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Speaker 1: Yo. I say this with all due respect to me

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Speaker 1: or in general in general. But however, having sex should

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Speaker 1: not be a chore. And if it is a chore,

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Speaker 1: and you know it's a chore, you should not demand

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Speaker 1: or push monogamy on your partner. Okay, that's fair. Fair?

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Speaker 1: Are you looking at me like that? I'm not I'm

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Speaker 1: just who am I supposed to be looking at them?

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Speaker 1: It's just me and you were here. Well, I thought

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Speaker 1: that my sex drive would have been renewed with the

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Speaker 1: vow renewal, But since that ship ain't happened, my sex

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Speaker 1: drive ain't happening either, dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and

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Speaker 1: where the ellises. You may know us from posting funny

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Speaker 1: videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as

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Speaker 1: a form of therapy. Wait, I'm making me therapy most days.

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Speaker 1: Oh and one more important thing to mention. We're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't

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Speaker 1: want to talk about. To the lens of a millennial

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Speaker 1: married couple. Then ass is the term that we say

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Speaker 1: every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually

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Speaker 1: saying facts. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but

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Speaker 1: the truth. We're about to take pillow Talk to a

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Speaker 1: whole new level. This is dead ass story time. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna take y'all way back to last night. All right,

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Speaker 1: By this time, you guys have already seen the promo

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Speaker 1: video and videos and pictures that we spent time Indebellar mansion,

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Speaker 1: and you see Codeine Harhole get up on her whole world.

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Speaker 1: Her face was beating like Brooklyn slash nineties slash Barbie.

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Speaker 1: We also we saw, yeah, we saw, we saw story

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Speaker 1: times in my time. So she had on the whole

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Speaker 1: face beat. The baby heirs was laid the rhind stones.

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Speaker 1: She had about seventy seven pounds of weaving her here right,

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Speaker 1: So the whole day she knew I was looking at her.

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Speaker 1: Y'all saw the way I was looking at her, right,

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Speaker 1: and y'all saw the videos, and everybody was putting like,

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Speaker 1: it's the way that I'll be looking at cadem for me.

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Speaker 1: It's the way he looks at her for me. So

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Speaker 1: everybody saw the way I was looking at her. Right.

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Speaker 1: Which I didn't know was that she had that same

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Speaker 1: hairstyle three days in a row with the makeup because

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Speaker 1: it took three days to film everything. So the first

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Speaker 1: day she said, yo, I got you. At the end

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Speaker 1: of the shoot, I'm gonna let you mess this up.

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Speaker 1: I know how you, I know how you like to

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Speaker 1: do some I'm like, let's go. We're gonna mess this up. Right.

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Speaker 1: We get done filming yesterday, we get home, I'm tired.

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Speaker 1: I need to go take a nap and chills. That fine.

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Speaker 1: She said, I'm gonna leave my I'm gonna leave my

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Speaker 1: face on in my hair for you, daddy. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: leave it on for me, right. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: all right, cool, I'm gonna leave it on. So we

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Speaker 1: go to my homeboy's house about seven o'clock because I

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Speaker 1: go to workout. We bring the family so we can

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Speaker 1: spend some family time together. When we get back to

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Speaker 1: the crib, I'm like, boom, it's ten o'clock. Jackson's already

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Speaker 1: going to bed, so it's just me and wife. So

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, it's about to go down. She

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Speaker 1: sit down while we're about to watch Green Leaf, and

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Speaker 1: she started taking the wave out, talk about okay, for

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Speaker 1: that's the show. I don't even know what I knew

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Speaker 1: what time it was at night, but she wants to

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Speaker 1: watch green Leaf. So I'm like, you want to watch

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Speaker 1: the episode of green Leaf? Don't watch episode? Thought he

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Speaker 1: died but he turns out he ain't it, so don't

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Speaker 1: want it. You know, you don't want the show. So

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Speaker 1: so now she got to put on green Leaf. She

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Speaker 1: start taking a weave out. So now I kind of

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Speaker 1: got an attitude. So I'm like, you said you was

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Speaker 1: gonna let me mess it up, but now you're taking

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Speaker 1: a week. So now I'm kind of mad. So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you don't even wanna watch green Leaf no more. She's like,

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Speaker 1: you don't want to watch one episode? She already faded

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Speaker 1: and half sleep right, So I'm like, no, let's just

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Speaker 1: go to bed. So we go upstairs to go lay

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Speaker 1: in the bed, and I guess she sensed that I

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Speaker 1: had an attitude, so now she's just like, damn, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna have to, you know, fulfill my promise. So I'm

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Speaker 1: just I'm not saying nothing because I had already decided

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Speaker 1: that I was gonna let this go tend years a marriage.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be on her about it, right, So

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Speaker 1: now we're laying in the bed, She's like, can we

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Speaker 1: watch one episode of green Leaf. So we turned green

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Speaker 1: Leaf from we laying in the bed. I'm on my

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Speaker 1: side of the bed. I put the covers on, so

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Speaker 1: I'm like, don't touch me, you stay on your side,

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Speaker 1: and saying on my side, I don't even want to

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Speaker 1: be aroused. She gonna come school her butt on me

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Speaker 1: and leaning on me, and then tapped me on my chests.

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Speaker 1: Right we were twenty minutes in the green Leaf. Right,

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Speaker 1: tapped me on my chest. I look over at her.

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Speaker 1: She looked over at me. She's gonna say to me, Mom,

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Speaker 1: I know you listen to a part of my friend.

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Speaker 1: She don'ta say to me, you feel like em plessing

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Speaker 1: she laying in the bed, she got her face to

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Speaker 1: half beat the Mindstones is still here, still the baby here.

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Speaker 1: He's still laid. But she got this little ponytail sitting

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Speaker 1: up here, and she gonna lean over at me and

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Speaker 1: took me on my chance, asked me if I now

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Speaker 1: I got to perform on her? You made promises to me,

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Speaker 1: so you know what I did? Y'all? Right? What I

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Speaker 1: do say yep? And that right there epitomizes married sex

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Speaker 1: after ten years. Truth is Oh my gosh. Options are

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Speaker 1: few options are one. I'm trying to pray, but where

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Speaker 1: are you? I'm all church down, hurt and I don't

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Speaker 1: know money abuse you. I can't face. I can't fake.

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Speaker 1: I can't fake. What's left to do? Don't even mind

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Speaker 1: if you fake it. I just wanted you know. You

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Speaker 1: know it's a whole lie, attempt to fake it. You

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Speaker 1: can see right, you're like, you know, okay, I've known

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Speaker 1: you for almost eighteen We've been doing this ship for

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Speaker 1: almost eighteen years. Don't be faking that eighteen years next week, well,

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Speaker 1: by the time this episode years, it will be over

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Speaker 1: eighteen years. I know, I know when she's faking it.

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Speaker 1: Truth is um we why are you so tiring? So

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Speaker 1: no strength? Why why? Well, you know, along with the

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Speaker 1: violeral nor not being my sex drive was renewed, nor

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Speaker 1: has my energy been renewed. I don't understand what it is.

