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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called defect or defect Her, and we're gonna have a

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Speaker 1: new podcast to go with it, this very podcast which

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Speaker 1: has the name The Distraction. It's out right now every

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Speaker 1: rust get your podcast at such her, Spotify, Apple, Go

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Speaker 1: listen right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now.

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Speaker 1: Go listen to see By full disclosure, I went to

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Speaker 1: see a therapist by myself and I didn't even tell. Okay,

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Speaker 1: dead ass, she's still mad about that. I'm not mad.

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Speaker 1: I'm just looking at you because I don't think it's funny,

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Speaker 1: and I had to find a way to convince myself

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Speaker 1: that I was not the reason why he had to

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Speaker 1: seek therapy. Dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellis.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos without boy

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Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I make you need derby most days. And one more

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Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics. Things most folks don't want to

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Speaker 1: talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.

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Speaker 1: Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about

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Speaker 1: to take Philow's off to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: as starts now. All right, So this story time is

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Speaker 1: gonna span over about ten years very quickly. All right.

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Speaker 1: I retired from the NFL. I get back. I'm stopped

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Speaker 1: feeling like myself. Kadine and I are planning a wedding,

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Speaker 1: but I'm at odds with not only my wife, when

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Speaker 1: I'm at odds with myself. I don't know what's going on.

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Speaker 1: I feel like my identity has been ripped from me.

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Speaker 1: I'm no longer playing football. I want to get into TV, film,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know how to do it. So when

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Speaker 1: feeling lost, I felt like I was losing myself. So

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Speaker 1: I had to get very depressed. Um. I used to

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Speaker 1: go into bathrooms at times. It would just be me

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Speaker 1: in the bathroom by myself, and I would cry, and

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Speaker 1: I would hear k at the door like yo baby,

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Speaker 1: all right, and I would mask it and I would

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Speaker 1: be like, yeah, I'm glad, I'm just using the bathroom,

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Speaker 1: but inside I would be hurting. Fast forward nine years.

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Speaker 1: We've been married nine years. I've always found ways to

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Speaker 1: mask that feeling and not ever show my wife or

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Speaker 1: show anybody that was going through it. Until last year

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Speaker 1: we were going into the fall. It was around this

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Speaker 1: time exactly last year. I used to leave go to

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Speaker 1: the gym in the morning, and I would tell K

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Speaker 1: I was going to play basketball, and I started seeing

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Speaker 1: a therapist. I didn't tell anybody. I didn't tell my mom,

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Speaker 1: I didn't tell my dad, I didn't even tell my wife.

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Speaker 1: I went and I saw a therapist for about three months,

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Speaker 1: and it was the best decision I ever made in

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Speaker 1: my life, best decision for our marriage. Oh child, things

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Speaker 1: are going to get easy. Keeping your head up, right, job,

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Speaker 1: things are going to get easy. Yeah, oh, job things.

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Speaker 1: I remember Marvin Gay used to saying to me, that's

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Speaker 1: my joint right there, man. Absolutely, it was appropriate. Song.

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Speaker 1: I think you got to keep your head up, man.

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Speaker 1: You've got to keep your head up, man. Mental health

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Speaker 1: and wellness is all about getting your head straight. I

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Speaker 1: think it was particularly important that we talked about this

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Speaker 1: because within our community. There's a stigma around it, you know,

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Speaker 1: and I think more and more within the past couple

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Speaker 1: of years, our generation have been in tune with the

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Speaker 1: fact that things have been off for a very long time. UM,

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Speaker 1: some deeply rooted issues that you know, our people have

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Speaker 1: been dealing with, and it's kind of just been glazed

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Speaker 1: over for a while. So today we figured we bringing

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Speaker 1: somebody who knows about this. This is their profession, um psychiatry,

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Speaker 1: forensic psychiatry. Actually, um dr Amani is in here talking

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Speaker 1: to us today about mental health issues and ways we

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Speaker 1: can kind of navigate around it and how we can

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Speaker 1: extend our helping hand to someone who may be in

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Speaker 1: need of some attention. So, Dr Emmani Walker, are you

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Speaker 1: are going to have exactly when she started talking when

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Speaker 1: we came in, I was like, she's that from the

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Speaker 1: l A area. You could tell like you never lost

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Speaker 1: that New York nos at all. It's amazing. I love it.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for being here with Thank you so much

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Speaker 1: for having me kind of introduce yourself to our guests. Yeah. Sure,

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Speaker 1: So my name is Dr Emani Walker. Um. I am

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Speaker 1: a forensic psychiatrist. So I trained as a psychiatrist and

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Speaker 1: then I did additional training in forensic psychiatry, which is

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Speaker 1: where the law and psychiatry meet. So um ideal with

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Speaker 1: a lot of patients who just got out of the

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Speaker 1: state mental hospital. They're fresh out of jail. So in

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Speaker 1: l A that would be like twin Towers. And I

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Speaker 1: see patients who have had issues with mental illness, and

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Speaker 1: a lot of times those issues of mental illness have

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Speaker 1: precluded or maybe even caused some of the crimes or

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Speaker 1: really caused the crimes that they committed. So I do that.

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Speaker 1: I'm also the chief medical Officer of Gateways Hospital and

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Speaker 1: Mental Health Center, which is a psychiatric hospital here in

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles in Echo Park. And because I'm Jamaican and

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Speaker 1: I like to have all the jobs, yes, nice, so

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Speaker 1: I UM. I also am dr Imani on Married to

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Speaker 1: Medicine Los Angeles, which airs on Bravo Network, is airing

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Speaker 1: now or so. Season one aired and it ended it

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Speaker 1: in I believe the end of April, so we are

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Speaker 1: actually in pre production. We're about to start filming the

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Speaker 1: next couple of Nice all the jobs, and I have

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Speaker 1: other jobs too, but I don't really want to overwhelm

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Speaker 1: y'all listeners. I knew you had a lot of jobs.

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Speaker 1: You from New York, from your husband and you Jamaican. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, you gotta at least have about That's how

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Speaker 1: it is. And I need to catch up on TV

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Speaker 1: because Val and I have been so out of the

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Speaker 1: loop with television. So I watch You have to Be

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Speaker 1: the Loud House. Three kids. I don't watch TV. Preschool prep, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm all. I remember going to Yogabba Gabba and they

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Speaker 1: were like raves like when my when my son was

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Speaker 1: that young, I was like, what I have won one? Well, okay,

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Speaker 1: so he's twelve going on thirty five, but okay, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's not like so many of these kids now, they like,

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Speaker 1: as my mom would say, they lost their age paper

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Speaker 1: because they don't know how they are. They think they're

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Speaker 1: so grown. Yeah, he can't even do He's like, well, actually,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh word, ok full disclosure. I can't imagine

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Speaker 1: what it would have been like to have a mom

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Speaker 1: who's a forensic psychiatrist, Like, you can't lie to that person.

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Speaker 1: You could probably she could. She probably read him to

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Speaker 1: do that. Are you able to read bullshit? Absolutely? I'm sure, yeah, absolutely.

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Speaker 1: But it's also interesting because he like we talk a

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Speaker 1: lot about you know, speaking of the topic of mental health,

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Speaker 1: we talk a lot about our feelings, which isn't something

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Speaker 1: that I mean, I don't want to characterize all Jamaicans

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Speaker 1: and people of Jamaican heritage, but we really didn't like

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Speaker 1: love in a Jamaican household was done, was shown by well,

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Speaker 1: I provided these things for you. We talked about this.

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Speaker 1: We talked about this in our marriage right, like right exactly,

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Speaker 1: And so what do you want right right? Like oh

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Speaker 1: you want to hug now? Like all right then, like

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Speaker 1: all right, like okay, cool, like okay, off you go. Um.

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Speaker 1: But I really when I knew when I became pregnant

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Speaker 1: with my son that I wanted to break that mold.

