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Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Trump

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Speaker 1: is escalating his terror campaign against you. If you oppose him,

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Speaker 1: if you criticize him, if you even question him, he

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Speaker 1: will try to call you a terrorist. He will try

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Speaker 1: to put you on a terrorism blacklist, and if that

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Speaker 1: doesn't work, he will try to arrest you, and if

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Speaker 1: that doesn't work, he will invade your state and terrorize it. Plus,

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Speaker 1: just to bring this up a notch, his insanity is growing,

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Speaker 1: and it certainly looks like he wanted his social media

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Speaker 1: followers this weekend to think he can bestow upon them

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Speaker 1: the gift of immortality. Good morning. Actually there is a

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Speaker 1: glimmer of hope. Is essential to remember that with Trump

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Speaker 1: there is a middle. Once in a blue moon. Usually

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Speaker 1: there are only the extremes. He is a madman capable

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Speaker 1: of bombing an American city. On the other hand, he

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Speaker 1: can be flattered into inactivity and better still, any true resistance,

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Speaker 1: and the taco cliche becomes reality. Governor Cotech of Oregon

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Speaker 1: and local leaders, including Republican leaders, pushed back on this

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Speaker 1: war ravaged Portland crap, and they either scared Trump enough

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Speaker 1: or made him somehow realize he was also making a

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Speaker 1: fool of himself. There have been twenty nine arrests related

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Speaker 1: to the robust but almost painfully peaceful one hundred and

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Speaker 1: sixteen day old protests outside ICE headquarters in Portland, but

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Speaker 1: twenty two of those twenty nine arrests were before July fourth.

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Speaker 1: There is no trouble to photograph anymore, and to sell

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Speaker 1: this to his idiots. Trump needs new photographs because the

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Speaker 1: leaves are changing color. So now NBC asks him about

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Speaker 1: Oregon yesterday, and all of a sudden, it's well, I mean,

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Speaker 1: we're certainly looking at it. You can't have that, we

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Speaker 1: don't want that. They're attacking our ice facility, and they're

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Speaker 1: attacking other federal buildings. Translation, Oregon has been tacoed. Oregon

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Speaker 1: has now become like one of my two weeks announcements

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Speaker 1: about Putin. We're certainly looking at it like he's looking

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Speaker 1: at Chicago, like he's looking at New York, like he's

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Speaker 1: looking at whatever hallucination has just appeared before his jaundiced eyes.

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Speaker 1: Tacos for the table. Everybody want tacos. Everybody gets tacos.

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Speaker 1: You get a taco, and you get a taco, and

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Speaker 1: you get a taco and you get a taco, So

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Speaker 1: Oregon seems to be on hold. However, the darker new

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Speaker 1: development is full speed ahead. At its best. It is

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Speaker 1: a kind of terror blacklist to try to bankrupt, dirty up,

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Speaker 1: or otherwise damage his critics and people who prosecuted him

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Speaker 1: for organ oh his crimes, and thus, like any criminal,

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Speaker 1: Trump has vowed to it at least metaphorically kill them.

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Speaker 1: And it's worse though, it's something close to a complete

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Speaker 1: suspension of the First Amendment and outright overt government sponsored terror.

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Speaker 1: It is National Security Presidential Memorandum seven, which they put

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Speaker 1: out Thursday, and when if implemented, really definitionally makes the

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Speaker 1: United States a fascist country. Do not be confused. It

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Speaker 1: is not one of those tough sounding but legally almost

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Speaker 1: meaningless executive orders. It is a weighty policy memo which

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Speaker 1: the White House claims carries quote the force of law,

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Speaker 1: which is addressed to the Secretaries of State, Treasury, and

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Speaker 1: Homeland and the Attorney General and other people who would

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Speaker 1: be probably unemployed without Trump. It begins with by the

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Speaker 1: authority vested in me as President by the Constitution, meaning

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Speaker 1: if this is challenged because it's blatantly illegal and unconstitutional,

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Speaker 1: Trump will defend it to the Supreme Court with the

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Speaker 1: Federalist Society article to inherent powers. Bullshit, And if you

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Speaker 1: challenge it, he will say you are trying to overthrow

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Speaker 1: the constitution. This memo was written so Trump can try

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Speaker 1: to claim that anybody doing anything he does not like

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Speaker 1: is a terrorist, or funding terrorists or supporting terrorists. Sweeping

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Speaker 1: new powers to investigate and target organizations, groups, individuals, entities, entities.

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Speaker 1: I assume he means boosts anything and anybody who give

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Speaker 1: off any of the following. Indica, that's the word they use, idica,

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Speaker 1: Indica a violence. You're ready, anti Americanism, anti capitalism, anti Christianity,

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Speaker 1: support for the overthrow of the United States government. J six,

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Speaker 1: Extremism on migration, extremism on race, extremism on gender, stility

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Speaker 1: towards those who hold traditional American views on family, Hostility

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Speaker 1: towards those who hold traditional American views on religion, Hostility

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Speaker 1: towards those who hold traditional American views on morality. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's all sounds like a dating profile for Steven Miller

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Speaker 1: to me. And hostility towards those who hold traditional American

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Speaker 1: values on morality, that's a hostility towards those Trump is

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Speaker 1: one of those. Right. He holds hostility towards those who

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Speaker 1: hold traditional American views on morality, doesn't he christ that list.

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Speaker 1: The only thing he left out was I didn't get

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Speaker 1: a harum for out of that guy. Trump's declaration of

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Speaker 1: war on the bogey men that he and Steven Miller

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Speaker 1: and Project twenty twenty five just created in the basement

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Speaker 1: somewhere actually begins. Quote heinous assassinations and other acts of

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Speaker 1: political violence in the United States have dramatically increased in

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Speaker 1: recent years. Well, yeah, you intend them to increase. That's

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Speaker 1: why they increased. Even in the aftermath of the horrifying

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Speaker 1: assassination of Charlie Kirk, some individuals who adhered to the

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Speaker 1: alleged shooter's ideology huh, embraced and cheered this evil murder

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Speaker 1: while actively encouraging more political violence. Charlie Kirk is the

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Speaker 1: Reichstag fire In a presidential memorandum, and you'll notice assassinations

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Speaker 1: in there is plural. So he's mentioning the killing of

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Speaker 1: the Minnesota Democrats. No, he's mentioning the murder of the

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Speaker 1: healthcare executive and quote the twenty twenty two assassination attempt

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Speaker 1: against Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. And if you're saying,

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Speaker 1: what assassination attempt against Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh, that

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Speaker 1: was the one where the guy got near Kavanaugh's home,

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Speaker 1: realized what he was doing, called nine to one one,

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Speaker 1: and asked the police to come and stop him because

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Speaker 1: he felt like he might have lost control of himself.

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Speaker 1: All assassination attempts should like that one. And the Right, incidentally,

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Speaker 1: is still milking the death of Charlie Kirk so hard

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Speaker 1: that Trump doesn't even mention the assassination attempt on himself

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Speaker 1: until three sentences later he does mention a shooting targeting

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Speaker 1: and ice facility in Dallas without mentioning that the victims

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Speaker 1: were detainees, and his administration will not mention that and

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Speaker 1: claims it's all part of a quote culmination of sophisticated,

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Speaker 1: organized campaigns of targeted intimidation, radicalization, threats, and violence designed

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Speaker 1: to silence opposing speech, limit political activity, change or direct

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Speaker 1: policy outcomes, and prevent the functioning of a democratic society. No,

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Speaker 1: those are not the lyrics to the Trump National anthem

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Speaker 1: as sung by the January sixth Foggy Bottom Boys. It

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Speaker 1: is what Trump is doing but he claims he isn't,

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Speaker 1: but he claims you are regardless. Soon or late Trump

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Speaker 1: will use this and to use this against civilians, against democrats,

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Speaker 1: against political commentators, against anybody who doesn't hurrumph. The rights

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Speaker 1: level of madness, it's desire to figuratively or literally start

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Speaker 1: killing liberals is at fever pitch, exacerbated by its growing

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Speaker 1: shocked and outside its bubble. It's not just that nobody

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Speaker 1: thought Charlie Kirk was Jesus, it's that barely anybody knew

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Speaker 1: who Charlie Kirk was. The madness is so pervasive and

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Speaker 1: so far from any kind of logical through line that

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Speaker 1: Gavin Newsome mocked another Trump tweet by posting Stephen Miller

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Speaker 1: as a fascist. Miller retweets that with why did you

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Speaker 1: call me that? Sebastian Gorka then tweets, that's what you

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Speaker 1: called Charlie Kirk. Then one of you assassinated him. Why

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Speaker 1: are you inciting murder? Derek Van Orden, the congressman representing

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Speaker 1: CTE and PTSD, then tweets this reaches the threshold of

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Speaker 1: domestic terrorism. This is no longer inflammatory, it's criminal. Calling

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Speaker 1: somebody a fascist is now incitement to murder and a

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Speaker 1: crime and domestic terrorism. Well, okay, none of these people,

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Speaker 1: including Miller himself, even remember that. Before they resumed their dictatorship.

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Speaker 1: Miller tweeted that the Biden administration was quote fascist, and

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Speaker 1: in a different tweet, he called that administration fascist tyranny.

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Speaker 1: And then he tweeted about an investigation of Musk, which meant, quote,

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Speaker 1: we now live in a fascist country. And in a

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Speaker 1: fourth one, he tweeted, the Democrat Party is now a

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Speaker 1: fascist party. Plus all the times Trump called liberals fascists,

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Speaker 1: so let's let's see calling somebody a fascist on Twitter

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Speaker 1: is a crime. Miller called Biden and every Democrat in

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Speaker 1: the country a fascist, so that'll be let's see. Carry

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Speaker 1: the two one hundred and fifty three forty five counts

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Speaker 1: of criminal domestic terrorism against defended Stephen Miller. Please pay

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Speaker 1: at the desk. There are two messages here. One is

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Speaker 1: if you do not submit to National Security Presidential Memorandum

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Speaker 1: number seven, which is not to be confused with Strawberry

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Speaker 1: Letter number twenty three, you will be invaded or accused

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Speaker 1: of terrorism. We're both. The other message is we will

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Speaker 1: eventually start killing all of you. The blood lust on

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Speaker 1: the right is reaching orgiastic proportions. But until then, in

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Speaker 1: the interim, we're just going to roll out a blacklist,

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Speaker 1: quote corrupt and totally trump deranged. Lisa Monaco, a purported

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Speaker 1: pawn of legal lightweight Andrew Weissman, was a senior National

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Speaker 1: security aid under Barack Hussein Obama and a law fair

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Speaker 1: and weaponization obsessed Deputy Attorney General under Crooked Joe Biden

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Speaker 1: and Lisa's puppet boss, Attorney General Merrick Garland, who are

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Speaker 1: all architects of the world ever deep state conspirable arm

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Speaker 1: asleep already, but later on he gets to this. She's

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Speaker 1: been shockingly hired as the president of Global Affairs for Microsoft,

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Speaker 1: in a very senior role with access to highly sensitive information.

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Speaker 1: Monico's having that kind of access is unacceptable and cannot

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Speaker 1: be allowed to stand. She is a menace to US

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Speaker 1: national security, especially given the major contracts Microsoft has the

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Speaker 1: United States government. Because many raw will act, it is

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Speaker 1: my opinion that Microsoft should immediately terminate the employment of

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Speaker 1: Lisa Monaco. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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Speaker 1: I'm not crazy at all. It's a blacklist trying to

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Speaker 1: get somebody fired because of what you tell everybody else

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Speaker 1: is their belief system. You know that Donald Trump a

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Speaker 1: criminal should be in jail, not in the White House.

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Speaker 1: This is classic McCarthyism, with the kind of red scare,

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Speaker 1: pitchforks and torches as old as the nation itself, but

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Speaker 1: mixed with a new ingredient, the insanity and sated of

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Speaker 1: this president of the United States of America, and mixed

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Speaker 1: with a new planning twist, the softening up of the

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Speaker 1: audience in advance of supporters to this indict comy smear Monaco.

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Speaker 1: Insistent calling someone a terrorist is domestic terrorism. Insistent calling

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Speaker 1: someone a fascist is domestic terrorism, except when Stephen Miller

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Speaker 1: or Trump call somebody a fascist. Put out a memo

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Speaker 1: saying anti Christianity is one of the terrorist act Indica. Remember,

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Speaker 1: don't have to be true his cult. Don't even have

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Speaker 1: to believe it's true. It's enough he says it, no

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Speaker 1: matter how far from reality he and they might be. Happily.

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Speaker 1: Democrats are fighting back. And when I say Democrats are

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Speaker 1: fighting back, I mean Democrats are not fighting back. A

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Speaker 1: keem jeffries on one of the previous details of Trump's

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Speaker 1: switched to overdrive on declaring all Democrats terrorists. A Keen

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Speaker 1: tweeted quote, the Trump administration's threat to deploy troops in

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Speaker 1: Portland is unlawful. Here's a thought, he writes, focus on

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Speaker 1: protecting the healthcare of the American people. That'll scare him off,

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Speaker 1: a Keem. He ain't never heard language like that before.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I've forgotten to protect the healthcare of the

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Speaker 1: American people. I've misspent my presidency. Oh no, let me

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Speaker 1: call Kiem Jeffries immediately and fix my woefull crimes. Oh nos,

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Speaker 1: Kim Jeffries tlebated them. I know what you're saying. You're saying,

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Speaker 1: Keith a Keem Jeffries. Who in the hell is a

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Speaker 1: Keem Jeffries. Okay, So about Jim Comy. Jim Comy was

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Speaker 1: indicted so he could be indicted. The case is nonsense.

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Speaker 1: They sent this beauty pageant contestant, No, no, literally, I'm

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Speaker 1: not slurring her just because she has TV hair. This

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Speaker 1: sort of lawyer, Lindsay Halligan. She was in the Miss

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Speaker 1: Colorado contest. I believe she won Miss Uncongeniality. They sent

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Speaker 1: this poor woman out just to get something out of

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Speaker 1: a grand jury so they could dirty com me up

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Speaker 1: and say we indicted Comy. We're not failures, and they

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Speaker 1: indicted him because because Trump got indicted. So with Comy,

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Speaker 1: there's no crime. Only sixty one percent of a grand

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Speaker 1: jury voted yes on only sixty six percent of the

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Speaker 1: charges presented to it. There's no crime and no evidence.

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Speaker 1: Prosecutors had given Miss Uncongeniality a detailed memo saying there's

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Speaker 1: no case on perjury, there's no case on a instruction,

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Speaker 1: don't even not even probable cause. And after an investigation

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Speaker 1: that took months, the only evidence they found. They told

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Speaker 1: her that will exonerate Comy if you go to trialdum

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Speaker 1: F and there's no crime and no evidence and no prosecutor.

