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Speaker 1: All right, guys, welcome back to a new episode of

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Speaker 1: Couch Talks. My name is Kat and I am the

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Speaker 1: host of couch Talks, which is the special bonus episode

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Speaker 1: of You Need Therapy that comes out every Wednesday, where

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Speaker 1: I answer questions that you guys email into me. And

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Speaker 1: if you have a question you want to email, you

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Speaker 1: can email to Catherine k A t h r y

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Speaker 1: n at You Need Therapy podcast dot com and hopefully

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Speaker 1: one day I will get to it. I really appreciate

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Speaker 1: all of the questions that you guys send in, so

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Speaker 1: if you have one, send it there. I really want

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Speaker 1: to stress not to send it via d M because

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Speaker 1: I have no organization when it comes to that and

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Speaker 1: I will lose it or sometimes I won't see it.

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Speaker 1: But speaking of d ms, you can follow me on

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Speaker 1: Instagram at Cat dot de fata and the podcast at

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Speaker 1: at You Need Therapy Podcast. Also, while we're here, let

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Speaker 1: me just remind you that I just love when you

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Speaker 1: guys rate and review and comment and follow the podcast.

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Speaker 1: So if you're on your phone right now, you can

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Speaker 1: do that really quick. I would so much appreciate that.

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Speaker 1: And now that that is all out of the way,

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Speaker 1: I think that maybe we get into the content of

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Speaker 1: the episode, and up top, I want to stress as

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Speaker 1: always that this is not therapy. This podcast is not therapy. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I am a therapist, but I am in no way

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Speaker 1: and have no ability to actually do therapy via the podcast.

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Speaker 1: So these are just questions and things that I'll get

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Speaker 1: into and I'll talk about, but I'm not actually giving

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Speaker 1: therapeutic advice, support any of that stuff on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: All right, So today, actually this is a little different

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Speaker 1: because my first question isn't a question, it is an

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Speaker 1: email I received, and I want to take a second

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Speaker 1: to read it and talk about the content because I

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Speaker 1: think it was important and it's something that we don't

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Speaker 1: talk a lot about on here. So I'm going to

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Speaker 1: read it and then we're going to chat. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: the anonymous email says, I just listen to the what

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Speaker 1: is Healthy Skin episode from October. Thank you so much

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Speaker 1: for doing this episode. I've struggled with my skin for

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Speaker 1: so long, and it's even not that bad, it has

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Speaker 1: negatively affected my mental health at times. This conversation makes

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Speaker 1: me feel enlightened and accepted, and I feel like a

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Speaker 1: weight has been lifted. I will still struggle, but we'll

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Speaker 1: always come back to this episode when I do. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So that was the email, And if you're new here

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Speaker 1: and haven't listened to this episode, it's one that is called,

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Speaker 1: like I said, what is healthy skin? And I did

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Speaker 1: it with my friend Hannah Ellis, who is a licensed estetician.

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Speaker 1: And let me give you her handle because on Instagram

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Speaker 1: if you want to follow her, she's amazing, So you

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Speaker 1: can follow her and get all the skin tips and

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Speaker 1: advice and all of that stuff from her, and her

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Speaker 1: handle is at the Nashville Estetician. An estetician is spelled

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Speaker 1: A E S T H E T I C I

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Speaker 1: A N. She's amazing. So that's the episode that this

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Speaker 1: listener is referring to. And the reason I wanted to

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Speaker 1: bring this up is because I think this topic is

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Speaker 1: important and I think a lot of people forget that

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Speaker 1: our skin is part of our body, and our body

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Speaker 1: makes up our body image. So I talk a lot

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Speaker 1: about body image on here, but not necessarily just our skin.

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Speaker 1: And the same feelings I have about airbrushed bodies is

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Speaker 1: how I feel about air brushed faces. And I don't

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Speaker 1: think we talked about this enough. I just really don't

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Speaker 1: think we do. We talk about it, but not enough.

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna bring it up today and we're going

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Speaker 1: to chat about it. I personally have stopped using Instagram

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Speaker 1: filters on my stories. Now. I will say I'll edit

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Speaker 1: a picture and with the coloring, like change the brightness

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Speaker 1: and all of that, and put like a different colored

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Speaker 1: filter on a post that I post on my feed.

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Speaker 1: But I'm not smoothing my skin. I'm not cutting anything.