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Speaker 1: It's like a thing like when you become a mom,

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Speaker 1: you just be tired. You're tired in perpetuity. So you

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Speaker 1: know what she said, guys, this is and this is

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Speaker 1: this is part of the problem for a man because

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Speaker 1: and here's the thing I don't want to say, just

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Speaker 1: men and women think because we've gotten a lot of

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Speaker 1: emails from women who said they have higher sex drives

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Speaker 1: than their husband. So all those statistics show that that's

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Speaker 1: the anomally majority of the time, especially at our age,

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Speaker 1: men's sex drive are higher than women, you know, between

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Speaker 1: the ages of thirty and forty. What the the issue

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Speaker 1: for me is this, if I'm going to compromise with

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Speaker 1: you and say, you know what, I'm not gonna push

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Speaker 1: you for sex when you don't want to have sex

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Speaker 1: and you give me a date and time and it's

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Speaker 1: time to pay the piper, I don't want to hear

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Speaker 1: your damn excuses and men get piste off because then

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Speaker 1: y'all don't want to even discuss the fact that you

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Speaker 1: made a promise and whatever men talk about sex women

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Speaker 1: wasn't like You're gonna have to figure it out and

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Speaker 1: then what I want to do. No, I don't don't

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Speaker 1: leave it up to us. Y'all want to be in

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Speaker 1: this with us, right, absolutely, Okay, I'm just having a

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Speaker 1: hard time talking to you so exactly. So the fact

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Speaker 1: that you gotta looking at me just get up. Imagine

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Speaker 1: how I feel looking at you. I'm trying to be

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Speaker 1: sexual and trying to be intimate with you when you

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Speaker 1: got this ponytail sticking up on your head. That's what

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Speaker 1: I had to look at. You just wanted the whole

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Speaker 1: week piece. But I didn't want the whole because that's

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Speaker 1: what I deserved. I just the yes. Next time, you know,

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Speaker 1: I have you saw that ship in versus pinning it

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Speaker 1: in because clearly that did not work. Yes, you know

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna need that. I'm gonna need that. Listen. So,

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Speaker 1: after ten years of marriage, we've been through several stages

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Speaker 1: of intimacy nationals. We've been together almost eighteen years. So

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Speaker 1: where are we now? Where can we go? For me? Well,

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Speaker 1: let's let's talk about the stages of intimacy. We got lust, romance,

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Speaker 1: peer bonding, which means being able to face uncomfortable truths

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Speaker 1: about each other and deciding if we can live with

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Speaker 1: those truths forevermore or locking it down. You know, we're there,

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Speaker 1: like the ordeal or threats and tests characterized by things

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Speaker 1: like babies, mortgages, redundancy, death, going through life cycles with

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Speaker 1: your partner, um stuff like that. So those the ordeals,

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Speaker 1: like that's the stuff that we're going through to as

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Speaker 1: a marriage. And then it's the real deal. So what

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Speaker 1: happens is is that people as they get married go

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Speaker 1: through all of these different stages of intimacy. I think

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Speaker 1: right now you're at the real deal, right because we

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Speaker 1: have Jackson who was in school, our kids, you know,

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Speaker 1: out there doing anything, which that's not really in school.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like your mind be all over the place.

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Speaker 1: That's fair. I'm still at lust. I think I've been

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Speaker 1: in lust since I was eighteen. I love it. And

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Speaker 1: you know what's amazing about about men in general, well

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Speaker 1: you particularly, because I can't speak for every man, however,

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Speaker 1: you've been in lust through every phase of everything. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: I felt my worst when I was nine months pregnant.

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Speaker 1: When I was in the fourth trimester, it was like

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Speaker 1: a swollen vagina and like leaky boobs and ship you

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Speaker 1: thought that it was sexy, And to me, there was

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Speaker 1: absolutely nothing sexy about that. Like I was like, yo,

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Speaker 1: I had a baby in me, I had a baby

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Speaker 1: on me, like we always touching me. So she was

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Speaker 1: very different leaky boobs. I don't think it was sexy.

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Speaker 1: Swollen vagina now for obvious reasons, you guys know why

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Speaker 1: I would think that's sexy. It was very lubricated down there, Okay,

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Speaker 1: in any events, I am not allowed, based on our

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Speaker 1: marriage laws and the contract we signed with each other,

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Speaker 1: to have sex with anybody else. So these urgents that come,

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Speaker 1: I have to share them with the one person I

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Speaker 1: decided to spend the rest of my life with, so

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Speaker 1: that that brings me back to my my my sound bity, right.

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Speaker 1: I don't understand, And this is what we can discuss

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Speaker 1: as a woman, because I don't. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: say it's a man versus woman thing, but a lot

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Speaker 1: of women do complain how my husband is always on me?

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Speaker 1: Why is he always on me if sex is going

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Speaker 1: to be a chore for you that you don't really

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Speaker 1: want to do. Why do women constantly push monogamy on

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Speaker 1: men if you know that you don't want to have

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Speaker 1: to deal with him all the time just wanting you,

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Speaker 1: Why do you push monogamy on that? Well, who's to

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Speaker 1: say I pushed anything on anybody? Like? Well, we know

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Speaker 1: that you pushed monogamy on me. I pushed man out'n

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Speaker 1: I forced you to get married to me, tom out.

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Speaker 1: I didn't say you forced me to get married, But

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Speaker 1: did you not say to me that you wanted to

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Speaker 1: be engaged and you wanted to be before you live

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Speaker 1: with me. You don't want a billion dollars. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: get it. So that's fair. But we're not even even

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Speaker 1: talking about marriage. Let's even talk about dating, right, two

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Speaker 1: people are dating? Typically in society, who asks for exclusivity first?

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Speaker 1: A woman or a man? Thank you? That was my

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Speaker 1: whole point. So you were going all over the place.

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Speaker 1: If women typically asks for exclusivity first, then when they

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Speaker 1: get exclusivity, say, he always on me, he always want

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Speaker 1: to have sex. Why are we asking men for exclusivity

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Speaker 1: if we do not want to participate itt for insects

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Speaker 1: at the same level as men. We have to think

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Speaker 1: about what that does to a man. And I don't

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Speaker 1: think that that's being that that conversation is being had. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I agree, and that part I agree with, yes, that

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Speaker 1: women are typically the ones that will ask for the exclusivity.

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Speaker 1: I get that. Yes, So you say you want to

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Speaker 1: be engaged. I get engaged. You say you want to

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Speaker 1: be married within the year. We do that, we get married.

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Speaker 1: Then you make it seem like like sex as a

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Speaker 1: chore to your husband. Once again, I ask the question,

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Speaker 1: why do women who push forth monogamy on the man

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Speaker 1: they're dating, then get overwhelmed with that man who tries

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Speaker 1: to provide that monogamy to you. Why do you get

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Speaker 1: upset when we're trying to be what you want us

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Speaker 1: to be. You don't want me to be with no

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Speaker 1: one else? Right? Right? I'm asking this is you don't

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Speaker 1: want me to be with no one else. So if

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Speaker 1: I decide that all this testoster w I have I

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Speaker 1: want to give to you, why is this so overwhelming? Now?

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Speaker 1: This is what you ask for? Twenty six and twenty

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Speaker 1: seven year old Codeine was like, Okay, here's the natural

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Speaker 1: succession of life. Your graduate, you're working, you meet somebody,

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Speaker 1: you guys are dating. You want children. I want children.

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Speaker 1: We don't want to wait too long or too late

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Speaker 1: to have children. So now a lot of people are

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Speaker 1: waiting until their thirties to have children, and I understand

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Speaker 1: why we and we at that time felt like, well,

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Speaker 1: we're doing everything in this natural succession that the forces

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Speaker 1: that be have given us this timeline. A lot of that, too,

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Speaker 1: is not knowing that you have the liberty and the

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Speaker 1: choice and there shouldn't be any pressure to wait. Right. So,

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Speaker 1: twenty seven year old Cadine in that moment felt like, okay,

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Speaker 1: so we are dating for a certain amount of tent

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Speaker 1: At that point, we were dating for seven or eight years, right,

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Speaker 1: seven or eight years is a bit of time to

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Speaker 1: be invested in somebody, to not know is there a

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Speaker 1: future here? What are we doing? So at that point

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Speaker 1: I proposed to you the idea of engagement. We got engaged,

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Speaker 1: then it was like, all right, we want to have kids.

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Speaker 1: I particularly didn't want to have a child until I

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Speaker 1: was married. So it's like, all right, well we're engaged,

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Speaker 1: we might as well the next phases get married. And

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Speaker 1: then naturally, girls get excited the minute you're engaged, and

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Speaker 1: it's just like, oh, fiance, fiance, you know, he put

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Speaker 1: a ring on it. It's like the wedding planning has

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Speaker 1: to commence, like that's just naturally what most women do. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So that happened and then we ended up getting married. However,

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Speaker 1: I did not realize that after having children, after you know,

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Speaker 1: career changes, all of the turbulences that we've been through

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Speaker 1: in life, that that was going to have a direct

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Speaker 1: effect on my sex drive. That's fair and me not

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Speaker 1: knowing that. If I knew it, then I probably would

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Speaker 1: have rethought, you know what I was gonna do when

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Speaker 1: it came to marriage and monogamy, and that is fair.

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Speaker 1: And this is why I like to have this discussion.

