Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this Verry podcast, which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now. It's available
Speaker 1: every rust your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen
Speaker 1: right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now.
Speaker 1: Go listen to see you by So back in the
Speaker 1: day when you made it to the NFL, I knew
Speaker 1: for sure that it was about to be a rap
Speaker 1: from me. Are you serious? Ted ass? That's funny because
Speaker 1: when I made it the NFL and I was going
Speaker 1: for the first time, I just knew you was back
Speaker 1: at that what Yes you was out? You was God,
Speaker 1: yes you, and you wasn't say you wasn't, As Jasmine
Speaker 1: Sullivan would say, why you gotta be so in secure?
Speaker 1: Not even it's not even karaoke time yet. But hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Andre You may know us from postal funny videos
Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a
Speaker 1: form of therapy. I'm making need therapy most days. And
Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention we're married, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about
Speaker 1: some of the live's most taboo topics, things most folks
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about through the lens of a
Speaker 1: millennium married couple. Dead ass is a term that we
Speaker 1: say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually
Speaker 1: saying facts. One Huney, the truth, the whole truth, and
Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. We're about to take phillow talk
Speaker 1: to a whole new level starts now. So I'm a
Speaker 1: rookie in the NFL and this is the first time
Speaker 1: Codeine and I are away from each other for an
Speaker 1: extended period of time. We're in different states. So every Thursday,
Speaker 1: Codeine used to go out with her home girls, right,
Speaker 1: and I would be at home, and you know, I
Speaker 1: just streussful time for me because I'm playing ball. Um.
Speaker 1: I was hurt at the time, so I was, you know,
Speaker 1: trying to get through that. You do everything going on
Speaker 1: in the season, And she would be going out every
Speaker 1: single Thursday. So I'm like, all, I bet you're going out.
Speaker 1: All I ask is that when you leave wherever you are,
Speaker 1: just call me so I know you got home, okay. Right,
Speaker 1: this day in particular. She calls me, She's like, yeo,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to leave tracks. She used to hang out
Speaker 1: the tracks, Like I'm trying to leave tracks. And this
Speaker 1: guy got me double parked and he won't let me
Speaker 1: leave until I give him his phone, my phone number,
Speaker 1: and like you know some of the guys, and I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to tell him to chill. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm in Detroit. You know, yo, you want me
Speaker 1: to come home, I come home right now. Like that's
Speaker 1: that's my through project. I'm gonna get on the plane
Speaker 1: right now. So she's like, no, understanding, you know, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. No, it's coming to guys. We
Speaker 1: were trying to talk from the bounce is going to
Speaker 1: talk to him, And then she goes, oh wait, wait
Speaker 1: he just left. He left. He left. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, cool, call me when you get home. So
Speaker 1: I'm up now. Now I got practiced in the morning,
Speaker 1: but I'm up now waiting for her to call me.
Speaker 1: And she does not call me, right, doesn't call me.
Speaker 1: So now it's seven am. I go in in the
Speaker 1: morning for for lifting. I go in the morning for meetings.
Speaker 1: I still don't got no phone. Calls. Then randomly I
Speaker 1: get a phone call from her mom and her mom
Speaker 1: is like, hey, dudes, have you heard from Codein? And
Speaker 1: I'm like no, she was out last night. And she's like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: well let me know if you hear anything. Because she's
Speaker 1: not home. We haven't heard from her. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, bet So now I'm calling her phone, calling
Speaker 1: her phone in between me and no answer. Right now,
Speaker 1: we're getting ready to go to special Teams meeting, which
Speaker 1: is like a thirty a whole hour and a half
Speaker 1: past no answer. I'm calling her phone, calling her phone. Nothing.
Speaker 1: Then I get a call from my mom. My mom
Speaker 1: is like, yo, um, have you heard from Cadine this morning?
Speaker 1: And I'm like no, and she's just like, well, nobody
Speaker 1: can find that they're calling around. So now I'm panicking
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yo, what the hell? Like like, she
Speaker 1: always called me, but she never called me last night,
Speaker 1: and I know some dude had a double park. I
Speaker 1: wonder if they followed her from the club. So now
Speaker 1: I'm getting like I'm getting vexed and I'm nervous. Then
Speaker 1: my mom calls me back, Babe, I think you should
Speaker 1: come home. So I'm like what's the matter, Like, tell me.
Speaker 1: She's like, no, I think you should just come home.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, yo, they know something they don't want
Speaker 1: to tell me over the phone. Son, something happened to
Speaker 1: my girl. So now I'm in the middle of the
Speaker 1: locker room, I'm like breaking down, crying. So I'm thinking
Speaker 1: something wrong. NFL securities that every team has their own security.
Speaker 1: They're like, yo, devours the man, and I tell them
Speaker 1: they listen, my girl left last night. She's over the corner.
Speaker 1: When she got home. She never got home. And the
Speaker 1: reason why this is serious is because things happened to
Speaker 1: players families all the time. You know, I know you
Speaker 1: heard about the you know times they left. They help
Speaker 1: people for ransom, they do home invasions. So if people
Speaker 1: know that you're away, they try to get access to
Speaker 1: you by using the people close to you. So now
Speaker 1: I'm nervous, Like, yo, people know that I'm playing in
Speaker 1: the league, and now somebody went and just took my girl.
Speaker 1: So now I'm I'm like, I'm vexed, I'm tight, I'm crying,
Speaker 1: I'm nervous, and I'm on my way home. They get
Speaker 1: me a plane ticket and I'm calling Tod's phone and
Speaker 1: it's now it's going straight to voice mail, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: somebody got a phone and they chopped off and they
Speaker 1: cut the phone off. So now I get to the airport,
Speaker 1: I'm in the line and my phone rings. I look
Speaker 1: at the phone. It's Codeine's face. So I picked the
Speaker 1: phone up and I'm like, yo, whoever this is got
Speaker 1: my girl phone. She's like hey, babe, She's like yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yo, what, Like what happened? She's like,
Speaker 1: I was leaving, and then I saw Uncle Emil when
Speaker 1: I was on my way out, and he was like,
Speaker 1: you know, you look like you've had a couple of drinks.
Speaker 1: You need to come stop by and stayed by me.
Speaker 1: So I went and stayed by him. But I left
Speaker 1: my phone in the car and I fell asleep and
Speaker 1: I didn't realize it got so late and I was
Speaker 1: twelve thirty and I woke up to forty messages. All
Speaker 1: I did was hang up the phone. Y'all. I haven't
Speaker 1: say nothing to her, but now you talk about insecurities.
Speaker 1: I get back to the locker room and everybody like
Speaker 1: what happened. I was like, oh, she fell asleep, So
Speaker 1: now they all like, huh, she fell asleep and she
Speaker 1: didn't call you? Right, yeah, yeah, putting stuff in my
Speaker 1: man's head. No, you put stuff in my head because
Speaker 1: all you had to do was called me, but you didn't.
Speaker 1: You made me and secure. I'm sorry, my bad, it's
Speaker 1: not okay, mom. I still heard from that. I still
Speaker 1: got that because you did a lot of ship and
Speaker 1: a little bit of time. Know you nothing? You maybe
Speaker 1: all right? Giddy must say hey, don't you say hey?
Speaker 1: You shouldn't worry? He got nothing know you? Okay? If
Speaker 1: you say so, no cake, nothing on you? Thank you.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. That totally comes my insecurities that I
Speaker 1: feel from time to time. Does it really? So? So
Speaker 1: we're talking insecurities, Well, you thought we talked about the
Speaker 1: league and you being in that, um the NFL and
Speaker 1: how that too. You know, it just adds a layer
Speaker 1: of you know what IF's because of the exposure that
Speaker 1: you now have. UM. So it brings me to um
Speaker 1: miss Ayisha Curry and the recent comment that she made
Speaker 1: on a red table talk with Jada Pinkett Smith. And
Speaker 1: we do have the clip, so let's play the clip
Speaker 1: and let's see what it is that's caused quite the
Speaker 1: hysteria and have people dragging her. Something that really bothers
Speaker 1: me and like honestly has given me a sense of
Speaker 1: a little bit of an insecurity is the fact that yeah,
Speaker 1: like there are all these women like throwing themselves but me,
Speaker 1: like the past ten years, like I don't have any
Speaker 1: of that, Like I have zero. This sounds weird, but
Speaker 1: like male attention and so then like I begin to
Speaker 1: internalize it, and I'm like, it's something wrong with you
Speaker 1: not can you speak to that? Because um, okay, so
Speaker 1: you I mean she has three children, you have to children.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to even talk about she just had
Speaker 1: a baby recently. Yes, I don't even think their youngest
Speaker 1: son is even a year yet. I don't think he
Speaker 1: think he's under a year. So I think that it
Speaker 1: was completely taken out of context for the for the
Speaker 1: majority of what I've been hearing, and people are making
Speaker 1: it seem as if, oh, she just wants, you know,
Speaker 1: to be So how can this married woman want attention
Speaker 1: from just random men? How dare she want to be
Speaker 1: desired by other men? And I feel like there's truth
Speaker 1: to what she said. There's truth to what she said,
Speaker 1: and she's being honest, and it's sad that she's being
Speaker 1: judged and she's being dragged for just being honest in
Speaker 1: the moment. After having children, regardless of if you're married,
Speaker 1: say if you're not even married, say you're a single mom,
Speaker 1: having children, it's one thing that can completely alter you physically,
Speaker 1: it can alter you emotionally, it can alter you in
Speaker 1: so many different ways. So sometimes just knowing that the
Speaker 1: opposites that sex still finds you attractive, that you can
Speaker 1: still catch someone's eye when you walk into a room,
Speaker 1: that little affirmation sometimes will help to calm the insecurity
Speaker 1: that you have as a woman or as a mom.