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Speaker 1: And I it's easy for people, and I always say this,

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Speaker 1: people do what they know. They don't do necessarily what's best,

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Speaker 1: because what's best requires for you to sit and evaluate

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Speaker 1: yourself and a lot of people don't want to do that,

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Speaker 1: even me sometimes. So when I had my son, I

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Speaker 1: was like, Okay, we're gonna say I love you, We're

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Speaker 1: gonna give you, know, family hugs, We're gonna do all

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Speaker 1: these things. So back to my point, we talk about

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Speaker 1: our feelings a lot and so we I have always

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Speaker 1: loved to um, I guess examine characters and movies and

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Speaker 1: books and TV shows, and so he actually asked me, like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: can we see the Joker? And so we did, and

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Speaker 1: I was concerned. I was like, well, wh'll go? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm his mom. I didn't know if it was gonna

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Speaker 1: be too scary for him. But it was so dope

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Speaker 1: because I got to sit with him and he was

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Speaker 1: next to me and explained to him like, Yo, this

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Speaker 1: is this diagnosis, that these are these symptoms, and like

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Speaker 1: you know, and at the end of it, I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to give anything away. But because today that was

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Speaker 1: debating if we should take our son who's here waiting,

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Speaker 1: We're like, should we take him to see that? I

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Speaker 1: don't know what I what I would say to him

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Speaker 1: before you go and after you go? Is that what

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Speaker 1: was so beautiful to me about the movie. Yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: some scary parts in it, but it is the story

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Speaker 1: of one person who's mentally ill and knows them mentally

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Speaker 1: ill and wants the help but can't get it. And

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Speaker 1: it's so sad because usually you see the reverse, someone

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Speaker 1: maybe doesn't want the help or doesn't know they need

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Speaker 1: the help or you or because of storytelling, you'll see

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Speaker 1: someone who it's like, oh, I don't have my meds

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Speaker 1: and then it just precipitously like turns into like him

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Speaker 1: and that's not what happened. And so it was so

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Speaker 1: beautiful as a psychiatrist for me to see that they

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Speaker 1: handled this one person won't like the joker is a

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Speaker 1: real person. But what I mean, but this one character

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Speaker 1: story worry the way that it really does occur in

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Speaker 1: real life. It's very slow, and it can be confusing

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Speaker 1: to the person that's happening to and people that are

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Speaker 1: around them when you deal with severe mental illness like that,

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Speaker 1: which is what I primarily won't. Yeah, I mainly only

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Speaker 1: deal with that. Of course, how do you think mental illness?

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Speaker 1: Why did it become such a stigma in the black

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Speaker 1: community because you hear it a lot. I mean I

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Speaker 1: remember before I even thought about going there, because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing no fucking therapy like that. My exact

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Speaker 1: words was, that's white people ship. That's the first thing

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Speaker 1: that came out of my mouth. And then it took

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Speaker 1: me ten years and almost feeling like I was losing

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Speaker 1: my mind to say, you know what, the value might

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Speaker 1: need to see somebody. So I think we really have

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Speaker 1: to go back to you know, slavery. So we've we

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Speaker 1: have collectively been in this country for four engine years

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Speaker 1: and not only were we brought not only were we

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Speaker 1: brought here and then had to hopefully live through the

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Speaker 1: Middle passage. Right, So now we now we land here.

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Speaker 1: Now how we're like whipped beaten. We're interacting with people

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Speaker 1: who we don't have a like language. Like I'm like,

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Speaker 1: we're both brown, but I don't know what you're saying.

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Speaker 1: You don't know what I'm saying. Now we're forced to

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Speaker 1: speak a language. We are beaten into submission and maybe

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Speaker 1: sometimes death, and we are told by the people that

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Speaker 1: quote unquote care for us not to complain. Right, And

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Speaker 1: so you have to look at where we started out

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Speaker 1: in this country. That doesn't mean that's how it was,

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Speaker 1: you know, in our homelands in Africa, whatever that may

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Speaker 1: have been. But we collectively as a people, for African Americans,

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Speaker 1: for African Americans, we hold trauma so close to our

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Speaker 1: heart that it becomes pathologic. That's true because you've we've

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Speaker 1: been told for hundreds of years to not complain, not complain, right,

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Speaker 1: not complaining white folks and also complain, like complaining about

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Speaker 1: your feelings is white people should And again this is

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Speaker 1: all indoctrinated into you know what our slave mass has

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Speaker 1: told us, like you got you got clothes on your back,

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Speaker 1: you got they're not good clothes. You got food to eat,

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Speaker 1: it's not good food. You should be happy to just

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Speaker 1: be alive. But that's not that's just surviving, right, And

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Speaker 1: we've been surviving for four years as of this year,

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Speaker 1: and I am happy to know that in recent years,

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Speaker 1: like I would say, maybe over the past three to

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Speaker 1: four years, black folks, we have been talking a lot

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Speaker 1: about mental health and we've really been pushing ourselves to like, yo,

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Speaker 1: if you've got an issue, like go find somebody. And

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Speaker 1: it's been nice to see psychologist, psychiatrists, other mental health

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Speaker 1: clinicians come up with resources to make it available. But

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Speaker 1: sometimes here and here comes the critique. Right, So two things.

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Speaker 1: One is that sometimes I see mental health disguised as

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Speaker 1: wellness disguised is spirituality, Like yeah, you don't feel good,

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Speaker 1: go take a bath? Is not you know, like you

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Speaker 1: get a bath bomb not if you're clinically depressed, that's

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Speaker 1: not that's not helping. Um the other thing that I

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Speaker 1: really one of the reasons why I thrust myself into

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Speaker 1: the spotlight because really I'm kind of a loner and

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Speaker 1: I really don't like attention like that. But I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, like I'm just gonna put myself out

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Speaker 1: there and be on a reality show. Um. But that

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Speaker 1: being said, I what I'm seeing are is that we're

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Speaker 1: talking about it, but we don't have now the vocabulary

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Speaker 1: to be able to know, Okay, this person you're having

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Speaker 1: these symptoms. Let me see if this cluster fits into

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Speaker 1: depression or maybe it fits into bipolar disorder. What what

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Speaker 1: does bipolar depression look like versus clinical depression? So now

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Speaker 1: is the time for us to really arm ourselves with

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Speaker 1: the vocabulary and the words in order to speak what

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Speaker 1: we have going on. Right, I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: times two people are concerned about the words or the label.

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Speaker 1: I think stig around things like that. But before we

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Speaker 1: even touch on that, I want to hear a little

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Speaker 1: bit about your journey why why become a psychiatrist? Tell

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Speaker 1: us about how we arrived here and about you know,

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Speaker 1: what motivated you to become a mental health professional. So

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Speaker 1: I I'm the product of two very in highly intelligent people.

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Speaker 1: My father, my biological father, and my mother. My biological

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Speaker 1: father was essentially abandoned by his father when he was

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Speaker 1: four and according to my mother, UM, he was found

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Speaker 1: a like four years old, um by himself because he

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Speaker 1: was collecting bottle caps to catch them in for food

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Speaker 1: because his father was an alcoholic and wasn't you know

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Speaker 1: this was He's from upstate New York, so this was

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Speaker 1: an upstate New York. My mother is Jamaican. My my

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Speaker 1: grandmother is half Chinese and half Jamaican. So long story

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Speaker 1: or we ended up tracking down our Chinese relatives, and

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Speaker 1: the Chinese side of our family are the ones who

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Speaker 1: have bipolar disorder, whereas the Afro Jamaican side of us

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Speaker 1: that's where the anxiety comes in. So my father, I'm

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Speaker 1: the I'm the I'm the child of an addict. My

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Speaker 1: father was an addict, UM, and he's not any longer.

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Speaker 1: He was an engineer and he's still an engineer, and

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Speaker 1: he's doing really well for himself. But when Crack came

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Speaker 1: on the scene, you know, right, it was hit hard,

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Speaker 1: It hit hard, and it was not taking it's taking

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Speaker 1: everybody my prisoner, right exactly. And my mother's brother or

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Speaker 1: my uncle. He had drug issues as well. So even

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Speaker 1: though I'm an only child, my mother at various points

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Speaker 1: in my life and my during my upbringing took care

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Speaker 1: of my three cousins, so I was never really like, yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm the only child, but I'm I have like everybody,

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Speaker 1: everybody every uh West Indian slash right. So the other

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Speaker 1: side of it is that my grandmother, who is Jamaican,

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize until maybe a few years ago, and

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Speaker 1: I just kind of sat and thought about, you know

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Speaker 1: how she used to behave I'm like, oh, grandma was bipolar.

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Speaker 1: Like she would go from super chill and like love

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Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden she would like flip

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Speaker 1: out like I mean but like snap, like yo, like

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Speaker 1: why are you throwing things at us? And then she

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Speaker 1: would be like all right, and it was like anything

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Speaker 1: is fine, right right. And you know what's funny, growing

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Speaker 1: up in the black house, you just say, oh, that's

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Speaker 1: just a black that's just her. Because my grandmother's um

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Speaker 1: she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which we figured out now

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Speaker 1: speaking to my aunt, was that my grandmother was definitely

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Speaker 1: clinically bipolar. Same thing. She would be perfectly fine will

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Speaker 1: everything be fine and then just be like really down

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Speaker 1: And if you come in here she spats out, you'd

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Speaker 1: be like, what what happened in the last five minutes?

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Speaker 1: No one said anything to you, And I honestly just thoughts,

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Speaker 1: and I thought that that's just how black grandmothers are,

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Speaker 1: exactly what I thought me too. And it wasn't until

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Speaker 1: one of my other relatives was actually clinically diagnosed with

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Speaker 1: bipolar disorder. And I know, all this is genetic, right,

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Speaker 1: So I'm like trying to figure it out because family history,

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Speaker 1: like when I see a patient, is really important. So

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, like what's going on? And then I

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Speaker 1: was like, hold on, grandma's bipolar. Um I and I

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Speaker 1: will freely admit I have anxiety and depression. I had

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Speaker 1: a series of panic attacks over the past two weeks,

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Speaker 1: like I will, I will claim it, I will say it.

