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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this Verry podcast, which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now. It's available

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Speaker 1: every rust your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen

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Speaker 1: right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now.

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Speaker 1: Go listen to see you by So back in the

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Speaker 1: day when you made it to the NFL, I knew

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Speaker 1: for sure that it was about to be a rap

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Speaker 1: from me. Are you serious? Ted ass? That's funny because

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Speaker 1: when I made it the NFL and I was going

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Speaker 1: for the first time, I just knew you was back

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Speaker 1: at that what Yes you was out? You was God,

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Speaker 1: yes you, and you wasn't say you wasn't, As Jasmine

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Speaker 1: Sullivan would say, why you gotta be so in secure?

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Speaker 1: Not even it's not even karaoke time yet. But hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm Andre You may know us from postal funny videos

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Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. I'm making need therapy most days. And

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Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of the live's most taboo topics, things most folks

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Speaker 1: don't want to talk about through the lens of a

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Speaker 1: millennium married couple. Dead ass is a term that we

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Speaker 1: say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually

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Speaker 1: saying facts. One Huney, the truth, the whole truth, and

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Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. We're about to take phillow talk

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Speaker 1: to a whole new level starts now. So I'm a

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Speaker 1: rookie in the NFL and this is the first time

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Speaker 1: Codeine and I are away from each other for an

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Speaker 1: extended period of time. We're in different states. So every Thursday,

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Speaker 1: Codeine used to go out with her home girls, right,

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Speaker 1: and I would be at home, and you know, I

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Speaker 1: just streussful time for me because I'm playing ball. Um.

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Speaker 1: I was hurt at the time, so I was, you know,

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Speaker 1: trying to get through that. You do everything going on

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Speaker 1: in the season, And she would be going out every

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Speaker 1: single Thursday. So I'm like, all, I bet you're going out.

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Speaker 1: All I ask is that when you leave wherever you are,

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Speaker 1: just call me so I know you got home, okay. Right,

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Speaker 1: this day in particular. She calls me, She's like, yeo,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to leave tracks. She used to hang out

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Speaker 1: the tracks, Like I'm trying to leave tracks. And this

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Speaker 1: guy got me double parked and he won't let me

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Speaker 1: leave until I give him his phone, my phone number,

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Speaker 1: and like you know some of the guys, and I'm

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Speaker 1: just trying to tell him to chill. So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm in Detroit. You know, yo, you want me

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Speaker 1: to come home, I come home right now. Like that's

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Speaker 1: that's my through project. I'm gonna get on the plane

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Speaker 1: right now. So she's like, no, understanding, you know, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. No, it's coming to guys. We

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Speaker 1: were trying to talk from the bounce is going to

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Speaker 1: talk to him, And then she goes, oh wait, wait

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Speaker 1: he just left. He left. He left. So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: all right, cool, call me when you get home. So

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Speaker 1: I'm up now. Now I got practiced in the morning,

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Speaker 1: but I'm up now waiting for her to call me.

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Speaker 1: And she does not call me, right, doesn't call me.

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Speaker 1: So now it's seven am. I go in in the

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Speaker 1: morning for for lifting. I go in the morning for meetings.

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Speaker 1: I still don't got no phone. Calls. Then randomly I

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Speaker 1: get a phone call from her mom and her mom

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Speaker 1: is like, hey, dudes, have you heard from Codein? And

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Speaker 1: I'm like no, she was out last night. And she's like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: well let me know if you hear anything. Because she's

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Speaker 1: not home. We haven't heard from her. So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: all right, bet So now I'm calling her phone, calling

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Speaker 1: her phone in between me and no answer. Right now,

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Speaker 1: we're getting ready to go to special Teams meeting, which

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Speaker 1: is like a thirty a whole hour and a half

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Speaker 1: past no answer. I'm calling her phone, calling her phone. Nothing.

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Speaker 1: Then I get a call from my mom. My mom

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Speaker 1: is like, yo, um, have you heard from Cadine this morning?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like no, and she's just like, well, nobody

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Speaker 1: can find that they're calling around. So now I'm panicking

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, yo, what the hell? Like like, she

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Speaker 1: always called me, but she never called me last night,

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Speaker 1: and I know some dude had a double park. I

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Speaker 1: wonder if they followed her from the club. So now

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Speaker 1: I'm getting like I'm getting vexed and I'm nervous. Then

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Speaker 1: my mom calls me back, Babe, I think you should

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Speaker 1: come home. So I'm like what's the matter, Like, tell me.

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Speaker 1: She's like, no, I think you should just come home.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, yo, they know something they don't want

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Speaker 1: to tell me over the phone. Son, something happened to

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Speaker 1: my girl. So now I'm in the middle of the

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Speaker 1: locker room, I'm like breaking down, crying. So I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: something wrong. NFL securities that every team has their own security.

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Speaker 1: They're like, yo, devours the man, and I tell them

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Speaker 1: they listen, my girl left last night. She's over the corner.

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Speaker 1: When she got home. She never got home. And the

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Speaker 1: reason why this is serious is because things happened to

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Speaker 1: players families all the time. You know, I know you

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Speaker 1: heard about the you know times they left. They help

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Speaker 1: people for ransom, they do home invasions. So if people

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Speaker 1: know that you're away, they try to get access to

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Speaker 1: you by using the people close to you. So now

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Speaker 1: I'm nervous, Like, yo, people know that I'm playing in

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Speaker 1: the league, and now somebody went and just took my girl.

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Speaker 1: So now I'm I'm like, I'm vexed, I'm tight, I'm crying,

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Speaker 1: I'm nervous, and I'm on my way home. They get

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Speaker 1: me a plane ticket and I'm calling Tod's phone and

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Speaker 1: it's now it's going straight to voice mail, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: somebody got a phone and they chopped off and they

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Speaker 1: cut the phone off. So now I get to the airport,

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Speaker 1: I'm in the line and my phone rings. I look

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Speaker 1: at the phone. It's Codeine's face. So I picked the

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Speaker 1: phone up and I'm like, yo, whoever this is got

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Speaker 1: my girl phone. She's like hey, babe, She's like yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, yo, what, Like what happened? She's like,

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Speaker 1: I was leaving, and then I saw Uncle Emil when

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Speaker 1: I was on my way out, and he was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, you look like you've had a couple of drinks.

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Speaker 1: You need to come stop by and stayed by me.

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Speaker 1: So I went and stayed by him. But I left

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Speaker 1: my phone in the car and I fell asleep and

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize it got so late and I was

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Speaker 1: twelve thirty and I woke up to forty messages. All

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Speaker 1: I did was hang up the phone. Y'all. I haven't

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Speaker 1: say nothing to her, but now you talk about insecurities.

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Speaker 1: I get back to the locker room and everybody like

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Speaker 1: what happened. I was like, oh, she fell asleep, So

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Speaker 1: now they all like, huh, she fell asleep and she

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Speaker 1: didn't call you? Right, yeah, yeah, putting stuff in my

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Speaker 1: man's head. No, you put stuff in my head because

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Speaker 1: all you had to do was called me, but you didn't.

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Speaker 1: You made me and secure. I'm sorry, my bad, it's

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Speaker 1: not okay, mom. I still heard from that. I still

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Speaker 1: got that because you did a lot of ship and

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Speaker 1: a little bit of time. Know you nothing? You maybe

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Speaker 1: all right? Giddy must say hey, don't you say hey?

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Speaker 1: You shouldn't worry? He got nothing know you? Okay? If

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Speaker 1: you say so, no cake, nothing on you? Thank you.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate that. That totally comes my insecurities that I

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Speaker 1: feel from time to time. Does it really? So? So

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Speaker 1: we're talking insecurities, Well, you thought we talked about the

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Speaker 1: league and you being in that, um the NFL and

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Speaker 1: how that too. You know, it just adds a layer

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Speaker 1: of you know what IF's because of the exposure that

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Speaker 1: you now have. UM. So it brings me to um

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Speaker 1: miss Ayisha Curry and the recent comment that she made

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Speaker 1: on a red table talk with Jada Pinkett Smith. And

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Speaker 1: we do have the clip, so let's play the clip

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Speaker 1: and let's see what it is that's caused quite the

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Speaker 1: hysteria and have people dragging her. Something that really bothers

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Speaker 1: me and like honestly has given me a sense of

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Speaker 1: a little bit of an insecurity is the fact that yeah,

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Speaker 1: like there are all these women like throwing themselves but me,

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Speaker 1: like the past ten years, like I don't have any

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Speaker 1: of that, Like I have zero. This sounds weird, but

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Speaker 1: like male attention and so then like I begin to

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Speaker 1: internalize it, and I'm like, it's something wrong with you

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Speaker 1: not can you speak to that? Because um, okay, so

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Speaker 1: you I mean she has three children, you have to children.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to even talk about she just had

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Speaker 1: a baby recently. Yes, I don't even think their youngest

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Speaker 1: son is even a year yet. I don't think he

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Speaker 1: think he's under a year. So I think that it

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Speaker 1: was completely taken out of context for the for the

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Speaker 1: majority of what I've been hearing, and people are making

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Speaker 1: it seem as if, oh, she just wants, you know,

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Speaker 1: to be So how can this married woman want attention

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Speaker 1: from just random men? How dare she want to be

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Speaker 1: desired by other men? And I feel like there's truth

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Speaker 1: to what she said. There's truth to what she said,

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Speaker 1: and she's being honest, and it's sad that she's being

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Speaker 1: judged and she's being dragged for just being honest in

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Speaker 1: the moment. After having children, regardless of if you're married,

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Speaker 1: say if you're not even married, say you're a single mom,

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Speaker 1: having children, it's one thing that can completely alter you physically,

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Speaker 1: it can alter you emotionally, it can alter you in

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Speaker 1: so many different ways. So sometimes just knowing that the

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Speaker 1: opposites that sex still finds you attractive, that you can

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Speaker 1: still catch someone's eye when you walk into a room,

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Speaker 1: that little affirmation sometimes will help to calm the insecurity

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Speaker 1: that you have as a woman or as a mom.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think that she was asking for a

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Speaker 1: ton of men to just be like, hey, look at me.

