WEBVTT - Best Practices for When the Devil Wants to Take the Wheel 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.400 I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:09.800 and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:14.840 I'm a body positive advocate. I'm Carolina Bermudez, but i 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:18.560 was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama, 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:23.360 and a worker being. This is life in English, Carolina. 0:00:23.520 --> 0:00:25.880 I am so happy to see your face right now, 0:00:26.320 --> 0:00:29.200 because I'm having a crazy day today. I feel like 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:32.440 everyone is trying me, trying me in a way that 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:37.360 I feel like, oh my gosh, no, baby, no, you 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:40.360 can't let it happen. The devil is alive. Man. You 0:00:40.479 --> 0:00:47.600 gotta just resist. It doesn't happen to me often because 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:54.480 I want my mom. No. I'm glad I'm here. I'm 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:57.640 glad I'm here to talk you through this because this 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.840 is something that happens to all of us, and it's 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:03.040 you know, it's a term that as Latinos we grew 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:13.840 up with. My mother used to say that, like, it's 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:17.760 just like something that happens that takes over your being. 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:20.119 You don't it's like an outer body experience. You no 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:23.000 longer know who you are, and you're not responsible for 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:26.960 your actions at that moment. You know what this is 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:30.679 an interesting topic, and I really feel like as I've 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:35.399 gotten older, as I've matured, I've definitely gotten better. But 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:40.839 when I was younger, definitely Semo and I would say 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:45.880 with boyfriend's situations, you know, not necessarily with girlfriends, like 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:47.920 with my like my best friends and stuff like that. 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:49.960 I've never really been that type of girl. I have 0:01:50.040 --> 0:01:52.320 girls that are pit pulls, Like I have friends that 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:54.840 will like literally destroy anyone you like, don't want to 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:56.320 go to the club with them when you were younger 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:59.000 because they would always end up in my friend christ Yeah, 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:03.360 I was never that girl, but definitely when I found 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:07.640 out that one long term boyfriend cheated on me and 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:09.800 I got in my car and you, guys, I swear 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:12.079 to you, I don't know what happened. It was like 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:15.399 I felt like I want to run this motherfucker over. 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:17.480 But then I thought about my life and I was like, 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:19.560 I have a beautiful life, Like why would I do 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:21.120 this for this guy? You know what I mean. I'm 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:23.600 part of my language. But yeah, it's like one of 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.560 those things where it gets a hold on you and 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:30.520 you just can't even see straight. It's it's nuts. It's 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:32.960 crazy that you mentioned ex boyfriends, because I feel like 0:02:33.240 --> 0:02:35.600 the one time that I acted most out of character 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:38.959 was with an ex boyfriend. We barely broke up, right, 0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:42.760 I go to Jimmy's Bronx Cafe and he's there with somebody. 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:44.240 I go to talk to him, and the girl's like, 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:47.640 that's my boyfriend. Your boyfriend. We just broke up three 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:56.240 days and girls and acue me, I'm sorry you. I 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:59.720 first fought him and her at the club. Yeah, I 0:02:59.720 --> 0:03:03.880 don't know to make it. And I went over the 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:08.200 throgs Neck and right to his house in Queens and 0:03:08.240 --> 0:03:10.720 I had a club and I remember the club. Oh 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:12.600 my god, I had a club in my car. Girl, 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:16.280 I went hand with the club. His poor mom, Columbiana, 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:22.320 God bless her soul. She was like no, And I 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:25.600 couldn't stop myself. Carolina, that was a whole night that 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:30.280 I spent. But you know what, because like you could 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:33.679 have legit gotten arrested. Oh no, I could have, Carolina. 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:35.360 But it's just like, imagine you break up with somebody 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:37.280 in three days later, somebody's like, don't talk to him, 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:40.240 that's my man. That means the cheating was happening for 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:44.080 a very long time. And I just couldn't listen. I'm Latina, 0:03:44.400 --> 0:03:48.040 I'm Dominican, I'm from New York. I'm a Capricorn girl. 