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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, where we

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Speaker 1: discuss all things mental health, personal development, and all the

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Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible

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Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Harden Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information

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Speaker 1: and resources, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls

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Speaker 1: dot com. And while I hope you love listening to

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Speaker 1: and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to

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Speaker 1: be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental

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Speaker 1: health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me

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Speaker 1: for session fifty four of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast.

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Speaker 1: I have an incredible conversation for you today, all about

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Speaker 1: how we can shake the need to be superwomen in

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Speaker 1: our life. But before or I share more about that,

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Speaker 1: I want to introduce you to our sponsor for this

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Speaker 1: week's episode, Bright Pink. Bright Pink is a national nonprofit

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Speaker 1: focused on the prevention and early detection of breast and

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Speaker 1: ovarian cancers. They are on a mission to save women's

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Speaker 1: lives from breast and ovarian cancer by empowering them to

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Speaker 1: live proactively at a young age. I was thrilled when Sydney,

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Speaker 1: who is the community engagement coordinator and a listener of

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Speaker 1: the podcast Shout Out to. Sydney reached out to me

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Speaker 1: about partnering with them to get their message out. In

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Speaker 1: our first conversation, here's what she shared with me. What

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Speaker 1: we know is that Black women are being diagnosed with

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Speaker 1: more aggressive forms of breast cancer, receiving that diagnosis at

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Speaker 1: younger ages, and are dying at almost twice the rate

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Speaker 1: of our white counterparts. A part of the reason for

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Speaker 1: this disparity is that research suggests that black women's fear

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Speaker 1: of diagnosis, fear of isolation post diagnosis, and distrust of

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Speaker 1: medical providers are all major barriers for Black women receiving consistent,

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Speaker 1: quality and preventive health care. Bright Pink wants to help

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Speaker 1: change this narrative, and I want you to join us

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Speaker 1: in this incredibly important work to save more lives. Here

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Speaker 1: are two things you need to know. One, breast self

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Speaker 1: awareness and early detection are key. No two women have

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Speaker 1: the same breast. They come in varying shapes, sizes, and densities.

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Speaker 1: It is important to establish what is normal for you

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Speaker 1: so that you are better equipped to recognize signs and

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Speaker 1: symptoms when they present themselves. If you notice something abnormal

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Speaker 1: with your breasts, it's important to take note and if

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Speaker 1: symptoms persist or worsened for two to three weeks, speak

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Speaker 1: up and bring those changes to the attention of your doctor.

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Speaker 1: Number two, it's important to know your family history. Having

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Speaker 1: a family history of cancer can put you at an

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Speaker 1: increased risk for developing breast or ovarian cancer. Make a

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Speaker 1: practice of talking about family health history and start with

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Speaker 1: these three questions. Who in your family had cancer, at

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Speaker 1: what age and what type of cancer. Now here's what

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Speaker 1: we need you to do. Complete Bright pinks Digital Risk

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Speaker 1: Assessment to receive your personalized risk management plan. Bright paint

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Speaker 1: created this tool to help you assess your personal risk

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Speaker 1: level for breast and ovarian cancers. The more you know,

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Speaker 1: the better prepared you are as to take actions that

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Speaker 1: can help reduce your risk. You can complete the quiz

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Speaker 1: by texting prevent to five nine to two seven are

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Speaker 1: by going through therapy for black Girls dot com slash

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Speaker 1: bright Pink. It's a very short quiz, y'all. It took

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Speaker 1: me less than five minutes to complete it and gave

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Speaker 1: me some information. Again, I'm thrilled to be bringing attention

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Speaker 1: to this important topic and hope that you will take

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Speaker 1: the quiz to learn more about any risk factors that

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Speaker 1: might help you to take action to keep you healthier.

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Speaker 1: You can find all of that information in the show

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Speaker 1: notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash Session

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Speaker 1: fifty four. Now let's get back to our conversation. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure that many of you have heard about the black

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Speaker 1: superwoman complex, this idea that black women are invincible, indestructible,

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Speaker 1: and can save all the ills of the world in

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Speaker 1: one field. Swoop. Well, our guess today is here to

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Speaker 1: chat about why this is so damaging and exhausting for sisters,

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Speaker 1: and why we should do our best to opt out

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Speaker 1: of this story. Today. I am joined by Spirit. Spirit

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Speaker 1: is a licensed professional counselor, nationally certified counselor, parenting coordinator,

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Speaker 1: child sexual abuse preventions facilitator, certified for resignmental, healthy evaluator,

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Speaker 1: and marriage efficient. In addition to tackling life's everyday problems,

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Speaker 1: her specialties include relationship issues, depression, unresolved childhood issues, and

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Speaker 1: increasing overall personal awareness. In addition to working with clients

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Speaker 1: in her private practice, she is also a researcher, motivational speaker,

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Speaker 1: workshop facilitator, mental health advocate, and media personality. You may

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Speaker 1: have seen or heard her on programs including H. L

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Speaker 1: Len's Dr druon Call, Ricky Smiley for Real on CV one,

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Speaker 1: My current situation at l on Centric, Our Dish Nation

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Speaker 1: on Fox. Spirit and I discussed the key characteristics of

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Speaker 1: the Black Superwoman, how this construct was developed, how buying

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Speaker 1: into this narrative impacts our mental health, and strategies for

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Speaker 1: how you can gradually take that cape off. We would

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Speaker 1: love it if you share your thoughts about the episode

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Speaker 1: while you're listening with us on social media. Make sure

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Speaker 1: to use the hashtag tv G in Session. Here's our conversation.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today's Spirit. Oh,

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Speaker 1: it is my pleasure. I'm so excited to be here

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Speaker 1: with you. Yes, I am very excited that we will

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Speaker 1: have this conversation today. So this has been a highly

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Speaker 1: requested topic to talk all about the strong black woman,

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Speaker 1: the black superwoman, and it being time for us to

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Speaker 1: take our capes off. Oh girl, please, let's take them off.

