WEBVTT - I can't forgive this 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.040 How do everybody. Welcome to the Grangersmith podcast. Thank you 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:05.720 for watching and listening. I wanted to talk to you 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:09.680 about eee nation dot com. I don't know if y'all 0:00:09.720 --> 0:00:11.639 have heard of me talk about this yet. It's pretty new, 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:15.440 but we built a website called yee enation dot com 0:00:15.680 --> 0:00:18.119 just for you, and you can come. You could become 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:22.320 a member, and we were releasing exclusive content on this 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:25.440 website for members only. For instance, we just put up 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:29.440 a documentary that some of you might remember that was 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:32.479 hard copy only. It was not anywhere on the internet. 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:36.280 We put it out in twenty thirteen. It was produced 0:00:36.360 --> 0:00:40.159 by my videographer Paul, who still does these podcasts. He's 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:42.440 been with me for the last seven years. And this 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:46.159 was the first national tour we ever took. And we 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:48.239 were with Paul and we went out and we had 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:51.440 this crazy adventure. I got in a kind of a 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:55.600 fight with my sound guy out of good fun, lost 0:00:55.640 --> 0:01:01.080 my voice through a burst blood vessel on my vocal cord. 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:03.400 A lot of crazy stuff happened. Anyway, it's on this 0:01:03.480 --> 0:01:06.120 documentary that we've released for the first time ever on 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:09.920 ye enation dot com. We're also with this membership, you 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:14.160 can get merch discounts at ee apparel. You can get 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:17.800 early access to EEE apparel launches, which is actually a 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:21.280 big deal. So say we launch a big fall launch, 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:24.399 for example, or a winter launch at ten am, Well 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:27.640 you get access to that like twenty minutes early, so 0:01:27.680 --> 0:01:29.959 you can go and get the items before they sell out. 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:33.759 That's a cool thing. You could get access to live 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:36.679 streams that me and Amber are gonna do periodically. We'll 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:38.640 go on there and be able to answer your questions. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:43.080 Exclusive listens to new music, which is going to be 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:46.639 a huge plus for ye enation dot com. So, for instance, 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:48.840 we have Volume two coming out at the end of November, 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:52.080 Country Things Volume two, and I will be going on 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:57.200 yee enation dot com and playing these songs early before 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:00.560 anyone gets to hear them from members only. And then 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:02.840 also we're going to be playing live songs, so like, 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:06.320 for instance, this Friday, me and Todd are getting together 0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:11.000 and we're gonna play some songs, make a bonfire, play 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:13.520 some music and record it and put it on yee 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:17.440 nah dot com exclusive to members only. So so excited 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:21.639 about that is brand new and it's just the very 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:25.440 beginning of what we could be capable of doing with 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:29.799 this custom website to you guys. Of course I have 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:31.480 to talk about EE Apparel and I have to talk 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:34.120 about a Shirt of the Month club, which is I 0:02:34.160 --> 0:02:36.400 think the coolest thing we do at Eye Apparel. We 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:38.320 do a lot of stuff here at the Yegee Farm, 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.840 but Shirt of the Month Club's got to be the coolest. 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:43.800 You just sign up and once you remember, you get 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:46.680 a T shirt the first of every month. This is 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:48.960 an exclusive shirt that we don't sell anywhere else. You 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.200 can't find it anywhere else. In fact, you don't even 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:52.880 know what it is. You just give us your size, 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:55.280 and first of the month, you forget about it. You 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:58.640 open the mailbox and there is your brand new EE 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:02.520 Apparel shirt. We design them all, me and my brothers, 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:06.720 and probably more proud of those than any other shirts. 