1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the 2 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:07,160 Speaker 1: Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. Hello, Brandon, 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: welcome back, Welcome, thank you. We never get quality time 4 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,040 Speaker 1: together anymore. I know. It's so nice when I can 5 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 1: just finally gaze into your eyes, isn't it. You've been 6 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 1: spending a lot of time in Utah the summer, Brandon. Actually, 7 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: and if there's something you need to tell me about 8 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: coming out as a Mormon, well, most Mormons don't come out, 9 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,560 Speaker 1: They in as a matter of fact, So no, that 10 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: would sound odo like a double whoopsie doopsie if you 11 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,919 Speaker 1: asked me, just might be. But you've been on the road, 12 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,040 Speaker 1: so I've had time to explore. And when we went 13 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: to Park City, I just fell in love with Utah. 14 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,240 Speaker 1: So I've been I know we're going to ski again 15 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: next year too. You have to get us a house 16 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:44,199 Speaker 1: in Austria from don't forget understood Airbnb. Okay, anyway back 17 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: to business. We're gonna play my show from Portland, where 18 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:50,480 Speaker 1: I was interviewed by another author named Courtney Hameister, who 19 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,520 Speaker 1: was awesome. And this was the series of shows that 20 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 1: made me realize, oh, I wanted to turn this into 21 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: stand up, which is interesting because you never thought you'd 22 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: do stand up again. Yeah, we've said that half we 23 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 1: I think so well, it sounds like that's a double 24 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:10,639 Speaker 1: whoopsie dood. Thank you, Thank you, that you that's so nice. 25 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 1: Thank you more then. Hi. This is called room temperature 26 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 1: water because I fucking abhore room temperature water, and I 27 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: wish people would stop handing it out on planes and 28 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: do saunty to saunty. I don't want to sawny water. 29 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:44,400 Speaker 1: That's Coca cola, okay, I want ice cold water with 30 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: a lemon anyway, room temperature water. There was a time 31 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 1: in my life when astrology and psychics not to be 32 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 1: confused with physics, fascinated me, but as a general rule, 33 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: I think it's all a bunch of bullshit. Meditation seems 34 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: to work for some people, while medication works for others, 35 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,959 Speaker 1: which explains why it's very difficult for me to sit 36 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: still with my eyes closed for any length of time 37 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:24,920 Speaker 1: without row hypnol. I'm all for people being spiritual, but 38 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 1: I'm literally of anyone who mentions it more than once 39 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 1: in a single sitting, unless, of course, one is on 40 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: a spiritual retreat, which I hope to God. I never 41 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: will be if there even is a God. Jury is 42 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: out on that one too, at least until the Rapture, 43 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 1: an event I'm convinced will end up taking place at 44 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 1: the Hollywood Bowl. I believe in spirituality as a component 45 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: of your lifestyle. The problem is that spiritual people can 46 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 1: sometimes be giant assholes. Madonna doesn't make me want to 47 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 1: practice Kabbalah. She makes me wonder what on earth she 48 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,799 Speaker 1: has is on them that they are willing to let 49 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: her be their most famous brand ambassador. At least, Tom 50 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: Cruise is a good front man for scientology because he 51 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:14,240 Speaker 1: seems nice, but obviously he's out of his fucking tree too. 52 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:28,640 Speaker 1: I feel spiritual when I'm on mushrooms. I'm not in 53 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:32,560 Speaker 1: the rocks and crystals and chakras and healers. I just 54 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,800 Speaker 1: think everyone is looking for something, and it seems like 55 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,600 Speaker 1: some people will just settle on the first ray of 56 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: sun or glimmer of hope they bump into. Los Angeles 57 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 1: is a very tricky place for vulnerable people. Hourly you 58 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 1: will hear words like gratitude, universe and manifest and terms 59 00:03:52,680 --> 00:04:06,120 Speaker 1: like micro panic attack and artisanal deodorant. It is a 60 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 1: place consumed with trends and fads and avocados and kale, 61 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 1: but everything has a shelf life. There will be a 62 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 1: point when the women in gay population of Los Angeles 63 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: will turn their backs on avocados and kale, claiming they 64 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 1: both cause cancer and a rectile dysfunction, only to turn 65 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:27,479 Speaker 1: their attention towards some new colonic hydrotherapist mystic who convinces 66 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,200 Speaker 1: everyone that is steady diet of fried calamari is the 67 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: new anti inflammatory food for the ages. It will quickly 68 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,040 Speaker 1: appear on the menu of upscale restaurants, and then there 69 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:41,040 Speaker 1: will be stores selling preprackaged fresh calamari for eleven dollars 70 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: of serving. It's hard to take anything or anyone seriously 71 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: after a while. And I'm a cynic, but I've even 72 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,040 Speaker 1: gotten roped in. I've been in Los Angeles for over 73 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 1: twenty years now, and I've you know, been taken to 74 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: a retreat where I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, this 75 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 1: is a mistake, you know what I mean. You got 76 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,359 Speaker 1: out of treat in the woods of t Panga Canyon 77 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 1: because some actress that you're friends with. It's like, yes, 78 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: do this retreat. There's gonna be a sound bath, and like, 79 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 1: what is a sound bath? It's like a DJ in 80 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:16,200 Speaker 1: the bath? What is that? It sounds awesome. Are they 81 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: gonna be drugs? Yes, they'll be drugs, all right, I'll go, 82 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 1: I will go, and I'll take any drug. I am 83 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: all for it, like I am a garbage can give 84 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,359 Speaker 1: me anything, and I'll tell you how it feels. I 85 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 1: can take it. I'm strong. I feel like I'm built 86 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:38,039 Speaker 1: for the apocalypse. But there was a drug that this retreat. 