Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning love who I am again, strong, I feel,
Speaker 1: I know every pardon me, it's beautiful and that will.
Speaker 2: Always out way if you feel it.
Speaker 1: But you all, she'll some love to the view. I
Speaker 1: get there.
Speaker 2: Take you one day and did you and die out way?
Speaker 3: Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and Leanne Hello, and it's
Speaker 3: ingredient four day. The last few Saturdays we've done ingredients one, two, three,
Speaker 3: an hour of four, which is your version of self worth?
Speaker 3: We are working through a series called do you Know
Speaker 3: Your True Value and Worth? So your version of self worth?
Speaker 3: Leanne take it away?
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure. And it's so different for all of
Speaker 4: us obviously. That's why I want to invite all of
Speaker 4: you to personalize it, individualize it because I know that
Speaker 4: for anybody who is stuck within the confines of an
Speaker 4: eating disorder or disordered eating, it feels like our weight,
Speaker 4: our body, what we're eating, what we're not eating is
Speaker 4: like almost like the central focus of our lives. It
Speaker 4: becomes this bubble of obsession. At least it did for
Speaker 4: me and by extension. It's like if I'm not weighing
Speaker 4: a certain amount, or if I didn't eat a certain way,
Speaker 4: or if I didn't have a certain amount of discipline,
Speaker 4: it was like, who the heck am I? Because I
Speaker 4: was only valuing myself and measuring myself by those things.
Speaker 4: So my question for you is really to just and
Speaker 4: again this is all coming from a place of getting
Speaker 4: really real with ourselves, but with love and compassion, no shame,
Speaker 4: but just acknowledging, like what am my measuring and weighing
Speaker 4: to comprise my own self worth? Okay? And for a
Speaker 4: lot of us, it's these external quantifiables things like gene size,
Speaker 4: calorie count, bank balance, likes on Instagram, number of matches
Speaker 4: on a dating app, whatever it is, compliments you got
Speaker 4: that date, like whatever it is right that you're using
Speaker 4: outside of you to really comprise your self worth. And
Speaker 4: for the record, there is nothing wrong with these things
Speaker 4: contributing to your self worth. We are all human and
Speaker 4: it is so natural and normal for us to care
Speaker 4: about those things. But what happens is when that's all
Speaker 4: that we're using, and that's all that we have taking
Speaker 4: over our like our worthiness bank account, so to speak,
Speaker 4: When we don't have those things, or we can't find
Speaker 4: those things, or those things transform or change, or maybe
Speaker 4: it's out of our control. We don't know who we
Speaker 4: are if our identity is so rooted in idols, like
Speaker 4: I know, for me, I was chasing skinny, or I
Speaker 4: was chasing in a relationship, or I was chasing you know,
Speaker 4: fame at one point in my life, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean? That seems like moons ago. But again, like
Speaker 4: we don't know what we don't know, and if that's
Speaker 4: all that we're chasing, and we can't comprise it within
Speaker 4: ourselves and the soul, the essence of the identity of
Speaker 4: who we are, it's not pretty. It feels empty.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm thinking too of like chasing people's approval affirmation,
Speaker 3: making sure you're too could like I like to hear
Speaker 3: that a lot, and I've had to check in with, well,
Speaker 3: where does my self worth come from? Does it come
Speaker 3: from someone else saying something to me? And it could
Speaker 3: be truly from someone that I don't even maybe necessarily respect,
Speaker 3: But it didn't matter. As long as I was getting affirmation,
Speaker 3: it was fine. But then when I backed up, you know,
Speaker 3: I could start to see a bigger picture. I was like, Oh,
Speaker 3: I maybe don't even respect the people or the person
Speaker 3: or whatever that I'm craving this from. And I don't
Speaker 3: even know that I can trust what they're saying anyway,
Speaker 3: So why am I putting so much emphasis on what
Speaker 3: they're gonna tell me? And this goes back into my childhood.
Speaker 3: Words of affirmation are my love language. But I think
Speaker 3: that even can get unhealthy. You can't you can sort
Speaker 3: of use that as an excuse I did. I'm like, well,
Speaker 3: it's no big deal. Words of affirmation are just my
Speaker 3: love language, so of course I need that as fuel
Speaker 3: and it'll be great. But I had a very unhealthy
Speaker 3: relationship with it, and a lot of my self worth
Speaker 3: would come from what I was hearing from other people,
Speaker 3: when at the end of the day, some of the
Speaker 3: people that I was wanting to hear it from I
Speaker 3: didn't even respect or think they told the truth. So
Speaker 3: why would I want to hear it from somebody else
Speaker 3: when I can't even trust them, Like, it has to
Speaker 3: come from within me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and to be able to receive it when you
Speaker 4: do hear the things that are good, you know, and
Speaker 4: you unknowingly created a couple of really important distinctions. You know,
Speaker 4: first and foremost, there's this difference between desire versus require, right,
Speaker 4: and it is the human part of us to desire
Speaker 4: all of those things, the affirmation, the numerical things to
Speaker 4: go in the direction that we want them to go in,
Speaker 4: to look a certain way, feel a certain way, all
Speaker 4: those things, like it's human of us to desire them.