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:09.040 In fact, I wish I was wearing this is a 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:11.960 couple months ago, but I wish I was wearing the 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:15.000 one from this month because it's probably my favorite shirt 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:19.280 we've ever done. Continue to send me your questions, which 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.240 is what I'm going to do today at Grangersmith Podcast 0:03:22.360 --> 0:03:25.679 at gmail dot com. Ask me anything and I'll sit 0:03:25.720 --> 0:03:28.800 here on this podcast and read them off the cuff, 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:31.840 no notes, no preparation, as if we're sitting in the 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:34.800 living room together. And I think that's been such a 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:37.040 cool thing to do on this podcast. And I'm want 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:39.640 to give a shout out to all the people and 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:42.080 the different professions that I know listen to this on 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:46.000 Monday mornings other whether you're a trucker or a power 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:50.000 plant worker, or a teacher, or you're sitting in traffic 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:52.600 on your commute to work, whatever you might be doing. 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:54.280 I know people listen to it in the tractor and 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.320 when they're in the field in the mornings. I try 0:03:57.360 --> 0:04:00.200 to make it where this podcast could really be heard 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:05.480 and consumed by all walks of life, and that's what 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:09.200 makes it fun for me and makes it meaningful for me, 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:11.640 makes me feel like I have a purpose. So thank 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:16.360 you for listening today. Subscribe it. Whatever platform you're using 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:19.440 for this podcast, Please subscribe and tell a friend. That's 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:21.200 how we could spread it. We could spread the message, 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:25.400 and I could continue to make these and continue to 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:28.520 produce them at the best quality I know possible. So 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:31.320 this is gonna be a good one. Welcome to the 0:04:31.360 --> 0:05:09.880 Granger Smith Podcast. Ye did chant in d Times and 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:18.680 Long Line bifle of up and down on back crazy 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:35.400 evag gation. That song you just heard. I get so 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:37.920 many requests from that song that people say, where can 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:39.520 I find that song? The song at the intro of 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:43.000 the podcast, And to be honest with you, it really 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:46.320 doesn't exist right now anywhere but this podcast. And it 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:50.719 used to be a show intro to our live concerts, 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:54.640 and it ended up being when we stopped using it 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:57.400 and switched to another one that became the intro to 0:05:57.440 --> 0:05:59.719 this podcast. So I don't know how to answer that 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:02.800 question on where do I find that song? You could 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:04.320 listen to it right here all you want. You could 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:07.120 keep rewinding the podcast over and over, or what do 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:10.039 you want? What do you guys want? Comment below? If 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:14.800 you want me to release that as a digital maybe 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:16.720 I'll put it on YouTube and just stream it as 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:20.440 a song itself. I could do that. Maybe I'll do 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:23.560 that that way. When people ask that question, I'll say, yeah, 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:28.640 linkin description, here's that song. But there's really I write 0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:30.719 these kind of songs for intros, and there's really no 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:34.920 more to it than dip cans and diesel mud tis. 0:06:35.520 --> 0:06:37.279 There's not much more to it than that. I just 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:43.320 wanted to have a song for Yege Nation. Speaking of songs, 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:48.160 I'm holding if you're watching on YouTube, I'm holding the 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:51.599 physical copy of Country Things. So what happens is Country 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:53.800 Things Volume one is out, Thank you guys for listening 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:56.720 to that. And Country Things Volume two comes out November 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.600 twenty seventh. And when it comes out. When Volume two 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:04.720 comes out, it becomes one project. So the volumes go away, 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:07.880 it becomes the toll, all the songs mixed in together. 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.640 You get the CD and we'll have it on vinyl. 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.160 All that will be coming out in November. So if 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:17.280 you like to hold a CD like I do and 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:22.680 fill that physical copy, you're gonna get that in November. 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:26.000 You'll be able to get it off. So I want 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:30.160 to dig into these questions with you guys, and my 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:33.960 question list here is getting longer and longer because I 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:35.800 don't answer them as fast as you guys send them. 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:39.800 But I encourage you to go to your email Grangersmith 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:43.520 Podcast at gmail dot com ask me anything and I'll 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:45.920 work my way through it. And I know that these 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:48.760 questions are all over the map, and I really enjoy 0:07:49.320 --> 0:07:52.560 this and I really I'm grateful that you guys are 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:55.680 trusting me with some really personal stuff. That's what it 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:59.280 is today too, Just get into more and more personal stuff. 