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Speaker 1: I read that man's wife's laughter is one of the

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Speaker 1: most sounds that lights up the brain the most. Really,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm making it up, but you know, I

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Speaker 1: hear a lot of science in my head, and that's

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Speaker 1: one of the latest studies to come out in your head. Yeah, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: can I ask you a question? Yeah, I can give

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Speaker 1: you an answer. Most people say in an ideal mate,

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Speaker 1: you know, they want someone with a good sense of humor, right,

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Speaker 1: And a lot of people have pointed out in the

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Speaker 1: past few years that when women say it, they mean

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Speaker 1: I want a man who makes me laugh, okay, And

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Speaker 1: when men say it, they mean I want a woman

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Speaker 1: who laughs at my jokes, right, not that they want

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Speaker 1: a woman who makes them laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

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Speaker 1: And in fact, some women say if they are too funny,

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Speaker 1: men will break up with them. I've heard this, and

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Speaker 1: so I just want I mean, you know, I like

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Speaker 1: to think I'm pretty funny and that that was an

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Speaker 1: attraction for you. But I just wonder what you thought

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Speaker 1: about that as a member of the male species. No,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think both are very important. Humor compatibility

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Speaker 1: is a huge part of I think a well balanced relationship.

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Speaker 1: And if now this is for some. For others, there's

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Speaker 1: like one wacky partner and one like business partner. And

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Speaker 1: that's fine too for some if that's what you're looking for.

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Speaker 1: But first of all, if women are funny and the

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Speaker 1: men that they're with don't like that they're funny, buy

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Speaker 1: good riddens, because that's a lousy partnership anyway. Why would you,

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Speaker 1: you know, it be like audience, ye, scene partner? I

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Speaker 1: guess I don't even think necessarily need to be a

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Speaker 1: scene partner, but you should just appreciate that you're with

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Speaker 1: someone who makes you laugh if you like to laugh.

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Speaker 1: I think these guys probably just don't like to laugh.

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Speaker 1: They just only like to have input, and that speaks

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Speaker 1: to a whole other issue going on in their heads,

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Speaker 1: where they're like, I don't want output, I only want input,

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't know, I don't know if there

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Speaker 1: but to me personally, yeah, I would much rather have

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Speaker 1: someone that I can laugh with and at and four versa. Like.

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Speaker 1: I know, I wouldn't be happy with someone who didn't

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Speaker 1: laugh at anything I ever said, no, But I also

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be happy with someone who, you know, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of dull, and not even dull, but just like humor

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Speaker 1: wasn't their thing. I guess it's just frustrating to feel

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Speaker 1: that I'm not with you. But you know, just casting

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Speaker 1: my mind back to my youthful days of dating, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that you know, I thought, oh, well, this is like

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Speaker 1: a trait that I find important and that I like

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Speaker 1: about myself that I have. I think I'm funny. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I'm trying to joke around and that dudes would

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, that's a like there's a competition or

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Speaker 1: something for who's funniest, And if I'm funny, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: like it makes them less than Yeah, textbook insecurity, right,

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Speaker 1: I mean, is that accurate? I mean, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: You don't. You don't have that problem. So I guess

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Speaker 1: you're not the right person. Yeah. No, nobody's ever not

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Speaker 1: laughed at me, I know, right, Yeah, you're just constantly

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Speaker 1: killing it out here. I mean I've had some Um No,

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Speaker 1: I meant that you don't have a problem with with

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Speaker 1: me being funny or a woman being funny around you, No,

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Speaker 1: not at all. Most most of the people in my

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Speaker 1: life are funny women. I know. I think that funny

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Speaker 1: women are delightful thing to have a party in your life. Yeah, Well,

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Speaker 1: if you like laugh and then stay tuned. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: do an episode right now that's gonna have a lot

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Speaker 1: of laughter in it, hopefully, I hope. So, because y'all,

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Speaker 1: this is a weird one. This, I mean, it really

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Speaker 1: fits the ridiculous Moniker I think. I really don't know

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Speaker 1: if this is a funny story or kind of a

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Speaker 1: sad one or something in between. It's a little slippery,

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Speaker 1: it's a little heavy, but it's a little just like

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Speaker 1: we both I rolly, just like what the hell am

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Speaker 1: I listening to? Because this isn't history from a long

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Speaker 1: time ago. This is a very modern story of love,

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Speaker 1: love question mark. I guess at least it's a story

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Speaker 1: of marriage. This is the story of Ron Shepherd from Somerton, England,

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Speaker 1: who got so worn out after his eighth marriage that

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Speaker 1: he had to retire and move into an assisted living home.

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Speaker 1: But his story is going to lead us into a

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Speaker 1: whole discussion about marriage and its meaning and what makes

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Speaker 1: people so dang obsessed with it sometimes. So if you

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Speaker 1: take this tune to be your loftly Bound theme song,

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Speaker 1: then go ahead and say I do I do heyla friends,

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Speaker 1: come listen well, Elia and Diana got some stories to tell.

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Speaker 1: There's no match making a romantic tips. It's just about

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Speaker 1: ridiculous relationships. A lover might be any type of person

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Speaker 1: at all, and abstract concert a concrete wall. But if

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Speaker 1: there's a story where the second glance, we'll ridiculous romance.

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Speaker 1: A production of iHeartRadio. Ron Shepherd is the UK's self

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Speaker 1: proclaimed most married man. Well, this guy has recently retired

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Speaker 1: from the marriage game after his eighth wife, as Stephen

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Speaker 1: Nolan from the BBC says, quote, that's two more than Henry.

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Speaker 1: The eighth managed say number is Elizabeth Taylor, and only

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Speaker 1: one fewer than Ja Ja Gabor, who should all be

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Speaker 1: subjects on our show. By now we'll get we'll get there.

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Speaker 1: But eight wives deep Ron says he's done. He's throwing

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Speaker 1: in the wedding towels, he's given up the ship, he's

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Speaker 1: the relationship. Of course, he's folding like a chief, which,

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Speaker 1: of course we can assume he has at least eight. Well,

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Speaker 1: as always, we have to dig back through history to

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Speaker 1: get the full story here, so let's look at Ron's

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Speaker 1: series of why deep Breath. Ron was born in nineteen

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Speaker 1: forty nine. He had his first wedding in nineteen sixty

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Speaker 1: six two Margaret, and all we know is that they

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Speaker 1: had three kids together and then divorce after two years.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, so they got right on it, I know, right,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, was she already pregnant or did they just

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Speaker 1: like snap snap snap. Five years later, he married Jeanette

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Speaker 1: in nineteen seventy three, and this marriage only lasted one year.

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Speaker 1: Daily Mail says Ron described this union as a quote

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Speaker 1: business transaction. Oh I really wish I had more information too,

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Speaker 1: Like what was the what was this business track? Were

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Speaker 1: they like exchanging tracts of lands between family England? Who knows?

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Speaker 1: She just wanted to be like written into the will

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Speaker 1: or something, right, I'm very confused. In nineteen seventy six,

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Speaker 1: Ron married Leslie. They had two kids together, and he

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Speaker 1: thought Leslie was for Keaton. Yeah, that's the last marriage.

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Speaker 1: He was really in love with Leslie. But after five

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Speaker 1: years they started arguing a lot and their marriage ended

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Speaker 1: up falling apart. Oh, ma'am sadly see, that's why you

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Speaker 1: got to be arguing the whole time. Oh there you go.

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Speaker 1: Then it doesn't feel like anything's any difference now. I

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Speaker 1: actually hate arguing. I know, I mean too. In nineteen

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Speaker 1: eighty two, when Ron was in his early thirties, he

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Speaker 1: met an eighteen year old band named Kathy. She became

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Speaker 1: wife number four. Oh wow, I mean yeah, eighteen, early thirties,

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Speaker 1: classic early midlife crisis. I guess that does kind of yeah,

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Speaker 1: it does kind of sound like that. Well, they had

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Speaker 1: another kid together. That just six kids for Ron, if

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Speaker 1: you're keeping score at home, and they divorced after two years,

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Speaker 1: and he said Kathy was a rebound relationship after Leslie.

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Speaker 1: I mean, do you really marry the rebound? Ron doesn't

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Speaker 1: know how to rebound? Yeah, I mean I totally get, like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, eighteen's too young, but I get like, you know,

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Speaker 1: you get divorced, you go date someone way younger, and

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Speaker 1: then you realize before you get married that's not going

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Speaker 1: to work out, right, I would think so yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I guess you just like pop the question right away.

