Speaker 1: Guess what decision we're about to make a horrible decisions. Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: welcome to another episode of horrible decisions. I'm your grand
Speaker 1: Mandy b Hi, I'm Wheezy. Welcome to our horse Sloody
Speaker 1: podcast where we have a therapy not a therapy episode.
Speaker 1: Have you seen our therapy episode? Do you think she
Speaker 1: was good? Yeah? I thought she was gonna slap us
Speaker 1: at one point. I like she was like, shut she said,
Speaker 1: shut the funk up. I liked her. And at the
Speaker 1: time when I've found out what her hourly rate was,
Speaker 1: I said, old beach, I can't afford you. Thank you,
Speaker 1: loud speaker, Thank you, Chris Marrow. And they keep paying
Speaker 1: for her ready. Uh and now I paid just about
Speaker 1: that for my therapy every week. Um. But um, ladies
Speaker 1: and gentlemen, guys and girls and everyone in between. Um,
Speaker 1: now what kind of how much they're paying you? You You
Speaker 1: at Lubaton's therapist. For everyone, it looked like a rich
Speaker 1: not at all, not at oh. I would say that
Speaker 1: I specifically work with black couples. Percent of my client
Speaker 1: sells are all black couples right here in New York City.
Speaker 1: Your favorite celebrities are my clients. Too, well, don't be
Speaker 1: in here. I have a girlfriend number one, Jason. I'm
Speaker 1: so mad, and I was trying to just give him
Speaker 1: some time alone before I slip in them d M
Speaker 1: and clearly I gave I let way too much time pass. Um,
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a couple's therapists here in
Speaker 1: the building. Shout out to Mac Sanley Kazoo. If you
Speaker 1: hate him, blame it in because though okay, you know, listen,
Speaker 1: I was, I was there, I had one of the two. Um.
Speaker 1: And one of the things that I really enjoyed about
Speaker 1: reading your specialty in therapy is that you focus on
Speaker 1: a fair recovery. Yes, Um, that's my go to nowadays.
Speaker 1: And I we thought we were doing the good deeds
Speaker 1: of the world by just letting everyone know not monogamy
Speaker 1: is the way to go. So what is a fair recovery?
Speaker 1: So a fair recovery for those couples that at some
Speaker 1: point they've experienced some type of and fidelity and they
Speaker 1: are already to process it and decide where or not
Speaker 1: they want to stay together or separate. Listen, I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, I have you know, I've been cheated on
Speaker 1: and I've watched movies before or TV shows, or I
Speaker 1: feel like you know where someone like it happened in
Speaker 1: the movie and you're looking at the end again you're uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I think we should definitely give a trigger warning for
Speaker 1: this episode, as we may bring up some things that
Speaker 1: might make you and your partner uncomfortable. So if you're
Speaker 1: watching it with that nigga who cheated off or don't
Speaker 1: turn it off. I think that what the conversations that
Speaker 1: I specifically wanted to have were solution based conversation, not
Speaker 1: really might punch the ball, not really putting blame on
Speaker 1: either or partner, because you have the cheater and then
Speaker 1: you have the person that was cheated on, and if
Speaker 1: you decide to remain in the relationship and work through it,
Speaker 1: there are things that both partners do that don't help
Speaker 1: the relationship, and it's not always all put the blame
Speaker 1: on the person. There you go, there you go. So
Speaker 1: let's let's unpack that, because you have situations where anyone
Speaker 1: who gets lied to and cheated on, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: is a victim in that in that standpoint, right, like
Speaker 1: you could have been honest, of course, but what are
Speaker 1: some of the ways where because you both said, and
Speaker 1: I agree, Um that someone could be, you know, push
Speaker 1: you to cheat quote unquote Yeah. So the research has
Speaker 1: shown that seventy percent of the time the reason why
Speaker 1: someone cheats is not because they desire sex. It's because
Speaker 1: there is an unmet need in the relationship that has
Speaker 1: not been met. So it could be just support, feeling appreciated,
Speaker 1: having someone to talk to, feeling desired, or feel feeling hard.
Speaker 1: So a lot of times we think of infidelity as no,
Speaker 1: you're just seeking sex and you're trying to be lusty.
Speaker 1: A lot of times it's due to these emotional needs
Speaker 1: that you cannot have fulfilled within your primary But my
Speaker 1: problem with even that explanation, though, however, is that it's
Speaker 1: still kind of puts the blame on the partner not
Speaker 1: being able to fulfill something. And in a recent conversation
Speaker 1: I had regarding cheating, was that you, as the person
Speaker 1: who got cheated on, there's nothing that you did wrong.
Speaker 1: It's all on the other person. So a lot of
Speaker 1: times when you get cheated on, you like to look
Speaker 1: at yourself and be like, damn, what could I have
Speaker 1: done different to not be cheated on? Like a lot
Speaker 1: of people put themselves as to blame as to why
Speaker 1: they got cheated on, and again in a recent conversation,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of times there's absolutely nothing you could
Speaker 1: have done. Differently, a person is gonna cheat. They're gonna cheat,
Speaker 1: and a lot of times it has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with how their partners showed up at all, Like this
Speaker 1: person was gonna cheat if they did, just say like,
Speaker 1: think it could be the other person who calls to
Speaker 1: be to blame. What do you mean, No, I'm saying
Speaker 1: that the person. No, no, no no, no, I'm saying that
Speaker 1: that's if they stay in a relationship, and we'll get
Speaker 1: into that. But to me, it's not the blame of
Speaker 1: the partner that got cheated on. So even the way
Speaker 1: you just explained it, there was something that wasn't met.
Speaker 1: I think that that's unfortunately a lot of times what
Speaker 1: happens when you're cheated on, You say, damn, how did
Speaker 1: I fail? What did I not do? Differently? Did I
Speaker 1: not suck his dick? Right? Did I not talk to
Speaker 1: him enough? And it still causes the person who got
Speaker 1: cheated on the place blame on themselves when that's not
Speaker 1: the case that nigga was gonna cheat because you wanted
Speaker 1: to cheat. True, So cheating is a choice no matter what.
Speaker 1: Right you have the choice to decide whether or not
Speaker 1: you're going to cheat. But eventually, right, if you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship where you are asking for your needs to
Speaker 1: be met consistently and it's being ignored, it's human nature
Speaker 1: that at some point you're gonna start creating more outside
Speaker 1: friendship that can later on developed two more things. Right,
Speaker 1: help pulls divorce over the conversations that they never had
Speaker 1: but they should have had. Finances, sex, intimacy, friendship, hold
Speaker 1: slew of things. Only eighteen percent of divorces are due
Speaker 1: to and fidelity, so it's not as major as we really.
Speaker 1: It's true. I feel like everybody I know to break up,
Speaker 1: maybe not divorce, but break up. It's always cheating, you think.
Speaker 1: So the people that I think to the majority are
Speaker 1: times that in my life personally I've been angry. Maybe
Speaker 1: it wasn't cheating, but it was cheating adjacent like a
Speaker 1: lie um or in which I consider like if it
Speaker 1: was a lie about a person, I think it blankets
Speaker 1: under cheating in my opinion. But you're saying that cheating
Speaker 1: is only eighteen percent of the time. Is that because
Speaker 1: people get a ride divorce for cheating divorce. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: a lot of times, UM, cheating is not really a
Speaker 1: deal breaker. We say it because it's the cool thing
Speaker 1: to say, but in reality, a lot of couples are
Speaker 1: willing to work through it because you can then build
Speaker 1: a stronger relationship due to the cheating that took place.
Speaker 1: The cheating indicates something was not working on both sides
Speaker 1: right well, whether I was not communicating what I needed
Speaker 1: properly or you are not receiving what I was asking
Speaker 1: and therefore you couldn't meet that. So while we go
Speaker 1: through the therapeutic process and we identify what's missing and
Speaker 1: what's not being met, then we then create this discourse
Speaker 1: where my partner is able to see me, hear me,
Speaker 1: and meet that need. So therefore we create an even
Speaker 1: stronger relationship. I was gonna say, Um, mac therapy has
Speaker 1: been more of a common conversation now with the normalization
Speaker 1: of just discussing mental health as an all around thing.
Speaker 1: I wanted to start off an icebreaker, UM regarding myths
Speaker 1: associated with therapy. UM, I want to ask you these
Speaker 1: two because and if you have any personal experience with JUMP.
Speaker 1: In the first myth, UM that I wanted your opinion
Speaker 1: on is that a couple's therapists will often take sides.
Speaker 1: That's a myth and here's why talk to me. The
Speaker 1: relationship is my client, not not you guys, right, So
Speaker 1: I am here to help the relationship and at times
Speaker 1: we are going to address the individual factors that each
Speaker 1: of you guys show up with that may affect relationship. Um. Yes,
Speaker 1: she was dating a narcissist and it was very clear
Speaker 1: just one break up. Or have you ever seen other
Speaker 1: like situations where you like you shouldn't be together? Um?
Speaker 1: I don't think there is a time where you shouldn't
Speaker 1: be together. It's all depends on your willingness and commitment
Speaker 1: to make it work. What do you think about a break?
Speaker 1: A break? I think they're bull We need rules for
Speaker 1: the break because a lot of times people will use
Speaker 1: a break just to go out there and do what
Speaker 1: they gotta do and then come back act like nothing happens.
Speaker 1: But you need some rules. It's it's crazy though, because
Speaker 1: when I I picked this myth specifically because before me
Speaker 1: and my partner broke up, we were considering therapy. Um.