87 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 1: There are two groups of women and one of them 88 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 1: were like becoming unclothed and is everyone's sweating? And I 89 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: was like I didn't like the looks of where that 90 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:50,719 Speaker 1: was going. You know, it looked like everybody's going deep 91 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 1: in the woods for a finger blasting ceremony. And I 92 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 1: was like, I don't think so funny. I'm not gonna 93 00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 1: trick me twice. No, oh, Surrey, I know what you're 94 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: gonna do with those broccoli spears, you sick bitches. And 95 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: I'm not into it. And I've done ayahuasca. I've documented it. 96 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: I did a special about drugs for a Netflix thank you, 97 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,960 Speaker 1: thank you, um where. I've done Aawaska in Peru with 98 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 1: a shaman like, you know, people get diarrhea when they 99 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:31,599 Speaker 1: do ayahuasca. People vomit. I went through that two nights 100 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:35,479 Speaker 1: and was aces like I know how to take drugs. Okay. 101 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 1: Nobody shet their pants on that night, not me. My 102 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 1: shaman did twice and didn't even go to the bathroom, 103 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:48,919 Speaker 1: just stayed in his jeans. I didn't let that affect 104 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,040 Speaker 1: me either. I got high that night and had a 105 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: beautiful imagery visuals. Will never forget it at this to 106 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: retreat sound bath whatever, you know. I once I got 107 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 1: I was like, this is a mistake. You gotta get 108 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,120 Speaker 1: out of here, you know. And there was two groups. 109 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,600 Speaker 1: One group was going to the woods, you know with 110 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,800 Speaker 1: the broccoli, and the other group was doing this something 111 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 1: from a frog five D m T or five D 112 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: m O or something. So this woman lies me down 113 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: and she's like, okay, you know you're gonna smoke this. 114 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: And then I'm like, yeah, give it to me already. Alright. 115 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 1: This place is the worst where it's like where is 116 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: the thing to smoke? Because I'm ready, I'm ready. I 117 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 1: was like the first one there and so she says 118 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: take a hit, and I took a hit and I 119 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: have been under you know, I've taken mushrooms. I've taken acid. 120 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: I took my s a t s on acid, which 121 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 1: is why I never went to college. You know, I 122 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 1: have a lot of history with this stuff. And I 123 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: took it and I was like, god, I thought for sure. 124 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god. I looked at the 125 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: woman and I was just immediately sweating, ripping my clothes off, 126 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 1: you know, I just like tearing them off. And then 127 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 1: she's like, you can hold my hand. I'm like, bitch, 128 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 1: make this stop. I'm in a matrix. All I could 129 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: see was like geometric patterns, and I was so hot, 130 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 1: and you know, before she asked me what my intention was, 131 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,200 Speaker 1: I was like, I don't have one. Just I'll tell 132 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: you after. Meanwhile, you need to have one. And I 133 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 1: had taken my clothes off and I looked down and 134 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 1: I was like just sweating, and I had my underwear left, 135 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 1: but it was a nude underwear, so I thought I 136 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: was naked and somebody had shaped my beaver. I was like, 137 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 1: what is it going on? And then I looked at her. 138 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:32,160 Speaker 1: Could you shave my beaber? And she's like no, sweetie, no, sweetie. 139 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 1: She's like just breathe. I'm like, this is it's a 140 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: wrap on this. I don't like this at all. And 141 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: I'm a tough girl, That's what I said. Though, I'm like, 142 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:44,320 Speaker 1: I'm a tough girl and this is too much. And 143 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: then I had to get dressed in front of her, 144 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 1: you know, like you come out of it. I can't. 145 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 1: So I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna Tieme 146 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:51,079 Speaker 1: go to time. If you're not gonna die, You're not 147 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: gonna die. You have brain damage. Now, yes, you are 148 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: going to have to deal with having brain damage because 149 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 1: something just attacked you. So when you get your shipped 150 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,599 Speaker 1: together and you get in your car, I want you 151 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:06,320 Speaker 1: to really think about this trip. So I've done a 152 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,240 Speaker 1: lot of drugs, okay, and I've fallen for it too, 153 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 1: like the bullshit. So I'm hip to all of that, 154 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 1: and I assumed therapy and meditation were all in the 155 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: same bucket as chakras and you know, broccoli stalks. Anyway, 156 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: I needed to talk to someone, but I was embarrassed 157 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 1: that I needed to talk to someone. I had spent 158 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 1: years skirting the issue of therapy based on the fact 159 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 1: that my life was working out pretty well minus an 160 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 1: emotionally stable relationship with someone of the opposite sex. To 161 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,199 Speaker 1: anyone who would query, I would say, I'm better off single. 162 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 1: I don't want to be tethered to anyone. I'm not 163 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: a relationship girl. My most recent favorite line was I'm 164 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:48,920 Speaker 1: just more high functioning as a single person, obviously, after 165 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 1: all of of people were in relationships and clearly I 166 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 1: was special if I had somehow managed to avoid one. 167 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:00,240 Speaker 1: Every therapist I saw before I reached the age of 168 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,199 Speaker 1: forty two, it made me feel like I was running 169 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: in place. I'd go for a period of time, and 170 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 1: then I would eventually get bored. Often I knew I 171 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 1: was running circles around them. Some therapists were just not 172 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 1: the right fit, and some of them were good but 173 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,160 Speaker 1: felt more like enablers than instructors. And I wanted to 174 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 1: be taught how to be a better at being a 175 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 1: whole person. I wanted to break my pattern of ending 176 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: friendships and relationships on a dime because someone did something 177 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,960 Speaker 1: that I found unforgivable. I'd go to therapist for like 178 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,839 Speaker 1: a few weeks, and then I'd be like, this guy 179 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 1: seems easy to manipulate, and then one day, I mean, 180 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,240 Speaker 1: if you're a girl, that's your currency. How to manipulate men, 181 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 1: you know, and if you're a guy, we know what 182 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 1: your currency is. I once had a therapist and I 183 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:47,079 Speaker 1: was like, finally one day my assistant Karen, who's now 184 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 1: my tour manager, who's here tonight? I said, I can't 185 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,200 Speaker 1: go today. It's just I'm not in the mood. Would 186 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 1: you just you go? And then like the next week 187 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,320 Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I could go again? Please? 