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Speaker 1: Well maybe at prom he wanted to celebrate high school

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Speaker 1: graduation right. Oh no, Well they got divorced when Kathy

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Speaker 1: was twenty, so she still got her whole life out

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Speaker 1: of Hello girl. Thank god. Well, after he got off

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Speaker 1: the rebound with the two year marriage to Kathy, he

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Speaker 1: met Sue at a bingo hall in nineteen eighty six,

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Speaker 1: and this seemed like a much better match. I mean,

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Speaker 1: Ron was in his late thirties, Sue was around the

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Speaker 1: same age, and while he was quote not swept off

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Speaker 1: his feet by her, they went ahead and got married

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Speaker 1: and had two sons together. And this marriage lasted eleven years,

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Speaker 1: So this seemed like a much more standard marriage with

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Speaker 1: the same age. We don't really like each other that much.

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Speaker 1: We had a couple of kids. We don't really like

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Speaker 1: each other. It's Taylor's old as time. Hell, I hope

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Speaker 1: he in the right at the at the altar, He's like, Sue,

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Speaker 1: you never swept me off my feed, right, but I

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Speaker 1: guess I'll do it, And she's like, ah romantic. Well,

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Speaker 1: in nineteen ninety seven, she quote threw him out, and honestly,

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Speaker 1: of course, we only ever talked to Ron in these interviews.

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Speaker 1: It's mostly tabloids like Daily Mail and The Mirror and

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Speaker 1: stuff like that. I wish there was one information about

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Speaker 1: why she threw him out, but we can only be

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Speaker 1: left to speculate threw him out. Maybe he just said

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Speaker 1: that too me. He was like, well, Sue, I'm really

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Speaker 1: not very impressed by you. You don't do anything for me,

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Speaker 1: but I'll see you after work. Every time she says something,

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Speaker 1: he's like, see this is whydden's sweet me off my

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Speaker 1: feet back in nineteen eighty six at the Bingo Hall.

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Speaker 1: So now that is five marriages and five divorces for Ron.

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Speaker 1: It was time to get serious, okay. He couldn't just

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Speaker 1: keep doing these little trial marriages and stuff. He had

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Speaker 1: to find someone real. I mean, he had his teenage wedding,

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Speaker 1: he got married very early when he was seventeen eighteen.

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Speaker 1: He had his business marriage whatever that was all about

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Speaker 1: what business. But that one time he married Leslie that

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Speaker 1: was supposed to be for love, right, then he tried

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Speaker 1: marrying a girl half his age, and then maybe he

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Speaker 1: even tried marrying someone that he just wasn't that into. Right,

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Speaker 1: It's like he tried it all. What else was out there?

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Speaker 1: What makes a successful marriage? Ron has not figured out.

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Speaker 1: I've literally tried everything. At this point. Well, he had

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Speaker 1: exhausted pretty much all the women in the UK, so

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Speaker 1: he decided that he was going to go look overseas,

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Speaker 1: that's right. So when he was in Singapore, he happened

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Speaker 1: to meet a little lady named Usha, and in nineteen

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Speaker 1: ninety nine. Of course they got married. Of course that's

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Speaker 1: what you do when you meet a woman, you marry

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Speaker 1: her immediately by a ring. And that marriage lasted four years.

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Speaker 1: But this time the divorce part was definitely Ron's fault,

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Speaker 1: all right. Usha found out somehow that Ron had cheated

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Speaker 1: on her while he was entirely and Usha was like, hell, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm not taking that. That was the end of that marriage,

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Speaker 1: so she divorced him in two thousand and three. A

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Speaker 1: year later, Ron married a Thai woman named one. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, although this is it is unclear if this

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Speaker 1: is the same woman that he cheated on Usha with.

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Speaker 1: This might be a completely different Thai woman that he met,

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Speaker 1: I said another because it's not mentioned, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like they would mention it. Yeah, he's not shy about

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Speaker 1: the detail, right Or if you're a good tabloid reporter,

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Speaker 1: certainly that would be your first question would be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: a Thai woman? Is it the same one? Yeah? So

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Speaker 1: probably not a different Thai woman altogether. Well, Juan and

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Speaker 1: Ron one and Ron, oh my god perfect. Can you

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Speaker 1: imagine the wedding invitations? It would have to be one

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Speaker 1: and Ron dot com and dot Wan and Ron at

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Speaker 1: the nott dot com. Anyway, One and Ron moved to

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Speaker 1: the UK together. But yeah, I guess One was just

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Speaker 1: not a fan of like tea and biscuits and cold

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Speaker 1: rainy days. Because she left Ron to return to Bangkok

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Speaker 1: after only ten months together. It's just a very short marriage.

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Speaker 1: Shortest yet. Yeah, Okay, so it's two thousand and four.

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Speaker 1: Ron has walked down the aisle seven times and he

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Speaker 1: has I don't know what you said, the walk down

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Speaker 1: the divorce aisle, just as many I kind of think

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Speaker 1: you should have a good divorce. There should be like

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Speaker 1: you have. I mean, technically you have to walk down

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Speaker 1: the courtroom aisle, right, that's true. You could have like

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Speaker 1: a friend like you know, they could actually the spouse.

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Speaker 1: You should walk up the aisle together and they give

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Speaker 1: you back to like your family, just literal reverse wedding.

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Speaker 1: That would be awesome, and then you can, like terrible.

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Speaker 1: You can do a little tends on how acrimonious this

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Speaker 1: divorce they have to write like reverse vows. I've promised

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Speaker 1: to never call you after ten PM. I think that

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Speaker 1: our life together leading up at this point it's just

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Speaker 1: like made me a worse person. And it's really made

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Speaker 1: you a worse person too, and I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: grow into someone else without you, And then they have

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Speaker 1: to say, I don't, I don't, I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: feel like a divorce party would actually do pretty well,

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Speaker 1: and then you could. It's kind of like you could

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Speaker 1: have like instead of getting gifts, you have like a

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Speaker 1: yard Dale. Everyone who comes gets something of yours. That's right,

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Speaker 1: they get their blender back or whatever they gave you.

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Speaker 1: So he's been divorced seven times now, he's five years old.

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Speaker 1: He just had his shortest marriage yet of ten months

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Speaker 1: to one. Something wasn't working here for Ron No. But

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Speaker 1: then he met Wang Platino, a twenty five year old

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Speaker 1: woman from the Philippines. They met online just a few

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Speaker 1: months after his divorce to one, and Ron flew out

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Speaker 1: to the Philippines to meet her right away. The Daily

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Speaker 1: Mail says they quote clicked instantly and went back to

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Speaker 1: the UK to get married on the Isle of Wight

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Speaker 1: in November of two thousand and four. And y'all, this

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Speaker 1: this really seemed like it. Years went by year after

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Speaker 1: year their marriage continued. After thirty eight years since his

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Speaker 1: first marriage, had he finally found the one oh Ron Now.

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Speaker 1: In January of twenty fourteen, ten years into their marriage,

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Speaker 1: Ron said Wang was his quote true love and soulmates,

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Speaker 1: and in February of that year, he was inspired to

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Speaker 1: publish his autobiography about the search for love, called The

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Speaker 1: Lord of the Wedding Ring. Oh just cute. That's trying

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Speaker 1: to imagine the quote if he's just like, oh, yes,

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Speaker 1: we've had a wedding once, but what about second weddings?

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Speaker 1: What about what? That's cute? Well, he told the BBC

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Speaker 1: in an interview, quote, I believe marriage should be for life.

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Speaker 1: I just didn't find the right person and for what

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Speaker 1: it's worth. In his audio interviews, he kind of sounds

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Speaker 1: like Wallace and Grommit. Wallace, I guess, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Really his accent, Yeah, it's kind of delightful. Oh, Ron, Well,

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Speaker 1: he sounds like he might be kind of cute, a

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Speaker 1: cute older guy. Well, he says he does not regret

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Speaker 1: any of his marriages, quote because I have my eight children,

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Speaker 1: so you know he got something good out of each other. Sure,

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Speaker 1: So while Ron is in this happy place, let's look

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Speaker 1: at what he believes led him to kind of go

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Speaker 1: through all these marriages. Because he's just kind of been

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Speaker 1: hopping in and out of the chapel for years now,

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Speaker 1: and according to him, he really has been searching for

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Speaker 1: true love this whole time. He says his parents were

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Speaker 1: married for sixty one years, and he always wanted something similar,

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Speaker 1: that steady, that long. Yeah, but he did feel that

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Speaker 1: he had hurt people in his process of getting married

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Speaker 1: and divorce. He said in an interview, quote, I regret

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Speaker 1: what I've done. I've been selfish, I've upset people, I've

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Speaker 1: upset my children. But at the same time they have

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Speaker 1: forgiven me. Ultimately, he says to the Mirror that his

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Speaker 1: constant search for love quote stemmed from sexual abuse he

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Speaker 1: suffered as a child. See The trauma that he dealt

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Speaker 1: with left him quote constantly craving companionship, and his book

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Speaker 1: The Lord of the Wedding Rings focuses heavily on this too.

