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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four,

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Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger.

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Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On

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Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our

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Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family,

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Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping

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Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get

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Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode seventy seven, which I

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Speaker 1: am recording in my office with my special guest next

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Speaker 1: to me, Sarah Hart Hunger, a live episode. Yeah, this

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Speaker 1: is awesome. And Sarah just posted on Instagram about forty

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Speaker 1: five minutes ago that we were looking for questions to

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Speaker 1: answer for this all mailbag episode. To be fair, I

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Speaker 1: think I was supposed to request this a while back.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you I am number one is

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Speaker 1: downded with social media, and number two. I have now

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Speaker 1: learned if you would like a response to something, make

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Speaker 1: it a very immediate request, like now we're recording now.

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Speaker 1: I was very excited because I said, Okay, if you

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Speaker 1: get your questions in the next sixty minutes, we will

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Speaker 1: try to use them. I kind of to be honest, like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know that we're going to fit all of

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Speaker 1: it because there's like thirty on here right now, so

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Speaker 1: we'll get say, we can do two volumes, or we

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Speaker 1: can do them at another time. And I am just

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Speaker 1: I'm just actually really like kind of touched at how

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Speaker 1: quickly you guys responded to our please so thank you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And since actually this episode is airing before the other

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Speaker 1: one where we're in the same office together, Sarah's visiting Pennsylvania,

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Speaker 1: which is very exciting. So this is, you know, the

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Speaker 1: first time we've been in the same place lovely cold

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Speaker 1: week here and as we just mentioned, even our families

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Speaker 1: have gotten to hang out and it's been great. And

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Speaker 1: you'll get to hear us on a later episode talk

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Speaker 1: about vacation tips and hacks, since we do happen to

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Speaker 1: be on vacation, but we had planned to do two

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Speaker 1: including a mail bag, and that's what you're going to

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Speaker 1: get today. So let's go ahead and dive right in

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Speaker 1: with these great questions that came in on Instagram. All right,

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Speaker 1: number one, and these are by the way. You know,

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Speaker 1: usually a lot of a fair amount of planning goes

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Speaker 1: into our podcast. We kind of not a script, but

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Speaker 1: we have a little bit of an outline. We go

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Speaker 1: back and forth. We thought about our love of the week,

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Speaker 1: we've identified our Q and A, we've sort of thought

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Speaker 1: through things. But today you're going to get the uncensored

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Speaker 1: Laura and Sarah. I mean, we can still go back

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Speaker 1: and slightly censored if we'd like to cut something out,

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Speaker 1: our trustee team can do so. But otherwise you're going

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Speaker 1: to get some pretty unrehearsed answers. So this would be

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Speaker 1: exciting to do it. All right, Well, this is a

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Speaker 1: good one. What is your favorite guilty pleasure? Laura? Dark

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Speaker 1: chocolate peanut butter cups? Why did you say that? Because

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Speaker 1: they're sitting on my desk right now that we're just

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Speaker 1: tormenting Sarah during our previous episode we recorded finally, she's like,

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Speaker 1: can I have a peanut butter cup? Staring at them?

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Speaker 1: Staring at them? And why those look delicious? And they are.

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Speaker 1: You can rustle the ba I can rustle the bag

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Speaker 1: a little for they're amazing. Yeah, so these are Justin's

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Speaker 1: many dark chocolate peanut butter cups. Organic. It's all good

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Speaker 1: because it's organic. Yeah, when it turns out when junk

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Speaker 1: food is organic, it's all fine. But so they're pretty good.

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Speaker 1: I actually tried. I'm a bit of a peanut butter

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Speaker 1: cup connoisseur like that, and unfortunately I now cannot eat

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Speaker 1: like the regular ress I know, although you tried the

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Speaker 1: theo I have and I like those. Reces also makes

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Speaker 1: a dark chocolate peanut butter cup which is actually reasonable.

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Speaker 1: It is not bad, so I would I would do

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Speaker 1: a shout out for that. There's so is it called

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Speaker 1: real or something? I forget? Oh yes, yeah, unreal that

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Speaker 1: came it that had actually like quinoa crisps or something

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Speaker 1: in it, and actually that you can't taste it as nut,

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Speaker 1: but it's just a little bit of like a puffed

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Speaker 1: rice crispiness. So you've got a little bit more texture

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Speaker 1: in your dark chocolate peanut butter cup, which presumably you

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Speaker 1: could have done the same thing by putting like crunching

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Speaker 1: peanut butter in there. But for whatever reason, this a

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Speaker 1: very controversial loomb and say that I think that candy

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Speaker 1: with peanut butter and chocolate is better than any other candy.

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Speaker 1: O nuts too, I mean because nuts adds like not

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Speaker 1: peanut butter and chocolate just like to me my pain. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I thought you were giving like a sort of medical nutrition.

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Speaker 1: Answer was like, what's better to eat if you need

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Speaker 1: like sustenance? So like, what would I always pick? It's

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Speaker 1: like a peanut butter and chocolate whatever, you know? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: So what what's your guilty pleasure? Well, I was going

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Speaker 1: to say, like buying random stationary stuff that's fun, like oh,

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Speaker 1: a new pen, or like I don't know, I never

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Speaker 1: actually need it, but I every time I'm in Target

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Speaker 1: now I swear I buy some of those little notebooks

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Speaker 1: and like pens because I'm always like, oh, well, I

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Speaker 1: can deduct it. In fact, I'm about to show you

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Speaker 1: can't hear me, but I'm about to show star up

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Speaker 1: my door. This oash a stash, the stash of notebooks

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Speaker 1: like a never in a million years, but you all

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Speaker 1: these things. I did kind of come to the realization

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Speaker 1: that I, yeah, that I might not live to fill

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Speaker 1: all the pages of purchase with all the great thoughts

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Speaker 1: I am going to have at some point in my life.

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Speaker 1: That is amazing Okay, Well we were down one question

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Speaker 1: in four minutes, so at this rate, we're in a

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Speaker 1: lot of trouble. Next question, here's a not so easy one.

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Speaker 1: How do you how did you ha ha ha this

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Speaker 1: I wish this was past tense. How did you deal

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Speaker 1: with toddler tantrums? Well, we almost we had not he's

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Speaker 1: not a toddler, he's three, but we had one last

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Speaker 1: night that. Yeah, tantrums don't stop when you're yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: you kind of stop the preschool. Oh and oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: Like even Ruth who's seven, had a screamfest the other

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Speaker 1: day about something. So you know, it's whenever the kid

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Speaker 1: is like tired and hang angry whatever. Yeah, it's just

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Speaker 1: real thing. It can happen. So last night Alex was

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Speaker 1: was so mad he'd been playing like you. We had

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Speaker 1: the play date with Sarah's family, so that was very stimulating.

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Speaker 1: And then it was a long day. We were starting

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Speaker 1: early with Christmas morning. He was just fighting me with

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Speaker 1: going to bed, like he was reiling around. He was

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Speaker 1: in his own little way. I mean he's calling me

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Speaker 1: a poopy head. And then he said I don't love you.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, this is so better than I hate you.

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Speaker 1: I was trying to like a few times, you know,

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Speaker 1: what he can think of to try to wound me.

