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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: My best friend wanted her husband to father my children,

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Speaker 2: so I ghosted her.

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Speaker 3: You're not my dad.

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Speaker 2: I thirty one female, have a friend thirty two female

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Speaker 2: who will call Z. For background. Zee and I have

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Speaker 2: been extremely close since elementary school, to the point we

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Speaker 2: called each other's sisters, and our fathers worked together for

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Speaker 2: years before that. Needless to say, I was close with

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Speaker 2: her family as well, and spent a lot of time

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Speaker 2: with both her parents and her siblings, as well as

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Speaker 2: her grandparents. I was always over at their houses, I

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Speaker 2: attended events at their church, and we did a majority

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Speaker 2: of things throughout school together. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 2: from user Persephone's Pearls on the two Hot Takes subreddit,

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Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay story Time subreddit. I'm Dakota,

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Speaker 2: I'm Carly, and I'm Keon and Op, he says. In

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Speaker 2: high school, Z met her now husband, who will call Jay.

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Speaker 2: Jay was a couple years ahead of us and they

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Speaker 2: spent a lot of time together, and soon her entire

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Speaker 2: world revolved around him. Her priority is completely shifted. She changed,

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Speaker 2: and I wasn't sure if it was for the better.

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Speaker 2: I felt a bit off around him and uncomfortable, and

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Speaker 2: voiced my concern at one point, but quickly backed off.

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Speaker 2: I thought perhaps I was just jealous, my antisocial, introverted

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Speaker 2: side was popping out, or something equally ridiculous. I wanted

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Speaker 2: Z to be happy, and I didn't want to lose

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Speaker 2: the friendship, so I made an effort to get to

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Speaker 2: know and be friendly with Jay, though I still kept

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Speaker 2: a little bit of distance. Fast forward a bit and

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Speaker 2: Z gets pregnant with Jay's baby our junior year of

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Speaker 2: high school, and marries him right out of high school.

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Speaker 2: I should probably mention Z's family is super religious, as

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Speaker 2: that plays a role in all of this. They settle

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Speaker 2: into married life and have another kid. Around this time,

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Speaker 2: I go through some traumatic crap. My life completely falls apart,

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Speaker 2: and one of the first people I go to, one

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Speaker 2: of the first people I tell is Z. I stay

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Speaker 2: with her and her family for a bit, including Jay,

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Speaker 2: until I get back up on my feet. Months later,

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Speaker 2: after I had left, Z comes to me and asks

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Speaker 2: to talk. Of course, I say, yes, we're eighteen and

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Speaker 2: nineteen now. She tells me she'd talked to her husband

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Speaker 2: and they both wanted to help me learn to trust

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Speaker 2: men again.

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Speaker 3: And we're gonna do that really smart and not at

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Speaker 3: all like what the title said to re earn that trust, right.

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Speaker 2: Right, If this is going where supposed supposedly going.

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Speaker 3: You're crazy, dude, she's gonna say, we know where it's going.

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Speaker 4: Crazy for that dude.

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Speaker 2: This throws me off because I'd told her in confidence,

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Speaker 2: and she was one of only maybe three people total

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Speaker 2: I had told she thinks her husband would be the

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Speaker 2: best for that job, as I knew him and trusted him,

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Speaker 2: which I didn't really, but I couldn't tell her that.

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Speaker 2: When I asked Zee what she meant, she said she

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Speaker 2: thought I should have spicy sleep with Jay so I

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Speaker 2: could learn to trust men. Agan Mentally, I'm going, what

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Speaker 2: the literal f But I just ask her if she's serious,

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Speaker 2: and she can't possibly be suggesting I have an affair

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Speaker 2: with her husband. She doubles down, saying she's been so

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Speaker 2: worried about me, and I obviously wasn't doing well. I

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Speaker 2: really wasn't. I was about as low and messed up

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Speaker 2: as it gets, struggling to get through each day, and

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Speaker 2: scared of my own shadow. We argued about it for

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Speaker 2: a bit, and she let it slip that she was

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Speaker 2: also worried about her husband cheating on her. He had

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Speaker 2: done it before, and she'd rather know who he was

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Speaker 2: sleeping with. So all of this, on top of all

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Speaker 2: the crap already going onto my head, threw me for

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Speaker 2: a major loop. I'm not proud of it, and I'm

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Speaker 2: sure a lot of you will be horrified, but I

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Speaker 2: eventually caved. I can't even begin to say why. My

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Speaker 2: therapist had a field day with that one. When I

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Speaker 2: finally older a month ago, I instantly regretted it. It

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Speaker 2: made me feel worse than ever, and it has haunted

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Speaker 2: me ever since. She has brought up doing it again

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Speaker 2: a few times since, but I'm so glad I can

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Speaker 2: honestly say I immediately turned it down every single time again.

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Speaker 2: Fast forward another six or seven years, we're in our

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Speaker 2: mid twenties. At this point, after a few hospital visits

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Speaker 2: and years of therapy, I'm doing quite a bit better,

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Speaker 2: not perfect, but getting into a better place. So no baby,

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Speaker 2: No baby, because not even John gest dates for that long.

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Speaker 2: Hey may he never know seven year gestation?

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Speaker 3: Never know?

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Speaker 2: That would be crazy.

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Speaker 3: Just some animal out there that does it.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure, I think, yeah, it doesn't a kangaroo to do

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Speaker 2: something like that.

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Speaker 4: There's some crazy.

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Speaker 2: I hadn't spent as much time with Ze Jay or

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Speaker 2: their family as I used to, but I still went

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Speaker 2: to every birthday, every baby shower, et cetera, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: Z has four kids at this point, and she wanted

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Speaker 2: to try for a fifth with her cheating husband. Apparently,

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Speaker 2: she had seen some kind of trend online about pregnancy buddies,

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Speaker 2: basically women getting pregnant at the same time with babies

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Speaker 2: and doing all kinds of stuff together, like joint baby showers,

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Speaker 2: birth announcements, classes, shopping, et cetera. Ze thought this was

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Speaker 2: the best thing ever, and, knowing I had talked in

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Speaker 2: the past about wanting kids and a family of my own,

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Speaker 2: someday came to me saying she wanted me to be

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Speaker 2: her pregnancy buddy. I really didn't want to destroy our friendship,

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Speaker 2: so I tried somewhat calmly explaining why that wouldn't be

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Speaker 2: a good idea. I wasn't in a relationship. I wouldn't

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Speaker 2: agree to being knocked up by a random stranger, and

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Speaker 2: I wasn't in a place financially or mentally to properly

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Speaker 2: support a child. It wouldn't be fair to the kid

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Speaker 2: to bring it into the world when I wasn't ready

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Speaker 2: for it. She insisted everything would work out, and I

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Speaker 2: couldn't wait for everything to be perfect, or I'd never

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Speaker 2: have any kids. Sorry, I don't mean to be that guy,

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Speaker 2: but I'm not gonna take my pregnancy timing advice from

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Speaker 2: the girl who got pregnant in high school.

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Speaker 3: Not good timing, who just lets her husband cheat on her.

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Speaker 2: Not good timing, lets your husband cheat on you, uses

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Speaker 2: him as some kind of I don't even know this is.

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Speaker 3: It's too much. You're not gonna do it, right.

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Speaker 2: You realize you can just go no, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to do that. You got and she can go yep, yep, yep, yeap,

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Speaker 2: and you go. I heard you. Still not gonna do it.

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Speaker 2: Zee said I could get money from the government for

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Speaker 2: any babies I had, and I wouldn't have to get

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Speaker 2: pregnant by a stranger since Jay had already offered.

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Speaker 3: Oh how nice of Jay. Remember when she turned him

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Speaker 3: down the last time and said, hey, I don't want

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Speaker 3: to do that again. Why are we asking?

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Speaker 2: Also, he could be a present, active father in the

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Speaker 2: child's life, or he and Ze would adopt the baby

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Speaker 2: if I didn't want it. I really tried explaining to

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Speaker 2: her everything wrong with this plant. Did you don't have

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Speaker 2: to do that? You just say no? First, how could

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Speaker 2: she think I'd give up a baby. She's she more

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Speaker 2: than anyone knew how much I always wanted kids. Second,

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Speaker 2: how the f would we explain any of this to

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Speaker 2: either of our families or all the kids involved. How

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Speaker 2: would her hyper religious family react to me having my

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Speaker 2: best friend's husband's baby. How would we explain to Jay

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Speaker 2: and Z's kids, each of whom I had held the

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Speaker 2: day they were born and been around their whole lives

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Speaker 2: as an auntie.

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Speaker 3: Why are we even getting this far with the hypotheticals.

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Speaker 3: We're not doing it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and how would I explain to my hypothetical baby

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Speaker 2: when they were old enough. Third, I would never ever

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Speaker 2: rely on government funds to raise my child. I couldn't

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Speaker 2: do it. I couldn't just provide the bare minimum with

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Speaker 2: no control myself. So yeah, she didn't absorb any of

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Speaker 2: that and was so adamant that it would work, And

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Speaker 2: then mid conversation via text with Ze, Jay jumpson calling

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Speaker 2: me and starting the whole thing all over again. Why

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Speaker 2: did you pick up that phone call? Jay is super

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Speaker 2: enthusiastic about the idea. Check the house figure cheating. Jay

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Speaker 2: gets to cheat on his wife somemore, and he's pro

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Speaker 2: that it's crazy woo. He's super enthusiastic about the idea,

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Speaker 2: won't listen to any of my arguments, even less so

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Speaker 2: than Z did. They both pushed me to consider it,

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Speaker 2: told me to get back to them, and over the

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Speaker 2: next couple of months they tried again a few times.

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Speaker 2: After all that, I had a hard time facing them.

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Speaker 2: I went to less gatherings, I started communicating less, stopped

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Speaker 2: responding to texts asking about the whole right and se

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Speaker 2: buddy thing than any text at all. Z did end

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Speaker 2: up having another baby, and I've never met him, and

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Speaker 2: I haven't seen her and her family in several years.

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Speaker 2: It hurts. I miss her kids, I miss her parents

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Speaker 2: and grandparents. I missed the friendship we had. Recently, Z

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Speaker 2: reached out to me again and told me she's been

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Speaker 2: struggling and that she's having a hard time. I won't

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Speaker 2: give details here as that's not my place, but I

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Speaker 2: feel like an absolute but not being there for I

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Speaker 2: did respond and talked for a very short time because

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Speaker 2: I still care for her despite everything. She was my

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Speaker 2: best friend for years, but I haven't spoken to her since,

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Speaker 2: and I feel so incredibly guilty. I spoke to my

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Speaker 2: therapist about it, but she's focused on my mental health,

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Speaker 2: not Z's, so I feel like it isn't an unbiased opinion.

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Speaker 3: No, I feel like your therapist is right, and and yeah,

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Speaker 3: why are we You should be more focusing on your.

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Speaker 2: Your therapist is trying to tell you you focus on you, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: not the person who wanted to breed you with her

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Speaker 2: husband like a horse or some kind of farm animal. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you don't have to really worry about guess what, every

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Speaker 2: single person you know on the planet has gone through.

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Speaker 2: Slash is going through a hard time.

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Speaker 3: I did not know where you were going with that,

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Speaker 3: and I thought you were about to be like every

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Speaker 3: person on the planet's gone through this exact thing.

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Speaker 2: No, No, it's just that we cannot put our own

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Speaker 2: lives on hold indefinitely to handle everyone else's problems When

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Speaker 2: we have problems of our own. So am I the

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Speaker 2: a hole for ghosting Z and her entire family? Am

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Speaker 2: I wrong for not being there for her while she

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Speaker 2: struggles when she was there for me. I'm so stuck

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Speaker 2: in my head with all this that it's driving me insane,

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Speaker 2: and I really need some perspective on this. I feel

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Speaker 2: like maybe I overreacted, or maybe it isn't as big

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Speaker 2: of a deal as I think, though to me, it

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Speaker 2: all seems so unbelievably crazy. Please help appreciate any honest feedback.

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Speaker 2: And there's an edit for the commenters who were concerned

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Speaker 2: her reaching out was an attempt to suck me back in.