Speaker 1: But it was also one of those where it was
Speaker 1: it was difficult for me to find a therapist, and
Speaker 1: I wish I knew you at the time, because I
Speaker 1: felt if I chose a woman therapist, specifically a black
Speaker 1: woman therapist, that things that would said would fall on
Speaker 1: deaf ears because I knew he was also a sexist.
Speaker 1: So I just knew that he would probably feel like
Speaker 1: the bond of feminism is why we were trying to
Speaker 1: hold him accountable for his actions. And so I was
Speaker 1: literally looking for a black mail therapist just so that
Speaker 1: in therapy he wouldn't feel like he was being attacked.
Speaker 1: And do you see that that happens oftentimes as well
Speaker 1: with black couples and specifically black men actually agreeing to
Speaker 1: go into therapy that you're kind of disarming for them.
Speaker 1: You do see that, okay, because there's there's a lot
Speaker 1: of guy talk that happening, and at times I have
Speaker 1: to say to them directly, I get what you're saying,
Speaker 1: what your partner does not because you're using guy talk.
Speaker 1: I get it, right, But now, how can we communicate
Speaker 1: that in a way that your partner can understand what
Speaker 1: you're actually saying? How often do you um? I can
Speaker 1: only talk from this experience, So I did a couple
Speaker 1: of therapy with X. He was a really bad serial cheater,
Speaker 1: but he also was emotionally and physically abusive, and at
Speaker 1: the time I was super young, so I didn't, you know,
Speaker 1: get what to do? Should we work it out? But
Speaker 1: I got a blackmail therapist because he didn't want a woman.
Speaker 1: And he attributed it to age later, but he must
Speaker 1: have seen the man do something to me, whether it
Speaker 1: was a motion that made it look like he could
Speaker 1: tell I've been hit before he was like, can you
Speaker 1: leave the room to him? And when he he said no,
Speaker 1: And when he left the room, he's like, how do
Speaker 1: you add an answer? And he's like, well, we already
Speaker 1: know you're too young, right, you had a long life
Speaker 1: ahead of you, and I want you to know that
Speaker 1: whatever I tell him will never be out of your
Speaker 1: favor and you can always feel safe. Have you ever
Speaker 1: been put in situation where you felt like you had
Speaker 1: to take a side for the safety of that person's heart,
Speaker 1: not even them physically, just like this motherfucker are gonna
Speaker 1: stop teating you or they don't want to be here,
Speaker 1: They're not active in this therapy. Here where it comes
Speaker 1: into play. Right, So the first phase of addressing and
Speaker 1: the fidelity requires honesty. So that's where the person that
Speaker 1: is cheated on get to ask all of their questions
Speaker 1: that they need answers to who was it, for, how long?
Speaker 1: Where right? And in order to heal from that, the
Speaker 1: partner must be willing to be honest. So if they're
Speaker 1: being dishonest, then you will never never heal from it.
Speaker 1: And also in couples therapy, whatever is said to me,
Speaker 1: I will also share it with your partner. There's no privacy,
Speaker 1: there's no secrecy. So in our individual session, the men
Speaker 1: had made it to still continuing the affair even though
Speaker 1: they're in a couple of therapies. So you're saying there's
Speaker 1: no privacy, so you'd be telling no meaning. So so
Speaker 1: the first session is I see you guys as a couple.
Speaker 1: The second session is I see each of you guys
Speaker 1: individually individually to continue my assessment, especially if domestic violence
Speaker 1: or president depressional anxiety right during that time period, I
Speaker 1: will actually, are you still cheating? Are you still carry
Speaker 1: on the affair. If the answer is yes, and you're
Speaker 1: unwilling to say that to your partner, I must stop therapy.
Speaker 1: That's not going to work. Oh that's right, so you
Speaker 1: stop it. But do you like, how does that conversation happen?
Speaker 1: You're like, Hey, this isn't for me. Do you do
Speaker 1: you basically, quote unquote not force them, but try to
Speaker 1: persuade and push them to being open. Yes, I let
Speaker 1: it be known that in order for us to actually
Speaker 1: make this work, you have to be a hundred percent honest,
Speaker 1: completely honest, and vulnerable and vulnerable. You have to commit
Speaker 1: to doing the work. Damn, I don't know if I
Speaker 1: could do all Right, UM, I'm gonna keep going because
Speaker 1: I want to get into quite quite a few things
Speaker 1: here on my on the docket. UM. So the next
Speaker 1: segment we're gonna get into is our Vanilla Ship. If
Speaker 1: you're listening for the first time because you saw Mac
Speaker 1: say yo check my interview out of a podcast. Mac.
Speaker 1: You know twenty times you've been a guest our Vanilla Ship.
Speaker 1: For this week, UM has to do with law. But
Speaker 1: I wanted to bring up kind of the therapy UM
Speaker 1: as it pertains to parenting and children. Uh. This one,
Speaker 1: UM comes from the state of Texas, which is at
Speaker 1: this point embarrassing. We've talked about Texas a lot as
Speaker 1: it pertains to them trying to reverse versus Wade UM
Speaker 1: in terms of abortion, this one is a little bit
Speaker 1: more disturbing. Greg Abbott has officially directed Family and Protective
Speaker 1: Services to begin investigating all trans children in Texas and
Speaker 1: prosecuting their parents as child abusers. He also instructed all teachers, doctors,
Speaker 1: and caregivers to begin reporting any trans students they see. UM.
Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to know um. Of course. I
Speaker 1: also saw this retweeted by Gabrielle Union, who we know
Speaker 1: was with Dwyane Wade and Zio Wade. She has been
Speaker 1: in full support of Zia's transition. However, she sees fit
Speaker 1: in her life even though she is under the age
Speaker 1: of eighteen. I wanted to know, uh, psychologically, where a
Speaker 1: parent can be in terms if they're in Texas and
Speaker 1: they realize that their children don't feel comfortable in their bodies,
Speaker 1: but now law is getting involved. How do you show
Speaker 1: up for your child in this and and kind of
Speaker 1: walk them through still being comfortable in their own skin
Speaker 1: while also facing this godforsaken place of time. That's a
Speaker 1: very loaded and yes, very loaded, very loaded. I would
Speaker 1: say UM to me because I am a parent as
Speaker 1: well too. Highly do not recommend at all. But I
Speaker 1: love my kids. How do you have the conversation then
Speaker 1: with identity and sexuality with them? Um? It's again it's
Speaker 1: having an open door policy and being as as possible
Speaker 1: and trying to understand, right because a lot of time
Speaker 1: the older generation is not going to to understand and
Speaker 1: what's going on with us now? Right, So if I
Speaker 1: were to go to my mom and I was saying that, um, um,
Speaker 1: I'm Polly now, or I want to identify as as
Speaker 1: a different gender, she would never understand that. But the
Speaker 1: key is not under is not to agree, right because
Speaker 1: a lot of times we try to get others to
Speaker 1: agree with what we're doing. If is there right or wrong?
Speaker 1: The key is to understand. I can understand why you
Speaker 1: feel this way. I can understand how being in this
Speaker 1: body may not feel humane or authentic to who you
Speaker 1: really are. Right. So it's having that compassion and that understanding,
Speaker 1: and that alone should take care of everything else. Well,
Speaker 1: I can tell you what, therapist, now, it's about understanding.
Speaker 1: It's not finding it right or wrong. It's about understanding
Speaker 1: where they're coming from. There. Now you got me wanting
Speaker 1: to think now, like oh maybe daddy, people with kids
Speaker 1: I just have so many questions when I think about
Speaker 1: a couple of therapy because like you know, um, it
Speaker 1: didn't come on Showtime or Amazon Prime or something. There's
Speaker 1: a new therapy show and I went crazy, Like it's
Speaker 1: just so interesting to dell into likes I'm excited. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's so crazy to watch other people and like we
Speaker 1: judge other people's relationships so much. That could never be me. Dad,
Speaker 1: I've been that girl, do you know, Like I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna let it n do this not be right there?
Speaker 1: All my credit? No, I'm just playing, but like, where
Speaker 1: what's the tea of the te Like, what is the
Speaker 1: craziest ship you feel like you've seen happen in therapy
Speaker 1: to where you're like, oh my god, like you felt
Speaker 1: like you were on Jerry's brainer. Oh oh um, I
Speaker 1: had a polycuple which I've started working with Polly Couples.
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you what was better a success
Speaker 1: rates We're go ahead at the start of the pandemic
Speaker 1: because you know a lot of people were stuck in
Speaker 1: my house like I don't like you, I don't know you,
Speaker 1: Like this relationship is not working because we no longer
Speaker 1: have that eight hour break of going to work and
Speaker 1: then coming back home. So an average, couples that have
Speaker 1: children only spend ten percent of their time together. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: we spend more time with our coworkers than a lot
Speaker 1: of babies. Are so smart because not only but I
Speaker 1: think the outside of polycouples, a lot of people realize
Speaker 1: how much they really don't like each other because they
Speaker 1: didn't have a break from each other. Correct, So what
Speaker 1: happened with this polycuple? So it was So there's been
Speaker 1: a trend lately that I've been seeing from people requesting
Speaker 1: consultation before signing on for therapy. So they were in
Speaker 1: a monogamous relationship, right four years in the man comes
Speaker 1: and now wants a polyamorous relationship, and she is freaking out,
Speaker 1: like I never agreed to this, this was never you not?
