WEBVTT - Episode 410: Bitter Bit*h (Feat. Kiana Ledé) 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:04.560 What's up. It is lip service that I'm Angela Ye, 0:00:04.840 --> 0:00:06.560 I'm Stephanie Santiago. 0:00:06.240 --> 0:00:09.360 I'm Jazz and the Brands, I'm Laura Mora, and I'm 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:11.360 Keanu La Day, Keanna La Day. 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:13.560 I like your eyebrows, Thank you so much. 0:00:14.080 --> 0:00:15.160 I take prid in my eyebrows. 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:16.079 It looks really good. 0:00:16.239 --> 0:00:16.520 Thank you. 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:19.880 That's the look now too, because I feel like it's a. 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:21.639 I did minds fluffy today to. 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:24.560 Hers are Stephanie's are a little but not all the 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:25.520 way hers a little. 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:29.320 Up and then yeah, through a lot of phases, remember 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:30.760 when really thin narrows. 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:35.199 Yes, that was not my era. That wasn't for me. 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:37.519 You are their eyebrows on. 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:38.880 I'm like my mom. 0:00:39.120 --> 0:00:41.919 My mom had really thin. Now they're feeling a little bit, 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:43.400 but her eye are thin. 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:45.880 In Miami, they used to call it the chunga eyebrows 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:46.720 A tongua. 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:47.640 What does tongue mean? 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:52.000 It's like a little something offensive, a bit offensive. 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:58.320 Sorry I said it then, Kiana La Day, this is 0:00:58.360 --> 0:01:01.840 your first time up here, so a toast to you. Cheers. 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:04.680 I don't drink water. Cheers. 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:07.759 You've never drank never in my life. I'm sorry. 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.240 My parents gave me one sip of non alcoholic beer 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:13.920 and non alcoholic wine when I was like twelve, and 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:16.839 I was like, this shit is disgusting, never tasting it again, 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:19.760 and you meant it, I really meant it. Also, just 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:23.320 like trauma when it comes to like alcoholism and shit. Okay, 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:26.840 I was just like, I've seen what all the shit does, right, 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:32.440 I'm good, understandable. What about smoking or anything? Nothing, just mushrooms. 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:35.600 Okay, that's enough. You just microdosed for the first time, 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:38.320 Jasmine a second time, both times with me. 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:41.880 Anything. Do you smoke weed occasionally? 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:42.840 Okay? 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:43.480 So not a lot? 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:45.840 Yeah, not a lot? Okay, not a lot. 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:49.680 I feel like I've well, Christine she smokes a lot 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:51.919 of weed, and I always call her out my interviews. 0:01:51.960 --> 0:01:56.040 It's so funny. No one even knows she's there. I'm like, Christine, 0:01:56.760 --> 0:01:58.800 she smokes, Yeah, she smokes a lot, so she never 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:00.400 feels it. Is that. 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:02.440 Okay, So that's the thing because I don't really smoke, 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:04.960 and I did it too, and I mean I've done 0:02:05.040 --> 0:02:05.800 shrooms plenty. 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:07.520 Of The thing is I think for me, if I 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:10.120 would have, we did like half of a like kind 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:12.000 of like a gummy and then we did other half. 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:13.919 I think if I did it together, like then I 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:15.519 probably would have felt it. 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:19.440 Right, we're being cautious. It was a microdose of a 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:20.080 micro dose. 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.040 Okay, yeah, I think you could also. I feel like 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:23.840 the sugar might. 0:02:23.880 --> 0:02:25.840 Like cancel it out because it was a gummy. 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:28.079 Yeah, because when I went to they were saying, like, 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:31.000 as soon as you eat something sugary, like if you're 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:33.400 having a bad trip, drink juice, because as soon as 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:36.600 you have something sugary, it starts bringing your come up down. 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:38.440 Okay, So what do you think is the best form 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:42.560 of mushrooms, like the chocolate or just the regular straight 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:43.400 from the plant. 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:45.520 Like the first time I did it, it was tea, 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:47.760 which I really loved because it hits you like kind 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:50.519 of slow, and then you can just drink more throughout 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:52.239 the process if you feel like you can handle it. 0:02:52.960 --> 0:02:54.760 I loved that. I feel like also my body was 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:56.480 really sententive to it because I had never done nothing. 0:02:57.120 --> 0:02:59.240 But then I like just eating it too. 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:01.960 I like, I like eating it. They taste a little fun. 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:04.440 They do you like mushrooms? I do. 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:07.680 I've been doing them. And when people acted like there 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:08.200 was something. 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:08.839 Before it was cool. 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:10.560 She was doing it before, it was cool. 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:12.359 Yeah, when people were acting like, oh my god, this 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:15.280 is so bad, and then now everyone's here. 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:18.040 We are, I'm ready to try it. I tried it 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:21.040 with in Miami. It was a little I was nervous. 0:03:21.040 --> 0:03:23.079 I think she gave me a micro yeah. 