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Speaker 1: Haligan really is an idiot. No senior US prosecutor would

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Speaker 1: sign the charges or any other grand jury documents. She's

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Speaker 1: never tried a criminal case. They're not sure anybody currently

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Speaker 1: working for Trump will be willing to try this case.

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Speaker 1: There's no crime and no evidence and no prosecutor, and

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Speaker 1: she has no clue. Halligan handed to the judge two

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Speaker 1: different versions of this indictment, one listing two counts and

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Speaker 1: one listing three counts, and she had signed the both

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Speaker 1: and when the judge said, you signed both. You can't

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Speaker 1: sign both. She didn't know she had signed both. But

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Speaker 1: how does me here? Look, there's no crime and no

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Speaker 1: evidence and no prosecutor, and she has no clue, and

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Speaker 1: there's almost no support among Trump lawyers. Andrew McCarthy on Fox,

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Speaker 1: I don't think there's a case. It seems to be

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Speaker 1: premised on something that's not true. I don't think this

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Speaker 1: case even gets to trial. Megan Kelly, who was a

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Speaker 1: lawyer once before she found out they did not allow

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Speaker 1: you to take camera filters into court with you, said

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Speaker 1: the case was so lean. It was quote shot up

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Speaker 1: with ozempic Ben Shapiro quote. The indictment is quite weak.

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Speaker 1: It's unlikely to survive in court. The propagandist and fabulous

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Speaker 1: John Solomon said it was the quote thinnest worded document

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Speaker 1: he'd ever seen. So, of course Trump keeps insisting this

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Speaker 1: is the worst crime in human history, and he's guilty, guilty.

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Speaker 1: When I was a kid, President Nixon said something that

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Speaker 1: vaguely indicated that he, Dick Nixon thought Charles Manson was guilty,

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Speaker 1: and they almost had to dismiss the charges against Manson

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Speaker 1: and the whole cult because of President chiming in on

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Speaker 1: a criminal case was considered an unfixable poisoning of the

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Speaker 1: jury pool. And if that isn't enough of an egg factor,

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Speaker 1: there's Stephen Miller involved in this too. Quote what James

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Speaker 1: Comby did. It's truly one of the most severe assaults

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Speaker 1: on our freedoms and liberties that has occurred to the

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Speaker 1: whole history of this nation. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy.

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Speaker 1: I'm not crazy. Almost Concurrently, Miller's wife, Katie got off

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Speaker 1: her broom, went on Fox, and Jesse Waters asked her,

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Speaker 1: actually asked her, quote, what is at length being married

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Speaker 1: to such a sexual matador, to which she answered, like,

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Speaker 1: this was not something that only crazy people ask, and

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Speaker 1: only crazy your people answer, She answered, quote, he is

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Speaker 1: an incredibly inspiring man who gets me going in the

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Speaker 1: morning with his speeches being like, let's start the day.

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Speaker 1: I am going to defeat the left and we are

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Speaker 1: going to win well, as they say, whatever turns you on.

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Speaker 1: But can we backed up just a second, Jesse Waters,

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Speaker 1: what does sexual matador even mean? Stephen Miller is a

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Speaker 1: sexual matador? What what that means? He screams olay a lot.

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Speaker 1: It means that sooner or later his afternoon is going

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Speaker 1: to end with him getting gored in the groin. Play

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Speaker 1: with the Matador, Get the Horns. Also, Callmy was indicted

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Speaker 1: in part because Trump was just humiliated by Jimmy Kimmel

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Speaker 1: and Trump needed something to make him look less gore

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Speaker 1: in the groin because something is up with Trump's mental

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Speaker 1: health and overall health too, but mostly because Trump was indicted.

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Speaker 1: He's still humiliated by that. They pretend he's not. He

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Speaker 1: pretends he's not. He is still Callmy is indicted because

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Speaker 1: now when Trump's people think indicted government officials, they think

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Speaker 1: they all do it. They all get indicted. Remember how

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Speaker 1: good it felt when Trump got indicted.

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Speaker 2: I'm so indicted and I just can't fide it. I'm

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Speaker 2: about to go to tail in America likes it. I'm

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Speaker 2: so indicted.

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Speaker 1: My defense he they're.

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Speaker 2: Tightened, and I know I know the unindicted co conspirators

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Speaker 2: can bite it inded.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Nancy Faust. A couple of other notes. Then

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Speaker 1: I'll finally pay off on that thing I mentioned at

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Speaker 1: the start about Trump kind of promising his followers immortal.

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Speaker 1: You saw the House Dems actually doing something smart cherry

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Speaker 1: picking more Epstein Estate documents. They released screenshots showing Epstein

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Speaker 1: meetings with Steve Bannon on two sixteen nineteen, with Peter

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Speaker 1: Teel on eleven twenty seven seventeen, a potential visit to

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Speaker 1: Epstein's island for Elon Musk on twelve six fourteen. Prince

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Speaker 1: Andrew five twelve zero zero is listed as a passenger

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Speaker 1: on Epstein's gent and the simple message quote, DOJ must

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Speaker 1: release the Epstein files now accompanied these little screenshots don't

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Speaker 1: overplay Epstein. At the moment, Trump has managed to bury

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Speaker 1: a lot of it, ironically using Charlie Kirk's body to

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Speaker 1: do it. But it will be back. Just keep it warm.

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Speaker 1: But did you see Trump inadvertently confessing to January sixth? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the aforementioned John Solomon completely repurposed an FBI report at

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Speaker 1: two hundred and seventy four. Two hundred and seventy five

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Speaker 1: or more than two hundred and fifty bureau agents went

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Speaker 1: to the Capitol during January sixth. The magas keep changing

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Speaker 1: the number Solomon, then Glenn back then other outlets immediately

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Speaker 1: branded them as plane Closed Plants. FBI sent Plane Closed

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Speaker 1: Plants provocateurs, thus creating two hundred and seventy four new

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Speaker 1: ray Epps provocateur conspiracy theories. Trump then posted one of

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Speaker 1: these articles. Oops, let me see if I've got this straight.

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Speaker 1: Trump Trump's FBI twenty twenty five, run by a Trump

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Speaker 1: appointee as Trump FBI director, leaks that Trump's FBI twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty one, run by the previous Trump appointee as Trump

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Speaker 1: FBI director, sent two hundred and seventy four Trump FBI

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Speaker 1: agents into the crowd on January sixth to foment a

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Speaker 1: Trump coup on Trump's behalf. While Trump controlled the FBI,

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Speaker 1: and Trump control and Trump controlled law enforcement, and Trump

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Speaker 1: controlled the military. Well, thanks for the confession. The Trump confession. Trump,

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Speaker 1: it fell to cash Pattel to do the cleanup on

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Speaker 1: Aisle six. He said that the agents showed up at

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Speaker 1: two thirty in the afternoon because there just weren't enough

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Speaker 1: actual cops there to do so. And the FBI is

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Speaker 1: a lot of things, but incompetent with guns and controlling

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Speaker 1: crowds is not one of them. Still, nice confession, Trump. Sure,

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Speaker 1: then we have the dumbest Democrat of the week, and

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Speaker 1: it's one of our crack staff here in New York. Boy,

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Speaker 1: oh boy, do we have the worst Democrats in the country,

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Speaker 1: Eric Adams. I guess the kava bag arrived. So he

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Speaker 1: ended his campaign yesterday, allowing everybody to focus on the

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Speaker 1: corruption of only Cuomo. But he's still going to be

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Speaker 1: on the ballot. He will still siphon votes from Cuomo.

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Speaker 1: If you supported Adams and your second choice was Mam Danny,

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Speaker 1: you've probably heard about Adams dropping out. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if that's true. If you supported Cuomo. Still, the dumbest

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Speaker 1: Democrat of the week is not him, and it's not

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Speaker 1: the aforementioned Jeffries. It's the Senator to nowhere, Kirsten Gillibrand.

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Speaker 1: I'll just read this from Politico quote. Jill Brand has

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Speaker 1: circulated an invitation obtained by Playbook for a NAPA retreat

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Speaker 1: for the DSCC, the Senate Fundraising Committee for Democrats, on

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Speaker 1: October thirteenth and fourteenth, for the government shutdown next week.

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Speaker 1: It's this week. The retreat could fall on what might

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Speaker 1: be day twelve of a shutdown. The itinerary features accommodations

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Speaker 1: at the Hotel Yountville, with a resort and spa that

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Speaker 1: extends a Tuscan European vibe and a wine tour and

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Speaker 1: dinner at the Staglan family vineyards amid its wine caves.

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Speaker 1: The plans for the luxury trip come up Trump administration

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Speaker 1: threats of mass firings of federal workers. A Democrat briefed

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Speaker 1: on the event tells us it's also slated to include

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Speaker 1: Representative Haley Stevens D Michigan, who's campaigning for Estate's open

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Speaker 1: Senate seat. As a gritty daughter of the Midwest, a

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Speaker 1: Monty Python line comes to my mind. There's not wrong

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Speaker 1: with gala luncheons. Are that more gala luncheons than you've

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Speaker 1: had hot dinners? Optics anybody anybody else? You know, when

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Speaker 1: they put d and Y next to somebody like Kirsten Gilibrand,

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Speaker 1: Jilibrand in her case, it's necessary so you have some

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Speaker 1: idea that she claims to be a Democrat. And as

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Speaker 1: to the optics, if they knew optics, they wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: appointed this zero Gilibrand as a Senator in the first place.

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Speaker 1: When they appointed her to replace Hillary as senator in

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Speaker 1: two thousand and nine, I had literally never heard of her,

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Speaker 1: and given her track record, since you know, I have

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Speaker 1: still never heard of her. And now immortality and again,

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Speaker 1: I want to be clear. I'm saying immortality, not immorality.

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Speaker 1: Trump posted and then deleted over the weekend an AI

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Speaker 1: video of what would have looked to the uninformed like

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Speaker 1: a clip from his own daughter in law, Lara's Fox

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Speaker 1: News show, complete with an AI Lara Trump, and an

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Speaker 1: AI video of Trump reading from a printed script at

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Speaker 1: his desk about a new med bed card which Trump

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Speaker 1: is going to give to every American. Huh, what the

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Speaker 1: hell's a medbed Well, it is the basis of several

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Speaker 1: really big conspiracy theories, all variations on the idea that

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Speaker 1: there are new beds, new medical technology now capable of basically,

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Speaker 1: you know, bestowing immortality, undoing aging, healing, everything. Why am

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Speaker 1: I trying to summarize this when we have right here

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Speaker 1: with us AI, Donald Trump, and AI Lara Trump and

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Speaker 1: AI Fox News, everything except Jesse Waters asking about sexual matadors.

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Speaker 1: AI Fox News and Donald and Lara Trump are here

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Speaker 1: to summarize it. Trump posted this breaking Now, President Donald J.

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Speaker 3: Trump has announced a historic new healthcare system, the launch

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Speaker 3: of America's first medbed hospitals and a national med bed.

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Speaker 1: Card for every citizen.

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Speaker 4: Every American who soon received their own medbed card. With it,

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Speaker 4: you'll have guaranteed access to our new hospitals, led by

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Speaker 4: the top doctors in the nation, equipped with the most

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Speaker 4: advanced technology in the world. These facilities are safe, modern,

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Speaker 4: and designed to restore every citizen to full health and strength.

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Speaker 4: This is the beginning of a new era in American healthcare.

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Speaker 3: In this first phase, only a limited number of medbed

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Speaker 3: cards will be released. Registration details will be announced very soon.

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Speaker 1: Now you can tell it's AI because Trump's reading of

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Speaker 1: the script is too good. Also, Lara, Trump doesn't have

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Speaker 1: a deviated septim in that one, and in the video,

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00:27:25,315 --> 00:27:29,035
Speaker 1: the Fox News graphics are wrong. There aren't any typos

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Speaker 1: in them. Plus, of course, there is no such thing

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Speaker 1: as a MEDBD or a medbed card. But why did

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Speaker 1: Trump post this then delete it? Was he just trying

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Speaker 1: to co opt the conspiracy theory among the Q andons

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00:27:43,675 --> 00:27:47,275
Speaker 1: Trump pronounced medbds then and then and then they made

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Speaker 1: him delete it? Or is he going that Looney Tunes

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Speaker 1: that he thinks they exist? Or is he so sick

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Speaker 1: that he's thinking, boy, I could sure use a med

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Speaker 1: bed right now. Too bad, It's just a conspiracy theory.

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Speaker 1: I mean Honestly, we all knew he was crazy, but

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Speaker 1: how does he keep getting more crazy? Like we keep

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Speaker 1: getting half the distance to the goal line. There is

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Speaker 1: a PostScript to the q Andon conspiracy about this. One

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Speaker 1: of the wilder offshoots is remember the insistence, what was

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Speaker 1: it two years ago, three years ago that President John F.

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Speaker 1: Kennedy was still alive and his son, you know, John F. Kennedy,

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Speaker 1: presumably with his head all epoxied together and stuff. The

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00:28:34,155 --> 00:28:38,555
Speaker 1: tertiary syphilist version of the medbed conspiracy theory is that

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Speaker 1: JFK has been kept alive since nineteen sixty three in

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Speaker 1: a medbed, which is ridiculous and also such stupid, wasteful

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00:28:51,795 --> 00:28:56,235
Speaker 1: misuse of a creative conspiracy theory, because who would believe

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Speaker 1: that that there have been medbds for sixty two years

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Speaker 1: and nobody knows about them, and that they've kept JFK

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Speaker 1: alive in this and he hasn't gone on any dates

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Speaker 1: or anything, and it's so stupid. Who would believe this?

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Speaker 1: Now if they pointed it at RFK Junior with his

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Speaker 1: face looking like the ass of a five thousand year

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Speaker 1: old Egyptian mummy, and they said RFK Junior is being

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Speaker 1: kept alive. He goes home at night and sleeps on

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Speaker 1: a medbed that I would believe well, it looks like

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Speaker 1: a five thousand year old Egyptian mummy's ass. Also of

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Speaker 1: interest here that post hit job I told you about

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Speaker 1: last week while it came out. If you didn't hear

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Speaker 1: about it, it was because even for the post it

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Speaker 1: was really, really, really weak. The big breaking news about

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Speaker 1: me is I was rude at a restaurant in the

423
00:30:05,235 --> 00:30:13,075
Speaker 1: last century in nineteen ninety seven, and the Post has

424
00:30:13,235 --> 00:30:15,475
Speaker 1: just found this out in twenty twenty five. No, I'm

425
00:30:15,475 --> 00:30:19,635
Speaker 1: not kidding, but more importantly, the true big news, ladies

426
00:30:19,635 --> 00:30:25,515
Speaker 1: and gentlemen, it is now at this moment Stevie Week.

