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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space.

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Speaker 1: I think that if nothing else, it's partly a reminder

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Speaker 1: for us that we can say that we have plans

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Speaker 1: and the universe decides to show us different and that

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Speaker 1: it's okay for our plans to change. And if we

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Speaker 1: trust the process, you know, that's my favorite free If

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Speaker 1: we trust the process, things tend to work how they're

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Speaker 1: supposed to.

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Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 2: or even a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments,

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Speaker 2: or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, lady, please

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Speaker 2: leave us a review and tell us what we're doing

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Speaker 2: right so we can stay on track. Also, we release

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Speaker 2: episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on iTunes

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Speaker 2: and visit Herspace podcast dot com and enter your email

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Speaker 2: address to get updates about our live events and all

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Speaker 2: the new beginnings that we have for this year.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women

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Speaker 1: like you. We're your costs Doctor Dominique Brussard, a college

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Speaker 1: professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where

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Speaker 2: black women can just be.

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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor Dom here from the Herspace podcast.

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Speaker 1: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get

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Speaker 1: feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective on a

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Speaker 1: situation you're facing? If so, visit herspacepodcast dot com and

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Speaker 1: click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. Every Tuesday,

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Speaker 1: I'll choose a few questions and answer them at random.

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Speaker 1: Our quote of the day note to self. Every time

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Speaker 1: you were convinced you couldn't go on, you did Author

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Speaker 1: unknown Lady, I cannot think of a more fitting quote

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Speaker 1: for where we are right now in twenty twenty. When

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Speaker 1: I rewind and think back to January one of this

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Speaker 1: year and the things that I was looking forward to

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Speaker 1: for this upcoming year, and what I imagine this year

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Speaker 1: would be like, none of this, none of this was

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Speaker 1: in that vision. I know.

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Speaker 2: I can look.

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Speaker 1: Back at our first episode of twenty twenty Clearing your

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Speaker 1: Vision in twenty twenty. That episode we spoke about how

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Speaker 1: to set goals for ourselves for this year, things that

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Speaker 1: we could accomplish, and twenty twenty has shown us otherwise, Tee,

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Speaker 1: what do you think? Where are you at on this

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Speaker 1: day in twenty twenty?

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Speaker 2: Well, let me just say I have two words for

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty. Don Okay, over it? Okay, I'm over it. Don,

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Speaker 2: I'm over this. But let me say really quick, Don,

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Speaker 2: we got to be transparent. Can you share that quote

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Speaker 2: that we were going to go with for our episode

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Speaker 2: and then tell our lovely lady why we did not

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Speaker 2: choose that quote. I want them to hear that quote

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Speaker 2: real quick.

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Speaker 1: It was a Maya Angelou quote that said I can

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Speaker 1: be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse

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Speaker 1: to be reduced by it.

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Speaker 2: Sow we were going to go with this quote, and

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Speaker 2: after Don read it, my first response was, I've been

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Speaker 2: feeling like I'm being reduced by my circumstances, okay, because

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Speaker 2: I've really been strolling lately. I did not expect that

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Speaker 2: we would be in this state eight months into the years.

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Speaker 2: If you take a look at the first episode that

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Speaker 2: we did about the state of the world in COVID nineteen,

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Speaker 2: this was back when we all kind of you know,

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Speaker 2: we're still trying to figure out what is this thing? Right?

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Speaker 2: Is it real? Because you know, there were people saying, oh,

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Speaker 2: this isn't real, right, and we were trying to figure

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Speaker 2: out is it going to impact us? Is it going

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Speaker 2: to be this big, you know, worldwide pandemic. Right, this

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Speaker 2: is before we had all the information. So if you

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Speaker 2: go back to our episode, I believe it was season five,

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Speaker 2: episode eleven, and it was called the Coronavirus and more

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Speaker 2: Surviving and Thriving in Uncertain Times. We were still trying

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Speaker 2: to figure out what is this thing? But we had

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Speaker 2: no idea that it would last until this time of year, right,

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Speaker 2: And it's still going on. And so for me, Dom,

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Speaker 2: I am definitely over it. I'm constantly trying to find

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Speaker 2: oh things I'm grateful for. I am also holding space

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Speaker 2: for myself to feel various emotions on any given day.

