WEBVTT - Do You Know Your True Value and Worth? (Part 4) (Outweigh)

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<v Speaker 1>I won't let my body out be outwait everything that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm learning love who I am again, strong, I feel,

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<v Speaker 1>I know every pardon me, it's beautiful and that will.

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<v Speaker 2>Always out way if you feel it.

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<v Speaker 1>But you all, she'll some love to the view. I

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<v Speaker 1>get there.

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<v Speaker 2>Take you one day and did you and die out way?

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<v Speaker 3>Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and Leanne Hello, and it's

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<v Speaker 3>ingredient four day. The last few Saturdays we've done ingredients one, two, three,

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<v Speaker 3>an hour of four, which is your version of self worth?

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<v Speaker 3>We are working through a series called do you Know

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<v Speaker 3>Your True Value and Worth? So your version of self worth?

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<v Speaker 3>Leanne take it away?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, for sure. And it's so different for all of

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<v Speaker 4>us obviously. That's why I want to invite all of

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<v Speaker 4>you to personalize it, individualize it because I know that

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<v Speaker 4>for anybody who is stuck within the confines of an

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<v Speaker 4>eating disorder or disordered eating, it feels like our weight,

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<v Speaker 4>our body, what we're eating, what we're not eating is

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<v Speaker 4>like almost like the central focus of our lives. It

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<v Speaker 4>becomes this bubble of obsession. At least it did for

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<v Speaker 4>me and by extension. It's like if I'm not weighing

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<v Speaker 4>a certain amount, or if I didn't eat a certain way,

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<v Speaker 4>or if I didn't have a certain amount of discipline,

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<v Speaker 4>it was like, who the heck am I? Because I

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<v Speaker 4>was only valuing myself and measuring myself by those things.

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<v Speaker 4>So my question for you is really to just and

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<v Speaker 4>again this is all coming from a place of getting

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<v Speaker 4>really real with ourselves, but with love and compassion, no shame,

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<v Speaker 4>but just acknowledging, like what am my measuring and weighing

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<v Speaker 4>to comprise my own self worth? Okay? And for a

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<v Speaker 4>lot of us, it's these external quantifiables things like gene size,

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<v Speaker 4>calorie count, bank balance, likes on Instagram, number of matches

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<v Speaker 4>on a dating app, whatever it is, compliments you got

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<v Speaker 4>that date, like whatever it is right that you're using

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<v Speaker 4>outside of you to really comprise your self worth. And

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<v Speaker 4>for the record, there is nothing wrong with these things

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<v Speaker 4>contributing to your self worth. We are all human and

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<v Speaker 4>it is so natural and normal for us to care

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<v Speaker 4>about those things. But what happens is when that's all

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<v Speaker 4>that we're using, and that's all that we have taking

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<v Speaker 4>over our like our worthiness bank account, so to speak,

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<v Speaker 4>When we don't have those things, or we can't find

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<v Speaker 4>those things, or those things transform or change, or maybe

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<v Speaker 4>it's out of our control. We don't know who we

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<v Speaker 4>are if our identity is so rooted in idols, like

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<v Speaker 4>I know, for me, I was chasing skinny, or I

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<v Speaker 4>was chasing in a relationship, or I was chasing you know,

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<v Speaker 4>fame at one point in my life, you know what

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<v Speaker 4>I mean? That seems like moons ago. But again, like

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<v Speaker 4>we don't know what we don't know, and if that's

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<v Speaker 4>all that we're chasing, and we can't comprise it within

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<v Speaker 4>ourselves and the soul, the essence of the identity of

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<v Speaker 4>who we are, it's not pretty. It feels empty.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, I'm thinking too of like chasing people's approval affirmation,

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<v Speaker 3>making sure you're too could like I like to hear

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<v Speaker 3>that a lot, and I've had to check in with, well,

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<v Speaker 3>where does my self worth come from? Does it come

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<v Speaker 3>from someone else saying something to me? And it could

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<v Speaker 3>be truly from someone that I don't even maybe necessarily respect,

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<v Speaker 3>But it didn't matter. As long as I was getting affirmation,

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<v Speaker 3>it was fine. But then when I backed up, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>I could start to see a bigger picture. I was like, Oh,

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<v Speaker 3>I maybe don't even respect the people or the person

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<v Speaker 3>or whatever that I'm craving this from. And I don't

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<v Speaker 3>even know that I can trust what they're saying anyway,

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<v Speaker 3>So why am I putting so much emphasis on what

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<v Speaker 3>they're gonna tell me? And this goes back into my childhood.