Speaker 1: And I don't think that she was asking for a
Speaker 1: ton of men to just be like, hey, look at me.
Speaker 1: I'm flaunting myself around. But it's just nice to know
Speaker 1: that people are still looking. Does that make sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense to make me feel the same
Speaker 1: way as a mom. But I feel like Ia is
Speaker 1: on a platform where there's probably a level of respect
Speaker 1: that a lot of men have for her because it's like,
Speaker 1: y'all absolutely STEP's wife. I would never overstep the boundaries,
Speaker 1: you know. And Jada mentioned that her radar wasn't on
Speaker 1: and she wasn't looking. Well, clearly she's looking because if
Speaker 1: she's walking into the room and she notices that no
Speaker 1: one's noticing her, it's making her feel some kind of way. Well,
Speaker 1: there's there's a ton of different layers to this. The
Speaker 1: first thing I want to touch on what you said
Speaker 1: is it's out of respect to Steph Number one. I
Speaker 1: remember being in the locker room where someone and you
Speaker 1: know a lot of these athletes have beautiful wives. When
Speaker 1: someone's wife walking the room, you automatically turn that radar
Speaker 1: off as a man, that's somebody's wife. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, You don't you don't google somebody's wife. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying you what I'm respectful. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: This is what this is what we You know, the
Speaker 1: elders in the league told me like, Yo, that's somebody's wife.
Speaker 1: Because sometimes a chick will walk in and YO, who's
Speaker 1: that and they're like, yo, chill, that's I guess it
Speaker 1: depends on your reaction to because can internalize like wow,
Speaker 1: a beautiful woman has entered the room. But it depends
Speaker 1: on how you react, right, because I know for a
Speaker 1: fact that even you, for example, you can appreciate that
Speaker 1: someone else's wife is beautiful. But the difference is is
Speaker 1: that she wants to know that someone is looking. That's different.
Speaker 1: Someone recognizing that you're beautiful can do that. On the low,
Speaker 1: Probably a lot of guys do recognize that she's beautiful.
Speaker 1: She wants to know that people recognize and I think
Speaker 1: that's where people have the issue now. So that's where
Speaker 1: and this is where it gets tricky, and there are
Speaker 1: a couple of different layers in this. The first thing
Speaker 1: is she was dragged one, but she was also a
Speaker 1: lot of people came to her defense. And let's let's
Speaker 1: be honest. She's a public figure. When you're a public figure,
Speaker 1: you're always especially polarizing like that, You're always going to
Speaker 1: have people who agree with you and people who don't.
Speaker 1: You can't feel sorry for someone who openly makes a
Speaker 1: statement and people don't agree with them. That's what happens
Speaker 1: when you're a public figure. She gets paid to present herself,
Speaker 1: so when someone doesn't agree, you can't feel bad for them.
Speaker 1: People are entitled to agree and disagree. Everybody is not
Speaker 1: going to agree with everything we say on this podcast,
Speaker 1: so I can't then ask for sympathy if someone says
Speaker 1: that I don't agree with what Devao says, and then
Speaker 1: a group of people agree with that person, Hey, that's
Speaker 1: that's part of it. That's part of the course that
Speaker 1: comes in it. So that's the first thing. The second
Speaker 1: thing is, I think a lot of it has to
Speaker 1: do with the what she said prior to just this state,
Speaker 1: and I think shame and controversy. People people are putting
Speaker 1: that with this and saying it's hypocritical because her statements
Speaker 1: were and first of all, it was in defense. It
Speaker 1: was absolutely in defense of her bathing suit. She had
Speaker 1: a full body bathing suit, and people are just like, yo,
Speaker 1: she's dressed like a Mormon, and her defense was looked
Speaker 1: a lot of people like to be naked. That's not
Speaker 1: my style. I like to save the goods for the
Speaker 1: one that matters, right, because you know, social media will
Speaker 1: not let you forget. They were pulling up all the
Speaker 1: receipts you know about this comment that she made around
Speaker 1: the whole slut shame and controversy, and and even with
Speaker 1: that comment, people are saying, oh, she was just defending herself.
Speaker 1: You can defend yourself without pointing the finger at other people.
Speaker 1: She could have said, yo, this is my style. That
Speaker 1: could have been defending herself. She could have said, oh,
Speaker 1: my husband like it. That could have been defending herself
Speaker 1: for saying, everybody likes to be naked, and I save
Speaker 1: it for the one that's taking a job at Women
Speaker 1: who show their bodies are a little bit more revealing.
Speaker 1: Because she did say at one point too, like she
Speaker 1: was looking at the latest fashion trends and she'll take
Speaker 1: classy over trendy any day of the week. So just
Speaker 1: because she decides to dress that way, she still wants
Speaker 1: to get eyes. It doesn't matter how she's she's dressed,
Speaker 1: and that's fair. And the truth of the matter is
Speaker 1: you don't have to be revealing to get attention. But
Speaker 1: the issue comes where you make a statement like that,
Speaker 1: and you end in this statement you say, I'm saving
Speaker 1: the goods for the one that matters. If he's the
Speaker 1: one that matters, why publicly then say you want attention
Speaker 1: from other people? You just proclaimed that he's the one
Speaker 1: that matters. And I think that's where a lot of
Speaker 1: men found the hypocrisy in that, because it's like, Yo,
Speaker 1: if you're gonna say you're saving it for the one
Speaker 1: that matters, why are you telling people that other people's
Speaker 1: opinion of you, if he's the one, if he's the one,
Speaker 1: that matters, why? And And the thing is, I understand it.
Speaker 1: It's the contradictory. It's the contradictory nature of it. And
Speaker 1: because she's a public figure, it's easy to attack her
Speaker 1: on it. I'm not saying she's wrong because I agree
Speaker 1: with her. We all want attention. That's why Instagram exists,
Speaker 1: That's why. But that's why likes. That's why if your
Speaker 1: pictures posted at the wrong time and don't get enough likes,
Speaker 1: you're liable to delete that ship and reposted at another
Speaker 1: high traffic to everybody doesn't she was lying, she was
Speaker 1: telling the truth. But there's another layer to this, a
Speaker 1: little deeper, a little deeper. People do not like her,
Speaker 1: and they touched on it. They touched on it on
Speaker 1: the episode. Right, she's half black, half white, fair skin.
Speaker 1: He is a lies. It's easy in our community to
Speaker 1: drag someone that looks like that because of the colorism
Speaker 1: that exists, Especially when someone like that, who is so privileged,
Speaker 1: speaks about not getting attention. When light skinned people in
Speaker 1: the black culture have always gotten the attention, it's easy
Speaker 1: to like somebody very good. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It's like, how dare you feel some kind of way
Speaker 1: about people not gawking over you? Because you got everything
Speaker 1: that everybody quote unquote wants. She got the lighter skin
Speaker 1: they haze a lies according to colorism, she has she
Speaker 1: has a prominent male athlete husband, she has her own
Speaker 1: TV shows. It seems like everything in her life is
Speaker 1: going perfect. And that's really and that's really what it is.
Speaker 1: Is it fair? No, it's not fair, because she's entitled
Speaker 1: to feel the way she feels, and I applaud her
Speaker 1: courage to say how she feels as a person. But
Speaker 1: a lot of this stuff and a lot of the
Speaker 1: backlash she's getting has a lot to do with that
Speaker 1: as well. For example, if it were Lupeta, if it
Speaker 1: were Michelle Obama who made these statements, who have a
Speaker 1: strong following of women who support her, I doubt that
Speaker 1: would have been as much dragging of her comments, because
Speaker 1: there's a certain level of respect that comes with those
Speaker 1: people who say those comments. So sometimes it's not even
Speaker 1: about the comment, it's about who said that comment, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And because she already got the
Speaker 1: backlash for women for for a slut shaming, which you
Speaker 1: gotta be. You gotta know, you know, you gotta know
Speaker 1: that the climates it is two thousand nineteen. The one
Speaker 1: thing you cannot do in this day and age is
Speaker 1: trying to downplay women and what they have gone through
Speaker 1: in this country. So when you downplay women in her
Speaker 1: sexuality a color, you become the villain. And when you
Speaker 1: become the villain, anything you say after that, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be scrutinized. You know what I'm saying. I feel like
Speaker 1: she just got scrutiny because there's a lot of people
Speaker 1: who just don't like her, and it's not fair because
Speaker 1: she's for From what I know, I don't really know her.
Speaker 1: She seems like a decent, all working mother of three
Speaker 1: who really loves her family, who wants to build her business.