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Speaker 2: I love that you said, how are you feeling on

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Speaker 2: this day? Right, I am not married to any emotions

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Speaker 2: because I realized that a shift from day to day,

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Speaker 2: from moment to moments sometimes, you know. And in San Francisco,

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Speaker 2: so unlike other parts of the country, I've been seeing

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Speaker 2: y'all lit on social media, y'all be at clubs and

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Speaker 2: baby showers, get your nose done. We haven't been able

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Speaker 2: to do any of that shit here in San Francisco.

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Speaker 2: They haven't allowed I believe it's personal hairm they haven't

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Speaker 2: opened those businesses. And so the day that they were

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Speaker 2: going to open some of the personal care businesses, I

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Speaker 2: believe it was either the day before or the day of,

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Speaker 2: the mayor ended up canceling that order because the cases

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Speaker 2: were rising. So, yes, that is very much a first

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Speaker 2: world problem, but I mean it's still something that I

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Speaker 2: think we need to acknowledge. Right, if you're having a

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Speaker 2: hard time because you can't go to the hairdressers, that's

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Speaker 2: okay to state, right, because that was something that many

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Speaker 2: of us were accustomed to in life before COVID, So

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Speaker 2: Dom I would say, I'm still adjusting. I'm very much

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Speaker 2: still trying to, you know, find the beauty and the

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Speaker 2: silver lining and each day and I really am taking

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Speaker 2: it day by day. I think I've learned how to

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Speaker 2: move slower and really take it one step at a time.

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Speaker 2: We're also dealing with wild fires right now, so there

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Speaker 2: are wildfires in the Bay Area up north, and so

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Speaker 2: it's impacting our air quality. So you know, we used

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Speaker 2: to take walks to kind of get outside, and now

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Speaker 2: it's dangerous to be outside at certain points in the

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Speaker 2: day because of the air quality. So yeah, girl, that's

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Speaker 2: my honest feeling on this day. I am over it,

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Speaker 2: that I'm moving on and I'm pressing on and I'm

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Speaker 2: doing my best not to let the circumstance reduce me. Okay.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate you pointing out that it truly is a

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Speaker 1: day by day thing, right, because I can recall earlier

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Speaker 1: on when we were talking about self care right season six,

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Speaker 1: episode one, like how to maximize your time and a

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Speaker 1: self care routine, and what I remember is Terry saying

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Speaker 1: that she has been using this time to be productive

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Speaker 1: and grow her business right, And I remember saying for

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Speaker 1: myself that I needed to slow down because I was

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Speaker 1: recognizing that.

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Speaker 2: I was doing too much.

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Speaker 1: And what I want to point out is that the

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Speaker 1: beauty of all of this that keeps evolving in this

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Speaker 1: year of twenty twenty is that yes, day to day

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Speaker 1: things change, and so I think that if nothing else,

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Speaker 1: it's partly a reminder for us that we can say

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Speaker 1: that we have plans and the universe decides to show

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Speaker 1: us different and that it's okay for our plans to change.

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Speaker 1: And if we trust the process, you know, that's my

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Speaker 1: favorite frae. If we trust the process, things tend to

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Speaker 1: work how they're supposed to. Right. But I do want

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Speaker 1: to also acknowledge that twenty twenty has been a p

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Speaker 1: painful year in many ways, you know. T You mentioned

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Speaker 1: like we're currently in the midst of wildfire season people

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Speaker 1: in other parts of the country. You know, at the

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Speaker 1: time that we are recording this episode, I have friends

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Speaker 1: and family along the Gulf Coast who are under a

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Speaker 1: hurricane watch because something that they called unprecedented of having

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Speaker 1: two hurricanes or two storms in the Gulf headed in

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Speaker 1: almost the same direction at the same time, or within

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Speaker 1: a seventy two hour time span, and when we think

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Speaker 1: about the number of people who have died due to

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Speaker 1: COVID nineteen, when we think about the number of black

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Speaker 1: and brown folks who have been killed by the police

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Speaker 1: this year alone, when we think about the tragic loss

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Speaker 1: of Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and the other passengers

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Speaker 1: in that helicopter. I mean, twenty twenty won't quit.