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Speaker 1: I'm flaunting myself around. But it's just nice to know

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Speaker 1: that people are still looking. Does that make sense. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense to make me feel the same

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Speaker 1: way as a mom. But I feel like Ia is

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Speaker 1: on a platform where there's probably a level of respect

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Speaker 1: that a lot of men have for her because it's like,

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Speaker 1: y'all absolutely STEP's wife. I would never overstep the boundaries,

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Speaker 1: you know. And Jada mentioned that her radar wasn't on

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Speaker 1: and she wasn't looking. Well, clearly she's looking because if

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Speaker 1: she's walking into the room and she notices that no

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Speaker 1: one's noticing her, it's making her feel some kind of way. Well,

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Speaker 1: there's there's a ton of different layers to this. The

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Speaker 1: first thing I want to touch on what you said

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Speaker 1: is it's out of respect to Steph Number one. I

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Speaker 1: remember being in the locker room where someone and you

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Speaker 1: know a lot of these athletes have beautiful wives. When

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Speaker 1: someone's wife walking the room, you automatically turn that radar

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Speaker 1: off as a man, that's somebody's wife. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, You don't you don't google somebody's wife. I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying you what I'm respectful. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: This is what this is what we You know, the

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Speaker 1: elders in the league told me like, Yo, that's somebody's wife.

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Speaker 1: Because sometimes a chick will walk in and YO, who's

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Speaker 1: that and they're like, yo, chill, that's I guess it

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Speaker 1: depends on your reaction to because can internalize like wow,

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Speaker 1: a beautiful woman has entered the room. But it depends

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Speaker 1: on how you react, right, because I know for a

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Speaker 1: fact that even you, for example, you can appreciate that

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Speaker 1: someone else's wife is beautiful. But the difference is is

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Speaker 1: that she wants to know that someone is looking. That's different.

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Speaker 1: Someone recognizing that you're beautiful can do that. On the low,

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Speaker 1: Probably a lot of guys do recognize that she's beautiful.

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Speaker 1: She wants to know that people recognize and I think

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Speaker 1: that's where people have the issue now. So that's where

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Speaker 1: and this is where it gets tricky, and there are

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Speaker 1: a couple of different layers in this. The first thing

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Speaker 1: is she was dragged one, but she was also a

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Speaker 1: lot of people came to her defense. And let's let's

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Speaker 1: be honest. She's a public figure. When you're a public figure,

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Speaker 1: you're always especially polarizing like that, You're always going to

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Speaker 1: have people who agree with you and people who don't.

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Speaker 1: You can't feel sorry for someone who openly makes a

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Speaker 1: statement and people don't agree with them. That's what happens

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Speaker 1: when you're a public figure. She gets paid to present herself,

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Speaker 1: so when someone doesn't agree, you can't feel bad for them.

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Speaker 1: People are entitled to agree and disagree. Everybody is not

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Speaker 1: going to agree with everything we say on this podcast,

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Speaker 1: so I can't then ask for sympathy if someone says

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Speaker 1: that I don't agree with what Devao says, and then

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Speaker 1: a group of people agree with that person, Hey, that's

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Speaker 1: that's part of it. That's part of the course that

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Speaker 1: comes in it. So that's the first thing. The second

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Speaker 1: thing is, I think a lot of it has to

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Speaker 1: do with the what she said prior to just this state,

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Speaker 1: and I think shame and controversy. People people are putting

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Speaker 1: that with this and saying it's hypocritical because her statements

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Speaker 1: were and first of all, it was in defense. It

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Speaker 1: was absolutely in defense of her bathing suit. She had

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Speaker 1: a full body bathing suit, and people are just like, yo,

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Speaker 1: she's dressed like a Mormon, and her defense was looked

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Speaker 1: a lot of people like to be naked. That's not

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Speaker 1: my style. I like to save the goods for the

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Speaker 1: one that matters, right, because you know, social media will

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Speaker 1: not let you forget. They were pulling up all the

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Speaker 1: receipts you know about this comment that she made around

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Speaker 1: the whole slut shame and controversy, and and even with

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Speaker 1: that comment, people are saying, oh, she was just defending herself.

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Speaker 1: You can defend yourself without pointing the finger at other people.

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Speaker 1: She could have said, yo, this is my style. That

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Speaker 1: could have been defending herself. She could have said, oh,

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Speaker 1: my husband like it. That could have been defending herself

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Speaker 1: for saying, everybody likes to be naked, and I save

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Speaker 1: it for the one that's taking a job at Women

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Speaker 1: who show their bodies are a little bit more revealing.

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Speaker 1: Because she did say at one point too, like she

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Speaker 1: was looking at the latest fashion trends and she'll take

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Speaker 1: classy over trendy any day of the week. So just

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Speaker 1: because she decides to dress that way, she still wants

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Speaker 1: to get eyes. It doesn't matter how she's she's dressed,

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Speaker 1: and that's fair. And the truth of the matter is

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Speaker 1: you don't have to be revealing to get attention. But

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Speaker 1: the issue comes where you make a statement like that,

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Speaker 1: and you end in this statement you say, I'm saving

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Speaker 1: the goods for the one that matters. If he's the

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Speaker 1: one that matters, why publicly then say you want attention

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Speaker 1: from other people? You just proclaimed that he's the one

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Speaker 1: that matters. And I think that's where a lot of

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Speaker 1: men found the hypocrisy in that, because it's like, Yo,

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Speaker 1: if you're gonna say you're saving it for the one

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Speaker 1: that matters, why are you telling people that other people's

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Speaker 1: opinion of you, if he's the one, if he's the one,

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Speaker 1: that matters, why? And And the thing is, I understand it.

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Speaker 1: It's the contradictory. It's the contradictory nature of it. And

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Speaker 1: because she's a public figure, it's easy to attack her

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Speaker 1: on it. I'm not saying she's wrong because I agree

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Speaker 1: with her. We all want attention. That's why Instagram exists,

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Speaker 1: That's why. But that's why likes. That's why if your

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Speaker 1: pictures posted at the wrong time and don't get enough likes,

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Speaker 1: you're liable to delete that ship and reposted at another

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Speaker 1: high traffic to everybody doesn't she was lying, she was

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Speaker 1: telling the truth. But there's another layer to this, a

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Speaker 1: little deeper, a little deeper. People do not like her,

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Speaker 1: and they touched on it. They touched on it on

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Speaker 1: the episode. Right, she's half black, half white, fair skin.

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Speaker 1: He is a lies. It's easy in our community to

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Speaker 1: drag someone that looks like that because of the colorism

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Speaker 1: that exists, Especially when someone like that, who is so privileged,

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Speaker 1: speaks about not getting attention. When light skinned people in

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Speaker 1: the black culture have always gotten the attention, it's easy

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Speaker 1: to like somebody very good. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: It's like, how dare you feel some kind of way

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Speaker 1: about people not gawking over you? Because you got everything

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Speaker 1: that everybody quote unquote wants. She got the lighter skin

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Speaker 1: they haze a lies according to colorism, she has she

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Speaker 1: has a prominent male athlete husband, she has her own

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Speaker 1: TV shows. It seems like everything in her life is

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Speaker 1: going perfect. And that's really and that's really what it is.

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Speaker 1: Is it fair? No, it's not fair, because she's entitled

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Speaker 1: to feel the way she feels, and I applaud her

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Speaker 1: courage to say how she feels as a person. But

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Speaker 1: a lot of this stuff and a lot of the

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Speaker 1: backlash she's getting has a lot to do with that

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Speaker 1: as well. For example, if it were Lupeta, if it

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Speaker 1: were Michelle Obama who made these statements, who have a

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Speaker 1: strong following of women who support her, I doubt that

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Speaker 1: would have been as much dragging of her comments, because

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Speaker 1: there's a certain level of respect that comes with those

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Speaker 1: people who say those comments. So sometimes it's not even

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Speaker 1: about the comment, it's about who said that comment, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And because she already got the

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Speaker 1: backlash for women for for a slut shaming, which you

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Speaker 1: gotta be. You gotta know, you know, you gotta know

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Speaker 1: that the climates it is two thousand nineteen. The one

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Speaker 1: thing you cannot do in this day and age is

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Speaker 1: trying to downplay women and what they have gone through

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Speaker 1: in this country. So when you downplay women in her

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Speaker 1: sexuality a color, you become the villain. And when you

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Speaker 1: become the villain, anything you say after that, it's gonna

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Speaker 1: be scrutinized. You know what I'm saying. I feel like

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Speaker 1: she just got scrutiny because there's a lot of people

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Speaker 1: who just don't like her, and it's not fair because

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Speaker 1: she's for From what I know, I don't really know her.

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Speaker 1: She seems like a decent, all working mother of three

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Speaker 1: who really loves her family, who wants to build her business.

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Speaker 1: But she said some things that now every time she's

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Speaker 1: on Twitter, they blast her. She says some things about

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Speaker 1: the NBA. They blasted her. She says some things about

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Speaker 1: the finals. They blasted her. It's like, but that's what

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Speaker 1: happens when you in the public, when you're in the

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Speaker 1: public eye. We're talking about the finals now, I guess

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Speaker 1: as an athlete. Some men I think felt like it

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Speaker 1: was selfish of her to have this platform at this time,

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Speaker 1: being that it is the playoffs and it's a big,

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Speaker 1: you know, stressful time. It can be a major life

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Speaker 1: changing moment for step you know, to get more accolades.

