WEBVTT - Dr. V Returns 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.000 This is, he said, a yad home with Eric Winter 0:00:04.120 --> 0:00:05.240 and Rodlin Fantas. 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:12.080 Hey, Hey, welcome to he said, Aja the Homeostamihanta, how 0:00:12.119 --> 0:00:12.319 are you? 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:12.680 Eric? 0:00:12.920 --> 0:00:13.640 I'm doing good? 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:19.120 So professional? You sound so like full blown radio host. 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:22.880 I'm a podcaster. Hi. Hi, guess what. We're a little 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:29.040 nervous see those because we have a guest back on 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:32.600 the show. She's doing it again and the last time 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:36.000 she was here she gave us a homework and of 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:37.839 course we didn't do it. What do you have to 0:00:37.880 --> 0:00:39.080 say about that, Eric Winter? 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:41.480 Well, I think we're not leading a good example because 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:43.080 we tell our kids to do their homework and be 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:46.080 on top of stuff, and here we are failing at homework. 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:49.519 But listen, who better than to have on Valentine's Day 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:53.360 other than doctor V. You're back into some couples work 0:00:53.400 --> 0:00:53.600 for me. 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:55.880 You don't want to tell the audience what was the 0:00:55.960 --> 0:00:58.560 homework before we bring We're going to talk about it 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:02.080 with her, but if you go ahead, so basically we're 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:07.280 supposed to have a ten minute makeout and nothing else, 0:01:07.720 --> 0:01:11.760 just making out session before leading to anything. So basically 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:18.480 kissing and for like ten minutes you make out let 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:22.560 and I guess what, No, it didn't happen. No, it 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:24.480 didn't even happen. Well, maybe for a few minutes, a 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:26.280 few minutes. We just have a different dynamic, we do 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:28.000 it a different way. Well, no, we've make out for 0:01:28.000 --> 0:01:29.800 a few minutes, about ten minutes, so long, but we 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:32.280 don't do ten minutes. Yes, all right, Well let's talk 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:35.039 to her about it. Let's bring her in. How are 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:36.319 you going to see you? 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:38.920 It's so good to see y'all. It feels like it's 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:41.040 been forever. Maybe it has been. 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:43.520 Like it's been a year. It has been a year, 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:45.240 it's been a full year. But it was last it 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:46.640 was last year that we probably all. 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:49.960 Yeah, I think it would have been around maybe early summer. 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:52.600 Yeah, that makes sense, Maybe it makes sense. 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:54.560 It was nice for a check in. 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:56.760 Yeah, we were just talking about how we fail. 0:01:57.920 --> 0:02:03.600 They're going to be happy. I mean we did we didn't. 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:06.840 We didn't do the specific homework of just like making 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:09.480 out and kissing for ten minutes. But what did what 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:10.240 did other stuff? 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:14.239 Let's just get into it. I think we need to 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:16.120 get into it. I know we have to. 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:17.840 What do you think is so difficult? Listen, it's so 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:22.440 funny because I'm sure you know how how it's very 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:25.560 current the whole topic about Baldoni and Blake Lively and 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:29.760 the whole lawsuit, right, and they have a very infamous 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:33.720 video that they're doing a scene and he's explaining to 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:36.880 her listen with my wife sometimes we just look into 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:40.400 each other's eyes for five minutes, and then the actress 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:42.519 is like, Haha, I want to do that. All do 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:44.639 is talk talk talk, talk, talk, Like, what do you 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:46.600 think that happens? Why do you have You have the 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:49.519 couple that is perfectly comfortable with that complicity of just 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:52.040 staring into each other's eyes, and then you have the 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:54.280 other couple that they just want to talk it out 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:56.760 and talk and laugh and talk and laugh about nonsense. 0:02:57.600 --> 0:02:58.280 Yeah, I think. 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:00.840 Not nonsense. 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:04.119 Maybe they're talking about the kids or something deep. 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:06.760 I think. I mean, I think we're really judging something 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:10.560 that we can't just because it could be I mean, 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:14.040 we might assume, and it could be wrong that talking 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.840 talking talking when you're really close to someone is easing 0:03:17.040 --> 0:03:20.880 tension or it's easing the awkwardness for others. It might 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:23.560 be like the fact that they're talking that close. It 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:26.200 could be Wow, that really shows vulnerability because you know 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:29.359 your breath might stink or you know, you might You're like, 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:32.720 attention is right here, so it could be even closer. 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:35.960 I'm glad that each of those couples found each other though, 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:37.240 because they seem pretty in sync. 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:40.240 Yeah, for sure, it feels like there's definitely no one 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:43.000 way I mean community. On one side, you could say 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:45.520 it's great that they can communicate, you know, that couple 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:49.200 about anything and talk and be connected with dialogue. And 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:52.200 whether it's talking out in argument or talking about the 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:54.640 kids or talking about work, you know, I mean they're 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:55.920 able to communicate in that way. 0:03:56.240 --> 0:03:57.400 Now, is that their love language? 