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Speaker 2: I don't think so, but I could be wrong. I

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Speaker 2: didn't add the content of that conversation, which was via text,

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Speaker 2: because while I'm putting a lot of stuff out here,

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Speaker 2: what she said truly isn't mine to post about, and

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Speaker 2: I'm not about to air someone else's private matters that

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Speaker 2: don't directly involve me. Sorry, I can't give more context

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Speaker 2: with that. Some people have asked about Z and Jay's

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Speaker 2: education after high school and their careers and if they

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Speaker 2: have any Jay has a job, But I've been out

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Speaker 2: of the loop long enough that I don't know what

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Speaker 2: it is or how much it pays, as he switched

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Speaker 2: careers sometime after I started ghosting. Z finished a trade

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Speaker 2: school and works. I'm not sure if it's full time.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't when I was still in contact. They did

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Speaker 2: receive supplemental income for their kids, which led to her

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Speaker 2: suggesting it for me and my hypothetical polyamory baby. From

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Speaker 2: my reading, there seemed to be two opinions on Z

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Speaker 2: and Jay's behavior, one side saying that they think Z

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Speaker 2: knows very well oh what she's doing and is a

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Speaker 2: partner to Jay and all of this, and the other

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Speaker 2: saying she's basically been beaten down in conditioned to do

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Speaker 2: what Jay wants. So I tend to lean more towards

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Speaker 2: the second, which is that she's being kind of strong

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Speaker 2: armed by Jay. But I also don't think it's completely

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Speaker 2: black and white. I do think if she got away

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Speaker 2: from him, she wouldn't do things like this, but at

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Speaker 2: this point I don't know if she ever will get away.

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Speaker 2: Another edit here says a couple of you suggested I

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Speaker 2: tell my parents. I did tell my mom. I will

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Speaker 2: not be telling my dad. There have also been those

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Speaker 2: suggesting I tell her parents. I wouldn't even know where

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Speaker 2: to begin, and I don't really know what it would accomplish.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if it would be a good thing

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Speaker 2: or just cause even more trouble. It would also be

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Speaker 2: putting myself right back in the middle of all of it,

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Speaker 2: which I don't know if I could handle at this

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Speaker 2: point in time. Remove continue to just not be there. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's all this is.

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Speaker 3: Don't tell anyone else you're so good. Keep seeing that therapist.

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Speaker 5: And listen to them.

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Speaker 4: Listen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's not bias when you're a therapist, is like,

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Speaker 2: that's not I'm not here to figure out what's wrong

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Speaker 2: with Z. I'm here to help you. I think that

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Speaker 2: was also a subtle shot at like, hey, maybe help

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Speaker 2: yourself first before trying to help this person who I

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Speaker 2: don't know thinks of you as like a walking baby

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Speaker 2: factory for her. Now.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I wonder if they're doing this with anybody else too.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I know if that was like she had, like Z

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Speaker 3: had a lot of other really close friends. But I'm

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Speaker 3: sure at this point, after seven years, she's going that someone.

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Speaker 5: I would genuinely ask, like who else is involved in this? Like?

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Speaker 5: Who else how.

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Speaker 3: Many other people have already had babies with with her

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Speaker 3: husband all the time.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, because like again she caved to doing it the

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Speaker 6: first time of just like oh yeah, just trust them.

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Speaker 6: I wonder how many other women were involved in that weird.

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Speaker 2: Very strength, So let's finish this. There's a third edit.

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Speaker 2: I don't know exactly what branch of religions these family practices,

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Speaker 2: just that it's a branch of Christianity. Further, I don't

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Speaker 2: think that religion has much, if anything to do with

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Speaker 2: what Ze and Jay are pushing. For the reason I

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Speaker 2: added that information is to explain why I don't think

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Speaker 2: her family knows or would agree with it. I did

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Speaker 2: grow up going to many of their church events at

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Speaker 2: their church and different functions, and her parents aren't exactly

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Speaker 2: shy about talking about their beliefs, which cool, no problem,

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Speaker 2: But having been around them pretty much my whole life,

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Speaker 2: I feel like I know enough about their beliefs to

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Speaker 2: say they wouldn't agree with this. They subscribe to being

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Speaker 2: faithful to your single partner and not straying things like that.

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Speaker 2: Also the whole no spicy sleep before marriage, but I

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Speaker 2: don't believe Ze paid attention to that part, and that

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Speaker 2: is the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: My friend felt like she had an affair with me

285
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Speaker 3: because I always comforted her.

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Speaker 2: Should have been more rude to your friend. Dude, don't

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Speaker 2: know what to say.

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Speaker 3: And this comes directly from the Okay storytime suburder.

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Speaker 2: That'll teach you being nice.

290
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Speaker 3: And we do have a trigger warning for emotional Casey

291
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,160
Speaker 3: fake name was a friend from high school who I

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Speaker 3: reconnected with as adults after falling out of contact during

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Speaker 3: my online classes. I was twenty, she was eighteen, and

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00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,880
Speaker 3: she was going through heck with a harmful home life.

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Speaker 3: I did everything I could to help her emotionally and physically.

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Speaker 3: I let her stay with me for a month and

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Speaker 3: helped her get new glasses when her parents refused, even

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Speaker 3: though she could barely see. By the way this comes from,

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Speaker 3: be a throwaway and if you want to sub meet

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the rsash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 5: I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and I am Keon.

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Speaker 3: And Opie says, once she married her husband and escaped

303
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Speaker 3: her parents, we were on the phone constantly. I'm talking

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Speaker 3: ten to fifteen missed calls. If I didn't wake up

305
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:53,000
Speaker 3: when she wanted to talk. It was exhausting, but I

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00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,600
Speaker 3: believed that's what she needed. For years, I lived on

307
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Speaker 3: her schedule, often not having time for my own husband.

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Speaker 3: Her working hours were the only time I was alone

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Speaker 3: until she went to bed. Every phone call was negative,

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Speaker 3: constant venting about how awful her husband was, how crappy

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Speaker 3: her life was. He couldn't cook scrambled eggs, wouldn't help

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Speaker 3: with chores, was inconsiderate in countless ways.

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Speaker 2: Couldn't cook scrambled eggs.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that'd be really hard to mess up. If you like, that's.

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Speaker 2: You you choose to not be able to cook scrambled eggs.

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Speaker 2: I could cook scrambled eggs when I was eight. You

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Speaker 2: just you just throw an egg in a pan and

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Speaker 2: it stays there until you take it out of the

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Speaker 2: pan and bluff out scrambled eggs.

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Speaker 3: Uh, normal venting stuff, but the sheer volume made it abnormal.

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Speaker 3: For years, this continued. I was rarely called with good

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Speaker 3: news or just to hang out. It was always to

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Speaker 3: dump her stress and emotions on me. I let it happen,

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00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,680
Speaker 3: despite how it was affecting me. I felt bogged down

325
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 3: by her stress, anxious about her anxiety, and responsible for

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00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:03,800
Speaker 3: her emotions. Eventually, Casey mentioned venting about me to another

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Speaker 3: friend and said she was trauma bonded to me. That

328
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,879
Speaker 3: made me uncomfortable because it wasn't mutual. I just wanted

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00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,840
Speaker 3: to be a good friend, thinking that meant being available

330
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,800
Speaker 3: day and night. She complained about my ADHD and how

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Speaker 3: I'd ask her to repeat things sometimes, so I exhausted

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00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:27,080
Speaker 3: myself masking my symptoms. She got upset that I wasn't

333
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,880
Speaker 3: a big texter, so I set alarms to wake up

334
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,720
Speaker 3: earlier just to message her first.

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Speaker 5: Why also, your grandma's calling you out?

336
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:37,680
Speaker 2: Call me out? Call me right?

337
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's calling you out.

338
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:43,920
Speaker 2: Hi, Grandma, Nana, Hey, Nana Hi. I think we're both

339
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,720
Speaker 2: right to be clear anyway.

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Speaker 3: A regional thing too, but I'd never heard. The whole time,

341
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,320
Speaker 3: I kept thinking, is this how friendship is supposed to be?

342
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 3: My best friend? And I text casually, but she'd never

343
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:02,080
Speaker 3: get upset over missed messages or delay responses. Then came

344
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,879
Speaker 3: the conversation that changed everything. She was venting about her

345
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,800
Speaker 3: husband again, mentioning their relationship was getting bad and might

346
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 3: end in divorce. Then she said she was getting the

347
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:16,680
Speaker 3: emotional support from me that she should be getting from

348
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:20,119
Speaker 3: her husband and felt like she was almost having an

349
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Speaker 3: emotional affair that made me feel gross. I had never

350
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,879
Speaker 3: felt that way. I just didn't want her to feel alone.

351
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:33,800
Speaker 3: My husband was incredibly uncomfortable hearing this. She talked constantly

352
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,720
Speaker 3: about feeling alone. I neglected my own needs, thinking she

353
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:42,360
Speaker 3: needed that extra support. Until that conversation, I believed her

354
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:46,240
Speaker 3: husband was supporting her and what I provided was just

355
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:51,639
Speaker 3: additional help. Instead, I felt used, like an emotional home wrecker.

356
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,080
Speaker 3: After discussing it with my husband, I decided I needed boundaries.

357
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,520
Speaker 3: I started treating her like every other front. I put

358
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,080
Speaker 3: her clues in the friend box with no weird, blurry lines.

359
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 3: I wasn't on the phone daily anymore. I muted my

360
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,040
Speaker 3: phone so she couldn't wake me up with multiple calls.

361
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,280
Speaker 3: I'd still call when she really needed it or to

362
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 3: hang out, but not constantly. Creating this space allowed me

363
00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:19,439
Speaker 3: to care for myself emotionally and physically in ways I

364
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,960
Speaker 3: didn't realize I needed. I made new friends and tried

365
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,840
Speaker 3: integrating friend groups, but she didn't like them. She got

366
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Speaker 3: offended that I only invited her to group hangouts and

367
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,199
Speaker 3: told me she wanted one on one time. She felt

368
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,440
Speaker 3: like she was begging for my attention. That was about

369
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 3: a year ago. I told her I would try to change,

370
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 3: and I was working on it while maintaining my boundaries.

371
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:48,119
Speaker 3: But then my life exploded. My international move went catastrophically wrong.

372
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:53,399
Speaker 3: Everything fell apart, My autoimmune disease flared up severely, leaving

373
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Speaker 3: me with energy only for D and D every other weekend,

374
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 3: and my streaming hobby that I'm trying to turn into

375
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,720
Speaker 3: a career. I wasn't hanging out with friends unless they

376
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,680
Speaker 3: dragged me out. I was often in too much pain

377
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 3: to do much and busy trying to fix the move disaster.

378
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 3: Oh my grandma had a stroke. Oh no, this past

379
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,959
Speaker 3: year has been heck. In October, she told me again

380
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,160
Speaker 3: how she felt friends make plans and when they can't

381
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,880
Speaker 3: make them, they reschedule whenever I couldn't make plans recently,

382
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 3: I hadn't tried to reschedule anything else. I apologized, explained

383
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 3: my situation, and promised to try keeping up with texts

384
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:35,240
Speaker 3: until I reached my new home. But things fell through

385
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:39,440
Speaker 3: again in November, leaving me separated from my husband. I

386
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,600
Speaker 3: had a couple of weeks of communication laps while settling

387
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:46,120
Speaker 3: at my parents' place temporarily. When I realized how much

388
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,240
Speaker 3: time had passed, I apologized and tried going back to

389
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 3: frequent messaging, but her responses were dry. Eventually she said

390
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,760
Speaker 3: she didn't want to talk to me, that I'd let

391
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 3: her down and wasn't being a good friend.

392
00:20:59,400 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 4: I gave her.

393
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,199
Speaker 3: She came back near December's end, saying, I just have

394
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,120
Speaker 3: to learn to be okay with it if we are

395
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 3: going to be check in friends. I told her I

396
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 3: still intended to make the changes I'd been working on

397
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 3: before everything blew up. I just needed time. My move

398
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 3: falling through left me working long hours to trying to

399
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,680
Speaker 3: sort things out and save money. I couldn't promise consistent

400
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 3: change until my life was more stable. She seemed to

401
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 3: accept this, and I was grateful for her grace during

402
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:33,159
Speaker 3: such a difficult time. I tried staying in contact a

403
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 3: few times weekly over messages, not always able to answer

404
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:41,200
Speaker 3: the phone. In January, I started having stress induced seizures.