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Speaker 2: It, seriously, won't don Dom? You know what's crazy. I

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Speaker 2: saw a meme that said twenty twenty is what we

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Speaker 2: all thought why two K was going to be, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, you got to point there,

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Speaker 2: because everybody was getting ready. I mean literally, the way

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Speaker 2: people prepared for Y two K, they could have prepared

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Speaker 2: for twenty twenty in that way. And a lot of

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Speaker 2: us were like, oh, twenty twenty is gonna be my year,

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Speaker 2: and yes, it can still be your year, right, But

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Speaker 2: I mean we had a different vision for what it

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Speaker 2: was going to be. But Dom, you named so many

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Speaker 2: different big moments that happened. I mean, when you think

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Speaker 2: about the acquittal of Donald Trump, right, that was pretty

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Speaker 2: bizarre to think, whoa all this evidence against this man, right,

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Speaker 2: and he's acquitted. You think about the earthquakes on the

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Speaker 2: East Coast, do you think about you know, George Floyd

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Speaker 2: and Breonna Taylor, And I mean I think back to

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Speaker 2: that time period, Dom of when there were I mean,

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Speaker 2: I know there are riots going on now, but there

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Speaker 2: was like a big worldwide uproar, you know, and people

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Speaker 2: were really acknowledging finally that wait, more people, right, black

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Speaker 2: lives matter in a way that we've never seen before.

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Speaker 2: I remember that period being such a challenging period for me,

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Speaker 2: Dom and many of us, right, But I know what

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking about my personal experience, I really struggled because

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Speaker 2: it was just so overwhelming to deal with that. And

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Speaker 2: we did an episode season six, episode ten called Dear

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Speaker 2: Black People, this will not be our undoing, and that

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Speaker 2: was sort of our way of processing that trauma, right,

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Speaker 2: And I know we've decided to at certain points just

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Speaker 2: take a break from the news because it's so much.

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Speaker 2: It's so heavy when you think about I mean, just

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Speaker 2: Mey and the Stallion getting shot by Tory Lanez allegedly, right,

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Speaker 2: I mean, well she said that he did, but I

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Speaker 2: know everyone's in the media saying allegedly, So we'll just

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Speaker 2: say that to protect ourselves. But I mean, now, when

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Speaker 2: you think about that and you think about how a

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Speaker 2: black woman is stating that something happened to her and girl,

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Speaker 2: it was so disappointing to see a lot of the

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Speaker 2: memes and people joking and you know, oh, maybe she

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Speaker 2: did something. And then when she finally did come out

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Speaker 2: to say his name and what happened, still people oh, well,

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Speaker 2: she's this tall and he's this short. It's like, well damn,

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Speaker 2: you know, because if he would have shot a white woman,

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Speaker 2: it would have been a whole different situation. So that

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Speaker 2: kind of stuff was disappointing. There was just a whole

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Speaker 2: bunch of nonsense in twenty twenty.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And one of the things that I do

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Speaker 1: also want to acknowledge is that duality, right that we

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Speaker 1: just went through and listed all of these tragic things

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Speaker 1: that have happened so far in twenty twenty, is still

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Speaker 1: not over yet, right, Lady. If you're listening to this

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Speaker 1: episode on the day that it's released or within the

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Speaker 1: week that it's released, know that we are also still

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Speaker 1: a couple of months away from the presidential election.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: And so I literally that's where we're at. And so

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Speaker 1: when we think about all these things that people are

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Speaker 1: dealing with this year, right, and how just the pandemic

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Speaker 1: itself has caused us to deal with and experience other

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Speaker 1: tragedies in different ways, right. You know. I think about

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Speaker 1: people who have had to bury their loved ones, and

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Speaker 1: if they are trying to maintain social distance and follow

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Speaker 1: public health guidelines, that means that you're limiting the number

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Speaker 1: of people that can attend the funeral. And I can't

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Speaker 1: even begin to imagine what that must.

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Speaker 2: Be like to.

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Speaker 1: Lose a loved one and have to attend their funeral.

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Speaker 2: Virtually and not be with your family, right, Right.