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Speaker 1: And I think we should have this discussion because people

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Speaker 1: look at us and say, oh, relationship goes, right, marriage

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Speaker 1: goes They don't know what what is being discussed behind

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Speaker 1: closed doors, right. So, for example, one of the things

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Speaker 1: that I have deduced through being married to you for

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Speaker 1: a long period of time is this. And this is

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Speaker 1: not a about a women think. Women think. This is

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Speaker 1: about me and you. I learned that you were never

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Speaker 1: taught what it entails to be with someone in a

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Speaker 1: monogamous relationship the same way I was never taught that.

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Speaker 1: So what happens is is that we both have expectations

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Speaker 1: of what we think it's gonna be like, and then

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Speaker 1: the minute it's not like that, we start to project

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Speaker 1: our issues that we have with that on each other.

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Speaker 1: So you just mad at me, and I get mine

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Speaker 1: at you. So the problem is the problem is is

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Speaker 1: not so much the reality of what happens, is that

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Speaker 1: we all have this ideal of what it's supposed to

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Speaker 1: be like. And I'm gonna give you an example as

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Speaker 1: a man right in my eighteen From eighteen to twenty two,

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Speaker 1: we had sex routinely, like all the time that was there.

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Speaker 1: Right once we moved into together and we were living

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Speaker 1: together in our own house in Michigan, sex started to

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Speaker 1: slow down. This is before kids, this is before marriages,

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Speaker 1: before he was working, this was before any stresses period.

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Speaker 1: This was just you. Sex just started to slow down.

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Speaker 1: And then also to em two was like college. It

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Speaker 1: was my first time out of my parents house. Um,

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Speaker 1: you know, we were living in this utopia that was

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Speaker 1: college life. And also to um, what was the other

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Speaker 1: thing that I was gonna say? So we got distance.

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Speaker 1: We had distance. We had distance, so there was time

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Speaker 1: for us to like miss each other and be like

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Speaker 1: to see you again. And when we do, see what

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Speaker 1: I was getting to. So once we started to move

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Speaker 1: in together and you see the same person every single night,

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Speaker 1: the distance that we had, we were in college and

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Speaker 1: we would I was traveling and we were doing different things.

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Speaker 1: That distance allows time for you to kind of reboot

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Speaker 1: your sex drive. For me, I don't necessarily have to

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Speaker 1: reboot my sex drive. The minute I see you, I

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Speaker 1: want to have sex. So when we were missing each other,

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Speaker 1: it seemed normal that we had sex all the time.

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Speaker 1: But then when we think about it, we really wasn't

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Speaker 1: having sex all the time because we didn't see each

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Speaker 1: other all the time. Then when we moved in together

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Speaker 1: and we see each other every day, every time I

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Speaker 1: want to have sex, I look to you, it became overwhelming.

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Speaker 1: So and the reason why I say that it is

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Speaker 1: because the conversation starts happened was why do men fear marriage?

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Speaker 1: Why do men fear marriage? And I'm gonna explain this

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Speaker 1: so that everybody can understand this. When you're a man,

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Speaker 1: a young man, and you talk to your friends who

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Speaker 1: are married about getting married, the first thing they do

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Speaker 1: is say, take your time. Right. They don't ever explain

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Speaker 1: why because men aren't vocal, we don't discuss these things,

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Speaker 1: we're not emotional. All they'll say is take your time,

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Speaker 1: you got you got time for that. You're sure you

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Speaker 1: want to do this? And they're like, yeah, you're They're like,

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Speaker 1: you know, gonna change and then you're like, what is

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Speaker 1: that me? Or don't worry about the ship going to change?

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Speaker 1: So no one really tells you, as a man, neither

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Speaker 1: what exactly is going to change and how it's gonna change.

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Speaker 1: And why it's changing. But I've learned over years why

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Speaker 1: it's changed and how it's changed. For example, when we

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Speaker 1: were in college and we were having sex a lot,

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Speaker 1: and I was at football practice and I used to

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Speaker 1: go away games stuff like that, we had tom apart.

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Speaker 1: Right once we moved in together, we're having sex routinely.

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Speaker 1: Your body couldn't handle it, like like physically physically couldn't.

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Speaker 1: You couldn't handle it. You will get U t I s.

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Speaker 1: You will get bacterial infections because it's the same pounding

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Speaker 1: every day. So as a man, you start to realize that,

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Speaker 1: you know what, we are not just wired differently mentally physically,

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Speaker 1: we are wired differently. She can't take everything that you

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Speaker 1: want to give her all the time. But since no

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Speaker 1: one tells you that, you just expect that this woman

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Speaker 1: who wants me to be loyal to her, monogamous to her,

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Speaker 1: is gonna want to have sex every time I want

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Speaker 1: to have sex. And it's not until you move in

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Speaker 1: with a woman and you live ah all the time

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Speaker 1: do you realize that she can't do that. You see

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Not only are women not being taught

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Speaker 1: what it's like to be in a monogamous relationship. Young

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Speaker 1: men are not being taught what it's like to being

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Speaker 1: a monogous relation. You should you understand what I'm saying. No,

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Speaker 1: I understand completely because I I experience the same thing.

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Speaker 1: And that's why I'm grateful for platforms like this or

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Speaker 1: just our generation of people who are speaking up and

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Speaker 1: speaking out and speaking to each other about these things,

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Speaker 1: because then maybe people will make more educated decisions about

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Speaker 1: whether or not they do want to be married, or

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Speaker 1: they do want to be in a monogamous relationship, or

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Speaker 1: you know what actually is involved in that um And

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Speaker 1: the crazy thing about marriage is that, you know, one

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Speaker 1: of the things you always hear is like, you know,

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Speaker 1: you got to compromise, You gotta compromise. Like what happens

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Speaker 1: when one party feels like they're compromising more than the other,

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Speaker 1: or one person feels like they're sacrificing more than the other,

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Speaker 1: then that becomes an issue because a lot of times

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Speaker 1: we try to meet each other halfway, but you still

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Speaker 1: feel like you ended up with the short end of

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Speaker 1: the stick. And it just maybe too because you literally

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Speaker 1: have a bigger sex drive than me, and for me,

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Speaker 1: it just takes way more to get me to a

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Speaker 1: point some times we're even willing to do that. Like

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Speaker 1: back to your story, it was like, damn, I know

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Speaker 1: I promised him. I promised him some asks tonight and

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Speaker 1: I was like, damn, I can't not do this, but

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Speaker 1: I want to go to sleep, like I really just

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Speaker 1: want to push my face and go to sleep. Now

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Speaker 1: here's another thing too, and let's be fair. I'm willing

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Speaker 1: to compromise, right, are willing? We don't have sex every day,

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Speaker 1: We don't have sex. In college, we have sex two

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Speaker 1: times a day. You know we see each other. We

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Speaker 1: was like rabbits, right, I compromise. And I even said

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Speaker 1: to you, I'm not gonna push for when I want

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Speaker 1: to have sex. I'm going to allow you to get

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Speaker 1: back in the mood and then when you come to

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Speaker 1: me to have sex, because I want the sex to

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Speaker 1: be enjoying fas but to be a problem when me

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Speaker 1: having to reset my sex clock be longer than you

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Speaker 1: expected to me, and that be a problem. Hold on,

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Speaker 1: there's a study. There's a study. Was about to pull

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Speaker 1: up the same quote, pull up the same quote you

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Speaker 1: pull up. I'm gonna say so that I can go off.

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Speaker 1: So it's funny. We're talking about this episode on the

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Speaker 1: way and our amazing manager. To Nora, she was like, listen,

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Speaker 1: here's the quote that I literally just heard in the

401
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Speaker 1: uber on the way here. Most men will happily have

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Speaker 1: less sex for more peace. Ha that is you know listen, Okay,

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Speaker 1: the key word here is happily. I agree, happily happily.

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Speaker 1: Can you see this thing over here is skipping down

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Speaker 1: the block happy because I get more set, because I

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00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 1: get more peace and less I'm just trying to invest

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Speaker 1: invision devout right now with his headset and his ghetto ponytail,

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00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 1: just skipping like happily. Hap believe because he's like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I have peace in my home, in my

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Speaker 1: life because I'm happy now this Now, here's the truth, dog,

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Speaker 1: here's the truth. The type of piece they may be

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Speaker 1: talking about is a different type of piece. You and

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Speaker 1: I have a great relationship, right and people ask me

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Speaker 1: in time, so sex is that bad? And marriage? Why

415
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,840
Speaker 1: do you stay married? Because sex isn't everything? That's number one.