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Speaker 1: Do you think it was a bad time now for

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Speaker 1: her to now insert herself into some sort of discourse

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Speaker 1: and dialogue to be around her. Well, first thing, shout

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Speaker 1: out to the doubs that ship ain't working because Steph

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Speaker 1: been going off since the shout out. Shout out exactly,

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Speaker 1: shout out to stuff for that. But the biggest thing

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Speaker 1: is when you're when you're a wife, you get tired

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Speaker 1: of people telling you that you have to put your

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Speaker 1: career around your husband's career. She got her own career.

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Speaker 1: She wanted to do the interview. She probably did the

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Speaker 1: interview months ago. She don't know when the interview was

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Speaker 1: gonna air. How was she supposed to know it was

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Speaker 1: gonna air around Game six of the semifinals of the

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Speaker 1: Western Confidence She doesn't know that. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: and the feelings are feelings regardless of what time and

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Speaker 1: what happens. Too is is that this platform in this

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Speaker 1: forum was for her and the women in that room.

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Speaker 1: She's not worried about the NBA finals. Now, if you're

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Speaker 1: a man, I do get it. If you're saying, like, baby,

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Speaker 1: we're doing this together. You know what I'm saying, This

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Speaker 1: is part of you know, part of building our legacy,

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Speaker 1: because let's be real, part of her legacy is that

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Speaker 1: she's Steph wife. As long as even if she wants

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Speaker 1: to say, like I don't want to be known as

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Speaker 1: Steph wife, you can say that. Men say that a

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Speaker 1: lot of the opportunities she's afforded, she's afforded because she's

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Speaker 1: step wife. We cannot dispreadit that. And you and I

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Speaker 1: talk about this too. If there's something going on in

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Speaker 1: your life that I have to be cognizant of that time,

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Speaker 1: it's only fair for the two of us to be

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Speaker 1: on that same thing with me. Do I agree that

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Speaker 1: the timing was messed up? I doubt that she said

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Speaker 1: drop the story now during the playoffs, but I could

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Speaker 1: see how men are saying, you know what, it is

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Speaker 1: a little selfish for her to talk about this now

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Speaker 1: during the place. I can understand that it's just knowing

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Speaker 1: your spouse and knowing that if something in their career

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Speaker 1: could take them to another level. If this is legacy

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Speaker 1: to finding. You want to be supportive and you don't

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Speaker 1: want to distract or bring any outside noise to what

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Speaker 1: they're doing. They're trying to focus on the task. Bringing

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Speaker 1: the outside noise creates a little bit of a Hinderan

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Speaker 1: special Stuff was not concerned in the least about everyone

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Speaker 1: dragging her, because he did post something in response saying

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Speaker 1: that he was proud of her for standing her ground.

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Speaker 1: And you know, it's yeah, you have to support you

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Speaker 1: your wife, and you see, you know that he knows,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure that she's in the spot like because of

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Speaker 1: his platform and who he is, so he has to

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Speaker 1: support her in that sense absolutely, And and her honesty

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Speaker 1: is what life is about. You share the transparency. It's

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Speaker 1: like we ask for these platforms and we ask for

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Speaker 1: people to be honest, and we ask for people to

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Speaker 1: tell it like it is, and you know, tell the truth,

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Speaker 1: and then you drag them for telling the truth. Like

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Speaker 1: I'm sure at some point within this podcast, not this

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Speaker 1: one per se, but just in our podcast career, we

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Speaker 1: may get dragged for certain things that we say, for

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Speaker 1: being honest, for being honest, but it's like, what do

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Speaker 1: you want me to do? No, you know, you can't

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Speaker 1: worry about that because as an artist, as an artist,

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Speaker 1: your your focus is to invoke thought, not to get

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Speaker 1: everybody to agree with you. People think you see what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So if diogue, create dialogue, if you can

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Speaker 1: make somebody feel an emotion, whether they dislike what you

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Speaker 1: said or something, you made them feel something. As an artist,

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Speaker 1: that's what it's supposed to do. Create art. To make

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Speaker 1: everybody agree with you. In that case, it's just not art,

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Speaker 1: it's politics. And that's not she's not into policies, into politics,

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Speaker 1: and that's the approach we even take too with social

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Speaker 1: media and the things that we post. It's like we're

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Speaker 1: putting things out there to engage people. So whether you

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Speaker 1: feel away about it, good, bad, ugly, you felt something,

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Speaker 1: which is a good thing if you're scrolling by and

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Speaker 1: you're not feeling some kind of way than chances where

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Speaker 1: it was irrelevant to begin with. And and to be

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Speaker 1: a fair and honest I do applaud her for her

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Speaker 1: honesty because a lot of people, and like you said,

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Speaker 1: a lot of women who have children probably feel the

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Speaker 1: same way she feels and if no one shares the

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Speaker 1: way they feel, you feel alone and you feel like

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Speaker 1: you're the only one. And and that's why I can

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Speaker 1: applaud what she's what she's done, because it creates dialogue.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's not gonna like it. Oh well, oh well, oh well,

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Speaker 1: everybody's not gonna like that. You're gonna have the people

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Speaker 1: who are gonna judge regardless shout out to Aisha for

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Speaker 1: for being supportive. And that's what they're supposed to do,

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Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, like I said

424
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,239
Speaker 1: on Instagram, them to the only two that matter. As

425
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 1: long as he likes she loved it, long as she

426
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,119
Speaker 1: liked it, he loves it. They could have had a

427
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,399
Speaker 1: big eruption in their household, they could have been at odds,

428
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,399
Speaker 1: but you know what, not in front of y'all. Not

429
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 1: in front of all, because that's how I felt when

430
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,359
Speaker 1: she didn't answer a phone and I was in the

431
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,200
Speaker 1: locker room crying in front of all my boys. We

432
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: had a big eruption when I got home, Yes, we

433
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 1: definitely did. Then we stepped out late and everybody was like, hey, hey,

434
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 1: they look fine. Yeah, keep your business in your house. Shoot.

435
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,720
Speaker 1: The thing that bothered me the most right was that

436
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,719
Speaker 1: people were making it a woman thing, a pregnancy thing.

437
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 1: Oh had a baby. She's not because she just had

438
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 1: a baby. It's because she's a person. But no, that's

439
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 1: part of it, though, that's part of it. I don't

440
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,200
Speaker 1: think it's part of it. You don't think having a

441
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,520
Speaker 1: baby has a lot to do with women having insecurity? No, no, no,

442
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,920
Speaker 1: not her insecurities. I don't think her having a baby

443
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,960
Speaker 1: anything to do with her statement the whole baby to

444
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 1: I'm trying not to. I'm trying to stay out of it.

445
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 1: That's why I said it was a man. It's not

446
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 1: a it's not a woman thing. It's a person. Anybody

447
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 1: who desires someone else seeks attention from the people who

448
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 1: are in that group. So if you're a man and

449
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: you desire women, you seek attention from women. That's not

450
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: You don't have to be pregnant and have a baby

451
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 1: to then want attention from the others. Absolutely, So it's

452
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 1: not to me her statements had nothing to do with

453
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,640
Speaker 1: her just having a baby, right, It was just being

454
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,679
Speaker 1: a human, like yo, I want to know I look good? Right?

455
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,880
Speaker 1: I do that right? I wake up in the morning

456
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: and be like yo, let me make sure my ship fresh.

457
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,920
Speaker 1: So when I walk out of here, because I do

458
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 1: want you to see women checking me out, so that

459
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 1: I could put you on notice, like you see that

460
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 1: people's noticing. People know exactly exactly. However, however, I'm going

461
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 1: to stop you right there so I can tell my

462
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 1: portion of what happened with that story. Tell your portion,

463
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,159
Speaker 1: because you sound like you got back in your feelings

464
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,160
Speaker 1: again and you rewound like fifteen years ago. I'm still

465
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 1: very upset. I'm not even gonna to you. I get

466
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 1: upset once a week about because you still do the

467
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 1: same thing you get in the U and I'm like,

468
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 1: yo me when you get there to cle you and

469
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 1: to sound like that though, because that's how you sound

470
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: when you know you do something wrong. And then I'll

471
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 1: be over here. So, yes, I was wrong, and that

472
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 1: I did not call the out or someone to check

473
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: in the touch base when I out to my destination.

474
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 1: But what happened was okay. That night, after I dropped

475
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 1: my friend home, I happened to at the stoplight, literally

476
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 1: my uncle pulled up alongside me. I guess he recognized

477
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: my car and it was just like a happenstance thing.

478
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 1: And at this point it was like one thirty, almost

479
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,159
Speaker 1: two o'clock in the morning. So he was like, yo,

480
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 1: what you're doing out late whatever. I'm like, I'm just

481
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,640
Speaker 1: coming from you know, having some drinks with my friends,

482
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,639
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And he was like, yeah, you're good

483
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,360
Speaker 1: to drive there. You're going back to your parents house.

484
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm going to Long Island back to school.

485
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,680
Speaker 1: And he was like, nah, Like, it's almost two o'clock

486
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 1: in the morning. There's no way I'm gonna let you

487
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 1: drive almost an hour back to school right now. He

488
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,679
Speaker 1: was like, why don't you just come chilled by us

489
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 1: and then get up in the morning and go back

490
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,159
Speaker 1: to school. So I was like, no, I'm good, I

491
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaker 1: could drive. I'm good. I really didn't have that much drink.

492
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 1: I was watching it because you know, I know I

493
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 1: had to drive, and he's like, okay, follow me home,

494
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 1: go get some rest whatever. Stop looking at me like that.

495
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just saying, because if it's a dude

496
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,479
Speaker 1: telling this story to his girl, the first thing you're

497
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 1: gonna say, oh, that's that bitch name. Her bitch name

498
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 1: is my uncle. Stop lying for you till I stop

499
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 1: lying for you. Whatever. Uncle you're gonna call us, that's

500
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,719
Speaker 1: what That's what you would do if it was ended

501
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 1: up speaking to my family after though, because everybody pretty

502
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: much had to like it was. It was for real though.

