Speaker 1: Yo. I say this with all due respect to me
Speaker 1: or in general in general. But however, having sex should
Speaker 1: not be a chore. And if it is a chore,
Speaker 1: and you know it's a chore, you should not demand
Speaker 1: or push monogamy on your partner. Okay, that's fair. Fair?
Speaker 1: Are you looking at me like that? I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: just who am I supposed to be looking at them?
Speaker 1: It's just me and you were here. Well, I thought
Speaker 1: that my sex drive would have been renewed with the
Speaker 1: vow renewal, But since that ship ain't happened, my sex
Speaker 1: drive ain't happening either, dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and
Speaker 1: where the ellises. You may know us from posting funny
Speaker 1: videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as
Speaker 1: a form of therapy. Wait, I'm making me therapy most days.
Speaker 1: Oh and one more important thing to mention. We're married, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about
Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't
Speaker 1: want to talk about. To the lens of a millennial
Speaker 1: married couple. Then ass is the term that we say
Speaker 1: every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually
Speaker 1: saying facts. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
Speaker 1: the truth. We're about to take pillow Talk to a
Speaker 1: whole new level. This is dead ass story time. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take y'all way back to last night. All right,
Speaker 1: By this time, you guys have already seen the promo
Speaker 1: video and videos and pictures that we spent time Indebellar mansion,
Speaker 1: and you see Codeine Harhole get up on her whole world.
Speaker 1: Her face was beating like Brooklyn slash nineties slash Barbie.
Speaker 1: We also we saw, yeah, we saw, we saw story
Speaker 1: times in my time. So she had on the whole
Speaker 1: face beat. The baby heirs was laid the rhind stones.
Speaker 1: She had about seventy seven pounds of weaving her here right,
Speaker 1: So the whole day she knew I was looking at her.
Speaker 1: Y'all saw the way I was looking at her, right,
Speaker 1: and y'all saw the videos, and everybody was putting like,
Speaker 1: it's the way that I'll be looking at cadem for me.
Speaker 1: It's the way he looks at her for me. So
Speaker 1: everybody saw the way I was looking at her. Right.
Speaker 1: Which I didn't know was that she had that same
Speaker 1: hairstyle three days in a row with the makeup because
Speaker 1: it took three days to film everything. So the first
Speaker 1: day she said, yo, I got you. At the end
Speaker 1: of the shoot, I'm gonna let you mess this up.
Speaker 1: I know how you, I know how you like to
Speaker 1: do some I'm like, let's go. We're gonna mess this up. Right.
Speaker 1: We get done filming yesterday, we get home, I'm tired.
Speaker 1: I need to go take a nap and chills. That fine.
Speaker 1: She said, I'm gonna leave my I'm gonna leave my
Speaker 1: face on in my hair for you, daddy. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: leave it on for me, right. So I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, cool, I'm gonna leave it on. So we
Speaker 1: go to my homeboy's house about seven o'clock because I
Speaker 1: go to workout. We bring the family so we can
Speaker 1: spend some family time together. When we get back to
Speaker 1: the crib, I'm like, boom, it's ten o'clock. Jackson's already
Speaker 1: going to bed, so it's just me and wife. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, it's about to go down. She
Speaker 1: sit down while we're about to watch Green Leaf, and
Speaker 1: she started taking the wave out, talk about okay, for
Speaker 1: that's the show. I don't even know what I knew
Speaker 1: what time it was at night, but she wants to
Speaker 1: watch green Leaf. So I'm like, you want to watch
Speaker 1: the episode of green Leaf? Don't watch episode? Thought he
Speaker 1: died but he turns out he ain't it, so don't
Speaker 1: want it. You know, you don't want the show. So
Speaker 1: so now she got to put on green Leaf. She
Speaker 1: start taking a weave out. So now I kind of
Speaker 1: got an attitude. So I'm like, you said you was
Speaker 1: gonna let me mess it up, but now you're taking
Speaker 1: a week. So now I'm kind of mad. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: you don't even wanna watch green Leaf no more. She's like,
Speaker 1: you don't want to watch one episode? She already faded
Speaker 1: and half sleep right, So I'm like, no, let's just
Speaker 1: go to bed. So we go upstairs to go lay
Speaker 1: in the bed, and I guess she sensed that I
Speaker 1: had an attitude, so now she's just like, damn, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to, you know, fulfill my promise. So I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm not saying nothing because I had already decided
Speaker 1: that I was gonna let this go tend years a marriage.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be on her about it, right, So
Speaker 1: now we're laying in the bed, She's like, can we
Speaker 1: watch one episode of green Leaf. So we turned green
Speaker 1: Leaf from we laying in the bed. I'm on my
Speaker 1: side of the bed. I put the covers on, so
Speaker 1: I'm like, don't touch me, you stay on your side,
Speaker 1: and saying on my side, I don't even want to
Speaker 1: be aroused. She gonna come school her butt on me
Speaker 1: and leaning on me, and then tapped me on my chests.
Speaker 1: Right we were twenty minutes in the green Leaf. Right,
Speaker 1: tapped me on my chest. I look over at her.
Speaker 1: She looked over at me. She's gonna say to me, Mom,
Speaker 1: I know you listen to a part of my friend.
Speaker 1: She don'ta say to me, you feel like em plessing
Speaker 1: she laying in the bed, she got her face to
Speaker 1: half beat the Mindstones is still here, still the baby here.
Speaker 1: He's still laid. But she got this little ponytail sitting
Speaker 1: up here, and she gonna lean over at me and
Speaker 1: took me on my chance, asked me if I now
Speaker 1: I got to perform on her? You made promises to me,
Speaker 1: so you know what I did? Y'all? Right? What I
Speaker 1: do say yep? And that right there epitomizes married sex
Speaker 1: after ten years. Truth is Oh my gosh. Options are
Speaker 1: few options are one. I'm trying to pray, but where
Speaker 1: are you? I'm all church down, hurt and I don't
Speaker 1: know money abuse you. I can't face. I can't fake.
Speaker 1: I can't fake. What's left to do? Don't even mind
Speaker 1: if you fake it. I just wanted you know. You
Speaker 1: know it's a whole lie, attempt to fake it. You
Speaker 1: can see right, you're like, you know, okay, I've known
Speaker 1: you for almost eighteen We've been doing this ship for
Speaker 1: almost eighteen years. Don't be faking that eighteen years next week, well,
Speaker 1: by the time this episode years, it will be over
Speaker 1: eighteen years. I know, I know when she's faking it.
Speaker 1: Truth is um we why are you so tiring? So
Speaker 1: no strength? Why why? Well, you know, along with the
Speaker 1: violeral nor not being my sex drive was renewed, nor
Speaker 1: has my energy been renewed. I don't understand what it is.