427
00:30:26,835 --> 00:30:32,955
Speaker 1: That's next. This is Countdown. This is Countdown with Keith

428
00:30:32,995 --> 00:30:57,995
Speaker 1: Olberman still ahead. On this edition of Countdown. It's Stevie

429
00:30:57,995 --> 00:31:05,795
Speaker 1: Week thirteen years ago tomorrow, unplanned on a mad I

430
00:31:05,995 --> 00:31:11,355
Speaker 1: was born again in dogs better late than never. I've

431
00:31:11,395 --> 00:31:14,395
Speaker 1: told you most of my dog stories. I've told you

432
00:31:14,995 --> 00:31:18,995
Speaker 1: most of my bad Olivia Newsy stories. This is a

433
00:31:18,995 --> 00:31:24,075
Speaker 1: good Olivia Newsy story. The day our dog Stevie adopted

434
00:31:24,155 --> 00:31:28,075
Speaker 1: us In things I promised not to tell first, believe

435
00:31:28,075 --> 00:31:30,795
Speaker 1: it or not, there's still more new idiots to talk about.

436
00:31:31,115 --> 00:31:34,195
Speaker 1: The roundup of the miscrants, morons and Dunning Krueger effects

437
00:31:34,195 --> 00:31:39,355
Speaker 1: specimens who constitute today's other worst persons in the world.

438
00:31:41,035 --> 00:31:45,195
Speaker 1: The runner up worse Isabelle Vincent New York Post. I

439
00:31:45,275 --> 00:31:48,995
Speaker 1: told you this was coming. She was the writer who

440
00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:52,555
Speaker 1: must have done something bad there, and they demoted her

441
00:31:52,595 --> 00:31:55,435
Speaker 1: from covering what passes for news in the New York

442
00:31:55,475 --> 00:32:02,155
Speaker 1: Post to writing the same semi annual bullshit Keith Alriman

443
00:32:02,275 --> 00:32:05,395
Speaker 1: is our bad, mean Liberal of the Week article that

444
00:32:05,435 --> 00:32:07,475
Speaker 1: The New York Post has been writing about me since

445
00:32:07,555 --> 00:32:11,675
Speaker 1: like nineteen ninety six. This was not one of the

446
00:32:11,715 --> 00:32:17,955
Speaker 1: Post's better efforts. It was neither imaginative nor true. It

447
00:32:17,995 --> 00:32:22,635
Speaker 1: relied on three things. A comment from my former agent

448
00:32:23,235 --> 00:32:26,395
Speaker 1: who I fired for professional misconduct fifteen years ago, a

449
00:32:26,435 --> 00:32:30,955
Speaker 1: story I have never told, I have never intended to

450
00:32:30,995 --> 00:32:34,635
Speaker 1: tell it. I may tell it later. I'm still thinking

451
00:32:34,675 --> 00:32:37,715
Speaker 1: about it. Frankly, it made me worry more about her

452
00:32:37,755 --> 00:32:41,995
Speaker 1: health more than anything else. I'll get to that later maybe.

453
00:32:42,435 --> 00:32:45,315
Speaker 1: But beyond that, they wrote two things that made me

454
00:32:45,755 --> 00:32:50,435
Speaker 1: laugh out loud. I don't read the articles anymore. I

455
00:32:50,555 --> 00:32:53,715
Speaker 1: learned to do that other people send me tidbits, and

456
00:32:53,755 --> 00:32:56,915
Speaker 1: I laughed at both of these. Most of the quotes

457
00:32:56,915 --> 00:32:59,995
Speaker 1: about how terrible I was and how everybody hated me

458
00:33:00,035 --> 00:33:06,715
Speaker 1: at ESPN were from Sage Steel, whom ESPN reprimanded when

459
00:33:06,755 --> 00:33:08,395
Speaker 1: she went in and said she didn't want to work

460
00:33:08,435 --> 00:33:12,315
Speaker 1: with me because I was a liberal, whom ESPN fired

461
00:33:12,835 --> 00:33:18,195
Speaker 1: after she trashed them about vaccines, who has turned into

462
00:33:18,195 --> 00:33:20,955
Speaker 1: a right wing nut job because nobody in television will

463
00:33:21,035 --> 00:33:25,795
Speaker 1: touch her. The former host of the NBA Finals and

464
00:33:25,875 --> 00:33:29,235
Speaker 1: the six o'clock Sports Center and the Miss America contest,

465
00:33:29,435 --> 00:33:34,075
Speaker 1: she goes from that to interviewing Russell brand on podcasts.

466
00:33:35,515 --> 00:33:40,155
Speaker 1: Most importantly, she the authority on me, has met me

467
00:33:41,075 --> 00:33:46,635
Speaker 1: once in her entire life once and that was when

468
00:33:46,675 --> 00:33:49,595
Speaker 1: she came to New York to co anchor Sports Center

469
00:33:49,715 --> 00:33:52,915
Speaker 1: from my office instead of hers so she could suck

470
00:33:53,035 --> 00:33:59,635
Speaker 1: up to me. I mean, really, she's the authority. I mean,

471
00:34:00,635 --> 00:34:02,515
Speaker 1: I don't think she could tell you how tall I

472
00:34:02,595 --> 00:34:06,235
Speaker 1: am without googling it. But the best part was a

473
00:34:06,275 --> 00:34:09,995
Speaker 1: story that they added and it's anonymous, which I mean,

474
00:34:10,515 --> 00:34:14,195
Speaker 1: just listen to this. No source of somebody who said

475
00:34:14,315 --> 00:34:17,995
Speaker 1: they heard I was once rude to the weight staff

476
00:34:18,115 --> 00:34:21,475
Speaker 1: to the servers or somebody at the White Birch Inn

477
00:34:21,635 --> 00:34:26,555
Speaker 1: in Southington, Connecticut. I mean tears welled in my eyes

478
00:34:26,595 --> 00:34:29,835
Speaker 1: when I read this, because I know what the backstory

479
00:34:29,875 --> 00:34:31,795
Speaker 1: has to have been to this. The White Birch was

480
00:34:31,795 --> 00:34:36,955
Speaker 1: a nice, little family owned kind of half diner, half

481
00:34:37,635 --> 00:34:42,195
Speaker 1: rustic in small little restaurant that was positioned perfectly. It

482
00:34:42,595 --> 00:34:45,315
Speaker 1: and a McDonald's across the street were the only other

483
00:34:45,515 --> 00:34:50,235
Speaker 1: businesses within like half a mile of ESPN World Headquarters

484
00:34:50,235 --> 00:34:55,195
Speaker 1: in Bristol. After the Friendlies closed, there was literally nothing else.

485
00:34:55,355 --> 00:34:59,035
Speaker 1: There were very few street lights. I wasn't sure the

486
00:34:59,075 --> 00:35:06,035
Speaker 1: whole street had electricity. There was a tract, a small tractor,

487
00:35:06,115 --> 00:35:10,915
Speaker 1: like a half long half small farm tractor place about

488
00:35:10,915 --> 00:35:14,235
Speaker 1: three quarters of a mile down by the highway. That

489
00:35:14,435 --> 00:35:20,075
Speaker 1: was it. Anyway, The White Birch, decent omelets, nice people,

490
00:35:20,395 --> 00:35:23,115
Speaker 1: sat right on the town line between Southington where I

491
00:35:23,195 --> 00:35:27,715
Speaker 1: lived in Bristol, where ESPN was, And I was rude

492
00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:33,115
Speaker 1: to somebody there before the White Birch closed. The White

493
00:35:33,115 --> 00:35:35,795
Speaker 1: Birch doesn't exist anymore. It turns out the White Birch

494
00:35:35,915 --> 00:35:39,435
Speaker 1: closed in nineteen ninety eight, the last time I would

495
00:35:39,435 --> 00:35:41,955
Speaker 1: have been there would have been nineteen ninety seven. Literally,

496
00:35:41,995 --> 00:35:43,875
Speaker 1: the last time I was in this place the New

497
00:35:43,955 --> 00:35:46,875
Speaker 1: York Post wrote about last week, was twenty eight years ago.

498
00:35:47,955 --> 00:35:51,435
Speaker 1: Then ESPN bought the land on which the White Birch stood,

499
00:35:51,555 --> 00:35:56,635
Speaker 1: and they destroyed the White Perch. They leveled it, and

500
00:35:56,715 --> 00:35:58,875
Speaker 1: somebody thought I was rude to them. I mean, honestly,

501
00:35:58,915 --> 00:36:01,555
Speaker 1: the worst thing you can find on me is something

502
00:36:01,595 --> 00:36:05,515
Speaker 1: I said or didn't say, or one day I tipped

503
00:36:05,555 --> 00:36:07,915
Speaker 1: fifteen percent instead of twenty percent, or who knows what,

504
00:36:08,035 --> 00:36:11,915
Speaker 1: and it was anonymous from twenty eight years ago. I mean,

505
00:36:11,995 --> 00:36:14,715
Speaker 1: Miss Vincent, you couldn't find an anonymous source who said

506
00:36:14,875 --> 00:36:18,595
Speaker 1: I passed gas during a World Series telecast twenty eight

507
00:36:18,675 --> 00:36:22,475
Speaker 1: years ago, something that would have made your hit job

508
00:36:22,515 --> 00:36:27,195
Speaker 1: look less stupid, less like a hit job by The

509
00:36:27,195 --> 00:36:30,595
Speaker 1: New York Post. On the New York Post, as I

510
00:36:30,635 --> 00:36:32,635
Speaker 1: told the author, if I'd written anything that bad when

511
00:36:32,635 --> 00:36:35,035
Speaker 1: I worked for Murdoch, he'd have fired me. Oh right,

512
00:36:35,155 --> 00:36:37,635
Speaker 1: Murdoch did fire me. Then he had to pay me

513
00:36:37,635 --> 00:36:39,915
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand dollars a month for eight months. Anyway,

514
00:36:41,195 --> 00:36:43,315
Speaker 1: I wonder if that will happen to Miss Vincent. I

515
00:36:43,355 --> 00:36:46,355
Speaker 1: don't think so. The runner up Secretary of State Marco

516
00:36:46,435 --> 00:36:49,515
Speaker 1: Rubio or whoever that is, who did the body snatcher

517
00:36:49,595 --> 00:36:52,275
Speaker 1: bit with him and turned him into just another Trump

518
00:36:52,315 --> 00:36:56,915
Speaker 1: political prostitute with a bad comb. Over Friday night, Marco

519
00:36:56,995 --> 00:37:00,155
Speaker 1: Rubio State Department tweeted this, and I'm reading the handle

520
00:37:00,235 --> 00:37:02,715
Speaker 1: part verbatim, so you get the point, since this is

521
00:37:02,795 --> 00:37:05,515
Speaker 1: audio and not video and you can't see this Department

522
00:37:05,555 --> 00:37:09,315
Speaker 1: of State at State Department. Earlier today, Colombian President at

523
00:37:09,435 --> 00:37:14,435
Speaker 1: Gustavo Petro stood on an NYC Street and urged US

524
00:37:14,435 --> 00:37:19,995
Speaker 1: soldiers to disobey orders and incite violence. First off, tweeting

525
00:37:20,035 --> 00:37:23,235
Speaker 1: this out is the Barbara streisand effect. Did you know

526
00:37:23,355 --> 00:37:25,995
Speaker 1: he did this? He stood on an NYC Street. I

527
00:37:26,035 --> 00:37:28,235
Speaker 1: presume you mean New York City. I'm sorry you could

528
00:37:28,235 --> 00:37:32,355
Speaker 1: not be troubled to spell out New York. Marco Minion

529
00:37:33,115 --> 00:37:36,275
Speaker 1: stood on an NYC Straight and urged US soldiers to

530
00:37:36,395 --> 00:37:42,435
Speaker 1: disobey orders and incite violence. I looked up the story

531
00:37:42,435 --> 00:37:45,035
Speaker 1: to see what that was all about. Right here in

532
00:37:45,075 --> 00:37:50,315
Speaker 1: big city, like wow, I need, I need to follow

533
00:37:50,395 --> 00:37:54,675
Speaker 1: Colombian President at Gustavo Petro. We will revoke Petro's visa

534
00:37:54,755 --> 00:37:59,915
Speaker 1: due to his reckless and incendiary actions. Well, that's a

535
00:37:59,955 --> 00:38:03,395
Speaker 1: stupid and amateurish thing to do in diplomatic circles. But

536
00:38:03,915 --> 00:38:06,955
Speaker 1: on the Trump's gale of stupid and amateurish things, it's

537
00:38:06,995 --> 00:38:12,155
Speaker 1: only like a four stupid and amateurish thing. I mean,

538
00:38:12,195 --> 00:38:15,515
Speaker 1: you could see it's an irrational response to this, but

539
00:38:15,555 --> 00:38:19,915
Speaker 1: it's not totally based on you know, an imaginary giant

540
00:38:19,995 --> 00:38:22,675
Speaker 1: HeLa monster in Portland that you have to send terrorists

541
00:38:22,675 --> 00:38:27,595
Speaker 1: into destroy. This is like, all right, you know, telling

542
00:38:27,715 --> 00:38:34,035
Speaker 1: US troops to disobey orders. Scot's touchy. Anyway, The point

543
00:38:34,075 --> 00:38:36,355
Speaker 1: is not that at all. The point is the at

544
00:38:36,395 --> 00:38:40,635
Speaker 1: Gustavo Petro that gets a ten because Marco's department tagged

545
00:38:40,755 --> 00:38:45,955
Speaker 1: at Gustavo Petro and at Gustavo Petro is not the

546
00:38:45,995 --> 00:38:49,595
Speaker 1: handle of the President of Columbia Gustavo Petro. He's at

547
00:38:49,635 --> 00:38:54,835
Speaker 1: Petro Gustavo. This at Gstavo Petro is the Gustavo Petro

548
00:38:55,035 --> 00:38:58,075
Speaker 1: who appears to be a video game magazine writer and

549
00:38:58,275 --> 00:39:01,435
Speaker 1: Star Wars addict who posts that his home is on

550
00:39:01,555 --> 00:39:07,755
Speaker 1: the outer Rim. Sorry, Gestavo, your visa has been revoked

551
00:39:08,315 --> 00:39:14,435
Speaker 1: yours and Boba Fetts My god, what amateurs if we

552
00:39:14,515 --> 00:39:18,075
Speaker 1: don't all die because of an accidental nuclear war in

553
00:39:18,115 --> 00:39:25,395
Speaker 1: which one of these morons drops ten gigotons on Mississippi

554
00:39:25,515 --> 00:39:29,715
Speaker 1: or something, will be lucky. That's my greatest fear. Not

555
00:39:29,715 --> 00:39:33,675
Speaker 1: not a Trump takeover, not a dictatorship, none of those things.