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:01.240 Some of it's light, hut hearted, some of it is 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:03.800 super deep. I'll try my best with all of it. 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:05.880 Like I said, as if we're sitting in the living 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:10.200 room together, sitting in the truck and talking as friends. 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:14.760 So let me scroll a little bit. And this question 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:18.440 is from Adam from Minnesota. He says, Hi, Granger, with 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:21.400 all the miles that you put on touring, have you 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:25.360 ever had mechanical breakdowns that prevented making a show? What 0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:27.600 sort of a contingency plan is there if a bus 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.280 goes down. I've always been impressed by the logistics of 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:33.840 touring musicians and the equipment used. That's a great question, Adam. 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:39.280 Thank you for having the foresight to even think that 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:43.120 you could show up at a concert and all of 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:46.360 this equipment is there, and the band is there and 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:49.080 the crew is there, and they're putting on this show. 0:08:49.679 --> 0:08:53.720 And most people don't think, Hey, weren't they in Indianapolis 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:58.280 last night? And aren't they in Baltimore tomorrow? And that's 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:02.000 our lives and so much of our touring is moving 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:05.240 a bunch of heavy stuff from one place to the 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:07.720 next and setting it all up and then tearing it 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:10.200 all down that night, putting it back in a trailer 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:13.320 or a truck and moving it five or six hundred 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:15.880 miles to another city, and doing it all again the 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:20.840 next day. That is, it's logistical nightmares a lot of times, 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:23.280 and a lot of that falls on either my lead driver, 0:09:23.400 --> 0:09:27.760 Bull or my tour manager Chris, and those guys. They 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:30.080 go through a lot to make sure that the shows happen. 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:32.320 And when I say a lot, I mean planning out 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:35.760 fuel stops, planning out when the load in time, when 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:39.240 arrival time is, when departure time is, making sure that 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:43.000 the mileage in between those two stops may even make sense. 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:46.120 Can you even go six hundred and fifty miles with 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:49.360 knowing that you're going to stop this night at this 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:51.160 time and you need to be at the next location 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:55.120 at this time. Can it even happen? So a lot 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:57.760 of planning goes into these tours before we even leave 0:09:57.800 --> 0:10:01.600 the EE Farm. I want to help you ad them 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:06.000 with that question because I have my two bus riders, 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:09.600 Butch and Bull have started a YouTube channel called Risky 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:11.559 Business with Butch and Bull, and they go through kind 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:14.520 of a lot of the mechanical stuff in the background 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:19.480 to their lives that you might not see. And I 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.280 think it's really cool and it's a cool channel. So 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:23.880 I encourage you to go support those guys and to 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:27.679 help answer your question even more, I mean the answers. Yes, 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:31.640 do we have mechanical breakdowns all the time. Every day. 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:34.240 It's a daily thing. Something's breaking down. I mean it 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:38.839 could It could be anything from the fuel line is 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.600 busted or a belt breaks, or it could be as 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.800 simple as we have no ac in the bunk room, 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:49.280 or the lights won't turn on in the back lounge, 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:53.640 the heater's broken in the driver's seat of the driver's cab, 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:59.120 the trailer lights don't come on, we blow a tire, 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:02.680 we have of an air leak, and the air tanks 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:05.760 for the bus, the airbags. There are so many things 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:08.000 to go wrong in a bus or truck and trailer 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:13.880 and tires on the big road that something's going to 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:18.600 happen just about every day. That's just logical statistics. But 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:25.599 we have never never knock on wood, never missed a 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:31.200 show because of a mechanical