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Speaker 1: Let's untime, let's burn um, let's do whatever, Let's get

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Speaker 1: it done. Yeah. So, I mean, you know this is

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Speaker 1: something that has you know, been talked about quite a

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Speaker 1: lot in mental health circles. UM. And there was a

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Speaker 1: recent video that just came out from Because Facts, which

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Speaker 1: is a series from A plus J that talked about, UM,

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Speaker 1: you know, all of the health impacts that being strong

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Speaker 1: black women can have on us. So can you start

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Speaker 1: by telling us little bit about what this stereotype is

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Speaker 1: and where it came from? Oh? Absolutely. So you know

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Speaker 1: what we talk about when we say this strong black

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Speaker 1: women or this strong black woman is that black women

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Speaker 1: have a history of being known for being some of

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Speaker 1: the strongest women on earth. And of course we have.

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you look at where we've come from,

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Speaker 1: if you look at what the struggle of African Americans

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Speaker 1: in the United States has been, there was a time

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Speaker 1: and a place where we had to do that. And

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Speaker 1: so although many people look at it and say listen,

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Speaker 1: it's started as a way for us to really be

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Speaker 1: able to sidesteps some of these negative stereotypes about us.

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Speaker 1: You know, historically we talked about, um, the mammy, the

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Speaker 1: one that was the caretaker and who looked out for everybody. UM.

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Speaker 1: But it was a really uh disrespectful, um, almost ambiguous

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Speaker 1: kind of uh description or characteristic or characterization black women. Um,

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Speaker 1: then there was the Jezebel, this idea that all black

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Speaker 1: women were hyper sexual and the only thing that we

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Speaker 1: were good for is the value that was created from

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Speaker 1: our physical bodies. And then if we weren't the Mammy

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Speaker 1: or we weren't the Jezebels, and of course we had

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Speaker 1: to be the woman that everybody has come to know

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Speaker 1: and almost I would say, uh hate or hate to

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Speaker 1: love in the last two decades is that angry black woman.

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Speaker 1: And so a lot of people have this idea that

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Speaker 1: the superwoman, the superhero black woman has emerged as a

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Speaker 1: way to counter all of those stereotypes and to say, listen,

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Speaker 1: we're not Mammy's, we're not Jezebel's, and we're not angry.

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Speaker 1: We have it all together, we can do all things.

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Speaker 1: We are all powerful, and we will not crack under

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Speaker 1: the pressure no matter what is given to us. And

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Speaker 1: so out of these archetypes has come this new evolution

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Speaker 1: of this idea of what it means to be a

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Speaker 1: black woman. But that in and of itself is reaking

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Speaker 1: its own havoc amongst us. Yeah, and it does feel

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Speaker 1: like there has been growing conversation, you know, with black

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Speaker 1: women realizing like, look, we don't have to play into

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Speaker 1: this stereotype, like it's okay for us to not be strong. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I also think that there is some real pride

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Speaker 1: attached to it, and it feels like there's this really

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Speaker 1: weird tension there. And you know, it's so funny, Joy

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Speaker 1: that you say that, because my experience is actually not

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Speaker 1: even that we don't have to live up to it,

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Speaker 1: but it's almost a breaking under the pressure that I

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Speaker 1: can no longer live up to it. You know, I'm

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Speaker 1: looking to the left, I'm looking to the right, and

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Speaker 1: I use all these external cues to tell me who

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Speaker 1: I should be. You know, it's particularly in this age

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Speaker 1: of social media, right everybody looks like they are having

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Speaker 1: the time of their lives. They have no worries, they

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Speaker 1: have no struggles, and you know, everyone is trying to

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Speaker 1: keep up with the jones is for lack of a

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Speaker 1: better way to say it, but what black women are

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Speaker 1: finding is, wait, a minute, behind this stereotype, underneath this cape,

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Speaker 1: I am buckling under the pressure. I am I can't

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Speaker 1: breathe under the weight of all of this. And unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: what they are finding is that they are fatigued. So

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Speaker 1: they are broken and they are bruised, and they simply

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Speaker 1: cannot do it anymore. And so that's why it's important

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Speaker 1: for us to help black women understand one that they're

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Speaker 1: not alone to that this is a stereotype or a

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Speaker 1: myth that's impossible to live up to, and three that

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Speaker 1: trying to do so is only going to kill you

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Speaker 1: in the long run. So when you hear the idea

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Speaker 1: that black don't crack, oh, I'm quick to tell my clients, Oh, yes,

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Speaker 1: it does. It just cracks from the inside out. M

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Speaker 1: M in spirit. Are you seeing that? That is typically

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Speaker 1: where a lot of your clients will then come into