503
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 1: So I got to this house, left, of course, got

504
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,720
Speaker 1: to the house, crashed, fell asleep, um, and I left

505
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: my phone in the car, didn't even realize it. So

506
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 1: they got up, they left for work in the morning,

507
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,360
Speaker 1: and they were like, oh, getin sleeping, so peacefully, let's

508
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 1: leave her alone. I finally get back to my phone

509
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 1: to go drive back to school that morning, and literally

510
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 1: there was like forty eight messages, text messages, voicemails, everything,

511
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: your mom's everyone in my mom's job, like stops looking

512
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: for me. And this was literally about like nine am

513
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 1: at the time, so I was technically quote unquote missing

514
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 1: from like two am to nine am, So in a

515
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 1: seven hour window, all of this transpired and I was

516
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 1: on my third dream. You do understand though, it's also

517
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 1: the context of everything. It's because I was playing. Um

518
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 1: that was around the same year where there were a

519
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,920
Speaker 1: bunch of home invasions and things were happening to athletes.

520
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,719
Speaker 1: So they take these things, these type of things very serious,

521
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 1: super like y'all have no idea. Like, literally, the FBI

522
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: like broke into my phone. They checked my voicemails, my

523
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,120
Speaker 1: text messages, everything. So if I was creeping, you would

524
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: have known, because the FBI would have probably blew my

525
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:30,159
Speaker 1: ass up. Everybody knows a woman cheats better than the FBI.

526
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: It's not even a woman cheating, stupid. But they literally

527
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 1: and they literally went through my call og and like

528
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 1: called all of my recent calls, everybody I was with,

529
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 1: like it was a whole big thing that happened in

530
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: a matter of seven hours. Like I couldn't even believe it.

531
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 1: And literally, if some if Devo was just asleep and

532
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 1: it wasn't a big thing and he woke up at

533
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: nine o'clock that morning, I would have probably had my

534
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 1: phone and none of this would have happened if you

535
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 1: were responsible. But I know, yeah, I know, I do

536
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: have to get better with that though, just because it's

537
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: a crazy world. And he will be like, yo, call,

538
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 1: I'm to get to your destination, and sometimes I'll just

539
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 1: be forgetting, like I want to get it. But I

540
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 1: can see how in that moment you not being with me,

541
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 1: after being with me all this time, there were probably

542
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: a ton of different things racing through your minds, you know,

543
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 1: with with your your teammates. Then you know, saying like

544
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 1: I wonder where your girl really was, Like little things

545
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:23,159
Speaker 1: like that, I can get how embarrassing it was. Okay,

546
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: So I apologize fourteen years removed from the situation, you

547
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So the So the takeaway from

548
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 1: this whole story is, whenever you get to your destination,

549
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, make sure that you contact your significant

550
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: other and let them know that you're there safely. Yes,

551
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,879
Speaker 1: because it's cool. It's all could have been avoided if

552
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: I had even shot you a text message and then

553
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 1: be like, Yo, I'm going to stay by my uncle

554
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn and let me know that you was good.

555
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 1: Do you let me know you was good? You didn't

556
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 1: even realize that, wasn't there? I like, crash on the

557
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 1: couch and here we are, here we are, and and

558
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 1: to lead into how that made me insecure? Like I said,

559
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: this was the first time that we've been away from

560
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 1: each other since we met at eighteen, and now I

561
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,840
Speaker 1: was already a little bit insecure because Yo, you got

562
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:17,199
Speaker 1: a beautiful girlfriend. You in the NFL, your girlfriends at home,

563
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: she's hanging out with her friends and a bunch of

564
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 1: other dudes that you don't know. Of course, if i'm

565
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: those dudes, I'm gonna shoot my shot, and I don't

566
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,439
Speaker 1: know them like that, so of course I'm a little insecure.

567
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: I'm wondering, like, yo, what you know, what is she doing?

568
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,920
Speaker 1: Who is she outing? At the same time, I'm trying

569
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: to be respectful to the fact that she's an adult

570
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 1: and we're individuals. So I at no point was I

571
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 1: ever like now, you can't go out. It was like

572
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,159
Speaker 1: it was like, you know, we gol have fun and

573
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to deal with this internally and try

574
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 1: not to seem like the jealous, overbearing boyfriend because I'm not.

575
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 1: I'm not like that. But inside it was still kind

576
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 1: of like, you know, you know, I hope that you know,

577
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: I'm still the one that keeps her attention while we're

578
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 1: going through this process, is together, and there were times

579
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 1: that left me very insecure. Like there were times I

580
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: was just like, to me, that was crazy because now

581
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,359
Speaker 1: that we speak about it openly, of course, this is

582
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 1: a long time ago. Now that we speak about it openly,

583
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, you were insecure with me being here

584
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,199
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn and in Long Island while you were now

585
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: in the NFL, Like talk about insecurities as a woman,

586
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: you know, at the time, feeling still like a young

587
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 1: girl in a relationship with my man, who I have

588
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: to now stay in Long Island because at this point

589
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: I was now continuing grad school. So Deval graduated from college,

590
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 1: and the year he graduated, I was um selling grad school,

591
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: so I had one more year left to finish the

592
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 1: program before I could even like leave Long Island. So

593
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: all I'm thinking about is my man, who is fine

594
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 1: as hell of course to me, and some several women

595
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,239
Speaker 1: who's a charmer, you know, And I'm just like, yo,

596
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 1: he's about to be in a completely different arena. He

597
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: is going to be with as women who are like professional,

598
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 1: you know, professional and getting themselves together and being within

599
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 1: the v I P and wherever these players are. So

600
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 1: I couldn't even fathom Devout having any kind of insecurities

601
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 1: surrounding me being here. I'm like little old me in

602
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: Brooklyn and going to these local spots, Like, what do

603
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 1: you worried about? I'm going to tell you the truth,

604
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: it's not It's not so much just insecurities when your

605
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 1: focus is on that one woman, It doesn't matter how

606
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 1: many other women are out there. That one woman right there,

607
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 1: that's yours, that's my woman. I don't I don't care.

608
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 1: Like even even even dudes I know do who are

609
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 1: not in committed relationships, but there's that one girl who

610
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 1: that's that He's like, Yo, that's my that's my baby.

611
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 1: It don't matter if he got a bunch of other women,

612
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: that one girl right there. He don't want nobody else

613
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: to touch that one girl. And men get insecure about

614
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 1: that because they want that one woman. A lot of

615
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: times we don't even know how to be in that

616
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 1: type of relationship with that woman. But if that's the

617
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 1: one woman you want to share that time with, or

618
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: you want that one woman to only want to have

619
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 1: your interests, you get insecure about her being around other

620
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: dudes because you would, dude, And you know how dudes are.

621
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,960
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying. And me, I'm competitive, Like

622
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 1: I walk in any room, I'm not. I don't fear

623
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 1: anybody else in the room. But the issue is the distance.

624
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 1: We weren't around each other. We weren't like I was

625
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 1: going for four months, Like if there's a surefire way

626
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 1: to feel insecure about anything in your relationship, though some

627
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: distance in that bed and you're gonna be like, uh, damn,

628
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: that was tough. It was a change. And it's a

629
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 1: distance that's not even like controlling the person or knowing

630
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: where they are at all times, or like being in

631
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 1: their face at all times, but it's just knowing that

632
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 1: when they have those vulnerable moments, or they have those

633
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 1: moments where they really are in need of you or

634
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 1: in need of you know, touch or a conversation or something,

635
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: you can't fulfill that at that moment. And I felt

636
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 1: badly about that. So me going out on like a Thursday, Friday,

637
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 1: Saturday with my homegirls was really me just trying to

638
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: pass the time like it was nothing more. And damn,

639
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 1: it's a Thursday night. You know, I have no class

640
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 1: on Friday the weekend. I'm not gonna get through missing

641
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 1: my husband, not my husband's time, but missing my man

642
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 1: who's not here if I'm just sitting around in the

643
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: apartment doing nothing. So that was my way of coping

644
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 1: with the distance. I was mature enough to understand that

645
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 1: at the time that that doesn't make it easy. And

646
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: you know, what's funny about men? Right, And a lot

647
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: of men won't say this. You know why men get

648
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 1: insecure with women because of the things women do when

649
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: they got men with you. When you don't have a girl,

650
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: you know that that's somebody else girl. In the back

651
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 1: of your mind, You're like, Yo, that's somebody else girl

652
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: who's doing these things with me. It makes you wonder,

653
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 1: like you when I get a girl, if she's gonna

654
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 1: do those same things. So it's funny to me sometimes

655
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 1: when when I hear women say, oh, niggas ain't ship,

656
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 1: it's like, you know why niggas ain't ship because they

657
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: got somebody who ain't shipped to do ain't ship things

658
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: with you know what I'm saying. It's like, I think

659
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: it's so unfair to just categorize men as niggasin ship.