Speaker 1: It's like a thing like when you become a mom,
Speaker 1: you just be tired. You're tired in perpetuity. So you
Speaker 1: know what she said, guys, this is and this is
Speaker 1: this is part of the problem for a man because
Speaker 1: and here's the thing I don't want to say, just
Speaker 1: men and women think because we've gotten a lot of
Speaker 1: emails from women who said they have higher sex drives
Speaker 1: than their husband. So all those statistics show that that's
Speaker 1: the anomally majority of the time, especially at our age,
Speaker 1: men's sex drive are higher than women, you know, between
Speaker 1: the ages of thirty and forty. What the the issue
Speaker 1: for me is this, if I'm going to compromise with
Speaker 1: you and say, you know what, I'm not gonna push
Speaker 1: you for sex when you don't want to have sex
Speaker 1: and you give me a date and time and it's
Speaker 1: time to pay the piper, I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: your damn excuses and men get piste off because then
Speaker 1: y'all don't want to even discuss the fact that you
Speaker 1: made a promise and whatever men talk about sex women
Speaker 1: wasn't like You're gonna have to figure it out and
Speaker 1: then what I want to do. No, I don't don't
Speaker 1: leave it up to us. Y'all want to be in
Speaker 1: this with us, right, absolutely, Okay, I'm just having a
Speaker 1: hard time talking to you so exactly. So the fact
Speaker 1: that you gotta looking at me just get up. Imagine
Speaker 1: how I feel looking at you. I'm trying to be
Speaker 1: sexual and trying to be intimate with you when you
Speaker 1: got this ponytail sticking up on your head. That's what
Speaker 1: I had to look at. You just wanted the whole
Speaker 1: week piece. But I didn't want the whole because that's
Speaker 1: what I deserved. I just the yes. Next time, you know,
Speaker 1: I have you saw that ship in versus pinning it
Speaker 1: in because clearly that did not work. Yes, you know
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need that. I'm gonna need that. Listen. So,
Speaker 1: after ten years of marriage, we've been through several stages
Speaker 1: of intimacy nationals. We've been together almost eighteen years. So
Speaker 1: where are we now? Where can we go? For me? Well,
Speaker 1: let's let's talk about the stages of intimacy. We got lust, romance,
Speaker 1: peer bonding, which means being able to face uncomfortable truths
Speaker 1: about each other and deciding if we can live with
Speaker 1: those truths forevermore or locking it down. You know, we're there,
Speaker 1: like the ordeal or threats and tests characterized by things
Speaker 1: like babies, mortgages, redundancy, death, going through life cycles with
Speaker 1: your partner, um stuff like that. So those the ordeals,
Speaker 1: like that's the stuff that we're going through to as
Speaker 1: a marriage. And then it's the real deal. So what
Speaker 1: happens is is that people as they get married go
Speaker 1: through all of these different stages of intimacy. I think
Speaker 1: right now you're at the real deal, right because we
Speaker 1: have Jackson who was in school, our kids, you know,
Speaker 1: out there doing anything, which that's not really in school.
Speaker 1: But I feel like your mind be all over the place.
Speaker 1: That's fair. I'm still at lust. I think I've been
Speaker 1: in lust since I was eighteen. I love it. And
Speaker 1: you know what's amazing about about men in general, well
Speaker 1: you particularly, because I can't speak for every man, however,
Speaker 1: you've been in lust through every phase of everything. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I felt my worst when I was nine months pregnant.
Speaker 1: When I was in the fourth trimester, it was like
Speaker 1: a swollen vagina and like leaky boobs and ship you
Speaker 1: thought that it was sexy, And to me, there was
Speaker 1: absolutely nothing sexy about that. Like I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: I had a baby in me, I had a baby
Speaker 1: on me, like we always touching me. So she was
Speaker 1: very different leaky boobs. I don't think it was sexy.
Speaker 1: Swollen vagina now for obvious reasons, you guys know why
Speaker 1: I would think that's sexy. It was very lubricated down there, Okay,
Speaker 1: in any events, I am not allowed, based on our
Speaker 1: marriage laws and the contract we signed with each other,
Speaker 1: to have sex with anybody else. So these urgents that come,
Speaker 1: I have to share them with the one person I
Speaker 1: decided to spend the rest of my life with, so
Speaker 1: that that brings me back to my my my sound bity, right.
Speaker 1: I don't understand, And this is what we can discuss
Speaker 1: as a woman, because I don't. I don't want to
Speaker 1: say it's a man versus woman thing, but a lot
Speaker 1: of women do complain how my husband is always on me?
Speaker 1: Why is he always on me if sex is going
Speaker 1: to be a chore for you that you don't really
Speaker 1: want to do. Why do women constantly push monogamy on
Speaker 1: men if you know that you don't want to have
Speaker 1: to deal with him all the time just wanting you,
Speaker 1: Why do you push monogamy on that? Well, who's to
Speaker 1: say I pushed anything on anybody? Like? Well, we know
Speaker 1: that you pushed monogamy on me. I pushed man out'n
Speaker 1: I forced you to get married to me, tom out.
Speaker 1: I didn't say you forced me to get married, But
Speaker 1: did you not say to me that you wanted to
Speaker 1: be engaged and you wanted to be before you live
Speaker 1: with me. You don't want a billion dollars. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get it. So that's fair. But we're not even even
Speaker 1: talking about marriage. Let's even talk about dating, right, two
Speaker 1: people are dating? Typically in society, who asks for exclusivity first?
Speaker 1: A woman or a man? Thank you? That was my
Speaker 1: whole point. So you were going all over the place.
Speaker 1: If women typically asks for exclusivity first, then when they
Speaker 1: get exclusivity, say, he always on me, he always want
Speaker 1: to have sex. Why are we asking men for exclusivity
Speaker 1: if we do not want to participate itt for insects
Speaker 1: at the same level as men. We have to think
Speaker 1: about what that does to a man. And I don't
Speaker 1: think that that's being that that conversation is being had. Okay,
Speaker 1: I agree, and that part I agree with, yes, that
Speaker 1: women are typically the ones that will ask for the exclusivity.
Speaker 1: I get that. Yes, So you say you want to
Speaker 1: be engaged. I get engaged. You say you want to
Speaker 1: be married within the year. We do that, we get married.
Speaker 1: Then you make it seem like like sex as a
Speaker 1: chore to your husband. Once again, I ask the question,
Speaker 1: why do women who push forth monogamy on the man
Speaker 1: they're dating, then get overwhelmed with that man who tries
Speaker 1: to provide that monogamy to you. Why do you get
Speaker 1: upset when we're trying to be what you want us
Speaker 1: to be. You don't want me to be with no
Speaker 1: one else? Right? Right? I'm asking this is you don't
Speaker 1: want me to be with no one else. So if
Speaker 1: I decide that all this testoster w I have I
Speaker 1: want to give to you, why is this so overwhelming? Now?
Speaker 1: This is what you ask for? Twenty six and twenty
Speaker 1: seven year old Codeine was like, Okay, here's the natural
Speaker 1: succession of life. Your graduate, you're working, you meet somebody,
Speaker 1: you guys are dating. You want children. I want children.
Speaker 1: We don't want to wait too long or too late
Speaker 1: to have children. So now a lot of people are
Speaker 1: waiting until their thirties to have children, and I understand
Speaker 1: why we and we at that time felt like, well,
Speaker 1: we're doing everything in this natural succession that the forces
Speaker 1: that be have given us this timeline. A lot of that, too,
Speaker 1: is not knowing that you have the liberty and the
Speaker 1: choice and there shouldn't be any pressure to wait. Right. So,
Speaker 1: twenty seven year old Cadine in that moment felt like, okay,
Speaker 1: so we are dating for a certain amount of tent
Speaker 1: At that point, we were dating for seven or eight years, right,
Speaker 1: seven or eight years is a bit of time to
Speaker 1: be invested in somebody, to not know is there a
Speaker 1: future here? What are we doing? So at that point
Speaker 1: I proposed to you the idea of engagement. We got engaged,
Speaker 1: then it was like, all right, we want to have kids.
Speaker 1: I particularly didn't want to have a child until I
Speaker 1: was married. So it's like, all right, well we're engaged,
Speaker 1: we might as well the next phases get married. And
Speaker 1: then naturally, girls get excited the minute you're engaged, and
Speaker 1: it's just like, oh, fiance, fiance, you know, he put
Speaker 1: a ring on it. It's like the wedding planning has
Speaker 1: to commence, like that's just naturally what most women do. Okay,
Speaker 1: So that happened and then we ended up getting married. However,
Speaker 1: I did not realize that after having children, after you know,
Speaker 1: career changes, all of the turbulences that we've been through
Speaker 1: in life, that that was going to have a direct
Speaker 1: effect on my sex drive. That's fair and me not
Speaker 1: knowing that. If I knew it, then I probably would
Speaker 1: have rethought, you know what I was gonna do when
Speaker 1: it came to marriage and monogamy, and that is fair.