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Speaker 1: The back cover of it says that quote, he has

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Speaker 1: hidden a frightening secret that ruined his childhood and blighted

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Speaker 1: him as adult relationships. Ron suffered years of sexual abuse

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Speaker 1: at the hands of a family friend, a local businessman

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Speaker 1: and respected counselor. Oh Man. Yeah, he said, the abuser

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Speaker 1: hand picked him at nine years old. Quote simply for

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Speaker 1: being a child from a poor family. That guy would

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Speaker 1: reward him with food and small amounts of money. Yikes,

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Speaker 1: what a piece of shit. Yes, absolutely, and kind of

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Speaker 1: get to understand sort of like why Ron has a

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Speaker 1: different view of relationships than made the worst people. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean especially nine years old, like, yeah, the amount

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Speaker 1: of things that you're not quite sure of and yeah,

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Speaker 1: very turned away, like I don't know, you can just

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Speaker 1: be shaped in such a crazy way. That's really sad.

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Speaker 1: And because of this person's power over him and Ron

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Speaker 1: being you know, a younger kids from a poor family

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Speaker 1: in this small town and stuff, he just he never

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Speaker 1: said anything. He didn't feel like he could right between

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Speaker 1: the shame and the fear and retaliation all this stuff,

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Speaker 1: well he just I mean it says right there in

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Speaker 1: the quote that it's a respected counselor yeah, and local businessman.

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Speaker 1: I mean that's exactly the kind of person who is

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Speaker 1: so well poised to abuse people because they have a

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Speaker 1: good reputation. It's going to be very hard for you

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Speaker 1: to be believed. People will think, oh, well they're successful,

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Speaker 1: so somebody is jealous or they're trying to get a

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Speaker 1: pay day or what, or just be famous for a

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Speaker 1: minute at the expense of this person's reputation and stuff.

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Speaker 1: So it becomes really hard to say, to tell the truth,

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Speaker 1: I mean, And that's on top of the trauma itself,

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Speaker 1: making it very hard to speak because that's the trauma

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Speaker 1: itself can take of many, many years to get through

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Speaker 1: enough that you can talk about it, right, and people

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Speaker 1: really discount that. I really hate seeing that. But people

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Speaker 1: are like, oh, when I was sixteen and they're like

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Speaker 1: fifty now and everybody's like, well, why don't you say something?

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Speaker 1: Then yeah, you act like it's so easy, and it's

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Speaker 1: really not right. I mean, I'd like to do something embarrassing,

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Speaker 1: like I, you know, open the wrong side of that

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Speaker 1: can in the kitchen and I'm like, I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to tell anyone, but I did that. This is between

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Speaker 1: me and God. Yeah, you know, I know that's kind

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Speaker 1: of a silly comparison, of course it is. But the

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Speaker 1: idea being that, like, our brains do have something in

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Speaker 1: them that are like, if you feel like you should

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Speaker 1: be ashamed of something, you lock it in. That's right, right,

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Speaker 1: that's right. So Ron said, as a results of this

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Speaker 1: horrible person in his childhood. He said, quote, I turned

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Speaker 1: to women. I felt safe in the company of women,

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Speaker 1: and after being silent for so long, he claims that

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Speaker 1: Wang helped him face all of this past trauma and

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Speaker 1: start to get over it. Oh good, But sadly this

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Speaker 1: marriage with Wang did not last either. Within two years

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Speaker 1: of these interviews, Ron and Wang were getting a divorce,

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Speaker 1: but this time it was a little different. It ended

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Speaker 1: in a restraining order and yet another fiance for old Ron.

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Speaker 1: So we will come back with more about that right

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Speaker 1: after these words. Welcome back everyone. We are gathered here

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Speaker 1: today to hear the story of Ron Shepherd and his

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Speaker 1: eight wives. Eight wives of Ron Shepherd. Well, it seemed,

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Speaker 1: you know, like Ron and Wang, we're a happy couple.

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Speaker 1: Ron had finally found the soul mates that he'd spend

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Speaker 1: his whole life searching for. But in twenty sixteen, everything

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Speaker 1: started to fall apart. For his part, Ron was suffering

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Speaker 1: from a growing number of health problems, including a diagnosis

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Speaker 1: of Parkinson's and Louis body dementia, right, which are alone

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Speaker 1: too horrible things to deal with. And then together you're

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Speaker 1: like Jesus and like, we don't know specifically what happened

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Speaker 1: that caused their separation. But we do know that after

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Speaker 1: Ron and Wang separated, Ron started trying to win her back,

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Speaker 1: and maybe he's trying a little too hard because he

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Speaker 1: sent her letters, you sent her presents, into her Facebook messages.

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Speaker 1: He just bombarded her trying to win her back. According

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Speaker 1: to Metro, Yeah, and then Wang then filed harassment charges

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Speaker 1: against him because all of this was just so much.

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Speaker 1: He really would not let up and not leave her alone,

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Speaker 1: no matter how many times she said, no, Ron, you know,

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Speaker 1: leave me alone, and that should be all you need

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Speaker 1: to hear. Ron was arrested after she filed these charges.

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Speaker 1: She said that she had to quit her church that

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Speaker 1: she joined with him, where she had quote made true friends,

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Speaker 1: and I had to leave them all behind. That's really inappropriate.

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Speaker 1: I mean, to push someone to the point where they

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Speaker 1: have to abandon part of their life because you just

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Speaker 1: you're you're two in it. Yeah. Well, even after this arrest,

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Speaker 1: Ron continued to pester her, she says, and then he

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Speaker 1: moved into intimidation tactics, allegedly telling her quote it was

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Speaker 1: ninety nine percent likely that the case would be thrown

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Speaker 1: out and she could be arrested for perjury. That's a

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Speaker 1: straight up threat. You know, if you keep saying these

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Speaker 1: things about it, I know you be arrested. You'll be

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Speaker 1: arrested at us I don't know. Yeah, come on row.

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Speaker 1: He did plead guilty in court to harassment. He got

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Speaker 1: a six hundred pound fine and a two year restraining

377
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:17,200
Speaker 1: order saying that he could not directly nor indirectly contact Wang.

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Speaker 1: The district judge told him quote or experiences of matrimony

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Speaker 1: in the past, it seems you were unable to accept

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Speaker 1: and give up that this is a relationship at an end.

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Speaker 1: You won't be the first or last who's been unable

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Speaker 1: to deal with the effects of a relationship breakdown. The

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Speaker 1: way you conducted yourself did cause actual and real distress

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Speaker 1: to missus Shepherd. I'm just assuming every judge in England

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Speaker 1: is a Charles Dickens character. Oh yeah, he had to

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Speaker 1: put on his big powdered wig before you do any

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Speaker 1: of this for the judgment. Full on haze in the

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Speaker 1: room from how much powder is coming off at speculation

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Speaker 1: station speculation Now. Ron did say in response, quote, I

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Speaker 1: would just like to apologize to my wife and apologize

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Speaker 1: to the court. And it seems that he honored his

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Speaker 1: restraining order. Their divorce did eventually go through. Um, so

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Speaker 1: I guess I don't know. I guess he was just

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Speaker 1: so into her and he really thought that she was

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Speaker 1: going to be the one. He just could not let

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Speaker 1: it go yet I gotta like persist. Clearly, the guy's

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00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 1: got issues with being with someone. It's very important to him, right. Yeah. Now,

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Speaker 1: we did find one tweet from Ron on this subject

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Speaker 1: in his now inactive Twitter account, where he told a

400
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Speaker 1: friend quote, Wing accused me of cheating in the media,

401
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Speaker 1: she was cheating with her ex fiance for four years

402
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Speaker 1: when I got Parkinson's call kettle black. Wow. So she

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00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,920
Speaker 1: said that he had cheated on her. Yeah, maybe as

404
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Speaker 1: the impetus for the divorce maybe or something. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: he's like, lady, I got Parkinson's. I'm like in a

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Speaker 1: wheel chair most of the time. Not that someone in

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Speaker 1: a wheelchair can't cheat on someone, but he's like an

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Speaker 1: old man who's like having a hard time physically moving

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Speaker 1: through the world. He's not cheating on her. Yeah, I'm

410
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Speaker 1: not going to bars every night trying to like pick

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Speaker 1: up some ladies. Right. Not that again, not that these

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Speaker 1: circumstances preclude the possibility of cheating, but it seems very unlikely.