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Speaker 1: And is that like a chemical imbalance or yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: a chemical imbalance. No one really knows why panic occurs

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Speaker 1: when it happens. What what what we do know or

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Speaker 1: what we believe is happening, is that there was a

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Speaker 1: stressor like a stressful situation. So I'll use myself an

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Speaker 1: example that that never I didn't deal with properly, and

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Speaker 1: then my brain decides, let's freak out now that that

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Speaker 1: event was like a catalyst for it, but it may

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Speaker 1: not happen in that moment, right, and so that's why

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Speaker 1: it's so important. And then I'll get back to why

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Speaker 1: it became a psychiatrist. But that's why it's so important

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Speaker 1: for us to deal with our issues pretty much. Not

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Speaker 1: I know you can't always deal with issues right then

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Speaker 1: and there, but it's important to deal with your issues

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Speaker 1: period because they will they like the reckoning is coming.

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Speaker 1: I learned that from my psychiatrist that Cadine gets she's

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Speaker 1: so jealous even now, the fact that I didn't tell

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Speaker 1: her that I went to see a psychiatrist, she gets

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Speaker 1: so mad at me. I'm over that now that in

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Speaker 1: that moment though, because I felt like his problems were

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Speaker 1: like my problems, which is which is what I don't

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Speaker 1: understand that. But for me, I just I was feeling

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Speaker 1: like I need to do something for myself. I did

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Speaker 1: not feel like myself. I didn't want to tell nobody

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Speaker 1: because I didn't want to have to explain it. And

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Speaker 1: then what I didn't want was for her to feel

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Speaker 1: like I made my husband have to see a psychiatrist,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. I thought we spoke about

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Speaker 1: everything what happened, right, and that's what I was worried about.

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Speaker 1: So I went and saw on my own. But one

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Speaker 1: of the first things that I've learned from was dealing

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Speaker 1: with things in real time. Yeah, it's it's because I

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00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,440
Speaker 1: don't and I don't a lot of times because I'm

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Speaker 1: a doctor, right, and I mean, being from New York,

340
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:29,119
Speaker 1: I'm like, nothing is scam me, so whatever. And but

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Speaker 1: apparently there are things that I don't realize are bothering

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Speaker 1: me because I've built up such a defense, right, a

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Speaker 1: tolerance like I mean not like at this point, nothing

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Speaker 1: like if you grew up in the eighties and nineties

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Speaker 1: in New York, not like whatever, like you want to

346
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Speaker 1: bust the train. We see mentally ill people every day

347
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Speaker 1: on the train, and it's normal to us. It's just normal,

348
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,520
Speaker 1: like the people screaming and grabbing stuff and throwing stuff,

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Speaker 1: and you don't even blink anymore. You're just like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is the a train, right, right exactly. But one

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Speaker 1: of the main reasons why I became a psychiatrist is

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Speaker 1: because so we were talking a little while ago, like

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Speaker 1: we're all from New York, and I grew up on

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Speaker 1: a hundred nineteenth street and Lenox, which was different than

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Speaker 1: a hundred eighteen and I'm different from d Like it

356
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 1: was like going like I never went on those blocks,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't know nobody, Like the

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00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 1: geography was different, just like what's going on? But on

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Speaker 1: one nineteenth, like that was our community. And so whether

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Speaker 1: you were gainfully employed, whether you were a whine or

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Speaker 1: whether you were crackhead, like we all everybody knew each other.

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Speaker 1: Everybody took care of each other. If my right, everybody

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Speaker 1: looked out like I remember one time. This was when

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Speaker 1: I was older and my car got told and like

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Speaker 1: you know, like older Poppy was like yo, like your

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Speaker 1: car got told like earlier, right, like your car got told.

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Speaker 1: Like I try to stop them, but whatever whatever um

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Speaker 1: crackheads hood elves like very I mean, that's not what

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00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,720
Speaker 1: they know. That's what they are elves. They will do

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Speaker 1: anything for anywhere between two and five dollars and anything,

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Speaker 1: and it's like they know that. It's like they tapped

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Speaker 1: into everybody's house. So you could be thinking to yourself,

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Speaker 1: like man, I really wish I had it, and they

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Speaker 1: just pop up like I got it right here, I

375
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Speaker 1: have I got you exactly. So I just when when

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Speaker 1: I did my residency program, I was at first I

377
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 1: went to Temple University in Philadelphia, and then I transferred

378
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 1: out here to Harbor U c l A. Those are

379
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Speaker 1: pretty much hospitals that um serve like the inner city,

380
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 1: and I just basically felt like I had found my

381
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 1: calling because I got to see black and brown folks.

382
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:50,879
Speaker 1: I got to see, like, I mean, it was different

383
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Speaker 1: because in New York it's like it's you know, West

384
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Speaker 1: Indians and Caribbeans, and especially if you're dealing with like

385
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Speaker 1: people who speak Spanish, I hear it's different Central America

386
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,879
Speaker 1: him mostly so. And I still don't know Spanish. I

387
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,639
Speaker 1: only know like bodega Spanish, which I'm not going to

388
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:09,879
Speaker 1: repeat here, wish right um. But I felt like I

389
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: really could make the biggest difference with people who society

390
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 1: didn't care about. And those were the people I grew

391
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:22,640
Speaker 1: up around, like right, like who cares about a crackhead?

392
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 1: Like we did? No one else did. And so when

393
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 1: a lot of my colleagues went off to you know,

394
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,880
Speaker 1: like more cushier positions. I not only wanted to stay

395
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,680
Speaker 1: with the folks that looked like me, but I kind

396
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: of doubled down and was like, you know what, I'm

397
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: gonna work with, like people who are in prison and

398
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:46,200
Speaker 1: people who are incarcerated, because unfortunately, we're systemically disproportionately, you know,

399
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 1: unfairly but sometimes fairly. I'm not I'm not gonna everybody's right,

400
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 1: everybody's innocent, but I wanted to deal with the people

401
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 1: who society not only forgot, but we're afraid of. But

402
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: I do have a question because this is what I fear,

403
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 1: and this is what I've seen working in the inner

404
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 1: cities as well. It's called the school to prison pipeline.

405
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,399
Speaker 1: And for young black boys in particular, they're quick to

406
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 1: label young black boys. And I've heard a lot of

407
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 1: moms say today, boys, you know, don't be acting crazy.

408
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: You know, don't be acting crazy because if they label you,

409
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 1: I can't help you. And I hear that all the time.

410
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 1: And these moms are single moms. I'm a single moms,

411
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 1: and their boys are dealing with whatever issues and sometimes

412
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:28,959
Speaker 1: it may not even be mental illness. Some of them

413
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 1: just may have behavioral issues because dad's not around. But

414
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 1: the first thing that happens is the label a d D,

415
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 1: A d h D. You need to get medicated. And

416
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:40,159
Speaker 1: then once they get medicated, I've noticed that if they

417
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 1: have an issue, the police are called immediately and once

418
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 1: they were arrested as young as six or seven years old.

419
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,639
Speaker 1: Now you're in the system. Now you're in special ed.

420
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,200
Speaker 1: And for my brother, my brother works in the District

421
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 1: seventy school in Brooklyn, which is where a lot of

422
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:58,159
Speaker 1: the special kids go or alternative schools where a lot

423
00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 1: of kids who come out of prison or come out

424
00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 1: of roup poemes go to. The school majority was labeled

425
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 1: as specially at kids young and could not get that

426
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 1: label off even if they were fine after that. Like

427
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: how does the parents navigate if you have a childhood

428
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,200
Speaker 1: you think may have issues, Because that's what I fear

429
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: as a dad with three black boys, I don't want

430
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 1: my boys to have a label. Labels are very important,

431
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 1: like you said, and when it and when it comes

432
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: to kids who feel like they don't have like they

433
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: don't have anybody to talk to, and it may not

434
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,440
Speaker 1: be their fault. Their mother might be working three or

435
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:34,119
Speaker 1: four jobs, like the lights, that's what that That's what

436
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:37,640
Speaker 1: I dealt with at Prototype and I first started Pope.

437
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: Of the boys were with single moms, and these were

438
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 1: not you know the stigma of the single mom who

439
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 1: don't know what she's doing. She's out here chasing all

440
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 1: of these men. No, I'm talking about educated black single

441
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 1: moms with three four jobs. They have different kids, or

442
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: they have two to three kids, and they're trying to

443
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 1: balance get to this practice, get to that like this,

444
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 1: and they may only see their kids maybe two hours

445
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 1: a day if that, in the morning, getting them ready,

446
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 1: and then at night to make sure everybody's in the

447
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 1: bed before she goes out to her job again to

448
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: work the midnight shift. And I watched this and so

449
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 1: many of these boys when I speak to them, they oh, yeah,

450
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 1: I was diagnosed early with Okay, so let me let

451
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 1: me talk about that a little bit too. So recently,

452
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 1: I was in Baltimore. This was I think two weekends ago,

453
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 1: and actually so myself and my mother went to go

454
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: speak at a gala that was um benefiting a a

455
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 1: school out there called Keys and Powers. And it was

456
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:44,880
Speaker 1: so awesome to see this school had kids, all black kids.

