker 3: I was just telling a story about how I think

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Speaker 3: I was standing next to you in the rose ceremony

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Speaker 3: and or you were next either next to me or

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Speaker 3: like one over, and at the time, you were a

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Speaker 3: law student and very good looking, down to earth, and

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Speaker 3: I remember there was one rose left and I was like,

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Speaker 3: I'm definitely going home because he's getting above me. And

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Speaker 3: then luckily I can't call my name and I was like,

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Speaker 3: holy shit. And then obviously miraculously met my wife on

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Speaker 3: Bacheline Partist, which is insane. But it's good to see you.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the Almost Famous podcast. Thanks for joining us.

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Speaker 4: Thanks man, I appreciate it. Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 3: It's been a wild forty eight hours for you. To

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Speaker 3: say the least. Before we talk about that, I kind

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Speaker 3: of wanted to just catch up with you quickly. What

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Speaker 3: is you know? You were on the show with me

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Speaker 3: eight eight years ago? My god, wow, we're old. What

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Speaker 3: has life been like for you since?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, so obviously it took kind of a different path

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Speaker 5: than everyone else that was on the show with me.

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Speaker 5: Obviously I didn't last very long. I was on, you know,

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Speaker 5: for two minutes tops. But I was a dancer at

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Speaker 5: the time, like you mentioned, and so for the next

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Speaker 5: five years I just continued doing that and working at

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Speaker 5: my craft and dancing at the time, and then I

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Speaker 5: transitioned out of that. In about twenty seventeen, I started

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Speaker 5: blogging on Instagram.

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Speaker 4: About mental health.

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Speaker 5: If I didn't have a following at the time, maybe

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Speaker 5: like a thousand followers or something, and over time built

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Speaker 5: that up to where it's at now almost half a million.

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Speaker 5: And I think what I do is resonated with a

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Speaker 5: lot of people. A lot of people can relate to

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Speaker 5: my story, and so I've really been just focused on that.

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Speaker 5: I also do have an only fans that I started

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Speaker 5: in twenty eighteen that, for some reason I don't know why,

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Speaker 5: is successful and I've done very well at that. So

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Speaker 5: that helps pay the bills, but it's not fulfilling. It

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Speaker 5: doesn't give me a sense of purpose. So my mental

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Speaker 5: health work is kind of what grounds me and is

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Speaker 5: what I find a sense of meaning and purpose and

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Speaker 5: in my day to day life.

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Speaker 2: So you said that your story resonates with a lot

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Speaker 2: of people. That's how you've garnered so many followers. So

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Speaker 2: what is your mental health story? If you could give

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Speaker 2: us a little brief background.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So I think it starts being homeschooled. So I

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Speaker 5: was homeschooled with my whole life up until college. I

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Speaker 5: went to a public school for one year but didn't

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Speaker 5: work out, so my mom homeschooled me and my three brothers.

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Speaker 5: I think coming it up in that strict religious upbringing

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Speaker 5: where your homeschooled, they see the world as evil. They

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Speaker 5: think there's the devil lurking behind every corner. That created

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Speaker 5: kind of a latent anxiety in me as a As

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Speaker 5: a five year old, my mom's telling me, I'm going

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Speaker 5: to go to Hell if I don't believe in God.

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Speaker 5: So when I was about fifteen, I think just the

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Speaker 5: isolation of being homeschooled, growing up in a strict religious family,

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Speaker 5: it all kind of manifested and I have a lot

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Speaker 5: of anxiety and depression, and I started seeing a counselor

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Speaker 5: for that. And then in twenty twenty one, when I

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Speaker 5: was in college, I just underwent kind of like a

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Speaker 5: dramatic experience where I ended up getting hospitalized and you know,

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Speaker 5: kind of committed for a while. And so I've been

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Speaker 5: open and honest about all of that stuff that happened

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Speaker 5: then and since, and then I'm still dealing with with

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Speaker 5: all of my followers on Instagram, and I think a

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Speaker 5: lot of them identify, even if not directly, with like

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Speaker 5: my story, just generally dealing with anxiety and adulting and

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Speaker 5: being a human in the world that we live in today.