556
00:39:34,835 --> 00:39:39,395
Speaker 1: My fear is somebody says, maybe, Marc Rubio, what does

557
00:39:39,435 --> 00:39:45,315
Speaker 1: this button do? And you realize it's just amazing when

558
00:39:45,315 --> 00:39:49,195
Speaker 1: you think about this, But Marco Rubio's entire life peaked

559
00:39:49,875 --> 00:39:51,955
Speaker 1: the day he gave the response to the State of

560
00:39:51,955 --> 00:39:54,155
Speaker 1: the Union and he had to stop in the middle

561
00:39:54,155 --> 00:39:57,435
Speaker 1: of it to grab a bottle of water that was

562
00:39:57,475 --> 00:39:59,355
Speaker 1: like just out of his reach on the left side,

563
00:39:59,515 --> 00:40:02,115
Speaker 1: and he was trying to pretend nobody would notice, even

564
00:40:02,115 --> 00:40:09,195
Speaker 1: though it was on national television, Live good, Good. Imagine this.

565
00:40:09,515 --> 00:40:12,355
Speaker 1: There's somebody worse than that. Our winner, one of the

566
00:40:12,475 --> 00:40:16,275
Speaker 1: all time grades of worse persons, one of the stupidest

567
00:40:16,475 --> 00:40:20,875
Speaker 1: people I have ever known, Newt Gingrich. Let me just

568
00:40:20,955 --> 00:40:23,875
Speaker 1: read this thing, because this has got everything that Newt

569
00:40:23,915 --> 00:40:27,915
Speaker 1: Gingrich's life was wasted on, including this tone of righteous

570
00:40:27,955 --> 00:40:32,595
Speaker 1: indignation as he slowly lights the match to blow himself

571
00:40:32,635 --> 00:40:37,835
Speaker 1: to hell. Quote. Why did Congresswoman span Berger vote against

572
00:40:37,875 --> 00:40:41,035
Speaker 1: the Continuing Resolution to keep the government open. She wants

573
00:40:41,075 --> 00:40:43,275
Speaker 1: to be governor of Virginia, and yet Virginians who work

574
00:40:43,355 --> 00:40:46,195
Speaker 1: for the federal government will be directly hurt by her vote.

575
00:40:46,275 --> 00:40:48,275
Speaker 1: She should be voting to keep the government open and

576
00:40:48,355 --> 00:40:51,195
Speaker 1: federal employees in the jobs, not for a shutdown in

577
00:40:51,275 --> 00:40:56,635
Speaker 1: layoffs or even firings for constituents. Four fifty pm September

578
00:40:56,635 --> 00:41:01,235
Speaker 1: twenty five, twenty twenty five at Newt Gingridge. Ooh, sick Burn, Newt.

579
00:41:01,515 --> 00:41:05,355
Speaker 1: That'll get that other candidate, that un tick woman the

580
00:41:05,355 --> 00:41:10,755
Speaker 1: Republicans are running wins since some sears Roebuck, whatever her

581
00:41:10,795 --> 00:41:14,195
Speaker 1: name is, that'll get her elected because Spanberger didn't vote

582
00:41:14,235 --> 00:41:17,715
Speaker 1: to keep the government. So you're asking why Abigail Spanberger

583
00:41:17,795 --> 00:41:21,035
Speaker 1: did not vote for the Continuing Resolution bill, which was

584
00:41:21,075 --> 00:41:24,675
Speaker 1: presented to Congress to the House of Representatives for a

585
00:41:24,755 --> 00:41:27,915
Speaker 1: vote on the sixteenth of September. Is that right, Newt.

586
00:41:27,955 --> 00:41:30,555
Speaker 1: You're asking why she did not vote in the House

587
00:41:30,835 --> 00:41:34,115
Speaker 1: for this bill on the sixteenth of September. Well, Newt,

588
00:41:34,515 --> 00:41:38,195
Speaker 1: perhaps it's because Abigail Spanburger is no longer a member

589
00:41:38,395 --> 00:41:41,915
Speaker 1: of the House of Representatives. She did not stand for

590
00:41:42,035 --> 00:41:46,755
Speaker 1: reelection neut a year ago, instead choosing to run for

591
00:41:46,835 --> 00:41:50,635
Speaker 1: governor of Virginia, where Newt lives and has a business

592
00:41:50,915 --> 00:41:54,915
Speaker 1: and isn't paying attention. Spanberger has not been in the

593
00:41:54,955 --> 00:41:57,515
Speaker 1: House of Representatives since her term expired.

594
00:41:57,115 --> 00:41:58,995
Speaker 2: On January third of this year.

595
00:41:59,235 --> 00:42:03,075
Speaker 1: And Newt does not know this. It's two hundred and

596
00:42:03,075 --> 00:42:06,395
Speaker 1: fifty seven days between her last day in the House

597
00:42:06,555 --> 00:42:09,555
Speaker 1: and the vote he's complaining about that she didn't illegally

598
00:42:09,675 --> 00:42:12,755
Speaker 1: vote in. Newt is mad at her for not voting

599
00:42:12,995 --> 00:42:16,715
Speaker 1: illegally when she's a member of the House Alumni Association.

600
00:42:18,115 --> 00:42:21,475
Speaker 1: It's like asking why you haven't seen President Ulysses S

601
00:42:21,635 --> 00:42:26,635
Speaker 1: Grant recently. Newt, no, I have no idea why he

602
00:42:26,675 --> 00:42:29,555
Speaker 1: wasted millions of dollars in nine months of America's political

603
00:42:29,635 --> 00:42:32,795
Speaker 1: dialogue while the nine to eleven terrorists were plotting against us,

604
00:42:32,875 --> 00:42:35,675
Speaker 1: and he impeached Bill Clinton only to see Clinton keep

605
00:42:35,715 --> 00:42:38,195
Speaker 1: his job and have his approval ratings go up, while

606
00:42:38,315 --> 00:42:41,515
Speaker 1: Nut got fired and lost his job as speaker. Gingrich

607
00:42:41,915 --> 00:43:01,995
Speaker 1: two Day's other worst person in the world A little

608
00:43:01,995 --> 00:43:04,835
Speaker 1: early today to our number one story and things I

609
00:43:04,915 --> 00:43:10,315
Speaker 1: promise not to tell in my favorite topic my dogs today,

610
00:43:10,555 --> 00:43:15,115
Speaker 1: I have four dogs last year during Stevie Week, it

611
00:43:15,195 --> 00:43:18,955
Speaker 1: was just three My elder rescue, Minee, the guy who

612
00:43:18,995 --> 00:43:21,075
Speaker 1: came to me in a dementia like trance, and after

613
00:43:21,115 --> 00:43:23,435
Speaker 1: we took out all of his rotten teeth, within months

614
00:43:23,475 --> 00:43:26,075
Speaker 1: he was leaping over the white stripes in the crosswork

615
00:43:26,155 --> 00:43:28,475
Speaker 1: walk like an Olympian just for the hell of it.

616
00:43:29,155 --> 00:43:32,275
Speaker 1: Minee got to his seventeenth birthday on a Monday in

617
00:43:32,355 --> 00:43:34,555
Speaker 1: July of twenty twenty four. He took his last walk

618
00:43:34,595 --> 00:43:37,715
Speaker 1: on a Thursday. He got his legs kind of crossed

619
00:43:37,795 --> 00:43:41,475
Speaker 1: up on the way back. Didn't look good. He stopped

620
00:43:41,475 --> 00:43:45,035
Speaker 1: beating on that Friday, and then he gently and peacefully

621
00:43:45,115 --> 00:43:47,995
Speaker 1: died in my arms on that Sunday, as if he

622
00:43:48,075 --> 00:43:51,235
Speaker 1: were saying, hey, babe, I made it to seventeen. Thanks

623
00:43:51,235 --> 00:43:55,915
Speaker 1: for the use of the hall. It's been great. Bye. Now, Ted,

624
00:43:56,355 --> 00:43:58,995
Speaker 1: my first rescue, who is seated at my feet as

625
00:43:58,995 --> 00:44:01,315
Speaker 1: I record this. He is still going strong at seven

626
00:44:01,315 --> 00:44:03,755
Speaker 1: and a half. He is a handsome devil and the

627
00:44:03,755 --> 00:44:06,795
Speaker 1: beneficiary of heart surgery when he was about eight months old.

628
00:44:07,635 --> 00:44:09,475
Speaker 1: He's probably going to need more heart surgery as it

629
00:44:09,515 --> 00:44:13,395
Speaker 1: turns out. He is my son, certainly, as if he

630
00:44:13,475 --> 00:44:17,155
Speaker 1: had two legs and was in the second grade. He

631
00:44:17,195 --> 00:44:20,995
Speaker 1: flirts with girls, human girls. He did it last night

632
00:44:21,035 --> 00:44:25,235
Speaker 1: on our walk, and he plays ball. He also owns.

633
00:44:25,755 --> 00:44:30,475
Speaker 1: He owns the world. Just ask him. This is his world.

634
00:44:32,035 --> 00:44:34,995
Speaker 1: He has also bravely born the appearance of a kid. Brother.

635
00:44:35,875 --> 00:44:39,155
Speaker 1: Kit is fifteen months old. He too had heart surgery

636
00:44:39,195 --> 00:44:42,555
Speaker 1: as a puppy. He hasted. Kit looks like a toy

637
00:44:42,755 --> 00:44:46,755
Speaker 1: come to life. He greets strangers on the street. He

638
00:44:46,835 --> 00:44:49,555
Speaker 1: was born a month before the Great Leaper. Mine died

639
00:44:49,595 --> 00:44:53,515
Speaker 1: at seventeen. The name Minee is colloquial French for kitty,

640
00:44:54,675 --> 00:44:57,875
Speaker 1: and I have no doubt Mine in some way sent

641
00:44:57,955 --> 00:45:01,635
Speaker 1: his virtual namesake Kit to me with the quick message,

642
00:45:02,355 --> 00:45:05,515
Speaker 1: go see this guy. He'll take care of you. Rose

643
00:45:06,515 --> 00:45:11,155
Speaker 1: is eleven now, a beautiful, austere, classic girl, a little

644
00:45:11,195 --> 00:45:15,595
Speaker 1: tough to know, very sincere too. If she could speak,

645
00:45:15,635 --> 00:45:18,555
Speaker 1: she would be the one who would address me as father,

646
00:45:18,995 --> 00:45:25,275
Speaker 1: as in, oh father, you're being sentimental again. And then

647
00:45:25,275 --> 00:45:32,115
Speaker 1: there is Stevie. Stevie thirteen years and what now three

648
00:45:32,155 --> 00:45:36,035
Speaker 1: months old, and tougher than all of you and me

649
00:45:36,595 --> 00:45:45,315
Speaker 1: put together, Beautiful, sometimes belligerent, always asking is there a

650
00:45:45,355 --> 00:45:52,155
Speaker 1: treat involved? And always indispensable, and as late as three

651
00:45:52,235 --> 00:45:57,315
Speaker 1: pm Eastern time on September thirtieth, twenty twelve, thirteen years

652
00:45:57,355 --> 00:46:02,195
Speaker 1: ago tomorrow, not one word of any of what I

653
00:46:02,235 --> 00:46:07,635
Speaker 1: have just said would have made any sense to me whatsoever.

654
00:46:08,955 --> 00:46:13,475
Speaker 1: I had never had a dog in my life, cause

655
00:46:14,995 --> 00:46:20,275
Speaker 1: allergies mine and my mother's, and travel and work. And

656
00:46:20,315 --> 00:46:23,155
Speaker 1: then Olivia Newsy looked at me and said, I need

657
00:46:23,195 --> 00:46:29,395
Speaker 1: a puppy fix. Her family dog was dying. She didn't

658
00:46:29,435 --> 00:46:32,515
Speaker 1: say it, her folks wouldn't say it. The dog, a

659
00:46:32,595 --> 00:46:35,675
Speaker 1: Jack Russell Terrier named Casey, did her best to be

660
00:46:35,715 --> 00:46:38,475
Speaker 1: the only truthful one in the bunch. She was moving

661
00:46:38,555 --> 00:46:42,195
Speaker 1: purposely and unsteadily with every step, and looking out at

662
00:46:42,195 --> 00:46:44,915
Speaker 1: her world with a seeming mixture of acceptance and sadness

663
00:46:44,995 --> 00:46:47,995
Speaker 1: and regret that the one time she really needed these

664
00:46:48,035 --> 00:46:51,635
Speaker 1: bipeds to speak for her on her behalf, they just

665
00:46:51,715 --> 00:46:56,755
Speaker 1: couldn't or wouldn't do it. I just need, Olivia told me,

666
00:46:57,035 --> 00:46:59,675
Speaker 1: for dogs, not to mean sadness, just for a couple

667
00:46:59,675 --> 00:47:02,075
Speaker 1: of minutes, just for a while. Can we go to

668
00:47:02,115 --> 00:47:06,475
Speaker 1: that pet shop on les? I mumbled that well we

669
00:47:06,515 --> 00:47:09,035
Speaker 1: could go, of course, but that I had resisted the

670
00:47:09,075 --> 00:47:13,795
Speaker 1: dog entreaties of the eleven girlfriends before her, and I

671
00:47:13,835 --> 00:47:17,515
Speaker 1: would successfully resist hers as well. I had always loved dogs,

672
00:47:17,515 --> 00:47:20,955
Speaker 1: but I was allergic, and more importantly, my doctors had

673
00:47:20,955 --> 00:47:24,315
Speaker 1: all said that hypoallergenic dogs were a crap shoot. And

674
00:47:24,395 --> 00:47:27,755
Speaker 1: Olivia said, I do not want a dog. I'm not

675
00:47:27,955 --> 00:47:30,555
Speaker 1: trying to convince you to get me a dog or

676
00:47:30,675 --> 00:47:34,035
Speaker 1: us a dog. I just want to hold a puppy

677
00:47:34,075 --> 00:47:36,635
Speaker 1: for a little while and have you there with me.

678
00:47:38,995 --> 00:47:41,595
Speaker 1: She paused, as she always did when she felt both

679
00:47:41,595 --> 00:47:44,875
Speaker 1: hopeless and angry at being at the mercy of feelings,

680
00:47:45,675 --> 00:47:48,675
Speaker 1: and she lapsed into her version of the shrug emoji.

681
00:47:48,955 --> 00:47:53,355
Speaker 1: As sappy as all this sounds, and it did sound sappy,

682
00:47:54,155 --> 00:47:57,635
Speaker 1: Olivia was not sentimental. We used to look at each

683
00:47:57,635 --> 00:48:02,035
Speaker 1: other in stark shock that she, the prematurely cynical girl

684
00:48:02,435 --> 00:48:06,515
Speaker 1: and me, the everlastingly cynical old guy, had proved the

685
00:48:06,555 --> 00:48:09,715
Speaker 1: maxim about the cynics just being the disappointed romantics of

686
00:48:09,755 --> 00:48:13,155
Speaker 1: this world. And then we'd giggle, and then I'd insult

687
00:48:13,195 --> 00:48:16,075
Speaker 1: her or she'd insult me, and the next thing you

688
00:48:16,115 --> 00:48:22,235
Speaker 1: knew we were insulting some politician. This was different. Casey

689
00:48:22,515 --> 00:48:26,315
Speaker 1: was dying and Olivia didn't know how to deal with it,

690
00:48:26,795 --> 00:48:30,115
Speaker 1: but to her credit, she recognized she needed some self care,

691
00:48:30,515 --> 00:48:33,755
Speaker 1: and she needed my support as she got that self care.