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.440 And I think anything you try, like try a little 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:27.359 bit to see how it affects you, because you don't 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:29.760 want to overdo it. You rather add on than have 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:32.600 to be like I'm never doing this again, dear God, please. 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:34.960 Yeah, And that's what that's my biggest fear. I'm like, 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:36.360 what if I start crying a lot? 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:38.440 But I feel like mushrooms does not. 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:40.640 What you're right. 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:42.120 It made me cry when same time. 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.600 Was it therapeutic or was it like you were scared? 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:45.880 No, I was laughing so hard. 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:46.120 I was. 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.440 Because they say, whatever emotions you feel in at that 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:53.120 moment or however, that's why you have to be in 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:54.600 the right environment with the right people. 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:58.320 That's like lsc But like mushrooms just makes you see 0:03:58.400 --> 0:03:59.760 like purple lights and stuff. 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:03.680 Do you ever write, perform, or record while you're Oh 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:05.640 my god, I actually have the best story for that. 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:07.520 So there's a song at the very end of my 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:12.520 album called Magic Perfect magic mushrooms. It's called magic and 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:20.040 it's very like mystical and like hopeful. And it was 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:23.640 so great because that day I had taken a fuck 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:26.720 ton of mushrooms and I went with my girls to 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:31.800 Manhattan Beach and we went and I like, it's cute, yeah, 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.040 And we got on a boat and we went dolphin watching. 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:38.960 So we were high as fuck watching the dolphin swimming 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:41.440 on this boat, like sitting at the very edge. It 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:43.240 was so beautiful. And then right after that, I went 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:46.080 to the studio and saying the songs magical. Oh my god, 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:47.400 never had a better experience. 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:48.839 Have you ever had sex sunchrooms? 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:54.320 You know what's funny. Every time I've tried to do that, 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:57.880 I fall asleep. But yeah, because I'm like in bed 0:04:58.000 --> 0:05:00.520 and then if I'm really high, I just start like meditating. 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:02.440 I just get into this meditative space and then I 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:04.440 just get distracted by that and I don't even make it. 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:06.960 Man, he's like, yes, he's about to go down. 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:13.960 I know, right, I'll be Sad'd be really sad. 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:16.120 Well, let's talk about the new album that you have out. 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:17.760 And now that's how you post. Sometimes you got to 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:20.840 face yourself. And then this album you are taking some accountability. 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:25.240 I mean we got it right before this started, but 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:28.360 bitter bitch, Okay, that's accountability right there. 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:30.479 Yeah, I mean I. 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:34.719 Said title, I said, she got to be talking about somebody. 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:39.240 Else, you know. I just like I really wanted to 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:43.360 say I actually have a good story about that too. 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:46.839 I really wanted to just say, like you, I don't 0:05:46.839 --> 0:05:49.239 give a fuck about you. I give a fuck about 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:53.080 like whatever. The remnants of whatever you did to me 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:56.040 is like I still feel that shit. It's trauma that 0:05:56.120 --> 0:05:59.760 I'm like getting over and I'm just bitter about it. 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:03.960 And I went to brunch with my ex oh after 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:05.680 we broke up, like a year after we broke up, 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:09.400 and he was asking if there were songs about him 0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:13.840 on the album again, and I said yep, And I 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:16.800 played him that one and he was like he was 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:19.960 like listening to it and he's like, it's kind of 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:20.599 a bot though. 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.679 You know, I think it's very telling when you're with somebody, 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:31.920 if you feel like you're not acting like yourself, that 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:35.280 means that that was like a bad experience, because sometimes 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:38.200 when you're like, why am I a bitter bitch right now? 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:41.440 Like why am I doing things that I normally wouldn't 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:44.080 do and so out of character, but not in a 0:06:44.120 --> 0:06:46.600 good way, but in like a negative way. You know, 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.560 I've had has everybody here had an experience where they 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:52.840 dated somebody and it was shitty because here you are 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:56.360 like going through phones and you know, doing shit that 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:58.680 You're like, this is not even me? Why am I 0:06:58.839 --> 0:06:59.440 acting like this? 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:01.600 I feel like I don't know if it's not me, 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:04.520 But it's like I feel like sometimes people or we 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:06.360 allow people to pull certain things out of us that 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:07.760 don't need to be out. They just need to be 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:09.000 chilling in the cut sometimes. 