457
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 1: It's Baltimore, and they had two psychiatrists on staff who

458
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 1: were there like all day every day, they would do

459
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:56,440
Speaker 1: home visits. They would the kids could actually like, you know,

460
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 1: to go tell their teacher, like I need to go

461
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 1: speak to somebody now, and so it's like at different

462
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: points during the day. I think, you know, first of all,

463
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: I think that the way that just like my approach

464
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 1: to mental health and mental wellness, especially black and brown folks,

465
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 1: has to be different than what I was taught, which

466
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 1: is which was mainly by wife folks. We also have

467
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: to take the initiative and change the programs that we're

468
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 1: essentially putting our black children into your You got to

469
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,479
Speaker 1: consider your your population. You got to consider your audience.

470
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: In this case, the audience are black boys. We as

471
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,959
Speaker 1: black folks, we are. Culture is just different and how

472
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: we relate to each other. So that's one thing, but

473
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 1: the one the second thing that I want to reiterate,

474
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: which I've been reiterating ever since the study came out.

475
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 1: The CDC came out with the study, Did y'all hear

476
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: about that where it showed that black fathers are actually

477
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 1: the most they're the most involved out of everybody, And

478
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 1: the metrics were you know, um giving them bass, doing

479
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 1: a homework with them, cooking for them, putting them in bed.

480
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 1: So there are single mothers absolutely. But and even though

481
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: that study showed that a lot of those black fathers

482
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 1: weren't in the home with the mother, they still weren't INVOLVD.

483
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 1: So I've been really really just pushing that because it's

484
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 1: a truth. It is important. I mean, it's also important

485
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 1: because the narrative creates. The narrative ultimately creates the laws. Exactly.

486
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 1: It was like, if you want people to fear black men,

487
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,120
Speaker 1: you have to create this narrative that black men need

488
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: to be feared, and then you create laws that will

489
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 1: help people feel safer when black people are around, which

490
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:46,159
Speaker 1: is how it's how we ended up getting mass incarceration.

491
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 1: That's why if you smoke crack, you can get twenty

492
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: five years, but if you do methanmpheta means, then you

493
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,120
Speaker 1: get five years. You know what I'm saying, Like, there's

494
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 1: certain rules and laws created based on the narratives. But

495
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest. That's what made me afraid to

496
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 1: go see a therapist, and that's what make me afraid

497
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: to take my kids to see therapists because I would

498
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 1: be afraid that they would get labeled and then end

499
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: up in that prison. When he went to a therapist,

500
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 1: was that was your therapist black? Yes? I chose that

501
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 1: for myself because I wanted someone that can relate to

502
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,200
Speaker 1: my struggle, you know, I didn't. One thing I've learned

503
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 1: throughout life is that you really can't blame people for

504
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 1: what they don't know, you know, like if they don't know,

505
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,719
Speaker 1: they really just don't know. And I learned that from

506
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: one of my friends. He was, um, I don't know

507
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: what the politically correct term is, but his dad was bracial.

508
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 1: His dad was white. But I don't see, I don't know,

509
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 1: I don't know. Nowadays, you don't know what to say.

510
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 1: So we were walking around King's Plaza and they were

511
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 1: about five of us coming from football practice, and the

512
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 1: cops pulled us over. This during the time of stopping.

513
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 1: First cops put us with what y'all doing? No, no, no,

514
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, we ain't doing nothing, and like you can't

515
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 1: walk in groups or five in the in the mall.

516
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 1: So then they detained us, and they detained us and

517
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 1: called our parents and his dad who came who was white.

518
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 1: It was just like, what were you doing? Right, and

519
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 1: he was like, I wasn't doing anything. And his father

520
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 1: legitimately said to him, so, you're telling me the cops

521
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 1: are just gonna come and just start harassing you for

522
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 1: no reason. And I was sitting there looking at him

523
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 1: like another in Brooklyn. I don't think he know his

524
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 1: son is black? Also, right, that's okay, you had sex

525
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: of the black woman and made a black child. Let's

526
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 1: just say it. And all this time passed and you

527
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 1: and you live in this country. I'm not surprised, but

528
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 1: I'm just like, word, if you wouldn't you would have

529
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: heard the conversation. If you you'd have been so mad.

530
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 1: I know your mouth was open. Yeah. I was like

531
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 1: really like do you not see what goes on? And

532
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 1: he was just like And honestly, I feel genuinely sorry

533
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: for him because he felt like he could like push

534
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 1: your son away from that, like almost like you're not

535
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 1: like you're not black, your dad is white. You know.

536
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 1: I always told you pull your pants up, do this, dude, this,

537
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 1: And I'm just like he literally was doing noth man

538
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 1: but but just walking around and his mom is Nigerian.

539
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 1: Even though he was white, he's still darker than men skin,

540
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: so he's more brown skin, right, So it was just like,

541
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: all y'all come over here, and I was like, Wow,

542
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 1: his dad really don't get it. So when it came

543
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: time for me to pick a doctor, I wasn't going

544
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: to pick a doctor who might not get the struggles

545
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, because you just don't get it exactly.

546
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 1: I recently was talking to somebody um and she was

547
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 1: saying that she has a therapist and this woman is

548
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 1: white and she loves a therapist, and she was like,

549
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:32,760
Speaker 1: you know, and I asked. I was like, you know,

550
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: is it a problem like with certain things? And she's like, well,

551
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: you know, she's she is cognizant enough to let me finish.

552
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 1: And if there's something that I don't understand, she doesn't understand,

553
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: like I'll explain it. But for me, I'm like, look,

554
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 1: we're paying about an hour, you know what I'm saying,

555
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 1: Like back to the I'm like, we're paying about an hour.

556
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 1: Like I ain't got time to explain what the kitchen is,

557
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:54,880
Speaker 1: and that is on the back of your head, you know,

558
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 1: like I can't, Like I don't, I ain't got time

559
00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: for that. Like, so let's just let's just you know, right,

560
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: let's just do away with like, you know, the let's

561
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 1: just do away with the pleasantry and let's just get

562
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 1: to the right. So how do we do that? How

563
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: do we encourage, like you said, not wanting to characterize

564
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: all Jamaicans per se, but just within our community of

565
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 1: black folk, how do we now, say, encourage someone who

566
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 1: you feel like may just need to speak to a

567
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: therapist or maybe dealing with a mental issue. Are there

568
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 1: any kind of um tactful ways to finess that and

569
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 1: suggest to somebody that they seek help. So I think

570
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 1: that for most people, and this isn't just for people

571
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 1: who are severely mentally, A lot of people lack what's

572
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 1: called we call it in psychiatry insight, so they don't

573
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 1: have a lot of insight into their mental illness. And look,

574
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 1: I will freely admit that's me too. It's hard to

575
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 1: be objective with yourself, right. So I've been clearly in

576
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 1: a state of anxiety all year and then recently had

577
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: these series of panic attacks, at which point my mother

578
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 1: was like, Yo, you gotta find a therapist like you

579
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 1: over here whiling like this is this is ridiculous, and

580
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: I'm and even in the back of my mind I'm like,

581
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: I'll be all right, like I could figure this out,

582
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 1: like Okay, things are cool now, Like I'm straight right.

583
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 1: But what I would say, the best thing that someone

584
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 1: can do is just to be consistent and be persistent.

585
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: Like essentially, it's like listen, like you're going through these issues,

586
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 1: and I know it's hard for you to see them

587
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 1: as issues, but I remember when you were like this,

588
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: or I know you could be happier, and you might

589
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 1: say that you're happy, but you're not at your best potential.

590
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 1: And it really takes a lot of time for some people.

591
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: They're like, oh word, okay, I'm gonna see a therapist then,

592
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 1: but that's not most of us. And you really just

593
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 1: have to just kind of keep being persistent and they

594
00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: might yell at you and be like yo, leave me alone,

595
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: like I'm cool, but knowing that someone has taken the

596
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 1: time over and over again to keep telling you, like yo,

597
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: I care about you. You know what I'm saying, Like

598
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 1: I see these changes in you, like I really want

599
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 1: for you to be the best person that you can be.

600
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 1: That is something that's going to resonate with the person

601
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: that may need help. And it's a fine line. I

602
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 1: feel between taking on those problems, Like I'm thinking of

603
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 1: someone who's in a relationship with somebody and how I

604
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: had to realize that this was his fight at one

605
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: point and not it wasn't me. I wasn't the cause

606
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: of it per se um. So how would you encourage people,

607
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 1: particularly in relationships, to say, you know, or is it not?