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Speaker 1: Grieving is hard enough process to go through, but to

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Speaker 1: have to do it virtually, my gosh, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, when I think about it, I had a friend

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Speaker 2: today who was talking about how her friend gave birth today,

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Speaker 2: and I was just like, damn, you're giving birth. You know,

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Speaker 2: if you're in the hospital setting, you're not doing a

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Speaker 2: home birth, you most likely have a mask on, or

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Speaker 2: the nurses and everyone around you. If anyone can be there,

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Speaker 2: they have masks, and maybe certain people that you want

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Speaker 2: to be in the room they can't be there. So

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Speaker 2: it's like a whole different experience. During the most beautiful

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Speaker 2: moment of your life, you know, birthing your child.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty isolating.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: One of my sisters gave birth a couple of months ago,

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Speaker 1: and under different circumstances, my mom would have been able

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Speaker 1: to be there in the room, but the only person

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Speaker 1: who could be in the room with my sister was

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Speaker 1: her partner, and so she was like kind of communicating

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Speaker 1: at different points with my mom over FaceTime. I still

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Speaker 1: haven't been able to fly out there to see her,

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Speaker 1: to see my new nephew. Thanks COVID, you know.

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Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, that's tough. That's tough, these moments that we're

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Speaker 2: so accustomed to being with family, being able to touch

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Speaker 2: someone and hug someone, and even like so I find

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Speaker 2: that when we take walks sometimes I'm like I missed

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Speaker 2: just taking a deep breath of fresh air in like

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Speaker 2: I never realized how much I took that for granted.

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Speaker 2: And now I'm in a lift or if I'm running

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Speaker 2: an errand it's like I have to have this mask

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Speaker 2: on because I'm being mindful of, you know, the community

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Speaker 2: and keeping folks safe, and that's what they say we

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Speaker 2: got to do. So I'm like, I'm going to do it,

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Speaker 2: But I think about the kids, like all the kids

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Speaker 2: that miss their friends. I've been chatting with my friends

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Speaker 2: that kids, and they were just saying, my child misses

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Speaker 2: their friends so much, and then their home all day

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Speaker 2: most likely with their parents, and the family is not

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Speaker 2: used to being together this much. So it presents other

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Speaker 2: you know, challenges and adjustments for everyone. So it's a

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Speaker 2: lot right now, and I think that it's so important

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Speaker 2: for us to acknowledge how challenging these times are. Like, yes,

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Speaker 2: i think it's important to you know, keep our eyes

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Speaker 2: on the prize and you know, the goal, and yes,

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Speaker 2: it's important, I think, to be positive, but it's also

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Speaker 2: important to embrace like you said, duality is important, right,

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Speaker 2: and so embracing all aspects of the journey and realizing that, damn,

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Speaker 2: this is really tough right now. This is a big

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Speaker 2: time for many of us. We're dealing with so much

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Speaker 2: at one time. It's very overwhelming for many people.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it really is. And I think the other piece

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Speaker 1: of that too is you know, recognizing that honestly, we

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Speaker 1: are all kind of navigating this differently. And I think

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Speaker 1: that's also part of what makes it so challenging, right,

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Speaker 1: because I think of my different friends and family that

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Speaker 1: I've spoken to in various parts of the country, and

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Speaker 1: there is no uniformity in how different areas are navigating this.

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Speaker 1: And so I know some people who are able to

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Speaker 1: have their kids engage in socially distanced activities, which has

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Speaker 1: been extremely helpful for those children in terms of their socialization,

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Speaker 1: because what we know is that not just for children,

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Speaker 1: but for adults as well, we need socialization for our

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Speaker 1: mental well being. And when I say socialization, yes, I

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Speaker 1: know that we have decided to be creative and step

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Speaker 1: outside of our comfort zones and think outside of the

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Speaker 1: box in terms of finding new ways to connect to people,

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Speaker 1: but there is something to be said about that physical

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Speaker 1: contact that we need as human beings. When I think

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Speaker 1: about from a developmental psychology perspective of the experiments that

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Speaker 1: were one years ago with wire monkeys and cloth monkeys,

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Speaker 1: and essentially what the researchers found was that those monkeys,

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Speaker 1: it was an experiment that these recess monkeys were having

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Speaker 1: to choose between a cloth monkey representing, you know, a caregiver,

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Speaker 1: and a wire monkey that would have food, right, And

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Speaker 1: what that experiment showed is that even though food is important,

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Speaker 1: what was equally or more important was that contact comfort

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Speaker 1: of being able to connect to that coth monkey, that

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Speaker 1: cooth representation of a caregiver, right, and how that translates

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Speaker 1: to us as humans. If you think about the hospital experience,

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Speaker 1: that one of the things that a lot of hospitals

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Speaker 1: emphasize is that skin to skin contact. When a baby

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Speaker 1: is first born, we don't lose that. As adults, we

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Speaker 1: don't lose that desire for contact comfort. And how that

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Speaker 1: shows up is that desire to be physically around others.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that that's also part of what

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Speaker 1: makes this so hard for all of us. You talked

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Speaker 1: about earlier about families that are in the home with

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Speaker 1: one another all day, right, Yeah, and what we're seeing

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Speaker 1: is that you have relationships that are dissolving because people

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Speaker 1: are realizing that, well, I don't want.