405
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 3: Things worsened with my move, and my work hours expanded

406
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 3: from eight to ten hours daily to ten to fourteen hours.

407
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,680
Speaker 3: I was out the door at eight am and home

408
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 3: around ten or eleven pm. I was worn out and

409
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,680
Speaker 3: stretched thin, but I still tried hard to stay in contact.

410
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 3: It wasn't perfect. I'd frequently take a couple days to

411
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 3: respond to texts, and I know that was hurtful. In May,

412
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 3: she called saying she was trying to join the military.

413
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,760
Speaker 3: I was immediately concerned because she had bad mental health

414
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,840
Speaker 3: and a rocky relationship with her husband. My husband is military,

415
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 3: which is why this move has gone so sideways. Military

416
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 3: life is incredibly stressful. When things go wrong, they go

417
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 3: very wrong, and the government doesn't help its soldiers much.

418
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 3: We spent an entire year getting half paychecks because of

419
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,959
Speaker 3: government screw ups. I tried to warn her, wanting to

420
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 3: ensure she didn't feel like she had no other choice. Yeah,

421
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,400
Speaker 3: I asked for a reminder about why her husband couldn't join.

422
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 3: He has a neurological condition I'd forgotten about. I warned

423
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 3: her that if she wanted to live separately from him,

424
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 3: their pay would look different than she realized. I warned

425
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 3: her about things that might prevent her from thriving in

426
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 3: the military environment. I didn't want her to have the

427
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 3: rose colored glasses I'd worn when my husband signed up.

428
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 3: Recruiters made it seem better than it ended up being

429
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:10,879
Speaker 3: I got blindsided by how bad it could really be.

430
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,159
Speaker 3: I give this same speech to anyone considering military service,

431
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,919
Speaker 3: including my little brother, and she knew this. I also

432
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,479
Speaker 3: brought up how her husband had acted before, suggesting that

433
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 3: those issues on top of military life stress could become overwhelming.

434
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 3: She reassured me that they'd had many conversations about those things.

435
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 3: This is where I messed up. I can't remember exactly

436
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 3: how this went, but I know what I meant versus

437
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:42,439
Speaker 3: how she took it. I brought up infidelity, specifically that

438
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 3: military rates are really high. Stress can cause people to

439
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:50,640
Speaker 3: act outside their character, and making long distance marriages work

440
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 3: is hard. They'd really need to prioritize communication. I brought

441
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,120
Speaker 3: this up because nearly every problem she'd vented about regarding

442
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 3: him sent around communication issues. She took it as me

443
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 3: saying he'd cheat on her if she didn't keep him

444
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 3: under her thumb. That's not what I meant at all,

445
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 3: but I can see exactly why it came across that way.

446
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 3: I'm punting myself because how didn't I see it getting

447
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,199
Speaker 3: interpreted badly. I was in the middle of my fourth

448
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 3: twelve hour shift that week and wasn't using my brain.

449
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 3: I didn't need to bring that up, but I did

450
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 3: because of things I'd watched people I cared about go through.

451
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,439
Speaker 3: The road to heck is paved with good intentions. We

452
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 3: fell out of contact afterward, and I didn't put two

453
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,399
Speaker 3: and two together. I had no idea she was upset

454
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:41,360
Speaker 3: with me. She messaged me on my birthday, and when

455
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 3: a stressful event came up in her life. I reached

456
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,440
Speaker 3: out to check on her and offer support, despite still

457
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 3: working long hours. I didn't want her feeling alone. She

458
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 3: ghosted me. I reached out after a few weeks, apologized

459
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 3: that the move was taking so long, thanked her for

460
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,200
Speaker 3: her grace, and said I don't understand if she couldn't

461
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 3: handle waiting any longer.

462
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,439
Speaker 2: The tone of this conversation being like she's like a

463
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 2: long distance relationship partner is crazy, Like you have a husband.

464
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,479
Speaker 3: I'm surprised we're still talking to this lady.

465
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, like we we don't have to. We're working so hard,

466
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 2: we're getting seizures, and we're still trying to make time

467
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 2: for this.

468
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 3: For someone who like, no matter what you do, she's

469
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 3: still getting mad at you.

470
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,119
Speaker 6: So why are at this point something actually value you

471
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 6: at all, Yeah, yeah, it sounds.

472
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 5: Like a job to be her friend.

473
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 2: Which she doesn't care.

474
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, you shouldn't be still ghosted. Yesterday, after two months

475
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 3: of radio silence, I reached out, asking her to please

476
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,400
Speaker 3: tell me if she didn't want to be friends anymore.

477
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 3: You like the two months of radio silence? Is your answer?

478
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 3: I said, I'd understand, considering everything, and just wanted a

479
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 3: yes or no so I could grieve the friendship if needed.

480
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 3: She blew up about our last conversation, how she'd come

481
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 3: to me for support and I discouraged her from joining.

482
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 3: She brought up what I'd said about military strain on relationships.

483
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:09,120
Speaker 3: She was quoting me, but not directly. Everything was her

484
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:13,399
Speaker 3: interpretation of my words, not what I actually said. She

485
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 3: told me she was embarrassed that she'd ever begged for

486
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 3: my attention, saying she'd begged for even one phone call

487
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 3: per week or month, and that I wasn't being a

488
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 3: real friend. The gist was that making time shouldn't have

489
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 3: been difficult because I should have wanted to. Then she

490
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 3: said she didn't want to be friends anymore, wished me

491
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 3: the best, whether that meant divorcing my husband or expanding

492
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 3: my family, and blocked me everywhere. I wanted to clear

493
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 3: up what I'd meant and apologize for not thinking before speaking,

494
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 3: but never got the chance.

495
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 2: I need to do that, because that's what you didn't

496
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 2: like you said. That was just her interpretation of all

497
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,640
Speaker 2: the stuff that you said. You're like, I would tell

498
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 2: this to any person the exact same way. I'd be like,

499
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 2: are you sure because they told me a lot of

500
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,920
Speaker 2: stuff that didn't happen. And it's hard. I've been having seizures.

501
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 2: It's so hard.

502
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 3: Right, your friend really wanted you to like put her

503
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,479
Speaker 3: before your own health, your your own marriage, and like

504
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 3: all your stuff is crazy.

505
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 2: It's just crazy. Also that this all started. And then

506
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 2: she said she told she told your friend. She's like, yeah,

507
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 2: we're trauma bonded.

508
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 3: It's like, well, while she was like actively yeah, crap

509
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 3: talking you to this friend.

510
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 2: First of all, that's not what that means. And second

511
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 2: of all, you no Op is not reflecting that back

512
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 2: at you whatsoever.

513
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 3: And I don't want you coming to be like when

514
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 3: I was talking crap about you to our other friend,

515
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 3: she told me that we were trauma bonded. Two things

516
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:43,120
Speaker 3: wrong there. I'd had a plan to make our friendship healthier,

517
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 3: but I couldn't lie about the military experience and its

518
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 3: effect on couples. My own marriage was rocky for a

519
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 3: while because we weren't handling the stress well. I just

520
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 3: wanted to use my experience as a warning to be

521
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 3: careful and not follow my footsteps, but I went about

522
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,639
Speaker 3: it hurtfully. I know the best apology is leaving her alone,

523
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:05,919
Speaker 3: regardless of my intentions, I really hurt her and she

524
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 3: doesn't want to hear from me. But I'm consumed with

525
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 3: anxiety and stress. I have this desperate need to fix

526
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,360
Speaker 3: things due to Trumble related issues with people being mad

527
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 3: at me. I know I have to get over this feeling.

528
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 3: She never owed me anything, not grace or patience, and

529
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 3: I was truly grateful when she offered it in December.

530
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 3: Bro she I don't know. She kind of did though

531
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 3: you were doing a lot for It's the nice thing

532
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 3: to do. But part of me feels angry because I

533
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 3: never would have treated her this way. I would have

534
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 3: been understanding and tried to help if she said something

535
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 3: heurful about my partner. I wouldn't have waited four months

536
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 3: without communicating the problem, then thrown away a nearly ten

537
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,520
Speaker 3: year friendship without giving her a chance to respond. Is

538
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 3: that just because I'm a pushover? My best friend says

539
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 3: that while I should have been more aware of how

540
00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 3: I spoke about Casey's relationship, my concerns were genuine and

541
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 3: based on behavior patterns Casey had vented about for over

542
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 3: five years. She said, Casey chose to twist my warnings

543
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 3: about military life, but she wasn't there and didn't hear

544
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,959
Speaker 3: what I said. I can only remember what I was

545
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 3: trying to convey, and bits and pieces I know for

546
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 3: certain I didn't say her husband was forcing her to

547
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 3: join UH, though she claimed I did. My best friend

548
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 3: has never liked this ex friend and wanted to tear

549
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 3: into her, but I've always stopped her because I loved Casey.

550
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 3: I thought maybe my venting painted her badly unintentionally, But

551
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 3: both my best friend and husband keep telling me that

552
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 3: while I vented, I constantly defended Casey before anyone even responded.

553
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 3: My best friend said she couldn't believe I allowed myself

554
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 3: to be spoken to and treated that way, based on

555
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 3: screenshots I'd shown her. Both she and my husband say

556
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 3: I underreacted for years to Casey's behavior with my husband,

557
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 3: pointing out the stres she put on every relationship I had,

558
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 3: including our marriage. There's a little bit left.

559
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's literally just been a strain on your whole life. Yeah,

560
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 2: and it's like you could call that a ten year friendship,

561
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 2: but I'd call it more like a I don't know,

562
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 2: like a ten year job, like a ten year A

563
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 2: ten you did. Yeah, I know you were like military life.

564
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 2: You don't like it, but it's like you did a

565
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 2: tour being that girl's friend all that time and just

566
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 2: being dumped on constantly.

567
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 3: Insane. The amount that you did for her, just for

568
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 3: her to be like, you're never there for me, and

569
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:36,959
Speaker 3: you stink.

570
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 2: You told me I shouldn't join the military because it

571
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 2: might make my relationship with my husband worse. How dare

572
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 2: you say I'm a bad partner to my husband. It's like,

573
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 2: not what I said? Yeah, not what I said.

574
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 3: Boh, we got a little bit more. There is a

575
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 3: voice in my head saying I must have exaggerated or

576
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 3: stretched the truth, which is why they're so angry at her.

577
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 3: But they keep telling me they saw the texts, that

578
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 3: this is based on her words, not mine. I can't

579
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 3: get it out of my head. I'm struggling to see

580
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 3: where else I went wrong besides mentioning infidelity. I know

581
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 3: that was out of line, and I apologized directly to

582
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 3: her husband. I know I'm autistic and my logic may

583
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 3: come across as rude. I usually try to sugarcoat things

584
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 3: to avoid being hurtful. But this doesn't seem about how

585
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 3: I said it, rather that I said it at all.

586
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 3: Should I not have brought up that behavior pattern? Should

587
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 3: I not have used my experience as a warning I'd

588
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 3: been open to these conversations in the past with her.

589
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 4: Yeah.

590
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 3: I usually ask if people want advice, but can't remember

591
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 3: if I did this time.

592
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 2: I just think it's crazy. There was like should I

593
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 2: have like changed my entire thought process and like my

594
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 2: beliefs and my feelings on the given situation to cater

595
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 2: to my friend who constantly uses me as like an

596
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 2: emotional bucket to pour her crap into. It's like, No,

597
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 2: you shouldn't do that, You should not do that, do

598
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 2: not You were not wrong for just being like, hey,

599
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 2: here's reality.

600
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know I can't fix this relationship. It's done,

601
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 3: but I'd like to grow and be better for the future.

602
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 3: Any input would be appreciated, and that's the end of that.

603
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, let the friendship stay done.

604
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, be done with the friendship and be more focused on, like,

605
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 2: I don't know, making sure you're not having like seizures,

606
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 2: and yeah it's okay.

607
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 4: I hope you're.

608
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 2: Getting paid the right amount by the government for being

609
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,680
Speaker 2: in the military with your husband. I think all those

610
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:45,479
Speaker 2: things are more important than like worrying one single second

611
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 2: more about this person who literally always seemed to use

612
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 2: you as a tool rather than as a friend.