Speaker 1: But she said some things that now every time she's
Speaker 1: on Twitter, they blast her. She says some things about
Speaker 1: the NBA. They blasted her. She says some things about
Speaker 1: the finals. They blasted her. It's like, but that's what
Speaker 1: happens when you in the public, when you're in the
Speaker 1: public eye. We're talking about the finals now, I guess
Speaker 1: as an athlete. Some men I think felt like it
Speaker 1: was selfish of her to have this platform at this time,
Speaker 1: being that it is the playoffs and it's a big,
Speaker 1: you know, stressful time. It can be a major life
Speaker 1: changing moment for step you know, to get more accolades.
Speaker 1: Do you think it was a bad time now for
Speaker 1: her to now insert herself into some sort of discourse
Speaker 1: and dialogue to be around her. Well, first thing, shout
Speaker 1: out to the doubs that ship ain't working because Steph
Speaker 1: been going off since the shout out. Shout out exactly,
Speaker 1: shout out to stuff for that. But the biggest thing
Speaker 1: is when you're when you're a wife, you get tired
Speaker 1: of people telling you that you have to put your
Speaker 1: career around your husband's career. She got her own career.
Speaker 1: She wanted to do the interview. She probably did the
Speaker 1: interview months ago. She don't know when the interview was
Speaker 1: gonna air. How was she supposed to know it was
Speaker 1: gonna air around Game six of the semifinals of the
Speaker 1: Western Confidence She doesn't know that. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and the feelings are feelings regardless of what time and
Speaker 1: what happens. Too is is that this platform in this
Speaker 1: forum was for her and the women in that room.
Speaker 1: She's not worried about the NBA finals. Now, if you're
Speaker 1: a man, I do get it. If you're saying, like, baby,
Speaker 1: we're doing this together. You know what I'm saying, This
Speaker 1: is part of you know, part of building our legacy,
Speaker 1: because let's be real, part of her legacy is that
Speaker 1: she's Steph wife. As long as even if she wants
Speaker 1: to say, like I don't want to be known as
Speaker 1: Steph wife, you can say that. Men say that a
Speaker 1: lot of the opportunities she's afforded, she's afforded because she's
Speaker 1: step wife. We cannot dispreadit that. And you and I
Speaker 1: talk about this too. If there's something going on in
Speaker 1: your life that I have to be cognizant of that time,
Speaker 1: it's only fair for the two of us to be
Speaker 1: on that same thing with me. Do I agree that
Speaker 1: the timing was messed up? I doubt that she said
Speaker 1: drop the story now during the playoffs, but I could
Speaker 1: see how men are saying, you know what, it is
Speaker 1: a little selfish for her to talk about this now
Speaker 1: during the place. I can understand that it's just knowing
Speaker 1: your spouse and knowing that if something in their career
Speaker 1: could take them to another level. If this is legacy
Speaker 1: to finding. You want to be supportive and you don't
Speaker 1: want to distract or bring any outside noise to what
Speaker 1: they're doing. They're trying to focus on the task. Bringing
Speaker 1: the outside noise creates a little bit of a Hinderan
Speaker 1: special Stuff was not concerned in the least about everyone
Speaker 1: dragging her, because he did post something in response saying
Speaker 1: that he was proud of her for standing her ground.
Speaker 1: And you know, it's yeah, you have to support you
Speaker 1: your wife, and you see, you know that he knows,
Speaker 1: I'm sure that she's in the spot like because of
Speaker 1: his platform and who he is, so he has to
Speaker 1: support her in that sense absolutely, And and her honesty
Speaker 1: is what life is about. You share the transparency. It's
Speaker 1: like we ask for these platforms and we ask for
Speaker 1: people to be honest, and we ask for people to
Speaker 1: tell it like it is, and you know, tell the truth,
Speaker 1: and then you drag them for telling the truth. Like
Speaker 1: I'm sure at some point within this podcast, not this
Speaker 1: one per se, but just in our podcast career, we
Speaker 1: may get dragged for certain things that we say, for
Speaker 1: being honest, for being honest, but it's like, what do
Speaker 1: you want me to do? No, you know, you can't
Speaker 1: worry about that because as an artist, as an artist,
Speaker 1: your your focus is to invoke thought, not to get
Speaker 1: everybody to agree with you. People think you see what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So if diogue, create dialogue, if you can
Speaker 1: make somebody feel an emotion, whether they dislike what you
Speaker 1: said or something, you made them feel something. As an artist,
Speaker 1: that's what it's supposed to do. Create art. To make
Speaker 1: everybody agree with you. In that case, it's just not art,
Speaker 1: it's politics. And that's not she's not into policies, into politics,
Speaker 1: and that's the approach we even take too with social
Speaker 1: media and the things that we post. It's like we're
Speaker 1: putting things out there to engage people. So whether you
Speaker 1: feel away about it, good, bad, ugly, you felt something,
Speaker 1: which is a good thing if you're scrolling by and
Speaker 1: you're not feeling some kind of way than chances where
Speaker 1: it was irrelevant to begin with. And and to be
Speaker 1: a fair and honest I do applaud her for her
Speaker 1: honesty because a lot of people, and like you said,
Speaker 1: a lot of women who have children probably feel the
Speaker 1: same way she feels and if no one shares the
Speaker 1: way they feel, you feel alone and you feel like
Speaker 1: you're the only one. And and that's why I can
Speaker 1: applaud what she's what she's done, because it creates dialogue.
Speaker 1: Everybody's not gonna like it. Oh well, oh well, oh well,
Speaker 1: everybody's not gonna like that. You're gonna have the people
Speaker 1: who are gonna judge regardless shout out to Aisha for
Speaker 1: for being supportive. And that's what they're supposed to do,
Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, like I said
Speaker 1: on Instagram, them to the only two that matter. As
Speaker 1: long as he likes she loved it, long as she
Speaker 1: liked it, he loves it. They could have had a
Speaker 1: big eruption in their household, they could have been at odds,
Speaker 1: but you know what, not in front of y'all. Not
Speaker 1: in front of all, because that's how I felt when
Speaker 1: she didn't answer a phone and I was in the
Speaker 1: locker room crying in front of all my boys. We
Speaker 1: had a big eruption when I got home, Yes, we
Speaker 1: definitely did. Then we stepped out late and everybody was like, hey, hey,
Speaker 1: they look fine. Yeah, keep your business in your house. Shoot.
Speaker 1: The thing that bothered me the most right was that
Speaker 1: people were making it a woman thing, a pregnancy thing.
Speaker 1: Oh had a baby. She's not because she just had
Speaker 1: a baby. It's because she's a person. But no, that's
Speaker 1: part of it, though, that's part of it. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's part of it. You don't think having a
Speaker 1: baby has a lot to do with women having insecurity? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: not her insecurities. I don't think her having a baby
Speaker 1: anything to do with her statement the whole baby to
Speaker 1: I'm trying not to. I'm trying to stay out of it.
Speaker 1: That's why I said it was a man. It's not
Speaker 1: a it's not a woman thing. It's a person. Anybody
Speaker 1: who desires someone else seeks attention from the people who
Speaker 1: are in that group. So if you're a man and
Speaker 1: you desire women, you seek attention from women. That's not
Speaker 1: You don't have to be pregnant and have a baby
Speaker 1: to then want attention from the others. Absolutely, So it's
Speaker 1: not to me her statements had nothing to do with
Speaker 1: her just having a baby, right, It was just being
Speaker 1: a human, like yo, I want to know I look good? Right?
Speaker 1: I do that right? I wake up in the morning
Speaker 1: and be like yo, let me make sure my ship fresh.
Speaker 1: So when I walk out of here, because I do
Speaker 1: want you to see women checking me out, so that
Speaker 1: I could put you on notice, like you see that
Speaker 1: people's noticing. People know exactly exactly. However, however, I'm going
Speaker 1: to stop you right there so I can tell my
Speaker 1: portion of what happened with that story. Tell your portion,
Speaker 1: because you sound like you got back in your feelings
Speaker 1: again and you rewound like fifteen years ago. I'm still
Speaker 1: very upset. I'm not even gonna to you. I get
Speaker 1: upset once a week about because you still do the
Speaker 1: same thing you get in the U and I'm like,
Speaker 1: yo me when you get there to cle you and
Speaker 1: to sound like that though, because that's how you sound
Speaker 1: when you know you do something wrong. And then I'll
Speaker 1: be over here. So, yes, I was wrong, and that
Speaker 1: I did not call the out or someone to check
Speaker 1: in the touch base when I out to my destination.
Speaker 1: But what happened was okay. That night, after I dropped
Speaker 1: my friend home, I happened to at the stoplight, literally
Speaker 1: my uncle pulled up alongside me. I guess he recognized
Speaker 1: my car and it was just like a happenstance thing.
Speaker 1: And at this point it was like one thirty, almost
Speaker 1: two o'clock in the morning. So he was like, yo,
Speaker 1: what you're doing out late whatever. I'm like, I'm just
Speaker 1: coming from you know, having some drinks with my friends,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And he was like, yeah, you're good
Speaker 1: to drive there. You're going back to your parents house.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm going to Long Island back to school.