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Speaker 2: To be around you, yeah, and life is not there

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Speaker 2: to keep them busy, right.

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Speaker 1: Exactly, exactly. So, even though as much as I desire

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Speaker 1: that contact comfort, I'm seeing the person who you are

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Speaker 1: up against the person who I am, and this is

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Speaker 1: too much contact comfort.

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Speaker 2: Y're not working out. Yeah, that's a really good point

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Speaker 2: down I will say, you know, I know you talked

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Speaker 2: about the importance of really seeing this as a holistic experience, right,

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Speaker 2: because I was doing a little bit of research and

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Speaker 2: I had saw a post about how during every great

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Speaker 2: depression or recession, not everyone is doing badly, right, Like,

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Speaker 2: not everyone is doing badly, So there are some people

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Speaker 2: that are doing well during that time. Some people become millionaires,

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Speaker 2: some people make the most of their money during that period,

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Speaker 2: while others may be struggling and stuffering. When I think

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Speaker 2: about the positives that have come out of this experience down,

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Speaker 2: I feel like I can rattle down a list of

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Speaker 2: positives in the same way that I can rattle down

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Speaker 2: a list of the bs that has happened. Right, and

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Speaker 2: so when I think about the things that have been

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Speaker 2: beautiful that came out of this time, you know, focusing

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Speaker 2: on my business more and having a very successful month

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Speaker 2: in business, right, that was a big milestone for me.

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Speaker 2: I would say, learning how to slow down, right, Like

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Speaker 2: I typically move, move, move, and I'm on the go,

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Speaker 2: go go, Well, i can't go nowhere right now, so

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Speaker 2: I'm slowing down, and you know, over the weekend down

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Speaker 2: this was a big thing for me. Over the weekend

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Speaker 2: on Saturday, I literally Binge watched these shows what was

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Speaker 2: it called I Should Not Be Alive where people are

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Speaker 2: in the wilderness and there are bears around and they

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Speaker 2: just you know, they should have died in the experience

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Speaker 2: because of the weather or because they got stuck somewhere

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Speaker 2: and they ended up surviving. So I'm binge watching the series,

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Speaker 2: and the shows were so inspiring, and I actually really

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Speaker 2: had a good time just sitting down doing that thing,

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Speaker 2: which is usually so hard for me. So that I

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Speaker 2: think about the zoom dates that I've had with my

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Speaker 2: siblings and family, that's been really great, you know, leaning

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Speaker 2: into self care more also reflecting like this has given

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Speaker 2: me an opportunity to think about some of the things

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Speaker 2: that I usually put on hold because life is so busy,

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Speaker 2: and really thinking about what really matters most to me. Tee.

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Speaker 1: I just want to say that I am proud of

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Speaker 1: you because, like I said earlier, like I pulled out earlier,

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Speaker 1: that at the beginning, yes, you were saying that you

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Speaker 1: were going to be more productive, right, and now you're

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Speaker 1: saying how you slowed down. And I want to say,

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Speaker 1: I am proud of you for giving yourself permission to

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Speaker 1: do that, right because I know and I can speak

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Speaker 1: for myself from personal experience. I know that that's hard,

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Speaker 1: and I just want to point out, Wait, what you

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Speaker 1: sat down and you binge watched something on te.

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Speaker 2: Me what all, damn all, damn day, y'all. I had

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Speaker 2: the same damn thing on the whole weekend. I literally

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Speaker 2: sat on the couch all day, I ate, I slept,

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Speaker 2: and I watched this damn show and I was like, oh, damn,

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Speaker 2: this is I can get used to this. This is

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Speaker 2: kind of fun. I didn't touch that damn computer to

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Speaker 2: do any work, which is new for me, domb I'm

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Speaker 2: either doing my you know, day job stuff or the

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Speaker 2: side hustle. So yeah, that was huge. And I know

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Speaker 2: it might seem really simple, but all my type A

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Speaker 2: personality workaholds and you know what that means. Okay, from

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Speaker 2: the time you wake up until you go to sleep,

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Speaker 2: you're literally watching the show. Yeah, so that was pretty major.