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Speaker 1: therapy when they've like hit this breaking point. Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm so glad that you asked that, because

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Speaker 1: as I tell my clients, particularly with women, since we're

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Speaker 1: talking about this idea today, is that it's almost never

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Speaker 1: the thing that brings you in. You know, it's not

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Speaker 1: the presenting symptom, because see, since we have the cape on,

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Speaker 1: we don't realize that there's an issue. We usually you're

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Speaker 1: coming in for something else. We're coming in because our

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Speaker 1: relationship is not working out. We're coming in because we

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Speaker 1: need some help with our children getting them together. We're

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Speaker 1: coming in because we recently lost our mother, the matriarch

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Speaker 1: or our grandmother um, and so we're just trying to

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Speaker 1: get just the slightest bit of help, but not too much,

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Speaker 1: because you know, I'm a strong woman, and that's part

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Speaker 1: of the archetype. It's the idea that I really don't

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Speaker 1: need help from others, So I just need something to

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Speaker 1: get me to the next step, just a little something

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Speaker 1: to take the edge off, and then I'll be good again.

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Speaker 1: But what happens when you get in front of a

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Speaker 1: therapy it's like me, who does that really deep, deep work,

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Speaker 1: that does that family of origin work, that does the

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Speaker 1: childhood trauma work. What you're able to learn is one

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Speaker 1: that it's okay to step away from this archetype, and two,

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Speaker 1: you have every right to deal with every part of

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Speaker 1: you that makes you human. I really like that spirit,

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Speaker 1: And as you were talking, it made me think about

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Speaker 1: how scary that might be, Like if you have invested

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Speaker 1: in this identity as a strong black woman, how scary

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Speaker 1: it might be to hit with a therapist and have

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Speaker 1: them start peeling that back. Oh my goodness, it can

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Speaker 1: be very disconcerting, especially for the client. That's not prepared

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Speaker 1: for that. So one of the things that I talk about,

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Speaker 1: especially in that initial session, is what brought you in?

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Speaker 1: What are you hoping to get out of this session

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Speaker 1: or this work together? And how will we know when

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Speaker 1: we got there? And so as we begin to kind

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Speaker 1: of look at some of those things, when I realize,

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Speaker 1: oh we've we're bumping up against that archetypes, Oh there

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Speaker 1: may be more to this, what I do is make

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Speaker 1: my client aware of that, ask them are they able

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Speaker 1: to connect the dot and are they interested in going there?

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Speaker 1: Because the therapy is not about taking somebody further or

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Speaker 1: faster than they're willing to go. It's helping them rediscover

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Speaker 1: themselves in a place that is safe, in a place

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Speaker 1: that is comfortable, and in a place that is loving

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Speaker 1: and compassionate. And you can only do that when a

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Speaker 1: client is motivated to do that and when they feel

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Speaker 1: safe enough to do that. So I'm always very careful

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Speaker 1: about what that means. But I'm also holding my clients

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Speaker 1: accountable to themselves and to the goals that they say

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Speaker 1: that they want. So if you're wanting to live your

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Speaker 1: best life, then how m getting real about what your

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Speaker 1: life has been up until this point benefit you and

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Speaker 1: help you meet that goal. And it's almost all ways

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Speaker 1: the case that they want to go further, because at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, most of us really do

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Speaker 1: one of our best lives. We're just afraid of the

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Speaker 1: steps that it may take or we don't know what

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Speaker 1: it's going to take to get there, and that's where

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Speaker 1: the challenge is lie. And I think it's really important

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Speaker 1: to highlight that spirit because I do think that that

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Speaker 1: does stop a lot of people from maybe trying therapy.

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Speaker 1: Is this fear of like a therapist dragging them into

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Speaker 1: something that feels like they can't come back out of right,

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Speaker 1: but the idea that they really have a choice about. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm identifying this kind of thing and it looks like

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Speaker 1: there may be some work to do here. Do you

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Speaker 1: feel like this is the place you want to go? Hello?

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Speaker 1: And not only do you feel like this is the

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Speaker 1: place you want to go, but it's just the right

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Speaker 1: time for you to go there, because you know, when

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Speaker 1: you begin to pull back those layers, sometimes it's not

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Speaker 1: the right time. If I'm already stressed and I'm doing

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Speaker 1: everything that i can to hold it together, perhaps this

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Speaker 1: isn't the moment to look at some of the things

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Speaker 1: that might lead me to fall apart. And I will

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Speaker 1: have clients to tell me that all the time, and

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Speaker 1: I'll say, listen, do you realize that you are on

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Speaker 1: the verge of what you know, especially in African American culture,

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Speaker 1: what we have traditionally called a nervous breakdown? Do you

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Speaker 1: realize that you're on the verge of that or i e.

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Speaker 1: That you may need some more intensive support, some more

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Speaker 1: intensive therapy, or even looking at possible hospitalization. And I

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Speaker 1: cannot tell you the number of Black women Dr Joys

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Speaker 1: who have said to me, spirit, I don't have time

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Speaker 1: for a breakdown. The kids exacting have, my husband is

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Speaker 1: going crazy, my job is going crazy. I don't have time.