660
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: I got boys, and like I've like I played in

661
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 1: the league, got boys. We tell stories, We sit in

662
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: the locker rooms, and there are married women just like

663
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 1: they are married men who do things right. So for

664
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 1: for women, they don't understand either sometimes like why men

665
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 1: so reluctant to be and committed because sometimes we've experienced

666
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: things with those women who were supposed to be committed

667
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 1: to someone else with them. That makes you kind of like,

668
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 1: you know what, I ain't doing it. And the thing is,

669
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: I understand that women like it's it's easy for for

670
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 1: for women for me to say, I understand why women

671
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 1: insecure because men play the field there like you know,

672
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 1: like they don't, but they're not playing it by themselves though,

673
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: So I guess that's my point at that point, because

674
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,680
Speaker 1: you know, along with women who want, you know, fidelity

675
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 1: and they want someone to be faithful to them, you

676
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: have your team of women who are also like, well,

677
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 1: I don't care. It's not my husband. What happens in

678
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 1: their household is not my business. Like they there are

679
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,239
Speaker 1: women who are like that, who are just like, well,

680
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 1: I don't care. That's one of the thing for me

681
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,959
Speaker 1: to be worried about. So that's how I felt when

682
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 1: I'm twenty two years old and my girl is miles

683
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: away and it's not like we were married. I'm saying

684
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,479
Speaker 1: we were not married, so it was just like, yo,

685
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 1: she actually is free to do whatever she wants. And

686
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 1: another thing is too, when you're in that that league,

687
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 1: you're not sitting there at just chilling all day. It's

688
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 1: a stressful time. So you go from a stressful time

689
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 1: and you come home to an empty home. You know,

690
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 1: you're you're worried every week you gonta make the team

691
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: or not. You know the money yet the money is good.

692
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 1: But here's another thing too. You're playing in a different

693
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: city with teammates that from week to week change. It's

694
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 1: not like college. In college, you have all of your

695
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 1: buddies there that you got. Yeah, you're going back to

696
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: the dorms, you do all that stuff. When you play

697
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 1: in the NFL, there's no dorms. When you leave the

698
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 1: locker room. People got families and go back to their

699
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 1: friends and stuff. So you go home by yourself. It's

700
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 1: not like you just out here just bawling out of controls. No,

701
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 1: you're going back home to read the playbook. If you're

702
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: a rookie, you got special teams meeting. So there were

703
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 1: other factors that made me kind of like I was

704
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,280
Speaker 1: more introverted during that time because I was so focused

705
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 1: on football that it's like I only wanted to spend

706
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 1: time with the person who was my safety net during college,

707
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 1: and I didn't have you, you know, and that that

708
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: kind of made me insecure. Absolutely, you know, I really

709
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:24,240
Speaker 1: think about how our insecurities cause us to now create

710
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:29,400
Speaker 1: this whole entire narrative around what took place in a moment,

711
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So for example, you know,

712
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,359
Speaker 1: I put on a swimsuit and I'm you know, out

713
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 1: at the pool, and you look at me with the

714
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:42,920
Speaker 1: screw face. Now I'm thinking to myself, well, damn if

715
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 1: I don't like the swimsuit. Maybe maybe I put on

716
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 1: a little bit too much weight, Maybe these stretch marks

717
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 1: is extra stretchy today, Like what exactly can you know

718
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: trigger something in my mind to now create this entire

719
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 1: story around it that now affects me internally and I

720
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: may not be able to die vote to you in

721
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 1: that moment. I'll just go back up and put my

722
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 1: cover on and be like, you know, what suck the

723
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 1: pool today? And then that creates an issue because now

724
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, know why you put the cover up

725
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:09,760
Speaker 1: on it? And you got an attitude? Now that happens

726
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:11,960
Speaker 1: a lot a lot. It does happen sometimes, and it

727
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: could just be like you check to your phone and

728
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 1: just realize, like your stocks dropped, so you was tight

729
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 1: about losing some money or something, had nothing I don't

730
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 1: want to. We don't want been there there, don't want

731
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 1: to do that again. But I feel you and I

732
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,320
Speaker 1: have a question though, as a as a woman, do

733
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 1: you feel like there's added pressure with everything with Instagram,

734
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 1: with TV, oh my god, ably to uphold the standard

735
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 1: that because I know a lot of women talk about

736
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 1: and we talked about this with the snap back, where

737
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,399
Speaker 1: people were, you know, you were getting some backlash because

738
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 1: you kept putting snap back and they were just like, oh,

739
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 1: why why she got to snap back? Yes, you know,

740
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 1: it's crazy that the whole snap back and the whole

741
00:35:56,719 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 1: negative connotation that it has gotten over time, to me

742
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 1: is a little ridiculous because I mean, I know where

743
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 1: it stems from. It stems from social media, stems from

744
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,439
Speaker 1: celebrity culture. It stems from the images that we see

745
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 1: where women have these babies and then there are snapping

746
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 1: back quote unquote you know in a matter of weeks.

747
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: Whereas if you look at most women, majority of what

748
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 1: of what we do is trying to spend time in

749
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 1: that postpartum nursing our baby and taking care of our

750
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 1: chow and and loving ourselves again and loving our new bodies,

751
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,359
Speaker 1: and that in itself is difficult to deal with talk

752
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: about insecurities, you know what I mean. So for me,

753
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: the whole snap back I didn't think have to take

754
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: a negative connotation. Snapping back for me was like saying

755
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 1: within my time, meaning the time frame that I set

756
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 1: forth for myself did not have to be weeks. It

757
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 1: could have been months. I mean my O B g U,

758
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,319
Speaker 1: I N and midwife told me it takes a full

759
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 1: year for a woman's body to really balance out and

760
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: refocus after a baby. But isn't the key to snap

761
00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 1: back to snapping back fast because it wouldn't be called

762
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:13,320
Speaker 1: a snap back if it if it happens slow drawback. No,

763
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 1: it's true, yes, yes, and you're absolutely right. There is

764
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,479
Speaker 1: like a certain time period I guess that the snap

765
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 1: back does take place. It's the reason for the snap back,

766
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: like you want to compete with other women or are

767
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: you doing this because you just want to get back

768
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,360
Speaker 1: to yourself? And for me, it was a matter of

769
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 1: getting back to who codein was. So whatever my snap

770
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 1: back period time frame was like for me, I try

771
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 1: to give myself at least a year to be kind

772
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 1: and realize that it's not going to happen for me overnight.

773
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 1: A because I'm enjoying my baby, I'm enjoying my family.

774
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 1: I particularly don't like to work out. I'm not I

775
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 1: would never profess to be a fitness buffer or anything.

776
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 1: So I take my time with getting things back. I

777
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: love food. I know y'all see me dance and you know,

778
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,439
Speaker 1: get to shoulder actions, take my weights off when I'm ready,

779
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 1: because I do love food. So I take my time

780
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: with getting back, you know. And it was really just

781
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 1: a matter of me getting back to me, like who

782
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 1: is Cadine in her body and wanting to get back

783
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 1: to that. But I have a question about just then,

784
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,800
Speaker 1: this is just female culture. Why can't we celebrate the

785
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: women who can snap back fast? Like? Why does it

786
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,719
Speaker 1: seem like, yeah, there's a lot of shaming that goes

787
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 1: to shame you shame women who work hard? Is not?

788
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 1: Why is that? Because I really don't know as a man,

789
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 1: because plus for us as men were competitive, like I'm

790
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 1: about to lose his weight now I know. Granted I

791
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 1: didn't carry a whole fetus and grow a human inside

792
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: of me, so I understand that it's completely different. But

793
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 1: why can't we celebrate women? You to be honest, like

794
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 1: when you pose it I never even thought it that way.

795
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,320
Speaker 1: I thought about it that way, but it's right. We

796
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,800
Speaker 1: should be able to celebrate women who are you know what,

797
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 1: that's their focus. They want to get back within a

798
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,239
Speaker 1: certain time frame. I think people are not as kind

799
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 1: to celebrities because they feel like celebrities have the means

800
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:48,480
Speaker 1: and they have the resources to be able to do it.

801
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: So a celebrity goes and gets pregnant, she has a baby,

802
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 1: she has twins, and then she's been hiding for six

803
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:55,840
Speaker 1: weeks because she has nutritionist, and she has a nanny,

804
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,399
Speaker 1: and she has a night nurse, and she has mom,

805
00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 1: and she has dad, and she has you know, a chef.

806
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 1: She as all of these resources to help her snap back.

807
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 1: But she has to do that because her body is

808
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: her livelihood. And here's my thing though, that also our

809
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 1: insecurities from other people projecting their insecurities on celebrities exactly

810
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 1: because because they couldn't do it or they didn't have

811
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 1: the resources to do it. Everybody and they want to

812
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 1: project them on. I used to curry, they want to

813
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: project them on Steph Curry because even men was projecting

814
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: their insecurities on stuff. The funniest thing I heard was

815
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 1: a dude say, Yo, I know what the problem is

816
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,479
Speaker 1: stefinitely hitting it right. And I was like, yo, first

817
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 1: of all things, an all time leaving three point he

818
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:42,359
Speaker 1: don't miss it, I know. That was my Secondly, it's

819
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:46,240
Speaker 1: like this woman is talking talking about herself. You found

820
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 1: a way in your manliness down That to me was

821
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: a huge insecurity. Yo, you found a way to attack

822
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 1: stuff right exactly like that, like that exactly. I was

823
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 1: definitely adversely talking about, like even just like the insecurities

824
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 1: around body image. If a celebrity were to walk out

825
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:09,280
Speaker 1: postpartum two, three or four months after having a baby

826
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: and look a little bit out of shape or not

827
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:15,440
Speaker 1: have their hair, then they're gonna be in everybody shade

828
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 1: room and everybody's platform dragging them. Remember they dragged Beyonce

829
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: because remember after the storm in Houston, on the storm

830
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 1: in Houston where the floods happened, and she came out

831
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 1: right afterwards, just right after having the twins, and she

832
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,279
Speaker 1: had a little extra weight, and people were like, oh,

833
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 1: look at Beyonce, look like a auntie. It's like damn.

834
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 1: So if she would have bounced back, she would have

835
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: got dragged by all of the purists that said, oh

836
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 1: why you why you working out so hard? You should

837
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 1: be taking of those twins. But since she took time

838
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,919
Speaker 1: with the twins but then stepped out and she wasn't

839
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 1: concerned about all the TV because she's Beyonce like, she

840
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: don't always have to be on point all the time.