613
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

614
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 2: Here.

615
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

616
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

617
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 4: I refuse to find actually help my friend because they've

618
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 4: already drained me.

619
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 3: They're gonna drain all your savings too.

620
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 4: My husband, fifty eight male, and I forty six female,

621
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 4: have a long history of helping friends and family. We've

622
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,360
Speaker 4: given people a place to stay, help with bills, and

623
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 4: even covered funeral expenses for guild members. My inheritance a

624
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 4: few years back allowed me to pay off our debts

625
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 4: and have some extra funds to help others when needed.

626
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 4: We've given to the point where we're now struggling ourselves

627
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Decent Kenthesia sixty eight

628
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

629
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay story Time Separate It.

630
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and I'm the third Lady. I'm

631
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 5: Keon and Opie says.

632
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 4: We're down to our last dollars. I'm skipping meals so

633
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 4: my husband can eat before his physically demanding job, and

634
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 4: We've been trying to raise a small amount of money

635
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 4: for groceries and gas, but we've been met with silence

636
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 4: from the same people we helped. Because of this, we

637
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 4: made a hard decision we can no longer help anyone financially.

638
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 4: We've had to write off thousands and loans that people

639
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 4: haven't repaid. We reached out to family for little help,

640
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,879
Speaker 4: but they either ignored us or told us to take

641
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 4: out an HLC, which we can't due to credit issues.

642
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 4: This brings me to today. A friend's wife, who with her

643
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 4: husband already owes us three thousand, three hundred dollars, came

644
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,280
Speaker 4: to me asking for money. I told her I couldn't

645
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 4: help because we're literally starving. She then suggested I sell

646
00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 4: my house and car to give her the money, saying

647
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 4: that isn't my problem, you just need to help me out.

648
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 4: I was floored. I told her no, explaining that my

649
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 4: husband and I needed our vehicles for work. She continued

650
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,879
Speaker 4: to push, promising to repay me once things settled down,

651
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 4: even though she still hasn't repaid the initial loan. When

652
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 4: I calmly said no and that until she repaid all

653
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 4: the money she owed, I wasn't able to help her,

654
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 4: she called me the useless C word and blocked me.

655
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:02,319
Speaker 4: I sent screenshots of the conversation to her husband, who

656
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 4: is a close family friend. He was embarrassed and apologized,

657
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 4: saying he had no idea she went behind his back.

658
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 4: Now things are tense in our groom chat. In our

659
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,760
Speaker 4: group chats, the friend's wife is telling people I'm petty

660
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 4: and refusing to help, and that I'm demanding money from them.

661
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 4: A different friend even told me I should still donate

662
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 4: a few dollars to their cause, despite me explaining our

663
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:27,760
Speaker 4: dire situation. When I told them I was skipping meals

664
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 4: to feed my husband, he just shrugged and stopped talking

665
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 4: to me too. I'm starting to feel like people only

666
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 4: value me when I'm useful to them, so Am I

667
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 4: the a hole for finally saying no when I have

668
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 4: nothing left to give? And would I still be the

669
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 4: A hole if I refuse to help even after I

670
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 4: recover in order to protect what I have. These people

671
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 4: are not your friends. They're showing you who they are.

672
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 4: You're an ATM, not their friend. You need to cut

673
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 4: them all off, fix the mess, and plan for your future. Oh,

674
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 4: he says, yeah, I figure as much. It's difficult when

675
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 4: these were friends of family and we just bought our

676
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 4: home here too, small town, so it's awkward as heck

677
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 4: when everyone knows everyone Thanks, though I will do so

678
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,600
Speaker 4: moving forward. I just didn't want to feel guilty for

679
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,720
Speaker 4: saying no to helping anyone anymore and not be noted

680
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 4: as the A hole reply. I'd expand on what parent

681
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 4: Commoner said. I think it's entirely plausible much or all

682
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,919
Speaker 4: of your friend group is actually a collection of people

683
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 4: who've latched onto your charity. You say you have a

684
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,919
Speaker 4: long history of helping friends and family. I suspect many

685
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,879
Speaker 4: of those friends are only around because of the handouts,

686
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 4: much like how pigeons follow a food truck because the

687
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 4: customers drop things. Perhaps many of them only hang around

688
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 4: because favors and help come their way. I would suggest,

689
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 4: and I know this is hard, but stop all charity

690
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 4: works for a while. Don't let people stay with you,

691
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:57,399
Speaker 4: don't feed people, just focus on yourself whatever free time

692
00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 4: you have, see if you can get a job of

693
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 4: your own. I would also point out that if your

694
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 4: family refuses to help, perhaps it's because they feel you've

695
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 4: given away all your own money and are now asking

696
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 4: for theirs. I put myself on the flip side of

697
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 4: that coin. I imagine a post by one of your

698
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:16,399
Speaker 4: family members. My family member gives away every dime they have,

699
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 4: lets people stay at their house all the time, and

700
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 4: are overall doormats. Now they're broke and asking me for money.

701
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 4: Should I help? The overall Reddit answer would probably be no,

702
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:28,800
Speaker 4: because there's no guarantee your money won't go to others

703
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 4: or that you'll be paid back first. And I'd also

704
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 4: point out that now that you yourself need help, I

705
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 4: don't see any of your friends stepping up to help you.

706
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 4: That should speak volumes to you, comment to says when

707
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 4: you get your finances in order, I hope you remember

708
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 4: how none of them helped you while you were literally

709
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 4: starving and finally, stop throwing money away to people who

710
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,240
Speaker 4: are not your friends at the expense of yourselves. In fact,

711
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 4: outright start asking them for money. They will turn you down,

712
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,400
Speaker 4: But the point is to have those memories so that

713
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 4: when you get back on your feet and they start

714
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 4: coming back asking for money again, you can flat out

715
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 4: say no, I have to start saving for hard times

716
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:10,280
Speaker 4: because all of you refuse to help us when we needed,

717
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 4: so clearly we can only rely on ourselves. Opie says,

718
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 4: I am making a notation in my journal, and I'm

719
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 4: going to say this because we know that as soon

720
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,240
Speaker 4: as I get my job and with my husband working,

721
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 4: within at least two to three months, we will have

722
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 4: carefully restabilized and they will start asking again because suddenly

723
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 4: I'm useful to them. Rolls eyes. I am going to

724
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 4: use that exact same statement. I won't even apologize for it.

725
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 4: Good ony, Opie, good on ya.

726
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:39,400
Speaker 3: You've learned.

727
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:42,399
Speaker 4: She's learning, She's getting there.

728
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 3: Yeah.

729
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 4: Comment three says, not the a hole cut every single

730
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:49,479
Speaker 4: entitled leech off. Why don't they sell their own house?

731
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 4: FM Opie says, they can't sell their home.

732
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:56,399
Speaker 3: They rent, So that's not what that comment meant.

733
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,359
Speaker 4: But I totally get where you're going with that. I'm

734
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 4: in the process of setting healthier boundaries and learning to

735
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:06,280
Speaker 4: say no without being clowns, but also to not feel

736
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 4: guilty and not let people make me feel guilty for

737
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:16,919
Speaker 4: saying now. As for the guild on Wow anyone, that's

738
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 4: what I was thinking, but that doesn't really make sense.

739
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 5: I mean, you can have guilds on Now.

740
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 4: You can have guilds and games, I know, but I'm

741
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 4: just wondering why they're they're sorring paying for other people's gifts. Yeah,

742
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 4: and that's what I'm wondering. I understand that you can

743
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 4: have guilds.

744
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,759
Speaker 3: It's probably one of like like I'm I'm paying for

745
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 3: people to be able to play the game with me

746
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 3: kind of thing. Yeah, I guess.

747
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 5: It's probably cosmetics on Wow.

748
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 4: Informed the guild master that I was no longer able

749
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:48,880
Speaker 4: to support the guild and have withdrawn. The result was

750
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 4: pretty much what I expected. A lot of name calling

751
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 4: on the GM side.

752
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 2: Yep.

753
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess it is World of Forecraft, as was

754
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,879
Speaker 4: the case with my friend's wife. But I feel better

755
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 4: at this point knowing that I'm not the ahle for

756
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 4: saying no because of limitations. Moving forward, I'm going to

757
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 4: be more guarded with my resources, and I'm going to

758
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:11,959
Speaker 4: place limitations on that. I worked hard for my home

759
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,840
Speaker 4: and my resources, and I should not be made to

760
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 4: feel bad if I choose not to share those resources

761
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 4: with those who refuse to pay me back. There is

762
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 4: an update. So much is transpired in the last week.

763
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:27,240
Speaker 4: I've been reading everyone's comments, and the same common thread

764
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,919
Speaker 4: of don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm

765
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 4: rang out loud and clear. However, some of these people

766
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 4: are my family. I called the family meeting, the entire family.

767
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 4: I sat down with them and explained that while I

768
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 4: want to be there, being asked to sell my home

769
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 4: to help out was an inappropriate response. I also explained

770
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 4: that my husband and I are just getting back on

771
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,960
Speaker 4: our feet financially and will be doing so over the

772
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 4: next five years and beyond, which means I will no

773
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,439
Speaker 4: longer be lending money to anyone. My assistance is now

774
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,920
Speaker 4: limited to researching resources for those that need it. My

775
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 4: husband and I set some hard rules and gave them

776
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 4: the option to take it or leave it. After the discussion,

777
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 4: there was some name calling and finger pointing and mentions

778
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 4: of past events. When that didn't yield results. The primary culprit,

779
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 4: my uncle's wife, was forced to go look into my

780
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 4: very empty fridge and freezer. As I explained what food

781
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 4: was left in the house had to last until my

782
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 4: husband's next paycheck. I have never seen color drain that

783
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:34,319
Speaker 4: fast from someone's face. When she went through all my

784
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 4: cabinets and they were bare. She got humbled real fast

785
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:41,800
Speaker 4: and apologized for being disrespectful. The family group and the

786
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 4: friend group accepted my situation. While none of them can

787
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,319
Speaker 4: help me financially or paying me back. My husband and

788
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 4: I wrote off what was out to us and now

789
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 4: working the problem to the best of our ability. I'm sorry, sorry,

790
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 4: you just can't pay you.

791
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:55,919
Speaker 3: Back right now.

792
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 4: Do not write it off. Do not write it off.

793
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:02,799
Speaker 3: Oh my god, this is so frustrating. Girl. You were there,

794
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 3: You were there, you had the boundary.

795
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 4: You literally would. Oh well, now they'd feel bad, but

796
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 4: they're not doing anything about it. They're not giving you

797
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 4: any of the money. They can't help. They can't pay

798
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:15,320
Speaker 4: you back.

799
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:16,760
Speaker 3: They can't buy you a meal.

800
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:19,800
Speaker 4: Come on, I'm sorry. They can't give you any food.

801
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:24,879
Speaker 4: Are they starving to That's ridiculous. They've nothing about them

802
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:28,600
Speaker 4: has changed they've learned nothing, and you've known nothing. You've

803
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:31,279
Speaker 4: learned nothing either, because you're still helping them by not

804
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 4: demanding that they pay you back.

805
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 6: That's crazy because like even college kids and budget on

806
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 6: that too. Yeah, even like the smallest like cup noodles. Yeah, like,

807
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 6: I know it sucks, it's not healthy, but it's something

808
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 6: to at least put in your stomach.

809
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 4: Literally, you can buy them of cup of noodles. I mean, like,

810
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,920
Speaker 4: you know, all of the food drives to do as

811
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 4: a kid, Like there's beans, there's things that are like

812
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 4: cheap that you can give people.

813
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 5: But nothing is crazy.

814
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, that's absolutely insane. And ohpe, you're still helping them. Yeah,

815
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:12,279
Speaker 4: so start demanding. If they say, oh I don't have

816
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 4: three thousand dollars, she's saying, okay, okay, ten dollars a week. Yeah,

817
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:20,439
Speaker 4: until you pay it off. We're gonna start a payment plan. Yeah.