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Speaker 1: And they actually want to schedule hospitalization like they schedule

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Speaker 1: a many petty And I have to say, girlfriend, let's

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Speaker 1: talk about this case because here it is that you

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Speaker 1: think you can control time and the problem is you

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Speaker 1: think you have more time than you actually do. So

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Speaker 1: how do we get real and how do we shake

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Speaker 1: off some of the characteristics that are associated with this

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Speaker 1: schema so that you can finally focus on you and

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Speaker 1: be your best you. And once we talk about those

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Speaker 1: areas that are related to what it means to live

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Speaker 1: under that black superwoman archetypes, then they're able to see,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I do do that, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: even have any idea that that's what it was or

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Speaker 1: that's what it was related to. So, Sarah, I think

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Speaker 1: it is fine to have maybe almost like an academic

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Speaker 1: discussion about like what this archetype looks like. But I

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Speaker 1: do think listeners will benefit from hearing, like how do

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Speaker 1: I know if this is something I'm struggling with? Like

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Speaker 1: how would a person recognize that they may be dealing

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Speaker 1: with some of this superwoman stuff? Oh yeah, so let's

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Speaker 1: talk about it, because you know, um, the actual woman

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Speaker 1: who really is the UH is credited with characterizing this.

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Speaker 1: She said that there were five simple archetypes and maybe

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Speaker 1: they were a little more technical, but I like for

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Speaker 1: our listeners to be able to relate to it. I

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Speaker 1: like to talk about mental health in a way that

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Speaker 1: everybody can understand in so let's just keep it really

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Speaker 1: simple because I want people to see themselves. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: you know, there are five characteristics that go along with

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Speaker 1: this particular schema, and the first one is this obligation

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Speaker 1: to present an image of strength. Always. I am strong,

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Speaker 1: I am powerful, I am woman. Hear me roar. And

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Speaker 1: not only is that how I see myself, but I

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Speaker 1: feel the pressure, whether it's from other women. And those

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Speaker 1: women could be my girlfriends, it could be my mother,

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Speaker 1: it could be from stories passed down. I have an

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Speaker 1: obligation to present black women to the world in this strong,

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Speaker 1: powerful way, and I will not let us down. So

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Speaker 1: it's this collective idea of how I need to be

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Speaker 1: presenting all the time, and that's from a place of strength.

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Speaker 1: The second characteristic is I have an obligation to suppress

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Speaker 1: my emotions. So basically, what does that mean? Dr joy.

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Speaker 1: That means you're never gonna see me sweat. You're not

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Speaker 1: gonna hear that this is hard. You're not gonna hear

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Speaker 1: that this is too much. You're not gonna hear that

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Speaker 1: this hurts me, or this frustrates me, or I don't

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Speaker 1: understand how to do this. I'm going to look like

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Speaker 1: I always have it together, even if the world is

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Speaker 1: falling apart around my feet. You will never ever know it.

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Speaker 1: The third part of this archetype is this idea that

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Speaker 1: we cannot be dependent on help from others. And we

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Speaker 1: are not vulnerable. There is nothing wrong with me. All

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Speaker 1: my bills are paid on time. I've got it going on.

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Speaker 1: I know how I'm handling everything. I am not a

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Speaker 1: weak person, and I am not vulnerable to anything that

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Speaker 1: may come my way. I'm ready for every challenge. I

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Speaker 1: can do it on my own, and I don't need

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Speaker 1: anybody's help in order to survive. The next one is

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Speaker 1: a motivation to succeed against all odds. You know, Black

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Speaker 1: women have known, or have long been known for making

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Speaker 1: a way out of no way. You know what we're

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Speaker 1: talking about, making ends meet, riding it to the wheels,

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Speaker 1: fall off when you feel like you're at the end

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Speaker 1: of your rope, tie a knot, and hang on. All

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Speaker 1: of those things that have been passed on from generation

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Speaker 1: to generation since we step foot on this continent, the

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Speaker 1: idea that you make a way out of no way,

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Speaker 1: and so that becomes part of our belief system that

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Speaker 1: I always have to be able to figure it out

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Speaker 1: and make a way out of no way. And then

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Speaker 1: that last characteristic that falls under that whole superwoman's schema

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Speaker 1: is the idea that it is my responsibility to put

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Speaker 1: others before myself. It is my I I can wait,

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Speaker 1: I can go without. I can do without. I can

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Speaker 1: I'm the strongest one in the bunch. I always have

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Speaker 1: to put the needs of others in front of me,

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Speaker 1: and I will deal with me later on. And the

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Speaker 1: problem is that we never deal with us, and that

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Speaker 1: is where or we go awry. And what makes it

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Speaker 1: all the more worse is that we as black women,

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Speaker 1: are so collective that we get into what's known as

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Speaker 1: network stress, which means I'm not even just worried about

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Speaker 1: my own situation, but I'm worried about and affected by

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Speaker 1: the situation of others that are connected to me. So

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Speaker 1: if my mother is in trouble, her pain is my pain.

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Speaker 1: If my girls are in trouble, their pain is my pain.

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Speaker 1: If my neighbors are in trouble, their problems are my problems.