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Speaker 1: But I was just sort of like holding him and

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Speaker 1: rocking him. And then slowly, you know, we went over

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Speaker 1: to bed and I was holding him down as he

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Speaker 1: was thrashing. But then it's like you could tell he's

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Speaker 1: so tired because he starts calming down and then the

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Speaker 1: like weight coming over him, and then he's like, I

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Speaker 1: want my baby doll, and so I gave him his

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Speaker 1: baby doll and he hugged it and then he fell asleep.

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Speaker 1: That's so sweet. I don't know, you just kind of

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Speaker 1: have to be calm through them. I said, I would

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Speaker 1: be the one thing like, because if you get upset,

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Speaker 1: it makes it ten times worse. Whereas you know, if

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Speaker 1: just the kid is screaming, that's fine, like it's just

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Speaker 1: one person, whereas two of you is much worse. So

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Speaker 1: as much as possible, even if you're in public, you know,

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Speaker 1: if you can remove yourself from the situation, that's awesome.

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Speaker 1: You know, leave the shopping cart, go out, and you know,

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Speaker 1: come back in in a minute. We've had we've had

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Speaker 1: one parent leave a restaurant with a child, many, many times,

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Speaker 1: it's always just okay, well you're gonna feel that warm

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Speaker 1: Miami air the crisp cold air, depending on where you are,

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Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, the kid is more motivating. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But and I think, you know, in any situation, it's

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Speaker 1: great if you can find an out, which is the

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Speaker 1: one issue with like plane flights, that there's no out, right,

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Speaker 1: So although you can get up and walk the aisles

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Speaker 1: if you can, or like just go into the bathroom

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Speaker 1: for five minutes with the kid, and it's just like,

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Speaker 1: you know, sometimes that's helpful. But you know, any situation

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Speaker 1: where you can figure out what will my out be

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Speaker 1: and then just be calm sort of like turns out

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Speaker 1: like scratching by scratching their back sometimes is you know,

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Speaker 1: put them in a positive mood. But yeah, if you

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Speaker 1: act kind of bored by the tantrum as opposed to

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Speaker 1: you know, reacting, it doesn't work as well. They get

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Speaker 1: the message. But we don't have like a grand answer

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Speaker 1: going to happen. I will say, like the prevented of

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Speaker 1: you know, preventing the hangry and preventing the tired. It's

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Speaker 1: not always possible, but it definitely can help. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: you know when you notice it coming on and be like, okay,

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Speaker 1: time to go rest, time to go take our bath

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Speaker 1: and get in bed, or with my older child, eat

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Speaker 1: a banana, eat a banana, yes, eats something yes, So

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Speaker 1: anything you can do to beat it off at the beginning,

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Speaker 1: All right, Next question, how do you document and preserve

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Speaker 1: kid memories? So what do you do? Oh, I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of systems for this. Okay, So we do

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Speaker 1: photo books one per year, although I will stay I'm behind.

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Speaker 1: I have my twenty seventeen, yes, twenty seventeen photo book

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Speaker 1: like ready to it's almost ready to go. I kind

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Speaker 1: of haven't finished organizing it, but all the pictures are

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Speaker 1: up and Shutterfly saved as an album, So I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm almost there. And then so every year I

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Speaker 1: do that. I don't therefore obsessively feel the need to

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Speaker 1: organize my online photos. I have enough through the blog

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Speaker 1: and then the printed photo books. And I can always

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Speaker 1: reprint them, I tell myself, because Shutterfly saves them that.

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Speaker 1: I know people get stressed out by Oh, like all

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Speaker 1: these photos from four years ago, What am I going

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Speaker 1: to do? Like, I just forget about them. I have

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Speaker 1: like hard dis drives I back them up and if

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Speaker 1: that like get lost or stolen, I actually don't really,

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Speaker 1: I'll live. I have the printed thing, and I move

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Speaker 1: on with life. And then the other thing I do

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Speaker 1: is it for special artwork or keepsakes or like report

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Speaker 1: cards I have. I think I mentioned this on a

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Speaker 1: prior episode, but I have been keeping up with it

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Speaker 1: and it's been great. Actually I've even found like I

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Speaker 1: needed Annabel's last report card to move and I had it.

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Speaker 1: I use these. I got this, I believe from the

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Speaker 1: Happier podcast. They talked about having these giant file boxes

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Speaker 1: and then a folder for each grade, and I have too.

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Speaker 1: I need to ge another box for Genevie, but obviously

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Speaker 1: she hasn't had any grades yet, so okay, and I

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Speaker 1: just stick in, like I don't know between ten and

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Speaker 1: fifteen things maybe Max. Like It's not like I stick

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Speaker 1: every homework assignment. I'm not the kind of person who

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Speaker 1: feels the need to keep all those. But if it's

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Speaker 1: a special picture or you know, a note from a

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Speaker 1: teacher or something, I'll keep them. And then yeah, so

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Speaker 1: I have stuff going all the way back to like

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Speaker 1: Twosier for Annabel and for camera, and it's I need

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Speaker 1: to feel like a little collection. That's nice. What about

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Speaker 1: you guys, That's fine. Yeah, I don't really have that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we have a box downstairs that we've saved

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Speaker 1: a lot of artwork in, but I'm not sure if

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Speaker 1: having that in the basement is the smartest thing of

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Speaker 1: because you know, obviously the basement's flood and that would

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Speaker 1: be something that could go badly pretty quickly. As for photos,

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Speaker 1: I mean, we make photo books every years and then,

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Speaker 1: so they're on Shutterfly as well. So a lot of

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Speaker 1: our highlights at least are there. Many of my favorite

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Speaker 1: photos from my phone wind up on Instagram, so I

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Speaker 1: have those, or you know, there are some blog photos

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Speaker 1: and things like that, so I'm not you know, I've emailed.

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Speaker 1: I was emailing my favorite photos to myself over to

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Speaker 1: a separate account I have, so they're backed up there

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Speaker 1: as well. We also use Google Photos. My husband set

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Speaker 1: that up, so actually anything on my phone I think

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Speaker 1: automatically goes there, and that includes videos as well. It's

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Speaker 1: not the highest resolution, but you know they're there, so

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Speaker 1: and I kind of do like a little bit of

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Speaker 1: redundancy so that you know, Google ever went bus and

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Speaker 1: I have my Fly on my Instagram or because like

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Speaker 1: who knows what's gonna be around in ten years? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: well that's right, casual. When you look back through the

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Speaker 1: old photos, you're just like, whoa, we dug out our

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Speaker 1: wedding album on our wedding anniversary this past year, and

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Speaker 1: it's like, who are those people? I didn't think I'd

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Speaker 1: aged that much? But but you find that, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: twenty or thirty photos do the trick right for a

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Speaker 1: given year or era in your life. You don't need

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Speaker 1: you know, people are taking like twenty pictures a day

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Speaker 1: now and then they feel like they need to carefully

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Speaker 1: save all of them and edit every single one. I

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Speaker 1: mean guys like you're not gonna have time to look

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Speaker 1: at all the Yeah, yeah, it's true. You can't replay

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Speaker 1: the video of every moment of your life because you

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Speaker 1: are gonna not have time to live your next life.

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Speaker 1: So I guess I would say less is a little bit.