188 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 1: And I'm third week. I was like, how's it going? 189 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 1: Is helping you and she's like, no, I've been talking 190 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 1: about your problems. I thought I was supposed to be 191 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 1: talking about you. So I had an episode of My 192 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 1: Last Show on Netflix where I interviewed a neuropsychiatrist named 193 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,960 Speaker 1: Dan Seagull. He'd written several books on developing brains, including 194 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 1: one that focused on adolescent brains. I wanted to know 195 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 1: when brains developed. You know what what age you learned 196 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 1: the most, whether it's possible to increase your i Q, 197 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: and at what age drugs and alcohol do the most 198 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: damage in terms of slowing down your learning process. The 199 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:40,079 Speaker 1: last question I slipped in about three or four times 200 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: throughout the conversation until I finally got the answer I 201 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,320 Speaker 1: was looking for, which was that my brain had fully 202 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 1: developed before any brain damage had occurred. This was before 203 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: that frog urine, and that any extracurricular activities I was 204 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: up to. We're just fine. At least that's what my 205 00:11:55,080 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 1: takeaway was our first few sessions consider in stead of 206 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,080 Speaker 1: Dan guiding me through meditation, after which I would spend 207 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 1: the rest of the time bitching about Donald Trump and 208 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: what a piece of shit he was. I was paying 209 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,800 Speaker 1: somebody hundreds of dollars an hour to complain about Donald Trump, 210 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 1: which seemed like the exact right move. I would have 211 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 1: paid him double. I definitely paid for far words in 212 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: my life. I knew people were getting sick and tired 213 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: of my anchor directed toward the election and the daily 214 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: horrifying cabinet appointees, and Ivanka and her veneers and that 215 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: schmuck Jared and that evil witch bitch they called a 216 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 1: press secretary. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact 217 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,679 Speaker 1: that Sarah Suckaby Sanders and Ivanka Trump had no morality 218 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,719 Speaker 1: and or sense of obligation to the very sex they 219 00:12:50,760 --> 00:13:00,680 Speaker 1: inhabited to stand up and say no more. I needed 220 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:04,079 Speaker 1: someone to help me harness my anger into something positive. 221 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: In our third session, Dan asked me about my childhood. No, 222 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 1: just the usual bullshit. My parents were kind of lame. 223 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,319 Speaker 1: I have five brothers and sisters, one of whom died 224 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 1: when he was twenty two, and my mom died a 225 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:16,400 Speaker 1: few years ago. I don't really have any sense of time, 226 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,920 Speaker 1: so it could have been ten years ago or five 227 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 1: years ago. My dad's dying. Hopefully that will happen soon. 228 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: And then I looked at him and I said, I'd 229 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,320 Speaker 1: rather really talk about right now, like what can I 230 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 1: do right now? We talked about my personality for a while, 231 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 1: and he introduced me to this like personality test called 232 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: an angiogram, which some of you may know about. And 233 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,880 Speaker 1: when we found out what my number was, I was like, okay, 234 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 1: I'm an eight. Tell me what the eight's weaknesses are. 235 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,720 Speaker 1: Because I'm trying to get better. I'm really impatient. I 236 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: have problems doing things for myself. I'm like infantilized and 237 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: I just have to grow up a little bit. And 238 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 1: I said, what's an eight's weakness and he said lack 239 00:13:55,000 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: of empathy and I was like, huh, okay, like a Republican. 240 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 1: I had to think about the difference between empathy and sympathy. 241 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: I can be too sympathetic to people. I'm a sucker 242 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 1: for a sob story, and I will lavish sympathy on 243 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: any stranger who needs a hand. But empathy. I had 244 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 1: to talk that through with him. I said, empathy and sympathy, 245 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: what's the distinction exactly again. Sympathy is feeling bad for 246 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 1: someone or for their situation. Sympathy is more like pity. 247 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 1: Empathy is imagining what it's like to be in that 248 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 1: person's shoes, thinking about what it feels like to be 249 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:41,160 Speaker 1: another person, and the understanding of their experiences and outlooks, 250 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 1: and know that they may be unlike your own, actually 251 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: thinking about what it's like to be them. Dan asked 252 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: me about those instances when I show up for people 253 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 1: I care about, and if while I'm doing it, I 254 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: think about what it feels like to be in that 255 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 1: person's predicament. The answer was no, I had never thought 256 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 1: about that. I went to someone's bedside or doorstep or 257 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 1: lay in bed with any of my friends who needed 258 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: a friend in order to do one thing, and that 259 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 1: was to fix the situation, to show up repeatedly, time 260 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 1: and time again. Whenever that happens. My sympathy was in 261 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,760 Speaker 1: full gear, but rarely, if ever, do I consider what 262 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,440 Speaker 1: it's like to be that person. In