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Speaker 1: And the fact that he suggested pseudo privately, I mean,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's Twitter, so it's not really. But he

415
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Speaker 1: was just tweeting back to a friend who was asking

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Speaker 1: how he was doing. He's like, well, what, she started

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Speaker 1: cheating on me as soon as she found out I

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Speaker 1: at Parkinson's. Look, no it's not, and of course who knows.

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Speaker 1: But if we take it at face value, that sucks, right.

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Speaker 1: He also then wrote on Twitter, quote thirteen years then

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Speaker 1: walked out on me for a better life when diagnosed

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Speaker 1: with Louis body dementia, Crystal is very caring and loving,

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Speaker 1: So yeah, that's true. That's pretty cold wing for him

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Speaker 1: to get, you know, a crazy diagnosis, and she's like,

425
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,479
Speaker 1: I'm to be hied down with some sick man. This

426
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 1: is something for me that's really important in the marriage

427
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 1: vows thing. And of course there's all kinds of reasons

428
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 1: that marriages can fall apart, But to me, I'm like,

429
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 1: when you ask someone if you want to marry them,

430
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,440
Speaker 1: you've considered your whole life together and all the risks

431
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 1: and possibilities that come with that, and that includes, you know,

432
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 1: if you become incapacitated to the point where I have

433
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 1: to care for you. I'd rather stay with you through that.

434
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 1: And if you haven't really thought of that, then probably

435
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 1: don't get married, right, And it's a sad fact. I

436
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 1: guess statistically speaking that more often than not it's men

437
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:49,640
Speaker 1: who leave women who get diagnet of terrible diseases. Yeah,

438
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 1: but it either way, it's really cold because you're basically

439
00:24:54,280 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 1: abandoning someone to like pain and possible death alone. Yeah,

440
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,919
Speaker 1: after they've given you probably the best years of their lives. Right.

441
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: I don't know about Ron's best years maybe, but still

442
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: that's just really sad and it would feel harsh, like

443
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: I'd be like, you're a monster. It's making me think

444
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 1: of another famous shepherd, Jack Shepherd from from Lost and

445
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 1: when he married Julie Bowen because she was having a

446
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,239
Speaker 1: back surgery and he was her spinal surgeon and he

447
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 1: was telling her fiance, hey, you know, she might never

448
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 1: walk again, is like, oh, whoa is she gonna need

449
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: like help go into the bathroom and stuff. Jack was

450
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 1: like yeah, dude, and the guy was like, okay, boy,

451
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: and then he just disappeared and then she ended up

452
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 1: marrying her spinal surgeon who saved her and she did

453
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 1: end up being able to walk again, so that guy

454
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: was extra dumb. Yeah, idiot, And she married Jack, which

455
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: talk about a doomed marriage from the start, because in

456
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 1: episode six, if you're hang on, that's what this episode's about.

457
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 1: Next podcast, Different podcasts, different podcasts. But I do worry,

458
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: like when you hear about men who like won't change

459
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,640
Speaker 1: diapers or something because they're like, it's just gross. Yeah,

460
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, it is gross, absolutely, But I mean one

461
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,199
Speaker 1: day your wife might need you to change her diapers,

462
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like that can happen to

463
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 1: an adult, and you have to be prepared. And if

464
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: you you can't won't do it for a tiny baby.

465
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 1: How am I supposed to think you're gonna do it

466
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 1: for me? You know? Or I don't know. I just

467
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,119
Speaker 1: would feel safe around somebody who felt like they couldn't

468
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,159
Speaker 1: ever clean up a mess like that. That's why I

469
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 1: have dedicated our entire savings fund to replacing pieces of

470
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 1: you one by one with bionic parts. But eventually you're

471
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 1: just an indestructible robot. Okay, I mean my dream that's

472
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:48,160
Speaker 1: kind of cool, cyborg. One day, I hope you get

473
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:52,159
Speaker 1: like cyborg like cool tech. Oh yeah, you'll totally have

474
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 1: like a laser cannon in your arm, um teleportation technology,

475
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 1: a food synthesizer. Who nice. Maybe I'll finally know what

476
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:05,200
Speaker 1: it's like to see without glasses. Oh no, Actually, one

477
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: of the problems with the technology is that you retain

478
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 1: your vision as it is now. So I'm so sorry.

479
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 1: It's the one thing I can I can fly from

480
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 1: a jet pack on my feet, sure, but I can't

481
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,919
Speaker 1: see ten feet in front of me around glasses. But

482
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,960
Speaker 1: we'll get you some really nice glasses. Okay, wow, all right,

483
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: as long as they're really nice, yea, make sure they

484
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 1: look at all right. Well, anyway back to Ron. So

485
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 1: Ron is talking about how Wing walked out on him

486
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 1: when he was diagnosed with Louis body dementia, and that's

487
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 1: really cruel and mean. And then he says, Crystal is

488
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 1: very caring and loving. Now, who in the hill is

489
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 1: Crystal in the conversation? I've not heard her name yet. Well,

490
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 1: if you thought that Ron's quest for love was over

491
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: after Wing, then you have not been paying attention to

492
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: run my friends. Come on, there's no way he gives

493
00:27:55,880 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 1: up at this point. Now, unsurprisingly, the story doesn't exactly

494
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 1: get more romantic as it goes on. Um. Crystal Lelek

495
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 1: was a twenty five year old woman from the Philippines.

496
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:13,640
Speaker 1: They it's definitely Ron's in that. Um was it dazed

497
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,399
Speaker 1: and confused kind of mentality. And I keep getting older,

498
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,119
Speaker 1: They're always twenty five or show I was going to say,

499
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 1: is Leo era? Oh yeah, well Ron had actually met

500
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,879
Speaker 1: Crystal years earlier when he was married to his seventh wife,

501
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,199
Speaker 1: Juan That was the one who married him in the

502
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 1: UK and then dipped back home to the Philippines ten

503
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 1: months later to Thailand. Yeah. Um. Now, at the time

504
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 1: that they met, Crystal was only sixteen years old, and

505
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 1: apparently Ron and Crystal and Wan hung out all the time.

506
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 1: It's like a local friend of hers. I don't know,

507
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: age gap weird, weird. They lost touch, and after Ron

508
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 1: and Wing's divorce started going through, he decided to look

509
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 1: her up. When they connected, he flew to the Philippines

510
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: to spend Christmas with her, and on New Year's Eve

511
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,880
Speaker 1: he proposed to Crystal and she said yes. Because again,

512
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: I mean, if you meet a woman, the next logical

513
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 1: step is to propose to her. You celebrate the twelve

514
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: Days of Christmas and then you propose one of those

515
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: five golden rings. Well, you know, nothing's ever easy in

516
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 1: the marriage department for Ron, and this was no different

517
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 1: because you see, Crystal was actually already married. Oh she said,

518
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: though she was totally going to divorce her husband. It's

519
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: all about you, Ron, I'm going to move to England

520
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 1: with you. So here's Ron, sixty nine years old, suffering

521
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: from Parkinson's and other ailments, bringing this twenty six year

522
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 1: old woman from the Philippines to England. And he told Mirror, quote,

523
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: this one is real love. This is the last one,

524
00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: I promise. And Cristel said, quote, I know what it

525
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: looks like, but I am not here for a passport.

526
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:09,800
Speaker 1: I am not here to take advantage of Ron. Hmmm.

527
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 1: And apparently she also told Ron that they could not

528
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: have a physical relationship before they got married because she

529
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 1: was a committed Christian. Okay, okay, I had to wait

530
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 1: till marriage. And Ron said, quote, I respected that and

531
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: hoped at least she would become my career, but she

532
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 1: just became more distant. She didn't get his jokes. She

533
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: also did just didn't pay much attention to him. He said,

534
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 1: quote she'd just sit there taking selfies and I'd have

535
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 1: to shout her name just to get her to look

536
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: at me. God, do you just feel I mean, you

537
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 1: can see this happening so clearly. I feel like that

538
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: also makes me think her name maybe was not Crystal.

539
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: I mean I feel like maybe she had a totally

540
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 1: different name, and she'd be like, who is he talking to. Well,

541
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,520
Speaker 1: they applied for a carer's visa to let her stay

542
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: in the country. She would be you know, his caretaker basically,

543
00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: and would be allowed to stay. And then shortly after that,

544
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 1: Ron said he probably should have realized something was wrong

545
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,239
Speaker 1: because she quote lost her engagement ring and then she

546
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 1: just started going out at nights and making new friends.