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:51.040 It was a perfect storm for that to go down. Well, see, 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.480 here's the thing, you know, I feel like this kind 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:57.960 of reared its ugly head and I hate to even 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:00.720 revisit it because I feel like everybody's over now. It 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:05.000 happened so long ago. But like the whole Will Smith 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:09.440 Oscars situation, I feel like it's a perfect example of 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:13.360 you know what I mean, and like, here's the thing, 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:20.880 my mom, Will Smith. I'm like, mom, yes, of course 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:23.360 I saw what happened with Will Smith because I work 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:32.039 in entertainment. Like, yes, my mom, I'm like no, you 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:34.039 know right, Like you're almost like, come on, this is 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:38.279 like low hanging fruit. But that is a situation where 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:42.880 it is so out of character for someone, especially a 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:46.840 beloved person like Will Smith, because you look at his career, 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:53.160 always a good guy, smiling, jovial. But it happens, you know, 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:57.039 And that's the reason why even Denzel Washington after that 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:00.320 situation happened, and that night, I think a lot of 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:04.400 people talked about Denzel Washington and Tyler Perry coming to 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:07.920 console him, and pray with him backstage, because like I'm saying, 0:05:08.200 --> 0:05:13.240 prayer is the answer, and no, you know what I mean, 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:16.240 we gotta work harder because he's out in these streets. 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:20.960 But even Denzel said the devil approached him. And that's 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:23.719 why when when he said when Denzel said that, it 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:27.920 really just triggered something for me because we make fun 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:29.680 of my mom all the time, you know, like my 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:32.839 mom will always have these sayings and you know what 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:35.800 I mean, like and if your family is Catholic, you 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:41.680 know exactly what I'm saying. Like my mom's like, you know, 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:43.920 like all of these little superstitious things and stuff. So 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:47.960 when my mom made that statement, I'm like, here she 0:05:48.040 --> 0:05:50.400 goes again. But then it's like then you have Denzel 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:53.600 confirming it, and you're like, you know what, They're actually right. 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:59.239 There are those moments where anyone it can happen to you, 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:01.440 you know what I mean, You just get into this 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:05.719 mode where you cannot be stopped. And I pray that 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:08.360 I never get to that point because I do look 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:10.360 back and I'm like, man, there were so many times 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:12.440 when that could have happened to me. But how do 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:15.360 you keep a level head when you're in that moment 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:18.200 of rage. How did you keep a let? You didn't 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:20.520 keep a level head? You got your club. But you 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:22.599 know what I was, I was like twenty one years old, 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.200 out partying and drinking. So I don't even think I 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:27.720 could have kept a level head. But I am disappointed 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:30.000 in will and I am disappointed in myself. I probably 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:32.159 could have handled it differently if I had Jesus in 0:06:32.200 --> 0:06:34.279 my life back then like I do now. Well, you 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:36.320 know what it is. I think that hindsight also, and 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:39.160 I think, like I said before, to maturity and age 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:41.640 have a lot to do with it. The only regret 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:43.839 that I have for you is that nobody got you 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:47.080 on World Star. We didn't get Honey swinging on the 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:51.640 guy and the girl. All we had was like me, 0:06:51.720 --> 0:06:53.720 Hank the I think like me, Hankden was around. That 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:56.560 was about it. And our cell phones didn't even have cameras. 0:06:56.560 --> 0:07:04.080 So it's all good, I'm being I think. But yeah, no, 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:07.440 it happens, and I've seen it happen to really great people. 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:11.440 But you know what, Carolina, it also happens when these 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:15.880 people are pushed too far. I see people that are amazing, 0:07:15.920 --> 0:07:18.440 they are great, They never react, They take everything in 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:21.960 they ignore everything. They just okay, I'll let it, you know, 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:26.000 brush it off my shoulder. But then there's a moment 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:28.800 where and it is over, and then everybody wants to 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:30.720 act like, oh my god, you saw what happened. No, 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:32.720 have you seen what you've been doing to that family 0:07:32.720 --> 0:07:35.400 member for twenty years? How did you expect them to 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:37.679 react the one time that they did decide to react. 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:40.400 There you have it, And I feel like that's kind 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:42.840 of like what happened to Will Smith. Yeah. No, I 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:44.800 definitely think that there are moments where, like I mean, 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:47.640 you can go to any celebrity, really not any celebrity. 