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Speaker 1: Number one. Our relationship outside of just our sex, life

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Speaker 1: is easy. Like you're my best friend. We have we

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Speaker 1: have a lot of fun together, I mean we do. However,

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Speaker 1: sex be a sexist like that that like looming. It's

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Speaker 1: like when somebody farts in a room and then it's

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Speaker 1: like the forest like what it's like a farest what

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Speaker 1: kind of sex? Like listen, it's like a fart in

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Speaker 1: the room and the should just be lingering, like you know,

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00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 1: that should be that that that fix that fi smell

425
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,880
Speaker 1: that like won't escape the room. That's how she That's

426
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 1: how she mean. It's like you know in the cartoons

427
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,879
Speaker 1: when they have the green fingers and it's like going

428
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:37,879
Speaker 1: right through your notes like that. That's what sex is.

429
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: Sexy sometimes that's how sex is sometimes. But if sex,

430
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 1: if she can describe sex like that, no, dont don't try.

431
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 1: Don't try to try since she says that, right, if

432
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 1: sexist feels like that to you, why does it bother you?

433
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,199
Speaker 1: If I have sex with someone else, not sex. I'm

434
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 1: saying the topic of sex, like the discussions that happened

435
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 1: around sex are lingering, even though it's not gonna say

436
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,160
Speaker 1: the topic of sex. You said set No, that's okay.

437
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,399
Speaker 1: Let me clarify. You please clarify, because you made it

438
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 1: seem like sex terrible. No, I'm not talking about sex. No,

439
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 1: not the actor. You need to clarifix. You need to clarify,

440
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,879
Speaker 1: because you just said sex is like a fart. Green

441
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 1: thing is going up your nose, That's what you said.

442
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,679
Speaker 1: So if sex is like a fart, then you wouldn't

443
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 1: care if I farted on somebody else. Right, Let they

444
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 1: go out there and just fart. You wouldn't care. We

445
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 1: share with everybody, exactly. You get a fart, you get

446
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 1: at exactly. No, let me clarify that, please, the act

447
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 1: of sex is not the fart, Okay, it's the discussion

448
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 1: surrounding sex, or like the heavy looming tension that sometimes

449
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 1: happens around sex. Because when we do have sex, we

450
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 1: have amazing sex. Right, we are best friends relationship. But

451
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,520
Speaker 1: the reason why I was like it was because I

452
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: know that the topic of sex, sometimes, as great as

453
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,360
Speaker 1: things are, can be a damper Because you always say

454
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 1: to me, sex is more important to me than it

455
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 1: is to you. You always say that it's not high

456
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 1: on your total pole, your priority list. No, it's high

457
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 1: because I know it affects you, so it still has

458
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 1: to affect me. But if I just like wants to

459
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 1: go down the list of things that I need on

460
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 1: a day to day basis personally, then no, sex is

461
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,639
Speaker 1: not high on the list, right, So, and this is

462
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: just another thing that men always want to hear women explain,

463
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: and no woman has ever been able to explain this

464
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 1: to me. If you don't need sex and sex is

465
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 1: not high on your priority list of the things you need,

466
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,120
Speaker 1: why does it bother you so much? If he wants

467
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:33,360
Speaker 1: to have sex with someone else, then it quiet throw

468
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 1: marriage away at that point, because it's like, what's the

469
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 1: point I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you why.

470
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 1: The idea that a woman can tell a man not

471
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 1: to have sex with anybody else then tell that man

472
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 1: when he's going to have sex, how often he's going

473
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: to have sex, and how he has sex is extremely

474
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: selfish and women don't want to admit it, but it's

475
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 1: the truth. It is the truth. The idea that a

476
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,920
Speaker 1: woman can say to a man, you can't have sex

477
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,320
Speaker 1: with no other women in the world. You can only

478
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:03,200
Speaker 1: have sex with me, but you're only gonna have sex

479
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 1: with me when I want to have sex, and you're

480
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: only gonna have sex how I want to have Some

481
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 1: married people are dating people because anybody who says that,

482
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 1: because because because it's even for a man to say

483
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: that to a woman is just selfish for one person

484
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 1: to say to another person, you can't do anything else,

485
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 1: but you're only going to do what I want in

486
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: the time I wanted. It's selfish, period. But women have

487
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 1: found a way to make it seem like that he's okay,

488
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 1: and it's not. And for men who are married on

489
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:31,879
Speaker 1: in a monogamous relationship, it's frustrating to try to live

490
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 1: in that realm. So it sounds like people some people

491
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 1: need to be getting divorces people they do to not

492
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: be married. And if you know early on, unlike me,

493
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 1: will completely admit that I didn't necessarily know early on

494
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 1: that I would be have to be putting it out

495
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 1: every single day, then I probably wouldn't be married too.

496
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 1: I don't blame you, but I don't blame his friends,

497
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 1: co parenting and whatnot. But we wouldn't have been married

498
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 1: married because I feel like married people will be like

499
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: or married women. Um, since you're asking about women not

500
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,719
Speaker 1: be being able to answer this question for you, then

501
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: it'll just be like, okay, so why are we married? Then,

502
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 1: like I guess, along with marriage comes monogamy. That's anonymous

503
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 1: pretty much. So if that's something that women won't be

504
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:15,200
Speaker 1: willing to do, then we should be letting people go see.

505
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 1: But this is my point. When men try to explain this,

506
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 1: you know what women say, Oh, you just immature. You

507
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,680
Speaker 1: need to grow up. When you're gonna grow up and

508
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,200
Speaker 1: start being a man, when you're gonna settle down. You

509
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,359
Speaker 1: know how many of my single male friends have heard

510
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 1: that they're in their thirties and they have multiple women

511
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 1: because they don't want to disappoint no one by trying

512
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,199
Speaker 1: to be monogamous and realizing they can't be monogamous, so

513
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 1: they say things like, you know what, relationships really don't

514
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 1: work for me. We can just have fun. Women call

515
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 1: them immature, They say they're dogs everything. So what about

516
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,959
Speaker 1: a man that wants a legacy and a family and

517
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 1: uh something past just the sex part of it. Then

518
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: how does that fall into play? If it's just okay,

519
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,120
Speaker 1: we're avoiding committing to somebody because of sex, but then

520
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: now we want a family or we want because that

521
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 1: ultimately that old man. He comes to my point of

522
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 1: why I'm married and why I think that we work.

523
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: I of course we have issues within our sex life,

524
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 1: and when we say issues, it's really not have issues.

525
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 1: We have sex three or four times a week, right,

526
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,120
Speaker 1: if if it's not into course, we have some type

527
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,200
Speaker 1: of sex three times a week at least. Sometimes it's less,

528
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But I would say on

529
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 1: average about three times a week. And we still have issues.

530
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 1: And we still have issues because and and some of

531
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,639
Speaker 1: our issues arise in how we get to sex. Because

532
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 1: you feel like, as a wife, even when you don't

533
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 1: want to have sex, you have to have sex. And

534
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:37,679
Speaker 1: for me as a husband or do something sexual. So

535
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 1: for me as a husband is like I want to

536
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 1: accept that from my wife, but I want to be wanted.

537
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,199
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I want, I want, I

538
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,879
Speaker 1: wanted to be enjoyable. I don't want to lay in

539
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 1: the bed and part right, I don't want to lay

540
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: in the bed, and you just like here, come on,

541
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 1: like even though we may have sex like that, that's

542
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 1: not enjoyable for you and it's not enjoyable for me.