818
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 4: My husband started his new job that pays weekly, and

819
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,839
Speaker 4: I was accepted into a position at a really nice

820
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 4: school about twenty minutes from home. It's gonna be a

821
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 4: long struggle and climb, but will be okay eventually. I

822
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 4: don't like blocking friends or family without first seeing if

823
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 4: they're going to actually act like friends and family or

824
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 4: be pricks, and they are at least being understanding. They

825
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 4: have taken to making sure we are okay mentally and

826
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:47,400
Speaker 4: emotionally while we adjust to the new paradigm in life.

827
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,480
Speaker 4: In our new home, we've been asked to come back

828
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 4: to the D and D group, and since that's a

829
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 4: free weekly game night as well as Sunday's game night

830
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:58,720
Speaker 4: with extra family, things are better. As for my uncle's wife,

831
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 4: she got into a world of trouble with her friends

832
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 4: and with my uncle. As a favor, I help them

833
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,719
Speaker 4: sit down and do a solid budget plan using.

834
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 3: The information did you budget your money?

835
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 4: While you girl? Girl, why aren't you helping people budget?

836
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:14,479
Speaker 3: Yeah?

837
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:15,360
Speaker 4: I'm sorry.

838
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 3: Be the one helping people that budget is pay op

839
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 3: back every penny we borrowed immediately and buy them food

840
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 3: in the meantime.

841
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 4: This is insane.

842
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 6: I also, I get it you have hobbies, but when

843
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 6: you literally I didn't want to say that.

844
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,880
Speaker 4: I don't want to say that because it felt like mean, but.

845
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,960
Speaker 5: But it's the harsh reality of like, if you're starving and.

846
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 4: To prioritize working and not four hour long game.

847
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:46,759
Speaker 5: You're going to she said, three nights a week.

848
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 3: I mean that could also be a limitation for three.

849
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 4: No, it's just a freeway weekly game.

850
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 5: Okay even then, But like I, I.

851
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 4: Do understand that she want, Like I do think it

852
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 4: is important to have a dress reliefs, like something that

853
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 4: is free. I get that, So I don't want to

854
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 4: say like that is.

855
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,320
Speaker 3: It does sound though, like she was working for a school,

856
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 3: so there might not be an overtime opportunity with that.

857
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 4: So she said that she was gonna start looking for

858
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 4: her job.

859
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:12,919
Speaker 3: Though I thought she got one. She got one, and

860
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 3: there's a new school starting up the.

861
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 4: Street, and mistuffer.

862
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 3: I could be wrong. I mean, there's always the option

863
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 3: to try to pick up other like another job kind

864
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 3: of thing. But I could understand like a nighttime gig

865
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 3: being hard to find. Just but yes, don't don't go

866
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 3: paying for more subscriptions for things.

867
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 5: Let's stick with the it's the budget.

868
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 6: Yeah we said it before, and I know OPI's working

869
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 6: on it, but it's like, yeah, Op, come on.

870
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:38,720
Speaker 4: As for my uncle's wife, she got into a world

871
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,919
Speaker 4: of trouble with her friends and with my uncle. As

872
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 4: a favor, I help them sit down and do a

873
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 4: solid budget plan using the information. My uncle also accepted

874
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 4: a position at the same school, so we'll be working

875
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,359
Speaker 4: together with our mutual friend. But uh, there's a little

876
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 4: bit left the stress of the situation is there, just

877
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 4: much less of it. My husband and I managed to

878
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 4: pay down some of the debt and we're about ten

879
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 4: thousand dollars away from wiping it out. While our credit

880
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 4: kind of tanked a little, it's nothing we can't get

881
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:09,399
Speaker 4: back with time. Thanks to everyone, Maybe now we can

882
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 4: get onto the business of living. I'm not sure how

883
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 4: schools pay their staff here, so I won't get paid

884
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 4: until the twenty fifth of September, possibly October. As advised

885
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,280
Speaker 4: by someone else, I did go and update my cash

886
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,879
Speaker 4: up account, so I have that going for me. And

887
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 4: that's the end of that story. But well, I do,

888
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:29,919
Speaker 4: unfortunately think that you might have to get a second job.

889
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you're starving. Yeah, if you're not to that

890
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 3: point and you are speaking from like hopefully maybe not

891
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:39,439
Speaker 3: too late in the day.

892
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah.

893
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 2: I caught my wife's affair after she fell asleep on

894
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 2: her phone.

895
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 7: If you're gonna have an affair, be sure to take

896
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 7: the proper care.

897
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 2: Come on, Yeah, rookie mistake. I forty nine male, have

898
00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:58,359
Speaker 2: had suspicions that my wife thirty seven female, is having

899
00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 2: an affair for a few months. I'll admit before I

900
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 2: go into it that I have very low libido. We've

901
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 2: been together for sixteen years, and I wasn't always this way,

902
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:08,839
Speaker 2: but the past five years or so, I just don't

903
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,799
Speaker 2: have interest in intimacy. My wife has said this is

904
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 2: a problem for her, but I never thought she'd have

905
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 2: an affair. By the way, this comes from user Revolution

906
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,320
Speaker 2: Sharp sixty five seven six and if you want to

907
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:21,800
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the arstage. Okay, storytime,

908
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:27,359
Speaker 2: subret it. I'm Dakota, I'm Matt, and Op says. Anyways,

909
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 2: my wife was doing her usual texting and smiling at

910
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 2: her phone the other night on the couch when she

911
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 2: dozed off and let her phone fall to her lap.

912
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,960
Speaker 2: I grabbed it before it locked and checked her texts.

913
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 2: The top text was someone called doctor Michael. She's a

914
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 2: nurse at a hospital, so I assume she's a doctor

915
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 2: that she works with. They talked of things they've done together,

916
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 2: seeing each other again, and just normal everyday conversation. He

917
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 2: kept calling her baby girl, and she'd call him babe.

918
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:57,280
Speaker 2: Or daddy, which made no sense since she's older than him.

919
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:00,800
Speaker 2: Some of their convos are pretty deep. There's an emotional

920
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 2: element which hurts more. I looked at the pictures they've

921
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:07,840
Speaker 2: shared with each other, Selfie's memes spicy picks, and the

922
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 2: most soul crushing one he sent her that appeared to

923
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 2: be of them doing the act. Yeah, I think I

924
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:20,399
Speaker 2: just get up and leave at that point, my guy,

925
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:22,800
Speaker 2: I think I need to get up and start packing

926
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 2: my bags.

927
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:27,600
Speaker 7: This is the moment where you screenshot it, send it

928
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 7: to yourself, delete it from her phone, and you start

929
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,719
Speaker 7: lawyering up because you got a solid case there.

930
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 2: I went to block his number, why would you do that?

931
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 2: And saw in the contact notes that my wife had

932
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 2: saved his birthday. He was born in nineteen ninety three.

933
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:47,359
Speaker 2: Not only is he about five and a half years

934
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 2: younger than my wife, he's seventeen years younger than me.

935
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:54,879
Speaker 2: This felt even more crushing. Somehow, I can hardly look

936
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 2: at her now. I just needed to get that off

937
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 2: my chest, and it's too embarrassing to tell my family

938
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 2: or friends. If you made it to the end, thanks

939
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:05,399
Speaker 2: for reading. We have some comments. Entertainment Fast four nine

940
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 2: seven says, aside from the cheating stuff, have you tried

941
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 2: to have your testosterone check for the lo libido? A

942
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 2: user replies, yeah, man, A lot of guys think low

943
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 2: spicy sleep drive just comes with age, but that's not

944
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,720
Speaker 2: always true. What she did is still wrong, but checking

945
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 2: your health could help you feel better no matter what

946
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:24,799
Speaker 2: happens with the marriage. Annastrina says, cheating is wrong, of course,

947
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 2: but your wife is much younger than you. I have

948
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 2: no idea why you married to twenty one year old

949
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 2: at thirty three, because it's a complete mental leap and

950
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 2: a stage in life, but I'll give up on it.

951
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 2: You were both adults, after all. You admit that you've

952
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 2: had a low libido for several years and there's been

953
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 2: no spicy sleep in your relationship, And what haven't you

954
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 2: done anything about it? For several years? You haven't had

955
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 2: checks if you have any medical conditions, you haven't seen

956
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 2: alogist to see if the cause is something with mental health.

957
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:55,880
Speaker 2: You haven't done anything defined the cause of this problem

958
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 2: and try to fix it. And you just expected your

959
00:49:57,719 --> 00:50:00,360
Speaker 2: wife twelve years younger than you to simply a accept

960
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 2: the lack of intimacy with her own husband. Really, the

961
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 2: spicy sleep isn't the most important thing in a relationship.

962
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 2: There are more important foundations, but it still is very important.

963
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,120
Speaker 2: Your wife even told you that your lot libido was

964
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:15,720
Speaker 2: a problem for her, and yet you didn't do anything

965
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:17,880
Speaker 2: to address it. You didn't go to a doctor, you

966
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 2: didn't go to agist, You did nothing, and it went

967
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:22,880
Speaker 2: on like that for several years. Does your wife have

968
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 2: an affair? Of course not. She's had enough of this

969
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 2: relationship where you see your problem but do absolutely nothing

970
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:32,240
Speaker 2: about it, which I feel like is an assumption. Maybe

971
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 2: Op just did not go into the steps that he

972
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:37,320
Speaker 2: has taken to try to address it, that maybe haven't

973
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 2: worked or have not been successful. But all of that

974
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:43,239
Speaker 2: is an assumption, which, if it's true, does hold water

975
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 2: like that has weight to it.

976
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 7: I mean, I don't from what I'm hearing on the

977
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:50,279
Speaker 7: way OPI has framed the story, it doesn't feel like

978
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:55,360
Speaker 7: Ope really cared that his libido was low and that

979
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 7: the wife needed said made it clear, hey I need

980
00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:02,320
Speaker 7: this in our relation. It reads as if he just

981
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 7: kind of shrugged it off and then is surprised when

982
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 7: she does something bad. Admittedly, Yet no, the affair is bad.

983
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:12,319
Speaker 7: That was bad there's no defending that that was completely bad.

984
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:17,239
Speaker 7: But he did not make it like he did not

985
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:21,919
Speaker 7: seemingly make any effort to address what she said, Hey,

986
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:25,400
Speaker 7: I need this from you, Right, it's even just talking,

987
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:27,120
Speaker 7: like even like they said, just go to a therapist,

988
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:30,359
Speaker 7: you get medical check, like any effort to show, Hey,

989
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 7: I see you, I understand you. It may not be

990
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 7: the most important to me, but I see that it's

991
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:37,360
Speaker 7: important to you. So let me take this step to

992
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 7: show that our relationship means something and I want to

993
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:41,880
Speaker 7: do my part to keep it together.

994
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 2: Right, The commentary continues, You have the right to feel hurt.

995
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 2: You certainly do because you experienced big betrayal. Nothing justifies this.

996
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 2: Your wife's behavior can't be excused in this case either,

997
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:58,480
Speaker 2: But I think it can be explained and specific reasons

998
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:02,240
Speaker 2: given and there is an update. Yeah, I think that's fair.

999
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, she's not in the right, but if

1000
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 2: you did nothing to address this for five years, it

1001
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 2: can't it can't be the most shocking thing ever. Yes,

1002
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 2: it can't be.

1003
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 7: Like you can blame her and like Falter for the affair,

1004
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 7: but you can't blame her for not feeling fulfilled in

1005
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:20,080
Speaker 7: the relationship.

1006
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 2: Right and that, and that's also on her to come

1007
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 2: to you and say, hey, this is a deal breaker

1008
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 2: for me. If this, if we cannot address this and

1009
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 2: find a resolution where we are both satisfied in this

1010
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 2: area of our relationship, I cannot continue to be married

1011
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:38,719
Speaker 2: to you.

1012
00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 7: Time to part ways.

1013
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's an update. I confronted my wife after she

1014
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 2: got home from work last night about the texts between

1015
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:54,800
Speaker 2: her and doctor Michael. She admitted everything and seemed bewildered

1016
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 2: that I was hurt. She said she doesn't think of

1017
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,759
Speaker 2: him seriously. He's just a friend with benefits. She said

1018
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,759
Speaker 2: it's mostly my fault for ignoring her concerns about our

1019
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 2: stale love life. She said she tried with me and

1020
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:09,279
Speaker 2: I didn't try back, so she gave up. This is

1021
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 2: this is I hate her. Yeah, she's wrong here, Like, yeah,

1022
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 2: what you did is wrong. Yeah, nor husband didn't try.