that moment, I 263 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 1: want to wrap their injury and patch them up. I 264 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 1: never stopped showing up, but I don't put myself in 265 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: their shoes. Often we think we're showing up for someone, 266 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: when really all we're doing is showing everyone how great 267 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: we are at showing up. Lack of empathy. That hit 268 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 1: me over the head. Yes, that's it. I don't have 269 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,520 Speaker 1: any empathy. That's how I feel about people who like 270 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: room temperature water. Some people don't care about the temperature 271 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 1: of their drink or the quality of their eyes. I 272 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 1: don't understand those people. Like when flight attendants hand out 273 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 1: that room temperature to sawny water, I want to throw 274 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 1: it out the airplane window. I've always looked sideways at 275 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 1: this community of humans who are okay with room temperature 276 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: water or God forbid, prefer it. Or people who like 277 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 1: pineapple on their pizza or for that bat or any 278 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 1: other hot food with pineapple on it. Fuck off, Rosemary 279 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: annoys the ship out of me too, but everybody else 280 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: seems to fucking love it. Then again, I love Cilantro 281 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 1: and people can have a visceral reaction to that, and 282 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 1: I don't get that at all. How could anyone hate Cilantro? 283 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 1: It feels like I just need to meet more people 284 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:32,280 Speaker 1: who hate Rosemary as much as I do. But mostly 285 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,920 Speaker 1: everything and everyone at some point ends up annoying me, 286 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:40,479 Speaker 1: And now I know why because I'm not thinking about them. 287 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 1: I've gone through my life failing to understand why people 288 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 1: have different reactions to things than I do. Lack of 289 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 1: empathy made total sense. This was a door opener. It 290 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: was a game changer. I was like, whoa, whoa, WHOA? 291 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,360 Speaker 1: All right, now, what how do I get it? Can 292 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 1: I buy it? I spent the next few weeks We're 293 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 1: calling one instance after another where I now recognized my 294 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,239 Speaker 1: lack of empathy. I had been in London with one 295 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 1: of my best friends, who happens to be a gay man. 296 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,119 Speaker 1: We went to see the movie Do you Remember Call 297 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,920 Speaker 1: Me by Your Name? Five minutes in I leaned over, 298 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 1: irritated and asked, is this a gay love story? Yes? 299 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,320 Speaker 1: He hissed, incredulously. I hadn't known what the movie was 300 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:26,240 Speaker 1: about going in, and I was taken by surprise. Oh 301 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:31,160 Speaker 1: my god, you're so selfish, I replied, while I shoveled 302 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:35,360 Speaker 1: popcorn down my throat. The ludicrousness of my comment hit 303 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,760 Speaker 1: us both at the same time, and we started laughing 304 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: so disruptively we had to remove ourselves ten minutes into 305 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 1: the movie. Gay people have had to sit through straight 306 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: people's stories since the beginning of time. Had I ever 307 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:59,120 Speaker 1: thought about that? Nope, lack of empathy was everywhere I went. 308 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 1: This was a next getting development. Thank you. Okay, we're 309 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 1: gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back. 310 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:12,520 Speaker 1: M hm. I'm gonna bring out an author of a 311 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,640 Speaker 1: very very funny book that I read that came out 312 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: last year. I called, Okay, fine, whatever. Please give a 313 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 1: very warm welcome to Courtney Hameister. Hi. Thank you for 314 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: being here with me tonight. Cheers, cheers, cheers to everybody 315 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: else who's here tonight. So nice that it's Thursday. Everything's 316 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:50,480 Speaker 1: just getting started. There's vodka in this there's Do you 317 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: find actually that because you're kind of doing this work 318 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 1: and you are less annoyed by people, that you need 319 00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: to self medicate less. No. I think I know myself, 320 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,560 Speaker 1: but I never thought I would be one of those 321 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 1: girls or one of those people that would just wake 322 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 1: up and smoke or take a take an edible. I 323 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 1: do do that now because I do. Yeah, I'm turning 324 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,919 Speaker 1: into it. Like I'm not into the alcohol right now, 325 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,240 Speaker 1: I'm into the weed. Um. But it's not the same thing. 326 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,400 Speaker 1: I can't get away with that ship anymore. I can't 327 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 1: just drink a bottle of vodka and look okay in 328 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 1: the morning. I don't look okay in the morning. I 329 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,920 Speaker 1: looked rough, and I care about the way I look. 330 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 1: You know, I'm not that cool. I wish I were. Well, 331 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,920 Speaker 1: nobody's that cool. That's the thing. Like you, I wish 332 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,640 Speaker 1: we could drink a bottle of vodka. You're still gonna 333 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,680 Speaker 1: feel like ass. Yeah that's right. Yeah, I was that 334 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:51,439 Speaker 1: a fifty cent joke. No, I was just I was no, 335 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 1: I was just he was a cool person that I 336 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: was referencing. But I forgot that you had sex with 337 00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:59,880 Speaker 1: him at um No. No, So I'm class right over. 338 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:06,200 Speaker 1: Let's talk about the sex. Let's get into it. Keep 339 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,040 Speaker 1: can you can? Can you talk about that? I'm not 340 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:14,159 Speaker 1: gonna do that because but I don't really he was 341 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 1: a very this isn't a porn he's a very sweet 342 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: guy who doesn't smoke weed. My friends were so excited 343 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,119 Speaker 1: to hang out with fifty and we were like in 344 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,400 Speaker 1: New Orleans and I think I was doing a show. Yeah, 345 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: I was performing, and I walking in the street with 346 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,040 Speaker 1: him in New Orleans was like, well, I mean it 347 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:37,760 Speaker 1: was ridiculous. And then my friends were so excited to 348 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 1: hang out with him. And then he didn't even smoke 349 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:43,359 Speaker 1: weed and he doesn't drink. He was very childlike. He 350 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:52,879 Speaker 1: ate like kids stuff like like yeah, like cereal snacks, 351 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,960 Speaker 1: like I remember he ordered a Sunday somewhere. We're like, 352 00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:00,639 Speaker 1: no one else was ordering a Sunday you know, wait 353 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 1: for You're like, is there? Okay? Oh okay. Um. He 354 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 1: was a very sweet man and I never I mean, 355 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,400 Speaker 1: he was the thing about him that was so surprising 356 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,879 Speaker 1: that how unfuglike he was. You know, yeah, yeah, if 357 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,919 Speaker 1: he's eating cereal and having a Sunday, that's adorable. You know, 358 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:26,120 Speaker 1: he's America's most adorable rapper. Isn't it just a cuting? 