Speaker 1: Call from Lily.
Speaker 2: Hello, h what is your uh Lily, Lily, what's going on? Lily?
Speaker 2: How can I get you today?
Speaker 1: I need some advice on a like relationship issue that
Speaker 1: I've been having.
Speaker 2: Okay, how old are you, Lily?
Speaker 1: I'm twenty three.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean I'll try my best. Dude, all these
Speaker 2: relationship calls, I fucking don't know what I'm talking about,
Speaker 2: but go ahead.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no worries. So my boyfriend recently quit his
Speaker 1: job and he he kind of like ultimately wants to
Speaker 1: be like a stay at home figure kind of uh.
Speaker 1: And I don't mind that I make enough at my
Speaker 1: job that like, that's not really an issue. But my
Speaker 1: issue is that he won't like clean or keep up
Speaker 1: with any other like household related stuff while he's also
Speaker 1: at home.
Speaker 2: Dude, hold on, hold on, hold on. Your boyfriend quit
Speaker 2: his job so that you could bankroll him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, not not necessarily. We've we've been together for
Speaker 1: more than a few years at this point.
Speaker 2: Okay, what do you mean not necessarily.
Speaker 1: Uh, it's it's kind of been like a pre established
Speaker 1: thing of like the direction we directions, like we want
Speaker 1: to go in our lives. And I kind of always
Speaker 1: aspired to make enough money to support myself and the
Speaker 1: people around me. If that makes sense, look like it's yeah.
Speaker 2: Hold on, So when you say not necessarily, tell tell
Speaker 2: me tell me exactly what that means, because it sounds
Speaker 2: like you're friend quit his job so that you could
Speaker 2: bankroll them.
Speaker 1: Well, no, it's I mean okay, kinda yeah, I guess maybe.
Speaker 2: Okay, so your boyfriends quit his job so that you
Speaker 2: could bankroll them?
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: Are you financially supporting your boyfriends?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: Okay, Now tell me why, Like why was that so
Speaker 2: difficult for you to admit?
Speaker 1: Because I'm in I'm in denial with myself a little
Speaker 1: a little bit maybe. Okay.
Speaker 2: How long have you been with your boyfriend?
Speaker 1: About three years now?
Speaker 2: Okay? What does he do for you while you bankroll him?
Speaker 1: Well, he's to take care of the house and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, like wandery and like you know, like homemaker
Speaker 1: responsibilities per se.
Speaker 2: What does that mean exactly? Take care of the house,
Speaker 2: Like he's gonna like cook for you and clean the
Speaker 2: house and what are the plants?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, has he been doing those things?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: And that's the issue.
Speaker 2: How old is your boyfriend?
Speaker 1: He is also twenty three.
Speaker 2: Okay, And when he said, Babe, I'm gonna quit my
Speaker 2: job and take care of the plants, what did you say?
Speaker 1: Ah, there's there's some box throw to it, but uh,
Speaker 1: at that point I was alright with it and understanding
Speaker 1: of it. It's it's been like a pretty difficult couple
Speaker 1: of years for him in general. His father passed like
Speaker 1: kind of suddenly fairly recently, and he lost a couple
Speaker 1: of their close family members in relation to that in
Speaker 1: like a short period of time. And yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 1: teaching some support when we met. I also needed a
Speaker 1: lot of support. I was homeless when we met, and
Speaker 1: he kind of like helped me through that.
Speaker 2: So it kind of liked so there was a period
Speaker 2: of time where he was financially supporting you. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: And when you say take care of the house, I mean,
Speaker 2: do you guys have a kid together?
Speaker 1: No? We have like cats, but definitely no.
Speaker 2: Okay, listen, dude, I don't want to get into what
Speaker 2: why can't he work a job by himself?
Speaker 1: And I guess question.
Speaker 2: There's this dude, I've been very inspired lately. There's this guy.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna shout this guy out. There's this dude on YouTube.
Speaker 2: His name is Caleb Hammer, and he does these I don't.
Speaker 2: I have no idea why people agree to go hunt
Speaker 2: on his show because it's just him yelling at them.
Speaker 2: And I've been watching and I'm like, should I should
Speaker 2: yell at people more a little bit? So I'm inspired
Speaker 2: by him and I'm not gonna yell at you. But dude,
Speaker 2: so this guy, I mean, if this dude quit his
Speaker 2: job so that you could bankroll him and he's not
Speaker 2: even doing like the bare minimum of what he said
Speaker 2: he would do as a problem. Yeah, and plus, you
Speaker 2: guys are only twenty three, like he should. He should
Speaker 2: desire to have his own life at twenty three and
Speaker 2: not beginning bankrolled by you. And you also at twenty
Speaker 2: three should be like financially like setting yourself up in
Speaker 2: it to be in a good position, instead of bankrolling
Speaker 2: your boyfriend who's not even taken care of his minor responsibilities.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree that that is fair.
Speaker 2: So why are you doing this?
Speaker 1: Uh? Again, I don't know. Generally, I feel like financially
Speaker 1: comfortable enough to do it, and I also feel like, again,
Speaker 1: like some of it's kind of tied back to how
Speaker 1: much he helped me out, like when I was homeless
Speaker 1: when we first met and kind of how all that
Speaker 1: played out.
Speaker 2: I mean, do you want to? I mean, you know,
Speaker 2: there's another thing I like by kayleb Haanmer's show. He
Speaker 2: gets into specifics. Do you want to get into specifics?
Speaker 2: Like like, you don't have to tell me how much
Speaker 2: money you make if you don't want to, but you're
Speaker 2: you say you're making enough to support two people?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, yes, it's close to like like one hundred
Speaker 1: to one years.
Speaker 2: And where do you live?
Speaker 1: Uh, Denver, Colorado?
Speaker 2: Okay, I still think that, you know what, I've been trying.
Speaker 2: You know what, dude, I've been trying really hard because
Speaker 2: I feel like the whole point of my show sometimes
Speaker 2: is like I'm just gonna stay neutral while people tell
Speaker 2: me stuff. But I can't. I can't keep doing that. Dude.
Speaker 2: What you can't bankroll your boyfriend? You can't do that?
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 2: I mean do I mean again, and the read I
Speaker 2: don't feel good saying that because it's your fucking life.
Speaker 2: You do whatever you want. But if you're calling me
Speaker 2: and you're asking me what I think about the situation,
Speaker 2: I think it's a horrible idea.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, I understand. So so from here, should I
Speaker 1: perhaps like set up a conversation about different expectations and
Speaker 1: terms of that, like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah, tell him, by the way, by
Speaker 2: the way, I mean this, if you love this guy.
Speaker 2: Do you love this guy?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah it is.
Speaker 2: Do you want him to have a good life? Yeah,
Speaker 2: then tell him to get a fucking job and build
Speaker 2: his own life and not have be on your payroll,
Speaker 2: because that's what's gonna make his life better more than
Speaker 2: you paying for him to exist.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, that's fair. I would agree with that.
Speaker 2: Okay, anything else about this situation.
Speaker 1: And not not this one specifically, if if you need
Speaker 1: to get onto another color, I understand.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: If you want to hear about my mom, that's also
Speaker 1: something exciting, but.
Speaker 2: I'm time to hear. I'm down to hear about your mom.