547
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 1: After her visa was denied and she went to Ron

548
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 1: and said she had to go home to the Philippines

549
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 1: for a week, she gave him a long look and

550
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 1: then left, and when he checked her room later, all

551
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 1: of her stuff was gone. She blocked him on Facebook,

552
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: and a friend of his and the Philippines said that

553
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: she was there dating someone else. Dang. Yeah, So I mean, like,

554
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 1: you know, we all saw this coming a long time ago,

555
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: especially like I love unprompted she's like, well, I know

556
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 1: what it looks like, right, but I'm not here for that.

557
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: We'll have to say though the fact that he was

558
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: like I hoped at least she would become my care

559
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 1: It seems to me like he just wants a nursemaid,

560
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 1: you know, like he's looking for a younger, energetic person

561
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: like take of him. But he doesn't want to pay

562
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 1: a nurse a wife. Yeah, and he wants that to

563
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 1: double as someone who's just like fully devoted in love

564
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 1: to him, right, Like it's not somebody just comes in

565
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 1: and make sure he's doing all right, but it's someone

566
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: who's just like hanging on his arm also and curled

567
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: up next to him while I watched TV or whatever

568
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,960
Speaker 1: it is that his kind of fantasy is. He's certainly

569
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 1: like trying to craft a person that I don't think

570
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: exists for him in this way, or I mean, maybe

571
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 1: for anyone, because I could also like maybe Crystal, you know, definitely,

572
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't really believe those, but maybe

573
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 1: she was like, yeah, I fell in love with a

574
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 1: sixty nine year old band and I decided to come

575
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 1: live in the UK with him. But I don't know

576
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 1: if you're only twenty six and somebody's like, hey, can

577
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 1: you spend the next ten to twenty years of your life?

578
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 1: I mean cleaning up after an old man, and that's

579
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 1: not something you wanted to do with your life. I

580
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 1: could see kind of being like, actually, I don't think

581
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: I do want to do that, you know, especially if

582
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: you're not really in love. Definitely not. And I think

583
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,239
Speaker 1: that's a very hard thing to do, is to be

584
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 1: a constant caretaker for a person. I think that's kind

585
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 1: of the split. Like, you know, I'm not going to

586
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: sit here and say there's no one there's no young

587
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 1: person out there who's not truly in love with a

588
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: much older person that they're taking care of. Sure, but yeah,

589
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 1: I mean it's unlikely that Crystals someone who was looking for, Like,

590
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: you know what, I'll learn to love him. I'm going

591
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 1: to curl up on his arm and right look gaze

592
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: lovingly into his eyes, and yeah, I know he's not

593
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: here much longer. I just want to get in the

594
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 1: best life I get. You know, I don't know there

595
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 1: are people with that heart. Sure, I don't know that

596
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 1: Crystal is that person, but did they definitely exist? Yeah?

597
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: So all right, Ron, come on, is that it, buddy,

598
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 1: are you throwing in the towel? Now? Have you tried it?

599
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 1: Surely Crystal was like the last straw, like, Okay, something's

600
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: got to change here, right, I'm seventy, I'm good. You

601
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 1: know that he's not good. You know he didn't stop

602
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 1: at this point. Ron's got a little more fight left

603
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 1: in him, he said to mirror quote. As far as

604
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: I'm concerned, I'm back on the market. I'm not going

605
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: to say I haven't already had women contacting me. I

606
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 1: don't know what it is about me. Women just seem

607
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 1: to flock to me. I think it could be my

608
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,800
Speaker 1: natural charm and charisma. Although I've got to be honest,

609
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: after all this time, I sometimes think women could just

610
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 1: be too much trouble. But I am determined not to

611
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,879
Speaker 1: die alone. I refuse to end up in a home,

612
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: and I will find someone who will love me for

613
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,239
Speaker 1: who I am. Well, there's a lot to talk about

614
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 1: in that quote right there alone, and of course we

615
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,440
Speaker 1: want to know if he's going to pull it off. Well,

616
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 1: place your bets and we will wrap up Ron's story.

617
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 1: But right after this break, welcome back Esteemed friends, family, romans,

618
00:34:54,560 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 1: countrymen to the final marriages of Ron Shepherd. Well, at

619
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 1: this point, after divorcing Wing and not marrying Crystal, Ron

620
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 1: had spent forty four of his past forty eight years married.

621
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 1: He has thirteen great grandchildren. He thinks he doesn't really know.

622
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 1: I guess his longest marriage was thirteen years to Wing

623
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:25,240
Speaker 1: and his shortest was with one at just ten months.

624
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 1: And he told Mirror in twenty seventeen, quote, the Tories

625
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,879
Speaker 1: should get me. Didn't negotiate Brexit after all? How many

626
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 1: people have had as many divorces as me? Fair right,

627
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 1: all right, pretty good? Well, I'm curious how those negotiations

628
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 1: went in those divorces. He doesn't get into that, yeah, right, Like,

629
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe they saw the terms and they

630
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:48,919
Speaker 1: were like it's it's okay, we're gonna we're already doing

631
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 1: bad terms of this all by yourself. Just and if

632
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,960
Speaker 1: you're curious too. Ron was like a tour manager for

633
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 1: a famous English celebrity, like he had. He had a

634
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,600
Speaker 1: good career. Okay, I don't think he was like super healthy,

635
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 1: nor do I think he was ever struggling, all right,

636
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:05,880
Speaker 1: despite his many weddings and divorces, which I guess he

637
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: had enough money for that well. Anyway, at this point

638
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,799
Speaker 1: he was not done looking for the perfect bride, and

639
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 1: in twenty eighteen, he thought maybe Cupid had struck again

640
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: when he met an American woman named Rose. Oh well,

641
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,800
Speaker 1: met isn't really the right word, because he found her online.

642
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: She was thirty years old. They spoke through email. He said, quote,

643
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 1: I know Rose is the one. It doesn't matter if

644
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 1: we haven't met, as I can tell we are the

645
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: perfect match. Age is just numbers and I don't care.

646
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,399
Speaker 1: She's half my age. She's deeply in love with me

647
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 1: and I am with her. Yes see, a girl aged

648
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,919
Speaker 1: thirty was just what Ron was looking for because you see,

649
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 1: he told the Mirror, quote, thirty is the perfect age

650
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: because they're more mature. He said, a lot of women

651
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: were writing to him on Facebook, but they're all so young.

652
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: But Rose Rose is thirty right, like she's grown up

653
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 1: a little. She knows what she wants and the thing

654
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,760
Speaker 1: with Roses she just needed to finish her nursing school

655
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 1: in Ghana and then she would come to England to

656
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 1: marry him. She messaged Ron first, and Ron points out

657
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,359
Speaker 1: again that quote. Because of my history, a lot of

658
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 1: women have contacted me, he says that she never asked

659
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,839
Speaker 1: for anything from him. Quote, but I have given her

660
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 1: a few pounds for her grand and I just okay, y'all,

661
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 1: all the red flags are going off. I mean, he's

662
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 1: never spoken to this person in person. She reached out

663
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 1: to him first. And his whole thing where he's like

664
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: all of his many marriages, well especially as later few

665
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 1: marriages were very publicized in the tabloids, and then he

666
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 1: wrote this book and everything, and he just put a

667
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,320
Speaker 1: big sign over himself that is like, I will marry

668
00:37:54,400 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 1: younger women. Right, So obviously he's getting inundated with Facebook

669
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: messages from profiles with pictures of young women. And he's

670
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 1: a seventy year old man. He's probably not great at

671
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 1: discerning reality from fiction on social media. Obviously he's got

672
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 1: a big target on his back. Yeah, and I'm you know,

673
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 1: you know, we have even talked about some people who

674
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:23,959
Speaker 1: met online, particularly during the pandemic, Yeah, and never met

675
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 1: in person but still fell in love. They got married, absolutely,

676
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,439
Speaker 1: you know, but they also like video chatted with each

677
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 1: other and they had met like each other's families and

678
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: stuff like that. So there was a little more I

679
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 1: don't know, vetting done I'm not sure that he's talking

680
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:41,919
Speaker 1: to Rose in a way that he can really vet

681
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 1: that she is a thirty year old woman. And I

682
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 1: don't think any of the people we talked about were young,

683
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 1: hot Instagram models reaching out to seventy year old men

684
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 1: from another country. Right, And I love that he says,

685
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: I don't care she's half my age. Oh yeah, okay,

686
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 1: I don't know you. I'm worried about my friend. I

687
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,040
Speaker 1: would rather hear she doesn't care that I'm twice hurried.