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:13.520 Right, I've never been through nobody's phone. Good for you, 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:19.040 I have never told me to do it. Did you 0:07:19.120 --> 0:07:21.560 find something for me? It's like, as soon as I'm 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:24.160 going through your phone, I don't I already don't trust you. Yeah, 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:26.720 so like there's something wrong there. But also I know 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:28.840 if I go through your phone, I'm going to find 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:32.600 something because I'm looking for it to justify why I 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:37.080 went through your phone. It's like you talking shit because 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:39.280 we just got in a fight or something. You know, 0:07:39.360 --> 0:07:41.440 I'm going to find that. I mean, it was that long. 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:44.000 I haven't done that in so long, but I definitely 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:46.560 have like, I probably haven't done that in maybe like 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:49.000 eight years, but I just know how hard it was 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:52.160 because I remember going through an email my ex left 0:07:52.240 --> 0:07:55.120 his email open and how devastating that was. And I 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:57.600 was just like, man, and I forwarded all the emails 0:07:57.640 --> 0:07:58.160 to myself so. 0:07:58.200 --> 0:07:59.960 That when you can take your time, look at me email, 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:00.560 so I could. 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:06.200 Remind myself why was he emailing? He was like, well, 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:09.200 it was like this. He was emailing. He took a 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:11.120 girl on a trip, so he was emailing like the 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:14.280 travel agent at the time, like stuff, and then she 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:17.360 was forwarding her information and then he was like sending pictures. 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:22.320 I feel like that's an industry guy. Classic thing was. 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:26.960 Worked in finance. And then the other thing that happened 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:28.560 was it was his birthday that I found it on, 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:30.880 so you know, we were supposed to go out, and 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:34.280 so he told him on his birthday. I tried to 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:36.679 hold it and I just couldn't. He was because I 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:38.840 was like, man, do I want to ruin this man's birthday? 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:42.080 Because I was really still trying to be like gracious. 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:44.160 And then he was on his way to my house 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:45.800 and then I just sent him a message I don't 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:47.599 even bother coming I can't make it. He thought I 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:48.920 was sick or so he was like, what's the matter. 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:49.440 What happened? 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:51.000 Then I just started forwarding him. 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:54.760 His own and then what did he say? 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:58.160 I mean, what could he say? You know, first people 0:08:58.200 --> 0:09:01.080 get very mad and defensive. Then you yeah, so first 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:03.360 it's your fault, right, because that's like such an invasion 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:04.000 of privacy. 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:05.720 It is, definitely. 0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:07.480 But that's why I say, if you do that, because 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:09.480 we already I think we're on the brink of about 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:12.319 to break up. Because he like butted out me while 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:14.120 he was in He did a lot of dumb ship, 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:15.840 so I kind of knew it wasn't and he left 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:17.839 it open. I wasn't looking for it. I went on 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:21.360 to to Gmail. It was just open and so he 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:24.040 hadn't locked out, and I said, God is like girl. 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:31.600 Look, but he stayed with more signs do you need right? 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:33.439 Like, do you need me to put the girl here? 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:36.720 I never I've never been through a guy phone. 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:39.319 But when I was dating, when I was living in Toronto, 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:41.760 the guy was dating with they were on their break 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:45.199 and he was planning like, well, he played basketball, so 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:45.960 you know they have like. 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:48.839 Two weeks off before right out. After all, start. 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:52.000 So we were planning a trip supposedly to the Bahamas, 0:09:52.080 --> 0:09:54.439 this and that, this and that, and his side kid 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:56.079 kept going off and he had this girl that he 0:09:56.160 --> 0:10:00.280 was Oh yeah, I was like, that's how that's the 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:01.600 first and last. 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:02.160 Time I went through a man. 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:03.319 Know what sidekick is? 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:07.400 Yeah, I think I was jealous of people because they 0:10:07.480 --> 0:10:08.640 all had one and I didn't. 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:11.719 Okay, yeah, listen, I went through it like he was 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:13.480 getting ready for the game. So I went through it 0:10:13.640 --> 0:10:16.160 and basically the same trip. So they have two weeks. 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:18.880 The second week of their break, he was planning a 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:22.559 trip with the girl from Atlanta and kept lying and 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:23.640 he found me looking through it. 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:27.520 I went in the bathroom, locked the door the worst. 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:31.920 Yeah, he was so and he didn't want me to 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:33.839 go through it so bad, to the point like he 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:38.160 hit me, like that's the first time, you know, and cartoons, Yeah, 0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:43.040 I'm over there. It never happened again, trust me. But 0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:45.800 you know in the cartoons when the cartoon character get 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:49.120 hit and they see stars, I said through the phone. 