Speaker 2: What's up with your mom? I'm on a roll right now,
Speaker 2: by the way, So I might tell your mom to
Speaker 2: go fuck herself or congratulations. I don't know what the
Speaker 2: situation is, but go ahead.
Speaker 1: I mean I would say go fuck herself, like with
Speaker 1: her mom. So also kind of connected to this growing
Speaker 1: up My mom initially was a great mom. My dad
Speaker 1: kind of kind of peaced out when I was like
Speaker 1: fourteen or so, moved to another state suddenly, and then
Speaker 1: my mom kind of lost her shit completely and started
Speaker 1: doing a lot of coke and other nefarious substances, and
Speaker 1: it spiraled a lot of shit out of control for
Speaker 1: a minute, and I ended up moving out at a
Speaker 1: young age. Hence kind of my predicament. When I first
Speaker 1: met my boyfriend and then we got together, and then
Speaker 1: my mom showed him at my door one day and
Speaker 1: we ended up talking and I let her move in,
Speaker 1: which wasn't the best idea in hindsight. We had a
Speaker 1: one bedroom apartment at the time, and she ended up
Speaker 1: crashing on the couch in the living room. And she
Speaker 1: was sober when she first moved in, started raising substances
Speaker 1: about like halfway through in the like month or two
Speaker 1: or so, and we're fairly certain she tried to poison us.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, she tried to poison you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so I guess some content text on that
Speaker 1: we didn't. We never have like tea or sugar or
Speaker 1: anything in the house usually, like at that point in
Speaker 1: our lives, we were like living off dollar store food
Speaker 1: for the most part, but like first apartment, everything like
Speaker 1: getting established from from ground zero, you know, we didn't
Speaker 1: have like tea anything like that. Came home from work
Speaker 1: one day and she had made sweet BlackBerry tea and
Speaker 1: it was like very dark purple, almost black, and she
Speaker 1: was like, hey, guys, like I made I may tell
Speaker 1: us them like some sweet tea would really appreciate if
Speaker 1: y'all have. I had some of it, like I'm really
Speaker 1: proud of it, really like pushing us to drink the tea.
Speaker 1: I had about like a half tip of it, and
Speaker 1: then I ended up spinning it into the scene because
Speaker 1: it was like so unbelievably sweet that it it just
Speaker 1: like I I spit it out. It was like gross.
Speaker 1: And we didn't again, like still didn't have any like
Speaker 1: like black tea, sugar anything to make it like dark
Speaker 1: blue purple or anything like that. And we're fairly certain
Speaker 1: that there was uh ani freeze in it. My boyfriend
Speaker 1: did end up drinking some of it because he thought
Speaker 1: that it was just like an overreaction, and then he
Speaker 1: ended up in the er for a couple of days
Speaker 1: uh with very severe uh like kidney intestinal issues and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. And then moving forward from that, my
Speaker 1: mom just kept pushing buttons. Uh. His dad had recently
Speaker 1: passed away, and she would call my ex husband on
Speaker 1: speakerphone and tell him how like his dad must have
Speaker 1: been a piece of shit for like raising somebody like that,
Speaker 1: which was completely unwarranted and uh because obviously like she
Speaker 1: had never like met him or anything like that at
Speaker 1: that Like ever, it was like simply to push buttons
Speaker 1: and be rude. So we asked her to leave, and
Speaker 1: she refused to leave, and we eat like we both
Speaker 1: smoke weed, you know, And the day before we were
Speaker 1: supposed to move out, she packed me a bowl and
Speaker 1: had me smoke it like have first hit off of it.
Speaker 1: And I am pretty positive that she drugged me in
Speaker 1: that process.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, all right, all right, poison me wants shame
Speaker 2: on you.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean yeah, it sounds like easy like
Speaker 1: that when I when it's laid out like that, But
Speaker 1: through the process of it, it was very uh. And
Speaker 1: it's your mom too, you know, like I really want
Speaker 1: to think the best of her, But.
Speaker 2: That did you find out whether or not she I
Speaker 2: feel like we glossed over that a bit too quickly.
Speaker 2: Did you find out whether or not that was anti freeze.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty positive that it was, because nothing else makes sense,
Speaker 1: and she She's definitely the type of person to do
Speaker 1: such a thing, I think.
Speaker 2: Okay, So where are you at with your mom right now?
Speaker 2: Is she? What's the deal?
Speaker 1: So I've been no contact with her for about a
Speaker 1: year at this point. Ye, and it's been really nice.
Speaker 2: I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry to hear that. By
Speaker 2: the way, that's that's really awful.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's life, you know, like character building
Speaker 1: experiences or something.
Speaker 2: I have think sasaidia, But go go ahead.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. Uh. Again, it's just a difficult thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I want to talk to her. She
Speaker 1: keeps getting new numbers and trying to contact me, and
Speaker 1: I keep walking her on them and not speaking. But
Speaker 1: I want, I want to believe that she would change
Speaker 1: for the better or or so forth. But I I
Speaker 1: don't know. Like she she's my mom, but also like
Speaker 1: given past experiences, I'm not sure what to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, can you can you forgive somebody for poisoning you?
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know, man, that's uh, that's fucking crazy.
Speaker 2: That's really, really, really fucking crazy. I mean she should
Speaker 2: be in jail for that.
Speaker 1: Yeah she Yeah, she's a tricky person.
Speaker 2: Lily. Can I ask you, aside from your mom and
Speaker 2: your boyfriend, who who else do you have in your life?
Speaker 2: Do you have friends?
Speaker 1: I have some friends, but but they're back in my hometown.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, So who's in Denvers?
Speaker 2: It just you and your boyfriend?
Speaker 5: Yeah, my.
Speaker 1: Dad lives fairly close by, but we're obviously not very close.
Speaker 2: Are you and your dad aren't cool?
Speaker 1: We're trying to be cool, but it's it's not necessarily
Speaker 1: like comfortable.
Speaker 2: M Do you want to go into detail about that
Speaker 2: or not?
Speaker 1: I can nothing specific? Sorry, what we're gonna say? Uh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: nothing specific. I moved out here after leaving my my
Speaker 1: ex and kind of like re established close to family
Speaker 1: in just in case, and then we recently started talking
Speaker 1: again and we're trying to be cool. He's trying to
Speaker 1: again like help me, like set me up and make
Speaker 1: better decisions for my foreseeable future, but also kind of
Speaker 1: awkward because he I feel like he's trying to be
Speaker 1: a dad, but like a little a little bit.
Speaker 2: Too late, Lily. So okay, so it's you and your dad,
Speaker 2: So it's you and your dad. Okay, so do you
Speaker 2: I mean, do you have a social life outside of
Speaker 2: your boyfriend and your family?
Speaker 3: Not?
Speaker 1: Really? I work on average like fifty to sixty hours
Speaker 1: a week.
Speaker 2: Okay, what do you do?
Speaker 1: By the way, I'm a dog groomer.
Speaker 2: You're a dog groomer. Do you work for yourself or
Speaker 2: do you work for a company?
Speaker 1: I work for a company, Lily.
Speaker 2: Yes, you're a very very very sweet person. And I
Speaker 2: really admire the fact that you have gone through so
Speaker 2: much adversity in your life and seem to have not
Speaker 2: only put yourself in a position where you're financially doing well,
Speaker 2: but more important than that, put yourself for the position
Speaker 2: where your perspective is also really good, you know. And
Speaker 2: so I admire that a lot, and I and I
Speaker 2: want you. I beg you to take all the extra
Speaker 2: money that you're earning from your job that you're using
Speaker 2: to support your boyfriend and fucking buy a house, invest it,
Speaker 2: put it in a savings account, do fucking anything except
Speaker 2: for use it to bankroll your boyfriend. Please.