543
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: So I'll one day out of the three or four

544
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:58,679
Speaker 1: days that it is like a wash because it's like

545
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: who really benefited from that? Right? So no one benefits

546
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 1: from it. So that's where me as a husband has said,

547
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,120
Speaker 1: you know what I don't want you to feel pressure

548
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:07,919
Speaker 1: of when to have sex, so I'll just wait for

549
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 1: when you're ready to have sex for us to have

550
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: sex so that we can be good. We've come to

551
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: that conclusion. But then it's like, when you're ready to

552
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: have sex, I at least want you to, you know,

553
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,880
Speaker 1: put on a nice outfit, make it nice. I don't

554
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: want you, now you're ready to have sex, to jump

555
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 1: into it. It's like if we're going to compromise, and

556
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna agree to have less sex, which goes back

557
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 1: to this thing men who have less sex to have

558
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: more peace because that that daunting conversation. I don't want

559
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 1: to have that daunting conversation either, because once you start

560
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,199
Speaker 1: having that conversation, than any sex you have after that

561
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: conversation seems like it's not genuine. It seems like it's

562
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 1: not and it's just like, who wants to discuss sex

563
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,679
Speaker 1: and how we're gonna get to it and then only

564
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 1: do it, and then it should be wacked because there

565
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 1: was this whole discussion that had to happen before. I

566
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,360
Speaker 1: think the best sex that happens is usually spontaneous, which

567
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: is why sometimes I don't even have time to be

568
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: putting on the outfits because it's just like, yo, I

569
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 1: just popped in my head like let me just go

570
00:27:56,400 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: and you know, perform performing. So we you and I

571
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,439
Speaker 1: have also had this conversation because at one point I

572
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 1: started to feel like I was the problem. So and

573
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: I was thinking, like, you know what, maybe I don't

574
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: look the same way that I used to look. Maybe

575
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: it's my beard, maybe it's my hair. Maybe I need

576
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: to lose weight, maybe I need the gains weight. I'm

577
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 1: trying to figure out what can I do to make

578
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,399
Speaker 1: you feel more in the mood. So as a husband,

579
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: I try to I try to take that on. It's like,

580
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,640
Speaker 1: what what can I do? And at that point, that's

581
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: when you told me you weren't sure you know, saying

582
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 1: so what what? What was going when I was trying

583
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 1: to ask you to figure out what was your step

584
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 1: to figure out how you could increase your libido? So

585
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 1: I really felt badly that you felt that you had

586
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 1: some sort of deficit that prevented me from wanting to

587
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 1: have sex. And that's something I really wanted to nip

588
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 1: in the butt early because I'm like, it's not for

589
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: lack of like me being attracted to you or not

590
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 1: wanting to and knowing how much you wanted it, I

591
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 1: felt inadequate. I felt like, you know, I'm the one

592
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 1: with the deficit. If anything, it's not devout. It's funny

593
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 1: you said you felt you felt inadequate because I felt

594
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: inadequate because I'm like here, I am a man, I

595
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: work out all the time, I don't think, and my

596
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: wife is not yet. I'm right, I'm like, my wife

597
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 1: is not into me. And and the thing is, I'm

598
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: a very selfless lover, Like I don't just go to

599
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 1: have sex and be like bang bang on mout. I

600
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 1: try to make sure that you're taken care of. So

601
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 1: you felt inadequate, and I felt inadequate. So in me

602
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 1: trying to like unpack, like Cadine, what is really the

603
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 1: root of your issue when it comes to sex. It's

604
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: the most frustrating thing because it's like your mind, in

605
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 1: your mind, you're like, okay, I want to do this,

606
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: but it's like your body can't like jump start. It's

607
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 1: like it's like an engine that's lost its battery life.

608
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 1: And it's like you're like, you know, your analogy, like

609
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 1: here's like the jumper cables. You know what I mean,

610
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 1: hence the rollover and just eat me out tonight. But

611
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like you're there with the jumper cables

612
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: and it's just like, oh, you know, it may or

613
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 1: may not work. And in my mind, I'm like, it

614
00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: should just be so easy for me to say, you

615
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 1: know what, this is what I want to do. I

616
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 1: want to please my husband. I want to be all

617
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 1: into it. I want to be swinging from the chandeliers

618
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 1: dressed as all sorts of you know, fantasy things that

619
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 1: you want me to be. And it should be mad

620
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: daunting for me because I'm just like, my body just

621
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 1: doesn't well. You You did say that you felt like

622
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 1: after every child, and we have three kids, so it's

623
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 1: like we've had children consistently, you felt like your libio dropped,

624
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 1: and it hasn't it physically your lebt man's own. You

625
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: want more kids. I'm like, because you asked me about

626
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 1: let you asked me about legacy, you asked me about

627
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 1: why I'm going to be sexually after that, Like, I

628
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 1: don't know, and I'm scared to find that. A bitch

629
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 1: is scared to find out. I get it. I get it,

630
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 1: trust me, I get it. And Okay, So Okay, so

631
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 1: let me ask this question. You said it was was

632
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: it physically your obedient, like, what do you feel like

633
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 1: it was chemically you think? Or was it you're not

634
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,240
Speaker 1: you're not feeling colonel, Because I also said, what did

635
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 1: you feel sexy? That's my point. I don't feel sexy,

636
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 1: had my moments for I did, And I mean you

637
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 1: never made me feel as if I wasn't sexy, which

638
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 1: was the craziest part to me because even in my

639
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,719
Speaker 1: you know, worst day, when I didn't feel sexy at all,

640
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: I maybe had a little extra weight on, didn't feel

641
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 1: like myself. You never, at any point made me feel

642
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 1: like I was lacking something. Well, you weren't. And I

643
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 1: know when your eyes you see yourself differently than not

644
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 1: see you. But to me, I was like, I'm lacking

645
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 1: all the ships, Like yeah, and that's that goes back

646
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: to how we project what we want for ourselves, what

647
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 1: we want ourselves to look like on our partner. So

648
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 1: you thought that because you gained a little weight, and

649
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: because I remember you said Ariola was a little darker,

650
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: you felt like you weren't attractive, So I understand that.

651
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 1: I was like, she's so plush and juice. It was

652
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: just it turned it turned me on it over here,

653
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:48,680
Speaker 1: felt like what's that stuff that kids be making? Notay, No,

654
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 1: you didn't feel like play don't know. I didn't feel like. No.

655
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: Your analogies are off today between the farts and the

656
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 1: car battery, with the no jumper cables and now gag,

657
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know who this woman is.

658
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 1: That's what it slime I felt like. So you felt

659
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: like slime. No, you definitely didn't feel like that. And

660
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 1: the thing is, this is what I think women need

661
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: to hear. When the man chooses you to be his

662
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 1: life partner, he chooses you for more reasons than just

663
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 1: how you look. So there are certain things about you

664
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: that attract me that have nothing to do with how

665
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 1: you look. So when you wake up in the morning

666
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 1: and you you don't look your best to you, to me,

667
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 1: it's not even just about you looking good, it's your essence.

668
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: There really is something about you when you smile at me,

669
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 1: the way you smell, you know how certain people have

670
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: like that, that physical attraction that goes beyond that is

671
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: what it is for me. You know what I'm saying,

672
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 1: That's what it is for me. So and I feel

673
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 1: the same way too. That's what I've always even said

674
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 1: to Like, when you go back to like is it me,

675
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's not you, because I feel like you

676
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 1: could dangle another man in front of my face and

677
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 1: I'll be like, I don't want to you neither, Like

678
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 1: I don't feel like that's the case because I don't

679
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: wanta have to kill nobody. Of course, not because I

680
00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: will kill somebody. Love you aund like our chore life

681
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 1: and whatnot, and not locked up in some cell, you know,

682
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: So I get it. So they say that, Um, this

683
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: brings me to another question that I wanted to pose

684
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 1: to you. Most marriages that end in divorce are financial issues, right,

685
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 1: But then you have marriages that end because of sexual

686
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 1: infidelities and whatnot. So do you think that at that point,

687
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 1: you know, like saying that marriage is not a big weight,

688
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 1: I mean, sex is not a big weight on most marriages.

689
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 1: Why is it that these marriages end because of infidelities? Um?

690
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 1: To be honest, I I can't speak for anyone else's marriage, right,

691
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 1: but I do feel that people put an unrealistic expectation

692
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: on their partner in different facets of their life, and

693
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 1: one of them is infidelities, you know what I'm saying.

694
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 1: So it's like you cheat one time you tech somebody,

695
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 1: you look at somebody else, it's a rap. I'm out

696
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 1: without giving someone the grace to learn what's going on,

697
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 1: especially if people have gotten married at a young age.