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<v Speaker 3>Words of affirmation are my love language. But I think

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<v Speaker 3>that even can get unhealthy. You can't you can sort

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<v Speaker 3>of use that as an excuse I did. I'm like, well,

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<v Speaker 3>it's no big deal. Words of affirmation are just my

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<v Speaker 3>love language, so of course I need that as fuel

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<v Speaker 3>and it'll be great. But I had a very unhealthy

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<v Speaker 3>relationship with it, and a lot of my self worth

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<v Speaker 3>would come from what I was hearing from other people,

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<v Speaker 3>when at the end of the day, some of the

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<v Speaker 3>people that I was wanting to hear it from I

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<v Speaker 3>didn't even respect or think they told the truth. So

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<v Speaker 3>why would I want to hear it from somebody else

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<v Speaker 3>when I can't even trust them, Like, it has to

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<v Speaker 3>come from within me.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and to be able to receive it when you

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<v Speaker 4>do hear the things that are good, you know, and

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<v Speaker 4>you unknowingly created a couple of really important distinctions. You know,

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<v Speaker 4>first and foremost, there's this difference between desire versus require, right,

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<v Speaker 4>and it is the human part of us to desire

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<v Speaker 4>all of those things, the affirmation, the numerical things to

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<v Speaker 4>go in the direction that we want them to go in,

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<v Speaker 4>to look a certain way, feel a certain way, all

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<v Speaker 4>those things, like it's human of us to desire them.

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<v Speaker 4>But when we require them to feel a certain way

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<v Speaker 4>about ourselves and we don't know who the heck we

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<v Speaker 4>are without it, that's where it gets to be really dangerous,

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<v Speaker 4>you know. So the desire versus require.

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<v Speaker 3>It makes me think of, you know, whether or not

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<v Speaker 3>you can trust what the person is saying. Like my

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<v Speaker 3>example is words of affirmation and just taking whatever I

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<v Speaker 3>can get, soaking it all up right, even if it

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<v Speaker 3>means nothing. Like when it comes to a gene size,

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<v Speaker 3>what does that even really mean? Like there is no

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<v Speaker 3>across the board. Society has told us at times certain

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<v Speaker 3>sizes might be desirable, but we're moving past that, we're evolving,

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<v Speaker 3>thank goodness. But also even within a company, two sizes

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<v Speaker 3>of a gene might fit differently. Or if you line

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<v Speaker 3>up five different companies, their version of this size and

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<v Speaker 3>their version of that size, they're all totally different, So

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<v Speaker 3>we put all this weight into something we can't even

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<v Speaker 3>trust that this number is even is what this number is,

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<v Speaker 3>it's just what it's been assigned.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, And it's a great example of like, where are

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<v Speaker 4>you using other people's measuring sticks as a measuring stick

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<v Speaker 4>to measure yourself but you don't even agree with that

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<v Speaker 4>measuring stick or you don't even know what it is

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<v Speaker 4>that they're measuring you, know what I mean? And we

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<v Speaker 4>touched on this a bit in the fashion series that

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<v Speaker 4>we just did about finding your self worth and your

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<v Speaker 4>self image through fashion, and that's one of the things

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<v Speaker 4>that comes up too, like and it's so relevant to

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<v Speaker 4>this conversation. If you are if your entire mood is

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<v Speaker 4>dependent on whether you are in a certain size, like

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<v Speaker 4>you know that your self worth and not that that's

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<v Speaker 4>bad or wrong. We want to just really reiterate that

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<v Speaker 4>it's not bad or wrong. We're not shaving you for it,

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<v Speaker 4>but it's probably not serving you. And that's why I

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<v Speaker 4>talk about this idea of your version of self worth

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<v Speaker 4>and the other thing that you mentioned that or really

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<v Speaker 4>just show these patterns, all of these ingredients that we're

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<v Speaker 4>talking about whether it's self care or self acceptance, or

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<v Speaker 4>self esteem or self worth, or we're going to talk

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<v Speaker 4>about self endorsement. There's so much connectivity and crossover because

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<v Speaker 4>what you're weighing and measuring in your self worth could

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<v Speaker 4>also be where you're looking for endorsement or affirmation from