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:52.199 I never really after that, never went through a man's phone, 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:54.160 and I don't allow them to go through mine either. 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:57.480 But that was like my shocking, like, yeah, never again. 0:10:57.600 --> 0:10:59.360 Like he was planning a trip with me and her 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:03.080 one week. The next week, I give my man my phone. 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:06.120 I make sure he looks through my phone. I'd be like, look, 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:08.000 I'm not talking to nobody but you, but. 0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:12.199 Don't check my don't check Wait, do you go check 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:12.959 his cloud? No? 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:16.520 I don't go listen. I by mistake, like a I 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.720 came up on my son's father's Facebook and it ruined 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:22.360 our relationship. So I learned my lesson early. Not so 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.360 when you look, you're gonna find something. Just period. 0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:28.000 Okay, what about this? Have y'all ever cheated? 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:32.640 Almost every time I got caught cheating was through my phone. 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:36.559 So that's how you give it to him? 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:40.199 Like, do you your story? 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:43.400 Like, go ahead, take a look. 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.400 He's like, I'm not a cheater anymore. 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:47.400 So he knows that you cheated before. 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:47.600 Though. 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.640 Yeah, I'm pretty honest about it. I was young, you 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:54.080 know when I was. I was in my first relationship, 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:56.480 and I was like all my my whole experience. And 0:11:56.600 --> 0:12:00.120 then I became a model, and I have all these 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:04.040 opportunities to be with these actions, these amazing. 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:05.600 In your phone. 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:08.360 Yeah, when it's. 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:11.280 Lit like that especially, it was really nice. 0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:13.320 Have I ever been tempted to cheat? 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:16.920 Yeah, yeah, one time, I think, But that's also because 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.280 it was really bad. Like the relationship was really bad, 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:21.120 you know, it. 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:22.280 Wasn't really affected you. 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:25.120 Yeah, but this was like my first boyfriend. 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:26.319 This was my first Okay. 0:12:26.720 --> 0:12:28.800 When you like, you know, when you get into your 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:30.520 first love and you just like stick around because you 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:32.120 want it to be you think that's it. 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:33.960 You know, you don't know any better. 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.440 Yeah, So no matter how bad he treated me, which 0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:39.800 it was really bad, I was, like, I think I 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:42.599 was just looking for someone to be nice to me. 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:44.520 So that was the only time I was tempted, but 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:45.040 I didn't do it. 0:12:45.320 --> 0:12:48.240 So is this the same person like from fair Play 0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:49.320 the songs. 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:49.960 That fair Play? 0:12:50.240 --> 0:12:51.600 Yes, okay, this is fair Play? 0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:52.000 Yeah? 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:54.439 Now? And this album is that the same person from 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:56.360 their Okay? So this is a different ex? 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:56.840 Yeah? 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:58.680 Okay, another bad ex? 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:03.640 Yeah, yeah exactly, And like I feel like they can 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:05.920 be good people, they're just not good for you. And 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:10.400 also I think the really important thing is like not 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:13.000 only are they not good for you, but they're probably 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:16.680 not like ready for you. Okay, you know, once someone 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:19.160 stops putting in an effort, I feel like it's already 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:20.040 like done. 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:23.760 Right, Yeah, it's hard to get it back too. Now, 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:26.000 let's talk about your tattoos for a second. Okay, do 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:28.199 you have so how many tattoos do you have? 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:29.599 I don't know, man, I don't know. 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:32.439 Have you ever had a guy tattooed on you? I 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:33.079 actually do. 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:37.559 I have, Uh my best friend that passed away in August, 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:40.120 So this is the only guy. But he was my 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:40.640 best friend. 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:44.600 And you I remember you put out that project that unfinished. 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:47.199 Was that the motivation for you to be like, I 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:48.839 just feel like I need to put this out now 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:51.719 because I know that you had a tribute, you know, 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:54.000 for your best friend. Yeah, that's the way I'm there. 0:13:54.320 --> 0:13:56.920 Yeah, there was a time where I was I was 0:13:57.040 --> 0:13:59.520 freaking out about death, like probably for like a year. 