Speaker 5: You.
Speaker 2: You have gone through a lot in life, and you
Speaker 2: deserve to set yourself up for a very nice rest
Speaker 2: of your life. And after you know, giving yourself to
Speaker 2: your mom and giving yourself to your boyfriend, and giving
Speaker 2: yourself to all these other things, please start to make
Speaker 2: decisions in your life that benefit you because you deserve it.
Speaker 2: I don't know if anyone, I don't know if you
Speaker 2: have anyone that will tell you that, but you know,
Speaker 2: hear it from the frog guy from the internet that
Speaker 2: you deserve to make some decisions that benefit you in
Speaker 2: your life.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: I appreciate it a lot.
Speaker 2: Okay, Jesus Christ. How long have you been grooming dogs?
Speaker 1: For about a year now. I've been working with dogs
Speaker 1: for two years or so, but trimming and stuff about
Speaker 1: a year.
Speaker 2: What's your like if you can, I'm very curious if
Speaker 2: you could do anything like if imagine any kind of
Speaker 2: a life for yourself. What would it look like.
Speaker 1: Being a veterinarian for like large farm animals on like farms,
Speaker 1: like horses, cows, got stuff like that.
Speaker 2: M hm. Did you go to college?
Speaker 1: I almost got my degree. I'm five or so credits away.
Speaker 1: But life got kind of crazy and I took a
Speaker 1: little break.
Speaker 2: Okay. Can I ask why you took a.
Speaker 1: Break because of my leaving my ex, divorce and such Okay.
Speaker 2: It sounds like so you're yeah, you're you mentioned an
Speaker 2: next husband. Yeah, okay, and I assume that didn't.
Speaker 1: Go too well, not ideal?
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, Lily, Yes, do you want to go back
Speaker 2: to school? Do you want to get your credits?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I would, Yeah, that's the goal, Lily.
Speaker 2: Don't please don't let I don't know what your deals
Speaker 2: with your current boyfriend, but don't fucking let And if
Speaker 2: you're making enough money for you to go back to
Speaker 2: school to do this thing, please don't spend it on
Speaker 2: your boyfriend. Please don't get your boyfriend, your mom, your dad,
Speaker 2: your ex husband, or anybody stop you from going back
Speaker 2: to school and getting those credits.
Speaker 1: Will do, thank you?
Speaker 2: Okay, all right? Is there anything else you want to
Speaker 2: want to talk about her say to the people of
Speaker 2: the computer before we go, Uh?
Speaker 1: Nothing specifically. I hope everyone has an awesome night and
Speaker 1: a happy memorial.
Speaker 2: To take care, Lily, have a good rest of the night,
Speaker 2: you little goodbye. What a tough what a tough racket,
Speaker 2: What a tough racket? And you could just hear in
Speaker 2: that girl's voice, how how she's she's really a sweet person?
Speaker 2: Who I mean between everything right, between my fucking mom
Speaker 2: tried to kill me. Should I should I should I
Speaker 2: let her back into my life? You know, I want
Speaker 2: to support my boyfriend just like the sound of a
Speaker 2: person who like it seems as though it's been spending
Speaker 2: her whole life like trying to do things for other people.
Speaker 2: I hope she hears. I hope she fucking listens to
Speaker 2: me and decides to fuck all those people and do
Speaker 2: something like you know, I quit my just going to
Speaker 2: school because of my ex husband. Just someone who's been
Speaker 2: doing things for other people her whole life. Please, Dear God,
Speaker 2: don't give your fucking piece of shit boyfriend another penny
Speaker 2: and go back to school and do your own thing
Speaker 2: and make decisions for your own life. Please. I've been
Speaker 2: talking about this a lot on this on this show,
Speaker 2: on this podcast recently. Is the idea of like a
Speaker 2: lot of life being perspective, and it's something it's a
Speaker 2: recurring theme I noticed as I'm talking to people, because again,
Speaker 2: like Lily, like her mom tries to kill her, her
Speaker 2: ex husband fucks up her dreams. I don't know if
Speaker 2: that's exactly what happened, but whatever, she's getting leeched off
Speaker 2: of by this guy, and yet just maintains a really sweet,
Speaker 2: positive demeanor, and I respect the hell out of that.
Speaker 2: I think that she deserves to have a life where
Speaker 2: she's serving herself. And I really, I literally. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you can hear this or if you listen
Speaker 2: to the show, but please I call back call back
Speaker 2: text in, whether it's a month from now, a year
Speaker 2: from now, a week from now, whatever, or callback text in.
Speaker 2: I want to hear an update on this. Thanks for Colin,
Speaker 2: Thanks for sharing your story. Attention listeners of the Therapy
Speaker 2: Gecko podcast. Do you know that I do a live
Speaker 2: version of this podcast on stage in person, in front
Speaker 2: of real people, and that I'm doing this live show
Speaker 2: in several cities across the United States this year, and
Speaker 2: that tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour dot
Speaker 2: com or at the link in the episode description. It
Speaker 2: is all true. I'm currently on my third tour doing
Speaker 2: Therapy Gecko live all around the country and it is
Speaker 2: the most fun, sick, amazing thing ever and you should
Speaker 2: come out and be a part of it. The shows
Speaker 2: involve a mix of material and presentations from myself combined
Speaker 2: with a group Gecko therapy session where members of the
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Speaker 2: in front of a big group of people, just like
Speaker 2: we do here on the podcas Cast. Whether you're a
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Speaker 2: this is and you clicked on it by accident, you're
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Speaker 2: Tickets are available right now at therapy Gecko tour dot
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Speaker 2: and I hope to see you guys there.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, hey Lyle, how are you.
Speaker 2: I'm doing all right? Brother? What's your name?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: You call me art Art? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Like uh for for Arthur, like art like Art Garfuncle.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you could just call me Arthur.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna actually I'm gonna call you Garfunkle, Garfunkley.
Speaker 2: Your delayed response indicates to me that you don't like
Speaker 2: being called Garfuncle.
Speaker 3: What makes you say that.
Speaker 2: Because you delayed your response?
Speaker 3: Okay, I think you're right.
Speaker 2: Okay, you don't like being called a Garfunckle.
Speaker 3: No, you can call me anything else, I think.
Speaker 2: All right, do you want me to call you anything else.
Speaker 2: I should just I could make this. I could make
Speaker 2: this a lot easier for both you and me if
Speaker 2: I just called you by the name that you told
Speaker 2: by your actual name, call you by your name. That's
Speaker 2: that movie.
Speaker 3: I haven't seen it.
Speaker 2: Have you seen? Okay? It's about so there. It's about
Speaker 2: these two guys in love and the whole the whole
Speaker 2: idea of calling somebody by your name. It's like like like,
Speaker 2: if I'm in love with someone and I call them Lyle,
Speaker 2: that never made any sense to me. There's a scene
Speaker 2: where they're both calling each other by their own name.
Speaker 2: What does that mean to call someone by your name?
Speaker 1: Why?