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:49.680 I shouldn't say that that's a generalization, but I think 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.600 that there are many times where celebrities have been provoked. 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:54.720 I mean, one of the more famous ones, which is 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:58.080 just a tragedy, seriously, is Britney Spears. You know, where 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:01.280 everybody can go back to that moment it when she 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:04.600 had the umbrella. That to me, it's almost like and 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:07.840 if you look at those pictures, Diablo, you know what 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:09.680 I mean, And it's like one of those things where 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:13.160 it's like she just couldn't take it anymore, you know. 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:16.880 And now I think about Okay, so myself, if you 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:22.200 want treatment, I'm always ready for that. This this situation 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:27.200 I think happens in romantic relationships a lot if and 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:30.720 we're gonna reference back to will Smith, Jada, this and 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:33.840 that and Nona out whatever, but if you really think 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:37.760 about it. So, we know someone, okay, we know someone 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:43.040 on Long Island that was cheating on his wife. The 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:48.679 wife knew. Okay, he had ramante Okay, like he had 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:52.400 another woman. The wife found out said I'm going to 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:56.240 the other woman's house. Okay, I'm gonna confront this bitch. Right, 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:00.000 goes to the other house to confront. By the way, um, 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:01.760 this is my cleaning ladies, cheese ma, but I'm gonna 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:05.000 share it with you'all. She goes to the other woman's 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:08.360 house and says, you need to stay away from my man, 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:12.440 my family, Nana. No. The guy comes to the house. 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:15.640 They have life three sixty. He knew where she was. 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.240 He goes to the house and tells her get away 0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:22.319 from my girlfriend because that I love that woman. So 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:24.280 if you want to tell me that, that's not going 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:27.040 to bring the devil out in you. That's where I 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:30.200 feel like, what do you do in a situation like that, 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:33.240 Like how do you retreat? How do you handle your emotions? 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:36.320 Like what do you do when you're super piste off, 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:39.720 honey and you try to handle your emotions. It's either 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:44.400 internalize it and explode or explode and risk catching a 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:48.240 charge at that moment, you just got it. Think about 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:50.280 what you're trying to be and right because or you 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:52.240 trying to be at the house later on, scrubbing your 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:55.880 skin down, getting rid of your sending you stop that, 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:57.640 get out of here. No, but you know what like 0:09:57.720 --> 0:09:59.760 so so this is where I said to I said 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:04.680 to a cleaning lady and I said, yeah, so you know, 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:07.640 and she said, it gets even dirtier. They all they 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:09.679 live in a share house. Okay, they used to live 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:12.560 in this sharehouse. You know the people along island do 0:10:12.640 --> 0:10:16.720 that they live They used to live in rented rooms exactly. 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:20.520 So they all lived in this sharehouse together. Then the 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:23.960 couple moved out of the sharehouse, but he still had 0:10:24.000 --> 0:10:26.400 a little hanky panky, a little something going on with 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:29.479 the girlfriend back at the sharehouse, so she knew exactly 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.920 where she lived. It was drama for days and I 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:35.160 was like, it's like a damn novella And That's why 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:40.360 I kept telling her, you know what I mean, because 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:42.760 I was like dying to hear what happened. Ends up, 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:46.400 he left the wife to be with the girlfriend. Now 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:48.880 it as messy as hell, But that's where I'm saying. 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:52.199 It's like when you have these I think their primarily motion, 0:10:52.679 --> 0:10:54.319 you know what I mean, Because like you think about love, 0:10:54.960 --> 0:10:58.280 love is a primal emotion. When you feel that that 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:02.160 that chemistry that see toastin gets released, you're getting that, 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:06.120 you're getting them good vibes. Right. For rage, it's a 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:11.800 primal emotion too. You know. When it has to do 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:16.120 with love, it can turn ugly really really easy for sure, 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:19.439 for sure. And there are crazy things. That's why they 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:22.560 say crazy and love. Right. I think there was a 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:26.280 there was an artist by the name of Beyonce who 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:29.360 put it in a song, and it's called crazy and 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:32.720 love Looking so crazy. You got me looking so crazy 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:34.240 and love, you know what I mean. And that's what 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:36.160 it will do to you. Love will make you do 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.680 some crazy things. And you know that's why you have 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:42.040 all these what passion crimes, that's what they're called, where 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:46.280 women kill their significant other, men kills her their significant 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:55.240 other at that instance, how mad you have to be 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.360 to actually do something like that, especially if you stablim that. 