Speaker 1: And he was like, nah, Like, it's almost two o'clock
Speaker 1: in the morning. There's no way I'm gonna let you
Speaker 1: drive almost an hour back to school right now. He
Speaker 1: was like, why don't you just come chilled by us
Speaker 1: and then get up in the morning and go back
Speaker 1: to school. So I was like, no, I'm good, I
Speaker 1: could drive. I'm good. I really didn't have that much drink.
Speaker 1: I was watching it because you know, I know I
Speaker 1: had to drive, and he's like, okay, follow me home,
Speaker 1: go get some rest whatever. Stop looking at me like that.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just saying, because if it's a dude
Speaker 1: telling this story to his girl, the first thing you're
Speaker 1: gonna say, oh, that's that bitch name. Her bitch name
Speaker 1: is my uncle. Stop lying for you till I stop
Speaker 1: lying for you. Whatever. Uncle you're gonna call us, that's
Speaker 1: what That's what you would do if it was ended
Speaker 1: up speaking to my family after though, because everybody pretty
Speaker 1: much had to like it was. It was for real though.
Speaker 1: So I got to this house, left, of course, got
Speaker 1: to the house, crashed, fell asleep, um, and I left
Speaker 1: my phone in the car, didn't even realize it. So
Speaker 1: they got up, they left for work in the morning,
Speaker 1: and they were like, oh, getin sleeping, so peacefully, let's
Speaker 1: leave her alone. I finally get back to my phone
Speaker 1: to go drive back to school that morning, and literally
Speaker 1: there was like forty eight messages, text messages, voicemails, everything,
Speaker 1: your mom's everyone in my mom's job, like stops looking
Speaker 1: for me. And this was literally about like nine am
Speaker 1: at the time, so I was technically quote unquote missing
Speaker 1: from like two am to nine am, So in a
Speaker 1: seven hour window, all of this transpired and I was
Speaker 1: on my third dream. You do understand though, it's also
Speaker 1: the context of everything. It's because I was playing. Um
Speaker 1: that was around the same year where there were a
Speaker 1: bunch of home invasions and things were happening to athletes.
Speaker 1: So they take these things, these type of things very serious,
Speaker 1: super like y'all have no idea. Like, literally, the FBI
Speaker 1: like broke into my phone. They checked my voicemails, my
Speaker 1: text messages, everything. So if I was creeping, you would
Speaker 1: have known, because the FBI would have probably blew my
Speaker 1: ass up. Everybody knows a woman cheats better than the FBI.
Speaker 1: It's not even a woman cheating, stupid. But they literally
Speaker 1: and they literally went through my call og and like
Speaker 1: called all of my recent calls, everybody I was with,
Speaker 1: like it was a whole big thing that happened in
Speaker 1: a matter of seven hours. Like I couldn't even believe it.
Speaker 1: And literally, if some if Devo was just asleep and
Speaker 1: it wasn't a big thing and he woke up at
Speaker 1: nine o'clock that morning, I would have probably had my
Speaker 1: phone and none of this would have happened if you
Speaker 1: were responsible. But I know, yeah, I know, I do
Speaker 1: have to get better with that though, just because it's
Speaker 1: a crazy world. And he will be like, yo, call,
Speaker 1: I'm to get to your destination, and sometimes I'll just
Speaker 1: be forgetting, like I want to get it. But I
Speaker 1: can see how in that moment you not being with me,
Speaker 1: after being with me all this time, there were probably
Speaker 1: a ton of different things racing through your minds, you know,
Speaker 1: with with your your teammates. Then you know, saying like
Speaker 1: I wonder where your girl really was, Like little things
Speaker 1: like that, I can get how embarrassing it was. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I apologize fourteen years removed from the situation, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So the So the takeaway from
Speaker 1: this whole story is, whenever you get to your destination,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, make sure that you contact your significant
Speaker 1: other and let them know that you're there safely. Yes,
Speaker 1: because it's cool. It's all could have been avoided if
Speaker 1: I had even shot you a text message and then
Speaker 1: be like, Yo, I'm going to stay by my uncle
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn and let me know that you was good.
Speaker 1: Do you let me know you was good? You didn't
Speaker 1: even realize that, wasn't there? I like, crash on the
Speaker 1: couch and here we are, here we are, and and
Speaker 1: to lead into how that made me insecure? Like I said,
Speaker 1: this was the first time that we've been away from
Speaker 1: each other since we met at eighteen, and now I
Speaker 1: was already a little bit insecure because Yo, you got
Speaker 1: a beautiful girlfriend. You in the NFL, your girlfriends at home,
Speaker 1: she's hanging out with her friends and a bunch of
Speaker 1: other dudes that you don't know. Of course, if i'm
Speaker 1: those dudes, I'm gonna shoot my shot, and I don't
Speaker 1: know them like that, so of course I'm a little insecure.
Speaker 1: I'm wondering, like, yo, what you know, what is she doing?
Speaker 1: Who is she outing? At the same time, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to be respectful to the fact that she's an adult
Speaker 1: and we're individuals. So I at no point was I
Speaker 1: ever like now, you can't go out. It was like
Speaker 1: it was like, you know, we gol have fun and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to deal with this internally and try
Speaker 1: not to seem like the jealous, overbearing boyfriend because I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm not like that. But inside it was still kind
Speaker 1: of like, you know, you know, I hope that you know,
Speaker 1: I'm still the one that keeps her attention while we're
Speaker 1: going through this process, is together, and there were times
Speaker 1: that left me very insecure. Like there were times I
Speaker 1: was just like, to me, that was crazy because now
Speaker 1: that we speak about it openly, of course, this is
Speaker 1: a long time ago. Now that we speak about it openly,
Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, you were insecure with me being here
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn and in Long Island while you were now
Speaker 1: in the NFL, Like talk about insecurities as a woman,
Speaker 1: you know, at the time, feeling still like a young
Speaker 1: girl in a relationship with my man, who I have
Speaker 1: to now stay in Long Island because at this point
Speaker 1: I was now continuing grad school. So Deval graduated from college,
Speaker 1: and the year he graduated, I was um selling grad school,
Speaker 1: so I had one more year left to finish the
Speaker 1: program before I could even like leave Long Island. So
Speaker 1: all I'm thinking about is my man, who is fine
Speaker 1: as hell of course to me, and some several women
Speaker 1: who's a charmer, you know, And I'm just like, yo,
Speaker 1: he's about to be in a completely different arena. He
Speaker 1: is going to be with as women who are like professional,
Speaker 1: you know, professional and getting themselves together and being within
Speaker 1: the v I P and wherever these players are. So
Speaker 1: I couldn't even fathom Devout having any kind of insecurities
Speaker 1: surrounding me being here. I'm like little old me in
Speaker 1: Brooklyn and going to these local spots, Like, what do
Speaker 1: you worried about? I'm going to tell you the truth,
Speaker 1: it's not It's not so much just insecurities when your
Speaker 1: focus is on that one woman, It doesn't matter how
Speaker 1: many other women are out there. That one woman right there,
Speaker 1: that's yours, that's my woman. I don't I don't care.
Speaker 1: Like even even even dudes I know do who are
Speaker 1: not in committed relationships, but there's that one girl who
Speaker 1: that's that He's like, Yo, that's my that's my baby.
Speaker 1: It don't matter if he got a bunch of other women,
Speaker 1: that one girl right there. He don't want nobody else
Speaker 1: to touch that one girl. And men get insecure about
Speaker 1: that because they want that one woman. A lot of
Speaker 1: times we don't even know how to be in that
Speaker 1: type of relationship with that woman. But if that's the
Speaker 1: one woman you want to share that time with, or
Speaker 1: you want that one woman to only want to have
Speaker 1: your interests, you get insecure about her being around other
Speaker 1: dudes because you would, dude, And you know how dudes are.
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying. And me, I'm competitive, Like
Speaker 1: I walk in any room, I'm not. I don't fear
Speaker 1: anybody else in the room. But the issue is the distance.