Speaker 4: But when we require them to feel a certain way
Speaker 4: about ourselves and we don't know who the heck we
Speaker 4: are without it, that's where it gets to be really dangerous,
Speaker 4: you know. So the desire versus require.
Speaker 3: It makes me think of, you know, whether or not
Speaker 3: you can trust what the person is saying. Like my
Speaker 3: example is words of affirmation and just taking whatever I
Speaker 3: can get, soaking it all up right, even if it
Speaker 3: means nothing. Like when it comes to a gene size,
Speaker 3: what does that even really mean? Like there is no
Speaker 3: across the board. Society has told us at times certain
Speaker 3: sizes might be desirable, but we're moving past that, we're evolving,
Speaker 3: thank goodness. But also even within a company, two sizes
Speaker 3: of a gene might fit differently. Or if you line
Speaker 3: up five different companies, their version of this size and
Speaker 3: their version of that size, they're all totally different, So
Speaker 3: we put all this weight into something we can't even
Speaker 3: trust that this number is even is what this number is,
Speaker 3: it's just what it's been assigned.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's a great example of like, where are
Speaker 4: you using other people's measuring sticks as a measuring stick
Speaker 4: to measure yourself but you don't even agree with that
Speaker 4: measuring stick or you don't even know what it is
Speaker 4: that they're measuring you, know what I mean? And we
Speaker 4: touched on this a bit in the fashion series that
Speaker 4: we just did about finding your self worth and your
Speaker 4: self image through fashion, and that's one of the things
Speaker 4: that comes up too, like and it's so relevant to
Speaker 4: this conversation. If you are if your entire mood is
Speaker 4: dependent on whether you are in a certain size, like
Speaker 4: you know that your self worth and not that that's
Speaker 4: bad or wrong. We want to just really reiterate that
Speaker 4: it's not bad or wrong. We're not shaving you for it,
Speaker 4: but it's probably not serving you. And that's why I
Speaker 4: talk about this idea of your version of self worth
Speaker 4: and the other thing that you mentioned that or really
Speaker 4: just show these patterns, all of these ingredients that we're
Speaker 4: talking about whether it's self care or self acceptance, or
Speaker 4: self esteem or self worth, or we're going to talk
Speaker 4: about self endorsement. There's so much connectivity and crossover because
Speaker 4: what you're weighing and measuring in your self worth could
Speaker 4: also be where you're looking for endorsement or affirmation from
Speaker 4: other people. Right, So there's so much crossover to all
Speaker 4: of this. But that being said, it's really important that
Speaker 4: we have our own measuring stick and almost like our
Speaker 4: own value system. Like kind of what you were just saying,
Speaker 4: you're like these people that I'm trying to get affirmation from,
Speaker 4: we have different values, Like they don't vow you what
Speaker 4: I value. You know, So if you're trying to get
Speaker 4: somebody who God love them but is obsessed with their
Speaker 4: weight and has their own body dysmorphia to think that
Speaker 4: you have a beautiful body or a pretty it's like,
Speaker 4: what value system or measuring stick are you using to
Speaker 4: try to gain somebody else's affirmation? Whereas what would it
Speaker 4: look like for you to feel beautiful and worthy and
Speaker 4: powerful independent of other people's measuring sticks. But also a
Speaker 4: lot of times it's not other people, it's our own
Speaker 4: I know for me, you know, the scale was a
Speaker 4: big thing for me. If I weigh a certain amount, oh,
Speaker 4: I can feel awesome. And if I weighed a half
Speaker 4: a pound more, I was my self esteem and self
Speaker 4: worth went down the tubes.
Speaker 3: Well, so what's something that we can do to process
Speaker 3: through our version of self worth or trying to tap
Speaker 3: into that which I know each ingredient of this series
Speaker 3: is very important. They're all players and eventually getting yeah
Speaker 3: to our true value, but for self worth specifically, Yeah,
Speaker 3: So you know, just to give you a couple examples
Speaker 3: of what this could look like. And again it's so
Speaker 3: individualized for each person, but we'll just stick with the
Speaker 3: example of like gene size or weight, because I know
Speaker 3: that's a big one that comes up with people that
Speaker 3: have body dysmorphia or any type of disordered eating eating disorder.
Speaker 3: You know, I want you to think about, like in
Speaker 3: your mind, you might have this idea of what your
Speaker 3: air quotes perfect body is right, but really outside of
Speaker 3: the body, like how do you want to feel? And
Speaker 3: most women I talk to you, they want to feel peace, right,
Speaker 3: they want to feel freedom, they want to feel beautiful,
Speaker 3: Like beautiful is another one that comes up, right, peace, freedom,
Speaker 3: peace of mind, worthiness, beauty right, and so yeah, absolutely
Speaker 3: connected to yourself, connected to others, feeling connection from others.