359 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,920 Speaker 1: So we were we were just sort of briefly talking 360 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:35,200 Speaker 1: about dating, and I wanted to, um, obviously you're dating. 361 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: I think you're dating. Life is probably gonna change now, right, 362 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,560 Speaker 1: now I'm gonna pay people when I break up with 363 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,679 Speaker 1: them anymore. Now I do this thing. I went on 364 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 1: a couple of dates with a friend set me up 365 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,320 Speaker 1: with this guy, and I went on a few dates 366 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: with him, and I was like, and I'm trying to 367 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:49,879 Speaker 1: get rid of all my old bad habits, you know, 368 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 1: because I could just be like, look at a guy 369 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 1: and who like, you're fucking belt and that's it, It's over, 370 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:58,640 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Your list of deal breakers 371 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 1: is long, long, long. That's a protective, you know, shield 372 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 1: that we create. But I mean, your toe goes in 373 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,960 Speaker 1: the wrong direction, something's weird. I don't like if you 374 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: shave your chest hair and you're straight, I'm not interested. 375 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: I don't like that it's for gay guys only. They 376 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: only get to do that unless you're Greek or Armenian, 377 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,639 Speaker 1: and and if you're not, then we need to talk 378 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:21,080 Speaker 1: about where you're shaving your chest. Every little thing, every 379 00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 1: little thing. You have to just bite your tongue and go. 380 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,879 Speaker 1: That doesn't define a person like they're fucking toe or 381 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 1: if you know, or they're bad genes, like that's not 382 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,399 Speaker 1: who do you think you are? And what I've discovered 383 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:41,960 Speaker 1: is that I want to remain single. No, the thing 384 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,080 Speaker 1: is I have a very happy single person, so I 385 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:46,200 Speaker 1: have to But it's okay to say that I want 386 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,560 Speaker 1: to be in a relationship. I'm allowed to say that. 387 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: That's not needy, that's saying something that I want. I 388 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,440 Speaker 1: desire that. If it happens, great, If it doesn't happen, 389 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,440 Speaker 1: great too. But it's it's better to be honest about 390 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 1: and not absolutely I don't have any interest in that. 391 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,280 Speaker 1: I love to meet a guy that can ski and 392 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 1: that can you know, have it like travel the world 393 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 1: with me. That's great And if I don't, I'll just 394 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:12,399 Speaker 1: have to read it, you know, more books. Um, I 395 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 1: actually dated a guy who had this pelvic Uh, this 396 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:19,000 Speaker 1: is a little off topic. He had he was in 397 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:22,480 Speaker 1: a car accident and he had his pelvis got injured. 398 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 1: And I didn't know this when I was dating him, 399 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,160 Speaker 1: but he was. I called him the kind of lingus 400 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 1: savant because he was so good about him in your book. 401 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 1: But it turns out that what happened was he had 402 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,639 Speaker 1: this pelvic injury when he was very young, like he 403 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: was nineteen, so he had to learn other shit and 404 00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 1: that's why he was so good at it, Like it 405 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,639 Speaker 1: was you know what happened with the sex? Um, No, 406 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 1: the and the sex was good. He just needed to 407 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:52,160 Speaker 1: take viagra. But for the actual sex part, But I don't. 408 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:56,639 Speaker 1: Penetration is not really my jam so much. No. I 409 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,400 Speaker 1: mean I enjoy it, like I love it in the beginning, 410 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:04,080 Speaker 1: but it's like after a while there's chaffing. I really 411 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:09,720 Speaker 1: like to be penetrate in. No. I enjoy it initially, yeah, 412 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: but I mean I don't want I mean, I like 413 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,480 Speaker 1: the whole sex, like I like all the things that 414 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,480 Speaker 1: have to do with sex if you're really really into somebody, 415 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,200 Speaker 1: you know, But I don't want some guy going down 416 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:21,920 Speaker 1: on me that I don't know that well, like i'd 417 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 1: rather have sex with them, right, That's how I feel. 418 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 1: I think there's two schools of thought on that. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, So, 419 00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 1: so I wanted to so I wanted to talk about you. 420 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,920 Speaker 1: Sorry about that. Um So. I love the way that 421 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: you talk about children in the book, Um you are you. 422 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 1: It's so simple a matter of fact. The sentence that 423 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,280 Speaker 1: I loved was I've never had the urge and it 424 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: wouldn't be a good use of my time. And it 425 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: was so perfect. And you know, Jen Kirkman. Right. She 426 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 1: wrote that amazing book called I Can Barely take care 427 00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,439 Speaker 1: of Myself and it was all about her not having kids, 428 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,560 Speaker 1: and she had this amazing response to people who talked 429 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 1: about why they think it's selfish when people don't have kids, Like, 430 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: what's your response to those people, Well, it's selfish to 431 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 1: not have any think I'm doing the world of favor right. 