Speaker 2: Arthur? What would you like to talk about today? How's
Speaker 2: it going? You texted me and you said, and you said,
Speaker 2: I want to talk about my illegal restaurant. Somebody should
Speaker 2: know what the deal is, somebody, and maybe in the
Speaker 2: YouTube comments, if somebody knows what was going on with
Speaker 2: the call me by your name thing? Like why do
Speaker 2: they call each other by their own names? If someone
Speaker 2: in the YouTube comments give an explanation for that? What's
Speaker 2: your what's this restaurant?
Speaker 1: So?
Speaker 4: I'm a chef. I've been in the food and beverage
Speaker 4: industry for like six years now, and my last job
Speaker 4: was the longest I've ever stayed out of place for
Speaker 4: and I had a head chef position there.
Speaker 3: It was a really small spot.
Speaker 4: We would serve like probably forty eight to fifty people
Speaker 4: a night, and it was just me and one other
Speaker 4: guy basically back in the kitchen. And that kind of
Speaker 4: fell through because of just some shitty decisions by the
Speaker 4: owner and stuff that I began to not want to
Speaker 4: deal with anymore, and I quit, and shortly after I quit,
Speaker 4: the place closed down and took like a month off
Speaker 4: of work. And afterwards I tried looking for like a job,
Speaker 4: like a sue chef position somewhere, and went around to
Speaker 4: like twenty five different restaurants that had an active to
Speaker 4: chef position open, and all of them wanted to, you know,
Speaker 4: kind of fucked me over.
Speaker 3: There's like a.
Speaker 4: Ploy in the industry where if you're trying to go
Speaker 4: straight ahead to a higher position, they'll kind of keep
Speaker 4: you on for about a month and they'll just keep
Speaker 4: you at a line cook position with line cook pay
Speaker 4: while you're trying to prove your chops to whoever is
Speaker 4: higher you for that higher position. And that's basically what
Speaker 4: I got, you know, for about so two three months.
Speaker 2: So this restaurant, this is illegal restaurant? Is this your restaurant?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Why?
Speaker 2: How is how is it? How is it illegal?
Speaker 3: Well, it's because, uh it's run out of a home.
Speaker 2: You run a restaurant out of your home? Yeah, what
Speaker 2: kind of restaurant is it?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 3: It's kind of hard to explain.
Speaker 4: But the best way I can explain it is just
Speaker 4: it's a tasting men your restaurant. I do ten courses
Speaker 4: at night MAXI amount of people I could take in
Speaker 4: is like ten people. But the food, the best way
Speaker 4: I can explain it is just like it's modern food,
Speaker 4: like you could you could consider it new American, meaning
Speaker 4: like it's globally influenced. Just doesn't like take from Italian
Speaker 4: or Japanese or whatever.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean, what do.
Speaker 2: You think about it? I kind of want to do
Speaker 2: the same thing, but I just picked ten different lean
Speaker 2: cuisines to put in the microwave for people.
Speaker 4: You know what's crazy is that just the other day
Speaker 4: I saw a real like Instagram post about a dude
Speaker 4: who bought like a plate of food from a guy
Speaker 4: for like twenty dollars have you seen that like on
Speaker 4: like Facebook.
Speaker 2: Now market he bought he bought it. He bought a
Speaker 2: plate a food from a guy on Facebook marketplace.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he bought a plate of food from a guy.
Speaker 4: And what was displayed on the post was like really nice,
Speaker 4: like boneless buffalo wings and uh, it looked like homemade fries.
Speaker 4: And when the guy went and got it and he
Speaker 4: came back home, he opened up the foil, it was
Speaker 4: there's dino nuggets tossed in buffalo sauce.
Speaker 2: You're acting like that's not fine cuisine right there.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, it's debatable, but features on what's.
Speaker 2: Your favorite dish from your tasting taste thing from your
Speaker 2: tasting menu.
Speaker 3: I think it has to be.
Speaker 4: The It's called a passivier, And what a pacivier is
Speaker 4: is basically, traditionally, it's this short crust pastry, so imagine
Speaker 4: like pie dough, and in it it would have some
Speaker 4: type of like sweetened almond paste in it. But in
Speaker 4: different parts of France they do a savory filling instead.
Speaker 4: And so I'm doing mine with a pork collar filling
Speaker 4: that has like a green garlic in it and an
Speaker 4: onion jam and smoked bacon, and it comes with a
Speaker 4: charcoutier sauce. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Bro, it's like a little Hi.
Speaker 2: Where do you live? I'm coming? That sounds incredible?
Speaker 3: Uh in La?
Speaker 2: You live in La?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Can I come to your restaurant?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Of course?
Speaker 2: Again, how much does it cost?
Speaker 4: So I still I'm I was actually I'm like crunching
Speaker 4: numbers right now. I was watching your stream while doing
Speaker 4: so because I ran out of podcast to watch and
Speaker 4: I saw that you were alive, and I was like,
Speaker 4: oh shit, I should watch that. But like I said,
Speaker 4: it's it's price per person, so you're looking upwards of
Speaker 4: like two hundred two two fifty two fifty is really
Speaker 4: really high end. But for two hundred for that amount
Speaker 4: of money, you get ten plates, two of them being
Speaker 4: in dessert. And there's also like a drink menu as well,
Speaker 4: and a snack menu.
Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, so it's ten plates of food? And
Speaker 2: is it is it unlimited drinks?
Speaker 4: It's not unlimited drinks. You do have to pay for them.
Speaker 2: Okay, Unfortunately. Is it just like a Is it just
Speaker 2: like a diet coke from your refrigerator?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: No, No. When I when I say a drink menu, I
Speaker 4: mean like cocktails and wine and beer and things like that.
Speaker 2: What kind of snacks? That's kind of a funny idea
Speaker 2: some but like, let's get a snack while we eat dinner.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so there's kind of a reason why that stack
Speaker 4: menu exists. It's kind of like for the alcohol.
Speaker 2: Oh sure, what to me? I mean, so that you
Speaker 2: can sell the alcohol. But okay, but if you're already
Speaker 2: here's the thing is, let me ask you this. If
Speaker 2: it's already okay, I get it. The snack thing is
Speaker 2: because of the alcohol makes it like slightly more legal, right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because the way that I have the snackman, you're
Speaker 4: set up is that a purchase of said snack, whatever
Speaker 4: you want to get, comes with a complimentary cocktail.
Speaker 2: But if you're already doing an illegal thing, why don't
Speaker 2: you just go crazy with it?
Speaker 3: I don't think that's the best thing to do.
Speaker 2: It's not. It's a terrible idea. Don't listen to anything
Speaker 2: I ever say. What's the best kind of snacks on
Speaker 2: the menu? What's your favorite snack?
Speaker 3: So I got marinated cassavatrono olives?
Speaker 2: What the fuck? What did you just see?
Speaker 3: Like green olives?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, you didn't say and you said a whole new word.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Castle with Toronto olive.
Speaker 2: Okay, I've never heard of that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're like the specific olive that comes from Italy.
Speaker 3: They're really nice.
Speaker 2: So who's your client tele Do you have a lot
Speaker 2: of Do you have a lot of celebrities come through?
Speaker 3: No? No?
Speaker 4: Well I think I should kind of butt in here
Speaker 4: and say that I haven't opened yet and I'm planning
Speaker 4: on opening this coming month.
Speaker 2: What is opened mean? You just post your address on
Speaker 2: the internet.