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Speaker 3: So what are those conversations like, like when you talk

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Speaker 3: to people who follow you and they're dealing with a

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Speaker 3: lot of issues that you've dealt with as well. I mean,

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Speaker 3: obviously don't say anybody's name, but that's confidential, but you know, like,

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Speaker 3: what are some of the things that can help someone

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Speaker 3: who's going through a pretty difficult time?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So I wish there was a magic pill or

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Speaker 5: a magic answer that I could give someone. I can't

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Speaker 5: what I can give them as tools. So what help

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Speaker 5: has been very effective for me is cognitive behavioral therapy,

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Speaker 5: which I practice with my therapist, which is basically the

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Speaker 5: premise of it is, we stress ourselves out with our

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Speaker 5: faulty thinking. We think we must be loved by everyone.

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Speaker 5: We must be liked by everyone, we must have everyone's approval,

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Speaker 5: we must be successful, we must do well. And that's

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Speaker 5: not true. Those aren't truths, they just exist in our head.

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Speaker 5: And the truth is we don't need to be liked

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Speaker 5: by everyone. Everyone can hate us and life goes on.

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Speaker 5: We don't need to be successful, we don't need to

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Speaker 5: be perfect. We can fall short and that's okay. And

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Speaker 5: so we stress ourselves out when we employ that faulty thinking.

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Speaker 5: So we need to restructure our thoughts so that we

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Speaker 5: don't mustturbate or I must be l liked, I must

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Speaker 5: be loved, I must be successful, and instead just say

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Speaker 5: I would prefer to be these things, but if I'm not,

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Speaker 5: I'll do better. But I'm not a terrible human being.

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Speaker 5: And you don't draws sweeping generalizations about yourself based on

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Speaker 5: your failure to succeed or your failure to be liked.

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Speaker 5: That doesn't make you a terrible person. And so I

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Speaker 5: try to just share that with people, and I point

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Speaker 5: them to literature and books and therapists that might be

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Speaker 5: able to help them restructure their thoughts with cognitive behavioral therapy.

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Speaker 5: And I'm I'm always confident that will help them as

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Speaker 5: much as it's helped me.

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Speaker 2: So let's talk about your Instagram getting hacked. So you

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Speaker 2: say that it was hacked on Monday, and.

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Speaker 3: Why don't you just can you just tell us a

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Speaker 3: story like what happened?

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Speaker 2: Uh?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So I was trying to log into my account

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Speaker 5: on Monday. I couldn't log into it, which is weird

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Speaker 5: because normally click the you know I have an iPhone,

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Speaker 5: I click the Instagram icon on my iPhone and I'm

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Speaker 5: automatically taken too my profile and it you know, I

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Speaker 5: was asking me to adit to log in manually, and

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Speaker 5: I thought that was weird. So I'm trying to do it.

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Speaker 4: It's not working.

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Speaker 5: I'm trying to remember my password and I'm like, dad,

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Speaker 5: I can't really remember my password, but I think this

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Speaker 5: is it. And at the same time, like a short

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Speaker 5: time later, my phone starts going off with just hundreds

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Speaker 5: of text messages and it's ringing off the hook while

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Speaker 5: I'm trying to log in, and I'm like, something's weird,

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Speaker 5: Like I have a feeling this is all connected. And

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Speaker 5: so anyways, you know, people started sending me screenshots of

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Speaker 5: something that had been posted.

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Speaker 4: On my page, and I was like, oh man.

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Speaker 5: I was like, so like someone's either playing a prank

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Speaker 5: or someone got in it. I didn't know what was

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Speaker 5: going on, so I spent it was from the time

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Speaker 5: it happened until I got back into my account, it

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Speaker 5: was eighteen hours. Obviously I slept some during that time,

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Speaker 5: so I spent about nine or ten hours frantically trying

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Speaker 5: to get back into my account. I don't have like

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Speaker 5: a a social media manager or a team or a

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Speaker 5: PR team, it's just you know, me and my house

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Speaker 5: on my phone. So I hit I'm not very technologically adept,

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Speaker 5: so I hit up some of my friends and was like, dude, like,

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Speaker 5: do you know any way like that something's going on,

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Speaker 5: Like someone obviously got into my account. We need to

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Speaker 5: get them out and like change the password. And eventually

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Speaker 5: I was able to and that's when I posted the videos.

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Speaker 2: But I heard that you didn't even file a report

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Speaker 2: with Instagram. Why would you think not to do that?