breakdown. In the sixteen years 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:35.800 that have been actively touring, we've had crazy times where 0:11:37.360 --> 0:11:41.439 we've had to rent U haul trucks or U haul 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:45.400 vans and hop in vans and have a pickup truck 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:48.920 come and unhook the trailer, and pickup truck takes the 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:52.880 gear and we drive in a rental. We've most of 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:54.600 the time we travel on two buses, so a lot 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:58.320 of times if something really bad happens, we all jump 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:03.400 onto one bus and cram onto one us or more 0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:06.640 often we limp our way to the venue, and then 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:10.240 butcher Bull deals with that bus. As soon as they 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:12.120 get there at say six o'clock in the morning, they 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:16.600 start dealing with that problem, calling local mechanic or tire 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:20.440 guy or electrician or plumber or whatever. And then the 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:23.560 local guy comes out, which is not always reliable. First 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:26.880 of all, they might be not open, the shop might 0:12:27.480 --> 0:12:30.200 be on a Saturday, and the shops close on Saturday, 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:33.040 so there's always some kind of adventure. We've been stuck 0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:36.080 on the road. I know we took a Canadian trip 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:39.000 in twenty sixteen and my bus Wildflower was just, for 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:42.559 whatever reason, continuing to break down on that tour, so 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:46.840 we were stuck in like icy cold tundra night after night. 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:50.240 Something new was happening, and a lot of times it 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.600 has to do with Wildflower. In particular, it has to 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:59.199 do with the government emissions that we had that are installed, 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:01.800 whether that's a in the big diesel trucks that's a 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:08.600 regeneration system that helps the exhaust emissions, or it tries 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:11.800 to dilute them and it just really hampers the engines, 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:15.760 and so that seems to be a problem. But these 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:19.199 guys always find a way to use baling wire and 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:21.480 duct tape to get us back down the road. And 0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:26.200 luckily we've never missed a show because of mechanical problems. 0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:29.920 The only time that I actually came close, really close 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:31.920 to missing a show had nothing to do with the 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:33.959 bus is it was a fly date, which means we 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:36.720 all are on an airplane, and I was stuck in 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:41.840 DFW on American Airlines with maintenance problems on their plane, 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:45.920 and I didn't get to the show until an hour 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:49.439 after it was supposed to start. Luckily, the band was 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:51.800 already there. They beat me there, and I came in 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:55.240 late and the band was just playing cover songs in 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:59.280 Colorado Springs, Colorado when I showed up and took over. 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:01.840 So that's the really the closest it's ever been, and 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:04.000 I would say that that's a pretty good chance that 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:05.520 if we're going to miss a show, it's because of 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:08.640 an airplane, not because of a bus. Thank you, Adam. 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:12.920 Good question man. This question is from Lindsay. She's from Michigan. 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.320 She says, Hey, Grangeer, I love your music and family. 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:18.040 I've seen you twice and I can't wait for concerts 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:19.800 to be back in full swing so I can come 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:23.520 out again. I lost my fiance to a fatal car 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.520 accident nine months ago. Out of respect for the other 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:29.240 family involved, I prefer not to say what the events 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:32.640 were leading up to this accident. I've been constantly told 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:36.040 I need to forgive the individual that was involved. I 0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:39.480 have the head knowledge that I need to do this, 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:43.040 but my heart does not want to follow. My question 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:45.960 is you, as a man of faith, what is your 0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:48.840 process that you go through and forgiving and how do 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:53.240 you know it's the right time to do so? Deep question, Lindsay. 0:14:55.160 --> 0:15:00.320 Let me start by saying, I'm so sorry about your fearonce. 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:05.800 I can't imagine what you've gone through and what you 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:10.280 continue to go through over these last nine months. I'm 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:15.640 sure you had wedding plans and future plans and life plans, 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:23.200 and it probably feels like that's all been completely destroyed. 