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Speaker 2: There are more things I can think of, but I

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Speaker 2: think I really have to like write them down. I

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Speaker 2: would want to, you know, figure out how to share

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Speaker 2: similar personal But there have been a lot of beautiful

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Speaker 2: moments that have come out of this time. And although yes,

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Speaker 2: there are moments where I have where I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 2: over it. I'm over it. I just think about the

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Speaker 2: conversations I've had with friends too dom where being at

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Speaker 2: home has afforded them an opportunity to travel because now

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Speaker 2: they have to work remote, so now they can you know,

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Speaker 2: do a road trip and travel around the country. Yes,

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Speaker 2: they keep taking that COVID test. God bless their nose,

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Speaker 2: because that thy looks crazy, but they get a chance

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Speaker 2: to travel, right, So don what about you? What are

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Speaker 2: some of the things that have been positive that have

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Speaker 2: come out of this time self isolating or you know, quarantining,

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Speaker 2: whatever you want to call it.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think it's kind of similar to you. And

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Speaker 1: like I was pointing out earlier, just this opportunity to

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Speaker 1: slow down. And I know that one of the things

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Speaker 1: that I mentioned early on in our episodes where we

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Speaker 1: were talking about like battling zoom fatigue and how I

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Speaker 1: was making a separation, you know, and I acknowledge that

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Speaker 1: I have the privilege of having multiple devices and having

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Speaker 1: space in my home where I can say, you know,

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Speaker 1: this designated space and this designated device is for work,

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Speaker 1: and then having a different device and a different space

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Speaker 1: that is for relaxation and One of the things that

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Speaker 1: I noticed that came out of that for me is

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Speaker 1: that initially I think I was going overboard with scheduling

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Speaker 1: like zoom brunches and happy hours and virtual ways to

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Speaker 1: connect because I was excited that I had this opportunity

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Speaker 1: to connect with folks and in different parts of the

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Speaker 1: country and almost kind of like kicking myself of like, well, wait,

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Speaker 1: how come I hadn't been doing this more often with

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Speaker 1: these same people, right, and having to realize the reality

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Speaker 1: is that, like, well, part of why you haven't been

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Speaker 1: doing that is because if we weren't at home, we

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Speaker 1: were out, we've been busy, so there wasn't that time

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Speaker 1: to do that, right. But then the other piece of

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Speaker 1: it for me was that I was like overextending myself

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Speaker 1: because I knew I was home. This whole process has

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Speaker 1: allowed me to kind of experiment and learn what works

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Speaker 1: for me, and so just showing me this slowing down

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Speaker 1: of finding new ways to like pour into myself, recognizing

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Speaker 1: the importance of sleep and y'all know I talk about

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Speaker 1: sleep all the time, about how important it truly is

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Speaker 1: for our overall well being, but then also for me

435
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:45,199
Speaker 1: recognizing that what this pandemic has done, is like my

436
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: sleep cycle has shifted in ways that I didn't imagine,

437
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 1: you know. And I noticed that I've seen stories online

438
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 1: where it's happening for other people too, where you may

439
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: be staying up so then your wake up time gets

440
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 1: thrown off a bit, right, And what I've noticed for

441
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 1: myself is that, you know, I'm not having to wake

442
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 1: up as early to do those five am workouts anymore.

443
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: And what does my morning routine look like now now

444
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: that I don't have the commute? You know, what does

445
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 1: my evening routine look like? To be honest, there have been,

446
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 1: you know, going back to what you were saying earlier

447
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 1: about the taking things day by day that there have

448
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 1: been some days where I've been like, you know what,

449
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 1: I need to sleep in a little bit more and

450
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: giving myself permission to do that, and then also recognizing that, okay, wait,

451
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:49,399
Speaker 1: there was like a period where I really wasn't adhering

452
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,199
Speaker 1: to my routine in the way that I needed to.

453
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 1: I'd kind of slipped into this, well, I'm at home,

454
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 1: and having to shift back into remembering that, okay, yes

455
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 1: you're at home, but you're also working from home and

456
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 1: really keeping that routine going to stay motivated.

457
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's awesome time.