Speaker 4: That's no, not that way. Basically, I have a newsletter
Speaker 4: that's up on my website and you give your info
Speaker 4: and you get an invitation basically, which is just a
Speaker 4: link that to make a reservation, like a private link.
Speaker 2: That's pretty sweet. But how do people find out about
Speaker 2: the newsletter at first?
Speaker 4: So a lot of it's word of mouth, much like
Speaker 4: how a lot of these things operate.
Speaker 3: It's a very word of mouth.
Speaker 4: But I I'm also going to be putting up flyers
Speaker 4: all across LA. Actually got some printed today, which you know,
Speaker 4: it's kind of very old school. It might not work,
Speaker 4: might work method of advertising. I mean, who knows, you know.
Speaker 4: And I'm also planning I'm putting those flyers at shops
Speaker 4: that I frequent with their consent of course, not just
Speaker 4: like posting up business on another business. You know, that's
Speaker 4: pretty cool and social media.
Speaker 2: You know, do you have a calming voice? Do you
Speaker 2: do you read off the menu when people sit down?
Speaker 2: Do you like you? Is part of the experience that
Speaker 2: we to listen to you talk say new Italian words
Speaker 2: that sound kind of made up while you explain each
Speaker 2: of the plates.
Speaker 4: So you know, it's funny that you bring that up,
Speaker 4: because I feel like with a lot of financing places,
Speaker 4: you'll go there, you'll sit down, you know, if you're
Speaker 4: not too knowledgeable about food, and you'll have some person.
Speaker 4: Usually it's the person waiting you, and frankly they probably
Speaker 4: don't know that well what they're serving you either. But
Speaker 4: I kind of find that to be kind of too
Speaker 4: much because I just kind of want to sit down
Speaker 4: and eat. And so I'm planning on providing kind of
Speaker 4: a little excerpt for each course that the guests can
Speaker 4: read while they eat it if they want to.
Speaker 2: That's cool. It's like you get a little sheet of paper,
Speaker 2: right exactly. This is fun. I like this. I want
Speaker 2: to do like my own version of it, except it's
Speaker 2: ten dollars and you get a lean cuisine, a bag
Speaker 2: of Cheetos, and a diet coke from my fridge.
Speaker 3: Hey, dude, people do that, you know?
Speaker 2: Actually, you know what, you know what, I actually might
Speaker 2: steal this idea not I mean, you know, you do
Speaker 2: your fine dining version of it. But it's kind of
Speaker 2: it is kind of cool, the idea of like, all right,
Speaker 2: you have like a thing that you're only letting twenty
Speaker 2: people in or ten people in at once, and they
Speaker 2: have to make a reservation and it's word of mouth
Speaker 2: and they get it off with like a newsletter. That's
Speaker 2: kind of a cool. I just like that concept as
Speaker 2: an entrepreneurial thing. I think that's really cool.
Speaker 3: Is this the first time you're hearing about said concept?
Speaker 2: I'm uh, it does. I mean, I maybe maybe.
Speaker 4: The reason why I asked is because la Is I
Speaker 4: want to say, it's like the birthplace of this kind
Speaker 4: of a like ordeal.
Speaker 3: But there's quite a lot of them.
Speaker 2: Final question for an extra fifty dollars at the end
Speaker 2: of the meal, can I sleep on your couch?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 4: You can.
Speaker 3: There's a few of them. There's three.
Speaker 2: You have three couches.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So the way.
Speaker 4: So I had a lot of money saved up for
Speaker 4: my last job, and this is kind of like my
Speaker 4: first impression.
Speaker 3: M hmm. That's just like my own thing. M hm.
Speaker 4: And so I really kind of built out the place
Speaker 4: that I'm leasting out, like really.
Speaker 2: Really, well, what do you what do you rent?
Speaker 3: And yeah, what's that?
Speaker 2: What do you pay for rent?
Speaker 4: Like what is it?
Speaker 3: Thirty seven hundred.
Speaker 2: Thirty seven hundred? Okay, I mean I guess that's that's
Speaker 2: not that's not that's not that bad for a place
Speaker 2: that can that can fit three couches in Los Angeles.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's a pretty big place.
Speaker 2: But because because your business is illegal, you can't write
Speaker 2: it off on your taxes.
Speaker 4: Well, the thing is is that I am I'm still
Speaker 4: taking tax into consideration. I will be charging people tax.
Speaker 2: Because wait, hold on, you're charging people tax even though
Speaker 2: you're not paying tax.
Speaker 4: No, I am going to be paying tax to the
Speaker 4: I R S.
Speaker 2: Why it's illegal, they don't even but aren't they going
Speaker 2: to get mad at you? It's like it's like when
Speaker 2: they tried to get cocaine dealers to pay taxes. Not
Speaker 2: that you're dealing cocaine, but I means that's the same concept.
Speaker 4: That kind of still does eventually happen, like to some degree.
Speaker 2: Right, I don't know. I've never dealt cocaine or paid taxes.
Speaker 2: That's not true. I pay, I pay, I pay taxes.
Speaker 4: Oh well, the reason why I'm doing that is because
Speaker 4: I have like an actual like corporation, I tied to
Speaker 4: the business and what I because I couldn't have done
Speaker 4: because like, how do I explain this? Sorry, I'm surprised
Speaker 4: that you called me.
Speaker 2: Is it a teared system? Where for fifty dollars I
Speaker 2: sleep on the shitty couch, one hundred dollars I sleep
Speaker 2: on the good couch? How much for like a bed
Speaker 2: for two hundred? For two hundred? How much money? All right?
Speaker 2: For an extra two hundred dollars, can I make you
Speaker 2: sleep on the couch and I get to sleep in
Speaker 2: your bed?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 4: You know what?
Speaker 3: I can pull out an air mattress for you?
Speaker 2: No, no, no air. I want to sleep in where
Speaker 2: you sleep and you have to I want to make
Speaker 2: wait for an extra two hundred and fifty dollars, can
Speaker 2: I sleep in your bed and make you sleep on
Speaker 2: the air mattress?
Speaker 3: Well, I don't have an air mattress. I would buy
Speaker 3: or an.
Speaker 2: Extra three hundred dollars. Can I make you sleep on
Speaker 2: the air mattress, I sleep in your bed and I
Speaker 2: get to use your toothbrush?
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll do.
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think I'm gonna need to brush my
Speaker 2: teeth after eating all this food, and I don't feel
Speaker 2: like bringing my own toothbrush, so I would pay premium
Speaker 2: to use yours.
Speaker 3: I actually got this a new toothbrush recently. It's Japanese.
Speaker 2: Does it vibrate?
Speaker 3: No? Should it?
Speaker 2: I mean for an extra three hundred dollars, I think yeah.
Speaker 4: Like, do you do you want me to build like
Speaker 4: a like a you do you like want me to
Speaker 4: like duct tip a vibrator tour? Do you want me
Speaker 4: to buy a whole new toothbrush that vibrates to use
Speaker 4: it and then have you use it?
Speaker 2: You know what? I'm just going to google to call
Speaker 2: me by your name thing. I'm not gonna wait until
Speaker 2: the the YouTube comments show up, because I don't know
Speaker 2: why they did that art art. Good luck with this.
Speaker 2: This sounds fun, this sounds cool. I'm genuinely I'm excited
Speaker 2: for you. I'm inspired by this.