841
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 1: She had to actually give a statement that said, yeah,

842
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:51,920
Speaker 1: I'm not in shape yet, but when I want to

843
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 1: get back in performing shape, I can. It's like, yo,

844
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 1: you that. But you know what's funny. We talked about

845
00:40:56,800 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 1: insecurities with the marriage stuff. We noticeding insecurities in society.

846
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 1: So many people in the world have insec individual persons

847
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 1: not because a lot of people push their insecurities on

848
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 1: the people you see on social media. And and they

849
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: don't even do it to just celebrities. They do it

850
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 1: to their friends. You have a home girl who just

851
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 1: had a baby who get back fast. It be their

852
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 1: friends who pushed their insecurities on their friends. Oh you

853
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 1: know she her body die. You know what I'm saying.

854
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:27,279
Speaker 1: It would be dude who push their insecurities on their homeboys.

855
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 1: Their wife looking good on Instagram and you know she

856
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: wanted attention that they ain't doing something right. It really

857
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:38,880
Speaker 1: be other people who inject themselves into other people's lives toxic. So,

858
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: you know, going back to the insecurity, insecurities and stuff

859
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 1: that you and I both felt at different points um

860
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,400
Speaker 1: in our relationship, particularly when you were in the league

861
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 1: and then you came back home and all you and

862
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,439
Speaker 1: then it was like a role switch at that point,

863
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,239
Speaker 1: because I went from going out to pass the time

864
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 1: that you weren't around too, then you coming back home

865
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,799
Speaker 1: in the off season and then you wanted to go out,

866
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: almost as if it was a tip for tad. And

867
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: I was just like, Bro, I thought you wanted to

868
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 1: come back home and you couldn't wait to spend time

869
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,799
Speaker 1: with me, but instead you wanted to be out now

870
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 1: with these little freshman girls. Here you go, which your

871
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 1: little friends, here you go to your attitude. Now you

872
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 1: little freshman friends. And I was just like yes, and

873
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,839
Speaker 1: see a little friends. And I was just kind of like, bro,

874
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,279
Speaker 1: what's going on here? Well? I mean, so you were

875
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,839
Speaker 1: your insecurities real in that moment or do you feel

876
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 1: like you were just making these things up in your

877
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 1: he Was it imagined or was it real? No? I

878
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 1: I had some real insecurities. I felt like for the

879
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: four months that I was going through one of my

880
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 1: hardest times trying to make an NFL team, you were

881
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 1: out having fun, and for me it was like finally

882
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:49,439
Speaker 1: the seasons over. I made you know, I made the team,

883
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 1: I made some money. I'm back home. Now I can relax.

884
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 1: I'm going to have some fun. I was not having

885
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 1: fun when I was there. It was it was like

886
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 1: home when you wasn't trying to have fun with me.

887
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 1: Like I was expecting for us now together to go

888
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 1: out and have some fun, and you were like that,

889
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 1: that's me. That was me being immature. That was me

890
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 1: being twenty two and saying, all right, you was out

891
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 1: with your friends. I'm gonna be out with my friends.

892
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. And going through that that

893
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,440
Speaker 1: that whole thing that you're not calling me and all

894
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 1: that stuff that that hurt and it bothered me, and

895
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 1: it was very you know petty, you know, saying it

896
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 1: was petty that I was come home and I like,

897
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going out in my friends. You

898
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 1: were petty before petty be even became a thing, like

899
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: you were just petty. I was born pt like, just

900
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:32,320
Speaker 1: always petty. So that's one of the first things that

901
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,399
Speaker 1: was wrong. We didn't communicate. We were assuming a bunch

902
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,720
Speaker 1: of things that were happening that maybe weren't even happening,

903
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 1: and we created these stories in our minds about things

904
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:44,280
Speaker 1: that were transpiring it really weren't, and in turn putting

905
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 1: a stress in our relationship, huge stress, putting a huge

906
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,200
Speaker 1: stress from us. I was like, Oh, that's the guy

907
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,320
Speaker 1: you'd be out with, that's the one you'd be talking to,

908
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:53,800
Speaker 1: thinking that there was something more that wasn't there, And

909
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 1: and it was. It was a huge in security. I

910
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,320
Speaker 1: could admit it now. I couldn't admit it then. You know,

911
00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 1: I'm saying I was too I was too mule headed, right,

912
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 1: I was. I was too young, I was too into myself.

913
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:05,320
Speaker 1: So at that time I didn't admit it. I was

914
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,239
Speaker 1: just like, no, no, no, this is how it is.

915
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 1: But now years later I can admit that it was.

916
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 1: It was. It was a huge insecurity. And you can't

917
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:16,840
Speaker 1: expect people to always recognize where they are during the

918
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 1: time they're they're Sometimes time to remove yourself from it

919
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 1: a couple of years because anytime we talk about this

920
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 1: story or we like tell people this story, and it's

921
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 1: so funny because of course people are like, of course

922
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 1: to devoluce dramatic in the way he tells the story.

923
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 1: Dramatic events are true, they're true, but the delivery. You're

924
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,399
Speaker 1: a great storyteller. I'm never gonna take that away from you, babe.

925
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:37,920
Speaker 1: But it's funny when we were able to tell the

926
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:39,520
Speaker 1: story now and we look back on there and we're

927
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 1: just like, got It's funny when we look back now

928
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:46,080
Speaker 1: because we're just like damn looking at it with you

929
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 1: know that hindsight view, Well, do you feel like you

930
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 1: were your insecurities were real or imagined? No, they were

931
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: really in that moment. They were definitely real in that

932
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 1: moment because I felt like, you know, what do you

933
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:59,400
Speaker 1: think I was to be like a video girl and

934
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 1: just go absolutely absolutely. I was like, he's gonna meet

935
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 1: subject that's just gonna like sweep him off his feet,

936
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:07,920
Speaker 1: and she's gonna feel this void and this deficit that

937
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 1: I couldn't feel at that time. And it was such

938
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 1: a major moment in your life, like you bust your

939
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 1: ass to get today, you bust your ass to get

940
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 1: to the league. You were not like, you know, big dude,

941
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,239
Speaker 1: first round draft pick that everybody was like I want

942
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 1: Devlot like you had to prove yourself to be there,

943
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: so it was such a hard moment for you that

944
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,400
Speaker 1: I felt like, damn, like I can't be there, So

945
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 1: there's somebody, even if it wasn't a physical thing. I

946
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,280
Speaker 1: was more concerned about, is there someone who's emotionally gonna

947
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:38,760
Speaker 1: be able to be there for Devout in a situation

948
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 1: where I can't, and that in turn drive us away

949
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,399
Speaker 1: from each other or drive us apart, you know, because

950
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: we had a lot of moments where we were bickering

951
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 1: about different things because we just the distance was just

952
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,919
Speaker 1: killing us. The distance was bad. And that that brings

953
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 1: us to the second point, which was talking about communicate

954
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 1: and don't assume we did a lot of assuming. We didn't.

955
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 1: I assumed a lot of things. You assumed a lot,

956
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: and we didn't communicate because during that time I didn't

957
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:04,879
Speaker 1: tell you how I felt about all of those things.

958
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,880
Speaker 1: I came aclose to you like everything was fine, and

959
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 1: then I acted differently, which was which is crazy. Now,

960
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 1: you know, at this age in my life, I'm like,

961
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:16,440
Speaker 1: why would I ever do that? But I think now

962
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 1: I'm I'm more solid than who I am to be

963
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,239
Speaker 1: able to say how I feel. But at that point

964
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:24,399
Speaker 1: I was more focused on I'm an NFL athlete, I'm

965
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 1: an alpha male. I can't show my weakness and I'll

966
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 1: just be like nine, I don't care you go out

967
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 1: with dudes. I don't care go out with your home girls.

968
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 1: And then inside I was like, you're telling me that.

969
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 1: I felt like, all right, well, he's good. He wants

970
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 1: me to go out there and like enjoy myself and

971
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 1: doesn't want me to soak around either. So I felt

972
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 1: like you were just being supportive when meanwhile, all this

973
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:44,920
Speaker 1: other ship was going on in your head. I was

974
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:47,680
Speaker 1: trying to be supportive though I really was. I was

975
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 1: trying to be. It just wasn't working out for me.

976
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 1: I know, you know, I mean it makes me think

977
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 1: about like self esteem and like confidence and what role

978
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 1: that plays too in insecurities, Like do you always count

979
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:01,880
Speaker 1: on me to kind of not massage your ego but

980
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: make you feel like babe, like you know, I have

981
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:07,320
Speaker 1: to uplift you and give you the sense of confidence

982
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 1: in the sense of self esteem or is that something

983
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:12,839
Speaker 1: kind of innating or person No, I mean I think

984
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: that's just in people. You You can't there's nothing you

985
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:17,879
Speaker 1: can say or do to me to make me feel

986
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 1: better about myself. Like when I'm having my down days

987
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:25,360
Speaker 1: even now, there's nothing you can say. You can be supportive,

988
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 1: and I can feel your support. But if I'm down,

989
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:30,360
Speaker 1: i gotta find some internal motivations, and I've learned that

990
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:35,320
Speaker 1: with you. When I remember this specifically, we were struggling

991
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: because you were at home and at this point we

992
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:41,400
Speaker 1: were in the NFL making a lot of money. You

993
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 1: moved out there with me. You just didn't look happy,

994
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,200
Speaker 1: and I'm like, let's go shopping. This is the first

995
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: time I took you to a shoppers where we went to.

996
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: It was at North Fillmore. North Fillmore, we went to

997
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:55,800
Speaker 1: We went to every store. You went to Gucci, Summerset

998
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 1: Summerset More, shout out to Detroit. You cant affinity Gucci,

999
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 1: you know, before we cancel. This is when we had

1000
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 1: a good relationship with We broke up, all right, just

1001
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 1: to put that sorry. So I took you shopping and

1002
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 1: then we came back home and I remember a couple

1003
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 1: of days later, you still just did not look right.