692
00:48:34,395 --> 00:48:38,755
Speaker 1: So we left for the pet shop in mid afternoon,

693
00:48:38,795 --> 00:48:41,235
Speaker 1: and I told her my true fear was that my

694
00:48:41,355 --> 00:48:45,235
Speaker 1: native but dormant shared affinity with dogs would all of

695
00:48:45,275 --> 00:48:48,115
Speaker 1: a moment spring fully grown from my soul, and I

696
00:48:48,155 --> 00:48:53,715
Speaker 1: would blurt, I'll take all of them. I mean, even then,

697
00:48:53,755 --> 00:48:57,075
Speaker 1: what kind of life could I offer a dog? I

698
00:48:57,155 --> 00:48:59,955
Speaker 1: was on television. Thus I was always in a television studio,

699
00:49:00,115 --> 00:49:03,515
Speaker 1: thus never home for play or walks, or just the

700
00:49:03,555 --> 00:49:10,155
Speaker 1: prevention of canine life loneliness. Olivia lived with me nearly

701
00:49:10,195 --> 00:49:13,275
Speaker 1: all the time, but was out of town half the

702
00:49:13,315 --> 00:49:18,235
Speaker 1: time too on stories. I was clueless as to every

703
00:49:18,275 --> 00:49:21,675
Speaker 1: aspect of the dog thing. I had littered the continent

704
00:49:21,755 --> 00:49:26,115
Speaker 1: with dead house plants. I no longer thought myself ever

705
00:49:26,195 --> 00:49:29,075
Speaker 1: capable of pulling my own ego out of my backside

706
00:49:29,075 --> 00:49:33,635
Speaker 1: sufficiently to take care of fish. I'd literally not had

707
00:49:33,635 --> 00:49:36,195
Speaker 1: a pet of any kind since nineteen sixty seven. I

708
00:49:36,195 --> 00:49:38,915
Speaker 1: had come to terms with living in a wistful, hazy

709
00:49:38,995 --> 00:49:41,715
Speaker 1: world in which I might inadvertently have a dog pal

710
00:49:41,875 --> 00:49:46,115
Speaker 1: for a few minutes, but almost never indoors, and never

711
00:49:46,155 --> 00:49:49,955
Speaker 1: without the pang of knowing that the hello itself contained

712
00:49:49,995 --> 00:49:52,875
Speaker 1: the start of the goodbye. And I was allergic. I

713
00:49:53,075 --> 00:49:58,875
Speaker 1: was allergic to the obvious, big, furry, friendly dogs. There

714
00:49:58,955 --> 00:50:01,115
Speaker 1: was an incident once on a plane when I didn't

715
00:50:01,115 --> 00:50:03,035
Speaker 1: know there was a dog on board, in fact sitting

716
00:50:03,075 --> 00:50:05,915
Speaker 1: right behind me, and we almost landed the plane on

717
00:50:05,955 --> 00:50:10,995
Speaker 1: an emergency basis because I'd stopped breathing. I was allergic.

718
00:50:11,035 --> 00:50:12,915
Speaker 1: I might be allergic even to the ones that were

719
00:50:12,915 --> 00:50:17,235
Speaker 1: built as non allergic. I could be in the same

720
00:50:17,315 --> 00:50:20,355
Speaker 1: room with a dog for an hour, often longer, without incident,

721
00:50:20,395 --> 00:50:23,635
Speaker 1: but to hold or touch them within half an hour

722
00:50:23,715 --> 00:50:26,715
Speaker 1: I would start to feel my throat swelling and closing.

723
00:50:29,155 --> 00:50:34,755
Speaker 1: And if I disobeyed this immutable cannon, the buried tears

724
00:50:34,875 --> 00:50:38,195
Speaker 1: of permanent exclusion from dog world might be replaced by

725
00:50:38,235 --> 00:50:43,315
Speaker 1: the far worse ones of separation and loss. Coming back

726
00:50:43,315 --> 00:50:46,075
Speaker 1: to the present day, literally it's two weekends ago. I

727
00:50:46,115 --> 00:50:48,235
Speaker 1: had to send back a rescue dog because I was

728
00:50:48,275 --> 00:50:51,715
Speaker 1: allergic to her. We didn't know she was a mix,

729
00:50:51,755 --> 00:50:54,355
Speaker 1: and I was allergic to whatever the mix was. She

730
00:50:54,475 --> 00:50:58,715
Speaker 1: was here two hours. She's fine, the rescue is fine.

731
00:50:58,795 --> 00:51:02,195
Speaker 1: She will be fine. I'm helping with her recovery. I

732
00:51:02,235 --> 00:51:07,155
Speaker 1: am still processing my guilt if that had happened to

733
00:51:07,195 --> 00:51:10,555
Speaker 1: me at any point in the past, especially in twenty twelve,

734
00:51:10,955 --> 00:51:14,155
Speaker 1: to reject worse, to betray the love of a dog,

735
00:51:14,475 --> 00:51:21,595
Speaker 1: to send it back. What happened then? Anyway? I went

736
00:51:21,635 --> 00:51:24,875
Speaker 1: with her, and as Olivia and I approached the shop,

737
00:51:24,915 --> 00:51:28,115
Speaker 1: there was, as there almost always is, a small crowd

738
00:51:28,515 --> 00:51:33,355
Speaker 1: kind of undulating around it. The narrow sidewalks of Lexington

739
00:51:33,435 --> 00:51:36,875
Speaker 1: Avenue make these human clots easier to form, even late

740
00:51:36,955 --> 00:51:40,275
Speaker 1: on the first Sunday of autumn. There is also an

741
00:51:40,315 --> 00:51:43,835
Speaker 1: obstacle course there of grates and cellar doors and bikes

742
00:51:43,915 --> 00:51:47,755
Speaker 1: chained to poles and parking meters and canopies for diners

743
00:51:47,795 --> 00:51:51,115
Speaker 1: and restaurants and mattress showrooms and other places that aren't

744
00:51:51,195 --> 00:51:55,995
Speaker 1: quite seedy but also are not your first choice. The

745
00:51:56,155 --> 00:51:59,515
Speaker 1: uptown edges of the grime and noise that constitute the

746
00:51:59,555 --> 00:52:03,635
Speaker 1: maze of the fifty ninth Street Bridge lend the place

747
00:52:03,675 --> 00:52:08,195
Speaker 1: a congested even when it's otherwise quiet. We are also

748
00:52:08,275 --> 00:52:10,795
Speaker 1: three blocks up from the trying just a little too

749
00:52:10,835 --> 00:52:16,835
Speaker 1: hard merchandising of Bloomingdale's. There are unwashed delivery trucks double

750
00:52:16,875 --> 00:52:18,955
Speaker 1: park three hundred and sixty five days a year there

751
00:52:19,035 --> 00:52:22,075
Speaker 1: and then totally out of place, amid the prosaic trappings

752
00:52:22,115 --> 00:52:25,275
Speaker 1: of a big city at its most men there they

753
00:52:25,315 --> 00:52:30,235
Speaker 1: are bouncing off each other, tearing infinitely at other, tiny

754
00:52:30,275 --> 00:52:34,475
Speaker 1: heads and tails and paws, doing a seeming pantomime of dismemberment.

755
00:52:34,835 --> 00:52:37,915
Speaker 1: Their yips and the crunch of the shredded cavorting paper

756
00:52:38,675 --> 00:52:41,555
Speaker 1: are just audible through the glass and over the din

757
00:52:41,595 --> 00:52:45,275
Speaker 1: of the street. They create an oasis of cute. And

758
00:52:45,435 --> 00:52:47,315
Speaker 1: just in case you can't tell what they are, there

759
00:52:47,395 --> 00:52:51,035
Speaker 1: was this big Neon sign above their street front window

760
00:52:51,115 --> 00:52:59,755
Speaker 1: that read puppies. Don't make me go in? I pleaded.

761
00:53:00,635 --> 00:53:03,755
Speaker 1: She reassured me. We'd go in. She'd hold the dog.

762
00:53:04,795 --> 00:53:08,995
Speaker 1: All I had to do was take a picture a minute.

763
00:53:09,395 --> 00:53:13,675
Speaker 1: Tops You don't understand, I reached for her hand. What

764
00:53:13,715 --> 00:53:16,115
Speaker 1: I'm trying to say is I've always wanted a dog.

765
00:53:16,915 --> 00:53:20,395
Speaker 1: I could never have one. Just as the door to

766
00:53:20,435 --> 00:53:24,275
Speaker 1: the shop opened, she grabbed my arm. Olivia pulled forcefully,

767
00:53:24,515 --> 00:53:29,635
Speaker 1: swore at me and muttered, you'll survive. Man up. Don't

768
00:53:29,675 --> 00:53:32,195
Speaker 1: make eye contact, don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact,

769
00:53:32,195 --> 00:53:36,955
Speaker 1: don't make eye contact, my inner dialogue as we moved

770
00:53:36,995 --> 00:53:39,995
Speaker 1: towards puppies and passed puppies, and the appearance of a

771
00:53:40,035 --> 00:53:42,555
Speaker 1: small staircase to a training off confirmed we were now

772
00:53:42,555 --> 00:53:46,475
Speaker 1: going under puppies. And in the deepest recesses of the shop,

773
00:53:46,515 --> 00:53:49,875
Speaker 1: there was a wall of puppies to our right, three

774
00:53:49,915 --> 00:53:54,155
Speaker 1: cages high, six across, all a yellowish beige behind a

775
00:53:54,195 --> 00:53:57,795
Speaker 1: reddish brown for Micah countertop, and then a structural beam,

776
00:53:57,875 --> 00:54:00,835
Speaker 1: and then three cages high and two cages across, and

777
00:54:00,835 --> 00:54:03,875
Speaker 1: then a corner with a small visiting pen built into

778
00:54:03,955 --> 00:54:07,475
Speaker 1: the countertop, and then in front of me the Hollywood

779
00:54:07,635 --> 00:54:15,835
Speaker 1: squares of puppies, three high, three across, nine puppies, all

780
00:54:15,915 --> 00:54:20,075
Speaker 1: of them staring at me and screaming at me and

781
00:54:20,115 --> 00:54:29,275
Speaker 1: making eye contact. A salesman introduced himself as Jeffrey. Jeffrey

782
00:54:29,315 --> 00:54:31,835
Speaker 1: asked Olivia if there was any dog she wanted him

783
00:54:31,835 --> 00:54:35,435
Speaker 1: to bring to her. Let me see them all tease,

784
00:54:36,155 --> 00:54:41,955
Speaker 1: she said the girl. In that moment, two things struck me. Firstly,

785
00:54:42,035 --> 00:54:43,795
Speaker 1: this was my cue to get my phone out. I'm

786
00:54:43,795 --> 00:54:47,195
Speaker 1: prepared to take the photo of her with the puppy Secondly,

787
00:54:47,635 --> 00:54:50,595
Speaker 1: the dog whom the salesman was now temporarily liberating from

788
00:54:50,595 --> 00:54:55,475
Speaker 1: the surprisingly spare cage, was the only living soul inside

789
00:54:55,515 --> 00:54:57,675
Speaker 1: the pet shop besides me, who was not making any

790
00:54:57,755 --> 00:55:02,355
Speaker 1: damn noise at all. Every other dog was perfecting its

791
00:55:02,595 --> 00:55:07,035
Speaker 1: adolescent bark. The cat's were making a bewildering variety of noises.

792
00:55:07,275 --> 00:55:11,635
Speaker 1: And was that actually a Norwegian blue parrot squawk? I

793
00:55:11,795 --> 00:55:16,235
Speaker 1: just heard remarkable bird, the Norwegian blue. Isn't it beautiful plumage?

794
00:55:17,955 --> 00:55:22,475
Speaker 1: But this Maltese said nothing. She looked like her torso

795
00:55:22,555 --> 00:55:24,475
Speaker 1: would easily fit in one of my hands. And if

796
00:55:24,475 --> 00:55:26,635
Speaker 1: she was three pounds, a quarter of that was hair

797
00:55:27,235 --> 00:55:30,795
Speaker 1: and half of that was curled. And presumably somebody had

798
00:55:30,795 --> 00:55:33,115
Speaker 1: to come by every day to turn what sat atop

799
00:55:33,155 --> 00:55:35,395
Speaker 1: her head into a mohawk up top and a mullet

800
00:55:35,395 --> 00:55:40,195
Speaker 1: in the back. She was in a cage with another dog,

801
00:55:40,235 --> 00:55:43,635
Speaker 1: her brother. Her cage mate brother seemed a little bigger,

802
00:55:43,635 --> 00:55:46,875
Speaker 1: but his eyes were clearly smaller than hers. Their color

803
00:55:46,955 --> 00:55:49,555
Speaker 1: was immediately visible, even if he still had forlorn hopes

804
00:55:49,595 --> 00:55:56,675
Speaker 1: of avoiding eye contact. His eyes shone, Her eyes were illuminated.

805
00:55:58,195 --> 00:56:00,635
Speaker 1: He tried to get past her into the salesman's arms.