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Speaker 1: That's just my philosophy. Go too crazy, all right, I

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Speaker 1: get too stressed? Excellent answer, All right, next, Oh well

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Speaker 1: we'll save that one. What Meyers Braggs personality types are

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Speaker 1: you too? Are your personalities more similar or more different

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Speaker 1: to your husband's or kids. What is your meyers Brace

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Speaker 1: do know? I MTJ, I am E SFJ. So there

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Speaker 1: you go. We actually that do not have a lot

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Speaker 1: of We aren't only sharing J, which makes sense because

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Speaker 1: that's like the point of planner. Yeah that's our upholder letter,

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Speaker 1: which we do share that type. But yeah, the other

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Speaker 1: letters are all different. So that's why you got that

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Speaker 1: nice perhaps on this blog. I believe my husband is

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Speaker 1: I don't know what he is I N I S

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Speaker 1: TJ or those even Meersburg's letters. I think he might

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Speaker 1: be I S TJJ. Maybe that's my dad. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: But no, we are different, my husband and I, and

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Speaker 1: we definitely I have the E and he has the I.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I think my husband is slightly more E,

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Speaker 1: although neither of us are exactly you know, over the

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Speaker 1: top people people. It's theory. He's more of the P.

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Speaker 1: I don't know the middle ones are, but the P

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Speaker 1: at the end. He will act that way in most

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Speaker 1: situations that he's willing to do stuff at the seat

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Speaker 1: of his pants, like he will not be sure which

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Speaker 1: flight he's on up until the last possible minute, which

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Speaker 1: if I were his assistant, I would go crazy has

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Speaker 1: been as talented and making flights the last by this time,

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Speaker 1: Michael always makes it. I mean there's been very few

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Speaker 1: flights he's actually missed, but there's often not a little

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Speaker 1: wiggle room. But he could be on actually two different

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Speaker 1: flights that we're leaving from the same airport, and it's

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Speaker 1: just which one he gets on. I don't even get it,

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Speaker 1: but it just makes it work. It just makes it work.

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Speaker 1: So that's But the good news is he is not

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Speaker 1: an over the top pee at home because that would

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Speaker 1: not work. And so while it's not his favorite thing

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Speaker 1: to do to sit down with me to plan the

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Speaker 1: next month, except he has accepted it as reality and

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Speaker 1: he's gotten a lot better out of four kids. You

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Speaker 1: would be a night. I don't know how people would

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Speaker 1: do it, but let's do it. Maybe our babysitter will

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Speaker 1: stay overnight tonight. Let's see if that happens. Now. But

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Speaker 1: your kids, your kids have types that you can hate.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I mean, I mean, yeah, it's I

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Speaker 1: mean see I n E. I feel like that's that's

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Speaker 1: probably such My older is my second isn't E in

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Speaker 1: the third yet? Ye? The rest I believe Actually, there

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Speaker 1: is some data I'm like, you don't get some of

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Speaker 1: these until your twenties. And actually I was an e

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Speaker 1: st J until somewhere. What's that mean. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't really know. I don't put a whole lot

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Speaker 1: of stock in this far away Yeah, and I know

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Speaker 1: they're not terribly research based. They're just interesting. They're a

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Speaker 1: jumping point to conversation. I thinking turned into a feeling

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Speaker 1: as it became more wise with the world. Apparently I

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Speaker 1: just still don't feel. And then any of ram we

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Speaker 1: had someone ask this about that I have taken. I

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Speaker 1: don't know much about enneagram. I've taken one quiz and

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Speaker 1: it like gave me one and a three. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think that I was. I was a one, but who knows? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: who knows? Okay, Well, that's our personality type. Here's a

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Speaker 1: great open ended question, Laura. What keeps you up at goodness? Fortunately,

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Speaker 1: not much. I'm a big fan of taking melatonin before

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Speaker 1: I go to sleep, and so I am out like

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Speaker 1: a light. I take it about thirty minutes before I

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Speaker 1: go to bed, and that solved that problem. So there

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Speaker 1: you go. I will say nothing really keeps me up

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Speaker 1: at night either. But I don't even emailtone, and I am,

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Speaker 1: I am, You're so exhausted, you're just doing away. I

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Speaker 1: just I've never had a sleeping problem. I can always

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Speaker 1: get up early. I may wake up early and that

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Speaker 1: then I may be awake, but I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: really have trouble going to sleep. I think if there's

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Speaker 1: something the next day that I'm really nervous about, whether

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Speaker 1: that's a conversation that I don't want to have or

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Speaker 1: something that's like anxiety producing, then occasionally that will bug me.

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Speaker 1: But you know, yeah, it's it's not a not too

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Speaker 1: frequent of the thing. I will say I sleep more,

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Speaker 1: I sleep poorly on Sunday nights compared to the rest

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Speaker 1: of the week. Just a little bit of you know,

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Speaker 1: pre week, pre week energy. It's not anxiety. I usually

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Speaker 1: wake up on Monday very ready to go. But I'm

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Speaker 1: just you know, I mean, there's things in the larger

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Speaker 1: world I'm not happy about. But I guess I feel

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Speaker 1: like my not sleeping won't solve that problem. Probably not. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So there we go. So we just move on. Okay.

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Speaker 1: Is it better to set one goal and focused on

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Speaker 1: just that or multiple goals to allow more variety? Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, my feeling. I'm all about the multiple goals.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not really a singularly focused kind of person.

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Speaker 1: I never have and I always like to you know,

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Speaker 1: it's not that I have ninety five different goals and

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Speaker 1: I'm unfocused, but I tend to be working in different

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Speaker 1: things in different realms of my life, and I enjoy that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think there's nothing wrong with working on multiple goals

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Speaker 1: at once. Although if there's one really really big goal

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Speaker 1: in your life you're trying to do it, like if

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Speaker 1: you're trying to quit smoking, I would not try to

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Speaker 1: do anything else at the same time. I think that's

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Speaker 1: you know, enough of an all consuming, difficult thing, or

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Speaker 1: you know, whatever the equivalent would be for you. You You

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Speaker 1: might want to just do that and then you can,

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Speaker 1: you know, if you need to lose weight or whatever,

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Speaker 1: deal with that next year, but or you know, six

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Speaker 1: months from now, whenever you feel like you are able

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Speaker 1: to give it it's due. But that's one of the

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Speaker 1: reasons I like the quarterly goals ideas that you know

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Speaker 1: you choose. You can say, like, I have all these

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Speaker 1: big career goals for the year, but I don't have

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Speaker 1: to focus on them all at the same time. I

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Speaker 1: can do this one now and know that and in

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Speaker 1: this summer that I will work on this other thing.

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Speaker 1: So there is a time for it, but now it's

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Speaker 1: not this time. Yes, And you know you do have

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Speaker 1: to remember that you don't just have to set goals

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Speaker 1: once a year. You know this is airing in mid January.