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:28.280 And my heart goes out to you, and I'm sure 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:33.440 everyone listening to this podcast really has empathy for you, 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:39.640 And I can imagine, on top of the grief of 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:44.720 losing your fiance, what that must be. On top of 0:15:44.760 --> 0:15:50.720 that to deal with the anger that you have towards 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:55.080 the other party in the accident. And it is on 0:15:55.160 --> 0:16:00.240 your heart that you need to forgive that individual, at 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:02.320 least you say that's what your your head says you 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:04.200 need to do, but your heart doesn't want to follow. 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:12.160 So so many of these questions, guys, I can't relate 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.680 to the question, but I can relate to being human 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:23.000 and the incredible suffering that we as humans continue to 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:27.880 involve ourselves in. That's just who we are as humans. 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:32.040 We suffer. We go through good times, and then bad 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:35.200 times follow, and we find ourselves back in a good time, 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:43.680 and then we're surprised by bad times again. My first 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:48.120 my first thought for you is it's it's been nine months. 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:54.400 Don't force yourself into thinking you need to find forgiveness 0:16:55.880 --> 0:17:01.160 in order to find peace in your grieving in your mourning, 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:07.359 because I don't think those two things correlate right now, 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:12.320 and I think that they will happen in order as 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:18.119 you began to go through your grieving process and begin 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:24.840 to understand more, not about how it happened, but understand 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:30.440 more that it did happen, and this is your world now. 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:34.320 And that is one of the most painful things about 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:39.000 loss is realizing that this is your reality, that you 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:41.359 can't change it, that you didn't want it to happen, 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:46.040 that this is the worst nightmare, but it is your reality, 0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:51.719 and you have a choice to accept that or deny it. 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:58.680 And with denying that reality, you're just foregoing the suffering. 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.639 And so at some point, and you might have already 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:06.920 done this, Lindsay, but at some point you got to say, Okay, 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:10.720 this is the hand I've been dealt, these are the 0:18:10.760 --> 0:18:15.159 cards I have to play. I feel like I'm the 0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:19.400 only one in the world that has lost a fiance 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:22.080 to a car accident. I feel like no one could 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:25.119 relate to me. I see my friends around me, getting married, 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:29.520 having babies, happy, they seem amazing. They In fact, when 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:34.720 I get a wedding invitation, I get mad, I get angry, jealous, 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:39.800 natural feelings that you might be thinking, lindsay, there's nothing 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:43.440 wrong with that, But it is up to you now 0:18:43.480 --> 0:18:47.960 and you alone, to say this is where I am. 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:51.480 And I have to mention that if you're if you 0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:56.439 are a woman of faith, if you're a believer, then 0:18:57.480 --> 0:18:59.679 so much of this is putting putting this back to 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:04.320 God and saying God, this is where this is where 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:10.000 you led me. And I hate it, but as a 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:14.760 servant of you, I'm accepting it as part of your 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:17.440 will because I know that that you you work all 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:20.880 things for good, and the crazy thing about working all 0:19:20.920 --> 0:19:26.120 things for good is that all things mean good and bad, 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:31.400 and this is bad. So understanding that there's a lot 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:39.200 of peace in that that that you're you're submitting yourself 0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:43.720 to God and his will and his plan as much 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:45.800 as you hate it, and it's okay. I think it's 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:53.320 okay to hate where your life has become. But that 0:19:53.359 --> 0:19:56.280 doesn't mean you have to move forward with that hate. 0:19:56.840 --> 0:19:58.800 It doesn't mean you have to look at tomorrow as 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:01.720 something that you hate, because you you can now control 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:05.320 this moment today. You don't have to like how you 0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:08.080 got here, but you can control this today. And I 0:20:08.119 --> 0:20:16.160 would put aside your compulsion to forgive this individual right now, 0:20:17.400 --> 0:20:23.600 and along with that comes putting aside the desire to 0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:27.400 hold a grudge or to be angry or to be upset. 