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Speaker 5: Uh, it's just you know, once I got back in

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Speaker 5: and reset my password put on two factor authentication, I

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Speaker 5: don't know. For me, it just didn't isn't like my

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Speaker 5: top priority, my top you know. I had family members

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Speaker 5: from Texas calling me crying. I had my mom crying.

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Speaker 5: I had you know, hundreds of text messages. I was fielding,

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Speaker 5: and I'm still fielding even today. I've spent all morning fielding,

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Speaker 5: and I'm doing interviews with CNN, Good Morning America, the

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Speaker 5: Today Show Extra. So filing a report after the fact

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Speaker 5: with Instagram is like, I don't know if that it's

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Speaker 5: just not hasn't been like a top priority. But I

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Speaker 5: feel like I we remedied the situation. I'm back into

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Speaker 5: my account. I feel like it's safe and protected now,

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Speaker 5: and so it's just not a top priority for me.

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Speaker 2: Your ex girlfriend of two weeks who you dated this month,

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Speaker 2: Monica Beverly Hills from RuPaul's Drag Race. She's kind of

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Speaker 2: come out and said that if you needed someone that

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Speaker 2: had a following to get the message out there quickly,

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Speaker 2: you could have always reached out to her. How do

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Speaker 2: you respond to that?

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Speaker 5: I hung out with Monica three times in my entire life.

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Speaker 5: I'm thirty six years old. I've hung out with her

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Speaker 5: three times for a total of maybe six hours at

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Speaker 5: her beckoning. She'd been messaging me on Instagram since twenty

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Speaker 5: and eighteen, so I you know, we're both in Chicago.

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Speaker 5: So I ended up hanging out with her three times

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Speaker 5: over a week and a half period. It's not my girlfriend.

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Speaker 5: I don't know why the media is. They're just referring

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Speaker 5: to that because it's sensational to say that she's my ex.

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Speaker 5: I you know, I've had more physical contact with my

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Speaker 5: mom and my dad who's been dead for two years

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Speaker 5: than I have with Monica. But why would I talk

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Speaker 5: to her. I wasn't even talking to her at the time.

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Speaker 5: So I'm not going to hit up someone I hung

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Speaker 5: out with three times and say, oh, can you make

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Speaker 5: a statement? I thought it was better for me to

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Speaker 5: prioritize getting back into my platform with half a million

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Speaker 5: followers and post directly to them a video of myself

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Speaker 5: letting them know I'm here in the flesh and I'm alive.

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Speaker 5: Then hitting up some chick I hung out with, you know,

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Speaker 5: a few weeks earlier, and telling her to make a

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Speaker 5: written statement saying Josh is alive because he told me so. Like,

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Speaker 5: it just does it defies reality.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't even make sense.

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Speaker 3: I'm assuming you're working on trying to figure out who

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Speaker 3: hacked your account, but what do you think the motive

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Speaker 3: was behind this?

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Speaker 5: You know, for me, it just kind of slaps of

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Speaker 5: anti mental health. I know a lot of people find

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Speaker 5: that concept foreign, but I've been dealing, you know, I've

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Speaker 5: been blogging about it and one of the more vocal

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Speaker 5: people on Instagram talking about it for the better part

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Speaker 5: of six years. For those six years, I'd say, every

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Speaker 5: day I get people telling me you should commit suicide.

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Speaker 5: You're a stupid idiot that suffers from mental illness. You

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Speaker 5: should just die too bad you weren't successful. It's so

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Speaker 5: funny you have anxiety and depression. I mean, there's a

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Speaker 5: real anti mental health ethos and pathology out there where

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Speaker 5: people like to mock it, and I think social media

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Speaker 5: rewards people that say things for shock value. So if

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Speaker 5: you tell someone who has mental illness, you know, go

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Speaker 5: kill yourself, you should die, they know that it's going

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Speaker 5: to rage bait people, and they know it's going to

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Speaker 5: get people upset, and they get rewarded for it because

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Speaker 5: they get clicks. So I feel like the person that

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Speaker 5: posted that thing basically mocking me and saying I'm suffering

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Speaker 5: from depression and anxiety and I decided to take my life.

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Speaker 5: It's very similar to the type of language that I

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Speaker 5: see in the messages that the hateful messages that come

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Speaker 5: to me. Just take your life. You should just do it.