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:00.920 So it's so fun me that you bring this up, 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:03.040 and not funny because of the content, but so crazy 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:04.800 that you bring this up because I wonder about our 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:08.000 fixation on all of these crimes. Like, you know, I'll 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:11.199 sit down and I'll watch a night's worth of Dateline 0:12:11.280 --> 0:12:13.840 or a night's worth of forty eight hours mystery, you know, 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:16.480 and then they'll be like, oh, they were a beautiful couple. 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:18.840 They lived in a cold desac in Illinois, you know. 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:21.560 And then it's like, all of a sudden, I don't 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:24.160 know where, you know, they end up like killing each other. 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:26.880 But I remember when I was younger, my mom used 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:30.079 to watch like mad inappropriate things with me. I remember 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:32.080 watching like the Burning Bed. Did you ever watch the 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:35.480 Burning Bed with fair faucet? Nah? Oh that was crazy. 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.439 That's an eighties throwback Listen. My parents used to watch 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:42.760 this guy his name was I think, and he was 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:44.920 like this big fat guy and he would have like 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:48.480 show girls, like topless show girls come through. I'll send you. 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:52.240 It's all coming back to me, and I remember being 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:54.559 like a baby and watching like show girls. I think 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:56.040 their tops were off. I don't remember, but it was 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:58.599 very inappropriate too. Yeah, but like this was like inappropriate 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:01.079 in a sense where it's like this woman went crazy 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:04.040 because this guy was like abusive, he was mentally abusive 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:05.680 and like all of this other stuff. And then it's like, 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:08.040 you know, you you go into these like dark dark 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:11.080 spaces where you know you almost wonder, well, like what 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.240 would she have done to get out of that relationship? 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:15.400 You know? Or like you know, I always think back 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:17.840 to that. Like I think her name was like Betty Broadrick. 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:20.400 She was married to a doctor. The doctor was like 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:23.240 cheating on her with his his nurse or something. I 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.160 forget and I'm probably paraphrasing right now, but anyway, I 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:28.920 get so excited about this ship because like I think 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:31.520 she'd gotten her Mercedes and she ran this dude over 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:36.040 her husband, you know what I mean, Like you got 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:38.880 a family, You got to think about this, like what 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:41.360 are you doing? Like that man can go away, let 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:43.199 him go on his way. You can still have your 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:45.840 beautiful life, you know. But then it's like me talking 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:47.840 about it, now, how do you go home? Yeah? But 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:50.960 like me going talking, I've never been through that, so God, 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:52.840 thank God, I haven't you know what I mean? So 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:55.600 that's where it's like, I feel like just this fascination 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:59.559 with people who go there where you would never expect 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:04.480 it from them, you know, but picture this, Carolina ding 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:09.080 Dong talk about e Mark? It's ducky? What you mean 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:15.719 is Mark here? Oh? It don't matter. The kids that 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:18.200 they had this they had nobody's wait wait wait wait wait, 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:20.240 but you know this happened to me, honey, right like 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:23.200 with an ex boyfriend. I never told you this story. 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:28.720 Oh my gosh. I'm working at Scottsdale Fashion Square mall. Okay, 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:32.960 I will not name names. I'm working at guests in 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:36.320 the mall and this woman comes in with two of 0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:41.080 her friends and she's like are you so are you Carolina? 