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Speaker 1: But this network of any and everyone that I'm connected to,

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Speaker 1: I have an obligation to put them before me, to

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Speaker 1: rescue them and take on their pains and burdens as

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Speaker 1: my own. Now wouldn't that be enough for anybody to

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Speaker 1: crack under? M M? Yeah? In the video even talks about,

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Speaker 1: you know, like how black women do that more than

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Speaker 1: other people, like taking on and the stress actually feels

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Speaker 1: as if the stressful situation is happening to you. Oh, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And that goes back to that collectivism mentality. You know,

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Speaker 1: we have always been about being our brother's keeper. And

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Speaker 1: you hear these kind of uh colloquialisms and analogies within

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Speaker 1: our community, and they are passed down from generation to generation,

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Speaker 1: and you come to own them as a particular obligation.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to drop the ball. You don't want

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Speaker 1: to be the weak link. You don't want society to

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Speaker 1: be able to look at you as negative stereotypes that

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Speaker 1: have traveled and been passed down from generation to generation

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Speaker 1: as it relates to us as a group. And so

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Speaker 1: basically you decide they will never see me sweat, and

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Speaker 1: why because they're not supposed to. But that couldn't be

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Speaker 1: further from the truth. Dr Joy. We all sweat, right

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Speaker 1: of course, of course. And see's here this is where

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Speaker 1: I find myself like really struggling with like the tension

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Speaker 1: of this, because I think that they're is something very

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Speaker 1: powerful about the fact that our culture is collective, and

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Speaker 1: you know that I am my sister's keeper, Like I

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Speaker 1: feel like I and a lot of people like take

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Speaker 1: real pride in that, but of course, as you mentioned,

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Speaker 1: there's a point at which that goes too for so

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Speaker 1: what is the boundary, like, how how can we continue

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Speaker 1: to take care of each other but also know when

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Speaker 1: we have to kind of make a line that you

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Speaker 1: can't go to part with that? Yes, well you know,

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Speaker 1: and I'm actually I'm so glad that you're asking that

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Speaker 1: because I feel like this conversation is so timely because

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Speaker 1: here as we look at April, April is National Stress

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Speaker 1: Awareness Months. And so what we know is that Black

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Speaker 1: women are disproportionately affected by stress just due to the

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Speaker 1: high demands of our daily lives, our struggles, and our

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Speaker 1: inability or unwillingness to shake off this black superwoman complex,

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Speaker 1: if you will. And so what we have to do

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Speaker 1: is we have to pay attention to us as individuals.

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Speaker 1: And when I say us, I'm not talking about this

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Speaker 1: network stress, okay, I am talking about we have to

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Speaker 1: go inward and look in first instead of outside, because

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Speaker 1: the reality is you cannot pour from an empty cup.

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Speaker 1: It is impossible. And so we have to decide that

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Speaker 1: when we get ourselves together, we want to be together

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Speaker 1: not just from head to toe, but from the inside out,

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Speaker 1: and we have to be aware of what kind of

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Speaker 1: things cause stress for us. We have to be aware

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Speaker 1: of those early signs of stress so that we know

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Speaker 1: when it's taking a toll on us. We have to

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Speaker 1: know how to manage our stress, and we have to

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Speaker 1: know how and what to do if we find that

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Speaker 1: we can't handle the stress that we're under understanding that

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Speaker 1: that does not make us weak, but in fact, it

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Speaker 1: makes us stronger. Okay, So that that feels like a

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Speaker 1: great compromise, right Like, in order to continue to take

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Speaker 1: care of the community, you first need to take care

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Speaker 1: of yourself. Come on, come on, you know, and then

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Speaker 1: we all have to understand. I love to tell my

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Speaker 1: clients this over and over again. You don't have to

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Speaker 1: set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. You

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Speaker 1: do not have to do it. But unfortunately, all of

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Speaker 1: these lessons that we're talking about go against this superwoman

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Speaker 1: complex that we've been taught, that we've been conditioned to believe.

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Speaker 1: And so the moment that we take our eyes off

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Speaker 1: of others, the moment that we decide I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to take on the problems of someone else, Because there's

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Speaker 1: a difference between helping enabling and taking on, and far

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Speaker 1: too often we don't know the difference, and we find

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Speaker 1: ourselves overly involved in other people's situations, believing that that's

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Speaker 1: what we're supposed to do. I'm strong enough, I got this.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to see you suffer. I won't suffer

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Speaker 1: if I take this on. We have to realize our

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Speaker 1: own humanists. We have to give one another permission to

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Speaker 1: be human, and and most importantly, we have to give

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Speaker 1: ourselves permission to be human and protect ourselves, our minds,

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Speaker 1: our bodies, and our spirits as a temple, as a

429
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Speaker 1: very very fragile, precious temple, and we only have one,

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Speaker 1: and we don't get a second chance as far as

431
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:23,199
Speaker 1: we know. So, as you were talking about like one

432
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 1: of the characteristics related to this superwoman complex, you mentioned um,

433
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 1: the idea that it causes us to have issues with

434
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 1: health seeking behavior, and I often think about UM. You know,

435
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,359
Speaker 1: like my experience has been that black women tend to

436
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 1: want other black women therapists. You know, most of the time,

437
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 1: it feels like, at least in my experience, but I

438
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 1: do feel like there is some UM difficulty when you

439
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 1: are working with another black woman therapists who you presume

440
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 1: has it together, that it feels like it. It makes

441
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,440
Speaker 1: it more difficult maybe for you to step into on

442
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 1: a more emotional space or it's to admit that you're

443
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 1: struggling because of this need to kind of have this presentation,