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Speaker 5: So I can't get into that person's mind, so I'm just,

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Speaker 5: you know, guessing. I'm not clairvoyant, But to me, I

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Speaker 5: feel like it was an attack on mental health. And honestly,

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Speaker 5: I feel like in Donald Trump's America, science and things

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Speaker 5: that are established like mental illness are not taken as seriously.

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Speaker 5: He's in the America that we live in. Things that

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Speaker 5: should be taken seriously, like climate change, mental health transwrites

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Speaker 5: LGBTQ rights, they're not taken seriously by a large a

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Speaker 5: large part of the population, and so they mock it

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Speaker 5: and they make fun of it because they don't understand it.

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Speaker 4: And so I think this just.

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Speaker 5: Has a lot of underlying like things beneath it. So

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Speaker 5: I don't really want to like try to guess, but

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Speaker 5: that's just kind of how it comes off to me.

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Speaker 5: I feel like it was it was mocking me, and

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Speaker 5: it was basically telling me to go kill myself, and I.

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Speaker 4: Should be dead.

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Speaker 2: Some people are speculating that possibly you were the conductor

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Speaker 2: of this whole thing, that like you were the one

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Speaker 2: that posted it just to get attention, and we certainly

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Speaker 2: have seen a lot of headlines about you over the

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Speaker 2: past couple of days. So how do you respond to

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Speaker 2: those people who are thinking that this has not been

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Speaker 2: a legitimate hacking.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think those are all, like, you know, legitimate

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Speaker 5: things to allege and to say. I think there's legitimate

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Speaker 5: detractors out there, and it's just math. You know, it's

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Speaker 5: a fire od issue on so many levels. It's reality

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Speaker 5: TV mental health Josh Sider hacking death life, so it's

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Speaker 5: kind of gonna get people from from all sides of

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Speaker 5: the aisle. So I look, I think there's some people

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Speaker 5: with some legitimate concerns. I've been trying to answer all

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Speaker 5: of the questions that I can. I wasn't the hacker,

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Speaker 5: so I can't answer. I can only answer questions as

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Speaker 5: Josh Seider, I was also a victim of this. But

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Speaker 5: I've tried to do my best, but yeah, I can't.

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Speaker 5: All I can do is speak the truth, and the

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Speaker 5: truth is I wasn't behind it, and people can either

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Speaker 5: choose to believe it or not. Like I said earlier,

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Speaker 5: you can't please everybody. And I don't really care if

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Speaker 5: people don't believe me or and I really don't care

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Speaker 5: if people hate me. It just doesn't upset me or

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Speaker 5: my happiness. So all I can do is speak the truth,

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Speaker 5: and if they believe me and believe the truth, great,

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Speaker 5: And if they don't, I don't care.

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Speaker 4: It's not going to affect my life.

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Speaker 3: So what is your mental state been over the past

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Speaker 3: forty eight hours?

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Speaker 5: So it's it's been definitely better now. I mean I

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Speaker 5: was having like you know, panic anytime there's a spike

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Speaker 5: in my anxiety. I kind of have panic attacks, a

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Speaker 5: little bit of depersonalization, which a lot of people.

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Speaker 4: Know what it is.

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Speaker 5: It's a lot to go into now, but a little

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Speaker 5: bit of dissociation. But now much better. But there's still

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Speaker 5: a lot of hate out there. On my Instagram, I

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Speaker 5: have hundreds of messages that come in daily just you

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Speaker 5: are behind this. I know it, and so that gives

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Speaker 5: me a little anxiety just reading how much some people

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Speaker 5: hate me. But overall I'm doing pretty well. I try

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Speaker 5: to find meaning and purpose in my day to day

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Speaker 5: life that is regardless of what's going on. So even

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Speaker 5: if I'm not experiencing success in my personal life or

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Speaker 5: things are going wrong on social media, I still try

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Speaker 5: to ground myself through diet, exercise, going for walks. So

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Speaker 5: even though I've been stressed out lately, I've tried to

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Speaker 5: kind of maintain structure throughout, and now that the storm

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Speaker 5: is kind of passing, I'm definitely doing a lot better.

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Speaker 5: But I think it's important that you know we're able

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Speaker 5: to just no matter what is going on in our lives,

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Speaker 5: we have some kind of a way to just kind

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Speaker 5: of level ourselves out so that we don't like lose our.