698
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: Last season and they talked about infidecting my infidelity, yes,

699
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,280
Speaker 1: and I was getting flat license here you go forgiving

700
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 1: another Black men and black women are always forgiven. And

701
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:18,359
Speaker 1: I was just like sis quiet as it's kept. There's

702
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: women in relationships that they feel are monogamous, but they ain't.

703
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 1: So if anybody's in the dark, it might be you,

704
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,280
Speaker 1: Like you just never know. And then and there are management,

705
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 1: there are men in relationships who they think they're being

706
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 1: a monogamous and their wife is not me monogamous. So

707
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: I don't pass judgment on anyone's manage. Anyone who passed

708
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: judgment on our marriage can't kiss my ass. And to

709
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 1: be honest, I don't. I don't feel a way about

710
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 1: judgment because when we get on the platform to talk

711
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 1: about our marriage, people have the right to have to

712
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 1: have their opinion. So if that's how they feel, less

713
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 1: how they feel, you know, I'm saying I really could

714
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: care less. But um what what I have figured out

715
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 1: for myself is that marriage to me, because there were

716
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 1: points in our marriage and I'm like, yo, this is

717
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:04,720
Speaker 1: just seems selfish and I don't know if I could

718
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:08,279
Speaker 1: exist in this. And then you start to weigh what's

719
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 1: important to you? You know what I'm saying, Like, what's important?

720
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 1: Like I said before, you're my best friend and you're

721
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 1: a business partner. You and I have not only developed

722
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: a brand and developed a business model that works for

723
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 1: you and I and works for building a legacy for

724
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 1: our kids, but we've built a friendship that I think

725
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: would outlast anything. Because when we were broke, especially after

726
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: the NFL, you and I were still best friends and

727
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 1: we still found ways to enjoy life and enjoy each

728
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 1: other during our harshest times no money, we were struggling,

729
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: without sex, life, we had just had a child. We

730
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: were struggling. But somehow through that, you and I found

731
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 1: a way to create a great life. So for me,

732
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: as a married man, it's like, all right, I'm gonna

733
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 1: have to make some adjustments in the things that I

734
00:35:56,560 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 1: want as a man. And like you said, do I

735
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,319
Speaker 1: what do I think about my legacy, right, why do

736
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,359
Speaker 1: I get married? What do men think of? You know what?

737
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,879
Speaker 1: What's the thought process? I know I wanted a lot

738
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,399
Speaker 1: of kids. I want boys and girls. I have three boys.

739
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 1: I would like to have a daughter. That's part of

740
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 1: the legacy I want to leave. I want to be

741
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 1: able to raise a daughter who's intelligent, who's beautiful, who

742
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,279
Speaker 1: has a lot of self self worth. I want to

743
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 1: be able to give the world a young lady with

744
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,280
Speaker 1: those type of attributes, and I feel like we collectively

745
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 1: can do that. So part of my legacy is not

746
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,279
Speaker 1: only just doing everything I can for myself or for us,

747
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 1: but it's also growing another productive member of society. And

748
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 1: I want to do that to both a young man

749
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:37,239
Speaker 1: and a young woman. I have three boys. I want

750
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 1: a young daughter. If that means I have to sacrifice

751
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:42,800
Speaker 1: other aspects of my life that may not seem perfect

752
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 1: and what I expected, then I'm willing to do that,

753
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 1: because then I start to realize what I felt was

754
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 1: perfect was only what was fed to me, you know

755
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,760
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And I think that if if people

756
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 1: would have fed to me the reality of being in

757
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 1: a monogamous relationship from young I would have known what

758
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 1: it was rather than creating done it or would you

759
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 1: be like, I'm still doing it now. I'm still doing

760
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 1: it now. I don't I couldn't bail, but you didn't

761
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 1: and you could. So we both made an active choice

762
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,719
Speaker 1: and continuously make an active choice to be here. It's

763
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 1: like because prioritizing it is prioritizing, which brings me to

764
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,720
Speaker 1: some tips that we have for you guys, for sex

765
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:27,479
Speaker 1: after marriage, during marriage, all that good stuff. To have sex,

766
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 1: you have to prioritize it. I think that's a necessity

767
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 1: for me. I gotta make sure that I'm like mentally like, okay,

768
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 1: days have passed and I'm like, oh shoot, like we

769
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 1: gotta get this done, you know. I'm like, do you

770
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 1: know put it on the calendar for me so I

771
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 1: can remember. Um, there's a natural ebb and flow in

772
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 1: libido over time, and that's important. Ebb and flow. That's

773
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:48,879
Speaker 1: a good way to But that's a good analogy. That's

774
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,280
Speaker 1: a good, good little phrase. So you know it comes,

775
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 1: you know, it comes and goes. Facts, don't let your

776
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: solo sex life fall to the wayside. The more you

777
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 1: have sex, the more you want it. The less you

778
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,320
Speaker 1: have it, the less you want it. In what world?

779
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 1: Doing sex can be a two person activity or a

780
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 1: one person activity. In addition to helping you get in

781
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 1: the mood for partner sex, masturbating can build your confidence.

782
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 1: You don't subscribe to masturbating, you don't like that. I

783
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 1: just don't like it because I have a woman that

784
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 1: I'm in love with that's in the same house as me.

785
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:28,120
Speaker 1: So you know, it just doesn't really doesn't really do

786
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 1: much it for you because that's like, the minute you've

787
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 1: done masturbating, I'll just be feeling guilty, like I'm masturbating

788
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 1: like that for That's what I got a wife, is

789
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:38,879
Speaker 1: what I'm married for, you know. But but you did

790
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 1: say that sometimes you try to warm yourself up. But

791
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 1: I mean maybe maybe the more you have sex and

792
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 1: maybe the more you get into it. I don't know.

793
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 1: That's a tip. I got a tip in abundance. Inabundance, Um,

794
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:55,480
Speaker 1: if you can't get into the mood, think about what's

795
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 1: going on outside the bedroom. So is there something that's

796
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 1: preventing you from getting there? Are you having other wrestlers

797
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: things like that? Um? The reason is simple, what you

798
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 1: do out of the bedroom can affect what's going on

799
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: or not in the bedroom, so communicating with each other,

800
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 1: which I think we do in abundance as well. UM

801
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,760
Speaker 1: continuing to talk about sex, prioritizing other forms of sexual

802
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,800
Speaker 1: touch and intimacy, exploring other forms of intimacy. UM considering

803
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 1: to see a sex therapist. UM. Shout out to to

804
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 1: Shannon sham Booty on a guest on our show. I

805
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,399
Speaker 1: think that two seasons we're going to be show. Yeah,

806
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: we're actually gonna be Yeah. Absolutely learn each other's love

807
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:38,760
Speaker 1: and desire. Languages could be different, gifts, quality time, acts

808
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: of service, Uh, words of affirmation, physical touch. Okay, so

809
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: that brings me back to what makes things desirable for me?

810
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,399
Speaker 1: So you have said before like it. Yeah, I told

811
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 1: you it wasn't something you were lacking physically. You know.

812
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: I was thinking lately you real sexy when you like

813
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:59,960
Speaker 1: wash dishes and ships, like you know, just set up

814
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 1: guy putting in a load of lines, you know, owing

815
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 1: the grass. But we have a landscaper like that for that.

816
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, maybe like doing a couple of

817
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: things around the house that kind of helps a bit.

818
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,760
Speaker 1: I know you're kind of spoiled because my mom lives

819
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 1: with us, So you really don't have to do anything

820
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 1: around the house. However, that pilot clothes that you have

821
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,359
Speaker 1: on the floor by the side of the bed after

822
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: I've cleaned the room up, you know, your side of

823
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 1: the closet, like it would be dope turn on for me,

824
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 1: and it might be a turn on you know I'm

825
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 1: not doing Let's try it. We should try it. You know,

826
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 1: we're going to revisit this whole sex thing after that.

827
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,839
Speaker 1: Picks up some stuff around the house that might make

828
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,239
Speaker 1: you even more sexy to me. Bro guys, this is

829
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:44,360
Speaker 1: this is how, this is, This is the This is

830
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 1: what happens when God becomes. But this is what happens

831
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:52,279
Speaker 1: when God's become a simple you know, the simple the

832
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:53,879
Speaker 1: word you made us. I don't know if you look

833
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: it up. Simps or dudes who just who just run

834
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 1: after and do whatever their wife say. They just whatever

835
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: they women want, they do, they do they to. This

836
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 1: often happens to husbands because wives will give lists of

837
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 1: things that they can do to be considered more sexy

838
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:07,920
Speaker 1: in their wise eyes. And then when they do all

839
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,959
Speaker 1: of this ship and the wife still ain't putting out,

840
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: then what well, I mean, this is gonna be a

841
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: trial and ever for us, I can't say that it's

842
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 1: going to be a hit or miss. It maybe a miss.