444
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,640
Speaker 1: you know what. I think that that's highly possible, Dr

445
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,360
Speaker 1: Joy And to that, what I would say is then

446
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 1: that would be a challenge not for that woman who

447
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: comes in and sits in that chair, but more so

448
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 1: a challenge for those black female therapists to have the

449
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: awareness because I think that that's part of the cultural

450
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 1: competency piece that we're all challenged and charged to have

451
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 1: to be uh to have to fulfill. I think we

452
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 1: need to understand that about the client that is sitting

453
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 1: in front of us, and then we have to be

454
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: the ones to take charge and know how can I

455
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 1: make that okay for her? And so I can tell

456
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 1: you that for me, in my therapy or in my

457
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: therapeutic orientation, it's very important that my clients understand straightaway

458
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 1: that one, I'm not your girlfriend, even though we may

459
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 1: have that connection and we may be able to speak

460
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 1: a certain way and we may be able to use

461
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: references that each of us get just from a cultural place,

462
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,920
Speaker 1: because as we are culturally similar. But I also want

463
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: them to know that I am not the expert in

464
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: their lives that they are, and I'm just here to

465
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 1: reflect back to them their journey as they understand it,

466
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: or even to help them understand it in a different way.

467
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 1: And most importantly, I want them to understand at all

468
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: times that I am human just like them. And to

469
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,439
Speaker 1: that I will off and tell my clients and they

470
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 1: will tell you back as they are out in the

471
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 1: streets talk and other people, or as they refer people

472
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 1: to me, and they'll say, you know, one of the

473
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 1: things that so and so told me is she said

474
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 1: that you do not play about putting you up on

475
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:39,119
Speaker 1: the pedestal. And I will tell them immediately no, no, no,

476
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 1: because let me tell you, do not look at me

477
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,439
Speaker 1: and think that you know what my life is about.

478
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 1: I have no problem sharing my struggle with you over

479
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 1: the years if I think that that would be therapeutically

480
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: appropriate and there would be some value to that. But

481
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,119
Speaker 1: if for even a single second I think that you

482
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: are using me as your measuring stick, then I will

483
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: not only point out the pedestal that I'm concerned that

484
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 1: you're placing me on, but I will jump off head first.

485
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 1: And I will not only I will not only do

486
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: that to break the idea of perfection for you, but

487
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: also to show you that I can take that leap

488
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 1: and still survive and the world hasn't fallen off of

489
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: its axis. So I will do it to be a

490
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 1: model to you, to be a mirror to you, to

491
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: show you what is possible when you shake off that cap. Yeah,

492
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: and it feels like that's where some really good work

493
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,719
Speaker 1: can happen, right Like through that, but learning that they

494
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: can see that I can take this risk and it

495
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: is yes, I'd be like, oh it's getting good. Now girl,

496
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 1: are we getting into your growth? We on the now,

497
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,960
Speaker 1: we're in the journey. Now that you put your shoes

498
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 1: back on. Because see, the real deal is, I can

499
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: never tell you what your journey is like. And it's

500
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 1: not for me to judge your journey because I will

501
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 1: never ever be able to walk a single mile in

502
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 1: your shoes, and so it is not for me to

503
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: judge your journey. It is not for me to assess

504
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: where you should be in your journey. How can I

505
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,520
Speaker 1: do that with something that I can't experience in the

506
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 1: same way that you will never be able to do

507
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: the same in my life. And so A plus B

508
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 1: always equal. See in your own life, if you look

509
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: at your A and you look at your B, it

510
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: is no wonder that you are at C right where

511
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 1: you are sitting now. And it's all about helping you

512
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: to unpack the journey. So once you understand and are

513
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: able to make those connections, you then become empowered and

514
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 1: in control of where C, D and E take you.

515
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 1: And that's really what it's all about. Yeah, I like

516
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: that spirit. So what would you suggest to people who

517
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 1: may be listening to this episode and they're like, oh,

518
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,480
Speaker 1: my goodness, I do recognize this in myself. I feel

519
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: like this may be Can I struggle with what kinds

520
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 1: of like tips or strategies might you have for people

521
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: who think that this may be an issue for them? Well,

522
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 1: you know, I always say, and this is just my bias.

523
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: Is a therapist, therapy, therapy and more therapy. Okay. I

524
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 1: believe that it is imperative that at some point in

525
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: your journey, and really to be quite frank with you,

526
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 1: at multiple joints points in your journey, that you would

527
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 1: give yourself the gift of therapy and getting on somebody's couch,

528
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: because we all deserve and we all can benefit from

529
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: the idea of sitting with somebody who is trained to

530
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 1: help guide us in a place and in a way

531
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: where they are as objective a person as I am

532
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: ever going to be. They are not invested in my

533
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: situation at all, so they have no stake in this.