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Speaker 1: You may've already tackled some goals and you may want

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Speaker 1: to think about you know, what's nice to say? Any

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Speaker 1: day is a good day? Yeah, any day is a

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Speaker 1: good day? Tuesday goals? Why not? And I guess we're

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Speaker 1: in the multiple camp. Okay, when do you tackle the

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Speaker 1: house management tasks that cannot be done with a too

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Speaker 1: young for screens child underfoot and cannot be outsourced? Her

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Speaker 1: examples are I'm finding this really funny that Sarah has

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Speaker 1: set time limits. She's got these on her phone because

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Speaker 1: we're getting them off Instagram, But she has set a

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Speaker 1: time limit for herself of how long she can be

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Speaker 1: on her phone, and she has surpassed that limit because

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Speaker 1: of I probably disabled that yees. So she keeps having

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Speaker 1: assigned by said to myself, as I believe I'm only

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Speaker 1: allowed to spend thirty minutes per day on Instagram, but

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Speaker 1: you know that self didn't know I was going to

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Speaker 1: be using that for a for a productive purpose. Okay.

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Speaker 1: Examples were paying nanny taxes, failing out disability insurance, paper work,

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Speaker 1: buying birthday presents, et cetera. The hours alone are so precious.

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Speaker 1: I hate to spend them doing stuff like this. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I get that, Like, I mean, I definitely am not

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Speaker 1: a fan of doing chores like while you have nap

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Speaker 1: time or something, because that just feels, you know, like

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Speaker 1: you're you're wasting this good time. But never also do

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Speaker 1: chores post bedtime. Yeah, yeah, no, I don't like doing

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Speaker 1: that either. But I think this is one of these.

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Speaker 1: So we've talked about homing from work, that some people

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Speaker 1: work from home, others home from work. So if you

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Speaker 1: haven't in the office job, which if she has a nanny,

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Speaker 1: a full time nanny, it sounds like she may that

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Speaker 1: you can use some of your breaks that you would

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Speaker 1: be like scrolling around on headlines. You know that those

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Speaker 1: unproductive times we all have at work use them for

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Speaker 1: something like this, right, so you know, go fill out

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Speaker 1: that paperwork for fifteen minutes and then get back to

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Speaker 1: work or something like that. But I would I would

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Speaker 1: honestly say self, like buying birthday presents you can do

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Speaker 1: on your phone while the kid is underfoot. I mean,

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Speaker 1: this is not necessarily something you have to do while

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, you look up occasionally. But if

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Speaker 1: you're in a baby proof room, yes, then you can

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Speaker 1: like let the kid kind of crawl around and you

403
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Speaker 1: can do a few things on the phone and then

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Speaker 1: you know, eventually get back to whatever. Yeah, they might

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Speaker 1: be harder. Yeah, well, obviously disability pay a partwork you

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Speaker 1: can do, so I kind of need to focus a

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Speaker 1: little bit. But but buying a birthday present one's like

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Speaker 1: two seconds. By the way, one thing you'll have to

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Speaker 1: tell this is a total digression, but I've thought about

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Speaker 1: perhaps starting to keep a little bit of a birthday

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Speaker 1: present closet, because you know, it's like, you know, I

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Speaker 1: act surprise, Oh, another seven year old girl birthday party.

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Speaker 1: Imagine that I could never want to see that coming exactly.

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Speaker 1: I mean I could probably get some fairly generic five

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Speaker 1: year old boy and seven year old girl gifts and

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Speaker 1: have them around and like if worst case scenario, they

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Speaker 1: could become gifts for my own children, should they not

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Speaker 1: be used for people, and that would kind of take

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Speaker 1: this out of the you know, because we both have

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Speaker 1: discussed that we have our gift wrapping supplies always all

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Speaker 1: ready to go. So then that could just take that

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Speaker 1: off your list entirely because you're just doing it once

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Speaker 1: a year. By about to stuff and especially like I

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Speaker 1: mean things that are are good for anyone. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you know, like children's books. Like if you have some

426
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,440
Speaker 1: favorite children's books, maybe you could you know, make a

427
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,480
Speaker 1: little bundle of them and then that bundle is given

428
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 1: to anyone who you know is in within that age

429
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 1: range or something. Puzzles, puzzle type are really generic. So yeah,

430
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 1: totally agree, and I also agree with thought. So my

431
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,399
Speaker 1: two times that I do these types of things are

432
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,239
Speaker 1: a my home from work time, which means, yeah, I've

433
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,640
Speaker 1: finished with all my patients. It's I don't really take

434
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 1: a true lunch break, to be honest. A lot of

435
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 1: the times, I mean I eat in like ten minutes

436
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 1: with my colleagues, like maybe it's a holdover from pumping whatever.

437
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,920
Speaker 1: But if it's twelve forty and I'm done with my

438
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:41,920
Speaker 1: patients from the morning and I know my next patient

439
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 1: isn't until one point fifteen, then that's I will eat

440
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 1: lunch quickly and then I will do stuff and that

441
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 1: was the kind of stuff with them I do, or

442
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 1: early in the morning five a m is my like

443
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 1: I can just somehow good stuff done so quickly. So

444
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,440
Speaker 1: although some might think say that that's not the best

445
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 1: time to, you know, waste my best brain time paying

446
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,560
Speaker 1: nanny tax, that's you're gonna write your book exactly. That's

447
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:06,359
Speaker 1: what I want to write my book and soon, very soon, exactly. Okay, Laura,

448
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 1: why do you sometimes call your kids by name and

449
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 1: sometimes by number? Privacy concerns, Sarah, you refer to yours

450
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,640
Speaker 1: by name? Did that happen or was it deliberate? I've

451
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,240
Speaker 1: had a blog for a million years, and I guess

452
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,680
Speaker 1: my thought is that in this day and age, I

453
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,120
Speaker 1: like there's like a little bit of a blurriness between

454
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,119
Speaker 1: your online life and your actual life. And I'm not

455
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 1: going to divulge anybody's Social Security number. Are very private

456
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,920
Speaker 1: moments online because I feel like anyone can get it there.

457
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:33,959
Speaker 1: So I guess I just don't feel like I need

458
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,920
Speaker 1: to hide the kids names. I do feel like, you know,

459
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 1: I'm getting to the point where, even like photos, I

460
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 1: want to be you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna choose

461
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,119
Speaker 1: photos where I would never post, like an embarrassing photo

462
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 1: of my kids. I might folks post them looking cute.

463
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,600
Speaker 1: My oldest Annabel is at the age where if she

464
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 1: told me, Mommy, don't post that, I would rescratch her wishes. Uh.

465
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,919
Speaker 1: And I guess if she ever said not to use

466
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 1: her name, but I don't. I don't see her having that.

467
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,440
Speaker 1: It could happen. I mean the point where shall have

468
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,919
Speaker 1: our own social media presence, probably so she likes to announce, Oh,

469
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 1: I've done a podcast, which is really just a recording

470
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 1: in our house. That's great, but that counts. That totally counts,

471
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:15,200
Speaker 1: totally counts. Yeah, yeah, there's there's no good explanation for that.

472
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:19,879
Speaker 1: I had become wary of the fact that when you

473
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: have a blog that's been around for a long time,

474
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,920
Speaker 1: has been linked to, and you have linked out and

475
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: all that, it will often come up on the top

476
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 1: of the results for anyone whose name has been mentioned

477
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: on it, who's not like a very very famous person.