Speaker 1: Why that change they do? However, he wants to be
Speaker 1: the only one that is allowed to right. He wants
Speaker 1: to be there, which is which is when the man
Speaker 1: can have all the multiple partners, but each woman it
Speaker 1: only serves him. I got introduced it. I got asked
Speaker 1: me part of that where you like trying to be
Speaker 1: on her team a little like hey, like Polly, like
Speaker 1: you both should be open or how did it work out?
Speaker 1: So my job is to help facilitate the conversation. So
Speaker 1: as a couple of therapists were not a referee, My
Speaker 1: job is to help you and educate you with the
Speaker 1: skill sets needed so you can function effectively in your relationship.
Speaker 1: So I will look at your communication skills because most
Speaker 1: couples cannot communicate, your conflict man management, UM, the level
Speaker 1: of passion and romans and also the level of friendship.
Speaker 1: So a lot of times, well, I actually guys this question, right,
Speaker 1: what percentage of differences must be solved in a relationship
Speaker 1: in order for it to be happy and healthy? Isn't it?
Speaker 1: So you're saying you need to solve I would both
Speaker 1: by differences, I mean based on the logic that like,
Speaker 1: no person is ever going to come in and be perfect,
Speaker 1: Like oftentimes even in a relationship, of the relationship will
Speaker 1: be exactly what you want will not There's going to
Speaker 1: be a compromise. Um. I do believe that no person
Speaker 1: is going to agree fully with you. But I think
Speaker 1: the idea of how you guys agree in terms of
Speaker 1: what you want out of a relationship for its work,
Speaker 1: should be more than it's a great hypothesis. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, come on, sign there's a right answer of
Speaker 1: the man. Now, I don't believe there is not when
Speaker 1: it's percentages this ship because I need to know who
Speaker 1: were the test people for this. I need to know
Speaker 1: in what location, what demographic, what a drink? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, yeah, I think for me, I'm
Speaker 1: really not sure if I could answer like percentages. But
Speaker 1: the one thing I've learned that successful in success relationships.
Speaker 1: And I also consider successful relationships some that I broke
Speaker 1: up for right or like we grew apart, there are
Speaker 1: the ones where we understood love languages. And I know
Speaker 1: that's a very like basic cliche thing to say, but
Speaker 1: I'm a very needy person in terms of affection, sometimes
Speaker 1: yourself needing. I'm the only child, so I like affection.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that. I think from a partner,
Speaker 1: like I like a lot of independence if it's work
Speaker 1: or like friendships. But like from a partner, I do
Speaker 1: think I need more than the average. Can I ask
Speaker 1: you why you're asking her not to use the word needing,
Speaker 1: because the word needing has a net negatives, not the
Speaker 1: first theists. If it's something wrong, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1: My first love language is physical touch. So if my
Speaker 1: wife goes all day without touching me, we have a problem.
Speaker 1: Like you didn't love me today, Like what's going on?
Speaker 1: Did something change? Like I need to understand what happened?
Speaker 1: Like you passed by me like five times? Right, So
Speaker 1: there's nothing needy about that. That's just what you need
Speaker 1: for your cup to be fair. But to get back
Speaker 1: to the question, the solve of your difference is because
Speaker 1: only thirty one percent can be soft? Can actually can
Speaker 1: I tell you why I disagree and why is cheating?
Speaker 1: Because the other the other six to nine percent you're
Speaker 1: leaving out to where. Okay, the same thing that you
Speaker 1: started the podcast. If I come to you time and
Speaker 1: time again and tell you this is what I need
Speaker 1: and you don't give it to me because maybe only
Speaker 1: of what my issues is going to be resolved, this
Speaker 1: is why I'm gonna step out. Like if if it's
Speaker 1: only thirty one percent, which is why I also said
Speaker 1: I believe it has to be more than fifty because
Speaker 1: if I'm sitting here telling you there's three things I
Speaker 1: need you to change, and out of those three things,
Speaker 1: you only change one, that's gonna leave two things that
Speaker 1: you still just ain't even you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So if I ask you that I don't want you
Speaker 1: to be an extra verte no more, I want you
Speaker 1: to become an introvert. Could you change that? That sounds
Speaker 1: like you're taking me out a shirt club saying I
Speaker 1: don't want you to be a stripper, no more, don't
Speaker 1: be a stripper when you met me, this was me
Speaker 1: To me, there's a difference between problem solution and a
Speaker 1: relationship and changing someone's whole being. And I believe that
Speaker 1: that's something, and to me the no, But I feel
Speaker 1: like that's the problem, not something. When you date, you
Speaker 1: date the idea of what you want someone to be
Speaker 1: for you without acknowledging who that person is to begin with,
Speaker 1: which is the problem why a lot of people show
Speaker 1: up with masks like I may be someone who can't
Speaker 1: be monogamous, but I'm dating you, and because fun, I
Speaker 1: know you want me to be monogamous, because this is
Speaker 1: what you want, I'm showing up with this mask of
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna be in a monogamous relationship with
Speaker 1: you because I know it's what you want. So no,
Speaker 1: you're talking about introverted person I feel like you're thinking
Speaker 1: about something and and this is no shake. I'm not
Speaker 1: thinking about anything. It's fine, but I'm saying I've read
Speaker 1: his Instagram page and went through his means just like
Speaker 1: a second. I think if you're down because I'm down,
Speaker 1: or anybody else in the room, I think it'd be
Speaker 1: really cool if we could maybe talk about one issue
Speaker 1: in a relationship currently in or failed in, and maybe
Speaker 1: you give my perspective on it. Yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess I did have some scenarios for the hord derve,
Speaker 1: so I guess we could just go through those, or
Speaker 1: you can. You can say yours, go ahead and say horrors,
Speaker 1: don't go to that list. We can talk about it
Speaker 1: during the horrible decision. Okay, Um, the horrid DERF. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to do a sex tip, but that's actually
Speaker 1: what I did have. I had scenarios written down, UM,
Speaker 1: where if you could give an idea. Um, and this
Speaker 1: may or may not be something that anyone in the
Speaker 1: room has gone through, or a listener as well. Um,
Speaker 1: but here's a scenario. He cheated on me and I
Speaker 1: took him back, but every time we have sex, I
Speaker 1: feel betrayed. I feel like it's ruining how we enjoy
Speaker 1: each other. What is the tip you would give a
Speaker 1: woman that took their partner back after they cheated? And
Speaker 1: now I can't get past that. What's the percentage of man?
Speaker 1: Because I keep saying a woman too, and you just
Speaker 1: said a woman. I feel like niggas be cheating. But
Speaker 1: what's the percentage of what you've been seeing? Is it
Speaker 1: ninety ten? No? So in terms of cheating, um, dirty
Speaker 1: percent of black men well engage and in fidelity and
Speaker 1: ten percent of black women. However, I think you just
Speaker 1: thrown these UMBs at at this point. Not at all. No,
Speaker 1: you did not at all. However, within a marriage, after
Speaker 1: being married, a woman thinks about cheating two to four
Speaker 1: years in while it will take a man about four
Speaker 1: to six months four to six years before ever thinking
Speaker 1: of cheating. So with with this scenario, what what most
Speaker 1: people don't know? It's facts four to six years orfo
Speaker 1: a man thinks about cheating. I don't know where you
Speaker 1: got more four to six years both before men would
Speaker 1: even consider infidelity. And where do they live? Is it
Speaker 1: in a box? Maybe were different types. Let me ask
Speaker 1: this question that I think might be even more helpful.
Speaker 1: Is there a demographic, not race or ethnicity, of income,
Speaker 1: h of that. I don't know career, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: saying just from what you could gauge, not like a
Speaker 1: hard fact. But have you noticed certain careers maybe have
Speaker 1: changed that, maybe certain tax brackets have changed that. Um
Speaker 1: as far as where they live geographically, have you noticed
Speaker 1: a difference in fidelity? I would say that and Fidel
Speaker 1: lady attends to be more prominent once you start to
Speaker 1: have more success and you have more access. But the
Speaker 1: nick is busier, So how to they get more pussy? Uh?
Speaker 1: Secretaries people that you're deal dealing with it again, like you,
Speaker 1: you spend more time at work than you do at home,
Speaker 1: and if you're traveling consistently, that's why work wives and
Speaker 1: work husbands better be careful. There's a little bit moaning
Speaker 1: cath Rold and you think I never had a work
Speaker 1: husband that I would really mind. Was hot though, but
Speaker 1: it didn't need pussy. That's probably why. That's why you
Speaker 1: ain't because he didn't need pussy. Maybe because he did,
Speaker 1: you were considering he's gorgeous, but like, no, I wasn't.
Speaker 1: It got brother and sisterly. But if I would have
Speaker 1: seen him on the street, I would have sucked him. Yes,
Speaker 1: And back to this question, right, So when when you're
Speaker 1: cheated on, it's based Siically you show the same symptoms
Speaker 1: as someone that has been a war at war for
Speaker 1: three years, so you experience a high level of PTSD symptoms.
Speaker 1: Let me text me, right, So that's the fact that
Speaker 1: now when she's being intimate, that's what she's thinking about,
Speaker 1: is laying Yes, it is those PTSD symptoms that she's experiencing,
Speaker 1: and it can last up to five years. What you
Speaker 1: got the three years cheating three five years. The PTSD
Speaker 1: symptoms can last up to five year for cheating. Yes,
Speaker 1: So then if that's something that we discuss in therapy
Speaker 1: and it's supposed to be something I'm working through, is
Speaker 1: he's supposed to just put up with the fact that
Speaker 1: he's just supposed to put up with the fact that
Speaker 1: every time we are you, I'm gonna throw this other
Speaker 1: bitch in his face that he cheated on. And to me,
Speaker 1: that's not fair. What kind does she have? But you
Speaker 1: can't put a time frame on healing. Everybody's process is different.