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing it's just changing the lighting. So I

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Speaker 1: will say I do that, but when it comes to

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Speaker 1: my story, I do not use any filters unless it's

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Speaker 1: like an obvious one, but I don't. I don't really

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Speaker 1: think I ever do that either anyway. So I stopped

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Speaker 1: using the filters on Instagram stories, and not even honestly,

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Speaker 1: not even thinking about anybody else, but I was thinking

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Speaker 1: about myself because I would go back and look at

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Speaker 1: old stories when I was looking for pictures or something

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Speaker 1: or a video, and I would catch myself being like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I wish I still looked like that.

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Speaker 1: Forgetting that, I actually never looked like that because I

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Speaker 1: had a filter on, but I didn't know there was

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Speaker 1: a filter on it, and so it was really messing

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Speaker 1: with me and how I looked at my face and

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Speaker 1: my skin and all of that, because the filter doesn't

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Speaker 1: just like airbrush your skin, and it also makes your

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Speaker 1: face smaller, and different ones can change the actual bone

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Speaker 1: structure of your face. And I've also never have had

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Speaker 1: perfect skin ever, ever, ever in my life, Like I've

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Speaker 1: actually really struggled with that. And when I was younger,

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Speaker 1: I went on accutane two times, so you can put

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Speaker 1: together like how much I might have struggled with that.

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Speaker 1: So I just don't need any of that messing with me.

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Speaker 1: And there's this new thing. I guess it's not new anymore,

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Speaker 1: but it's this idea that we should have porcelain glass

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Speaker 1: looking skin, which Hanna and I did talk about in

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Speaker 1: that episode in more detail, and the Instagram filters help

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Speaker 1: kind of maintain and create the facade that you have

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Speaker 1: porcelain or glass looking skin. And the truth is that

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Speaker 1: I really want to talk about here and I really

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Speaker 1: want people to hear and know and believe, is we

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Speaker 1: all have different skin, different textures, different colorings. And as

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Speaker 1: much as the idea that we all should aim for

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Speaker 1: the same body as crazy, so is the idea that

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Speaker 1: we should all aim for the same skin. It's impossible.

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Speaker 1: There are too many factors that influence your skin for

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Speaker 1: that to happen. And I want so bad to normalize pores,

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Speaker 1: like Hannah said in that episode and that conversation we had,

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Speaker 1: But it takes courage to do that, which I like

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Speaker 1: hate and I struggle because when I say that, it's

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Speaker 1: like it takes courage to do that, it makes me

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable and angry to acknowledge that fact because I don't

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Speaker 1: want showing up as ourselves looking like ourselves to take courage.

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Speaker 1: I cannot wait for the day that we just get

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Speaker 1: to show up as ourselves and we don't have to say, oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't have a filter on, Well, yeah you don't.

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Speaker 1: There's no expectation that you have a filter on. We

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Speaker 1: don't have to explain anything about what we look like.

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Speaker 1: We just get to show up. I cannot wait for

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Speaker 1: that day, and I do believe that day is possible.

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Speaker 1: I do. And the thing is skin is not glass.

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Speaker 1: Glass is glass. Skin is not porcelain. Porcelain is porcelain.

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Speaker 1: Your skin has texture, and it changes with the seasons

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Speaker 1: and with your life circumstances, just like the rest of

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Speaker 1: your body, and breakouts aren't bad and they aren't dirty.

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Speaker 1: You might not like them, but they're not gross and

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Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you're gross or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: Everyone gets them. However, not everyone is willing to show

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Speaker 1: up bright eyed in front of the camera with the breakouts.

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Speaker 1: We're just not willing to do that. And I say

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Speaker 1: this quote all of the time. It is my favorite quote,

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Speaker 1: and it's by Margaret Mead, and it goes, never doubt

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Speaker 1: that a small group of committed citizens can change the world.

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Speaker 1: In fact, they're the only ones that ever have. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you've heard me say that before, and it applies

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Speaker 1: here as well. I bring it up now because I

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Speaker 1: know that it's scary to do things like stop using

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Speaker 1: Instagram filters because every one else is using them, and

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Speaker 1: in our head it's like me stopping using them isn't

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Speaker 1: going to do anything except make everyone else look better

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Speaker 1: than me. I know that story in your head because

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Speaker 1: I've been there and I've said that story. But the truth, truth, truth, truth,

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Speaker 1: truth is that everything starts somewhere and with someone, and

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Speaker 1: that someone will eventually turn into someone's if that's even

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Speaker 1: a word. But you know what I mean, and what

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Speaker 1: I mean is that the only way for something to

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Speaker 1: catch on is for someone to start something to catch onto.

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Speaker 1: So even if only one person stops using filters to

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Speaker 1: change their skin today, that counts for me because that

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Speaker 1: gives us something to catch on too. So if I

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Speaker 1: stop using it and I talk about it, then maybe

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Speaker 1: somebody else will stop using it, and then maybe somebody

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Speaker 1: else will stop using it, and eventually maybe more people

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Speaker 1: will stop using it, and maybe the norm will change.