608
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 1: It's not your fault per se but you do notice

609
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 1: this and you don't want to make it about I

610
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 1: don't want to make it about me. Although I did

611
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 1: Loki feel like Dan, what was I not doing to

612
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 1: prevent him from feeling this way? Because naturally you kind

613
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: of take the onus on you if if my partner

614
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: is not happy or if he's in like a slump,

615
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,600
Speaker 1: it's my fault or I didn't do something or did

616
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 1: something to make that happen. So how do you encourage couples,

617
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: you know, or people within relationships to just kind of

618
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 1: not take that on them? So I'm sure you guys

619
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 1: have heard that. You know, when you first meet somebody,

620
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 1: you show them your representative right, and obviously you all

621
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:20,800
Speaker 1: are not representatives, but you may be representing your you

622
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 1: may be representing your mental wellness still because you're because

623
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 1: you're still representing your mental wellness to yourself. And if

624
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 1: you can't admit you have an issue, you're not admit

625
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: it to nobody else. So there are going to be

626
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 1: I mean all kinds like I don't how old were

627
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:44,240
Speaker 1: you when you got married, So twenty seven years, almost

628
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: three decades of things happen to you before y'all got married,

629
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: And it didn't mean that he didn't want to talk

630
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 1: about it with you, But he may not have even

631
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: known the words to talk about it. He might may

632
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 1: not have even known what was going on. I've been

633
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 1: that person, like in the bathroom, like in the bathtub,

634
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: just like what is wrong with me? I did not

635
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 1: want I knew what problems I had. I did not

636
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:13,919
Speaker 1: want to talk to her about it because I didn't

637
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: want to come across as weak. I'm the man, I'm

638
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 1: the leader. I've been the light in my family and

639
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: in my community for so long. How could I then

640
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,839
Speaker 1: say to my wife I have a problem, because then

641
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 1: it's like I've relinquished all my power and strength. Because

642
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,440
Speaker 1: my strength, as I felt like my strength is as

643
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 1: a man, was to take on the brunt of all

644
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 1: of my family's issues, so that my wife could be

645
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: at peace. She gave me three beautiful boys. She shouldn't

646
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,320
Speaker 1: have to deal with a fourth boy. So any issues

647
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: I got, I should deal with on my own. That's

648
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 1: how I felt, right, And that's the side because and

649
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:46,800
Speaker 1: I mean, and I'm gonna say as well, all respect,

650
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: you don't know women like that then, because we love

651
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: to take care of things. And if we know that

652
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,799
Speaker 1: our exactly and if we know that our man needs help,

653
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 1: we're like, oh, yeah, I hear you. I hear you.

654
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 1: I definitely hear you. And I'm not saying like, well,

655
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,439
Speaker 1: therefore that it's you. It's not it's not your issue,

656
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 1: it's not your problem. Societally, that's how we, Oh, I

657
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 1: raised black man, so I admit we we talked about

658
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 1: this all the time. I let society tell me what

659
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,439
Speaker 1: the American dream was supposed to be, and I fell

660
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 1: for it hook line. And even even how when I

661
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 1: got the let me this is exactly what happened in

662
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 1: my life. I graduated from high school, got to college,

663
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 1: got a degree. Boom, Oh, I'm in the NFL. I'm

664
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: making money. Boom. Let me buy some stuff. I got

665
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 1: a girl, Let me buy a house. I got to

666
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 1: get married. I got to prove to everybody how successful

667
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 1: I am. Then im twin. Everybody else is ramping you up,

668
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 1: like hyping you up to do it, And then it

669
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 1: was lonely yo when I when I got cut, I

670
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,439
Speaker 1: was engaged, I had bought property, my wife was about

671
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:59,959
Speaker 1: to have a baby, and I was by myself because

672
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 1: all those people who were like, you should be doing it,

673
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 1: should be doing that, they were gone. And I spent

674
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: nine the first nine years I spent my marriage trying

675
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 1: to figure it out in my own head because society

676
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 1: also told me if I put that on my wife,

677
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 1: then I'm weak. I gotta I gotta handle that. And

678
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,279
Speaker 1: it wasn't even just my society, my dad. When I

679
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 1: watched my father deal with what he dealt with in

680
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 1: our in our family, like he was laid off. My

681
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 1: father only has an associate's degree, but he understands mainframeing,

682
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 1: so he's always able to keep a job and make

683
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 1: really good money. So he got laid off, and he

684
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 1: was laid off for about six months one time, and

685
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 1: he never let my mom know how he felt or

686
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,879
Speaker 1: if things ever got bad. Anytime I walk in the house,

687
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,320
Speaker 1: Hey what's up, bro? Everything was fine? And then he

688
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: used to tell me, He's like, it's not your mom's

689
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 1: responsibility to know what goes on here. I'm the man.

690
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 1: I have to do with this. I'll find a way.

691
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,439
Speaker 1: So I put that on myself because I felt because

692
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 1: I watched my mom walking around that reads anxiety though,

693
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:01,920
Speaker 1: because that's me. Dad breads anxiety. Because I'm gonna take

694
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 1: a little, a little side note, and I just because

695
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 1: I've really been trying to tell people this. We as

696
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: black folks, Like, yes, I like shiny things too, okay,

697
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 1: Like I I save up for all that stuff. It's

698
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 1: there's a difference between wealth and being rich. I saw

699
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,480
Speaker 1: I forgot what what comedians said, like, oh it was

700
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 1: Chris Rocky. He was like, the wealthy dude is the

701
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 1: one signing your check, right. But then on the flip

702
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:32,439
Speaker 1: side of it, rich being rich is loud and wealth

703
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 1: is quiet. And similarly, strength to me is quiet. You

704
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 1: don't have to like, you know, proclaim and like take

705
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 1: on every like oh I'm cool, I got because that's

706
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 1: going to bring anxiety. So I'm I'm guessing, almost guaranteeing

707
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 1: that when all that stuff happened to you and you

708
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 1: were pregnant and you know, y'all were engaged and then

709
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 1: you got cut. You probably were just like somewhere trembling

710
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,839
Speaker 1: because it was like, you know, what am I going

711
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:06,800
Speaker 1: to do? That's that's exactly That's on top of that.

712
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 1: Not only was I trembling, but I also made poor

713
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 1: life decisions because at this point I had no one

714
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 1: to reach out to and I had no way to

715
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 1: get out of this funk. So I started to make

716
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 1: decisions that I felt like would get me out of it,

717
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 1: and they were impulsive, impulsive decisions, and I put blame

718
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 1: on people. And I always put blame on the people

719
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,600
Speaker 1: who were the closest to me. For example, in Michigan,

720
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 1: nobody said I want to live in Michigan, but he

721
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 1: felt like if he wanted, if I was gonna be

722
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: good impulsive decision, I had to show her that I

723
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:38,800
Speaker 1: was serious. I had to show her that I was

724
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 1: the man. I had to show that I got it

725
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,239
Speaker 1: brought at home. Then when we were struggling financially and

726
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,360
Speaker 1: stuff like that, I blamed her for the fact that

727
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: I brought the house and I didn't even But these

728
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,040
Speaker 1: are the things that if I, if I would have

729
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 1: just been open to speaking to someone, but I wasn't

730
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 1: and not for nothing. I always say this, from fifteen

731
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: to twenty you think you know everything. From twenty five

732
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 1: you know you know everything. From twenty to thirty you

733
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,799
Speaker 1: start to realize, you know what. I ain't know ship

734
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 1: all that time. And it was until about thirty that

735
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 1: I was like, I need to start fixing all of

736
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: the things that I was doing in my twenties. And

737
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 1: it wasn't until I saw a therapist and I started opening.

738
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,880
Speaker 1: Now we have arguments. Right in the past, we have argument,

739
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 1: I'll shut down. I ain't gonna that. It ain't bonding.

740
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 1: Now it's like, listen, baby, everything he learned from that therapist.

741
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 1: Now he's going through like a whole series of like

742
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 1: completely points change good that it does. Remember in the

743
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,440
Speaker 1: in the in the grocery store, there's football Saturday. I

744
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 1: like to just relax and watch football. I don't I

745
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 1: work a whole lot. This is the one day that

746
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 1: I don't wanna have to do nothing. We had family

747
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 1: and guests coming over. She's like, baby, he can we

748
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: go to Costcos. So now I'm in Costcos on football.

749
00:40:57,480 --> 00:40:59,879
Speaker 1: Rather than getting upset, which I normally did, guy set

750
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: went with her I just said, listen, can you just

751
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 1: explain to me why we're in definitely had a therapist

752
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 1: voice too. I was like, don't try to hit me

753
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: with that voice. I've learned from my therapist that how

754
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:15,879
Speaker 1: I asked my questions is more important than the question

755
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,799
Speaker 1: I asked. That's that's true. So I've learned to take

756
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 1: I'm still getting used to that though, because when he

757
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 1: should be saying it to me all come and stuff,

758
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: I'm just like, Yeah, why are you talking to me

759
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 1: like that? Like you're patronizing me At this moment, I'm

760
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 1: trying to We're still trying to figure it out because

761
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 1: the therapy was so great for me. It made me,

762
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 1: it made me, but husband made me a better father,

763
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: better business partner. Um, I'm able to see things differently

764
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: in the world because I'm able to share, you know,

765
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:43,880
Speaker 1: And you start to realize, like one of the one

766
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,480
Speaker 1: of the main reasons why I really want to go

767
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 1: to therapy, it's like I'm going to be forty four

768
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 1: in a couple of months and yeah, and and there

769
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: are values that I came up with when I was

770
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 1: like six that I still hold this day, like don't

771
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 1: cry crying as weak? Why who told me that nobody.