Speaker 4: Oh Lyoe, go ahead, thank you for the amazing kind words.
Speaker 4: I really really of course, but I just wanted to
Speaker 4: say something very clear. I hope this isn't coming off
Speaker 4: of like some type of advertisement, because it legitimately was not.
Speaker 2: No no no I I I asked, I asked, I asked,
Speaker 2: I asked. I mean, I look, I don't care. Do
Speaker 2: you want do you wanna? Do you want to tell
Speaker 2: the people where they can find it?
Speaker 3: I feel bad, I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, you can tell the people where you
Speaker 2: found it. But when I'm in La, you gotta let
Speaker 2: me use your toothbrush.
Speaker 4: The side note, though, would you actually want to come
Speaker 4: and eat?
Speaker 3: Eat?
Speaker 2: Actually? I actually would? That would kind of cool?
Speaker 3: And when will you be in La? Uh?
Speaker 1: In l A?
Speaker 2: And I'll be in La in November?
Speaker 3: Okay? Cool?
Speaker 2: From my from my from my two therapy get Goo
Speaker 2: Live shows at the Masonic Lodge.
Speaker 4: Oh, no way, you're gonna be uh at the Masonic Lodge.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be at the Masonic Lodge.
Speaker 3: On Los Felis the probably Oh all right, well I'll try.
Speaker 4: I'll try and get a ticket and swing buy and
Speaker 4: I'll show face and.
Speaker 3: Remind you then.
Speaker 2: Sweet man, Yeah, yeah, you can drop that. You can
Speaker 2: drop the link to the newsletter if you if you
Speaker 2: want to, but you do have to let me use
Speaker 2: your toothbrush. And I do want to die coke from
Speaker 2: your fridge. Those are the only two things I asked for.
Speaker 4: Wait, do you do you like why diet cocain not
Speaker 4: coke zero?
Speaker 2: Do you want to do? Do you want to drop it
Speaker 2: the link the thing or do you want to stay anonymous?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, sure? All right? Uh here U it's E
Speaker 3: s u r i O.
Speaker 2: Dot l a E furio l dot.
Speaker 4: L a A serio E s u r I.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, I thought that was I thought he was
Speaker 2: an r E s u r I O.
Speaker 3: Yeah, E s u r i O.
Speaker 2: Do your hello? Good at making up words?
Speaker 4: No, that's real, that's a real Latin word.
Speaker 2: I would take a coke zero, but I would prefer
Speaker 2: diet coke.
Speaker 3: Is it the taste? All right?
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 2: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: I just want to say thank you Lelle for calling
Speaker 3: me back.
Speaker 4: And finally responding to me, of course, and allowing me to.
Speaker 3: Be on your fantastic show for a brief moment.
Speaker 4: And I hope the tour goes very well. Thanks man,
Speaker 4: and I hope you have a good night.
Speaker 2: Thank you Allart. I was just thinking it would be
Speaker 2: pretty funny if like I went to your house and ate,
Speaker 2: like you know, you cooked for us all and all
Speaker 2: that stuff, and then like I found out that you
Speaker 2: actually had a rat under your hat the whole time
Speaker 2: that was making you do all the cooking like in
Speaker 2: that movie.
Speaker 4: So can you not mention the rat thing, because that's
Speaker 4: kind of like the secret thing with how I'm able
Speaker 4: to cook so well, And so I appreciate it if
Speaker 4: you've cut this part from the pod.
Speaker 2: Now we're going to keep it in Take care of Art,
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 5: Hold on, Gecko, what's up?
Speaker 2: Gek Hey, what's up?
Speaker 5: Man?
Speaker 2: Where are you right now? You've got people in the backgrounds.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm at a car show at a bar. I
Speaker 5: just walked out and I'm in the parking lot. So
Speaker 5: it should be a lot quieter cool, all.
Speaker 2: Right, So you're at the parking lot of a car show.
Speaker 5: Yeah, right beside the bar.
Speaker 2: Why what kind of car show?
Speaker 5: Old timey cars. Got a lot of old sixties Mustangs, Chevyes,
Speaker 5: all kinds of stuff here. It's out in Everett, Washington,
Speaker 5: it's called cruising to Colby.
Speaker 2: What brings you there? Are you a connoisseur of wacky
Speaker 2: races esque vehicles?
Speaker 5: Yeah kind of. I'm just a car guy and it's
Speaker 5: just it's something to do. So I don't like being,
Speaker 5: you know, trapped in the house all the time. So
Speaker 5: I decided to come out and see the cars as
Speaker 5: they were getting lined up and ready for the show tomorrow.
Speaker 5: It's a Memorial day show. So they all did a
Speaker 5: little like cruise around and started parking in their spots
Speaker 5: and everything, and tomorrow was the actual show.
Speaker 2: You're a little, uh bon vivant, aren't you. You're just
Speaker 2: going to car shows. You're really living up life.
Speaker 5: I try, I definitely try, that's for sure. I can't.
Speaker 5: I can't be stuck in my house. I gotta go
Speaker 5: out and I gotta do things.
Speaker 2: It's funny, so you texted me, you said you're.
Speaker 3: Thirty nine, right, that's true.
Speaker 2: I'm twenty six and I feel the same way. I
Speaker 2: can't stay home in my fucking house. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: maybe it's just like I'm wondering if I'm going to
Speaker 2: be this way forever.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, so when I was that age, I
Speaker 5: was the same way, and I just like, I felt like, dude,
Speaker 5: I'm missing out on so much. I stay in my
Speaker 5: house all the time. I need to go out and
Speaker 5: I need to meet people. I need to get myself
Speaker 5: out there. I need to go to events and everything.
Speaker 5: Otherwise I'm just gonna rode away in my house and
Speaker 5: I'm gonna drive myself crazy.
Speaker 2: And have you been going out and doing things for
Speaker 2: your entire life.
Speaker 5: Then since about the age of twenty six twenty seven?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, so from until you were twenty six twenty seven,
Speaker 2: you were a kind of a homebody.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I'd always sit at home and I'd play video
Speaker 5: games all day, all night. I typically would never leave
Speaker 5: my house.
Speaker 2: And nowadays, are you tired or are you still wanting
Speaker 2: to leave your house all the time.
Speaker 5: I am tired, yeah, thirty nine, but I still want
Speaker 5: to leave the house all the time. I don't care.
Speaker 5: I have to get out. I'm a social butterfly.
Speaker 2: Who do you hang out with these days?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 6: Well, usually my new boyfriend and my new girlfriend and
Speaker 6: whatever friends I can find hanging around downtown.
Speaker 2: Whatever friends I can find hanging around downtown.
Speaker 1: Tell you in.
Speaker 5: I'm in Washington.
Speaker 2: Washington is washing Washington's a state.
Speaker 5: Right, correct, not Washington d C. Washington state.
Speaker 2: All right, So you're in what Seattle? Probably?
Speaker 5: I'm a little north of Seattle, about thirty about a
Speaker 5: thirty minute drive depending on traffic. If anyone is listening
Speaker 5: from Seattle, they know how that can be. I'm up
Speaker 5: in a town called Everett.
Speaker 2: Everett is Everett Poppin', I mean, and they've got car shows.
Speaker 2: That's cool.
