WEBVTT - Second Cup: Reshape a memory

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Today's tip is that you can reshape a memory, particularly

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<v Speaker 2>if you have had a negative experience in the past

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<v Speaker 2>that continues to bother you.

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<v Speaker 1>To some degree. You might be able to highlight a

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<v Speaker 1>particular part of that memory that shows something you like

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<v Speaker 1>about yourself. That can make a negative memory a little

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<v Speaker 1>less bad. I am sure we have all had experiences

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<v Speaker 1>in our lives that haven't gone exactly how we wanted.

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<v Speaker 1>If we're not careful, these can scar pretty deeply. For instance,

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<v Speaker 1>I know someone who had a rough start to college

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<v Speaker 1>and wound up needing to withdraw with failing grades. Yikes, right,

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<v Speaker 1>This person was smart enough to go to college and

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<v Speaker 1>had family members who are incredibly proud of them for

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<v Speaker 1>doing so, and then that happened. The first story that

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<v Speaker 1>comes to mind is failure. But after some dark months,

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<v Speaker 1>this person decided to try again with lots of studying

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<v Speaker 1>and organizational help, and she wound up doing okay. With

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<v Speaker 1>some work, she was able to reshape the original memory.

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<v Speaker 1>There is a difference between failing at something specific and

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<v Speaker 1>being a failure.

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<v Speaker 2>She was able to.

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<v Speaker 1>Rewrite the memory as being willing to try hard things,

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<v Speaker 1>and that when something didn't work out, she was tough

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<v Speaker 1>enough to learn from her mistakes that reshaped the memory

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<v Speaker 1>into something more positive. Perhaps you have something similar in

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<v Speaker 1>your life. I probably don't have to nudge you to

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<v Speaker 1>call up the unpleasant memory. Maybe you already think about

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<v Speaker 1>it way more than you intend to, So the next

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<v Speaker 1>time you are doing so, see if you can reshape

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<v Speaker 1>it a little bit. Think about what you like most

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<v Speaker 1>about yourself. What traits make you proud when you've been

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<v Speaker 1>at your best? What were you doing now think about

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<v Speaker 1>this unpleasant memory. Were there any moments in this event

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<v Speaker 1>or moments afterwards that could have featured these traits you

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<v Speaker 1>like about yourself? Yes, the business went bankrupt, but you

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<v Speaker 1>were a really good mentoring boss with your employees while

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<v Speaker 1>it lasted. Yes, you shouldn't have lost your temper, and

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<v Speaker 1>you are now dealing with the fallout from that. But

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<v Speaker 1>that also stems from being intensely loyal to the people

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<v Speaker 1>in your life and not wanting to see them be unhappy.

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<v Speaker 1>That in and of itself is not a bad thing,

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<v Speaker 1>even if there were ramifications that weren't great anyway, we

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<v Speaker 1>have all had low moments in life, and it's good

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<v Speaker 1>to learn from these when we can. I am not

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<v Speaker 1>in favor of letting ourselves completely off the hook when

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<v Speaker 1>we have made big messes. But when all we are

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<v Speaker 1>learning is that we are failures or that we are

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<v Speaker 1>terrible people, that is not going to be particularly helpful.

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<v Speaker 1>Better to see if there is some good trait to

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<v Speaker 1>hook on and then reshape the memory With that in mind,

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<v Speaker 1>it becomes part of life story rather than something we

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<v Speaker 1>can't get past. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks

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<v Speaker 1>for listening, and here's to making the most of our time.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,

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<v Speaker 1>or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura

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<v Speaker 1>vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.

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