0:03:57.440 --> 0:03:58.480 The communication factor? 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:00.880 I don't know, is that team it up? You know? 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:02.840 For them maybe the other. 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:05.520 Two, maybe just staring into each other's eyes is what 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:08.720 gets them excited and makes them happy. I feel that 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:12.840 there's no right answer in that situation, but you got 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:14.560 to find the right partner, because if one person wants 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:16.000 to stare, one person wants to talk. 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:16.800 You got a problem. 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:19.400 Yeah. It might be like, look calm down, or why 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:21.160 are you so neervous? They're like, I'm not nervous. I'm 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:22.960 just excited to be here with you and we get 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:25.360 to talk about this and that and I've got your attention. 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:30.520 Especially with celebrity couples, attention is hard to get in 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:33.840 personal situations. For a lot of times, they're always having 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:37.880 to work on getting, you know, keeping other people's attention, 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:42.520 giving their attention to all the different managers and people 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:44.920 and production and crews and all of that. Everybody wants 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:47.720 something from them. So for some people being able to 0:04:47.800 --> 0:04:52.520 say like we had five uninterrupted quiet moments is amazing, 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:55.120 and for others it's we got to talk for five minutes. 0:04:55.240 --> 0:04:57.480 That's amazing. Yeah, it's tough to know. 0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:00.320 I will say this because you're notorious with this US 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:04.039 is that if we have maybe like a moment that's 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:07.279 going to be intimate to some degree, she always loves 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:10.920 to bring up a conversation at that moment. Not always, 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:12.440 but you've done it quite a bit, you know where 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:13.440 I've been like why aren't we talking? 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:15.520 I used to do it a lot, especially about the kids, 0:05:15.680 --> 0:05:17.240 like we're in the middle of something and then I 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:19.680 just go, oh my god, Sibby did something so funny, 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:22.200 and then I started talking about the daughter and he's like, 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:26.280 why are you bringing Sabella or the kids or anything intimate? 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:28.160 Like we're not being fully intimate. That's weird. 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:33.640 Noilty, guilty, but we've been like we've been like starting 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.040 to be intimate about something. She's like, oh, this just 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:38.080 popped in my head and I'm like, that just killed 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:39.800 the mood. Why are we talking about that right now? 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:42.360 I've been guilty of that, and I don't know if 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.040 it's the same thing for you, Rosalind, But for me, 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:47.680 what made that happen at that time is that it 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:50.880 was like the first time we were really connecting, like 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:53.120 just the two of us. So it's like, oh, my gosh, 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:54.600 I have a few things to catch you up on. 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:57.320 And my husband's like, yeah, no, this isn't like getting 0:05:57.320 --> 0:05:58.000 me not now. 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:01.040 So that's what happens with this one over here. He's like, 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.040 why wait, I don't know. I just thought about it, 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.560 but this is what happened. And he's like, oh my god, Ross, 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:07.200 it's funny, but I'm doing better. 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:09.200 No, you haven't done it in a while, but it's 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:10.320 one of the things that you have done and we 0:06:10.400 --> 0:06:11.360 have talked about a lot. 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:15.240 Yeah, that is kind of funny, and sometimes I do 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:18.400 get the giggles again, it used to be more often, 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:20.760 like not anymore as much, but I will just get 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:23.800 because intimacy is a trip, you know. Intimacy is something 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:26.920 that is very intimate, you know, and depending on the day, 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:30.919 I could just I don't know if it's nervous laughter. 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:32.839 I don't know what it is that I just start laughing. 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:36.600 How are you nervous with me after nineteen years? That's 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:37.200 what you're saying. 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:42.240 It's playful exactly. It's like you don't really know what 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:45.680 is exactly going to happen your of course, most of 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:49.039 us are probably naked. There's like this just self consciousness 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:51.680 that can happen, and it can ease some of the tensions. 0:06:51.720 --> 0:06:55.279 So if the laughing or giggling or even playfulness helps 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.839 to ease the tension, then great, it's serving its purpose. 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.480 But if it's impeding or if you're staying in this 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:05.240 place of now like oh my gosh, I'm laughing, doesn't 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:08.360 he doesn't think this is funny, or he feels like 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:11.480 I'm laughing at him, then maybe having a conversation like hey, 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.720 by the way, I wasn't laughing at you, or it's 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:17.080 just you know, I get a little bit like immature 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:18.240 at the moment, and that's okay. 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:20.200 It's playfulness, it's okay. 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:23.600 Let me jump into Valentine's Day, which is obviously you 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.760 know what we're going to be discussing a bit in 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:30.360 this episode. What are your thoughts of the of people 0:07:30.400 --> 0:07:36.640 who put so much importance into that day versus giving 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:39.120 that sort of attention year round. 