Speaker 1: So so day five I might not throw it in
Speaker 1: your face, but day twelve you might catch a shoe
Speaker 1: right because times we don't condone violence was domestic balance, don't.
Speaker 1: I don't hit niggas, but I think it might be
Speaker 1: better than something that should I'd be saying, because I'd
Speaker 1: be wilding out. Contempt the biggest productor of divorce with
Speaker 1: a ninety seven percent accuracy. Talk some more telling me so,
Speaker 1: contempt is one of the four horsemen's right. Contempt. Contempt
Speaker 1: is basically, when you're belittling your partner, you'd be nothing
Speaker 1: without me. You you weren't this, you aren't that. Everything
Speaker 1: you have is because of how long beat them up.
Speaker 1: Like I think about a relationship I had where she
Speaker 1: don't meet that bad. But um, when I first moved
Speaker 1: to New York, we were dating and he cheated, and
Speaker 1: I remember I was so hurt about it because it
Speaker 1: was someone I had been around. Um, we weren't cool,
Speaker 1: so I really shouldn't have been mad at that bitch.
Speaker 1: But I was just like, you're disgusting. How fucking what
Speaker 1: was this up? I said to him. I called him lazy.
Speaker 1: I was like, you could have sucked any base on
Speaker 1: the planet. I was like that you had to do
Speaker 1: these They'll be grinding bonass nigger and then I typed
Speaker 1: it up, emailed it. I was just like, now we
Speaker 1: started trying to date again, and he would say that
Speaker 1: he felt like he just deserved this punishment for me
Speaker 1: the older I get. I don't think that's fair. Where
Speaker 1: at what point does someone have to take ownership? And like, Okay,
Speaker 1: if I'm going to quote unquote hell, I shouldn't be
Speaker 1: talking to you like this. But then again it's my PTSD. Well,
Speaker 1: that doesn't give you an excuse to barrage a person,
Speaker 1: right PTS means that he might be texting like who
Speaker 1: are you texting? Who are you talking to? Or when
Speaker 1: he goes out. I need your location because right now
Speaker 1: I can't trust you to remain faithful to do you
Speaker 1: tell people do that like put locations in tip Again,
Speaker 1: I don't tell people what to do, but I facilitated
Speaker 1: the conversation, meaning what boundaries are you willing to put
Speaker 1: in place to if guard the relationship and re earn
Speaker 1: their trust. So I've had a lot of people say, no,
Speaker 1: I want your location, I want your password to your phone.
Speaker 1: A matter of fact, I want to share a phone
Speaker 1: with you. Now you do the crime. You yes, share
Speaker 1: a phone on WA we can another phone hold on
Speaker 1: bit just to share and we can play snakes voice.
Speaker 1: I don't understand what the shared phone sharing your age?
Speaker 1: I mean I am, because I'm gonna tell you right now.
Speaker 1: If I want to t my wole girls and your
Speaker 1: mama call, she can't ignore it's giving landline. That's the
Speaker 1: only phone, because don't nobody have land Latin? Is that what?
Speaker 1: You can't sign on on on on an iPad and
Speaker 1: get everything that's on the phone. Actually no, because I will.
Speaker 1: I don't emerge any of my and your partner said,
Speaker 1: I don't trust you, and the way to re earn
Speaker 1: my trust is that there can be no barrier to
Speaker 1: me knowing anything. That's okay. But let me the question right,
Speaker 1: you must have sucked my goddamn sister if I like
Speaker 1: and I don't have one. And it's weird because we
Speaker 1: went through all of this conversation regarding cheating without really
Speaker 1: defining how cheating can mean so many different things, and
Speaker 1: it just thought of me when you're talking about sharing
Speaker 1: a phone in a group chat, the way we all
Speaker 1: share big Shawanda Nella did little physic all the dicks
Speaker 1: to be popping up and they be leaked and ship
Speaker 1: if that's in a group chat with me and my
Speaker 1: home girls. There's no men in this threat, but a
Speaker 1: lot of men can view looking at other people's dicks
Speaker 1: or liking other pictures, cheatinging what thing? What? What has been?
Speaker 1: Something that was minute to you, very small to you.
Speaker 1: They bring it to therapy that they felt cheated or betrayed,
Speaker 1: but it had nothing to do with after that, we
Speaker 1: should finish what happened with the Polly couple too, because
Speaker 1: I forgot. We need to get to that. But that's
Speaker 1: a good one. I saw. That's someone to find that cheating.
Speaker 1: Um Um, I don't know, looking at someone in the street,
Speaker 1: like liking pictures. I was about to say, liking pictures
Speaker 1: social media, social media, social media man like currently I think, um,
Speaker 1: fifty of affairs are online affairs right now without sex.
Speaker 1: Wait wait, I don't meaning that they swiping. It starts
Speaker 1: online like exchanging messages, were commenting and eventually a little
Speaker 1: too strong. You know what it is? Uh? Micro cheating
Speaker 1: is something I've heard before. Micro cheating where it's like
Speaker 1: maybe you start again liking people's pictures or girls pictures
Speaker 1: to kind of send a message without really sending a message.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense. Now I just go or not
Speaker 1: not like people's pictures without wanting to send a message
Speaker 1: that I want to suck it. Yeah, but niggas, you
Speaker 1: know what nigga has been doing. If you got back
Speaker 1: to seventeen and like pictures, I know what it means.
Speaker 1: But if I just posted a few pictures and you
Speaker 1: like actually remember back and there was no d you
Speaker 1: know how much men do this by the way, that
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't even keeep it. And one of
Speaker 1: my home girls was like, he must have a bit
Speaker 1: a dude athlete. People know him, but he's no Lebron,
Speaker 1: but he's not someone you wouldn't know in the street,
Speaker 1: not three am, late night, all down my ship and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, right right right, So then
Speaker 1: we're damn in a little bit. Get to a text message.
Speaker 1: Tell my friend about it in the morning. I'm like,
Speaker 1: did she like like a hundred picks? She was like,
Speaker 1: what he did? They were gone in the morning. Oh no,
Speaker 1: that's that's right, And he knows I did this to
Speaker 1: get your attention. I stopped talking to him quick, But
Speaker 1: to me, I was like, I didn't even peep it.
Speaker 1: You basically are just doing this whole thing where you
Speaker 1: like like like to where someone is now engaging they
Speaker 1: see you on your day and you're like, all right,
Speaker 1: the bitch saw me. Now that's petty nasty, but men
Speaker 1: fucking do it. A previous relationship of mine, I definitely
Speaker 1: got in trouble for liking pictures to me. Then that's
Speaker 1: an insecure partner. I don't used to know. But she was.
Speaker 1: She granted she was in bikini, but did you know
Speaker 1: the girl like nake? Yeah it wasn't, but it was different.
Speaker 1: That wasn't a fire emoti because nis leaving, that's just
Speaker 1: it regular. You can't want to suck me, but the
Speaker 1: alpha could be good at the same time, it was
Speaker 1: People's trauma are difference, so their definition of cheating might
Speaker 1: differ from yours based on their experiences growing up. What
Speaker 1: you want your wife be fighting about? Is that your wife? No?
Speaker 1: I know here, she said, So what do you mean
Speaker 1: your wife? Um, currently we have a twelve week old
Speaker 1: and a two year old, so that's that's all you
Speaker 1: have to say. Yes, you can stop there. Basically, Okay,
Speaker 1: we got goddamn kids, are you? I got the night shift,
Speaker 1: and she asked the day shift? But what the hell
Speaker 1: are you at during the day recording podcast money? You
Speaker 1: were that we were talking about the craziest thing that's happened. Yes,
Speaker 1: so they had a threesome together, okay, and in the
Speaker 1: middle of the threesomes she went ballistic and she attacked
Speaker 1: the other girl. Cops were called and etcetera. You know what,
Speaker 1: how did you keep your face together? That's what I
Speaker 1: want to know, is a professional damnit? And say, let
Speaker 1: me pull up a document of the time. Right, sometimes
Speaker 1: I might have a rankly shirt on or whatever the
Speaker 1: casement because I worked from home. It's my session. Can
Speaker 1: I ask you? Did you was that a suggestion at
Speaker 1: all that you made? So you because you said they
Speaker 1: were together four or five years he wanted to change
Speaker 1: into being Polly. This was something that she clearly was
Speaker 1: like and now you changed that she could into it.
Speaker 1: And so was this something to where they discussed or
Speaker 1: brought them to therapy that she was willing to do
Speaker 1: this for him and it wasn't something she wanted to do.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to know how because you already kind
Speaker 1: of that she wasn't comfortable with the idea of power. Correct,
Speaker 1: So we had a consultation call, right, So they never
Speaker 1: signed on to therapy. It's after the three South happened
Speaker 1: came to the therapy. So on average, couples wait six
Speaker 1: years too late before coming to therapy. Right, so by
Speaker 1: that time period, there's been six years of tax texicity
Speaker 1: that we must now overcome as quickly as possible, which
Speaker 1: is why a lot of couples will will will sign
Speaker 1: on for marathon sessions, which is one day, six hours.