Speaker 3: So when you think about what you're weighing and measuring,
Speaker 3: I want you to think about what do you really want?
Speaker 3: Things like what we just talked about, connection, freedom, peace
Speaker 3: of mind, and what can you start weighing and measuring
Speaker 3: to actually get those things? Like how can you reverse
Speaker 3: engineer those things?
Speaker 4: Because the truth is is that at the end of
Speaker 4: the day, I mean, this was so much love, Like
Speaker 4: weighing a certain weight and being a certain sized gene
Speaker 4: is not going to make you feel the way that
Speaker 4: you think you want to feel. Only feeling though those
Speaker 4: feelings and integrating with that value system so to speak,
Speaker 4: is going to help you create that so instead of
Speaker 4: you know, part of it. Again, it's a bigger conversation
Speaker 4: than this, but this is where I walk through. I
Speaker 4: invite people to walk through their values of what are
Speaker 4: they truly weighing and measuring and is it serving them?
Speaker 4: Is it put in a happy face or a sad
Speaker 4: emoji next to it? You know, and literally just having
Speaker 4: that awareness of like, wow, weighing and measuring my gene sized,
Speaker 4: calorie count, carb count, whatever it is, is actually not
Speaker 4: making me feel beautiful, powerful, happy, free, connected, peace of mind,
Speaker 4: all these things, and just again it's a pattern interrupt
Speaker 4: of just acknowledging that and seeing the data, because the
Speaker 4: drama is, oh, when I lose the weight, then I'll
Speaker 4: feel powerful, beautiful, happy, free, all the things. And it's like, no,
Speaker 4: that's the lie. So just set apart, setting apart the
Speaker 4: truth from the lie.
Speaker 3: And I'm just thinking of how much time I missed
Speaker 3: out on connection with others. That's probably why that's a
Speaker 3: big one for me. That stood out because when I
Speaker 3: was so consumed with other things, I didn't have space
Speaker 3: for that. And then therefore I was like, I didn't
Speaker 3: know was I even worthy of certain relationships and connection
Speaker 3: and you know, true happiness and joy and whatnot. So
Speaker 3: I think, yeah, making a list of what you want
Speaker 3: and then weighing and measuring, Okay, how much time did
Speaker 3: I maybe spend with friends this week or someone outside
Speaker 3: of me? How much time did I spend potentially serving
Speaker 3: someone else this week in what way? How much time
Speaker 3: did I spend you know, with nature today or this week,
Speaker 3: whatever it looks like for you. Starting to put more
Speaker 3: emphasis on the other things that can actually have a
Speaker 3: positive impact on your overall well being and your overall
Speaker 3: self worth.
Speaker 4: One thousand percent. Yeah, and you mentioned something too, you know,
Speaker 4: the connection piece of the puzzle to yourself to others,
Speaker 4: but then feeling worthy of other people feeling connected to you.
Speaker 4: Like that's a big thing too, you know, and when
Speaker 4: you're so in your head about but wait a minute,
Speaker 4: if only they knew that my gene size went up
Speaker 4: asize this past six months or whatever it is, you know,
Speaker 4: but also like noticing when you're around people that don't
Speaker 4: weigh and measure what you're looking to weigh measure. So
Speaker 4: a big thing that happens with my clients when they
Speaker 4: find freedom within themselves is they notice that sometimes there
Speaker 4: are around friends that are you know, nitpicking on their
Speaker 4: bodies or being like oh I can't eat that, and
Speaker 4: presenting with more of the disordered habits, and they realize like,
Speaker 4: wait a minute, like actually, what I'm now valuing is
Speaker 4: a bit different than what my friends are valuing. And
Speaker 4: that's okay, not making it bad or wrong, but realizing
Speaker 4: that sometimes the connection that we were seeking, like you
Speaker 4: were saying, is not always the connection that's going to
Speaker 4: really feed our souls.
Speaker 3: I like that and I think until you give yourself
Speaker 3: that permission to start looking for it, or you give
Speaker 3: yourself the space or the bandwidth or the capacity to
Speaker 3: even tap into what true connection will look like and
Speaker 3: what really is going to help fill your cup up
Speaker 3: when you're in the throes of it, you just don't
Speaker 3: have the you don't have the space for it, but
Speaker 3: you will. You will.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you can't see what you can't see, like,
Speaker 4: trust me, there is connection and belonging like you wouldn't
Speaker 4: even imagine on the other side of this, But you've
Speaker 4: got to feel it for yourself first.
Speaker 3: Love it, LeAnn. Where can people find you?
Speaker 4: You can head on over to Leannellington dot com. I'm
Speaker 4: also Leannellington on Instagram. If you want to hear more
Speaker 4: about the rewiring your brain side of all of this
Speaker 4: food and body stuff, you can check out my free
Speaker 4: masterclass over there as well.
Speaker 3: And Leanne also has a podcast It's called What's God
Speaker 3: Got to Do With It? And I'm at Radio Am
Speaker 3: on socials if you want to find me there.
Speaker 4: Bye bye,