432 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 1: First of all, it's selfish. It's selfish to have children 433 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,720 Speaker 1: at this point. I mean, the population is out of control, 434 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,720 Speaker 1: we have climate change. So I'm doing everyone a favor 435 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: by not having a child, by not making another loudmouth bitch. Okay, 436 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,200 Speaker 1: people should be grateful. You think people would be saying, 437 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:33,280 Speaker 1: thank you, Chelsea, thank you for not procreating. Um. I 438 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 1: am able to help so many people in my life 439 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,560 Speaker 1: that I care about and strangers that I'll never meet 440 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,199 Speaker 1: that I care about. I'm able to do all of 441 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,720 Speaker 1: that because I am financially independent and then I don't 442 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,480 Speaker 1: have anybody relying on me. And if I was a mother, 443 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: I think I'd probably really do it badly. And I 444 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 1: think more people should understand that it's not necessary. It's 445 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,080 Speaker 1: not you know. In forty fifty sixty years from now, 446 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,000 Speaker 1: do you know how any women are gonna not even 447 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,120 Speaker 1: have a partner And I'm going to have a genetically 448 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 1: engineered baby that they made on a computer. I mean, 449 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,400 Speaker 1: that's where it's going. Like the fact that we don't 450 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:10,639 Speaker 1: all need each other is bad and good. Let's just 451 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,120 Speaker 1: say hypothetically that you meet the perfect man and he's 452 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:18,359 Speaker 1: hilarious and he's super hot, and and he can ski. 453 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,200 Speaker 1: He doesn't have to be older. He could be forty 454 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:29,359 Speaker 1: to fifty and he has a kid. Oh good delivery. 455 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 1: And I was good. I was in it. I was like, yeah, 456 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 1: what I wouldn't I've done that before. I'm very you know, 457 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,040 Speaker 1: like I like that, and but I've done that before. 458 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:39,640 Speaker 1: And I stayed in a relationship way too long because 459 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,720 Speaker 1: of his kids because they were like little, like little 460 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,360 Speaker 1: sisters to me and I and I really did care 461 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,440 Speaker 1: about them. They were they were like older, they weren't 462 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,840 Speaker 1: little kids. Uh No, I wouldn't disqualify somebody for having 463 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:56,640 Speaker 1: a kid. Obviously, people will make mistakes. I'm gonna write 464 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,760 Speaker 1: a book. I'm gonna write a book called Hot Parenting 465 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,119 Speaker 1: Tips where I tell everybody what I think they're doing wrong. 466 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,919 Speaker 1: Because I am very persipicacious. I can see it all. 467 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:09,880 Speaker 1: And some of these kids are such assholes iPads and assholes, 468 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 1: and I pad equals an asshole kid. When are people 469 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,679 Speaker 1: going to get it is? I mean, I was at 470 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 1: my friend's house the other day and he was like, 471 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,280 Speaker 1: she was like, iPad and this is like the level 472 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 1: she's talking and I'm like, oh my god, and I think, Mommy, 473 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:26,680 Speaker 1: you're not taking it. He's seven, and I'm like, oh 474 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,000 Speaker 1: my god. Just based on his reaction about it being 475 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,959 Speaker 1: taken away alone, Like I remember playing Super Mario Brothers 476 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,879 Speaker 1: to like three in the morning. You know, I've been 477 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,640 Speaker 1: addicted to things. And when they told me to get 478 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 1: off of it, I knew to get off of it. 479 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 1: I wasn't like, hey, can't get out of my room 480 00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:44,640 Speaker 1: to my mom. Okay, well this sounds like a good 481 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:50,040 Speaker 1: time to take a break. Well, there's a great story. 482 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:52,080 Speaker 1: And you've probably already talked about this a million times, 483 00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 1: but there's a great story. And are you there, Vodka. 484 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,639 Speaker 1: I think about you babysitting at twelve for a fourteen 485 00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:01,440 Speaker 1: year old and taking him down. Oh yeah, I used 486 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 1: to babysit. I opened I started a babysitting ring in 487 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,560 Speaker 1: Martha's Vineyard because it once I realized my parents had 488 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,800 Speaker 1: no money and no bank account, I was like, I'm 489 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,439 Speaker 1: getting a job. And I was twelve. So I started 490 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,800 Speaker 1: this babysitting ring, and I called all the hotels on 491 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,800 Speaker 1: the island in Edgartown, which was where my parents house was, 492 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 1: and I'd say, I'm a babysitter. I'm you know, a 493 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,679 Speaker 1: summer resident. Please call me if you have couples that 494 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,600 Speaker 1: want to go out. Blah blah blah. I said I 495 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,239 Speaker 1: was fourteen because at twelve my tickets had already come in, 496 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 1: and I did look like I was fourteen. I mean 497 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,439 Speaker 1: I looked at like I was fourteen when I was eight. Okay, 498 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 1: so I baby. So they were like, oh, we have 499 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,880 Speaker 1: a son who's thirteen, and I was like perfect. So 500 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,320 Speaker 1: he was older than me and I was babysitting him 501 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:44,520 Speaker 1: because it was really twelve. And then he went nuts 502 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 1: on me. He had something whatever people have a d 503 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 1: h D or a d D or whatever, and not 504 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 1: to diminish it, I know it's a real thing, but 505 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,440 Speaker 1: he definitely had something like that. And we ended up 506 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,640 Speaker 1: like in a wrestling match somehow, and I put him 507 00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 1: to bed and yells at him. Well, no, you were 508 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: on him and you used your knees to keep his 509 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,320 Speaker 1: chest down on the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I 510 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,560 Speaker 1: was the worst. And then the father parents come home 511 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,200 Speaker 1: and I was like, he was terrible tonight. I don't 512 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: know if I want to come back here, like immediately 513 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 1: rejecting them before they could find out that I was 514 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 1: not fit to be babysitting. But I ran it like 515 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 1: a mafia ring. Like my sister's a Shawna wanted in 516 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,600 Speaker 1: on it. She's older than me. She's like, I wanted 517 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,320 Speaker 1: on some of that babysitting money because I'd make all 518 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,640 Speaker 1: this money. I had like eight different families that I 519 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,600 Speaker 1: was rotating. I do it every day Monday through Sunday. 