534
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 1: You know. I love to tell my clients, I have

535
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 1: no horse in your race. I'm not betting one way

536
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 1: or the other. I know nothing about anybody else. This

537
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 1: is just about your individual performance for where you are now,

538
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: where you're trying to go, and how do you connect

539
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 1: those guys And so I would say that therapy gives

540
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 1: you one of the best ways to absolutely be able

541
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: to do that. But then you have to look at

542
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 1: the other part to that, because therapy, for most people,

543
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 1: it's just once twice or you know, three or four

544
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 1: times a month, depending on how you set up your

545
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: therapeutic journey. But that is just a few minutes once

546
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 1: a week if you're lucky, right, that means that you

547
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: have six other days and twenty three other hours in

548
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 1: the to have to engage in this journey with you

549
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: as the leader, without your therapist there to guide you

550
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 1: or to support you or walk you through. So you

551
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 1: have to know how do I take time for myself,

552
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 1: how do I what do I need to do to

553
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 1: get this journey right? And so in addition to that

554
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: therapeutic processing, you also have to think about eating right,

555
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 1: sleeping right, moving right. And you know, in the moving right,

556
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 1: I say, that's both getting the exercise that need and

557
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: that's also getting the rest that you need. And we

558
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 1: don't do the rest part well, and a lot of

559
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: us aren't doing the exercise part well either. Let's just

560
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 1: be real. And then, even more importantly, sometimes than all

561
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 1: of those things combined, we have to learn as black

562
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 1: women how to set limits. How to set limits understanding

563
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 1: that no is a complete sentence, Understanding that I do

564
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: not have to be all things to everybody, and there

565
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: will come times where I have to say no to

566
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 1: my friends, no to my family, no to my job,

567
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: no to my church, even no to myself. I have

568
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 1: to set boundaries so that I can be okay. Because

569
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 1: the real deal is that everybody, even pseudo superheroes, need

570
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: time to rest, rejuvenate, recharge, and replenish. And we have

571
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 1: to find a way to strike that balance in our lives.

572
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 1: No great tips. So in addition to that, do you

573
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: have any like favorite resources related to this topic for

574
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 1: people who maybe want to read more um or feel like, Okay,

575
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 1: I want to do more work in this area, like

576
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 1: any books or things that you enjoy. You know what,

577
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 1: I don't really think that it's about books nowadays, unfortunately,

578
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 1: because I think that everybody is reading something. It's so interesting.

579
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 1: I come into a session and I have clients, especially

580
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: since we're talking about this archetype, and I want to

581
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: be very clear because I don't want people to be

582
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: like Spirit said, don't read. No, that's not what I

583
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 1: am saying, Okay, But what I am saying is when

584
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 1: you were dealing with a woman who thinks that she

585
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: is the superwoman, nine times I'd attend Dr Joy. She

586
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 1: has already gone above and beyond to research the mess

587
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 1: out of what she thinks her situation is. Because remember,

588
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 1: she doesn't need help. She's trying to figure it out

589
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 1: on her own, and she has the answer. So I'm

590
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 1: more likely to see that woman coming to the office

591
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 1: and go, Okay, I already know what's wrong with me.

592
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 1: I think I know what my diagnosis is and you go,

593
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 1: how is that possible that you could actually know that?

594
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,759
Speaker 1: And she goes, oh, well, you know, I looked on

595
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 1: the websites and she'll name fifty million websites and I

596
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: figured that out. I figured out that, you know, with

597
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 1: my parents. Well, I'm sorry, that's my little bit to

598
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 1: waken up. Now that's the mama being the superhero. So

599
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 1: but she says, listen, I think I already have it

600
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:32,840
Speaker 1: figured out. And so what I say is, don't try

601
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: to put the pieces together. Simply show up with your

602
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 1: pieces in hand and allow somebody else to help walk

603
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 1: you through the journey. In the same way as when

604
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: you go to the salon and you're going to get

605
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 1: a manny petty. You don't sit there and you tell

606
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 1: the woman Okay, first you're gonna put my feet in

607
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 1: the water. Okay, Now you're gonna make the water this Okay,

608
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 1: Now it's time for you to take it out right.

609
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 1: We don't do that. You don't go to your favorite

610
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 1: restaurant on and say, okay, can you tell them that

611
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 1: when they make mistake. First, I want them to set

612
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 1: the temperature at three fifty. Then I want them to

613
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 1: make sure that there's enough oil on the on the

614
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,320
Speaker 1: on the grill. We don't do those kinds of things.

615
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 1: We simply show up and say I'm here to be

616
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,360
Speaker 1: a part of the experience. And so that's what I

617
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 1: encourage all of the superwomen who are out there listening

618
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 1: to this show right now, knowing that they are cracking

619
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 1: under the weight, or knowing that their muscles are ready

620
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 1: to give out, or that they are simply exhausted. Stop

621
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,320
Speaker 1: trying to read about it, Stop trying to study about it,

622
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: stop trying to think that you have to have the answer.

623
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: Simply show up, show up, and allow somebody to help you,

624
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 1: even if nobody else ever gets to see. Because that's

625
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 1: the beauty of therapy, it's the confidentiality. Just show up.

626
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: Just show up nice, nice. So any news or events

627
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 1: that you have going on are coming up that you

628
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,400
Speaker 1: want to share about, the easiest way for people to

629
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,480
Speaker 1: stay abreast of what it is that I'm doing, and

630
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: if they want more information about how to do those

631
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,880
Speaker 1: things in terms of contacting me or watching or listening,

632
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: simply come to my social media um Talk to Spirit

633
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 1: and that's talk the Number two Spirits. You can find

634
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,280
Speaker 1: me at Talk to Spirit on all of my social

635
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,399
Speaker 1: media and I will always keep you abreast about what's

636
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: going on, not just in the month, not just in

637
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 1: the week, but sometimes on the day and more importantly,

638
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,719
Speaker 1: more importantly if they think or they know that they

639
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: need help or they just want to expand this conversation.