458
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 1: I think the biggest piece for me is remembering to

459
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: find like that silver lining, right because, like I said,

460
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:26,400
Speaker 1: twenty twenty is going to continue to show its ass,

461
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 1: you know, yes, And just knowing that there's room to learn,

462
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: and giving myself space to feel whatever feelings come up

463
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 1: when I get tossed a curveball or experience some unexpected event,

464
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 1: and then allowing myself to okay, step back and figure

465
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: out what positive can I take away from this?

466
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that, And I think it's a beautiful

467
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,960
Speaker 2: thing to realize what works for you because that's something

468
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 2: that's transferable. You can take that with you after this time, right,

469
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 2: and once we get into whatever our new normal will

470
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 2: look like, whether life changes or not, you can refer

471
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 2: back to those things that worked for you. Well. And Doman,

472
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 2: you said something that kind of led us right into

473
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 2: the coping tips that we want to share. And the

474
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 2: first one here is suspending judgment of yourself and others,

475
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 2: And so I love that. You know, we've been talking

476
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 2: about taking it one day at a time, also holding

477
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 2: space for the real emotions. I saw this post that

478
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 2: really resonated with me, and I mean, well, this is

479
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 2: all about growth and development. But I think I had

480
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 2: gotten into this mindset maybe years ago, of this like

481
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 2: hashtag positive vibes only right, and it just sounds so good,

482
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 2: and I was like, yes, because positivity is good. I

483
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 2: love it. And I saw this post about what was

484
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 2: it toxic optimism or something about toxic positivity. I can't

485
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 2: remember the word down, but it was such a powerful

486
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 2: post and it made me think about the importance of

487
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 2: duality and how sometimes people put on this mask of

488
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 2: positivity without even addressing the truth feelings that they have,

489
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,239
Speaker 2: denying themselves an opportunity to really sit with how they

490
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 2: really feel. Because it's okay to have emotions and feelings

491
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 2: that are not positive, right, It's all about how you

492
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 2: act them out. And so I think when it comes

493
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 2: to suspending judgment of yourself and others, realizing that each

494
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 2: person is on their own journey, having their own experiences

495
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 2: and they may learn at different paces, and don't judge

496
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 2: yourself for making mistakes or having a rough day during

497
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 2: this time. It's important to be gentle with ourselves.

498
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 1: I would definitely echo that, and I would also point

499
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: out that in terms of this, like suspending judgment of

500
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: ourselves and others. I would also apply that to how

501
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: we are each dealing with the pandemic itself, right, because everybody,

502
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 1: like you said, is on their own journey, but we

503
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 1: all have different needs, and we all have differing responsibilities

504
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 1: and ways in which we want to approach getting our

505
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 1: needs met. And so recognizing that our friends and family

506
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: may make decisions related to engaging one another that we

507
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 1: don't agree with and that's okay, and they might not

508
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 1: agree with our decision making, Tom.

509
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 2: What do you mean by that? Can you elaborate more? So?

510
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about like you know, you mentioned that you

511
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 1: have some friends that are traveling, right, and for some

512
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:51,959
Speaker 1: of us, we may make the decision that for work,

513
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: for our own mental health, for whatever reason, we're going

514
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:02,719
Speaker 1: to travel, and we have others of us that are saying, well, no,

515
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 1: I am still practicing quarantining self isolating social distancing, like

516
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 1: I'm still adhering as strictly as possible, and so I'm

517
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: not going to travel, right, And so that means that

518
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: we should be suspending judgment of ourselves for the decision

519
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 1: that we make, then not judging the other person or

520
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 1: the different choice that they make recognizing that we're all

521
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 1: making the choices that we believe is best for us.

522
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 2: That makes sense, and you.

523
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: Know, and I think that part of that can lead

524
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 1: to a whole different discussion about how we've been socialized

525
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: as Americans, you know, to be very individualistic like, and

526
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: then the overall decision making of our government. But that's

527
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 1: for another day, right, So I want to take us

528
00:32:55,600 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: to tip number two, which is too prioritize self care. Now,

529
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 1: self care is a buzzword, and one of the things

530
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 1: that I pointed out to my students when I started

531
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 1: this semester was that there's a difference between self care

532
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: and self indulgence, right, and that for some of us,

533
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: self care may mean doing a face mask in the evening, right,

534
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 1: But for others of us, self care may mean prioritizing

535
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: my sleep. But what it should not mean is that

536
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 1: you are engaging in behaviors that one are unhealthy, or

537
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 1: two borderlining or becoming selfish to the point that you

538
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 1: are causing harm to other people, or to the point

539
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: where you are neglecting actual responsibilities.