Speaker 1: We weren't around each other. We weren't like I was
Speaker 1: going for four months, Like if there's a surefire way
Speaker 1: to feel insecure about anything in your relationship, though some
Speaker 1: distance in that bed and you're gonna be like, uh, damn,
Speaker 1: that was tough. It was a change. And it's a
Speaker 1: distance that's not even like controlling the person or knowing
Speaker 1: where they are at all times, or like being in
Speaker 1: their face at all times, but it's just knowing that
Speaker 1: when they have those vulnerable moments, or they have those
Speaker 1: moments where they really are in need of you or
Speaker 1: in need of you know, touch or a conversation or something,
Speaker 1: you can't fulfill that at that moment. And I felt
Speaker 1: badly about that. So me going out on like a Thursday, Friday,
Speaker 1: Saturday with my homegirls was really me just trying to
Speaker 1: pass the time like it was nothing more. And damn,
Speaker 1: it's a Thursday night. You know, I have no class
Speaker 1: on Friday the weekend. I'm not gonna get through missing
Speaker 1: my husband, not my husband's time, but missing my man
Speaker 1: who's not here if I'm just sitting around in the
Speaker 1: apartment doing nothing. So that was my way of coping
Speaker 1: with the distance. I was mature enough to understand that
Speaker 1: at the time that that doesn't make it easy. And
Speaker 1: you know, what's funny about men? Right, And a lot
Speaker 1: of men won't say this. You know why men get
Speaker 1: insecure with women because of the things women do when
Speaker 1: they got men with you. When you don't have a girl,
Speaker 1: you know that that's somebody else girl. In the back
Speaker 1: of your mind, You're like, Yo, that's somebody else girl
Speaker 1: who's doing these things with me. It makes you wonder,
Speaker 1: like you when I get a girl, if she's gonna
Speaker 1: do those same things. So it's funny to me sometimes
Speaker 1: when when I hear women say, oh, niggas ain't ship,
Speaker 1: it's like, you know why niggas ain't ship because they
Speaker 1: got somebody who ain't shipped to do ain't ship things
Speaker 1: with you know what I'm saying. It's like, I think
Speaker 1: it's so unfair to just categorize men as niggasin ship.
Speaker 1: I got boys, and like I've like I played in
Speaker 1: the league, got boys. We tell stories, We sit in
Speaker 1: the locker rooms, and there are married women just like
Speaker 1: they are married men who do things right. So for
Speaker 1: for women, they don't understand either sometimes like why men
Speaker 1: so reluctant to be and committed because sometimes we've experienced
Speaker 1: things with those women who were supposed to be committed
Speaker 1: to someone else with them. That makes you kind of like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I ain't doing it. And the thing is,
Speaker 1: I understand that women like it's it's easy for for
Speaker 1: for women for me to say, I understand why women
Speaker 1: insecure because men play the field there like you know,
Speaker 1: like they don't, but they're not playing it by themselves though,
Speaker 1: So I guess that's my point at that point, because
Speaker 1: you know, along with women who want, you know, fidelity
Speaker 1: and they want someone to be faithful to them, you
Speaker 1: have your team of women who are also like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't care. It's not my husband. What happens in
Speaker 1: their household is not my business. Like they there are
Speaker 1: women who are like that, who are just like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't care. That's one of the thing for me
Speaker 1: to be worried about. So that's how I felt when
Speaker 1: I'm twenty two years old and my girl is miles
Speaker 1: away and it's not like we were married. I'm saying
Speaker 1: we were not married, so it was just like, yo,
Speaker 1: she actually is free to do whatever she wants. And
Speaker 1: another thing is too, when you're in that that league,
Speaker 1: you're not sitting there at just chilling all day. It's
Speaker 1: a stressful time. So you go from a stressful time
Speaker 1: and you come home to an empty home. You know,
Speaker 1: you're you're worried every week you gonta make the team
Speaker 1: or not. You know the money yet the money is good.
Speaker 1: But here's another thing too. You're playing in a different
Speaker 1: city with teammates that from week to week change. It's
Speaker 1: not like college. In college, you have all of your
Speaker 1: buddies there that you got. Yeah, you're going back to
Speaker 1: the dorms, you do all that stuff. When you play
Speaker 1: in the NFL, there's no dorms. When you leave the
Speaker 1: locker room. People got families and go back to their
Speaker 1: friends and stuff. So you go home by yourself. It's
Speaker 1: not like you just out here just bawling out of controls. No,
Speaker 1: you're going back home to read the playbook. If you're
Speaker 1: a rookie, you got special teams meeting. So there were
Speaker 1: other factors that made me kind of like I was
Speaker 1: more introverted during that time because I was so focused
Speaker 1: on football that it's like I only wanted to spend
Speaker 1: time with the person who was my safety net during college,
Speaker 1: and I didn't have you, you know, and that that
Speaker 1: kind of made me insecure. Absolutely, you know, I really
Speaker 1: think about how our insecurities cause us to now create
Speaker 1: this whole entire narrative around what took place in a moment,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So for example, you know,
Speaker 1: I put on a swimsuit and I'm you know, out
Speaker 1: at the pool, and you look at me with the
Speaker 1: screw face. Now I'm thinking to myself, well, damn if
Speaker 1: I don't like the swimsuit. Maybe maybe I put on
Speaker 1: a little bit too much weight, Maybe these stretch marks
Speaker 1: is extra stretchy today, Like what exactly can you know
Speaker 1: trigger something in my mind to now create this entire
Speaker 1: story around it that now affects me internally and I
Speaker 1: may not be able to die vote to you in
Speaker 1: that moment. I'll just go back up and put my
Speaker 1: cover on and be like, you know, what suck the
Speaker 1: pool today? And then that creates an issue because now
Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, know why you put the cover up
Speaker 1: on it? And you got an attitude? Now that happens
Speaker 1: a lot a lot. It does happen sometimes, and it
Speaker 1: could just be like you check to your phone and
Speaker 1: just realize, like your stocks dropped, so you was tight
Speaker 1: about losing some money or something, had nothing I don't
Speaker 1: want to. We don't want been there there, don't want
Speaker 1: to do that again. But I feel you and I
Speaker 1: have a question though, as a as a woman, do
Speaker 1: you feel like there's added pressure with everything with Instagram,
Speaker 1: with TV, oh my god, ably to uphold the standard
Speaker 1: that because I know a lot of women talk about
Speaker 1: and we talked about this with the snap back, where
Speaker 1: people were, you know, you were getting some backlash because
Speaker 1: you kept putting snap back and they were just like, oh,
Speaker 1: why why she got to snap back? Yes, you know,
Speaker 1: it's crazy that the whole snap back and the whole
Speaker 1: negative connotation that it has gotten over time, to me
Speaker 1: is a little ridiculous because I mean, I know where
Speaker 1: it stems from. It stems from social media, stems from
Speaker 1: celebrity culture. It stems from the images that we see
Speaker 1: where women have these babies and then there are snapping
Speaker 1: back quote unquote you know in a matter of weeks.
Speaker 1: Whereas if you look at most women, majority of what
Speaker 1: of what we do is trying to spend time in
Speaker 1: that postpartum nursing our baby and taking care of our
Speaker 1: chow and and loving ourselves again and loving our new bodies,
Speaker 1: and that in itself is difficult to deal with talk
Speaker 1: about insecurities, you know what I mean. So for me,
Speaker 1: the whole snap back I didn't think have to take
Speaker 1: a negative connotation. Snapping back for me was like saying
Speaker 1: within my time, meaning the time frame that I set
Speaker 1: forth for myself did not have to be weeks. It
Speaker 1: could have been months. I mean my O B g U,
Speaker 1: I N and midwife told me it takes a full
Speaker 1: year for a woman's body to really balance out and
Speaker 1: refocus after a baby. But isn't the key to snap
Speaker 1: back to snapping back fast because it wouldn't be called
Speaker 1: a snap back if it if it happens slow drawback. No,
Speaker 1: it's true, yes, yes, and you're absolutely right. There is
Speaker 1: like a certain time period I guess that the snap
Speaker 1: back does take place. It's the reason for the snap back,
Speaker 1: like you want to compete with other women or are
Speaker 1: you doing this because you just want to get back
Speaker 1: to yourself? And for me, it was a matter of
Speaker 1: getting back to who codein was. So whatever my snap
Speaker 1: back period time frame was like for me, I try
Speaker 1: to give myself at least a year to be kind
Speaker 1: and realize that it's not going to happen for me overnight.
Speaker 1: A because I'm enjoying my baby, I'm enjoying my family.
Speaker 1: I particularly don't like to work out. I'm not I
Speaker 1: would never profess to be a fitness buffer or anything.
Speaker 1: So I take my time with getting things back. I
Speaker 1: love food. I know y'all see me dance and you know,
Speaker 1: get to shoulder actions, take my weights off when I'm ready,
Speaker 1: because I do love food. So I take my time
Speaker 1: with getting back, you know. And it was really just
Speaker 1: a matter of me getting back to me, like who
Speaker 1: is Cadine in her body and wanting to get back
Speaker 1: to that. But I have a question about just then,
Speaker 1: this is just female culture. Why can't we celebrate the
Speaker 1: women who can snap back fast? Like? Why does it
Speaker 1: seem like, yeah, there's a lot of shaming that goes
Speaker 1: to shame you shame women who work hard? Is not?
Speaker 1: Why is that? Because I really don't know as a man,
Speaker 1: because plus for us as men were competitive, like I'm
Speaker 1: about to lose his weight now I know. Granted I
Speaker 1: didn't carry a whole fetus and grow a human inside
Speaker 1: of me, so I understand that it's completely different. But
Speaker 1: why can't we celebrate women? You to be honest, like
Speaker 1: when you pose it I never even thought it that way.
Speaker 1: I thought about it that way, but it's right. We
Speaker 1: should be able to celebrate women who are you know what,
Speaker 1: that's their focus. They want to get back within a
Speaker 1: certain time frame. I think people are not as kind
Speaker 1: to celebrities because they feel like celebrities have the means
Speaker 1: and they have the resources to be able to do it.