Speaker 1: We're just working. So they tried to get do you
Speaker 1: remember Mandy and I did therapy together and he was like,
Speaker 1: you guys should do a couple's retreat. Do you remember
Speaker 1: that one the Dominican guy and he was like, you
Speaker 1: guys should go away. I ain't listening a lot, he said,
Speaker 1: because then they started pulling up diagrams of the brain.
Speaker 1: I said, this ain't the type of therapist. On one,
Speaker 1: I love that type of therapy. W the Black woman
Speaker 1: again basically when he in the type of therapy he does,
Speaker 1: he was like it's something that it made sense. He
Speaker 1: was like, you're doing you're triggering each other in a
Speaker 1: certain way and you get into fight or flight if
Speaker 1: like Mandy said a certain thing to me, I say
Speaker 1: a certain thing in her He's like, at some point
Speaker 1: your brain is shutting off because you get triggered. Right,
Speaker 1: So I like, right, like, if she says one thing
Speaker 1: to me, I'm done, I'm not going to hear it.
Speaker 1: Which it makes sense because a lot of couples, like
Speaker 1: I've had that problem in relationships. But anyway, he was like,
Speaker 1: you guys should do a retreat, go away whatever. Do
Speaker 1: you find that marathon therapy is effective versus building over
Speaker 1: time depending on how bad the relationship is, I would
Speaker 1: recommend a marathon session. Can you explain what a marathon
Speaker 1: session is? So it's basically in so each session is
Speaker 1: ninety minutes long, right, weekly, But instead of doing that,
Speaker 1: we just meet for one weekend and we work for
Speaker 1: up to six hours a day, correct, and we just
Speaker 1: get busy, like we we go through the program as
Speaker 1: quickly as possible. Are they together like in the same room?
Speaker 1: Oh no? And also they were false oximeter on their finger, right,
Speaker 1: because it will help you identify when you're triggered and
Speaker 1: when you're So for you guys, right, I wish I
Speaker 1: had two of them with me because I would have
Speaker 1: you work not see exactly what sets you guys off.
Speaker 1: I would love to know that because sometimes I think
Speaker 1: I know what makes me upset, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: You know, like you can have a past memory that
Speaker 1: maybe makes you upset, or it could be a bad
Speaker 1: day or like antism. Yeah, so at that time period, right.
Speaker 1: So for for the women, if your heart rate surpasses
Speaker 1: eight beats, that means that you're currently flooded and should
Speaker 1: take a twenty minute break where you're doing something else
Speaker 1: that's not related to the men. It's a hundred. Would
Speaker 1: it work with because your your horning listen, dear COVID.
Speaker 1: When I had to go and it was trying to
Speaker 1: check my oxygen levels, it wouldn't get I could never
Speaker 1: do it with my creser. I've been doing it for
Speaker 1: a long time, thank you. So wait, you put the finger,
Speaker 1: you Pathea to put the sandr finger? Does it work
Speaker 1: when your horny? Is it? Just like? Have you tried
Speaker 1: it the other way? No? But I'm gonna try it
Speaker 1: now break up the new babies. She'll be like, let's
Speaker 1: do some nasty ship ship from my job. So one
Speaker 1: of the things that you said in the beginning of
Speaker 1: this podcast, um, which I actually did want to talk
Speaker 1: to talk about because my mother as well as my
Speaker 1: friends have gone through it. You said the only couple
Speaker 1: that you suggested should break up was when one of
Speaker 1: the partners was a narcissist. And so I've recently been
Speaker 1: having this conversation because narcissism is one of the only
Speaker 1: things that have There's not really anything you could do
Speaker 1: if you're dating a narcissist. There's no medication. A lot
Speaker 1: of times therapy won't give them past being a narcissist.
Speaker 1: And so if their narcissism is truly affecting the relationship,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be in it. So my question to you is, then,
Speaker 1: where what should someone do if they do want to
Speaker 1: work through being with someone who is a narcissis instead
Speaker 1: of breaking up? And I'm saying that because the heartread
Speaker 1: is going up with discussing narcissism. I know, because a
Speaker 1: lot of the things that they do in a relationship, again,
Speaker 1: the way they talk down to you, the way they
Speaker 1: may treat you, the way may they may ostracize and
Speaker 1: make you feel belittle, has really little to do with you,
Speaker 1: but a lot more to do with their narcissism. And
Speaker 1: so if you just went straight to you shouldn't be
Speaker 1: with this person. What would you tell someone who is
Speaker 1: trying to be with a narcissist? Yes, I would tell
Speaker 1: them this, which part of yourself is predispposed to date
Speaker 1: a narcissist? And and what is it about yourself that
Speaker 1: has led you to believe that you deserve this treatment?
Speaker 1: I need you to answer those two questions, and that
Speaker 1: alone should help you make the best decision possible. When
Speaker 1: do you think that the narcissism is too much? I
Speaker 1: feel like we all have it somewhere. So um eight
Speaker 1: percent of males show case narcissistic tendencies, especially with social
Speaker 1: media out right, but it tends to be is a
Speaker 1: way different than a certified diagnosed narcissist. When you're diagnosed
Speaker 1: as a narcissist, what do you mean diagnosed? You can
Speaker 1: not like literally, this is something that I've like in
Speaker 1: my current life. I've been dealing with friends who here's
Speaker 1: the thing too, write I'm not a mother, and I'm
Speaker 1: not a wife, I'm I'm not a fiance. I haven't
Speaker 1: had a partner lived with me. So in terms of
Speaker 1: my friends who bent to me about their relationships, a
Speaker 1: lot of times they excuse the behavior and say, well,
Speaker 1: this is a compromise that I make, because this is
Speaker 1: what a relationship takes. And it doesn't take until sometimes
Speaker 1: a few years ship for them to realize that this
Speaker 1: person is never going to change, and that it had
Speaker 1: nothing to do with compromise. It had a lot more
Speaker 1: to do with them trying to see the best in
Speaker 1: this person and they're never going to get that person
Speaker 1: to change. It usually takes about fourth or seven years. Quait,
Speaker 1: But what's I gotta do with what you're saying, your friend?
Speaker 1: They were diagnosed narcissists. Now, like he said, most men
Speaker 1: have have narcissist tendencies? How do you how do you
Speaker 1: get diagnosed? Diagnosed? When you start going to therapy? There's
Speaker 1: can you can you share some traits of a diagnosical
Speaker 1: a lot better about my ship in therapy? Right now?
Speaker 1: What a diagnosed narcissists in comparison to someone who just
Speaker 1: may see highly of themselves, they're the difference. So actually,
Speaker 1: like um, I'm I'm in the process of doing a
Speaker 1: lot of research on narcissism because I've had a lot
Speaker 1: of female clients that have dealt with narcissists and they
Speaker 1: have to rebuild a whole new life and a whole
Speaker 1: new identity just to heal from what they have experienced trauma.
Speaker 1: So it narcissists is someone who believes that they're never wrong.
Speaker 1: They have a grandiose view of themselves, like you should
Speaker 1: be lucky too by your hip, exactly, you should be
Speaker 1: lucky to be with me, right, it's all, it's all.
Speaker 1: It's all about them. It's how can you serve me?
Speaker 1: And what can you do for me? And if you're
Speaker 1: no longer doing that, I will discard of you. I
Speaker 1: will use criticism and contempt to control you and to
Speaker 1: mold you into who I want you to become, because
Speaker 1: that's what benefits. If I had to think of it,
Speaker 1: is that like they can never learn. Basically they can't
Speaker 1: like they can. It's it's like and it could be work,
Speaker 1: could be a friend, and you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: and you're trying, and they just no more. Like they're
Speaker 1: very successful in life because in order to be successful, right,
Speaker 1: you need to have this tunnel vision of wanting to
Speaker 1: be the best. And and this society is built where
Speaker 1: the best is the one that's rewarded. So we're creating
Speaker 1: a lot of narcissists. I recently tweeted about this because
Speaker 1: it was really surprising me, Like I I work for
Speaker 1: someone that's not a narcissist, but like really really smart,
Speaker 1: really rich and super successful. And one of the things
Speaker 1: that continues to blow my mind about him no matter
Speaker 1: how many articles fucking millions and millions of dollars, Like
Speaker 1: he's so like chest out when he tells you he
Speaker 1: doesn't know something. You could be on a call and
Speaker 1: he's like, I have no idea like what this is,
Speaker 1: but um, you know on my team, I have Wheezy
Speaker 1: and she'll get into that with you, and I don't
Speaker 1: even know if that's the Martinson, Like, oh, I don't
Speaker 1: know what this is, but this is who does. Like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna build it around me, And that, to me
Speaker 1: is when you really get to learn someone that's like
Speaker 1: you could either be the master of none or jack
Speaker 1: of all trades, and you've got to like build that
Speaker 1: out and in relationships now, I've tried to literally do
Speaker 1: that with friendships, right, Like I've had troubles in my
Speaker 1: relationship where old Bay, right, my partner will be like
Speaker 1: every time you talk to so and so, you come
Speaker 1: back to me and you're like fucking crazy, while like
Speaker 1: ghetto bitch energy, like you want to fight me, bro,
Speaker 1: Like what the fuck? He's like, you need to start
Speaker 1: hanging with some and so more. I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: my homegirl got away too much trauma and I call
Speaker 1: her mad about you. I do need to talk to
Speaker 1: someone that's level headed. And it's like I've tried to
Speaker 1: place who I come to for advice now with that
Speaker 1: and like in every aspect, like we can't know it all.