478
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 1: And so I had had this happen with somebody, you know,

479
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 1: even like articles I've written that then the person does

480
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,120
Speaker 1: something different, maybe something they said in that article they're

481
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 1: not happy about anymore. But you can't even get rid

482
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: of it, like it's you know, it's just and so

483
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,440
Speaker 1: I mean when I had, I mean, even this is

484
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,119
Speaker 1: you know, take a little dark turn here. But a

485
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: friend of mine died in an accident in March, and

486
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: I was very careful not to put his name on

487
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,520
Speaker 1: the blog when I wrote about it, because I knew

488
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 1: it would come up before his official obituary. Not because

489
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 1: of anything on my blog, but just my blog's been

490
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 1: around forever and has been linked to, and the obituary

491
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 1: would not have been right, you know, at least at

492
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 1: the beginning. So I don't want my blog to be

493
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 1: the official thing. Like that's not fair to him or

494
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 1: his family or anything like that. And so I'm very

495
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: wary of using people's names on the blog now for

496
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 1: some reason. I you know, so the podcast when I

497
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 1: was first not using the kids' names, it was sort

498
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 1: of a holdover from that. But I think it was

499
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: very nineties to give your kids, like or not nineties.

500
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,680
Speaker 1: I blogs in the nineties, but early two people give

501
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 1: give them it's like monitors. Yeah, but I think that's

502
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,879
Speaker 1: sort of fall favorite. Yeah, So I'm just you know,

503
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 1: I don't want my kids to necessarily have their entire

504
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,880
Speaker 1: online identity established by me without them having any say

505
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 1: over it. I think that so the podcast, it's it's

506
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 1: less sort of immediately searchable or that. Somebody will tell

507
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 1: me that's probably not true. But I don't mention their

508
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 1: like last names with it. Our kids have exactly our

509
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 1: last names. Yeah, and in my books I've used their

510
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,399
Speaker 1: first names. And obviously if you, you know, want to

511
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 1: do a little Google searching, you could probably figure out

512
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 1: what their last name is based on you know, I

513
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 1: don't know what their last name. I'm sure I know

514
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 1: somewhere in my brain. I don't even know. So there

515
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: you go. We'll just leave it at that. Okay, Well, oh,

516
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 1: here's a good one. How do you well, okay, it's

517
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,359
Speaker 1: a funny one. How do you deal with older relatives,

518
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: mother in law and others? This is not like specific

519
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 1: to our in laws, but this is just a questioner

520
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 1: who feel your divisions of labor are crazy and your

521
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:38,919
Speaker 1: husband does too much. I will just stand up right

522
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: now and say, my in laws would never like I'm

523
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 1: very lucky I have not faced this personally in any way.

524
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 1: I grew up in a in a household where my

525
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 1: dad always swept the floor. My mom cooked dinner and

526
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 1: then my dad would like do a lot of cleaning,

527
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 1: and he always swept the floor. So I'm not from

528
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 1: one of those homes where the male gets to like

529
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 1: sit on their butt the woman cleans up. And so

530
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 1: I've never really had anyone comment. Yeah, no, I mean,

531
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 1: and I mean my parents had had sort of more.

532
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,879
Speaker 1: I mean, they had something of a traditional split in

533
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 1: that my father has always been the one with the

534
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 1: full time job, but my mom worked as a tutor

535
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 1: for many years and so those hours are like three

536
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: to six, and so from my perspective, it was often

537
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 1: my father taking care of me in the afternoon when

538
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 1: I got home from school. So it's kind of you know,

539
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 1: you wouldn't see it as like the traditional roles with that,

540
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 1: but so so they they wouldn't have been approaching it

541
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 1: with that. My my mother in law is a fully

542
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: ambitious professional woman, had a great to raise her kids

543
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 1: and then went back and got her MBA and had

544
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: a wonderful career after that. And so yeah, so how

545
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 1: can we how can we answer this person? I mean

546
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,879
Speaker 1: that I don't know if that person has Hey, I

547
00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: could probably respond right, I know, No, well, I think

548
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: I think one thing you can do is sort of

549
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 1: not treat it. I mean again with the same thing

550
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 1: with the toddler tantrums, and it's similar in many ways,

551
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,920
Speaker 1: is that you just sort of stay calm yourself, just

552
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 1: you know, you're not making a point of it of

553
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 1: like what your husband does or doesn't do, but just

554
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 1: sort of explain it matter of factly, you know, be like,

555
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 1: you know, let's say your husband's name is John, and

556
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,120
Speaker 1: your your mother in law is asking you that that's

557
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 1: something you'd be like, oh, that's something John usually deals

558
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,159
Speaker 1: with here. Let me let me go get him for you,

559
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 1: Like as they're like, oh, does Josh really mind helping

560
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 1: clean up after his hard day of work? Like I mean,

561
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 1: I'd probably say, oh, it's so wonderful that he gets to,

562
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 1: you know, come home in time to spend this time

563
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,800
Speaker 1: with us. You could yeah, or just yeah, put a

564
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: positive spend on sort of silly questions like are you

565
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: really sure you should have John stay with your kids

566
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 1: while you're traveling, and be like, oh, he's such a

567
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 1: great dad, you know, like something like you know, just

568
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 1: and you know, trust that this person loves you both,

569
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:00,200
Speaker 1: and it's just coming from a different world where you

570
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 1: know this is this is strange. So it's to her

571
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 1: it's something like, you know, if you showed up with

572
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: blue hair, you know it'd just be something you had

573
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: to comment on. So love it. Okay. What are your

574
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 1: systems for all the household? This is a broad question, questioner,

575
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,400
Speaker 1: what are your systems for all the household or life

576
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:22,360
Speaker 1: things that need to be done except all the things cleaning,

577
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 1: filter changes, oil changes, healthcare. So you divide and conquer

578
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 1: these tasks your spouses. So I have never gone so

579
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 1: far as to create a Tiffany Doufu, by the way,

580
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: she's the author of Drop the Ball, which is a

581
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 1: great book about this kind of a question. I never

582
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: made a spreadsheet, so I would say ours is unfolded

583
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:41,919
Speaker 1: fairly organically. But then every once in a while, there

584
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 1: may come a task where I really feel like it

585
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,239
Speaker 1: would be better off with him doing it, And then

586
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 1: I will simply ask and say, I would like you

587
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,399
Speaker 1: to take charge of figuring out our move and hiring

588
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 1: the movers, and I'll tell you which dat I think

589
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:57,399
Speaker 1: that we should do it, and I'll be there to

590
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 1: So I guess, you know, we're pretty straight forward about it,

591
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,479
Speaker 1: and he'll do the same thing to me. He'll there

592
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 1: are some tasks that sort of naturally fall because it

593
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 1: seems like our gifts are maybe more student. I'm not

594
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 1: saying that from a gender perspective. I'm saying like, I

595
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,720
Speaker 1: have no spatial relationships, so like, don't ask me to

596
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 1: figure out how the furniture is going to fit in

597
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 1: the room, because I'm not going to be good at that.

598
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 1: We both know that. And he's not good with time,

599
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,679
Speaker 1: so he's not going to be good at getting us

600
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,479
Speaker 1: ready to go to the airport on time, for example.

601
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 1: But something's in a more gray area, we will we

602
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 1: will specifically kind of ask yeah, well, And there's another

603
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 1: part of this question, which is what the system should be.