Speaker 1: So a celebrity goes and gets pregnant, she has a baby,
Speaker 1: she has twins, and then she's been hiding for six
Speaker 1: weeks because she has nutritionist, and she has a nanny,
Speaker 1: and she has a night nurse, and she has mom,
Speaker 1: and she has dad, and she has you know, a chef.
Speaker 1: She as all of these resources to help her snap back.
Speaker 1: But she has to do that because her body is
Speaker 1: her livelihood. And here's my thing though, that also our
Speaker 1: insecurities from other people projecting their insecurities on celebrities exactly
Speaker 1: because because they couldn't do it or they didn't have
Speaker 1: the resources to do it. Everybody and they want to
Speaker 1: project them on. I used to curry, they want to
Speaker 1: project them on Steph Curry because even men was projecting
Speaker 1: their insecurities on stuff. The funniest thing I heard was
Speaker 1: a dude say, Yo, I know what the problem is
Speaker 1: stefinitely hitting it right. And I was like, yo, first
Speaker 1: of all things, an all time leaving three point he
Speaker 1: don't miss it, I know. That was my Secondly, it's
Speaker 1: like this woman is talking talking about herself. You found
Speaker 1: a way in your manliness down That to me was
Speaker 1: a huge insecurity. Yo, you found a way to attack
Speaker 1: stuff right exactly like that, like that exactly. I was
Speaker 1: definitely adversely talking about, like even just like the insecurities
Speaker 1: around body image. If a celebrity were to walk out
Speaker 1: postpartum two, three or four months after having a baby
Speaker 1: and look a little bit out of shape or not
Speaker 1: have their hair, then they're gonna be in everybody shade
Speaker 1: room and everybody's platform dragging them. Remember they dragged Beyonce
Speaker 1: because remember after the storm in Houston, on the storm
Speaker 1: in Houston where the floods happened, and she came out
Speaker 1: right afterwards, just right after having the twins, and she
Speaker 1: had a little extra weight, and people were like, oh,
Speaker 1: look at Beyonce, look like a auntie. It's like damn.
Speaker 1: So if she would have bounced back, she would have
Speaker 1: got dragged by all of the purists that said, oh
Speaker 1: why you why you working out so hard? You should
Speaker 1: be taking of those twins. But since she took time
Speaker 1: with the twins but then stepped out and she wasn't
Speaker 1: concerned about all the TV because she's Beyonce like, she
Speaker 1: don't always have to be on point all the time.
Speaker 1: She had to actually give a statement that said, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not in shape yet, but when I want to
Speaker 1: get back in performing shape, I can. It's like, yo,
Speaker 1: you that. But you know what's funny. We talked about
Speaker 1: insecurities with the marriage stuff. We noticeding insecurities in society.
Speaker 1: So many people in the world have insec individual persons
Speaker 1: not because a lot of people push their insecurities on
Speaker 1: the people you see on social media. And and they
Speaker 1: don't even do it to just celebrities. They do it
Speaker 1: to their friends. You have a home girl who just
Speaker 1: had a baby who get back fast. It be their
Speaker 1: friends who pushed their insecurities on their friends. Oh you
Speaker 1: know she her body die. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It would be dude who push their insecurities on their homeboys.
Speaker 1: Their wife looking good on Instagram and you know she
Speaker 1: wanted attention that they ain't doing something right. It really
Speaker 1: be other people who inject themselves into other people's lives toxic. So,
Speaker 1: you know, going back to the insecurity, insecurities and stuff
Speaker 1: that you and I both felt at different points um
Speaker 1: in our relationship, particularly when you were in the league
Speaker 1: and then you came back home and all you and
Speaker 1: then it was like a role switch at that point,
Speaker 1: because I went from going out to pass the time
Speaker 1: that you weren't around too, then you coming back home
Speaker 1: in the off season and then you wanted to go out,
Speaker 1: almost as if it was a tip for tad. And
Speaker 1: I was just like, Bro, I thought you wanted to
Speaker 1: come back home and you couldn't wait to spend time
Speaker 1: with me, but instead you wanted to be out now
Speaker 1: with these little freshman girls. Here you go, which your
Speaker 1: little friends, here you go to your attitude. Now you
Speaker 1: little freshman friends. And I was just like yes, and
Speaker 1: see a little friends. And I was just kind of like, bro,
Speaker 1: what's going on here? Well? I mean, so you were
Speaker 1: your insecurities real in that moment or do you feel
Speaker 1: like you were just making these things up in your
Speaker 1: he Was it imagined or was it real? No? I
Speaker 1: I had some real insecurities. I felt like for the
Speaker 1: four months that I was going through one of my
Speaker 1: hardest times trying to make an NFL team, you were
Speaker 1: out having fun, and for me it was like finally
Speaker 1: the seasons over. I made you know, I made the team,
Speaker 1: I made some money. I'm back home. Now I can relax.
Speaker 1: I'm going to have some fun. I was not having
Speaker 1: fun when I was there. It was it was like
Speaker 1: home when you wasn't trying to have fun with me.
Speaker 1: Like I was expecting for us now together to go
Speaker 1: out and have some fun, and you were like that,
Speaker 1: that's me. That was me being immature. That was me
Speaker 1: being twenty two and saying, all right, you was out
Speaker 1: with your friends. I'm gonna be out with my friends.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. And going through that that
Speaker 1: that whole thing that you're not calling me and all
Speaker 1: that stuff that that hurt and it bothered me, and
Speaker 1: it was very you know petty, you know, saying it
Speaker 1: was petty that I was come home and I like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going out in my friends. You
Speaker 1: were petty before petty be even became a thing, like
Speaker 1: you were just petty. I was born pt like, just
Speaker 1: always petty. So that's one of the first things that
Speaker 1: was wrong. We didn't communicate. We were assuming a bunch
Speaker 1: of things that were happening that maybe weren't even happening,
Speaker 1: and we created these stories in our minds about things
Speaker 1: that were transpiring it really weren't, and in turn putting
Speaker 1: a stress in our relationship, huge stress, putting a huge
Speaker 1: stress from us. I was like, Oh, that's the guy
Speaker 1: you'd be out with, that's the one you'd be talking to,
Speaker 1: thinking that there was something more that wasn't there, And
Speaker 1: and it was. It was a huge in security. I
Speaker 1: could admit it now. I couldn't admit it then. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm saying I was too I was too mule headed, right,
Speaker 1: I was. I was too young, I was too into myself.
Speaker 1: So at that time I didn't admit it. I was
Speaker 1: just like, no, no, no, this is how it is.
Speaker 1: But now years later I can admit that it was.
Speaker 1: It was. It was a huge insecurity. And you can't
Speaker 1: expect people to always recognize where they are during the
Speaker 1: time they're they're Sometimes time to remove yourself from it
Speaker 1: a couple of years because anytime we talk about this
Speaker 1: story or we like tell people this story, and it's
Speaker 1: so funny because of course people are like, of course
Speaker 1: to devoluce dramatic in the way he tells the story.
Speaker 1: Dramatic events are true, they're true, but the delivery. You're
Speaker 1: a great storyteller. I'm never gonna take that away from you, babe.
Speaker 1: But it's funny when we were able to tell the
Speaker 1: story now and we look back on there and we're
Speaker 1: just like, got It's funny when we look back now
Speaker 1: because we're just like damn looking at it with you
Speaker 1: know that hindsight view, Well, do you feel like you
Speaker 1: were your insecurities were real or imagined? No, they were
Speaker 1: really in that moment. They were definitely real in that
Speaker 1: moment because I felt like, you know, what do you
Speaker 1: think I was to be like a video girl and
Speaker 1: just go absolutely absolutely. I was like, he's gonna meet
Speaker 1: subject that's just gonna like sweep him off his feet,
Speaker 1: and she's gonna feel this void and this deficit that
Speaker 1: I couldn't feel at that time. And it was such
Speaker 1: a major moment in your life, like you bust your
Speaker 1: ass to get today, you bust your ass to get
Speaker 1: to the league. You were not like, you know, big dude,
Speaker 1: first round draft pick that everybody was like I want
Speaker 1: Devlot like you had to prove yourself to be there,
Speaker 1: so it was such a hard moment for you that
Speaker 1: I felt like, damn, like I can't be there, So
Speaker 1: there's somebody, even if it wasn't a physical thing. I
Speaker 1: was more concerned about, is there someone who's emotionally gonna
Speaker 1: be able to be there for Devout in a situation
Speaker 1: where I can't, and that in turn drive us away
Speaker 1: from each other or drive us apart, you know, because
Speaker 1: we had a lot of moments where we were bickering
Speaker 1: about different things because we just the distance was just
Speaker 1: killing us. The distance was bad. And that that brings
Speaker 1: us to the second point, which was talking about communicate
Speaker 1: and don't assume we did a lot of assuming. We didn't.
Speaker 1: I assumed a lot of things. You assumed a lot,
Speaker 1: and we didn't communicate because during that time I didn't
Speaker 1: tell you how I felt about all of those things.