1023
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:22,560
Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean you have an affair. Yeah. She

1024
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 2: told me she sees me as a predator now that

1025
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:29,320
Speaker 2: stole much of her youth. Because I'm a glutton for punishment,

1026
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 2: I demanded to see more texts since I originally found

1027
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:35,319
Speaker 2: out she showed me and they were bad him telling

1028
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 2: her the sick things he wants to do to her,

1029
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:39,920
Speaker 2: and calling her sweet girl, and her saying anything you want,

1030
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,319
Speaker 2: and when I'm with you, I'm yours. Blah blah blah

1031
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:47,200
Speaker 2: blah blah. Uh yeah, playing up the doctor. I thought

1032
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:50,319
Speaker 2: I was gonna puke, And again, why are we doing

1033
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:53,480
Speaker 2: that to ourselves? I lost it and called her a

1034
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:56,320
Speaker 2: word that starts with W in rhymes with chore. I

1035
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 2: don't know if I'll get censored if I type it out,

1036
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:01,960
Speaker 2: which opened up a whole can of worms. I mean,

1037
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 2: she cheated on you. I don't think we can, you know,

1038
00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 2: label somebody as Look, she's in the wrong. It's really

1039
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:12,359
Speaker 2: bad that she's like. I didn't think you'd care. Neither

1040
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 2: of you are built for each other. Right now now

1041
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:16,320
Speaker 2: you're both.

1042
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 7: In the wrong here. Like I understand that you're angry. Ope, however,

1043
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 7: like you are approaching this entirely the wrong way. The

1044
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 7: smart way, as we've seen in countless stories, I think,

1045
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 7: is save the evidence. Talk to a lawyer, confront your

1046
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 7: spouse in a as civilized manner as possible, and from

1047
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:40,760
Speaker 7: their decide are you keeping the marriage or are you leaving?

1048
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 7: And if you're leaving, do not bite at all, Like,

1049
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 7: don't call them names, don't get physical, just cut it.

1050
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:53,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, she countered by telling me that doctor Michael is

1051
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 2: better than me in every way. He is taller, stronger, bigger,

1052
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:01,840
Speaker 2: more powerful, more handsome. It he evs better than I

1053
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:04,959
Speaker 2: ever did. When I think she's out with friends, she's

1054
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:09,480
Speaker 2: actually at his apartment being quote unquote manhandled. On top

1055
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 2: of that, she said it wasn't the first time she

1056
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 2: reminded me. When she went into Manhattan last summer for

1057
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 2: a friend's b DA, she said she met a twenty

1058
00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:20,520
Speaker 2: six year old guy visiting from the UK, and then

1059
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 2: he asked her to go back to his hotel with him,

1060
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 2: and she obliged. I asked her if making this up

1061
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:29,839
Speaker 2: just to upset me, at which time she pulled out

1062
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 2: her phone, scrolled for a couple minutes, and then turned

1063
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 2: the phone around to show me this young man beaming

1064
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:37,440
Speaker 2: from ear to ear outside a bar with my wife

1065
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 2: draped in his arms like she was a toddler. Very

1066
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:45,239
Speaker 2: poor choice of words. So now there's some kid on

1067
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:47,920
Speaker 2: another continent telling his buddies about how we f some

1068
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 2: girl in New York that was my wife, and honestly, brother,

1069
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:56,239
Speaker 2: he's probably not pelling hehrm. He's probably not pelen much,

1070
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,359
Speaker 2: but we've got a little bit more story left. I

1071
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 2: think we all know what we're doing. Now, just stop talking,

1072
00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 2: and you lee, stop talking? Do we lee?

1073
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:13,760
Speaker 7: Do we think that op has the wherewithal and consciousness

1074
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 7: and awareness to do that?

1075
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:17,960
Speaker 2: Though? No, no, no, no, I don't think I'm just

1076
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 2: saying in an ideal world that's what we do in

1077
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:22,520
Speaker 2: this situation. We lee.

1078
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 4: We lee.

1079
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:26,440
Speaker 2: In fact, it would have been smart to maybe record

1080
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:30,359
Speaker 2: this to use as evidence in your divorce proceedings, which

1081
00:56:30,360 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 2: I'm sure will not be fun. Let's finish this story.

1082
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:36,839
Speaker 2: This experience taught me that my wife hates me and

1083
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 2: resents me and has been out to punish me for

1084
00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:42,760
Speaker 2: my low libido. She told me, just because I've lost

1085
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,080
Speaker 2: interest in her doesn't mean other men aren't interested in her,

1086
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,359
Speaker 2: and she's right about that. To her great fortune and

1087
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:52,040
Speaker 2: my misfortune, she's still beautiful and glowing and fun and

1088
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,680
Speaker 2: men love being in her presence. As much as I

1089
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:57,239
Speaker 2: hate her, I also know I blew it with her.

1090
00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:00,359
Speaker 2: Divorce lawyers are being called on Monday, and I've saved

1091
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 2: a long list of therapists in the area that my

1092
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:05,439
Speaker 2: insurance covers and am looking to be in therapy by

1093
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:09,480
Speaker 2: next month. Many people suggested getting my testosterone checked. This

1094
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:12,000
Speaker 2: is also on my list of appointments to make on Monday.

1095
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:15,040
Speaker 2: So not a happy ending by any means, but an

1096
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 2: ending that was probably long overdue. And there are some

1097
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:20,880
Speaker 2: comments wondering as a gift said she built up a

1098
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:23,400
Speaker 2: ton of resentment about it over time and used her

1099
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:27,080
Speaker 2: feelings to justify her actions. It must feel awful for

1100
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 2: you and very humiliating. I'm sure you can find a

1101
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 2: more suitable person to be within the future. I can

1102
00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 2: see now what really caused this to happen is just

1103
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 2: an awful situation all around, and they've both paid for

1104
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 2: it own. Career forty eight fifty four says plenty of

1105
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 2: couples struggle with intimacy, but not all choose infidelity as

1106
00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 2: the solution. Reading Rainbow Fans says, while there is never

1107
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 2: an excuse for cheating, there is also no excuse for

1108
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:56,080
Speaker 2: disregarding a partner's earnest attempt to address something which is

1109
00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 2: affecting the relationship. You say she brought it up more

1110
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:01,040
Speaker 2: than once. Intimacy is a deal breaker for some people.

1111
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:03,080
Speaker 2: If you had taken up with someone your own age

1112
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 2: who understands how the body and mind changes as seasons

1113
00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:09,120
Speaker 2: of life progress. Maybe this would have ended differently. I'm

1114
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:11,440
Speaker 2: not a fan of victim shaming, but you took up

1115
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:15,160
Speaker 2: with a barely adult well into your thirties. Her views

1116
00:58:15,160 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 2: on intimacy were probably largely crafted by your influence. Maybe

1117
00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:23,040
Speaker 2: consider this in your next chapter. Super who I Locke

1118
00:58:23,160 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 2: in sixty two says, did you really not try anything

1119
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:29,200
Speaker 2: after she brought up her feelings to you multiple times?

1120
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 2: You didn't go to the doctor, You didn't try taking

1121
00:58:31,360 --> 00:58:35,000
Speaker 2: any type of medication. Did you do anything? Opie says,

1122
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,920
Speaker 2: I admit I didn't take things seriously and didn't really

1123
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:40,320
Speaker 2: try much. That's why I said. I know I blew

1124
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:42,520
Speaker 2: it too. It can still hurt though I make about

1125
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:45,640
Speaker 2: eighty five thousand more than her, so spousal and child

1126
00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 2: support will be on me. Also, we live in a

1127
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 2: no fault state, meaning an affair can't be used against her.

1128
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 2: All assets will be split fifty to fifty, and I'll

1129
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:56,640
Speaker 2: pay out my butt for support for her, but better

1130
00:58:56,680 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 2: than living with her at this point. Oh and she'll

1131
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:01,880
Speaker 2: get half of my fourie one so that's awesome and

1132
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 2: that's the end of that story. Wow, that's uh.

1133
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:09,080
Speaker 7: I think in this story they were both kind of

1134
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:13,240
Speaker 7: awful people. One thing didn't necessarily deserve the other. I

1135
00:59:13,280 --> 00:59:17,360
Speaker 7: think the response, maybe it was a little was significantly

1136
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 7: overblown from the wife. But the husband clearly did not

1137
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:24,920
Speaker 7: value his partner. Yeah, clearly did not take her needs

1138
00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:28,000
Speaker 7: and conversations seriously. If she tried to save it by

1139
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 7: telling him, Hey, I need you to do this and

1140
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:33,200
Speaker 7: he's like, I don't need that, you don't need that,

1141
00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:36,520
Speaker 7: then I can see where she's coming from. I don't

1142
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:39,720
Speaker 7: condone her actions, but they were clearly not the people

1143
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:41,640
Speaker 7: for each other, not at all.

1144
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 2: Here's johnio og host here.

1145
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

1146
00:59:45,680 --> 00:59:47,720
Speaker 1: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

1147
00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 7: My husband's affair was exposed by an anonymous letter in

1148
00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 7: the mail.

1149
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 2: Bro got exposed by the Pony Express throwaway.

1150
00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:59,440
Speaker 7: Obviously, I've been married almost thirty five years, yes, to

1151
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:02,320
Speaker 7: the same person, and while it hasn't been perfect, it's

1152
01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:06,240
Speaker 7: been all right. Kids, dog white fence, I've got those.

1153
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 7: Our personal lives have suffered somewhat.

1154
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:09,720
Speaker 2: I went from.

1155
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:13,200
Speaker 7: Being a v on my wedding night to stepping out

1156
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:16,800
Speaker 7: of my comfort zones to please him spicily, where Saturday

1157
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 7: will mark six years since we've been.

1158
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:19,400
Speaker 2: Intimate at all.

1159
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:22,400
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from Powerful Cattle forty five

1160
01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:24,600
Speaker 7: oh three. And if you want to submit your own

1161
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 7: stories just like this or maybe not like this, just

1162
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:30,320
Speaker 7: go to the r slash Showcase Storytime subreddit and do

1163
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:30,800
Speaker 7: the thing.

1164
01:00:31,120 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 2: My name is Matt, I'm Dakota, and.

1165
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:36,520
Speaker 7: Here is what Opie has to say. For the longest time,

1166
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,080
Speaker 7: I thought he was having an emotional fair with his

1167
01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:41,919
Speaker 7: male friend that he had fished with, but who would

1168
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 7: become ill with the big sea. He would drop everything

1169
01:00:45,680 --> 01:00:48,440
Speaker 7: in anything for him, including plans we had. Plus there

1170
01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 7: were a few texts that were not spicy related were

1171
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:55,160
Speaker 7: more than friendship. But for some reason, while I was hurt,

1172
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:58,360
Speaker 7: I was not threatened. I know he is extremely ill,

1173
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 7: there is no physical relationship going on, his time is short,

1174
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:04,040
Speaker 7: and once this was out of his system, he would

1175
01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:07,480
Speaker 7: back to his normal self and me his wife. I'm

1176
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:10,200
Speaker 7: really sorry if my words sound crude, That's not how

1177
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 7: I want them to sound. But I thought once his

1178
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:14,880
Speaker 7: friend passed, my husband would be back to me. So

1179
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:16,880
Speaker 7: I was gone this past week for dog sitting in

1180
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:19,720
Speaker 7: house sitting for my sister and got home last night

1181
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,040
Speaker 7: to check the mail. There was a blank envelope with

1182
01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:26,600
Speaker 7: everything typed. Inside was a short note, Dear missus redacted.

1183
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:29,360
Speaker 7: I am writing this letter to inform you that your

1184
01:01:29,440 --> 01:01:32,440
Speaker 7: husband redacted has been having an affair with a neighbor

1185
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:36,240
Speaker 7: of yours in redacted redacted by the name of redacted.

1186
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:39,000
Speaker 7: They have been sleeping together and having an affair for

1187
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:42,280
Speaker 7: over two years. They meet at the pool area and

1188
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 7: the dog park in your community. They often go away

1189
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:48,520
Speaker 7: on weekends together at camping or to various hotel rooms.