Speaker 1: And this is why I like to have this discussion.
Speaker 1: And I think we should have this discussion because people
Speaker 1: look at us and say, oh, relationship goes, right, marriage
Speaker 1: goes They don't know what what is being discussed behind
Speaker 1: closed doors, right. So, for example, one of the things
Speaker 1: that I have deduced through being married to you for
Speaker 1: a long period of time is this. And this is
Speaker 1: not a about a women think. Women think. This is
Speaker 1: about me and you. I learned that you were never
Speaker 1: taught what it entails to be with someone in a
Speaker 1: monogamous relationship the same way I was never taught that.
Speaker 1: So what happens is is that we both have expectations
Speaker 1: of what we think it's gonna be like, and then
Speaker 1: the minute it's not like that, we start to project
Speaker 1: our issues that we have with that on each other.
Speaker 1: So you just mad at me, and I get mine
Speaker 1: at you. So the problem is the problem is is
Speaker 1: not so much the reality of what happens, is that
Speaker 1: we all have this ideal of what it's supposed to
Speaker 1: be like. And I'm gonna give you an example as
Speaker 1: a man right in my eighteen From eighteen to twenty two,
Speaker 1: we had sex routinely, like all the time that was there.
Speaker 1: Right once we moved into together and we were living
Speaker 1: together in our own house in Michigan, sex started to
Speaker 1: slow down. This is before kids, this is before marriages,
Speaker 1: before he was working, this was before any stresses period.
Speaker 1: This was just you. Sex just started to slow down.
Speaker 1: And then also to em two was like college. It
Speaker 1: was my first time out of my parents house. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, we were living in this utopia that was
Speaker 1: college life. And also to um, what was the other
Speaker 1: thing that I was gonna say? So we got distance.
Speaker 1: We had distance. We had distance, so there was time
Speaker 1: for us to like miss each other and be like
Speaker 1: to see you again. And when we do, see what
Speaker 1: I was getting to. So once we started to move
Speaker 1: in together and you see the same person every single night,
Speaker 1: the distance that we had, we were in college and
Speaker 1: we would I was traveling and we were doing different things.
Speaker 1: That distance allows time for you to kind of reboot
Speaker 1: your sex drive. For me, I don't necessarily have to
Speaker 1: reboot my sex drive. The minute I see you, I
Speaker 1: want to have sex. So when we were missing each other,
Speaker 1: it seemed normal that we had sex all the time.
Speaker 1: But then when we think about it, we really wasn't
Speaker 1: having sex all the time because we didn't see each
Speaker 1: other all the time. Then when we moved in together
Speaker 1: and we see each other every day, every time I
Speaker 1: want to have sex, I look to you, it became overwhelming.
Speaker 1: So and the reason why I say that it is
Speaker 1: because the conversation starts happened was why do men fear marriage?
Speaker 1: Why do men fear marriage? And I'm gonna explain this
Speaker 1: so that everybody can understand this. When you're a man,
Speaker 1: a young man, and you talk to your friends who
Speaker 1: are married about getting married, the first thing they do
Speaker 1: is say, take your time. Right. They don't ever explain
Speaker 1: why because men aren't vocal, we don't discuss these things,
Speaker 1: we're not emotional. All they'll say is take your time,
Speaker 1: you got you got time for that. You're sure you
Speaker 1: want to do this? And they're like, yeah, you're They're like,
Speaker 1: you know, gonna change and then you're like, what is
Speaker 1: that me? Or don't worry about the ship going to change?
Speaker 1: So no one really tells you, as a man, neither
Speaker 1: what exactly is going to change and how it's gonna change.
Speaker 1: And why it's changing. But I've learned over years why
Speaker 1: it's changed and how it's changed. For example, when we
Speaker 1: were in college and we were having sex a lot,
Speaker 1: and I was at football practice and I used to
Speaker 1: go away games stuff like that, we had tom apart.
Speaker 1: Right once we moved in together, we're having sex routinely.
Speaker 1: Your body couldn't handle it, like like physically physically couldn't.
Speaker 1: You couldn't handle it. You will get U t I s.
Speaker 1: You will get bacterial infections because it's the same pounding
Speaker 1: every day. So as a man, you start to realize that,
Speaker 1: you know what, we are not just wired differently mentally physically,
Speaker 1: we are wired differently. She can't take everything that you
Speaker 1: want to give her all the time. But since no
Speaker 1: one tells you that, you just expect that this woman
Speaker 1: who wants me to be loyal to her, monogamous to her,
Speaker 1: is gonna want to have sex every time I want
Speaker 1: to have sex. And it's not until you move in
Speaker 1: with a woman and you live ah all the time
Speaker 1: do you realize that she can't do that. You see
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Not only are women not being taught
Speaker 1: what it's like to be in a monogamous relationship. Young
Speaker 1: men are not being taught what it's like to being
Speaker 1: a monogous relation. You should you understand what I'm saying. No,
Speaker 1: I understand completely because I I experience the same thing.
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm grateful for platforms like this or
Speaker 1: just our generation of people who are speaking up and
Speaker 1: speaking out and speaking to each other about these things,
Speaker 1: because then maybe people will make more educated decisions about
Speaker 1: whether or not they do want to be married, or
Speaker 1: they do want to be in a monogamous relationship, or
Speaker 1: you know what actually is involved in that um And
Speaker 1: the crazy thing about marriage is that, you know, one
Speaker 1: of the things you always hear is like, you know,
Speaker 1: you got to compromise, You gotta compromise. Like what happens
Speaker 1: when one party feels like they're compromising more than the other,
Speaker 1: or one person feels like they're sacrificing more than the other,
Speaker 1: then that becomes an issue because a lot of times
Speaker 1: we try to meet each other halfway, but you still
Speaker 1: feel like you ended up with the short end of
Speaker 1: the stick. And it just maybe too because you literally
Speaker 1: have a bigger sex drive than me, and for me,
Speaker 1: it just takes way more to get me to a
Speaker 1: point some times we're even willing to do that. Like
Speaker 1: back to your story, it was like, damn, I know
Speaker 1: I promised him. I promised him some asks tonight and
Speaker 1: I was like, damn, I can't not do this, but
Speaker 1: I want to go to sleep, like I really just
Speaker 1: want to push my face and go to sleep. Now
Speaker 1: here's another thing too, and let's be fair. I'm willing
Speaker 1: to compromise, right, are willing? We don't have sex every day,
Speaker 1: We don't have sex. In college, we have sex two
Speaker 1: times a day. You know we see each other. We
Speaker 1: was like rabbits, right, I compromise. And I even said
Speaker 1: to you, I'm not gonna push for when I want
Speaker 1: to have sex. I'm going to allow you to get
Speaker 1: back in the mood and then when you come to
Speaker 1: me to have sex, because I want the sex to
Speaker 1: be enjoying fas but to be a problem when me
Speaker 1: having to reset my sex clock be longer than you
Speaker 1: expected to me, and that be a problem. Hold on,
Speaker 1: there's a study. There's a study. Was about to pull
Speaker 1: up the same quote, pull up the same quote you
Speaker 1: pull up. I'm gonna say so that I can go off.
Speaker 1: So it's funny. We're talking about this episode on the
Speaker 1: way and our amazing manager. To Nora, she was like, listen,
Speaker 1: here's the quote that I literally just heard in the
Speaker 1: uber on the way here. Most men will happily have
Speaker 1: less sex for more peace. Ha that is you know listen, Okay,
Speaker 1: the key word here is happily. I agree, happily happily.