843
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,040
Speaker 1: If it's a miss, and then we know it don't work,

844
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 1: oh my gosh. But on the list of things more desirable,

845
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 1: that was a good try. That was a good try,

846
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. That was a good try.

847
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 1: So how about this? So how about we do this?

848
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 1: So I'll try to do that. If you try to

849
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 1: do the things that I've been asking you to do

850
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,720
Speaker 1: for ten years, that's fair. That's fair. That's fair because

851
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:40,320
Speaker 1: if we're going to be fair, I've been asking you

852
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,959
Speaker 1: to do something for ten years you haven't done. I've done,

853
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 1: just not consistently or so it's not done. And the

854
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 1: frequency that you want it done as in every day

855
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 1: the ration now that you like the stuff you come

856
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 1: up with, it's amazing, Like you even your own world.

857
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 1: In your own world, you exist in Codeine Lane. They

858
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:06,919
Speaker 1: for del You're gonna say, I am happy, I am here.

859
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 1: You ain't going nowhere. That note I will say this

860
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 1: code Land is great because I'll take what I can get,

861
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 1: but what I do get is freaking amazing. Let's take

862
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 1: a quick break, because you all know how it is

863
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: we gotta pay some bills and we'll be back with

864
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:42,240
Speaker 1: the listener letters copy. All right, we're back with Codeine's

865
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,359
Speaker 1: favorite time of the show. Right. I want to get

866
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,760
Speaker 1: into your sex lives, because y'all have gotten into mind.

867
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 1: You know. Um, let's see if anybody else has parts

868
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: in the room or whatnot. Oh my gosh, you know,

869
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 1: people thinking that I'd be farting sex like that. I

870
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 1: cleared it up. I cleared it up. All right. So

871
00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: the first question for today, Hey val cod Hey, big

872
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,880
Speaker 1: fans of y'all, thank you. Do you think it's right

873
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 1: to watch porn when you're married or in a committed relationship?

874
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 1: This is easy. Whatever y'all decide, y'all to collectively. What

875
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:11,919
Speaker 1: is inbounds and out of bounds is up to y'all.

876
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 1: If y'all decide collectively, did y'all want to watch porn? Cool?

877
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 1: If your side you don't want to watch porn? Cool?

878
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 1: But what happens if one wants to watch and one

879
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: doesn't want the other one to watch? That's why I

880
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 1: said collectively. Everything has to be done collectively, like asking

881
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,720
Speaker 1: someone else was good for your marriage and never works.

882
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:28,759
Speaker 1: You have to figure out what's good for y'all too.

883
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:31,320
Speaker 1: So if they collectively decided they want to watch porn,

884
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 1: or even if they collectively decide that they can watch

885
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 1: porn alone, if it works for them, it works for them. Yeah,

886
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 1: I mean personally, we don't have any issues at porn now,

887
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 1: we don't have an issues with poins. Just like that's

888
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 1: how I learned some of my stuff. I'll be learning

889
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: how what I'm saying, Conin, you want to get around,

890
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:49,360
Speaker 1: I gotta flip upside down and we do our own stunts,

891
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 1: Yes we do. They got these things you do with

892
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 1: her left legs. That the left leg movement they left

893
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 1: about left leg And that's amazing because I'm righty sorest sexual.

894
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: Remember that the next time you want to tell me somethingboy,

895
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: tell me something about me. I got you, I got you.

896
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:20,359
Speaker 1: You want to read the next one? I gotta read

897
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: this a long one, right, let me and I got it.

898
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 1: Y'all starts with y'all three exclamation things. Can I be good?

899
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:30,760
Speaker 1: Be good? Can I just say that you guys are awesome?

900
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:32,400
Speaker 1: And I mind the way you all have put your

901
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 1: lives up there for others to see. The marriage is

902
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. It worked, beautiful thing. It worked, but

903
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 1: definitely worth it. With that said, I feel like we

904
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,840
Speaker 1: legit have a parallel life. I have been married for

905
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: ten years. We have three whole beautiful children seven four

906
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:48,840
Speaker 1: to my husband and high or high school sweethearts has

907
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:52,440
Speaker 1: been together now twenty one years inserted because that's what

908
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 1: he says. Okay, since I was fifteen years old. I

909
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,399
Speaker 1: know my husband is an ex NFL player as well.

910
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 1: We now have full old time careers and I focused

911
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:03,799
Speaker 1: on raising decent human beings. They do southing like us.

912
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,239
Speaker 1: We are still madly in love with each other and

913
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 1: we are the best of friends. We have only had

914
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 1: one other. Uh, we've only had one another as a

915
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 1: sexual partner and want to keep it that way. But

916
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 1: I find it our sex life. He's becoming a bit mundane.

917
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 1: I'm very communicative and asking him if he wants to

918
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 1: spice things up with whatever he wants, but he says

919
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:23,320
Speaker 1: he's content and happy with what we do. I mentioned

920
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,600
Speaker 1: this past career because I want to be understood. His

921
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 1: testosterone ideal with get it out to start a support

922
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 1: group because you army and I am you. She says.

923
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,399
Speaker 1: We get it in very regularly. He can't go too

924
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: many days, like two maybe three. Jesus Christ, I did

925
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 1: I write this without it, but it's the same thing.

926
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 1: I want to change things up and also don't want

927
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 1: to hurt his feelings and cause him to feel inadequate sexually.

928
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 1: What do you guys suggest can work to improve in

929
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 1: this area? Remind us whole episode and re listen to it.

930
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:58,839
Speaker 1: Because we are the same people, clearly, Um, I'll say this.

931
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,800
Speaker 1: You know, Dean has because she doesn't always want to

932
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,399
Speaker 1: share everything about our sex life because you know, some

933
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,359
Speaker 1: things have to remain for the imagination. But CoDeeN has

934
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 1: asked me to try some things with her that I

935
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 1: was just like, I would have never thought that you

936
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 1: would even like that or you would want to do that.

937
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:17,319
Speaker 1: And that's my wife. If she wants to do it,

938
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 1: I feel like it's my responsibility to add heere with

939
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 1: whatever she needs. That's and that's just me, Like everybody

940
00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 1: doesn't feel that way. But if wife, you say she

941
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 1: needs this, I'm on it. So and for me it

942
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 1: became a thing of like, let's try this, Like since

943
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 1: we're at a point where, yes, we've been together for

944
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:33,960
Speaker 1: a long time, we've been with each other exclusively for

945
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,839
Speaker 1: a long time, so it's like she can get very monotonous.

946
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 1: So when you want to start introducing different things, different ways,

947
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 1: different ideas, um knowing that the sex can get dry

948
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 1: and not wanting it to get there, then it's just like, hey,

949
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 1: let's try this, you know. And I think that if

950
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 1: you both are in a committed relationship like you said

951
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,080
Speaker 1: you are, you guys are still madly in love with

952
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: each other like you said you are, You're still attracted

953
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 1: to each other. Sometimes you gotta call and reinforcements. And

954
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,919
Speaker 1: enforcements don't mean necessarily another person, you know what I mean.

955
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 1: It can be some other ship, you know what I mean. So,

956
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 1: I mean you wanted me to use a vibrator one time,

957
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 1: and then I ain't gonna lie first, I was like,

958
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: what you need to vibrated for? If you got me,

959
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:17,399
Speaker 1: I did feel like a little like taken back, like them,

960
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 1: like why because she said she doesn't want him to

961
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 1: feel inadequate, And actually, like I have to pull in

962
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:24,840
Speaker 1: other ships to make it work. And sometimes it's not

963
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 1: a matter of just trying to get other stuff because

964
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 1: you're lacking something. It's like, hey, I just want to

965
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 1: add something to my experience, just to try something different. Well,

966
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 1: I mean it is hard for a man to feel

967
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:38,439
Speaker 1: like he's not satisfying his woman enough, especially his wife.