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:43.440 And I said yes, yeah, you know what I'm thinking, 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:46.760 like did I help you before? You know, totally oblivious 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:48.960 and you know me, like people used to call me Bambi. 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:50.800 I was like a deer in headlights, Like I was 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:55.600 very naive to make that commission. Yeah, I was like, wait, so, um, 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:57.880 I'll get my nine percent right now? That what's up? Like, 0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:00.400 let me help you. So she comes through and she's like, 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:02.960 are you Carolina? And I said yeah, but like aggressive, 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:06.080 and I said, um, can I help you? And she's like, yeah, 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:08.640 you can stay away from my man. And meanwhile, I 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:11.160 had been dating this guy for months and I was like, 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:14.600 I'm sorry, who who's your man? And she told me 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:19.000 the guy's name who was my man? She lived in 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:24.320 a different state, came to Arizona to visit him, found 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:26.920 out that we had been dating. And this is back 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.000 in like the Nokia days, So I don't know how. 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:30.760 I used to only play Snake on my phone. I 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:32.560 don't know how she found out like the little text 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:37.160 messages like whatever, but yes, confronted me about dating her guy, 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:42.240 and I'll tell you, my stomach dropped, My hands started sweating, 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:46.360 and I was like, I have no idea what you're 0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:50.080 talking about. And I almost wanted to like explain to her, 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:53.920 I'm not the bad one here. Your boyfriend of three 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:56.800 years that I've been dating for the past six months 0:15:57.520 --> 0:15:59.360 never told me he had a girlfriend, do you know 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:01.640 what I mean? So it's like, you say, like, what 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:05.280 would you do? And honestly, I almost pissed my pants 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:09.040 because I had no idea what was going on. I 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:13.200 was scared. I was legitimately scared. And then after after 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:16.360 she left, I got piste because you go through these 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:19.640 emotions where it's like you really don't know how you'll 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:22.720 react to someone you know, like you don't know, and 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:24.760 and we ended it like and I said to her, 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:26.480 I was like, I'm sorry, I have no idea what 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:28.600 you're talking about. Like you're coming really hard at me 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:31.200 at my place of work, like you can't do this here. 0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:33.160 Then my manager had to get involved. They had to 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:36.120 escort or out of the mall. You know. I think 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:39.920 that after I was shaking, I was crying. He was 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.720 calling my phone NonStop, and I was like, oh, no, 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:45.040 you didn't, I said to him. I was like, do 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:47.080 not talk to me ever again. I don't want to 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:48.760 have anything to do with you. Go be with your girl, 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:51.840 like you lied to me, Like you totally lied to me. 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:54.560 So you know, in those situations, yeah, I think it's 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:56.920 like you get in that fight or flight mode. You 0:16:56.960 --> 0:16:59.560 don't know what you're gonna do. Some people fight, some 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:02.840 people they go away. So I guess for me, I 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:06.119 was trying to explain things. It's like an idiot, you know, 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:08.840 But if it happens, you know, it's crazy. I think 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:12.640 about it. If it happened now, Like, how does one react? 0:17:13.359 --> 0:17:16.240 Do you just start breathing? Do you remove yourself? Like? 0:17:16.359 --> 0:17:20.040 How can you avoid the devil taking over your body 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:23.000 and making you do violent and crazy things that you 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:27.000 wouldn't do under normal circumstances. Give me some tips, Carolynacusette, 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:29.560 still be having some anger problems here and there. And 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:32.359 you know my husband is worth a lot to me 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:36.359 alive too, Yes he is. Honey. We cannot be talking 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:38.679 about that life insurance right now. So I don't want to. 