772
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,800
Speaker 1: It's just something that I just have internalized. It doesn't

773
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 1: make sense, but to this day, if I shed it here,

774
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 1: I'm just like, look what you're saying. Oh my god. Yeah,

775
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 1: and it's six year old self looking at you, like right,

776
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 1: like together, right, get it together. And so there are

777
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:23,399
Speaker 1: things that I'm like, look, I need to undo these

778
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 1: things because I can only do but so much. But

779
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: I still have these like really kind of strange internalized

780
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 1: values that I came up with when I was a kid.

781
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,320
Speaker 1: And frankly like because my biological father like abandoned me

782
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 1: and my mom and so he said he had abandonment

783
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:46,800
Speaker 1: issues too, right, so he right, he couldn't talk about it,

784
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 1: so he was like, I'm out right, but he was

785
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 1: also you know, had drug issues. But these are the

786
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 1: things that I concocted, like these values I concocted when

787
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 1: I was like seven years old, which I still have

788
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 1: and they're dumb. Which it's crazy, this feel I can

789
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:08,240
Speaker 1: see being draining just on you too, taking on everything

790
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 1: and people unloading onto you. So how do you refuel

791
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 1: after this? Like, if you're going through something, how do

792
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 1: you keep yourself from maybe not trying to like self

793
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:17,759
Speaker 1: diagnose or does that even help you to do that?

794
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: You know what? Quite honestly, I don't really take it home. Okay,

795
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: yeah I can. I'm great at compartmentalizing, probably to a fault, um,

796
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 1: But I think more so than anything that I'm just

797
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 1: so happy to be able to help them, and I'm

798
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 1: so happy too that they're able to share their stories

799
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 1: with me that I'm just really, I just feel so

800
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 1: so grateful. You've heard of people who have been in

801
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 1: therapy forever. It's really no endpoint because life every day

802
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 1: is different. Thing's always come at you. So it's not like, yeah,

803
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 1: I did it, although for some people, like when I've

804
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:01,360
Speaker 1: been in therapy was like, Okay, I'm ash, but I

805
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 1: felt like that, Yeah, I went for three months and

806
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 1: I felt like I'm good. Like I feel like I've

807
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,279
Speaker 1: I've learned some tools to manage my life right, and

808
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 1: there may come a time where you might need to

809
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 1: go back or or you know or not. And that's

810
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,799
Speaker 1: kind of how I've dealt with therapy. But as far

811
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 1: as unwinding, I mean, I a lot of times like

812
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 1: I listened to I listened to a lot of music.

813
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 1: Unfortunately in l A we don't get a lot of

814
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 1: like reggae and dance. Fall out here girl, come by,

815
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:33,839
Speaker 1: come by a house. My neighbors are probably like, what's

816
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:39,440
Speaker 1: going on over there? We played all everything, especially bring

817
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,840
Speaker 1: it out here because there's no culture out here for exactly.

818
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 1: But I've just learned certain my coping. My coping skills

819
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:49,879
Speaker 1: are like going to sleep, getting in the bathtub, um,

820
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,800
Speaker 1: going to the beach, like and in l A, we

821
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 1: take it for granted that like the beach is like, oh,

822
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,879
Speaker 1: it's all It's gonna be there, right. But I went

823
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 1: to my son begged me like a a few weeks ago,

824
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 1: like Yo, can you please take the day off? And

825
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 1: I was like yes, So we went Yes. So we

826
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 1: went to Venice for a couple of hours and it

827
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 1: was just like I was like, oh my god, thank you. Yeah,

828
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 1: that's what I needed. So it's important to know, you

829
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 1: know what what your coping skills are, and those are

830
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,439
Speaker 1: some of mine. Well before we let you go, because

831
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 1: we can't take up all of your time today, I

832
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:24,799
Speaker 1: would love to. I'm having a great time now. I'm

833
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: having a great time too. I feel like I'm actually

834
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 1: feel like I'm in therapy right now, talking to you,

835
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 1: but I'm asking for three tips for people dealing with

836
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 1: a partner that may have mental health issues. Um. I

837
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:37,839
Speaker 1: posted about mental health on my Instagram and we had

838
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: tons of comments for people asking me, well, you know,

839
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 1: I think, how how much is it? How much do

840
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 1: you deal with until you say enough is enough? My

841
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,319
Speaker 1: partner is going through this, I've been trying to stick

842
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 1: it out. What do I do? Do I get them

843
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 1: a therapist? Do I take them with me to therapy?

844
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 1: What do I do? What are three tips you would

845
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,359
Speaker 1: give someone who they think has a partner that may

846
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 1: be dealing with mental health issues? So I think the

847
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 1: first thing is obviously to talk to that person. You know,

848
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 1: you use your words, UM, explain to that person what

849
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: they see and like you were saying a little while ago,

850
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 1: it's how, especially for black folks, is how you say,

851
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,920
Speaker 1: because if your tone is wrong, it's like no, I'm right.

852
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 1: First of all, you need to lower your tone. Lower

853
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 1: you take the base out of your boys. You always

854
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:24,960
Speaker 1: think exactly right, exactly so just you know, say, make

855
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: sure that when you convey how you feel that you

856
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:32,360
Speaker 1: take on a non accusatory tone like you know what

857
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 1: hey like, I think you might be having some issues,

858
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 1: and I'm here to talk about them if you want to,

859
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 1: But I just want to make sure that somebody you

860
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:44,719
Speaker 1: know who loves you dearly that I'm I'm seeing some

861
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:46,520
Speaker 1: changes and I think, you know, it might be a

862
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:48,800
Speaker 1: good idea for you to see somebody. And again, that

863
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:50,759
Speaker 1: person may not be open to it. They might, but

864
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:52,920
Speaker 1: they might not. I like that one. So number one

865
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 1: I got start with using your words, but in a

866
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:58,800
Speaker 1: non accusatory tone. I got that, So don't just go

867
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 1: out there pointing stuff out like you need therapy. Number

868
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 1: two is if the person still isn't willing to go,

869
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 1: that might be the time to maybe bring in like

870
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 1: a relative or intervention, but not in but like maybe

871
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm making this up, maybe you married

872
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 1: to the person and you want to talk to like

873
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 1: their close cousin. Try a third party. Try a third party,

874
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 1: because that because you see that person every day, and

875
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:44,200
Speaker 1: so that person who might be struggling might be like, well,

876
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: you can't objectively you know what I'm saying, look at

877
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 1: me like that. So if it's if it's another person,

878
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 1: they could be like, you know what, I kind of

879
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 1: feel like these are the things I'm seeing too, or

880
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 1: or whatever. But I think it's a good idea to

881
00:47:56,520 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 1: go with someone the person knows before you jump in. Fine,

882
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:04,879
Speaker 1: absolutely outside and outside help, because then they might be like, nah,

883
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 1: that's when the defense comes up, right, And so I

884
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:11,920
Speaker 1: have try a third party as a conduit, familiar familiar

885
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 1: third party number, to try a familiar keyword their third

886
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 1: party as a conduit. At that time, you brought my

887
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 1: sister in to tell me I was being mean. Yeah,

888
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:21,600
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to tell you directly that you

889
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:24,279
Speaker 1: needed therapy, so I told your sisters there you go

890
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 1: and bushed me. But whatever, we all you know which

891
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: we always get to all we mean and it's not.

892
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 1: We just very factual and I'm very direct. Exactly sounds

893
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 1: my tone devoutly like why you said it like that?

894
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't think I said it no

895
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:44,959
Speaker 1: kind of way Jamaican. Maybe never think alsogether. Groups. Also,

896
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:46,879
Speaker 1: look if you look like a turtle, and I'll tell

897
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 1: you look like a turtle, Like now, you man could

898
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 1: be honest, right, you know what you look like when

899
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 1: you left the house because you're start, you're moving. You

900
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,320
Speaker 1: won't say you know, you won't say nothing like hey, babe,

901
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,360
Speaker 1: you know you kind of look like a turtle. No,

902
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 1: I'll come at able to look at this, lick at

903
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: her like that to have to turn on that. All right,

904
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 1: your money, you gotta give me one more though, one more.

905
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 1: So we got started with using your words in a

906
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:25,839
Speaker 1: non accusatory fashion, a non accusatory tone, and then try

907
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 1: a familiar third parties a conduit. What's the last one?

908
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:32,240
Speaker 1: I would say the last step would at that point

909
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: seek outside help. And that could mean a therapist, and

910
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to necessarily be a psychiatrist, because mental

911
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 1: health clinicians can be social workers, they can be psychologists,

912
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:49,200
Speaker 1: they can be marriage and family therapists, but just someone

913
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:54,520
Speaker 1: who makes it there purpose their career purpose, let's say,

914
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:59,839
Speaker 1: to help other people through therapy. No, this is perfect money.