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<v Speaker 4>other people. Right, So there's so much crossover to all

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<v Speaker 4>of this. But that being said, it's really important that

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<v Speaker 4>we have our own measuring stick and almost like our

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<v Speaker 4>own value system. Like kind of what you were just saying,

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<v Speaker 4>you're like these people that I'm trying to get affirmation from,

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<v Speaker 4>we have different values, Like they don't vow you what

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<v Speaker 4>I value. You know, So if you're trying to get

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<v Speaker 4>somebody who God love them but is obsessed with their

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<v Speaker 4>weight and has their own body dysmorphia to think that

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<v Speaker 4>you have a beautiful body or a pretty it's like,

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<v Speaker 4>what value system or measuring stick are you using to

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<v Speaker 4>try to gain somebody else's affirmation? Whereas what would it

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<v Speaker 4>look like for you to feel beautiful and worthy and

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<v Speaker 4>powerful independent of other people's measuring sticks. But also a

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<v Speaker 4>lot of times it's not other people, it's our own

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<v Speaker 4>I know for me, you know, the scale was a

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<v Speaker 4>big thing for me. If I weigh a certain amount, oh,

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<v Speaker 4>I can feel awesome. And if I weighed a half

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<v Speaker 4>a pound more, I was my self esteem and self

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<v Speaker 4>worth went down the tubes.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, so what's something that we can do to process

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<v Speaker 3>through our version of self worth or trying to tap

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<v Speaker 3>into that which I know each ingredient of this series

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<v Speaker 3>is very important. They're all players and eventually getting yeah

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<v Speaker 3>to our true value, but for self worth specifically, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>So you know, just to give you a couple examples

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<v Speaker 3>of what this could look like. And again it's so

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<v Speaker 3>individualized for each person, but we'll just stick with the

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<v Speaker 3>example of like gene size or weight, because I know

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<v Speaker 3>that's a big one that comes up with people that

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<v Speaker 3>have body dysmorphia or any type of disordered eating eating disorder.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, I want you to think about, like in

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<v Speaker 3>your mind, you might have this idea of what your

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<v Speaker 3>air quotes perfect body is right, but really outside of

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<v Speaker 3>the body, like how do you want to feel? And

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<v Speaker 3>most women I talk to you, they want to feel peace, right,

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<v Speaker 3>they want to feel freedom, they want to feel beautiful,

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<v Speaker 3>Like beautiful is another one that comes up, right, peace, freedom,

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<v Speaker 3>peace of mind, worthiness, beauty right, and so yeah, absolutely

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<v Speaker 3>connected to yourself, connected to others, feeling connection from others.

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<v Speaker 3>So when you think about what you're weighing and measuring,

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<v Speaker 3>I want you to think about what do you really want?

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<v Speaker 3>Things like what we just talked about, connection, freedom, peace

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<v Speaker 3>of mind, and what can you start weighing and measuring

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<v Speaker 3>to actually get those things? Like how can you reverse

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<v Speaker 3>engineer those things?

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<v Speaker 4>Because the truth is is that at the end of

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<v Speaker 4>the day, I mean, this was so much love, Like

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<v Speaker 4>weighing a certain weight and being a certain sized gene

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<v Speaker 4>is not going to make you feel the way that

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<v Speaker 4>you think you want to feel. Only feeling though those

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<v Speaker 4>feelings and integrating with that value system so to speak,

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<v Speaker 4>is going to help you create that so instead of

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<v Speaker 4>you know, part of it. Again, it's a bigger conversation

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<v Speaker 4>than this, but this is where I walk through. I

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<v Speaker 4>invite people to walk through their values of what are

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<v Speaker 4>they truly weighing and measuring and is it serving them?

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<v Speaker 4>Is it put in a happy face or a sad

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<v Speaker 4>emoji next to it? You know, and literally just having

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<v Speaker 4>that awareness of like, wow, weighing and measuring my gene sized,

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<v Speaker 4>calorie count, carb count, whatever it is, is actually not

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<v Speaker 4>making me feel beautiful, powerful, happy, free, connected, peace of mind,

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<v Speaker 4>all these things, and just again it's a pattern interrupt

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<v Speaker 4>of just acknowledging that and seeing the data, because the

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<v Speaker 4>drama is, oh, when I lose the weight, then I'll

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<v Speaker 4>feel powerful, beautiful, happy, free, all the things. And it's like, no,