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Speaker 4: Marbles during it.

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Speaker 5: So but overall, I'm doing good and I appreciate you asking.

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Speaker 2: I know that you don't want to talk about Monica

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Speaker 2: Beverly Hills anymore, but I do have one question. I

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Speaker 2: just want to go out there.

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Speaker 4: That's fine out here.

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Speaker 2: She says in one article, in one interview that she

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Speaker 2: did this week, that you have had multiple Instagram accounts,

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Speaker 2: so that you have planted stories on the internet about

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Speaker 2: you being a cloud chaser.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I saw that that was so weird. So I'm very

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Speaker 5: honest about you know, I only have one Instagram account.

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Speaker 5: There's a lot of like fan page. There's a lot

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Speaker 5: of fan pages of me, like when I first started

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Speaker 5: doing mental health. I don't know how many are still

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Speaker 5: out there. But I don't own any other or run

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Speaker 5: any other Instagram pages. I don't have time to. I

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Speaker 5: mean usually I only make like one post a week

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Speaker 5: on my own Instagram, And honestly, I don't go when

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Speaker 5: I'm on Instagram. I'm only posting on my Instagram. I

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Speaker 5: don't go through the explore page. Usually I'm not looking

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Speaker 5: at other people's posts. I don't interact with other people,

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Speaker 5: So I certainly wouldn't be managing other accounts where I'm

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Speaker 5: doing that. I don't even like doing it on my

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Speaker 5: own account. I just get on, upload my post, copy

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Speaker 5: and paste my mental health caption in occasionally post a

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Speaker 5: story and that's it. So I did see her saying

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Speaker 5: that I run multiple accounts. I'd be interested in knowing,

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Speaker 5: like what. I almost feel sorry for that she thinks

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Speaker 5: that I don't know if someone told her or what.

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Speaker 5: But it's such a weird thing to accuse me of.

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Speaker 5: But it's completely false and baffling to me. And then

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Speaker 5: the cloud chaser thing, I've been called the cloud chase.

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Speaker 5: I dated women from Ninety Day Fiance, Love After lock Up,

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Speaker 5: other reality I.

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Speaker 4: Can't even think of.

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Speaker 5: I think there's a couple other reality shows out there

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Speaker 5: of women that I've dated. So people like to accuse

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Speaker 5: me of lots of things, and that accused the Moniker

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Speaker 5: cloud Chaser doesn't bother me.

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Speaker 4: I kind of think it's funny.

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Speaker 2: So why do you think you're drawn to women from

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Speaker 2: reality shows?

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: You know, during COVID there's a lot of boredom going

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Speaker 5: on because we were all locked down, so I was definitely,

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Speaker 5: you know, just bored and I think we're all on

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Speaker 5: our phones more. And I was single, so I was

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Speaker 5: chatting to people, and you know, it just the relationships

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Speaker 5: would develop after talking for a while. But I don't know,

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Speaker 5: like if there's a rhyme or reason behind it. It's

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Speaker 5: just kind of how it's played out, you know, just

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Speaker 5: like people find love on a reality show. It's like, well,

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Speaker 5: why do you find love on a reality show? That's

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Speaker 5: such an odd thing and an odd place to go

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Speaker 5: to search for love. What was your motivation for doing that?

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Speaker 5: It's like, I mean, I don't know, why do we.

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Speaker 3: That's a fair I asked myself that every day. I

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Speaker 3: admit one fan of the show.

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Speaker 2: Two I do like attention three wanted to find someone.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, kind of all worked out. Yea, it worked and

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Speaker 3: it did. Knock on wood. Well, Josh, thanks so much

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Speaker 3: for joining us today. We really appreciate it, you know,

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Speaker 3: wishing you the best. Hopefully everything gets cleared up. I

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Speaker 3: can only imagine what you're you know, because obviously I'm

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Speaker 3: thinking about your family too, Like you talked about your mom.

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Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, that's a scary scenario. Just kind of

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Speaker 3: see that and not know what's going on. So wish

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Speaker 3: you nothing but the best. Thank you again for joining us.

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Speaker 3: Good seeing you, buddy.

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Speaker 5: Thanks guys, I appreciate it.

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Speaker 4: Take care, Hi Josh, I see you.

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Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast on

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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcast.

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Speaker 3: Yes,