Speaker 1: I came aclose to you like everything was fine, and
Speaker 1: then I acted differently, which was which is crazy. Now,
Speaker 1: you know, at this age in my life, I'm like,
Speaker 1: why would I ever do that? But I think now
Speaker 1: I'm I'm more solid than who I am to be
Speaker 1: able to say how I feel. But at that point
Speaker 1: I was more focused on I'm an NFL athlete, I'm
Speaker 1: an alpha male. I can't show my weakness and I'll
Speaker 1: just be like nine, I don't care you go out
Speaker 1: with dudes. I don't care go out with your home girls.
Speaker 1: And then inside I was like, you're telling me that.
Speaker 1: I felt like, all right, well, he's good. He wants
Speaker 1: me to go out there and like enjoy myself and
Speaker 1: doesn't want me to soak around either. So I felt
Speaker 1: like you were just being supportive when meanwhile, all this
Speaker 1: other ship was going on in your head. I was
Speaker 1: trying to be supportive though I really was. I was
Speaker 1: trying to be. It just wasn't working out for me.
Speaker 1: I know, you know, I mean it makes me think
Speaker 1: about like self esteem and like confidence and what role
Speaker 1: that plays too in insecurities, Like do you always count
Speaker 1: on me to kind of not massage your ego but
Speaker 1: make you feel like babe, like you know, I have
Speaker 1: to uplift you and give you the sense of confidence
Speaker 1: in the sense of self esteem or is that something
Speaker 1: kind of innating or person No, I mean I think
Speaker 1: that's just in people. You You can't there's nothing you
Speaker 1: can say or do to me to make me feel
Speaker 1: better about myself. Like when I'm having my down days
Speaker 1: even now, there's nothing you can say. You can be supportive,
Speaker 1: and I can feel your support. But if I'm down,
Speaker 1: i gotta find some internal motivations, and I've learned that
Speaker 1: with you. When I remember this specifically, we were struggling
Speaker 1: because you were at home and at this point we
Speaker 1: were in the NFL making a lot of money. You
Speaker 1: moved out there with me. You just didn't look happy,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, let's go shopping. This is the first
Speaker 1: time I took you to a shoppers where we went to.
Speaker 1: It was at North Fillmore. North Fillmore, we went to
Speaker 1: We went to every store. You went to Gucci, Summerset
Speaker 1: Summerset More, shout out to Detroit. You cant affinity Gucci,
Speaker 1: you know, before we cancel. This is when we had
Speaker 1: a good relationship with We broke up, all right, just
Speaker 1: to put that sorry. So I took you shopping and
Speaker 1: then we came back home and I remember a couple
Speaker 1: of days later, you still just did not look right.
Speaker 1: So it wasn't the material things. It wasn't the material things.
Speaker 1: It wasn't me telling you how great you were. It
Speaker 1: wasn't me just telling me how much I love you.
Speaker 1: You had to find it and you had to find
Speaker 1: that peace within yourself of who you are. And I
Speaker 1: feel like we're self esteem. There's a reason why that word,
Speaker 1: that first word thereself itself is there. It starts because
Speaker 1: it starts with you, like you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and the insecurity I felt at that time. Now, so
Speaker 1: so let me paint the picture for you. Guys. I
Speaker 1: had graduated grad school. You know, it was like, great,
Speaker 1: I got my degree. I cannot move out there be
Speaker 1: with my man, you know, against my mom and my
Speaker 1: dad looking at me like what you're about to go?
Speaker 1: Shack o? Where? Like how am I going to tell
Speaker 1: your grandmother you're living with this man out of marriage?
Speaker 1: But that was my mother. Um, But no, it was like,
Speaker 1: so now I'm out, Okay, great, So what purpose do
Speaker 1: I serve having a purpose when you are? Now I'm
Speaker 1: there at your leisure and at your disposal. So now
Speaker 1: you're feeling better about the league, You're feeling better about
Speaker 1: you know, everything you have going on, and I'm just
Speaker 1: kind of sitting there like all right, well, what's in
Speaker 1: this for me? Now that I'm here, and that really
Speaker 1: just made me feel like the insecurities I felt now
Speaker 1: is what am I doing to help sustain in this relationship?
Speaker 1: What am I doing to bring value to the relationships?
Speaker 1: And then it was like more insecurities. So insecurities don't
Speaker 1: ever stop. Really, I think that it rears its itself
Speaker 1: at different points throughout the relationship. You know, different times
Speaker 1: you may feel insecure about different things. Um, but really
Speaker 1: it's starting in the self. It's starting with the self,
Speaker 1: and it's learning how to let it go, let things go,
Speaker 1: you know, like for example, that whole thing with you
Speaker 1: not calling me that night. You if you continue to
Speaker 1: exist in the past, you can never exist in the
Speaker 1: present or move forward to the future. You can control
Speaker 1: the things that you cannot control. So sitting there and
Speaker 1: trying to figure out ways to understand more how it happens,
Speaker 1: all that does is just create a conundrum of problems,
Speaker 1: and it just you gotta let things go. And I
Speaker 1: think we've both done that over the course of our relationship,
Speaker 1: because we've had to years. If we didn't let you go,
Speaker 1: don't you imagine what we'd be like together? We be together,
Speaker 1: and we'd be angry and we'd hate each other, right,
Speaker 1: and it would be a very contankerous situation. And what's
Speaker 1: the point in that? No? Point zero? Because I love you.
Speaker 1: You know, it's a little fun. I love you too.
Speaker 1: That's one thing I'm secure about this. For the record,
Speaker 1: there it is. Tiger Woods is one of our most
Speaker 1: inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters.
Speaker 1: I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior,
Speaker 1: but here it is the return to glory. This is
Speaker 1: All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me
Speaker 1: Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Wus doesn't know who he
Speaker 1: is best in the history of golf, no question in
Speaker 1: my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist
Speaker 1: Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger
Speaker 1: Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's
Speaker 1: been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now listen
Speaker 1: and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Alright,
Speaker 1: so you know we love to hear from you all
Speaker 1: out there and our listener letters segment. Let's see, I
Speaker 1: have a person who is slow to let a potential
Speaker 1: partner in and then falls hard for them once you
Speaker 1: trust them and share yourself emotionally. Do you have any
Speaker 1: advice for learning to trust be open again when that
Speaker 1: person hurts you emotionally as the relationship fails and you're
Speaker 1: left guarding yourself with more walls than ever before. Yikes, well,
Speaker 1: this is the first thing I've learned that I've learned
Speaker 1: this from an old head. Oldhead, life is long. People
Speaker 1: often stay in relationships or feel like they have to
Speaker 1: hang on the stuff that's not working because they feel
Speaker 1: like they've invested all of this time. You waste time
Speaker 1: doing that. If you can tell after you've invested a
Speaker 1: little bit of time that it's not working, you better
Speaker 1: off just moving on, you know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: I understand what she's coming from when she says she
Speaker 1: slowed to let the potential partner in. But then once
Speaker 1: you let the potential the potential partner in and they
Speaker 1: start to let you down, if you're not willing to
Speaker 1: fight for it, just move on. It becomes like what
Speaker 1: are we doing here? Type of thing, and and it's
Speaker 1: just move on. And I think also too, when you
Speaker 1: are hurt or your trust is broken, at that point
Speaker 1: you really have to evaluate, like, Okay, is this worth
Speaker 1: working through? Or not, you know what I mean, And
Speaker 1: you can't take what happened in that particular situation into
Speaker 1: another relationship. Carry baggage there you go. You know about
Speaker 1: baggage fifty pounds over right, k always carrying baggage in
Speaker 1: the airport. That's the big uggage scale. That's the biggest thing.
Speaker 1: Do not carry baggage from past relationships into the next
Speaker 1: because you automatically find issues if you continue to just say, well,
Speaker 1: the last person did this, securities and securities, and then
Speaker 1: you're not giving that person a fear shot to be,
Speaker 1: you know, truthfully and authentically who they are. And it
Speaker 1: sounds easy coming from us being we've been with each
Speaker 1: other for so long, but um, I mean we had
Speaker 1: opportunities to carry baggage, do you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: We've had in the in the seventeen years, We've both
Speaker 1: had our transgressions, and we've had things that happened where
Speaker 1: we could have easily still held it over each other's
Speaker 1: head to the day, and we've made the choice to say,
Speaker 1: you know what, we can get past this. Of course,
Speaker 1: with time, you know, you get past things and you
Speaker 1: really try to outweigh the options and be like, is
Speaker 1: this worth sticking around for and everybody knows their limit.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows their limit, they know how much they can tolerate.
Speaker 1: So you know, my advice would be too not take
Speaker 1: it into another relationship and really weigh out the options.
Speaker 1: If that trust is broken in some some instance, or
Speaker 1: you know, you feel like you can't emotionally open up
Speaker 1: to that person again, then is it really worth it.
Speaker 1: Don't carry baggage, but continue to be slow into these relationships.
Speaker 1: Can't fall fast and full hard. That's how you get hurt.
Speaker 1: You gotta learn people. So I applaud you for going
Speaker 1: and slow. Just don't carry the baggage. Now the next
Speaker 1: listener letter. I've been dating this guy for a few
Speaker 1: months and things have been going so well, so well,
Speaker 1: I think I really may have found my match. But
Speaker 1: there's a catch. There's always a catch. He doesn't want
Speaker 1: to have sex. Okay, let me finish this hold on.