604
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 1: I think it helps to have specific dates when you

605
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,120
Speaker 1: always do something. So if something happens monthly, like choose

606
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 1: a date of the month as your you know date

607
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: that happens, right, So it's a good idea, you know

608
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: if you I don't know how often these things are

609
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 1: supposed to wivor is the oil chairs cleaning? Okay, that's

610
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: like an an a because we buyer someone filter changes,

611
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 1: we kind of do our oh, like air conditioners. See

612
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 1: that's his. So it's like that's like a yeah, and

613
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 1: so he Yeah, I think Michael does that every three

614
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: months or whatever it's supposed to be, and so he'll

615
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 1: do it on the start of the quarter because that's

616
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 1: an obvious date. And so then when it comes to

617
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 1: the start of the quarter, like you know that there

618
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 1: are these things you do every three months that now

619
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,400
Speaker 1: need to be done. And you know what's a great

620
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 1: tool for this is actually so if you do a

621
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 1: shared Google calendar. We've been doing this a little bit

622
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: more so, something like filter changes. If I kind of

623
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 1: thought about it, but I didn't want to do it,

624
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 1: and I wanted to make sure he did it. I

625
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: would create a task and send it to him as

626
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: an invite, and then I might make a little note

627
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 1: that said like, please do this, and then he would

628
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 1: get that on his calendar and he'd be reminded to

629
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 1: do it, whereas it would have been initiated by me.

630
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: I know that wouldn't work with every couple, but it

631
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 1: probably would work for us. Yeah, I mean, we've been

632
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: thinking of how we'll have like certain triggers for things.

633
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 1: I mean, so it turned out that our treadmill was

634
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: supposed to be like lubricated every year, which we didn't

635
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 1: know and we have it at four years and now

636
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 1: we need to do it, huh, because it started not

637
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 1: being happy. But then I think, okay, well we do

638
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: that around Christmas. So that's one of the things we're

639
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 1: going to do at Christmas every year. You know, if

640
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 1: they're like smoke alarms need to be tested, to test

641
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: the like on the first of the month, or you

642
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: know something, but just set a recurring date in your

643
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 1: mind that is the day all these things happen. And

644
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: you probably need some tasks that happen, you know, once

645
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: a month, some that are every three months, and some

646
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: that are annually. I think that's pretty much the other

647
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 1: six months too, you know. But yeah, I guess that's

648
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: It's funny. I can't come up with that many of

649
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: these tasks. This means I probably just am not in

650
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 1: charge of a lot of whether I go. I'm the

651
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 1: kind of person that if I'm not doing it, I'm

652
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: like completely free of it. Like yeah, I was thinking so,

653
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 1: And some of them, the trigger happens from another system,

654
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 1: right like our insurance the car insurance is every six months,

655
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 1: and then you know, so the bill comes, you pay it,

656
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 1: and then you get your new cards, and so that's

657
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 1: its own trigger, Like they're not going to stop billing you,

658
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 1: so you know you have that you know some things,

659
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: if you can get people to send you recurring bills

660
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 1: that are something you then need to deal with. I

661
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 1: would think I'm not sure if this is true, but

662
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 1: most families probably have one like designated bill paying official,

663
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 1: because I kind of think it's dangerous if you, yeah,

664
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: don't really in charge of that, Like I pay bills.

665
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 1: End of story. I'm fine with it. It's my job.

666
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 1: I do it every week, but I get the mail

667
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: at the end or if it's like an online bill

668
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: like that night. But yeah, I think, I mean, I

669
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 1: think the more tasks you can set up very autopilot

670
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 1: and very clear so that there isn't this gray area

671
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 1: like will you pay these bills? And I pay these bills?

672
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 1: Like make it simple, you know, answer to your talents

673
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 1: and yeah, that sounds good. Okay. What ages and sibling

674
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 1: dynamics have been a favorite so far? When did you

675
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 1: feel your kids became easier the easier to you, Well,

676
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 1: they're definitely easier now than they were, although some of

677
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: it's personality based too. That my three year old is

678
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 1: still very challenging because he's a very spirited child and

679
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 1: is not very interested in pleasing people, which then creates

680
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,480
Speaker 1: its own dynamic. So he is more difficult than I

681
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: remember the others being at that age, because I mean, honestly,

682
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 1: when Jasper, my oldest, was at age, we already knew

683
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 1: that our third kid was on you know, her way,

684
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 1: so whereas he has always been the baby. So I

685
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: can't imagine like having three children, I mean two children

686
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 1: younger than him, with the way he is, but the

687
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 1: older three are very easy at this point. So no,

688
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 1: for sure that by the time you're eleven nine y says,

689
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 1: survive until five, right, survive until five? I mean I

690
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 1: think that you know, by the time they are school

691
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 1: age they can. It's really the point where they can

692
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 1: be let go, like in a house, and you know

693
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: that they'll probably be okay. I mean, it's like the

694
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 1: question when you go to a friend's house for dinner

695
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 1: or something. Can they just be trusted to go play

696
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 1: with the kids and play in the basement. You don't

697
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 1: need to hover over them. We recently went to a

698
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 1: friends party and it was the first time we'd let

699
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 1: Alex wander the house and there were some issues. There

700
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: was not quite it was quite there, but it wasn't

701
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 1: horrible either. Unfortunately, they also have they have three year

702
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 1: old twins, so they're not unaware of they're not going

703
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 1: to have like live live wires sticking out somewhere. Yeah,

704
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: so we just received a text. I'm gonna I'm going

705
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 1: to insert this into the podcast because we lost all

706
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 1: the children. We are hopeful they are still in the museum.

707
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 1: And then there's when it says, okay, okay, oh that's

708
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 1: pretty funny, just s in everyone, well, all our husbands

709
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 1: are hanging out at the Police Touch Museum with the

710
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 1: seven children's not lost. It seems like it would be

711
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: hard to lease Genevieve. I mean I could, I could

712
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 1: totally see Alex being lost. Sam has in fact been

713
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 1: lost at the Police Touch Museum, so that's son a

714
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 1: repeat performance, but it's pretty safe there. Jasper would would

715
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 1: not go anywhere. So yes, I think I think that

716
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: was my husband's idea of humor. That was awesome. I'm like, okay, wow, yeah,

717
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 1: I think I think the four to five things get

718
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 1: much easier. And I also feel like the year between

719
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 1: one and two is the hardest. Yeah, Like we've just

720
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: entered that and it's really hard. I mean, we were

721
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 1: just out to brunch with friends and like, you know,

722
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: there was a little bit of hy drinks from Cameron

723
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 1: and their younger one who's about a year younger than Cameron.

724
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 1: But for the most part you could sit and have

725
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: a nice meal and talk, except for Genevie. So I

726
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: was like up and she was down and she was

727
00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 1: grabbing everything and there was glass like flying everyone, and

728
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 1: you know, it's just you know, but it's short, you all, like,

729
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: it's really short. It goes by that year is only

730
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 1: a year long, and even two is better than one,

731
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,399
Speaker 1: and three is better than two, and four better than three,

732
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 1: and then after that, yeah, I think four plus is

733
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 1: pretty good. Except if you know, if your kid has

734
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 1: you know, some sort of special needs or issues that's

735
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:23,320
Speaker 1: going to cause any sort of behavioral problems or sleep issues,

736
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 1: and then then that's a different ballgame. But that's you

737
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 1: know that, So we don't have to say anything about that. Yes, Okay,

738
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 1: this is a very important We're going to have to

739
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 1: divide this into two episodes, by the way, because we're

740
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: already at thirty four minutes, and I am so I'm

741
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 1: really very grateful to these people who submitted these wonderful questions.