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:40.760 Does that make sense? 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:48.160 Yes? I tend to recommend and practice that Valentine's say, 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:51.840 should not be such a big deal or maybe more importantly, 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:55.480 not such a big difference from your everyday life. Again, 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:59.920 we should be we should be showing respect, love, care, 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:04.480 generosity with our partners, especially in a romantic way, more 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:06.800 often than just once or twice a year, like you know, 0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:11.880 birthdays and anniversaries and Valentines. But I think it's also 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:14.400 a red flag if you don't try to acknowledge it 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:18.680 at all. For sure, that's a little odd too. So, yes, 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:22.480 you should be having that romance and gestures and attention 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:27.000 maybe a little extra throughout the week. But if you're 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:30.400 not acknowledging Valentine'sday at all, there's probably a story there. 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:34.800 Yeah, it's interesting because I do know, like a lady 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:36.440 that I work with, funny she talks about like her 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:39.440 husband and her don't celebrate a lot of the holidays, 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:43.360 they just do something for each other all the time. 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:46.520 And she was saying, like even Christmas, like we don't 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:49.760 necessarily buy things just for each other on Christmas. My 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:53.640 husband will surprise me with things randomly, like just you know, 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:56.360 whenevery you know, all the time, in a general statement. 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:59.359 So I think it kind of applies even to Valentine's 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:01.400 for her. Now, look, she's an older you know, it's 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:04.280 an older lady, older couple. But in general, that's just 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:08.480 their motto of how they approach things. So Valentine's isn't 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:10.839 something they fully celebrate. He'll just do special things for 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:11.520 her all the time. 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:14.400 Yeah. I think that that's sweet, and it sounds like 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:16.839 it worked for them. They probably had to have some 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:19.840 sort of a conversation about that early on. I think 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:21.719 it would be a little odd if somebody just kind 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:24.280 of imposed that on a partner and said, by the way, 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:28.480 I don't celebrate Christmas in a big way, and that's 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:31.280 just the way it's going to be. Maybe hopefully more 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:33.440 of a conversation of like, oh, yeah, no, I don't 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:37.480 really necessarily need that either, especially if we're buying the 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:39.880 things that we want for each other and for ourselves whenever, 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:42.880 like gifts maybe don't matter that much. But then again 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:45.320 that's probably because it's not one of your love languages, 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:48.800 so it may not matter as much. I think again, 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:51.880 I think it's great when people say, my partner and 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:54.880 I like to do this. It's one thing to just 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:56.599 say me, me, me, this is what I like. But 0:09:56.640 --> 0:09:58.199 if it's you and your partner, then go for it. 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:02.240 The ideal if you implement that, you know that it 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:05.600 doesn't have to be a specific holiday, but you actually 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:08.920 are very mindful throughout the year and to do very 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:12.160 special things and also celebrate those special moments, you know, 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:16.520 like the holiday, the anniversary holiday, Valentine's, you know, birthdays. 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:19.920 It will be incredible to have that couple that has 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:23.880 that kind of just beautiful agreement that they just celebrate 0:10:23.880 --> 0:10:26.319 each other throughout the year and celebrate each other when 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:26.920 it matters, you know. 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:27.080 Well. 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:29.040 And also like this is where it's in. 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:31.439 Everybody's different in this, Like it goes back to like 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:33.400 sort of love languages in a way, right, Like is 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:37.959 it the big material gift that makes Valentine special for 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:42.679 that person? Is it the intimate dinner and intimate night 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:46.199 out that makes Valentine special and different. I assume that's 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:51.240 specific to each couple into each individual on a sort 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:54.560 of a love language level, right, But I know often 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:57.199 when you get into a holiday, it becomes associated with 0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:01.080 the gift, even more so sometimes than the physic, especially 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:02.640 like even Valentine's Day. It might be like, well, what 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:06.400 person am I getting versus what about the intimate moment 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:08.040 we're going to spend celebrating our love. 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:11.480 Yeah, I think that that's where you have to slip 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:15.040 the heartfelt written card in the purse. 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:17.400 With the flowers. 