688
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 1: That's that makes more sense. Yeah. Well, fortunately you can

689
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: breathe a sigh of relief because Ron called off this

690
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,359
Speaker 1: supposed in person meeting that he was going to go

691
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 1: to at the last minute. He says he did anyway,

692
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,280
Speaker 1: He said that they were supposed to meet in person

693
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 1: on a Friday, and quote, it didn't feel like the

694
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 1: right thing for me to do. Yes, there it is,

695
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,760
Speaker 1: he realized Wallace. Or like a little bit of Higgins

696
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 1: from from ted Lasso. It kind of sounds like him too.

697
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 1: Love it such a great accent? Or who is he

698
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 1: on Doubton? St incredible character? I love it. Higgins from

699
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 1: ted Lasso? Was Spratt on Doubton? If you did not know.

700
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 1: It's one of my favorite dual roles for an actor ever,

701
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 1: I know, amazing. It really shows his range. Yes, Okay,

702
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 1: So Ron realized that he might not actually be in

703
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 1: love with this girl Rose. He said, quote she was

704
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 1: doing all the pushing. It didn't feel right in my heart.

705
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:10,240
Speaker 1: He said. She was upset but quote couldn't take phone

706
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: calls as she's in Ghana, right, and Ghana has you know,

707
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 1: no phone whatsoever. We've got a friend in Ghana that

708
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:25,319
Speaker 1: you talked to him. We've talked recently in fact, and

709
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 1: in fact from the US to Ghana, y'all have a

710
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 1: big time zone gap. I think the UK and Ghana

711
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 1: are not that far east and west of each other,

712
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,919
Speaker 1: so they're in You can definitely take a phone call

713
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:39,879
Speaker 1: in Ghana. This is just again every red flag going off, like, oh,

714
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 1: I actually can't talk on the phone with you because

715
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 1: I'm a forty two year old man. You know, her

716
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:50,799
Speaker 1: name is actually Brutus, right, I know. Yeah, that's just

717
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 1: I think that's just so funny that he's decided an

718
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 1: entire country in Africa's incapable of taking or making phone calls.

719
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: That's just really very set. So Ron, you know, maybe

720
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 1: learned his lesson, because just this past week, in March

721
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty three, Ron Shepherd, the UK's most married man,

722
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: the lord of the Wedding Rings himself, announced that he

723
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 1: was retiring from marriage finally. Who smart. Yeah. He said

724
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 1: he was moving to a care home, and he stated

725
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: that the last fifty seven years of romance have quote

726
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 1: worn his body out well, and of course his health

727
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,880
Speaker 1: is not great right. His days now are very different.

728
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 1: He's going to stay in a care home in the

729
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 1: Isle of Wight to be closer to family, and he

730
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,800
Speaker 1: has care providers help him three times a day. Occasionally

731
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 1: he gets out of the facility. But he's considering this

732
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:50,239
Speaker 1: quote a new chapter of my life. I think that's

733
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 1: a good way to look at it. I think so too,

734
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 1: you know. And he says he's writing a second autobiography

735
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 1: called The Wife Collector and which I don't love the title,

736
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 1: but anyway, he claims that it's already in talks to

737
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:05,239
Speaker 1: be a movie in the US. All right, well, and

738
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 1: you know, maybe, but also, Ron, buddy, I'm worried about

739
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 1: people taking advantage of you, okay, and someone trying to

740
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 1: buy your rights for a movie is also big red flag. Yeah, unfortunately,

741
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,360
Speaker 1: he said, quote, if I meet a nice lady in

742
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 1: the care home, I think I'll just keep it as

743
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 1: a friendship. Who I've eaten enough wedding cake over the years.

744
00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 1: I'm done with going up the aisle. Here you go, Ron,

745
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 1: all right, there we go? Ah? Man, I mean, what

746
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 1: is happening? How? I just couldn't figure out what was

747
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: going on with Ron. I'm reading these stories and again

748
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:44,800
Speaker 1: they're all tabloids, right, Like, no, nobody's writing a research

749
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: paper about Ron. There's not any like deep New York

750
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: Times deep dives into his life story. It's just kind

751
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 1: of like flashy headlines the UK is most married man

752
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 1: looking for his ninth wife kind of stuff, kind of

753
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 1: setting him up for putting a target on his back

754
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 1: a little bit. Sure, you can see the tabloids being like,

755
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 1: we can't wait for this one to fail so you

756
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 1: can talk about Jigen. Yeah, and you know it got

757
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,839
Speaker 1: me wondering what else is going on here? I mean,

758
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,239
Speaker 1: we've got his history right, and it's totally rational. I

759
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:20,719
Speaker 1: believe in him having lifelong attachment issues because of the

760
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 1: abuse that he suffered. But the guy just seems incapable

761
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:30,720
Speaker 1: of not being married. I mean fifty seven years between

762
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: his first marriage and right now, and he has been

763
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:37,359
Speaker 1: married or engaged to ten different women for most of

764
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 1: those years. And I mean, it's not like he's some

765
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 1: playboy who just keeps running around and getting divorced and

766
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,839
Speaker 1: cheating and screwing up or whatever. At least according to him,

767
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 1: he was only unfaithful the one time with Usha. I

768
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 1: imagine that Ron was probably difficult to be married too,

769
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 1: somewhere somewhere or another, and at least at least some

770
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: of these women, Let's be honest, we're definitely taking advantage

771
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 1: of him more than I mean, that seems pretty clear.

772
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 1: But what is up with him just going from one

773
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 1: marriage straight into the next? I mean, there's often no time,

774
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,359
Speaker 1: but like this, oftentimes a marriage ends and the next

775
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 1: marriage starts within the same year, if not just the

776
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 1: next year. Well, I found something that none of the

777
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: tabloids seemed to mention. It's called enough to phobia, and

778
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 1: this is the irrational fear of not being in a

779
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 1: romantic relationship. According to psychotimes dot com quote, people who

780
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 1: suffer from this condition may experience very intense anxiety as

781
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 1: a result of their fear of being alone. Obviously we can't,

782
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: you know, just aren't share diagnosed ron with having an

783
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 1: up to phobia necessarily, but it led us to finding

784
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 1: it and really want to talk about it, and kind

785
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,799
Speaker 1: of I presume this is kind of what he's dealing with.

786
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 1: You could see it, I can. I know some people

787
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:59,399
Speaker 1: like that too, where they're just like in the middle

788
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:01,920
Speaker 1: of a divorce and they start dating and as soon

789
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 1: as the divorce goes through, they get married, and then

790
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 1: that marriage falls apart, and while they're getting the divorce,

791
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 1: they start dating someone else, you know, like they're just

792
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:12,239
Speaker 1: never alone. And I do I didn't think I didn't

793
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 1: know about this phobia, but I definitely was like, there's

794
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 1: something wrong if you can't be by yourself for a minute. Yeah,

795
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 1: but you know, do you hate yourself or you just

796
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 1: like what's going on? So I'm kind of it's interesting

797
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 1: to learn about this an up to phobia probably the

798
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,799
Speaker 1: very extreme version of this, but like, obviously, yeah, we

799
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:30,880
Speaker 1: know some people who who define themselves by their relationship,

800
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 1: and you know, I think it's true. You've got to

801
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 1: love yourself before somebody can really love you, or at

802
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,399
Speaker 1: least you've got to have a sense of identity certainly help.

803
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 1: You've got to at least have something about you that

804
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 1: makes you a full person in your own right. You know,

805
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 1: before you just go define yourself by the relationship you're in, right,

806
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 1: because you get so codependent. Yeah, and that's not healthy, right.

807
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 1: So an up to phobia is this fear that kind

808
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: of sticks in your brain and it makes you feel

809
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 1: sure that you'll ever find anyone you know to be with,

810
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 1: even though actually the future is very unpredictable. You can

811
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 1: never know what's coming, but the fear kind of convinces you, right,

812
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,439
Speaker 1: that's what they kind of the psychologists are like telling

813
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 1: people like you, you see yourself dying alone if you

814
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 1: don't marry this person. But that's you saying you can

815
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 1: predict the future, right, and you can't. So yeah, they're like,

816
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:23,319
Speaker 1: you know, even though you have no idea what's in

817
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 1: store for you in this world, you start to get

818
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,479
Speaker 1: so certain that you'll end up alone that you just

819
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 1: become like maybe a serial dater or a serial marrier.