Speaker 1: Can you see this thing over here is skipping down
Speaker 1: the block happy because I get more set, because I
Speaker 1: get more peace and less I'm just trying to invest
Speaker 1: invision devout right now with his headset and his ghetto ponytail,
Speaker 1: just skipping like happily. Hap believe because he's like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I have peace in my home, in my
Speaker 1: life because I'm happy now this Now, here's the truth, dog,
Speaker 1: here's the truth. The type of piece they may be
Speaker 1: talking about is a different type of piece. You and
Speaker 1: I have a great relationship, right and people ask me
Speaker 1: in time, so sex is that bad? And marriage? Why
Speaker 1: do you stay married? Because sex isn't everything? That's number one.
Speaker 1: Number one. Our relationship outside of just our sex, life
Speaker 1: is easy. Like you're my best friend. We have we
Speaker 1: have a lot of fun together, I mean we do. However,
Speaker 1: sex be a sexist like that that like looming. It's
Speaker 1: like when somebody farts in a room and then it's
Speaker 1: like the forest like what it's like a farest what
Speaker 1: kind of sex? Like listen, it's like a fart in
Speaker 1: the room and the should just be lingering, like you know,
Speaker 1: that should be that that that fix that fi smell
Speaker 1: that like won't escape the room. That's how she That's
Speaker 1: how she mean. It's like you know in the cartoons
Speaker 1: when they have the green fingers and it's like going
Speaker 1: right through your notes like that. That's what sex is.
Speaker 1: Sexy sometimes that's how sex is sometimes. But if sex,
Speaker 1: if she can describe sex like that, no, dont don't try.
Speaker 1: Don't try to try since she says that, right, if
Speaker 1: sexist feels like that to you, why does it bother you?
Speaker 1: If I have sex with someone else, not sex. I'm
Speaker 1: saying the topic of sex, like the discussions that happened
Speaker 1: around sex are lingering, even though it's not gonna say
Speaker 1: the topic of sex. You said set No, that's okay.
Speaker 1: Let me clarify. You please clarify, because you made it
Speaker 1: seem like sex terrible. No, I'm not talking about sex. No,
Speaker 1: not the actor. You need to clarifix. You need to clarify,
Speaker 1: because you just said sex is like a fart. Green
Speaker 1: thing is going up your nose, That's what you said.
Speaker 1: So if sex is like a fart, then you wouldn't
Speaker 1: care if I farted on somebody else. Right, Let they
Speaker 1: go out there and just fart. You wouldn't care. We
Speaker 1: share with everybody, exactly. You get a fart, you get
Speaker 1: at exactly. No, let me clarify that, please, the act
Speaker 1: of sex is not the fart, Okay, it's the discussion
Speaker 1: surrounding sex, or like the heavy looming tension that sometimes
Speaker 1: happens around sex. Because when we do have sex, we
Speaker 1: have amazing sex. Right, we are best friends relationship. But
Speaker 1: the reason why I was like it was because I
Speaker 1: know that the topic of sex, sometimes, as great as
Speaker 1: things are, can be a damper Because you always say
Speaker 1: to me, sex is more important to me than it
Speaker 1: is to you. You always say that it's not high
Speaker 1: on your total pole, your priority list. No, it's high
Speaker 1: because I know it affects you, so it still has
Speaker 1: to affect me. But if I just like wants to
Speaker 1: go down the list of things that I need on
Speaker 1: a day to day basis personally, then no, sex is
Speaker 1: not high on the list, right, So, and this is
Speaker 1: just another thing that men always want to hear women explain,
Speaker 1: and no woman has ever been able to explain this
Speaker 1: to me. If you don't need sex and sex is
Speaker 1: not high on your priority list of the things you need,
Speaker 1: why does it bother you so much? If he wants
Speaker 1: to have sex with someone else, then it quiet throw
Speaker 1: marriage away at that point, because it's like, what's the
Speaker 1: point I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you why.
Speaker 1: The idea that a woman can tell a man not
Speaker 1: to have sex with anybody else then tell that man
Speaker 1: when he's going to have sex, how often he's going
Speaker 1: to have sex, and how he has sex is extremely
Speaker 1: selfish and women don't want to admit it, but it's
Speaker 1: the truth. It is the truth. The idea that a
Speaker 1: woman can say to a man, you can't have sex
Speaker 1: with no other women in the world. You can only
Speaker 1: have sex with me, but you're only gonna have sex
Speaker 1: with me when I want to have sex, and you're
Speaker 1: only gonna have sex how I want to have Some
Speaker 1: married people are dating people because anybody who says that,
Speaker 1: because because because it's even for a man to say
Speaker 1: that to a woman is just selfish for one person
Speaker 1: to say to another person, you can't do anything else,
Speaker 1: but you're only going to do what I want in
Speaker 1: the time I wanted. It's selfish, period. But women have
Speaker 1: found a way to make it seem like that he's okay,
Speaker 1: and it's not. And for men who are married on
Speaker 1: in a monogamous relationship, it's frustrating to try to live
Speaker 1: in that realm. So it sounds like people some people
Speaker 1: need to be getting divorces people they do to not
Speaker 1: be married. And if you know early on, unlike me,
Speaker 1: will completely admit that I didn't necessarily know early on
Speaker 1: that I would be have to be putting it out
Speaker 1: every single day, then I probably wouldn't be married too.
Speaker 1: I don't blame you, but I don't blame his friends,
Speaker 1: co parenting and whatnot. But we wouldn't have been married
Speaker 1: married because I feel like married people will be like
Speaker 1: or married women. Um, since you're asking about women not
Speaker 1: be being able to answer this question for you, then
Speaker 1: it'll just be like, okay, so why are we married? Then,
Speaker 1: like I guess, along with marriage comes monogamy. That's anonymous
Speaker 1: pretty much. So if that's something that women won't be
Speaker 1: willing to do, then we should be letting people go see.
Speaker 1: But this is my point. When men try to explain this,
Speaker 1: you know what women say, Oh, you just immature. You
Speaker 1: need to grow up. When you're gonna grow up and
Speaker 1: start being a man, when you're gonna settle down. You
Speaker 1: know how many of my single male friends have heard
Speaker 1: that they're in their thirties and they have multiple women
Speaker 1: because they don't want to disappoint no one by trying
Speaker 1: to be monogamous and realizing they can't be monogamous, so
Speaker 1: they say things like, you know what, relationships really don't
Speaker 1: work for me. We can just have fun. Women call
Speaker 1: them immature, They say they're dogs everything. So what about
Speaker 1: a man that wants a legacy and a family and
Speaker 1: uh something past just the sex part of it. Then
Speaker 1: how does that fall into play? If it's just okay,
Speaker 1: we're avoiding committing to somebody because of sex, but then
Speaker 1: now we want a family or we want because that
Speaker 1: ultimately that old man. He comes to my point of
Speaker 1: why I'm married and why I think that we work.
Speaker 1: I of course we have issues within our sex life,
Speaker 1: and when we say issues, it's really not have issues.
Speaker 1: We have sex three or four times a week, right,
Speaker 1: if if it's not into course, we have some type
Speaker 1: of sex three times a week at least. Sometimes it's less,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But I would say on
Speaker 1: average about three times a week. And we still have issues.
Speaker 1: And we still have issues because and and some of
Speaker 1: our issues arise in how we get to sex. Because
Speaker 1: you feel like, as a wife, even when you don't
Speaker 1: want to have sex, you have to have sex. And
Speaker 1: for me as a husband or do something sexual. So
Speaker 1: for me as a husband is like I want to
Speaker 1: accept that from my wife, but I want to be wanted.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I want, I want, I
Speaker 1: wanted to be enjoyable. I don't want to lay in
Speaker 1: the bed and part right, I don't want to lay
Speaker 1: in the bed, and you just like here, come on,
Speaker 1: like even though we may have sex like that, that's
Speaker 1: not enjoyable for you and it's not enjoyable for me.