540
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 2: That's good, and lady, you already know we got you.

541
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:12,879
Speaker 2: We have two episodes about self care. Well, we talk

542
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 2: about it a lot, but these two are like dedicated

543
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 2: to it. But season one, episode eight, how to find

544
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:22,680
Speaker 2: your own self care routine and then season six, episode one,

545
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:27,439
Speaker 2: how to maximize your time and self care routine while

546
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:32,240
Speaker 2: practicing social distancing. So right on time, right on time, yes,

547
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 2: And that takes us to number three, which is focus

548
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 2: on what you can control. We've talked about this in

549
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 2: a previous episode, and Dom this is something that you shared.

550
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 2: I can't remember which episode, but you shared it with me.

551
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 2: I was going through something and that is something that

552
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 2: I refer to often. So thank you for that because oftentimes,

553
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:55,720
Speaker 2: as a person that has really wanted to have control

554
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 2: in most situations myself, I'm talking about me. You know,

555
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 2: you can sometimes obsess about things that you cannot control

556
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 2: and stress yourself out over that. And that's something I've

557
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:09,320
Speaker 2: definitely done in the past that I think for me recently,

558
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 2: thinking about Okay, what can I control? Let me focus

559
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 2: on that. Everything else it's just gonna happen and I

560
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 2: will cross that bridge when I get there, right, So

561
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 2: you know, whether it's hearing that, oh you may be

562
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 2: laid off. It's like, okay, well what can I control?

563
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 1: Right?

564
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,239
Speaker 2: What can I focus on. Am I going to dive

565
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 2: into my brand a bit more? Am I going to

566
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 2: searching for jobs right now? Like? What can I actually control?

567
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 2: But I can't worry about whether or not they're going

568
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 2: to lay me off if I can't control it right,

569
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,280
Speaker 2: as stressful as it may be. So I really love

570
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 2: that you shared that doom focusing on what you can

571
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 2: control and the power of doing that.

572
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,360
Speaker 1: Yes, And I'm so glad that that has been helpful

573
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,359
Speaker 1: for you, And you know, I want to acknowledge that

574
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 1: that has been helpful for me too. That's why I

575
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 1: shared it, right, and that it's a constant reminder for myself,

576
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 1: right because there have been moments where I have found

577
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:08,720
Speaker 1: myself feeling anxious and I've had to do that exact

578
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 1: thing of like, let me pause and step back and

579
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 1: ask myself, what can I control in this moment? And

580
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:24,640
Speaker 1: if I put my attention and energy into what I

581
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:31,879
Speaker 1: truly have control over, then that anxiety lessons and it

582
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: makes it so much easier to navigate the situation. And so, lady,

583
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 1: just to review our tips for coping with the duality

584
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 1: that is twenty twenty suspending judgment of yourself and others.

585
00:36:54,680 --> 00:37:00,919
Speaker 1: You know, practicing compassion is huge, so huge. Number two

586
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 1: prioritizing self care and number three focusing on what you

587
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 1: can control.

588
00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the her Space podcast

589
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,880
Speaker 2: and I have some exciting news for you. I just

590
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,319
Speaker 2: published my self help book, How to Glow Up as

591
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 2: You Grow Up, your go to guide for overcoming obstacles

592
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 2: and making lemonade. So if you've ever experienced loss, childhood, trauma,

593
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 2: a narcissistic partner, or depression, this book is just for you.

594
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:40,280
Speaker 2: If you visit glowupbook dot com again, that's glow upbook

595
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 2: dot com, you can order your copy today and you

596
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 2: will surely be inspired. So I hope that you decide

597
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,799
Speaker 2: to join me on this journey and I'll see you soon.

598
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note

599
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:58,400
Speaker 1: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

600
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no

601
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal

602
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:10,399
Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are

603
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:13,360
Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care,

604
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today

605
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider.

606
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

607
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

608
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 2: Twitter at her space podcast, or check out our website

609
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:35,320
Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

610
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 2: after me, I am not limited by any past thinking.

611
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:41,720
Speaker 2: I choose my thoughts with care.

612
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:49,759
Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, Lady