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Speaker 1: Because the norm is the norm right now because we've

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Speaker 1: made it the norm because enough people have caught on,

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Speaker 1: so we're just trying to reverse it. And like I say,

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Speaker 1: like a lot of our behaviors are learned, that means

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Speaker 1: we can unlearn in them, and that goes for this too.

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Speaker 1: And you know what I'm really saying is a bigger

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Speaker 1: picture idea, right, So this is about our skin, and

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Speaker 1: it's about normalizing what our skin looks like and normalizing

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Speaker 1: that healthy skin isn't glass or porcelain skin that's an

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Speaker 1: Instagram filter, right, That's not healthier normal skin. Normal skin

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Speaker 1: is normal skin. Normal skin is all kinds of skin.

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Speaker 1: But that is a really dialed in idea to a

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Speaker 1: broader picture of the fact that normal people are all

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Speaker 1: kinds of different people, personalities, shapes, body sizes, hair colors, jobs,

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Speaker 1: financial situations. Normal is all different kinds. And the more

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Speaker 1: that we individually start to stop trying to fit into

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Speaker 1: one kind of something and label that as normal, the

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Speaker 1: more we will all start to be able to allow

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Speaker 1: ourselves to show up as truly who we are. And

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Speaker 1: that is the goal here, that is the overarching goal.

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Speaker 1: So I really brought that question or that email in

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Speaker 1: because I wanted to remind us that when it comes

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Speaker 1: to our body image, our skin is part of that,

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Speaker 1: and we need to be kind to our faces as well.

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Speaker 1: And it's really silly that I might say, oh, I

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Speaker 1: would never edit a picture or face tune my body

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Speaker 1: and draw abs on this or or cut my arms

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Speaker 1: smaller on this picture, but I'll put a filter on

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Speaker 1: my face and make my face completely different looking. That

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Speaker 1: would make no sense. And so I want to remind

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Speaker 1: all of us that if we're really working on our

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Speaker 1: body image and looking at ourselves kindly and accepting us

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Speaker 1: for us, that's part of it. It's part of it,

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Speaker 1: and there's also nothing wrong with that. We are imperfect

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Speaker 1: people and that's actually what makes us good and real.

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Speaker 1: There's like perfection in our imperfection. So cheesy, but oh

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Speaker 1: it's so true. So thank you for sending that email,

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Speaker 1: and thank you for reminding me how important that episode

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Speaker 1: was and is. And if you haven't listened to it,

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Speaker 1: go back and listen to it now. To stay with

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Speaker 1: the theme of today, the second question isn't a question either.

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Speaker 1: I actually got a really helpful email from a listener

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Speaker 1: that needs to be shared for multiple reasons. One, we

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Speaker 1: have something to talk about me and you as the listeners,

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Speaker 1: and two there's a really cool resource that I want

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Speaker 1: you guys to know about. So here is the email.

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Speaker 1: All right. My first thing that I want to bring

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Speaker 1: attention to is an advertisement that has been playing on

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Speaker 1: the podcast. I thought it was completely off brand from you,

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Speaker 1: and I thought you would want to know. I've heard

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Speaker 1: it a couple of times on the podcast, just to

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Speaker 1: ensure it wasn't a one off thing. Sorry if this

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Speaker 1: is weird, It wasn't triggering for me, but I also

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Speaker 1: can truly see how this would be super triggering for

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Speaker 1: someone that is recovering from an eating disorder. I also

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Speaker 1: can't imagine that you endorse this at all. And that's

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Speaker 1: why I wanted to let you know. Secondly, I emailed

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Speaker 1: a while back about getting help for the military, and

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Speaker 1: I've recently found an awesome option for anyone associated with

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Speaker 1: the military. I thought you may want to know. It's

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Speaker 1: called give an Hour dot org. They offer resources to

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Speaker 1: connect you with a therapist and they will pay for

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Speaker 1: one session weekly for an entire year. You don't have

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Speaker 1: to be in the military or either. This could be

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Speaker 1: for a veteran family members of a spouse, to include

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Speaker 1: parents or siblings. And she sent this during Mental Health

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Speaker 1: Awareness Month and that was also Military Appreciation Month, and

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Speaker 1: so she said, I thought this is a great way

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Speaker 1: to combine the two by informing my favorite therapist that's

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Speaker 1: not my therapist because that's not allowed, about some cool resources.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully this is a tool that will find its way

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Speaker 1: into your toolbox and may help someone you encounter in

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Speaker 1: this circumstance. Okay, so up top, I just want to

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Speaker 1: say that second part the resource, thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard of that given our dot org. I

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Speaker 1: went to the website. It looks really legit and it

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Speaker 1: looks really helpful. So if you are somebody who is

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Speaker 1: looking to get some help or or some therapy. Go

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Speaker 1: check it out and see if it can be something

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Speaker 1: you can use. It looks awesome, So thank you for that.