742
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 1: But Laura, this is for you. What's the best order

743
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,319
Speaker 1: to read your book? Oh, dear well, I guess if

744
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,439
Speaker 1: you're reading the time management one saying yes, you could

745
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,359
Speaker 1: read them in the order they came out. So one

746
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,720
Speaker 1: hundred and sixty eight hours is a, you know, pretty

747
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 1: good basic introduction to time management. Although if you want

748
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 1: really short what the most successful people do before breakfast

749
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 1: is probably a good place to start too. The other

750
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 1: ones are a bit more either specific, so I know

751
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 1: how she does it. If you're like coming to me,

752
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,919
Speaker 1: like while you're on maternity leave, for instance, that would

753
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: be a good book to start with. Off the Clock

754
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 1: I kind of think of as more of the advanced class,

755
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 1: So maybe that's I don't know, what would you say.

756
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 1: I mean, they're all have different I think it depends

757
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 1: on where you are in life. I think one hundred

758
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 1: and sixty eight hours is like a perennial classic and

759
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,920
Speaker 1: there's a lot to be learned from that book. Off

760
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 1: the Clock, I think is a great one to read,

761
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 1: like if you're on vacation and you just want to

762
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 1: like to think about how you use time and different

763
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:35,759
Speaker 1: ways of thinking about time. And you know, she talks

764
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 1: about being off the clock, so it might be nice

765
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 1: to read it at a time when you feel like

766
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 1: you're a little bit off the clock. So that one's

767
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: a great one to take, maybe on a conference with

768
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 1: you or on a girl's trip. Yeah. I don't know

769
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,320
Speaker 1: that there's a right answer, but but read them that

770
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 1: would be great. I don't care what order you read

771
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: them on, any order, all right, I think we have

772
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 1: time for let's say two more, Okay, any advice or

773
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 1: strategies for staying engaged and in the moment during those

774
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: precious hours between work and bedtime, say five thirty or

775
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 1: six pm to a PM is not an ideal time

776
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,239
Speaker 1: of day, but I'd like to make better use of

777
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,320
Speaker 1: that time. So I think we did do an episode

778
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:12,919
Speaker 1: on evenings at some point in the past, very early.

779
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 1: And if you go to Laura Vanderkam dot com my website,

780
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 1: there's sort of the start here, Laura's favorites or something

781
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 1: one of the best of things I have on there.

782
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 1: There's ways to spend the evening hours with little kids,

783
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 1: which is a you know, It's just something that doesn't

784
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,320
Speaker 1: happen to us now because our school age kids have

785
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 1: evening activities, so it's like the evening's over before we

786
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: even know it. I feel a lot of the time,

787
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 1: But when they were really little, that was not the case.

788
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 1: I mean, especially when I had a two year old

789
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 1: who never slept. He was not into sleeping at all,

790
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 1: and he still doesn't, but he's eleven and now can

791
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 1: entertain himself. There were long evenings, so it was a

792
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,320
Speaker 1: lot of time, which and they're not always going to

793
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 1: feel precious. Now it's okay, it's okay if they don't

794
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 1: feel precious. To take that pressure off yourself. It's just time.

795
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,279
Speaker 1: It's time like any outh. Just because you are a

796
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: working parent doesn't mean you never see your kids. Like

797
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: so get that thought out of your head. Right now,

798
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:14,320
Speaker 1: you're probably spending quite a bit of time with your children,

799
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,759
Speaker 1: so you don't actually have to think of every half

800
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 1: hour as you know, some miracle, because it's not going

801
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 1: to feel like a miracle big chunks of the time.

802
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 1: But it doesn't matter. It's all good anyway. So I think,

803
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: you know, having a plan was always helpful for me,

804
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 1: Like you know, especially when I lived in New York.

805
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: We might go get in the stroller and go for

806
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 1: an evening walk, right, that would be something we could do.

807
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 1: You know, if you're in a place that doesn't have

808
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 1: sidewalks or lights, that might be less feasible. But you know,

809
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,400
Speaker 1: there might be a building playroom that we had in

810
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 1: our apartment that we went there. But it could be

811
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 1: that you want to do a certain puzzle with your kids,

812
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 1: or you want to, you know, play a certain game,

813
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:59,399
Speaker 1: and maybe you're not excited about every game in the world,

814
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: but you could get it excited about one and then you,

815
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:03,880
Speaker 1: because you are in charge, you can force them to

816
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 1: play that. Yeah, what do you say? Yeah, I feel

817
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,320
Speaker 1: like having sort of a time template that really works

818
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: for you, like, you know, okay, I mean number one.

819
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 1: I will also say what I'm not on call? I

820
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:15,840
Speaker 1: tried it. That is the time I try to stash

821
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 1: my phone in this little dish well in front of

822
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: our old house. I guess we'll have to get a

823
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 1: new dish dish and you know, not have that interruption,

824
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 1: because that that is gonna, you know, put a wrench

825
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,120
Speaker 1: in any kind of bonding that might occur in this

826
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,319
Speaker 1: For me, not always so precious time, but still it's time,

827
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 1: but kind of knowing like, Okay, we like to try

828
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 1: to play from this time until this time, and then

829
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 1: we like to do bath, and then we like to

830
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 1: do this, and just I mean, I'm sure this is

831
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 1: self explanatory. Most of you probably have rituals, but really

832
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 1: thinking through like what works and what doesn't. And I

833
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: actually don't have dinner with the kids most of the time,

834
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 1: so they're fed already, so we can kind of just

835
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: devote that time to okay, just playing and then usually

836
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 1: you know, for me, I do bedtime with Genevieve, so

837
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: that's like kind of a quiet, nice ritual, and I

838
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 1: let my kids have a beautiful, precious ritual of watching

839
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 1: a TV show while I did that, oh yeah exactly,

840
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 1: and then I kind of shift over to some nice

841
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 1: time with the big kids. And for me, what makes

842
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 1: that time feel like it's worthy of being savored is

843
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 1: like snuggling on a couch with a book and like

844
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: choosing one that that I like and kind of just

845
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 1: making that a ritual for us. So you know, I

846
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 1: don't tend to do a lot of outings. I mean,

847
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: I can imagine a walk when it's still light out,

848
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,320
Speaker 1: but general, generally it's just sort of following our template

849
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 1: but inserting elements that I might enjoy into it, whether

850
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: that be a game that I like, or doing a

851
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 1: puzzle together, or just even choosing the right kind of

852
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 1: books to read together. Wine wine is good too. That Yeah,

853
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 1: the wine during bath time at bad time, or wine

854
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 1: during that dinner while your kids are watching a show

855
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: right before you start book time. Yeah, yeah, exactly, or

856
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 1: not making light of that. I know people are like, oh,

857
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,800
Speaker 1: the one thing is out, but you know, sometimes you do,

858
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 1: and baths can go on for a while, like if

859
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 1: the kids are having fun playing and that it's just playtime,