806
00:56:01,035 --> 00:56:03,955
Speaker 1: She simply lifted up her head towards him. It actually

807
00:56:03,955 --> 00:56:06,035
Speaker 1: crossed my mind that she looked like she was about

808
00:56:06,035 --> 00:56:10,515
Speaker 1: to say, Hi, Jeffrey, how are you today? He put

809
00:56:10,555 --> 00:56:12,915
Speaker 1: her gently down in that playpen at the right corner

810
00:56:12,955 --> 00:56:16,875
Speaker 1: of the counter. Olivia asked if she could pick her up,

811
00:56:16,915 --> 00:56:20,755
Speaker 1: and nodded to me to get the camera ready. Honestly,

812
00:56:20,995 --> 00:56:24,155
Speaker 1: Jeffrey confided, this is the sweetest dog we've had here

813
00:56:24,195 --> 00:56:27,115
Speaker 1: in months. I mean, I say that every day to

814
00:56:27,115 --> 00:56:30,555
Speaker 1: almost everybody, about almost every dog, but this time I'm

815
00:56:30,595 --> 00:56:36,995
Speaker 1: actually not lying. Olivia cradled the little Maltese in her arms,

816
00:56:37,035 --> 00:56:40,475
Speaker 1: with the dog's head facing to my right. I tapped

817
00:56:40,515 --> 00:56:43,155
Speaker 1: the camera on the phone. My hand was actually shaking,

818
00:56:43,555 --> 00:56:46,035
Speaker 1: and as I centered up Olivia and the puppy in

819
00:56:46,075 --> 00:56:50,955
Speaker 1: the frame, the Maltese suddenly wiggled upright, placed her front

820
00:56:50,995 --> 00:56:55,115
Speaker 1: paws on Olivia's shirt near her neck, and just as

821
00:56:55,155 --> 00:56:56,995
Speaker 1: I snapped the image of the dog, reached up and

822
00:56:57,115 --> 00:57:04,355
Speaker 1: kissed my girlfriend on the lips. To this day on

823
00:57:04,395 --> 00:57:08,595
Speaker 1: as I am completely incapable of remembering anything that happened

824
00:57:08,635 --> 00:57:14,675
Speaker 1: in my life before that exact moment, Olivia made the

825
00:57:14,675 --> 00:57:18,635
Speaker 1: appropriate sounds of human approval. Jeffrey began discussing how little

826
00:57:18,715 --> 00:57:22,035
Speaker 1: grooming the Maltese breed needed and the great price he

827
00:57:22,075 --> 00:57:24,235
Speaker 1: could give us, And even as my head spun, it

828
00:57:24,275 --> 00:57:26,995
Speaker 1: seemed silly to me that he was calculating the tax

829
00:57:27,475 --> 00:57:34,315
Speaker 1: on something that was obviously timelessly and eternally priceless. Olivia

830
00:57:34,315 --> 00:57:36,355
Speaker 1: said something about how we needed a minute outside to

831
00:57:36,395 --> 00:57:41,355
Speaker 1: discuss it, and handed the puppy back to Jeffrey. The

832
00:57:41,475 --> 00:57:46,315
Speaker 1: dog looked at us sweetly separately in turn, and if

833
00:57:46,395 --> 00:57:48,555
Speaker 1: she had said nice to meet you, I wouldn't have

834
00:57:48,555 --> 00:57:52,475
Speaker 1: been a bit surprised. Then, as the pup went back

835
00:57:52,475 --> 00:57:56,595
Speaker 1: into the cage with her brother, something extraordinary happened. The

836
00:57:56,635 --> 00:57:59,475
Speaker 1: little girl was reaching her head up towards the spout

837
00:57:59,515 --> 00:58:03,075
Speaker 1: of the cage's water bottle with the same graceful movement

838
00:58:03,155 --> 00:58:07,755
Speaker 1: she just made to stow the kiss on Olivia, when

839
00:58:07,795 --> 00:58:10,835
Speaker 1: her brother abruptly body slammed her out of the way

840
00:58:11,475 --> 00:58:15,675
Speaker 1: and her tiny frame bounced off the side of the cage. Then,

841
00:58:15,715 --> 00:58:21,275
Speaker 1: to my shock and confusion, I heard a deep, threatening growl,

842
00:58:21,595 --> 00:58:29,035
Speaker 1: a vengeful reverberating throughout the pet shop. My shock was

843
00:58:29,075 --> 00:58:36,075
Speaker 1: because the growl was coming from me. The next sounds

844
00:58:36,075 --> 00:58:39,995
Speaker 1: were from Olivia, my god, what's wrong with you. I

845
00:58:40,035 --> 00:58:41,675
Speaker 1: didn't know it at the time, but as we turned

846
00:58:41,675 --> 00:58:43,315
Speaker 1: to fight our way back to the street to have

847
00:58:43,395 --> 00:58:46,075
Speaker 1: this conversation that we weren't going to have because we

848
00:58:46,075 --> 00:58:49,515
Speaker 1: were leaving, I evidently half skidded into a display full

849
00:58:49,515 --> 00:58:56,075
Speaker 1: of chew toys and bones. I couldn't see, but I

850
00:58:56,075 --> 00:58:59,075
Speaker 1: didn't recognize my own tears until they hit the edges

851
00:58:59,115 --> 00:59:03,355
Speaker 1: of my lips. Somehow I managed to say it again,

852
00:59:03,395 --> 00:59:05,435
Speaker 1: this time in despair. I always wanted a dog, but

853
00:59:05,475 --> 00:59:09,515
Speaker 1: I could never have one. I'm sorry. Olivia finally figured

854
00:59:09,515 --> 00:59:11,995
Speaker 1: out what had happened. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm an asshole.

855
00:59:13,635 --> 00:59:18,115
Speaker 1: Newsy was now helping me to hold myself upright, steering

856
00:59:18,155 --> 00:59:19,915
Speaker 1: me towards the door to the street. I didn't listen

857
00:59:19,915 --> 00:59:21,875
Speaker 1: to you. I'm an asshole. I'm an asshole. You told me,

858
00:59:21,875 --> 00:59:25,635
Speaker 1: and I didn't believe you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

859
00:59:26,435 --> 00:59:30,115
Speaker 1: The stories came pouring out, all jumbled, one on top

860
00:59:30,155 --> 00:59:33,195
Speaker 1: of the other, tiny the Saint Bernard who only wanted

861
00:59:33,235 --> 00:59:35,755
Speaker 1: to embrace me, and the mc connon's mutt next door

862
00:59:35,835 --> 00:59:38,035
Speaker 1: Boots used to sit on my lap, and tiny didn't

863
00:59:38,075 --> 00:59:40,595
Speaker 1: make me sneezy, only scared me. And the mcconnons had

864
00:59:40,595 --> 00:59:42,795
Speaker 1: three boys and a mother who baked cookies by the

865
00:59:42,835 --> 00:59:45,515
Speaker 1: car load lot, and Boots never left their side, and

866
00:59:45,555 --> 00:59:47,395
Speaker 1: I was always at their house. And if I was allergic,

867
00:59:47,515 --> 00:59:49,195
Speaker 1: how was it that I never once had a problem

868
00:59:49,235 --> 00:59:52,395
Speaker 1: with Boots? How in the hell did that work? Huh?

869
00:59:52,475 --> 00:59:55,435
Speaker 1: And what about Vladimir, that stray cat that my sister found.

870
00:59:55,515 --> 00:59:57,275
Speaker 1: I used to live in the garage and behave like

871
00:59:57,315 --> 00:59:59,395
Speaker 1: a dog and like to be carried around like a baby.

872
00:59:59,515 --> 01:00:03,315
Speaker 1: And how allergic was I? And that beautiful, beautiful little

873
01:00:03,355 --> 01:00:05,315
Speaker 1: Maltese reached up and kissed you on the mouth. And

874
01:00:05,355 --> 01:00:07,355
Speaker 1: the one time I took my dad's movie camera to

875
01:00:07,355 --> 01:00:09,755
Speaker 1: the mcconnon's house, half of the film I made was

876
01:00:09,795 --> 01:00:11,835
Speaker 1: of Boots. And what if I went back and got

877
01:00:11,835 --> 01:00:14,555
Speaker 1: the allergy shots again? It was my mother who said

878
01:00:14,835 --> 01:00:17,715
Speaker 1: she was really allergic, so I must be allergic, And

879
01:00:17,755 --> 01:00:20,075
Speaker 1: what's the use? The little maltese was perfect, and the

880
01:00:20,115 --> 01:00:22,035
Speaker 1: next person who sees HER's gonna snap her up in

881
01:00:22,075 --> 01:00:24,395
Speaker 1: an instant. And I asked them just to let me

882
01:00:24,475 --> 01:00:26,595
Speaker 1: try a little dog who wouldn't shed, And the only

883
01:00:26,675 --> 01:00:28,955
Speaker 1: thing my mother would let me have were lizards, and

884
01:00:28,995 --> 01:00:31,835
Speaker 1: I could take a zerchech every day. And I'm so sorry, Tiny,

885
01:00:31,915 --> 01:00:34,035
Speaker 1: I didn't realize and I never said goodbye to Boots.

886
01:00:34,075 --> 01:00:36,715
Speaker 1: And the Maltese is gone. She's gone, she's gone. She's

887
01:00:36,755 --> 01:00:38,715
Speaker 1: my dog. I know it. I could feel it. She's

888
01:00:38,755 --> 01:00:47,715
Speaker 1: my dog, and she's gone. What happened next Beggar's fiction.

889
01:00:49,595 --> 01:00:53,795
Speaker 1: And if Olivia's later life could beggar fiction and it

890
01:00:53,835 --> 01:00:58,355
Speaker 1: could involve RFK Junior, why shouldn't this part of her

891
01:00:58,395 --> 01:01:05,355
Speaker 1: life from more than a decade ago involve Rudy Giuliani,

892
01:01:06,595 --> 01:01:09,675
Speaker 1: Rudy Effing Juliani and his part of the story of

893
01:01:09,755 --> 01:01:16,155
Speaker 1: Stevie Day and what happened to Stevie Next? This is

894
01:01:16,195 --> 01:01:25,115
Speaker 1: countdown back to the number one story on the Countdown

895
01:01:25,115 --> 01:01:26,755
Speaker 1: and the day I fell in love with a dog

896
01:01:26,915 --> 01:01:29,915
Speaker 1: for the first time and my girlfriend, the former girlfriend,

897
01:01:29,955 --> 01:01:33,835
Speaker 1: Olivia Uzi, and I left her in the pet shop

898
01:01:34,035 --> 01:01:41,115
Speaker 1: and went home. We were walking up Park Avenue me

899
01:01:42,235 --> 01:01:46,435
Speaker 1: mid meltdown, somehow nearing the armory on Park Avenue, one

900
01:01:46,475 --> 01:01:48,835
Speaker 1: block west and four blocks north of that pet shop.

901
01:01:49,035 --> 01:01:52,355
Speaker 1: To her credit, Olivia had kept me from throwing myself

902
01:01:52,355 --> 01:01:56,795
Speaker 1: into traffic, or dissolving into a puddle on East sixty

903
01:01:56,835 --> 01:02:02,315
Speaker 1: second Street. The overwhelming sensation was not one of having

904
01:02:02,395 --> 01:02:04,875
Speaker 1: left the tiny puppy in the shop, but of having

905
01:02:04,955 --> 01:02:09,235
Speaker 1: left a part of myself in that shop. That was

906
01:02:09,755 --> 01:02:14,675
Speaker 1: my dog. I had never been more certain of anything

907
01:02:14,755 --> 01:02:18,555
Speaker 1: in my life. And what was worse was she was

908
01:02:18,675 --> 01:02:22,115
Speaker 1: obviously going to be taken snapped up by somebody else,

909
01:02:22,195 --> 01:02:26,435
Speaker 1: even before I could get back there. Who could resist her?

910
01:02:27,515 --> 01:02:33,235
Speaker 1: I certainly hadn't. My chaotic stream of consciousness monologue paused

911
01:02:33,235 --> 01:02:35,555
Speaker 1: only when I had no choice but to shut up

912
01:02:35,595 --> 01:02:39,315
Speaker 1: and gasp for breath, And the comments with which Olivia

913
01:02:39,355 --> 01:02:43,435
Speaker 1: tried to soothe me in these interstices were self abnegating

914
01:02:43,475 --> 01:02:46,795
Speaker 1: and solemn. She had talked me off the limb of

915
01:02:46,795 --> 01:02:48,675
Speaker 1: my certainty that the dog had already been sold, and

916
01:02:48,795 --> 01:02:52,395
Speaker 1: was now steering me back towards sanity. I had to,

917
01:02:53,675 --> 01:02:59,075
Speaker 1: she said, later, you were having a breakdown. She said,

918
01:02:59,075 --> 01:03:00,995
Speaker 1: we should go home, and if I wanted to talk

919
01:03:01,035 --> 01:03:03,515
Speaker 1: seriously about the practicalities of owning a dog, we could

920
01:03:03,515 --> 01:03:06,955
Speaker 1: do that and still get the puppy the next morning,

921
01:03:07,035 --> 01:03:10,235
Speaker 1: even if it meant delaying her scheduled departure next morning.

922
01:03:10,275 --> 01:03:14,355
Speaker 1: For DC. Don't worry, I'm sure she's still there. They

923
01:03:14,395 --> 01:03:17,115
Speaker 1: were getting ready to close. Didn't you notice that she'll

924
01:03:17,155 --> 01:03:20,915
Speaker 1: be there in the morning. For the first time, I

925
01:03:21,075 --> 01:03:25,155
Speaker 1: exhaled and then immediately went right back into a full panic. Wait,

926
01:03:26,115 --> 01:03:30,835
Speaker 1: she's still in there's she's I sniffled anew and the

927
01:03:30,915 --> 01:03:34,115
Speaker 1: tears resumed. She's in that cage with that brother of

928
01:03:34,155 --> 01:03:40,075
Speaker 1: hers in the basement somewhere. Before Olivia could try to

929
01:03:40,155 --> 01:03:45,875
Speaker 1: answer that, and I swear this is true, Rudy Giuliani

930
01:03:46,715 --> 01:03:50,475
Speaker 1: spilled down the stairs from the Park Avenue armory. A

931
01:03:50,595 --> 01:03:53,835
Speaker 1: cop suddenly appeared from a different nowhere and put out

932
01:03:53,875 --> 01:03:57,395
Speaker 1: an arm and firmly asked us to stop walking, and

933
01:03:57,475 --> 01:04:04,955
Speaker 1: Juliani scuttled rodent like into his waiting car. A white

934
01:04:05,195 --> 01:04:08,235
Speaker 1: was with him. I did not and do not know

935
01:04:08,595 --> 01:04:13,675
Speaker 1: which number. The driver was already closing the door behind

936
01:04:13,715 --> 01:04:17,395
Speaker 1: them when I shouted at Rudy, how come my dog

937
01:04:17,475 --> 01:04:20,075
Speaker 1: has to spend the night in a cage while that

938
01:04:20,395 --> 01:04:24,235
Speaker 1: asshat is allowed to roam around this city without a

939
01:04:24,355 --> 01:04:30,795
Speaker 1: leash on Later that evening, recalling my remark, Olivia said

940
01:04:30,795 --> 01:04:33,075
Speaker 1: that was the first moment she thought we might just

941
01:04:33,195 --> 01:04:36,115
Speaker 1: get home safe and sound after all, and I would

942
01:04:36,195 --> 01:04:42,155
Speaker 1: not have to be institutionalized. Didn't take more than ten

943
01:04:42,195 --> 01:04:44,075
Speaker 1: minutes to get back to my apartment from there, and

944
01:04:44,115 --> 01:04:47,475
Speaker 1: we walked it in silence. I had long since saturated

945
01:04:47,475 --> 01:04:50,715
Speaker 1: my handkerchief and some tissues Olivia had had in her pockets.

946
01:04:51,115 --> 01:04:54,395
Speaker 1: I was breathing deeply and restoratively now, and the sniffle

947
01:04:54,475 --> 01:04:59,395
Speaker 1: frequency was reduced to once or twice per block. My mind.