1004
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 1: So it wasn't the material things. It wasn't the material things.

1005
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 1: It wasn't me telling you how great you were. It

1006
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 1: wasn't me just telling me how much I love you.

1007
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:26,839
Speaker 1: You had to find it and you had to find

1008
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:29,279
Speaker 1: that peace within yourself of who you are. And I

1009
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 1: feel like we're self esteem. There's a reason why that word,

1010
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 1: that first word thereself itself is there. It starts because

1011
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:36,879
Speaker 1: it starts with you, like you know what I'm saying,

1012
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 1: and the insecurity I felt at that time. Now, so

1013
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: so let me paint the picture for you. Guys. I

1014
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:43,919
Speaker 1: had graduated grad school. You know, it was like, great,

1015
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:46,239
Speaker 1: I got my degree. I cannot move out there be

1016
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: with my man, you know, against my mom and my

1017
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,360
Speaker 1: dad looking at me like what you're about to go?

1018
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 1: Shack o? Where? Like how am I going to tell

1019
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,920
Speaker 1: your grandmother you're living with this man out of marriage?

1020
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 1: But that was my mother. Um, But no, it was like,

1021
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,440
Speaker 1: so now I'm out, Okay, great, So what purpose do

1022
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 1: I serve having a purpose when you are? Now I'm

1023
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 1: there at your leisure and at your disposal. So now

1024
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:13,440
Speaker 1: you're feeling better about the league, You're feeling better about

1025
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 1: you know, everything you have going on, and I'm just

1026
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 1: kind of sitting there like all right, well, what's in

1027
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:21,160
Speaker 1: this for me? Now that I'm here, and that really

1028
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 1: just made me feel like the insecurities I felt now

1029
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:27,880
Speaker 1: is what am I doing to help sustain in this relationship?

1030
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 1: What am I doing to bring value to the relationships?

1031
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:33,480
Speaker 1: And then it was like more insecurities. So insecurities don't

1032
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:36,360
Speaker 1: ever stop. Really, I think that it rears its itself

1033
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:39,919
Speaker 1: at different points throughout the relationship. You know, different times

1034
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:42,919
Speaker 1: you may feel insecure about different things. Um, but really

1035
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,399
Speaker 1: it's starting in the self. It's starting with the self,

1036
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: and it's learning how to let it go, let things go,

1037
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 1: you know, like for example, that whole thing with you

1038
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,360
Speaker 1: not calling me that night. You if you continue to

1039
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:57,400
Speaker 1: exist in the past, you can never exist in the

1040
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 1: present or move forward to the future. You can control

1041
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 1: the things that you cannot control. So sitting there and

1042
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:06,320
Speaker 1: trying to figure out ways to understand more how it happens,

1043
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 1: all that does is just create a conundrum of problems,

1044
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:12,600
Speaker 1: and it just you gotta let things go. And I

1045
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 1: think we've both done that over the course of our relationship,

1046
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,360
Speaker 1: because we've had to years. If we didn't let you go,

1047
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:22,800
Speaker 1: don't you imagine what we'd be like together? We be together,

1048
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 1: and we'd be angry and we'd hate each other, right,

1049
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:27,799
Speaker 1: and it would be a very contankerous situation. And what's

1050
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 1: the point in that? No? Point zero? Because I love you.

1051
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 1: You know, it's a little fun. I love you too.

1052
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 1: That's one thing I'm secure about this. For the record,

1053
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 1: there it is. Tiger Woods is one of our most

1054
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 1: inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters.

1055
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior,

1056
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 1: but here it is the return to glory. This is

1057
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 1: All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me

1058
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:17,520
Speaker 1: Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Wus doesn't know who he

1059
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 1: is best in the history of golf, no question in

1060
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:25,400
Speaker 1: my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist

1061
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 1: Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger

1062
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 1: Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's

1063
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:38,959
Speaker 1: been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now listen

1064
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:47,840
Speaker 1: and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Alright,

1065
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,120
Speaker 1: so you know we love to hear from you all

1066
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 1: out there and our listener letters segment. Let's see, I

1067
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 1: have a person who is slow to let a potential

1068
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,160
Speaker 1: partner in and then falls hard for them once you

1069
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:02,799
Speaker 1: trust them and share yourself emotionally. Do you have any

1070
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 1: advice for learning to trust be open again when that

1071
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 1: person hurts you emotionally as the relationship fails and you're

1072
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 1: left guarding yourself with more walls than ever before. Yikes, well,

1073
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 1: this is the first thing I've learned that I've learned

1074
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 1: this from an old head. Oldhead, life is long. People

1075
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:26,719
Speaker 1: often stay in relationships or feel like they have to

1076
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 1: hang on the stuff that's not working because they feel

1077
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,399
Speaker 1: like they've invested all of this time. You waste time

1078
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:34,040
Speaker 1: doing that. If you can tell after you've invested a

1079
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:35,719
Speaker 1: little bit of time that it's not working, you better

1080
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,800
Speaker 1: off just moving on, you know what I'm saying, Like,

1081
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,040
Speaker 1: I understand what she's coming from when she says she

1082
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,200
Speaker 1: slowed to let the potential partner in. But then once

1083
00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:45,319
Speaker 1: you let the potential the potential partner in and they

1084
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 1: start to let you down, if you're not willing to

1085
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: fight for it, just move on. It becomes like what

1086
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:52,640
Speaker 1: are we doing here? Type of thing, and and it's

1087
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 1: just move on. And I think also too, when you

1088
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 1: are hurt or your trust is broken, at that point

1089
00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 1: you really have to evaluate, like, Okay, is this worth

1090
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,320
Speaker 1: working through? Or not, you know what I mean, And

1091
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 1: you can't take what happened in that particular situation into

1092
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,839
Speaker 1: another relationship. Carry baggage there you go. You know about

1093
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 1: baggage fifty pounds over right, k always carrying baggage in

1094
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:16,480
Speaker 1: the airport. That's the big uggage scale. That's the biggest thing.

1095
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:18,839
Speaker 1: Do not carry baggage from past relationships into the next

1096
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:22,799
Speaker 1: because you automatically find issues if you continue to just say, well,

1097
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 1: the last person did this, securities and securities, and then

1098
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 1: you're not giving that person a fear shot to be,

1099
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: you know, truthfully and authentically who they are. And it

1100
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: sounds easy coming from us being we've been with each

1101
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:37,440
Speaker 1: other for so long, but um, I mean we had

1102
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:40,200
Speaker 1: opportunities to carry baggage, do you know what I mean.

1103
00:53:40,239 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 1: We've had in the in the seventeen years, We've both

1104
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 1: had our transgressions, and we've had things that happened where

1105
00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 1: we could have easily still held it over each other's

1106
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:49,399
Speaker 1: head to the day, and we've made the choice to say,

1107
00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 1: you know what, we can get past this. Of course,

1108
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 1: with time, you know, you get past things and you

1109
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:55,800
Speaker 1: really try to outweigh the options and be like, is

1110
00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:58,439
Speaker 1: this worth sticking around for and everybody knows their limit.

1111
00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:01,280
Speaker 1: Everybody knows their limit, they know how much they can tolerate.

1112
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 1: So you know, my advice would be too not take

1113
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 1: it into another relationship and really weigh out the options.

1114
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: If that trust is broken in some some instance, or

1115
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 1: you know, you feel like you can't emotionally open up

1116
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 1: to that person again, then is it really worth it.

1117
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 1: Don't carry baggage, but continue to be slow into these relationships.

1118
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:21,600
Speaker 1: Can't fall fast and full hard. That's how you get hurt.

1119
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:23,839
Speaker 1: You gotta learn people. So I applaud you for going

1120
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 1: and slow. Just don't carry the baggage. Now the next

1121
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:29,799
Speaker 1: listener letter. I've been dating this guy for a few

1122
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 1: months and things have been going so well, so well,

1123
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:34,239
Speaker 1: I think I really may have found my match. But

1124
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:37,799
Speaker 1: there's a catch. There's always a catch. He doesn't want

1125
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 1: to have sex. Okay, let me finish this hold on.

1126
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: At first, I thought maybe it was too soon that

1127
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:46,400
Speaker 1: he was taking him a while. Meanwhile, I've been ready,

1128
00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:52,160
Speaker 1: she ready. But it's funny how he's being a gentleman.

1129
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:54,640
Speaker 1: Now She's like, yo, it's gonna take. But now I'm

1130
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 1: at the point where I need it and I'd like

1131
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 1: to see if we're compatible in that sense. So I

1132
00:54:58,080 --> 00:54:59,880
Speaker 1: brought it up to him, and he changed the subject.

1133
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 1: We've stayed for each other, over each other's houses, and

1134
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:05,120
Speaker 1: he slept in the bed, but no intimacy once we

1135
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:06,800
Speaker 1: even slept in the bed with all his clothes on

1136
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:09,839
Speaker 1: above the blanket. Though, Okay, I can see how that's

1137
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 1: kind of little, you know. Okay, how long do I

1138
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,160
Speaker 1: wait before I move on? Is this normal? Also a

1139
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:17,600
Speaker 1: little background on him. He used to be four hundred

1140
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,719
Speaker 1: pounds and lost the weight. If you have it, Could

1141
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:26,800
Speaker 1: this be a body image issue? She answered her question herself.

1142
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 1: At the very end, I'm gonna tell you from a

1143
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:31,319
Speaker 1: man's perspective, because it seems like a very nice dude.