Speaker 1: And I think with relationships especially like because you were
Speaker 1: just saying your friend, you cannot go to one person
Speaker 1: and be offloading and emotionally dumping because all we're gonna
Speaker 1: do is hate that nikkovitch. And every time you called me,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like tell you, oh yeah, I don't talk.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see him. Don't bring him around
Speaker 1: me because if you're gonna sit here, here's the thing
Speaker 1: too again, I broke up with my nigga a whole
Speaker 1: lot of times before I fully broke up with him,
Speaker 1: and a lot of my friends unfortunately he was around us,
Speaker 1: and so they take in the hate we may have
Speaker 1: from one day and now the next thing. Now, I
Speaker 1: let that nigget up, and I think that that has
Speaker 1: to do a lot more with just the oversharing of women.
Speaker 1: We overshare a lot of things, which is also But
Speaker 1: to be fair, I sat on this pot for a
Speaker 1: whole year and talk about how perfect my nigga was
Speaker 1: and witch as they like that ship either. So you
Speaker 1: damned if you do, damned if you don't. Maybe you
Speaker 1: just shouldn't share anything about your nigga because they're gonna
Speaker 1: come in and and and be your nines shining harbor,
Speaker 1: and then they're gonna be the motherfucking joker and fucking
Speaker 1: kill your heart, your soul, your spirit, and your friends
Speaker 1: just have to be there to uplift you to he
Speaker 1: I hate it. I hate it's it's awful. I'd be
Speaker 1: like this no day, not when I like best. Do
Speaker 1: you know how to communicate? You know what's crazy? Um?
Speaker 1: Well please please offline you can test me you know
Speaker 1: what's crazy? Though. I literally recently said in in another
Speaker 1: podcast that the number one thing that I need in
Speaker 1: a relationship is communication, but the communications to where that
Speaker 1: That was why I left my partner because there was
Speaker 1: a lot of times and mind you, I am I'm
Speaker 1: not the one and I don't like when people do
Speaker 1: a lot of people will do things just to see
Speaker 1: how you respond to ship. Right. A lot of people
Speaker 1: like to test their partners, their friends just to see, oh, well,
Speaker 1: let me see what happens if me. No, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you exactly what I want. So when it came
Speaker 1: to my birthday, I told him exactly what I wanted
Speaker 1: and what I didn't want. You know what he did
Speaker 1: gave me exactly what I didn't want, and and that
Speaker 1: that should have been a bit red flag because the
Speaker 1: nick didn't show up. How I told him exactly what
Speaker 1: I want for Valentine's Day, he didn't show up. He
Speaker 1: gave me just the bare minimum. I was like, nigga,
Speaker 1: I could get the bare minimum from these millionaire niggas
Speaker 1: that are still in my flo flowers. He didn't. He
Speaker 1: did give me flowers, but they were so ugly. I
Speaker 1: threw him bitches in the garden so much so I
Speaker 1: canceled his motherfucking Valentine's Wait wait wait wait wait wait
Speaker 1: wait wait wait. Yeah, I don't like him. I ain't
Speaker 1: like the flowers he gave me, so that's why we
Speaker 1: broke up. I threw him in the gardens, but it
Speaker 1: was because he didn't listen my nigga. Not only that
Speaker 1: that's where to God, but it's because I realized the trend,
Speaker 1: well know, and it was it was the trend. Though.
Speaker 1: Every time I tell you what Matt is to me,
Speaker 1: you show up in a way that to me, Now,
Speaker 1: there's no way you give a funk about what matters
Speaker 1: to me. And if we're going to continue this this
Speaker 1: thing of disappointment, which is what it was. Because also
Speaker 1: I don't ask for much. It's not like I'm showing
Speaker 1: up how I did seven years ago, where not only
Speaker 1: do I want good dick, not only do I need attention,
Speaker 1: not only do I want to be taken out, you
Speaker 1: have to pay my bills because I don't have it.
Speaker 1: They were just bro they it looked like funeral flowers,
Speaker 1: my nigga. And then this nigga tried it right, So
Speaker 1: we on the phone. He's hout. This nigga tried to
Speaker 1: gas like me. He was like, I picked each flower
Speaker 1: out specifically, and they actually really cost a lot. And
Speaker 1: here I go. You know how you say you say
Speaker 1: things the hurt of nigga feelings, I'm just too honest.
Speaker 1: So I told him, I said how much they cost,
Speaker 1: I'll cash ap you the money right now, you can
Speaker 1: have it back. I don't give a funk how much
Speaker 1: you spec. Wait wait, wait, they're ugly, but if you
Speaker 1: ask for flowers, I'm not trying any petty like. I'm
Speaker 1: just kind of saying I feel like if my homeboy
Speaker 1: called me and told me this, because it's always anytime
Speaker 1: my homewoye tell me something I talked today, bitch, after,
Speaker 1: I'll be like, you left that out. If my homeboy
Speaker 1: called me and was like, yo, all she wanted was flowers,
Speaker 1: I went to the floors, I got him. Then she
Speaker 1: said they were ugly. She threw him out, I'd be like, Yo,
Speaker 1: she's a fucking bitch. You ain't see the flowers, because
Speaker 1: when when my friends see it, hold on, mind you.
Speaker 1: What made it worse too. He hand delivered them to
Speaker 1: my house knowing I wasn't home, so they were left
Speaker 1: on my door. Prize, bitch, you could have had a floors.
Speaker 1: They didn't even come in a fucking base. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: you leave them on my door. They're in the plastic
Speaker 1: and all that, and I'm just like, mind you. I
Speaker 1: looked at them, bitches. I want to see them so bad.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would be mad. Oh you know,
Speaker 1: I got a picture, you know what? And I didn't
Speaker 1: ask for specific flowers. However, again not listening because he
Speaker 1: didn't gave me my favorite flowers. One time he funked up.
Speaker 1: He knew my favorite flowers. Some flowers. Okay, So the
Speaker 1: fact that you got me everything that goes in a
Speaker 1: funeral range except four, because now I'm kind of not
Speaker 1: I think that is Do you understand what the point is?
Speaker 1: It's the point. It's not even the flowers. The point is.
Speaker 1: This was now probably the fourth time I had specifically
Speaker 1: said something that mattered to me and what I wanted,
Speaker 1: and instead of just listening to me, he did he
Speaker 1: did damn near the opposite where I I took it
Speaker 1: as there's no way you love me like you said
Speaker 1: you love me, there's no way you want to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship with because it was. But I do
Speaker 1: need to see the flowers like you really, because they
Speaker 1: say we're gonna do anything to disagree, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be please be honest. But also, you know what else sucked?
Speaker 1: These bitches didn't even come with motherfucking flower food. I said,
Speaker 1: there ain't even flower board the card I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: The card was the card was great, hand written. He said,
Speaker 1: he loved me. I inspired him. Look at don't don't
Speaker 1: bro hold on motherfucking New York City where flowers is
Speaker 1: on every corner on Valentine's Day. My Niggah, that's bad.
Speaker 1: That's bad. That's bad. Right. There was not even flower food.
Speaker 1: He was like, they're gonna blossom once you put them
Speaker 1: in the blossom. Remember meet the parents when he brought
Speaker 1: the pot. But that is a thing though, that is
Speaker 1: a thing about It looked like that was the last
Speaker 1: second you see the awful it it's everything, but it's
Speaker 1: some flower, it's daisy, it's one rose, it's baby's breath.
Speaker 1: Whatever the funk. They called him a little you feel
Speaker 1: but what you get what I mean, it's not even
Speaker 1: the flowers. It's the fact that you don't listen. And
Speaker 1: that to me is a part of communication. Correct. And
Speaker 1: he doesn't know you because because if you knew me,
Speaker 1: you know what I like, you know what would speak
Speaker 1: to me on Valentine's Day. But also, nig you could
Speaker 1: have asked my doorman for the key and went ahead
Speaker 1: and put a whole bunch of pedals in the on
Speaker 1: the guy. And the only thing I will say, I
Speaker 1: actually like if I came home and I saw a
Speaker 1: card and flowers there, like you left them for me
Speaker 1: because you know some of them. I think that's sweet
Speaker 1: those flowers know, But not only that, not only that,
Speaker 1: so so you also dropped them off knowing how I
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna be home, NIGGI, you could have waited till
Speaker 1: let me do what I mean. None of it was
Speaker 1: some months back we had this episode in Old Baby
Speaker 1: Christ the Christmas give you all, like yeah, she like,
Speaker 1: what do you say to high fashion, Like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: supposed be ungrateful for this six and oh yeah, my
Speaker 1: home girl just returned to three hundred all of perfume
Speaker 1: that she got for Valentine's Day because she was like,
Speaker 1: the ship does not smell good. I'm not gonna wear it.
Speaker 1: But it was a bond. But the flower thing, we
Speaker 1: had a real conversation that we moved past from that.
Speaker 1: I was so happy about he would give me flowers
Speaker 1: when he fucked up, and I love flower is I
Speaker 1: buy them for myself by friends. But like now he
Speaker 1: was getting to the point where I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm tired of it. I was getting my
Speaker 1: hair braided. I had a really bad night with him
Speaker 1: yelling at this nigga and really my only issue and
Speaker 1: I've talked about it for years on this podcast. He's
Speaker 1: in his forties. He's an open relationship with me that
Speaker 1: I've been in with other people, so I feel like
Speaker 1: I do them decent. He's very nervous of thinking that
Speaker 1: being open we'll mean that I'll be angry, so he'll
Speaker 1: rather he'd rather just go to sleep, you know whatever,
Speaker 1: go to the club, not even sucking a bitch, just
Speaker 1: not tell me because he doesn't want me to think
Speaker 1: that he's out doing these things for whatever reason. And
Speaker 1: even when he's not doing ship like it. It drives
Speaker 1: me insane. I've run into him with his whole boys nik.