520 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,520 Speaker 1: I'd go and people loved it, and so my I 521 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,720 Speaker 1: started making so much money. I would double book myself 522 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 1: and then I let my sister in on it, but 523 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:42,920 Speaker 1: I would only give her a cut, not the full. 524 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 1: And then at the end of the summer, my dad's like, 525 00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,040 Speaker 1: give me all that my where's that money you've been 526 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:51,959 Speaker 1: stowing away in that cigar box? And I was like, 527 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 1: don't fucking worry about it. And he's like, Chelsea, if 528 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 1: you made money on doing that babysitting. You need to 529 00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,520 Speaker 1: share it with the family, you know, I just want 530 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: to see, I'm what you made. You're gonna have to 531 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:02,200 Speaker 1: give me some I was like, you're not getting any 532 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,560 Speaker 1: of my money, and don't ever ask me for money 533 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:08,400 Speaker 1: until I have a lot of it. So I you know, 534 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,960 Speaker 1: my dad was like that, like shy storry. So that 535 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,840 Speaker 1: was so disappointing because it's like, what do you mean 536 00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:17,640 Speaker 1: You're gonna take a little kid's money, Like why? And 537 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 1: you know, so that kind of stuff is a bummer. 538 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,800 Speaker 1: But what I learned, because my dad died this year 539 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,160 Speaker 1: this past year, what I learned was and I was 540 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,000 Speaker 1: really kind of like disappointed in my dad for a 541 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,719 Speaker 1: lot of reasons after my mom passed away. But what 542 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,160 Speaker 1: I did realize was how important it is to just 543 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,160 Speaker 1: remember people when they are at their best, not at 544 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:39,960 Speaker 1: their worst, you know. And for me, learning about empathy 545 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,800 Speaker 1: made me understand my dad and what he must have 546 00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 1: gone through losing his oldest son. Like no man does 547 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 1: to recover from something like this. You know, they didn't 548 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:53,480 Speaker 1: have the vocabulary, they didn't have the wherewithal to understand 549 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,040 Speaker 1: how to weather that storm. My mom somehow was able 550 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,280 Speaker 1: to find joy and be in pain at the same time. 551 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:03,040 Speaker 1: My dad was one dimensional. It was like, now, my boys, Dad, 552 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,120 Speaker 1: there's no more fun to be had, game over, life over. 553 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,080 Speaker 1: I'm going to be angry for the rest of my life. 554 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,280 Speaker 1: And like he stood like that for the rest of 555 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 1: his life, pissed at the world and the world was 556 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,680 Speaker 1: out to get him, and he wasted the rest of 557 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,600 Speaker 1: his life. He was terrible after that. But you did 558 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,719 Speaker 1: come to a place for him. It was after you 559 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,760 Speaker 1: left and went to California. There's a great story in 560 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,760 Speaker 1: the book about you know them picking you up I 561 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,120 Speaker 1: think at the airport and your father brought you at 562 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 1: nine o'clock in the morning some vodka that he put 563 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,960 Speaker 1: on the table at McDonald's. We were driving up to 564 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,080 Speaker 1: the vineyard. And once I moved to l A, you know, 565 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 1: you get away from your parents and you're like, oh, 566 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,720 Speaker 1: I do love them, Like he just we all needed 567 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,000 Speaker 1: a time out. We just needed a break from each other. 568 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,440 Speaker 1: We had been through too much and we didn't go 569 00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:45,240 Speaker 1: through it the right way. We didn't talk about it. 570 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,120 Speaker 1: We just my parents tried to talk about it, but 571 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,000 Speaker 1: I would be like my mom would trick me into 572 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:50,880 Speaker 1: talking about chat. She'd be like, do you ever think 573 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 1: about I'm like, don't talk about chat. He's dead. And 574 00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:55,920 Speaker 1: then I'd go get on my bike and ride my bike, 575 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: you know, for like, you know, three hours. And then 576 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,080 Speaker 1: at a certain age I started masturbating on my bike, 577 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:05,040 Speaker 1: so that took even longer. And then I was like, 578 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,680 Speaker 1: what can I ask? Can I do on these bike rides? Oh? 579 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:15,840 Speaker 1: And then I just realized, you know that I love 580 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: my Dad's not perfect. None of us are, like I 581 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,760 Speaker 1: have such judgment. You throw such heavy judgment around sometimes, 582 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,760 Speaker 1: and usually the things that we can't stand and people 583 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,479 Speaker 1: are the things that we hate the most about our 584 00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: own thing, you know, our ourselves. And we all know 585 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,760 Speaker 1: that's true. It is, It's always true what I don't 586 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,320 Speaker 1: like about him, or the things I didn't like him 587 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: by myself, and you know, and and I didn't like 588 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 1: that he was cheaper, that he was a liar and 589 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 1: trying probably screwed people or financially. That gave me something 590 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,600 Speaker 1: to work against. I will never be that way, So 591 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 1: I'm overly generous. I always take care of everybody. I 592 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 1: never lie cheater steel ever. I mean, I lie sometimes, 593 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:54,000 Speaker 1: but you know, just because to save a conversation from happening. 