Speaker 1: So I'll one day out of the three or four
Speaker 1: days that it is like a wash because it's like
Speaker 1: who really benefited from that? Right? So no one benefits
Speaker 1: from it. So that's where me as a husband has said,
Speaker 1: you know what I don't want you to feel pressure
Speaker 1: of when to have sex, so I'll just wait for
Speaker 1: when you're ready to have sex for us to have
Speaker 1: sex so that we can be good. We've come to
Speaker 1: that conclusion. But then it's like, when you're ready to
Speaker 1: have sex, I at least want you to, you know,
Speaker 1: put on a nice outfit, make it nice. I don't
Speaker 1: want you, now you're ready to have sex, to jump
Speaker 1: into it. It's like if we're going to compromise, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna agree to have less sex, which goes back
Speaker 1: to this thing men who have less sex to have
Speaker 1: more peace because that that daunting conversation. I don't want
Speaker 1: to have that daunting conversation either, because once you start
Speaker 1: having that conversation, than any sex you have after that
Speaker 1: conversation seems like it's not genuine. It seems like it's
Speaker 1: not and it's just like, who wants to discuss sex
Speaker 1: and how we're gonna get to it and then only
Speaker 1: do it, and then it should be wacked because there
Speaker 1: was this whole discussion that had to happen before. I
Speaker 1: think the best sex that happens is usually spontaneous, which
Speaker 1: is why sometimes I don't even have time to be
Speaker 1: putting on the outfits because it's just like, yo, I
Speaker 1: just popped in my head like let me just go
Speaker 1: and you know, perform performing. So we you and I
Speaker 1: have also had this conversation because at one point I
Speaker 1: started to feel like I was the problem. So and
Speaker 1: I was thinking, like, you know what, maybe I don't
Speaker 1: look the same way that I used to look. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's my beard, maybe it's my hair. Maybe I need
Speaker 1: to lose weight, maybe I need the gains weight. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to figure out what can I do to make
Speaker 1: you feel more in the mood. So as a husband,
Speaker 1: I try to I try to take that on. It's like,
Speaker 1: what what can I do? And at that point, that's
Speaker 1: when you told me you weren't sure you know, saying
Speaker 1: so what what? What was going when I was trying
Speaker 1: to ask you to figure out what was your step
Speaker 1: to figure out how you could increase your libido? So
Speaker 1: I really felt badly that you felt that you had
Speaker 1: some sort of deficit that prevented me from wanting to
Speaker 1: have sex. And that's something I really wanted to nip
Speaker 1: in the butt early because I'm like, it's not for
Speaker 1: lack of like me being attracted to you or not
Speaker 1: wanting to and knowing how much you wanted it, I
Speaker 1: felt inadequate. I felt like, you know, I'm the one
Speaker 1: with the deficit. If anything, it's not devout. It's funny
Speaker 1: you said you felt you felt inadequate because I felt
Speaker 1: inadequate because I'm like here, I am a man, I
Speaker 1: work out all the time, I don't think, and my
Speaker 1: wife is not yet. I'm right, I'm like, my wife
Speaker 1: is not into me. And and the thing is, I'm
Speaker 1: a very selfless lover, Like I don't just go to
Speaker 1: have sex and be like bang bang on mout. I
Speaker 1: try to make sure that you're taken care of. So
Speaker 1: you felt inadequate, and I felt inadequate. So in me
Speaker 1: trying to like unpack, like Cadine, what is really the
Speaker 1: root of your issue when it comes to sex. It's
Speaker 1: the most frustrating thing because it's like your mind, in
Speaker 1: your mind, you're like, okay, I want to do this,
Speaker 1: but it's like your body can't like jump start. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like an engine that's lost its battery life.
Speaker 1: And it's like you're like, you know, your analogy, like
Speaker 1: here's like the jumper cables. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: hence the rollover and just eat me out tonight. But
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like you're there with the jumper cables
Speaker 1: and it's just like, oh, you know, it may or
Speaker 1: may not work. And in my mind, I'm like, it
Speaker 1: should just be so easy for me to say, you
Speaker 1: know what, this is what I want to do. I
Speaker 1: want to please my husband. I want to be all
Speaker 1: into it. I want to be swinging from the chandeliers
Speaker 1: dressed as all sorts of you know, fantasy things that
Speaker 1: you want me to be. And it should be mad
Speaker 1: daunting for me because I'm just like, my body just
Speaker 1: doesn't well. You You did say that you felt like
Speaker 1: after every child, and we have three kids, so it's
Speaker 1: like we've had children consistently, you felt like your libio dropped,
Speaker 1: and it hasn't it physically your lebt man's own. You
Speaker 1: want more kids. I'm like, because you asked me about
Speaker 1: let you asked me about legacy, you asked me about
Speaker 1: why I'm going to be sexually after that, Like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, and I'm scared to find that. A bitch
Speaker 1: is scared to find out. I get it. I get it,
Speaker 1: trust me, I get it. And Okay, So Okay, so
Speaker 1: let me ask this question. You said it was was
Speaker 1: it physically your obedient, like, what do you feel like
Speaker 1: it was chemically you think? Or was it you're not
Speaker 1: you're not feeling colonel, Because I also said, what did
Speaker 1: you feel sexy? That's my point. I don't feel sexy,
Speaker 1: had my moments for I did, And I mean you
Speaker 1: never made me feel as if I wasn't sexy, which
Speaker 1: was the craziest part to me because even in my
Speaker 1: you know, worst day, when I didn't feel sexy at all,
Speaker 1: I maybe had a little extra weight on, didn't feel
Speaker 1: like myself. You never, at any point made me feel
Speaker 1: like I was lacking something. Well, you weren't. And I
Speaker 1: know when your eyes you see yourself differently than not
Speaker 1: see you. But to me, I was like, I'm lacking
Speaker 1: all the ships, Like yeah, and that's that goes back
Speaker 1: to how we project what we want for ourselves, what
Speaker 1: we want ourselves to look like on our partner. So
Speaker 1: you thought that because you gained a little weight, and
Speaker 1: because I remember you said Ariola was a little darker,
Speaker 1: you felt like you weren't attractive, So I understand that.
Speaker 1: I was like, she's so plush and juice. It was
Speaker 1: just it turned it turned me on it over here,
Speaker 1: felt like what's that stuff that kids be making? Notay, No,
Speaker 1: you didn't feel like play don't know. I didn't feel like. No.
Speaker 1: Your analogies are off today between the farts and the
Speaker 1: car battery, with the no jumper cables and now gag,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know who this woman is.
Speaker 1: That's what it slime I felt like. So you felt
Speaker 1: like slime. No, you definitely didn't feel like that. And
Speaker 1: the thing is, this is what I think women need
Speaker 1: to hear. When the man chooses you to be his
Speaker 1: life partner, he chooses you for more reasons than just
Speaker 1: how you look. So there are certain things about you
Speaker 1: that attract me that have nothing to do with how
Speaker 1: you look. So when you wake up in the morning
Speaker 1: and you you don't look your best to you, to me,
Speaker 1: it's not even just about you looking good, it's your essence.
Speaker 1: There really is something about you when you smile at me,
Speaker 1: the way you smell, you know how certain people have
Speaker 1: like that, that physical attraction that goes beyond that is
Speaker 1: what it is for me. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: That's what it is for me. So and I feel
Speaker 1: the same way too. That's what I've always even said
Speaker 1: to Like, when you go back to like is it me,
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's not you, because I feel like you
Speaker 1: could dangle another man in front of my face and
Speaker 1: I'll be like, I don't want to you neither, Like
Speaker 1: I don't feel like that's the case because I don't
Speaker 1: wanta have to kill nobody. Of course, not because I
Speaker 1: will kill somebody. Love you aund like our chore life
Speaker 1: and whatnot, and not locked up in some cell, you know,
Speaker 1: So I get it. So they say that, Um, this
Speaker 1: brings me to another question that I wanted to pose
Speaker 1: to you. Most marriages that end in divorce are financial issues, right,
Speaker 1: But then you have marriages that end because of sexual
Speaker 1: infidelities and whatnot. So do you think that at that point,
Speaker 1: you know, like saying that marriage is not a big weight,
Speaker 1: I mean, sex is not a big weight on most marriages.