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<v Speaker 4>that's the lie. So just set apart, setting apart the

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<v Speaker 4>truth from the lie.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm just thinking of how much time I missed

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<v Speaker 3>out on connection with others. That's probably why that's a

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<v Speaker 3>big one for me. That stood out because when I

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<v Speaker 3>was so consumed with other things, I didn't have space

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<v Speaker 3>for that. And then therefore I was like, I didn't

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<v Speaker 3>know was I even worthy of certain relationships and connection

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<v Speaker 3>and you know, true happiness and joy and whatnot. So

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<v Speaker 3>I think, yeah, making a list of what you want

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<v Speaker 3>and then weighing and measuring, Okay, how much time did

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<v Speaker 3>I maybe spend with friends this week or someone outside

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<v Speaker 3>of me? How much time did I spend potentially serving

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<v Speaker 3>someone else this week in what way? How much time

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<v Speaker 3>did I spend you know, with nature today or this week,

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<v Speaker 3>whatever it looks like for you. Starting to put more

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<v Speaker 3>emphasis on the other things that can actually have a

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<v Speaker 3>positive impact on your overall well being and your overall

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<v Speaker 3>self worth.

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<v Speaker 4>One thousand percent. Yeah, and you mentioned something too, you know,

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<v Speaker 4>the connection piece of the puzzle to yourself to others,

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<v Speaker 4>but then feeling worthy of other people feeling connected to you.

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<v Speaker 4>Like that's a big thing too, you know, and when

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<v Speaker 4>you're so in your head about but wait a minute,

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<v Speaker 4>if only they knew that my gene size went up

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<v Speaker 4>asize this past six months or whatever it is, you know,

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<v Speaker 4>but also like noticing when you're around people that don't

0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:04.880
<v Speaker 4>weigh and measure what you're looking to weigh measure. So

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<v Speaker 4>a big thing that happens with my clients when they

0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:10.160
<v Speaker 4>find freedom within themselves is they notice that sometimes there

0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.839
<v Speaker 4>are around friends that are you know, nitpicking on their

0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:14.880
<v Speaker 4>bodies or being like oh I can't eat that, and

0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:18.600
<v Speaker 4>presenting with more of the disordered habits, and they realize like,

0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:21.720
<v Speaker 4>wait a minute, like actually, what I'm now valuing is

0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.280
<v Speaker 4>a bit different than what my friends are valuing. And

0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:26.760
<v Speaker 4>that's okay, not making it bad or wrong, but realizing

0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:29.000
<v Speaker 4>that sometimes the connection that we were seeking, like you

0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:31.439
<v Speaker 4>were saying, is not always the connection that's going to

0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:32.720
<v Speaker 4>really feed our souls.

0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:36.200
<v Speaker 3>I like that and I think until you give yourself

0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.360
<v Speaker 3>that permission to start looking for it, or you give

0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:40.920
<v Speaker 3>yourself the space or the bandwidth or the capacity to

0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:44.520
<v Speaker 3>even tap into what true connection will look like and

0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:47.520
<v Speaker 3>what really is going to help fill your cup up

0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:49.640
<v Speaker 3>when you're in the throes of it, you just don't

0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:53.040
<v Speaker 3>have the you don't have the space for it, but

0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:55.120
<v Speaker 3>you will. You will.

0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:57.040
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and you can't see what you can't see, like,

0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.480
<v Speaker 4>trust me, there is connection and belonging like you wouldn't

0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:02.000
<v Speaker 4>even imagine on the other side of this, But you've

0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:03.400
<v Speaker 4>got to feel it for yourself first.

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<v Speaker 3>Love it, LeAnn. Where can people find you?

0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:08.880
<v Speaker 4>You can head on over to Leannellington dot com. I'm

0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:12.000
<v Speaker 4>also Leannellington on Instagram. If you want to hear more

0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:14.640
<v Speaker 4>about the rewiring your brain side of all of this

0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:16.280
<v Speaker 4>food and body stuff, you can check out my free

0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:17.600
<v Speaker 4>masterclass over there as well.

0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:20.920
<v Speaker 3>And Leanne also has a podcast It's called What's God

0:12:21.000 --> 0:12:24.719
<v Speaker 3>Got to Do With It? And I'm at Radio Am

0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:26.920
<v Speaker 3>on socials if you want to find me there.

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<v Speaker 4>Bye bye,