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:23.719 But no, I mean I think again the commercialization of 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:26.880 love in general. I can't say that it is a 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:30.120 wonderful thing, but I also can't say that it's awful 0:11:30.240 --> 0:11:34.679 because for some people it really supports their idea of 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:39.920 like I get to show my partner because it's societally 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:43.040 okay during this time, I get to shower with them 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:46.120 with gifts, whereas maybe otherwise they wouldn't want it or 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:49.240 would feel kind of awkward with that attention. So for 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:52.480 some people it permits them to be romantic and to 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:55.040 be cheesy and to kind of almost go back to 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:59.080 like teen years and have that excitement, And for others 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:02.960 it creates a lot of pressure if you are deciding 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:05.319 what gifts to give your partner because of what you've 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:09.640 seen other people on Instagram talking about that's not heartfelt. 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:13.080 They might appreciate it, but it's not actually a symbol 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:15.480 of your love. And so for a lot of people, 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:19.240 I want to remind them, if it's not heartfelt, it's 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:23.679 not Valentines, it's homemark holiday, you know, and that's what 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:24.040 it is. 0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:36.959 This is an interesting question here. How about talking to 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:39.719 your kids who may have a crush in school or 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:43.160 may have started dating, and them receiving something in school 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:48.840 from that person seems like the most important thing to them. Yeah, 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:49.400 I saw that too. 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:51.280 I wanted to bring that up as well, because that's 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:54.160 been an interesting thing for us going through as far 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:57.000 as not our son, but our daughter who's in junior high. 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:59.000 She's at thirteenth seventh grade. 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:02.280 Started in sixth right the first time Valentine became. 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:05.199 Correct and when she was very mindful about when my 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:07.680 friend has a boyfriend, and I wonder if I'm going 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:09.480 to have a boyfriend, you know what. And she talks 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:12.679 about those things not a lot, you know, but she 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:15.240 get the peer pressure I'm assuming, you know, of having 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:18.240 friends that are very close, friends that are already dating. 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:20.480 So it's going to be really interesting to see, come 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.920 this Valentine's you know, if she's going to receive a row, 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:25.839 or if somebody's going to write a letter, or she's 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:27.440 going to tell us about it, And wouldn't you agree. 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:29.520 It felt a bit more peer pressure in sixth grade, 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:31.240 like a lot of her friends were already like, well, 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:32.760 who's going to ask you to be their Valentine? 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:33.400 Who's going to be? 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:35.959 And it almost felt like you I remember when we 0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:37.760 were kids and somebody had passed you a little note 0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:40.080 with a candy and whatever, kissed me and the thing, 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:41.920 and it's, you know, a little heart right, it's a joke. 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:45.400 Doesn't even matter with them. In sixth grade, I think 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:46.000 it's gonna be worse. 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:48.240 In seventh grade, it felt like a lot of pressure, 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:51.079 like she had to have a Valentine, she needed to 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:52.839 partner up with somebody, not even as a boy. I 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:56.600 mean they called each other like dating partners, not even 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.800 really in the formal sense of what we know as that. 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:02.120 It just felt like a pressured situation, different than when 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:02.680 we went to school. 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:04.280 Yeah, I'm in the middle of it. I have a 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.160 thirteen year old son as well, and he does have 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:10.280 a little girlfriend right now. And having met my current 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:13.319 my husband, having met him when I was twelve and 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:15.400 he was thirteen, and we were each other's first love, 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:18.839 first kiss, I may and my husband would say the 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:20.760 same thing. We may put a little bit too much 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:24.800 emphasis on how important these junior high relationships are. We've 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:27.440 had to pull back because it is not the same 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:30.600 When we ask him what it means to be to 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:32.440 have a boyfriend, or to have a girlfriend, or to 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:36.000 be one, you'd be surprised. I would love for y'all 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:39.040 to ask your child that, like, what does this mean? 0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:41.560 What does it mean? Because it might feel different for 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:43.360 you like it does for me. 0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:45.400 What did he say when you're asking me the question? 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:48.520 He said, Oh, it just means that we talk a 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:51.840 lot on the phone. You know, I'm always the one 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:54.440 that's encouraging because my parents did not want me to 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:57.160 see my husband, you know, my boyfriend at the time. 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:01.240 They were very strict, no known and you know what 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:03.440 they probably should have been, because you know, we were 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:08.640 we were wild, but but it's just not. That's not 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:11.360 the case. And so these days it's much more like 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:13.920 we go to the mall together, we go to movies together, 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:16.800 we go in groups together, and we talk all the time. 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.200 But I don't know that the feelings are as intense 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:22.760 at this age as maybe they were for us. 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:24.080 I would fully agree. 