915
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Thank you so much. This was fun.

916
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,880
Speaker 1: Speaking of my mental health is often very like draining

917
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,359
Speaker 1: and tiresome. I feel like we had a good time today. Yeah.

918
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 1: I definitely had a good time other than YouTube picking

919
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 1: on me. I enjoy that's it. In fact, that's it

920
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:19,960
Speaker 1: coming speaking you know what I mean, hypothetically coming on

921
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 1: my turnal nack, get my neck there you go, so

922
00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 1: imani if anyone wanted to find you, tell us here

923
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:29,480
Speaker 1: in your handles. If you have a website, blog page

924
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 1: or whatever. Sure, so I'm dr imani um. And if

925
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:36,319
Speaker 1: you want to follow me on Instagram, which is where

926
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:39,800
Speaker 1: I primarily am, it's I'm at doctor, which is d

927
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: O C T O R dot Imani. I am A

928
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 1: and I I have a website with all kinds of information.

929
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 1: My website is doctor d O C T O R

930
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:55,359
Speaker 1: dash Imani, I am A and I dot com. We're

931
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:57,440
Speaker 1: not leaving it. You can. Actually we have to do

932
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 1: listener letters. Do you have time to perfect nay, mind,

933
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: He's gonna stick around with us. We're gonna take a

934
00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 1: quick break, and we went to these listener letters. After

935
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 1: we get to some ads, stay tuned. This for the record,

936
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:20,720
Speaker 1: there it is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods

937
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 1: is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story,

938
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 1: it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry from

939
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:35,279
Speaker 1: my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the

940
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:42,440
Speaker 1: return to glory. This is All American, a new series

941
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:46,359
Speaker 1: from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realized Tiger

942
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 1: Wood doesn't know who he is best in the history

943
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:53,720
Speaker 1: of gaulf no question in my mind. And this season,

944
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 1: with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what

945
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has

946
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:06,760
Speaker 1: been telling, what if it's been completely wrong? All American

947
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 1: Tiger is out. Now listen and stitch your Apple podcasts

948
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 1: or your favorite podcast app. Alright, so now we're back

949
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:19,360
Speaker 1: for listener letters, and we have doctor and Mommie is

950
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 1: still in the house with us because she's gonna see

951
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:23,320
Speaker 1: if she can give her a little two cents and

952
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 1: some advice for these people writing into us that forensic

953
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 1: sh'd be knowing knowing for real. Alright, first question, you

954
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 1: want to go babe? Alright, I'll read this, want to

955
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 1: go for it. Me and my husband have been married

956
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 1: for nine months. He lost his job. I'm gonna stay

957
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:50,600
Speaker 1: at home mom. Our son is five months old, and

958
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: I know he's feeling down unless of a man because

959
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 1: he lost his job. Damn. We have to move back

960
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 1: to my parents house until we get back on our feet.

961
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:00,760
Speaker 1: What are some things I can do to his spirits

962
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 1: up in this hard time. I don't want him getting depressed.

963
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:08,800
Speaker 1: So I think the first thing to do is to

964
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 1: just always keep the lines of communication open because as

965
00:53:13,239 --> 00:53:18,240
Speaker 1: we talked about, Black men in particular, will internalize everything

966
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 1: and not speak up. And I know that this this

967
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 1: person's husband may definitely be taking on a lot of guilt,

968
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:36,240
Speaker 1: may feel very ashamed. And when those two things along

969
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:40,439
Speaker 1: with depressed mood and then you have maybe this person

970
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: might end up with decreased motivation. What you really want

971
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:45,359
Speaker 1: to look out for is that the person doesn't fall

972
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 1: into a clinical depression, which doesn't mean that the person

973
00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:51,279
Speaker 1: you know, what's what's the difference between just depression and

974
00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:54,400
Speaker 1: clinical depression. So being depressed, which is kind of basically

975
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 1: a colloquial term, is like, oh, I'm sad, right, having

976
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:04,239
Speaker 1: having clinical depres russion means that you have certain symptoms

977
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 1: depressed mood. Um, you may have poor motivation, sleep changes

978
00:54:09,239 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 1: either sleeping too much or sleeping too little. Issues of

979
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:15,359
Speaker 1: concentration which is always going to be poor, UM, low

980
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:19,640
Speaker 1: energy like fatigue, UM, having feelings of guilt or shame,

981
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 1: losing interesting and usual activities. And for people when they

982
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 1: get really really clinically depressed or really severely depressed, they

983
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:32,360
Speaker 1: might have start having feelings of having thoughts of suicide.

984
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: So I'm sad, which is why it's important in this

985
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:40,320
Speaker 1: period of time for them to keep the lines of

986
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:43,840
Speaker 1: communication open because if he starts internalizing that, especially like

987
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:48,799
Speaker 1: having to move back, um move into her parents house,

988
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 1: you know, you also might be dealing with their parents

989
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 1: and then her his father in law. You know, I'm

990
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:02,279
Speaker 1: that's a lot. So I would say, you know, for

991
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 1: someone like me who I have had clinical depression, I

992
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,279
Speaker 1: haven't taken medication, but what I do on I do

993
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:11,720
Speaker 1: certain things on the daily to prevent these things from happening.

994
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:15,160
Speaker 1: So I work out every day, like every day, whether

995
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:18,320
Speaker 1: it's going hiking or going to the gym, because that

996
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 1: releases serotonin into your brain and that helps keep your

997
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:25,280
Speaker 1: mood elevated to the point where you don't get depressed.

998
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,239
Speaker 1: It's just important to make sure that he that that

999
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:33,279
Speaker 1: he's able to feel, know that he's loved, and know

1000
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:36,800
Speaker 1: that it's not his fault because just like, look, I

1001
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:39,560
Speaker 1: have clinical depression because my dad was clinically depressed. It

1002
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:44,120
Speaker 1: I didn't step on a nail and got it right, right.

1003
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:47,480
Speaker 1: This person lost their job, that's not his fault, right,

1004
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 1: And so it's just important for people to realize that

1005
00:55:51,160 --> 00:55:54,759
Speaker 1: because or his the people that are surrounding him to

1006
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,360
Speaker 1: realize that, because if not, it starts people start to

1007
00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:02,800
Speaker 1: get resentful. Uh, he's funny. Remember what we talked about.

1008
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:06,200
Speaker 1: He works, she's a stay at home mom. He's gonna

1009
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:08,520
Speaker 1: start to feel first, he's gonna have resentment towards herself

1010
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 1: because I can't take care of my family. I have

1011
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 1: to move back into my wife's family's parents house. Her

1012
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:17,319
Speaker 1: dad is looking at me. When I when I gave

1013
00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:19,759
Speaker 1: my daughter to you, it was under the belief that

1014
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:22,400
Speaker 1: you were going to take care of her and yourself

1015
00:56:22,560 --> 00:56:24,719
Speaker 1: and your child. So I know that's going to hit him.

1016
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:26,680
Speaker 1: Automatically as a man, I know it's going to hit him.

1017
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 1: One thing I would tell her to do is get

1018
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:34,800
Speaker 1: on a routine of waking up, waking him up. Do

1019
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 1: the same routine you did. Why that is to remember

1020
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:44,960
Speaker 1: when I was going through my moment, we used to

1021
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:46,879
Speaker 1: get up together. When when I had just got back

1022
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:49,920
Speaker 1: from the NFL, it was the same routine. I still

1023
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:51,279
Speaker 1: got up. I had to go out and figure out

1024
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna do. I'm not going to figure it

1025
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:55,239
Speaker 1: out while I'm in Indy, while I'm in the bed,

1026
00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:57,759
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So I figured out I

1027
00:56:57,880 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 1: always found ways to try to make him know that

1028
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:02,400
Speaker 1: he was to appreciate it to yes, exactly if he

1029
00:57:02,440 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 1: didn't feel that either, I knew for sure he was

1030
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 1: going to be like, damn, I don't have a job

1031
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:10,799
Speaker 1: and I'm meking my parents my in law's house. We communicate, communicate,

1032
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:13,360
Speaker 1: get him up in the morning, continue to move together

1033
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:15,920
Speaker 1: like he's still working. You guys will be fine if

1034
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:18,920
Speaker 1: you're spiritual. Prey on it, and you actually may find

1035
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:23,040
Speaker 1: that now that you guys have some time, like reframe

1036
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:25,480
Speaker 1: it that that's also important to Like it's like, oh,

1037
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:27,400
Speaker 1: you know what, Yes, you're gonna look for jobs and

1038
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:29,360
Speaker 1: all that, but now we get to spend more time

1039
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:33,600
Speaker 1: as a family and during this short period, right instead

1040
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:35,640
Speaker 1: of just being like damn, I sucked up, Like no,

1041
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:38,480
Speaker 1: like you know what, you didn't This is not your fault.