640
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 1: One thing that I do know that I do each

641
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 1: and every week without fail is Free Advice Friday. They

642
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 1: can come to my Facebook page every Friday at noon

643
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,879
Speaker 1: Eastern Standard time and we do a live Facebook chat

644
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:59,879
Speaker 1: featuring beautiful, wonderful, gifted, talented, knowledgeable therapists from all over

645
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,319
Speaker 1: the country. As a matter of fact, I think we've

646
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 1: already seen you on the couch at least wants Dr Joyce.

647
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:10,719
Speaker 1: It's about time to get you back, okay, So they

648
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 1: can definitely catch you for that, and I definitely would

649
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 1: encourage you put a tune in for that because those

650
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 1: are great conversations. Yes, we always have a ball, and

651
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 1: more importantly, we have the opportunity to talk to people directly,

652
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 1: face to face, whether they'd like to remain anonymous or

653
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 1: whether they could care less, and they are there to

654
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 1: get the information, tools, tips and resources that they need.

655
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 1: So each and every Friday, Free advice Friday, you'll find

656
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 1: old clips new clips of everything that it is that

657
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: I'm doing. And also you can put in a request

658
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 1: for me to do some other things. Like I said,

659
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: you never know where the work finds us exactly exactly. Well,

660
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:51,799
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today's spirit. Oh

661
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 1: it's gonna be on my pleasure Listen. One of the

662
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,400
Speaker 1: things that we have to continue to do is we

663
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,320
Speaker 1: have to continue to support each other. We have to

664
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: continue to look out for each other, and until we

665
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 1: get to the point where we are able to retire

666
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: these cakes for good. I challenge every woman out there

667
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 1: within the sound of my voice, check up on your

668
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 1: strong friend today. Check up on her. Check up on

669
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 1: the one that never says she needs any help, that

670
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 1: always seems to have it together, Because the real deal

671
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:27,800
Speaker 1: is that helpers need help too, and whether or not

672
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: we ask for it, each of us can benefit from it.

673
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:35,400
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's the one person that refuses the hug.

674
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,800
Speaker 1: It's the one person that refuses the help. It's the

675
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:42,240
Speaker 1: one person who hides behind oh I'm good, I'm fine,

676
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 1: I'm okay. Understanding that none of those things are a feeling,

677
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: check up on them and give it to them anyway,

678
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 1: because usually it feels so uncomfortable because they are cracking

679
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 1: just trying to save face on the outside. So look

680
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 1: out for your super women today. Maybe give them a

681
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:03,840
Speaker 1: crypt night necklace for Christmas? How about that? Let's go

682
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:08,800
Speaker 1: with vibranium in the spirit of love. It come on forever.

683
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 1: But isn't that the superwoman archetype all over? Don't get

684
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 1: me started? A new episode take away for us to

685
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 1: wrap up. Yes, we'll say that for part two of

686
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 1: that movie exactly, exactly my pleasure. I can't wait to

687
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:31,239
Speaker 1: see you all again, God Blast. I had a great

688
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:34,320
Speaker 1: time chatting with Spirit for this episode, and I'm so

689
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,800
Speaker 1: glad she was able to share her wealth of knowledge

690
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: with us. Be sure to visit her website and follow

691
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 1: her on social media to keep up with everything that

692
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,800
Speaker 1: she's doing. You can find all of that information in

693
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,399
Speaker 1: this show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com

694
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 1: slash session fifty four. And I already know that y'all

695
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: will have lots to say about this episode and we

696
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 1: want to hear it. Be sure to share them with

697
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 1: us on social media. You can find us on Twitter

698
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 1: at therapy before the Number four b Girls and on

699
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook at Therapy for Black Girls, don't forget

700
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 1: to use the hashtag tv G in session so that

701
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:13,280
Speaker 1: others can join the conversation as well. I would again

702
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,439
Speaker 1: like to thank our sponsor for this episode, Bright Pink.

703
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 1: You've already heard Spirit talk brilliantly about the superwoman complex,

704
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 1: and sometimes that looks like not actually acknowledging when we

705
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 1: notice symptoms, are feeling as though we have to suppress

706
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 1: our emotions, if we're afraid, are feeling like we have

707
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 1: to project strength even when we feel the opposite. I

708
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 1: want to encourage you not to do that with your

709
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,359
Speaker 1: health and again invite you to get your personalized risk

710
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 1: assessment risk management plan by taking the short quiz, by

711
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 1: texting prevent to five nine two seven seven, or by

712
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 1: visiting Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash bright Pink.

713
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: If you're interested in continuing the conversations that we start

714
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 1: here on the podcast, please join us over in the

715
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: face community. You can request to join at Therapy for

716
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com slash tribe, and remember there are

717
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 1: three short questions you need to answer before you are

718
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,439
Speaker 1: allowed into the community, so make sure not to skip

719
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 1: that step. And if you are looking for a therapist

720
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: in your area. Make sure to check out the therapist

721
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 1: directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory.

722
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to continuing this conversation with you all

723
00:41:25,400 --> 00:42:10,320
Speaker 1: real soon. Take care, par oftor often, per hoctor often,

724
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:12,840
Speaker 1: or