820
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: You're just constantly getting yourself into a partnership. Yeah, and

821
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 1: you know, these marriages obviously might not work out because

822
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 1: they're not really based on connection. They're based on fear,

823
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 1: you know, or they're being really rushed into because you're

824
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 1: just like anyone. I'll take the first person who says yes,

825
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,480
Speaker 1: because I have I can't be alone for two months

826
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 1: or whatever. And probably in Ron's case, it's probably a

827
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 1: little bit of both fear and the rushing are happening

828
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 1: all at the same time. Psych Times says that, you know,

829
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: some people are genetically predisposed to develop mental illness, and

830
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 1: in that case, a traumatic experience might trigger something like

831
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 1: a neptophobia to develop. Oh okay, well that of course

832
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 1: we know Ron had plenty of trauma exactly. That makes yeah, again,

833
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:18,759
Speaker 1: don't know if he's genetically predisposed illness or anything like that,

834
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 1: but well it makes you wonder too if he's a

835
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 1: nine year old and he's able to be in this

836
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 1: the company of this older man. Yeah, clearly a trusted

837
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 1: member of the community and everything. But still maybe he

838
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 1: was alone a lot, you know, he just wasn't just

839
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 1: didn't have companionship a lot. So maybe he was just like,

840
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:37,440
Speaker 1: if there's someone here. Ironically, if there's someone here, no

841
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 1: one can take advantage of me. I think he sort

842
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 1: of references that it made him feel unsafe and that

843
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 1: he felt more safe with women than he ever did

844
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: with men, which I think is part of it too,

845
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 1: and in his mind, and this is probably a whole

846
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 1: culture of masculinity and stuff. If I want to be

847
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: around women, that means it's got to be a romantic thing. Yeah, yeah,

848
00:47:57,200 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 1: being friends with a woman. Whereas, like, what's the point

849
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: I'm not comfortable amount around men as much as I

850
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:05,720
Speaker 1: am around women because I think I had mostly women

851
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: growing up in my life and things like that, and

852
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 1: I've you know, a lot of my best friends are

853
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 1: sys men of course, but but but the majority my

854
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 1: friends are women. But at the idea of being romantic

855
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,400
Speaker 1: with most of them, you know, I left that behind

856
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 1: a long time. But we don't need to get into

857
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:26,800
Speaker 1: my psychology. That's a whole other episode somebody Else's podcast.

858
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 1: They break down the ridiculous romance of meeting you. Oh well, anyway,

859
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,439
Speaker 1: if someone does have something lined up to phobia, the

860
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 1: treatments include talk therapy and exposure therapy and anxiety treatments. Okay,

861
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:43,359
Speaker 1: so I guess all of those things together, probably not

862
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:47,200
Speaker 1: just one, yeah at a time. Well, I imagine, you know,

863
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:49,759
Speaker 1: exposure therapy that kind of sort of thing where they

864
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 1: would you know, somebody who's like break up, break up,

865
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 1: break up, break up, and they'll say, why don't you

866
00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,560
Speaker 1: just stay single for a while, Like that can be

867
00:48:56,680 --> 00:49:00,160
Speaker 1: really healthy for you. But obviously if that's give you

868
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:03,319
Speaker 1: panic attacks, that's something that has to be dealt with separately. Yeah,

869
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,879
Speaker 1: that makes sense. Well, of course, looking into an uptophobia

870
00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 1: led us to the other side of it, which I'm

871
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 1: sure a lot of us are familiar with as well, gamaphobia,

872
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 1: the intense fear of even the idea of being in

873
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 1: a committed relationship. And you know, I want to say, like, oh,

874
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:22,800
Speaker 1: I've known people like this, I've been like this a

875
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 1: little in my life. But this isn't just being cautious

876
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 1: or indecisive or even so much just like, oh, I've

877
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 1: got a fear of commitment. This is like irrational and intense,

878
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 1: like people taking extreme steps to avoid committing. And we're

879
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:42,920
Speaker 1: talking chest pain, dizziness, hyperventilating, trembling, you know, just from

880
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 1: the suggestion of like let's go steady, you know, let

881
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 1: me give you my pin and they like they're like, well,

882
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 1: why is it nineteen fifty four and the follow damn,

883
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 1: but no, according to very wellmind dot com people will

884
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,719
Speaker 1: break up with others very easily, like drop of a hat,

885
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,560
Speaker 1: or they'll refuse to date altogether. The people with this

886
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:07,239
Speaker 1: condition can still get into relationships, but as soon as

887
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:10,400
Speaker 1: that next level is suggested, they just kind of go

888
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:12,920
Speaker 1: off the edge. So it's really tough for things to

889
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 1: get serious. Huh. I wonder what that's about, because, I mean,

890
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:19,799
Speaker 1: the enough to phobia makes a little more sense. I mean,

891
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 1: in a nonsensical way. I guess right as it since

892
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:26,000
Speaker 1: it's not a it's irrational fear, but um, it makes

893
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:27,920
Speaker 1: a little more sense in that you know, oh, I

894
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,640
Speaker 1: need someone with me. I need to feel like someone

895
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:33,040
Speaker 1: gives a shit if I live or die, Like that's

896
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:35,960
Speaker 1: a very normal fear. Then to die alone and be

897
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 1: eaten by your dog or something. Um. So I just

898
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: wonder what where this comes from. Where you're like, I

899
00:50:41,239 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 1: can't I can't even date somebody without losing my mind. Yeah, well,

900
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:51,560
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I'm no geologist, but that's an

901
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 1: old meme just for anything. I'm not an expert in

902
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:57,759
Speaker 1: um and I did read that. You know, it's it's

903
00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 1: triggered very similarly. It can be brought up trauma or lifestyle.

904
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 1: Any number of factors can give someone this condition. I

905
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 1: think for some people who are very much kind of

906
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,319
Speaker 1: linearly focused, like I've got this future in mind, I've

907
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:14,759
Speaker 1: got the way I need things to be, and I

908
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:17,359
Speaker 1: don't want to disrupt that, And it's terrifying if I'm

909
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:19,879
Speaker 1: if I can't predict what's coming or what my life

910
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 1: will be like in a few years. You add a

911
00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:25,800
Speaker 1: factor in, like a committed relationship, which is chaotic, it's random.

912
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 1: You know, Now you've got two lives that you're balancing

913
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 1: at once. I could see how that would be terrifying

914
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,320
Speaker 1: if you were someone who was already scared of not

915
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:36,520
Speaker 1: knowing what's coming. Well, I guess I can see. Yeah,

916
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:38,919
Speaker 1: like a similar trauma being like, well, now I can't

917
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:43,000
Speaker 1: have anyone around me because I had somebody, you know,

918
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 1: who I was supposed to trust or who is supposed

919
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:46,840
Speaker 1: to love me or supposed to take care of me

920
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 1: or whatever treated me poorly. So now I can't trust

921
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:52,800
Speaker 1: anybody will actually love me. And if I let them in,

922
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 1: maybe you know, maybe that is allowing them the space

923
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 1: to hurt me. Oh definitely, I totally definitely it's going

924
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 1: to be an issue. Yeah, I mean, you know, we

925
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 1: dated for six years before we got engaged, and I

926
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 1: think that leans a little on my side more than yours.

927
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:12,040
Speaker 1: I know we talked about it, like what around year

928
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,759
Speaker 1: three or four or something, and I know that I

929
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 1: personally wanted to wait longer, not wanting to or not

930
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 1: feeling like we should, but just out of like I

931
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 1: just if I don't have it in my heart that

932
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 1: says like, yes, I want to do this, then it's disingenuous, right,

933
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 1: And that's kind of how I always felt about it.

934
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,439
Speaker 1: Was like if I if you say like yeah, sure,

935
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 1: Like it's not like you know, let's go see a movie,

936
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 1: like yeah, I don't really want to see it, but

937
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 1: sure I'll go see it and then it's bad and

938
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 1: you're fine. But if you don't, if you haven't considered

939
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: all those things, I mean, like I said earlier, like

940
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:50,320
Speaker 1: if you're not like, oh no, I have considered every option.

941
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 1: I know that our lives together are now entwined, and

942
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:58,760
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say I promise all these things unless

943
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 1: later I feel like maybe I don't want to do

944
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:04,080
Speaker 1: those things. I just think those answers are really important,

945
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:07,200
Speaker 1: and some of that surely is embedded in some sort

946
00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:11,320
Speaker 1: of like unpredictability. I think that's probably the closest that

947
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:13,200
Speaker 1: I came to something like this, or its like I

948
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 1: don't really want to not know what's coming. I kind

949
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,960
Speaker 1: of have a loose plan and this might throw it

950
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:23,359
Speaker 1: all out of whack. But again, that's so different from

951
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 1: panic attacks, chest pain, hyperventilating at the concept of, well,

952
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:36,840
Speaker 1: let's date exclusively, you know, right, Yeah, that's interesting. I

953
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 1: definitely got impatient with you. I guess you did not,

954
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:43,920
Speaker 1: because I was like, I think I felt the same

955
00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 1: way you did. Was like it needs to be resounding,

956
00:53:46,400 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 1: like I would like to spend my life with you.