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Speaker 1: I love when people show me resources that I've never

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Speaker 1: heard about. And now let's address this ad. I also

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Speaker 1: want to thank you and thank you to anybody who

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Speaker 1: because I got a lot of messages about in particular

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Speaker 1: one AD, but I've gotten them a couple of times

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Speaker 1: about different ads. I want you guys to know that

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Speaker 1: I really appreciate that because I don't take it as

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Speaker 1: mean or or you guys are calling me out, or

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Speaker 1: I don't take it offensively. I take it as just

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Speaker 1: like this listener said, like I thought you would want

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Speaker 1: to know because it just seems so off brand to you,

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Speaker 1: and I do want to know. I definitely want to know,

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Speaker 1: and I even want to know this is like about

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Speaker 1: an AD. But I'm even the kind of person who

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Speaker 1: I want to know if I say something that is

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Speaker 1: not quote unquote right, I don't. I don't know it's

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Speaker 1: not the right way to say that. But I've gotten

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Speaker 1: emails from you guys that have said, like, hey, when

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Speaker 1: you say this, or when you have said this, this

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Speaker 1: was kind of triggering, or this was kind of hurtful,

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Speaker 1: or you may want to thank your wording here. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate that because I can only learn if somebody is

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Speaker 1: bringing to my attention things that I might need to

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Speaker 1: unlearn or think about, and so I always appreciate that

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Speaker 1: kind of feedback. I really appreciate in the form of

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Speaker 1: an email and not in the form of a comment

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Speaker 1: on the podcast page, because I have got some of that,

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Speaker 1: and that's helpful one that's not the easiest way to

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Speaker 1: reach me into I think the best of y'all, and

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Speaker 1: I just would want you guys to think the best

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Speaker 1: of me in the sense that I've only put content

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Speaker 1: out there to help people. I never intentionally do anything

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Speaker 1: out here to hurt or to trigger anybody. So rather

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Speaker 1: than publicly, you know, shame me or call me out,

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Speaker 1: I would appreciate a conversation like this email is so

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Speaker 1: thank you anyway long winded way to say thank you,

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Speaker 1: and let's address this. The truth is that I don't

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Speaker 1: always know what the ads are going to be when

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Speaker 1: they're played on here, and when we hear one that

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Speaker 1: is off brand, we definitely try to make sure we

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Speaker 1: take that down because I want this to be a

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Speaker 1: safe space for everyone and while this particular listener wasn't triggered, thankfully,

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Speaker 1: I know some of you guys may have been, and

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Speaker 1: for that I just really want to say I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I actually did. Speaking of what I'm just saying, I

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Speaker 1: got a one star review from this ad being played,

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Speaker 1: and I am sorry, like I really am sorry. At first,

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Speaker 1: I got a little upset at that review you because

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Speaker 1: I felt like that was unfair to me, But it's

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Speaker 1: not because even though I don't get to choose every

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Speaker 1: ad on here, in the end, I am responsible as

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Speaker 1: the creator of the show. So I just again wanted

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Speaker 1: to say I'm sorry and to please know that we

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Speaker 1: are working really hard to not just make sure that

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Speaker 1: ad content isn't triggering and off brand, we're working to

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Speaker 1: actually make sure that ad content is becoming beneficial to y'all,

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Speaker 1: you know. And I would never put something intentionally on

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Speaker 1: this podcast that would go directly against things that I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about. That just wouldn't make any sense. And I

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Speaker 1: want my integrity to be able to continue to show

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Speaker 1: up with you guys in this podcast as a whole.

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Speaker 1: So thank you for being kind and bringing this up,

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Speaker 1: and know that if it ever happens, please let me know,

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Speaker 1: because I don't always listen to these every time they

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Speaker 1: go live, and when the ads changed, I don't always know.

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Speaker 1: So thank you. We are working on it, and continue

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Speaker 1: to keep me accountable, and I will continue to produce

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Speaker 1: and create content I think is helpful. So that wraps

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Speaker 1: up this episode of couch Talks. If you guys have

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Speaker 1: any questions you want me to address or any feedback,

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Speaker 1: you can send that again to Catherine at You Need

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Speaker 1: Therapy podcast dot com. I love getting those emails and

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Speaker 1: I will talk to you guys on Monday