Speaker 1: Why is it that these marriages end because of infidelities? Um?
Speaker 1: To be honest, I I can't speak for anyone else's marriage, right,
Speaker 1: but I do feel that people put an unrealistic expectation
Speaker 1: on their partner in different facets of their life, and
Speaker 1: one of them is infidelities, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So it's like you cheat one time you tech somebody,
Speaker 1: you look at somebody else, it's a rap. I'm out
Speaker 1: without giving someone the grace to learn what's going on,
Speaker 1: especially if people have gotten married at a young age.
Speaker 1: Last season and they talked about infidecting my infidelity, yes,
Speaker 1: and I was getting flat license here you go forgiving
Speaker 1: another Black men and black women are always forgiven. And
Speaker 1: I was just like sis quiet as it's kept. There's
Speaker 1: women in relationships that they feel are monogamous, but they ain't.
Speaker 1: So if anybody's in the dark, it might be you,
Speaker 1: Like you just never know. And then and there are management,
Speaker 1: there are men in relationships who they think they're being
Speaker 1: a monogamous and their wife is not me monogamous. So
Speaker 1: I don't pass judgment on anyone's manage. Anyone who passed
Speaker 1: judgment on our marriage can't kiss my ass. And to
Speaker 1: be honest, I don't. I don't feel a way about
Speaker 1: judgment because when we get on the platform to talk
Speaker 1: about our marriage, people have the right to have to
Speaker 1: have their opinion. So if that's how they feel, less
Speaker 1: how they feel, you know, I'm saying I really could
Speaker 1: care less. But um what what I have figured out
Speaker 1: for myself is that marriage to me, because there were
Speaker 1: points in our marriage and I'm like, yo, this is
Speaker 1: just seems selfish and I don't know if I could
Speaker 1: exist in this. And then you start to weigh what's
Speaker 1: important to you? You know what I'm saying, Like, what's important?
Speaker 1: Like I said before, you're my best friend and you're
Speaker 1: a business partner. You and I have not only developed
Speaker 1: a brand and developed a business model that works for
Speaker 1: you and I and works for building a legacy for
Speaker 1: our kids, but we've built a friendship that I think
Speaker 1: would outlast anything. Because when we were broke, especially after
Speaker 1: the NFL, you and I were still best friends and
Speaker 1: we still found ways to enjoy life and enjoy each
Speaker 1: other during our harshest times no money, we were struggling,
Speaker 1: without sex, life, we had just had a child. We
Speaker 1: were struggling. But somehow through that, you and I found
Speaker 1: a way to create a great life. So for me,
Speaker 1: as a married man, it's like, all right, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to make some adjustments in the things that I
Speaker 1: want as a man. And like you said, do I
Speaker 1: what do I think about my legacy, right, why do
Speaker 1: I get married? What do men think of? You know what?
Speaker 1: What's the thought process? I know I wanted a lot
Speaker 1: of kids. I want boys and girls. I have three boys.
Speaker 1: I would like to have a daughter. That's part of
Speaker 1: the legacy I want to leave. I want to be
Speaker 1: able to raise a daughter who's intelligent, who's beautiful, who
Speaker 1: has a lot of self self worth. I want to
Speaker 1: be able to give the world a young lady with
Speaker 1: those type of attributes, and I feel like we collectively
Speaker 1: can do that. So part of my legacy is not
Speaker 1: only just doing everything I can for myself or for us,
Speaker 1: but it's also growing another productive member of society. And
Speaker 1: I want to do that to both a young man
Speaker 1: and a young woman. I have three boys. I want
Speaker 1: a young daughter. If that means I have to sacrifice
Speaker 1: other aspects of my life that may not seem perfect
Speaker 1: and what I expected, then I'm willing to do that,
Speaker 1: because then I start to realize what I felt was
Speaker 1: perfect was only what was fed to me, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And I think that if if people
Speaker 1: would have fed to me the reality of being in
Speaker 1: a monogamous relationship from young I would have known what
Speaker 1: it was rather than creating done it or would you
Speaker 1: be like, I'm still doing it now. I'm still doing
Speaker 1: it now. I don't I couldn't bail, but you didn't
Speaker 1: and you could. So we both made an active choice
Speaker 1: and continuously make an active choice to be here. It's
Speaker 1: like because prioritizing it is prioritizing, which brings me to
Speaker 1: some tips that we have for you guys, for sex
Speaker 1: after marriage, during marriage, all that good stuff. To have sex,
Speaker 1: you have to prioritize it. I think that's a necessity
Speaker 1: for me. I gotta make sure that I'm like mentally like, okay,
Speaker 1: days have passed and I'm like, oh shoot, like we
Speaker 1: gotta get this done, you know. I'm like, do you
Speaker 1: know put it on the calendar for me so I
Speaker 1: can remember. Um, there's a natural ebb and flow in
Speaker 1: libido over time, and that's important. Ebb and flow. That's
Speaker 1: a good way to But that's a good analogy. That's
Speaker 1: a good, good little phrase. So you know it comes,
Speaker 1: you know, it comes and goes. Facts, don't let your
Speaker 1: solo sex life fall to the wayside. The more you
Speaker 1: have sex, the more you want it. The less you
Speaker 1: have it, the less you want it. In what world?
Speaker 1: Doing sex can be a two person activity or a
Speaker 1: one person activity. In addition to helping you get in
Speaker 1: the mood for partner sex, masturbating can build your confidence.
Speaker 1: You don't subscribe to masturbating, you don't like that. I
Speaker 1: just don't like it because I have a woman that
Speaker 1: I'm in love with that's in the same house as me.
Speaker 1: So you know, it just doesn't really doesn't really do
Speaker 1: much it for you because that's like, the minute you've
Speaker 1: done masturbating, I'll just be feeling guilty, like I'm masturbating
Speaker 1: like that for That's what I got a wife, is
Speaker 1: what I'm married for, you know. But but you did
Speaker 1: say that sometimes you try to warm yourself up. But
Speaker 1: I mean maybe maybe the more you have sex and
Speaker 1: maybe the more you get into it. I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's a tip. I got a tip in abundance. Inabundance, Um,
Speaker 1: if you can't get into the mood, think about what's
Speaker 1: going on outside the bedroom. So is there something that's
Speaker 1: preventing you from getting there? Are you having other wrestlers
Speaker 1: things like that? Um? The reason is simple, what you
Speaker 1: do out of the bedroom can affect what's going on
Speaker 1: or not in the bedroom, so communicating with each other,
Speaker 1: which I think we do in abundance as well. UM
Speaker 1: continuing to talk about sex, prioritizing other forms of sexual
Speaker 1: touch and intimacy, exploring other forms of intimacy. UM considering
Speaker 1: to see a sex therapist. UM. Shout out to to
Speaker 1: Shannon sham Booty on a guest on our show. I
Speaker 1: think that two seasons we're going to be show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're actually gonna be Yeah. Absolutely learn each other's love
Speaker 1: and desire. Languages could be different, gifts, quality time, acts
Speaker 1: of service, Uh, words of affirmation, physical touch. Okay, so
Speaker 1: that brings me back to what makes things desirable for me?
Speaker 1: So you have said before like it. Yeah, I told
Speaker 1: you it wasn't something you were lacking physically. You know.
Speaker 1: I was thinking lately you real sexy when you like
Speaker 1: wash dishes and ships, like you know, just set up
Speaker 1: guy putting in a load of lines, you know, owing
Speaker 1: the grass. But we have a landscaper like that for that.
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, maybe like doing a couple of
Speaker 1: things around the house that kind of helps a bit.