1144
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:35,280
Speaker 1: He meets a woman, he's falling in love with a woman,

1145
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 1: he lost four hundred pounds. He clearly is not happy

1146
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 1: with his image because he did something about it, he

1147
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 1: lost the weight. You don't know if he's happy with

1148
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 1: himself naked. But he meets this woman and he's falling

1149
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:50,839
Speaker 1: in love with this woman. The last thing he wants

1150
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:52,800
Speaker 1: to do is take his clothes off, and she not

1151
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:55,320
Speaker 1: be satisfied, and he loses this woman so you know

1152
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 1: what he's probably doing. He's probably holding on as long

1153
00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:00,560
Speaker 1: as he can because he knows at some point he's

1154
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:02,560
Speaker 1: gonna have to take his clothes off, and he's probably

1155
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:05,239
Speaker 1: worried that once he takes the clothes off, it's going

1156
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 1: to be a rap. What I would tell you to

1157
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:11,920
Speaker 1: do is be patient with him. Someone someone weighing four

1158
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 1: hundred pounds and losing the weight, that's a that's a

1159
00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:16,720
Speaker 1: hard road. That's not somebody who as someone who's invested

1160
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:20,000
Speaker 1: and respect takes the discipline to do that, an extreme

1161
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:24,840
Speaker 1: discipline and respect the fact that he's choosing to spend

1162
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 1: this time with you. But let him know where you are,

1163
00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:29,960
Speaker 1: be honest, let him know where you are, and try

1164
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,279
Speaker 1: to work him through it, even if it's not just

1165
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 1: sex straight trying to work different things, different intimacy things

1166
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 1: before you get to that level. I was thinking, so

1167
00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 1: he can feel comfortable getting to that point. So maybe

1168
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,000
Speaker 1: it maybe you know, what were you starting with? I

1169
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:51,000
Speaker 1: was gonna say maybe starting with like but like, just

1170
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:53,239
Speaker 1: like you said, being intimate, so it could even start

1171
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:56,400
Speaker 1: with like dim lights for example, you know what I mean, Like,

1172
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 1: you know, not doing it in broad daylight, per se

1173
00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 1: or with bright lights on, maybe like lighting a couple

1174
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:03,720
Speaker 1: of candles and making it and then you know, starting

1175
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 1: with the massage and kind of working it there and

1176
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 1: see where that was. Shut up. I'm trying to get this.

1177
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 1: I'm trying to help, try to help. Okay, she's trying

1178
00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:20,360
Speaker 1: to in all seriousness, I hear you, but like, you know,

1179
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 1: make creating an environment where he begins to feel comfortable

1180
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 1: that he can now take off the layers in a sense,

1181
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:27,919
Speaker 1: layers of clothes and then the layers that he's built

1182
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:30,520
Speaker 1: up of that guard that he has. Look at you

1183
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 1: with the me it'd be happening like that. But but yeah,

1184
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:39,680
Speaker 1: you know, trying to make it comfortable for him. And

1185
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 1: I mean, if you guys have been talking for a

1186
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:44,120
Speaker 1: few months now and you feel like you're have this

1187
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 1: intense connection, maybe you can now open up the conversation

1188
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:52,560
Speaker 1: about you know, intimacy and see where he stands with it. Well,

1189
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 1: she said that he changed the subject. She's gonna have

1190
00:57:55,240 --> 00:58:01,160
Speaker 1: to ease. Yeah, and he takes take the time with

1191
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:04,840
Speaker 1: the brother though. Shout out to the young man losing

1192
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:07,320
Speaker 1: the weight, that's dope, and shout out to you for

1193
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 1: being willing and able to work with him on this process.

1194
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:14,640
Speaker 1: So shout out to both of you guys. Turn out

1195
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:18,520
Speaker 1: the lights, do a little massage, like said, like a

1196
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 1: can do. So I'm also you know, I'll be liking

1197
00:58:23,360 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 1: them old tunes. But yeah, work it out, baby, work

1198
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:30,959
Speaker 1: it out. So now it's time to the moment of truth.

1199
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:35,480
Speaker 1: All right, So much this was a very like loaded

1200
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:38,080
Speaker 1: layered episode. I already told you in my moment of

1201
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:41,040
Speaker 1: truth is I came to it. This is my moment

1202
00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 1: of truth. So many people put their insecurities on other

1203
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:50,720
Speaker 1: people that nowadays people are afraid to share, and that's

1204
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:53,800
Speaker 1: the truth. We all walk around with insecurities. I do,

1205
00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:56,880
Speaker 1: I know you do. And then when someone wants to

1206
00:58:57,040 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 1: share their insecurities, they get attacked by people who have

1207
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 1: their own on insecurities, who want to project their insecurities

1208
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 1: on those people. And I think that that there's a

1209
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 1: lot of that happening in social media because this is

1210
00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:10,720
Speaker 1: a new platform. People are learning how to use it,

1211
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 1: and it's easy to attack people. It's given everybody a voice.

1212
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:16,960
Speaker 1: It's so it's so easy to attack people when you

1213
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 1: can sit behind the keyboard or you can sit behind

1214
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 1: somewhere and just say things, say things and put it out.

1215
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 1: So absolutely this this for me has kind of opened

1216
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:28,160
Speaker 1: my eyes up a little bit and realize that it's

1217
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:31,280
Speaker 1: not just so much about insecurities and relationships, but it's

1218
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:35,880
Speaker 1: how other people's insecurities in the world can affect your relationship. Yeah. Absolutely,

1219
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:38,040
Speaker 1: that's a really good one. That's a really good one

1220
00:59:38,080 --> 00:59:40,200
Speaker 1: because again, in a time where people are asking for

1221
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 1: people to be honest, and we're having all of these

1222
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 1: conferences and we're having all these speakers and these panels

1223
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 1: where people are asked to be transparent, and then you

1224
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 1: you get the transparency, and then you just drag them

1225
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:52,360
Speaker 1: for it. It's like, what's the whole point in sharing?

1226
00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 1: What are we learning here? You know? Um? I think

1227
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:58,120
Speaker 1: my moment of truth with all this is um really

1228
00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:01,680
Speaker 1: realizing that you should not be take king insecurities that

1229
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 1: you have and building these narratives and stories around it

1230
01:00:05,680 --> 01:00:09,440
Speaker 1: that may have nothing to do with that moment or

1231
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:12,840
Speaker 1: what caused it. So that means if you are feeling

1232
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:14,919
Speaker 1: a kind of way about something, speaking to the person

1233
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 1: about it, and it doesn't have to necessarily be your

1234
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,760
Speaker 1: significant other, it can be any relationship just speaking about

1235
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:22,240
Speaker 1: it in that moment, you know, and trying to really

1236
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:24,560
Speaker 1: dissect why it is the insecurity lies or where it

1237
01:00:24,600 --> 01:00:28,040
Speaker 1: stems from, because it may not even be what you

1238
01:00:28,120 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 1: think it is. Example, my swimsuits absolutely um so so

1239
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:36,600
Speaker 1: trying not to create these stories around insecurities that just

1240
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 1: maybe absolutely nothing and it may just be that and

1241
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:42,360
Speaker 1: insecurity that you have because we all have them, they're

1242
01:00:42,400 --> 01:00:45,320
Speaker 1: normal that I need you to put on a swimsuit

1243
01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:49,000
Speaker 1: when we get home so I can show you how insecure.

1244
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:53,160
Speaker 1: You don't have to be secure. I can be well,

1245
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:55,160
Speaker 1: does that does that swim suit come with a potential

1246
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 1: vacation because I'm in need of some sun if it's

1247
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:00,040
Speaker 1: going to take a vacation for you to put on

1248
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 1: a swimsuit so I can show you how special you

1249
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:07,960
Speaker 1: are on vacation this weather out here in New York,

1250
01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:10,600
Speaker 1: you know. And I was dying other day because I

1251
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 1: saw a meme that said, um winter in New York

1252
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:16,920
Speaker 1: be like damn, I forgot my keys. It was it

1253
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:23,360
Speaker 1: was bad. It was what the hell? What in the world?

1254
01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:25,360
Speaker 1: Like my your girl is in need of a little

1255
01:01:25,400 --> 01:01:29,280
Speaker 1: bit of son, some vitamin. I'm gonna I'm gonna get

1256
01:01:29,280 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 1: you some vitamin. We're gonna go on vacations and that

1257
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:34,919
Speaker 1: leads me to the outro man. Be sure to follow

1258
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:38,000
Speaker 1: us on social media. That's I am devout, and if

1259
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:40,440
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate us

1260
01:01:40,480 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 1: and subscribe. Why you never give my handle? Because I

1261
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:44,800
Speaker 1: was waiting for you to give your handle, but you

1262
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:47,360
Speaker 1: was thinking about vacation and you don't get so go

1263
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:49,120
Speaker 1: ahead and give your handle, not like when we got it.

1264
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Speaker 1: But be sure to follow me Cadeine I am on

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Speaker 1: Instagram and definitely subscribe and tell your friends and give

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Speaker 1: us a rating and review and let us know how

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Speaker 1: you're liking it so far. This is gonna be our

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Speaker 1: second end, so we'd love to hear what you guys

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Speaker 1: are thinking. So far. We have so much, so much,

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Speaker 1: so much in store for you all. This is just

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Speaker 1: the tip of the iceberg. We're trying to ease y'all

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Speaker 1: in you dropping a lot of things to do. A

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Speaker 1: Dead as Dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's

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Speaker 1: produced by T Square, Stephanie Karaouke and Dinora Opinion. Our

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Speaker 1: executive producer is Chris Bannon, and we'd like to give

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Speaker 1: a special thanks to our recording engineer, Jared O'Connell. Our

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Speaker 1: sound designer Brendan Burns and studio manager Ashley Warren. We'll fact.

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Speaker 1: I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a

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Speaker 1: podcast going on right now as part of the Stitching Net.

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Speaker 1: We're called Substraction. That's available everywhere. Get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify,

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Speaker 1: Apple to listen right now to the Distraction right now,

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Speaker 1: it's out. Do it, please,