948
01:04:59,395 --> 01:05:03,475
Speaker 1: THO was crowded with dogs. I had known Boots, Tiny,

949
01:05:04,715 --> 01:05:06,715
Speaker 1: Vladimir the cat, who was not a dog but might

950
01:05:06,715 --> 01:05:11,355
Speaker 1: as well have been, even Olivia's little Casey, dying out

951
01:05:11,395 --> 01:05:14,355
Speaker 1: in her parents' home in Jersey and unaware of the

952
01:05:14,475 --> 01:05:17,955
Speaker 1: seismic events which she had set in motion that day.

953
01:05:18,835 --> 01:05:20,835
Speaker 1: Other dogs, to all the dogs in all of the

954
01:05:20,875 --> 01:05:23,115
Speaker 1: stories of James Thurber that I had read on television

955
01:05:23,115 --> 01:05:26,315
Speaker 1: every night, I had smiled along with his poetic, loving

956
01:05:26,355 --> 01:05:28,875
Speaker 1: descriptions of them, but never confessed that I loved them

957
01:05:28,875 --> 01:05:33,875
Speaker 1: as he must have. There was Samantha, whom my late

958
01:05:33,875 --> 01:05:36,955
Speaker 1: friend Bruce Hagen used to bring everywhere, including our college

959
01:05:37,075 --> 01:05:41,235
Speaker 1: radio station newsroom. Samantha was big enough to have had

960
01:05:41,315 --> 01:05:45,075
Speaker 1: license plates. The first really big dog who didn't frighten me.

961
01:05:45,915 --> 01:05:50,355
Speaker 1: There was my great aunt's Yorki or maybe Morky, whose

962
01:05:50,435 --> 01:05:53,635
Speaker 1: gas was so potent that the Christmas just before I

963
01:05:53,675 --> 01:05:57,475
Speaker 1: turned nine, my great uncle said he was convinced the

964
01:05:57,515 --> 01:06:00,155
Speaker 1: dog had been a German terror weapon at Chateau Terry,

965
01:06:00,955 --> 01:06:03,475
Speaker 1: and he and I had bonded because I, just before

966
01:06:03,475 --> 01:06:06,115
Speaker 1: I was nine, already I knew what Chateau TERI was.

967
01:06:07,155 --> 01:06:09,955
Speaker 1: There was Nellie McNally, the only dog that any of

968
01:06:09,955 --> 01:06:12,555
Speaker 1: my sometimes out of town girlfriends ever had actually put

969
01:06:12,555 --> 01:06:16,275
Speaker 1: on the phone with me. In my mind, they all

970
01:06:16,395 --> 01:06:24,915
Speaker 1: stood before me, all lined up, all quiet, all smiling, smugly,

971
01:06:25,595 --> 01:06:28,835
Speaker 1: with the kindest type of I told you so. Look

972
01:06:29,875 --> 01:06:39,435
Speaker 1: on their gorgeous faces, and dozens more behind them, vague

973
01:06:39,475 --> 01:06:42,835
Speaker 1: shapes and sizes, dogs who had belonged to neighbors or

974
01:06:42,915 --> 01:06:46,715
Speaker 1: co workers past, who are just chance encounters on the

975
01:06:46,715 --> 01:06:52,035
Speaker 1: streets of any of a dozen cities decades earlier. There

976
01:06:52,035 --> 01:06:54,395
Speaker 1: were moments in which a glimpse this scene in my head,

977
01:06:54,435 --> 01:06:59,395
Speaker 1: and I saw all the dogs who'd ever lived. No,

978
01:06:59,595 --> 01:07:03,595
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Olivia said, I shouldn't have been that selfish,

979
01:07:03,875 --> 01:07:05,755
Speaker 1: But now I was agreeing with her, And as I

980
01:07:05,835 --> 01:07:08,475
Speaker 1: unlocked our apartment, door. I began to tell her of

981
01:07:08,515 --> 01:07:11,635
Speaker 1: the dogs I had just been communing with and what

982
01:07:11,755 --> 01:07:18,115
Speaker 1: had suddenly become necessary, urgent, inevitable, and perfect, but about

983
01:07:18,155 --> 01:07:20,995
Speaker 1: which I needed as much to tell as I could

984
01:07:21,635 --> 01:07:24,195
Speaker 1: from her in as short a period as possible, And

985
01:07:24,235 --> 01:07:27,795
Speaker 1: she tried, well, you just take the dog wherever you can.

986
01:07:27,915 --> 01:07:30,275
Speaker 1: My parents have been saying this a lot lately. Now

987
01:07:30,275 --> 01:07:33,675
Speaker 1: they regret not doing more things with Casey, not adventures,

988
01:07:34,275 --> 01:07:37,475
Speaker 1: not just to the park or outside. Just take her

989
01:07:37,595 --> 01:07:40,715
Speaker 1: with you. Just go out into the yard, or just

990
01:07:40,875 --> 01:07:43,195
Speaker 1: hold her while you watch TV. You just let the

991
01:07:43,275 --> 01:07:49,435
Speaker 1: dog be in. We went through topic after topic, cleaning, training,

992
01:07:49,675 --> 01:07:55,555
Speaker 1: poop handling, walks, food, puppy sitters, moving books off ground

993
01:07:55,675 --> 01:08:01,995
Speaker 1: level shelves, discipline, and most importantly, a backup plan in

994
01:08:02,035 --> 01:08:05,595
Speaker 1: case this epiphany was false and I was still allergic

995
01:08:05,755 --> 01:08:12,035
Speaker 1: or terrified or incompetent at it, or all three. Olivia

996
01:08:12,115 --> 01:08:14,355
Speaker 1: was again extraordinarily helpful. I don't think it'll take much

997
01:08:14,355 --> 01:08:16,555
Speaker 1: to convince my parents to take her. I mean, after

998
01:08:16,835 --> 01:08:22,955
Speaker 1: Casey recovers, I can take her to DC tomorrow in

999
01:08:22,995 --> 01:08:26,315
Speaker 1: the car. I'll bring her back next weekend. So in

1000
01:08:26,355 --> 01:08:28,675
Speaker 1: the interim you can get the apartment ready, and you

1001
01:08:28,675 --> 01:08:30,355
Speaker 1: can get you ready, and you don't have to go

1002
01:08:30,435 --> 01:08:32,435
Speaker 1: in at the deep end. You have some time to prepare.

1003
01:08:34,555 --> 01:08:37,435
Speaker 1: I interrupted Olivia with a kiss. Let's go get her

1004
01:08:37,435 --> 01:08:41,435
Speaker 1: before they close. I don't want to wait. I'm still

1005
01:08:41,555 --> 01:08:48,475
Speaker 1: terrified somebody else will realize how extraordinary she is. Unexpectedly,

1006
01:08:48,475 --> 01:08:51,155
Speaker 1: I had a sudden moment of doubt. This isn't just

1007
01:08:51,315 --> 01:08:55,915
Speaker 1: me having a breakdown, right, I mean, Olivia, she is extraordinary,

1008
01:08:56,315 --> 01:09:00,595
Speaker 1: isn't she? You know dogs? Olivia stopped being nice and now,

1009
01:09:00,635 --> 01:09:02,435
Speaker 1: for the first time, looked at me like I had

1010
01:09:02,635 --> 01:09:06,475
Speaker 1: just gone crazy, even though I had gone crazy several

1011
01:09:06,755 --> 01:09:13,755
Speaker 1: moments before. She said, obviously, that kiss, that kiss that

1012
01:09:13,835 --> 01:09:19,155
Speaker 1: the dog gave me, that was a real kiss. The

1013
01:09:19,195 --> 01:09:22,995
Speaker 1: pets Shop had stayed open, partly because Olivia, again to

1014
01:09:23,035 --> 01:09:26,115
Speaker 1: her eternal credit, phoned them as we hit the street

1015
01:09:26,155 --> 01:09:29,875
Speaker 1: outside the apartment building, and partly because they said they

1016
01:09:29,915 --> 01:09:34,035
Speaker 1: knew you were coming back. Jeffrey said, you just see

1017
01:09:34,075 --> 01:09:41,195
Speaker 1: it sometimes. Also, you seemed well, kind of emotional. Olivia

1018
01:09:41,235 --> 01:09:44,435
Speaker 1: again helpfully mentioned that, in fact, I had had a breakdown.

1019
01:09:45,755 --> 01:09:49,075
Speaker 1: They had all the paraphernalia ready for me, little aqua

1020
01:09:49,115 --> 01:09:52,035
Speaker 1: colored bed, a series of attached gates that could be

1021
01:09:52,155 --> 01:09:55,355
Speaker 1: used as a pen or a barrier, gates which I

1022
01:09:55,355 --> 01:09:56,995
Speaker 1: still have. I got them out of the closet a

1023
01:09:57,035 --> 01:09:59,875
Speaker 1: week ago. It was a small pink blanket. It was

1024
01:09:59,915 --> 01:10:02,955
Speaker 1: a bag of training pads and the plastic holder for

1025
01:10:03,035 --> 01:10:05,435
Speaker 1: the pads. There was enough dry food to last a month.

1026
01:10:05,475 --> 01:10:08,435
Speaker 1: There was some horrific wet food that looked like a

1027
01:10:08,555 --> 01:10:13,435
Speaker 1: discarded early design for liverwurst. There was a few chew

1028
01:10:13,515 --> 01:10:16,275
Speaker 1: toys in a bag, a bright pink harness and a

1029
01:10:16,355 --> 01:10:19,355
Speaker 1: leash as light as a ribbon, a black carrying bag,

1030
01:10:19,435 --> 01:10:23,755
Speaker 1: and paperwork with the puppies family tree, which, to my astonishment,

1031
01:10:23,995 --> 01:10:28,475
Speaker 1: stretched back beyond her birth three months earlier, through the

1032
01:10:28,515 --> 01:10:32,875
Speaker 1: six preceding generations, all the way back to six entire

1033
01:10:33,035 --> 01:10:39,075
Speaker 1: years earlier. The stuff they sold me could have included

1034
01:10:39,075 --> 01:10:44,195
Speaker 1: a moped and a stock portfolio to guarantee her college education,

1035
01:10:44,315 --> 01:10:47,675
Speaker 1: and a Maltese sized typewriter with a twenty year supply

1036
01:10:47,715 --> 01:10:51,155
Speaker 1: of replacement ribbons, and I would have also bought them.

1037
01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:55,675
Speaker 1: A nice lady named Ellie tried to train me to

1038
01:10:55,675 --> 01:10:58,035
Speaker 1: be a dog owner in about ninety four seconds and

1039
01:10:58,075 --> 01:11:00,315
Speaker 1: handed me a voucher for a vet and a checklist

1040
01:11:00,355 --> 01:11:04,915
Speaker 1: of stuff to do. I signed a credit card bill.

1041
01:11:04,995 --> 01:11:09,355
Speaker 1: I think I used my own name. I absolved myself

1042
01:11:09,355 --> 01:11:11,395
Speaker 1: of the guilt of not getting a sheltered dog because

1043
01:11:11,435 --> 01:11:13,075
Speaker 1: I was a wherregic and kind of had to go

1044
01:11:13,115 --> 01:11:17,315
Speaker 1: to the shop and go the root of the bread

1045
01:11:17,515 --> 01:11:21,035
Speaker 1: dog and vowed that I would do something for a

1046
01:11:21,075 --> 01:11:24,195
Speaker 1: sheltered dog someday. Plus, I was not looking for a dog,

1047
01:11:24,235 --> 01:11:28,715
Speaker 1: I'd actually fallen in love it for at sight. And lastly,

1048
01:11:28,755 --> 01:11:31,115
Speaker 1: because no matter the obvious and often tragic flaws in

1049
01:11:31,155 --> 01:11:33,595
Speaker 1: that system of breeding, there was no arguing with the

1050
01:11:33,595 --> 01:11:36,035
Speaker 1: fact that those who came from a pet shop had

1051
01:11:36,075 --> 01:11:37,795
Speaker 1: as much of a right to a happy life as

1052
01:11:37,795 --> 01:11:42,515
Speaker 1: any other dog. At that moment, they produced her from

1053
01:11:42,555 --> 01:11:44,555
Speaker 1: the back room behind the block of cages where we

1054
01:11:44,635 --> 01:11:48,075
Speaker 1: had first seen her. Her curls had been fluffed up

1055
01:11:48,395 --> 01:11:52,435
Speaker 1: and her hair freshly brushed. It would be lovely to

1056
01:11:52,475 --> 01:11:56,035
Speaker 1: say that the little Maltese made eye contact from across

1057
01:11:56,075 --> 01:11:59,195
Speaker 1: the shop floor, or was aware of our presence, or

1058
01:11:59,315 --> 01:12:01,915
Speaker 1: yipped happily at seeing me again, and it would be

1059
01:12:01,995 --> 01:12:07,315
Speaker 1: completely untrue. The little Maltese calmly scanned the room and

1060
01:12:07,395 --> 01:12:10,875
Speaker 1: only occasionally glanced up at the manager, who carried her

1061
01:12:11,275 --> 01:12:13,475
Speaker 1: and didn't look at us once until she was, without

1062
01:12:13,555 --> 01:12:19,955
Speaker 1: ceremony or comment, handed over to me, whereupon she immediately

1063
01:12:19,995 --> 01:12:23,195
Speaker 1: twisted out of my trembling hands, stuck her front paws

1064
01:12:23,315 --> 01:12:26,515
Speaker 1: up on my chest as she had Olivia's, and reached

1065
01:12:26,555 --> 01:12:29,755
Speaker 1: up to give me a kiss on the lips, and

1066
01:12:29,835 --> 01:12:34,795
Speaker 1: another and a third, and my sunglasses conveniently hid the

1067
01:12:34,835 --> 01:12:38,475
Speaker 1: tears that welled up again. I managed to ask if

1068
01:12:38,515 --> 01:12:42,355
Speaker 1: they all did that, and no, came the answer from

1069
01:12:42,355 --> 01:12:45,595
Speaker 1: that original salesman, Jeffrey. Honestly, sweetest puff we've had here

1070
01:12:46,075 --> 01:12:51,075
Speaker 1: in months, loves people. I'm sad to see her go.