1042
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 1: And on top of that, like now we're gonna like

1043
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:43,240
Speaker 1: bond a little bit more because maybe the next job

1044
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 1: you'll be super busy and I won't be able to

1045
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:48,480
Speaker 1: see you like that. So reframe it and use it

1046
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 1: for what it is about. Before we move on to

1047
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 1: the second one, get out your parents house during the day,

1048
00:57:56,280 --> 00:58:00,439
Speaker 1: just be there, take some walks in the park. Yeah,

1049
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:07,520
Speaker 1: for sure, alright, question number two. Currently, I'm currently I'm

1050
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:09,760
Speaker 1: in college in New York and my boyfriend lives in Texas.

1051
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 1: He comes up to visit me when he has time,

1052
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,360
Speaker 1: and I always feel bad because I'm not able to

1053
00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:16,960
Speaker 1: travel as much due to being in school and building

1054
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:19,960
Speaker 1: my business while in school. He's very supportive and all

1055
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 1: in all that I do, but we seem to bump

1056
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:24,440
Speaker 1: heads a lot when it comes to the emotional health

1057
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:27,360
Speaker 1: between us. I grew up in foster care in New

1058
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 1: York and he comes from a great family, full of love,

1059
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:33,200
Speaker 1: and they've always welcomed me. I'm actually afraid of meeting

1060
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:36,120
Speaker 1: them and taking that step forward because how I interact

1061
00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 1: with people is very on guard and I don't know

1062
00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:42,480
Speaker 1: how to exist in that kind of atmosphere. My emotional

1063
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 1: health causes us to have friction a lot. And my

1064
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,800
Speaker 1: question is, how do I explain that I'm not ready

1065
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:50,560
Speaker 1: to move forward because I'm still dealing with trauma from

1066
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:53,600
Speaker 1: my own family without making him or his family feel

1067
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 1: that I'm not interested in getting to know them. I mean,

1068
00:58:56,520 --> 00:59:00,960
Speaker 1: she explained, it's just say right, you say what you

1069
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 1: just said right now. Part of it might be that

1070
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:07,240
Speaker 1: she's afraid to say it, which which I can understand too,

1071
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:10,520
Speaker 1: But I would just start with talking, talking, talk to

1072
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:14,120
Speaker 1: your boyfriend and say exactly what you said, like, say

1073
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 1: exactly what right, because if she was here reading it,

1074
00:59:19,400 --> 00:59:22,720
Speaker 1: I'd be like, what what you want to say? And

1075
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 1: if you're saying he comes from a great family full

1076
00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 1: of love, that I feel like trying to go out

1077
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 1: their way to make you feel more comfortable. Absolutely, And

1078
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:35,520
Speaker 1: also you know, please, like whether it's through your school

1079
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 1: or elsewhere, like, get therapy because trauma, deal with that,

1080
00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:44,000
Speaker 1: oh my god, Like trauma is something like I say

1081
00:59:44,080 --> 00:59:45,720
Speaker 1: this all the time, like I can throw all the

1082
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 1: medications to somebody, but if they have trauma that is

1083
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 1: not resolved, you can do about that, right, And they're

1084
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 1: just going to keep making decisions that are like what

1085
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 1: are you doing? Because they don't know necessarily how to

1086
00:59:58,680 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 1: trust other people and a with other people in a

1087
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:06,520
Speaker 1: meaningful way. So get you get therapy and just be

1088
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 1: honest with you with a man, and you know, if

1089
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 1: he wants to tell his family that like, because she

1090
01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:14,520
Speaker 1: may not necessarily need to tell his family that she

1091
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:18,760
Speaker 1: doesn't have to. They're still dating, So tell your man

1092
01:00:18,920 --> 01:00:23,600
Speaker 1: like yo, like, I'm young, I'm working on myself. I

1093
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 1: want to get some therapy. But you know, as you know,

1094
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:27,760
Speaker 1: I wasn't forced to hear I got a lot of issues.

1095
01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:32,960
Speaker 1: I mean, she she, you're if you're listening, you already

1096
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:36,480
Speaker 1: know what to do, and you're and you also explained

1097
01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 1: it so eloquently. There's really nothing for me to say.

1098
01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:43,760
Speaker 1: This is why we can because she just took over

1099
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 1: the listener letters done and that was that was amazing

1100
01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:52,240
Speaker 1: that that's what she done. That's that's exactly sure. And

1101
01:00:52,320 --> 01:00:53,640
Speaker 1: if you want to be featured as one of our

1102
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:57,440
Speaker 1: listener letters, email us at dead ass Advice at gmail

1103
01:00:57,520 --> 01:01:00,880
Speaker 1: dot com. And we're going to move into moment of truth.

1104
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 1: You know, normally dr IMMANI we do a moment of

1105
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:05,840
Speaker 1: truth where we kind of what's our takeaway from this

1106
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:08,280
Speaker 1: whole episode, Like what did we gather from it? What's

1107
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 1: what did we learn from this episode? Do you have

1108
01:01:10,400 --> 01:01:13,840
Speaker 1: something to learn, babe? I've learned that mental health is

1109
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:16,720
Speaker 1: a stigma in our community from four hundred years of

1110
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 1: the way we've survived in this country, and until we

1111
01:01:20,240 --> 01:01:22,720
Speaker 1: as a people unpack that acknowledge that we won't be

1112
01:01:22,760 --> 01:01:25,400
Speaker 1: able to move forward and feel better about mental health.

1113
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:27,880
Speaker 1: So we have to as a people just understand why

1114
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 1: we are the way we are and deal with it right.

1115
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 1: And I've got a greater understanding, and I know that

1116
01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:36,240
Speaker 1: there is so much value in being able to just

1117
01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:39,200
Speaker 1: speak about things and holding things inside is never the

1118
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:41,920
Speaker 1: route to do to go, especially because that's things that

1119
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:43,960
Speaker 1: have been embedded in us for so long. But there

1120
01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:46,840
Speaker 1: is no embarrassment around that, and people shouldn't feel embarrassed

1121
01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:50,200
Speaker 1: say how they feel to know that there are people

1122
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:54,680
Speaker 1: out there who are professionals that can legitimately help you

1123
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 1: navigate what you've been feeling. So don't be afraid to

1124
01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:00,560
Speaker 1: get some help. Can I just add a truth? This

1125
01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:04,040
Speaker 1: is why? Yes, So one of one of the reasons

1126
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 1: why I also there's so many reasons why I became

1127
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:07,959
Speaker 1: a psychiatrist, but one of the reasons why I wanted

1128
01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:10,680
Speaker 1: to become a psychiatrist is because, you know, as black

1129
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:17,560
Speaker 1: people collectively, we are amazing, beautiful beings and we have

1130
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:20,120
Speaker 1: been able to make it this far in the world

1131
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:24,400
Speaker 1: and every and every walk of life we touch. We're

1132
01:02:24,440 --> 01:02:26,920
Speaker 1: still the trend setters. Were still you know, the people

1133
01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 1: who are showing other people how to do things and

1134
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:34,480
Speaker 1: if we can just get our mental health together. Oh

1135
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:39,000
Speaker 1: my god, can you imagine? Can you we be like

1136
01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:43,160
Speaker 1: earth wind and fire covers, like like pyramids, you know,

1137
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:51,720
Speaker 1: like shining and gold. It's exactly. It's so true. It's

1138
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:55,880
Speaker 1: so true, so much. Thank you so much for all

1139
01:02:55,920 --> 01:02:58,520
Speaker 1: the best for season two, with your filming and all that.

1140
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:01,680
Speaker 1: Um oh goodness, such a great time it was. You

1141
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:04,160
Speaker 1: gotta have you back of course, any time, anytime, just

1142
01:03:04,240 --> 01:03:06,360
Speaker 1: calling me. I'm always down, and plus you are from

1143
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:09,440
Speaker 1: New York, you know, at the very least we can

1144
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:15,880
Speaker 1: keep key. Be sure to follow us on social media.

1145
01:03:16,080 --> 01:03:19,440
Speaker 1: I'm Cadeine, I am and I am And if you're

1146
01:03:19,440 --> 01:03:23,040
Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review, share,

1147
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:26,160
Speaker 1: subscribe to your friends, tell your family. All that good

1148
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:35,800
Speaker 1: stuff and dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's

1149
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:39,120
Speaker 1: produced by T Square and Dinora Penia. Our chief content

1150
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:43,200
Speaker 1: Officer is Chris Bannon. Our associate producers are Kristen Torres

1151
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:46,840
Speaker 1: and Trouble, our studio engineer and original music is by

1152
01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:56,320
Speaker 1: Brendan Burns and mixed by Andy. Christine's daughter. We'll back.

1153
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 1: I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a

1154
01:03:58,440 --> 01:04:00,760
Speaker 1: podcast school right now. It's part of the stitchen. Ever,

1155
01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:06,960
Speaker 1: we're called Substraction. That's available everywhere. Getting a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go.

1156
01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:09,400
Speaker 1: Listen right now to the Distraction right now. It's out.

1157
01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 1: Do it, please m