860
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,879
Speaker 1: like let them play, or if you know, I find

861
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,399
Speaker 1: reading to kids actually a lot more tolerable than many

862
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 1: other things. So you know, reading lots of books, like

863
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 1: you can have story time go on for quite a

864
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 1: while if that's something you like, bring into it, and

865
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 1: if it's a good book, Like there's a lot of

866
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: really good children's literature, so I read for an hour. Yeah,

867
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 1: it goes by pretty quickly if you're all joining the story. Yeah,

868
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: lately we've been doing a lot of rolls all Yeah,

869
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 1: those are those are good books. And he writes with

870
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 1: an eye toward parents reading it as well. So think

871
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 1: about that kind of literature that that you will find

872
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:30,880
Speaker 1: enjoyable too. And yeah, no, that's uh. And and again

873
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:32,840
Speaker 1: not every night is going to be some sort of

874
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: wonderful Pinterest story and it's you're there like five nights

875
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: a week, like good, maybe nothing is wonderful five times

876
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 1: a week. There you go. All right, let's see. Oh

877
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: someone just wished us love from Australia. It's nice. Hmm, okay,

878
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 1: here's here's the last one. It's a little hard. I

879
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 1: love Laard's book Off the Clock, Thank you, Allison. And

880
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 1: I've tried to do more activities with the kids will

881
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 1: give me these memories. However, how do you deal with

882
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,200
Speaker 1: the gimmes like throwing a fit o we're not getting

883
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 1: every souven year at a show, or you get them

884
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 1: in icy one time, and then they expect it every time.

885
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,720
Speaker 1: I want to give my kids special experiences or treats,

886
00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 1: but the entitlement to it every time puts a damper

887
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 1: on it. I usually like to tell my kids in

888
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: advance so that today is not an icy real so

889
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 1: it's not a surprise when we get there. Because otherwise,

890
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 1: you know, they do kind of expect it, and we

891
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,760
Speaker 1: do have allowance. We've talked about allowances on another episode.

892
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 1: But if we're going to a museum and I'm not

893
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:31,839
Speaker 1: planning on buying it anything, which is most of the time,

894
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 1: I will tell them, you know, if you're interested in

895
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:35,919
Speaker 1: purchasing something at the Numan, you see with your own money,

896
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: and if you're out of money, then that means sorry,

897
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,839
Speaker 1: you can get it next time. So I do feel

898
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 1: like telling them beforehand that that's not what they can

899
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,719
Speaker 1: expect out of the experience is helpful. Yeah. I mean

900
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 1: we try not to go through gift shops as much

901
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,400
Speaker 1: as possible. Oh, we won't be going through there, all right,

902
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 1: We're walking right through, We're out, and so it wouldn't

903
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 1: be an expectation. Or you can even tell them like, oh,

904
00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: every fourth time you can pick something out and then

905
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 1: they come no, Yeah, but I would say that I

906
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 1: would also not let the gimmes ruin your experience of

907
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 1: the fun moment, because of course they see wonderful things

908
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 1: and would like them, and you know, why not why

909
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 1: wouldn't they ask like why wouldn't they try? I mean,

910
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:18,239
Speaker 1: you buy them other things occasionally, So why wouldn't they try?

911
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,879
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that the experience itself was not good.

912
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 1: I think it's important to sort of compartmentalize this as well, Like,

913
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 1: you know, a day that has a couple of bad

914
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,800
Speaker 1: moments is still a pretty good day. You know, A

915
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 1: fun trip somewhere that had a you know, ten minute

916
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 1: argument about why we're not buying plastic crap from the

917
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: gift store was still probably a pretty good time. Yeah.

918
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:42,360
Speaker 1: So so don't let that. Let's not be too precious

919
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 1: about stuff that if the whole thing wasn't perfect, it

920
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 1: wasn't a good time. It's really right. Yeah, Others we

921
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 1: never get out to do anything. Yeah, and that would

922
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 1: be no good either. So there we go. All right,

923
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 1: Well this is yeah, I've been a long one. It's

924
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: been an all mail bag episode. I guess we have

925
00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 1: a love of the week. I will I will say

926
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,840
Speaker 1: that I was on Instagram until really like, I mean,

927
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 1: I had an account, but I didn't start posting regularly

928
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 1: till pretty much just like a year ago or so

929
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 1: and a year and a half ago. And I really

930
00:43:09,239 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 1: like it. I mean, I can spend a lot of

931
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 1: time on there. Why I have a time limit on

932
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 1: my time of it on the phone. Yeah, it's like

933
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:18,959
Speaker 1: Facebook without some of those stuff that started to annoy

934
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 1: me a lot about Facebook. Yes, there's not as much

935
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:23,880
Speaker 1: political stuff because it's harder to put off. Yeah, you

936
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,320
Speaker 1: control food, but it's harder to post articles because you

937
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 1: can't even do the links. So you know, it's just

938
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,800
Speaker 1: very much the baby photos and stuff, which is what

939
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 1: I liked about Facebook before. So I would say Instagram is.

940
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 1: I definitely enjoy Instagram as well. I'll give a shout

941
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 1: out to the limits in the phone, even though I've

942
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 1: done through them, I think that generally they're they're quite helpful.

943
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,240
Speaker 1: So there's like this whole article about kind of hacking

944
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 1: your iPhone to help you use it less and I

945
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,240
Speaker 1: don't have the details in front of me, but hopefully

946
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 1: I can link to it if I find it when

947
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 1: this publishes, And it's great. You kind of set things

948
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 1: on autopilot if you're own to picking it up and

949
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 1: you want it to kind of be a little bit

950
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,879
Speaker 1: less convenient. There are now built in ways of doing

951
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:10,479
Speaker 1: so yeah, already good decide. Hey, I like my phone,

952
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 1: I like Instagram, I do anyway, I've kind of enjoyed

953
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,880
Speaker 1: seeing that the new screen time feature. I like getting

954
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 1: my report on Sunday morning in which I can be

955
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,319
Speaker 1: I can be confronted with my statistics. I quite enjoy

956
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,240
Speaker 1: that and see how it goes each week. So thanks Ample,

957
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: Thanks Apple for putting that in as an automatic automat Apple.

958
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,800
Speaker 1: This is a perfect moment. This is unplanned. You should

959
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 1: all reach this podcast. Yes, please do on iTunes. Continue

960
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 1: to want to get it out to more people because

961
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 1: we love doing it and we like to spread our

962
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 1: message and it's so much fun when we can ask

963
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 1: for questions and actually get a whole bunch of them.

964
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 1: And the only way people will find it is if, yeah,

965
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 1: if they listen. So yeah, please rate us, review us

966
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 1: on iTunes or elsewhere, follow us on Instagram. We're at

967
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:58,280
Speaker 1: Best of Both Worlds podcasts with the appropriate underscores between

968
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:02,719
Speaker 1: those words and uh yeah, that's we all right. This

969
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 1: has been Best of Both Worlds Episode seventy seven, All

970
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 1: mail Bag. We'll be back next week with more on

971
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:14,239
Speaker 1: making work in life fit together. Thanks for listening. You

972
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 1: can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or

973
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:21,439
Speaker 1: at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find

974
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 1: me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been

975
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 1: the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next

976
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 1: time for more on making work and life work together.