957
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:50,239
Speaker 1: I don't want it to be some reluctant I had

958
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:52,759
Speaker 1: to drag you into it. I freaking like send you

959
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 1: drop you hints where I sent you pictures of engagement

960
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 1: rings or something. Yeah, I'm like, no, if you don't

961
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 1: want to, then I'm not trying to uh hear that.

962
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 1: I think you should really want this, um. But I

963
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:09,480
Speaker 1: think I did get a little insulted that I took

964
00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:11,840
Speaker 1: so long. Wow, I want it, because I feel like

965
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 1: we did have a little fight after our wedding once

966
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 1: I was like, well that was nice one day I'll

967
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:20,360
Speaker 1: maybe have that, maybe not wait after after a wedd wedding.

968
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:23,080
Speaker 1: Thought after our wedding, I was like, but you got it. No,

969
00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:26,799
Speaker 1: I know that was great. We didn't fight after sure,

970
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 1: I mean well, but I also I remember even thinking

971
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:33,680
Speaker 1: like I'm having this feeling of like, oh, why aren't

972
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,439
Speaker 1: we getting married? You know? And I really thought about

973
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 1: it because I was like, do I want to get

974
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 1: married or is it just like I feel like there

975
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 1: should be another step we have to undertake or this

976
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:47,239
Speaker 1: is what people are expecting and so we need to

977
00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:50,759
Speaker 1: do it or whatever. And I do feel that once

978
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 1: we got married, there was definitely like this this sense

979
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 1: of like I feel so solid, you know, like now

980
00:54:57,480 --> 00:55:02,960
Speaker 1: there is no there's it's lot harder to untangle our lives.

981
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,160
Speaker 1: So we have definitely decided this is what we want

982
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:07,680
Speaker 1: and this is how we're moving forward. But there was

983
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:09,880
Speaker 1: also something kind of nice when we were together for

984
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 1: so long and it was like you can't leave at

985
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:15,439
Speaker 1: any time and you don't, yeah, you know, and I don't. Yeah.

986
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:18,719
Speaker 1: So there's clearly and I think that's was part of

987
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:20,719
Speaker 1: the I don't know, part of the impatience too, was

988
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 1: like well, we already know, it's already been six years. Yeah,

989
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:24,719
Speaker 1: you know what I'm waiting for, So I don't know.

990
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 1: It was a lot of like questioning, like what's the

991
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 1: social cultural programming that I have that it's definitely in me,

992
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 1: whether I like it or not? And what is my

993
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:36,400
Speaker 1: true emotion about this and my true feeling about this?

994
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:38,440
Speaker 1: And it's very hard to parse those out sometimes it is.

995
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:40,400
Speaker 1: I mean there's times I still think that I'm like,

996
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:45,800
Speaker 1: marriage doesn't matter necessarily in the ways that it used to.

997
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 1: Marriage is obviously very different now than it used to be.

998
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:52,760
Speaker 1: And yeah, at six years, even if we hadn't got engaged,

999
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:54,920
Speaker 1: I would have assumed that we were in it for

1000
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,360
Speaker 1: the long haul, you know. And I think one thing

1001
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:01,840
Speaker 1: about marriage especially maybe this is even more something of

1002
00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:04,239
Speaker 1: a conversation in an early like maybe a two year

1003
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 1: relationship or something where it's like, Hey, when things get tough,

1004
00:56:08,239 --> 00:56:10,400
Speaker 1: are we going to work through it? Are we going

1005
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:14,360
Speaker 1: to tell ourselves now while things are good, that we

1006
00:56:14,440 --> 00:56:16,960
Speaker 1: will work through it when things get tough, that we

1007
00:56:17,120 --> 00:56:20,440
Speaker 1: are here together and big life decisions are something we're

1008
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:22,080
Speaker 1: going to make together, and things like that. All the

1009
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:24,800
Speaker 1: stuff that comes from from marriage in terms of the

1010
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:29,440
Speaker 1: complicated stuff. And I'm willing to make your priorities my priorities,

1011
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,239
Speaker 1: and you're willing to make my priorities your priorities. And

1012
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:35,560
Speaker 1: if you end up, you know, incapacitated in such a

1013
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 1: way that you need someone to care for you, am

1014
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:40,800
Speaker 1: I that person? Yeah? That kind of yeah, all those questions.

1015
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:43,200
Speaker 1: Marriage is a way to kind of lay it all

1016
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:46,399
Speaker 1: out and be like, yes, officially, let's say that, yes,

1017
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:49,800
Speaker 1: And I think you can have that conversation without the

1018
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:54,000
Speaker 1: institution the corporate world of weddings that are really just

1019
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:58,560
Speaker 1: about flash ceremony and money. And then there's you know,

1020
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:01,600
Speaker 1: there's the legal component too, which also kind of comes

1021
00:57:01,640 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 1: down to property and money, and that's a whole other thing.

1022
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:06,920
Speaker 1: But I don't think unimportant, but not unimportant, But I

1023
00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 1: don't think that you need that to live a committed

1024
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:14,439
Speaker 1: life together. But it's also the best party we've ever had,

1025
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 1: the most amazing trip of our lives we got to

1026
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:21,600
Speaker 1: take afterwards, and I similarly, yeah, I'm glad we did.

1027
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:24,280
Speaker 1: I And you do feel a sense of like, well,

1028
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 1: that's settled. Nothing's left ambiguous at this point, right, And

1029
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,320
Speaker 1: I think too, there was probably a question in my mind,

1030
00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 1: like oh he doesn't want me, you know, right, which

1031
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:39,160
Speaker 1: is crazy. I know it is. You're crazy. And that's

1032
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:41,360
Speaker 1: one thing a husband really needs to tell his wife

1033
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 1: pretty often, is that like, you're crazy and if you

1034
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 1: think something's wrong, you're making it up in that crazy

1035
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,800
Speaker 1: woman brainiers. This is why we put no romantic tips

1036
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:55,880
Speaker 1: in the theme song, because Eli gives terrible advice. That

1037
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 1: is your wife act. Make sure you let her though

1038
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:04,840
Speaker 1: as often as possible. She'll thank you for it. No,

1039
00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 1: but I mean, you know, and I I never I

1040
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 1: didn't think you're gonna cheat on me or something, but

1041
00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:10,760
Speaker 1: you know, I just had that. There was always a

1042
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:13,280
Speaker 1: little question of like, oh, he's trying to keep a

1043
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:15,439
Speaker 1: door open, you know what I mean, for a reason.

1044
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 1: There's a reason he wants a door open. Yeah, you know.

1045
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:21,840
Speaker 1: And yeah, because if I wouldn't the latto you know

1046
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 1: that's mine. Now it's ours, Sorry, babe, you have to

1047
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:30,440
Speaker 1: give me some of it. Well, I would love to

1048
00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:34,080
Speaker 1: hear your marriage stories, whether you've been through a bunch

1049
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 1: of chaotic ones or whether you just did what we

1050
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:42,240
Speaker 1: did and just made sure, made really sure, and then

1051
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 1: married for just the absolute joy of it. Please let

1052
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:49,040
Speaker 1: us know whatever you've got or whatever you thought about

1053
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:50,959
Speaker 1: this episode. If you got a hot take on ron

1054
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,440
Speaker 1: as many Wives, I'd love to hear that too, and

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Speaker 1: we'll read them out on a later episode. Or an

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00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 1: up to phobia or phobia if you experience it, or

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00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:03,080
Speaker 1: you know someone or definitely seven opinion or whatever, shoot

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Speaker 1: us an email. We're ridic Romance at gmail dot com

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00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 1: right or we are also on Instagram. I'm at Dynamite

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00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:10,920
Speaker 1: Boom and I'm at Oh Great, It's Eli and the

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Speaker 1: show is at riddic Romance. Stay tuned for another fun

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Speaker 1: episode next week. Thank you so much for spending your

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Speaker 1: time with us, and we'll catch it the next one.

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Speaker 1: Love you, bye, so long, friends, it's time to go.

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Speaker 1: Thanks so listening to our show. Tell your friend's names Uncle,

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Speaker 1: sendance to listen to a show Ridiculous Roll Dance