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:25.480 I think the last time we did kind of talk 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:28.120 to her about it, it was related to us in 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:28.880 that sort of matter. 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:29.280 I don't know. 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:31.880 We just hang out at school, we sit together during lunch. 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:35.480 It was almost like they were better friends, like the 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:37.960 partner partnered as a friendship, which I thought was fantastic. 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:39.400 I was like, no, that's great. I don't want you. 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:41.880 I do think there's a bit of a double standard 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:45.840 with the boy, at least from my mindset. Like if 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:47.880 my son's in that situation, you know, if he's like, 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:49.240 I don't know, I want to hold her hand, I'd 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.200 be like great. And if she's like, well, he wants 0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:53.640 to hold my hand, I'd be like, really, Like, I 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:54.840 would definitely. 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:55.720 Pause a bit more. 0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:59.440 But we're very open and communicative when it comes to 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:00.720 that kind of stuff with her. I don't want her 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:03.680 thinking it's taboo or we're against it. It's just in 0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:05.840 my brain there's a bit of a double standard. 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:10.320 This is what we know She is pretty clear about 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:13.080 the sex topic. You know, we we sat down with her, 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:16.640 We had a whole conversation. I took paper and pensy 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:20.600 like explain everything about the reproductive system, you know, and 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:23.240 she was very uncomfortable. You know, she was kind of like, oh, mom, 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:27.320 I know, but I explained everything. So she's pretty clear. 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:27.560 You know. 0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:31.320 She now, God, she's going through puberty, so this is 0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:33.320 what it means. So now we have to be more 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:37.800 mindful Sabella. But it's going to be really tricky when 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:41.640 she actually starts dating somebody that we realized she really 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:44.280 likes this kid. You know, it's going to be really 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:47.800 interesting to know what's going to be our dynamic as parents. 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:50.240 How are we going to deal Because just having a 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:52.280 little friend that she just has a crush it's one thing. 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:54.600 But actually saying no, this is my boyfriend that I'm 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:56.360 going to go to the mall or his parents are 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:57.960 going to pick me up. What do you think about that? 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:00.640 And we're gonna go to the movies? You know that 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:03.720 it's I'm not ready definitely. 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:05.800 Well, and I'll tell you I think that one of 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:09.520 the things that parents these days are not focusing on 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:14.680 is the emotional side of having these relationships. Yes, alarm goes, 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:17.200 alarm bells go off with the sex talk, and we're like, 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:19.480 oh my gosh, we need to know that. But a 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:21.680 lot of them don't talk about the emotional side of 0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:24.640 it and how what is a crush? What is love? 0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:25.399 You know? 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:29.080 And I've I've had some more of those conversations with 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:32.000 our son because I'm like, look, at some point, you 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.159 may decide you don't want to be with her. I 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:36.960 can't assume you're going to be with her forever. But 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:40.040 how you break up with someone, how you talk to 0:17:40.160 --> 0:17:43.080 them really matters. You know. He knows what I do 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:46.560 for a living, so I tell him how what you're 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:49.320 doing now, and not to put too much pressure on you, 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.080 but just don't be a jerk because that will live 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:54.919 with someone forever, and it will live with you forever, 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:57.840 and hopefully you won't get you know, jerked around either. 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:01.440 So yeah, oh my goodness. It's a balance. It is 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.920 not easy. It's not easy. It's not easy with the boy. 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:06.760 I think it's going to be. Like you said, I 0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:08.119 don't know, and I grew up with men, you know, 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:11.639 I have three brothers, and there even though it was 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:14.840 the same household, and it was a very similar upbringing 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:17.240 because we all saw what we saw. But the way 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:19.800 my mom talked to me or never talk to me 0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:24.040 about sex or anything that had to do with emotional intelligence, 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:26.920 and this is how you navigate relationships. That conversation never 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:29.840 ever happened, you know it was and if it ever happened, 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:31.639 it was a threat. If I ever hear that you, 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:33.840 if I ever hear that you, you know, that kind 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:38.399 of thing. It's it's going to be interesting because because 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:40.480 I grew up with men, I saw it all, you know, 0:18:40.600 --> 0:18:43.720 and I saw the double standard my parents had with 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:46.280 my brothers that with me. So it's going to be 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:48.760 really interesting to see how I'm going to navigate Dylan 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:50.359 and Sabella when they're dating. 0:18:51.280 --> 0:18:53.360 And you know, it's funny that I see I don't 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:55.440 see this in school with these kids, like we were saying, 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:57.199