Speaker 1: I know you're kind of spoiled because my mom lives
Speaker 1: with us, So you really don't have to do anything
Speaker 1: around the house. However, that pilot clothes that you have
Speaker 1: on the floor by the side of the bed after
Speaker 1: I've cleaned the room up, you know, your side of
Speaker 1: the closet, like it would be dope turn on for me,
Speaker 1: and it might be a turn on you know I'm
Speaker 1: not doing Let's try it. We should try it. You know,
Speaker 1: we're going to revisit this whole sex thing after that.
Speaker 1: Picks up some stuff around the house that might make
Speaker 1: you even more sexy to me. Bro guys, this is
Speaker 1: this is how, this is, This is the This is
Speaker 1: what happens when God becomes. But this is what happens
Speaker 1: when God's become a simple you know, the simple the
Speaker 1: word you made us. I don't know if you look
Speaker 1: it up. Simps or dudes who just who just run
Speaker 1: after and do whatever their wife say. They just whatever
Speaker 1: they women want, they do, they do they to. This
Speaker 1: often happens to husbands because wives will give lists of
Speaker 1: things that they can do to be considered more sexy
Speaker 1: in their wise eyes. And then when they do all
Speaker 1: of this ship and the wife still ain't putting out,
Speaker 1: then what well, I mean, this is gonna be a
Speaker 1: trial and ever for us, I can't say that it's
Speaker 1: going to be a hit or miss. It maybe a miss.
Speaker 1: If it's a miss, and then we know it don't work,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh. But on the list of things more desirable,
Speaker 1: that was a good try. That was a good try,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. That was a good try.
Speaker 1: So how about this? So how about we do this?
Speaker 1: So I'll try to do that. If you try to
Speaker 1: do the things that I've been asking you to do
Speaker 1: for ten years, that's fair. That's fair. That's fair because
Speaker 1: if we're going to be fair, I've been asking you
Speaker 1: to do something for ten years you haven't done. I've done,
Speaker 1: just not consistently or so it's not done. And the
Speaker 1: frequency that you want it done as in every day
Speaker 1: the ration now that you like the stuff you come
Speaker 1: up with, it's amazing, Like you even your own world.
Speaker 1: In your own world, you exist in Codeine Lane. They
Speaker 1: for del You're gonna say, I am happy, I am here.
Speaker 1: You ain't going nowhere. That note I will say this
Speaker 1: code Land is great because I'll take what I can get,
Speaker 1: but what I do get is freaking amazing. Let's take
Speaker 1: a quick break, because you all know how it is
Speaker 1: we gotta pay some bills and we'll be back with
Speaker 1: the listener letters copy. All right, we're back with Codeine's
Speaker 1: favorite time of the show. Right. I want to get
Speaker 1: into your sex lives, because y'all have gotten into mind.
Speaker 1: You know. Um, let's see if anybody else has parts
Speaker 1: in the room or whatnot. Oh my gosh, you know,
Speaker 1: people thinking that I'd be farting sex like that. I
Speaker 1: cleared it up. I cleared it up. All right. So
Speaker 1: the first question for today, Hey val cod Hey, big
Speaker 1: fans of y'all, thank you. Do you think it's right
Speaker 1: to watch porn when you're married or in a committed relationship?
Speaker 1: This is easy. Whatever y'all decide, y'all to collectively. What
Speaker 1: is inbounds and out of bounds is up to y'all.
Speaker 1: If y'all decide collectively, did y'all want to watch porn? Cool?
Speaker 1: If your side you don't want to watch porn? Cool?
Speaker 1: But what happens if one wants to watch and one
Speaker 1: doesn't want the other one to watch? That's why I
Speaker 1: said collectively. Everything has to be done collectively, like asking
Speaker 1: someone else was good for your marriage and never works.
Speaker 1: You have to figure out what's good for y'all too.
Speaker 1: So if they collectively decided they want to watch porn,
Speaker 1: or even if they collectively decide that they can watch
Speaker 1: porn alone, if it works for them, it works for them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean personally, we don't have any issues at porn now,
Speaker 1: we don't have an issues with poins. Just like that's
Speaker 1: how I learned some of my stuff. I'll be learning
Speaker 1: how what I'm saying, Conin, you want to get around,
Speaker 1: I gotta flip upside down and we do our own stunts,
Speaker 1: Yes we do. They got these things you do with
Speaker 1: her left legs. That the left leg movement they left
Speaker 1: about left leg And that's amazing because I'm righty sorest sexual.
Speaker 1: Remember that the next time you want to tell me somethingboy,
Speaker 1: tell me something about me. I got you, I got you.
Speaker 1: You want to read the next one? I gotta read
Speaker 1: this a long one, right, let me and I got it.
Speaker 1: Y'all starts with y'all three exclamation things. Can I be good?
Speaker 1: Be good? Can I just say that you guys are awesome?
Speaker 1: And I mind the way you all have put your
Speaker 1: lives up there for others to see. The marriage is
Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. It worked, beautiful thing. It worked, but
Speaker 1: definitely worth it. With that said, I feel like we
Speaker 1: legit have a parallel life. I have been married for
Speaker 1: ten years. We have three whole beautiful children seven four
Speaker 1: to my husband and high or high school sweethearts has
Speaker 1: been together now twenty one years inserted because that's what
Speaker 1: he says. Okay, since I was fifteen years old. I
Speaker 1: know my husband is an ex NFL player as well.
Speaker 1: We now have full old time careers and I focused
Speaker 1: on raising decent human beings. They do southing like us.
Speaker 1: We are still madly in love with each other and
Speaker 1: we are the best of friends. We have only had
Speaker 1: one other. Uh, we've only had one another as a
Speaker 1: sexual partner and want to keep it that way. But
Speaker 1: I find it our sex life. He's becoming a bit mundane.
Speaker 1: I'm very communicative and asking him if he wants to
Speaker 1: spice things up with whatever he wants, but he says
Speaker 1: he's content and happy with what we do. I mentioned
Speaker 1: this past career because I want to be understood. His
Speaker 1: testosterone ideal with get it out to start a support
Speaker 1: group because you army and I am you. She says.
Speaker 1: We get it in very regularly. He can't go too
Speaker 1: many days, like two maybe three. Jesus Christ, I did
Speaker 1: I write this without it, but it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: I want to change things up and also don't want
Speaker 1: to hurt his feelings and cause him to feel inadequate sexually.
Speaker 1: What do you guys suggest can work to improve in
Speaker 1: this area? Remind us whole episode and re listen to it.
Speaker 1: Because we are the same people, clearly, Um, I'll say this.
Speaker 1: You know, Dean has because she doesn't always want to
Speaker 1: share everything about our sex life because you know, some
Speaker 1: things have to remain for the imagination. But CoDeeN has
Speaker 1: asked me to try some things with her that I
Speaker 1: was just like, I would have never thought that you
Speaker 1: would even like that or you would want to do that.
Speaker 1: And that's my wife. If she wants to do it,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's my responsibility to add heere with
Speaker 1: whatever she needs. That's and that's just me, Like everybody
Speaker 1: doesn't feel that way. But if wife, you say she
Speaker 1: needs this, I'm on it. So and for me it
Speaker 1: became a thing of like, let's try this, Like since
Speaker 1: we're at a point where, yes, we've been together for
Speaker 1: a long time, we've been with each other exclusively for
Speaker 1: a long time, so it's like she can get very monotonous.