0:20:28.480 --> 0:20:32.000 I would say, think of it more in terms of 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:38.720 it happened, and you couldn't control it, no matter, no 0:20:38.760 --> 0:20:44.439 matter what, this was the destiny of your fiance, and 0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:46.280 this was the destiny of you, And this was the 0:20:46.320 --> 0:20:49.520 destiny of the individual that you're struggling with right now. 0:20:50.600 --> 0:20:52.760 Once again, I want to keep saying that I can't 0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:55.480 imagine what you're going through. I'm not going to pretend 0:20:56.119 --> 0:20:59.680 like I have an instant answer to tell you about 0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:01.920 how to give. But what I can say is give 0:21:01.960 --> 0:21:06.760 it time. Let your heart heal a little bit more, 0:21:07.280 --> 0:21:10.560 Let let more months go by. In fact, you might 0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:14.000 want to let years go by. And I got a feeling, Lindsey, 0:21:14.040 --> 0:21:19.320 that you're gonna wake up when enough time is gone by. 0:21:20.920 --> 0:21:29.040 You're gonna wake up and go I'm ready to forgive him. 0:21:29.359 --> 0:21:34.080 And that will be an amazing day for you, because 0:21:34.760 --> 0:21:36.240 you know your head wants to do it. So when 0:21:36.280 --> 0:21:40.680 your heart agrees with your head and that moment happens 0:21:40.720 --> 0:21:45.720 and you feel that forgiveness. You feel the ready for it, 0:21:46.920 --> 0:21:52.440 then you're gonna you're gonna let out this sigh of relief. 0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:57.159 Your heart's gonna slow down a little bit. You're gonna 0:21:57.840 --> 0:22:02.919 open your palm and quit that closed fist anger that 0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:08.399 you must be having. But that is not something you 0:22:08.480 --> 0:22:10.560 need to force right now. It's not something that a 0:22:10.600 --> 0:22:13.120 certain book will teach you to read or will teach 0:22:13.160 --> 0:22:17.600 you how to do by reading it. You're going to 0:22:17.680 --> 0:22:21.119 know when it's time. And I would encourage you to 0:22:22.440 --> 0:22:26.320 pray about that and just say God, just like I mean, 0:22:26.520 --> 0:22:32.720 just like your question God, all right. I am so 0:22:32.800 --> 0:22:36.959 angry and I don't want to be angry, and I 0:22:37.000 --> 0:22:40.560 want to forgive because I know you you forgive everyone, 0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:42.720 and I want to forgive like you did, but I 0:22:42.720 --> 0:22:45.560 don't know how. And I wish, I wish you could 0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:48.280 put it in my heart to open it up and 0:22:48.320 --> 0:22:52.119 to soften it because it's hard right now. And I 0:22:52.160 --> 0:22:55.159 wish you could teach me how to open my heart 0:22:55.520 --> 0:22:59.320 for forgiveness. And if you do that, I don't want 0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:01.480 you to come back to this podcast. And I want 0:23:01.480 --> 0:23:04.760 you to send me another email six months twelve months 0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:07.840 from now and tell me what happened after you said 0:23:07.880 --> 0:23:10.919 that with all your sincerity and come back to me 0:23:10.960 --> 0:23:13.000 and then tell me how you feel then. And I 0:23:13.000 --> 0:23:17.120 have a hunch that it's going to be different one 0:23:17.200 --> 0:23:21.479 year from now, Lindsay, I got a feeling it's not 0:23:21.560 --> 0:23:24.600 going You're not gonna have as heart of a heart anymore. 0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:35.520 Good question. Thank you? All right, And this question is 0:23:35.560 --> 0:23:40.280 from Caesar. He's in California, and he says, Hey, Grange, 0:23:40.280 --> 0:23:43.000 your first time I met you was when you came 0:23:43.040 --> 0:23:45.639 down here to the winery in San Martin, California in 0:23:45.640 --> 0:23:50.119 twenty eighteen. I've had a tough time lately in the 0:23:50.160 --> 0:23:52.159 love department, and my question to you is do you 0:23:52.240 --> 0:23:58.080 believe in nice guys finish last? And if so or 0:23:58.119 --> 0:24:05.600 if not, why? Caesar, thank you for writing buddy, thank 0:24:05.640 --> 0:24:08.679 you for listening to this podcast. Thank you for Karen 0:24:08.880 --> 0:24:15.359 enough to take this question to me. And I'm sorry 0:24:15.440 --> 0:24:18.080 you've had a tough time in the in the love department, dude, 0:24:20.200 --> 0:24:25.800 but I do not, by any means agree that nice 0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:32.639 guys finished last. I know that that you know pop 0:24:32.680 --> 0:24:36.920 culture and social media and might lead you to think 0:24:37.000 --> 0:24:40.520 that you've got to be you got to be rude 0:24:40.520 --> 0:24:44.840 and hard nosed and and cruel at some point, and 0:24:45.320 --> 0:24:48.280 all about yourself, and you got to swoop in and 0:24:48.400 --> 0:24:52.919 take what you want, you know. Uh, but but but 0:24:53.040 --> 0:24:58.760 I have learned that. But by taking the high road, 0:24:59.160 --> 0:25:01.520 which is based being a nice guy, taking the high 0:25:01.600 --> 0:25:05.840 road is so much more rewarding. And what you're going 0:25:05.880 --> 0:25:10.199 to do is you got to ask yourself, by being 0:25:11.680 --> 0:25:16.520 an asshole, who who are you going to attract? What 0:25:16.680 --> 0:25:19.920 kind of what kind of partner are you going to 0:25:20.040 --> 0:25:25.359 attract by being an asshole? And that's that's the question 0:25:25.440 --> 0:25:29.000 you've got to meditate on, my man. Because if you 0:25:29.080 --> 0:25:32.040 are a nice guy and you're taking the high road, 0:25:32.160 --> 0:25:34.480 and you're you're a man of integrity. You remember that 0:25:34.520 --> 0:25:40.240 word integrity, that's a good one. Then what when you're 0:25:40.240 --> 0:25:42.320 putting that out into the world that you're you're a 0:25:42.400 --> 0:25:44.480 nice guy with integrity and you're taking the high road, 0:25:44.760 --> 0:25:48.400 Think what think think of what you're attracting. You're attracting 0:25:48.480 --> 0:25:53.800 a whole new level of girls, and that is much 0:25:53.840 --> 0:25:56.640 more valuable in the long run for you in your 0:25:56.680 --> 0:26:01.480 life than whatever relationship you just ended up in that 0:26:01.680 --> 0:26:06.560 went wrong. Okay, that's my answer to that. I appreciate you, dude, 0:26:06.560 --> 0:26:08.800 for writing in. I'm taking a quick break. Be right back. 0:26:14.280 --> 0:26:15.879