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:02.600 It was I I thought about constantly, maybe every day 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:04.160 I would have like a little bit of a freak out, 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:08.880 and it was really hard to let that go. And 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:15.240 once he passed away, I felt like it all was real, 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.439 you know, that that fear was like really there in 0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:22.480 front of my face and real, and I needed to 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:28.280 just process how that feeling affected me and what that 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:31.240 really felt like for someone to be gone, and where 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:34.200 do I think they go. And he affected me in 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:37.240 such a positive way. He really made me stronger, like 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:39.080 I was going through a lot at that time mentally, 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:40.960 and he was also my muy Thai trainer, and I 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:43.080 would be with him every single day, and not only 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:46.280 did he teach me to like be strong physically, but mentally. 0:14:46.680 --> 0:14:50.880 He was like man one of my biggest cheerleaders for sure, 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:55.080 and always was really protective over me and showed me 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:59.040 even though it wasn't like romantic, he showed me what 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:02.760 a good man can do for you in your life 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:04.360 was beautiful. 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:05.920 Yeah, that's amazing. 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:07.080 Yeah, it was beautiful. 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:09.840 So you have him tattoo? Yeah, Strawberry Shortcake. 0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:11.840 Yeah, it's my mom's favorite character. 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:13.880 You want to hear something so funny. I was talking 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:18.520 about Halloween. Yeah, and one year I was gonna go 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:20.160 trick or treating. I used to have to take piano 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:22.720 lessons growing up, right, but my piano teaching, I know 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:24.800 you played a piano two. I'm nowhere on your level, but. 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:27.120 I'm nowhere on my old level. 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:30.080 But my piano teacher had cats, and I was allergic 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:33.120 to cats. So my piano lessons were every Monday, and 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:36.640 I was there and I got a really bad allergic reaction, 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:39.040 and so my mom wouldn't let me go outside. And 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:42.400 I had a Sour Grapes costume. She's one of the 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:45.520 characters with Strawberry Shortcake. She's like the bad one. And 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:47.320 I just sat at home in my costume and cried 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:48.280 because she wouldn't let me go. 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.680 Outside the real sour greep. 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:54.240 Yeah, I was so sad in my little Sour Grapes costume. 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:58.960 If you were in character, I just want to say, 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.640 but yes, And that's so funny because I was just 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:03.440 talking about that today and a lot of people don't 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:04.880 know who Strawberry Shortcake is. 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:06.320 I knew, but I didn't know who. 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:11.160 You neither. Yeah, my mom gave me a lunch box 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:14.000 and it was like a vintage lunchbox. My mom grew 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:16.320 up in foster care, so she like didn't have ship, 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:18.440 you know, she wasn't there. I'm not allowed to take 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:22.800 ship from house to house. And she found this vintage 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:26.120 lunch box and it was Strawberry Shortcake and she gave 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:28.800 it to me one day to take to school and 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:30.640 I lost it. She was like she literally told me, 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.120 like anytime she told me, don't lose this. I lost 0:16:33.200 --> 0:16:36.600 it every single fucking time. So she was like, don't 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:39.560 lose this because it was very special lunch box. I know, I. 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:44.120 Not gonna who's gonna steal your lunch? 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:46.760 I mean it sounds like it was a nice lunch box. 0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:50.520 It was very cute. So I told her, now, since 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:53.680 I lost her lunch box, I always have strawberry shortcake 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:53.840 on me. 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:55.680 And what she said, she was okay with that, Yeah, 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:55.960 she was. 0:16:56.040 --> 0:16:57.800 She was like, oh, that's cute, that's sweet. I also 0:16:57.880 --> 0:17:00.520 got like a honey, like a huge honey sock vine 0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:03.560 on my on my hip. And that's also because she said, 0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:06.720 you know, they would starve her basically in foster care, 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:08.600 and so her and her brother and sister would go 0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:13.159 and suck the juice from the honeysuckles. And I showed 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:16.399 that to her because it was so big. She was like, good, 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.680 she was a little weird, while you have the honey, 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:26.000 because I see you have the This is actually from 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:31.080 my favorite poet, Rupie Kawer. She has a book, uh, 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:33.960 a collection of her poems and it's called Milk and Honey, 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.520 and it's really beautiful. She just talks about, you know, 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:38.879 becoming a woman and what that feels like, especially as 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:42.600 a woman of color, and every time again because I've 0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:45.080 dealt with bipolar, depression, anxiety, all that shit, and I 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:48.200 was really depressed at the time, and that book did 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:50.560 a lot for me, and I would cry every page 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:52.720 that I read it. And she she does this really 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:54.520 cool thing where she puts she does a poem and 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:56.520