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:40.920 I don't want to get crazy. No, and we need 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:43.040 you to calm the crazy, Okay, we need you to 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.920 go from crazy to calm. You cannot be the one 0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:48.280 to act out, Honey. We need you around too, because 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:51.600 this podcast relies on you. Um. You know what, there's 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:53.959 something really interesting and it's funny because you know, my 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:57.800 children are younger, you know, their elementary school age, and 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:00.560 I do work with them on anger manage, you know, 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:06.120 because Danny Latino, you know, I mean, they they are fiery, 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:08.320 they get they get heated, you know, And I always 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:10.800 say to them, think of your think of yourself as 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:14.440 a balloon. You've got to find a way to control 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:17.800 your anger. So think of balloon breathing. When you breathe 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:20.680 into a balloon, the balloon gets bigger. You fill your 0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:24.119 lungs with air, then you let it out, then you 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:26.399 fill it up again. Uh. There. There are a number 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:29.320 of different like breathing exercises that you can do in 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:34.000 the moment. It's practicing that stuff before you get in 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:37.480 that moment. So, for example, I always say to them, 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:40.040 let's do some balloon breathing right now, because, like I know, 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:43.520 when your brother gets mad at you, you don't go there. 0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:47.320 You don't think I'm gonna start breathing, you know, to 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:50.040 to give myself that space to think. So you have 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:53.879 to almost practice it before the occasion in order to 0:18:54.760 --> 0:18:57.480 be able to use it when you're in a situation 0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:01.000 where you might get really upset, you know. I mean, look, 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:03.159 I think that it's a really difficult thing. It's a 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:07.480 challenging thing to manage your emotions when you're feeling certain things. 0:19:08.400 --> 0:19:12.199 It's a really hard thing to manage. It really is, 0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:16.080 you know, And I wish I envy those people who 0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:20.440 are calm and who can maintain that sense of calm. 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:22.600 I don't know how they do it. As I've gotten older, 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:25.439 you know, it's gotten better, but I was always very reactive. 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:27.359 And you know, it also comes from the type of 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:29.960 household I grew up. I grew up in a Dominican household. 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:32.399 You know, everything is in my house at least, we 0:19:32.520 --> 0:19:35.720 talk very aggressively, We're very loud, we're very opinionated, We're 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:37.560 always ready to go, and you know, like me and 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:39.960 my older brother, we fitted for it pretty much every 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:43.200 single day. So I grew up thinking that physical violence 0:19:43.280 --> 0:19:45.240 was a way to resolve things and something that was 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:49.879 completely acceptable. Because throughout you know, elementary, junior, high school, 0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:52.480 and high school, me and my older brother would physically 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:57.680 assault each other and that transferred over to my I 0:19:57.800 --> 0:20:01.080 like to call that training. I was ready to go 0:20:01.119 --> 0:20:03.879 in school at all times. I don't know, I just 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:06.560 did twelve rounds in my crib last night. Who want 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:09.760 this sauce today? Yeah, that's right. Don't be looking at 0:20:09.760 --> 0:20:12.639 me sideways. You know, I think that just when you 0:20:13.119 --> 0:20:16.160 have older brothers or sisters. You know, my brothers were 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:18.960 never allowed to touch us, which was actually one of 0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:21.280 the best things. Yeah, because we knew and that was 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:26.000 like a rule. You know. That was my mom's one 0:20:26.080 --> 0:20:30.919 thing she would say to the boys, you know, but 0:20:32.040 --> 0:20:38.520 we would harass them. You can't touch me. But then 0:20:39.160 --> 0:20:43.440 my sisters and I, my oldest sister Jenny, never ever 0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:45.439 once did we ever get in a physical fight. My 0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:50.080 sister Elizabeth and I. I dented a hairspray can on 0:20:50.160 --> 0:20:55.359 her head one New Year's Eve while my mom people downstairs. 0:20:58.000 --> 0:21:02.640 And here we are upstairs fighting over the Aussie hairspray 0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:05.560 because I wanted my banks to be bigger than her bangs. 0:21:06.160 --> 0:21:09.520 And you know, then it got ugly. She wouldn't give 0:21:09.560 --> 0:21:12.040 me the hair spray can. So here we are scratching 0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:15.280 each other's faces off, Happy new Your mom girl almost 0:21:15.280 --> 0:21:21.960 went to jail over some spiky banks that Auntie sprunt 0:21:22.000 --> 0:21:24.280 spray that was the ship back then, you know. Like, 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:27.080 but that's but that's where I'm saying. It's like, you know, now, 0:21:27.119 --> 0:21:29.000 if I were to ever fight with my sister, I 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:31.359 would never lay a finger on her, you know. And 0:21:31.359 --> 0:21:34.879 that's where I say, it's a combination of like immaturity, 0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:37.600 your youth. You do learn and you do better. But then, like, 0:21:37.640 --> 0:21:40.199 what's the explanation for these fifties sixty year olds like 0:21:40.200 --> 0:21:42.919 I was telling you that are still fighting and like, 0:21:43.119 --> 0:21:45.720 but also like just to go back to my to 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:48.320 the to the cleaning lady Chiefsman, I'm not done with 0:21:48.359 --> 0:21:52.320 this story. I have questions. He's in his sixties, still 0:21:52.400 --> 0:21:55.600 messing around. I'm like, come on, guy, you better like 0:21:55.640 --> 0:21:59.800 I would be hanging out on your lazy boy relaxing girl. 0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:01.879