Speaker 1: So when you want to start introducing different things, different ways,
Speaker 1: different ideas, um knowing that the sex can get dry
Speaker 1: and not wanting it to get there, then it's just like, hey,
Speaker 1: let's try this, you know. And I think that if
Speaker 1: you both are in a committed relationship like you said
Speaker 1: you are, you guys are still madly in love with
Speaker 1: each other like you said you are, You're still attracted
Speaker 1: to each other. Sometimes you gotta call and reinforcements. And
Speaker 1: enforcements don't mean necessarily another person, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It can be some other ship, you know what I mean. So,
Speaker 1: I mean you wanted me to use a vibrator one time,
Speaker 1: and then I ain't gonna lie first, I was like,
Speaker 1: what you need to vibrated for? If you got me,
Speaker 1: I did feel like a little like taken back, like them,
Speaker 1: like why because she said she doesn't want him to
Speaker 1: feel inadequate, And actually, like I have to pull in
Speaker 1: other ships to make it work. And sometimes it's not
Speaker 1: a matter of just trying to get other stuff because
Speaker 1: you're lacking something. It's like, hey, I just want to
Speaker 1: add something to my experience, just to try something different. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean it is hard for a man to feel
Speaker 1: like he's not satisfying his woman enough, especially his wife.
Speaker 1: And I'll be the first to say, you're taught from
Speaker 1: young you know, like you satisfy your man, your your girl,
Speaker 1: like that's your job, you know, so you don't need
Speaker 1: no toys, you don't need on this. So you think
Speaker 1: that if you're not doing it, if she says she
Speaker 1: requires that, that you're not fulfilling your job. And she said,
Speaker 1: you know he's outpha male and sinstash on is how
Speaker 1: you played in the NFL. He probably feels like he
Speaker 1: can solve everything. He wants to be everything own boy talk.
Speaker 1: So listen. I I have learned. This is is one
Speaker 1: thing I learned. I remember growing up, being in my
Speaker 1: teenage years. You thought that the pounding was the best
Speaker 1: way to make a woman orgasm, right you You think that,
Speaker 1: you know, the bigger, the harder you are, the harder
Speaker 1: you hit it. You know, the longer you can hit it,
Speaker 1: the more she's gonna orgasm. Until you become an adult
Speaker 1: and you start to listen to women speak, and then
Speaker 1: you do research and you find out that of women
Speaker 1: do not orgasm from penetration, they orgasm from clatoral stimulation,
Speaker 1: and some women require clatoral stimulation while getting penetration. And
Speaker 1: for some women it's just like, you know what, if
Speaker 1: I've been doing this this way, maybe I want to
Speaker 1: try something different. So you gotta put your ego aside
Speaker 1: and realize that, bro, it ain't even about you. At
Speaker 1: this point. Your wife is saying she needs something. You
Speaker 1: have to adhere to what she's saying. And I can
Speaker 1: empathize with her in that your body changes after children,
Speaker 1: after multiple children, so what you might have liked before,
Speaker 1: I'm not really feeling it this time around. You know
Speaker 1: that happens because we spoke about it on that episode
Speaker 1: last season where things that were like here's my analogy again,
Speaker 1: things that were like green light, it's now like yellow,
Speaker 1: and then things that used to be like a red lightlight.
Speaker 1: Hell no, it's like it's a yellow we can try,
Speaker 1: or same things that we're green it's like stop red,
Speaker 1: Like no, we ain't doing that no more because my
Speaker 1: body does not like that anymore, or something. So I
Speaker 1: think it's a work in progress. It evolves, you know,
Speaker 1: the sex life definitely evolved, especially if you've been together
Speaker 1: and been married for so long. So I hope you
Speaker 1: all talking about it, having conversations about it, and you know,
Speaker 1: being open minded enough to try new things. If that
Speaker 1: works for you. Guys, Yeah, y'all keep talking about it.
Speaker 1: You'll keep talking about be open, open with each other.
Speaker 1: And and good luck to y'all and God bless you. Know,
Speaker 1: y'all sound like y'all a great partners in life. So
Speaker 1: because it sounds like we should get together, maybe we'll
Speaker 1: have our support group and you'll have your support group.
Speaker 1: You know. If you'd like to be featured as one
Speaker 1: of our listener letters, be sure to email us at
Speaker 1: dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com. That's D E
Speaker 1: A D A S S A d V I C
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. Um, this is my moment
Speaker 1: of truth. UM. For men, it's important for you to
Speaker 1: understand this. Your ideas of what you think being in
Speaker 1: a monogamous relationship is, descratch it. Once you find the
Speaker 1: person that is your soul mate that you decide you
Speaker 1: want to spend the rest of your life with, that
Speaker 1: person will then help you figure out what that idea
Speaker 1: of monogamy is right. So don't go into any relationship
Speaker 1: saying if this is what monogamy is, and this is
Speaker 1: what I expect from sex through that monogamy. You're going
Speaker 1: to be disappointed because it hasn't hasn't happened yet. You
Speaker 1: and that person haven't gotten together yet and haven't developed that.
Speaker 1: Another moment of truth for me is that all those
Speaker 1: sex is important for me, and it is that that
Speaker 1: the top of my totem pole when things one of
Speaker 1: the things at the top of my porple is not
Speaker 1: the top of the top, I still want to build
Speaker 1: a leg to see. Um. I love pleasing my wife,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. I love having kids. I
Speaker 1: love being a great father, and more than anything else,
Speaker 1: that is what being married is about to me. So
Speaker 1: sex throughout all of that is great, But that makes
Speaker 1: it worth it. So in a lot of ways that
Speaker 1: whole thing about a man will just have less sex
Speaker 1: happily for peace in his house. I guess it's kind
Speaker 1: of true, because I know that's not true because I
Speaker 1: have on many occasions just beside you know what, I
Speaker 1: do like seeing you smile. I do like seeing you happy.
Speaker 1: I don't want to strust you out with it. And
Speaker 1: if you're skipping around and happy, I'm cool. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like I'm uncol and that that doesn't
Speaker 1: make me feel good. You know, yes, look at you.
Speaker 1: He's just trying to get some tonight, y'all. That's all
Speaker 1: that is, just just just just the ponytail down. That's
Speaker 1: all I need right there, just like it. I love
Speaker 1: it well my moment. The truth is quick. Treating sex
Speaker 1: like it's just a random, stagnant thing is just not
Speaker 1: gonna work. Sex is always evolving, and it's evolving in
Speaker 1: many ways, not just physically, but it's emotionally. It's involving
Speaker 1: your partner in it, having the open discussions about it.
Speaker 1: As hard as it may be for the other to hear,
Speaker 1: I think it's just necessary. So put your egos aside,
Speaker 1: put the egos aside, and just really listen to what
Speaker 1: each other needs. And then you create your own action
Speaker 1: plan in your mind of how you want to shift
Speaker 1: that now, something that you know your girls working on
Speaker 1: on a day to day basis. I'm trying to make
Speaker 1: us all happy up in here, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: genuinely happy too, So that's not something that's forced. Also,
Speaker 1: real quick, I don't want to forget the young women
Speaker 1: who hit me up who said they have the reverse
Speaker 1: who their sex drive is higher than their their significant
Speaker 1: others and they said they're they're made to feel like
Speaker 1: horrors or they made to feel like something is wrong
Speaker 1: with them. No, if you're a young lady who have
Speaker 1: a high sex drive, you just have a high sex drives.
Speaker 1: There's no nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Try to find somebody who
Speaker 1: can rock with you and don't feel a way about
Speaker 1: expressing how you feel. Because the reason why codina not
Speaker 1: work is because we openly talk about how we feel.
Speaker 1: So if he's rocking with you, don't feel uncomfortable, let
Speaker 1: him know that you need it more and hopefully he
Speaker 1: can adhere to what you need and do what he
Speaker 1: needs to do with We gave you some tips, send
Speaker 1: me some tips. I got plenty of tips. I told you.
Speaker 1: I want to know from the Living with the Overactive
Speaker 1: sex strinth, is there something? There's something all right? Now? Well,
Speaker 1: be sure to find us and follow us on social media,
Speaker 1: dead as the podcast, and of course you can find
Speaker 1: Medina I am and I Am Devout And if you're
Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate review and subscribe.
Speaker 1: Dead As Go, Get You Some Names. Dead Ass is
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