Speaker 5: I think it's popping. A lot of my friends that
Speaker 5: like to hang out in Seattle are like, oh no,
Speaker 5: it's ever It's not that great, but I love it
Speaker 5: out here.
Speaker 2: So what's your name again?
Speaker 5: Mike?
Speaker 2: Mike? We can keep talking about ever written, car shows,
Speaker 2: and life, but is there anything in particular you wanted
Speaker 2: to talk about this evening?
Speaker 5: Yeah. So I'm recently divorced. I was in a relationship
Speaker 5: for twelve years. It was super controlling. It was just
Speaker 5: a really toxic thing, and I got out of it
Speaker 5: about seven months ago. And I've been seeing a new guy.
Speaker 5: He's amazing. His name's Calvin, and I've been seeing his
Speaker 5: girlfriend Kat as well. And I've been doing this whole
Speaker 5: polyamorous relationship thing. And I'm very new to it, and
Speaker 5: I've got I've got issues with it because like anytime
Speaker 5: I try, you know, talking to my guy Calvin, he's
Speaker 5: just he's really weird when it comes to texting and
Speaker 5: talking and kind of cagey and I that's kind of
Speaker 5: what I wanted to talk about.
Speaker 2: Interesting because I was going to say, it sounds kind
Speaker 2: of like you were playing the Crane Machine and you
Speaker 2: got double prizes.
Speaker 5: Yeah, basically, Yeah, I mean I met this guy and
Speaker 5: you know, he told me that, you know, he's in
Speaker 5: this polyamorous relationship, and I was like, hey, that's cool.
Speaker 5: And then I met his girlfriend and she was hot,
Speaker 5: and we all we all hooked up and we all
Speaker 5: really meshed together quite nicely. So I see I see
Speaker 5: her and I see him.
Speaker 2: Well, So I guess I'm curious first about the twelve
Speaker 2: year relationships. So you were okay, so you got with
Speaker 2: her when you were like twenty six or whatever. And
Speaker 2: I don't know if that math works out, but who cares? Yeah,
Speaker 2: And was it control? Was it controlling for the whole
Speaker 2: time or did it kind of escalate to that point?
Speaker 5: It just kind of escalated to that point. It took me.
Speaker 5: It took me a few years to really kind of
Speaker 5: see it. I always kind of thought it was me though.
Speaker 5: I always thought maybe there was something wrong with me
Speaker 5: in the relationship. But as time went on, I realized, No,
Speaker 5: this guy's just super freaking controlling.
Speaker 2: What how did that control manifest itself?
Speaker 5: Oh gosh, So like I wasn't allowed to have any friends. Basically,
Speaker 5: all my friends had to be his friends. We couldn't
Speaker 5: go out and do anything that I liked. We had
Speaker 5: to go out and do the things that he liked.
Speaker 5: We couldn't go out to see my family for holidays.
Speaker 5: We had to go out only to see his family
Speaker 5: for holidays. I was kind of trapped within his family.
Speaker 5: We weren't allowed kind of outside that circle basically. And yeah,
Speaker 5: friends was a hard thing. Anytime I'd want to go
Speaker 5: out and hang out with friends, I was always kind
Speaker 5: of told, No, you can't do that. You can't spend money,
Speaker 5: you can't waste gas. What time are you going to
Speaker 5: be back? How much money? No, you got to be
Speaker 5: back at this time. No, you can't spend this money.
Speaker 5: Things like that.
Speaker 2: And have you always been polyamorous? So this is kind
Speaker 2: of new thing.
Speaker 5: Uh, this is kind of a new thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And how are you enjoying navigating it?
Speaker 5: Well, I like the relationship and everything. It's that the
Speaker 5: navigating has been a little tough. I mean, like I said, like,
Speaker 5: whenever I try texting my guy Calvin, it's like so
Speaker 5: like he'll text me in the morning, it's always like hey, handsome,
Speaker 5: hey sexy, hey sweetie, or something like that, how are
Speaker 5: you doing this morning, and things like that, and then
Speaker 5: I'll text him back, and then I won't hear things
Speaker 5: for hours, and then I'll finally get like a very
Speaker 5: monosybelic like response back like okay or huh ooh stuff yea.
Speaker 2: So well, it's kind of interesting You're going from somebody
Speaker 2: who was kind of controlling you to somebody who you're
Speaker 2: feeling like you're not getting enough from.
Speaker 5: Yeah, kind of. I mean when I'm with him in person,
Speaker 5: I feel like I'm getting a lot from him because
Speaker 5: we I appreciate his company, I appreciate I love the
Speaker 5: sex and all of that.
Speaker 2: How long have you been How long have you been
Speaker 2: with this guy for?
Speaker 5: Since the beginning of April.
Speaker 2: The beginning of April all, it's just been like a
Speaker 2: couple months.
Speaker 5: It's it's been two months now.
Speaker 2: I mean, look, man, different people have different communication styles. Uh,
Speaker 2: do you prefer to be texting with somebody all throughout
Speaker 2: the day?
Speaker 5: I mean yes and no. I mean, like I work
Speaker 5: in everything, and so it's not like I can be
Speaker 5: texting constantly. It's just I feel like I just want
Speaker 5: something a little bit more than like a monosabilitic response
Speaker 5: like ooh or okay or yeah or something like that.
Speaker 5: Like I feel like I feel like he's not interested,
Speaker 5: but then when I go and see him in person,
Speaker 5: it's like, Oh, he's super interested. But outside of that,
Speaker 5: I feel kind of like he's disinterested. So I don't know.
Speaker 2: So, Okay, have you talked to him about this?
Speaker 5: Yeah? So his explanation was like, it's his anxiety, Like
Speaker 5: he doesn't want to feel like he's obligated to text
Speaker 5: something back or something. Sometimes he just doesn't really know
Speaker 5: what to say.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and is what do you make of that?
Speaker 5: I mean, in my past relationships, I've always gotten something
Speaker 5: back that was seemingly a little more meaningful. So like
Speaker 5: the way I think of it is, I get the
Speaker 5: feeling that he's disinterested in some of my things, or he.
Speaker 2: Doesn't like, here's the thing you're not always gonna like
Speaker 2: it's not in my opinion, when people tell you shit,
Speaker 2: you take him a face value, you know what I mean. Yeah,
Speaker 2: like unless if somebody's like what, somebody might have the
Speaker 2: reasons to lie to you, but like ninety nine percent
Speaker 2: of the time they're not. So if you're communicating with
Speaker 2: somebody and they say to you, I just don't want
Speaker 2: this anxiety of feeling like I have to respond throughout
Speaker 2: the day and all this, like, just believe them, you know,
Speaker 2: especially especially if you're gonna do a polyamorous thing where
Speaker 2: like he also has a girlfriend and he could have
Speaker 2: three other boyfriends or whatever whatever, Like you know, when
Speaker 2: you're with if he has this whole mentality of look, man,
Speaker 2: when I'm with you, I'm with you and we're doing
Speaker 2: it and I will give you my attention. But when
Speaker 2: I'm not, you know, I'm living my life, I'm doing
Speaker 2: my thing. You kind of you just have to believe
Speaker 2: them and not take that as some sign of of
Speaker 2: of you being less, you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: Yeah, No, I definitely definitely see hat for sure, and no,
Speaker 5: just just for a little more you know, disclosure there.