1190
01:01:48,840 --> 01:01:50,520
Speaker 7: I feel like you should know what is going on

1191
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 7: and why Blank is gone so much. I have also

1192
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 7: seen him drop off your dogs at her house. No

1193
01:01:56,600 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 7: woman should have to find out about an affair this way.

1194
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 7: I am sorry. I just thought you should know. I

1195
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:05,280
Speaker 7: know who the female is. It's one of his quote friends.

1196
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:09,040
Speaker 7: I am completely devastated. To me, a woman is harder

1197
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:11,400
Speaker 7: to compete with, But does she have that I don't.

1198
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:13,720
Speaker 7: I decided to get healthy and lost weight.

1199
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:17,400
Speaker 2: Wait, I'm sorry. I have to immediately find it funny

1200
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:20,400
Speaker 2: that you find a woman harder to compete with when

1201
01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:23,919
Speaker 2: you literally don't have the same equipment as the other guy,

1202
01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:27,120
Speaker 2: make it a lot harder to compete with if that's

1203
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:31,680
Speaker 2: what he wants. Yeah, yeah, just funny. I'm sorry. I

1204
01:02:31,720 --> 01:02:35,200
Speaker 2: just had to point that out. But I understand psychologically

1205
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:39,560
Speaker 2: where you're coming from. But it's just funny. We have

1206
01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:41,760
Speaker 2: to find funny stuff where we can, because there's not

1207
01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:44,240
Speaker 2: much that's funny about this. No, not at all.

1208
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:47,280
Speaker 7: But if you can make the humor just like a

1209
01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:51,240
Speaker 7: little bit, smile before you cry.

1210
01:02:51,280 --> 01:02:55,960
Speaker 2: Are you ready to cry? Dakoda? Not yet, Let's go back. Okay.

1211
01:02:56,720 --> 01:02:58,880
Speaker 7: I decided to get healthy and lost weight. I have

1212
01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:01,680
Speaker 7: lost over a hundred thirty pounds. But I don't hear

1213
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:04,360
Speaker 7: nothing from him. I went to the doctor last week

1214
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:07,400
Speaker 7: dressed nicely, and he told me I was embarrassing him

1215
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 7: that his wife was running around town looking like a

1216
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:11,760
Speaker 7: witch with her frontal airbags out.

1217
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:16,280
Speaker 2: Okay, leaving him leaving him just based on that, Yeah,

1218
01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:17,160
Speaker 2: that's not great.

1219
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:20,160
Speaker 7: I had on a simple off the shoulder, white eye

1220
01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:23,000
Speaker 7: lip top with dark jeans. Since finding this out, I've

1221
01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:26,160
Speaker 7: become obsessed with finding evidence. I stalk her Facebook, check

1222
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:28,600
Speaker 7: their call logs. He calls her an average of six

1223
01:03:28,640 --> 01:03:31,560
Speaker 7: to eight times a day, with calls lasting five to

1224
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:34,400
Speaker 7: fifteen minutes. I'll drive by her house. I'll type and

1225
01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 7: delete her name, phone number, address, wanting to confront both

1226
01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:40,440
Speaker 7: of them. I wonder what she has that I don't

1227
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:42,400
Speaker 7: How I can fix this, if I even want to

1228
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:44,919
Speaker 7: fix it? If he does, what do I do? Where

1229
01:03:44,920 --> 01:03:45,360
Speaker 7: do I go?

1230
01:03:45,720 --> 01:03:45,959
Speaker 5: How?

1231
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:48,800
Speaker 7: I've cried for two days now. I can't stand to

1232
01:03:48,800 --> 01:03:50,840
Speaker 7: look at him, and I'm afraid to talk to him.

1233
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:54,840
Speaker 2: And there are comments, Well, I think let's just go

1234
01:03:54,840 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 2: ahead and get into okay the comments are the affair

1235
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:01,320
Speaker 2: partner obviously wrote this note she wants you to know.

1236
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:05,400
Speaker 7: Replies, I'm thinking so too, since he won't leave now,

1237
01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:08,520
Speaker 7: the wife will exactly because how would a neighbor or

1238
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:10,960
Speaker 7: bystander know how long it's been going on and know

1239
01:04:11,120 --> 01:04:14,400
Speaker 7: for certain that they are intimate sleeping together for two years?

1240
01:04:14,920 --> 01:04:15,200
Speaker 2: Reply?

1241
01:04:15,720 --> 01:04:18,280
Speaker 7: A neighbor doesn't need spy cameras in the house next

1242
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:20,360
Speaker 7: door to know that a random guy with a wedding

1243
01:04:20,400 --> 01:04:23,320
Speaker 7: ring shows up and to their not married neighbor's house

1244
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:26,560
Speaker 7: and stays the night, and he's hugging or kissing outside.

1245
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:29,520
Speaker 7: Not everyone is oblivious to their surroundings. That is true.

1246
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:33,040
Speaker 2: Like pattern. I know a ton of old ladies who

1247
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:35,880
Speaker 2: would immediately know what was going on. Mm hmm. When

1248
01:04:35,920 --> 01:04:39,960
Speaker 2: they call them window watchers, Yes, that's that's who they are.

1249
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,000
Speaker 2: There's one in my neighborhood grow the way that I

1250
01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:46,640
Speaker 2: grew up in. Oh good Lord, she knows everything. If

1251
01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:48,200
Speaker 2: it happens outside, she knows it.

1252
01:04:48,560 --> 01:04:50,800
Speaker 7: Not everyone is oblivious to their surroundings. I have to

1253
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:53,120
Speaker 7: admit that I am, and I probably wouldn't notice, but

1254
01:04:53,160 --> 01:04:54,040
Speaker 7: I think a lot would.

1255
01:04:54,560 --> 01:04:55,000
Speaker 2: The reply.

1256
01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:57,280
Speaker 7: I can sit outside and hear all the f't up

1257
01:04:57,280 --> 01:04:59,600
Speaker 7: problem of my neighbors talk about they think their fences

1258
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:02,320
Speaker 7: are sound proof. It's really not hard to know what's

1259
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:05,080
Speaker 7: going on. There are things I've heard that haunt me.

1260
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:06,520
Speaker 7: There is an update.

1261
01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:10,560
Speaker 2: So do you think it was the affair partner? I don't. Personally,

1262
01:05:10,720 --> 01:05:11,400
Speaker 2: I don't.

1263
01:05:11,160 --> 01:05:13,560
Speaker 7: The fact that I think that they know that they've

1264
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:17,760
Speaker 7: been going to hotels and this and that and the other. Possibly,

1265
01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:21,160
Speaker 7: unless they talk about the hotels. It could just be

1266
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:25,280
Speaker 7: a side neighbor who just knows and wants to help

1267
01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:27,080
Speaker 7: this woman, or wants to be part of the drama

1268
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:29,640
Speaker 7: or star drama, whatever their motivation is. There is a

1269
01:05:29,720 --> 01:05:32,240
Speaker 7: chance that it is just a normal neighbor. But it

1270
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:35,400
Speaker 7: could also be the affair partner who either wants to

1271
01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:37,160
Speaker 7: get caught or just wants it off their chest.

1272
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:41,200
Speaker 2: Well, I think that comment was saying that it's like

1273
01:05:42,440 --> 01:05:46,040
Speaker 2: a way to get them together officially, because once your

1274
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:48,720
Speaker 2: wife knows, then she'll break up with them, and then

1275
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:50,720
Speaker 2: he'll finally be able to just be with her.

1276
01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:53,040
Speaker 7: Maybe the guilt is getting with him while he's married. Still,

1277
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:54,440
Speaker 7: maybe once the wife is out of the picture of

1278
01:05:54,440 --> 01:05:55,080
Speaker 7: the guilt's gone.

1279
01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:57,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, which and by the way, being a fair partner

1280
01:05:58,800 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 2: is yeah, being a fair partner, not being an actual partner.

1281
01:06:02,800 --> 01:06:08,040
Speaker 2: You are the side piece, Yeah, side piece, always decide piece.

1282
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:10,080
Speaker 7: And then at that point, how do you ever know

1283
01:06:10,160 --> 01:06:11,920
Speaker 7: that he's not got a second?

1284
01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:16,520
Speaker 2: He's going to do it to you, and you'll deserve it. Honestly,

1285
01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:18,960
Speaker 2: you'll deserve it. He's going to do it to you,

1286
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:22,360
Speaker 2: and you'll go, how could this happen? Oh? Wait, I

1287
01:06:22,560 --> 01:06:23,800
Speaker 2: did this to someone else.

1288
01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:27,680
Speaker 7: Solution divorce immediate. Yeah, it's divorce time.

1289
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:28,320
Speaker 2: Update.

1290
01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:31,120
Speaker 7: Quite a bit has happened since then, some good, some not.

1291
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:34,360
Speaker 7: I finally broke down and told my kids those were

1292
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 7: extremely difficult calls to make. I told him everything took

1293
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:40,400
Speaker 7: responsible for ability for my part and admitute I could

1294
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:44,040
Speaker 7: have done things better. Wait, what responsibility and what could

1295
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:45,960
Speaker 7: you have done better? It's not your decision that someone

1296
01:06:45,960 --> 01:06:48,280
Speaker 7: has an affair. My kids, all older now, said that

1297
01:06:48,320 --> 01:06:50,320
Speaker 7: while I wasn't perfect, I did my best with what

1298
01:06:50,400 --> 01:06:53,280
Speaker 7: I had and that didn't excuse his cheating. My eldest

1299
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:55,120
Speaker 7: wanted to come out and go a few rounds with

1300
01:06:55,160 --> 01:06:57,240
Speaker 7: his dad and confront the other women. I told him

1301
01:06:57,280 --> 01:06:59,960
Speaker 7: it wasn't worth it. My second son is my thinker.

1302
01:07:00,320 --> 01:07:02,120
Speaker 7: He didn't say much, but you could tell he was

1303
01:07:02,160 --> 01:07:06,040
Speaker 7: processing deeply. My third son said, it's about time. With

1304
01:07:06,160 --> 01:07:08,160
Speaker 7: the way he talked to you and treated you, I

1305
01:07:08,200 --> 01:07:11,360
Speaker 7: hope you're thinking about leaving. I was honestly on the fence.

1306
01:07:11,640 --> 01:07:13,600
Speaker 7: He would flip flop between I want to work on

1307
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,520
Speaker 7: us and fix us and actions that said differently. My

1308
01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:19,160
Speaker 7: past two weeks have been the worst since he's been

1309
01:07:19,240 --> 01:07:21,840
Speaker 7: using my son's car. My son put a tracking device

1310
01:07:21,880 --> 01:07:24,560
Speaker 7: on it. Yes, I have access to it, No, he

1311
01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:26,560
Speaker 7: doesn't know about it. He would tell me he was

1312
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 7: going to one place and go straight to the other

1313
01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:31,120
Speaker 7: woman's house. I'd ask where he was. He'd lie to

1314
01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:34,680
Speaker 7: my face. I kept notes until I couldn't anymore. Father's

1315
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:37,280
Speaker 7: Day was the breaking point. Oh ha, that's a ironic

1316
01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:38,880
Speaker 7: data expose an affair.

1317
01:07:39,040 --> 01:07:39,640
Speaker 2: Kind of funny.

1318
01:07:40,040 --> 01:07:42,360
Speaker 7: I'd worked the night before, got off at eight am,

1319
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:44,960
Speaker 7: texted him about what he wanted for dinner, stopped at

1320
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:48,400
Speaker 7: the store, bought everything, came home, got it started, and

1321
01:07:48,440 --> 01:07:51,160
Speaker 7: tried to nap. Mind you, he did nothing whatsoever.

1322
01:07:51,240 --> 01:07:52,000
Speaker 2: On Mother's Day.

1323
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:54,200
Speaker 7: He woke me up to borrow forty dollars to go

1324
01:07:54,240 --> 01:07:56,720
Speaker 7: to a sporting goods store. I said, fine, but dinner

1325
01:07:56,760 --> 01:07:58,320
Speaker 7: would be ready in an hour to an hour and

1326
01:07:58,360 --> 01:08:02,440
Speaker 7: a half. Please don't be late. Two hours later, he

1327
01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 7: wasn't back. I checked the tracking. He went straight to

1328
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:09,040
Speaker 7: her house and hadn't moved. I drove by his car,

1329
01:08:09,080 --> 01:08:11,600
Speaker 7: which was the Sun's car was parked in her garage,

1330
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:15,479
Speaker 7: hers outside. I came home more upset for my son

1331
01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:18,400
Speaker 7: than myself. I texted him, you need to come home.

1332
01:08:18,640 --> 01:08:20,400
Speaker 7: We need to talk. I know you're not at the

1333
01:08:20,439 --> 01:08:21,040
Speaker 7: sports store.

1334
01:08:21,720 --> 01:08:22,080
Speaker 2: Nothing.

1335
01:08:22,520 --> 01:08:25,200
Speaker 7: After thirty minutes, his car still hadn't moved, so I

1336
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:28,960
Speaker 7: called her. Of course she didn't answer. I left a voicemail.

1337
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:31,599
Speaker 7: I know my husband is at your house. You win

1338
01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:34,400
Speaker 7: I'm done. It's obvious he wants to be with you.

1339
01:08:34,600 --> 01:08:37,200
Speaker 7: I'm tired of the lies, tired of the bs. He

1340
01:08:37,240 --> 01:08:39,519
Speaker 7: doesn't want someone who has loved and fought for him

1341
01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:42,559
Speaker 7: for thirty five years. I'm done. Come get his dog

1342
01:08:42,600 --> 01:08:43,200
Speaker 7: and his stuff.

1343
01:08:43,360 --> 01:08:43,840
Speaker 2: You've won.

1344
01:08:44,400 --> 01:08:46,960
Speaker 7: Ten minutes later, he came in with a Walmart bag,

1345
01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:49,759
Speaker 7: claiming he went to Walmart, then to a friend's.

1346
01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:52,479
Speaker 2: Well, he went to a friend's All right, what an

1347
01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:56,120
Speaker 2: absolutely pathetic little baby.

1348
01:08:56,560 --> 01:08:58,960
Speaker 7: I made tacos for him, dished up servings for my

1349
01:08:59,000 --> 01:09:01,080
Speaker 7: son and me, and through the rest in the trash.

1350
01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:03,799
Speaker 7: He gave me an attitude because she feels threatened?

1351
01:09:03,800 --> 01:09:06,439
Speaker 2: Now whoa wait? Wait, hold on, he gave you an edit?

1352
01:09:06,439 --> 01:09:08,960
Speaker 2: Wait wait, wait, hold on? Is he is?

1353
01:09:09,160 --> 01:09:10,840
Speaker 7: He said he's at Walmart than of friends. But now

1354
01:09:10,840 --> 01:09:13,040
Speaker 7: he's claiming that she feels threatened. So he is he

1355
01:09:13,080 --> 01:09:15,719
Speaker 7: admitting to the affair or what he gave me attitude?

1356
01:09:15,720 --> 01:09:18,439
Speaker 7: Because she feels threatened now since I called her. Now

1357
01:09:18,439 --> 01:09:20,400
Speaker 7: she has to change her number and will lose clients

1358
01:09:20,439 --> 01:09:22,800
Speaker 7: in her line of work. I didn't threaten her. I

1359
01:09:22,840 --> 01:09:25,360
Speaker 7: told him if he wasn't happy here, he knew where

1360
01:09:25,360 --> 01:09:27,360
Speaker 7: the door was and was welcome to use it. He

1361
01:09:27,479 --> 01:09:30,360
Speaker 7: was quiet all week, but was a knucklehead as well.

1362
01:09:30,840 --> 01:09:33,400
Speaker 7: His only concern was seeing that woman. When I had

1363
01:09:33,400 --> 01:09:36,400
Speaker 7: melanoma removed and needed a driver, he took me, but

1364
01:09:36,439 --> 01:09:38,240
Speaker 7: when I got in the car, not one word No,

1365
01:09:38,560 --> 01:09:39,439
Speaker 7: how are you?

1366
01:09:39,439 --> 01:09:39,479
Speaker 3: No?

1367
01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:40,200
Speaker 7: How did it go?

1368
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:40,400
Speaker 3: No?

1369
01:09:40,520 --> 01:09:43,800
Speaker 7: Are you okay? All he said was I'm hungry. It

1370
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:46,760
Speaker 7: was the thirtieth anniversary of losing my sister to melanoma,

1371
01:09:46,960 --> 01:09:50,120
Speaker 7: who I was extra sensitive. Little things tipped adding up.

1372
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:52,479
Speaker 7: He was forgetting things I needed or had asked for.

1373
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:55,439
Speaker 7: I was at the bottom of his list. On our

1374
01:09:55,479 --> 01:09:57,960
Speaker 7: son's birthday, he couldn't even wait for him to blow

1375
01:09:58,000 --> 01:10:01,400
Speaker 7: out the candles before he went to her house. Last Sunday,

1376
01:10:01,439 --> 01:10:04,040
Speaker 7: was it my final bit of energy for this marriage?

1377
01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:06,519
Speaker 7: He was going through the kitchen cabinets, pulling out soup,

1378
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:09,360
Speaker 7: saying he was taking it to a couple stranded down

1379
01:10:09,360 --> 01:10:11,960
Speaker 7: the road in a broken down RV. I gathered a

1380
01:10:11,960 --> 01:10:14,080
Speaker 7: few more items and he left, but he left the

1381
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:16,800
Speaker 7: bag on the counter. I checked the tracker, yep, straight

1382
01:10:16,840 --> 01:10:19,559
Speaker 7: to her house. I texted him, I don't understand why

1383
01:10:19,560 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 7: you need to lie. There is no dog park, hiking trail,

1384
01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:25,719
Speaker 7: fishing spot, sporting good store, broken down RV or Walmart

1385
01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:27,880
Speaker 7: on Bunker Hill. Why not be honest and tell me

1386
01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:30,720
Speaker 7: you're going to her house. It's obvious, regardless of what

1387
01:10:30,800 --> 01:10:32,719
Speaker 7: you're saying, you don't want to work on our marriage.

1388
01:10:32,800 --> 01:10:34,960
Speaker 7: You have been and are choosing her over your family.

1389
01:10:35,520 --> 01:10:38,240
Speaker 7: I tried calling him, He didn't answer, so I texted.

1390
01:10:38,439 --> 01:10:41,240
Speaker 7: Didn't think he would answer. Not even five minutes later,

1391
01:10:41,439 --> 01:10:44,439
Speaker 7: he came screeching into the driveway, slamming into the house, screaming.

1392
01:10:44,760 --> 01:10:46,600
Speaker 7: I told him I was tired of him lying. Just

1393
01:10:46,640 --> 01:10:48,880
Speaker 7: tell me he is going to the witch's house. He's

1394
01:10:48,880 --> 01:10:51,360
Speaker 7: been going this entire time and still lies about it.

1395
01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:53,680
Speaker 7: Doesn't he think? I find questioning where he is? I

1396
01:10:53,840 --> 01:10:57,160
Speaker 7: already know. He called me twice names and ignored me

1397
01:10:57,200 --> 01:11:00,720
Speaker 7: for the rest of the night. I'm sure my neighbors loved.

1398
01:11:00,560 --> 01:11:05,400
Speaker 2: My God Girl, Leave this man, I cannot believe. I mean,

1399
01:11:05,439 --> 01:11:07,880
Speaker 2: I guess thirty five years of marriage makes you reluctant

1400
01:11:07,880 --> 01:11:12,360
Speaker 2: to leave. But but as soon as I.

1401
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:13,559
Speaker 7: He doesn't want you anymore. So why is the divorce

1402
01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:14,960
Speaker 7: not already being processed? Well?

1403
01:11:15,040 --> 01:11:18,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, why are we not yet? Why did we keep trying?

1404
01:11:18,360 --> 01:11:20,760
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but it's like he's not trying as soon

1405
01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:23,880
Speaker 2: as it was like the whole thing with the anniversary

1406
01:11:24,040 --> 01:11:26,880
Speaker 2: and on Father's Day, the Father's Day should have been it.

1407
01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:29,600
Speaker 2: He comes home, he's like, I was at the store. No,

1408
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:31,800
Speaker 2: I know you were with her. I know that's not

1409
01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:34,800
Speaker 2: your friend. I know you were with her. Boinkt.

1410
01:11:34,840 --> 01:11:37,760
Speaker 7: He's very stupid. He's just very, very stupid and thinks

1411
01:11:37,760 --> 01:11:38,400
Speaker 7: she's stupid.

1412
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:41,479
Speaker 2: Well, it's time to go. I'm glad. I feel like

1413
01:11:41,520 --> 01:11:44,400
Speaker 2: we're getting there. Please, for the love of all that

1414
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:47,920
Speaker 2: is holy, tell me this story ends with you beginning

1415
01:11:48,000 --> 01:11:51,519
Speaker 2: divorce proceedings at the very least. Let's find out, shall we.

1416
01:11:52,240 --> 01:11:56,200
Speaker 7: Yesterday Monday, I went to file for divorce thing, God,

1417
01:11:56,960 --> 01:11:59,519
Speaker 7: thank you, and got crap news.

1418
01:11:59,800 --> 01:12:04,519
Speaker 2: No, No, your joy was very short life. They're Dakode.

1419
01:12:04,479 --> 01:12:05,280
Speaker 2: What does that mean?

1420
01:12:05,920 --> 01:12:09,000
Speaker 7: Because he's a ten ninety nine employee who hasn't technically

1421
01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:11,920
Speaker 7: worked in almost two years, although my bills are paid,

1422
01:12:11,960 --> 01:12:14,960
Speaker 7: and because I'm not on his bank account, never have been.

1423
01:12:15,160 --> 01:12:17,280
Speaker 7: I've always asked him to pay for money, and because

1424
01:12:17,280 --> 01:12:19,559
Speaker 7: he stopped me from doing his taxes three years ago,

1425
01:12:19,680 --> 01:12:22,800
Speaker 7: saying they were too complicated for you. If I filed

1426
01:12:22,800 --> 01:12:25,920
Speaker 7: for divorce right now and asked for alimony. He could

1427
01:12:25,960 --> 01:12:28,759
Speaker 7: immediately file to lower it and the judge could agree

1428
01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:29,160
Speaker 7: with him.

1429
01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:34,599
Speaker 2: Would he though this could The answer is not, okay,

1430
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:34,920
Speaker 2: could he?

1431
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:39,280
Speaker 7: It's legally the judge would have grounds to do it if,

1432
01:12:39,560 --> 01:12:42,600
Speaker 7: for example, they spun a sob story, or if the

1433
01:12:42,680 --> 01:12:43,960
Speaker 7: judge was friends.

1434
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:45,679
Speaker 2: With him, or if the judge was a misogynist. Yeah,

1435
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:47,320
Speaker 2: or again, any.

1436
01:12:47,240 --> 01:12:49,920
Speaker 7: Of these things. If if there's one thing that doesn't go, oh,

1437
01:12:50,040 --> 01:12:54,599
Speaker 7: he's way, he could have that alimony lower. My lawyer

1438
01:12:54,680 --> 01:12:56,800
Speaker 7: suggested waiting three months to five.

1439
01:12:56,840 --> 01:12:58,479
Speaker 2: Okay, do the divorce in three months.

1440
01:12:58,720 --> 01:13:01,679
Speaker 7: He's working again as of this week, submitting paper bids,

1441
01:13:01,840 --> 01:13:04,000
Speaker 7: so I'm to collect as much evidence as I can

1442
01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:06,360
Speaker 7: in the meantime. He was impressed with how much I

1443
01:13:06,439 --> 01:13:09,720
Speaker 7: already had, So I'm planning on playing pool until September.

1444
01:13:10,120 --> 01:13:12,599
Speaker 2: Okay, that's it. We're playing the long game. We're still

1445
01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:14,800
Speaker 2: doing the divorce. We've met with the lawyer. Long game.

1446
01:13:14,840 --> 01:13:17,559
Speaker 2: We're doing it. Baby, that's beautiful. Let's go get out

1447
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:21,160
Speaker 2: of there and honestly take every penny you can from

1448
01:13:21,240 --> 01:13:21,439
Speaker 2: him