968
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 1: And I'll be the first to say, you're taught from

969
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 1: young you know, like you satisfy your man, your your girl,

970
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 1: like that's your job, you know, so you don't need

971
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: no toys, you don't need on this. So you think

972
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 1: that if you're not doing it, if she says she

973
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:53,279
Speaker 1: requires that, that you're not fulfilling your job. And she said,

974
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: you know he's outpha male and sinstash on is how

975
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 1: you played in the NFL. He probably feels like he

976
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 1: can solve everything. He wants to be everything own boy talk.

977
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 1: So listen. I I have learned. This is is one

978
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:05,880
Speaker 1: thing I learned. I remember growing up, being in my

979
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 1: teenage years. You thought that the pounding was the best

980
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 1: way to make a woman orgasm, right you You think that,

981
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 1: you know, the bigger, the harder you are, the harder

982
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: you hit it. You know, the longer you can hit it,

983
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 1: the more she's gonna orgasm. Until you become an adult

984
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 1: and you start to listen to women speak, and then

985
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:24,320
Speaker 1: you do research and you find out that of women

986
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: do not orgasm from penetration, they orgasm from clatoral stimulation,

987
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 1: and some women require clatoral stimulation while getting penetration. And

988
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:35,359
Speaker 1: for some women it's just like, you know what, if

989
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 1: I've been doing this this way, maybe I want to

990
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 1: try something different. So you gotta put your ego aside

991
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 1: and realize that, bro, it ain't even about you. At

992
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:44,799
Speaker 1: this point. Your wife is saying she needs something. You

993
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 1: have to adhere to what she's saying. And I can

994
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 1: empathize with her in that your body changes after children,

995
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 1: after multiple children, so what you might have liked before,

996
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 1: I'm not really feeling it this time around. You know

997
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 1: that happens because we spoke about it on that episode

998
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:05,400
Speaker 1: last season where things that were like here's my analogy again,

999
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 1: things that were like green light, it's now like yellow,

1000
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 1: and then things that used to be like a red lightlight.

1001
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 1: Hell no, it's like it's a yellow we can try,

1002
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 1: or same things that we're green it's like stop red,

1003
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,319
Speaker 1: Like no, we ain't doing that no more because my

1004
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 1: body does not like that anymore, or something. So I

1005
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,880
Speaker 1: think it's a work in progress. It evolves, you know,

1006
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: the sex life definitely evolved, especially if you've been together

1007
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 1: and been married for so long. So I hope you

1008
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:35,040
Speaker 1: all talking about it, having conversations about it, and you know,

1009
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 1: being open minded enough to try new things. If that

1010
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:40,480
Speaker 1: works for you. Guys, Yeah, y'all keep talking about it.

1011
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:42,839
Speaker 1: You'll keep talking about be open, open with each other.

1012
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 1: And and good luck to y'all and God bless you. Know,

1013
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 1: y'all sound like y'all a great partners in life. So

1014
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,839
Speaker 1: because it sounds like we should get together, maybe we'll

1015
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:52,799
Speaker 1: have our support group and you'll have your support group.

1016
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:54,839
Speaker 1: You know. If you'd like to be featured as one

1017
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 1: of our listener letters, be sure to email us at

1018
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 1: dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com. That's D E

1019
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 1: A D A S S A d V I C

1020
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. Um, this is my moment

1021
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 1: of truth. UM. For men, it's important for you to

1022
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,880
Speaker 1: understand this. Your ideas of what you think being in

1023
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: a monogamous relationship is, descratch it. Once you find the

1024
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 1: person that is your soul mate that you decide you

1025
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 1: want to spend the rest of your life with, that

1026
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:31,400
Speaker 1: person will then help you figure out what that idea

1027
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:35,640
Speaker 1: of monogamy is right. So don't go into any relationship

1028
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 1: saying if this is what monogamy is, and this is

1029
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 1: what I expect from sex through that monogamy. You're going

1030
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 1: to be disappointed because it hasn't hasn't happened yet. You

1031
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 1: and that person haven't gotten together yet and haven't developed that.

1032
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,719
Speaker 1: Another moment of truth for me is that all those

1033
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 1: sex is important for me, and it is that that

1034
00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 1: the top of my totem pole when things one of

1035
00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 1: the things at the top of my porple is not

1036
00:50:57,960 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 1: the top of the top, I still want to build

1037
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:02,320
Speaker 1: a leg to see. Um. I love pleasing my wife,

1038
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:04,920
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. I love having kids. I

1039
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: love being a great father, and more than anything else,

1040
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:12,279
Speaker 1: that is what being married is about to me. So

1041
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:16,440
Speaker 1: sex throughout all of that is great, But that makes

1042
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,920
Speaker 1: it worth it. So in a lot of ways that

1043
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,240
Speaker 1: whole thing about a man will just have less sex

1044
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 1: happily for peace in his house. I guess it's kind

1045
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 1: of true, because I know that's not true because I

1046
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 1: have on many occasions just beside you know what, I

1047
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 1: do like seeing you smile. I do like seeing you happy.

1048
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:38,479
Speaker 1: I don't want to strust you out with it. And

1049
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:41,920
Speaker 1: if you're skipping around and happy, I'm cool. You know

1050
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like I'm uncol and that that doesn't

1051
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:48,359
Speaker 1: make me feel good. You know, yes, look at you.

1052
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 1: He's just trying to get some tonight, y'all. That's all

1053
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 1: that is, just just just just the ponytail down. That's

1054
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 1: all I need right there, just like it. I love

1055
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,680
Speaker 1: it well my moment. The truth is quick. Treating sex

1056
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 1: like it's just a random, stagnant thing is just not

1057
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:10,279
Speaker 1: gonna work. Sex is always evolving, and it's evolving in

1058
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:14,120
Speaker 1: many ways, not just physically, but it's emotionally. It's involving

1059
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 1: your partner in it, having the open discussions about it.

1060
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 1: As hard as it may be for the other to hear,

1061
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 1: I think it's just necessary. So put your egos aside,

1062
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:27,360
Speaker 1: put the egos aside, and just really listen to what

1063
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 1: each other needs. And then you create your own action

1064
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:31,760
Speaker 1: plan in your mind of how you want to shift

1065
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 1: that now, something that you know your girls working on

1066
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 1: on a day to day basis. I'm trying to make

1067
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:37,759
Speaker 1: us all happy up in here, you know what I mean,

1068
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:41,800
Speaker 1: genuinely happy too, So that's not something that's forced. Also,

1069
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 1: real quick, I don't want to forget the young women

1070
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:46,280
Speaker 1: who hit me up who said they have the reverse

1071
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 1: who their sex drive is higher than their their significant

1072
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 1: others and they said they're they're made to feel like

1073
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:54,799
Speaker 1: horrors or they made to feel like something is wrong

1074
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 1: with them. No, if you're a young lady who have

1075
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 1: a high sex drive, you just have a high sex drives.

1076
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 1: There's no nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you.

1077
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:05,240
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Try to find somebody who

1078
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:08,360
Speaker 1: can rock with you and don't feel a way about

1079
00:53:08,360 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 1: expressing how you feel. Because the reason why codina not

1080
00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 1: work is because we openly talk about how we feel.

1081
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 1: So if he's rocking with you, don't feel uncomfortable, let

1082
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 1: him know that you need it more and hopefully he

1083
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 1: can adhere to what you need and do what he

1084
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:23,399
Speaker 1: needs to do with We gave you some tips, send

1085
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 1: me some tips. I got plenty of tips. I told you.

1086
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:28,839
Speaker 1: I want to know from the Living with the Overactive

1087
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: sex strinth, is there something? There's something all right? Now? Well,

1088
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:39,960
Speaker 1: be sure to find us and follow us on social media,

1089
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Speaker 1: dead as the podcast, and of course you can find

1090
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,839
Speaker 1: Medina I am and I Am Devout And if you're

1091
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:50,800
Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate review and subscribe.

1092
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 1: Dead As Go, Get You Some Names. Dead Ass is

1093
00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:00,359
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Media podcast network Again. It's

1094
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:04,320
Speaker 1: produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcasts on social

1095
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Speaker 1: media at dead as The Podcast and Never Miss a

1096
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Speaker 1: Thing