Speaker 1: It wasn't with a bitch or anything, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: why did you act like people home they could just say,
Speaker 1: you know, but long story short. He will send flowers,
Speaker 1: not just any flowers, He's send the best. And I'm
Speaker 1: getting my hair braided, shout out to Shay and she's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm like, I'm s sucked up flowers
Speaker 1: and I'm so tired of that. I'm sorry flowers, get
Speaker 1: me flowers. That's the same the same thing, right now.
Speaker 1: Oh I know, but it's just well, no, no, mine
Speaker 1: was just a part of listening. It wasn't even the
Speaker 1: flower that it wasn't want the flowers. So it's the
Speaker 1: same ship. Nothing to do with whether the flowers are
Speaker 1: nice not. It's the fact that Nick, you don't listen,
Speaker 1: you don't respect. At that point, then I don't need
Speaker 1: a break from I turned it into I turned it
Speaker 1: into respect, I turned it into There's no way these
Speaker 1: actions even match your words. There's like, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, it was just way too much. There was
Speaker 1: just like not the same way, missing another word, right,
Speaker 1: So the there first brain is working right, well, what
Speaker 1: is it? What I'm hearing is that the number one
Speaker 1: thing that a woman looks for in the men is trustworthiness.
Speaker 1: Cannot trust you. Are you going to do the things
Speaker 1: that you say you're going to do? Are you going
Speaker 1: to show up for me when I need you to
Speaker 1: show up for me? Are you gotta Are you gonna
Speaker 1: do what you say you were going to do it?
Speaker 1: I mean he he was going to do nothing. But
Speaker 1: I'm telling you what to do, you don't do it,
Speaker 1: And it's I don't think of trust when I think
Speaker 1: about that, but in this and I guess we're the homemail.
Speaker 1: But I guess in this particular case, I just felt
Speaker 1: so I was. I felt embarrassed, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because the first thing I want to do, and like
Speaker 1: I hate to even say it like this because it
Speaker 1: sounds so juvenile, but like you get nice flowers. It's two.
Speaker 1: I want to oh my God because my baby got me,
Speaker 1: but I can't because it came from like you fucking up,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And I think that what's
Speaker 1: happening in my relationship is he just does these lavish
Speaker 1: things only when he sucks up. We do live a
Speaker 1: very nice life, you know what I'm saying, Like we
Speaker 1: already do nice ship. It's not like I only go
Speaker 1: to dinner whatever when something like that happens, but there's
Speaker 1: a volume of it when he sucks up. I have
Speaker 1: a great eve. Saint Laurent bag he bought me. That
Speaker 1: was a funk up, but I'll take that one other
Speaker 1: than that outside of god damn flower. And you know
Speaker 1: recently he sent some flowers and you know, put just
Speaker 1: to see you smile in a song we like. But
Speaker 1: I was like, damn, bro, this is the first time
Speaker 1: you ever got me flowers that you weren't sucking up
Speaker 1: in almost four years. I mean, you know how fucking
Speaker 1: crazy it is. I got floral PTSD dog clearly me too, right,
Speaker 1: Like I'm good, I don't well, I guess to wrap it.
Speaker 1: What do you suggest men do when they have sucked up? Initially?
Speaker 1: The first thing that do you mean, feel better? Beat
Speaker 1: through listening? See what I mean? What I mean trying
Speaker 1: to be funny? What is doing in a grain jest
Speaker 1: or a bad thing? Not one it's consistently being done
Speaker 1: after you fuck up, because because now it's just it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean much to me that flight at that point,
Speaker 1: the former fighting, I'm almost hoping that nigger probably sunk
Speaker 1: up knowing it's what we're gonna cost me flowers. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let me go ahead and do this thing. But to me,
Speaker 1: that's it, that day of a low emotional intelligence, right,
Speaker 1: because if you're emotionally intelligent and aware, you are aware
Speaker 1: of what your partner needs and how to not consist
Speaker 1: consistently sunk up. Right. So one of the big biggest
Speaker 1: things that women look for in a man or in
Speaker 1: a partner in general in general? Is are you able
Speaker 1: to be coachable? Right? If you get me flowers? But
Speaker 1: I don't like flowers and I like sunflowers instead. After
Speaker 1: telling you that one time, you should know that because
Speaker 1: I've coached you enough to know what I like. But
Speaker 1: if you continue to give me everything everything, I don't
Speaker 1: know what I'm asking for, people are going to be
Speaker 1: very mad that they can't hear you again on another
Speaker 1: on your own podcast. I think you really should make
Speaker 1: one give me a contract. I've been here twenty times,
Speaker 1: sat on every single chair here. You know, every single
Speaker 1: person that's here. I've been trying to get on this
Speaker 1: for years. Ye have heard um unofficially? What's that means?
Speaker 1: He liked all your pictures? I will tell you when
Speaker 1: I always think this is and tell me if you
Speaker 1: feel the same, because obviously we've been podcasting so long.
Speaker 1: I think whenever I have a guest, or I meet
Speaker 1: somebody or I'm around them and like I feel like
Speaker 1: it's not enough, Like that day we did with Brianda.
Speaker 1: There's some other people of course we've talked to, and
Speaker 1: I was like Tianna, the girl who had the the
Speaker 1: food all over her body when I feel like someone
Speaker 1: needs more of them or I want to come back.
Speaker 1: That's when I'm like, oh, they do need a podcast.
Speaker 1: You should make one. Have couples come on there, black
Speaker 1: their face out anonymous, just do audio. It's cheaper, but well,
Speaker 1: you know, let's still do a good rate. But I'm
Speaker 1: telling you I would love that ship. Make them be anonymous.
Speaker 1: There's a podcast I don't want to shout him out,
Speaker 1: but I'm ann shout him out anyway that a lady
Speaker 1: doing my eyebrows told me about because she recognized me.
Speaker 1: She was like, oh my god, due horrible decisions. While
Speaker 1: I'm like this, I was like, yeah, She's like there's
Speaker 1: a podcast called Other People's Lives and I feel like
Speaker 1: you would love it. And it's a podcast with two
Speaker 1: white guys and they take anonymous calls in for the
Speaker 1: most random ship. One of them was like, I was
Speaker 1: a sex slave for my grandfather. Um, I gained weight
Speaker 1: from food for sex. Uh. I was in an airplane crash.
Speaker 1: Like random ship. You should do that with couples, but
Speaker 1: let them call in. It's some editing word. I don't
Speaker 1: really want much, but or another one, and I want
Speaker 1: to shout out another podcast to uh, it's called you up,
Speaker 1: shout out some medina. She put me onto it. But
Speaker 1: it's a man and a woman and they dissect the
Speaker 1: communication of text messages between two people. And a lot
Speaker 1: of times there's tone delivery that you don't pick up on.
Speaker 1: There's things that could have been said that didn't get said,
Speaker 1: and so they're sent in and these two people dissect
Speaker 1: maybe where the conversation went, left where it could have went,
Speaker 1: because a lot of times it's friendships, it's relationships. You've
Speaker 1: also got to learn people style, like one of my news. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I realized that how to just get one of my news?
Speaker 1: He says, he knows I'm mad at him when I
Speaker 1: put a period at the end of it. Okay, Sunctuation
Speaker 1: is important and text messaging, oh my god, and like
Speaker 1: like he faced time to be months as b D
Speaker 1: D and he just called he faced time. He's like,
Speaker 1: what's up with you? I was like nothing, I'm good,
Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, would you put a period
Speaker 1: in the end of that son to have a great night? Really,
Speaker 1: he was like, you'll do have a great night with
Speaker 1: exclamation point when you mean it. And I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: he really know what my feelings. I'll just leave someone
Speaker 1: on red. But I haven't to do that a lot
Speaker 1: because I'm like working or something. But some people take
Speaker 1: that really personally. You know, I'll read it, especially depending
Speaker 1: on where it's going. Like I leave people on red,
Speaker 1: I just disconnect from people quickly, like all right, I'll
Speaker 1: tell them good night at four pm. I think good night.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have a real hard time dating. Oh oh god,
Speaker 1: well now right now, I just don't have the time.
Speaker 1: Not for the reason that you think, because no, knowing
Speaker 1: you and what I've seen and how I'm seeing you now,
Speaker 1: it's gonna take a very special mental Everyone says that
Speaker 1: to to deal with you. This is and I already
Speaker 1: know and no, I feel like it not at all
Speaker 1: when people tell me that, and not even that from
Speaker 1: like I'm something to deal with perfect When men say
Speaker 1: things or when people say things like oh, you're growing,
Speaker 1: you're getting successful, it'll take a special person to be
Speaker 1: comfortable with it. That I know where but it's like,
Speaker 1: I know it. I feel like it's discouraging because to
Speaker 1: me it's not. We live in up We live in
Speaker 1: a place too where patriarchy is still like so big
Speaker 1: as women now we're showing up as full bosses. I
Speaker 1: don't need a man to do anything. So that's been
Speaker 1: a conversation in my past relationship as well. He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know how to show up with you.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to show up as a man,
Speaker 1: because how I've shown up in all my past relationships.