1071
01:12:54,275 --> 01:12:56,675
Speaker 1: I marveled at how light she was, and yet how

1072
01:12:56,795 --> 01:13:01,395
Speaker 1: articulated and strong her body was. Her eyes were far

1073
01:13:01,435 --> 01:13:04,795
Speaker 1: more beautiful than I had realized, oversized even for or

1074
01:13:04,795 --> 01:13:08,835
Speaker 1: a puppy, almost no white visible, the reflection off the

1075
01:13:08,875 --> 01:13:14,355
Speaker 1: deep brown irises almost iridescent. And more astonishingly, this little

1076
01:13:14,435 --> 01:13:17,075
Speaker 1: soul who was about one two hundred and twelfth my

1077
01:13:17,275 --> 01:13:21,355
Speaker 1: age and one eighty seventh my weight, and who had

1078
01:13:21,395 --> 01:13:24,915
Speaker 1: a great great great great grandmother born in two thousand

1079
01:13:24,915 --> 01:13:28,675
Speaker 1: and six, as opposed to my great great great great grandmother,

1080
01:13:28,675 --> 01:13:32,155
Speaker 1: who was born in seventeen sixty seven. She was meeting

1081
01:13:32,235 --> 01:13:36,875
Speaker 1: and holding my gaze with her own. Whatever I was

1082
01:13:36,915 --> 01:13:39,195
Speaker 1: seeing in her eyes, whatever the inner being I was

1083
01:13:39,235 --> 01:13:43,155
Speaker 1: actually processing, she seemed to be doing her equivalent vetting

1084
01:13:43,235 --> 01:13:49,275
Speaker 1: of me. I kissed her, and was by now not surprised.

1085
01:13:49,315 --> 01:13:52,115
Speaker 1: When she kissed me again, the little tongue poked out

1086
01:13:52,155 --> 01:13:54,715
Speaker 1: a fraction of an inch, just enough so any one

1087
01:13:54,755 --> 01:13:58,235
Speaker 1: of us dumb, unsubtle bipeds could tell she meant it.

1088
01:13:59,475 --> 01:14:02,515
Speaker 1: And then she relaxed from her upright pose, settled back

1089
01:14:02,515 --> 01:14:05,195
Speaker 1: into my arms, her head in the crook of my elbow,

1090
01:14:05,715 --> 01:14:08,355
Speaker 1: in an attitude I would soon discover she would repeat

1091
01:14:08,675 --> 01:14:11,795
Speaker 1: every time I ever picked her up, right through to

1092
01:14:11,835 --> 01:14:19,155
Speaker 1: about an hour ago. I guess it was an hour,

1093
01:14:19,395 --> 01:14:23,395
Speaker 1: hour and a half, maybe two hours before. Suddenly it

1094
01:14:23,475 --> 01:14:29,075
Speaker 1: dawned on me what her name was. She was Stevie.

1095
01:14:29,315 --> 01:14:33,915
Speaker 1: It was the haircut she had, the haircut of Stevie

1096
01:14:34,035 --> 01:14:39,155
Speaker 1: Nicks Stevie. Olivia did not like it at all, not

1097
01:14:39,235 --> 01:14:42,075
Speaker 1: at first. Within a week she was saying, I's wrong again,

1098
01:14:42,275 --> 01:14:46,395
Speaker 1: You got that exactly right. She is a effing Stevie,

1099
01:14:46,435 --> 01:14:51,915
Speaker 1: all right. Olivia's dog, Casey, who started all this, died

1100
01:14:51,915 --> 01:14:55,235
Speaker 1: within the month, and soon Olivia and I were back

1101
01:14:55,315 --> 01:14:58,875
Speaker 1: in that same pet shop, Olivia solemnly telling me we

1102
01:14:58,875 --> 01:15:01,995
Speaker 1: were going to get her folks a new dog. Make

1103
01:15:02,075 --> 01:15:04,635
Speaker 1: the decision for her, thus taking the guilt away from them.

1104
01:15:07,475 --> 01:15:10,515
Speaker 1: In point of fact, Olivia could not make up her

1105
01:15:10,515 --> 01:15:15,195
Speaker 1: mind which of two dogs to get her folks. That's

1106
01:15:15,235 --> 01:15:17,355
Speaker 1: when I was hit by a bolt of inspiration, as

1107
01:15:17,435 --> 01:15:20,035
Speaker 1: unexpected as the day Stevie rescued me. I said, wait,

1108
01:15:20,915 --> 01:15:24,595
Speaker 1: if we get one dog, that dog will always be

1109
01:15:24,835 --> 01:15:30,995
Speaker 1: Casey's replacement. That doesn't sound fun. But if we get

1110
01:15:30,995 --> 01:15:35,555
Speaker 1: them both, your folks won't feel guilty at all. I

1111
01:15:35,635 --> 01:15:37,795
Speaker 1: asked Jeffrey, you got a price on the two of them.

1112
01:15:38,155 --> 01:15:40,675
Speaker 1: Jeffrey looked at me like I was insane. Olivia looked

1113
01:15:40,675 --> 01:15:42,275
Speaker 1: at me like I was insane. I said, look, I

1114
01:15:42,275 --> 01:15:45,035
Speaker 1: haven't figured this out completely, but this just makes sense.

1115
01:15:45,635 --> 01:15:48,715
Speaker 1: Two dogs as a team, Neither of them will be

1116
01:15:48,755 --> 01:15:52,195
Speaker 1: a replacement. Together, there'll be successors. Just work with me

1117
01:15:52,315 --> 01:15:57,195
Speaker 1: on this. Olivia left the next day for her folks

1118
01:15:57,275 --> 01:16:02,955
Speaker 1: house with Holly the albino Chihuahua and Milo the Maltese.

1119
01:16:03,035 --> 01:16:06,755
Speaker 1: And it was genius of her she named the dogs

1120
01:16:06,795 --> 01:16:09,915
Speaker 1: in advance, so that when she brought them in to

1121
01:16:09,955 --> 01:16:14,715
Speaker 1: meet her grief stricken folks, they weren't just dogs. I'd

1122
01:16:14,755 --> 01:16:18,155
Speaker 1: like you to meet Holly and Milo. They were individuals.

1123
01:16:18,395 --> 01:16:21,075
Speaker 1: If you're ever in this situation where you want to

1124
01:16:21,075 --> 01:16:23,155
Speaker 1: give somebody a dog and you don't know if they

1125
01:16:23,195 --> 01:16:24,675
Speaker 1: want them, or you don't know if they're going to

1126
01:16:24,675 --> 01:16:30,915
Speaker 1: take them, name the dog in advance. Well, it didn't work.

1127
01:16:32,195 --> 01:16:35,075
Speaker 1: Olivia texted me that her mother would not even look

1128
01:16:35,235 --> 01:16:38,595
Speaker 1: at them. I don't want Holly and Milo, I want Casey,

1129
01:16:38,795 --> 01:16:42,155
Speaker 1: she said. She was seated in a darkened room holding

1130
01:16:42,235 --> 01:16:47,675
Speaker 1: the dead dog's picture. I said, all right, give it

1131
01:16:47,755 --> 01:16:51,915
Speaker 1: half an hour. Keep the car there. Worst thing happens here,

1132
01:16:51,995 --> 01:16:57,075
Speaker 1: you and I we suddenly have three dogs. I like dogs,

1133
01:16:57,395 --> 01:17:00,955
Speaker 1: Stevie likes dogs. You like dogs. There are far worse

1134
01:17:00,995 --> 01:17:05,555
Speaker 1: outcomes here. Give it half an hour. Minutes later, I

1135
01:17:05,555 --> 01:17:08,355
Speaker 1: get another text from Olivia. It's a photo with the caption,

1136
01:17:08,555 --> 01:17:10,955
Speaker 1: my god, it worked. The picture is of mister and

1137
01:17:10,955 --> 01:17:15,435
Speaker 1: missus Noosey rolling on the floor laughing with Holly and Milo.

1138
01:17:15,635 --> 01:17:22,155
Speaker 1: Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes from suicidal despair to rolling on

1139
01:17:22,195 --> 01:17:28,595
Speaker 1: the floor with puppies. The solution to the problems of

1140
01:17:28,675 --> 01:17:40,195
Speaker 1: dogs is more dogs. Olivia's parents are long gone. I

1141
01:17:40,315 --> 01:17:43,235
Speaker 1: like them both, and they liked me. I'd love to

1142
01:17:43,315 --> 01:17:46,795
Speaker 1: know what happened to the dogs. I do know Milo

1143
01:17:46,995 --> 01:17:50,395
Speaker 1: was a cousin of Stevie's. More importantly, I do know

1144
01:17:50,435 --> 01:17:54,435
Speaker 1: Holly and Milo and Olivia's parents made each other happy.

1145
01:17:55,715 --> 01:17:59,635
Speaker 1: And after that her parents treated me like gold. And

1146
01:17:59,715 --> 01:18:02,755
Speaker 1: every Christmas we would all gather at their house with

1147
01:18:02,955 --> 01:18:08,075
Speaker 1: all the dogs plural. Olivia and I went and got Rose,

1148
01:18:08,395 --> 01:18:12,035
Speaker 1: Stevie's sister. A year later, and after Olviya and I

1149
01:18:12,115 --> 01:18:14,435
Speaker 1: broke up, I happened to run into at a pet shop.

1150
01:18:14,435 --> 01:18:17,515
Speaker 1: Of course, the woman who leads the American Maltese Association

1151
01:18:17,635 --> 01:18:20,075
Speaker 1: rescue group. Of course I did. I was walking Stevie

1152
01:18:20,115 --> 01:18:24,075
Speaker 1: and Rose. A year later, Ted, my rescue with the

1153
01:18:24,075 --> 01:18:28,795
Speaker 1: bad Heart, arrived and he had surgery and he's fine. Mishu,

1154
01:18:28,955 --> 01:18:32,395
Speaker 1: my other rescue with the bad Heart, was here for

1155
01:18:32,555 --> 01:18:34,715
Speaker 1: just a couple of months. He had a very happy life.

1156
01:18:34,715 --> 01:18:38,955
Speaker 1: He just didn't have a very long one. Mine got

1157
01:18:38,955 --> 01:18:41,995
Speaker 1: here just before his fifteenth birthday, left, as I said,

1158
01:18:42,075 --> 01:18:45,395
Speaker 1: just after his seventeenth. He and Mishu are now commemorated

1159
01:18:45,435 --> 01:18:49,915
Speaker 1: with tattoos. They are with me always. It's a crowd

1160
01:18:51,715 --> 01:18:55,715
Speaker 1: who's that old man with those tiny dogs? But then again,

1161
01:18:56,115 --> 01:18:58,995
Speaker 1: I wasted the first fifty three years of my goddamned

1162
01:18:59,075 --> 01:19:00,915
Speaker 1: life living without a dog. So I had to make

1163
01:19:00,995 --> 01:19:03,435
Speaker 1: up for a lost time as many dogs as I

1164
01:19:03,475 --> 01:19:06,955
Speaker 1: can fill into the rest of my life. I'm gonna

1165
01:19:07,555 --> 01:19:10,395
Speaker 1: Mena's roster spot will be filled again. There will be

1166
01:19:10,435 --> 01:19:14,635
Speaker 1: a dog in need soon enough. All the stuff you

1167
01:19:14,675 --> 01:19:18,115
Speaker 1: see for me about dogs on Twitter, all the dog videos,

1168
01:19:18,155 --> 01:19:23,955
Speaker 1: all the fundraising requests, all of this from one crowded

1169
01:19:24,115 --> 01:19:33,075
Speaker 1: hour thirteen years ago. Tomorrow, when it became official, I

1170
01:19:33,195 --> 01:19:38,635
Speaker 1: had been adopted. So as you join me in shaking

1171
01:19:38,675 --> 01:19:42,635
Speaker 1: your head about the Olivia Newsy stories, vanity fairs, New

1172
01:19:42,755 --> 01:19:49,435
Speaker 1: West Coast and sexting politicians. Editor or you laugh, or

1173
01:19:49,555 --> 01:19:54,635
Speaker 1: like me, you do both do what I try to do.

1174
01:19:55,435 --> 01:20:15,035
Speaker 1: Remember this Olivia Newsy story too. So thanks so Stevie

1175
01:20:15,115 --> 01:20:18,435
Speaker 1: sends her best. I've done all the damage I can

1176
01:20:18,475 --> 01:20:20,435
Speaker 1: do here. Thank you for listening. Most of our Countdown

1177
01:20:20,515 --> 01:20:23,435
Speaker 1: music was arranged, produced, and performed by Brian Ray and

1178
01:20:23,475 --> 01:20:26,515
Speaker 1: John Phillip Chanel, our musical directors of Countdown. It was

1179
01:20:26,515 --> 01:20:29,875
Speaker 1: produced by Tko Brothers. Mister Ray was on the guitars,

1180
01:20:29,915 --> 01:20:34,235
Speaker 1: bass and drums. Mister Chanelle handled orchestration and keyboards. Our

1181
01:20:34,355 --> 01:20:36,995
Speaker 1: satirical and fithy musical comments are by the best baseball

1182
01:20:37,035 --> 01:20:43,995
Speaker 1: stadium organist ever, Nancy Faust, my accompanist company NIST Company.

1183
01:20:44,915 --> 01:20:48,875
Speaker 1: She played the organ while I sang the Ulerman theme

1184
01:20:48,915 --> 01:20:52,275
Speaker 1: from ESPN two, written by Mitch Warren Davis Curtisy VESPN

1185
01:20:52,555 --> 01:20:55,675
Speaker 1: is the sports music other music arranged and performed by

1186
01:20:55,675 --> 01:20:58,795
Speaker 1: the group No Horns Allowed. It occurs to me that

1187
01:20:58,875 --> 01:21:02,915
Speaker 1: the musical staff of this show exceeds the editorial staff

1188
01:21:02,915 --> 01:21:07,235
Speaker 1: of this show by at least five or six, eight,

1189
01:21:07,395 --> 01:21:12,475
Speaker 1: eight to one, maybe more. My announcer today was my

1190
01:21:12,475 --> 01:21:15,035
Speaker 1: friend John Dean. Everything else was, as always my fault.

1191
01:21:15,275 --> 01:21:17,795
Speaker 1: So that's countdown for today. Day two hundred and forty

1192
01:21:17,835 --> 01:21:22,235
Speaker 1: three of America held hostage again, just one and twenty

1193
01:21:22,315 --> 01:21:25,315
Speaker 1: days until the scheduled end of his lame duck lame

1194
01:21:25,355 --> 01:21:29,555
Speaker 1: brained term, unless he is removed sooner by Maga and

1195
01:21:29,715 --> 01:21:33,315
Speaker 1: trump Steen, or by that pavement patch on his hand.

1196
01:21:33,715 --> 01:21:38,315
Speaker 1: Maybe it is a pothole or a stuck escalator, or

1197
01:21:38,395 --> 01:21:43,915
Speaker 1: Jimmy Kimmel or Tilen Hall The next scheduled countdown is Thursday.

1198
01:21:43,995 --> 01:21:46,635
Speaker 1: Until then, I'm Keith Olberman. Good morning, good afternoon, good night,

1199
01:21:47,155 --> 01:22:08,475
Speaker 1: and good luck. Rount some food, do you said? Stevie said?

1200
01:22:09,075 --> 01:22:13,035
Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. For

1201
01:22:13,195 --> 01:22:18,275
Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

1202
01:22:18,395 --> 01:22:20,315
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts.