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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, I'm doctor Joy, host of the Therapy for

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Speaker 1: Black Girls podcast, and welcome to another bonus episode in

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Speaker 1: our special mini series helping you to optimize your travel experiences,

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Speaker 1: brought to you in partnership with Chaser fy your Reserve.

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Speaker 1: Picture this. You and your girls are planning the perfect

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Speaker 1: group getaway. Everyone's height, The group chat is going off

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Speaker 1: with ideas, and you're already picturing all those moments for

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Speaker 1: the Graham. But then reality hits. Some people prefer luxury

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Speaker 1: accommodations while others are strictly budget conscious. One friend needs

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Speaker 1: every minute planned out, while another prefers to go with

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Speaker 1: the flow. Y'all know how this goes, right. Here's the

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Speaker 1: thing about group travel. It can bring out the absolute

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Speaker 1: best in your friendships, but it can also expose some

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Speaker 1: stuff you didn't see coming. All those little dynamics that

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Speaker 1: slide by in regular life, they get magnified when you're

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Speaker 1: splitting hotel rooms and deciding how to spend your time

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Speaker 1: and money together. So today we're talking about how to

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Speaker 1: actually make your friendship stronger through group travel, not weaker.

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Speaker 1: We're covering those conversations you need to have upfront about

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Speaker 1: money expectations and boundaries. Trust me, a little awkwardness before

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Speaker 1: the trip beats major drama during it. I'm also bringing

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Speaker 1: in the friendship archetypes from my book's Sisterhood Heels, because

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Speaker 1: they show up big time on group trips. Are you

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Speaker 1: the leader organizing everything, the wallflower dropping wisdom when you speak,

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Speaker 1: the firecracker who's keeping it real, or the peacemaker trying

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Speaker 1: to help everyone stay happy. Once you know your type

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Speaker 1: and can spot others, everything clicks differently. We'll get into

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Speaker 1: managing different travel styles, when to split up the group

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Speaker 1: on purpose, and what to do when conflict pops off,

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Speaker 1: because let's be real, it happens and we need to

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Speaker 1: know how to handle it without ruining relationships. Whether this

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Speaker 1: is your first group trip or your tenth, I've got

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Speaker 1: some tools that help you come back closer, not ready

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Speaker 1: to block each other. So this is one of my

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Speaker 1: favorite things to talk about, and I feel like we've

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Speaker 1: been seeing much more of this on social and you know,

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Speaker 1: people talk about how trips to Miami often result in

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Speaker 1: friendship group splintering, and I think that this is really interesting,

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Speaker 1: not in a good way, because we never want friendship

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Speaker 1: groups to splinter necessarily, but I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: this is related to not actually having the difficult conversations

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Speaker 1: that we need to have before we embark upon something

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Speaker 1: like a group trip. Now, I think as you get

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Speaker 1: older and have a better sense of yourself, maybe we

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Speaker 1: do a little bit better job of this. But I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking back to like some of the trips I took

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Speaker 1: in like undergrad or you know, when it was my

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Speaker 1: first time maybe like traveling with people and had no

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Speaker 1: idea that you should even be talking about some of

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Speaker 1: this stuff. And so when I think about it, there

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Speaker 1: are five categories that I think would be really helped

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Speaker 1: full for us to consider as we are thinking about

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Speaker 1: embarking on group trips. Now you already heard me talk

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Speaker 1: about I think that group travel is a great way

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Speaker 1: to bond. There's a lot of research that talks about

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Speaker 1: how having new experiences with one another actually helped to

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Speaker 1: strengthen friendships, and so going to a new place and

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Speaker 1: exploring new things together is actually a great way for

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Speaker 1: you to kind of spice up your friendships and to

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Speaker 1: make some new memory together that you will then have

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Speaker 1: to like laugh about and our commiserate about over the years.

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Speaker 1: But it does require some intention, and I think it's

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Speaker 1: important for us to think about how we can have

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Speaker 1: some of these conversations on the front end so that

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Speaker 1: we can have the best chance of having a great experience.

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Speaker 1: But I also think it is important to know so

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Speaker 1: if you have read Sisterhood Heels, you know that I

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Speaker 1: talk about four different types of sisters that we often

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Speaker 1: find in friendship groups. And this happens just kind of

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Speaker 1: in your regular everyday life with your girlfriends, but I

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Speaker 1: think it is as special, really important to think about

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Speaker 1: as you are preparing for something like a group trip.

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Speaker 1: The four different sisters that you might find in a

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Speaker 1: friendship circle are the peacemaker, so this is somebody who

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Speaker 1: is kind of keeping the peace wants everybody to get along.

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Speaker 1: The wallflower, so this is the person who is not

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Speaker 1: often saying a whole lot necessarily in the friendship group,

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Speaker 1: but when they do talk, everybody stops to listen because

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Speaker 1: they are probably pretty observant and paying attention to maybe

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Speaker 1: some of the interpersonal things happening in the group. The firecracker,

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Speaker 1: So this is the person who is probably first out

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Speaker 1: on the dance floor, but they are definitely also the

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Speaker 1: person who is addressing the elephant in the room, so

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Speaker 1: to speak. And then the leader in the group. And

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Speaker 1: this is the person who likely decided where y'all were

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Speaker 1: going for the group trip. They may be the person

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Speaker 1: who puts their car down and says, okay, everybody, just

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Speaker 1: ben moobi this amount of money. This is the person

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Speaker 1: who is largely responsible for the group continuing to go

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Speaker 1: and is largely responsible for the cohesiveness of the group.

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Speaker 1: And so when you think about those different personality types,

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Speaker 1: you can see what this might look like when we're

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Speaker 1: thinking about a group trip. So, if you haven't read

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Speaker 1: the book or you're interested in finding out who you

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Speaker 1: are in your friendship circle, you can go to sisterhood

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Speaker 1: Heels dot com sash quiz. There is an easy quick

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Speaker 1: quiz that you can take to figure out who you

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Speaker 1: are in the group and who your girls might be

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Speaker 1: in the group as you're thinking about preparing for a

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Speaker 1: group trip. So, like I said, five questions that I

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Speaker 1: think are important for you to consider and to actually

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Speaker 1: have conversations about before you embark on the group trip.

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Speaker 1: So the first one is what type of trip is this?

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Speaker 1: So is this a chill, kickback trip, We're relaxing, hanging

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Speaker 1: by the pool, maybe catching up on some reading. Is

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Speaker 1: this an excursion heavy trip? Right? Like? Is this a

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Speaker 1: tight itinerary where there is a group breakfast every morning

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Speaker 1: and we are expected to follow by the hour? What

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Speaker 1: the itinerary is or are we just winging it? I

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Speaker 1: think that that is really important because I think we

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Speaker 1: often have different expectations as we are heading into group experiences. Right.

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Speaker 1: If you heard episode one of this mini series, you

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Speaker 1: heard me talk about the fact that we often prolong

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Speaker 1: our getaways, right Like, we are saving up all of

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Speaker 1: our time to take this one trip, and so that

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Speaker 1: means that we may have lots of expectations for how

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Speaker 1: we are planning to spend this time. But if we've

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Speaker 1: not actually had a conversation with the other people we're

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Speaker 1: traveling with, then there can often be some tension related

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Speaker 1: to different expectations of how that time is being spent.

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Speaker 1: So that's the first thing that I want you to

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Speaker 1: talk about before you embark on this group trip is

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Speaker 1: what type of trip is this? Is this a goal

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Speaker 1: with the flow kind of chill vibe or is this

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Speaker 1: an excursion we're doing all the things kind of vibe.

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Speaker 1: That's important. The second question is how how much alone

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Speaker 1: time should be expected. So is the expectation that we

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Speaker 1: are doing everything together breakfast, lunch, dinner, massages, shopping trips,

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Speaker 1: like all the things, we are all together all the time,

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Speaker 1: we're sharing rooms. Like is it an all the time

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Speaker 1: together kind of trip? Is it we're doing our own

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Speaker 1: thing and then we meet up for meals kind of trip?

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Speaker 1: Or is this the kind of thing where we just

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Speaker 1: happen to be in the same place at the same time,

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Speaker 1: and I'll see you back at the airport when we

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Speaker 1: catch our flight. Right Again, different expectations, I think lead

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Speaker 1: to different results, and there's no judgment about any of it.

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Speaker 1: It's just important for you to talk about it and

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Speaker 1: make sure that everybody is on the same page before

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Speaker 1: you embark on the trip. The third one, and this

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Speaker 1: is a big one. This is a big one. What

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Speaker 1: are the funds looking like for the trip? So, are

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Speaker 1: you somebody who requires five star amenities or is your

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Speaker 1: we just need a place to crash and to store

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Speaker 1: our bags, because those are different, right, And again, no

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Speaker 1: judgment about either one of those, but those are very

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Speaker 1: different experiences. And so if you are somebody who wants

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Speaker 1: to spend time at the m facility BA and have

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Speaker 1: a whole spa day. You are likely going to be

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Speaker 1: looking for a very different kind of experience than somebody

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Speaker 1: who is just like, Okay, I want to spend most

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Speaker 1: of the time outside of the room anyway, and so

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Speaker 1: I don't really care, no judgment, again, but those are

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Speaker 1: very different experiences. I think it's really important to think about.

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Speaker 1: And we know anytime finances are involved and there's a

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Speaker 1: potential for things to go haywire, and so it's really

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Speaker 1: important to talk about these kinds of things on the

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Speaker 1: front end. In addition to like what kinds of amenities,

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Speaker 1: what kinds of places are we going to be staying at,

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Speaker 1: you also want to talk about like how are we

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Speaker 1: paying for the trip? So I think I recently saw

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Speaker 1: TikTok or maybe with Instagram about a group of friends

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Speaker 1: who actually have like a shared checking account or savings

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Speaker 1: account because they travel frequently, and so every month or

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Speaker 1: every so often they're putting money into the account, so

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Speaker 1: that that is what they use to like pay for

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Speaker 1: group dinners and those kinds of things when they travel.

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Speaker 1: That may be something for you consider. But again, this

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Speaker 1: is a conversation you want to have on the front end.

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Speaker 1: So is the idea that this is something that is

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Speaker 1: going to be split by however many people are traveling.

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Speaker 1: Is it everybody pay for themselves? Is it one person

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Speaker 1: trying to get points on their card and so they

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Speaker 1: want to pay for it all and then you just

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Speaker 1: send them the money? Like what are the funds going

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Speaker 1: to be looking like? And how are we planning to

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Speaker 1: pay for share things on the vacation. It's also important,

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Speaker 1: I think, to think about like shared dinners. If you

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Speaker 1: are not somebody who eats the fancy food or drinks

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Speaker 1: alcoholic beverages, those things can definitely add up on a bill.

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Speaker 1: Is the expectation that you will be paying for those

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Speaker 1: things even though you may not have been participating in it.

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Speaker 1: Right Again, things that may seem little and trivia and

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Speaker 1: not that big of a deal but actually can turn

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Speaker 1: into a big deal if you do not address them

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Speaker 1: ahead of time. So that's the third thing that you

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Speaker 1: want to talk about is the financial situation. How much

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Speaker 1: are we paying for hotel, airbnb? How are we paying

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Speaker 1: for things when we get there? Like what is the

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Speaker 1: deal with that? Okay? The fourth question is what are

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Speaker 1: the guidelines for shared spaces? So this may not be

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Speaker 1: that big of a deal if everybody has their own

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Speaker 1: hotel rooms. But if you are sharing a room or

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Speaker 1: sharing a suite, or if it's an airbnb situation, what

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Speaker 1: kinds of guidelines are you having for shared spaces? So

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Speaker 1: are you somebody who's cool with like hosting people that

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Speaker 1: you meet on vacation in a shared space? Are you

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Speaker 1: okay with your friend bringing back somebody to the hotel room?

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Speaker 1: What is your vibe? Because again, you want to know

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Speaker 1: that going into the traveling situation. Now, this may be

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Speaker 1: a friend or a group of friends that you travel

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Speaker 1: with before, and so you may already have a sense

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Speaker 1: of what that is, but especially if you've not traveled

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Speaker 1: with these people before, you do want to have an

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Speaker 1: understanding of what kinds of things are okay and not okay,

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Speaker 1: especially as it relates to shared space, because everybody may

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Speaker 1: not be on the same page right, So make sure

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Speaker 1: you have that conversation ahead of time. And then finally,

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Speaker 1: the fifth question is how are we going to handle

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Speaker 1: any hiccups that might come up? So will we sit

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Speaker 1: down and address it head on? Do we feel like

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Speaker 1: we need to write some things down and then take

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Speaker 1: a break and come back and talk about it because

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Speaker 1: we would like to hope that there is no conflict

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Speaker 1: that will happen on the trip, but that may not

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Speaker 1: be the case, right, Like, we're human. Things happen, and

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Speaker 1: so how are we going to actually address this if

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Speaker 1: it should happen? And so we may not come to

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Speaker 1: an agreement about how to handle it. But I think

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Speaker 1: it is a good idea to at least put it

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Speaker 1: on the table that this is what we're thinking we

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Speaker 1: will do if some conflict actually happens. Right, it could

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Speaker 1: be the thing where you decide you want to address

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Speaker 1: it head on, or it could be the kind of

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Speaker 1: thing that you say, hey, I'm not cool with this,

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Speaker 1: but it's something that we can talk about when we

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Speaker 1: get back. Right, So maybe it's not something that needs

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Speaker 1: to be addressed in the moment, but you do have

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Speaker 1: a plan to address it when you get back to

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Speaker 1: wherever you are. I think either of those is totally fine,

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Speaker 1: But I do think at least putting it on the table, like, hey,

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Speaker 1: how would you like me to address you if I

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Speaker 1: feel like something's off? Like just putting that kind of

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Speaker 1: conversation out there, I think is a good example. That's

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Speaker 1: a good model for like, hey, we understand that things

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Speaker 1: might happen, and this is how we're going to attempt

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Speaker 1: to remedy any situation that might pop up. So those

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Speaker 1: are the areas that I think are really really important

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Speaker 1: for you to address pre group trip. But I would

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Speaker 1: love to hear if any of you have regular friends

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Speaker 1: that you travel with, like, what kinds of conversations have

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Speaker 1: you had before so that you can optimize the group

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Speaker 1: chip and have the best chance of actually having a

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Speaker 1: great experience. Please share those with us on social media

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Speaker 1: if you have them. So as we wrap up today's

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Speaker 1: conversation about group travel and friendship dynamics, I hope you're

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Speaker 1: feeling a little more equipped to approach your next group

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Speaker 1: adventure with intention and clarity. Remember, the goal isn't to

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Speaker 1: avoid all conflicts or pretend that everyone has identical travel styles.

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Speaker 1: The goal is to create space for honest communication, set

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Speaker 1: clear expectations, and develop skills to navigate challenges when they arise,

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Speaker 1: because they will arise, and that's completely normal. The conversations

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Speaker 1: we've discussed today about budgets, boundaries, and expectations might feel

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable at first with their investments in your relationship, understanding

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Speaker 1: your own friendship, archetype and recognizing others can transform not

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Speaker 1: just your travel experiences, but how you show up in

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Speaker 1: your friendships overall. Group travel at its best create some

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Speaker 1: of our most treasured memories and deepens connections in ways

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Speaker 1: that everyday life simply can't. When done thoughtfully, these shared

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Speaker 1: experiences become the stories you'll laugh about for years to come.

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Speaker 1: If you're planning a group trip, start those conversations now,

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Speaker 1: or if you've just returned from one. Don't let the

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Speaker 1: experience fade without processing it together. Your friendships are worth

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Speaker 1: the intentional effort. Thank you for joining me for another

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Speaker 1: episode in our travel optimization mini series, brought to you

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Speaker 1: by Chase sapphirer Reserve. For more resources on friendship and

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Speaker 1: mental health, visit Therapy for Blackgirls dot com and Sisterhood

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Speaker 1: Heels dot com. Until next time, take good care,