Speaker 1: That's not what you need from me. So we've had
Speaker 1: those actual conversations. That's how he shows up like like
Speaker 1: like I remember saying, I feel like I need to
Speaker 1: call one of these niggas and be like God slot
Speaker 1: the man, very secure him. I hear has this an
Speaker 1: identity and is able to do the things that you
Speaker 1: need done right. It might be just, but not flowers
Speaker 1: make me breakfast the town hall. I think that'd be
Speaker 1: fun too. Yeah, tell us where to find you, Tell
Speaker 1: the people to find you. Yes, you can find me
Speaker 1: on Instagram. As talked to Mac on the Score Therapist
Speaker 1: talk the number two Mac M A C. It'll be
Speaker 1: in the description of the episode. Also, if you're in
Speaker 1: New York and New Jersey and you're looking for a
Speaker 1: couple of therapy, I also have a couple's workshop, a
Speaker 1: one day intensive helpers workshop, and you and you do
Speaker 1: do things in person. It's not all remote amazing. I'm
Speaker 1: tired of the remote world, Like I wanted to be
Speaker 1: here today. Yeah, so I have that coming as well.
Speaker 1: I also have a special gift for you guys, if
Speaker 1: I may, If that's okay, you could give me anything
Speaker 1: because I ain't got a nigam I get my bag.
Speaker 1: Please help with some flowers hold away, like just make
Speaker 1: a mark for a cup for this. Yeah, will you
Speaker 1: be another two minutes? Okay, I just gotta jump on
Speaker 1: the staff call. Oh, go ahead, get drop. So I
Speaker 1: created these cards d ring promotion. He's like, bitch, I
Speaker 1: got a podcast. Would you can buy these cards? My
Speaker 1: cardic It's a clinical card game that you are not
Speaker 1: to play with your friends or as a group, but
Speaker 1: that you are to play with your significant love in
Speaker 1: the comfort of your home. I ain't comfortable just when
Speaker 1: the real work starts. This is so me and like
Speaker 1: we piece to play games a lot, you know, of course,
Speaker 1: and then another thing. But oh my god, you do
Speaker 1: this on the first day. Okay, you need to be
Speaker 1: the reason I asked that is, what's your biggest regret
Speaker 1: in life so far? So I was like, okay, I
Speaker 1: like this great idea. Yo, love this again? Where can
Speaker 1: they buy this? That's directly on my Website's therapy is
Speaker 1: for everyone that this is a really really I love that.
Speaker 1: Thank you Max for coming on. Um, we absolutely adore you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll probably bring you on to Patreon episodes soon, so
Speaker 1: maybe we can really dig Deeferent. We could do it.
Speaker 1: Want his baby Mama? He want to play me like
Speaker 1: that on FaceTime of that beach? Oh lord? All right,
Speaker 1: well guys, thank you so much for tuning in again.
Speaker 1: We've talked about Patreon if you want an extra episode
Speaker 1: every week, as well as the opportunity to join us
Speaker 1: on our town halls once a month, join us at
Speaker 1: patreon dot com. Backslash Horrible Decisions. Also, if you're watching
Speaker 1: us on YouTube you see our beautiful merch hanging up
Speaker 1: behind us, you can get your Horrible Decisions merch now
Speaker 1: at hor hive dot com. It's actually exactly how it is,
Speaker 1: so w H O R E H I V E
Speaker 1: dot com and get your merch. Motherfucking na um. Thanks
Speaker 1: for watching the show. Thank you. This will be yet
Speaker 1: another episode of Decisions Night. It's bonus, bitches, and we've
Speaker 1: get gee, it's not going to be filled with much tea.
Speaker 1: I already have people like would an old bays say
Speaker 1: when he heard this, bitch, I wouldn't know. I blocked
Speaker 1: that new bro. I mean, he may have someone giving
Speaker 1: him the tea anyways, I'm sure, but um, I just thought,
Speaker 1: I guess to give if he knows what he did.
Speaker 1: When I was in the elevator just coming up to
Speaker 1: do this episode, um my neighbor, I had a company
Speaker 1: sent me like a hundred bodies groups, maybe forty. I'm
Speaker 1: not exactly a hundred forty, about forty right, black ticks.
Speaker 1: She's next door. So I handed it to her. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh here, I got this, you know in
Speaker 1: the mail. I wanted to give him to you. I
Speaker 1: was because we gotta keep from staying young. She goes,
Speaker 1: and we gotta keep staying young. And she was like, bro,
Speaker 1: I'm way older than you. And I said, what you use?
Speaker 1: Thirty five? I swear on my mom And I thought
Speaker 1: she was maybe at max like thirty eight. She looked
Speaker 1: really young and she said I'm fifty. I said, bitch,
Speaker 1: I know you vegan. That's that's how it might not
Speaker 1: even be vegan. That's how uh, that's how motherfucker's be
Speaker 1: treating my ex like my ex does not look fifty
Speaker 1: at all. No, And I think that's the thing though,
Speaker 1: when you really take care of body. And don't get
Speaker 1: me wrong, I only know her because she is a dog.
Speaker 1: So we'd be at the dog park, but she'd be
Speaker 1: running with the dog, jumping up and off the table
Speaker 1: like working on like crazy. And I'm like, yo, you
Speaker 1: know you don't like fifty. So I say all that
Speaker 1: to say, she said, because I thought about Maggie. Who's
Speaker 1: the bitch Obey went see and due and she said, girl,
Speaker 1: I don't have a concept of time. She said, if
Speaker 1: you asked me, I'm still sucking the nick. I was
Speaker 1: from high school. She was like, everything feels the same.
Speaker 1: She was like, I take care of my body. She
Speaker 1: was like, and my spirit is like she said, I
Speaker 1: eat good and I'll tell no lies. I said, I know,
Speaker 1: not right, and I really want to tell old Bay
Speaker 1: because this body is fucking crazy. He really really works
Speaker 1: on his body, but he tells lies, and so that's
Speaker 1: why he's bald. Well. Balding is not no body. I
Speaker 1: like hair. Bald is sexy, but I doubt what a
Speaker 1: lot of diggas was bald. I've had other bald niggas coming.
Speaker 1: Suck me down. You like bald players? Oh? Episode named
Speaker 1: sorry anyways, guys in this episode is our cinema for
Speaker 1: the month, and we chose to do Bad Vegan if
Speaker 1: I'm not a bad Vegan on bacay bro. It was good.
Speaker 1: It was really good. But what's crazy too? I think
Speaker 1: last month we did The Tender Swindler, so it's very
Speaker 1: similar in conversations. So I dug in to do some
Speaker 1: different things. But before we started with with the catchup,
Speaker 1: I want to know what other TV you were currently watching? Um?
Speaker 1: Jocelyn's Caperette Honey, I can't wait to see this tea
Speaker 1: was one one day I just I just went to
Speaker 1: a sante's house and he caught me all the way
Speaker 1: up with it, so a mess. Did What was I
Speaker 1: gonna say? Um, I've been rewatching Girls on HBO and
Speaker 1: I've been watching what is it that I watched every Sunday?
Speaker 1: Oh not neither fiance. That ship's getting crazy? Um. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to make mention. I was in a every
Speaker 1: week On Tuesday's we have a staff meeting with all
Speaker 1: the heads at my job, and two of the departments
Speaker 1: have to do with stuff you watch right, film and TV,
Speaker 1: and literally one of the girls is like, someone so
Speaker 1: keeps throwing me a project, but like, by the time
Speaker 1: we released this on Netflix, they're already gonna be tired
Speaker 1: of this scamming. She's like, Netflix goes in waves, so
Speaker 1: right now you've got Ana LV, then you've got the
Speaker 1: Tinder Swindler, then you've got Bad Vegan. She's like, we're
Speaker 1: in a wave of scam She's like, we've been in
Speaker 1: a wave of stand up. We got in a wave
Speaker 1: of black sheet and she's like, Netflix hits you in
Speaker 1: waves and keep feeding you. She's like, by the time
Speaker 1: we acquire this project, the wave will be off. And
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, like that is really like Hollywood
Speaker 1: ship because I don't even I forgot Anna Delvy to
Speaker 1: all of them, and now it makes me want more.
Speaker 1: And of course because you watched blah blah blah, now
Speaker 1: you like this. So it's like I do enjoy it,
Speaker 1: and the Bad Vegan story was great, but like I
Speaker 1: want to actually see how long that time. Really It's
Speaker 1: weird because I really don't think people get sick of it.
Speaker 1: Like I'm someone and I think I mentioned it on
Speaker 1: this pod when I'm just like nothing's on TV. I
Speaker 1: love to binge American greed, which technically is scams maybe
Speaker 1: a year or two ago. No, no, no, people don't
Speaker 1: get sick of it. I think they're saying, like the hype. Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean but even what was it one or two
Speaker 1: years ago now was Firefest and that had everyone's talking.
Speaker 1: So I mean, I think that the people love watching
Speaker 1: other people get got over on. I don't know why,
Speaker 1: but I think it's a thing I think is it's
Speaker 1: also like the everyday person to all of these people
Speaker 1: are very unassuming, you know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 1: think I was talking to Sophia that they're not even unassuming,
Speaker 1: they just white because the way, no, no, no, there
Speaker 1: could be your everyday persons crook as bitches who somehow
Speaker 1: even just get the access to all this loan money.
Speaker 1: It's insane. So it's in thick