594 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:59,400 Speaker 1: It's just like now, you know, I mean, so, what 595 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 1: was it when you sort of came back to your 596 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,360 Speaker 1: parents because you had had a hard time with both 597 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,440 Speaker 1: of them, and then you came back after you've been 598 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,520 Speaker 1: away for a while and you sort of actually sort 599 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,239 Speaker 1: of loved them and get My dad kind of had 600 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,720 Speaker 1: a sense of humor again, like enough time had passed 601 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,280 Speaker 1: and some for some reason being on Martha's vineyard for 602 00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,360 Speaker 1: some reason, when I went away, our relationship are dynamic shifted, 603 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,480 Speaker 1: and I think he realized he had missed so much 604 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 1: time with all of us because he was so angry 605 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,240 Speaker 1: trying to sue the people my brother was with when 606 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,560 Speaker 1: he went hiking his best friend from school. He drove 607 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,920 Speaker 1: him out of town and he had no money. My 608 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,440 Speaker 1: daddy emptied his bank accounts, suing, suing people for nothing, 609 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,840 Speaker 1: never winning a suit, and and so I think he 610 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 1: just kind of was like, wait, where is where is? 611 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,080 Speaker 1: You know, we had a very close relationship and it's 612 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:46,719 Speaker 1: just fulminated. So I mean, I think that it's interesting 613 00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,120 Speaker 1: because you're doing all this work now, this mindfulness work, 614 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,800 Speaker 1: and you're trying to be more positive and and what's 615 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 1: interesting is that you Obviously there were you had a 616 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,520 Speaker 1: complicated relationship with your dad, but in some ways and 617 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,280 Speaker 1: even Dan, your therapist, said he even some as your 618 00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,280 Speaker 1: dad was a really smart guy. And one of the 619 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,400 Speaker 1: things that he said to you was that you should 620 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 1: take something away from every conversation that you have, like 621 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,960 Speaker 1: take one piece of good information away from every conversation 622 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,560 Speaker 1: that you have. UM, which I think is brilliant and 623 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,719 Speaker 1: it's sort of it feels to me like it's he's 624 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,759 Speaker 1: in cognitive behavioral therapy land with that a little bit, right, 625 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 1: Like thinking positively, if someone were to take one message 626 00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:26,759 Speaker 1: from your book, what would you want that message to be? 627 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:31,560 Speaker 1: Not to have a spoiler, but um, to know that 628 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:35,000 Speaker 1: you're not alone. Whatever you're going through, there are millions 629 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,319 Speaker 1: of other people that are going through something like you. 630 00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:39,640 Speaker 1: We all think we're alone in our pain. We all 631 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 1: think we can't share it. We all think we're gonna 632 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,919 Speaker 1: be tougher than the next person or we're not tough enough. 633 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,360 Speaker 1: But we're all in this together. So like, look around 634 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:50,680 Speaker 1: and reach out and help somebody, because it's helpful to 635 00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,680 Speaker 1: know you're not alone, you know, and it's and it's 636 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,240 Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to be dark and and crazy. 637 00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 1: You have to go through the hard stuff to know, 638 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 1: lean into opportunities, and no that there's room for growth 639 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:03,880 Speaker 1: anytime something shitty happens. Now I sit and I'm like, 640 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,560 Speaker 1: all right, how can I handle myself in this situation 641 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:08,719 Speaker 1: in a good way, in a positive way. Get rid 642 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:10,920 Speaker 1: of your ego, Get rid of your fucking phone all 643 00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:14,680 Speaker 1: the time, Stop trolling Instagram and having mindless thoughts about 644 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:18,400 Speaker 1: other people's lives, and get involved in your own fucking life. 645 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 1: You know. And some of these some of these things 646 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:27,200 Speaker 1: are so obvious to say or here, but to practice 647 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,080 Speaker 1: it is a practice. You have to get up and 648 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,600 Speaker 1: be like, I'm gonna be kind and good and decent today. 649 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:33,920 Speaker 1: And then after a while you don't have to try anymore. 650 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:41,719 Speaker 1: You just are to. Yeah, this is watched this evolution. 651 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,440 Speaker 1: I feel like and now, well you I know that 652 00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:45,919 Speaker 1: you wanted to read a little bit of the book. 653 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,520 Speaker 1: I just want to read something to close out the 654 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,799 Speaker 1: show for you guys. For the first of all, this 655 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,600 Speaker 1: is so nice to be in a theater that's intimate 656 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,239 Speaker 1: where I can well, now I can see you. I 657 00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:55,120 Speaker 1: couldn't see you for a while, but now I can. 658 00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:57,839 Speaker 1: And it's just it's so nice to be here with you, 659 00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:59,840 Speaker 1: so thank you very much. It's been such a pleasure 660 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:04,960 Speaker 1: to know that I'm going through something and not try 661 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,120 Speaker 1: to keep circling around it, hoping to avoid going through it, 662 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:13,680 Speaker 1: Sitting and experiencing and feeling and not running, to understand 663 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 1: that things take time, and to be okay, sitting with 664 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:21,000 Speaker 1: my pain, to understand the only way through something is 665 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:24,040 Speaker 1: through it, not to rush through life, hop scotching over 666 00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:27,640 Speaker 1: or around it. No one is fully cooked, no person 667 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,479 Speaker 1: is complete. I didn't know then that my brother's death 668 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 1: was defining me. I define me. No event or person 669 00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:39,080 Speaker 1: does this. I define me. I decide who I am 670 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,520 Speaker 1: and how I'm going to behave and I choose to 671 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:45,400 Speaker 1: be better, to look more carefully, to trudge deeper, to 672 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,279 Speaker 1: think about other people's past and not judge someone for 673 00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:52,360 Speaker 1: doing or handling something differently than I would. To understand 674 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:57,239 Speaker 1: my limitations, my shortcomings. That is my growth edge. I 675 00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,520 Speaker 1: decided to be better. We can all decide to be 676 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,440 Speaker 1: a little it better. Thank you Portland's for coming out tonight. 677 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,000 Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. I had such a great time 678 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:12,719 Speaker 1: here tonight. Thank you for having me. Thank you life 679 00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:14,120 Speaker 1: will be the Death of Me as a production of 680 00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,600 Speaker 1: i heeart Radio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, 681 00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:19,720 Speaker 1: visit the i heeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 682 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:21,080 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.