Speaker 1: At first, I thought maybe it was too soon that
Speaker 1: he was taking him a while. Meanwhile, I've been ready,
Speaker 1: she ready. But it's funny how he's being a gentleman.
Speaker 1: Now She's like, yo, it's gonna take. But now I'm
Speaker 1: at the point where I need it and I'd like
Speaker 1: to see if we're compatible in that sense. So I
Speaker 1: brought it up to him, and he changed the subject.
Speaker 1: We've stayed for each other, over each other's houses, and
Speaker 1: he slept in the bed, but no intimacy once we
Speaker 1: even slept in the bed with all his clothes on
Speaker 1: above the blanket. Though, Okay, I can see how that's
Speaker 1: kind of little, you know. Okay, how long do I
Speaker 1: wait before I move on? Is this normal? Also a
Speaker 1: little background on him. He used to be four hundred
Speaker 1: pounds and lost the weight. If you have it, Could
Speaker 1: this be a body image issue? She answered her question herself.
Speaker 1: At the very end, I'm gonna tell you from a
Speaker 1: man's perspective, because it seems like a very nice dude.
Speaker 1: He meets a woman, he's falling in love with a woman,
Speaker 1: he lost four hundred pounds. He clearly is not happy
Speaker 1: with his image because he did something about it, he
Speaker 1: lost the weight. You don't know if he's happy with
Speaker 1: himself naked. But he meets this woman and he's falling
Speaker 1: in love with this woman. The last thing he wants
Speaker 1: to do is take his clothes off, and she not
Speaker 1: be satisfied, and he loses this woman so you know
Speaker 1: what he's probably doing. He's probably holding on as long
Speaker 1: as he can because he knows at some point he's
Speaker 1: gonna have to take his clothes off, and he's probably
Speaker 1: worried that once he takes the clothes off, it's going
Speaker 1: to be a rap. What I would tell you to
Speaker 1: do is be patient with him. Someone someone weighing four
Speaker 1: hundred pounds and losing the weight, that's a that's a
Speaker 1: hard road. That's not somebody who as someone who's invested
Speaker 1: and respect takes the discipline to do that, an extreme
Speaker 1: discipline and respect the fact that he's choosing to spend
Speaker 1: this time with you. But let him know where you are,
Speaker 1: be honest, let him know where you are, and try
Speaker 1: to work him through it, even if it's not just
Speaker 1: sex straight trying to work different things, different intimacy things
Speaker 1: before you get to that level. I was thinking, so
Speaker 1: he can feel comfortable getting to that point. So maybe
Speaker 1: it maybe you know, what were you starting with? I
Speaker 1: was gonna say maybe starting with like but like, just
Speaker 1: like you said, being intimate, so it could even start
Speaker 1: with like dim lights for example, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, not doing it in broad daylight, per se
Speaker 1: or with bright lights on, maybe like lighting a couple
Speaker 1: of candles and making it and then you know, starting
Speaker 1: with the massage and kind of working it there and
Speaker 1: see where that was. Shut up. I'm trying to get this.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to help, try to help. Okay, she's trying
Speaker 1: to in all seriousness, I hear you, but like, you know,
Speaker 1: make creating an environment where he begins to feel comfortable
Speaker 1: that he can now take off the layers in a sense,
Speaker 1: layers of clothes and then the layers that he's built
Speaker 1: up of that guard that he has. Look at you
Speaker 1: with the me it'd be happening like that. But but yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, trying to make it comfortable for him. And
Speaker 1: I mean, if you guys have been talking for a
Speaker 1: few months now and you feel like you're have this
Speaker 1: intense connection, maybe you can now open up the conversation
Speaker 1: about you know, intimacy and see where he stands with it. Well,
Speaker 1: she said that he changed the subject. She's gonna have
Speaker 1: to ease. Yeah, and he takes take the time with
Speaker 1: the brother though. Shout out to the young man losing
Speaker 1: the weight, that's dope, and shout out to you for
Speaker 1: being willing and able to work with him on this process.
Speaker 1: So shout out to both of you guys. Turn out
Speaker 1: the lights, do a little massage, like said, like a
Speaker 1: can do. So I'm also you know, I'll be liking
Speaker 1: them old tunes. But yeah, work it out, baby, work
Speaker 1: it out. So now it's time to the moment of truth.
Speaker 1: All right, So much this was a very like loaded
Speaker 1: layered episode. I already told you in my moment of
Speaker 1: truth is I came to it. This is my moment
Speaker 1: of truth. So many people put their insecurities on other
Speaker 1: people that nowadays people are afraid to share, and that's
Speaker 1: the truth. We all walk around with insecurities. I do,
Speaker 1: I know you do. And then when someone wants to
Speaker 1: share their insecurities, they get attacked by people who have
Speaker 1: their own on insecurities, who want to project their insecurities
Speaker 1: on those people. And I think that that there's a
Speaker 1: lot of that happening in social media because this is
Speaker 1: a new platform. People are learning how to use it,
Speaker 1: and it's easy to attack people. It's given everybody a voice.
Speaker 1: It's so it's so easy to attack people when you
Speaker 1: can sit behind the keyboard or you can sit behind
Speaker 1: somewhere and just say things, say things and put it out.
Speaker 1: So absolutely this this for me has kind of opened
Speaker 1: my eyes up a little bit and realize that it's
Speaker 1: not just so much about insecurities and relationships, but it's
Speaker 1: how other people's insecurities in the world can affect your relationship. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: that's a really good one. That's a really good one
Speaker 1: because again, in a time where people are asking for
Speaker 1: people to be honest, and we're having all of these
Speaker 1: conferences and we're having all these speakers and these panels
Speaker 1: where people are asked to be transparent, and then you
Speaker 1: you get the transparency, and then you just drag them
Speaker 1: for it. It's like, what's the whole point in sharing?
Speaker 1: What are we learning here? You know? Um? I think
Speaker 1: my moment of truth with all this is um really
Speaker 1: realizing that you should not be take king insecurities that
Speaker 1: you have and building these narratives and stories around it
Speaker 1: that may have nothing to do with that moment or
Speaker 1: what caused it. So that means if you are feeling
Speaker 1: a kind of way about something, speaking to the person
Speaker 1: about it, and it doesn't have to necessarily be your
Speaker 1: significant other, it can be any relationship just speaking about
Speaker 1: it in that moment, you know, and trying to really
Speaker 1: dissect why it is the insecurity lies or where it
Speaker 1: stems from, because it may not even be what you
Speaker 1: think it is. Example, my swimsuits absolutely um so so
Speaker 1: trying not to create these stories around insecurities that just
Speaker 1: maybe absolutely nothing and it may just be that and
Speaker 1: insecurity that you have because we all have them, they're
Speaker 1: normal that I need you to put on a swimsuit
Speaker 1: when we get home so I can show you how insecure.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be secure. I can be well,
Speaker 1: does that does that swim suit come with a potential
Speaker 1: vacation because I'm in need of some sun if it's
Speaker 1: going to take a vacation for you to put on
Speaker 1: a swimsuit so I can show you how special you
Speaker 1: are on vacation this weather out here in New York,
Speaker 1: you know. And I was dying other day because I
Speaker 1: saw a meme that said, um winter in New York
Speaker 1: be like damn, I forgot my keys. It was it
Speaker 1: was bad. It was what the hell? What in the world?
Speaker 1: Like my your girl is in need of a little
Speaker 1: bit of son, some vitamin. I'm gonna I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: you some vitamin. We're gonna go on vacations and that
Speaker 1: leads me to the outro man. Be sure to follow
Speaker 1: us on social media. That's I am devout, and if
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate us
Speaker 1: and subscribe. Why you never give my handle? Because I
Speaker 1: was waiting for you to give your handle, but you
Speaker 1: was thinking about vacation and you don't get so go
Speaker 1: ahead and give your handle, not like when we got it.
Speaker 1: But be sure to follow me Cadeine I am on
Speaker 1: Instagram and definitely subscribe and tell your friends and give
Speaker 1: us a rating and review and let us know how
Speaker 1: you're liking it so far. This is gonna be our
Speaker 1: second end, so we'd love to hear what you guys
Speaker 1: are thinking. So far. We have so much, so much,
Speaker 1: so much in store for you all. This is just
Speaker 1: the tip of the iceberg. We're trying to ease y'all
Speaker 1: in you dropping a lot of things to do. A
Speaker 1: Dead as Dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's
Speaker 1: produced by T Square, Stephanie Karaouke and Dinora Opinion. Our
Speaker 1: executive producer is Chris Bannon, and we'd like to give
Speaker 1: a special thanks to our recording engineer, Jared O'Connell. Our
Speaker 1: sound designer Brendan Burns and studio manager Ashley Warren. We'll fact.
Speaker 1: I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a
Speaker 1: podcast going on right now as part of the Stitching Net.
Speaker 1: We're called Substraction. That's available everywhere. Get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify,
Speaker 1: Apple to listen right now to the Distraction right now,
Speaker 1: it's out. Do it, please,