Speaker 5: You know, when we got into all of this, he
Speaker 5: had even said like, hey, I you know, I'm down
Speaker 5: if you want to see other people, but I'm not
Speaker 5: the only people that I really want to see our
Speaker 5: cat and you. And I told him, no, I'm not
Speaker 5: seeing anyone else but you and Cat, and so that's
Speaker 5: kind of our circle.
Speaker 2: Okay. So I don't know, man, I think it sounds
Speaker 2: like you've attempted to work this out with him.
Speaker 5: I'm thinking too much into this, aren't I. That's my
Speaker 5: whole thing, Like, I think maybe I'm thinking way too
Speaker 5: much into this and I'm spiraling sometimes and then I
Speaker 5: have to kind of wake myself out of that and
Speaker 5: be like, no, everything is cool, because otherwise he would
Speaker 5: tell me. And I just saw him yesterday. We spent
Speaker 5: the entire day together yesterday, had a wonderful time. I
Speaker 5: told him, you know how happy that he makes me,
Speaker 5: and you know, he reciprocated that. And uh. But then
Speaker 5: like this morning, like I got his normal you know,
Speaker 5: good morning, you know sunshine text Mike.
Speaker 2: Uh, yeah, have you if you want to get into
Speaker 2: some real therapy here, which I'm not inclined to give
Speaker 2: because I'm a dumbass and a gecko costume. But have
Speaker 2: you ever heard of anxious attachment theory.
Speaker 5: I've never know what is that?
Speaker 2: Okay, So I mean, go talk to a real therapist
Speaker 2: about this, or you know, go look it up on
Speaker 2: the internet. There's anxious, there's there's like relationship attachment styles.
Speaker 2: There's secure, avoidant, and anxious, and anxious attachment is basically
Speaker 2: kind of what you're describing where it's like, uh, you
Speaker 2: know what, kind of like anxiety that you're not enough
Speaker 2: for your partner or that your partner doesn't like you
Speaker 2: and you're just kind of always anxious about the relationship.
Speaker 2: Do you talk to a real therapist?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I do. Actually, I've been seeing a therapist for
Speaker 5: the past two years since my dad and brother died.
Speaker 2: What does your real therapist think about this?
Speaker 5: She doesn't really give me too much insight. She knows
Speaker 5: that like I've been a thousand miles away from my
Speaker 5: previous partner for years and years. All she really kind
Speaker 5: of says is you just need to be careful. You
Speaker 5: got out of this relationship, and I know you feel comfortable,
Speaker 5: but just be careful, is really all she tells me.
Speaker 2: I agree, you know what, that sounds smart. That sounds smart.
Speaker 2: Next time you see her, ask her about the anxious attachment.
Speaker 5: Gotcha. Well, I see her on Wednesday, so that's perfect, okay.
Speaker 2: And I'm, by the way, I'm just no expert in
Speaker 2: relationships at all. I really don't fucking know what I'm
Speaker 2: talking about. But because you know, I've done some research
Speaker 2: on this stuff.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I get that, and I've been listening to you
Speaker 5: since December, and so I understand your position on everything.
Speaker 5: It's just sometimes it's just good to talk about it,
Speaker 5: and I don't really have anyone to talk about it with.
Speaker 5: So I was like, oh, I guess I'll ask Gek.
Speaker 2: Well, let's get it. I mean, why don't you have
Speaker 2: anyone to talk about it with. I guess it's not
Speaker 2: from your therapist.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean that that's that's that's the other thing.
Speaker 5: But I also feel a little weird sometimes because she's
Speaker 5: always kind of like, well, you need to be careful.
Speaker 5: You just got out of this relationship, you just finished
Speaker 5: up a divorce, and like I said, like you know,
Speaker 5: I was a million miles away from this person emotionally
Speaker 5: for so long, and now here I am just trying
Speaker 5: to enjoy life, and I just keep hearing you need
Speaker 5: to be careful, you need to watch and watch.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, brou when did you when did you break
Speaker 2: up with this relationship? When did you break up with
Speaker 2: this guy you were in a relationship with for twelve years?
Speaker 2: How long ago?
Speaker 3: It was?
Speaker 5: Back in back in November?
Speaker 2: All right, So you're pretty quick. I mean, I yeah,
Speaker 2: a few months is not that quick. Like, yeah, dude,
Speaker 2: I think your therapist is right, like, you know, be careful,
Speaker 2: like don't don't hedge all your bets if anything, Just don't,
Speaker 2: Like you know, relationships are supposed to be like good
Speaker 2: and fun and add value to your life. They're not
Speaker 2: supposed to be this thing that you hedge your entire
Speaker 2: fucking life upon, right, right, So just don't hedge your
Speaker 2: entire fucking life upon this guy. Enjoy his presence in
Speaker 2: your life. It's weird. I have a problem with navigating
Speaker 2: relationships in the sense of it's so strange because I
Speaker 2: don't think it's healthy to hedge your whole life on
Speaker 2: a relationship with someone. But also, if something is really important,
Speaker 2: of course you're gonna be hedging a significant amount of
Speaker 2: your life into it, and that maybe if and yeah,
Speaker 2: and that's kind of a contradiction that it is difficult
Speaker 2: to navigate. But I mean, in your situation, having just
Speaker 2: gotten out of this relationship with this with this person
Speaker 2: for twelve years, I would say that your therapist is right, like,
Speaker 2: go have fun, but you know, be careful that you're
Speaker 2: not getting your entire self worth off of this guy. Man,
Speaker 2: if you're sitting here and saying that you have nobody
Speaker 2: else to talk to about this, it could be an
Speaker 2: indicator that you know, your your non romantic social life
Speaker 2: could use some attention as well, so that you're not yeah,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: Yeah, No, I mean definitely you know. For further disclosure
Speaker 5: on that though, too. I mean, we've been taking this
Speaker 5: really slow. I mean, I mean I've been I've been
Speaker 5: seeing this guy now for two months about and like
Speaker 5: we haven't even done anything outside of his house. Like
Speaker 5: I just go over to his place and we hang
Speaker 5: out for a bit. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we don't.
Speaker 5: Sometimes we're very cuddly, sometimes we're not. Sometimes I just
Speaker 5: go over there and and help him out with things
Speaker 5: over at the house. But we've been taking pretty slow.
Speaker 5: It's been like a kind of a snail space.
Speaker 2: Well, uh, I think that's a good thing, probably, Uh.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I agree. For sure, and I mean so to
Speaker 5: see I mean his whole his whole outlook is you know,
Speaker 5: absence kind of makes the heart grow fonder, which I get.
Speaker 5: And it definitely makes sense when I when I see
Speaker 5: him for the first time, you know, after like a
Speaker 5: week and a half or so, and.
Speaker 2: Mike, yeah, Yo, anything, is there anything else you want
Speaker 2: to say to the people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 5: Just love each other and be good to yourself and
Speaker 5: be good to the people that you love. And thank
Speaker 5: you very much.
Speaker 2: Gek all right, man, have a good time at the
Speaker 2: car show. See if they have a batmobile or some shit.
Speaker 5: Oh I will. I'll take pictures if I find one,
Speaker 5: and I'll shoot one over to you.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, I'm going to get a picture of a
Speaker 2: of a batmobile that.
Speaker 5: Ghosts on the line taking your phone calls every night.
Speaker 2: Never bid ghost doing his eye. He was teaching him
Speaker 2: his house, your life, but he's not ready. An expert